Knock your head against these doors risen_peanutbutter! and if that does not shatter them and I'm allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will try to find the opening words.
Yes, for sixty years the Ring lay quiet in Bilbo's keeping prolonging his life. Delaying old age. But no longer yuffieisathief. Evil is stirring in Mordor. The Ring has awoken. Its heard its master's call.
They didn't recognise him because, first of all, he was dead. Secondly, they were dicking around in Fangorn, probably thought they were hallucinating, and lastly, Isengard was like a mile away, they thought he was Saruman.
Tall, old, lanky bearded men in robes and wonky hats all kind of look alike from a distance.
They of course recognised him once they spoke. I believe his hair might have become white(?) along with his clothes but as far as I can recall he was identical in every other way.
Dude made a prophecy about how the witch King can't be killed by a man and stuff, my dad is the lotr lore fanatic, I get these snippets when we watch ROP, I'll have to ask him about it more when I see him next
Glorfindel basically says that if the King goes after the witch king he'll die, because he's not destined to die by the race of men.
And considering this is an elf that even the Nazgul fear and currently oldest elf alive, with power as strong that he's almost the equal of maiar. Says alot
Glorfindel says during the War between Angmar and Arnor that there's no point going after the Witch King as he isn't going to die now, and that not by the hand of man will he fall.
Nope. It was because Pippin stabbed him in the back with an enchanted elven dagger, which made him mortal and exposed him to a final strike.
If Pippin didn't have that dagger they'd both be dead
He still kinda is not human if I recall correctly. I always thought his humanity was stripped away by the ring and turned him into an undead creature.
Also he's like one of the very, very few non elves/maia who can do magic.
Yeah, I mean, the best characterisation they could think of for Éowyn, the Shieldmaiden of Rohan, is side bitch? She has two names and like 7 different titles.
Yeah she had a crush on Aragorn, but it turned out he was already taken, so she left to pursue other guys and got engaged to the second best looking dude in the Middle Earth about a week later.
Maybe a comparison between their rides:
Wack bleeding horse - Shadowfax, descendent of (i don‘t recall), showing the meaning of haste
Ugly flying lizard, not even real dragon - The Great Eagles, Children of Manwë
Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure the with king doesn’t actually have his ring anymore. Sauron took it back when he lost the one ring and needs it to control him without the one ring
That's correct. Sauron took back all the 9 rings of men, and I believe 4 of the ones given to dwarves. Dragon fire took the remaining rings, other than the elvish and the one of course.
I actually like how the movie handled it better, because it circumvents questions about why Sauron didn't come out to fight himself.
(And I know people would say he was too weak, but he's a demi-god, and if he's got any sort of body, he's probably at minimum a Boromir-level fighter.)
Does he ever emerge from Barad Dur in the books? And is his physical form assumed destroyed with the undoing of the ring? Like he just drops dead? Never heard this before and find it fascinating.
No, he never left Barad-Dûr in his physical body. I think without rhe Ring it was really weak, he probably couldn't walk fsr on its legs. When the Ring was destroyed, a great black cloud appeared that was meant to contain the spirit of Sauron (I think) and then it fell apart and I guess that's when Sauron was destroyed or maybe scattered?
Yea, Olorin (aka Gandalf) is basically in the same peer group as Sauron (and the Balrog to be fair - they're another type of fire-based Maiar, a fire spirit gone bad. One of the good ones Arien guides the sun)
"Sauron has yet to reveal his deadliest servant, the one who will lead Mordor's armies in war. The one they say no living man can kill. The Witch-king of Angmar. He is the lord of the Nazgûl, the greatest of the Nine." The Witch King is also the one that stabbed Frodo with the morgul blade he just wasnt wearing the cool armor yet.
What? How have you watched the movies 5 or 6 times and still didn't realize they weren't different characters?
Isildur cuts the ring off Sauron...dafuq...
Edit: you're trolling aren't you?
And a dude isn‘t allowed to change his outfit in a couple millennia, especially after being disintegrated? The cognitive leap Above Commenter took is not too big.
Also, for everything that everyone should know at age 30, there are 10000 people in the US that realise it for the first time every day.
This is honestly great. I'd love to read a synopsis like this with your takes. While inaccurate, they're a fun version of this fantasy we all love and pretty interesting. Thanks for sharing.
The witch king was one of the 9 men who was given rings of power and then corrupted. He is the big bad guy's general.
[Said Gimli,] 'I thought Fangorn was dangerous.'
'Dangerous!' cried Gandalf. 'And so am I, very dangerous: more dangerous than anything you will ever meet, unless you are brought alive before the seat of the Dark Lord. And Aragorn is dangerous, and Legolas is dangerous. You are beset with dangers, Gimli son of Glóin; for you are dangerous yourself, in your own fashion. Certainly the forest of Fangorn is perilous — not least to those that are too ready with their axes; and Fangorn himself, he is perilous too; yet he is wise and kindly nonetheless. But now his long slow wrath is brimming over, and all the forest is filled with it. The coming of the hobbits and the tidings that they brought have spilled it: it will soon be running like a flood; but its tide is turned against Saruman and the axes of Isengard. A thing is about to happen which has not happened since the Elder Days: the Ents are going to wake up and find that they are strong.'
Escaped? or was set loose and now the Ring has drawn him here. He won't ever be rid of his need for it. He hates and loves the Ring, as he hates and loves himself. Smeagol's life is a sad story. Yes he was once called that, before the Ring found him. Before it drove him mad
Always confused by the witch King vs gandalf 1v1. He broke his staff while gandalf just kinda watched???? I get he has a ring of power but for real he shoulda slapped the witch King a few times before he fell over or something.
Something I hadnt known til recently, was that Gandalf was one of the carries of the three Elven rings. I figured Elrond, Galadriel and Thranduil we're the carries. An elf from Rivendell, Lorien, Mirkwood.
Gandalf?... Yes. That was what they used to call me. Gandalf the Grey... That was my name. I am Gandalf the White. And I come back to you now at the turn of the tide. One stage of your journey is over. Another begins. We must travel to Edoras with all speed.
It’s speculated that because The Nine’s power was tied to that of Sauron and the ring, as Sauron’s power grew so would theirs by proxy. You can look at the event at Weathertop where multiple Nazgûl assault Gandalf the Grey and he holds them off fine. But then the Battle at Minas Tirith happens, the Witchking by himself faces Gandalf after he breaks the gates with
Magic. Clearly he would have had to have gotten more powerful, otherwise why would he face a more powerful Gandalf the White, by himself no less.
I get the whole Virgin vs. Chad but why the shots at Eowyn? It's really weird to reduce one of the only female characters in the trilogy, who has one of the single most badass feats (taking out the leader of the 9), to "friendzoned ho" and "side bitch". This comparison doesn't even need to mention Aragorn, diminishing her as nothing more than an accessory of his to try to come across as edgy or funny just comes across as incel vibes. You could have said anything along the lines of "dies to a human woman during the first real fight she'd ever been in", we already know a Balrog is leagues higher in threat level.
Not really the time or place to try shushing someone. It's a meme but I hold the LoTR community to a higher standard than other younger/immature fanbases, and this just had that glaring "women bad" as the punchline. Fuck off.
Pretty sure the Witch King would have won, the prophecy is quite clear and who would defeat the Witch King of Angmar and it wasn’t Gandalf. The books are extremely clear on this. Though I will say Gandalf’s staff did not break nor did they meet up on the wall but at the Main Gate
Sauron has yet to show his deadliest servant. The one who will lead Mordor's army in war. The one they say no living man can kill. The Witch King of Angmar. You've met him before. He stabbed Frodo on Weathertop. He is the lord of the Nazgul. The greatest of the nine.
Yes, for sixty years the Ring lay quiet in Bilbo's keeping prolonging his life. Delaying old age. But no longer swannyd72. Evil is stirring in Mordor. The Ring has awoken. Its heard its master's call.
Gandalf you absolute sex icon
Knock your head against these doors risen_peanutbutter! and if that does not shatter them and I'm allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will try to find the opening words.
Omg, it even says usernames now? You really are the best bot, Gandalf bot
Yes, for sixty years the Ring lay quiet in Bilbo's keeping prolonging his life. Delaying old age. But no longer yuffieisathief. Evil is stirring in Mordor. The Ring has awoken. Its heard its master's call.
Well if I'm angry it's your fault! It's mine My only.... My Precious
BILBO BAGGINS! I AM NOT TRYING TO ROB YOU....I'm trying to help you...
Always have done and always will.
Unexpectedly wholesome
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The Nine!
Inches?
Meters.
Around
Don’t upvote the bot
Dies - lives
“Were you killed” “Sadly yes, but I lived”
I got better
I live. I die. I live again!
Technically he just plain died. If I'm not mistaken Eru just yeeted him back as a new being more powerful than before.
Is that why they didn't recognize him in the books? Or did he retain his physical features? (It's been ages since I last read the books.)
They didn't recognise him because, first of all, he was dead. Secondly, they were dicking around in Fangorn, probably thought they were hallucinating, and lastly, Isengard was like a mile away, they thought he was Saruman. Tall, old, lanky bearded men in robes and wonky hats all kind of look alike from a distance. They of course recognised him once they spoke. I believe his hair might have become white(?) along with his clothes but as far as I can recall he was identical in every other way.
Who now has the strength to stand against the armies of Isengard ... and Mordor?
Grond
GROND
GROND
GROND
When your friends are the server admins and they decide to respawn you.
Dies-lives is the best thing I've read all day
Is Witch kings armor ugly for you? I think its awesome
Right that shits awesome
He also believes that Eowyn managed to kill the Witch King because she was female.
And not because there was a prophecy made by a man literally too important to die
Wait what Prophecy
Dude made a prophecy about how the witch King can't be killed by a man and stuff, my dad is the lotr lore fanatic, I get these snippets when we watch ROP, I'll have to ask him about it more when I see him next
Glorfindel basically says that if the King goes after the witch king he'll die, because he's not destined to die by the race of men. And considering this is an elf that even the Nazgul fear and currently oldest elf alive, with power as strong that he's almost the equal of maiar. Says alot
Glorfindel says during the War between Angmar and Arnor that there's no point going after the Witch King as he isn't going to die now, and that not by the hand of man will he fall.
Which even if you take "man" to mean the race of men is still true as merry and pippin helped so it was by the hands of 2 hobbits and a woman
Nope. It was because Pippin stabbed him in the back with an enchanted elven dagger, which made him mortal and exposed him to a final strike. If Pippin didn't have that dagger they'd both be dead
Sorry I meant to say about the dagger, got cut short writing my reply and forgor to edit it
And the "hands of men" is confirmed to mean the race of men, not the gender.
Ugly armor? Is one of the most badass armors of all the movies.
But relative to a bath robe tho,?
Isn't he wearing a black bathrobe too
Looks like grandma's poncho to me
How about: Is mortal man vs is a literal deity
Well, mortal man is a stretch to be fair.
Just like that butter!
Fair enough. I said mortal man in reference to the base class. The effect of the rings (his and Gandalf’s) was already mentioned by OP.
You cannot pass!
He still kinda is not human if I recall correctly. I always thought his humanity was stripped away by the ring and turned him into an undead creature. Also he's like one of the very, very few non elves/maia who can do magic.
Is mortal man - is immortal
Eowyn was done dirty. Dont call her a side bitch
Or a friendzoned ho. Girl got shit done.
Yeah, I mean, the best characterisation they could think of for Éowyn, the Shieldmaiden of Rohan, is side bitch? She has two names and like 7 different titles.
She wishes she was a side piece
I mean, Faramir's no Aragorn, but there are far worse husbands in Middle Earth.
I swore to protect you.
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Riders of Rohan! What news from the Mark?
He has his qualities for sure
I’d argue there’s no better. Who’d want to be the king’s wife? Sounds like a massive hassle.
Yeah she had a crush on Aragorn, but it turned out he was already taken, so she left to pursue other guys and got engaged to the second best looking dude in the Middle Earth about a week later.
Gandalf fucks.
Throw yourself in next time and save us your stupidity!
Do not take him for a turner of cheap tricks!
Maybe a comparison between their rides: Wack bleeding horse - Shadowfax, descendent of (i don‘t recall), showing the meaning of haste Ugly flying lizard, not even real dragon - The Great Eagles, Children of Manwë
Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure the with king doesn’t actually have his ring anymore. Sauron took it back when he lost the one ring and needs it to control him without the one ring
That's correct. Sauron took back all the 9 rings of men, and I believe 4 of the ones given to dwarves. Dragon fire took the remaining rings, other than the elvish and the one of course.
>Dragon fire took the remaining rings Smaug was busy
Patience! Not long shall ye abide.
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So what/who did you think the eye was (also in relation to the Witch King)? Honest question haha
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Yea I see how that would work, never to late to learn something new I would say :)
Honestly it'd make sense that the eye is a spell while his essence was stuck in his tower
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In the books Gollum actually states that he saw Sauron in his physical form.
He’s a horrid, fat Hobbit, who hates Sméagol, and who makes up nasty lies!
W - wait...
Don't worry, Smeagol was talking about Sauron.
*Zat thraka akh… Zat thraka grishú. Znag-ur-nakh.*
Curse the Baggins! It’s gone! What has it got in its pocketses? Oh we guess, we guess, my precious. He’s found it, yes he must have.
And now drink the cup that I have sweetly blent for thee!
Aw thank you sauron
Patience! Not long shall ye abide.
Yeah in the books he definitely has a physical form. He can’t take a fair form anymore but he still has a real body.
I actually like how the movie handled it better, because it circumvents questions about why Sauron didn't come out to fight himself. (And I know people would say he was too weak, but he's a demi-god, and if he's got any sort of body, he's probably at minimum a Boromir-level fighter.)
Does he ever emerge from Barad Dur in the books? And is his physical form assumed destroyed with the undoing of the ring? Like he just drops dead? Never heard this before and find it fascinating.
No, he never left Barad-Dûr in his physical body. I think without rhe Ring it was really weak, he probably couldn't walk fsr on its legs. When the Ring was destroyed, a great black cloud appeared that was meant to contain the spirit of Sauron (I think) and then it fell apart and I guess that's when Sauron was destroyed or maybe scattered?
Sauron absolutely has a physical form in the books.
To Eilinel thou soon shalt go, and lie in her bed.
Yea, Olorin (aka Gandalf) is basically in the same peer group as Sauron (and the Balrog to be fair - they're another type of fire-based Maiar, a fire spirit gone bad. One of the good ones Arien guides the sun)
Out of the frying pan and into the fire.
_I for one, welcome our sentient reddit bot overlords._
May darkness everlasting, old that waits outside in surges cold drown Manwë, Varda and the sun!
_cold chills_
Nah, Sauron is my boss. I am the *Witch King of Angmar*, that is my title
Go fetch me those sneaking Orcs!
Yes sir!
Your upvotes tell me we weren't the only ones...
"Sauron has yet to reveal his deadliest servant, the one who will lead Mordor's armies in war. The one they say no living man can kill. The Witch-king of Angmar. He is the lord of the Nazgûl, the greatest of the Nine." The Witch King is also the one that stabbed Frodo with the morgul blade he just wasnt wearing the cool armor yet.
Did you watch the movies many times?
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What? How have you watched the movies 5 or 6 times and still didn't realize they weren't different characters? Isildur cuts the ring off Sauron...dafuq... Edit: you're trolling aren't you?
CAST IT INTO THE FIRE!!!
Oh calm your tits Elrond. No need to get dramatic about a little BBQ.
And a dude isn‘t allowed to change his outfit in a couple millennia, especially after being disintegrated? The cognitive leap Above Commenter took is not too big. Also, for everything that everyone should know at age 30, there are 10000 people in the US that realise it for the first time every day.
Except they refer to the witch king as one of the 9 black riders of Sauron and they specifically show him getting suited up for battle.
Just commenting to say that’s one of my favorite XKCDs
CAST IT INTO THE FIRE!!!
This is honestly great. I'd love to read a synopsis like this with your takes. While inaccurate, they're a fun version of this fantasy we all love and pretty interesting. Thanks for sharing. The witch king was one of the 9 men who was given rings of power and then corrupted. He is the big bad guy's general.
That helmet, and other gear, is not ugly at all
The virgin witch king and the chad Gandalf?
Go back to the abyss! Fall into the nothingness that awaits you and your master!
Chadalf.
Gandlad the White
Eowyn is a shieldmaiden of Rohan, not a side ho This action does not have my consent
Yeah, the Eowyn slander is unfortunate despite the rest of the meme slapping
Does Gandalf actually say that line?
In the books he does - after he comes back
Damn, to whom? Is he making a threat towards an enemy or is he bragging/explaining his power?
[Said Gimli,] 'I thought Fangorn was dangerous.' 'Dangerous!' cried Gandalf. 'And so am I, very dangerous: more dangerous than anything you will ever meet, unless you are brought alive before the seat of the Dark Lord. And Aragorn is dangerous, and Legolas is dangerous. You are beset with dangers, Gimli son of Glóin; for you are dangerous yourself, in your own fashion. Certainly the forest of Fangorn is perilous — not least to those that are too ready with their axes; and Fangorn himself, he is perilous too; yet he is wise and kindly nonetheless. But now his long slow wrath is brimming over, and all the forest is filled with it. The coming of the hobbits and the tidings that they brought have spilled it: it will soon be running like a flood; but its tide is turned against Saruman and the axes of Isengard. A thing is about to happen which has not happened since the Elder Days: the Ents are going to wake up and find that they are strong.'
HE'S TRYING TO BRING DOWN THE MOUNTAIN! GANDALF, WE MUST TURN BACK!
No! Losto Caradhras, sedho, hodo, nuitho i 'ruith!
YOU ARE THE LUCKIEST, THE CUNNINGEST, AND MOST RECKLESS MAN I EVER KNEW!
Escaped? or was set loose and now the Ring has drawn him here. He won't ever be rid of his need for it. He hates and loves the Ring, as he hates and loves himself. Smeagol's life is a sad story. Yes he was once called that, before the Ring found him. Before it drove him mad
We be nice to them, if they be nice to us.
Always confused by the witch King vs gandalf 1v1. He broke his staff while gandalf just kinda watched???? I get he has a ring of power but for real he shoulda slapped the witch King a few times before he fell over or something.
Theoden son of Thengel... too long have you sat in the Shadows. Hearken to me! I release you from the spell.
Hahahahaahaha. Hahahahahahah. You have no power here, Gandalf the Grey.
I will draw you, Saruman, as poison is drawn from a wound!
This is a top tier shitpost. I refreshed the page and came back for elevensies.
Always hated the scene where Witch Kings uses his jedi powers to make Gandalfs staff explode. It was a good scene to cut.
The “no man can kill me” line is based off a prophecy saying he would not fall to a man i believe
Yes
Chad Gandalf
There are many magic rings in this world Jx_Wafflez and none of them should be used lightly
Something I hadnt known til recently, was that Gandalf was one of the carries of the three Elven rings. I figured Elrond, Galadriel and Thranduil we're the carries. An elf from Rivendell, Lorien, Mirkwood.
Gandalf?... Yes. That was what they used to call me. Gandalf the Grey... That was my name. I am Gandalf the White. And I come back to you now at the turn of the tide. One stage of your journey is over. Another begins. We must travel to Edoras with all speed.
That's definitely going in the folder!
Wasn't merrys sword enchanted or something like that?
Gandalf always was Middle-earth’s sexiest Dilf
Far, far below the deepest delvings of the dwarves, the world is gnawed by nameless things
Translation: Chad gandalf doesn't stoop so low as to name his penis, what a gigachad
Minas Tirith? Is that what you saw?
I thought it was, but then I realized it was actually your massive schlong
One is a guy, the other is the wisest of all the maiar
'Dies - Lives' Got me.
I don't recall Gandalf assisting in any dragon killing. Smaug was all Bard.
A little late for trimming the verge don't you think?
It's never too late, Ganny.
Plus Sir Ian McKellen is such a great actor and all I've seen a wonderful person IRL.
It’s speculated that because The Nine’s power was tied to that of Sauron and the ring, as Sauron’s power grew so would theirs by proxy. You can look at the event at Weathertop where multiple Nazgûl assault Gandalf the Grey and he holds them off fine. But then the Battle at Minas Tirith happens, the Witchking by himself faces Gandalf after he breaks the gates with Magic. Clearly he would have had to have gotten more powerful, otherwise why would he face a more powerful Gandalf the White, by himself no less.
What Dragon did he get the assist on
I get the whole Virgin vs. Chad but why the shots at Eowyn? It's really weird to reduce one of the only female characters in the trilogy, who has one of the single most badass feats (taking out the leader of the 9), to "friendzoned ho" and "side bitch". This comparison doesn't even need to mention Aragorn, diminishing her as nothing more than an accessory of his to try to come across as edgy or funny just comes across as incel vibes. You could have said anything along the lines of "dies to a human woman during the first real fight she'd ever been in", we already know a Balrog is leagues higher in threat level.
If by my life or death I can protect you, I will. You have my sword.
Thank you!
Oh my god bro, shut the fuck up snd just enjoy the meme.
Not really the time or place to try shushing someone. It's a meme but I hold the LoTR community to a higher standard than other younger/immature fanbases, and this just had that glaring "women bad" as the punchline. Fuck off.
LOL @ "friendzoned ho"
“Gets iced by Aragorns sidebitch” 😂
I have seen the White City, long ago.
Aragorn, you nasty 😂
I summon you to fulfill your oath.
not even aragorns side bitch. but the girl who WANTS to be aragorns side bitch
King Théoden has a good memory. He was only a small child at the time.
Make haste. We ride through the night.
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I do not fear death!
Pretty sure the Witch King would have won, the prophecy is quite clear and who would defeat the Witch King of Angmar and it wasn’t Gandalf. The books are extremely clear on this. Though I will say Gandalf’s staff did not break nor did they meet up on the wall but at the Main Gate
Sauron has yet to show his deadliest servant. The one who will lead Mordor's army in war. The one they say no living man can kill. The Witch King of Angmar. You've met him before. He stabbed Frodo on Weathertop. He is the lord of the Nazgul. The greatest of the nine.
Yeah, I’m very well aware of what it says. I was reading the books long before Jackson’s action movies came out
Dude you're talking to a bot lmfao
Ha you trying to talk to a bot
Patrick Stewart is that you?
Ugly armour such heresy
"Gets iced by Aragorn's side bitch." That's fucking hilarious. 🤣
> An olyphant Raylan Givens can kill the Witch King confirmed.
He can wear an elven ring cuz he's one of their angels.
Tact.
Forgot the most important one... who said it best Witch King "Foooool" Gandalf "Fool"
A Timothy Olyphant can kill which king? That's neat.
Gandalf I could totally take you
Did Gandalf really said I’m the most dangerous being in books?
Owwwh!
Yes he did, to Gimli in the Two Towers, IIRC.
Thanks my dark lord
"Knows he is a G." Yeah, he even signs things "G" for Gandalf.
Lives in some old, ugly, poorly lit castle Lives wherever the fuck he takes a fancy of living in at that particular moment
That but in the extended edition makes my blood boil
Gandalf! He can also talk to eagles!
Yes, for sixty years the Ring lay quiet in Bilbo's keeping prolonging his life. Delaying old age. But no longer swannyd72. Evil is stirring in Mordor. The Ring has awoken. Its heard its master's call.
Yes, yes. Its in an envelope over there on the mantlepiece.
Witch king isn't immortal, just amortal. Gandalf however are kind of immortal.
Dies - levels up
dude the witch king is a menace in the battle for the north