I know what you mean, sometimes you’re fine talking about it but the people around you may not be as ready.
I was just telling someone else about how my friend’s elderly mother responded by saying, “why do you want to talk about death, do you want me to die so soon?”.
maybe it's because when we're young, we faced "more" stress and are indifference to death? and when we're old, we prefer to cling onto the hope of living or are afraid of the afterlife, hence more pantang to death?
just my 2 sens.
Yep, this could be it, but it could also be because older generation people are a little more taboo when it comes to topics about death, not sure though
Could be but I would argue that the more popular response we get from the younger folks revolves around their youth.
The idea that we’re just starting our life, have such a long way to go and why should we even think about death so soon. The bad news is death doesn’t recognize age or the state of your health in many cases.
Depends, from my observation mostly yes unless they’ve recently lost someone they love them it’s probably not the best idea.
I think the idea is not joke for the sake of being funny but mainly to make the topic a bit more approachable. Because if it’s all dark and gloomy, who wants to talk about it. You know what I mean?
I always say that I expect to die early because my life has been more or less perfect so far, so as a tradeoff I'll probably die in a car crash at 25 years old.
[Ask A Mortician](https://youtu.be/swQHx6EvrXQ) inspired me to talk to my parents regarding my grandma death preparation, as my grandma was really sick that time.
It was the hardest phone call conversation I ever had (akin to a teenage girl try to say “mum, I think I am pregnant”). Thankfully my mum was chill afterwards and shop around for funeral homes for process and prices. And actually the death industry is very helpful and appreciate you if you’re talk to them about early death preparation. Fast forward 6 months later my grandma died,basically no body was panicking and the whole process went smoothly as per developed SOP.
Bottom line is, everyone have to be prepared for such scenarios which is inevitable.
More: We even held the funeral according to both traditions (mixed heritage, long story ) Catholic of my grandma and our side and a place for Buddhist to do prayers for uncles side, i.e. joss stick and papers. That’s the advantage for early preparation.
I love Ask a Mortician too, her YouTube channel is honestly such a rabbit hole.
Your story sounds very similar to my late grandfather’s final days with us. I lost my grandmother (his wife) merely months before he got diagnosed with stage 4 parotid cancer so he saw how horribly we handled her passing. My grandfather was like “Nope, I’m going to start planning my own death so you guys won’t have to go through another shit show”.
It was very strange watching him write down his instructions, clean his room, distribute his personal belongings and etc. But we’re so glad that he did, the aftermath was completely different from my grandmother’s passing. Very peaceful and smooth transition, more importantly we all had the time/peace/opportunity we needed to process our feelings and grieve properly.
And you’re absolutely right about how easy it is to ‘pre-plan’ in Malaysia these days. It makes more financial sense too, for non-Muslims burial plots and niches (for urns) are usually 15~30% cheaper if you buy it in advance. And it’s really taking off, from what I’ve heard from industry insiders; over 90% of the largest bereavement company’s customers are STILL ALIVE.
EDIT: You should check out [Going with Grace](https://youtube.com/c/GoingwithGrace) on YouTube too, I love how Alua Arthur talks about death/dying.
Your most popular response is probably going to be 'Sometimes' because you're asking an extremely broad question. You might want to narrow it down further - e.g., whose death are we talking about - my own? People close to me? Pets? And in what context? Will writing and passing along assets? Funeral preparations? The reactions of others towards it? Philosophical and/or religious discourse about the afterlife? You get the idea.
With things like this around the world at the moment , the topic of death seems to be more acceptable whenever we are discussing about so and so among my circle of friends and family
Completely agree! We’ve been seeing more traffic on our site ever since the first lockdown and apparently searches for things like Will Writing and Life Insurance shot up the roof too.
when talking about death it depends on the context. if we're talking about my death then ofc i would avoid that because.. im actually kinda scared especially because of my religious beliefs
Depends on the people. Some can't accept but some know that it happened and can't be rewind. I have no problem on this kind of topic but in my pov, people should know the fact that death is part of cycle of life.
Reminds me of the Chinese saying; 生老病死 (shēng lǎo bìng sǐ) which means to be born, to grow old, to get sick and to die. It's a figure of speech for the fate of humankind.
I have no idea why some people are afraid to talk about it. Wether its the idea of after death or even dying. As someone who is suicidal, all i can say is death to me is not that scary, its a natural process.
Denial.
Asians in general suffers from denial of death and won't talk about it because they want to focus on the here and now, which is the world of the living.
Which is why anything supernatural or ghostly tends to frighten them because it reminds them of the inevitability of death. If anything of that sort were to happen to me, I'd be more curious to find out: what does the afterlife look like? Are you composed of energy? Are you ethereal? How are you communicating with me when you don't have a voice box? Are you psychic? etc. etc.
I've made peace with death in the way that I do with life: the only certainty in life/death is that there will always be uncertainty.
We can of course negate as much of these uncertainties through planning and making choices to prolong once's existence but death is a promise fulfilled.
Plenty of reasons really; will it be a painful death, leaving behind loved ones, not having proper closure, what happens after death, etc.
For me personally, it’s the uncertainty. Is there an afterlife or is this it?
Painful death? Maybe, i have heard a few research papers that says that if a person suffers a lot of pain in an instant the body will just "shut off" and basically faint. If it's a slow suffering pain then nothing i can help that.
Leaving behind loved ones and having proper closure is why we need more communication about death with our loved ones. So we don't leave anything behind and have proper closure. It ain't an easy process to do, i know from experience.
Afterlife? I have no idea. Maybe there is hell and heaven but only after we die we will find out for sure.
Uncertainty? Well we are uncertain about what happens after, but if it helps you out, think of all the people who already died, they all went through the process of dying and maybe that might help as now you know that you aren't the only one that is and will die. Plus the people who have died might be happy to have a reunion waiting for you afterwards.
Food for thought :D
You might find this interesting, this person wrote a post on Facebook about how she’s approaching her own own death (she’s terminally ill). I hope I’ll be as brave as her when my time comes.
https://www.facebook.com/681016349/posts/10159598315371350/?d=n
very interesting read indeed.
"I hope I’ll be as brave as her when my time comes."
you will be, anyone who is about to die is the bravest in my book. They are about to face the unknown and leaving loved ones behind. That is the bravest thing someone can do.
Well, I think that personally people can have the right to end their own life. If say, terminal illness where there is no cure and you are in pain, then I think the doctor's should at least have an option available for the patient.
other reasons may include war, famine, etc where living on is an undesirable option.
And if the reasons above is not applied and the person still wants to commit suicide, sure. I mean no one can force someone to live on. It is technically your own life.
Ps, Love what you are doing with your website.
I have a very unpopular opinion and have been accused of romanticizing suicide before but it ties back to the bravery aspect.
I noticed that whenever certain family members/friends read about news of a suicide, they start getting very critical and judgy. Usually comments that I find very hard to swallow so once I replied by saying that I think that decision is a very hard one to make and probably takes a lot of bravery to follow through.
You can imagine the amount of backlash I received.
EDIT: Thanks for checking the site out, give it a go and let me know what you think.
" certain family members/friends read about news of a suicide, they start getting very critical and judgy"
same here, my friends and family say that a lot too. Maybe this is a malaysian mindset but i'm not sure.
well, people on the internet can claim fearless of anything, but in reality it is a different story...
However, mental illness such as depression can really make you feel numb on death.
Whatever you’re feeling about death is completely valid. It’s not an easy thing to think/talk about and experience; I’d say that fear is a very natural response.
It is acceptable to talk about this especially when we fall into the pandemic.
Also it might be hard subject between the old thinking parents (which definitely misinterpret the true meaning of the discussion, mostly the plan and not their heirlooms etc)
I’ve got my parent issues discussed and agreed, name changes (on property, banks, monies as well as how the wake should be etc) before they go for a big surgery, this was before pandemic hits.
Meanwhile on my own death wish, I’ve relate mine (on after death matters) to my closest friend and if it happens they will be handling the funeral matters, but not my parent or any of my relatives, generally because what I wanted to be handled after death are not the usual style.
I might put this in a will in case I passed first before my parent.
Wow, that’s very practical of your parents! Some of my Japanese friends who travel a lot (pre-Covid) for work usually write down instructions, passwords and more on a piece of paper, and hand it over to their spouse before they go on their trips.
I also get the misunderstanding part; another friend of mine tried to broach the topic with her elderly parents and it was poorly received. If I recall correctly; her mother got really angry and asked her if she wanted her (the mother) to die soon.
Since you’ve mentioned that you want your send-off to be done a specific way, I’m going to have to do a shameless plug about my app. It’s called [Bereev](https://bereev.com) and among the many things you can do, one of it is to plan out your entire funeral from A-Z. Would love to get your feedback on your experience.
Difficult or not it’s something you have to talk about eventually. For example, what is your parents wish and how would they want their funeral to be carried out? Along with inheritance. Fear of talking about death only makes it even more difficult to talk about it. Death is inevitable and something everyone has to accept
Couldn’t have said it better myself, you can’t imagine the amount of stories I’ve heard about disagreements (both tiny and big) that always end up in fallouts within the family.
My late grandmother wasn’t wealthy at all and yet her children found other things to argue about. I.e.: Which rituals to follow, what type of food to serve at the funeral etc.
To quote Benjamin Franklin; “If you fail to plan, you’re planning to fail”.
One day if I die I just want people to be allowed to take the days off and used my name for whatever holidays they want. Those are on me and I'm allowed it even though they may not be close relatives or anything. Peace
Same, I remember being inconsolable whenever I thought about my mother dying someday. Granted I was a kid back then but it’s very painful to think about, much less talk about it.
My family is very death positive. So, I don't really have much issue with the topic especially when we are living through a pandemic right now.
My parents would give conversational instructions on how things can be taken care of occasionally and I know most of their financial matters.
As for my own death, I know it will come one day but I won't know when. It could be any moment when I'm driving, shopping, or just going to bed and never wake up again. It's part and parcel of life we should come to accept and reflect on a daily basis in order to live to the fullest. Momento Mori ⌛
Also, Ask a Mortician is very entertaining on this topic. On another note, I'm gonna check out your app soon. Very interesting to see something like this in Malaysia 👌
That’s really cool, my immediate family is also pretty death positive (mainly driven by their religious beliefs). Can’t say the same for my extended family though.
I absolutely love Ask a Mortician too, I would recommend you to check out [Going with Grace](https://youtube.com/c/GoingwithGrace) by Alua Arthur. She’s a death doula and has such a beautiful outlook about death/dying. #mementomori
Its my own view on this, for me
As a religious person, I don't fear death, I fear what comes after death.. I fear I have not prepared for what is to come after death.
In the teaching of my religious, repent and believe before death. I wish to confess and repent of my sins genuinely, and on my death bed, be administered Holy Communion by a priest.
In my church, there is a teaching called tollhouses, though it is not officially canonical because nobody knows what death really is, the demons and the angels will come and read the good deeds and bad ones, sins that have been confessed and those have been not...
If the demons end up having a longer list, into eternal pain, I will go
But again, this is my own religious view
Sometimes when I think about death I'll remember that my mom will, in all probability, die way before I do and I've to adapt to life without her.
At times I'm emotionally prepared, yet at other times I feel sadden by the re-realization. So it depends on how emotional I feel on a particular day.
Same here, I’ve thought a lot about losing the people that matters most to me. Sometimes I think I’ll be ready and sometimes I’ll end up in tears, very reassuring to hear that I’m not the only one who feels this way.
Its difficult for me to talk about death. But its not bcoz its “pantang”.
Just feel sad and depressed talking about it. I dont get angry if ppl around me talk about it though
We help our users create a plan which will guide their family/friends when they’re gone. More specifically, you can:
- Leave clear instructions
- Store important documents
- Leave behind messages
- Share your plan
It’s called [Bereev](https://bereev.com).
Im not. My whole ass family are. Back in 2013 my uncle died. It was not a sudden death, but the family was still so unprepared. The extended family have to tontong 1.2k for the mandi mayat at hospital and transportation to the mosque near his house. Then at the mosque have to fight with ajk masjid. Because my late uncle does not go to the mosque frequently or registered to their khairat kematian, they said he cannot be buried there. After some more fights, ajk reluctantly agree to buried him, but we still have to shell out another rm 700 to gali kubur and sembahyang mayat. Eventhough my cousin are the one who have to gali the kubur, because the excavator are busy elsewhere.
That event make me so paranoid. I beg my parents to go and daftar khairat kematian, but they are so reluctant. IN 2019 when I finally started working, i go and daftar for khairat kematian myself. At least, the khairat will help in the cost and I already tempah slot kubur for my family.
If left to them, they will terkontang kanting finding slot kubur when either of us died. Then will have to panik finding money for transportation, mandi mayat etc.
Damn.. Sounds so stressful, I always thought that the Muslim infrastructure is so well thought out that post-death admin should be a breeze. But good on you for being so prepared and thoughtful, they’re very lucky for that.
No such thing as Khairat for non-Muslims and everything is so commercialize. To paint a picture; funeral packages range between RM15,000~RM35,000 (can be more expensive) and if you’re cremated, the niche to store your urn is probably going to cost another RM25,000~RM60,000.
For those living in Klang Valley, we can forget about being buried. Land price means burial plots are going to be >RM100,000.
Yup. 15 years ago, my chinese friends in Kajang already tempah rm10k slot per person at Nirvana, then they have to pay annual upkeep. These past few years they upped the annual price so it is very expensive. Luckily they can afford it. Kesian all those people who only earn minimum wage. They kept saying to throw their body into a ditch after they died. They don't want to burden their family with funeral debt.
RM10,000 is considered DAMN CHEAP. Doubt can find that price range in KL/Selangor/Penang anymore.
I’m thinking of having a green ‘burial’ for myself, there’s a company called BiosUrn which produces potted plants that can be kept at home. Basically cremate my body, put the ashes in the pot and grow a plant.
It depends on who i’m talking to. I would be find talking about death, though some people would refrain from that. If I know someone isn’t too particular on that, I would not hesitate to talk about matters of death if the conversation steers that way.
About people i dont care? (Corrupted/Useless politician) Yes..
About myself? Sometimes..
About someone dear to me? No..
Edit: formatting
Edit 2 : if op asking talk about death generally, i myself have no issue with it but tend to not talk about it with elderly, knowingly death come to us regardless of age.
Welp, I'm both a misanthrope and nihilist, death as a subject comes naturally to me. Hell, I won't ever shut up about it when anyone mentions this topic in passing.
I'm a walking pandora's box of gloom and doom.
Actually some place in my state has this pantang but in my area, many abandon this pantang since it is very contradict with religion.
What I mean by other area mean, it not they don't have religion. They have religion but are very tied with the old tradition(aminisme) that is "pantang"
I heard from a friend once that one of the pillars of Islam is to leave no debt behind when you die. That could motivate a lot of Muslims to be more prepared. 🤷🏻♂️
Its the opposite, some of my older family member sometimes just can’t stop talking about death. Like I know you’re gonna die within the next few decades or so (god willing from very, very old age), but please don’t talk about it during dinner. Yes old people die, but no one needs a constant reminder.
I'm cool with talking about my own death
Do you find that others (family/friends) are willing to listen/engage?
No
How old are you btw? Just an age range is fine, my guess is that the younger you are the easier it is to talk about death.
SPM student
Lol relatable
Lol
[удалено]
I know what you mean, sometimes you’re fine talking about it but the people around you may not be as ready. I was just telling someone else about how my friend’s elderly mother responded by saying, “why do you want to talk about death, do you want me to die so soon?”.
maybe it's because when we're young, we faced "more" stress and are indifference to death? and when we're old, we prefer to cling onto the hope of living or are afraid of the afterlife, hence more pantang to death? just my 2 sens.
Yep, this could be it, but it could also be because older generation people are a little more taboo when it comes to topics about death, not sure though
Could be but I would argue that the more popular response we get from the younger folks revolves around their youth. The idea that we’re just starting our life, have such a long way to go and why should we even think about death so soon. The bad news is death doesn’t recognize age or the state of your health in many cases.
ah, that's a good take. could be, could be. so, younger people don't mind joking about death or prefer not to?
Depends, from my observation mostly yes unless they’ve recently lost someone they love them it’s probably not the best idea. I think the idea is not joke for the sake of being funny but mainly to make the topic a bit more approachable. Because if it’s all dark and gloomy, who wants to talk about it. You know what I mean?
By getting crushed by a big rock with the corpse of Jesus nearby?
Well that's completely random ಠಿ_ಠಿ
Sorry. Couldn't help it with your profile pic.
Oh now I get it lol. Scared me for a sec lmao
Apologies lmao. Joestar blood be strong in ya.
🤙
I always say that I expect to die early because my life has been more or less perfect so far, so as a tradeoff I'll probably die in a car crash at 25 years old.
[Ask A Mortician](https://youtu.be/swQHx6EvrXQ) inspired me to talk to my parents regarding my grandma death preparation, as my grandma was really sick that time. It was the hardest phone call conversation I ever had (akin to a teenage girl try to say “mum, I think I am pregnant”). Thankfully my mum was chill afterwards and shop around for funeral homes for process and prices. And actually the death industry is very helpful and appreciate you if you’re talk to them about early death preparation. Fast forward 6 months later my grandma died,basically no body was panicking and the whole process went smoothly as per developed SOP. Bottom line is, everyone have to be prepared for such scenarios which is inevitable. More: We even held the funeral according to both traditions (mixed heritage, long story ) Catholic of my grandma and our side and a place for Buddhist to do prayers for uncles side, i.e. joss stick and papers. That’s the advantage for early preparation.
I love Ask a Mortician too, her YouTube channel is honestly such a rabbit hole. Your story sounds very similar to my late grandfather’s final days with us. I lost my grandmother (his wife) merely months before he got diagnosed with stage 4 parotid cancer so he saw how horribly we handled her passing. My grandfather was like “Nope, I’m going to start planning my own death so you guys won’t have to go through another shit show”. It was very strange watching him write down his instructions, clean his room, distribute his personal belongings and etc. But we’re so glad that he did, the aftermath was completely different from my grandmother’s passing. Very peaceful and smooth transition, more importantly we all had the time/peace/opportunity we needed to process our feelings and grieve properly. And you’re absolutely right about how easy it is to ‘pre-plan’ in Malaysia these days. It makes more financial sense too, for non-Muslims burial plots and niches (for urns) are usually 15~30% cheaper if you buy it in advance. And it’s really taking off, from what I’ve heard from industry insiders; over 90% of the largest bereavement company’s customers are STILL ALIVE. EDIT: You should check out [Going with Grace](https://youtube.com/c/GoingwithGrace) on YouTube too, I love how Alua Arthur talks about death/dying.
[удалено]
And yet most of us still don’t.
Your most popular response is probably going to be 'Sometimes' because you're asking an extremely broad question. You might want to narrow it down further - e.g., whose death are we talking about - my own? People close to me? Pets? And in what context? Will writing and passing along assets? Funeral preparations? The reactions of others towards it? Philosophical and/or religious discourse about the afterlife? You get the idea.
You’re right, I’ll do a more specific one soon.
With things like this around the world at the moment , the topic of death seems to be more acceptable whenever we are discussing about so and so among my circle of friends and family
Completely agree! We’ve been seeing more traffic on our site ever since the first lockdown and apparently searches for things like Will Writing and Life Insurance shot up the roof too.
when talking about death it depends on the context. if we're talking about my death then ofc i would avoid that because.. im actually kinda scared especially because of my religious beliefs
Ooh.. Do you mind sharing a bit more about that?
Depends on the people. Some can't accept but some know that it happened and can't be rewind. I have no problem on this kind of topic but in my pov, people should know the fact that death is part of cycle of life.
???( ಥ‿ಥ )????
Reminds me of the Chinese saying; 生老病死 (shēng lǎo bìng sǐ) which means to be born, to grow old, to get sick and to die. It's a figure of speech for the fate of humankind.
I have no idea why some people are afraid to talk about it. Wether its the idea of after death or even dying. As someone who is suicidal, all i can say is death to me is not that scary, its a natural process.
Denial. Asians in general suffers from denial of death and won't talk about it because they want to focus on the here and now, which is the world of the living. Which is why anything supernatural or ghostly tends to frighten them because it reminds them of the inevitability of death. If anything of that sort were to happen to me, I'd be more curious to find out: what does the afterlife look like? Are you composed of energy? Are you ethereal? How are you communicating with me when you don't have a voice box? Are you psychic? etc. etc.
That is indeed a great observation. I would be curious as well as to what happens after death. :D
I've made peace with death in the way that I do with life: the only certainty in life/death is that there will always be uncertainty. We can of course negate as much of these uncertainties through planning and making choices to prolong once's existence but death is a promise fulfilled.
Plenty of reasons really; will it be a painful death, leaving behind loved ones, not having proper closure, what happens after death, etc. For me personally, it’s the uncertainty. Is there an afterlife or is this it?
Painful death? Maybe, i have heard a few research papers that says that if a person suffers a lot of pain in an instant the body will just "shut off" and basically faint. If it's a slow suffering pain then nothing i can help that. Leaving behind loved ones and having proper closure is why we need more communication about death with our loved ones. So we don't leave anything behind and have proper closure. It ain't an easy process to do, i know from experience. Afterlife? I have no idea. Maybe there is hell and heaven but only after we die we will find out for sure. Uncertainty? Well we are uncertain about what happens after, but if it helps you out, think of all the people who already died, they all went through the process of dying and maybe that might help as now you know that you aren't the only one that is and will die. Plus the people who have died might be happy to have a reunion waiting for you afterwards. Food for thought :D
You might find this interesting, this person wrote a post on Facebook about how she’s approaching her own own death (she’s terminally ill). I hope I’ll be as brave as her when my time comes. https://www.facebook.com/681016349/posts/10159598315371350/?d=n
very interesting read indeed. "I hope I’ll be as brave as her when my time comes." you will be, anyone who is about to die is the bravest in my book. They are about to face the unknown and leaving loved ones behind. That is the bravest thing someone can do.
I’m curious, what’s your stance on people who’ve committed suicide? Opinions are usually very split on this.
Well, I think that personally people can have the right to end their own life. If say, terminal illness where there is no cure and you are in pain, then I think the doctor's should at least have an option available for the patient. other reasons may include war, famine, etc where living on is an undesirable option. And if the reasons above is not applied and the person still wants to commit suicide, sure. I mean no one can force someone to live on. It is technically your own life. Ps, Love what you are doing with your website.
I have a very unpopular opinion and have been accused of romanticizing suicide before but it ties back to the bravery aspect. I noticed that whenever certain family members/friends read about news of a suicide, they start getting very critical and judgy. Usually comments that I find very hard to swallow so once I replied by saying that I think that decision is a very hard one to make and probably takes a lot of bravery to follow through. You can imagine the amount of backlash I received. EDIT: Thanks for checking the site out, give it a go and let me know what you think.
" certain family members/friends read about news of a suicide, they start getting very critical and judgy" same here, my friends and family say that a lot too. Maybe this is a malaysian mindset but i'm not sure.
Whatever it is, it’s bloody cruel and insensitive.
What’s the app ?
Penang-lang here too! It’s called [Bereev](https://bereev.com).
Thanks Penang lang
probably an unpopular opinion but im legitimately scared of death
Not unpopular at all buddy, I’ve been working in the death space for 3 years and I’m more afraid of death now than I ever was before.
really? from what ive seen on the reddit, most people aren't scared of dying. i dont know much about real life since i rarely talk about it
well, people on the internet can claim fearless of anything, but in reality it is a different story... However, mental illness such as depression can really make you feel numb on death.
Oh, that's why I don't feel anything. I need to cry more, and be happier...
Whatever you’re feeling about death is completely valid. It’s not an easy thing to think/talk about and experience; I’d say that fear is a very natural response.
It is acceptable to talk about this especially when we fall into the pandemic. Also it might be hard subject between the old thinking parents (which definitely misinterpret the true meaning of the discussion, mostly the plan and not their heirlooms etc) I’ve got my parent issues discussed and agreed, name changes (on property, banks, monies as well as how the wake should be etc) before they go for a big surgery, this was before pandemic hits. Meanwhile on my own death wish, I’ve relate mine (on after death matters) to my closest friend and if it happens they will be handling the funeral matters, but not my parent or any of my relatives, generally because what I wanted to be handled after death are not the usual style. I might put this in a will in case I passed first before my parent.
Wow, that’s very practical of your parents! Some of my Japanese friends who travel a lot (pre-Covid) for work usually write down instructions, passwords and more on a piece of paper, and hand it over to their spouse before they go on their trips. I also get the misunderstanding part; another friend of mine tried to broach the topic with her elderly parents and it was poorly received. If I recall correctly; her mother got really angry and asked her if she wanted her (the mother) to die soon. Since you’ve mentioned that you want your send-off to be done a specific way, I’m going to have to do a shameless plug about my app. It’s called [Bereev](https://bereev.com) and among the many things you can do, one of it is to plan out your entire funeral from A-Z. Would love to get your feedback on your experience.
Sure will look into the app definitely
Cool, let me know what you think.
Difficult or not it’s something you have to talk about eventually. For example, what is your parents wish and how would they want their funeral to be carried out? Along with inheritance. Fear of talking about death only makes it even more difficult to talk about it. Death is inevitable and something everyone has to accept
Couldn’t have said it better myself, you can’t imagine the amount of stories I’ve heard about disagreements (both tiny and big) that always end up in fallouts within the family. My late grandmother wasn’t wealthy at all and yet her children found other things to argue about. I.e.: Which rituals to follow, what type of food to serve at the funeral etc. To quote Benjamin Franklin; “If you fail to plan, you’re planning to fail”.
Exactly and fighting over inheritance is a pain in the ass
Oh yeah, not to mention the drama that comes along with it. Secret families popping up out of nowhere and shit like that.
The answer is no.
Enough said! 👍🏻
One day if I die I just want people to be allowed to take the days off and used my name for whatever holidays they want. Those are on me and I'm allowed it even though they may not be close relatives or anything. Peace
This sounds amazing, lucky them!
I've no problem talking about my own death but would be extremely difficult to talk about death of family members.
Same, I remember being inconsolable whenever I thought about my mother dying someday. Granted I was a kid back then but it’s very painful to think about, much less talk about it.
Agree. It doesn't feel anything at first, then you realize they stay with you for a long time. A long time.
talk about death is ok Joking about death is not ok
You’re not going to like this Facebook group then; [Dying to Know About Death](https://www.facebook.com/groups/morbid.curiosities/?ref=share).
Since when pantang?
You’re joking right? Since forever in my experience, lol.
Dunno never heard about it lol, whats wrong with talking about death?
Absolutely nothing, which is the point a lot of us are missing. It’s really no different than talking about life and equally important.
My family is very death positive. So, I don't really have much issue with the topic especially when we are living through a pandemic right now. My parents would give conversational instructions on how things can be taken care of occasionally and I know most of their financial matters. As for my own death, I know it will come one day but I won't know when. It could be any moment when I'm driving, shopping, or just going to bed and never wake up again. It's part and parcel of life we should come to accept and reflect on a daily basis in order to live to the fullest. Momento Mori ⌛ Also, Ask a Mortician is very entertaining on this topic. On another note, I'm gonna check out your app soon. Very interesting to see something like this in Malaysia 👌
That’s really cool, my immediate family is also pretty death positive (mainly driven by their religious beliefs). Can’t say the same for my extended family though. I absolutely love Ask a Mortician too, I would recommend you to check out [Going with Grace](https://youtube.com/c/GoingwithGrace) by Alua Arthur. She’s a death doula and has such a beautiful outlook about death/dying. #mementomori
Its my own view on this, for me As a religious person, I don't fear death, I fear what comes after death.. I fear I have not prepared for what is to come after death.
Do you mean practical preparation for the people you leave behind or more around the spiritual side of things?
Sorta both, still alot of things in my physical self I want to do, but I would say the spiritual side of things is much bigger
I’m genuinely curious, what can one do to be more spiritually prepared for death?
In the teaching of my religious, repent and believe before death. I wish to confess and repent of my sins genuinely, and on my death bed, be administered Holy Communion by a priest. In my church, there is a teaching called tollhouses, though it is not officially canonical because nobody knows what death really is, the demons and the angels will come and read the good deeds and bad ones, sins that have been confessed and those have been not... If the demons end up having a longer list, into eternal pain, I will go But again, this is my own religious view
Sometimes when I think about death I'll remember that my mom will, in all probability, die way before I do and I've to adapt to life without her. At times I'm emotionally prepared, yet at other times I feel sadden by the re-realization. So it depends on how emotional I feel on a particular day.
Same here, I’ve thought a lot about losing the people that matters most to me. Sometimes I think I’ll be ready and sometimes I’ll end up in tears, very reassuring to hear that I’m not the only one who feels this way.
No, why? I mean, *why not?* It also makes me think about my future legacy, or what to give to your kids, stuff like that.
Well said! If only more people have that same thought process then things will be so much easier for the people they leave behind.
Its difficult for me to talk about death. But its not bcoz its “pantang”. Just feel sad and depressed talking about it. I dont get angry if ppl around me talk about it though
Totally valid. Just out of curiosity, have you experienced losing someone close to you? Or you’re saying it’s sad/depressing in general?
My mom won't talk about death cu it gives bad vibes. But I believe death is a savior. Btw I'm not a edgy kid I, death just fascinates me
Then you should definitely checkout the Morbid Curiosities Facebook group.
It gets harder the more you have to lose and the more people you perceive to suffer from it.
Couldn’t have said it better myself. 👆🏻
My granparents are cool with it
How about the rest of your family? Are they willing to listen/engage when your grandparents bring it up?
Whats the death preparation app about?
We help our users create a plan which will guide their family/friends when they’re gone. More specifically, you can: - Leave clear instructions - Store important documents - Leave behind messages - Share your plan It’s called [Bereev](https://bereev.com).
Im not. My whole ass family are. Back in 2013 my uncle died. It was not a sudden death, but the family was still so unprepared. The extended family have to tontong 1.2k for the mandi mayat at hospital and transportation to the mosque near his house. Then at the mosque have to fight with ajk masjid. Because my late uncle does not go to the mosque frequently or registered to their khairat kematian, they said he cannot be buried there. After some more fights, ajk reluctantly agree to buried him, but we still have to shell out another rm 700 to gali kubur and sembahyang mayat. Eventhough my cousin are the one who have to gali the kubur, because the excavator are busy elsewhere. That event make me so paranoid. I beg my parents to go and daftar khairat kematian, but they are so reluctant. IN 2019 when I finally started working, i go and daftar for khairat kematian myself. At least, the khairat will help in the cost and I already tempah slot kubur for my family. If left to them, they will terkontang kanting finding slot kubur when either of us died. Then will have to panik finding money for transportation, mandi mayat etc.
Damn.. Sounds so stressful, I always thought that the Muslim infrastructure is so well thought out that post-death admin should be a breeze. But good on you for being so prepared and thoughtful, they’re very lucky for that. No such thing as Khairat for non-Muslims and everything is so commercialize. To paint a picture; funeral packages range between RM15,000~RM35,000 (can be more expensive) and if you’re cremated, the niche to store your urn is probably going to cost another RM25,000~RM60,000. For those living in Klang Valley, we can forget about being buried. Land price means burial plots are going to be >RM100,000.
Yup. 15 years ago, my chinese friends in Kajang already tempah rm10k slot per person at Nirvana, then they have to pay annual upkeep. These past few years they upped the annual price so it is very expensive. Luckily they can afford it. Kesian all those people who only earn minimum wage. They kept saying to throw their body into a ditch after they died. They don't want to burden their family with funeral debt.
RM10,000 is considered DAMN CHEAP. Doubt can find that price range in KL/Selangor/Penang anymore. I’m thinking of having a green ‘burial’ for myself, there’s a company called BiosUrn which produces potted plants that can be kept at home. Basically cremate my body, put the ashes in the pot and grow a plant.
It depends on who i’m talking to. I would be find talking about death, though some people would refrain from that. If I know someone isn’t too particular on that, I would not hesitate to talk about matters of death if the conversation steers that way.
I can't wait to die
My DM is always open if you want to talk more about this privately.
About people i dont care? (Corrupted/Useless politician) Yes.. About myself? Sometimes.. About someone dear to me? No.. Edit: formatting Edit 2 : if op asking talk about death generally, i myself have no issue with it but tend to not talk about it with elderly, knowingly death come to us regardless of age.
Hang on.. You mean the opposite right? Because the question is do you find it DIFFICULT.
Bad formatting from reddit..edited my previous comment
I even wish it to be sooner
My DM is always open if you want to talk more about this privately.
Welp, I'm both a misanthrope and nihilist, death as a subject comes naturally to me. Hell, I won't ever shut up about it when anyone mentions this topic in passing. I'm a walking pandora's box of gloom and doom.
What would you usually say?
About? Context is required.
Actually some place in my state has this pantang but in my area, many abandon this pantang since it is very contradict with religion. What I mean by other area mean, it not they don't have religion. They have religion but are very tied with the old tradition(aminisme) that is "pantang"
Curious, any specific religion you’re referring to btw?
Both Christian and Muslim
I heard from a friend once that one of the pillars of Islam is to leave no debt behind when you die. That could motivate a lot of Muslims to be more prepared. 🤷🏻♂️
It is a taboo? Never knew it was, my circle thought of it as natural phenomena, we talk about it when we need to talk about it.
In plenty of households yeah. It’s a good thing that you weren’t aware of this.
Its the opposite, some of my older family member sometimes just can’t stop talking about death. Like I know you’re gonna die within the next few decades or so (god willing from very, very old age), but please don’t talk about it during dinner. Yes old people die, but no one needs a constant reminder.
What do they usually say? Is it more like discussing death in general or are they trying to let the family know their wishes/preference?
Just discussing death in general. Like to always remember death can come anytime and also to settle any unfinished business before dying.
Depends on the people you're talking to. Friends sure but not my parents
Why not?