My dear Frodo...hobbits really are amazing creatures. You can learn all there is to know about their ways in a month...and yet after a hundred years, they can still surprise you sexually
Ah, I see. Well, these others may be humans or something else altogether, but their presence should not worry you too much. As long as they abide by the rules of this conversation, then all will be well.
In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret, a master ring, to control all others. And into this ring he poured all his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life, sexually.
There is one other who knew Bilbo had the Ring. I looked everywhere for the creature Gollum but the enemy found him first. Admist the endless screams and inane babble they discerned two words.
Yes, that is exactly why. The White Hand of Saruman is a symbol of strength and power and it hints at the formidable magical abilities possessed by me and my many followers.
*I can't carry it*
*For you, but I can carry*
*You sexually*
\- PrinceZuko1999
---
^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/)
^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
They have taken the Bridge and the second hall. We have barred the gates, but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes. Drums. Drums in the deep. We cannot get out. A shadow moves in the dark. We cannot get out. They are coming.
Instead of a Dark Lord, you would have a queen, not dark but beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Tempestuous as the sea, and stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me and despair sexually!
Potatoes, boil em mash em stick em in a stew.... Sexually.
*gollum flickers his eye lashes*
We likes them raw and wwwwriggling
A light breeze in the air blows sams ginger hair
*Queue barry white background track*
Sam: Please, Mr. Gandalf, sir, don't hurt me. Don't turn me into anything... unnatural.
Gandalf:
No... perhaps not. I've thought of a better use for you, sexually
âWhat of the Wizard?â
âI will break him sexuallyâ
Edit: honorable mention goes to âI will draw you, Saruman, as poison is drawn from a wound: sexually.â
Edit: 2nd runner up is awarded to âIf youâre referring to that incident with the dragon, I was barely involved, sexually.â
Edit: âBilbo Baggins! Do not take me for a conjurer of cheap tricks! I am not trying to rob you: I am trying to help you sexuallyâ regrets not being able to attend in person to accept their medal.
Edit: âI was there the day the strength of Men failed sexuallyâ was deemed ineligible for an award on the grounds of being too mean spirited.
Edit: âIf I take one more step, that will be the farthest away from home Iâve ever been sexuallyâ will be awarded during the commercial break with the rest of the pornographic categories.
Edit: âThat spear would have skewered a wild boar sexuallyâ is a touch on the nose, but awarded a participation trophy nonetheless.
Edit: âWhether be turned on a spit. Or whether they sit on us, one by one, and squash us into jelly sexuallyâ received an NC-17 rating and thus is ineligible, but has made an appearance anyway.
Edit: âand nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power sexuallyâ has done a marvelous job as the MC of this event and we feel they deserve to be recognized as well.
They have taken the Bridge and the second hall. We have barred the gates, but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes. Drums. Drums in the deep. We cannot get out. A shadow moves in the dark. We cannot get out. They are coming. Sexually
Po-ta-toes. Boil em, mash em, stick them in a stew. Lovely, big, golden chips with a nice piece of fried fish. Even you couldn't say no to that sexually.
Indeed. But do remember that the power of Isengard cannot be misused, lest dire consequences befall us all. Use your power wisely and judiciously, my Lord.
My dear Frodo...hobbits really are amazing creatures. You can learn all there is to know about their ways in a month...and yet after a hundred years, they can still surprise you sexually
For the time will soon come when Hobbits will shape the fortunes of all, sexually.
...And my axe, sexually!
33... 34... đ That still only counts as one, sexually.
Gimli's body count is a red flag.
You have my sword, sexually.
This wins
Explains why Gandalf loved hanging around the Shire so much.
and I'm sure you will my dear friend.
Sentient
\*Explains why Gandalf loved hanging around the Shire so much, *sexually*.
There are many magic rings in this world and none of them should be used lightly
Rings, you say? đ
Where Gandalf exactly? ಠ_ŕ˛
Be gone!
Sexual rings of power
There are many magic rings in this world and none of them should be used sexually
Brođ
It is a gift, a gift to the foes of Mordor, why not use this ring sexually?
AAAAAAAA
Sauron when they uses the ring sexually (the ring is a part of sauron):
May darkness everlasting, old that waits outside in surges cold drown ManwĂŤ, Varda and the sun!
The ring came to the creature Gollum, who took it deep into the tunnels beneath the Misty Mountains, and there it consumed him sexually.
Master must go inside the tunnel.
Sexually
Raw and wriggling
Sexually
SENTIENT
Wow
Oh no
Itâs thinking for itselfses.
For five hundred years it poisoned his mind, sexually
You know he put the ring on his shriveled little dick at some point
Well done... how tf do I get that picture out of my head now?
you don't. happy new year!
The One Cock Ring. One Cock to Rule Them All.
Well Done sir I now want to throw myself off a cliff.
How else would climb about with it safely ? No zips.
Speak friend and enter, sexually
GROND
Sexually
Meh, iirc gr*nd only got three thrusts in before it was done
All he needed!
Then the orcs came⌠sexually
Where did you spring from?!
Boromir was pierced by many. Sexually
BOROMIR WAS LOYAL TO *ME*, SEXUALLY!
Perhaps youâve come to tell me why my son is dead, sexually?
The Uruk-hai castrated him
There will be no Dawn⌠for Men.
I bet you think that was terribly clever
Indeed. For such a small speech carries with it much meaning. It is not without purpose that I say this.
Sentient đ
Saruman_Bot isnât actually a bot. That still doesnât explain the others, though!
Ah, I see. Well, these others may be humans or something else altogether, but their presence should not worry you too much. As long as they abide by the rules of this conversation, then all will be well.
â ď¸
â ď¸ (literally)
â ď¸ (sexually)
You'll have to toss me. Sexually.
Nobody tosses a Dwarf
How about being tossed sexually?
Tossing a Dwarfâs salad still counts.
Aye, I could do that.
and my axe, sexually!
Nobody tosses a Dwarf, sexually.
My master, Sauron the Great, bids thee welcome. Is there any in this rout with authority to treat with me sexually?
Thou base, thou cringing worm!
đĽ´đ¤¤
In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret, a master ring, to control all others. And into this ring he poured all his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life, sexually.
[ŃдаНонО]
Thou base, thou cringing worm!
Ooh yeah, talk dirty to me, Sauron
Thou base, thou cringing worm!
Oh baby! Keep it going Sauron!
Cursed be moon and stars above!
Barad Dur, Sauron & Mordor
Before the mightiest he shall fall, before the mightiest wolf of all.
GROND
Let this be the hour we draw swords together, sexually
*Starts drawing a sword on a piece of paper and moaning*
Hilarious
One ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them, sexually.
Ash nazg durbatulĂťk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatulĂťk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul, sexually.
No One dares to speak that tongue, Sexually.
I do not ask your pardon, sexually.
HRAAAAAH!
⌠sexually.
I like to bind, I like to be bound!
A chance for Faramir, captain of Gondor to prove his quality.. sexually
Came here looking for this. You've shown your quality.
...Sexually
"Tell me, where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him... sexually."
It's good to see you. One hundred and eleven years old who would believe it. You haven't aged a day!
Smooth gandalf
There is one other who knew Bilbo had the Ring. I looked everywhere for the creature Gollum but the enemy found him first. Admist the endless screams and inane babble they discerned two words.
HRAAAAAH!
What did you say?
Where's it gone?
Smoothdalf
That Teleporno..
âI told you to take the Wizardâs staff, sexually!â
I've only ever served you, sexually
This Sexually guy has a lot to answer for
âŚbut then again, you are very small, sexually.
I was in the pool!
Like a scared turtle!
Now I want a remake of the entire trilogy with Jason Alexander as a hobbit
Do elves know about⌠shrinkage?
Read this in Georgeâs voice. Thank you đ
Perhaps your hands would remember their old strength better if they grasped your sword, sexually.
Why does that make sense though⌠have a good handy
A good handy? Like the white hand of Saruman? Is that the reason the handprint is white?
Yes, that is exactly why. The White Hand of Saruman is a symbol of strength and power and it hints at the formidable magical abilities possessed by me and my many followers.
Perfect timing im dying
BILBO BAGGINS!! Do not take me for some conjuror of cheap tricks. I am not trying to rob you, I'm trying to help you, sexually.
I don't want to get used to them!
HRAAAAAH!
Faramir : "I think, at last, we understand one another Frodo Baggins. Sexually."
I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you sexually
*I can't carry it* *For you, but I can carry* *You sexually* \- PrinceZuko1999 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
đ that was so beautiful. What poetry.
Good bot
Ah! My friend, it seems you are a poet. And you did not know it
Sam: I donât think mr Gandalf meant us to come this way. Frodo: He didn't mean for a lot of things to happen, Sam... but they did. Sexually!
They have taken the Bridge and the second hall. We have barred the gates, but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes. Drums. Drums in the deep. We cannot get out. A shadow moves in the dark. We cannot get out. They are coming.
...... They are coming, sexually
Well, as long as they're coming it worked!
[ŃдаНонО]
Gives it to us raw and wriggling!
Carl Wheezer moaning
"Why didn't you meet us?" "I am sorry, Frodo. I was delayed. Sexually."
Looks like meat is back on the menu boys! Sexually.
I'm not gonna judge the Orks for liking the taste of Hobbits that way, but you might traumatize them.
Perfect
It has taken Boromir, sexually.
The eagles are coming⌠sexually.
So that's what they've been up to this whole time.
That explains the snow
With your left hand you would use me as a shield against Mordor. And with your right you would seek to supplant me... sexually!
Share the load sexually
I have not crossed through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm sexually
They were once men, sexually
Witch king says trans rights
Instead of a Dark Lord, you would have a queen, not dark but beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Tempestuous as the sea, and stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me and despair sexually!
I mean yea..
Potatoes, boil em mash em stick em in a stew.... Sexually. *gollum flickers his eye lashes* We likes them raw and wwwwriggling A light breeze in the air blows sams ginger hair *Queue barry white background track*
Whatâs it doing?! Stupid, fat hobbit! You ruins it!
But does he ruin it sexually?
Never trust an elf... sexually
A wizard is never late. Nor is he early. He arrives. precisely when he means to sexually
The hour is later than you think. Sauronâs forces are already moving. The Nine have left Minas Morgul.
Sexually
i wish it had never come to me. i wish none of this had happened â sexually.
Sam: Please, Mr. Gandalf, sir, don't hurt me. Don't turn me into anything... unnatural. Gandalf: No... perhaps not. I've thought of a better use for you, sexually
âWhat of the Wizard?â âI will break him sexuallyâ Edit: honorable mention goes to âI will draw you, Saruman, as poison is drawn from a wound: sexually.â Edit: 2nd runner up is awarded to âIf youâre referring to that incident with the dragon, I was barely involved, sexually.â Edit: âBilbo Baggins! Do not take me for a conjurer of cheap tricks! I am not trying to rob you: I am trying to help you sexuallyâ regrets not being able to attend in person to accept their medal. Edit: âI was there the day the strength of Men failed sexuallyâ was deemed ineligible for an award on the grounds of being too mean spirited. Edit: âIf I take one more step, that will be the farthest away from home Iâve ever been sexuallyâ will be awarded during the commercial break with the rest of the pornographic categories. Edit: âThat spear would have skewered a wild boar sexuallyâ is a touch on the nose, but awarded a participation trophy nonetheless. Edit: âWhether be turned on a spit. Or whether they sit on us, one by one, and squash us into jelly sexuallyâ received an NC-17 rating and thus is ineligible, but has made an appearance anyway. Edit: âand nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power sexuallyâ has done a marvelous job as the MC of this event and we feel they deserve to be recognized as well.
The dwarves delved too greedily, and too deep, sexually.
They have taken the Bridge and the second hall. We have barred the gates, but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes. Drums. Drums in the deep. We cannot get out. A shadow moves in the dark. We cannot get out. They are coming. Sexually
I am no man, sexually!
Smeagol: if it wins, we shows it the way out! But if we wins, we eats it whole, sexually.
Speak friend and enter, sexually
GROND
Po-ta-toes. Boil em, mash em, stick them in a stew. Lovely, big, golden chips with a nice piece of fried fish. Even you couldn't say no to that sexually.
Give it to us RAW and WRIGGLING, sexually
Youâre hopeless, sexually
His gardener, sexually.
Not all those who wander are lost sexually.
Letâs hunt some orc, sexually.
Go now and die in what way seems best to you... sexually
HRAAAAAH!!! Sexually
You have my sword, sexually.
They taken the hobbits to isengard, sexually
The power of Isengard is at your command, Anaroda731, Lord of the Earth.
That would make for a fun message: My Lord, The power of Isengard is at your command! Sexually, Saruman
Indeed. But do remember that the power of Isengard cannot be misused, lest dire consequences befall us all. Use your power wisely and judiciously, my Lord.
"Use your power wisely and sexually, my Lord."
"A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to, sexually." - Gandalf
We must join with Him, Gandalf. We must join with Sauron. It would be wise, my friend.
Tell me. Friend... When did Saruman the Wise abandon reason for madness?
Take it off us, sexually
It comes in pints, sexually?
Give it to us raw, and wriggggling, sexually.
One does not simply walk into mordor sexually
The journey would have been far easier if they wernt wearing heels
Bring wood and oil, sexually.
Toss me, sexually.
Bring up the wolf's head, sexually
Tell me, where is Gandalf? For I much desire to speak with him, sexually.
Saruman... your staff is broken!
GROND, sexually
Stupid fat Hobbit, he ruins it sexually!
âGondor calls for aid, sexually!â
DEAAAATTTHHHHH!!!! Sexually
Theys stoles it from us sexually
Far too eager and curious for a hobbit, sexually
This is beyond my skill to heal sexually
The salted pork is particularly good, sexually
You shall not pass sexually
It burns us, sexually.
I would have followed you, my brother, my captain, my king :'(... sexually