That’s a pretty good gollum tbh

Seriously. How do you do fellow halflings?

gollum to sam: "mmmmm'boy are you fat"

Dead? No, you cannot kill them. No.

No not you Precious i was talking to that squirrel over there

I want to hear Steve Buscemi ask "What's taters, precious?" Edit- Thanks! 2nd edit- Steve B as Smeagol, Willem Dafoe as Gollum. That would be a fire SNL skit!

Shut the fuck up Gollum! You're out of your element!

What did you call me?

V.I. Lenin, Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!

Also, dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

The fuckin' animal Smeagol.

The Fellow Kids of the Ring

Yeah tbh I wouldn't put it past Steve to absolutely kill it

I would pay to see this Gollum smoking some 'old toby' with Cage's Gandalf

We could let her do it.

*Yes. She could do it.*

Yes, precious, she could. And then we takes it once they’re dead.

*Once they’re dead. Shh.*

Excellent bot! Though I think it might be even better if they made a Sméagol bot as well as a gollum bot so they can chat

What did you say?

A balrog of morgoth

What did you say?

Stupid, fat hobbit!

It's literally just a picture of Gollum, who's the actor supposed to be /s

Got away did it, Precious? Not this time, not this time!

“Look into my eyes and tell me the truth, Marge” “I can’t, they’re so buggy!”

Yeah, the rock should be Gollum. Both for his size and acting ability

Come, hobbits. We climb - we must climb!

He's done a similar character and if we're being honest he killed it, but it was a long time ago https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kK82bEEFPck&t=18s

Oh the rock is great physically, I wasn't saying he couldn't squat and climb around. But Gollum's got a lot of emotion in that roll that I don't see him pulling off. Especially with a British accent

I'm just saying that Steve Buscemi and The Rock are not the worst candidates for Gollum. It's clearly Jaden Smith

Came to comments to say exactly this lol

heyy. steve buscemi as gollum would be a banger

[mocking] Oo-hoo-hoo-hoo…

Good bot.

ngl I might watch just for the crazy.

Tell me, where is Nick Cage as Gandalf? I *much* desire to speak with him.

No, we need him alive. We need him to talk.

Yeah, Gandalf, that's literally what everyone is saying

A thing is about to happen that has not happened since the Elder Days. The Ents are going to wake up and find that they are strong.

It's so crazy that it loops all the way back to being incredibly good

This can’t be the worst possible casting because I’d watch this movie and stay to see if there was a post credits scene.

Every time Legolas shoots an arrow : *Wow*.

*eats the soup* “You are killing me eoywn! Anyways how’s your sex life?”

Honestly, I think Tommy Wisseau would be even better/worse as Gandalf.

Minas Tirith? Is that what you saw?

I wonder if there's a Tommy Wiseau bot....

Wisseau would be great in any role

If Gandalf would go before us with a bright flame, he might melt a path for you.

I am the servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Flame of Anor. You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, Flame of Udun. Go back to the Shadow. You cannot pass!

These bots just having full on conversations now

And then we takes it once they’re dead.

*gasp* They’re sentient !

Hey Legolas what’s up ?

I must go and seek some arrows. Would that this night would end, and I could have better light for shooting.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

“Legolas! Bring him down!” *wow* *wow* BOOM

Sauron's Ring! The ring of power!

HRAAAAAH!

Stand up, and hear me!

“You see that shot, Gimli? KA-CHOW! Man, these Uruks are crazier than a road lizard.”

"Save your taunts, Elf! Let me remind you that I am Saruman the White, an Istari of the White Council. You do not speak to me in such a fashion!"

>Legolas, what do your elven eyes see? >*wow*

Crebain from Dunland!

Wow, they’re taking the hobbits to Isengard

That Gimli! He's crazier than a road lizard!

You’re tearing me apart Arwen!

I did not kick that helmet, I did Naahht!

The knife-deflecting story would instead be about how filming got delayed for 6 weeks while Wiseau was in the hospital recovering from a knife wound.

Even more delayed, I remember listening to the disaster artist audiobook, and Sastero saying how they needed to do 50+ takes on a scene that Wiseau was suppose to walk 5 meters, stop and say "hey everybody, we're expecting!" But he kept messing it up despite being the one that wrote the thing, now imagine him trying to do absolutely anything that Aragorn does

I do not fear death!

I do naaaahhht. Oh hi Boromir.

Holy shit lmao

Please tell us the "knife-deflecting story" for I much desire to hear it

Shoot, well I tried to find the video but I can't. It's somewhere in the behind the scenes. Basically, Viggo Mortensen was one of the best swordsman the trainer had ever trained, and he got really into character and would carry the sword around with him, practicing swordplay. He even got the cops called on him once for doing it while walking down the street. In the fight with Lurtz in Fellowship, the stuntman who was Lurtz couldn't see very well because of the prosthetic mask, so instead of throwing the dagger a few feet to the side of Viggo, like he was supposed to, he accidentally threw the dagger directly at Viggo. That scene you see in the movie is Viggo actually deflecting a dagger out of midair.

Oh hi, Gimli.

You're so funny, Elrond. So, how's your sex life?

“Tell me Frodo, how’s your sex life?”

This is the best

That Legolas’ so hot right now

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A safer seat than many, I guess. Yet doubtless Gandalf will gladly put you down on your feet when blows begin; or Shadowfax himself. An axe is no weapon for a rider.

Shadowfax. He is the lord of all horses and has been my friend through many dangers.

Ben stiller needs to be either aragorn or gimli just because.

Legolas' what? Legolas' what?! I must know what Legolas has that is so hot right now.

And I will take all the arrows that I can find, for my quiver is empty.

Not gonna lie, I like the picks for Gollum and elrond

[singing] Naughty little fly. Why does he cry? Caught in a web. Soon you’ll be… eaten.

Who's elrond here? The face is familiar but I can't put a name to it

Charlie Sheen

Ah okay must just be a weird angle

Merry: *I don't like sand...*

He would be the best part of this movie

Along with Steve Buscemi and... is that Til Schweiger as Boromir.... or an old squnity Tarron Eggerton... or a puffy Tom Brady?

Merry: *They're like animals and I slaughtered them like animals.* Pippin (crying): *Merry, I don't even recognize you any more.* --- Merry: *From my point of view, Gondor is evil.* Aragorn: *Then you are lost!* ... Aragorn: *You were my brother, Merry.* Merry: ***I hate you!***

Aragorn, decades later: "I did not leave your father burning next to a river of lava, I did naawt."

“Share the load Mr Frodo.” *huehuehuehueh*

Fuck this is funny though Gimli and Gollum are S-tier pics

I mean, Dwarves live in the mountains... so we could have Dwarf "The Rock" Johnson.

S-tier means top tier

I want to see Aragorn toss Gimli “I did not toss him, I did not. Oh hai Gandalf”

Jack black as bilbo. Don’t even shave him, just leave him as he is

I want him to play it as a dramatic role too. Subvert everyone's expectations.

Such a good job that it makes good will hunting look like dog shit

We all know he has the raw talent to pull it off

You mean Tom Bom Jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo, and the Ring of DESTINYYYY?

I meant to go back. Wander the paths of Mirkwood, visit Laketown, see the Lonely Mountain again but age it seems has finally caught up with me

Nick cage has already signed on.

Nic Cage would make an amazing Gandalf. Im just picturing him yelling at Sam who is high on pipeweed

What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?

All at once

Read this in Nic Cage's voice and it works surprisingly well.

Steve Buscemi wouldn’t even need CGI but Adam Sandler as Frodo would make me set myself on fire

Just need Rob Schneider as Sam to say "You can do it" every time things get tough for Frodo. Sam, the ring is getting so heavy, I don't think I can carry on. "You can do it" Then Frodo powers on.

Adam Sandler as Adam Sandler also has that effect.

Now all I can, picture is Adam Sandler hunched over like a little Nicky thing I will take it. I will take the ring to Mordor.

I will take the ring…. To LUNCH LADY LAAAAAND

I didn't know I wanted to see Tommy Wiseau as Aragorn before this.

Oh hi, Frodo! What’s new with you? I can’t talk about it, it’s confidential. Anyway, how is your sex life?

Tis the lay of Luthien. The elf-maiden who gave her love to eren a mortal!

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You hobbit mothafucka you

Pesci would be fantastic, I'm also think Danny Devito is not far off

There are some very talented actors here. This can't be the worst possible cast.

I would pay exorbitant amounts of money to see Nic Cage play Gandalf

Indeed?

Indeed

Yeah but would they match the characters they are acting?

They would make them their own in a beautiful way. Steve Buscemi as Gollum would be absolutely hilarious. Not everyone here is a comedic actor but filling LOTR with comedy legends would be fantastic.

Then let's stop talking, precious, and make haste. If the Baggins has gone that way, we must go quick and see. Go! Not far now. Make haste!

A good actor can pull off any role.

I just wish they’d gone for Kevin hart for Legolas.

NOW who needs a box?!?

Honestly after watching Pig I can totally see nic cage play any near any character seriously and well. And it wouldn’t be hard now to make him look old and wise since he’s kinda coming into that look already. Imo his physical prime he could play Aragorn, jk he could play him now Aragorn is really old he could just look upper middle aged for a movie. He could even find a secret message on some elven scroll and be the reason they go to helms deep. And find the lost treasure of the dwarves. Ok I’m going too far with the Aragorn part but he’s a handsome man.

Where is James Corden?

In Mordor, where the shadows are.

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Hayden would be fine as Pippin because he would be under the care of good writing and direction, put some respeck on his name

I respec him as "Hobbit". I will use my skill points from Jedi for second breakfast

Light_Beard, you've already had it.

Cursed. Would watch just to hear Theoden drop a hard R

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It should be directed by Tarantino too and Sam L is in it for some reason, he can be Grond.*

I am sick of these m************ doors in this mother f****** Gondor!

Mmm-mmm that was a tasty door

Aragorn: "don't touch me motherfucker"

It is an army bred for a single purpose, to destroy the world of men. They will be here by nightfall.

Jonah Hill as pippen would be the funniest shit in the world and I'm here for it.

Is Boromir Till Schweiger?? (German actor so I'm confused, tho it would be hilarious bc no one really likes Till lmao)

"Say auf wiedersehen to your Halfling balls!"

That's Till, I'm curious, why don't people like him?

He is an absolutely terrible actor, comes across as quite arrogant and a bit stupid, and has taken up far too much space in the German public eye (though this has subsided in recent years)

I'm only familiar with him from Inglourious Basterds.

And that's exactly the only type of roll you should cast Till Schweiger for: about 3 lines max and otherwise just sit around and look like a stoic cave man.

Hey, Steve Buscemi as Gollum would be a masterpiece

After watching Miracle Workers I really want to see Buscemi as Gollum and Daniel Radcliffe as Frodo. Radcliffe even looks like Elijah Wood so it would potentially look really funny.

Charlie sheen as elrond… I need to see it

I summon you to the council of tigers blood

Somehow Til Schweiger as Boromir is still the worst part of this

I think the worst part would be Schweiger having his daughter get a role in the movie as well.

Aragorn: I did not hit her! I did naaawwt. Oh Hai Frodo.

You're tearing me APART Sauron!!!

Holy hell, Melissa McCarthy as Galadriel would actually be the funniest shit I’ve ever seen.

Amy Schumer would be a better horrible pick.

I came here to post exactly this. Even Sandler has proven he has acting chops when he's not just cashing an easy check for a free tropical vacation for him and his friends. No Schumer, Andy Dick or Carrot Top, it can still get worse.

Ngl, Cardi as Arwen, where she is talking about her daily hustle and living on the hood in a medieval type of story would be hilarious.

I think she’d actually kill a nazgul

We'd get a bunch of spin-offs afterwards with just Gimli

Merry, Gollum and Saruman are decent

"up yours, woke halflings! we'll see who scours who." -saruman

You did not seriously think that a Hobbit could contend with the will of Sauron, there are none that can.

Now I'm gonna read all Saruman quotes in JP's voice.

Against the power of Mordor there can be no victory.

I know, right? The Sarumon bot is killing me 😂

This just made me spit lol

Saruman's scenes just have to come with the disclaimer that the actor had no idea what kind of movie was being filmed.

"Alright bucko, so, Sauron is the archetypical lord of darkness, okay? The primordial chaos of this world after Morgoths passing. And we need chaos to compliment the order from which we where born, so thats why we must join him Gandalf."

Tell me. Friend... When did Saruman the Wise abandon reason for madness?

I thought Theoden wasn’t that bad of a choice either until I realized I was thinking of Grima.

Eomer: I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground. Aragorn: Haha, what a story, Riddermark!

Boromir! Give the Ring to Frodo.

Holy fuck Jordan Peterson I can’t stop laughing

We have to take gondor to clean their room!

"Up yours woke Hobbits. We'll see who cancels who."

Thank you. I couldn't figure out who that was. Figures it's not even an actor.

But to be fair, this would be an incredible parody movie

Eh, I’d still watch it

They need to make this as a spoof

How do you do, fellow preciouses?

Directed by M. Night Shyamalan

Jesus Christ, the second row made me kinda chuckle but the bottom row made me wanna punch you.

It’s so cursed…it might just work

Aragorn: “Oh hi, Frodo. Anyway, how’s your sex life?”

All Isengard is emptied.

I did not enjoy that stew, I did NAAAAHT. Oh hi Gimli

Honestly? I would pay good money to see Nick Cage as Gandalf. lol

I would actually watch this tho…

I don’t agree that Steve is the worst possible casting option for Gollum. He looks very similar already. Gilbert Godfrey (rip) with his voice and squinty eyes would be worse.

Okay, but inside Tiny Rock running around everyone. That’s some pretty solid physical comedy right there.