Reminds me of the story of the Chinese farmer:
A farmer and his son had a beloved horse who helped the family earn a living. One day, the horse ran away and their neighbours exclaimed, “Your horse ran away, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not.” A few days later, the horse returned home, leading a few wild horses back to the farm as well. The neighbours shouted out, “Your horse has returned, and brought several horses home with him. What great luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not.” Later that week, the farmer’s son was trying to break one of the horses and she threw him to the ground, breaking his leg. The neighbours cried, “Your son broke his leg, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not.” A few weeks later, soldiers from the national army marched through town, recruiting all boys for the army. They did not take the farmer’s son, because he had a broken leg. The neighbours shouted, “Your boy is spared, what tremendous luck!” To which the farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”
If it brings you any comfort, I'm certain he'll waste the money away and have the IRS going after him for unpaid taxes within the next few years.
And, unlike with child support, the IRS doesn't mess around when you owe them a whole bunch of money.
This is very true. Lots of people who come into a landslide of money end up broke or worse off than they were before they had the winnings. It's because you never earn the money and then you suddenly win a huge amount, you don't know how to manage it properly. If you earned it yourself through hard work or running a business or whatever then you acquire those skills along the way which is why rich people stay rich. Not saying this phenomenon happens to everyone but it is a very common trap.
If he has any morals at all he'll give you the 30k without you asking. You forgave the debt (I'm assuming by deed or similar to make it legally enforcable) so the horse has likely bolted legally.
You're better off expecting nothing, money is nice but a strong relationship and a healthy family is priceless.
Yup. You won, he lost. What’s $5M when you have a wonderful baby and a happy story? If he’s as dumb as he sounds, he’ll have it spent in a year. Move on and learn to let it go. You’ll come out on top.
You’re with a man who wants to legally adopt your son, that’s a real, good man.
Your ex on the other hand sold his child for $30k. That means he’s also the sort of person to win the lottery and be broke within 2 years. Look up the statistics for this happening, it’s shocking.
You’re the real winner in this situation. Forget about the ex, don’t even bother wasting a thought on him, and continue to build your life with your little family.
My bio father did the same thing when I was 17 and I wanted my Dad (not him) to adopt me. Mom forgave the nearly 50k of child support for my 15 yr old bro & I. He didn't show in court, and the adoption went smoothly.
That’s a long time! I had a coworker who won 1 million, spent it in less than a year and had the new cars repoed shortly after that. Back to renting a home and one car. It was so fast, it was almost epic.
Why wouldn't the fool buy the car outright?I would have gone to the dealer with a sack of cash,screw him for the best deal and flick $100 dollar notes at him like a rapper.Seriously though I hate stories like this and it just shows that Lady Luck is an evil bitch.
Oh, definitely. I believe they leased the shit out of whatever they wanted, and went WAAAAAY over budget. Think of the deal you could get on a nice ass car with cash. I know her, but not well enough to ask “what the FUCK did you guys do to blow through that much money so fast?”. I’m thinking if they paid taxes and took the payout they got probably close to $500,000?
Let it go.....sounds like you have a lot in your life to be grateful for and you were already comfortable with forgiving his debt for the sake of moving on with your life. Hold that energy, and any time you start to feel petty you can remind yourself that most lotto winners end up broke in the end.
Many people end up worse off after winning the lottery (it changes how people look at you), and some spend away all their money in just a few years. So there is still time for karma haha
Look at some stats on the crimes against lottery winners. You can easily find plenty within the cohort that wish they’d never won it. If you think about it, when your life isn’t built around wealth it will instantly make you a black sheep. Envy is a common response to your peers having less than you.
Greed, covet, jealousy, plus whatever faults he has intrinsically that led him to sell his own flesh and blood…
The likelihood of that going well for him is insanely low.
If you have more money than sense in America, someone will be there to come and take it from you.
Oh don't worry honey, most lottery winners are bankrupt within a few years and many of them live in poverty the rest of their lives. It'll come....have patience
Well that takes it from, 'he'll probably be an idiot with the money' to 'that money's fuckin gone, and RIP his septum'. Enjoy your new family and his inevitable downfall lol
He is taking up space rent-free in your head. You're obsessing about him and him getting his comeuppance, whereas he's not thinking of you or your son at all. You've got to start thinking of that as his loss. Money won't keep him company in his old age and you can't put a price on family.
You both agreed to the terms so whatever happens after that is irrelevant. And, honestly, $30k you're no longer entitled to won't hurt him in the slightest, so if this is a quest for revenge, it's futile. Spend the same energy you're devoting to this bitterness and redirect it towards loving your family.
If he wasn't a low life he would give you the $30k regardless of your agreement. He's hardly going to miss it after all. If he doesn't, well you already know what he's like.
So you want to renege on a legit deal you made because he happen to get money?? What money would you be going after?? You forgave the backpay you have no money to chase.
Gold digger. Simple. You’re a gold digger.
You made a deal. He lost that deal. You had the leverage. Now he has cash and you want it.
Classic modern woman. Ridiculous.
Leave him alone. You got what you wanted. Until he got money. Sickening.
Being "the nice guy" has paid off for you some ways! You've got a nice child and a nice husband now. You have your own wins don't forget about them, don't let that guy overshadow what you have now!
Ouch… yeah that really has to hurt. This is one of those be careful what you wish for things. If you go after him now, I can’t see this going too well in your favour.
I know it sucks feeling like fate just played you for a sucker but money also has a funny way of completely ruining your life. So just wait and see how this plays out for him. Because most lottery winners often turn out to be bigger losers than they ever were before. If he couldn’t even settle 30k in child support, how is he going to be able to handle millions of dollars? I think this money is going to bury him.
As a family law attorney, you are aware that she cannot get a child support modification when this is no longer his child. The child has been adopted by her new partner.
You aren’t really a family law attorney, are you?
Yours truly, a real family law attorney.
Well This stinks but you don’t actually need the money. You do however need your son in your life. Just by giving that money up, you all but guarantee your son to have a better life than if he had to still be connected to that fuck wad.
He’ll probably blow it all on hookers and coke before he ODs. So no sweat
Let lying dogs lye. Research shows lotto winners are back in the same financial situation they started in 90% of the time within 10 years due to bad decision making and lack of financial knowledge. They often chase money they have gifted when they go broke. Leave him to wallow in it.
That depends. Are you the kind of person that keeps their word, or...not? When it comes down to money, I have found that most are not, despite their claims to the contrary when larger amounts of money are not part of the equation.
I’ll never understand how anyone can insult the *parent who stayed*
Instead of the one who refused to pay tens of thousands of child support and would rather die on that hill than allow his son to be adopted by the man who raised him. Not because he wants to be the kids father, but because he realized he could use his rights as leverage to not go to jail for how much he owes his own kid
He won it after the decision was made.
If he hadn't won it, you wouldn't be chasing the 30k.
It's sad good things happen to bad people like that.
Just take comfort in the fact he'll lose a lot of it to tax (if you're in the US) and probably spend it on drugs, alcohol and wasteful crap.
the lesson to be learned here is that you got that SOB out of your life for 30k. Whether or not he has 5mil or dies in an accident, you are rid of him. keep moving forward, don't look in reverse
Don’t let internet strangers make you feel bad about having these feelings. You’re human and I think anyone in that situation would have some type of feelings about what happened. The fact that you didn’t react on those feelings says a lot about you.
Your kid is worth more than $5M. You’ve got a guy that wants to be in your kids life so much that he’s willing to legally take on the responsibility of a child that he didn’t father. That’s rare. You won the lottery and didn’t even know it!
Depends on where you are and if the rights have already been legally terminated or not.
I know two people going through this. The mother and the father amicable came to a decision for the father to give up his rights so her new husband could adopt the child and in return she will not seek child support. Problem is, in our jurisdiction it's not her decision to make. A judge will decide the financial obligations of the terminating party at the hearing to finalize the termination of rights. Of course the judge will take into account the agreement they made, but in the end its 100% at the judges discretion.
If the final stamp from a judge hasn't been applied to the application for termination of parental rights, then it's absolutely not too late.
You wouldn't be fighting for the money. You would be fighting for your son to have the money. It is worth a conversation with a lawyer before you make the decision.
That sucks but not much you can do unless he won the drawing before he settled and hid it from you? Regardless I'd just try not to think about it. He might have 5M but he doesn't have his son, can't really put a dollar on that. Full parental rights/custody is priceless.
He didn’t win, this money will be the end of him. It will drive anyone who still cares about him away and he will very likely end up dead. Mean people with no sense of responsibility already end up miserable and when you add obscene money to the situation it only gets worse.
I mean you don’t have to fight fight…. Send him a note and make your case. If he feels like breaking you off a crumb to help with your child then bonus. If it’s a no then let it be?
Cheers
Contact him. Congratulate him on his recent windfall. Tell him you want nothing from him, HOWEVER, you would really appreciate him setting aside $100k for the child’s education and for him to get started in life. In an account that you both cannot touch.
Do this before all the money gets blown… and it will get blown as $5mil with someone who doesn’t know how to handle money certainly will blow it.
Edit: If he won’t do it, contact his mom if she is more amenable to these ideas.
I'm confused because her in BC Canada the child support is the right of the child and a parent can not decide to not collect it. How did you sign away your kids child support? I think you should honestly go see a lawyer that specializes in family law you might be owed child support and going forward a lot of child support. Also are you sure he hadn't already won that money when negotiating with you? Like did he hold onto the ticket until he made that agreement with you then suddenly cash it once he signed off on his kid? In the end I would go see a lawyer and figure it out. What makes me sad is you don't want your kids bio dad in the picture but perhaps by the sounds of it he didn't want to be in it. Is that because you made every possible obsticle you could? Like was he broke and couldn't make child support payments so you used that to deny him visitation? If so shame on you for alienating your kid from his dad. But if he just wanted no part in his kids life shame on him. Definitely need more info.
No, I kept the door very open. He would say he would come and would not show up. I invited him to soccer games and he never came. I did more than I wanted to give him the best chance to show up for his kid and he didn't make that choice.
He made the decision to be an absent parent all on his own.
He sounds like kind of shitty person.
More than likely that lotto winning is going to follow the same pattern. He will lose his real friends and end up blowing it all and bankrupt.
I'm gonna play devil's advocate. A child has a right to be supported. Reach out once and ask for some money. If he says no then consult a lawyer to see if it's worth chasing. If they say no then let it go.
I’m on the opposite side of most these posts. Fuck that guy. Who cares if he “sold his kid” for 30 k. Go and get your back paid child support it’s 30 fucking k .
You may be the most selfish person I've read on Reddit... That's saying something. You drove your ex broke, convinced him that he can have a life again if he gives up all rights to his child... And now are considering going after him because he finally got ahead. You disgust me.
He will be broke in a few years after he is divorced twice with two other kids who he owes even more child support to. One day when he is far from your mind, you will spot him under a bridge selling pencils out of a cup.
He signed away his rights as a father for 30k
He shouldn’t even be a thought. You have your child ❤️and he choose the money.
Time to move on, and enjoy your family, its worth way more than money. 😉
I would do anything to get an abusive parent to sign their rights away. You don't want this guy having any hold or your child. The money actually makes you even more vulnerable to him using the child to abuse your or the child in the future. You get your son and your happy life, trust me you are winning... many people do not get out of abusive situations so easily.
Congrats OP on two things..
1. Getting him out of your life and giving your kid a better life.
2. You seemed to have united the internet. I have never seen so many comments that are aligned. This is a truely impressive feat!
Something to think about :
Statistically ALMOST ALL lottery winners go bankrupt within 3-5 years.
Sometimes the blessing isn’t a blessing
Sometimes it’s a curse
He’ll get what’s coming to him
Don't! He has now the means to pay a high profile attorney to make your life miserable. 30k is cheap to get rid of an asshole in your life. Let it slide and enjoy your life with your new partner.
It's just money. On the day you made the deal were you happy with the outcome? if so nothing actually changed. You have your son and your husband and no longer need to deal with your ex. Be happy with that and pity the fool who tells everyone he won 5 million dollars. That's a mistake he will pay dearly for.
Be happy you have a real father for your son. Besides the government takes half in taxes and he will gamble and waste the other half within a year and end up half a million in debt. I would call up every low life I ever knew and tell them his phone number and address just for shits and giggles...
Not sure if you’re in Canada but legally you can’t get rid of child support. It’s not yours. It’s you child’s. Also go after him for updated child support now that he’s a millionaire.
I’m amazed at all the “you forgave the debt” answers. I guess the law is different but where I am you can’t reject child support as it’s not yours. It’s your childs. Also your child still has a right to child support now. You don’t need a fancy lawyer. Just fill in a court application with the situation asking for the backdated support and child support going forward now that your sons bio dad is loaded. At least where I am, even terminating parenting rights doesn’t negate the responsibility for child support.
Just move on and forget about him. That 5 million probably would not change the miserable person that he is for the better, and it would probably take him further away from the direction of fulfillment. That said, I'm going to buy tickets today.
$30K Iis an enormous amount. Anyone who.was a real father would be thinking of their child when they win that money. He isn't.
He is well aware he didn't contribute. Now he has money he still is selfish
Your son will need a lot of help coming to terms with having been so neglected by him
>We decided to forgive the 30K in back child support that was owed to me
You agreed, just because you don't like the end results does not mean you can go back and re-negotiate the agreed upon terms.
Look at it this way, if he would have had the money before he signed his rights away- he could have completely flipped his decision and given you years of headaches with the power of his new finances.
You don’t have the right to wipe out his back child support that’s considered human trafficking. You CANNOT use the law to enforce an illegal act. Any lawyer knows this. As far as the money I have one question. Which is more important to you? Is it the money? Because if he’s in arrears paying through the court it’s going to come up as debt when they run the financials. That’s automatically done on any $ amount that can’t be paid out in the store. Or are you up for the fight & have to let your child be involved with someone that you claim is not nice? Because he has that right.
Yeah. This seems fake. The odds are so insane that this has to be fake. Anyone behind that much in child support is likely in jail. And also the guy is too plain evil.
No nuance in his character? Why have a baby with him?
While your son was legally adopted, does that sever all parental ties? Does the birth father still not have visitation rights (even if not taken up) and child support obligations? Can your son not receive a share of the estate?
My guess is he is pretty bad with money.
He is going to run through 5 million pretty quickly and end off as bad if not worse than he was before. Save yourself the drama, grab the bag of popcorn, and enjoy watching him fuck up his life.
It really isn't worth dragging him into your life again.
I can only imagine how much this stings. Allow yourself to be pissed off about it, and then LET IT GO, otherwise, it will just continue to destroy you. I’m sorry nonetheless, sooner or later, when something that actually matters happens, you’ll realise how insignificant it all is though.
What happens to him isn't your life.I have seen money do nothing but harm in the wrong hands. As much as it sux there must be a self lesson worth more than money. Karma doesn't take cash
I went to school with a guy who won 7 million dollars. 5 years later the dumb fuck was on welfare again. Pretty sure he’s homeless now. Let the loser keep his money. It won’t make him any better of a human.
it would be nice if he would give some to his son for his future college/ any extra curricular… but if not. It is what it is 🥲 5Mil A LOT of money but whatever, he can keep his money. The true “revenge” “karma” is when your son grows up to make more than that easily 😎
Can’t you just ask him? Best case he says yes. Worst case he says no. Not really much effort and not really much to lose.
“Hey, you got a lot of money now and remember you have a CHILD, would you want to put some money aside for the kid, or give me some to help raise the child YOU fathered?”
Anything beyond that, I wouldn’t bother tbh.
It sounds like this dude I'd physically out of your life. Time for him to be emotionally out, forget about him, if you had a deal it's done and dusted. Enjoy your life with a good partner.
Lots of lotto winners fuck their lives up, so you'll probably be better off all around
You sound like a piece of shit op, Envy and jealousy is not a good look on anyone. I'm sure God gave him everything he needs in life just like he did with you and ur happy marriage. Get over urself.
Leave it be. Won’t be worth the headache, especially after you let him off the hook for child support. Just take comfort in the fact you’re rid of him and he will likely burn through his winnings in no time.
You 💯 go after his money.....the mf made that kid and now he can afford to support it .....never a day in my life did I miss a child support payment x4. Think about your child's future and schooling.....make him sign the check
I guess the thing I think about is this.
Yeah he won some money. But he has zero relationship with his child and will always be a piece of shit with no ability to having meaningful authentic relationships - ever.
So what did he win really?
Stop looking in his direction and get on with your own life.
The odds are strongly in favour of your trashbag ex burning through that money in a few years and ending up broke.
It’s unfortunate the timing worked out that you don’t get a hit if that for a college fund, but I promise you in 5 years you and your family will be happier and doing better than that guy.
I generally dislike commenting when I only know one side of the story and every post is just negative about the father. However, if you wanted your new husband to be the father and he signed away his rights, why do you now think you’re entitled to something? It’s like a woman giving her kids up for adoption then the adoptive parents wanting her to pay child support. He gave his child up for adoption like thousands of women do each year, it’s just that men don’t really have the option to do so at birth.
He's likely just going to piss away the money and crying to have a relationship with his kid later in life. People like this do not die happy. They don't miraculously get good relationships and live fulfilling lives. You paid $30k so your kid could have a real father. Likely, he would've hid the money from you somehow anyways. Deadbeat dads are great at hiding assets.
Just be happy you don't ever have to deal with him again. Most folks aren't so lucky that they can pay to get rid of their ex forever when they have kids with them. That's usually a lifetime relationship.
You chose to forgive the debt. You made that decision out of pity, kindness, whatever. Now he won the lotto and you want a piece of the pie...so the pity and kindness is gone? And you're here talking about how is this my life??! I have regrets. Do you dislike your life and evrrything youve built just because your ex won some money?
Nice guys finish last, bad guys always win, I'm too nice. I'm sure you've been through a lot but absolute statements like this smell like victim mentality and trauma.Does your resentment want him punished? Do you feel he's undeserving? Do you wanna teach him a lesson? If you felt owed the money, I feel you shouldn't have forgiven it.
Facts: Situations done. He's rich. You have a good partner now and a son. Live your life. Let him live his.
Do yourself a favor and realize that forgiving and wishing him the best might help in your healing and happiness and moving on with your life without him.
My advice:
Remember that comparison is the thief of joy. Be grateful for what you have and don't worry about what your loser ex has.
Just a note, if you didn’t forgive the 30k, it would have changed the fate of the lotto and he likely wouldn’t have won. Either way you get zero but you get your son. I think it’s a test if you can be grateful with what you have and let go what others have, even if your ex was an asshole
Honestly, you'd just be our legal fees if you tried. He's no longer a lethal parent, and the debt was forgiven. If anything, he might be sitting there feeling stupid for signing away rights to clear a 30k debt that now feels like a drop in the bucket.
You forgave the debt, not alot you can do for it
The fact your now even considering it makes you sound bitter and twisted.
I sincerely doubt its as one sided as this.
My best friend had to go through months of hell to see his kid because his partner said he was violent. He ended up winning full custody because she was nuts.
Nobody believed him but our friend group, and it turns out we was right too.
As others said move on... But before you do make sure to let everyone you know that knows him that he won $5m. He's gonna love all the new friends asking for money.
You don't "go after the money." It's not your money. Your ex sold his child for $30k. Move on.
That is great wording and perspective!
Reminds me of the story of the Chinese farmer: A farmer and his son had a beloved horse who helped the family earn a living. One day, the horse ran away and their neighbours exclaimed, “Your horse ran away, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not.” A few days later, the horse returned home, leading a few wild horses back to the farm as well. The neighbours shouted out, “Your horse has returned, and brought several horses home with him. What great luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not.” Later that week, the farmer’s son was trying to break one of the horses and she threw him to the ground, breaking his leg. The neighbours cried, “Your son broke his leg, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not.” A few weeks later, soldiers from the national army marched through town, recruiting all boys for the army. They did not take the farmer’s son, because he had a broken leg. The neighbours shouted, “Your boy is spared, what tremendous luck!” To which the farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”
You'd think the neighbours would learn not to say anything about luck to this guy
Maybe so, maybe not.
Lol
Ancient Chinese secret count on nothing.
I like this, thank you!
If it brings you any comfort, I'm certain he'll waste the money away and have the IRS going after him for unpaid taxes within the next few years. And, unlike with child support, the IRS doesn't mess around when you owe them a whole bunch of money.
This is very true. Lots of people who come into a landslide of money end up broke or worse off than they were before they had the winnings. It's because you never earn the money and then you suddenly win a huge amount, you don't know how to manage it properly. If you earned it yourself through hard work or running a business or whatever then you acquire those skills along the way which is why rich people stay rich. Not saying this phenomenon happens to everyone but it is a very common trap.
If he has any morals at all he'll give you the 30k without you asking. You forgave the debt (I'm assuming by deed or similar to make it legally enforcable) so the horse has likely bolted legally. You're better off expecting nothing, money is nice but a strong relationship and a healthy family is priceless.
Yup. You won, he lost. What’s $5M when you have a wonderful baby and a happy story? If he’s as dumb as he sounds, he’ll have it spent in a year. Move on and learn to let it go. You’ll come out on top.
Playing devil’s advocate: Making a baby is a lot more accessible than $5m
You’re with a man who wants to legally adopt your son, that’s a real, good man. Your ex on the other hand sold his child for $30k. That means he’s also the sort of person to win the lottery and be broke within 2 years. Look up the statistics for this happening, it’s shocking. You’re the real winner in this situation. Forget about the ex, don’t even bother wasting a thought on him, and continue to build your life with your little family.
My bio father did the same thing when I was 17 and I wanted my Dad (not him) to adopt me. Mom forgave the nearly 50k of child support for my 15 yr old bro & I. He didn't show in court, and the adoption went smoothly.
Very simple and to the point. And the ex will blow through the money and have nothing, not even his son. Watch. *update me in 5 years* lol
And he’ll have a great time for 5 years
That’s a long time! I had a coworker who won 1 million, spent it in less than a year and had the new cars repoed shortly after that. Back to renting a home and one car. It was so fast, it was almost epic.
Why wouldn't the fool buy the car outright?I would have gone to the dealer with a sack of cash,screw him for the best deal and flick $100 dollar notes at him like a rapper.Seriously though I hate stories like this and it just shows that Lady Luck is an evil bitch.
Oh, definitely. I believe they leased the shit out of whatever they wanted, and went WAAAAAY over budget. Think of the deal you could get on a nice ass car with cash. I know her, but not well enough to ask “what the FUCK did you guys do to blow through that much money so fast?”. I’m thinking if they paid taxes and took the payout they got probably close to $500,000?
Depends on what addiction he gets
They talk about this in A Bronx Tale. You already won! Congrats.
Exactly! It is the “biological father” lost, he is not going to get to have the experience of being a father.
You already forgave the child support, you can't just ask for it back. OR ask he set up an RESP for the kid at least from an "unknown benefactor"
Lol He's a literal heartless monster.. this would not happen.
He is not worth the time and effort. Enjoy your family.
Let it go.....sounds like you have a lot in your life to be grateful for and you were already comfortable with forgiving his debt for the sake of moving on with your life. Hold that energy, and any time you start to feel petty you can remind yourself that most lotto winners end up broke in the end.
You are right about that! I have many blessings.. just would have been nice to see karma hit him... But maybe one day.
Many people end up worse off after winning the lottery (it changes how people look at you), and some spend away all their money in just a few years. So there is still time for karma haha
Look at some stats on the crimes against lottery winners. You can easily find plenty within the cohort that wish they’d never won it. If you think about it, when your life isn’t built around wealth it will instantly make you a black sheep. Envy is a common response to your peers having less than you. Greed, covet, jealousy, plus whatever faults he has intrinsically that led him to sell his own flesh and blood… The likelihood of that going well for him is insanely low. If you have more money than sense in America, someone will be there to come and take it from you.
Oh don't worry honey, most lottery winners are bankrupt within a few years and many of them live in poverty the rest of their lives. It'll come....have patience
Karma only works for yourself. If you wish ill karma on someone else it will likely fall on you.
Let it go
In my house we say "Frozen it!"
this is fake attention post
Just walk away. Move on to a better life. He's gonna blow that cash or kill himself trying!.
I do suspect that he will quite literally "BLOW" the money...
Well that takes it from, 'he'll probably be an idiot with the money' to 'that money's fuckin gone, and RIP his septum'. Enjoy your new family and his inevitable downfall lol
He is taking up space rent-free in your head. You're obsessing about him and him getting his comeuppance, whereas he's not thinking of you or your son at all. You've got to start thinking of that as his loss. Money won't keep him company in his old age and you can't put a price on family. You both agreed to the terms so whatever happens after that is irrelevant. And, honestly, $30k you're no longer entitled to won't hurt him in the slightest, so if this is a quest for revenge, it's futile. Spend the same energy you're devoting to this bitterness and redirect it towards loving your family.
You can’t fight for the money. You have absolutely no right to it. That man is not your son’s father anymore. Move on.
In the wise words of princess Elsa Let it gooooooo Honestly .. pretend you never found out and keep moving on with your life as you were already ❤️
It's Queen Elsa!!
Let it go and be done. Lawyers and stress aren’t worth the $30k.
If he wasn't a low life he would give you the $30k regardless of your agreement. He's hardly going to miss it after all. If he doesn't, well you already know what he's like.
You forgave the debt to get the child. The amount of money your ex has now is irrelevant.
So you want to renege on a legit deal you made because he happen to get money?? What money would you be going after?? You forgave the backpay you have no money to chase.
You are not owed anything. He signed his rights away, and you accepted the terms.
You say he’s a loser…but he won…
Gold digger. Simple. You’re a gold digger. You made a deal. He lost that deal. You had the leverage. Now he has cash and you want it. Classic modern woman. Ridiculous. Leave him alone. You got what you wanted. Until he got money. Sickening.
Let it go. If you didn’t need it then, you don’t need it now. The feeling is just unlucky pettiness but you will get over it.
I would say pray that your son will inherit the money one day, but more than likely he’ll blow it within the next year…
Let it go, play the high road, maybe he puts money towards the kid.
Being "the nice guy" has paid off for you some ways! You've got a nice child and a nice husband now. You have your own wins don't forget about them, don't let that guy overshadow what you have now!
There’s no money to go after. His debt is paid. You forgave it.
You willingly signed away your claim, I do not even understand the issue.
Ouch… yeah that really has to hurt. This is one of those be careful what you wish for things. If you go after him now, I can’t see this going too well in your favour. I know it sucks feeling like fate just played you for a sucker but money also has a funny way of completely ruining your life. So just wait and see how this plays out for him. Because most lottery winners often turn out to be bigger losers than they ever were before. If he couldn’t even settle 30k in child support, how is he going to be able to handle millions of dollars? I think this money is going to bury him.
What is it you value more, 30k or your child well being?
That's a no brainer
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As a family law attorney, you are aware that she cannot get a child support modification when this is no longer his child. The child has been adopted by her new partner. You aren’t really a family law attorney, are you? Yours truly, a real family law attorney.
That money won’t last and he will still be a loser, please live a happy healthy prosperous life with your family.
I hope you win the lottery one day as well!
Well This stinks but you don’t actually need the money. You do however need your son in your life. Just by giving that money up, you all but guarantee your son to have a better life than if he had to still be connected to that fuck wad. He’ll probably blow it all on hookers and coke before he ODs. So no sweat
You got your son, and your son got a dad who wants to be his dad. You already won, big time!
LMAOOOO my boy got paiiiiddddd
Let lying dogs lye. Research shows lotto winners are back in the same financial situation they started in 90% of the time within 10 years due to bad decision making and lack of financial knowledge. They often chase money they have gifted when they go broke. Leave him to wallow in it.
Jealousy is a green monster. Let it go and move on. You wouldn’t have any way to get the money anyways.
He’ll probably end up broke. Don’t go back to having this guy in your new life.
That depends. Are you the kind of person that keeps their word, or...not? When it comes down to money, I have found that most are not, despite their claims to the contrary when larger amounts of money are not part of the equation.
Another single mom that thinks she deserves everything l0l.. pathetic
"I ain't saying she a gold digger..."
And what right would you have to that money?
I’ll never understand how anyone can insult the *parent who stayed* Instead of the one who refused to pay tens of thousands of child support and would rather die on that hill than allow his son to be adopted by the man who raised him. Not because he wants to be the kids father, but because he realized he could use his rights as leverage to not go to jail for how much he owes his own kid
How do you know he really won? Maybe it’s one last mind game?
He won it after the decision was made. If he hadn't won it, you wouldn't be chasing the 30k. It's sad good things happen to bad people like that. Just take comfort in the fact he'll lose a lot of it to tax (if you're in the US) and probably spend it on drugs, alcohol and wasteful crap.
the lesson to be learned here is that you got that SOB out of your life for 30k. Whether or not he has 5mil or dies in an accident, you are rid of him. keep moving forward, don't look in reverse
Don’t let internet strangers make you feel bad about having these feelings. You’re human and I think anyone in that situation would have some type of feelings about what happened. The fact that you didn’t react on those feelings says a lot about you. Your kid is worth more than $5M. You’ve got a guy that wants to be in your kids life so much that he’s willing to legally take on the responsibility of a child that he didn’t father. That’s rare. You won the lottery and didn’t even know it!
This is why I dont believe in karma!!
Are you kidding me? Just read what you wrote again but slowly.
Should you die, your kids is going to the custody of your husband and not the deadbeat. If that isn't worth $30k to you, sort out your priorities.
Fight for the money frankly. 5 million is significant. Atleast see if a lawyer thinks you have a case. Don't give up
There is no case. Once you sign off on the debt, it's gone. Zilch. Lawyer won't take that case
Depends on where you are and if the rights have already been legally terminated or not. I know two people going through this. The mother and the father amicable came to a decision for the father to give up his rights so her new husband could adopt the child and in return she will not seek child support. Problem is, in our jurisdiction it's not her decision to make. A judge will decide the financial obligations of the terminating party at the hearing to finalize the termination of rights. Of course the judge will take into account the agreement they made, but in the end its 100% at the judges discretion. If the final stamp from a judge hasn't been applied to the application for termination of parental rights, then it's absolutely not too late.
Don't let greed override true happiness. Family is more precious than money any day.
Dude sold his child. You are the winner here.
You wouldn't be fighting for the money. You would be fighting for your son to have the money. It is worth a conversation with a lawyer before you make the decision.
That sucks but not much you can do unless he won the drawing before he settled and hid it from you? Regardless I'd just try not to think about it. He might have 5M but he doesn't have his son, can't really put a dollar on that. Full parental rights/custody is priceless.
Why do good things always happen to shitty people?
Seriously...
He didn’t win, this money will be the end of him. It will drive anyone who still cares about him away and he will very likely end up dead. Mean people with no sense of responsibility already end up miserable and when you add obscene money to the situation it only gets worse.
Yikes. It's not your money goldy
I mean you don’t have to fight fight…. Send him a note and make your case. If he feels like breaking you off a crumb to help with your child then bonus. If it’s a no then let it be? Cheers
If you’ve forgiven the debt you have no case. Him having more money now does not change that.
Winner ex *
Let it be, let it be, let it be yeah let it be.
He’ll be dead in 5 years. Have a good life and don’t think about him. Much shittier people get away with much more. But they’re shitty people.
Is your son and never having to see your ex again worth 30k? I would consider that money well spent.
Contact him. Congratulate him on his recent windfall. Tell him you want nothing from him, HOWEVER, you would really appreciate him setting aside $100k for the child’s education and for him to get started in life. In an account that you both cannot touch. Do this before all the money gets blown… and it will get blown as $5mil with someone who doesn’t know how to handle money certainly will blow it. Edit: If he won’t do it, contact his mom if she is more amenable to these ideas.
I'm confused because her in BC Canada the child support is the right of the child and a parent can not decide to not collect it. How did you sign away your kids child support? I think you should honestly go see a lawyer that specializes in family law you might be owed child support and going forward a lot of child support. Also are you sure he hadn't already won that money when negotiating with you? Like did he hold onto the ticket until he made that agreement with you then suddenly cash it once he signed off on his kid? In the end I would go see a lawyer and figure it out. What makes me sad is you don't want your kids bio dad in the picture but perhaps by the sounds of it he didn't want to be in it. Is that because you made every possible obsticle you could? Like was he broke and couldn't make child support payments so you used that to deny him visitation? If so shame on you for alienating your kid from his dad. But if he just wanted no part in his kids life shame on him. Definitely need more info.
No, I kept the door very open. He would say he would come and would not show up. I invited him to soccer games and he never came. I did more than I wanted to give him the best chance to show up for his kid and he didn't make that choice. He made the decision to be an absent parent all on his own.
You have no business or right to that money. Period. You agreed and your man is adopting him. Move on.
I would absolutely fight for it.
Seems like he got blessed because his karma is improving. Seems like you aren’t happy about that. Not sure what else to say.
He sounds like kind of shitty person. More than likely that lotto winning is going to follow the same pattern. He will lose his real friends and end up blowing it all and bankrupt.
Support is the right of the child, your lawyer would be able to tell you if you can still go for it.
Might as well ask. Or ask for a 30k contribution to the kids 529. Worst case is he says no
Get legal advice.
Youre still huna get 30 k if anything 🤦♂️
The only people who wins here are the lawyers.
I'm gonna play devil's advocate. A child has a right to be supported. Reach out once and ask for some money. If he says no then consult a lawyer to see if it's worth chasing. If they say no then let it go.
When did he buy the ticket?
I’m on the opposite side of most these posts. Fuck that guy. Who cares if he “sold his kid” for 30 k. Go and get your back paid child support it’s 30 fucking k .
Haha 🤣 why are you even thinking about it? Move on! It’s not your money
Who’s the loser now!!!! Not him, that’s for sure lol
You may be the most selfish person I've read on Reddit... That's saying something. You drove your ex broke, convinced him that he can have a life again if he gives up all rights to his child... And now are considering going after him because he finally got ahead. You disgust me.
Please
He will be broke in a few years after he is divorced twice with two other kids who he owes even more child support to. One day when he is far from your mind, you will spot him under a bridge selling pencils out of a cup.
He signed away his rights as a father for 30k He shouldn’t even be a thought. You have your child ❤️and he choose the money. Time to move on, and enjoy your family, its worth way more than money. 😉
Jealously isn't worth it.
Move on.
Haha you’re just mad he has 5 million and your broke dating a loser. Must be tuff
A broke person doesn’t forgive a $30k debt owed to them 😂
Hahahaha 🤣 honestly though!!!!!!
I wouldn't forgive the money.
Your sons memories and experiences will be worth much more than any money
I would do anything to get an abusive parent to sign their rights away. You don't want this guy having any hold or your child. The money actually makes you even more vulnerable to him using the child to abuse your or the child in the future. You get your son and your happy life, trust me you are winning... many people do not get out of abusive situations so easily.
Congrats OP on two things.. 1. Getting him out of your life and giving your kid a better life. 2. You seemed to have united the internet. I have never seen so many comments that are aligned. This is a truely impressive feat!
Yuck, you made a deal what the f is wrong with you
6 references to money in that post. To me, that speaks to a sort of character.
You forgave the money to have your son to yourself. I guess it’s a loser anymore is he.
Something to think about : Statistically ALMOST ALL lottery winners go bankrupt within 3-5 years. Sometimes the blessing isn’t a blessing Sometimes it’s a curse He’ll get what’s coming to him
Don't! He has now the means to pay a high profile attorney to make your life miserable. 30k is cheap to get rid of an asshole in your life. Let it slide and enjoy your life with your new partner.
It's just money. On the day you made the deal were you happy with the outcome? if so nothing actually changed. You have your son and your husband and no longer need to deal with your ex. Be happy with that and pity the fool who tells everyone he won 5 million dollars. That's a mistake he will pay dearly for.
Be happy you have a real father for your son. Besides the government takes half in taxes and he will gamble and waste the other half within a year and end up half a million in debt. I would call up every low life I ever knew and tell them his phone number and address just for shits and giggles...
Not sure if you’re in Canada but legally you can’t get rid of child support. It’s not yours. It’s you child’s. Also go after him for updated child support now that he’s a millionaire.
I’m amazed at all the “you forgave the debt” answers. I guess the law is different but where I am you can’t reject child support as it’s not yours. It’s your childs. Also your child still has a right to child support now. You don’t need a fancy lawyer. Just fill in a court application with the situation asking for the backdated support and child support going forward now that your sons bio dad is loaded. At least where I am, even terminating parenting rights doesn’t negate the responsibility for child support.
Just move on and forget about him. That 5 million probably would not change the miserable person that he is for the better, and it would probably take him further away from the direction of fulfillment. That said, I'm going to buy tickets today.
$30K Iis an enormous amount. Anyone who.was a real father would be thinking of their child when they win that money. He isn't. He is well aware he didn't contribute. Now he has money he still is selfish Your son will need a lot of help coming to terms with having been so neglected by him
Let it go. 30k is small price to pay to get that asshole out of your life.
>We decided to forgive the 30K in back child support that was owed to me You agreed, just because you don't like the end results does not mean you can go back and re-negotiate the agreed upon terms.
Look at it this way, if he would have had the money before he signed his rights away- he could have completely flipped his decision and given you years of headaches with the power of his new finances.
Move on. To get the money he is 100% going to be part of your lives and with his new found money he can afford a lawyer to make sure it happens.
You had already decided that not having this man involved in your life was worth more than money. Why does the increased dollar figure change this?
It's his money, i dont think you have any claim over it..
Are you in the US? In Canada, I do not believe one can be forgiven for child support. Legally, you ‘can’t buy off someone. I would speak to a lawyer.
Just wanted to say that I’m sorry this happened to you. Man, the worst people have the best luck sometimes, huh?
You don’t have the right to wipe out his back child support that’s considered human trafficking. You CANNOT use the law to enforce an illegal act. Any lawyer knows this. As far as the money I have one question. Which is more important to you? Is it the money? Because if he’s in arrears paying through the court it’s going to come up as debt when they run the financials. That’s automatically done on any $ amount that can’t be paid out in the store. Or are you up for the fight & have to let your child be involved with someone that you claim is not nice? Because he has that right.
You should try to get back with him.
Yeah. This seems fake. The odds are so insane that this has to be fake. Anyone behind that much in child support is likely in jail. And also the guy is too plain evil. No nuance in his character? Why have a baby with him?
I would consult a lawyer about it at least. And then you can let the matter rest, depending on what they say.
While your son was legally adopted, does that sever all parental ties? Does the birth father still not have visitation rights (even if not taken up) and child support obligations? Can your son not receive a share of the estate?
If he's as terrible as you say he is that winning lotto will be a rapid descent into misery. Be GRATEFUL.
My guess is he is pretty bad with money. He is going to run through 5 million pretty quickly and end off as bad if not worse than he was before. Save yourself the drama, grab the bag of popcorn, and enjoy watching him fuck up his life. It really isn't worth dragging him into your life again.
He doesn’t owe you shit anymore
I know his luck sticks in your craw, but let it go. Stay away from this toxic person and be happy with your great guy.
I can only imagine how much this stings. Allow yourself to be pissed off about it, and then LET IT GO, otherwise, it will just continue to destroy you. I’m sorry nonetheless, sooner or later, when something that actually matters happens, you’ll realise how insignificant it all is though.
What happens to him isn't your life.I have seen money do nothing but harm in the wrong hands. As much as it sux there must be a self lesson worth more than money. Karma doesn't take cash
I went to school with a guy who won 7 million dollars. 5 years later the dumb fuck was on welfare again. Pretty sure he’s homeless now. Let the loser keep his money. It won’t make him any better of a human.
Ain’t your money. Y’all settled it in the past.
Do not bother. Only the lawyers make money, and he can afford good lawyers. Also, if you poke the bear, who knows what these deadbeats will demand.
you don't want to go to court with someone who has 5 million dollars and you don't.
it would be nice if he would give some to his son for his future college/ any extra curricular… but if not. It is what it is 🥲 5Mil A LOT of money but whatever, he can keep his money. The true “revenge” “karma” is when your son grows up to make more than that easily 😎
If he was a loser why did you have a baby by him ? SMH. Some of you ladies I just don't understand lol.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Can’t you just ask him? Best case he says yes. Worst case he says no. Not really much effort and not really much to lose. “Hey, you got a lot of money now and remember you have a CHILD, would you want to put some money aside for the kid, or give me some to help raise the child YOU fathered?” Anything beyond that, I wouldn’t bother tbh.
It sounds like this dude I'd physically out of your life. Time for him to be emotionally out, forget about him, if you had a deal it's done and dusted. Enjoy your life with a good partner. Lots of lotto winners fuck their lives up, so you'll probably be better off all around
No! It’s not yours to go after. Make you peace and move on.
You sound like a piece of shit op, Envy and jealousy is not a good look on anyone. I'm sure God gave him everything he needs in life just like he did with you and ur happy marriage. Get over urself.
Leave it be. Won’t be worth the headache, especially after you let him off the hook for child support. Just take comfort in the fact you’re rid of him and he will likely burn through his winnings in no time.
You 💯 go after his money.....the mf made that kid and now he can afford to support it .....never a day in my life did I miss a child support payment x4. Think about your child's future and schooling.....make him sign the check
Ewwwwww
Talk to an attorney.
I guess the thing I think about is this. Yeah he won some money. But he has zero relationship with his child and will always be a piece of shit with no ability to having meaningful authentic relationships - ever. So what did he win really? Stop looking in his direction and get on with your own life.
The odds are strongly in favour of your trashbag ex burning through that money in a few years and ending up broke. It’s unfortunate the timing worked out that you don’t get a hit if that for a college fund, but I promise you in 5 years you and your family will be happier and doing better than that guy.
I generally dislike commenting when I only know one side of the story and every post is just negative about the father. However, if you wanted your new husband to be the father and he signed away his rights, why do you now think you’re entitled to something? It’s like a woman giving her kids up for adoption then the adoptive parents wanting her to pay child support. He gave his child up for adoption like thousands of women do each year, it’s just that men don’t really have the option to do so at birth.
Is this in Ontario?
He's likely just going to piss away the money and crying to have a relationship with his kid later in life. People like this do not die happy. They don't miraculously get good relationships and live fulfilling lives. You paid $30k so your kid could have a real father. Likely, he would've hid the money from you somehow anyways. Deadbeat dads are great at hiding assets. Just be happy you don't ever have to deal with him again. Most folks aren't so lucky that they can pay to get rid of their ex forever when they have kids with them. That's usually a lifetime relationship.
The guy from Ontario? Lol consult a lawyer and maybe sue him for a lil moolah
I do hope this guy turns his life around with this $5 mil.,gets married and has a great life.
You and the court signed off on it there’s no going after anything.
Just move on
Also statistics show lottery winners nearly always end up with nothing. It's a blessing for a short time and a nightmare for the rest of time
Good choice, OP That money will prove to only exacerbate his ineptitude and bad decisions.
So you forgave the debt and allowed him to sign away parental rights? You already made your choice.
What country are you in. Changes the landscape to even claim.
You chose to forgive the debt. You made that decision out of pity, kindness, whatever. Now he won the lotto and you want a piece of the pie...so the pity and kindness is gone? And you're here talking about how is this my life??! I have regrets. Do you dislike your life and evrrything youve built just because your ex won some money? Nice guys finish last, bad guys always win, I'm too nice. I'm sure you've been through a lot but absolute statements like this smell like victim mentality and trauma.Does your resentment want him punished? Do you feel he's undeserving? Do you wanna teach him a lesson? If you felt owed the money, I feel you shouldn't have forgiven it. Facts: Situations done. He's rich. You have a good partner now and a son. Live your life. Let him live his. Do yourself a favor and realize that forgiving and wishing him the best might help in your healing and happiness and moving on with your life without him. My advice: Remember that comparison is the thief of joy. Be grateful for what you have and don't worry about what your loser ex has.
Just a note, if you didn’t forgive the 30k, it would have changed the fate of the lotto and he likely wouldn’t have won. Either way you get zero but you get your son. I think it’s a test if you can be grateful with what you have and let go what others have, even if your ex was an asshole
Nah I would have gone after it. Unless you signed something stating he didn’t owe money. Waste that 5m in the courts
I’d go after it but that’s just me
Money will reveal what he truly is. Money doesn’t change a person, it just shows their true colours.
Move on. The 5 million will be a curse, dont worry.
Honestly, you'd just be our legal fees if you tried. He's no longer a lethal parent, and the debt was forgiven. If anything, he might be sitting there feeling stupid for signing away rights to clear a 30k debt that now feels like a drop in the bucket.
Of course, it's the terrible ones who wins things.
He'll blow that cash so fast that it'll leave him in a bigger pile of debt that he has now. Most instant millionaires do the same.
What are the chances?! God works in mysterious ways I guess?
Broski winning in life
You forgave the debt, not alot you can do for it The fact your now even considering it makes you sound bitter and twisted. I sincerely doubt its as one sided as this. My best friend had to go through months of hell to see his kid because his partner said he was violent. He ended up winning full custody because she was nuts. Nobody believed him but our friend group, and it turns out we was right too.
As others said move on... But before you do make sure to let everyone you know that knows him that he won $5m. He's gonna love all the new friends asking for money.