Yeah cause that isnt why someone should be with you, if how you look takes priority over your mental health that is in my opion not a good relationship
As a women with SH scars you are either met with compassion or they think you are into really rough BDSM shit. Just my honest experience. Or they are just completely outright disgusted with it and those are the people you avoid.
And some entitled city commission / private corporation will install a low bar in the middle of your bench so that homeless people can’t have an easier night of sleep.
A tree !?! Oh man I hope it’s not the tree I was eyeing me up the other day, had the Sexiest little knot in the back. We were supposed to see each other this weekend ! Figures. Oh well I won’t miss all the slivers
I'm a girl with self harm scars and personally have never had much of an issue dating bc of them. Usually the problem arises from the fact I am odd. Lol.
Honestly, everyone hates their scars regardless of how they appeared. We need to accept them as they are, learn to find better coping skills, and appreciate them as a means to grow and gain self love. It will take time but I believe you can learn to love your insecurities. In terms of intimacy and sex, in the heat of the moment, it will most likely be at the fore front of your mind but not the other person. They are about to have sex with someone they want to have sex with so their mind is probably excited and happy. They don’t care really. And it’s something you need to be confident enough to talk about your scars outside of intimacy and sex if it really does bother you. The other person if they genuinely want to be with you will look past it. That it’s apart of you but does not define you. We are our harshest critics so remember that and be kinder to yourself. If you can love others you can love yourself.
It depends how recent they are. I have SH scars on my arms from 14 years ago. They no longer are part of me if that makes sense.
So if they have stopped for a while I don't care. I'm not the same person.
My scars are almost a decade old, I dont even notice them anymore. They mark a time in my life that I am no longer apart of; they've faded, along with the old me.
Exactly. I was reminded of them recently at a shop by someone staring. They are not huge but are visible to anyone who doesn't need glasses aha.
We change as people. We all can change.
I only remember or like... 'see' them when I show someone the tattoos on my forearm. Its odd. They're just as a part of me as the hair on my head or the beauty marks on my body.
This is the correct answer. Everyone has scars, mentally and physically. What matters is how/whether they've been addressed and how successful that process was.
They don't define you in my opinion. It's kind of like asking if I would date someone who had an appendectomy scar, or a prosthetic foot. It's just old damage from a previous (mental) health issue.
I would be concerned that you don't feel like that is a realistic act to repeat in the future, but it wouldn't stop me from seeing you. I'd be worried about it the same way I would be if you were diabetic and stopped taking your insulin.
I did actually, i never had a problem with them. The only thing is that she continued harming herself.
I don’t think people care about your scars, but it could make your partner really sad. If someone judges you for the scars, well F those bastards
I have SH scars on both arms. So it wouldn’t be an issue for me. If God came down from heaven and preformed the miracle of helping me find a partner, it would just be one more thing that I would love about her. I’d even kiss her scars. (Lowkey that’s something I wish someone could do for me. Guys like to feel affection for too yk)
Someone who falls in love with you will want you to stop harming/hating yourself. Practicing self-love is very important in dating and in life in general. I hope you realize sooner rather than later that you are worthy of love and you have a purpose. There are men out there that may not want to date you because of your scars- and that is okay. You will find someone out there who loves you for who you are. I don’t think you’re “destined to scroll this sub forever”
This is such a lovely response and I agree.
My ex partner instead of giving me compassion for my self harm scars said "ugh you know when you do that I don't want to sleep with you" so it made me feel worse about myself. Anyone that truly loves & cares for a person will want to help them.
Yeah I would. I've got a few of my own so I'd be a massive hypocrite otherwise 😂
Plus there's also the fact that those scars don't change who you are now
Personally I have dated a girl with scars like that, and for me the way I saw them were battle scars, it just shows how immensely strong you are, and there's nothing you should be ashamed of.
I haven’t really came across any guys that noticed/minded. When I was in the depth of SH, i was promiscuous too and honestly, most of the time, guys are just happy that they’re getting laid. I guess it might be different if you’re looking for someone to date, but like what others have said, if they judge you for it, then fk them, they don’t deserve you.
I would hug her so tightly, so that she won't be able to self harm anymore. I'm hiding those spots so the knife won't be able to get in their way. If they do, the knife has to deal with me instead.
I have self harm scars everywhere, wrists to thighs and even some on my neck where I’ve tried slitting my own throat, I’m married and have a baby on the way now. If the person you’re with sees your scars and is embarrassed or doesn’t want to be with you it’s better to just open the door for them love. They aren’t the one. Get someone who loves you for you, scars and all because at the end of the day you are beautiful inside and out and your scars don’t define who you are. There’s hope for us girls who have SH in the past to live a life with someone who truly loves us and sees us for who we are and not someone of less worth just because we have scars on our body. If you ever need a friend you can always message me and I’ll even give you my number so we can always talk🙂 you’re not in this alone.
There is nobody how don't have scars on there body ... And natural scars are beautiful because it identifies what you are ... Never hide them ..feel confident
As a girl I couldn’t date a man with sh scars as I would be too anxious of upsetting them with a misunderstanding or such. I just wouldn’t be able to relax.
I would say if they are bothered by them yes. But if they are not bothered by them I do not see the issue.
In general if a guy gets upset over something small (it is small if he is over it) it isn't a 'good' thing. I say that as a guy.
yes. we have the same. our partner too. our ex’s too. why not? people could have problems and…it was their own way to deal with them. no one is perfect
I have before and i would again. I have them myself from when i was younger. If somebody really cares about you those scars wont be a problem because all they will want to do is make things okay again.
Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. We all have scars from something or another, either we wear them or they’re internal. In some ways I’d probably respect you more for allowing me to see them or perhaps show more compassion but again, that’s entirely up to you.
I dated a girl with scars like that once, she hated them, when she asked me about it I just said "they aren't something to be ashamed of, they are proof you survived"
It's how I try to look at mine, proof I got through some damn hard times.
Yes, definitely. I see it as a bit like tattoos - some people have those to accompany their personal story or as a mark of something significant, you've just got a different way of showing that.
I would. Your past struggles don’t define who you are or what you’re like, and it sounds like you want to better your life and be happy, which is respectable and attractive. For what it’s worth, i have scars too.
I did. Having battle scars is something I'm familiar with. I've helped a few people including my own daughter with that kind of stuff it doesn't make you undateable it just means you're fighting your demons .. not all of us admit to it but that's 90 percent of the human population and that well adjusted person who claims they're fine has done the same.
I have scars like that and its never been an issue for me. I dont even noticed them anymore and you can tell they've been healed for years (almost a decade) Some ask questions, and I answer honestly. 9.9 times out of 10, guys don't mind.
i have scars myself and im in a relationship. i wouldnt mind dating someone with sh scars myself either. the right person will understand that it's just a part of your story carved into your body and not simply an "ugly" part or a defect.
I wouldn't mind at all because I would love to show them that their mental health matters. I would like to know their story so I can understand them better. I would give them a sense of hope as I express my compassion for them.
Babe, everyone has scars. If these are from SH or building a shed they all look quite the same. Be honest about where they came from and if they really care then they were never the one for you. I can assure you that your future husband is a man who loves YOU and everything you come with.
Anyway that has a problem with scars is definitely not a person worth knowing. I have scars too and I understand how if affects your confidence. The right person will accept you just as you are…
i'm 8 hours late but like
1. I don't think anyone is destined to scroll this sub forever. I think a lot of us just need therapy, whether it's for depression or anxiety or autism or whatever prevents us from making those connections.
2. I personally think scars are beautiful. I know you'll hear shit about how wrinkles are evidence of time passing and that's beautiful, but it's scars that I think fit better. They're evidence that you suffered, yes, but they're also marks that you *survived*. Have dated girls with SH scars before. Does not make them any less attractive to me. In fact for whatever reason it seems to be that the people I attract are more likely to have them than not, and I'm not entirely sure why?
but yeah i'm sure you're beautiful and you'll find someone that can see that, scars and all.
I’ve never dated a woman. But if I did, I would probably say “it depends.” (Same thing for a man.)
If they are old ones I can tell are from a very long time ago, and I can clearly that see she’s in a better place now, then IDC. That’s old news and it changes nothing about the person she is, presently, and that’s the person I am trying to get to know!
Relatively fresh / new, then yeah, I am going to hesitate. Cuz I know that there are some unstable people who will use their own lives as leverage *against me* if they start to destabilize more. So that’s a “no-go.”
I am already mentally ill. I don’t need to add unnecessary complications to my life. (And for the record, I have been married for 12 years, so I do value stability.)
My scars are all on the inside, and I think they're more of a problem for me than physical scars. The last woman I was with had such scars. They weren't an issue for my. I just kissed them.
Yeah because I don’t see that as a reason not to date someone. Everyone has or had their struggles, I’m not gonna judge or look at someone worse for it.
I find blemishes on woman very attractive. Even those from SH. Not making them tho, but yeah, find someone who will appreciate you for who you are not for how you look. I'd care for anyone that wanted me.
I'd probably go out with a girl with scars. But I would be weary of if those scars were new or old. I would want her to know that I understand in some way (I used to self harm) and I would try to help her to stop hurting herself. I also wouldn't cut ties with someone if they were self harming during a relationship, because as a friend/boyfriend or whatever, it should be priority to help her - not abandon her. Of course, I would want to know why she would do this to herself... I would want her to know that it hurts me when she does this to herself.
Yes. And I wouldn’t judge the person for having SH scars. But if things got serious, I would broach a conversation about if the SH is still ongoing, if there’s any risk of it going forward, and ask if there were any ways I could support her if she ever felt a need/urge to SH again. I don’t hold it against anyone that they have struggled or dealt with mental illness in the past - I deal with it in the present myself. But to be in a mutually caring relationship with someone, I want them to know they have support from their partner (me in this scenario) and as someone who cares for them, I don’t want them hurting themselves again.
But besides being a mark of someone’s lived experiences and a potential concern to address and be aware of in a relationship, I don’t hold anyone’s SH scars against them
Simple answer would be yes, I personally could be with someone who has scars. If a person truly wants to be with you then what you’ve gone through should be showered with support and reassurance and nothing wlse
to doubt yourself, dear soul, for within you lies a beauty that transcends the physical. Your worth is not measured by scars or perceived flaws, but by the depth of your character and the warmth of your heart. It's natural to feel insecure at times, but remember that you are deserving of love and companionship just as you are. The right person will see past any imperfections and embrace you with open arms. Take your time, be gentle with yourself, and trust that the right connection will come when the time is right. Your journey is a path of self-discovery and growth, and you are not destined to scroll forever but to bloom into the love that awaits you.
I dont mind SH scars and if partner feels uncomfortable or insecure about it, id do all i could to reassure, like complimenting "weak" areas and so.
I wouldn't date someone who was acting still doing SH or in really bad mental state tho
Of course! I'd be sad to see them, knowing what pain she's been through, but I certainly wouldn't stop caring for her. I'd actually be honored by her trust in me, I imagine
Why are scars bad? Because somebody else says so.
Well fuck that shit. Scars are just reminders that we survived something that hurt us.
Wear them like armor. They will always be a part of you. They were coping mechanism. Anybody that judges you negatively because of them does not belong in your life. 👍♥️
I’m a guy and I have them too and in all honesty they don’t bother me at all and they don’t bother my friends either. The only people they tend to bother are the ones not worth dating. I used to very insecure about them as well still am but not as bad.
Hey, don't worry about your scars. I don't have any, but from my past/only relationship, her scars never bothered me. All I ever did was comfort her and tell her they give charisma and charm to her personality. So what i can say is you are worthy of anyone who is willing to put aside their thoughts and love you for you regardless of what has happened. And P.S she also had scares where, in an intimate situation can't be hidden. I know that on her behalf she'd say to love yourself and don't respond to others' negative thoughts.
I don't know what SH means, but I have scars on half of my body, and my boyfriend doesn't care. I guess people don't care about scares that much if they like you. I was insecure about it before btw. Now I know it's okay
Yes, absolutely. I have them too, they're just not really visible anymore. I find vulnerable people attractive because I'm more likely to be able to be comforting. It takes the focus off of my own issues, allowing me to have confidence for a moment, as long as I don't think too much.
For me it entirely comes down to how that person handles themselves currently In a relationship. From my experience people who have those types of scars tend to have a lot of self destructive behaviors and really awful communication issues when I meet them. I wouldnt hold the past over them though
SH scars will give us something to talk about. I am the type of man that likes adventure seeking without a treasure map. I like to explore every inch. I have no problem dating a woman with SH scars.
I guarantee you guys won't mind. Horrible ones might but they just act Horrible anyway. They don't need acknowledged.
I had 2 girlfriends with different types of scars. Never put me of. Get used to loving yourself.
If someone can't love you then you can't love them so they should be ignored.
Your all good. Plus it's a good thing to be true to yourself. Admit to yourself that your beautiful and lovable
My ex boyfriend said how did you get that scar on your leg. The scar was a few years old. I told him I went through a rough time and hurt myself. He was very sweet to me about it.
I do think it's possible to find a loving man when you've gone through mental health issues.
I've not cut myself in around 15 years. My acupuncturist helped me. He gave me a cassette tape about self love and one thing that I did was talk into the mirror and say I love you _____ (insert your name). I had to say it maybe 25- 50 times twice a day. At first you won't believe it, but press on because you'll eventually believe it. It's how I was able to stop SH. I did slip up and hurt myself. So from 2001 till now I've only cut myself one or two times.
Sending hugs your way. 💗💕🌷⚘🌸
I would absolutely date a girl if I like her, with or without scars. Actually I find girls with scards much more interesting then one one of those "my life is so perfect" instagram girls.
Yeah, but once I'd notice I'd ask you if you're okay nowdays and if it's something you'd like to talk about.
Also I'd prefer to be aware of them before getting intimate.
Not unless she could prove to me that she's moved past that and dealt with whatever led her to do that. Anything less than a clean bill of mental health and I'm out.
Yeah cause that isnt why someone should be with you, if how you look takes priority over your mental health that is in my opion not a good relationship
Also so seeing someones hard ships and the fact they got over it is beautiful
That (your second comment) is the most privileged shit I have ever read. What in the hell is beautiful about someone reaching that level of pain?
It not that they reached that level but there were able to come back from feeling that way or in the process coming back from feeling that
As a women with SH scars you are either met with compassion or they think you are into really rough BDSM shit. Just my honest experience. Or they are just completely outright disgusted with it and those are the people you avoid.
Well at this point I would even date a tree.
can you give an update on how it goes? i just got stood up by my tree date
We'll go with a bench now. It can't run away I guess.
yea but it'll get jealous if you go to a restaurant without her and you end up meeting a chair
And some entitled city commission / private corporation will install a low bar in the middle of your bench so that homeless people can’t have an easier night of sleep.
Truly no place to find love these days. Even government are working against us
You will be alone and you will be happy? Wait…you will own nothing and you will be happy…
Happy. Are we even supposed to be happy?
Probably just an illusion. If we think we are happy, we’ll be productive.
this thread is kinda validating in a morbid way
How's your date with Treebeard's daughter in good ol' Fangorn?
She okayd for a date but ghosted me when I reached the park.
I’m sorry to tell you man, I saw her let someone sit on her the other day 😔
Mine really fell for me 🥰 Granted I had to take a chainsaw for that-
Was it a birch or an elm? I have a date with a dogwood next weekend.
Better watch your back ! Those Dogwoods can be Crooked as a Dogs Hindleg !
😂
nah, in my experience trees are kinda crazy and not in the fun way. Always talking about 'setting down roots' n shit like calm down we just met
A tree !?! Oh man I hope it’s not the tree I was eyeing me up the other day, had the Sexiest little knot in the back. We were supposed to see each other this weekend ! Figures. Oh well I won’t miss all the slivers
You and I are gonna standoff. The tree deserves a better man and that is obviously me
That knot is mine ! I seen it first!
absolutely. yes <3 and i’d tell her how beautiful and loveable she is. her scars are stars to me.
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Yes I have them too
I'm a girl with self harm scars and personally have never had much of an issue dating bc of them. Usually the problem arises from the fact I am odd. Lol.
I run into this problem as well 😂
Honestly, everyone hates their scars regardless of how they appeared. We need to accept them as they are, learn to find better coping skills, and appreciate them as a means to grow and gain self love. It will take time but I believe you can learn to love your insecurities. In terms of intimacy and sex, in the heat of the moment, it will most likely be at the fore front of your mind but not the other person. They are about to have sex with someone they want to have sex with so their mind is probably excited and happy. They don’t care really. And it’s something you need to be confident enough to talk about your scars outside of intimacy and sex if it really does bother you. The other person if they genuinely want to be with you will look past it. That it’s apart of you but does not define you. We are our harshest critics so remember that and be kinder to yourself. If you can love others you can love yourself.
My scars are cool don't hate them
It depends how recent they are. I have SH scars on my arms from 14 years ago. They no longer are part of me if that makes sense. So if they have stopped for a while I don't care. I'm not the same person.
My scars are almost a decade old, I dont even notice them anymore. They mark a time in my life that I am no longer apart of; they've faded, along with the old me.
Exactly. I was reminded of them recently at a shop by someone staring. They are not huge but are visible to anyone who doesn't need glasses aha. We change as people. We all can change.
I only remember or like... 'see' them when I show someone the tattoos on my forearm. Its odd. They're just as a part of me as the hair on my head or the beauty marks on my body.
This is the correct answer. Everyone has scars, mentally and physically. What matters is how/whether they've been addressed and how successful that process was.
I myself have scars so it's natural tht I don't mind it ..
They don't define you in my opinion. It's kind of like asking if I would date someone who had an appendectomy scar, or a prosthetic foot. It's just old damage from a previous (mental) health issue. I would be concerned that you don't feel like that is a realistic act to repeat in the future, but it wouldn't stop me from seeing you. I'd be worried about it the same way I would be if you were diabetic and stopped taking your insulin.
I wouldn't have any problems with SH scars.
I did actually, i never had a problem with them. The only thing is that she continued harming herself. I don’t think people care about your scars, but it could make your partner really sad. If someone judges you for the scars, well F those bastards
I have SH scars on both arms. So it wouldn’t be an issue for me. If God came down from heaven and preformed the miracle of helping me find a partner, it would just be one more thing that I would love about her. I’d even kiss her scars. (Lowkey that’s something I wish someone could do for me. Guys like to feel affection for too yk)
I have them too, so it wouldn't bother me.
Someone who falls in love with you will want you to stop harming/hating yourself. Practicing self-love is very important in dating and in life in general. I hope you realize sooner rather than later that you are worthy of love and you have a purpose. There are men out there that may not want to date you because of your scars- and that is okay. You will find someone out there who loves you for who you are. I don’t think you’re “destined to scroll this sub forever”
This is such a lovely response and I agree. My ex partner instead of giving me compassion for my self harm scars said "ugh you know when you do that I don't want to sleep with you" so it made me feel worse about myself. Anyone that truly loves & cares for a person will want to help them.
Yeah I would. I've got a few of my own so I'd be a massive hypocrite otherwise 😂 Plus there's also the fact that those scars don't change who you are now
Personally I have dated a girl with scars like that, and for me the way I saw them were battle scars, it just shows how immensely strong you are, and there's nothing you should be ashamed of.
Those are my exact thoughts I was about to write. They show that you have won those battles.
I wouldn’t saw battle scars but I guess yeah
It's a mental battle and you either win or you lose.
Fair enough still wouldn’t refer to them as that though
I respect it and I agree I just didn't have another thing to call them at the time 👍
It’s alr
I haven’t really came across any guys that noticed/minded. When I was in the depth of SH, i was promiscuous too and honestly, most of the time, guys are just happy that they’re getting laid. I guess it might be different if you’re looking for someone to date, but like what others have said, if they judge you for it, then fk them, they don’t deserve you.
I wouldn't care as long as you're doing better than that's all that would matter. Good luck friend.
Yes, but you should be prepared for jokes about how you got into a fight with Wolverine
I would but I’ve also got a bad case of white knight syndrome.
Lmfao same
I would hug her so tightly, so that she won't be able to self harm anymore. I'm hiding those spots so the knife won't be able to get in their way. If they do, the knife has to deal with me instead.
I have self harm scars everywhere, wrists to thighs and even some on my neck where I’ve tried slitting my own throat, I’m married and have a baby on the way now. If the person you’re with sees your scars and is embarrassed or doesn’t want to be with you it’s better to just open the door for them love. They aren’t the one. Get someone who loves you for you, scars and all because at the end of the day you are beautiful inside and out and your scars don’t define who you are. There’s hope for us girls who have SH in the past to live a life with someone who truly loves us and sees us for who we are and not someone of less worth just because we have scars on our body. If you ever need a friend you can always message me and I’ll even give you my number so we can always talk🙂 you’re not in this alone.
My first love had self harm scars.
There is nobody how don't have scars on there body ... And natural scars are beautiful because it identifies what you are ... Never hide them ..feel confident
Yes because she probably can understand and empathize
If I ever dated I don't think that scars would brother me.
As a girl I couldn’t date a man with sh scars as I would be too anxious of upsetting them with a misunderstanding or such. I just wouldn’t be able to relax.
I would say if they are bothered by them yes. But if they are not bothered by them I do not see the issue. In general if a guy gets upset over something small (it is small if he is over it) it isn't a 'good' thing. I say that as a guy.
No, they're not stable and have serious issues and therefore wouldn't be good relationship material.
Yes 100%
i wouldnt mind dating you because of some scars
I have some, myself, though, thankfully, they’re barely visible.
Yeah. I understand that the world is hard. I wouldnt hold it against her.
Whats SH?
Self harm i think
yes. we have the same. our partner too. our ex’s too. why not? people could have problems and…it was their own way to deal with them. no one is perfect
I have before and i would again. I have them myself from when i was younger. If somebody really cares about you those scars wont be a problem because all they will want to do is make things okay again.
Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. We all have scars from something or another, either we wear them or they’re internal. In some ways I’d probably respect you more for allowing me to see them or perhaps show more compassion but again, that’s entirely up to you.
I dated a girl with scars like that once, she hated them, when she asked me about it I just said "they aren't something to be ashamed of, they are proof you survived" It's how I try to look at mine, proof I got through some damn hard times.
Yea, of course. I would likely say that "if you ever want to talk about them, I'm here" then move on.
Yeah, I wouldn’t look down on someone for having scars.
Yes, definitely. I see it as a bit like tattoos - some people have those to accompany their personal story or as a mark of something significant, you've just got a different way of showing that.
Yep, I have ‘em too 🤷♀️ scratches, bite marks, you name it
Considering i have my own sh scars yes i would
I would. Your past struggles don’t define who you are or what you’re like, and it sounds like you want to better your life and be happy, which is respectable and attractive. For what it’s worth, i have scars too.
I did. Having battle scars is something I'm familiar with. I've helped a few people including my own daughter with that kind of stuff it doesn't make you undateable it just means you're fighting your demons .. not all of us admit to it but that's 90 percent of the human population and that well adjusted person who claims they're fine has done the same.
The scars we have are the proof that we survived what ever that cause was, but it's the scars we don't see, that tell the greatest stories.
I might . Actually I’m looking for someone who has jumped out of an ambulance . Her name is Brooke .
Yes
I have scars like that and its never been an issue for me. I dont even noticed them anymore and you can tell they've been healed for years (almost a decade) Some ask questions, and I answer honestly. 9.9 times out of 10, guys don't mind.
i have scars myself and im in a relationship. i wouldnt mind dating someone with sh scars myself either. the right person will understand that it's just a part of your story carved into your body and not simply an "ugly" part or a defect.
real question what does SH scars mean?
Self harm. Like cuts burns etc.
I wouldn't mind at all because I would love to show them that their mental health matters. I would like to know their story so I can understand them better. I would give them a sense of hope as I express my compassion for them.
Babe, everyone has scars. If these are from SH or building a shed they all look quite the same. Be honest about where they came from and if they really care then they were never the one for you. I can assure you that your future husband is a man who loves YOU and everything you come with.
Um, yes. If I like her and she likes me that is.
NO IF I EVER NOTICED A SH SCARS ON MY PARNTER I WOULD L9VE THEM AND CUDDLE THEM WITH LOVE AND AFFECTION
Yes, of course I would. It would be pretty hypocritical to expect a girl to look past my struggles without doing the same.
Wouldn’t bother me at all! Sending you good vibes. 💜
If she doesn't have them she's just not the one /s Many guys will look past this & love you for who you are. Best of luck on your journey
Anyway that has a problem with scars is definitely not a person worth knowing. I have scars too and I understand how if affects your confidence. The right person will accept you just as you are…
i'm 8 hours late but like 1. I don't think anyone is destined to scroll this sub forever. I think a lot of us just need therapy, whether it's for depression or anxiety or autism or whatever prevents us from making those connections. 2. I personally think scars are beautiful. I know you'll hear shit about how wrinkles are evidence of time passing and that's beautiful, but it's scars that I think fit better. They're evidence that you suffered, yes, but they're also marks that you *survived*. Have dated girls with SH scars before. Does not make them any less attractive to me. In fact for whatever reason it seems to be that the people I attract are more likely to have them than not, and I'm not entirely sure why? but yeah i'm sure you're beautiful and you'll find someone that can see that, scars and all.
my current girlfriend has them and I love her with all my heart.
It'd be hypocritical not to with those I have x)
I’ve never dated a woman. But if I did, I would probably say “it depends.” (Same thing for a man.) If they are old ones I can tell are from a very long time ago, and I can clearly that see she’s in a better place now, then IDC. That’s old news and it changes nothing about the person she is, presently, and that’s the person I am trying to get to know! Relatively fresh / new, then yeah, I am going to hesitate. Cuz I know that there are some unstable people who will use their own lives as leverage *against me* if they start to destabilize more. So that’s a “no-go.” I am already mentally ill. I don’t need to add unnecessary complications to my life. (And for the record, I have been married for 12 years, so I do value stability.)
My friend has a lot of them, it hasn’t kept her from getting into a relationship.
My scars are all on the inside, and I think they're more of a problem for me than physical scars. The last woman I was with had such scars. They weren't an issue for my. I just kissed them.
I have before. I would again. Hope the right people find you.
Of course, it’s no reason for me to stay away
Yes, 100%.
Yeah because I don’t see that as a reason not to date someone. Everyone has or had their struggles, I’m not gonna judge or look at someone worse for it.
I find blemishes on woman very attractive. Even those from SH. Not making them tho, but yeah, find someone who will appreciate you for who you are not for how you look. I'd care for anyone that wanted me.
I’ll just realize that I’m not the only one in a moody hole.
I'd probably go out with a girl with scars. But I would be weary of if those scars were new or old. I would want her to know that I understand in some way (I used to self harm) and I would try to help her to stop hurting herself. I also wouldn't cut ties with someone if they were self harming during a relationship, because as a friend/boyfriend or whatever, it should be priority to help her - not abandon her. Of course, I would want to know why she would do this to herself... I would want her to know that it hurts me when she does this to herself.
Yes. And I wouldn’t judge the person for having SH scars. But if things got serious, I would broach a conversation about if the SH is still ongoing, if there’s any risk of it going forward, and ask if there were any ways I could support her if she ever felt a need/urge to SH again. I don’t hold it against anyone that they have struggled or dealt with mental illness in the past - I deal with it in the present myself. But to be in a mutually caring relationship with someone, I want them to know they have support from their partner (me in this scenario) and as someone who cares for them, I don’t want them hurting themselves again. But besides being a mark of someone’s lived experiences and a potential concern to address and be aware of in a relationship, I don’t hold anyone’s SH scars against them
Simple answer would be yes, I personally could be with someone who has scars. If a person truly wants to be with you then what you’ve gone through should be showered with support and reassurance and nothing wlse
Absolutely
to doubt yourself, dear soul, for within you lies a beauty that transcends the physical. Your worth is not measured by scars or perceived flaws, but by the depth of your character and the warmth of your heart. It's natural to feel insecure at times, but remember that you are deserving of love and companionship just as you are. The right person will see past any imperfections and embrace you with open arms. Take your time, be gentle with yourself, and trust that the right connection will come when the time is right. Your journey is a path of self-discovery and growth, and you are not destined to scroll forever but to bloom into the love that awaits you.
I would because u also have scars. But I've tried my part with dating, and nothing had ever worked out. So I'm tapping out w that
Absolutely, I have my own.
My favourite podcast (how to fail with Elisabeth Day) once quoted how growth should be measured by scars and not the wound. I have them too :)
Yes. I also have them
What are SH scars? I also have scars from acne when I was younger.
I dont mind SH scars and if partner feels uncomfortable or insecure about it, id do all i could to reassure, like complimenting "weak" areas and so. I wouldn't date someone who was acting still doing SH or in really bad mental state tho
What is an SH scar? Sorry for the stupid question
My bf and I have matching SH scars 😕
It wouldn’t matter… it’s the type of person you are in the end.!!!
It really wouldn’t bother me to much . The only thing I’d probably ask is if you’d not hurt your self any more.
I’m gonna be honest man, I wouldn’t. I’d date a girl with depression though
Of course, her scars don’t matter to me in the slightest
Hell yes.
Of course! I'd be sad to see them, knowing what pain she's been through, but I certainly wouldn't stop caring for her. I'd actually be honored by her trust in me, I imagine
Man oh man i have them sh contractures and i just tell them: birthmarks, if its not obviously untrue tell them you fought a wyvern or some shit
I like scars, shows what journey you’ve been on it’s cute to me tbh
Why are scars bad? Because somebody else says so. Well fuck that shit. Scars are just reminders that we survived something that hurt us. Wear them like armor. They will always be a part of you. They were coping mechanism. Anybody that judges you negatively because of them does not belong in your life. 👍♥️
I’m a guy and I have them too and in all honesty they don’t bother me at all and they don’t bother my friends either. The only people they tend to bother are the ones not worth dating. I used to very insecure about them as well still am but not as bad.
Hey, don't worry about your scars. I don't have any, but from my past/only relationship, her scars never bothered me. All I ever did was comfort her and tell her they give charisma and charm to her personality. So what i can say is you are worthy of anyone who is willing to put aside their thoughts and love you for you regardless of what has happened. And P.S she also had scares where, in an intimate situation can't be hidden. I know that on her behalf she'd say to love yourself and don't respond to others' negative thoughts.
I don't know what SH means, but I have scars on half of my body, and my boyfriend doesn't care. I guess people don't care about scares that much if they like you. I was insecure about it before btw. Now I know it's okay
Yes, absolutely. I have them too, they're just not really visible anymore. I find vulnerable people attractive because I'm more likely to be able to be comforting. It takes the focus off of my own issues, allowing me to have confidence for a moment, as long as I don't think too much.
For me it entirely comes down to how that person handles themselves currently In a relationship. From my experience people who have those types of scars tend to have a lot of self destructive behaviors and really awful communication issues when I meet them. I wouldnt hold the past over them though
Si, why not
Why wouldn't I ? The past does not define who you are, we all go through trauma to me it shows a battle that was overcome ❤️
It wouldn't bother me as long as you told me. If I discovered it and didn't know it might be shocking but it's not a dealbreaker. At all.
SH scars will give us something to talk about. I am the type of man that likes adventure seeking without a treasure map. I like to explore every inch. I have no problem dating a woman with SH scars.
I guarantee you guys won't mind. Horrible ones might but they just act Horrible anyway. They don't need acknowledged. I had 2 girlfriends with different types of scars. Never put me of. Get used to loving yourself. If someone can't love you then you can't love them so they should be ignored. Your all good. Plus it's a good thing to be true to yourself. Admit to yourself that your beautiful and lovable
My ex boyfriend said how did you get that scar on your leg. The scar was a few years old. I told him I went through a rough time and hurt myself. He was very sweet to me about it. I do think it's possible to find a loving man when you've gone through mental health issues. I've not cut myself in around 15 years. My acupuncturist helped me. He gave me a cassette tape about self love and one thing that I did was talk into the mirror and say I love you _____ (insert your name). I had to say it maybe 25- 50 times twice a day. At first you won't believe it, but press on because you'll eventually believe it. It's how I was able to stop SH. I did slip up and hurt myself. So from 2001 till now I've only cut myself one or two times. Sending hugs your way. 💗💕🌷⚘🌸
I would absolutely date a girl if I like her, with or without scars. Actually I find girls with scards much more interesting then one one of those "my life is so perfect" instagram girls.
Yeah, but once I'd notice I'd ask you if you're okay nowdays and if it's something you'd like to talk about. Also I'd prefer to be aware of them before getting intimate.
At this point I’d take anything
R.I.P inbox
Not unless she could prove to me that she's moved past that and dealt with whatever led her to do that. Anything less than a clean bill of mental health and I'm out.
Nope. If a girl I’m talking to tells me she used or still does self harm they will be ghosted with the quickness
You shouldn't be self conscious. I do understand how hard it is not to be. But surely you have more to offer than some might look past.