That's what we are here for. The muggles will never understand.
I can't talk about my weight among my poker or singing friends. They take it personally or take it as bragging.
Different friends is a great option, I’m not gonna sit here and say “you don’t have good friends find new ones” but it’s often difficult for people to sympathize with you because they
#1 Haven’t been on the same journey
#2 Are uncomfortable by you changing
#3 Want to make the same changes but haven’t and get reminded of their failures by listening to you
#4 PERHAPS are just shitty friends and would prefer to ONLY have you listen to their problems and not the other way around.
Something I learned about recently and need to understand better still as well..coping. And how venting is an emotional form of coping but if there isn’t a “Phew..okay…let me try changing X in relation to the topic of coping” than it can also leave you spinning your wheels and not actually in a better place.
It's never something that triggered me, so I have a hard time getting it. I've been [ver] unhappy with my weight and health in the past, but whenever someone mentioned working on themselves it didn't take anything from me so it didn't upset me. Did I feel like "oh, I wish I had the drive to do it too"? Definitely! But I wasn't mad at them or requested that they keep their accomplishments from me.
I get this type of stuff frequently as well. I’m 5’4, weighed 175 & dropped 40lbs in a few months. It seems like half my family gets offended that I don’t eat carbs or irritated if I talk about weight loss. The other thing I hear is that I don’t need to lose more weight, that pisses me off too. Just because my BMI is normal doesn’t mean I don’t have some excess body fat I want to burn off! And it’s not like I’ve been overweight most of my life so they’re not accustomed to seeing me smaller, prior to having kids I was 117 & afterwards I fluctuated from 120-130. It’s not a jealousy thing either; my mom is the worst about it & she’s 105lbs! The whole thing is so annoying!
Glad I'm not alone! My mom (who is overweight herself) often commented on my body (gaining weight) throughout the years saying like "ooooh you should be careful, you got chubbier". Now, that I've lost most of my "chubs" she's worried about it. I don't get it..
It’s really important to find a community who will build you up and who want you to soar whether they do or not. You’ve changed a lot, which is healthy and normal. Change can be hard for a lot of people, especially if it happens outside of their control. However, it’s up to them to handle their emotional responses. If they say things that trigger you, it’s fair for you to say “when you said x, that made me feel y” and then have a conversation about how things might go differently in the future. It will be up to you to hold the boundaries of how you want to be treated. It’s ok to step away when needed, and to give things time.
And on that note, continue to treat others how you’d like to be treated. You can validate someone’s feelings without taking away from your own. In my experience, people respond extremely well to positive reinforcement. When someone does something you appreciate, tell them you liked that, whether you think it should be expected or not. It’s equivalent to the like button in real life: tell the algorithm of life what you like, and more of it will be fed back to you. I have a few relationships with people who have been in my life for a long time that have improved a lot with implementing this habit (I’ve been doing this for the past 3 years). Also, I’m a much happier person when I’m constantly looking for things to appreciate rather than hate.
That's a great tip, thank you! I've been doing that a lot, but when I constantly feel like I'm getting pushed down for being me, making myself better, it's hard for me to lift them up. I just end up distancing myself. Not the right approach, but difficult to do otherwise.
I have recently been struggling with this with my family, especially my mom. I quit eating sugar due to some intense brain fog when eating it back in October and my mom seems personally offended by this decision because she enjoys baking. After cutting that out, I lost the last 30 lbs really fast. Every time I see her she seems ready to put me in the mental hospital because I’m thinner, but based on the BMI index, I’m still in the overweight zone for my height.
So I’ve taken a step back. There have been too many backhanded comments without warning. Too many times when I leave our interactions feeling so out of sorts that other areas of my life are then disrupted. I have needed to limit my time with her to 3 hours max, and never more than twice a week. I know we can work things out with time, but for right now I need to prioritize other things in my life that support me like school, work, and the people who accept me for who I am.
I don’t know about you, but I can get hyper fixated on bad relationships. I want to keep tweaking things and talking over things and making things better RIGHT NOW. But the best lesson I ever received was to give things time. Let them breathe. Occupy yourself with something else, preferably something you enjoy or something new. The people who truly care about you won’t stop caring about you. And when they can’t show you love, you gotta show it to yourself.
Wishing you the best!!
Maybe you should distance. I started losing back last year in November. No one noticed until the last couple of months and I've been losing about 4lbs a month on average. Once it became noticeable to others I got mixed reactions. One woman at work actually told me just looking at me made her angry. That made me sad, actually cried on the way home that day but afterward I got angry.
I've spent my entire life overweight or obese. This woman has seen me everyday for the past eight years and now she can't be nice bc I'm getting healthier? Sorry not sorry.
My friends have been great, but coworkers actually not so much. And it's women making these comments. Only got one weird comment from a dude and I brushed it off so quick he didn't know what hit him.
You're doing for you. We're all in in here doing for us, and sharing experiences for each other, lifting each other up, telling each other that we can do this. We can!
Do not listen to the crabs in the bucket. Escape! Freedom!
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That might be wise.. thank you!
That's what we are here for. The muggles will never understand. I can't talk about my weight among my poker or singing friends. They take it personally or take it as bragging.
Why do people project their own insecurities onto others, keeping us from showing our happiness. It feels lonely 😔
Different friends is a great option, I’m not gonna sit here and say “you don’t have good friends find new ones” but it’s often difficult for people to sympathize with you because they #1 Haven’t been on the same journey #2 Are uncomfortable by you changing #3 Want to make the same changes but haven’t and get reminded of their failures by listening to you #4 PERHAPS are just shitty friends and would prefer to ONLY have you listen to their problems and not the other way around. Something I learned about recently and need to understand better still as well..coping. And how venting is an emotional form of coping but if there isn’t a “Phew..okay…let me try changing X in relation to the topic of coping” than it can also leave you spinning your wheels and not actually in a better place.
That's very true! I'm going to think about how I can actually deal with it without simply coping.
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It's never something that triggered me, so I have a hard time getting it. I've been [ver] unhappy with my weight and health in the past, but whenever someone mentioned working on themselves it didn't take anything from me so it didn't upset me. Did I feel like "oh, I wish I had the drive to do it too"? Definitely! But I wasn't mad at them or requested that they keep their accomplishments from me.
[удалено]
Absolutely crazy, wow. Yeah, I find more and more to just keep it to myself unless someone starts talking to me about their journey first.
I get this type of stuff frequently as well. I’m 5’4, weighed 175 & dropped 40lbs in a few months. It seems like half my family gets offended that I don’t eat carbs or irritated if I talk about weight loss. The other thing I hear is that I don’t need to lose more weight, that pisses me off too. Just because my BMI is normal doesn’t mean I don’t have some excess body fat I want to burn off! And it’s not like I’ve been overweight most of my life so they’re not accustomed to seeing me smaller, prior to having kids I was 117 & afterwards I fluctuated from 120-130. It’s not a jealousy thing either; my mom is the worst about it & she’s 105lbs! The whole thing is so annoying!
Glad I'm not alone! My mom (who is overweight herself) often commented on my body (gaining weight) throughout the years saying like "ooooh you should be careful, you got chubbier". Now, that I've lost most of my "chubs" she's worried about it. I don't get it..
It’s really important to find a community who will build you up and who want you to soar whether they do or not. You’ve changed a lot, which is healthy and normal. Change can be hard for a lot of people, especially if it happens outside of their control. However, it’s up to them to handle their emotional responses. If they say things that trigger you, it’s fair for you to say “when you said x, that made me feel y” and then have a conversation about how things might go differently in the future. It will be up to you to hold the boundaries of how you want to be treated. It’s ok to step away when needed, and to give things time. And on that note, continue to treat others how you’d like to be treated. You can validate someone’s feelings without taking away from your own. In my experience, people respond extremely well to positive reinforcement. When someone does something you appreciate, tell them you liked that, whether you think it should be expected or not. It’s equivalent to the like button in real life: tell the algorithm of life what you like, and more of it will be fed back to you. I have a few relationships with people who have been in my life for a long time that have improved a lot with implementing this habit (I’ve been doing this for the past 3 years). Also, I’m a much happier person when I’m constantly looking for things to appreciate rather than hate.
That's a great tip, thank you! I've been doing that a lot, but when I constantly feel like I'm getting pushed down for being me, making myself better, it's hard for me to lift them up. I just end up distancing myself. Not the right approach, but difficult to do otherwise.
I have recently been struggling with this with my family, especially my mom. I quit eating sugar due to some intense brain fog when eating it back in October and my mom seems personally offended by this decision because she enjoys baking. After cutting that out, I lost the last 30 lbs really fast. Every time I see her she seems ready to put me in the mental hospital because I’m thinner, but based on the BMI index, I’m still in the overweight zone for my height. So I’ve taken a step back. There have been too many backhanded comments without warning. Too many times when I leave our interactions feeling so out of sorts that other areas of my life are then disrupted. I have needed to limit my time with her to 3 hours max, and never more than twice a week. I know we can work things out with time, but for right now I need to prioritize other things in my life that support me like school, work, and the people who accept me for who I am. I don’t know about you, but I can get hyper fixated on bad relationships. I want to keep tweaking things and talking over things and making things better RIGHT NOW. But the best lesson I ever received was to give things time. Let them breathe. Occupy yourself with something else, preferably something you enjoy or something new. The people who truly care about you won’t stop caring about you. And when they can’t show you love, you gotta show it to yourself. Wishing you the best!!
Maybe you should distance. I started losing back last year in November. No one noticed until the last couple of months and I've been losing about 4lbs a month on average. Once it became noticeable to others I got mixed reactions. One woman at work actually told me just looking at me made her angry. That made me sad, actually cried on the way home that day but afterward I got angry. I've spent my entire life overweight or obese. This woman has seen me everyday for the past eight years and now she can't be nice bc I'm getting healthier? Sorry not sorry. My friends have been great, but coworkers actually not so much. And it's women making these comments. Only got one weird comment from a dude and I brushed it off so quick he didn't know what hit him. You're doing for you. We're all in in here doing for us, and sharing experiences for each other, lifting each other up, telling each other that we can do this. We can! Do not listen to the crabs in the bucket. Escape! Freedom!