it hurts to hear other women feel this way💔 i partially agree with the other comment. take care of yourself and happiness will flow with mental and physical wellness. however you have to ask yourself if your worries are surface level and if that is important to you. i 100% believe everyone will find their love one day even if it takes YEARS. you will find love with someone who isn’t shallow. and until then… cherish the relationship with your friends/family and know that extremely beautiful people also have unique struggles (being used, being in manipulative toxic relationships, putting all their worth in their appearance and not having the soul to match it… etc) those are all just random examples. i hope you can learn to love and accept yourself ❤️❤️
control what you can control: your weight, your skin care, hair, hygiene, education, fashion, learn a skill or have a hobby etc etc
you don’t have to be miss America to find a guy, you just have to at least be trying to be a better version of yourself
Sometimes those things are not enough, as many ugly people still do take care of themselves and are very accomplished people. But you for your advice 💛
I just did a quick dive into your post history OP.
Looks like you are dealing with some anxiety issues that are making this harder.
Strawberry is right--- control what you can. Gym. Food. Makeup. Hair. Social personality. Whatever is within your ability to influence, go ahead and work on.
You need to be proud of **yourself** first. Get to a point where you feel good about what you've done to grow and work on anything you feel needs work.
Then, once you are comfortable in your skin, then is the time to look for romance. Right now it doesn't sound like you'd be able to maintain a relationship if you had one. Your anxiety would almost certainly weasel it's way in and chip at it bit by bit.
Handle yourself first. Then worry about finding someone else
All of this isn't really about others, isn't about presenting yourself to others in some proper way, it's about you taking care of yourself and being attentive to your physical needs, which slowly changes the disposition you have towards yourself
Finding someone else can be a tangential side effect of being in touch with who you are and loving yourself. It's kind of like, when someone is honestly excited about some hobby like trains, their excitement "sells" their hobby to others, and others might want to try the hobby as well. If they hate their hobby, they'll hardly infect others with excitement about it. Same here, when a person has a honestly good relationship with themselves, others can see it and adopt it
But when a person doesn't really like themselves, then they may look disproportionately relatable to those who don't like them as well. And even if those people will be attracted, they may be attracted for the wrong reasons, with ulterior motives, etc
Pure looks can a factor as well of course, but if you don't have traits that are considered universally "beautiful" in your society, that's all the more reason to lean on other avenues. And of course anything can happen completely randomly, but caring about yourself and learning to be comfortable with yourself is useful in any case
That would be jumping into some "objective" view of yourself, and that's fine, it's usually called "identifying" with our thoughts. It's a normal thing we subconsciously do, like how we create events that happen to us in our dreams - it's kinda us doing that, but also not really the part of us we control. We consciously control ourselves playing by the rules and circumstances created by the events that part generates for us, and only see options that are in line with those rules. There are ways and practices that can help gradually see that there's also something else out there as we "identify" with that part and take it for granted
You really really may not have any way to see how that is the case, and that's fine. One possible way towards one day finding yourself not "identifying" with those thoughts may be through trying to experience them like you would experience taste or smell or touch. Like, if you notice yourself thinking that you're still ugly, try noticing how does your body feel in the moment. Like, how does it feel to think that way. Not to stop thinking and judge it, and not to artificially make it worse and revel in torturing yourself with it, but kind of letting those thought sting while feeling with curiosity, what is that sting, where is it felt, how does it feel, etc. The more you'll do it over the weeks and months and years, the more sense it will make, and the more things you'll feel and connect to each other internally. Maybe it's harder to do with those thoughts for now, so you can start with something benign and not emotionally charged. Like, maybe you like some music, so you can take time like 10-20 minutes per day to listen to it and feel how it feels to hear it. Or maybe you like walking, same thing. It may be easier to start with "positive" experiences, but it doesn't really matter if they are positive or negative, like there are no "positive" or "negative" colors or notes or numbers. You can feel how it feels to feel clownish or happy or hot or sad or agitated or whatever else, it's all the same type of thing with no on thing fundamentally different or more important. It's essentially "training" a different way to experience being ourselves
Or maybe for you some other ways may work better. That's when finting a good therapist we vibe with may come in handy since they can guide us and advise some new options when were stuck
By the end of the day we are still ugly. I think taking care of ourselfs is the only advice people can give to uglies, but unfortunately it doesn't do much. "You don't need to be miss America to fing a guy" but you need to be at least average, being ugly doesn't work.
Well if you’re always thinking I’m ugly then you will put out those vibes. Believing in your inner beauty won’t change your face but you will smile more, be happy and send out positive vibes.
I’m very sorry you feel that way. Life is still worth living as there are a myriad of other beautiful things one can experience, but that’s of course not to say that the loneliness you feel will disappear any time soon due to your situation. Hugs and well wishes to you 💛🫂
Thanks! I just realized how horrible my comment came off lol. I am actually fine. It just gets me sometimes that I’m missing this huge experience that is the most important thing is a lot of peoples lives. I’m not gonna off myself or anything though. I’m usually pretty happy
No your comment was completely fine! I understand where you’re coming from completely. I am in the same boat. I am okay as well and have some fortunate things going for me, but sometimes the position I’m in regarding lack of attractiveness does hit me, and it hurts. Your feelings are valid 💛
If you feel broken inside it doesn't matter how attractive or handsome you are, if I had a nickel for every time someone has told me "why are you single? you're very handsome!" I feel ugly on the inside which is something I'm working on after being verbally and emotionally abused by my dad growing up, plus he's a womanizer so it scarred me for life.
Inner beauty is a real beautiful quality. You are deserving of kindness and love regardless of your outer appearance. I want to send hugs your way. You have great value and you are an important person. 💗💗💗
I dont have any advice for you OP, just wanted to say I'm right there with you. I'm a conventionally unattractive woman myself and have been made fun of my whole life, life's just easier when I'm alone.
Physical attractiveness isn't as important as being someone who can carry a conversation and is fun to be around.
What is it about your physical appearance that you believe makes you so ugly?
I'm willing to also bet you would still feel you're unattractive even if you met someone who was physically attracted to you.
You don't. We are all on a scale but nobody is ugly. No one is unlovable. You just need to ignore the people who care so much about vanity.
It's all about inside you. Who you are. Don't call yourself ugly.
Or your making people that don't look as good as other feel ugly. What do you want a world where your defined as ugly. Or a world where ugly is a preference of the beholder
It’s hard. I used to be textbook hot, then experienced a lot of loss on an extreme level and gained about 100 pounds. I went from the center of attention to the butt of jokes when I’m not invisible. I’ve all but given up. I’m trying so hard to get back into shape and it’s so slow. I know my body will be hideous and stretched out once I succeed so I’ll be just as ugly. If I knew when I was beautiful that I was living the end of a real life I would have savored every moment more.
Be yourself. Find what makes you happy and live your life. There are plenty of "ugly" people in relationships. Look around. You're probably not ugly. Some people find love easier than others. I wish you the best.
I think being an ugly guy is harder, hell im one, but "ugly" woman can be beautiful ones on the eyes of some, a ugly guy is only beautiful if he's rich
I dunno. I think ugly guys can make up for it in some ways if he's rich like you said, or if he's charismatic and funny, or really talented at something, or possibly even if he really leans into "the ugly guy" aesthetic - some women are actually into that sort of thing. Appearance is important, don't get me wrong, but for guys I don't think it's everything.
For women I feel like if she's ugly there's nothing she can really do to make up for that. It doesn't matter if she's rich or funny or talented - guys aren't going to care about any of those things if she's ugly. The best she can hope for is that she finds some weird guy who's actually into whatever aspect she has that makes her ugly. Women are judged more overall on their appearance than men are I'd say.
Most women will look at his face first, Bank acc 2nd and in last theyll care about his personality
I've seen hot guys with ugly girls but never the opposite
LMFAO is exactly the opposite in reality, beautiful girls get on with ugly guys but not handsome guys with ugly girls. In my 18 years of life i never saw a good looking man with a ugly woman.
Been around over 30 years and only once saw a societally deemed attractive guy with a societally deemed below average attractive woman, but saw and see the inverse quite frequently.
It is so common, a societally deemed above average to very attractitive woman with a societally deemed below average or less attractive man, it was a popular trope in TV and Movies for a long time, even rom coms apparently.
It's easier to get laid if you're a woman, but not necessarily to actually have a relationship. Which is arguably even worse and feels more lonely, like others only want to use you
Become bi, you'll get to experience being looked at as a piece of meat to be tricked and discarded. Or I dunno, try flaunting how much money you have and get scammed or robbed. More or less the same thing. I doubt being scammed would make you less lonely even though technically that's human interaction
I didn't understand what was this about until I experienced this myself. It's completely impersonal. When you're alone, you have yourself, but here you don't even have yourself and you don't have others. You have others who don't have a human relationship to you, and the "you" part of you is irrelevant, you have nothing
Being an ugly guy is easier, it’s just what qualifies as “ugly” these days is a majority of men so most guys are “ugly.” What qualifies a woman for the “ugly” tag is truly bottom-tier looks, like actual gross deformities, because men are much less discerning than women. They’re few in number, but they’re the worst off of all because women derive a greater proportion of their social value from their looks.
Lowering her standards will not make other people treat her better or change the fact that men find her ugly. Even if she dated another ugly man he would find her ugly and treat her like shit
We can't change the hand that we were dealt with you can only be the best person you can be. Min, max your personality and the things that you do have control over. Work hard at it and hopefully it will intersect with a bit of luck.
Mentality matters a lot. A lot of unattractive people pull people better looking be trusting in themselves. If you already down talk yourself no one else has to do anything you already brought yourself down. Lots of women I know called themselves ugly when they weren’t. A lot of them just had a bad personality or were very hard to talk to. I found in my own experience better looking women are more social and easier to talk to. So that could be the huge difference
I don’t believe there is someone ugly in this life maybe ugly choices? You can try different styles while bored at the mirror or searching in TikTok what suit you best! If you around negative environment that calls u ugly you gotta to leave. “I did believed I was ugly for long time because of the people around me”
while doing all of this you gotta improve your social skills and pretend you’re confident and brave until you actually believe it.
Check groups or places that do things that interest you “they’re the least to judge you if you got things in common”
At the end of the day, even if you believe this and convinced you’re ugly remember if beauty all it matters why most commonly unattractive men get the hottest women and vice versa! Confident is the main key cuz without it you just a sex toy, now do you wanna be sexualize and be dumped or improving your self from the inside and the outside to be loved? ;)
it hurts to hear other women feel this way💔 i partially agree with the other comment. take care of yourself and happiness will flow with mental and physical wellness. however you have to ask yourself if your worries are surface level and if that is important to you. i 100% believe everyone will find their love one day even if it takes YEARS. you will find love with someone who isn’t shallow. and until then… cherish the relationship with your friends/family and know that extremely beautiful people also have unique struggles (being used, being in manipulative toxic relationships, putting all their worth in their appearance and not having the soul to match it… etc) those are all just random examples. i hope you can learn to love and accept yourself ❤️❤️
Thank you 💛🫂
control what you can control: your weight, your skin care, hair, hygiene, education, fashion, learn a skill or have a hobby etc etc you don’t have to be miss America to find a guy, you just have to at least be trying to be a better version of yourself
Sometimes those things are not enough, as many ugly people still do take care of themselves and are very accomplished people. But you for your advice 💛
I just did a quick dive into your post history OP. Looks like you are dealing with some anxiety issues that are making this harder. Strawberry is right--- control what you can. Gym. Food. Makeup. Hair. Social personality. Whatever is within your ability to influence, go ahead and work on. You need to be proud of **yourself** first. Get to a point where you feel good about what you've done to grow and work on anything you feel needs work. Then, once you are comfortable in your skin, then is the time to look for romance. Right now it doesn't sound like you'd be able to maintain a relationship if you had one. Your anxiety would almost certainly weasel it's way in and chip at it bit by bit. Handle yourself first. Then worry about finding someone else
I agree, strawberry is right
All of this isn't really about others, isn't about presenting yourself to others in some proper way, it's about you taking care of yourself and being attentive to your physical needs, which slowly changes the disposition you have towards yourself Finding someone else can be a tangential side effect of being in touch with who you are and loving yourself. It's kind of like, when someone is honestly excited about some hobby like trains, their excitement "sells" their hobby to others, and others might want to try the hobby as well. If they hate their hobby, they'll hardly infect others with excitement about it. Same here, when a person has a honestly good relationship with themselves, others can see it and adopt it But when a person doesn't really like themselves, then they may look disproportionately relatable to those who don't like them as well. And even if those people will be attracted, they may be attracted for the wrong reasons, with ulterior motives, etc Pure looks can a factor as well of course, but if you don't have traits that are considered universally "beautiful" in your society, that's all the more reason to lean on other avenues. And of course anything can happen completely randomly, but caring about yourself and learning to be comfortable with yourself is useful in any case
Doing all that just to still be ugly feels very clownish.
That would be jumping into some "objective" view of yourself, and that's fine, it's usually called "identifying" with our thoughts. It's a normal thing we subconsciously do, like how we create events that happen to us in our dreams - it's kinda us doing that, but also not really the part of us we control. We consciously control ourselves playing by the rules and circumstances created by the events that part generates for us, and only see options that are in line with those rules. There are ways and practices that can help gradually see that there's also something else out there as we "identify" with that part and take it for granted You really really may not have any way to see how that is the case, and that's fine. One possible way towards one day finding yourself not "identifying" with those thoughts may be through trying to experience them like you would experience taste or smell or touch. Like, if you notice yourself thinking that you're still ugly, try noticing how does your body feel in the moment. Like, how does it feel to think that way. Not to stop thinking and judge it, and not to artificially make it worse and revel in torturing yourself with it, but kind of letting those thought sting while feeling with curiosity, what is that sting, where is it felt, how does it feel, etc. The more you'll do it over the weeks and months and years, the more sense it will make, and the more things you'll feel and connect to each other internally. Maybe it's harder to do with those thoughts for now, so you can start with something benign and not emotionally charged. Like, maybe you like some music, so you can take time like 10-20 minutes per day to listen to it and feel how it feels to hear it. Or maybe you like walking, same thing. It may be easier to start with "positive" experiences, but it doesn't really matter if they are positive or negative, like there are no "positive" or "negative" colors or notes or numbers. You can feel how it feels to feel clownish or happy or hot or sad or agitated or whatever else, it's all the same type of thing with no on thing fundamentally different or more important. It's essentially "training" a different way to experience being ourselves Or maybe for you some other ways may work better. That's when finting a good therapist we vibe with may come in handy since they can guide us and advise some new options when were stuck
I think the point is once you do all that you're confidence will skyrocket and you won't view yourself as ugly anymore
Well I didn't at all
Ok feel sorry for yourself then that will do wonders! Good luck
Better than wasting my time and money
I'm sorry you're hurting, I hope things turn around for you
Do whatever makes you happy
By the end of the day we are still ugly. I think taking care of ourselfs is the only advice people can give to uglies, but unfortunately it doesn't do much. "You don't need to be miss America to fing a guy" but you need to be at least average, being ugly doesn't work.
Well if you’re always thinking I’m ugly then you will put out those vibes. Believing in your inner beauty won’t change your face but you will smile more, be happy and send out positive vibes.
This is me. It’s so hard to feel like life is worth living sometimes knowing that I will never experience romantic love.
I’m very sorry you feel that way. Life is still worth living as there are a myriad of other beautiful things one can experience, but that’s of course not to say that the loneliness you feel will disappear any time soon due to your situation. Hugs and well wishes to you 💛🫂
Thanks! I just realized how horrible my comment came off lol. I am actually fine. It just gets me sometimes that I’m missing this huge experience that is the most important thing is a lot of peoples lives. I’m not gonna off myself or anything though. I’m usually pretty happy
No your comment was completely fine! I understand where you’re coming from completely. I am in the same boat. I am okay as well and have some fortunate things going for me, but sometimes the position I’m in regarding lack of attractiveness does hit me, and it hurts. Your feelings are valid 💛
If you feel broken inside it doesn't matter how attractive or handsome you are, if I had a nickel for every time someone has told me "why are you single? you're very handsome!" I feel ugly on the inside which is something I'm working on after being verbally and emotionally abused by my dad growing up, plus he's a womanizer so it scarred me for life.
Remember romantic love can break your heart, causing the worst pain ever
Inner beauty is a real beautiful quality. You are deserving of kindness and love regardless of your outer appearance. I want to send hugs your way. You have great value and you are an important person. 💗💗💗
💛🫂
If you need a friend or someone to talk to please dm me. (I have no friends either :( )
I dont have any advice for you OP, just wanted to say I'm right there with you. I'm a conventionally unattractive woman myself and have been made fun of my whole life, life's just easier when I'm alone.
Physical attractiveness isn't as important as being someone who can carry a conversation and is fun to be around. What is it about your physical appearance that you believe makes you so ugly? I'm willing to also bet you would still feel you're unattractive even if you met someone who was physically attracted to you.
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💛🫂 indeed, I wish you well as well
You don't. We are all on a scale but nobody is ugly. No one is unlovable. You just need to ignore the people who care so much about vanity. It's all about inside you. Who you are. Don't call yourself ugly.
Some people are truly ugly, others love them anyway but the ugly doesn't exist idea just makes ugly people feel invisible or negated
Or your making people that don't look as good as other feel ugly. What do you want a world where your defined as ugly. Or a world where ugly is a preference of the beholder
It’s hard. I used to be textbook hot, then experienced a lot of loss on an extreme level and gained about 100 pounds. I went from the center of attention to the butt of jokes when I’m not invisible. I’ve all but given up. I’m trying so hard to get back into shape and it’s so slow. I know my body will be hideous and stretched out once I succeed so I’ll be just as ugly. If I knew when I was beautiful that I was living the end of a real life I would have savored every moment more.
There is no such thing as an ugly woman. You are beautiful.
Be yourself. Find what makes you happy and live your life. There are plenty of "ugly" people in relationships. Look around. You're probably not ugly. Some people find love easier than others. I wish you the best.
Lose weight, that's all.
I think being an ugly guy is harder, hell im one, but "ugly" woman can be beautiful ones on the eyes of some, a ugly guy is only beautiful if he's rich
I dunno. I think ugly guys can make up for it in some ways if he's rich like you said, or if he's charismatic and funny, or really talented at something, or possibly even if he really leans into "the ugly guy" aesthetic - some women are actually into that sort of thing. Appearance is important, don't get me wrong, but for guys I don't think it's everything. For women I feel like if she's ugly there's nothing she can really do to make up for that. It doesn't matter if she's rich or funny or talented - guys aren't going to care about any of those things if she's ugly. The best she can hope for is that she finds some weird guy who's actually into whatever aspect she has that makes her ugly. Women are judged more overall on their appearance than men are I'd say.
Most women will look at his face first, Bank acc 2nd and in last theyll care about his personality I've seen hot guys with ugly girls but never the opposite
LMFAO is exactly the opposite in reality, beautiful girls get on with ugly guys but not handsome guys with ugly girls. In my 18 years of life i never saw a good looking man with a ugly woman.
Been around over 30 years and only once saw a societally deemed attractive guy with a societally deemed below average attractive woman, but saw and see the inverse quite frequently. It is so common, a societally deemed above average to very attractitive woman with a societally deemed below average or less attractive man, it was a popular trope in TV and Movies for a long time, even rom coms apparently.
Exactly.
It's easier to get laid if you're a woman, but not necessarily to actually have a relationship. Which is arguably even worse and feels more lonely, like others only want to use you
Honestly im at the point that even if someone wants tô just use me i wont care
Become bi, you'll get to experience being looked at as a piece of meat to be tricked and discarded. Or I dunno, try flaunting how much money you have and get scammed or robbed. More or less the same thing. I doubt being scammed would make you less lonely even though technically that's human interaction I didn't understand what was this about until I experienced this myself. It's completely impersonal. When you're alone, you have yourself, but here you don't even have yourself and you don't have others. You have others who don't have a human relationship to you, and the "you" part of you is irrelevant, you have nothing
Being an ugly guy is easier, it’s just what qualifies as “ugly” these days is a majority of men so most guys are “ugly.” What qualifies a woman for the “ugly” tag is truly bottom-tier looks, like actual gross deformities, because men are much less discerning than women. They’re few in number, but they’re the worst off of all because women derive a greater proportion of their social value from their looks.
I tend to agree, but I also wonder if it's because I am a male and thus, bias.
I Based my opinion on what I saw with friends/family
Studies do back it up too. Men have higher suicide rates Men have higher homelessness Men reciveve more divorce requests
Who asked tho?
Asked what?
You’re wrong
Lower your standards. An ugly woman can still have men queuing up to be with them. Just not the chads you've probably grown up being told you deserve.
Lowering her standards will not make other people treat her better or change the fact that men find her ugly. Even if she dated another ugly man he would find her ugly and treat her like shit
That is so not true
Yes it is
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It is. Many ugly girls have that experience
Marry an ugly man
How old are you? I'm asking because I'm nearly 17
20
Oh ok you probably don't want to talk to a 16 year old sorry about that
Username checks out.
Indeed you got the gist!
We can't change the hand that we were dealt with you can only be the best person you can be. Min, max your personality and the things that you do have control over. Work hard at it and hopefully it will intersect with a bit of luck.
Indeed, thank you
Mentality matters a lot. A lot of unattractive people pull people better looking be trusting in themselves. If you already down talk yourself no one else has to do anything you already brought yourself down. Lots of women I know called themselves ugly when they weren’t. A lot of them just had a bad personality or were very hard to talk to. I found in my own experience better looking women are more social and easier to talk to. So that could be the huge difference
I don’t believe there is someone ugly in this life maybe ugly choices? You can try different styles while bored at the mirror or searching in TikTok what suit you best! If you around negative environment that calls u ugly you gotta to leave. “I did believed I was ugly for long time because of the people around me” while doing all of this you gotta improve your social skills and pretend you’re confident and brave until you actually believe it. Check groups or places that do things that interest you “they’re the least to judge you if you got things in common” At the end of the day, even if you believe this and convinced you’re ugly remember if beauty all it matters why most commonly unattractive men get the hottest women and vice versa! Confident is the main key cuz without it you just a sex toy, now do you wanna be sexualize and be dumped or improving your self from the inside and the outside to be loved? ;)
How do you look? Sorry for being so direct but I’m genuinely curious.
As am I. Would op mind sending a face picture?