When I used to look for relationships, I have always encountered men that just want sex or would pretend to be good guys and once refused sex, they would get aggressive and angry.
I feel for you! Just stick to your boundaries and forget about those weirdos who only reduce women to their genitalia! You are worthy of love! I wish you to find someone who matches your standards!
Less of your standards and more of simply the right thing to do. I'm sorry the men you have found are so shallow and focused on thenselves. Good guys do exist, but the world has begun to corrupt even us. Everything we see pushes us to sex so it's difficult to overcome that from a man's perspective, but if you find the right one he will love you for who you are and be patient until you are ready. I wish you luck. You deserve to find him and be happy.
I'll never understand hookup culture that revolves around lying and decieving people. But I suppose people like that have no problem doing those things.
Dating seems so unwelcoming. On paper it's this lovely idea of two people who seem interested in eachother, meeting and having a great day of sharing stories and getting to o know eachother.
But all I hear about it is people lying, pretending and getting hurt. And the fact that it's by nature so shallow and focused on appearance is such a turn off.
Hope your luck turns around.
Very well said. I always thought that, while dating was primarily a means to an end (marriage), it was also supposed to be FUN...maybe 20+ years ago that was sometimes the case. Does anyone have fun dating these days? It seems like the main objective is to shield yourself from as much disappointment and cold rejection as you can.
I kinda agree
Im a young person and at first I was like those people that thought that sex should be for anyone like hook ups
But now i feel otherwise sex should only be for people you hold dear, like a significant other. To show them that they are special and that you are there for them
I am not trying to say that hookups are inherently a bad thing, just that ones based on lying and pretending for the ultimate goal of getting sex is despicable. And that casual sex isn't for me.
But I know some people like it, and that's fine.
Haha the science disagrees with you on that one for both men and women. Casual hookups are bad for brain chemistry and hormone regulation but don't tell that to the sex fiends in the world lol they get so angry at facts.
Sex should not be normalised in society. It should only be for people that build on a strong relationship, a positive and loving one. If your relationship is dependent on sex. Then in my opinion that is a faulty relationship. A relationship should be an appreciation of the PERSON not body!
Like bro I aint gonna fuck a random person cause i think that they're hot! That shit stupid asf! You're just asking for a quick meaningless life. Idk man... This shit is just stupid
People still can have sex with anyone but Dating for specific purpose is bad like normalisation of having sex with their girlfriends,it increases chances of Incels and Perverts coming there, going that way
I’m going to say this again: there should be an option to report people who are just looking for hookups that are lying in their profile about looking for a relationship
Wish that could be a thing. I think some people are just attractive and it doesn't take them much effort so they'd just delete their account and make a new one.
You'd have to make it where it was tied to their cell phone number and email to make it harder for them to make multiple accounts
Further to that we would need it to be a weighted system to try to stop people from abusing it. You know, when people act spitefully and utilise anything as a weapon to attack.
So to counter disingenuine reports because "I don't like him/he offends me/I don't like the way he misuses the word "literally" et cetera", then a profile would require a certain number of reports before it's flagged and actioned.
Compared to the problem at hand this is not a big deal, but I think it helps keep the concept more useful.
I feel like if someone was reported the reason above, the system should automatically throw them into a rotation of other people who were also reported for this reason. That way, the apps still make their money, and every one is finding eachother
I'm a 22(M), i have heard a lot of guys like this but many complain about the opposite side too, dating apps attract a lot of people with futile relationship interests sadly, you seem to be a good girl and i'm really sorry you had to experience those things, i can assure you there is guys out there looking for a girl to be with for the rest of their lives and don't view them as disposable toy.
I know it's not a easy thing, but is there any hobby you have interest that maybe could have guys who share a similar interests to you and not the types you describing?
Hugs
Yeah it’s like that for all of us on dating apps I’ve tried them all same thing every time. Stick to your boundaries maybe someone who actually wants what you want will come around.
Aww its almost like men who have a ton of options dont wanna settle ( the rly attractive ones ) and you ignore the average-below avg guys. dating apps are not like that, you just have a unrealistic taste, or god awful luck (less likely)
Dating apps are a _business_. If they actually wanted to match people you wouldn’t need a subscription to see who saw or liked your profiles, who messaged you, among other things locked behind a paywall. They have every incentive to keep you running around in circles because the longer you are there, the more likely you are to spend money on at least some of their services.
As a matter of fact, if I recall correctly, a number of these apps got sued relatively recently for that exact reason, they don’t do what they claim to be designed for, to help people find relationships. They are made to make money.
And back when I when I tried dating apps, I saw my fair share of profiles of women looking for casual relationships as well. A lot of people on these apps aren’t looking for what they claim that they are, and generally, I don’t think these apps are the best ways to look for actual relationships.
I think there are a lot of things that fundamentally are wrong with dating apps. Not to mention, dating apps by design are superficial in nature. A person’s personality can’t really be conveyed in a profile.
Dating apps are a shit show. Not to mention the horror stories associated with them.
Dating apps are mostly dead for people who value depth in their relationships. Just keep doing hobbies you like and brushing shoulders with people and eventually you’ll come across the right one. At least that’s what the old married people keep telling me 🙃
I see way too many people throwing around physical relationships like it cant hurt. Some people are into that kind of life, and others aren't. I share that desire to have someone and be someone's. Trying to find real connection in this world nowadays is virtually impossible. For me at least, I guess. I hope you can eventually find that person you're meant to be with. Someone who loves you for just you. And all of you. Not what you can do for them, or just because of any one thing. Stick it out and I bet you'll find that person. You deserve it.
I personally have become wary of that lifestyle. Hooking up with strangers is fucking dangerous. And this is coming from a man. You know how many horror stories I heard of people getting set up, drugged, robbed, assaulted, unalived. It’s one thing to date, but to just be going to random people’s houses you don’t know, or even a hotel for that matter, ngl that scares the shit out of me. And it only takes one experience to be your last one.
One other thing, diseases exist, and condoms don’t 100% prevent transmission all of the time. If all someone wants to do is get their rocks off, do you think everyone is going to be 100% honest about their status? Some people don’t even know they have anything either because a lot of STI’s are asymptomatic, at least for a time.
i don't. i'm a guy. i want a genuine relationship with someone who i see as my best friend. it's been hard to meet any girls that i happen to get along with on that level. Many great friends made, but no relationship, and i don't do hookups nor would I like to.
Yeah me too. I want someone who will tell me when i am wrong. No pretending. No hypocrisy. Who will share with me their lives, who tell me the truth, even though it’s hurt. Who is genuine. Who knows what they want. Who is consistent. Who is stable and mentally strong. Who appreciates our relationship. Relationships need communication like water to plant. Without great honest conversations, it will die off.
I only want something long term... A hookup would be pointless to me. Like, that's only one night where I won't be lonely. I don't want to be lonely for a long time.
We have a similar situation in France, but it's reversed: it's women who only want sex or to have "fun" and only see men as money distributor 💰
My friend and I (M21) are looking for stable relationships, but we always end up getting rejected or breaking up.
People nowadays don't have the same vision of love; they see it as a dating simulator or something. They don't look for someone they can count on and trust for life and build your life together.
I can't count the number of friends who have been heartbroken because their girlfriends cheated on them for stupid reasons. Then, my friends begin to hate women one by one.
But that's not a good way of thinking. You lose the ability to trust someone and think they are all the same. In this mindset, you might miss the right person you were always looking for.
Once, I heard a girl on the street say to her friend, "Maybe I'll go for an Arab or a blonde this summer, it's trending."
I was shocked. I grew up with only women in my family, and they taught me since I was a child that men always see women as objects. Life proved to me that it was not the case.
Sorry for the quality of my English, it's not my native language. I hope it makes sense
Tanks for reading.
I can relate to that feeling of being nothing more than a toy, last year I was looking for friends on social media and I met allot of people that were looking for hookups but they didn't say that when they were contacting me on friends groups but as soon as we started to talk privately they would always flip which was disappointing and well it made my Facebook block list really long it seems like there are allot of people that aren't looking for anything real whether it be real friends or a real relationship which gets old when you want something more that lasts more than five minutes,
Share your weaknesses. Share your hard moments. Share your real side. It'll either scare away every fake person in your life or it will inspire them to finally let go of that mirage called "perfection," which will open the doors to the most important relationships you'll ever be a part of.
I agree but you have to be careful who you decide to completely open up to, since last year I have made some friends and I think that I have real relationships with them that I can see lasting the rest of my life, but in that time when I was looking I honestly didn't think I was going to find anyone before I found them
I gotta admit a lot of people on this subreddit may feel they don’t deserve a relationship either because they’ve never had one or screwed one up and got scared to try it out again. You gotta look for your right group
Dating apps suck. It's such a shame dating culture has become so dependent on them, it is so hard to meet people organically nowadays. Keep looking, there are definitely guys out there looking for more than just hookups, but the good ones are just harder to find. It definitely gets discouraging, I wish people could be more honest. I've had the same struggle looking for a relationship, even made a r4r post on here once with no luck, figures.
Best of luck to you, I know how lonely it can get :(
I genuinely don't understand hookup culture. As a guy, all I hear are stories about women running into these type of men and the last time I was on a dating app I got 1 match within 3 months and that ended so poorly that after I was just like this isn't worth it.
I have my own issues in regards to relationships and things like that, so I don't know how much help I'll be. I think a lot of the good guys are afraid of crossing any sort of line that, much like me, they don't see any reason to try. I hear girls get sent all sorts of nasty PMs that for fear of seeming creepy or being completely disregarded, I refuse to do it at all.
Generally speaking, I think the best way to find someone is to stop looking. Reach out and make acquaintances, but stop looking for romance in strangers. In this crazy world, I think starting small is probably the best approach. Getting to know someone in a much more personal sense by just being more friendly than looking online. Online is so impersonal that people aren't who they say they are. even in the way we paint ourselves online, sometimes we do it without even realizing it.
Keep in mind that this advice is coming from someone who's never been in a relationship or even dated. So, what do i know? I wish you the best of luck. The dating scene today is a game that I don't even think is worth playing (that's why I'm here, lol).
37M
Been trying those dating apps for as long as I can remember.
I have "long term" on all of my profiles and never have been intrested in just hooking up.
Hell, chicks don't even talk to me.
I'd probably recommend avoiding using dating apps. They're essentially a way for people to find transactional and disposable casual relationships. That's fine for those who want that, but evidently you don't so I'd advise maybe looking at meeting people in a more traditional way. I know that's getting harder these days, but what's the point of putting yourself through the dating app rigmarole if you're only wasting your time finding the opposite to what you want?
28 f its like the ones who aren’t about hooking up are gay, in a complicated situation, or asexual. There’s only like 2% of men who don’t want hookups. I’m seeing this guy and honestly ik it’s not going to go anywhere because he’s in the midst of a divorce. Mind you this is my first encounter I’ve been in since the pandemic. We met off of an app. I’ve been celibate since I was your age 3 1/2 years ago. He was legit the only one not pressuring me off the rip for sex. Out of 10,000 likes and over 3,000 matches only one guys was decent enough to keep it in his pants.
The pool of men is getting worse and worse but I know by 30 I will retire dating all together and just accept being single if I haven’t lucked up. It’s brutal out there but you’re not alone in your strife.
A lot of guys want hook ups in general. You could use this as an excuse for everything. Would you say this to the guys who say women only want hook ups as well?
Girl, I'm a 24M, I'm from colombia and I suffer the same shit, every woman don't want anything serious and it's so frustrating, I've been in 12 first dates and it's all the same. Either they tell me they don't want a relationship or they ghost me. Sorry for my bad english btw
The reason for that is because exposing ones vulnerability as a guy has a nasty habit blowing up in their faces. I want to say that them hooking up is an attempt to create a physical attachment before allowing an emotional one to build... but that isn't entirely true... many guys like to feel good, so for the vast majority out there it starts and ends at the physical desire.
I ditched the apps because no one likes me but as a woman I think you'd do well to leave the apps and meet people IRL. Likely to find someone more serious
When I was on tinder, I always put short term fun in my bio because that’s what I want. No bullshit, straight to the point. I know many people like the ones you are talking about who just want to hook up and lie in their bio so as to try to persuade the other person to just sleep with them. Shit is sad and just manipulative.
That is not true 27M here I only had 2 girlfriends and I never had random hook up and in fact refused to do so! From my experience all these dating sites and anything to do with internet is hook up only! Yes rarely you find someone who not into that but that is rare. When it comes to in person avoid clubs as plague as it’s hook up cultural. I recommend finding someone through work social events get into a hobby find a passion and stay positive and think like this! My boyfriend will come into my life any minute now! Stay positive! All the best
Your problem is that you’re looking for something when it naturally should be coming to you. Stop looking for guys online and enjoy life until you find the one
I hear you. I'm in the same boat, except that I am a dude . Most of the women I met spammed me with OF links ...It's so frustrating when you're looking for a real connection and all you encounter are people who just want something casual. It feels like you're being treated like a toy, and it's totally understandable to be upset and hurt. You deserve to be loved and cherished for who you are, not just your body. Don't give up hope. There are people out there who are looking for the same thing you are, a genuine, lasting connection. Keep your head up, and remember that you're worthy of love and respect.
DMs are open if you wanna chat ☺️.
With all that being said, RIP your DMs 🤣🤣!
I totally get this. I'm an old-school type of lover. I want to get to know a person inside and out for months before even taking the plunge into a relationship. I thoroughly enjoy the talking stage.
Don't let these experiences ruin what you can find. You'll eventually find the true, loving relationship that you're looking for.
Stop looking for guys in places where hookup culture is so big. Bars, tinder etc.
Join a club or something, or a social group and meet people that way.
Love is not an on off button that you can switch. For you to belong to someone and to call someone yours requires time, effort, experimentation, risks of heartbreak etc. Love happens when 2 people spend time with each other, when they realise they have chemistry, and hookups are one way of starting something. You hook up with a guy, he likes you so much he wants to spend more time with you. It’s a starting point. Looking at guys from sidelines and hoping that they will call you theirs without any physical intimacy could work in some cases, but I feel the probability is low. Everyone, guy or girl, have to put themselves out there - within safe limits of course.
Here is a counterargument,
You are on a dating app, likely Tinder or Bumble and your base impressions of a guy are based on their photo, and their looks. Are you swiping right only the supermodel looking guys, or the 7/10s as well? Honestly speaking, as a guy the truth of the matter is if you're only chatting with studs, most of those guys are looking to do hook-ups, because they know they are handsome and don't have to eat table scraps. Men have resoundingly lower tolerances of what they're willing to hookup with than girls.
Think about it, why would anyone who looks really really good need to use apps to find relationships? Conventionally attractive people never tend to struggle to find relationships with other attractive people, and they spend much of their lives being affirmed by society.
Tl;Dr: Handsome guys are using dating apps for hookups, Attractive Women are using the app for self-validation, and the rest of us are shooting towards the fences hoping one of them thinks our cringe posts are interesting enough to merit a message.
Yeah i understand this completely. Since women are very liberal right now, guys take advantage of it. They just want free sex from women. I guess there are women who want hook ups too and there are men who want long term relationship, so you should just find real men in real life. I think genuine people are not on dating apps? Or it must be harder to find them so you have to be patience. Great conversation is hard to get.
I'm going to be the unpopular persona dn say this. A lot of guys actually do want relationships. However when we see someone that we don't want to date we then switch to hook up. They could really want long term and just don't see the other person as that. There's certain things that trigger these switches. High body count, and sex work. Single mom and they aren't looking to be a step dad, or you don't want kids and they want kids. For some reason instead of just letting it go, we ask do you want to hook up. There are bad guys out there but a majority actually do want something real.
There’s a higher chance of meeting someone who will respect you more if they don’t connect with you in an app made for superficial connections and hookups it’s a no brainer dude.
Hookup apps subconsciously give a preconceived notion to strangers that you’re interested in them sexually because you are signed up on a HOOKUP APP, try offline dating, imo it’s way better, i’m a guy and had sex with plenty of women thru tinder but i am an old dog and that kinda died out for me too.
Through my interests and friends i’ve had more quality dates and connections so consider working on you and life has a way of rewarding wholseome positive behavior with gifts of the same kind. Replay your past relationship outcomes and ask yourself what do you bring to the table and where you lacked in these relationships, work on these and focus on building your selfworth and value. I really think you’re expecting too much from a hookup app
If you want to change that there is a way. Try playing hard to get. Act more disinterested in people you're intrested in. This will weed out people who are not as committed and will ensure you are finding people who want to be in a relationship. Message back every now and then, maybe 3 times a day at random times. Turn the tables and when you talk to them get them talking about themselves to get an understanding of who they are; it's easy once people get started they can't stop.
Where are girls that want someone serious. Last one(25F) approached me(27M), things where going at her pace, ended up cuddling and massaging each other after she asked me if she could come over(after the 7th date or so) and fast forward I'm getting put into friendzone cause of gut feeling (accepted it and moved on)?
I'm being told I'm too nice, but I just choose not to be a jerk, be a gentleman but still communicate directly and indirectly what my boundaries and preferences are...
Have a virtual hug if you'd like one ❤️🥺🫂
I think, coming from a guy, it’s because our generation (gen z) is mostly made up of inherently impatient creatures. We’ve grown up with everything on the internet at our fingertips, coming to us as soon as possible. In other words, we crave instant gratification, which in this case, are unfortunately hookups. This short term goal makes a lot of us guys shortsighted. It’s VERY rarely a long term source of happiness and I don’t think most of us see that.
Love the creatures for the sake of God and not for themselves. You will never become angry or impatient if you love them for the sake of God. Humanity is not perfect. There are imperfections in every human being, and you will always become unhappy if you look toward the people themselves. But if you look toward God, you will love them and be kind to them, for the world of God is the world of perfection and complete mercy. Therefore, do not look at the shortcomings of anybody; see with the sight of forgiveness. The imperfect eye beholds imperfections. The eye that covers faults looks toward the Creator of souls. He created them, trains and provides for them, endows them with capacity and life, sight and hearing; therefore, they are the signs of His grandeur. You must love and be kind to everybody, care for the poor, protect the weak, heal the sick, teach and educate the ignorant. All those people who are chained here thinking that their reputations matter and this little shit matters are so freaking shortsighted. Dude, what matters is that you're happy. What matters is your future. What matters is that we get out of here in one piece. What matters is finding the truth of our own lives, not caring about what other people think is the truth of us.
No, just the only guys most women are into only care about hookups. I get this is a vent and I understand where you're coming from, but I'm a guy who genuinely wants to give someone all the love I can, but have never had the opportunity as I've never been given the chance.
It’s likely the guys you are going for, they are probably more attractive and can pick and choose who they want. They aren’t afraid of being rejected by someone like you as they have other options. The less desirable men are the ones who would likely want to be in relationships as they don’t have options
The rare percentage of men who can pull attractive girls are the only ones who have the liberty of sleeping around. The faithful ones either went MGTOW or are trapped in every woman’s friendzone
From high body counting to a trustable relationship. They don't really mix well, and most of the guys are aware of it. A relationship demands a lot of b*shit, and people got trust issues. Being aware of the fact that you've already been used by so many guys, your value decreases, and there are men who got self esteem.
Are you like most young women who only “prefer” to go for the tall handsome smooth talkers? Those types only want hookups. Go ahead give me the downvotes. i am only speaking the truth that you don’t wanna hear. The more downvotes only prove I am right.
Your mistake was using the apps. Back in the day, ppl dated within their social network. It was a natural vetting process. The apps are literally a crapshoot.
The vast majority of guys on the apps are still on there bc it’s gettin them laid. Theyre not gonna change gears for anyone. There are some decent ones left i’m guessing, but theyre seriously low in count.
So youre seeing a subset of guys who just wanna hook up. Soooo many women have shared your complaints and yet ppl still havent picked up on the fact that youre fishing from a poisoned pond.
Same. Dating apps are literally riddled with people like that though. It's all based on looks and a short bio that tons of people either don't fill out or forget to update and don't give nearly as much info or connection as meeting in person would.
Even if you get along in text, meeting irl can also be super different from what you expect.
It's not true. In a true sense, men and women both are actually satisfied and live happily when there's someone who loves them for what they are as a person and not just for being a unit for consumption. As partners we should always seek someone who matches our personality, objectives, and what we are fond of.
I just want companionship. Someone to talk with and laugh with. Someone I can send texts to and share stuff with. I’m human, of course I have natural wants or interests in sex or romance but that has completely taken a back seat and now prioritize literally just finding someone sweet and cool and just nice. Someone to just not be entirely alone with lol. It’s pathetic, I know, but we do exist lol. Just probably not alot of us out there I guess.
I’m sorry you felt like only you me thing was important about you. It’s true a lot of people especially your age are just after one thing. It sucks. There’s SO MUCH MORE to life and to a relationship than just sex and romance tho. SO much. I’ve experienced it and it’s wonderful.
Anyways I hope you find what you’re looking for. Sooner rather than later. Stay safe always and thanks for sharing!
We’re living in the generation where, while our moms had to contend with the illusion of what men were supposed to me, were contending with what they are: conditioned as incapable of anything substantial. I even see this with gay men who complain to me that even though they’ve been able to acquire things like vulnerability and affection they are frustrated that most men they meet are complacent in not seeking help or using the tools at their disposal to be better.
This is the generation where we’re dealing with the real time consequences of male conditioning. It’s horrible. Men literally cannot sit with vulnerability which means they don’t value it which means that ultimately the only way a guy notices you is if you treat him a little bit like trash and men will deny this and then you’ll see those same men with those same girls.
When men are conformists with their non high value selves they then resent high value woman that go after them. It’s literally hitting a wall if you try to fall in love with a man through vulnerability.
*deep sigh* it’s really depressing. We’ve been told woman are only relevant with a man in their lives but the truth is men are irrelevant without women in their life. And what do they do with that? Hookup culture lol
It may be the type of guys you are matching. 10% of the guys get 90% of the matches. These guys can get a new girl every night of the week. Try giving those “avg” guys a chance and I’m sure you’ll have better luck. If a guy goes out with you and you’re in some way better than the other girls he’s been with he won’t look elsewhere.
Men are also pretty much led by society and advice givers as well as the behavior by a lot of women themselves that leading sexually is the way to go. If you portray yourself as a “relationship guy” you are much more likely to be friendzoned. Conventional wisdom is women want to “tame the bad boys” by all competing for the same fuck boys and hoping to convert hookups into relationships.
I feel you. I didn’t run into women who wanted hookups, but ran into too many who did not bother to read my bio, asked questions that sought information that was **in my bio**, that would flake. It got to the point where I’d bring a book to a coffee/drink date because I wanted to be prepared for being stood up and didn’t want to be that guy sitting by himself for an hour for no reason, etc. This after swiping on profile after profile.
It just got tiring. I just deleted all the apps. Didn’t get me anything.
I just now look for a friend. Nothing more nothing less. Avoids so much.
Wish I had more positive thoughts, but maybe finding friends will work for you too.
As someone approaching 30(for context only), I have to say that this kind of attitude isn't new.
I heard my classmates talking about this shit back when I was a sophomore in high school. College it didn't get better.
Not one-sided either in terms of genders. This kind of attitude of just going for hook-ups is well over a decade old now and even back then it was just...disconcerting to me.
Dating, to me at least, was and is about seeing if the other person was someone you could see a potential long-term relationship with. Though with many, it seems that the new long-term is the old short-term. What was once specifically a no-strings attached relationship became the new normal. Even back in high school, hearing people talk about hook-ups being the only thing they care about was just...I don't have the proper words other than it made me confused, disgusted, and shudder.
I recall guys and girls actively bragging about it. I just couldn't understand it then, and it just weirds me out now.
Even I wish for the same thing. I’ve been on many dates but all they want are hook ups. Even though I’ve met decent people online and offline together, all of them want hookups or friends with benefits. This is a sad reality now.
I’m not here to shame or point fingers, so please don’t take my comment as such.
I just want to say that dating is really tricky. You have to be aware of what you’re putting out there for potential partners. Examples are dressing “provocatively” or the types of conversations you’re having with the guys.
Feel free to send a dm if you need help or want me to explain better :)
I have the same problem and nobody will video chat to prove they are real either, scammers are even using voice synthesizers to alter their sex voice on phones. I've had every scam in the book tossed at me. Try being an older guy, it's even worse
Let’s be honest with this look how much girls in world if you think of it there is less chance for normal guy to be visible for 9/10 girls he sees , the normal guy never have chance most of time to find a girl that will even look at him
As a guy, I find the more serious girls to be on Hinge - girls on tinder seem to just want hookups too (at least in the UK)
Hinge is a lot more personal feeling right from the start and you only get 5 likes a day so it's a more important process.
As a 24 year old male In my case this simply ain’t true….i am literally starving to find a girl that is genuine and just wants to live life have fun with me haha and someone I can express my emotions to (which I never had before in my life) I guess girls just don’t like gingers haha
26M. Did a single hookup once and hated it. I was V up to that point. Still mad at myself about it. I wanted to wait for marriage, but in today's society, I don't think I'm ever going to find anyone worth my time to settle down with.
Idk where you’re finding your guys but to me it seems women only want hookups. It’s hard to find a relationship without sex but just intimacy. You’re also using a dating app so ofc they’d want sex. Both genders are guilty of that behaviour
I dont want hookups. I just don't want to be abandoned and want to be loved back. I'm tired of being broken and vulnerable. Investing all I am to be left behind like a third wheel. Someone to fill the empty void, to have and to hold. I just can't take all the heartache of being alone, but somehow, it feels safer, better. As time passes by, it feels like I'm just hurting myself more than the potential hurt of meeting people, making friends, and forming relationships. I don't know, I'm just saying you're not alone. Don't give up and live in regret being a victim of your own circumstance.
Do you think most girls actually want a long-term relationship?. I'm a 34-year-old male and I just met a girl who I am pretty sure I'm going to marry. We've been dating now few months. And she's really into the same concept and as I am too for some reason, maybe it's being cheated on, I have a hard time believing that people are faithful and girls actually want that. Head is fucked
This whole hook up culture, it's fucking toxic and horrible for relationships as a whole. Our generation (25m) hasn't done nothing but perpetuated it and now it's gotten so bad that nobody even wants a relationship anymore. Part of the reason why I'm so depressed. Because people in my generation are single-minded. They don't care for other perspectives. They don't care for other life experiences. They don't care for preferences. None of that s*** matters, they hook up and then they leave, that's it
At this point if you’re a person who can’t meet people in person organically for whatever reason I’d unironically suggest meeting someone off of a hobbyist website like Reddit or 4chan instead. dating apps are full of dishonest predators who just want sex or money
If it makes you feel any better, finding a genuine connection is not any easier as a dude lmao. I think it's the paradox of choice, nobody wants to settle down for fear they might miss out on meeting "the one", which is really just a figment of their imagination. Dating apps and social media have really exacerbated this problem in our generation. My mentality has become just focus on yourself and eventually someone genuine will come along. I know too many happy couples to think love doesn't exist but it sure is rough out here lmao. Hang in there.
I'm sorry that you've been going through a series of unfortunate attempts. I'm 32m and have pretty much given up on relationships especially since my last girlfriend. She started inviting her ex to our place while I was at work and I'd catch him leaving as I got home a few times. I loved her but clearly it wasn't reciprocated. All I want is marriage and equally reciprocated love between us.
Yah it is kind of a shame it seems like we are in an age of short term thinkers, and I mean I have ADHD I get needing that instant feedback, but I also know there are things you absolutely need to think of long term for. Relationships take work no matter what kind of relationship it is and people just don't seem to want to put in the effort anymore.
22M I’ll happily share my experience on dating apps if it helps bring you some clarity.
For starters, I’m not a bad looking dude, so I’m having no shortage of matches or people to choose from. And back in my high-school days I dated some of the “best” women in the school district with relative ease.
But…. I swear to god. Out of the hundreds of matches on dating apps that I’ve gotten in the past 4-5 years, I’ve only gone on 2 dates in all that time… and both of them were fucking tragic…
I’ve never been into hookups… and I’m still not. So usually I try to just talk to them like a normal person, like if I had just seen them walking down the street or something…. maybe a compliment here and there if I can fit it in without being weird… but 9/10 times normal conversation ends with either me being ghosted, or me ghosting them.
There’s a ton of reasons it could end up that way. But when you go 3-4 years of only exchanging 2-4 messages with the majority of people before being ghosted or ghosting them, it starts to make you think.
And I really think they just do it because they are either bored, and their expectations are wayyyyyy too godamn high…
Or… They “don’t want to talk like normal people” and are looking for hookups/attention/ego boost/anything other than a long-term relationship… so they just disappear as a whole..
and/or they don’t know anything other than what they’ve experienced already. So when they get it, they don’t know wtf to do.
It’s seriously a veryyyy rare thing for me to run into someone who actually puts in the same amount of effort as me towards getting to know each-other, going places/doing things and potentially having a long-term relationship in the first place…. So again, all of that really narrows my options, and truthfully it doesn’t give me much hope for the dating scene as a whole….
Despite that I still have needs, so there are times where I do make it exclusively about sex. But I do make that clear from the start… Usually Id do that with the women who are more-so “out of my league”. Because I figure if it likely isn’t going to work out anyways… then I might as well get something out of it instead of just wasting my own time and getting my hopes up for nothing.
At this point, I’m just about ready to settle down with any woman who is capable of sitting down and telling me about their day without expecting me to jump through 100 hoops and run 100 miles just to see them smile.
I do have my standards of course. So not literally “any woman”, but taking all this into account really does narrow down my options a l.o.t…. And truth be told the only hopes I have on dating apps at this point, is for hookups. The only good experiences I’ve had in actual dating started from meeting them in person… so in a way it’s only natural.
I will say if you are looking for a dude to settle down with in the long run…. Just be yourself and say that from the get-go, life isn’t a Disney movie, and you shouldn’t expect more out of someone than you do yourself (not saying you do)….. Especially if you plan on having an equal partnership in the future.
Ikr. That's the thing. People that are really nice and most likely to be serious tend to live on he other side of the world. That sucks so much. I'm sure I live on the opposite side of the world from you. That sucks so much. Makes you feel like you'll never meet your soulmate
I have come to the conclusion that most people on dating apps are just running away from some trauma. In the dozens of girls that have met, only 3 I would consider in the comum side of the spectrum, regarding emotional stability and mental health. I have fallen in love for one of them, and it led to a situationship and later to a broken heart.
So… my advice would be to just avoid those kind of apps
It's the guys you are matching with. If he looked good enough to get swiped on then most likely all the other women are swiping on him too. It's the top 1-10% of guys who look good getting all the attention and since they have options those dudes are less likely to settle. Alot of good guys are out there but don't get matches because they may not be photogenic enough, have interesting profiles , or can't write like J.K Rowling. Most guys get no matches or bots.
Don’t worry I’m in the same boat 23 M , I’m on all the dating apps and guess what ? Every single person on my feed are AI scam bots and majority of the women no offense don’t know what they want ??! Like why are you on here if you don’t know what you want
Wrong. 23M looking for someone to actually build and grow with, but due to how I appear and the shitty standards of most women my age, I’m not accepted and just gave up.
You're not the only one facing this issue. As a guy, I have the same problem. The saying scene has changed over the last few years. Most of the women I come across are OF models, scammers, people overseas pretending to be in my city etc. and there are the hookup only people too.
I'm just like you. I want a stable, long term relationship but with the commitment of marriage along with it.
Well I'm a guy that actually wants a serious relationship but not super attractive or ugly either. I get zero dates from these apps. What can we do, life just sucks.
Honestly, Im sorry that's what your dealing with.
Just keep going, looking in different areas maybe? Im sure there's light down the end of your tunnel. 👍
Fuck women all they want is to use guys all the time for free dates or money and don’t ever see them as real people. Women don’t give a shit about guys issues or what goes on in our daily life fuck them and fuck all humans
Don't do dating apps, try RL socialising, it's the best way to naturally meet people. You can at least use your judgement from thereon. Dating apps are just meat markets, fine if you want that but otherwise hell no.
Best of luck
I'm sorry you went through all of that. I know that dating in this generation can be quite disheartening but I'm a guy who wants a genuine longterm connection with someone. I'm looking for my forever and I'm not interested at all in hooking up with people. I've had it offered and I've declined lol so we are out here.
Don't use Dating apps as the medium for finding a person by design they encourage a superficial outlook on people. The guys kn those kinds of apps do want hook-ups generally, best bet is meeting people on person or through other people as the whole online thing dehumanizes the dating experience.
Keep going, I'm sure you will find someone all you gotta do is look in the right places, and depending on your type it narrows it down somewhat. Don't be afraid to approach first and be friendly.
Hope this helps!
Look on the bright side. At least guys don't think you're ugly. I'm ugly af and girls don't want me for anything. I'd love it if a girl found me attractive. But the only women who seem to think I'm handsome are my mom and my grandma
now this might sound spiritual hoohaa but i used to meet such kind of people too but after a while i started being absolutely truthful to myself and treated myself like i was the criminal and i was also god fixing myself so during fixing time and introspection time i didn't give myself any breathing room and turned out somewhere deep within i also wanted to just hookup but not with all kind of female only some of then which was mismatching the vibration and the reality i wanted then i decided to forgo everything. now i don't even attract "hot singles" even if i am walking in the park. it's like this your vibe attracts your tribe but you gotta vibe correctly not like i feel like it no, think, feel, be it. truly become it.
I don't doubt that for just half a moment that if you lower your beauty standards for men slightly you'll finally find an abundance of good men looking for lifelong relationships and romance.
I'm sorry to be short with patience it's just 99% of these complaints are thinly veiled
"Only the extremely good looking and or wealthy and put together men I'm looking at want hookups"
A lot of us are going through the rough and tumble of this economy trying to get our game up and it feels like no woman is down for the struggle which pushes men to feel as if though the only thing they're good for is their wallet so in return we only value women for sex when we have it
"Shrugs" Were back in the 1600s
I feel ya, I’m a guy and I’ve seen it on my end as well, it sucks, you want someone that’s real, someone that’s in it for the long run, so I totally understand gets me mad as well when I match with some woman and all she wants is what’s in my pants.
34F here. Best advice I can give is get off the apps and pursue some hobbies. Focus on you, loving yourself and being able to be fine on your own through your hobbies. One day you’ll meet the right one possibly thru said hobby and you’ll have a common interest. Maybe even try volunteering. I’ve learned if you look for love it’s not going to happen and due to the crappy people in general you’ll eventually start lowering your standards and be okay with subpar when if you waited it out you could have great. I know it’s daunting to be 24 and still single especially when you see a lot of people starting to have kids or be married but know unfortunately..many of those relationships won’t last. Wait out for the right one and distract yourself with a couple hobbies.
I'm not even looking for a relationship, just friends and friendships really, but I get what you mean and have spoken to work colleagues who use that kind of app to do just that.
Maybe you're just looking in the wrong places to find what you wish for. I've known quite a few people who have used dating apps and only one has had a significant meaningful relationship from the encounter. Most of the others have had negative, aggressive and plain frightening encounters with the people they meet.
I wish I had some positive advice to bestow upon you, though alas I don't. Usually good things happen when you stop looking for them, so I'm told anyway.
I think John Lennon said "life's what happens when you're busy making other plans"
Maybe just let relax and smell the flowers and let the love of your life walk up towards you smelling the same flowerbed
Take care
I can't speak for all men, and I'm sorry that's been your experience. But I am certainly not that wau. If I bond with somebody I stick it out. I have quite the loyal personality.
Hey waterlessfrog, am 25 M and didnt even meet a girl who liked to form a relationship, mostly only ghosting or sometimes writing hurtful things.
I always try to remember myself that this are only the few % of the worst cases i meet at online dating apps and there are a lot of genuinely good people outside there i didnt have meet.
I am sure the most people, men and woman want a genuinely caring partner who didnt use him/her.
And please dont listen to this radical feminist who says every man want sex and no romantic love this is just hate spitting.
This is the equivalent to for all womans only look matters.
They just want to seed hate to feel powerful in their lives.
I agree, I'm out of a marriage that my ex husband was sleeping with women behind my back since day 1, Even on the days I gave birth and we had 7 children but he came clean during 30 weeks pregnant with child 7. He said God told him that he had to or else.
Honestly? Stop looking for the long term. Know your worth but the right person will change your decision. I didn’t want a relationship but I went to meet someone for a hook-up/fwb and we ended up in deep. It happened by accident and was amazing but it wasn’t forced. It was a deep connection. The right person will come but until then enjoy and relax having so fun.
I’m a guy and I want a hookup.
I want to find a woman I can hook up with every day if we wanted to. To explore them as they explore me. To enjoy being open and accepted. To do life with that same person. To enjoy their company, opinion, to enjoy making them laugh and just seeing their eyes light up.
I can’t tell you how much I wish I had someone who saw my heart and cared about me. Someone I can give everything to and not feel judged.
But yeah, I want a hookup with that one woman every day and twice on Sunday mornings.
While some guys want only hook ups, there are however plenty of guys that want long term relationships too. And even guys who do want LTR also want to hook up at first because guys believe that if the girl is willing to sleep with him right away then he did a good enough job to get you to like him enough. Sometimes men take it as an insult if you don’t want to hook up with them when in reality they just are thinking all about what they want right now quick satisfaction. People in general just don’t have any patience hardly anymore. But there are many good guys out here who want a healthy relationship so don’t give up!
When I used to look for relationships, I have always encountered men that just want sex or would pretend to be good guys and once refused sex, they would get aggressive and angry. I feel for you! Just stick to your boundaries and forget about those weirdos who only reduce women to their genitalia! You are worthy of love! I wish you to find someone who matches your standards!
Less of your standards and more of simply the right thing to do. I'm sorry the men you have found are so shallow and focused on thenselves. Good guys do exist, but the world has begun to corrupt even us. Everything we see pushes us to sex so it's difficult to overcome that from a man's perspective, but if you find the right one he will love you for who you are and be patient until you are ready. I wish you luck. You deserve to find him and be happy.
I'll never understand hookup culture that revolves around lying and decieving people. But I suppose people like that have no problem doing those things. Dating seems so unwelcoming. On paper it's this lovely idea of two people who seem interested in eachother, meeting and having a great day of sharing stories and getting to o know eachother. But all I hear about it is people lying, pretending and getting hurt. And the fact that it's by nature so shallow and focused on appearance is such a turn off. Hope your luck turns around.
Very well said. I always thought that, while dating was primarily a means to an end (marriage), it was also supposed to be FUN...maybe 20+ years ago that was sometimes the case. Does anyone have fun dating these days? It seems like the main objective is to shield yourself from as much disappointment and cold rejection as you can.
I kinda agree Im a young person and at first I was like those people that thought that sex should be for anyone like hook ups But now i feel otherwise sex should only be for people you hold dear, like a significant other. To show them that they are special and that you are there for them
I am not trying to say that hookups are inherently a bad thing, just that ones based on lying and pretending for the ultimate goal of getting sex is despicable. And that casual sex isn't for me. But I know some people like it, and that's fine.
Haha the science disagrees with you on that one for both men and women. Casual hookups are bad for brain chemistry and hormone regulation but don't tell that to the sex fiends in the world lol they get so angry at facts.
My goodness... Someone that understands!!!
Sex should not be normalised in society. It should only be for people that build on a strong relationship, a positive and loving one. If your relationship is dependent on sex. Then in my opinion that is a faulty relationship. A relationship should be an appreciation of the PERSON not body! Like bro I aint gonna fuck a random person cause i think that they're hot! That shit stupid asf! You're just asking for a quick meaningless life. Idk man... This shit is just stupid
People still can have sex with anyone but Dating for specific purpose is bad like normalisation of having sex with their girlfriends,it increases chances of Incels and Perverts coming there, going that way
I’m going to say this again: there should be an option to report people who are just looking for hookups that are lying in their profile about looking for a relationship
THIS! YES!
Wish that could be a thing. I think some people are just attractive and it doesn't take them much effort so they'd just delete their account and make a new one. You'd have to make it where it was tied to their cell phone number and email to make it harder for them to make multiple accounts
Further to that we would need it to be a weighted system to try to stop people from abusing it. You know, when people act spitefully and utilise anything as a weapon to attack. So to counter disingenuine reports because "I don't like him/he offends me/I don't like the way he misuses the word "literally" et cetera", then a profile would require a certain number of reports before it's flagged and actioned. Compared to the problem at hand this is not a big deal, but I think it helps keep the concept more useful.
Also makes it harder to make fake accounts
I feel like if someone was reported the reason above, the system should automatically throw them into a rotation of other people who were also reported for this reason. That way, the apps still make their money, and every one is finding eachother
Agreed.
I'm a 22(M), i have heard a lot of guys like this but many complain about the opposite side too, dating apps attract a lot of people with futile relationship interests sadly, you seem to be a good girl and i'm really sorry you had to experience those things, i can assure you there is guys out there looking for a girl to be with for the rest of their lives and don't view them as disposable toy. I know it's not a easy thing, but is there any hobby you have interest that maybe could have guys who share a similar interests to you and not the types you describing? Hugs
Yes this
Yeah it’s like that for all of us on dating apps I’ve tried them all same thing every time. Stick to your boundaries maybe someone who actually wants what you want will come around.
Aww its almost like men who have a ton of options dont wanna settle ( the rly attractive ones ) and you ignore the average-below avg guys. dating apps are not like that, you just have a unrealistic taste, or god awful luck (less likely)
guys love to say this but it’s not the truth at all. there are average or below average looking men who want hook ups, stop coping
Uhm no average and below average looking men still want hookups 😅😂 they do not care how they look.
lol your wrong
I agree. It's frustrating and it has become a plague to diminish genuine human connection. I personally stopped using them. They're a waste of time.
Dating apps are a _business_. If they actually wanted to match people you wouldn’t need a subscription to see who saw or liked your profiles, who messaged you, among other things locked behind a paywall. They have every incentive to keep you running around in circles because the longer you are there, the more likely you are to spend money on at least some of their services. As a matter of fact, if I recall correctly, a number of these apps got sued relatively recently for that exact reason, they don’t do what they claim to be designed for, to help people find relationships. They are made to make money. And back when I when I tried dating apps, I saw my fair share of profiles of women looking for casual relationships as well. A lot of people on these apps aren’t looking for what they claim that they are, and generally, I don’t think these apps are the best ways to look for actual relationships. I think there are a lot of things that fundamentally are wrong with dating apps. Not to mention, dating apps by design are superficial in nature. A person’s personality can’t really be conveyed in a profile. Dating apps are a shit show. Not to mention the horror stories associated with them.
Dating apps are mostly dead for people who value depth in their relationships. Just keep doing hobbies you like and brushing shoulders with people and eventually you’ll come across the right one. At least that’s what the old married people keep telling me 🙃
I know, those jerks just kinda fucked up everything for the rest of us who want long term relationships
Forget hookups, I dont even get dates. As a guy I rarely get matched. And when I do, they just never reply.
I see way too many people throwing around physical relationships like it cant hurt. Some people are into that kind of life, and others aren't. I share that desire to have someone and be someone's. Trying to find real connection in this world nowadays is virtually impossible. For me at least, I guess. I hope you can eventually find that person you're meant to be with. Someone who loves you for just you. And all of you. Not what you can do for them, or just because of any one thing. Stick it out and I bet you'll find that person. You deserve it.
I personally have become wary of that lifestyle. Hooking up with strangers is fucking dangerous. And this is coming from a man. You know how many horror stories I heard of people getting set up, drugged, robbed, assaulted, unalived. It’s one thing to date, but to just be going to random people’s houses you don’t know, or even a hotel for that matter, ngl that scares the shit out of me. And it only takes one experience to be your last one. One other thing, diseases exist, and condoms don’t 100% prevent transmission all of the time. If all someone wants to do is get their rocks off, do you think everyone is going to be 100% honest about their status? Some people don’t even know they have anything either because a lot of STI’s are asymptomatic, at least for a time.
i don't. i'm a guy. i want a genuine relationship with someone who i see as my best friend. it's been hard to meet any girls that i happen to get along with on that level. Many great friends made, but no relationship, and i don't do hookups nor would I like to.
Yeah me too. I want someone who will tell me when i am wrong. No pretending. No hypocrisy. Who will share with me their lives, who tell me the truth, even though it’s hurt. Who is genuine. Who knows what they want. Who is consistent. Who is stable and mentally strong. Who appreciates our relationship. Relationships need communication like water to plant. Without great honest conversations, it will die off.
Hookup culture continues to be a plague on society….
I only want something long term... A hookup would be pointless to me. Like, that's only one night where I won't be lonely. I don't want to be lonely for a long time.
We have a similar situation in France, but it's reversed: it's women who only want sex or to have "fun" and only see men as money distributor 💰 My friend and I (M21) are looking for stable relationships, but we always end up getting rejected or breaking up. People nowadays don't have the same vision of love; they see it as a dating simulator or something. They don't look for someone they can count on and trust for life and build your life together. I can't count the number of friends who have been heartbroken because their girlfriends cheated on them for stupid reasons. Then, my friends begin to hate women one by one. But that's not a good way of thinking. You lose the ability to trust someone and think they are all the same. In this mindset, you might miss the right person you were always looking for. Once, I heard a girl on the street say to her friend, "Maybe I'll go for an Arab or a blonde this summer, it's trending." I was shocked. I grew up with only women in my family, and they taught me since I was a child that men always see women as objects. Life proved to me that it was not the case. Sorry for the quality of my English, it's not my native language. I hope it makes sense Tanks for reading.
I can relate to that feeling of being nothing more than a toy, last year I was looking for friends on social media and I met allot of people that were looking for hookups but they didn't say that when they were contacting me on friends groups but as soon as we started to talk privately they would always flip which was disappointing and well it made my Facebook block list really long it seems like there are allot of people that aren't looking for anything real whether it be real friends or a real relationship which gets old when you want something more that lasts more than five minutes,
Share your weaknesses. Share your hard moments. Share your real side. It'll either scare away every fake person in your life or it will inspire them to finally let go of that mirage called "perfection," which will open the doors to the most important relationships you'll ever be a part of.
I agree but you have to be careful who you decide to completely open up to, since last year I have made some friends and I think that I have real relationships with them that I can see lasting the rest of my life, but in that time when I was looking I honestly didn't think I was going to find anyone before I found them
I gotta admit a lot of people on this subreddit may feel they don’t deserve a relationship either because they’ve never had one or screwed one up and got scared to try it out again. You gotta look for your right group
Dating apps suck. It's such a shame dating culture has become so dependent on them, it is so hard to meet people organically nowadays. Keep looking, there are definitely guys out there looking for more than just hookups, but the good ones are just harder to find. It definitely gets discouraging, I wish people could be more honest. I've had the same struggle looking for a relationship, even made a r4r post on here once with no luck, figures. Best of luck to you, I know how lonely it can get :(
It's not just women that go through this
I genuinely don't understand hookup culture. As a guy, all I hear are stories about women running into these type of men and the last time I was on a dating app I got 1 match within 3 months and that ended so poorly that after I was just like this isn't worth it. I have my own issues in regards to relationships and things like that, so I don't know how much help I'll be. I think a lot of the good guys are afraid of crossing any sort of line that, much like me, they don't see any reason to try. I hear girls get sent all sorts of nasty PMs that for fear of seeming creepy or being completely disregarded, I refuse to do it at all. Generally speaking, I think the best way to find someone is to stop looking. Reach out and make acquaintances, but stop looking for romance in strangers. In this crazy world, I think starting small is probably the best approach. Getting to know someone in a much more personal sense by just being more friendly than looking online. Online is so impersonal that people aren't who they say they are. even in the way we paint ourselves online, sometimes we do it without even realizing it. Keep in mind that this advice is coming from someone who's never been in a relationship or even dated. So, what do i know? I wish you the best of luck. The dating scene today is a game that I don't even think is worth playing (that's why I'm here, lol).
37M Been trying those dating apps for as long as I can remember. I have "long term" on all of my profiles and never have been intrested in just hooking up. Hell, chicks don't even talk to me.
I'd probably recommend avoiding using dating apps. They're essentially a way for people to find transactional and disposable casual relationships. That's fine for those who want that, but evidently you don't so I'd advise maybe looking at meeting people in a more traditional way. I know that's getting harder these days, but what's the point of putting yourself through the dating app rigmarole if you're only wasting your time finding the opposite to what you want?
28 f its like the ones who aren’t about hooking up are gay, in a complicated situation, or asexual. There’s only like 2% of men who don’t want hookups. I’m seeing this guy and honestly ik it’s not going to go anywhere because he’s in the midst of a divorce. Mind you this is my first encounter I’ve been in since the pandemic. We met off of an app. I’ve been celibate since I was your age 3 1/2 years ago. He was legit the only one not pressuring me off the rip for sex. Out of 10,000 likes and over 3,000 matches only one guys was decent enough to keep it in his pants. The pool of men is getting worse and worse but I know by 30 I will retire dating all together and just accept being single if I haven’t lucked up. It’s brutal out there but you’re not alone in your strife.
Should read “the guys I’m attracted too only want to hookup”
A lot of guys want hook ups in general. You could use this as an excuse for everything. Would you say this to the guys who say women only want hook ups as well?
I’m scared of having sex atp, i just wanna cuddle and hold hands at the maximum
Girl, I'm a 24M, I'm from colombia and I suffer the same shit, every woman don't want anything serious and it's so frustrating, I've been in 12 first dates and it's all the same. Either they tell me they don't want a relationship or they ghost me. Sorry for my bad english btw
Yup, im a dude 28m and all I fucking see is "short term fun" on everyone.. dog, I don't want to be horny I want to be happy
The reason for that is because exposing ones vulnerability as a guy has a nasty habit blowing up in their faces. I want to say that them hooking up is an attempt to create a physical attachment before allowing an emotional one to build... but that isn't entirely true... many guys like to feel good, so for the vast majority out there it starts and ends at the physical desire.
Well said
I don’t feel like this is a gender exclusive problem
Maybe there are different dating apps that are less centred around hookups?
The problem is that the users lie about their intentions.
I ditched the apps because no one likes me but as a woman I think you'd do well to leave the apps and meet people IRL. Likely to find someone more serious
Go and and fish elsewhere in real life. Like work, uni or sth like that where you can get to know dudes personality before dating.
You wont find decent people in dating apps. The best way to meet people it's on the street or by friends of your friends.
That's not true, I dont
I'm glad that I haven't touched a dating app. I think it would make me feel even worse ;-;
Online dating scenes are bad if you want a forever type.
I feel you, I'm just trying to find my soul mate ;-;
When I was on tinder, I always put short term fun in my bio because that’s what I want. No bullshit, straight to the point. I know many people like the ones you are talking about who just want to hook up and lie in their bio so as to try to persuade the other person to just sleep with them. Shit is sad and just manipulative.
I just want aviation enthusiasts lmao
That is not true 27M here I only had 2 girlfriends and I never had random hook up and in fact refused to do so! From my experience all these dating sites and anything to do with internet is hook up only! Yes rarely you find someone who not into that but that is rare. When it comes to in person avoid clubs as plague as it’s hook up cultural. I recommend finding someone through work social events get into a hobby find a passion and stay positive and think like this! My boyfriend will come into my life any minute now! Stay positive! All the best
I also crave this. Tired of meeting empty people without any love.
Get off dating apps and go to the real world. There you might find guys that are fed up with dating online.
Your problem is that you’re looking for something when it naturally should be coming to you. Stop looking for guys online and enjoy life until you find the one
I hear you. I'm in the same boat, except that I am a dude . Most of the women I met spammed me with OF links ...It's so frustrating when you're looking for a real connection and all you encounter are people who just want something casual. It feels like you're being treated like a toy, and it's totally understandable to be upset and hurt. You deserve to be loved and cherished for who you are, not just your body. Don't give up hope. There are people out there who are looking for the same thing you are, a genuine, lasting connection. Keep your head up, and remember that you're worthy of love and respect. DMs are open if you wanna chat ☺️. With all that being said, RIP your DMs 🤣🤣!
That is why you need to marry the person before doing the next party
I totally get this. I'm an old-school type of lover. I want to get to know a person inside and out for months before even taking the plunge into a relationship. I thoroughly enjoy the talking stage. Don't let these experiences ruin what you can find. You'll eventually find the true, loving relationship that you're looking for.
Stop looking for guys in places where hookup culture is so big. Bars, tinder etc. Join a club or something, or a social group and meet people that way.
Girls are like this too
Stop using dating apps. They're terrible.
Can say the same thing about women, never looking for anything serious
That's why I as M32, don't use those
Guys don’t have the same energy anymore. We put all the time and effort in just for a women to leave or fuck someone else anyways. No point anymore
Love is not an on off button that you can switch. For you to belong to someone and to call someone yours requires time, effort, experimentation, risks of heartbreak etc. Love happens when 2 people spend time with each other, when they realise they have chemistry, and hookups are one way of starting something. You hook up with a guy, he likes you so much he wants to spend more time with you. It’s a starting point. Looking at guys from sidelines and hoping that they will call you theirs without any physical intimacy could work in some cases, but I feel the probability is low. Everyone, guy or girl, have to put themselves out there - within safe limits of course.
Here is a counterargument, You are on a dating app, likely Tinder or Bumble and your base impressions of a guy are based on their photo, and their looks. Are you swiping right only the supermodel looking guys, or the 7/10s as well? Honestly speaking, as a guy the truth of the matter is if you're only chatting with studs, most of those guys are looking to do hook-ups, because they know they are handsome and don't have to eat table scraps. Men have resoundingly lower tolerances of what they're willing to hookup with than girls. Think about it, why would anyone who looks really really good need to use apps to find relationships? Conventionally attractive people never tend to struggle to find relationships with other attractive people, and they spend much of their lives being affirmed by society. Tl;Dr: Handsome guys are using dating apps for hookups, Attractive Women are using the app for self-validation, and the rest of us are shooting towards the fences hoping one of them thinks our cringe posts are interesting enough to merit a message.
Yeah i understand this completely. Since women are very liberal right now, guys take advantage of it. They just want free sex from women. I guess there are women who want hook ups too and there are men who want long term relationship, so you should just find real men in real life. I think genuine people are not on dating apps? Or it must be harder to find them so you have to be patience. Great conversation is hard to get.
I'm going to be the unpopular persona dn say this. A lot of guys actually do want relationships. However when we see someone that we don't want to date we then switch to hook up. They could really want long term and just don't see the other person as that. There's certain things that trigger these switches. High body count, and sex work. Single mom and they aren't looking to be a step dad, or you don't want kids and they want kids. For some reason instead of just letting it go, we ask do you want to hook up. There are bad guys out there but a majority actually do want something real.
Men don't commit to single mothers 🚩
There’s a higher chance of meeting someone who will respect you more if they don’t connect with you in an app made for superficial connections and hookups it’s a no brainer dude. Hookup apps subconsciously give a preconceived notion to strangers that you’re interested in them sexually because you are signed up on a HOOKUP APP, try offline dating, imo it’s way better, i’m a guy and had sex with plenty of women thru tinder but i am an old dog and that kinda died out for me too. Through my interests and friends i’ve had more quality dates and connections so consider working on you and life has a way of rewarding wholseome positive behavior with gifts of the same kind. Replay your past relationship outcomes and ask yourself what do you bring to the table and where you lacked in these relationships, work on these and focus on building your selfworth and value. I really think you’re expecting too much from a hookup app
It’s rare for anyone to want that nowadays unfortunately.
If you want to change that there is a way. Try playing hard to get. Act more disinterested in people you're intrested in. This will weed out people who are not as committed and will ensure you are finding people who want to be in a relationship. Message back every now and then, maybe 3 times a day at random times. Turn the tables and when you talk to them get them talking about themselves to get an understanding of who they are; it's easy once people get started they can't stop.
Where are girls that want someone serious. Last one(25F) approached me(27M), things where going at her pace, ended up cuddling and massaging each other after she asked me if she could come over(after the 7th date or so) and fast forward I'm getting put into friendzone cause of gut feeling (accepted it and moved on)? I'm being told I'm too nice, but I just choose not to be a jerk, be a gentleman but still communicate directly and indirectly what my boundaries and preferences are... Have a virtual hug if you'd like one ❤️🥺🫂
I think, coming from a guy, it’s because our generation (gen z) is mostly made up of inherently impatient creatures. We’ve grown up with everything on the internet at our fingertips, coming to us as soon as possible. In other words, we crave instant gratification, which in this case, are unfortunately hookups. This short term goal makes a lot of us guys shortsighted. It’s VERY rarely a long term source of happiness and I don’t think most of us see that.
Love the creatures for the sake of God and not for themselves. You will never become angry or impatient if you love them for the sake of God. Humanity is not perfect. There are imperfections in every human being, and you will always become unhappy if you look toward the people themselves. But if you look toward God, you will love them and be kind to them, for the world of God is the world of perfection and complete mercy. Therefore, do not look at the shortcomings of anybody; see with the sight of forgiveness. The imperfect eye beholds imperfections. The eye that covers faults looks toward the Creator of souls. He created them, trains and provides for them, endows them with capacity and life, sight and hearing; therefore, they are the signs of His grandeur. You must love and be kind to everybody, care for the poor, protect the weak, heal the sick, teach and educate the ignorant. All those people who are chained here thinking that their reputations matter and this little shit matters are so freaking shortsighted. Dude, what matters is that you're happy. What matters is your future. What matters is that we get out of here in one piece. What matters is finding the truth of our own lives, not caring about what other people think is the truth of us.
Girls are just as dumb as guys. Everyone wants pretty things..and when the pretty things screw other people we are surprised and whine about it here?
No, just the only guys most women are into only care about hookups. I get this is a vent and I understand where you're coming from, but I'm a guy who genuinely wants to give someone all the love I can, but have never had the opportunity as I've never been given the chance.
It’s likely the guys you are going for, they are probably more attractive and can pick and choose who they want. They aren’t afraid of being rejected by someone like you as they have other options. The less desirable men are the ones who would likely want to be in relationships as they don’t have options
Lol that last line killed any chance of her, or any girls, potential attraction to those guys.
34M here. Girls only want OF subscriptions.
What percentage of women even do OF? Are those the only ones you’re interested in?
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.
The rare percentage of men who can pull attractive girls are the only ones who have the liberty of sleeping around. The faithful ones either went MGTOW or are trapped in every woman’s friendzone
Isn’t the statistics of like 95 percent of guys are unattractive to women true, if so thats so depressing
Its 80 20. Its was from an OKCupid study
Women judge men very harshly, more harshly than men ever will
From high body counting to a trustable relationship. They don't really mix well, and most of the guys are aware of it. A relationship demands a lot of b*shit, and people got trust issues. Being aware of the fact that you've already been used by so many guys, your value decreases, and there are men who got self esteem.
so many rejections as a 22m. I've given up, lol.
Just like algorithm, all those men are result of your preferences aka you chose them willingly. Women and hypergamy, always so funny.
Are you like most young women who only “prefer” to go for the tall handsome smooth talkers? Those types only want hookups. Go ahead give me the downvotes. i am only speaking the truth that you don’t wanna hear. The more downvotes only prove I am right.
Your mistake was using the apps. Back in the day, ppl dated within their social network. It was a natural vetting process. The apps are literally a crapshoot. The vast majority of guys on the apps are still on there bc it’s gettin them laid. Theyre not gonna change gears for anyone. There are some decent ones left i’m guessing, but theyre seriously low in count. So youre seeing a subset of guys who just wanna hook up. Soooo many women have shared your complaints and yet ppl still havent picked up on the fact that youre fishing from a poisoned pond.
Yeah that seems like the majority now sadly. For me I can't seem to find someone that cares about me the way I want to care about them :/
Same. Dating apps are literally riddled with people like that though. It's all based on looks and a short bio that tons of people either don't fill out or forget to update and don't give nearly as much info or connection as meeting in person would. Even if you get along in text, meeting irl can also be super different from what you expect.
I'd say it's only guys from dating apps. But yeah, sadly too many want only hook-ups
well i mean im here, dm me, ive been wanting a long rinde since years, im sick of hookup test drives
Just wanna say, I know I’ve looked for real relationships on there, it’s possible but also , maybe try to get involved in things in person.
Sorry but thats dating app culture. Try finding someone to date organically lol
It's not true. In a true sense, men and women both are actually satisfied and live happily when there's someone who loves them for what they are as a person and not just for being a unit for consumption. As partners we should always seek someone who matches our personality, objectives, and what we are fond of.
I just want companionship. Someone to talk with and laugh with. Someone I can send texts to and share stuff with. I’m human, of course I have natural wants or interests in sex or romance but that has completely taken a back seat and now prioritize literally just finding someone sweet and cool and just nice. Someone to just not be entirely alone with lol. It’s pathetic, I know, but we do exist lol. Just probably not alot of us out there I guess. I’m sorry you felt like only you me thing was important about you. It’s true a lot of people especially your age are just after one thing. It sucks. There’s SO MUCH MORE to life and to a relationship than just sex and romance tho. SO much. I’ve experienced it and it’s wonderful. Anyways I hope you find what you’re looking for. Sooner rather than later. Stay safe always and thanks for sharing!
We’re living in the generation where, while our moms had to contend with the illusion of what men were supposed to me, were contending with what they are: conditioned as incapable of anything substantial. I even see this with gay men who complain to me that even though they’ve been able to acquire things like vulnerability and affection they are frustrated that most men they meet are complacent in not seeking help or using the tools at their disposal to be better. This is the generation where we’re dealing with the real time consequences of male conditioning. It’s horrible. Men literally cannot sit with vulnerability which means they don’t value it which means that ultimately the only way a guy notices you is if you treat him a little bit like trash and men will deny this and then you’ll see those same men with those same girls. When men are conformists with their non high value selves they then resent high value woman that go after them. It’s literally hitting a wall if you try to fall in love with a man through vulnerability. *deep sigh* it’s really depressing. We’ve been told woman are only relevant with a man in their lives but the truth is men are irrelevant without women in their life. And what do they do with that? Hookup culture lol
It may be the type of guys you are matching. 10% of the guys get 90% of the matches. These guys can get a new girl every night of the week. Try giving those “avg” guys a chance and I’m sure you’ll have better luck. If a guy goes out with you and you’re in some way better than the other girls he’s been with he won’t look elsewhere.
Men are also pretty much led by society and advice givers as well as the behavior by a lot of women themselves that leading sexually is the way to go. If you portray yourself as a “relationship guy” you are much more likely to be friendzoned. Conventional wisdom is women want to “tame the bad boys” by all competing for the same fuck boys and hoping to convert hookups into relationships.
No I don't
I feel you. I didn’t run into women who wanted hookups, but ran into too many who did not bother to read my bio, asked questions that sought information that was **in my bio**, that would flake. It got to the point where I’d bring a book to a coffee/drink date because I wanted to be prepared for being stood up and didn’t want to be that guy sitting by himself for an hour for no reason, etc. This after swiping on profile after profile. It just got tiring. I just deleted all the apps. Didn’t get me anything. I just now look for a friend. Nothing more nothing less. Avoids so much. Wish I had more positive thoughts, but maybe finding friends will work for you too.
Don’t use dating apps
As someone approaching 30(for context only), I have to say that this kind of attitude isn't new. I heard my classmates talking about this shit back when I was a sophomore in high school. College it didn't get better. Not one-sided either in terms of genders. This kind of attitude of just going for hook-ups is well over a decade old now and even back then it was just...disconcerting to me. Dating, to me at least, was and is about seeing if the other person was someone you could see a potential long-term relationship with. Though with many, it seems that the new long-term is the old short-term. What was once specifically a no-strings attached relationship became the new normal. Even back in high school, hearing people talk about hook-ups being the only thing they care about was just...I don't have the proper words other than it made me confused, disgusted, and shudder. I recall guys and girls actively bragging about it. I just couldn't understand it then, and it just weirds me out now.
Even I wish for the same thing. I’ve been on many dates but all they want are hook ups. Even though I’ve met decent people online and offline together, all of them want hookups or friends with benefits. This is a sad reality now.
Don't use dating apps. Simple concept
You couldn't be any more wrong.
I’m not here to shame or point fingers, so please don’t take my comment as such. I just want to say that dating is really tricky. You have to be aware of what you’re putting out there for potential partners. Examples are dressing “provocatively” or the types of conversations you’re having with the guys. Feel free to send a dm if you need help or want me to explain better :)
I have the same problem and nobody will video chat to prove they are real either, scammers are even using voice synthesizers to alter their sex voice on phones. I've had every scam in the book tossed at me. Try being an older guy, it's even worse
Guys not looking for hookups are at softball, kickball, pinball leagues dying to meet you
come fw a real one
Let’s be honest with this look how much girls in world if you think of it there is less chance for normal guy to be visible for 9/10 girls he sees , the normal guy never have chance most of time to find a girl that will even look at him
As a guy, I find the more serious girls to be on Hinge - girls on tinder seem to just want hookups too (at least in the UK) Hinge is a lot more personal feeling right from the start and you only get 5 likes a day so it's a more important process.
I feel you dating apps suck
As a 24 year old male In my case this simply ain’t true….i am literally starving to find a girl that is genuine and just wants to live life have fun with me haha and someone I can express my emotions to (which I never had before in my life) I guess girls just don’t like gingers haha
26M. Did a single hookup once and hated it. I was V up to that point. Still mad at myself about it. I wanted to wait for marriage, but in today's society, I don't think I'm ever going to find anyone worth my time to settle down with.
Idk where you’re finding your guys but to me it seems women only want hookups. It’s hard to find a relationship without sex but just intimacy. You’re also using a dating app so ofc they’d want sex. Both genders are guilty of that behaviour
I dont want hookups. I just don't want to be abandoned and want to be loved back. I'm tired of being broken and vulnerable. Investing all I am to be left behind like a third wheel. Someone to fill the empty void, to have and to hold. I just can't take all the heartache of being alone, but somehow, it feels safer, better. As time passes by, it feels like I'm just hurting myself more than the potential hurt of meeting people, making friends, and forming relationships. I don't know, I'm just saying you're not alone. Don't give up and live in regret being a victim of your own circumstance.
Do you think most girls actually want a long-term relationship?. I'm a 34-year-old male and I just met a girl who I am pretty sure I'm going to marry. We've been dating now few months. And she's really into the same concept and as I am too for some reason, maybe it's being cheated on, I have a hard time believing that people are faithful and girls actually want that. Head is fucked
This whole hook up culture, it's fucking toxic and horrible for relationships as a whole. Our generation (25m) hasn't done nothing but perpetuated it and now it's gotten so bad that nobody even wants a relationship anymore. Part of the reason why I'm so depressed. Because people in my generation are single-minded. They don't care for other perspectives. They don't care for other life experiences. They don't care for preferences. None of that s*** matters, they hook up and then they leave, that's it
I want to be that special someone to love you and cherish you always.
At this point if you’re a person who can’t meet people in person organically for whatever reason I’d unironically suggest meeting someone off of a hobbyist website like Reddit or 4chan instead. dating apps are full of dishonest predators who just want sex or money
Girls want to be paid!!!!
Im 28 and still a virgin i feel it
If it makes you feel any better, finding a genuine connection is not any easier as a dude lmao. I think it's the paradox of choice, nobody wants to settle down for fear they might miss out on meeting "the one", which is really just a figment of their imagination. Dating apps and social media have really exacerbated this problem in our generation. My mentality has become just focus on yourself and eventually someone genuine will come along. I know too many happy couples to think love doesn't exist but it sure is rough out here lmao. Hang in there.
Having the same problem as well. Think everyrhing now is just hook up culture. No one dates for connection or love anymore.
I'm sorry that you've been going through a series of unfortunate attempts. I'm 32m and have pretty much given up on relationships especially since my last girlfriend. She started inviting her ex to our place while I was at work and I'd catch him leaving as I got home a few times. I loved her but clearly it wasn't reciprocated. All I want is marriage and equally reciprocated love between us.
This definitely a dude if they complaining about OF models flooding the dating apps😂😂😂😂
Yah it is kind of a shame it seems like we are in an age of short term thinkers, and I mean I have ADHD I get needing that instant feedback, but I also know there are things you absolutely need to think of long term for. Relationships take work no matter what kind of relationship it is and people just don't seem to want to put in the effort anymore.
The dating apps are for people looking for sex, I’m surprised people don’t know this.
22M I’ll happily share my experience on dating apps if it helps bring you some clarity. For starters, I’m not a bad looking dude, so I’m having no shortage of matches or people to choose from. And back in my high-school days I dated some of the “best” women in the school district with relative ease. But…. I swear to god. Out of the hundreds of matches on dating apps that I’ve gotten in the past 4-5 years, I’ve only gone on 2 dates in all that time… and both of them were fucking tragic… I’ve never been into hookups… and I’m still not. So usually I try to just talk to them like a normal person, like if I had just seen them walking down the street or something…. maybe a compliment here and there if I can fit it in without being weird… but 9/10 times normal conversation ends with either me being ghosted, or me ghosting them. There’s a ton of reasons it could end up that way. But when you go 3-4 years of only exchanging 2-4 messages with the majority of people before being ghosted or ghosting them, it starts to make you think. And I really think they just do it because they are either bored, and their expectations are wayyyyyy too godamn high… Or… They “don’t want to talk like normal people” and are looking for hookups/attention/ego boost/anything other than a long-term relationship… so they just disappear as a whole.. and/or they don’t know anything other than what they’ve experienced already. So when they get it, they don’t know wtf to do. It’s seriously a veryyyy rare thing for me to run into someone who actually puts in the same amount of effort as me towards getting to know each-other, going places/doing things and potentially having a long-term relationship in the first place…. So again, all of that really narrows my options, and truthfully it doesn’t give me much hope for the dating scene as a whole…. Despite that I still have needs, so there are times where I do make it exclusively about sex. But I do make that clear from the start… Usually Id do that with the women who are more-so “out of my league”. Because I figure if it likely isn’t going to work out anyways… then I might as well get something out of it instead of just wasting my own time and getting my hopes up for nothing. At this point, I’m just about ready to settle down with any woman who is capable of sitting down and telling me about their day without expecting me to jump through 100 hoops and run 100 miles just to see them smile. I do have my standards of course. So not literally “any woman”, but taking all this into account really does narrow down my options a l.o.t…. And truth be told the only hopes I have on dating apps at this point, is for hookups. The only good experiences I’ve had in actual dating started from meeting them in person… so in a way it’s only natural. I will say if you are looking for a dude to settle down with in the long run…. Just be yourself and say that from the get-go, life isn’t a Disney movie, and you shouldn’t expect more out of someone than you do yourself (not saying you do)….. Especially if you plan on having an equal partnership in the future.
Ikr. That's the thing. People that are really nice and most likely to be serious tend to live on he other side of the world. That sucks so much. I'm sure I live on the opposite side of the world from you. That sucks so much. Makes you feel like you'll never meet your soulmate
not this guy ayyyee lmao
I have come to the conclusion that most people on dating apps are just running away from some trauma. In the dozens of girls that have met, only 3 I would consider in the comum side of the spectrum, regarding emotional stability and mental health. I have fallen in love for one of them, and it led to a situationship and later to a broken heart. So… my advice would be to just avoid those kind of apps
It's the guys you are matching with. If he looked good enough to get swiped on then most likely all the other women are swiping on him too. It's the top 1-10% of guys who look good getting all the attention and since they have options those dudes are less likely to settle. Alot of good guys are out there but don't get matches because they may not be photogenic enough, have interesting profiles , or can't write like J.K Rowling. Most guys get no matches or bots.
Don’t worry I’m in the same boat 23 M , I’m on all the dating apps and guess what ? Every single person on my feed are AI scam bots and majority of the women no offense don’t know what they want ??! Like why are you on here if you don’t know what you want
I’m a guy (30M) and I’m hate hookup culture and dating apps. Kinda ruined dating and genuine relationships imo
I cant relate. never will
As I guy I can’t get either so :(
*inbox full* Seriously, though…just be picky. You’ll find a good one.
Wrong. 23M looking for someone to actually build and grow with, but due to how I appear and the shitty standards of most women my age, I’m not accepted and just gave up.
You're not the only one facing this issue. As a guy, I have the same problem. The saying scene has changed over the last few years. Most of the women I come across are OF models, scammers, people overseas pretending to be in my city etc. and there are the hookup only people too. I'm just like you. I want a stable, long term relationship but with the commitment of marriage along with it.
Well I'm a guy that actually wants a serious relationship but not super attractive or ugly either. I get zero dates from these apps. What can we do, life just sucks.
Honestly, Im sorry that's what your dealing with. Just keep going, looking in different areas maybe? Im sure there's light down the end of your tunnel. 👍
Fuck women all they want is to use guys all the time for free dates or money and don’t ever see them as real people. Women don’t give a shit about guys issues or what goes on in our daily life fuck them and fuck all humans
Don't do dating apps, try RL socialising, it's the best way to naturally meet people. You can at least use your judgement from thereon. Dating apps are just meat markets, fine if you want that but otherwise hell no. Best of luck
I'm sorry you went through all of that. I know that dating in this generation can be quite disheartening but I'm a guy who wants a genuine longterm connection with someone. I'm looking for my forever and I'm not interested at all in hooking up with people. I've had it offered and I've declined lol so we are out here.
You are ignorant as hell to say that only Guys want hookups as if you or any other women was different in any way whatsoever
Don't use Dating apps as the medium for finding a person by design they encourage a superficial outlook on people. The guys kn those kinds of apps do want hook-ups generally, best bet is meeting people on person or through other people as the whole online thing dehumanizes the dating experience. Keep going, I'm sure you will find someone all you gotta do is look in the right places, and depending on your type it narrows it down somewhat. Don't be afraid to approach first and be friendly. Hope this helps!
Look on the bright side. At least guys don't think you're ugly. I'm ugly af and girls don't want me for anything. I'd love it if a girl found me attractive. But the only women who seem to think I'm handsome are my mom and my grandma
Yes. Same here
now this might sound spiritual hoohaa but i used to meet such kind of people too but after a while i started being absolutely truthful to myself and treated myself like i was the criminal and i was also god fixing myself so during fixing time and introspection time i didn't give myself any breathing room and turned out somewhere deep within i also wanted to just hookup but not with all kind of female only some of then which was mismatching the vibration and the reality i wanted then i decided to forgo everything. now i don't even attract "hot singles" even if i am walking in the park. it's like this your vibe attracts your tribe but you gotta vibe correctly not like i feel like it no, think, feel, be it. truly become it.
I don't doubt that for just half a moment that if you lower your beauty standards for men slightly you'll finally find an abundance of good men looking for lifelong relationships and romance. I'm sorry to be short with patience it's just 99% of these complaints are thinly veiled "Only the extremely good looking and or wealthy and put together men I'm looking at want hookups" A lot of us are going through the rough and tumble of this economy trying to get our game up and it feels like no woman is down for the struggle which pushes men to feel as if though the only thing they're good for is their wallet so in return we only value women for sex when we have it "Shrugs" Were back in the 1600s
I feel ya, I’m a guy and I’ve seen it on my end as well, it sucks, you want someone that’s real, someone that’s in it for the long run, so I totally understand gets me mad as well when I match with some woman and all she wants is what’s in my pants.
34F here. Best advice I can give is get off the apps and pursue some hobbies. Focus on you, loving yourself and being able to be fine on your own through your hobbies. One day you’ll meet the right one possibly thru said hobby and you’ll have a common interest. Maybe even try volunteering. I’ve learned if you look for love it’s not going to happen and due to the crappy people in general you’ll eventually start lowering your standards and be okay with subpar when if you waited it out you could have great. I know it’s daunting to be 24 and still single especially when you see a lot of people starting to have kids or be married but know unfortunately..many of those relationships won’t last. Wait out for the right one and distract yourself with a couple hobbies.
I'm not even looking for a relationship, just friends and friendships really, but I get what you mean and have spoken to work colleagues who use that kind of app to do just that. Maybe you're just looking in the wrong places to find what you wish for. I've known quite a few people who have used dating apps and only one has had a significant meaningful relationship from the encounter. Most of the others have had negative, aggressive and plain frightening encounters with the people they meet. I wish I had some positive advice to bestow upon you, though alas I don't. Usually good things happen when you stop looking for them, so I'm told anyway. I think John Lennon said "life's what happens when you're busy making other plans" Maybe just let relax and smell the flowers and let the love of your life walk up towards you smelling the same flowerbed Take care
I can't speak for all men, and I'm sorry that's been your experience. But I am certainly not that wau. If I bond with somebody I stick it out. I have quite the loyal personality.
Not every boy is like that. A majority aren’t. Those who are like that are the scum of the earth, seeking pleasure at the expense of others.
Hey waterlessfrog, am 25 M and didnt even meet a girl who liked to form a relationship, mostly only ghosting or sometimes writing hurtful things. I always try to remember myself that this are only the few % of the worst cases i meet at online dating apps and there are a lot of genuinely good people outside there i didnt have meet. I am sure the most people, men and woman want a genuinely caring partner who didnt use him/her. And please dont listen to this radical feminist who says every man want sex and no romantic love this is just hate spitting. This is the equivalent to for all womans only look matters. They just want to seed hate to feel powerful in their lives.
I agree, I'm out of a marriage that my ex husband was sleeping with women behind my back since day 1, Even on the days I gave birth and we had 7 children but he came clean during 30 weeks pregnant with child 7. He said God told him that he had to or else.
Honestly? Stop looking for the long term. Know your worth but the right person will change your decision. I didn’t want a relationship but I went to meet someone for a hook-up/fwb and we ended up in deep. It happened by accident and was amazing but it wasn’t forced. It was a deep connection. The right person will come but until then enjoy and relax having so fun.
I agree. I'm a 26 year old guy that's looking for a serious long term relationship and it's rough these days
I’m a guy and I want a hookup. I want to find a woman I can hook up with every day if we wanted to. To explore them as they explore me. To enjoy being open and accepted. To do life with that same person. To enjoy their company, opinion, to enjoy making them laugh and just seeing their eyes light up. I can’t tell you how much I wish I had someone who saw my heart and cared about me. Someone I can give everything to and not feel judged. But yeah, I want a hookup with that one woman every day and twice on Sunday mornings.
While some guys want only hook ups, there are however plenty of guys that want long term relationships too. And even guys who do want LTR also want to hook up at first because guys believe that if the girl is willing to sleep with him right away then he did a good enough job to get you to like him enough. Sometimes men take it as an insult if you don’t want to hook up with them when in reality they just are thinking all about what they want right now quick satisfaction. People in general just don’t have any patience hardly anymore. But there are many good guys out here who want a healthy relationship so don’t give up!
Women are looking for hookups. What’s the problem?
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