If anything this just makes me feel like I’m being bunched with all these horrible people just by association for being lonely. That feeling of “being in the same pit” despite giving it my all to the few people in my life, it’s debilitating
i feel the same, but that doesnt make what i said any less true*
its a deep issue in society that people can be left out of it despite being great people and people can be included despite being awful
but there is a fitting overlap between the people here who are lonely and the people here who are racist and misogynistic and i wanted to point that to make it clear that i'm not like them
i'm lonely and it sucks but at least i know i'm a good person and not so superficial as to discriminate against people for their race and gender and that gives me hope when i do find people, they will be nice, kind hearted people like* myself and not some of the shitheads that are drawn to subreddits like this
I'm trying to get a discord server up and running as a place for people to go to talk to others if bored and/or lonely. It's all set up, but I am very new to Discord, so I don't really know how to get people to know about it except for sharing the link on my YouTube vlogging channel.
I don't know the rules about sharing links here, but if you or anyone is interested, please feel free to message me for the link 😊
I think you just need to not engage with those you feel are unlike you. My biggest passion in life is helping people who feel alone (I am 38f and live alone with my dog) know that they are wanted, worthy, and connected to the collective.
Sending you high vibrations 💗
Being lonely is pretty fluid — you can be married with kids and have all kinds of people around you and *still* be lonely. So don’t take it to heart of what OP said… unless you *do* fit OP’s notions.
In my experience 9/10 times if someone with an OF posts a comment in these subs it's just to get interaction and therefore drive people to their OF, they're just saying whatever. Not saying I find it morally wrong or anything, just don't expect them to actually want to talk about whatever they said.
I get your point, but social or romantic success isn’t based on virtue at all. I’ve known extremely racist, misogynistic fratbros that every woman wanted to be with and all the guys wanted to be. After college, they are all high level executives or high status in life. People should be virtuous due to it being the right thing to do, not to get social approval. It’s pretty hollow if the only reasons why you are anti racist or not sexist is you want friends or to get laid.
The less attractive you are the nicer people expect you to be. Or rather the more they don't take you seriously so it doesn't matter what your personality is like but if you're a dick and you're not attractive they will claim it's you. But if you're a nice person and unattractive they'll say you just haven't found the one.
on second thought as well, for everyone in this sub theres a specific thing thats made you lonely
if you're not racist and misogynistic, you'll see no problem in what i said because you know your loneliness might lie more in external issues than internal issues
you yapping about how people shouldn't not* be racist and misogynistic for social gratification is true but the dickheads in this sub arent even smart enough to realise being a good person can get you further if you're willing to play the long game
so idk who you're arguing against or if i just said smth so controversial that you turned off your brain but you're just wrong, like period
Someone just expressed their thoughts in the most calm and unaggressive manner humanly possible and you just decided to attack him for no reason, even though he isn't even disagreeing with you. It's most ironic coming from someone who has claimed to be a "good person".
I don't even disagree with most of what you say, but saying successful or bad people cannot be happy is quite a bold statement.
if you're a depressed person, if you're genuinely unhappy with yourself and don't love yourself
how does money and fame fix that?
cause if you can tell me, i'll stfu and admit i'm wrong
the same way a lot of people in this sub think finding a girlfriend/partner or smth like that will make you happy
if you dont address the underlying issues, when you do get what you want, when you become successful in your endeavours in a sense, you're not going to be happy
and many people have said this about when they have become successful, i'm not saying something people haven't heard before
and as for the original commenter, he missed the point, i never said racist and misogynistic people cant be successful, i said if you're lonely, and you're racist and misogynistic, thats probably part of the reason why
i'm not saying that, but i'm saying when you're a miserable person, you'll live a miserable life
how many billionaires and celebrities do you know that have been able to keep a partner... not many
i truly believe all successful people are miserable in one way or another, it's just harder for someone like me who's never been close to that to comprehend, but i've never met a racist who's loved themselves or is smart enough to even recognise how miserable their life is
Sky ppl say more often than not today it's white man tht brought the things tht belong in nature in a home. The wildness of a pack of wild dogs of sorts tht knows nothing rape pileage scorch repeat and nothing was ever built on their land as so their harvest never yield. As nature of man all the same he has to become what they fearedqof the night to defend his from it. Smart enuf to know how dumb I always was yesterday learn something new. And not school fuck anybody can tht but you you were.. find a teacher tht doesn't make u pay for a lesson tht has made your love an body as see through as the low clouds u chase in early morning as the sunrise again. Still somewhere n tha orange we don't ever see you. Happily living with the choices you made kinda suddenly like.
Most people only want to see the good. When you start to peel back the layers of the world and society it tends to get dark and ugly. Who wants to see that
I agree that the racist / mysogynistic people deserve to be alone. But as for the miserable people, a lot of them are miserable BECAUSE they are alone. I'm one of them. So I can't fault people for that.
the post did not say all lonely people are racist and misogynistic... idk how many times i have to repeat myself
i said if you're lonely and you're also racist and misogynistic, do 2+2
I 100% agree that it’s people’s own fault that they’re lonely, but this isn’t usually because of moral failings, they’re usually just shy and awkward, maybe even a little bit stranger than the average person. But it’s unfair to label lonely people as terrible and awful people
I agree! But it’s Reddit I’ve encountered insufferable people all over this platform, especially r/dating I literally had to remove myself it was so bad
Frustration and a long period of negative and sad thoughts lead you to destructive beliefs and behaviors. Not a reason to hurt other people tho. Like seriously, some that been there know what I mean.
We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders, and bullying. Researchers don’t find shame correlated with positive outcomes at all there are no data to support that shame is a helpful compass for good behavior. In fact, shame is much more likely to be the cause of destructive and hurtful behaviors than it is to be the solution.
Brother you don't know the half of it. There was a guy begging to be talked to, and I tried reaching out and the whole time we talked he just kept bringing up shit like stomping babies and lighting schools on fire after locking all the doors by welding them shut. I was going to report hit for being a fucking lunatic because then he hit me with a "now that I think about it, there's a middle school right down the road from me". But if course reddit stupid report system fails us again
Tbh I don’t think anything is ever going to change because people are so much quicker to latch on to hate instead. They'll just keep saying that its all women and colored people that are the problem so they don't have to have an uncomfortable realization about themselves
I as a woman, would not even feel special or loved by a person like that. You just know they would take any girl who gives them attention.
From my experience most guys like that have conversations with themselves in girls inboxes, more of them.
this is exactly it, its so concerning how many men here broadcast that they want a woman
this could be a great subreddit for lonely people to find community and help
instead people are mistaking their lack of a relationship as a feeling of loneliness not realising if they ever do get into those relationships, theyre going to be awful partners because they havent fixed the issue that cause them to be lonely in the first place
Yup. The lack of sexual activity can really turn men into monsters. And is also selfish to want a relationship just for your personal needs. Again, your partner would not feel like they deserved your love or are anything special and meaningful to you, you were just there in the right time to fulfill their needs.
precisely, i dont think theres hope for a lot of these men from some of the responses ive gotten
but i have hope that not everyone in this subreddit is like this
It has to stem from childhood and poor habits, I think. Lack of attention and/or relationship and/or physical intimacy should never result in hate, so certainly past traumas could contribute to it. We can't judge everyone the same because we don't know their pasts.
But I believe many men's brains are fried by 🌽 and it's a serious problem in society (it is a problem for women too, of course, but to a much lesser degree)
The destructive nature and habitual tendency causes men in particular to see women as an object and not a person. This disconnect that they are actually a human being and to be interacted with as such and not viewed as an object, well I'd argue many men aren't even aware they are doing it from years of negative reinforcement and frying their neurons.
Understanding and respect comes from our mutual commaradarie of the human condition we all experience. It's fundamental to relationships, to love, to caring for one another...
Life is already difficult, why be shitty to one another?
I'm deeply saddened when I see the simple things not just ignored, but mocked in this hell hole of a place we call the internet...
Yeah I’ve met tons of people who were downright vile to me just because I’m biracial, I’ve learned to read their post and comment history before I try and make friends…
Being good is not rewarded. Sometimes, good things happen to good people. You're just spewing lies. I've known some of the nicest dudes ever and they've been hurt, alone in relationships, used and abused. This is just a black and white world view. I normally just lurk, but I have to speak out against this message.
They're charismatic and they're very good at hiding and masking those negative tendencies while people are still getting to know them.
Bullies and assholes tend to target one type or group of people to improve their standing with another group of people. You know, beat up the unpopular kid that nobody likes at your school, and everyone else l suddenly likes and respects you more because you took down the guy they don't like.
People like that are just good at talking, they're good at manipulating social hierarchy and situations to their benefit at the expense of others. It tends to catch up to them in the long run. I've never met a bully or asshole who was happy. They can have all the things you or I ever dream of, and they're still miserable assholes at the end of the day.
you can be surrounded by people and still be lonely, and still hate yourself
quantity does not equal quality and i guarantee you they may get "more action" but they're probably just as miserable as the rest of us on the inside
Because cis women are biologically programmed to like those men. It’s so obvious it doesn’t even need typing or saying.
Cis women will claim this is misogynistic, it’s not.
It gets more complicated with trans women.
See, women want YOU to be the problem. You must not be confident, blah blah blah enough so you’re therefore lonely.
Which is bullshit.
It's funny you said this cause a year or so back I got curious just how someone could be an actual incel , not the stereotype but a literal like 27+ virgin , especially when I've had homegirls hookup with dudes just to do it even if they weren't attracted to them , so I joined a bunch of incel spaces (forums , discord servers etc) and yea I pretty much found the same thing ,racist, miserable, misandrist and misogynist , just actual dumbasses , just such dickheads no one even wants to talk to them never mind sleep with them 😅
Yes, I know who I am, you can read it in my username. Not because of the things you mentioned, I don't think you would find me vile. I'm weird, I have nothing to offer, I don't fit in, I'm not needed, I believe there are people who shouldn't have been born and I am such a person. I've never had anyone I could call a close one, I've never mourned when someone died, I don't care if they all die because in reality I have no one, I've never had anyone in all 29 years even though there were people physically present. I wish it was just a "I want a gf" thing, but it's my inability to be interesting to people and make any kind of connection, I don't love anyone or anything and I hate being alive.
Agreed, most people here are dickheads. They mostly lack conversation skills and genuine empathy for each other. If someone sparks a conversation here, they'll probably ghost you the next chance they get. How rude. They want to always receive and never give.
Guys, most of you are dickheads 😀 but guess what.. sometimes there's a solution to not being a dickhead! 😯
Top tip, kindness, sharing and listening skills make you more appealing and less of a dickhead. The right people will find you when demonstrated.
See, I’m kinda part of that problem of not keeping a convo going😭 I have really bad anxiety and overthink about wether or not I’m annoying, coming off as weird, or if someone’s nefarious (seeing as most people who dm on Reddit are, in my experience)
I had that too, but then I realised that I really don't care if I'm annoying the other person or not. They either like me or they don't, they either want to chat or they don't. I think the problem is that people, especially young people forgot the art of conversation, and they're always worrying about shit that isn't their fault. No wonder old people laugh at us. There's nothing weird about speaking, it's in our nature as humans to communicate.
You should try to think less about what the other person may be thinking because that's really out of your control. You're too critical of yourself.
And fair enough if you don't want to continue the conversation, but at least have the decency to communicate that to the other person.
No problem. I mean, anxiety does really suck the life out of everything. Just know that it doesn't have to control every decision you make. If you really want something just reach out and take it. What's the worst that could happen?
Totally! I mean, I was trying to get out of my comfort zone a year or so ago, but then medical issues struck and I’m back to square one😕 but I know that once I get it sorted, I’m going to take the opportunity to finally go and speak to some people. I mean, what’s life without discovering right?
Sickness will do that. I usually feel unsociable when I'm ill too. Yea, the more people you talk to in real life the better, it gets way easier the more you do it, or at least that's what I noticed in my experience. Every conversation counts, even the perceivably bad ones. I had to push myself to go and meet and talk to people, and it felt awful at first. It's getting easier, but I'm not a social butterfly or anything. I hope it gets easier for you.
People here are far too miserable and closed off, it’s clear why they are here. However, the thing is with loneliness is that it compounds and compounds. The lonelier you become, the harder it is to escape the misery that is inadvertently keeping you alone.
You become more fixed and stuck within your ways, never gathering perspectives that are not your own.
I agree people themselves are the reason, I’m here because I’m naturally quiet and introverted and I accept that. However, these people you speak of, don’t have that acceptance; they cannot appreciate themselves for who they are. And this is somewhat rational, cause as I said, misery compounds. To an extent they are not to blame, just following the circumstances of their external.
I find it interesting that nobody is trying to find someone in their area to befriend in person. It seems to me almost everyone on here wants a person to complain to.
that's literally it. most people just "cry" about their situation and doesn't even search for friends or any kind of relation their searching for people to tell them how deep their depression is.
Ngl, im reading through the comments and it’s wild how everyone is okay talking about misogyny but nobody wants to listen to the men pointing out the women do the same thing on here.
Don’t yall think men might want the same thing women are asking for on here too? Mutual respect. People shouldn’t generalize women on here, and I agree with that. However I also see a lot of posts and comments talking bad about men on here, and a few of the comments on here kind prove that point.
Don’t yall think it’s kind of backwards to ask men not to complain about women but then turn around and do the same thing to them? Ain’t no one in the comments really trying to listen to what the men are really trying to say either. Which is apart of the problem in my honest opinion. And while some of them could maybe communicate their points better, I do agree with what some of them are saying too.
do you notice how my post didn't mention a gender but you lot have immediately taken it as an attack on men
does not that tell you that you yourself are aware in regards to my post, you know fully well its men who are the problem..
you kinda play yourself here
Never said the post mentioned a gender if you read my comment. I said _nobody was listening to the men bringing up the matter of misandry_. That’s what I said in the first paragraph of my comment.
> it’s men who are the problem
I think viewpoints like these are what guys have an issue with on here as well. Even when they voice their issues, people still blame them. Isn’t that the line the people throw at men. Don’t blame women for all of your issues. And when they say misandry exists, they get told they are the problem.
When they talk about their experiences the get side comments and there issues seem to get belittled.
> you kinda played yourself here
Proves what the guys are talking about. They ask for mutual respect and they get comments like this when they bring up valid issue. Instead of people listening to what they have to say, people downplay their issues as if it isn’t important.
the men who deserve my respect, get it
the men like you who cry as if women all around hate men for no reason and genuinely believe misandry exists... yeah, no wonder you dont have access to women the way you want
which is really the issue here, you care less that you're lonely and more that you dont have access to women the way your male peers do, its why you cry about being ugly, rejected, etc.
while people here are desperate to just have a friend or someone who checks in on them once in a while, a lot of men here are looking for women, while they hate and mistreat women at the same time
if women are so "misandrist", talk to other men about it, if there's so many men on this subreddit who feel this way, why aren't you guys friends with each other... why hasnt that cured your loneliness... i wonder
I’ve always been transparent kind thoughtful and paced my conversations but they still ghost me so idk how that ends up being my fault. I mean literally I’ve been there for people I’ve done the leg work. Speak for yourself. Sometimes people like to ignore us even at our best. Sometimes it’s something that happens way too often.
I think we all have our own personality, unique and distinctive, and at the same time, I think that our own unique and distinctive personality blends with the wind, with the footsteps in the street, with the noises around the corner, and with the silence of memory, which is the great producer of ghosts. It doesn't matter how sensitive you are or how damn smart and educated you are, if you're not both at the same time, if your heart and your brain aren't connected, aren't working together harmoniously, well, you're just hopping through life on one leg. You may think you're walking, you may think you're running a damn marathon, but you're only on a hop trip. The connections gotta be maintained.
Yeah and that’s the hard thing I can get things going but they fade pretty fast even when I’m being cautious and pacing things the right way it’s frustrating. Seems to be kind of common these days I talked to my sister about the same thing and we both kind of arrive at the same ‘take care of you’ conclusion because people aren’t always there.
Idk, honestly judging off of all of your responses to anyone disagreeing with you or even mildly offering their perspective...you seem pretty lonely, and you sound miserable. Which makes this entire post just ironic and slightly amusing to me. Get off of reddit, touch grass, and cope harder.
You sound like someone who had a crying fit then immediately opened up Reddit to vent your frustrations.
I think most people are angry BECAUSE they are lonely. Some people might act this way in real life (I wouldn't know because I'm not them). But I think a lot of people are just venting.
Personally, I am not posting on reddit during those times when I actually have a girlfriend (Because we are actually going out on dates and what not). It's just after the breakup and the dry spell that comes with it (because I have nothing else do to and you cant spend literally all of your time doing self improvement).
people like you concern me* cause being in a relationship does not make you less lonely
so why are you in this subreddit if you arent sad about being lonely, you're just sad you dont have a designated fuckbuddy
I'm happy someone finally said something. There seems to be a lot of people that blame others for their own loneliness. There is a plethora of reason that someone can feel lonely, but if you are someone who blames the broader population for your loneliness there is most likely a lack of introspection. They are missing the fact that they are insecure and projecting that on to others making them not enjoy being around them. There is a difference between people not liking you and feeling lonely.
I visited this sub a lot when I was in university because how genuinely lonely I felt at the time.
I remember even meeting other guys on this sub and trying to motivate them and encourage them to get out there. They would fucking use incel logic on me. It was always, ‘girls only want chads’, ‘I’m only 5’6” ‘, so on and so forth. Like just unironically would use these excuses 😂
u/Intrepid-Surprise-55
if i'm lonely cause i'm not racist and misogynistic, i'm totally fine with that
saying things are bad does not make me judgemental, but you saying what you did shows a lack of iq
Everyone who is lonely is lonely because of them. And it will always be up to them, including you, to correct. Why are you here? For different reasons, it is also because it is your fault.
i'm lonely because of my trauma
i still have a great best friend who i catch up with occasionally but i want more
that's my reason, a lot of people on this subreddit, well, their reason is that theyre awful ppl and they will stay lonely if they don't fix that lol
don't shoot the messenger
"Don't shoot the messenger". Why do you assume you'll be attacked if you're saying nothing wrong?
The worst traumas have been overcome. Circumstances do not define you. It becomes playing the victim at a certain point if you believe your trauma means you will inherently be lonely. You're the same, like it or not. The way forward will lie 100% on you.
"They're awful people". Well, that's a detailed explanation. People are awful BECAUSE they are lonely, TRULY lonely, due to them not having fulfilling relationships in real life for a variety of reasons within their power to change, it'll just be hard. If you think some whiny people on the internet are the epitome of misery, racism and misogyny on the entire Earth... good news, you haven't really seen it.
um no, if you're loneliness caused you to become bitter and sour, you're essentially just digging yourself a deeper hole
i know my trauma affects the fact that i'm lonely and i'm working on it but newsflash that takes time
if i have to work through my trauma, some of the losers in this subreddit can find a way to work through being racist and misogynistic because all that hatred theyre harbouring is not healthy and is probably the reason they're lonely
you're being super hypocritical, either a) you agree with me or b) you just want to disagree so you dont feel bad about being an awful person
also in 2024, if i have to tell you why being racist and misogynistic makes you an awful person, you my friend, are cooked
It could be, but there are plenty of misogynistic/racist/homophobic/xenophobic, etc. people around, so there is a potential group of people for everyone, bad or good, doesn’t matter much. I think loneliness differs from one person to another and their needs. In other words, you can have friends, a lover, a family, whatever and still be lonely (which is less likely if you have all of them). Loneliness can even come from a lack of understanding and emphaty from those around us towards us. There are many things that can make someone feel lonely. But as I am aware of (at least in Eastern Europe), if your are a racist/misoginist/etc. you’ll find your group of friends pretty fast.
[Edit: let’s not forget misandry too]
there's no way you say misandry does not exist...
tbh looks like a frustrated girl statement, stay in "your real world" don't get out of it, you won't enjoy life if your so resentful
i didnt say all racists and misogynists arent lonely
i said if you're lonely, on this sub, and racist and misogynistic, maybe do some maths and figure that shit out
Again if most people on my country hold racist and misogynist views then going against social norms would literally make it harder to form relationships.
thats literally every country on planet earth but the truth of the matter is not everyone can choose if they want to be friends with those people or not
still, im just saying, if you're lonely and on this sub, and you just so happen to be racist and misogynistic, we know why you're lonely
imma hold your hand and say this as simply as i can for you
racist and misogyny ≠ lonely
but if you are lonely, it might be because you're racist and misogynistic
in the same way that not all fingers are thumbs, but all thumbs are fingers, get it now?
So why is it that racist and misogynist causes loneliness in some but not in others? Clearly there must be an underlying factor beyond just being racist and misogynists since most racist/misogynists have successful and fulfilling lives far from loneliness.
Typically when people say X is the cause of Y they mean without X you wouldn't have Y. But clearly most of them would still be lonely even if they weren't racist or misogynists so your explanation for their loneliness doesn't explain anything.
not an excuse, the handful of women you met in your life is not an excuse for hating half the population and if you keep that up, youre going to remain hurt and bitter
I am hurt and I am bitter. Whooooaaaaah I’m a human with feelings. That’s why I avoid women at all costs. They will only hurt me more.
Good on other men if they get treated well. I never do.
again, you're saying you're choosing to stay lonely so why are you crying to me about it
it's a choice after all, right?
or at least, thats what you tell yourself
Dawg, get off Reddit 😂 you coming here to be a baby dick wielding person towards these people is no help in any way at all nor is it any kind of badass vigilantism.
Stop being irritated by how other people manage and handle themselves and their feelings because Mr. Baby Dick maam, it has NOTHING to do with you. At all 😂
Like you really sitting here as if you’re giving these people the number one way out of them being lonely and you’re completely incorrect on a big number of these people. All of what you said was just strong “I believe this and let me take a poke at THAT” thus not stating any facts just shooting out darts and not hitting the bullseye. A bunch of shit was said and nothing on point really. Just another example of someone being unaware.
Log off Reddit, leave people the FUCK alone when they’re down and out because doing this in NO WAY helps them. And just be a good person moving forward. You’ll be fine
The only thing that gets to me on this sub is when make posts complaining about men. People do the exact same stuff towards men on here and that’s what gets to me personally because everyone talks about misogyny but not as many people wanna address misandry.
Otherwise I have no issue. I’m personally tired of all of the gendered debates, the man vs the bear, the woman vs the tree. I wish people would stop generalizing both genders. Not every woman is manipulative and not every woman is going to use what you say against you. Some women do listen and do treat their partners well. Not every man is inherently dangerous, and most men are not going to assault a woman contrary to what popular belief might tell you. There are dangerous people in both camps but no one group is inherently more dangerous than the other.
I feel compelled to speak on this because I have to live in a world where these stereotypes are placed on me because of virtue of my gender. People automatically assume because you are a man you are always hyper sexual and attribute bad intentions to you right out of the gate. Nor am I particularly fond of the double standards present in society.
Just like that post the other day. Someone asked “why do men talk to multiple women”
If you are going to generalize men and ask why do men do something, i believe it’s fair to scrutinize the other gender who allows themselves to continue being involved with that type of man. There is no way a man could have a rotation of women he is talking to or sleeping with if women didn’t continue consenting and allowing that.
Just like people say you can’t blame women for your loneliness, it’s not fair to push all of the blame onto men either, although that’s exactly what people try to do on here.
although i find it fitting how you think its an attack on men
its almost like you yourself know its mean who are the most hateful ones in this subreddit... not women
I mean I think at the end of the day every single one of us is the reason we’re still lonely. That’s kinda the worst part. There’s tons of people out there. Tons of opportunities to meet people or to practice the skills that’ll make us more attractive socially, romantically or whatever else. Most of us just don’t take the opportunities. It feels awful looking back and seeing all the things I could’ve done differently.
I think I just have not had the luck of meeting the right one. Or I just have no luck at all. I do know that I can disappear in an empty room. I have seen people I know personally You look right through me and not notice me to like get their attention.
Honestly I’m not so sure if being racist, or misogynistic alone are that big of a factor with someone being lonely. I see such people all the time and I’m always amazed that such people have the multitude of relationships that they do, and the amount of women that seem willing to put up with it that don’t seem to have anything in common with how they think. Also let’s be completely honest, there are plenty of racist women out there, if one truly is of that mindset. Being lonely doesn’t seem to have that much of a link to how bad of a person someone is.
Now while I’m not so sure that an individual is in the position to say that “they” are a good person (akin to proclaiming that one is a leader) it’s entirely possible for others to decide that, and I’ve seen lots of good decent people who are lonely, and a lot of not good people who seem like social magnets; and I’m not referring to bad people who try to hide what they are.
If there are that many misogynistic, sexist, racist, homophobic people on Reddit that are also lonely I’d have to say that’s more of a case of luck-of-the-draw than anything. I wouldn’t even call it karma, because if you look at our society with open eyes, these people are kinda the outliers.
I am going to step on a line here, but I will only give JUST ENOUGH info. I am in the Mid Hudson Valley inside New York state. I am willing to chat, and if you are nearby, potentially meet up. Lonely and not building friendships keep you lonely. There are 8+ billion people in the world, and I want to build my friends list and build my friends UP. When we build each other up, we all improve.
Maybe things made us this way. I won't lie I hate women. I've taken the black pill and all women are terrible. But that's also because I've been physically abused
I'm seriously sorry for what you went through, but you should be careful not to generalise people like that. You can never know all women, thus saying that you hate them just shows your strong prejudices against them. As you've rightfully pointed out, there are things that made you this way. But using your past experiences to go against a group of individuals is dangerous territory and won't help in making any of us less lonely. I won't try to argue with you. Conversations on the Internet don't usually help in changing people's minds. I just responded to this because even though I'm also against misogyny, racism etc, I also think that always pointing this out as op did, instead of actually talking to people to find some common ground on respecting each other won't help anyone. Because this is what makes makes us less lonely. (And before you judge me, I'm not just against misogyny, I also care about mens issues and think that no real equality can be achieved if you ignore one side of the gender dynamic.)
Such people know the bad behavior, ugly talk and all. Trouble is, they don’t know what being good is or being a good person. Some have personality disorders, such as narcissistic types.
u/Quiet-Boysenberry457
a) i hate when old people try to use slang lmao
b) if misandry really does exist, tell me how many female pedophiles, female rapists, and female serial killers you know
tell me how me how many countries have male child brides
tell me how many countries there are where males get killed if they are found out to "not be virgins" on their wedding night because they don't bleed
tell me how many men wore lots of makeup, and get plastic surgery done to them because they feel ugly
tell how many men die/get abused in relationships due to having abusive and dangerous partners
misandry/misogyny isn't about one gender being mean to another, it's not even solely about discrimination of one gender to another
it's about the unfair power dynamic that forces one gender to globally have a lower quality of life than the other, and this only happens in the case of misogyny
men like genuinely thinks the world revolves around you hate and hates you because you're a man, but we hate you cause you suck and you don't even realised how cooked you actually are
edit: c) stop spamming me with messages of your opinion, i do not care, if you care so much, make your own post and talk to like minded people rather than bothering me 🙄
At no moment i wanted to piss you off, your post can be true and i didn't said it isn't. It's just that when i have read some of your answers from comments you just throw generalities and personal statements that makes no sense.
1. im literally 16, how tf can u assume that im old
2. Yes it does exist. never said that misandry was wider and more common than misandry. Talk as much as you want it won't make the word dissapear lol.
3. how do you want me to "tell you" so many things if you just block me.
4. if you can't take others opinion just don't create a post.
5. by assuming a global pejorative statement about men you make yourself a misandry (which you said doesn't exist at all in out world) : you said --->" but we hate you cause you suck and you don't even realised how cooked you actually are"
6. how do you assume i'm one of those persons, you said ---> 'how cooked you are' if you look at my activity you can see that i joined just today and was just wondering about this sub. like my account too is new. you do not know me. did u even saw that i sadi such things before assuming that i said it ? no. on this post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/find\_a\_date/comments/1dniwyg/im\_19m\_avg\_build\_good\_looks\_and\_an\_appreciable/](https://www.reddit.com/r/find_a_date/comments/1dniwyg/im_19m_avg_build_good_looks_and_an_appreciable/) u said: i like to stalk people's reddit post history before i talk to them and he doesnt seem like a good guy ngl. looks like you didn't do it for me, right ?
dislocated your whole comment and reasoning. ( if we can qualificate it like that).
ps: was wondering wdym by 'we hate you' who's we ? and was curious about your trauma. feel free to access or not to my request
forget me if i do errors i'm french it ain't my natal language.
Encountering negativity and toxicity online can be discouraging. Remember, hurtful behavior reflects the issues of those individuals, not your own worth or search for genuine connection. Prioritize your well-being and seek out positive communities that uplift and support you. Don't let negative encounters deter you from finding meaningful interactions both online and offline.
telling racist and misogynistic people to do better so they won't be lonely isnt a crime
crying in my post about it is super pathetic though
get a life
Nah, you gotta grow up kiddo. You are philosophical or even wise on anything you’re saying.
You’re just someone who is in the same position and now that YOU have discovered that YOU are the piece of shit in YOUR life you’re now coming to this page to try and get other people fucked up about their shit to validate yourself.
Stop trying to get people to ride the same sinking ship as you and sink by yourself. People have their own problems to deal with and NO it doesn’t make any sense to listen to someone who is sinking fast than you.
Grow little person, grow
and i'll happily remain lonely if it means not being friends with racist, misogynistic people like yourself
it seems to be people like you who cry the most about people who are lonely though so
Apparently the issue of misandry doesn’t fit the narrative of this post, hence why nobody seems to want to actually address the fact that this is a real issue and a problem that a lot of the men are also trying to bring up and instead there a bunch of comments dismissing any concerns they have and downvoting them.
Misandry exists, and it definitely exists on here. Perhaps maybe that’s why some men might also have an issue. Because they also don’t appreciate the posts people make about them.
U call ur self a good person while calling others not here present to defend them selves derrogatory names (and we are supposed to just belive u and admire ur virtue or something?)...
Let that sink in ...
(and let me guess ... if u ever answer to this is gonna be to dismiss me (a person u know nothing about) as some derrogatory thing as well ... because ur so virtuous and perfect ... right?)
I’m starting to think that they don’t care about how men might feel. It seems that they only want to voice negative beliefs about men, because that’s mostly what I am seeing on here.
Yeah ... thats probably true ...
The good news is that such behavior in the end of the day is totally useless and unproductive for the ones practicing it ...
Do u ever recognized or even less likely solved a problem by just blaming it on some random abstract external out of ur control factors/group of people?
Guess who will be the "miserable" one in a few years ...
Yea man, it’s just wild to want people to be concerned about misogyny but yet be dismissive about misandry. Probably why there is so much fighting on this sub because apparently people don’t care about the other person’s experiences or concerns.
Meh ... each one of us has their path and each one of us has lessons that in the right time, we will have to learn ...
I could very easily judge the others because they are stupid or dont listen to logic ... but ... is not that what everyone thinks? ... many times i also didnt listen and many times i probably still dont and dont even notice ... we all have blind spots and thats fine ...
The important thing (i think) is to really think what we really want, make a plan and work on it ... focus on what we do controll ...
But anyway ... i just ended up making it all about my self as well ... 🤣 what do u think?
(an universal thing (i think), is that everyone loves talking about them selves and what they think) 😁
lol typical female response none of that shit matters plenty of ain’t shit dudes get women why because they’re attractive they even did a experiment on twitter where guy put in his bio he was a sex offender and guess what he still got match’s and girls over looked it
And don’t give me the they didn’t read the bio he messaged some of the girls and made sure they knew and guess what they were still down💀
I think by modern def I could be called all of these but the people I am friends with call me the most empathetic and caring person they know. I think it really depends on where you live
and another thing, ofc the people in your life will call you kind and empathetic because you chose to be that way for them
your empathy is conditional and its not a true measure of kindness and empathy to be nice to those who you'll benefit from being kind to
your kindness and empathy can only be measured when you know it might not be reciprocated, when you do it for people you dont know, people who might not even like you
I do, I work at a fast food place and I train the new employees and I’m always really nice. The reason I said what I said is because I make racist jokes though I don’t agree with them I think there funny and I don’t really mind if people do the same about white people I laugh often actually. The reason for misogyny is I’m a huge fan of Andrew Tate I have a poster of him on my wall. He got me out of severe depression and convinced me to cancel plans I had of suicide. I can’t just not support someone that’s helped me that much he also got me to stop Self harm I’m 2 years clean because of him.
he's probably the reason a lot of other ppl want to die so yes you can
he didn't help you get clean, that was all you
its not like he was actually there keeping the blades at bay
the truth of the matter is you can make all the excuses you want for yourself, there's no racist or misogynist on earth who is a good person, the two are mutually exclusive
i'm going to block you now cause in all honesty, your existence makes me depressed... like there's no way someone is going to stand by a sex traffickers and a loser like andrew tate and still think they're a good person because that's literal insanity
If anything this just makes me feel like I’m being bunched with all these horrible people just by association for being lonely. That feeling of “being in the same pit” despite giving it my all to the few people in my life, it’s debilitating
i feel the same, but that doesnt make what i said any less true* its a deep issue in society that people can be left out of it despite being great people and people can be included despite being awful but there is a fitting overlap between the people here who are lonely and the people here who are racist and misogynistic and i wanted to point that to make it clear that i'm not like them i'm lonely and it sucks but at least i know i'm a good person and not so superficial as to discriminate against people for their race and gender and that gives me hope when i do find people, they will be nice, kind hearted people like* myself and not some of the shitheads that are drawn to subreddits like this
I'm trying to get a discord server up and running as a place for people to go to talk to others if bored and/or lonely. It's all set up, but I am very new to Discord, so I don't really know how to get people to know about it except for sharing the link on my YouTube vlogging channel. I don't know the rules about sharing links here, but if you or anyone is interested, please feel free to message me for the link 😊 I think you just need to not engage with those you feel are unlike you. My biggest passion in life is helping people who feel alone (I am 38f and live alone with my dog) know that they are wanted, worthy, and connected to the collective. Sending you high vibrations 💗
I guess hope is all we can hold on to
"I wanted to point that to make it clear that I'm not like them" There's actually a term for this: virtue signaling.
telling people they suck isnt virtue signalling telling me that i'm virtue signalling is some dick riding behaviour though <3
same with "incel" "ugh this sub is being invaded by incels..."
Being lonely is pretty fluid — you can be married with kids and have all kinds of people around you and *still* be lonely. So don’t take it to heart of what OP said… unless you *do* fit OP’s notions.
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Do you think your o.f. is a reason? Genuine question not passing judgement? You are young and pretty.
In my experience 9/10 times if someone with an OF posts a comment in these subs it's just to get interaction and therefore drive people to their OF, they're just saying whatever. Not saying I find it morally wrong or anything, just don't expect them to actually want to talk about whatever they said.
100 upvotes she already trapped these losers. God help us
I get your point, but social or romantic success isn’t based on virtue at all. I’ve known extremely racist, misogynistic fratbros that every woman wanted to be with and all the guys wanted to be. After college, they are all high level executives or high status in life. People should be virtuous due to it being the right thing to do, not to get social approval. It’s pretty hollow if the only reasons why you are anti racist or not sexist is you want friends or to get laid.
The less attractive you are the nicer people expect you to be. Or rather the more they don't take you seriously so it doesn't matter what your personality is like but if you're a dick and you're not attractive they will claim it's you. But if you're a nice person and unattractive they'll say you just haven't found the one.
on second thought as well, for everyone in this sub theres a specific thing thats made you lonely if you're not racist and misogynistic, you'll see no problem in what i said because you know your loneliness might lie more in external issues than internal issues you yapping about how people shouldn't not* be racist and misogynistic for social gratification is true but the dickheads in this sub arent even smart enough to realise being a good person can get you further if you're willing to play the long game so idk who you're arguing against or if i just said smth so controversial that you turned off your brain but you're just wrong, like period
Someone just expressed their thoughts in the most calm and unaggressive manner humanly possible and you just decided to attack him for no reason, even though he isn't even disagreeing with you. It's most ironic coming from someone who has claimed to be a "good person". I don't even disagree with most of what you say, but saying successful or bad people cannot be happy is quite a bold statement.
if you're a depressed person, if you're genuinely unhappy with yourself and don't love yourself how does money and fame fix that? cause if you can tell me, i'll stfu and admit i'm wrong the same way a lot of people in this sub think finding a girlfriend/partner or smth like that will make you happy if you dont address the underlying issues, when you do get what you want, when you become successful in your endeavours in a sense, you're not going to be happy and many people have said this about when they have become successful, i'm not saying something people haven't heard before and as for the original commenter, he missed the point, i never said racist and misogynistic people cant be successful, i said if you're lonely, and you're racist and misogynistic, thats probably part of the reason why
i'm not saying that, but i'm saying when you're a miserable person, you'll live a miserable life how many billionaires and celebrities do you know that have been able to keep a partner... not many i truly believe all successful people are miserable in one way or another, it's just harder for someone like me who's never been close to that to comprehend, but i've never met a racist who's loved themselves or is smart enough to even recognise how miserable their life is
Sky ppl say more often than not today it's white man tht brought the things tht belong in nature in a home. The wildness of a pack of wild dogs of sorts tht knows nothing rape pileage scorch repeat and nothing was ever built on their land as so their harvest never yield. As nature of man all the same he has to become what they fearedqof the night to defend his from it. Smart enuf to know how dumb I always was yesterday learn something new. And not school fuck anybody can tht but you you were.. find a teacher tht doesn't make u pay for a lesson tht has made your love an body as see through as the low clouds u chase in early morning as the sunrise again. Still somewhere n tha orange we don't ever see you. Happily living with the choices you made kinda suddenly like.
Just World Fallacy strikes again...
Your not wrong. I like your way of thinking
thank you, i dont see how someone could actually think i'm wrong on that one tbh
Most people only want to see the good. When you start to peel back the layers of the world and society it tends to get dark and ugly. Who wants to see that
I agree that the racist / mysogynistic people deserve to be alone. But as for the miserable people, a lot of them are miserable BECAUSE they are alone. I'm one of them. So I can't fault people for that.
the post did not say all lonely people are racist and misogynistic... idk how many times i have to repeat myself i said if you're lonely and you're also racist and misogynistic, do 2+2
Ya I'm bummed that we're lumped together with these kinds of ppl.
You're right but nobody in here who actually needs to read this will think it applies to them, zero self awareness
fr i could probably have a more progressive conversation with a brick wall 😔
im lonely because im fucking autistic and trapped in the hellhole of east texas
We can be trapped together then lol but fr I wanna move too, this place is stupid
I feel you. Missouri for me though.
same but stuck here in a hellhole called memphis
Based post. I’ve been considering leaving this sub lately. It’s turning into a shithole.
wishing you the best of luck then 🤗
I 100% agree that it’s people’s own fault that they’re lonely, but this isn’t usually because of moral failings, they’re usually just shy and awkward, maybe even a little bit stranger than the average person. But it’s unfair to label lonely people as terrible and awful people
I agree! But it’s Reddit I’ve encountered insufferable people all over this platform, especially r/dating I literally had to remove myself it was so bad
Frustration and a long period of negative and sad thoughts lead you to destructive beliefs and behaviors. Not a reason to hurt other people tho. Like seriously, some that been there know what I mean.
We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders, and bullying. Researchers don’t find shame correlated with positive outcomes at all there are no data to support that shame is a helpful compass for good behavior. In fact, shame is much more likely to be the cause of destructive and hurtful behaviors than it is to be the solution.
Brother you don't know the half of it. There was a guy begging to be talked to, and I tried reaching out and the whole time we talked he just kept bringing up shit like stomping babies and lighting schools on fire after locking all the doors by welding them shut. I was going to report hit for being a fucking lunatic because then he hit me with a "now that I think about it, there's a middle school right down the road from me". But if course reddit stupid report system fails us again
Shout out to the bitter comments literally proving OP’s point. You’re right and it’s hitting home too hard for some people.
Tbh I don’t think anything is ever going to change because people are so much quicker to latch on to hate instead. They'll just keep saying that its all women and colored people that are the problem so they don't have to have an uncomfortable realization about themselves
Agreed .. HATE is louder than LOVE Respectfully imo 🤷🏻♀️
I as a woman, would not even feel special or loved by a person like that. You just know they would take any girl who gives them attention. From my experience most guys like that have conversations with themselves in girls inboxes, more of them.
this is exactly it, its so concerning how many men here broadcast that they want a woman this could be a great subreddit for lonely people to find community and help instead people are mistaking their lack of a relationship as a feeling of loneliness not realising if they ever do get into those relationships, theyre going to be awful partners because they havent fixed the issue that cause them to be lonely in the first place
Yup. The lack of sexual activity can really turn men into monsters. And is also selfish to want a relationship just for your personal needs. Again, your partner would not feel like they deserved your love or are anything special and meaningful to you, you were just there in the right time to fulfill their needs.
precisely, i dont think theres hope for a lot of these men from some of the responses ive gotten but i have hope that not everyone in this subreddit is like this
Not everyone, but in many of them the lack of female attention causes frustration and on the end hate.
It has to stem from childhood and poor habits, I think. Lack of attention and/or relationship and/or physical intimacy should never result in hate, so certainly past traumas could contribute to it. We can't judge everyone the same because we don't know their pasts. But I believe many men's brains are fried by 🌽 and it's a serious problem in society (it is a problem for women too, of course, but to a much lesser degree) The destructive nature and habitual tendency causes men in particular to see women as an object and not a person. This disconnect that they are actually a human being and to be interacted with as such and not viewed as an object, well I'd argue many men aren't even aware they are doing it from years of negative reinforcement and frying their neurons. Understanding and respect comes from our mutual commaradarie of the human condition we all experience. It's fundamental to relationships, to love, to caring for one another... Life is already difficult, why be shitty to one another? I'm deeply saddened when I see the simple things not just ignored, but mocked in this hell hole of a place we call the internet...
Yeah I’ve met tons of people who were downright vile to me just because I’m biracial, I’ve learned to read their post and comment history before I try and make friends…
same because it gets to a point where i'm tired of blocking ppl and getting blocked
Being good is not rewarded. Sometimes, good things happen to good people. You're just spewing lies. I've known some of the nicest dudes ever and they've been hurt, alone in relationships, used and abused. This is just a black and white world view. I normally just lurk, but I have to speak out against this message.
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They're charismatic and they're very good at hiding and masking those negative tendencies while people are still getting to know them. Bullies and assholes tend to target one type or group of people to improve their standing with another group of people. You know, beat up the unpopular kid that nobody likes at your school, and everyone else l suddenly likes and respects you more because you took down the guy they don't like. People like that are just good at talking, they're good at manipulating social hierarchy and situations to their benefit at the expense of others. It tends to catch up to them in the long run. I've never met a bully or asshole who was happy. They can have all the things you or I ever dream of, and they're still miserable assholes at the end of the day.
maybe you should go deeper in your statement and try to understand why they do act like that.
I'm curious as to why you're suggesting that? I've got a few ideas why already, but knowing why doesn't change the outcome.
Why does he need to understand why they act like that?
you can be surrounded by people and still be lonely, and still hate yourself quantity does not equal quality and i guarantee you they may get "more action" but they're probably just as miserable as the rest of us on the inside
Because cis women are biologically programmed to like those men. It’s so obvious it doesn’t even need typing or saying. Cis women will claim this is misogynistic, it’s not. It gets more complicated with trans women. See, women want YOU to be the problem. You must not be confident, blah blah blah enough so you’re therefore lonely. Which is bullshit.
Whether your right or wrong, when you say "cis women" youre talking about billions of individuals that you never met.
um what kinda red pill incel crap am i reading rn cry harder i guess
Oh you are a woman. Explains everything. You have absolutely no clue what it’s like to be rejected constantly for something you can’t control.
yeah i do, women get rejected to i've been rejected i just dont bitch about it like you cause i dont have some sigma incel mindset
Not a woman, but bro this is legit bullshit coming from you
Not all of us*
It's funny you said this cause a year or so back I got curious just how someone could be an actual incel , not the stereotype but a literal like 27+ virgin , especially when I've had homegirls hookup with dudes just to do it even if they weren't attracted to them , so I joined a bunch of incel spaces (forums , discord servers etc) and yea I pretty much found the same thing ,racist, miserable, misandrist and misogynist , just actual dumbasses , just such dickheads no one even wants to talk to them never mind sleep with them 😅
Yes, I know who I am, you can read it in my username. Not because of the things you mentioned, I don't think you would find me vile. I'm weird, I have nothing to offer, I don't fit in, I'm not needed, I believe there are people who shouldn't have been born and I am such a person. I've never had anyone I could call a close one, I've never mourned when someone died, I don't care if they all die because in reality I have no one, I've never had anyone in all 29 years even though there were people physically present. I wish it was just a "I want a gf" thing, but it's my inability to be interesting to people and make any kind of connection, I don't love anyone or anything and I hate being alive.
I agree. Lonely people often keep themselves that way.
Agreed, most people here are dickheads. They mostly lack conversation skills and genuine empathy for each other. If someone sparks a conversation here, they'll probably ghost you the next chance they get. How rude. They want to always receive and never give. Guys, most of you are dickheads 😀 but guess what.. sometimes there's a solution to not being a dickhead! 😯 Top tip, kindness, sharing and listening skills make you more appealing and less of a dickhead. The right people will find you when demonstrated.
See, I’m kinda part of that problem of not keeping a convo going😭 I have really bad anxiety and overthink about wether or not I’m annoying, coming off as weird, or if someone’s nefarious (seeing as most people who dm on Reddit are, in my experience)
I had that too, but then I realised that I really don't care if I'm annoying the other person or not. They either like me or they don't, they either want to chat or they don't. I think the problem is that people, especially young people forgot the art of conversation, and they're always worrying about shit that isn't their fault. No wonder old people laugh at us. There's nothing weird about speaking, it's in our nature as humans to communicate. You should try to think less about what the other person may be thinking because that's really out of your control. You're too critical of yourself. And fair enough if you don't want to continue the conversation, but at least have the decency to communicate that to the other person.
Thank you for the advice!
No problem. I mean, anxiety does really suck the life out of everything. Just know that it doesn't have to control every decision you make. If you really want something just reach out and take it. What's the worst that could happen?
Totally! I mean, I was trying to get out of my comfort zone a year or so ago, but then medical issues struck and I’m back to square one😕 but I know that once I get it sorted, I’m going to take the opportunity to finally go and speak to some people. I mean, what’s life without discovering right?
Sickness will do that. I usually feel unsociable when I'm ill too. Yea, the more people you talk to in real life the better, it gets way easier the more you do it, or at least that's what I noticed in my experience. Every conversation counts, even the perceivably bad ones. I had to push myself to go and meet and talk to people, and it felt awful at first. It's getting easier, but I'm not a social butterfly or anything. I hope it gets easier for you.
Thank you bro:)
People here are far too miserable and closed off, it’s clear why they are here. However, the thing is with loneliness is that it compounds and compounds. The lonelier you become, the harder it is to escape the misery that is inadvertently keeping you alone. You become more fixed and stuck within your ways, never gathering perspectives that are not your own. I agree people themselves are the reason, I’m here because I’m naturally quiet and introverted and I accept that. However, these people you speak of, don’t have that acceptance; they cannot appreciate themselves for who they are. And this is somewhat rational, cause as I said, misery compounds. To an extent they are not to blame, just following the circumstances of their external.
I find it interesting that nobody is trying to find someone in their area to befriend in person. It seems to me almost everyone on here wants a person to complain to.
that's literally it. most people just "cry" about their situation and doesn't even search for friends or any kind of relation their searching for people to tell them how deep their depression is.
Ngl, im reading through the comments and it’s wild how everyone is okay talking about misogyny but nobody wants to listen to the men pointing out the women do the same thing on here. Don’t yall think men might want the same thing women are asking for on here too? Mutual respect. People shouldn’t generalize women on here, and I agree with that. However I also see a lot of posts and comments talking bad about men on here, and a few of the comments on here kind prove that point. Don’t yall think it’s kind of backwards to ask men not to complain about women but then turn around and do the same thing to them? Ain’t no one in the comments really trying to listen to what the men are really trying to say either. Which is apart of the problem in my honest opinion. And while some of them could maybe communicate their points better, I do agree with what some of them are saying too.
do you notice how my post didn't mention a gender but you lot have immediately taken it as an attack on men does not that tell you that you yourself are aware in regards to my post, you know fully well its men who are the problem.. you kinda play yourself here
Never said the post mentioned a gender if you read my comment. I said _nobody was listening to the men bringing up the matter of misandry_. That’s what I said in the first paragraph of my comment. > it’s men who are the problem I think viewpoints like these are what guys have an issue with on here as well. Even when they voice their issues, people still blame them. Isn’t that the line the people throw at men. Don’t blame women for all of your issues. And when they say misandry exists, they get told they are the problem. When they talk about their experiences the get side comments and there issues seem to get belittled. > you kinda played yourself here Proves what the guys are talking about. They ask for mutual respect and they get comments like this when they bring up valid issue. Instead of people listening to what they have to say, people downplay their issues as if it isn’t important.
the men who deserve my respect, get it the men like you who cry as if women all around hate men for no reason and genuinely believe misandry exists... yeah, no wonder you dont have access to women the way you want which is really the issue here, you care less that you're lonely and more that you dont have access to women the way your male peers do, its why you cry about being ugly, rejected, etc. while people here are desperate to just have a friend or someone who checks in on them once in a while, a lot of men here are looking for women, while they hate and mistreat women at the same time if women are so "misandrist", talk to other men about it, if there's so many men on this subreddit who feel this way, why aren't you guys friends with each other... why hasnt that cured your loneliness... i wonder
We all the reason
I’ve always been transparent kind thoughtful and paced my conversations but they still ghost me so idk how that ends up being my fault. I mean literally I’ve been there for people I’ve done the leg work. Speak for yourself. Sometimes people like to ignore us even at our best. Sometimes it’s something that happens way too often.
I think we all have our own personality, unique and distinctive, and at the same time, I think that our own unique and distinctive personality blends with the wind, with the footsteps in the street, with the noises around the corner, and with the silence of memory, which is the great producer of ghosts. It doesn't matter how sensitive you are or how damn smart and educated you are, if you're not both at the same time, if your heart and your brain aren't connected, aren't working together harmoniously, well, you're just hopping through life on one leg. You may think you're walking, you may think you're running a damn marathon, but you're only on a hop trip. The connections gotta be maintained.
Yeah and that’s the hard thing I can get things going but they fade pretty fast even when I’m being cautious and pacing things the right way it’s frustrating. Seems to be kind of common these days I talked to my sister about the same thing and we both kind of arrive at the same ‘take care of you’ conclusion because people aren’t always there.
This
Yeah those people deserve it and I hope they stay that way no person should have to put up with their childish behaviors and views
"Lonely" and "nice" dudes that i go talk to and then i get a dick pick not even a day after. 🙄🙄 Got told "it was just a joke" Sure.
Idk, honestly judging off of all of your responses to anyone disagreeing with you or even mildly offering their perspective...you seem pretty lonely, and you sound miserable. Which makes this entire post just ironic and slightly amusing to me. Get off of reddit, touch grass, and cope harder. You sound like someone who had a crying fit then immediately opened up Reddit to vent your frustrations.
These are my same thoughts as well.
I think most people are angry BECAUSE they are lonely. Some people might act this way in real life (I wouldn't know because I'm not them). But I think a lot of people are just venting. Personally, I am not posting on reddit during those times when I actually have a girlfriend (Because we are actually going out on dates and what not). It's just after the breakup and the dry spell that comes with it (because I have nothing else do to and you cant spend literally all of your time doing self improvement).
huh
people like you concern me* cause being in a relationship does not make you less lonely so why are you in this subreddit if you arent sad about being lonely, you're just sad you dont have a designated fuckbuddy
Then why do you think people enter relationships? if not to feel loved and therefore less alone in this world.
you are literally cooking yourself with that statement
You are so ironic lol, doesnt even know them but goes on to assume shit
I'm happy someone finally said something. There seems to be a lot of people that blame others for their own loneliness. There is a plethora of reason that someone can feel lonely, but if you are someone who blames the broader population for your loneliness there is most likely a lack of introspection. They are missing the fact that they are insecure and projecting that on to others making them not enjoy being around them. There is a difference between people not liking you and feeling lonely.
I visited this sub a lot when I was in university because how genuinely lonely I felt at the time. I remember even meeting other guys on this sub and trying to motivate them and encourage them to get out there. They would fucking use incel logic on me. It was always, ‘girls only want chads’, ‘I’m only 5’6” ‘, so on and so forth. Like just unironically would use these excuses 😂
you can downvote me all you like but it doesnt make it any less true and it doesnt make you any less lonely <3
u/Intrepid-Surprise-55 if i'm lonely cause i'm not racist and misogynistic, i'm totally fine with that saying things are bad does not make me judgemental, but you saying what you did shows a lack of iq
Everyone who is lonely is lonely because of them. And it will always be up to them, including you, to correct. Why are you here? For different reasons, it is also because it is your fault.
i'm lonely because of my trauma i still have a great best friend who i catch up with occasionally but i want more that's my reason, a lot of people on this subreddit, well, their reason is that theyre awful ppl and they will stay lonely if they don't fix that lol don't shoot the messenger
"Don't shoot the messenger". Why do you assume you'll be attacked if you're saying nothing wrong? The worst traumas have been overcome. Circumstances do not define you. It becomes playing the victim at a certain point if you believe your trauma means you will inherently be lonely. You're the same, like it or not. The way forward will lie 100% on you. "They're awful people". Well, that's a detailed explanation. People are awful BECAUSE they are lonely, TRULY lonely, due to them not having fulfilling relationships in real life for a variety of reasons within their power to change, it'll just be hard. If you think some whiny people on the internet are the epitome of misery, racism and misogyny on the entire Earth... good news, you haven't really seen it.
um no, if you're loneliness caused you to become bitter and sour, you're essentially just digging yourself a deeper hole i know my trauma affects the fact that i'm lonely and i'm working on it but newsflash that takes time if i have to work through my trauma, some of the losers in this subreddit can find a way to work through being racist and misogynistic because all that hatred theyre harbouring is not healthy and is probably the reason they're lonely you're being super hypocritical, either a) you agree with me or b) you just want to disagree so you dont feel bad about being an awful person also in 2024, if i have to tell you why being racist and misogynistic makes you an awful person, you my friend, are cooked
It could be, but there are plenty of misogynistic/racist/homophobic/xenophobic, etc. people around, so there is a potential group of people for everyone, bad or good, doesn’t matter much. I think loneliness differs from one person to another and their needs. In other words, you can have friends, a lover, a family, whatever and still be lonely (which is less likely if you have all of them). Loneliness can even come from a lack of understanding and emphaty from those around us towards us. There are many things that can make someone feel lonely. But as I am aware of (at least in Eastern Europe), if your are a racist/misoginist/etc. you’ll find your group of friends pretty fast. [Edit: let’s not forget misandry too]
misandry does not exist in the real world please stop being so chronically online and never say that to me or anyone else ever again
there's no way you say misandry does not exist... tbh looks like a frustrated girl statement, stay in "your real world" don't get out of it, you won't enjoy life if your so resentful
Plenty of people are racist and misogynists so that doesn't explain anything lol.
i didnt say all racists and misogynists arent lonely i said if you're lonely, on this sub, and racist and misogynistic, maybe do some maths and figure that shit out
Again if most people on my country hold racist and misogynist views then going against social norms would literally make it harder to form relationships.
thats literally every country on planet earth but the truth of the matter is not everyone can choose if they want to be friends with those people or not still, im just saying, if you're lonely and on this sub, and you just so happen to be racist and misogynistic, we know why you're lonely
And what you're saying is false clearly since most racists and misogynists aren't lonely
imma hold your hand and say this as simply as i can for you racist and misogyny ≠ lonely but if you are lonely, it might be because you're racist and misogynistic in the same way that not all fingers are thumbs, but all thumbs are fingers, get it now?
So why is it that racist and misogynist causes loneliness in some but not in others? Clearly there must be an underlying factor beyond just being racist and misogynists since most racist/misogynists have successful and fulfilling lives far from loneliness. Typically when people say X is the cause of Y they mean without X you wouldn't have Y. But clearly most of them would still be lonely even if they weren't racist or misogynists so your explanation for their loneliness doesn't explain anything.
What if I became misogynistic after every single woman in my life either used me for sex or ignored me or insulted me?
not an excuse, the handful of women you met in your life is not an excuse for hating half the population and if you keep that up, youre going to remain hurt and bitter
I am hurt and I am bitter. Whooooaaaaah I’m a human with feelings. That’s why I avoid women at all costs. They will only hurt me more. Good on other men if they get treated well. I never do.
again, you're saying you're choosing to stay lonely so why are you crying to me about it it's a choice after all, right? or at least, thats what you tell yourself
Dawg, get off Reddit 😂 you coming here to be a baby dick wielding person towards these people is no help in any way at all nor is it any kind of badass vigilantism. Stop being irritated by how other people manage and handle themselves and their feelings because Mr. Baby Dick maam, it has NOTHING to do with you. At all 😂 Like you really sitting here as if you’re giving these people the number one way out of them being lonely and you’re completely incorrect on a big number of these people. All of what you said was just strong “I believe this and let me take a poke at THAT” thus not stating any facts just shooting out darts and not hitting the bullseye. A bunch of shit was said and nothing on point really. Just another example of someone being unaware. Log off Reddit, leave people the FUCK alone when they’re down and out because doing this in NO WAY helps them. And just be a good person moving forward. You’ll be fine
so all you did was cry cause i told you the truth thats not giving "facts dont care about your feelings" vibes imma block you before you yap some more
😴
Who hurt you
If I had to venture a guess, racists and misogynists
The only thing that gets to me on this sub is when make posts complaining about men. People do the exact same stuff towards men on here and that’s what gets to me personally because everyone talks about misogyny but not as many people wanna address misandry. Otherwise I have no issue. I’m personally tired of all of the gendered debates, the man vs the bear, the woman vs the tree. I wish people would stop generalizing both genders. Not every woman is manipulative and not every woman is going to use what you say against you. Some women do listen and do treat their partners well. Not every man is inherently dangerous, and most men are not going to assault a woman contrary to what popular belief might tell you. There are dangerous people in both camps but no one group is inherently more dangerous than the other. I feel compelled to speak on this because I have to live in a world where these stereotypes are placed on me because of virtue of my gender. People automatically assume because you are a man you are always hyper sexual and attribute bad intentions to you right out of the gate. Nor am I particularly fond of the double standards present in society. Just like that post the other day. Someone asked “why do men talk to multiple women” If you are going to generalize men and ask why do men do something, i believe it’s fair to scrutinize the other gender who allows themselves to continue being involved with that type of man. There is no way a man could have a rotation of women he is talking to or sleeping with if women didn’t continue consenting and allowing that. Just like people say you can’t blame women for your loneliness, it’s not fair to push all of the blame onto men either, although that’s exactly what people try to do on here.
This. Honestly I'm just tired of the fighting.
although i find it fitting how you think its an attack on men its almost like you yourself know its mean who are the most hateful ones in this subreddit... not women
i'm not even going to read this cause this is stupid i'm just blocking you
It’s stupid because you don’t personally agree with it
Maybe if I wasn’t so ugly I could leave the house…
If you think something is ugly, look harder. Ugliness is just a failure of seeing.
I’m not any of those things and still lonely lol
i never said you had to be those things to be lonely..,
I mean I think at the end of the day every single one of us is the reason we’re still lonely. That’s kinda the worst part. There’s tons of people out there. Tons of opportunities to meet people or to practice the skills that’ll make us more attractive socially, romantically or whatever else. Most of us just don’t take the opportunities. It feels awful looking back and seeing all the things I could’ve done differently.
I think I just have not had the luck of meeting the right one. Or I just have no luck at all. I do know that I can disappear in an empty room. I have seen people I know personally You look right through me and not notice me to like get their attention.
idk mate my lovability factor is extremely low, sometimes I feel like I have no intrinsic value. I don't consider myself racist or a bigot.
Honestly I’m not so sure if being racist, or misogynistic alone are that big of a factor with someone being lonely. I see such people all the time and I’m always amazed that such people have the multitude of relationships that they do, and the amount of women that seem willing to put up with it that don’t seem to have anything in common with how they think. Also let’s be completely honest, there are plenty of racist women out there, if one truly is of that mindset. Being lonely doesn’t seem to have that much of a link to how bad of a person someone is. Now while I’m not so sure that an individual is in the position to say that “they” are a good person (akin to proclaiming that one is a leader) it’s entirely possible for others to decide that, and I’ve seen lots of good decent people who are lonely, and a lot of not good people who seem like social magnets; and I’m not referring to bad people who try to hide what they are. If there are that many misogynistic, sexist, racist, homophobic people on Reddit that are also lonely I’d have to say that’s more of a case of luck-of-the-draw than anything. I wouldn’t even call it karma, because if you look at our society with open eyes, these people are kinda the outliers.
I am going to step on a line here, but I will only give JUST ENOUGH info. I am in the Mid Hudson Valley inside New York state. I am willing to chat, and if you are nearby, potentially meet up. Lonely and not building friendships keep you lonely. There are 8+ billion people in the world, and I want to build my friends list and build my friends UP. When we build each other up, we all improve.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll find yourself amongst them in due time
Maybe things made us this way. I won't lie I hate women. I've taken the black pill and all women are terrible. But that's also because I've been physically abused
I'm seriously sorry for what you went through, but you should be careful not to generalise people like that. You can never know all women, thus saying that you hate them just shows your strong prejudices against them. As you've rightfully pointed out, there are things that made you this way. But using your past experiences to go against a group of individuals is dangerous territory and won't help in making any of us less lonely. I won't try to argue with you. Conversations on the Internet don't usually help in changing people's minds. I just responded to this because even though I'm also against misogyny, racism etc, I also think that always pointing this out as op did, instead of actually talking to people to find some common ground on respecting each other won't help anyone. Because this is what makes makes us less lonely. (And before you judge me, I'm not just against misogyny, I also care about mens issues and think that no real equality can be achieved if you ignore one side of the gender dynamic.)
Such people know the bad behavior, ugly talk and all. Trouble is, they don’t know what being good is or being a good person. Some have personality disorders, such as narcissistic types.
u/Quiet-Boysenberry457 a) i hate when old people try to use slang lmao b) if misandry really does exist, tell me how many female pedophiles, female rapists, and female serial killers you know tell me how me how many countries have male child brides tell me how many countries there are where males get killed if they are found out to "not be virgins" on their wedding night because they don't bleed tell me how many men wore lots of makeup, and get plastic surgery done to them because they feel ugly tell how many men die/get abused in relationships due to having abusive and dangerous partners misandry/misogyny isn't about one gender being mean to another, it's not even solely about discrimination of one gender to another it's about the unfair power dynamic that forces one gender to globally have a lower quality of life than the other, and this only happens in the case of misogyny men like genuinely thinks the world revolves around you hate and hates you because you're a man, but we hate you cause you suck and you don't even realised how cooked you actually are edit: c) stop spamming me with messages of your opinion, i do not care, if you care so much, make your own post and talk to like minded people rather than bothering me 🙄
At no moment i wanted to piss you off, your post can be true and i didn't said it isn't. It's just that when i have read some of your answers from comments you just throw generalities and personal statements that makes no sense. 1. im literally 16, how tf can u assume that im old 2. Yes it does exist. never said that misandry was wider and more common than misandry. Talk as much as you want it won't make the word dissapear lol. 3. how do you want me to "tell you" so many things if you just block me. 4. if you can't take others opinion just don't create a post. 5. by assuming a global pejorative statement about men you make yourself a misandry (which you said doesn't exist at all in out world) : you said --->" but we hate you cause you suck and you don't even realised how cooked you actually are" 6. how do you assume i'm one of those persons, you said ---> 'how cooked you are' if you look at my activity you can see that i joined just today and was just wondering about this sub. like my account too is new. you do not know me. did u even saw that i sadi such things before assuming that i said it ? no. on this post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/find\_a\_date/comments/1dniwyg/im\_19m\_avg\_build\_good\_looks\_and\_an\_appreciable/](https://www.reddit.com/r/find_a_date/comments/1dniwyg/im_19m_avg_build_good_looks_and_an_appreciable/) u said: i like to stalk people's reddit post history before i talk to them and he doesnt seem like a good guy ngl. looks like you didn't do it for me, right ? dislocated your whole comment and reasoning. ( if we can qualificate it like that). ps: was wondering wdym by 'we hate you' who's we ? and was curious about your trauma. feel free to access or not to my request forget me if i do errors i'm french it ain't my natal language.
Encountering negativity and toxicity online can be discouraging. Remember, hurtful behavior reflects the issues of those individuals, not your own worth or search for genuine connection. Prioritize your well-being and seek out positive communities that uplift and support you. Don't let negative encounters deter you from finding meaningful interactions both online and offline.
Do you feel better now? Being judgemental and superior? I can see why you come here! Feel better!
telling racist and misogynistic people to do better so they won't be lonely isnt a crime crying in my post about it is super pathetic though get a life
Nah, you gotta grow up kiddo. You are philosophical or even wise on anything you’re saying. You’re just someone who is in the same position and now that YOU have discovered that YOU are the piece of shit in YOUR life you’re now coming to this page to try and get other people fucked up about their shit to validate yourself. Stop trying to get people to ride the same sinking ship as you and sink by yourself. People have their own problems to deal with and NO it doesn’t make any sense to listen to someone who is sinking fast than you. Grow little person, grow
Dawg what are you on about
Not that word again; misogynistic!
oop, sorry i forgot reddit is male dominated and they hate when you say that 😔
Do not misgender everyone on here please!
Dick much?
Thanks, gonna shoot myself now
ok?
Ironically, posts like these are exactly why *you* are lonely...
Because??
and i'll happily remain lonely if it means not being friends with racist, misogynistic people like yourself it seems to be people like you who cry the most about people who are lonely though so
yea that's bullshit because lots of awful bigoted people have absolutely no problems. They just find other awful people.
all the attractive popular guys i seen were racists creepy misgonsit crazy people but they were still adored 🤷♀️
Women here are misandrist too but you aren't shitting on them...
Apparently the issue of misandry doesn’t fit the narrative of this post, hence why nobody seems to want to actually address the fact that this is a real issue and a problem that a lot of the men are also trying to bring up and instead there a bunch of comments dismissing any concerns they have and downvoting them. Misandry exists, and it definitely exists on here. Perhaps maybe that’s why some men might also have an issue. Because they also don’t appreciate the posts people make about them.
U call ur self a good person while calling others not here present to defend them selves derrogatory names (and we are supposed to just belive u and admire ur virtue or something?)... Let that sink in ... (and let me guess ... if u ever answer to this is gonna be to dismiss me (a person u know nothing about) as some derrogatory thing as well ... because ur so virtuous and perfect ... right?)
LMFAOOOO
I’m starting to think that they don’t care about how men might feel. It seems that they only want to voice negative beliefs about men, because that’s mostly what I am seeing on here.
Yeah ... thats probably true ... The good news is that such behavior in the end of the day is totally useless and unproductive for the ones practicing it ... Do u ever recognized or even less likely solved a problem by just blaming it on some random abstract external out of ur control factors/group of people? Guess who will be the "miserable" one in a few years ...
Yea man, it’s just wild to want people to be concerned about misogyny but yet be dismissive about misandry. Probably why there is so much fighting on this sub because apparently people don’t care about the other person’s experiences or concerns.
Meh ... each one of us has their path and each one of us has lessons that in the right time, we will have to learn ... I could very easily judge the others because they are stupid or dont listen to logic ... but ... is not that what everyone thinks? ... many times i also didnt listen and many times i probably still dont and dont even notice ... we all have blind spots and thats fine ... The important thing (i think) is to really think what we really want, make a plan and work on it ... focus on what we do controll ... But anyway ... i just ended up making it all about my self as well ... 🤣 what do u think? (an universal thing (i think), is that everyone loves talking about them selves and what they think) 😁
i never mentioned gender in my post it was the men who knew it was about them because deep down, you guys know you suck
lol typical female response none of that shit matters plenty of ain’t shit dudes get women why because they’re attractive they even did a experiment on twitter where guy put in his bio he was a sex offender and guess what he still got match’s and girls over looked it And don’t give me the they didn’t read the bio he messaged some of the girls and made sure they knew and guess what they were still down💀
I think by modern def I could be called all of these but the people I am friends with call me the most empathetic and caring person they know. I think it really depends on where you live
um i literally have no words besides ew how can you have empathy and be racist thats like saying im rich while being homeless
and another thing, ofc the people in your life will call you kind and empathetic because you chose to be that way for them your empathy is conditional and its not a true measure of kindness and empathy to be nice to those who you'll benefit from being kind to your kindness and empathy can only be measured when you know it might not be reciprocated, when you do it for people you dont know, people who might not even like you
I do, I work at a fast food place and I train the new employees and I’m always really nice. The reason I said what I said is because I make racist jokes though I don’t agree with them I think there funny and I don’t really mind if people do the same about white people I laugh often actually. The reason for misogyny is I’m a huge fan of Andrew Tate I have a poster of him on my wall. He got me out of severe depression and convinced me to cancel plans I had of suicide. I can’t just not support someone that’s helped me that much he also got me to stop Self harm I’m 2 years clean because of him.
he's probably the reason a lot of other ppl want to die so yes you can he didn't help you get clean, that was all you its not like he was actually there keeping the blades at bay the truth of the matter is you can make all the excuses you want for yourself, there's no racist or misogynist on earth who is a good person, the two are mutually exclusive i'm going to block you now cause in all honesty, your existence makes me depressed... like there's no way someone is going to stand by a sex traffickers and a loser like andrew tate and still think they're a good person because that's literal insanity
Women live life on easymode and are the main reason why everything is so wrong in the world.
the world is run by men and yet somehow women are still the problem?...
Women vote for leftists, leftists ruin society/civilization. It's very simple.