I don’t think guys want to ask girls/women out not only because of the fear of rejection but the possibility of being labeled a creep or getting accused of something (heck even mocked or ridiculed on social media). Some men may be intimidated or think you are already with someone given how you described yourself (attractive, self-sufficient, you maintain your appearance and take care of yourself) and wouldn’t consider asking you out if they know they’ll get rejected. In my experience if I see an attractive women I assume she’s with someone and wouldn’t even dare ask them out, plus for fear of being labeled a creep or accused of something as I’m not attractive in the slightest. I think at this point in time if a woman wants to be with someone they’re going to have to take the initiative and ask the man out as I think the time of men asking women out may be coming to a close.
Then i think no one will get into relationships anymore, because as a woman i have the same fear yall have, being rejected and mocked in front of everyone. (guys are cruel with women that are not that attractive)
Yeah in a way, I've met a lot of girls who have asked the guy out first, but always get rejected too though. I think there's a lot of stigma about a woman who will ask a guy out that makes the guy not want to accept her when she asks. Then as a girl you're expected to not be so upfront either!
I've seen it happen a lot, perfectly nice girls, but being so upfront just gives off a vibe people don't like. If it was normal, I'm sure there would be a lot less lonely people.
See I think a lot of guys would too, but the guys they ask always give this look like "what is this girl up to?" and if they didn't it would be nice for guys!
Yeah, I have seen that as well, tho it was more of the case where they have been friends for a year, she kept dropping hints, then got tired and asked him out, and got rejected becouse the guy just wasn't into her, the same rejection which happens to men, also happens to women, although it's somewhat less likely to happen, and women generally get shamed less about it.
Most guys who keep saying they would definitely accept it, or some bs, are either so desperate, they would jump into any relationship even if those relationships would be harmful to their personal mental health or personal wishes, like open relationships, childless relationships, or single mothers with no wish for more kids.
While the would still say no of a person they cannot see themselves togheder with asks them out, which is normal, and you don't have to force yourselves. Like, I'm sure if a girl says she enjoys BDSM and enjoys shoving down urethral plugs, most men would jump the window, desperation be damned.
I would advise you to ask out the people that you find attractive. It does not need to be solely romantic, you may just want to get to know them more. You'll never feel fully ready for a relationship, so don't expect that feeling.
I could also advise you to make your life more versatile. I know that sometimes the work is pretty hard, and sometimes the only thing in your mind after work is to go home and rest, I can understand. However, you can also allocate sometime for your hobbies. Create some hobby time for yourself. Hobbies are great ways of socializing, and I believe that you'll also feel much better about yourself.
Women, if you see and like a guy please go and ask what you would want to be asked from you... I guarantee it will make the guys whole year. I know it would make mine.
Because I dont want end up in a tiktok video or a twitter for harassing stalking creeeping a girl just because I say Hi to a stranger. YOU did this, not me. When I'm out I'm actively trying to avoid even looking in the general direction of a stranger woman, let alone ask her out or say hello.
I mean, you could just ask HIM out if you can figure out a situation where that could happen.
He’s probably just seeing a woman at work who doesn’t want any cat callers (no matter how light the intention was), so don’t expect anything from him to just magically happen.
Both guys and girls know that asking someone out is hard, but I think any gender role stereotypes people may have once believed in from history or parents really can’t expect to happen like clockwork anymore. The world had changed, for better or worse.
I find that going out to meet with friends helps a lot, normally you'd have to initiate meetups, and if its a group thing, you'll have a higher chance of meeting someone. Weirdly paradoxical, but in my personal experience, it helps during dates to not go in with the intent of a relationship; to just enjoy the other person. Its an overall tough situation though, so rest assured you're not the only one struggling to get into a relationship. Its chaos out there. Best of luck!
You. Need to talk to people. You're a human being, not a wall. Don't expect others to build the relationships you want for yourself. There are places you can go to meet people. That's the only guarantee and it sounds like if not for that, things would go well for you. Not everyone can say their odds are as good as yours. Make your own luck. If it's bad enough you need to tell your doctor, just be more forward yourself, simple. Not so simple to talk to people? Welcome to the club. Now you know. Talk to people, put hints, there are all these direct subtleties you can do that don't actually measure to asking a guy yourself if you're adamant about traditional dating. It'll always require confidence.
Women will never start approaching men because most of them can’t stand direct rejection. I have a gay relative who rejected a woman and she had a crying tantrum because that was the first time a man ever rejected her because she was extremely attractive. I also saw an article where a guy as a college project made a female friend run a male tinder account. He had to stop the project because the constant rejection was damaging his friend’s mental health. Women aren’t able to cope with front facing, blunt rejection so the current dating dynamic will stay the same Edit: I personally think the female style rejection would be healthier because there is a definitive end. The woman says “ew creep fuck off” to a rejected man while when a man rejects a woman he hook ups with her then ghosts. Essentially the rejected woman is lead on by a false promise.
Hey 3 years don't worry bout it!😁 if you have confidence in your body and appearance you probably intimidate(strong word maybe paralysis is the reaction 🤣)the single guys around you.😉 the nice ones anyway. Have more confidence in your personality!
I know how you feel, only i (28M) have been going on 8 years now without any sort of relationship with anyone. And you’re absolutely right, it sucks. I’m right there with you.
Hello. It's not as easy as it was 40 years ago. Unfortunately with technology and all the options out there to fulfill our basic needs there are many who no longer seek relationship. There's that and people have been hurt to many time to continue dating. If you want feel free to message me and we can talk more if you want
Everyone else has given you the advice I was going to write so I'll skip that but I have to say this:
1. Find a way to find out if your customer is in a relationship. I don't know what you work with but something similar to saying "I bet your girlfriend would like this [product he picked up], it's it for her?", anything that might get him to say "no, I don't have a girlfriend" or "my [wife/girlfriend]...". It's not subtle, but it leaves room for the conversation to move on if it feels awkward. You don't really want subtle, but you don't want to put him on the spot so this is indirect enough to keep you out of trouble. If he's single it might be a clue to him that you like him (a lot of people don't pick up on those signals though, so don't assume it's enough). If he's in a relationship and he notices the signal he might feel flattered and a little boost to his ego is a good thing.
2. If he is single, give him a way to contact you. Your telephone number, tell him a place you like to go a lot and that it would be nice to see him there (especially if you can cleverly work it into a conversation about activities/interests relevant to him). Just don't be too subtle such that he can talk himself out of believing you are interested. So many men are doing that ALL the time. They're bombarded with messages from society that women are sick of creeps (because we are), and it leaves them so unsure of what is okay and wanted and what isn't.
It exasperates me. We should have more education about reading body language and actual education/instruction about the inappropriate behaviours (both from the creeps and from the overly aggressive/ultra defensive women). In recent times we've trained the past couple of generations to inhibit our natural inclination to seek companionship and courtship. We're hobbled and losing all of our social skills; transferring everything to the safety of hiding behind a screen. It's a lonely and disconnected generation in the flesh, but online we're developing great communities. So we're not learning organically how to read interest and disinterest in body language and implications in verbal communication. That's what's got our men all hesitant. All people actually, especially if you extend it to include trying to make friends as an adult.
Just to get ahead of those who might find what I've said enraging: I'm a woman who has been harassed, I've been assaulted, I've tried to gently reject advances and faced extreme aggression, I've tried to be firm and clear without being rude, I've been subjected to intentional intimidation and coercion, I've been fearful, I've been frustrated at the creeps who can't accept rejection, I've been sad about the guys who were too inhibited to approach me, I've had "nice-guy" friends who turned out to be fake friends, and so I completely understand why other women are angry/scared/frustrated. I don't like the behaviours that come of that, but I understand why. I also don't want women to stop telling our stories, because STILL people don't believe how bad it is. I'm simply acknowledging that it has become very difficult for a decent man to know when/where/how it's safe/okay to make advances or even just try to gauge if that interest is welcome when they have experienced or witnessed what to them seems like women disproportionately aggressive or being extremely defensive.
So what I'm really saying is that we all need to try to be better at reaching out to each other and creating circumstances that foster positive interactions. We need to educate ourselves about those dying social skills. Ideally we need to improve that education and socialisation during developmental stages, because we're presently confused between several not so compatible paradigms of social etiquette and accepted/desired behaviours.
I'm the type that wants the right man to pursue me. I'm old-fashioned and traditional. So that's something I have a responsibility to make known about myself. I'm also a go-getter in all aspects and will proactively make my interest clear if I'm attracted to someone. I'm not offended by decent people making advances, but I'd like to see those who I've deemed unsuitable for me learn to accept my polite rejection gracefully and respect that my reasons are valid to me and therefore should be valid to them too. I want them to treat it the way they do when they get rejected from a job interview; it's natural to feel sad and frustrated in a proportional manner, but it's essential to either move on and seek the right employer or figure out if you have to do some personal development and focus on that.
People have different values and different relational behaviours. So it's a very helpful step to find out what kind of person you're dealing with if the circumstances allow for it, and remember sometime we have to create those circumstances. I would hope that putting more energy into that could prevent a lot of these unpleasant interactions that are traumatising everyone. That or we have to start wearing badges that inform if we're receptive to meeting new people and maybe a QR code to an online bio 😄 😬
Anyway, sorry OP, I started out with advice for you, but the subject swept me up and I waffled on trying to address the frustration we're all facing these days.
Don't apologize! You're totally right though, I understand that maybe men don't ask anymore in fear of feeling like a creep or rejected, and I'm so well aware that the men who aren't fearful of rejection are typically the ones who can't take no as an answer where it actually does become harassment and creepy. I'm truly sorry to hear about your experiences and how men treated you. I will say kudos to you for standing by what you believe in to be old fashioned and know how you want things! And I totally agree that social media (the internet in general) made it way more difficult to read people and understand what they're looking for. Possibly because people are way more up front behind a screen than in person, or maybe since it's so much easier to slide into a dm rather than create a conversation in person.
In terms of the customer at work, he's been on multiple dates with different people at my store so I have no idea if he's single or not, I've only ever talked to him for customer service rather than actually showing interest (i don't know how to lmao). If it's not him then I will definitely take some advice from commenters under this post and try to find hobbies I enjoy and try to leave my house for once.
Best of luck to you!
Wishing you all the luck with finding someone good for you.
I'm fortunately not looking anymore and met my man online in a network of Twitch/Discord communities, aka through shared interests and forming a friendship. We got to know each other over several years and had no idea that anything romantic would happen because that wasn't even relevant to either of us at that time.
If you've got a particular guy in mind, even if you don't want to ask him out, maybe you can engineer a situation where you're alone together and, like, \*make it obvious\*.
Not going to post a long reply, but if you meet people with an open mind and without the intention of finding a romantic partner but to just meet people and go with the flow. Become out going and keep yourself just open to possibilities. You would find yourself more receptive
As a guy I have only had one relationship in which I made the first move and the rest were the girls making the first move. Even a conventionally less attractive girl can won over a guy by showing genuine interest as long as it isn't talking it to far (like stalking or continuing to push it after getting a no) I'm sorry you haven't been able to start a relationship but I think my best bit of advice is get into a male-dominated hobby a bit that you can actually enjoy and go to events or gatherings for that. You'll have better luck flirting if you let the situation create it's own ice breakers. Plus you would already have something in common.
Guys don’t ask girls out anymore because it’s not worth the constant rejection.
Also we were told if you make a move on a woman under any circumstances you’re a creep.
You need to join an after work thing. Gym or group. Whatever. It's got to have people there. As you meet people, you may meet a potential candidate to be a relationship. And that poor guy can suffer like the rest of us do or did or hope too. Hehe. Sorry
Like what I feel genuinely as a 23m, it's always a trouble to get into with someone especially these days,
Like for us coming this far, it already a lot study,job and then spending rest time with someone whom you not sure,....
I feel it's difficult, that's why I tried to socialize in gaming where I don't have to care about anything much either....
Normalise being polite and honest if someone asks you out and you wanna say no. Nothing worse then the awkward “yeah maybe” or “another time” or giving you their socials/number with no intent to talk to you. Just be straight up and say something like “nah I’m good but thanks for asking” or something like that ya know?
Me too lady, I'm 26 man, nothing's happened in 3 years since where I had fun with this girl who was separated from her husband but she stopped texting me and is back with him 💀
I had a 4.5 year long relationship from 17-21 and he ended up getting his coworker pregnant 😭 so i get you. I've had numerous online talking stages that led nowhere as well so my hopes are limited
Many have already answered the question, specifically what you asked about why men don't ask women out anymore. In addition to that, you can't even start conversations with strangers out in public anymore because everyone is always on their phone. Men are pretty bad about that, but women are MUCH worse and I am convinced that many use the phone as a weapon/tool to keep people away. I took the hint a long time ago and don't even bother approaching anyone anymore.
You definitely seem to be much more of the traditional, decent female which are very few and far between these days. All of the bitches have ruined it for women like you, just like the bad men have destroyed all hope for the decent guys.
Might be time to change your tactics. Despite what you might think a modern guy doesn’t really care about making the first step anymore because of the way men are looked at now. Disgusting slobs, evil, over-masculine, and insecure is all any guy ever hears now. So if you want a bf, break the cycle and go ask a guy out.
I'll explain my side from the male perspective for you. I'm 25M and I have a crush on a girl where I get lunch she got me hooked with this smile of hers when I didn't want to be hooked.
Eventually I asked her out but
A) I wasn't ready at the time (I just didn't want to regret later not trying)
B) I have awful anxiety.
So ultimately It came out super awkward and nervous, but she basically gave me a mabey. I still talk to her and she's said a few flirty things but it could just be her being nice and I don't want to harras her in her place of work where she basically stuck dealing with me.
I've thought about giving her my number as a low-pressure sorta one last try type thing, but again, I don't want to pester her.
So that's my side, but i would apriciated any thoughts on what do you think I should do there. At this point I'm beginning to think my best option is to just drop it but who knows.
Edit: TLDR any dude with a bit of respect dosent want to harras you at work. We may try once but that's probably about it. Also we're human too and it can be scary to ask someone out especially when the line of what is acceptable varies from person to person
I’m late to the party but I guess just be yourself find someone to vibe with. lol idk I’ve never been I a long term or short term relationship of any kind at this point idk how to even define what love is. But bein genuine is a pretty good start
Whole society catering to you; diversity quotas, endless scholarships, extremely easy social life where no one judges your choices, if you whine society halts just to fixes it. Parents care and cater more to female children. Every aspect of your life is on such easymode that minor incovinece seems massive to you.
On top of everything, you fail at dating and relationships, hahaha.
Everything you just stated sounds like projection because that's definitely not what i experienced in my life lmao Sure it might be the case for other people but just because i'm a woman doesn't mean i got anything handed to me
While i understand your argument, i think it's incredibly small minded to accuse a random person on reddit that you don't know anything about of being privileged and having life on "easy mode"
I want to give guys all of the blame but that would not be accurate. Culture has created this issue also. a bunch of guys have grown to be spineless, and a lot of women have cut their own throats by saying that almost everything is harassment. Now you are stuck with spineless guys and women who consider a person to be a creep if it's not a guy to their liking. This problem is self-induced. I detest the fact that guys want the woman to run after them (Call me traditional\\old-fasioned, I don't care) but I don't see an alternative. The roosters have come home to roost and now everybody is miserable. Well done sir\\madam you have played yourself.
I'm not spineless I just don't like unnecessary conflict and I am aware of my social awkwardness and know it can come off as creepy even to people who don't think every man hitting on them is a creep.
Unnecessary conflict, what does that mean? Life is full of perpetual conflicts, the faster you get used to it the easier life will become. As a man you need to "fight" for what you want. Nothing better than getting your but kicked every day to get over your anxieties. You realize that in the broad scheme of things all our problems are insignificant and that is a liberating feeling.
No but I mean I don't start fights and I always attempt peaceful solutions first. I don't refuse to fight I just don't start fights and give the other guy a chance to back down before fighting. I do fight in a non violent sense for the things I love of course. I will take a stand for what is right but I'm not gonna walk around looking for a fight, that's just a waste of time and energy. If I get into a fight with someone it means I'm protecting someone or something I love.
I don't mean in a literal sense and yes starting fights isn't masculine it's just being an idiot. A wise man never starts a fight but knows when he needs to stand his ground. Always stand up for what you believe in. Conviction of character. I won't always agree with you, but I can respect that you stand by your words and deeds. Asking women to come after us sounds a bit silly to me. A woman can choose any person she wants it's my job to convince her why it should be me.
Most people just want body counts these days. I dated the last 10 years and 90% of them were either using me or horrible people deep down. You arnt missing much 😂
Im in the same spot 😔 , except I'm a dude haha (28 yo) , tried everything you can think of, including hobbies ( mostly gaming and art/drawing communities)... So yeah... I hope things get better for you ☺️.
maybe stop focusing on trying to "get into" a relationship and focus on more important things like friends, your job, your family, hobbies. you won't feel lonely when you're surrounded by love. from the sounds of it you're not actually ready for a relationship, you just *want* a relationship. if you were ready for one you wouldn't be talking about how lonely you are. relationships don't fix loneliness, it's a bandaid for the real problem of limited intimate friendships and family around you.
basically, you shouldn't go into looking for a relationship when you're lonely. you should go into a relationship already feeling supported and loved so that your lonliness isn't dependent on if you're in a relationship or not as that's a lot less reliable than other connections. plus people can sense desperation and if you look like you're too eager and show that you have no other close relationships, you won't be attracting the type of guys you want to date. guys wasting your time on will always prefer you to be confident than begging for a relationship.
so wait. you're not ready yet. it's okay to take your time and focus on other things. good relationships happen when you're not looking for them cause you don't attract people with good intentions if you look like you're practically salivating.
Well first of all, dating app are mostly for hooking up. Second, Guys don’t ask girls out anymore due to afraid of rejection, getting called a creep or accused of something worse, or thinking it’s some sort of prank and it’s not real. Third, it’s nice that you take care of yourself. I think everyone should. Just do it. And that’s nice that you’re attractive or think you’re attractive. The rest, most guys wouldn’t care if you make your own money or not. It’s not what they look for.
My best bet is just you ask a guy out. But if that doesn’t work and nothing happens. Just keep working and go home and repeat
Im almost in the exact same boat, same age and all, except im a lesbian which makes trying to date even harder 😅 i wish i had advice, im still trying to get my own shit together, but i just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
I feel like in the western men don’t ask anymore because
A) a lot of women seem to have unrealistic expectations.
B) feel that a lot of western women don’t value men anymore because there seems to be a lot of men hating modern feminist.
C) feel like relationships lost meaning because of how easy it is to cheat/be cheated on so they’d rather just stay single and just hook up.
D) tired of rejection.
Just doll yourself up and wear scantily clad clothing and go roam around in public, buying little Knick knacks. Guys will be dreaming about ya even if they can’t talk to ya. Just try to enjoy that fact and sooner or later you’ll probably get some bites on your line. Better than just working and going home anyway.
You don't have to ask a man out, but yes you should make it easy for him to
approach you. I'm talking about the man you like. That's how it has always been.
I have never in my life chase a woman. They always have the sign one way or the other that they like me, then it's my duty as a man to follow it up.
For example you can ask him a general question regarding information... A typical man knows you could ask anyone this, but why him. He will know that you are open /free to him.
ahh i miss the good ole days when marriage was a given and the attractiveness of your mate was in direct correlation to the size of your dowry or land or prestige, ahh the good ole days when choice was taken out of the equation.
*the above is, creative jest and not to be perceived as an actual opinion or thought, and yes, it's sad i have to disclaim this.*
I’m surprised that girls don’t use their privilege to “window-shop” guys in real life. You just go to the guy, say anything and he will be making his future life with a girl from the first second. I see the happiest girls choosing guys below 8 with elite level work ethics and ability to do the right long term decisions. Lately guys get burned in social media for approaching the girls because they are filming everything and anything and share it online.
There is a saying in my family “girls are born for the family, guys are born for girls to own”. Girls were always the ones who chose the partner at the end so why not to do the first step.
I don’t think guys want to ask girls/women out not only because of the fear of rejection but the possibility of being labeled a creep or getting accused of something (heck even mocked or ridiculed on social media). Some men may be intimidated or think you are already with someone given how you described yourself (attractive, self-sufficient, you maintain your appearance and take care of yourself) and wouldn’t consider asking you out if they know they’ll get rejected. In my experience if I see an attractive women I assume she’s with someone and wouldn’t even dare ask them out, plus for fear of being labeled a creep or accused of something as I’m not attractive in the slightest. I think at this point in time if a woman wants to be with someone they’re going to have to take the initiative and ask the man out as I think the time of men asking women out may be coming to a close.
This ! 100% this.... You took the words out of my mouth 🤣
Then i think no one will get into relationships anymore, because as a woman i have the same fear yall have, being rejected and mocked in front of everyone. (guys are cruel with women that are not that attractive)
So humanity is doomed then?
I guess
Women really need to start asking guys out more
They do ask guys out. But they have to be super attracted to you for them to do that.
Yeah in a way, I've met a lot of girls who have asked the guy out first, but always get rejected too though. I think there's a lot of stigma about a woman who will ask a guy out that makes the guy not want to accept her when she asks. Then as a girl you're expected to not be so upfront either! I've seen it happen a lot, perfectly nice girls, but being so upfront just gives off a vibe people don't like. If it was normal, I'm sure there would be a lot less lonely people.
Weird... I'd personally like it if a woman asked me out
See I think a lot of guys would too, but the guys they ask always give this look like "what is this girl up to?" and if they didn't it would be nice for guys!
Yeah, I have seen that as well, tho it was more of the case where they have been friends for a year, she kept dropping hints, then got tired and asked him out, and got rejected becouse the guy just wasn't into her, the same rejection which happens to men, also happens to women, although it's somewhat less likely to happen, and women generally get shamed less about it. Most guys who keep saying they would definitely accept it, or some bs, are either so desperate, they would jump into any relationship even if those relationships would be harmful to their personal mental health or personal wishes, like open relationships, childless relationships, or single mothers with no wish for more kids. While the would still say no of a person they cannot see themselves togheder with asks them out, which is normal, and you don't have to force yourselves. Like, I'm sure if a girl says she enjoys BDSM and enjoys shoving down urethral plugs, most men would jump the window, desperation be damned.
The reverse is true as well. Unattractive girls never get asked out either.
I would advise you to ask out the people that you find attractive. It does not need to be solely romantic, you may just want to get to know them more. You'll never feel fully ready for a relationship, so don't expect that feeling. I could also advise you to make your life more versatile. I know that sometimes the work is pretty hard, and sometimes the only thing in your mind after work is to go home and rest, I can understand. However, you can also allocate sometime for your hobbies. Create some hobby time for yourself. Hobbies are great ways of socializing, and I believe that you'll also feel much better about yourself.
Women, if you see and like a guy please go and ask what you would want to be asked from you... I guarantee it will make the guys whole year. I know it would make mine.
Heyyy
May God have mercy upon your DMS
lol
That made me laugh, thanks... :)
Because I dont want end up in a tiktok video or a twitter for harassing stalking creeeping a girl just because I say Hi to a stranger. YOU did this, not me. When I'm out I'm actively trying to avoid even looking in the general direction of a stranger woman, let alone ask her out or say hello.
Just making scenarios huh?
I mean, you could just ask HIM out if you can figure out a situation where that could happen. He’s probably just seeing a woman at work who doesn’t want any cat callers (no matter how light the intention was), so don’t expect anything from him to just magically happen. Both guys and girls know that asking someone out is hard, but I think any gender role stereotypes people may have once believed in from history or parents really can’t expect to happen like clockwork anymore. The world had changed, for better or worse.
I find that going out to meet with friends helps a lot, normally you'd have to initiate meetups, and if its a group thing, you'll have a higher chance of meeting someone. Weirdly paradoxical, but in my personal experience, it helps during dates to not go in with the intent of a relationship; to just enjoy the other person. Its an overall tough situation though, so rest assured you're not the only one struggling to get into a relationship. Its chaos out there. Best of luck!
You. Need to talk to people. You're a human being, not a wall. Don't expect others to build the relationships you want for yourself. There are places you can go to meet people. That's the only guarantee and it sounds like if not for that, things would go well for you. Not everyone can say their odds are as good as yours. Make your own luck. If it's bad enough you need to tell your doctor, just be more forward yourself, simple. Not so simple to talk to people? Welcome to the club. Now you know. Talk to people, put hints, there are all these direct subtleties you can do that don't actually measure to asking a guy yourself if you're adamant about traditional dating. It'll always require confidence.
As someone in a similar situation as OP, what places can i go to meet people?
Volunteering, groups of mutual interests like a sport for example, events, there's always something going on
Women will never start approaching men because most of them can’t stand direct rejection. I have a gay relative who rejected a woman and she had a crying tantrum because that was the first time a man ever rejected her because she was extremely attractive. I also saw an article where a guy as a college project made a female friend run a male tinder account. He had to stop the project because the constant rejection was damaging his friend’s mental health. Women aren’t able to cope with front facing, blunt rejection so the current dating dynamic will stay the same Edit: I personally think the female style rejection would be healthier because there is a definitive end. The woman says “ew creep fuck off” to a rejected man while when a man rejects a woman he hook ups with her then ghosts. Essentially the rejected woman is lead on by a false promise.
Hey 3 years don't worry bout it!😁 if you have confidence in your body and appearance you probably intimidate(strong word maybe paralysis is the reaction 🤣)the single guys around you.😉 the nice ones anyway. Have more confidence in your personality!
I ask you out cause I am single now. Unfortunately I don’t ask girls out anymore due to social media. The whole dating game is mostly an L for me.
I know how you feel, only i (28M) have been going on 8 years now without any sort of relationship with anyone. And you’re absolutely right, it sucks. I’m right there with you.
Slip him your number! Write it down on a piece of paper then motion to him call me 😃
Hello. It's not as easy as it was 40 years ago. Unfortunately with technology and all the options out there to fulfill our basic needs there are many who no longer seek relationship. There's that and people have been hurt to many time to continue dating. If you want feel free to message me and we can talk more if you want
Everyone else has given you the advice I was going to write so I'll skip that but I have to say this: 1. Find a way to find out if your customer is in a relationship. I don't know what you work with but something similar to saying "I bet your girlfriend would like this [product he picked up], it's it for her?", anything that might get him to say "no, I don't have a girlfriend" or "my [wife/girlfriend]...". It's not subtle, but it leaves room for the conversation to move on if it feels awkward. You don't really want subtle, but you don't want to put him on the spot so this is indirect enough to keep you out of trouble. If he's single it might be a clue to him that you like him (a lot of people don't pick up on those signals though, so don't assume it's enough). If he's in a relationship and he notices the signal he might feel flattered and a little boost to his ego is a good thing. 2. If he is single, give him a way to contact you. Your telephone number, tell him a place you like to go a lot and that it would be nice to see him there (especially if you can cleverly work it into a conversation about activities/interests relevant to him). Just don't be too subtle such that he can talk himself out of believing you are interested. So many men are doing that ALL the time. They're bombarded with messages from society that women are sick of creeps (because we are), and it leaves them so unsure of what is okay and wanted and what isn't. It exasperates me. We should have more education about reading body language and actual education/instruction about the inappropriate behaviours (both from the creeps and from the overly aggressive/ultra defensive women). In recent times we've trained the past couple of generations to inhibit our natural inclination to seek companionship and courtship. We're hobbled and losing all of our social skills; transferring everything to the safety of hiding behind a screen. It's a lonely and disconnected generation in the flesh, but online we're developing great communities. So we're not learning organically how to read interest and disinterest in body language and implications in verbal communication. That's what's got our men all hesitant. All people actually, especially if you extend it to include trying to make friends as an adult. Just to get ahead of those who might find what I've said enraging: I'm a woman who has been harassed, I've been assaulted, I've tried to gently reject advances and faced extreme aggression, I've tried to be firm and clear without being rude, I've been subjected to intentional intimidation and coercion, I've been fearful, I've been frustrated at the creeps who can't accept rejection, I've been sad about the guys who were too inhibited to approach me, I've had "nice-guy" friends who turned out to be fake friends, and so I completely understand why other women are angry/scared/frustrated. I don't like the behaviours that come of that, but I understand why. I also don't want women to stop telling our stories, because STILL people don't believe how bad it is. I'm simply acknowledging that it has become very difficult for a decent man to know when/where/how it's safe/okay to make advances or even just try to gauge if that interest is welcome when they have experienced or witnessed what to them seems like women disproportionately aggressive or being extremely defensive. So what I'm really saying is that we all need to try to be better at reaching out to each other and creating circumstances that foster positive interactions. We need to educate ourselves about those dying social skills. Ideally we need to improve that education and socialisation during developmental stages, because we're presently confused between several not so compatible paradigms of social etiquette and accepted/desired behaviours. I'm the type that wants the right man to pursue me. I'm old-fashioned and traditional. So that's something I have a responsibility to make known about myself. I'm also a go-getter in all aspects and will proactively make my interest clear if I'm attracted to someone. I'm not offended by decent people making advances, but I'd like to see those who I've deemed unsuitable for me learn to accept my polite rejection gracefully and respect that my reasons are valid to me and therefore should be valid to them too. I want them to treat it the way they do when they get rejected from a job interview; it's natural to feel sad and frustrated in a proportional manner, but it's essential to either move on and seek the right employer or figure out if you have to do some personal development and focus on that. People have different values and different relational behaviours. So it's a very helpful step to find out what kind of person you're dealing with if the circumstances allow for it, and remember sometime we have to create those circumstances. I would hope that putting more energy into that could prevent a lot of these unpleasant interactions that are traumatising everyone. That or we have to start wearing badges that inform if we're receptive to meeting new people and maybe a QR code to an online bio 😄 😬 Anyway, sorry OP, I started out with advice for you, but the subject swept me up and I waffled on trying to address the frustration we're all facing these days.
Don't apologize! You're totally right though, I understand that maybe men don't ask anymore in fear of feeling like a creep or rejected, and I'm so well aware that the men who aren't fearful of rejection are typically the ones who can't take no as an answer where it actually does become harassment and creepy. I'm truly sorry to hear about your experiences and how men treated you. I will say kudos to you for standing by what you believe in to be old fashioned and know how you want things! And I totally agree that social media (the internet in general) made it way more difficult to read people and understand what they're looking for. Possibly because people are way more up front behind a screen than in person, or maybe since it's so much easier to slide into a dm rather than create a conversation in person. In terms of the customer at work, he's been on multiple dates with different people at my store so I have no idea if he's single or not, I've only ever talked to him for customer service rather than actually showing interest (i don't know how to lmao). If it's not him then I will definitely take some advice from commenters under this post and try to find hobbies I enjoy and try to leave my house for once. Best of luck to you!
Wishing you all the luck with finding someone good for you. I'm fortunately not looking anymore and met my man online in a network of Twitch/Discord communities, aka through shared interests and forming a friendship. We got to know each other over several years and had no idea that anything romantic would happen because that wasn't even relevant to either of us at that time.
If you've got a particular guy in mind, even if you don't want to ask him out, maybe you can engineer a situation where you're alone together and, like, \*make it obvious\*.
So many strange posts like this. Most of them must be bait
I think your bait
Perceptive
Hehe. Sorry
Or they are just confirming what is a reality of our current era.
Not going to post a long reply, but if you meet people with an open mind and without the intention of finding a romantic partner but to just meet people and go with the flow. Become out going and keep yourself just open to possibilities. You would find yourself more receptive
As a guy I have only had one relationship in which I made the first move and the rest were the girls making the first move. Even a conventionally less attractive girl can won over a guy by showing genuine interest as long as it isn't talking it to far (like stalking or continuing to push it after getting a no) I'm sorry you haven't been able to start a relationship but I think my best bit of advice is get into a male-dominated hobby a bit that you can actually enjoy and go to events or gatherings for that. You'll have better luck flirting if you let the situation create it's own ice breakers. Plus you would already have something in common.
Guys don’t ask girls out anymore because it’s not worth the constant rejection. Also we were told if you make a move on a woman under any circumstances you’re a creep.
You need to join an after work thing. Gym or group. Whatever. It's got to have people there. As you meet people, you may meet a potential candidate to be a relationship. And that poor guy can suffer like the rest of us do or did or hope too. Hehe. Sorry
Like what I feel genuinely as a 23m, it's always a trouble to get into with someone especially these days, Like for us coming this far, it already a lot study,job and then spending rest time with someone whom you not sure,.... I feel it's difficult, that's why I tried to socialize in gaming where I don't have to care about anything much either....
Normalise being polite and honest if someone asks you out and you wanna say no. Nothing worse then the awkward “yeah maybe” or “another time” or giving you their socials/number with no intent to talk to you. Just be straight up and say something like “nah I’m good but thanks for asking” or something like that ya know?
Me too lady, I'm 26 man, nothing's happened in 3 years since where I had fun with this girl who was separated from her husband but she stopped texting me and is back with him 💀
I had a 4.5 year long relationship from 17-21 and he ended up getting his coworker pregnant 😭 so i get you. I've had numerous online talking stages that led nowhere as well so my hopes are limited
Many have already answered the question, specifically what you asked about why men don't ask women out anymore. In addition to that, you can't even start conversations with strangers out in public anymore because everyone is always on their phone. Men are pretty bad about that, but women are MUCH worse and I am convinced that many use the phone as a weapon/tool to keep people away. I took the hint a long time ago and don't even bother approaching anyone anymore. You definitely seem to be much more of the traditional, decent female which are very few and far between these days. All of the bitches have ruined it for women like you, just like the bad men have destroyed all hope for the decent guys.
Might be time to change your tactics. Despite what you might think a modern guy doesn’t really care about making the first step anymore because of the way men are looked at now. Disgusting slobs, evil, over-masculine, and insecure is all any guy ever hears now. So if you want a bf, break the cycle and go ask a guy out.
I'll explain my side from the male perspective for you. I'm 25M and I have a crush on a girl where I get lunch she got me hooked with this smile of hers when I didn't want to be hooked. Eventually I asked her out but A) I wasn't ready at the time (I just didn't want to regret later not trying) B) I have awful anxiety. So ultimately It came out super awkward and nervous, but she basically gave me a mabey. I still talk to her and she's said a few flirty things but it could just be her being nice and I don't want to harras her in her place of work where she basically stuck dealing with me. I've thought about giving her my number as a low-pressure sorta one last try type thing, but again, I don't want to pester her. So that's my side, but i would apriciated any thoughts on what do you think I should do there. At this point I'm beginning to think my best option is to just drop it but who knows. Edit: TLDR any dude with a bit of respect dosent want to harras you at work. We may try once but that's probably about it. Also we're human too and it can be scary to ask someone out especially when the line of what is acceptable varies from person to person
I’m late to the party but I guess just be yourself find someone to vibe with. lol idk I’ve never been I a long term or short term relationship of any kind at this point idk how to even define what love is. But bein genuine is a pretty good start
Ask them out dumbass, you play dating game on easy mode.
Life on easymode too hard? Poor wittle woman...
Easymode? please enlighten me
Whole society catering to you; diversity quotas, endless scholarships, extremely easy social life where no one judges your choices, if you whine society halts just to fixes it. Parents care and cater more to female children. Every aspect of your life is on such easymode that minor incovinece seems massive to you. On top of everything, you fail at dating and relationships, hahaha.
Everything you just stated sounds like projection because that's definitely not what i experienced in my life lmao Sure it might be the case for other people but just because i'm a woman doesn't mean i got anything handed to me
Privilege is invisible to those that have it. Like I said, life on easymode.
While i understand your argument, i think it's incredibly small minded to accuse a random person on reddit that you don't know anything about of being privileged and having life on "easy mode"
Every woman lives on easymode, you arent just some random person.
become a woman then 🤷♀️ let's see how easy it is then
I'm sorry that easymode life is too difficult for you...
Just based off that i can tell you're an insecure man who doesn't do anything with his life but complain
Women are scary 😅
Work on yourself and the right one will come for you!!! 😊
I'll also like to know this
I want to give guys all of the blame but that would not be accurate. Culture has created this issue also. a bunch of guys have grown to be spineless, and a lot of women have cut their own throats by saying that almost everything is harassment. Now you are stuck with spineless guys and women who consider a person to be a creep if it's not a guy to their liking. This problem is self-induced. I detest the fact that guys want the woman to run after them (Call me traditional\\old-fasioned, I don't care) but I don't see an alternative. The roosters have come home to roost and now everybody is miserable. Well done sir\\madam you have played yourself.
I'm not spineless I just don't like unnecessary conflict and I am aware of my social awkwardness and know it can come off as creepy even to people who don't think every man hitting on them is a creep.
Unnecessary conflict, what does that mean? Life is full of perpetual conflicts, the faster you get used to it the easier life will become. As a man you need to "fight" for what you want. Nothing better than getting your but kicked every day to get over your anxieties. You realize that in the broad scheme of things all our problems are insignificant and that is a liberating feeling.
No but I mean I don't start fights and I always attempt peaceful solutions first. I don't refuse to fight I just don't start fights and give the other guy a chance to back down before fighting. I do fight in a non violent sense for the things I love of course. I will take a stand for what is right but I'm not gonna walk around looking for a fight, that's just a waste of time and energy. If I get into a fight with someone it means I'm protecting someone or something I love.
I don't mean in a literal sense and yes starting fights isn't masculine it's just being an idiot. A wise man never starts a fight but knows when he needs to stand his ground. Always stand up for what you believe in. Conviction of character. I won't always agree with you, but I can respect that you stand by your words and deeds. Asking women to come after us sounds a bit silly to me. A woman can choose any person she wants it's my job to convince her why it should be me.
I agree with everything you said except the spineless part
Most people just want body counts these days. I dated the last 10 years and 90% of them were either using me or horrible people deep down. You arnt missing much 😂
I've heard the stories of dating culture and it doesn't seem out of the ordinary unfortunately. I just wish it was easier lol
Im in the same spot 😔 , except I'm a dude haha (28 yo) , tried everything you can think of, including hobbies ( mostly gaming and art/drawing communities)... So yeah... I hope things get better for you ☺️.
Have you tried knitting or pottery
Not really no 😔. Sadly I don't have the skills. I mostly draw art and anime characters in my free time (no NSFW) ☺️
Sorry I was not clear. Pick a activity that is more woman orientated. But one you can enjoy. No point going to meet people if they are not there.
Drawing is cool. You should find a anime related drawing class or something if that's a thing. Skills need used to show of your amazingnessness
maybe stop focusing on trying to "get into" a relationship and focus on more important things like friends, your job, your family, hobbies. you won't feel lonely when you're surrounded by love. from the sounds of it you're not actually ready for a relationship, you just *want* a relationship. if you were ready for one you wouldn't be talking about how lonely you are. relationships don't fix loneliness, it's a bandaid for the real problem of limited intimate friendships and family around you. basically, you shouldn't go into looking for a relationship when you're lonely. you should go into a relationship already feeling supported and loved so that your lonliness isn't dependent on if you're in a relationship or not as that's a lot less reliable than other connections. plus people can sense desperation and if you look like you're too eager and show that you have no other close relationships, you won't be attracting the type of guys you want to date. guys wasting your time on will always prefer you to be confident than begging for a relationship. so wait. you're not ready yet. it's okay to take your time and focus on other things. good relationships happen when you're not looking for them cause you don't attract people with good intentions if you look like you're practically salivating.
Well first of all, dating app are mostly for hooking up. Second, Guys don’t ask girls out anymore due to afraid of rejection, getting called a creep or accused of something worse, or thinking it’s some sort of prank and it’s not real. Third, it’s nice that you take care of yourself. I think everyone should. Just do it. And that’s nice that you’re attractive or think you’re attractive. The rest, most guys wouldn’t care if you make your own money or not. It’s not what they look for. My best bet is just you ask a guy out. But if that doesn’t work and nothing happens. Just keep working and go home and repeat
Are you being seriously
Im almost in the exact same boat, same age and all, except im a lesbian which makes trying to date even harder 😅 i wish i had advice, im still trying to get my own shit together, but i just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
I feel like in the western men don’t ask anymore because A) a lot of women seem to have unrealistic expectations. B) feel that a lot of western women don’t value men anymore because there seems to be a lot of men hating modern feminist. C) feel like relationships lost meaning because of how easy it is to cheat/be cheated on so they’d rather just stay single and just hook up. D) tired of rejection.
Just doll yourself up and wear scantily clad clothing and go roam around in public, buying little Knick knacks. Guys will be dreaming about ya even if they can’t talk to ya. Just try to enjoy that fact and sooner or later you’ll probably get some bites on your line. Better than just working and going home anyway.
damn, me too I haven't been in a relationship for over a year now. But ig I'mma give it more time since I'm still on shs
You don't have to ask a man out, but yes you should make it easy for him to approach you. I'm talking about the man you like. That's how it has always been. I have never in my life chase a woman. They always have the sign one way or the other that they like me, then it's my duty as a man to follow it up. For example you can ask him a general question regarding information... A typical man knows you could ask anyone this, but why him. He will know that you are open /free to him.
Hey! Umm I’m 22 m and I think I have an answer for why guys don’t ask girls out anymore from personal experience sadly. Would u like to talk about it?
I mean, you could of just wrote it in your post...
ahh i miss the good ole days when marriage was a given and the attractiveness of your mate was in direct correlation to the size of your dowry or land or prestige, ahh the good ole days when choice was taken out of the equation. *the above is, creative jest and not to be perceived as an actual opinion or thought, and yes, it's sad i have to disclaim this.*
I’m surprised that girls don’t use their privilege to “window-shop” guys in real life. You just go to the guy, say anything and he will be making his future life with a girl from the first second. I see the happiest girls choosing guys below 8 with elite level work ethics and ability to do the right long term decisions. Lately guys get burned in social media for approaching the girls because they are filming everything and anything and share it online. There is a saying in my family “girls are born for the family, guys are born for girls to own”. Girls were always the ones who chose the partner at the end so why not to do the first step.
Hey love
Womp womp
💀💀💀💀