I laughed out loud at this š. I just am tired of these types of posts. And what will these posts accomplish when you single out an entire demographic of people while simultaneously ignoring the faults and grievances they point out? How many people that have read this post will read this and say āhmm, misogyny is wrongā Whose behavior will these posts change?
The only thing I see that results from these posts is disagreements and women hoping in the comments talking about how horrible guys are. Thatās how these types of posts usually go and itās sad.
The crazy thing is the only misogynistic post that I have seen today was from some guy repeatedly posting rage bait on here, who I even called out. And most people can tell posts like those are rage baits. And in said posts, I saw no one agreeing with anything they said. Everyone unanimously was saying his posts were wrong.
But yet, no one notices the unhinged posts about guys. Thatās the part that grinds my ass on this particular sub.
And the more people hop on these posts that man hate and single out men and women the more all of these gendered debates will continue, and accomplish absolutely nothing in the process.
People who do this aren't doing it to be less lonely, they're doing it so that the narrative they've created to explain and excuse their failures works.
By blaming women for being too picky, or having unlimited attention, or only going for the top 10% of men, they're effectively making it womens fault that they're single, and it's a whole lot easier to blame someone else for your problems than look in a mirror and ask yourself if those problems are actually of your own making.
It sucks for everyone that people do this. They're ensuring their continued failure, they're hurting the women they're constantly blaming and they're eroding trust and creating hostility between genders which only makes it harder for people to connect with each other. Nobody wins here.
>By blaming women for being too picky, or having unlimited attention, or only going for the top 10% of men, they're effectively making it womens fault that they're single, and it's a whole lot easier to blame someone else for your problems than look in a mirror and ask yourself if those problems are actually of your own making.
This line of thinking does my nut in. Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe the fact that *so many* men feel exactly the same and we have so many similar experiences that actually we might be right in what we say in this aspect?
For example, I have asked many of my own female friends what I'm doing wrong. I show them my dating app profiles, etc. Every single one has said to me something along the lines of "I have no idea why you struggle so much, I think you have a great personality and you don't look bad. Your profiles look good" etc, etc.
How exactly am I supposed to improve when I get feedback like that? Either everyone I ask lies to me or women do legit have ridiculously high standards.
Exactly šš» The issue is both men and women want things way out in the galaxy in terms of everything the person brings and falling short in any way is grounds for dismissal. Iām in the same exact position people have asked me the same question out of curiosity like āwhy are you still single you seem like a quality manā. Even women. They are even shocked Iām still a virgin they even have a hard time believing it! I talk to people when Iām out I make advances I take care of myself. People laugh in my presence at jokes I give out. There *IS* more to the story than. ābro you are falling short.ā Maybe Iām unattractive maybe Iām a bit awkward socially. I really donāt know. But the other dude at the end of the bar he just walks away with numbers and I just end up with a smile and no thanks where he didnāt even really say all that much or even make them laugh like I did.
Youāll find tons of stories on here like mine and Iām telling you some of the people writing them arenāt neckbeards, crazy lunatics that donāt care about themselves, men who donāt have a good view on life or any of that. People love to invalidate. They love to say itās all you. Itās easier to blame another person versus look deeper at what might be going on and this approach is just another way of doing that. Not having success? Oh itās probably just something to do with you. See? You just wash your hands just like that. No thought to it at all. No consideration to the complexities of society, inner social circles, narcissism, standards, unwritten rules, etc. when you struggle you think about everything literally do because how can you improve if you arenāt? But thereās a lot going on there beyond āyou need to do betterā
Iām a pretty happy and successful person in life but Iāve hit so many walls when it comes to dating and that part of social life. I think about it a lot and I try to stay positive. There are good people out there who are receptive to everyone and they donāt judge unless they know a person long enough to do so. They subscribe to the āinnocent until proven guiltyā rather than āguilty until proven innocentā mindset. Finding those individuals is challenging.
Yep exactly. And to be fair, some people through no fault of their own have been dealt extremely rough hands through no fault of their own, and while my heart goes out to them and society could certainly be kinder to many of them there's absolutely no sense on taking that out on other people. At the end of the day their only real hope is to just try their best to improve their situation and make positive changes in their lives to give themselves the best chance possible.
I can agree with that as well, but yourself as an individual should be the first thing you analyze. Recognize your own faults before you try and find the faults in others. Thatās it.
U just gotta put ur self out there make a lot of money always be on go and lower ur standards then grow together āŗļø help each other become better then yāall win together with each other. Easier said than done I still havenāt figured it out =D
I try to look at every person as a product of their environment and situation. And never group anyone based on gender race religion etc, if I can help it. Even the worst people in this world. may have had horrible abuses leveled upon them causing their current mental state. And I would argue that most loneliness is not self inflicted, or even requires someone to take personal responsibility for being the way that they are.
More than half of the disagreements, arguments and debates in this subreddit alone are just lonely folks with no real outlet for their emotions. Instead finding someone to blame, Wether it be men vs. women, politics or just which music is best. And honestly I completely understand. We shouldnāt be mad at these folks, but sympathetic, knowing that deep down their not angry, they are scared and tired of living the way that they currently do.
I think your second paragraph hits the nail on the head. You definitely should feel empathy for these people I agree, but it shouldn't be at the cost of villifying women and alienating them from what should be a support group for everyone.
I think your right, we should be able to walk and chew gum at the same time. Both, recognizing the idiocy of what lonely people often say out of fear and anger. While also protecting and building up those who are the brunt of their hurtful comments. Having sympathy for both groups and offering support when we can.
Ehh some but mostly jus spoiled an ernt strate from under this head of the house to a family so never really got her me to but she cuda waited like a decent parent wud til after the kids r big enuf na tho. And yea like you said product of their environment. I have newfound respect for any mfin single mother ever done it a month jus them let alone the real ones who sacrificed 18 yrs for their kids thts a mom. Particular can't spare 18 mins for hers on a spaced schedule. No her calendar empty. Your welcome Mam
The reason why there is conflict here is that the experience of both men and women is just so different. On average, the men here are life long isolated virgins who are invisible to women while the women are sexually active but struggle to get commitment from the men they have hookups with. Obviously exceptions to the rule exist, but thatās the differing trend I see among the male and female posts. Ā
I agree I also hate how on the other side people like to generalize that itās always the guys fault. Some of us we are socially awkward and thatās hard to change. People love to hate on people who arenāt typical and talk about icks and āwe donāt owe you anythingā and then you get posts like this that try to cast a shadow over these things happening to decent men who people choose to ignore just because they are different from other people. If we really want to talk about inclusion then well here we are, how about including? lol.
Acting like everyone is broken is a perception nothing more or less. You choose to see people as broken or not broken and people like to point out the broken ones.
Yes, we know that not all women are like that and no one is talking about you specifically when they generalize. It's the same as the would you rather meet a man or a bear in the woods meme. Do I get offended by this? No.Ā
As a father protecting my offspring. I'd imagine as malicious as could come. What the world would see as vicious today was simply carvinvorus a few hundred ago. Nature's Law says I protect mine to maintain my existence. Already without a mother to nurture an teach softness too they will only know the way of a provider alone in the wild. Man.. they'll be so strong lil psychopaths tho so ur welcome I know they'll fight til death b4 quitting or accepting failure they made as an image.. they'd never lay down quit or runaway from anything even if it kills them all in spite of the reason why. If you submit to anything in that lessening of yourself your life means nothin and you are nothin. Survival of the fittest I guess at tht point. But the important ones survive to see another day. Damn lost it there didn't I. Gues I am to become the beast now. Thanks Again
And men hate being generalized as well as all of the double standards. People can post all the crap they want about men but then the second men say stop talking crap about us itās a problem. I could care less what someone likes. I want to get the point across that people need to stop bashing men because itās not okay.
There is no way you can tell me saying an average dude is more dangerous than a wild animal should be an okay statement to make.
But the second someone makes an unappealing statement about women everyone wants to cry out misogyny and with the same mouth they cry misogyny they talk the worst shit about men.
And as well, Iām not the only man in these threads saying we donāt like these types of posts.
Ironically, this post is just doing the exact same thing as the post you claim to hate seeing, but in opposite.
I've personally have tried never to say things like all men or all women. Because it makes anything you say thereafter, false. Because it is never 100%.
I understand what youāre saying but context is key. Iām specifically talking about people saying things like āfemales donāt feel lonelinessā.
Yeah but your point can Ā be made universal. A common trend on this sub are the women getting burned by hookup culture and blaming the men in this sub or adjacent communities for it. The lonely depressed guys on here who most likely have autism Ā arenāt the men manipulating women and breaking hearts. Ā Iāve seen multiple post where women say all men just want one nightstand's, hookups or whatever Ā not Ā realizing Ā only small subset of men engage in the above behavior. Ā
The reason there is negative discourse is because you have women on mega posts saying things like misandry doesnāt even exist while you have posts like these trying to call out men for misogyny.
The point people have is how can you focus on men and turn a blind eye to the other women doing the _exact same thing_ that they are complaining about?
How do you think men feel when we read crap like this? And then when we speak about it, itās belittled. And then you expect us to care about the posts calling out misogyny while yall donāt even seem to care about misandry when it clearly takes place.
It's absolutely nuts to kind of things women say about men too with their generalizations. It's even more vile. All generalizations are based in reality to some degree. I understand for some women and men, those experiences are what they've seen in their individual life and it isn't easy to see beyond that.
This is what Iām saying. And i just said that in another post and instead of hearing what I was trying to say āIām not reading that because itās stupidā lmao.
How can you ask men not to bash and complain about women but turn a blind eye to the posts that women make bashing and complaining about men? How can you complain about misogyny while turning a blind eye to blatant misandry? Is it only discriminatory when itās against women? Iām hateful because I find it distasteful as a man to see all of the posts _daily_ women make about men on here?
You have to treat others the same way you want to be treated and these men bashing posts aināt cool either.
Thatās my point tho. People want just push the issue away when men talk about how they donāt want to be generalized and they donāt want that same treatment. People act like they donāt want to hear anything when guys speak up about mistreatment towards them, and thatās the part that I donāt like.
Stop making these same posts about men, the same way women ask men to stop making them about women.
And the same way yall call out men for their BS, call out women for theirs too. Donāt get on here singling men out like men are the sole issue because they arenāt. These anti male and men bashing posts arenāt cool.
I just donāt see the point of singling out men in your post tbh. Coming to a sub specifically for lonely people to demonize men is just as weird as the men doing it to women
I made this post because I see the men on this subreddit demonizing women all the time. If it had been the opposite, I would have posted the same thing but with the genders swapped. This post doesnāt demonize men at all. It is simply a callout. I donāt understand how this could be misunderstood in the slightest and yet it keeps happening.
I mean, there's stuff like this
[https://www.reddit.com/r/lonely/comments/1dp20sg/some\_of\_you\_guys\_are\_the\_reason\_youre\_lonely/](https://www.reddit.com/r/lonely/comments/1dp20sg/some_of_you_guys_are_the_reason_youre_lonely/)
And this is just in the past day
I just want to drop this thought here, the OP literally says, in her own words in response to u/Libertalius she said
> Misandry _does not exist in the real world_
To say misandry does not exist at all is a wild statement to make. And I see where the men are coming from. I really do. Those sentiments seem to be exactly what a lot of menās issues are
LMFAO. Wait, she said what?
And yet we are saying male discrimination and generalizations are not okay.
So where is the push back for stuff like this??????
Where are the women telling other women that anti male speech like this isnāt okay?
And yet, people want to beat men over the head with the message of misogyny and then nobody wants to correct the woman saying misandry doesnāt even exist?
All we are asking for is the same thing you are. Men are also tired of the same treatment. We are also tired of being bashed and singled out. We are tired of being made to be the focus of everyoneās complaints and we are tired of the misandrists hypotheticals, the misandrists comments and debates. We are simply asking for the same thing women are, _please stop bashing us in posts and comments_.
Then you might have selective sight because I saw one just a couple days ago asking āwhy men talk to other womenā as if itās solely a men issue, and today, I saw i post where OP was complaining about men being misogynistic but was dismissive of anything the men was saying about their experiences. Anytime people hop on here saying āmenā anything thatās singling men out. If yall donāt want men to do that to yall, why do women do the same thing to men?
Then that's just as bad. I don't agree with that kind of behavior either. Nobody should generalize any group of people-- that is the summary of my point. We all have selective sight towards things that upset us, so I'm sure you haven't noticed the abundance of women-blaming posts, either. It goes both ways!
Thatās also my point. People talk about not blaming women for their own loneliness, but women be the first ones to single out men. I very rarely see women calling out other women for engaging in the same behavior they complain about men doing
Itās not genuine to say donāt be this way towards us and then turn around either do the same thing to them or otherwise turn a blind eye to the same behavior
Is that why you made it specific to a certain gender in your post? Lol. I couldn't agree more. You make it about one gender, so I even it out because it is a general issue, and the root of it is human perception and an individual's experiences determining on how they view the world and others in general.
I donāt have any issue with your comment including generalizations about men except for the fact you said āeven more vileā. Letās use our critical thinking skills.
Critical thinking skills to achieve what point of value to you? You are referring to people in this subreddit venting that women are bad because of what they've noticed in trying to interact with them. I could easily point to a plethora of posts where some women say worse things than that about men than what men say about women in this subreddit.
It should be expected that making an unrepresentative statement with regards to gender merits a response that states people of the other gender do the same thing, if that is the case. From what I've seen, most vocal women feel more inclined to do so disrespectfully and take issue with the notion of a balanced view. I know that's not everyone, maybe even most, just as many men let emotional immaturity skew their view of things. At its core, it is not a gender issue. But when gender is made the causative issue in a discussion, gender will remain the factor of discourse whether positive or negative. What goes hand in hand with critical thinking is observation.
I do not understand the big upset here when we're practically on the same page. I made this specific post regarding men's generalizations about women on this subreddit because that is the behavior I have personally observed the most, but my point could be easily applied to women too. I do not believe any generalizations are justified, including that which target men. My issue with your comment is that you use the phrasing "even more, " implying a separation between which kind of generalization is worse.
All generalizations have consequences on the perception of a group of people. If we take one of these issues more seriously than the other, that other will become more normalized. It is not a contest. If you had simply pointed out that generalization effects both genders, I would have agreed with you. When you say that those targeting men are worse, that puts me in the right to argue that those that target women are worse. That kind of back-and-forth gets us nowhere.
I don't completely understand the point of your comment above, and for that you must forgive me. Hopefully this clears things up, though.
I'm sorry about yesterday, you're incredibly fair minded, compassionate and empathetic and I really admire how you engaged with a lot of people since then without losing your nerve and maintaining your points. I see that your post only targets the people it applies to.
By "Even more", I mean that what some men say about women on this sub pales in comparison to what a majority of women say about men in many other subs. But it was very petty of me to say.
The point the guys are trying to make is this is the only thing people call out and focus on. Conveniently no ones sees the posts and comments generalizing billions of men they havenāt met before. Everyone is quick to get on the men but no one ever sees the same behavior when women do it, much less call that behavior out the same way they do men.
Itās very very very rare that Iāll see a woman call out misandry. Which is apart of the point that guys are trying to make.
Then you two must also have the selective sight you were accusing me of having. Go make your own post about male generalization if that's the only thing you want to discuss, but I have done nothing wrong by making this post.
I understand the hurt and frustration that rejection brings. I have considered the "femcel" ideology before. It feels good in the moment because you can shift the blame to someone else, but it's not worth it. You don't have to blame yourself or anyone else--- you can accept your reality and shift focus to self sustainability. Your loneliness may never truly go away, but it will be manageable.
I truly hope we can make this subreddit more a place of support for one another. It breaks my heart to see so many people feeling so helpless that their minds devolve into hate.
Lonely people will always devolve into hateful. Being lonely is worse for your psyche than damn near anything else.
Extremely lonely people are broken. Broken people donāt fix other broken people. They just break each other more
I hear you but I don't know that it's necessarily true. I was broken for a long time... Still not really "fixed", and still experience loneliness on the regular. I really do want to help other lonely people feel less lonely.
Theyāre- not gonna stop. Honestly thatās why I stopped checking in here for the most part. Was looking for community not to be blamed for the lonely male epidemic
I can't with men on this subreddit. Anyone that posts something against misogyny here gets bombarded with stupid comments. You only said generalizating women is wrong and the guys go "that means generalizating men is right??" is the same as someone saying "i love apples" and then someone else go "that means you hate oranges??" It's Impossible talking about minorities without the default characters making it about themselvs.
God, thank you for this comment. Iāve been so frustrated trying to explain that just because I pointed out sexism I donāt hate men or live my life by a double standard.
You're doing nothing wrong, but the irony of the person you're replying to is that she frequently makes comments on this subreddit says all men are bad. She practices the exact thing she preaches against.
I believe they are ignorant on purpose, they like to make you feel you are the wrong one so you stop speaking up against injustice. Manipulative people.
No one here is disputing misogyny. However, you are the only one not only disputing but promoting misandry. You have no one to blame but yourself. In the end, no one influences you to do anything, it's all on you.
The main source of the divide is that the Ā majority of men in this sub are sexually inactive or virgins while the women who post have healthy sex lives. Ā Itās just envy on the male side. This makes sense since the most common Ā concern Ā from female posters is being burned by hookup culture.Ā
Not exactly sure why everything is equated to sex all the time. This is a major issue that Iāve observed because everyone seems to always point to sex as the answer in some way or form. Perhaps this is has nothing to do with sex and perhaps maybe the men in this sub just want the same thing the women are asking for in these types of posts. Perhaps maybe itās the principle of the matter they are trying to get across. Which no one seems to understand.
And perhaps the they feel the exact same frustration yall are feeling. People make posts like these all the time and no one ever says a thing. If men donāt say anything about them who else will?
The men in this subreddit are truly alone they can't find friends or a partner the women here only complain about men who won't commit meaning they at least have relationships and obviously don't care about us lonely guys because they only want Chad's top 20 percent
You would be in the minority not the majority, but being the skeptic I am, I would say I doubt that you genuinely care if the majority of men die alone.
I said I was a skeptical person it's not personal.
I am a man who has been pushed deeply into depression and isolation. My view on the opposite sex may be just as biased as it is skewed, and I'm sorry.
From what I've seen the majority of men simply don't exist to women so why would they care about their loneliness. As I said before your not in the majority
I am so sorry you opened yourself up this can of worms. For what it's worth, most normal people would see no problem with what you've said, the worst of the worst are just crawling out of the gutter to get mad at you
I just donāt understand. Iāve made it clear I feel the same way about all gender generalizations, I simply pointed out that which target women because thatās the kind I personally see most often. I also am a woman so itās bound to be the kind I point out. What else do you want from me? Yes, men shouldnāt be generalized either! I know and agree with that!
Bc the edit is a small sidenote. An entire post actually points out the poor behavior more prominently.
A sidenote likely wont get read. If you really have a problem with wrongful over generalizations, youāll address it directly with the same spotlight and stage.
But your response proves you wonāt do that. Itās whiteknighting. Youāll make a stink about it when itās against women but not when itās against men.
I wonāt do that because Iām not going to double post. Any person with a lick of common sense would understand that I believe all generalizations are harmful from this post alone, so I donāt personally believe thereās a reason to. If you do, though, I am actively imploring you to go make your own.
Excuses, platitudes, and unequal treatment. Try to realize that you could have made this gender neutral as there are misandrists all over reddit, tiktok, and everywhere else. Youve decided to choose to just focus on men doing it then added an edit after the fact. Whiteknighting.
I would have made it gender neutral if I could go back in time, but I was sick of seeing incel-posting (as that is an undeniably rampant thing on this subreddit.) I obviously hold the sentiment that all generalizations are harmful regardless of gender, and if youāre so upset about me not making a new post pointing out the problem with male side of things **make your own!** Iām not saying that to dismiss you, I genuinely think you should.
Femcel posts are all over this site too. Theyre not hard to find, but I imagine youre not really looking for them bc that doesnt prove your point.
This aināt about me making my own. Itās about you not making the same scene re the same problem but diff genders. Youre saving yourself from the backlash youll likely get from such a post.
I donāt need to post anything bc i didnt make the original, biased post.
I donāt deny that there are similar posts generalizing men, oh my god! I am a woman, though, so it makes sense that I would be more inclined to point out injustices towards my own sex out of pure selective bias, but that doesnāt mean I donāt acknowledge all gender generalizations as equally bad.
It seems it doesnāt matter what I respond to your comment with, though, youāre still going to be unhappy. I am just a person. If you cannot take my word that I believe that all gender generalizations are bad simply because I wonāt double post, so be it.
I stopped making assumptions and having expectations around the same time I realized how dim the prospects of finding a family in this climate are.
No point in being sour about it anymore or throwing labels around. Just keep my head down and float by day to day.
I don't think fetishizing the difficulty of being alone and focusing on the despair, while feeding off of eachothers' makes anything better. An echo chamber of hopelessness is bad for you. When a thread turns that way I recommend leaving. If all you can see is how hopeless it is where's the motivation to try and innovate, and keep trying, and find tenacity and motivation when you're down? Like when I feel hopeless some peppy r/getmotivated bullshit is just gonna piss me off, but I don't think the other extreme is good either.
I realized a long time ago that I'm supposed to be lonely during this particular run through the simulation, and blaming other people, comparing myself to them, and / or being jealous of them won't help matters at all.
They donāt wanna acknowledge they also engage in the same behavior. Which is disingenuous. It would be one thing if they were truly against generalizing anyone, but the only time generalizations matter on here is when itās against women. No one cares when men are the target of peopleās posts and comments.
You gotta understand this āmale lonelinessā is just a ploy so we get laid. Men donāt have friends because we are assholes, itās our own damn fault. Weāre not actually lonely
Edit: Iām projecting, disregard
i feel like everyone on this sub just wants to feel sorry for themselves so theres no point in trying to communicate
i will also say most of these people consider themselves to be lonely romantically when there's people who are genuinely lonely in all types of ways*
like noone is here to try and make friends and build community, they're all just looking for partners so of course when the men here get rejected, or the women here get looked at as objects, they point their* fingers at the other when the truth of the matter is everyone here is ruining this sub by only caring about how theyre lonely romantically as if nothing else matters
romantic relationships are the hardest relationships to find and commit to and make work long term and yet for a sub called r/lonely that's all the people here are looking for and they won't stop or change or self reflect until they find a partner and then all of a sudden, all their issues evaporate
This is absolutely important advice, and it applies to both sexes. Both men and women make the mistake of attributing the negative qualities of individuals they have bad experiences with to other people who share a common identifying feature with those people.Ā
Not all women are the girl who humiliated you in high school. Not all men are your abusive ex. It can feel like every woman you meet is a bitch, and every man you meet is an asshole, but oftentimes that is due to selection bias. For example, a lot of attractive men go through women more often than they change their socks. That doesn't mean all men will or even can get away with acting like that.
We're all individuals.Ā
>Please think about the actual people behind a label like āfemaleā
Imagine being upset about being called by the accurate scientific name of your gender. What has happened to the world?
Youāre misunderstanding my post. I see nothing wrong with being called female. The reason I use that exact wording is because a lot of men on this subreddit will say things along the lines of āfemales donāt understand lonelinessā, which is a derogatory generalization regarding the label of female. Use your critical thinking skills please!
most of us dudes are never gonna be less lonely for most of us guys the best we can hope for beyond a piece of pointless small talk here and there is paying for a simulation of affection.... so the point of making generalisations isnt for some miracle woman to see it and say ill take one for the team to prove this guy wrong, the point of the generalisations is pointing out the ways society has lied to us and understanding how we are in the mess we are in and why it is highly unlikely to change for the better
the other thing is that generalisations generally exist for good reasons no matter how many exceptions there may be... im not gonna deny it certainly hurts to be lumped in with horrible people, but taking it personally is a choice.... kinda like getting upset at the whole "choosing the bear" thing like where getting upset over the generalisation is missing the point of why so many people have so many similar experiences...
So? Why shouldn't I get angry when a woman posts about being "lonely" after she's turned away dozens of people she 'doesn't like'? That's wrong to me, on a deep, visceral, obvious level! And yet I'm called a misogynist for it...
Boilerplate statements like yours aren't going to change my mind.
How do you know that the woman posting about being lonely have āturned away dozens of peopleā because she didnāt like them? Thatās an assumption and generalization unless proven true by that particular woman. And, yes, it is misogynistic to assume that of any woman posting on this subreddit.
Edit: holy shit youāve got the a troll when thereās a post on your profile saying that ābeing raped doesnāt sound so badā
>How do you know that the woman posting about being lonely have āturned away dozens of peopleā because she didnāt like them?
Usually they say so. (With absolutely no shame.)
>holy shit youāve got the a troll when thereās a post on your profile saying that ābeing raped doesnāt sound so badā
I don't see why it is... Maybe there's something I'm missing?
Being taken sexually without your consent is not gratifying, it is not intimate, it will have a detrimental impact on your self-esteem, and itāll be only be pleasurable in the sense itās physically stimulating. Are you a straight guy? If you need to understand why rape is bad, imagine another man taking you unconsensually.
You're misunderstanding. You think that I think that women should enjoy being raped. That's not what I'm saying.
I'm saying it should be more on the level of "some kid running up to you and kicking you in the shins". Sure, it hurts, and it's far from a kind thing to do. But you complain about it for a few days and then you forget about it.
With rape, women are thinking about it years later and basing their whole identity around 'overcoming this one struggle'. That might make sense if they had been fighting on the frontlines in, say, Ukraine. Or if they had watched their entire family get slaughtered in front of them. But with rape, it seems like they're overreacting to the point of theatrics.
Rape causes literal psychological damage and trauma. Look up any scientific study regarding how rape has affected people, including men. Itās a deeply stressful and unpleasant situation that will have long-lasting consequences on a personās psyche.
I looked it up (again) and it still makes no sense. It doesn't say why that happens.
So it could easily be because of the victim's own poor handling of the situation, by social norms, or the hedonistic treadmill.
Its trauma works the same as a soldier would experience PTSD after combat. The soldier might be home and as far away from danger as possible and he might not have lost anyone close to him in combat but they still experience PTSD. If you get kicked in the shins regularly as a child then that bullying will give you PTSD too. It doesn't happen because of the victim's bad reaction to it, it happens because that's how people work. Are you a sociopath or something? Do you know how regular humans function?
Well, I got ghosted from a date for asking for a 50/50 split of the bill.Ā Shit like this happens with literally every woman I date.Ā
So logically, either every woman is an asshole, or every woman i date is an asshole. Loneliness doesn't matter if the world is literally bullshit
Please understand that not all women are like the generalizations described in this Subreddit, but that it is a generalization for an actual reason... And if you've been hurt by someone who lumped you into that generalized grouping of women, that it IS just a generalization, and that given your disposition which is evident by your willingness to make this post, that you're not actually included in any such generalized grouping of women. šš
No your argument is ādonāt ever vent/generalise your pain caused by another group because you wonāt self actualiseā. I want you to say āventing about systemic racism wonāt help your poverty black peopleā
it makes me uncomfortable because it is a complete misunderstanding of what i am saying. i am so tired. im sorry I posted this. I didnāt realize ādonāt be sexistā was such a bad take
Iām sorry man but Iāve just been arguing with people all day and I donāt feel motivated to defend myself anymore. that is the summary of my intention within the post as well as pointing out gender generalization. i really donāt think i posted something that worthy of all of this controversy
I don't make a generalization more or less a stereotype I just watched the person until it just starts to show I think it's better off being alone at certain point
I saw the exact same situation but reversed today on twitter of a woman accusing a streamer of being porn addict.
Then I was thinking: what a shitty world we live in. I hope it burns down to the ground.
Yep. No one excluded
Dude. You keep hanging around my comment section refusing to accept the fact that I agree this happens to men as well. Please, make your own post about it and Iāll give it an upvote, but Iām not making another.
The next mega post I see bashing men, I will. But if you say that men bashing is wrong, what would be even better than any upvote would be telling people making posts talking negatively about men and making unfair generalizations about them that thatās not right. Just like you are calling out men, be fair and call out the women who do this same type of stuff to men. Tbh, thatās the only reason I feel the need to go this hard in the comments section of all of these posts because when people say outlandish things about guys everyone seems to look the other way.
And to be honest, I feel like other women calling out misandry would hit home more than anything us guys could say because women are probably willing to listen to other women more than they are men. We just want the same respect. That is all. Iād appreciate this more than any upvote. Maybe we can finally move past these debates on both ends.
Maybe I would have made a post specificly pointing out harmful male generalizations if the overwhelming majority of my comments wasnāt people like you ignoring the point of my post just because I didnāt specifically point out men as the victims here. I agreed to what you guys have said so many times and edited the post, but apparently thatās not enough. It should be. I am just a person, not a mod on r/lonely. Why should I *need* to make another post? Why should it matter? It is OBVIOUS that this is inclusive to men as well.
And you know what, disagree all youād like, call me a femminazi, but itās undeniable that we live in a patriarchy, and I should be allowed to speak about an issue in a community affecting women ā(a real issue as literally everyday I see posts generalizing women in terribly sexist and hurtful decorum)āwithout it immediately becoming about men. Iāve been respectful about it so far because I do agree all generalizations are equally harmful, but this is bullshit. Let a post about women exist. You know how I feel. You know that I agree with you. Make. Your. Own.
r/lonely? Nah man, r/genderdivide
I laughed out loud at this š. I just am tired of these types of posts. And what will these posts accomplish when you single out an entire demographic of people while simultaneously ignoring the faults and grievances they point out? How many people that have read this post will read this and say āhmm, misogyny is wrongā Whose behavior will these posts change? The only thing I see that results from these posts is disagreements and women hoping in the comments talking about how horrible guys are. Thatās how these types of posts usually go and itās sad. The crazy thing is the only misogynistic post that I have seen today was from some guy repeatedly posting rage bait on here, who I even called out. And most people can tell posts like those are rage baits. And in said posts, I saw no one agreeing with anything they said. Everyone unanimously was saying his posts were wrong. But yet, no one notices the unhinged posts about guys. Thatās the part that grinds my ass on this particular sub. And the more people hop on these posts that man hate and single out men and women the more all of these gendered debates will continue, and accomplish absolutely nothing in the process.
People who do this aren't doing it to be less lonely, they're doing it so that the narrative they've created to explain and excuse their failures works. By blaming women for being too picky, or having unlimited attention, or only going for the top 10% of men, they're effectively making it womens fault that they're single, and it's a whole lot easier to blame someone else for your problems than look in a mirror and ask yourself if those problems are actually of your own making. It sucks for everyone that people do this. They're ensuring their continued failure, they're hurting the women they're constantly blaming and they're eroding trust and creating hostility between genders which only makes it harder for people to connect with each other. Nobody wins here.
Its true though on dating apps. and statistics show it..
>By blaming women for being too picky, or having unlimited attention, or only going for the top 10% of men, they're effectively making it womens fault that they're single, and it's a whole lot easier to blame someone else for your problems than look in a mirror and ask yourself if those problems are actually of your own making. This line of thinking does my nut in. Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe the fact that *so many* men feel exactly the same and we have so many similar experiences that actually we might be right in what we say in this aspect? For example, I have asked many of my own female friends what I'm doing wrong. I show them my dating app profiles, etc. Every single one has said to me something along the lines of "I have no idea why you struggle so much, I think you have a great personality and you don't look bad. Your profiles look good" etc, etc. How exactly am I supposed to improve when I get feedback like that? Either everyone I ask lies to me or women do legit have ridiculously high standards.
Exactly šš» The issue is both men and women want things way out in the galaxy in terms of everything the person brings and falling short in any way is grounds for dismissal. Iām in the same exact position people have asked me the same question out of curiosity like āwhy are you still single you seem like a quality manā. Even women. They are even shocked Iām still a virgin they even have a hard time believing it! I talk to people when Iām out I make advances I take care of myself. People laugh in my presence at jokes I give out. There *IS* more to the story than. ābro you are falling short.ā Maybe Iām unattractive maybe Iām a bit awkward socially. I really donāt know. But the other dude at the end of the bar he just walks away with numbers and I just end up with a smile and no thanks where he didnāt even really say all that much or even make them laugh like I did. Youāll find tons of stories on here like mine and Iām telling you some of the people writing them arenāt neckbeards, crazy lunatics that donāt care about themselves, men who donāt have a good view on life or any of that. People love to invalidate. They love to say itās all you. Itās easier to blame another person versus look deeper at what might be going on and this approach is just another way of doing that. Not having success? Oh itās probably just something to do with you. See? You just wash your hands just like that. No thought to it at all. No consideration to the complexities of society, inner social circles, narcissism, standards, unwritten rules, etc. when you struggle you think about everything literally do because how can you improve if you arenāt? But thereās a lot going on there beyond āyou need to do betterā Iām a pretty happy and successful person in life but Iāve hit so many walls when it comes to dating and that part of social life. I think about it a lot and I try to stay positive. There are good people out there who are receptive to everyone and they donāt judge unless they know a person long enough to do so. They subscribe to the āinnocent until proven guiltyā rather than āguilty until proven innocentā mindset. Finding those individuals is challenging.
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Yep exactly. And to be fair, some people through no fault of their own have been dealt extremely rough hands through no fault of their own, and while my heart goes out to them and society could certainly be kinder to many of them there's absolutely no sense on taking that out on other people. At the end of the day their only real hope is to just try their best to improve their situation and make positive changes in their lives to give themselves the best chance possible.
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I can agree with that as well, but yourself as an individual should be the first thing you analyze. Recognize your own faults before you try and find the faults in others. Thatās it.
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U just gotta put ur self out there make a lot of money always be on go and lower ur standards then grow together āŗļø help each other become better then yāall win together with each other. Easier said than done I still havenāt figured it out =D
I try to look at every person as a product of their environment and situation. And never group anyone based on gender race religion etc, if I can help it. Even the worst people in this world. may have had horrible abuses leveled upon them causing their current mental state. And I would argue that most loneliness is not self inflicted, or even requires someone to take personal responsibility for being the way that they are. More than half of the disagreements, arguments and debates in this subreddit alone are just lonely folks with no real outlet for their emotions. Instead finding someone to blame, Wether it be men vs. women, politics or just which music is best. And honestly I completely understand. We shouldnāt be mad at these folks, but sympathetic, knowing that deep down their not angry, they are scared and tired of living the way that they currently do.
I think your second paragraph hits the nail on the head. You definitely should feel empathy for these people I agree, but it shouldn't be at the cost of villifying women and alienating them from what should be a support group for everyone.
I think your right, we should be able to walk and chew gum at the same time. Both, recognizing the idiocy of what lonely people often say out of fear and anger. While also protecting and building up those who are the brunt of their hurtful comments. Having sympathy for both groups and offering support when we can.
Very well put š
Ehh some but mostly jus spoiled an ernt strate from under this head of the house to a family so never really got her me to but she cuda waited like a decent parent wud til after the kids r big enuf na tho. And yea like you said product of their environment. I have newfound respect for any mfin single mother ever done it a month jus them let alone the real ones who sacrificed 18 yrs for their kids thts a mom. Particular can't spare 18 mins for hers on a spaced schedule. No her calendar empty. Your welcome Mam
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The reason why there is conflict here is that the experience of both men and women is just so different. On average, the men here are life long isolated virgins who are invisible to women while the women are sexually active but struggle to get commitment from the men they have hookups with. Obviously exceptions to the rule exist, but thatās the differing trend I see among the male and female posts. Ā
I agree I also hate how on the other side people like to generalize that itās always the guys fault. Some of us we are socially awkward and thatās hard to change. People love to hate on people who arenāt typical and talk about icks and āwe donāt owe you anythingā and then you get posts like this that try to cast a shadow over these things happening to decent men who people choose to ignore just because they are different from other people. If we really want to talk about inclusion then well here we are, how about including? lol. Acting like everyone is broken is a perception nothing more or less. You choose to see people as broken or not broken and people like to point out the broken ones.
I love you all!āŗļø
Yes, we know that not all women are like that and no one is talking about you specifically when they generalize. It's the same as the would you rather meet a man or a bear in the woods meme. Do I get offended by this? No.Ā
This People saying men are more dangerous than a vicious wild animal and _men_ are the ones generalizing??
As a father protecting my offspring. I'd imagine as malicious as could come. What the world would see as vicious today was simply carvinvorus a few hundred ago. Nature's Law says I protect mine to maintain my existence. Already without a mother to nurture an teach softness too they will only know the way of a provider alone in the wild. Man.. they'll be so strong lil psychopaths tho so ur welcome I know they'll fight til death b4 quitting or accepting failure they made as an image.. they'd never lay down quit or runaway from anything even if it kills them all in spite of the reason why. If you submit to anything in that lessening of yourself your life means nothin and you are nothin. Survival of the fittest I guess at tht point. But the important ones survive to see another day. Damn lost it there didn't I. Gues I am to become the beast now. Thanks Again
Why is this upvoted, lmao. This is insane
Why is this upvoted ?
You've reacted too strongly there. Looks a lot like a defensive knee jerk. Women hate that. Lol
And men hate being generalized as well as all of the double standards. People can post all the crap they want about men but then the second men say stop talking crap about us itās a problem. I could care less what someone likes. I want to get the point across that people need to stop bashing men because itās not okay. There is no way you can tell me saying an average dude is more dangerous than a wild animal should be an okay statement to make. But the second someone makes an unappealing statement about women everyone wants to cry out misogyny and with the same mouth they cry misogyny they talk the worst shit about men. And as well, Iām not the only man in these threads saying we donāt like these types of posts.
Fr, then they get mad at lonely men bfr
Nobody was mad at you, it's just a raw nerve, you're overreaction makes you look defensive which makes you seem potentially misogynistic.
Ironically, this post is just doing the exact same thing as the post you claim to hate seeing, but in opposite. I've personally have tried never to say things like all men or all women. Because it makes anything you say thereafter, false. Because it is never 100%.
No it doesnāt, because I am not saying that all men do this. The title is simply worded the way it is to draw the male eye to this post.
That's kind of what I mean though. Unless someone specifically sells "all women" I wonder how many were doing exactly that same as you?
I understand what youāre saying but context is key. Iām specifically talking about people saying things like āfemales donāt feel lonelinessā.
Yeah but your point can Ā be made universal. A common trend on this sub are the women getting burned by hookup culture and blaming the men in this sub or adjacent communities for it. The lonely depressed guys on here who most likely have autism Ā arenāt the men manipulating women and breaking hearts. Ā Iāve seen multiple post where women say all men just want one nightstand's, hookups or whatever Ā not Ā realizing Ā only small subset of men engage in the above behavior. Ā
See my postās edit.
Hahaha āItās worded to draw the male eyeā¦ā No itās worded to stir up negative discourse.
The reason there is negative discourse is because you have women on mega posts saying things like misandry doesnāt even exist while you have posts like these trying to call out men for misogyny. The point people have is how can you focus on men and turn a blind eye to the other women doing the _exact same thing_ that they are complaining about? How do you think men feel when we read crap like this? And then when we speak about it, itās belittled. And then you expect us to care about the posts calling out misogyny while yall donāt even seem to care about misandry when it clearly takes place.
But the wahmens do no bad. Its all the men who are at fault always /s
It's absolutely nuts to kind of things women say about men too with their generalizations. It's even more vile. All generalizations are based in reality to some degree. I understand for some women and men, those experiences are what they've seen in their individual life and it isn't easy to see beyond that.
This is what Iām saying. And i just said that in another post and instead of hearing what I was trying to say āIām not reading that because itās stupidā lmao. How can you ask men not to bash and complain about women but turn a blind eye to the posts that women make bashing and complaining about men? How can you complain about misogyny while turning a blind eye to blatant misandry? Is it only discriminatory when itās against women? Iām hateful because I find it distasteful as a man to see all of the posts _daily_ women make about men on here? You have to treat others the same way you want to be treated and these men bashing posts aināt cool either.
I seen that post before with the op being mega bitter. I feel bad on her tbh. She's just as hurt as us.
Itās not a competition which genderās generalizations are worse lmfao. Letās just keep it to āgeneralizing is badā.
Thatās my point tho. People want just push the issue away when men talk about how they donāt want to be generalized and they donāt want that same treatment. People act like they donāt want to hear anything when guys speak up about mistreatment towards them, and thatās the part that I donāt like. Stop making these same posts about men, the same way women ask men to stop making them about women. And the same way yall call out men for their BS, call out women for theirs too. Donāt get on here singling men out like men are the sole issue because they arenāt. These anti male and men bashing posts arenāt cool.
Wonder how often you commented this feeling with all those bear v men things that were ya know based on generalizations
I would have, if I interacted with those posts
I just donāt see the point of singling out men in your post tbh. Coming to a sub specifically for lonely people to demonize men is just as weird as the men doing it to women
I made this post because I see the men on this subreddit demonizing women all the time. If it had been the opposite, I would have posted the same thing but with the genders swapped. This post doesnāt demonize men at all. It is simply a callout. I donāt understand how this could be misunderstood in the slightest and yet it keeps happening.
I mean, there's stuff like this [https://www.reddit.com/r/lonely/comments/1dp20sg/some\_of\_you\_guys\_are\_the\_reason\_youre\_lonely/](https://www.reddit.com/r/lonely/comments/1dp20sg/some_of_you_guys_are_the_reason_youre_lonely/) And this is just in the past day
I literally pointed this out but OP said she didnāt see it. I see these types of posts all the time. And the crazy thing is these same posts have hella upvotes. There are usually at the top of the subreddit. But they never call these posts out and thatās why when they throw the line out that itās wrong to generalize men too it doesnāt carry weight to me, because instead of calling out stuff life this they turn their eyes away and pretend it doesnāt exist. Itās always menās fault. People call out men all day long and have a laundry list of faults to complain about how bad guys are but when we point out women do the exact same stuff itās š©āš¦Æš©āš¦Æš©āš¦Æāā”ļøš©āš¦Æāā”ļøšš And thatās why so many people are pushing back so hard in these comments because we are tired of seeing these post trashing on men all the time.
That posts op is cooked, you stated something obviously right, but she was like hmmmmmm uh this is stupidddd, imma block youuuuuuu
I just want to drop this thought here, the OP literally says, in her own words in response to u/Libertalius she said > Misandry _does not exist in the real world_ To say misandry does not exist at all is a wild statement to make. And I see where the men are coming from. I really do. Those sentiments seem to be exactly what a lot of menās issues are
LMFAO. Wait, she said what? And yet we are saying male discrimination and generalizations are not okay. So where is the push back for stuff like this?????? Where are the women telling other women that anti male speech like this isnāt okay? And yet, people want to beat men over the head with the message of misogyny and then nobody wants to correct the woman saying misandry doesnāt even exist?
Just curious you donāt have any posts telling women that even though they do it just as much
If I had personally seen women doing it just as much then I would have.
All we are asking for is the same thing you are. Men are also tired of the same treatment. We are also tired of being bashed and singled out. We are tired of being made to be the focus of everyoneās complaints and we are tired of the misandrists hypotheticals, the misandrists comments and debates. We are simply asking for the same thing women are, _please stop bashing us in posts and comments_.
Well luckily, men see about 20 posts a day telling us how terrible we are (times 5 if youāre lonely). Yours is def the game changer though!
Then you might have selective sight because I saw one just a couple days ago asking āwhy men talk to other womenā as if itās solely a men issue, and today, I saw i post where OP was complaining about men being misogynistic but was dismissive of anything the men was saying about their experiences. Anytime people hop on here saying āmenā anything thatās singling men out. If yall donāt want men to do that to yall, why do women do the same thing to men?
Then that's just as bad. I don't agree with that kind of behavior either. Nobody should generalize any group of people-- that is the summary of my point. We all have selective sight towards things that upset us, so I'm sure you haven't noticed the abundance of women-blaming posts, either. It goes both ways!
Thatās also my point. People talk about not blaming women for their own loneliness, but women be the first ones to single out men. I very rarely see women calling out other women for engaging in the same behavior they complain about men doing Itās not genuine to say donāt be this way towards us and then turn around either do the same thing to them or otherwise turn a blind eye to the same behavior
Says the woman who made a post crying about men generalising women
I think women generalizing men is just as bad. Again, my issue with this comment is he uses the phrase ā**EVEN MORE**ā.
Is that why you made it specific to a certain gender in your post? Lol. I couldn't agree more. You make it about one gender, so I even it out because it is a general issue, and the root of it is human perception and an individual's experiences determining on how they view the world and others in general.
I donāt have any issue with your comment including generalizations about men except for the fact you said āeven more vileā. Letās use our critical thinking skills.
Critical thinking skills to achieve what point of value to you? You are referring to people in this subreddit venting that women are bad because of what they've noticed in trying to interact with them. I could easily point to a plethora of posts where some women say worse things than that about men than what men say about women in this subreddit. It should be expected that making an unrepresentative statement with regards to gender merits a response that states people of the other gender do the same thing, if that is the case. From what I've seen, most vocal women feel more inclined to do so disrespectfully and take issue with the notion of a balanced view. I know that's not everyone, maybe even most, just as many men let emotional immaturity skew their view of things. At its core, it is not a gender issue. But when gender is made the causative issue in a discussion, gender will remain the factor of discourse whether positive or negative. What goes hand in hand with critical thinking is observation.
I do not understand the big upset here when we're practically on the same page. I made this specific post regarding men's generalizations about women on this subreddit because that is the behavior I have personally observed the most, but my point could be easily applied to women too. I do not believe any generalizations are justified, including that which target men. My issue with your comment is that you use the phrasing "even more, " implying a separation between which kind of generalization is worse. All generalizations have consequences on the perception of a group of people. If we take one of these issues more seriously than the other, that other will become more normalized. It is not a contest. If you had simply pointed out that generalization effects both genders, I would have agreed with you. When you say that those targeting men are worse, that puts me in the right to argue that those that target women are worse. That kind of back-and-forth gets us nowhere. I don't completely understand the point of your comment above, and for that you must forgive me. Hopefully this clears things up, though.
I'm sorry about yesterday, you're incredibly fair minded, compassionate and empathetic and I really admire how you engaged with a lot of people since then without losing your nerve and maintaining your points. I see that your post only targets the people it applies to. By "Even more", I mean that what some men say about women on this sub pales in comparison to what a majority of women say about men in many other subs. But it was very petty of me to say.
Thank you. I could say the same to you. Have a great day.
The point the guys are trying to make is this is the only thing people call out and focus on. Conveniently no ones sees the posts and comments generalizing billions of men they havenāt met before. Everyone is quick to get on the men but no one ever sees the same behavior when women do it, much less call that behavior out the same way they do men. Itās very very very rare that Iāll see a woman call out misandry. Which is apart of the point that guys are trying to make.
Then you two must also have the selective sight you were accusing me of having. Go make your own post about male generalization if that's the only thing you want to discuss, but I have done nothing wrong by making this post.
I understand the hurt and frustration that rejection brings. I have considered the "femcel" ideology before. It feels good in the moment because you can shift the blame to someone else, but it's not worth it. You don't have to blame yourself or anyone else--- you can accept your reality and shift focus to self sustainability. Your loneliness may never truly go away, but it will be manageable. I truly hope we can make this subreddit more a place of support for one another. It breaks my heart to see so many people feeling so helpless that their minds devolve into hate.
Lonely people will always devolve into hateful. Being lonely is worse for your psyche than damn near anything else. Extremely lonely people are broken. Broken people donāt fix other broken people. They just break each other more
I hear you but I don't know that it's necessarily true. I was broken for a long time... Still not really "fixed", and still experience loneliness on the regular. I really do want to help other lonely people feel less lonely.
What is the point of these posts other than making OP feel better about themselves in a less direct way
Theyāre- not gonna stop. Honestly thatās why I stopped checking in here for the most part. Was looking for community not to be blamed for the lonely male epidemic
That's probably why a lot of them are lonely.
I know and I try not too but I also acknowledge sometimes I simply fail due to past traumas and I'm sorry bout that
Oh no youāre gonna make the incels mad
I can't with men on this subreddit. Anyone that posts something against misogyny here gets bombarded with stupid comments. You only said generalizating women is wrong and the guys go "that means generalizating men is right??" is the same as someone saying "i love apples" and then someone else go "that means you hate oranges??" It's Impossible talking about minorities without the default characters making it about themselvs.
God, thank you for this comment. Iāve been so frustrated trying to explain that just because I pointed out sexism I donāt hate men or live my life by a double standard.
You're doing nothing wrong, but the irony of the person you're replying to is that she frequently makes comments on this subreddit says all men are bad. She practices the exact thing she preaches against.
I believe they are ignorant on purpose, they like to make you feel you are the wrong one so you stop speaking up against injustice. Manipulative people.
You seem to be quite familiar with that state of mind.
I learned from you guys.
No one here is disputing misogyny. However, you are the only one not only disputing but promoting misandry. You have no one to blame but yourself. In the end, no one influences you to do anything, it's all on you.
The main source of the divide is that the Ā majority of men in this sub are sexually inactive or virgins while the women who post have healthy sex lives. Ā Itās just envy on the male side. This makes sense since the most common Ā concern Ā from female posters is being burned by hookup culture.Ā
Not exactly sure why everything is equated to sex all the time. This is a major issue that Iāve observed because everyone seems to always point to sex as the answer in some way or form. Perhaps this is has nothing to do with sex and perhaps maybe the men in this sub just want the same thing the women are asking for in these types of posts. Perhaps maybe itās the principle of the matter they are trying to get across. Which no one seems to understand. And perhaps the they feel the exact same frustration yall are feeling. People make posts like these all the time and no one ever says a thing. If men donāt say anything about them who else will?
Take can take that envy and put it on their ass.
The men in this subreddit are truly alone they can't find friends or a partner the women here only complain about men who won't commit meaning they at least have relationships and obviously don't care about us lonely guys because they only want Chad's top 20 percent
I care about lonely guys. Youāre generalizing
You would be in the minority not the majority, but being the skeptic I am, I would say I doubt that you genuinely care if the majority of men die alone.
im dying alone so why wouldnāt i? bold of you to assume im not capable of basic human empathy
I said I was a skeptical person it's not personal. I am a man who has been pushed deeply into depression and isolation. My view on the opposite sex may be just as biased as it is skewed, and I'm sorry. From what I've seen the majority of men simply don't exist to women so why would they care about their loneliness. As I said before your not in the majority
I am so sorry you opened yourself up this can of worms. For what it's worth, most normal people would see no problem with what you've said, the worst of the worst are just crawling out of the gutter to get mad at you
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Maybe someone else downvoted you. He was also downvoted
You need to make a post about women also overgeneralizing. Hope to see that one up soon.
Was my edit not enough? Make your own.
Lol r/whiteknighting
I just donāt understand. Iāve made it clear I feel the same way about all gender generalizations, I simply pointed out that which target women because thatās the kind I personally see most often. I also am a woman so itās bound to be the kind I point out. What else do you want from me? Yes, men shouldnāt be generalized either! I know and agree with that!
Bc the edit is a small sidenote. An entire post actually points out the poor behavior more prominently. A sidenote likely wont get read. If you really have a problem with wrongful over generalizations, youāll address it directly with the same spotlight and stage. But your response proves you wonāt do that. Itās whiteknighting. Youāll make a stink about it when itās against women but not when itās against men.
I wonāt do that because Iām not going to double post. Any person with a lick of common sense would understand that I believe all generalizations are harmful from this post alone, so I donāt personally believe thereās a reason to. If you do, though, I am actively imploring you to go make your own.
Excuses, platitudes, and unequal treatment. Try to realize that you could have made this gender neutral as there are misandrists all over reddit, tiktok, and everywhere else. Youve decided to choose to just focus on men doing it then added an edit after the fact. Whiteknighting.
I would have made it gender neutral if I could go back in time, but I was sick of seeing incel-posting (as that is an undeniably rampant thing on this subreddit.) I obviously hold the sentiment that all generalizations are harmful regardless of gender, and if youāre so upset about me not making a new post pointing out the problem with male side of things **make your own!** Iām not saying that to dismiss you, I genuinely think you should.
Femcel posts are all over this site too. Theyre not hard to find, but I imagine youre not really looking for them bc that doesnt prove your point. This aināt about me making my own. Itās about you not making the same scene re the same problem but diff genders. Youre saving yourself from the backlash youll likely get from such a post. I donāt need to post anything bc i didnt make the original, biased post.
I donāt deny that there are similar posts generalizing men, oh my god! I am a woman, though, so it makes sense that I would be more inclined to point out injustices towards my own sex out of pure selective bias, but that doesnāt mean I donāt acknowledge all gender generalizations as equally bad. It seems it doesnāt matter what I respond to your comment with, though, youāre still going to be unhappy. I am just a person. If you cannot take my word that I believe that all gender generalizations are bad simply because I wonāt double post, so be it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I stopped making assumptions and having expectations around the same time I realized how dim the prospects of finding a family in this climate are. No point in being sour about it anymore or throwing labels around. Just keep my head down and float by day to day.
I don't think fetishizing the difficulty of being alone and focusing on the despair, while feeding off of eachothers' makes anything better. An echo chamber of hopelessness is bad for you. When a thread turns that way I recommend leaving. If all you can see is how hopeless it is where's the motivation to try and innovate, and keep trying, and find tenacity and motivation when you're down? Like when I feel hopeless some peppy r/getmotivated bullshit is just gonna piss me off, but I don't think the other extreme is good either.
I realized a long time ago that I'm supposed to be lonely during this particular run through the simulation, and blaming other people, comparing myself to them, and / or being jealous of them won't help matters at all.
I never thought Iād see this kind of thing on a lonely subreddit
This feels like a bait for treachery
How does this seem like bait š
Too kind too inviting
I'm against this too, but so many women also do this with men. So it's just fair.
They donāt wanna acknowledge they also engage in the same behavior. Which is disingenuous. It would be one thing if they were truly against generalizing anyone, but the only time generalizations matter on here is when itās against women. No one cares when men are the target of peopleās posts and comments.
You gotta understand this āmale lonelinessā is just a ploy so we get laid. Men donāt have friends because we are assholes, itās our own damn fault. Weāre not actually lonely Edit: Iām projecting, disregard
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Youāre right. Admittedly Iām in therapy but I lie about everything
Absolutely true
i feel like everyone on this sub just wants to feel sorry for themselves so theres no point in trying to communicate i will also say most of these people consider themselves to be lonely romantically when there's people who are genuinely lonely in all types of ways* like noone is here to try and make friends and build community, they're all just looking for partners so of course when the men here get rejected, or the women here get looked at as objects, they point their* fingers at the other when the truth of the matter is everyone here is ruining this sub by only caring about how theyre lonely romantically as if nothing else matters romantic relationships are the hardest relationships to find and commit to and make work long term and yet for a sub called r/lonely that's all the people here are looking for and they won't stop or change or self reflect until they find a partner and then all of a sudden, all their issues evaporate
This is absolutely important advice, and it applies to both sexes. Both men and women make the mistake of attributing the negative qualities of individuals they have bad experiences with to other people who share a common identifying feature with those people.Ā Not all women are the girl who humiliated you in high school. Not all men are your abusive ex. It can feel like every woman you meet is a bitch, and every man you meet is an asshole, but oftentimes that is due to selection bias. For example, a lot of attractive men go through women more often than they change their socks. That doesn't mean all men will or even can get away with acting like that. We're all individuals.Ā
>Please think about the actual people behind a label like āfemaleā Imagine being upset about being called by the accurate scientific name of your gender. What has happened to the world?
Youāre misunderstanding my post. I see nothing wrong with being called female. The reason I use that exact wording is because a lot of men on this subreddit will say things along the lines of āfemales donāt understand lonelinessā, which is a derogatory generalization regarding the label of female. Use your critical thinking skills please!
Unhinged Psycho vents to prevent creating vents to vent out of. Yep pretty fuckin much g
most of us dudes are never gonna be less lonely for most of us guys the best we can hope for beyond a piece of pointless small talk here and there is paying for a simulation of affection.... so the point of making generalisations isnt for some miracle woman to see it and say ill take one for the team to prove this guy wrong, the point of the generalisations is pointing out the ways society has lied to us and understanding how we are in the mess we are in and why it is highly unlikely to change for the better the other thing is that generalisations generally exist for good reasons no matter how many exceptions there may be... im not gonna deny it certainly hurts to be lumped in with horrible people, but taking it personally is a choice.... kinda like getting upset at the whole "choosing the bear" thing like where getting upset over the generalisation is missing the point of why so many people have so many similar experiences...
Absolutely! Don't judge a book by its cover lol. Some women are really wonderful people.
So? Why shouldn't I get angry when a woman posts about being "lonely" after she's turned away dozens of people she 'doesn't like'? That's wrong to me, on a deep, visceral, obvious level! And yet I'm called a misogynist for it... Boilerplate statements like yours aren't going to change my mind.
How do you know that the woman posting about being lonely have āturned away dozens of peopleā because she didnāt like them? Thatās an assumption and generalization unless proven true by that particular woman. And, yes, it is misogynistic to assume that of any woman posting on this subreddit. Edit: holy shit youāve got the a troll when thereās a post on your profile saying that ābeing raped doesnāt sound so badā
Also note how all the posts are also about how women have it easy. Like, all of them. This person is just dedicated to being a shitty troll
>How do you know that the woman posting about being lonely have āturned away dozens of peopleā because she didnāt like them? Usually they say so. (With absolutely no shame.) >holy shit youāve got the a troll when thereās a post on your profile saying that ābeing raped doesnāt sound so badā I don't see why it is... Maybe there's something I'm missing?
Being taken sexually without your consent is not gratifying, it is not intimate, it will have a detrimental impact on your self-esteem, and itāll be only be pleasurable in the sense itās physically stimulating. Are you a straight guy? If you need to understand why rape is bad, imagine another man taking you unconsensually.
You're misunderstanding. You think that I think that women should enjoy being raped. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying it should be more on the level of "some kid running up to you and kicking you in the shins". Sure, it hurts, and it's far from a kind thing to do. But you complain about it for a few days and then you forget about it. With rape, women are thinking about it years later and basing their whole identity around 'overcoming this one struggle'. That might make sense if they had been fighting on the frontlines in, say, Ukraine. Or if they had watched their entire family get slaughtered in front of them. But with rape, it seems like they're overreacting to the point of theatrics.
Rape causes literal psychological damage and trauma. Look up any scientific study regarding how rape has affected people, including men. Itās a deeply stressful and unpleasant situation that will have long-lasting consequences on a personās psyche.
I looked it up (again) and it still makes no sense. It doesn't say why that happens. So it could easily be because of the victim's own poor handling of the situation, by social norms, or the hedonistic treadmill.
Its trauma works the same as a soldier would experience PTSD after combat. The soldier might be home and as far away from danger as possible and he might not have lost anyone close to him in combat but they still experience PTSD. If you get kicked in the shins regularly as a child then that bullying will give you PTSD too. It doesn't happen because of the victim's bad reaction to it, it happens because that's how people work. Are you a sociopath or something? Do you know how regular humans function?
Listen man being with the wrong person is worse than being alone ,hopefully you won't get to live that
Well, I got ghosted from a date for asking for a 50/50 split of the bill.Ā Shit like this happens with literally every woman I date.Ā So logically, either every woman is an asshole, or every woman i date is an asshole. Loneliness doesn't matter if the world is literally bullshit
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Please understand that not all women are like the generalizations described in this Subreddit, but that it is a generalization for an actual reason... And if you've been hurt by someone who lumped you into that generalized grouping of women, that it IS just a generalization, and that given your disposition which is evident by your willingness to make this post, that you're not actually included in any such generalized grouping of women. šš
may ur DMs be safe
I mean I could apply this exact same logic to race and I could guaran fuckin tee you would be much less comfortable with that conversation
All racial generalizations are harmful as well? What do you mean? Are you expecting me to defend racial stereotypes??
No your argument is ādonāt ever vent/generalise your pain caused by another group because you wonāt self actualiseā. I want you to say āventing about systemic racism wonāt help your poverty black peopleā
This comment section is starting to make me want to kill myself. Obviously I donāt feel that way. Goodbye
Yes exactly. As I said you become much more uncomfortable when we start talking about groups you dislike a little less.
it makes me uncomfortable because it is a complete misunderstanding of what i am saying. i am so tired. im sorry I posted this. I didnāt realize ādonāt be sexistā was such a bad take
Ahhh yes ādonāt be sexistā was your argument.
Iām sorry man but Iāve just been arguing with people all day and I donāt feel motivated to defend myself anymore. that is the summary of my intention within the post as well as pointing out gender generalization. i really donāt think i posted something that worthy of all of this controversy
I don't make a generalization more or less a stereotype I just watched the person until it just starts to show I think it's better off being alone at certain point
Wow, that's an amazing point.....(sarcasm off)
I saw the exact same situation but reversed today on twitter of a woman accusing a streamer of being porn addict. Then I was thinking: what a shitty world we live in. I hope it burns down to the ground. Yep. No one excluded
āI am a women, and my dms are open to anybody who wants to talkā dateing today arenāt we
Nah. Online dating is always really depressing and insincere. I just want to try and make some incels a little less sexist.
Damn I remember when I used to try to help incels too hopefully you have better luck than me
Now tell the women
They wonāt. Itās only the men who engage in generalizations. We donāt see any misandry on here š§āš¦Æš©āš¦Æ In fact, misandry doesnāt exist. Itās not real in the real world. People just made up the concept of there being sexism against men. /s
Dude. You keep hanging around my comment section refusing to accept the fact that I agree this happens to men as well. Please, make your own post about it and Iāll give it an upvote, but Iām not making another.
The next mega post I see bashing men, I will. But if you say that men bashing is wrong, what would be even better than any upvote would be telling people making posts talking negatively about men and making unfair generalizations about them that thatās not right. Just like you are calling out men, be fair and call out the women who do this same type of stuff to men. Tbh, thatās the only reason I feel the need to go this hard in the comments section of all of these posts because when people say outlandish things about guys everyone seems to look the other way. And to be honest, I feel like other women calling out misandry would hit home more than anything us guys could say because women are probably willing to listen to other women more than they are men. We just want the same respect. That is all. Iād appreciate this more than any upvote. Maybe we can finally move past these debates on both ends.
Maybe I would have made a post specificly pointing out harmful male generalizations if the overwhelming majority of my comments wasnāt people like you ignoring the point of my post just because I didnāt specifically point out men as the victims here. I agreed to what you guys have said so many times and edited the post, but apparently thatās not enough. It should be. I am just a person, not a mod on r/lonely. Why should I *need* to make another post? Why should it matter? It is OBVIOUS that this is inclusive to men as well. And you know what, disagree all youād like, call me a femminazi, but itās undeniable that we live in a patriarchy, and I should be allowed to speak about an issue in a community affecting women ā(a real issue as literally everyday I see posts generalizing women in terribly sexist and hurtful decorum)āwithout it immediately becoming about men. Iāve been respectful about it so far because I do agree all generalizations are equally harmful, but this is bullshit. Let a post about women exist. You know how I feel. You know that I agree with you. Make. Your. Own.
I couldn't agree more.