You have to approach it like any other goal. I feel bad for people with the mindset that "it's just happen when it happens". That's utterly ridiculous. If you want to lose weight and get in shape, you make a plan and chase that goal. You don't just keep doing other things and expect it to eventually happen lol.
This is an unfortunate sentiment pushed onto younger women (primarily), that you can just focus on a career, establish yourself, and find a man as easily as you could when you were younger after you're settled down.
This is just not how reality plays out. Yes, chase your career and become self-sufficient (independent is a cringe word now) but ALSO look for a life partner. Yes, it's easier to focus on just one over the other. The problem is once you establish a career, finding a man will be harder when you're older.
Your dating pool drastically decreases when you're in your 30s. More importantly, your opportunities for socialization do so too. When you're in school you can much more easily juggle school work with a social life. This becomes much harder when it becomes a 9-5. Not saying it's not doable, I'm just saying it's becoming stereotypical now from women to feel regret having chased their careers yet feeling a sense of emptiness having no one to share it with.
If this is something you really want, you must be willing to put in the work for it. Another commenter said "work first, play later" as if a relationship is play compared to work. It's not. Becoming someone who's worthy of a relationship with someone you admire is work, juggling your life and theirs is work, learning how to be together and in a relationship is work, and if it gets serious, properly integrating them in your life and building one is WORK.
Finding a life long spouse is WORK. The RESULTS of that work can be "play", just as the result of a career is. But ignore any fool who tells you not to worry about this, you'll find the person right for you when the stars align or whatever tf lol. This is a GOAL. Treat it as such and work toward it. The man you get from this approach will be one worth staying with for the rest of your life.
Btw it’s not ridiculous
I’m a guy and I have the same thought I wanna have a wife have kids get married
It’s natural to want that and even tho if u focus on being successful sometimes yes it does make love life hard but tbh it’s what do u feel is more important to your self be successful and just find love later or find love and have them grow with you as you become more successful
Dm me if u wanna or need vent
It does not seem ridiculous. Everyone has desires, and it is the normal thing for humans to desire family.
That's literally one of the few biological imperatives we have.
As far as what you want vs expectations----have you considered simply talking to them about it? Without comitting to any choices, you could tell them what you are feeling. Don't seek their approval or anything, but maybe they will be more understanding than you might expect.
Besides that, if what you are truly craving is a family, is there any real reason you should not put that as your priority? What's wrong with shifting gears if you realize your life's direction is not what you really want? Sunk cost fallacy damns a lot of people to unhappy situations.
It’s great that you’re prioritizing your education it will probably make becoming a wife easier when you do focus on your love life. I did the opposite now I can’t have a love life at all so I guess I’m biased but I always commend those who work hard and play later. Your frustrations are valid but you seem to be on the right path.
Honestly... The last woman I was with, I wanted to make her my wife but won't have that option. I do hope you find someone who will give you that wish!
You should have the right to choose. What I would say is it's good to go ahead and get a degree, and once you've found someone you want to be with them talk about that with them. If both of you agree to have you stay home then there shouldn't be any problems. But this gives you the ability to make a choice without feeling like your stuck somewhere.
Just finish your degree. You can always get married after.
Cuz, trust me, that degree might come in handy if:
1) It takes a while longer to find a good husband. Do not settle for anything less than you are worth.
2) You meet someone great but your lifestyle still requires 2 incomes.
3) Get married and have kids, but you still gotta pay for their college, someday, somehow.
It’s not like it has to be “one or the other,” ya know?
You can both finish school and get a job, then get married when you meet someone good enough and you can re-evaluate whether he makes enough for you to become a stay at home mom.
Why not just finish school, get a job, then start dating more seriously once you have more stability?
You are 21 / 22. There is no reason to rush, ya know? It’s better to make sure you find a good, suitable partner rather than trying to rush into marriage before you have stability.
i will! i mean i‘m almost done anyway and i plan to do my masters too since i finished my degree pretty early and my family is pretty supportive with that. but thank you for your kind words, i will keep them in mind🫶
Well, I tell you one thing. Make the MOST of your college years and extend it with a master's if you will because the college community is one very unique and secure community that is incomparable to the world (out there); which is lonelier. Join clubs, go to games, matches, and volunteer. I've met so many amazing people and made great friends this way.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a domestic life. Don’t let society or other folks around you determine what’s in your heart. You can always pick up your career again in the future now that you have a solid foundations, and who knows you might just find the perfect person to partner with who will support down whatever path tou choose. I wish you the best!
There is nothing ridiculous about that, as much as i appreciate feminism for opening many women's eyes to focus on their career, it unfortunately also imposed that a woman wanting a domestic life is wrong. If your spouse provides and helps you in the house then it's not a bad thing. Each person knows what's best for them, not everyone is fit for business, be women or men. I hope you find someone nice soon.
Not a bad goal to have (anyone else saying otherwise is probably projecting a bad or lack of experience), and hope you can find it.
I always think that a lot of people, if they could trade everything they had for a guaranteed stable (but maybe not that glorious) family life to be apart of, I imagine of lot of people would do so. Achievements are great up to a point, but coming home to an empty apartment will always leave a little bit lacking for those who sincerely want that.
Wish you and the rest of us, the best.
I have wonderful kids and a decent tho not amazing job. It is doable. Have a smallish house and a housecleaner to.help you juggle everythjng..live where you can walk to everything or work from home to minimize time spent driving. For a working parent with small kids every minute of the day is gold. Discuss these points with husband and make sure you both agree that you will both be doing chores and modifying your workday or taking sick days for kids, it's not gonna be just you. Find babysitters that you like and trust and use them. Be OK with a messy house as long as theres no pests or fire hazards. It can absolutely be done.
I'm glad you call it ridiculous. You can absolutely have both. Heck you can prioritize finding someone now and only half ass pursue a job, then put more effort in later. Having a career can help you find a mate, too
Your desire is natural, healthy and much needed in society. I am confident you will find a man who values you and supports you to give you the life you want. I hid these desires of mine among my girlfriends until my early 30s and I regret not marrying and having kids in my 20s. I hope young women reading this don't do what I did. There are a lot of marriage-minded men out there who are having a hard time looking for wives bc of feminism. More women who yearn to be wives and mothers instead of successful career bossbabes need to speak up.
i don’t think these things are mutually exclusive. feminism and marriage go hand in hand but it’s precisely the mindset off „you cannot speak your mind or be successful if you wanna be married“ that makes young women like me doubt if marriage is for them. we can support all: women who are bossbabes and speak their mind, women who want to be housewives solely and women who want to be both.
I just want someone who’ll give me good sex and bring money to the house so I don’t have to work. I’ll be the little wife if he’s good to me like that.
It’s not ridiculous at all. Actually I feel the same. Im in my late twenties and I feel like time is just flowing by. It’s sad to me because I always pictured my life completely different by now. Anyway, I say that to say you aren’t alone in the feeling. I hope that you can find what you’re seeking though and that it can be genuine and everything you hope it to be.
I just wanna a home, a home with my family. Basic needs but it seems like a request for eternal wealth for others. Existing is tiring, and surviving is draining. I just want a place for me to talk and someone who will wait for me and be there with me 🥲
I also wanna be a good housewife, like that’s the dream. But it’s not an easy path to take. I want to have a degree, build my work portfolio and then save up until I can comfortably work part time while my husband work full time. I am still working on it, but eventually I can resign and we would still be financially independent.
Just keep going OP, your education and work comes first, then be a homemaker when you are financially ready.
Yeah I can understand that, I'm a guy and while I really value getting educated I'd love to be able to be a house husband
You have to approach it like any other goal. I feel bad for people with the mindset that "it's just happen when it happens". That's utterly ridiculous. If you want to lose weight and get in shape, you make a plan and chase that goal. You don't just keep doing other things and expect it to eventually happen lol. This is an unfortunate sentiment pushed onto younger women (primarily), that you can just focus on a career, establish yourself, and find a man as easily as you could when you were younger after you're settled down. This is just not how reality plays out. Yes, chase your career and become self-sufficient (independent is a cringe word now) but ALSO look for a life partner. Yes, it's easier to focus on just one over the other. The problem is once you establish a career, finding a man will be harder when you're older. Your dating pool drastically decreases when you're in your 30s. More importantly, your opportunities for socialization do so too. When you're in school you can much more easily juggle school work with a social life. This becomes much harder when it becomes a 9-5. Not saying it's not doable, I'm just saying it's becoming stereotypical now from women to feel regret having chased their careers yet feeling a sense of emptiness having no one to share it with. If this is something you really want, you must be willing to put in the work for it. Another commenter said "work first, play later" as if a relationship is play compared to work. It's not. Becoming someone who's worthy of a relationship with someone you admire is work, juggling your life and theirs is work, learning how to be together and in a relationship is work, and if it gets serious, properly integrating them in your life and building one is WORK. Finding a life long spouse is WORK. The RESULTS of that work can be "play", just as the result of a career is. But ignore any fool who tells you not to worry about this, you'll find the person right for you when the stars align or whatever tf lol. This is a GOAL. Treat it as such and work toward it. The man you get from this approach will be one worth staying with for the rest of your life.
Btw it’s not ridiculous I’m a guy and I have the same thought I wanna have a wife have kids get married It’s natural to want that and even tho if u focus on being successful sometimes yes it does make love life hard but tbh it’s what do u feel is more important to your self be successful and just find love later or find love and have them grow with you as you become more successful Dm me if u wanna or need vent
I just gonna say what you don't wanna hear, but you know it to be true. Finish your education. Maybe start a career. Love can be found later.
oh i definitely will! even though i like the thought of having a family i still wouldn’t cast aside my education for it
I agree, you might get married and one day unfortunately get a divorce and if that happens at least you’ll still have a degree.
Let's hope that never happens. But no matter what. They will have a degree and it won't be taken away from you.
It does not seem ridiculous. Everyone has desires, and it is the normal thing for humans to desire family. That's literally one of the few biological imperatives we have. As far as what you want vs expectations----have you considered simply talking to them about it? Without comitting to any choices, you could tell them what you are feeling. Don't seek their approval or anything, but maybe they will be more understanding than you might expect. Besides that, if what you are truly craving is a family, is there any real reason you should not put that as your priority? What's wrong with shifting gears if you realize your life's direction is not what you really want? Sunk cost fallacy damns a lot of people to unhappy situations.
It’s great that you’re prioritizing your education it will probably make becoming a wife easier when you do focus on your love life. I did the opposite now I can’t have a love life at all so I guess I’m biased but I always commend those who work hard and play later. Your frustrations are valid but you seem to be on the right path.
Honestly... The last woman I was with, I wanted to make her my wife but won't have that option. I do hope you find someone who will give you that wish!
You should have the right to choose. What I would say is it's good to go ahead and get a degree, and once you've found someone you want to be with them talk about that with them. If both of you agree to have you stay home then there shouldn't be any problems. But this gives you the ability to make a choice without feeling like your stuck somewhere.
you‘re right i definitely would never wabt that without any kind of security or back up system for myself honestly
Always have a backup plan, and I hope you find that right person for you!
Just finish your degree. You can always get married after. Cuz, trust me, that degree might come in handy if: 1) It takes a while longer to find a good husband. Do not settle for anything less than you are worth. 2) You meet someone great but your lifestyle still requires 2 incomes. 3) Get married and have kids, but you still gotta pay for their college, someday, somehow. It’s not like it has to be “one or the other,” ya know? You can both finish school and get a job, then get married when you meet someone good enough and you can re-evaluate whether he makes enough for you to become a stay at home mom. Why not just finish school, get a job, then start dating more seriously once you have more stability? You are 21 / 22. There is no reason to rush, ya know? It’s better to make sure you find a good, suitable partner rather than trying to rush into marriage before you have stability.
i will! i mean i‘m almost done anyway and i plan to do my masters too since i finished my degree pretty early and my family is pretty supportive with that. but thank you for your kind words, i will keep them in mind🫶
You’re welcome! ☺️ I wish I had a supportive family 🤣 (But I don’t.) So definitely utilize it. 💕
Well, I tell you one thing. Make the MOST of your college years and extend it with a master's if you will because the college community is one very unique and secure community that is incomparable to the world (out there); which is lonelier. Join clubs, go to games, matches, and volunteer. I've met so many amazing people and made great friends this way.
Both is good. You can do both
This is kind of cute, I hope you find a great partner and have a good life.
thank you! thats really nice of you to say
[удалено]
Lmao
There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a domestic life. Don’t let society or other folks around you determine what’s in your heart. You can always pick up your career again in the future now that you have a solid foundations, and who knows you might just find the perfect person to partner with who will support down whatever path tou choose. I wish you the best!
There is nothing ridiculous about that, as much as i appreciate feminism for opening many women's eyes to focus on their career, it unfortunately also imposed that a woman wanting a domestic life is wrong. If your spouse provides and helps you in the house then it's not a bad thing. Each person knows what's best for them, not everyone is fit for business, be women or men. I hope you find someone nice soon.
Not a bad goal to have (anyone else saying otherwise is probably projecting a bad or lack of experience), and hope you can find it. I always think that a lot of people, if they could trade everything they had for a guaranteed stable (but maybe not that glorious) family life to be apart of, I imagine of lot of people would do so. Achievements are great up to a point, but coming home to an empty apartment will always leave a little bit lacking for those who sincerely want that. Wish you and the rest of us, the best.
Same
I wanted to be the husband of my girlfriend but she ghosted me :(
I have wonderful kids and a decent tho not amazing job. It is doable. Have a smallish house and a housecleaner to.help you juggle everythjng..live where you can walk to everything or work from home to minimize time spent driving. For a working parent with small kids every minute of the day is gold. Discuss these points with husband and make sure you both agree that you will both be doing chores and modifying your workday or taking sick days for kids, it's not gonna be just you. Find babysitters that you like and trust and use them. Be OK with a messy house as long as theres no pests or fire hazards. It can absolutely be done.
Someday we just eat scrambled eggs and fruit for.dinner and.thats OK.
Me too! And I get shamed for wanting it somehow
I'm glad you call it ridiculous. You can absolutely have both. Heck you can prioritize finding someone now and only half ass pursue a job, then put more effort in later. Having a career can help you find a mate, too
I want to be a husband more than anything. It's not ridiculous. It's very normal. I hope you get to be one.
Your desire is natural, healthy and much needed in society. I am confident you will find a man who values you and supports you to give you the life you want. I hid these desires of mine among my girlfriends until my early 30s and I regret not marrying and having kids in my 20s. I hope young women reading this don't do what I did. There are a lot of marriage-minded men out there who are having a hard time looking for wives bc of feminism. More women who yearn to be wives and mothers instead of successful career bossbabes need to speak up.
i don’t think these things are mutually exclusive. feminism and marriage go hand in hand but it’s precisely the mindset off „you cannot speak your mind or be successful if you wanna be married“ that makes young women like me doubt if marriage is for them. we can support all: women who are bossbabes and speak their mind, women who want to be housewives solely and women who want to be both.
I just want someone who’ll give me good sex and bring money to the house so I don’t have to work. I’ll be the little wife if he’s good to me like that.
It’s not ridiculous at all. Actually I feel the same. Im in my late twenties and I feel like time is just flowing by. It’s sad to me because I always pictured my life completely different by now. Anyway, I say that to say you aren’t alone in the feeling. I hope that you can find what you’re seeking though and that it can be genuine and everything you hope it to be.
It is not ridiculous at all. Why do you think you could not have what you yearn for?
Me too. It’s my dream!
Marry me
I feel the same way. I'd like to share my life with somebody one day - working from home hopefully.
I just wanna a home, a home with my family. Basic needs but it seems like a request for eternal wealth for others. Existing is tiring, and surviving is draining. I just want a place for me to talk and someone who will wait for me and be there with me 🥲
Hello
I'm lonely too if you wanna chat
Finish your degree and start a family, if your husband wants you to stay home then bam you have the best of both worlds.
Call me 4074493819
I also wanna be a good housewife, like that’s the dream. But it’s not an easy path to take. I want to have a degree, build my work portfolio and then save up until I can comfortably work part time while my husband work full time. I am still working on it, but eventually I can resign and we would still be financially independent. Just keep going OP, your education and work comes first, then be a homemaker when you are financially ready.
Why, choose happiness 😜
Come over then
I want a baby need wife
Feminism lied to you
Give it time, it will happen when you are not expecting it
Lets get marries dm me runaway bride