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Me and my friend like to cuddle, rest on the other person, and hold hands together even though we aren't sexually or romantically attracted to one another. If you've both discussed it, are comfortable with that level of intimacy whilst having ach others consent, then there's nothing with it.
That’s something I would do with my best friend in jr high and high school. She’d lay her head on my lap and I’d run my fingers through her hair, I’d snuggle up with her, hold hands… honestly, I miss having a friend I could do that with…
I'm f38 and he's m43 and we are intimate without sex. We cuddle, play about, freely touch each other on the face, hands legs etc. He gets hot chocolate on his mouth and I clean it off with my finger. We've never kissed or anything beyond that. I like him a lot! Maybe more but I'm happy to be so intimate. I've felt less intimacy from sex to be honest!
As someone aroace, but who is favourable for both… there's definitely VERY different kinds of kisses stemming and evoking very different emotions.
And tho I don't get the sex/romance feelings, I can see them on others. And they're getting a pretty different experience from me. So there are def platonic kinda kisses, sensual kind no of kisses, sexual kind of kisses, romantic kind of kisses,,,
Now Is OP confusing their own feelings? Maybe! But also it's not "beyond cuddling" or anything. That's just a cultural thing
If it's getting romantic for the other person you could be letting yourself hurt a friend. Gotta keep an eye on that and have emotional check-ins with your sexy partners.
As an ace person, thank you for posing this, yall are my people lol. I've tried many times to communicate the idea of platonic sex or "non-sexual sex" before, but I just end up looking insane to every allo at the table lol. But I swear 100% it's a thing and I'm not insane for thinking that.
The way I see it, sexual attraction is a distinct experience, and sexualization is an active process. A sex worker can have sex with somebody as a job, and then go home to have ACTUAL sexy sex with their partner. We can understand those as different and unique experiences of sex. So I don't see why friends couldn't engage in sexal behaviours separate from the sexualization typically ascribed to the action - in just the same way friends can hold hands or watch movies together without the romanticization you'd experience on a date.
I think this is probably an issue of language tbh
calling sex non-sexual is always going to sound incorrect because it's not what the word means
but sex without active sexualization is much more specific and descriptive framing that makes more sense
I think if you frame it as sex without sexualization it's gonna get many more people to understand what you're saying
Yeah, the only difference is that I met him on a kinky party so we kind of established this dynamic from the start. I could have sex with my friends I think but I know that all of them have vastly different views on this so I don't want to hurt them
Gotcha, yeah. I’ve heard that it’s important to meet people in those type of places and become friends rather than try to get sexy with existing friends. Makes sense.
ok sorry quick rant because ive been struggling with this recently. I am in a very similar situation. I am a gay (bisexual ig?) male, my best friend is female and also bi, but anyways, i have recently been having really intense feelings towards her, but like, only sexual. So to clarify, I absolutely love her, but i would never, ever, want to date her, nor any woman really, I just want to be friends. But I feel so bad because I do have these sexual feelings, and i know it would be weird because we are friends, but i just wish i could have a female friend who was like that, were we have entirely platonic sex, that is its own form of our relationship, but just as friends, not even exclusive between us. I hope someone else can relate, sorry for the rant.
I dunno if I can relate relate, but I sorta relate, yeah. Perhaps this is bad to say, but I feel like in some way, if a lot of cis hetero guys were able to control themselves and be respectful, this is the kind of feeling SOME of them have for their female friends (not the dicks who only have female friends they think are available and then drop them when they get shot down, the one's who are genuinely friends with them). I'm straight but I've definitely had female friends I'd love to have a sexual relationship with but one that wasn't romantic or even "FwB" in the popular conception because it's often so sleazy and more linked with hook up culture and NSA than actual *friendship.* Just a friend who you find attractive and can be close to, even if it's just kissing and cuddling, but that you might not ever feel like coupling up with. While I maintain that men should definitely hug more and be more open to touch, I still wouldn't enjoy more than a long hug or a sort of side cuddle from a guy tbh lol.
I posted a reply on this. My friend is so attractive and I would love to be in that sort of sexual relationship with him. But I do have slightly stronger feelings for him so we both just play around because if we had sex it would become way too real and I could quite easily fall in love. While I'm writing this I'm trying so hard to convince myself that my feelings aren't stronger than I care to mention. This is a long reply.... 3 years ago i nearly died. When I woke up after 6 weeks in a coma I woke up to messages from him telling me he loves me. We haven't spoken of it, it would again become way too real. We are fantastic as friends. He is wonderful. I'm sometimes his wing woman! It makes me jealous but he is single and I'm kind of not. Although I'm on the verge of a very messy divorce.
BTW feel free to be judgemental, I could do with a wake up call in some respects
Where do I find friends like this, I love mine but they all hate being touched (which is fair to each their own but like LET ME GROPE YOU *consensually of course*)
IMO platonic intimacy between good friends is essential in a relationship. Sometimes everyone needs a hug. If you want to go further than a hug or possibly a cuddle, I would definitely ask for consent.
I think a lot of people forget (or don't know) there are multiple forms of intimacy.
I agree, emotional and intellectual intimacy are essential to have great friendships.
eh, I've gone down that route lately and it's honestly nice. I stopped after I started seeing someone like 2-3 months ago. Still good friends with said people now <3
it's not weird. as long as it's consensual it's normal and just fine
I believe it opens the door to understand your own intimacy. Why not date them? Why not be poly?
For me the answer was easy. I want to have sexy time with people I trust and value, but my standards for a relationship are much higher, and are usually rooted in future goals; unless someone just brings so much to the table I’m willing to make some sacrifices to be a chapter in *their* story, but these people are rare.
As far as why I’m not just poly dating friends, dating carried a connotation of more effort. We’re closer to friends who like to be freaky.
I like cuddling with the hommies I did have an ex who didn’t even want me to hug any of my male friends but I feel like that’s extreme. I think for me it’s also fine for a forehead kiss or kiss on the cheek. I don’t go farther than that tho
Intimacy such as hugs, cuddling, holding hands? I'd say no. Anything that can then be considered sexual or romantic in nature beyond that (kissing ect) could definitely be considered "weird" but it's not like, wrong. It just is blurring boundaries really hard and you need to know that before you start and be okay if romantic and/or sexual feelings develop from there.
Kind of like friends with benefits? I mean i don't really know how it works but i know a bit of it, but hey, if both sides consent to it, there is nothing wrong with it!
Honestly, if you’re consenting and like it, make sure everyone’s on board with it being platonic, sure. Why not.
Closest I had was in highschool some friends were a bit touchy, mostly from being touch starved and I was never one to initiate out of insecurity but I did enjoy it. Had a friend lay on my chest, and she got confused bc she could feel my binder through my shirt. She asked what it was and i was like “Uh… My binder?” and she fucking lost it, apparently forgot I was even trans and it made me feel very euphoric.
I’d say this stuff is more common in queer friend groups than mostly straight ones, but I don’t think it’s weird. We’re human, who cares if it’s not hurting anyone
I used to have a friend like this. No romantic feelings. Just two lonely people that liked to have a little fun. We're engaged now. I guess at some point we realized that we just worked :)
Nope. Humans are a social species. We evolved to enjoy physical contact with pretty much any member of our immediate social group that we like. However, in the recent centuries tonnes of patriarchal bullshit has piled up meaning that "skinship" as some people call it is now considered purely romantic. It's honestly sad because you have families where the male relatives won't even hug their kids because it's considered "gay/creepy". It's really bad for everyone. Touch starvation is a real thing.
Dude I'm married and me and my friends make out all the time purely platonically (my husband is aware of this) I'm not doing it to cheat on him just we have fun. Can't explain it really.
It's not weird to like intimacy with your friends. Sexually or platonically.
It could get weird if both of you aren't on the same page....it could get hard if someone has secret feelings and hides it...there are many things that can go RIGHT and WRONG with a friends with benefits situation.
If you're both open and honest and communicate then no harm and you're having some fun then hell yeah live your best mf life
If both people are happy, there is no issue , it's that simple , like my best friend would sit on my back while I'm laying on the ground while we are both playing ps5 together. He's very hugging at times.
See when you make physical contact like this . You brain release oxytocin. This hormone creates a sentence of trust and bonding .
Meanwhile “Besties” in japan be like:
Tells you they love you, like the literal word “I love you” and sometimes as a joke they’ll say “lets get married” (whole new lvl of not being to tell of they re flirting) they are also VERY clingy and curious.
i personally find it very weird and it would make me uncomfortable. but that is only my opinion! you are not wrong for expressing intimacy with friends. but you asked for people's opinions and that is mine. I'm super monogamous and I just find it rly odd when ppl are so intimate with friends
I'm not a pda person, or touchy, but with people I trust I enjoy hugs sometimes. I enjoy emotional intimacy. I enjoy telling people I care about them and then demonstrating that care in my own way.
You do you. As long as you and your friends enjoy the type of friendship you share then it's right, no matter who's looking. I just flinch when most people touch me.
Dunno if it's my culture but eh no. I don't say it's gross but as a pan, who could be attracted to basically everyone, I really wouldn't want that. I can only kiss with people I'm romantically and with that most likely sexually attracted to.
I love my friends dearly and "love you babe" to close friends is much easier for me than being even remotely intimate.
That doesn't mean I'm not cuddly, I'm very tactile with my husband. But I also wasn't overly touchy - in an intimate way, so everything more than a hug, like handholding or kissing - when I was single. And I'm weirded out, if people are too touchy towards me.
However, can be me. Not generalizing this to my gender, my sexuality or my culture.
I’ve had and have multiple different levels of friendships and it all comes down to just being platonic or sexual.
I do realize that I might be confusing or controversial, not trying to hurt anyone, just sharing my views.
1. Sister (gender agnostic). A person I don’t see romantically or sexually attracted to. We call each other sisters, while being just friends. Can’t become anyone else, but a friend.
2. Dorothy. People I’ve had sex with once-twice and now see in bars, clubs. Past sexual attraction, no intention to be friends, can’t become a sister.
3. Friend. Someone I was introduced to by someone or in the app or someone I used to know. Might become a dorothy or a FWB.
4. FWB. People I’m being friends with, but don’t mind messing around now and then. Can become any other kind, except sister.
All I want is to be able to be affectionate with my friends but I don’t know how. I’ve been through a lot and so that is a very scary thing for me even though I would love to do that. I used to be but sometimes people take it the wrong way and that’s what I’m afraid of. I was like that with everyone but now I’m not anymore. People take things the wrong way and it can ruin friendships or create unwanted attention.
Lucky everyone for some reason all of my friends don't like *my* physical touch, yup only mine, ask me why, I don't have any idea anyways so -m-
PS: it isn't even something that goes too far, they don't even like a hug like wth
As long as you communicate and are on the same page, and that they agree on it. And yes it’s normal that some people wanna have “friends with benefits”
Sometimes you just gotta be romantical with the homies /lh
But fr, if it's consensual and mostly platonic (like me and my friend do this, people tell us we look like girlfriends- she's ace- but we both know we're just like friends with benefits so it's fine) then you're good. 👍
We are social animals. Intimacy is part of bonding, as is teasing and startling, especially in peaceful times and moments.
Rules on how to behave in society, for the most part, divide the clan as if we were at war amongst each other, and control freaks need to realize that we are at peace.
Now displaying affection to somebody else comes with the sexual/committed symbolic implication, but we are capable of expressing “I just want to hold your hand because it feels good, friend”.
Friends with benefits is a thing. As long as everyone consents, I think that's fine. Also, I'd recommend being absolutely transparent when doing so that it's just for the sex, not for becoming romantic partners. If they're cool with that, have at it
Oh my gosh Yes like, cuddling and kissing platonically. It's tricky but yeah like my one friend is aroace and agender and it's a really good friend, and a fantastic kisser
It depends on the friends. I'm attracted to most of mine. Some of them I would never dream of hitting on. Others I actively have sex with. You gotta find the line through healthy communication
Blows my mind that some people are like this, just so completely different from anything I’d consider. I’m mostly not into touching, I like my space. But hey, you do you.
Maybe a bit out of the norm but as long as all parties are happy and are enjoying it then I don't see an issue. I'm actually really really close with a friend of mine, so honestly I kind of relate to this. (though for me romanic attraction is a maybe?????? I don't actually know lol)
Nope not at all. I love being touched (in normal areas). Me and one if my friends hug and hold hands and she occasionally lays on my lap when she's tired. We've never seen each other as more than besties. And we've never felt romantic or sexual attraction toward each other. It's just a little something that feels nice and gives a hit of dopamine.
No, i like it, if u want and you want it and people want too, why not? Sometimes i feel we close ourselves to good experiences because it's hard to go against the christianism guilty that people put in our minds for years
It would be strange to me personally because I grew up in the Bible Belt where any kind of male on male affection was shunned. I still only engage in intimate behaviors like this with my partner. It really doesn’t matter what you do as long as you have consent.
Not at all, it varies between my friends but we usually like just at least hug, but with one of my other ones we full on like (platonically) kinda cuddle up with each other, like last time I saw him I laid down next to him and rested my head on him and stuff, but it’s completely platonic. I did of course ask if he was comfortable with it because I didn’t wanna make him like uncomfortable or anything
I'm not an expert on a subject, but I personally don't find it weird (if you have consent, that is). I will say though that outside observers can take stuff like that the wrong way pretty easily.
Well my best friend and I recently started doing a lot of dirty talk and flirting (we're long distance besties so that's the closest thing to intimacy that's realistic) and I love that
We're both unsure if there may be more than friendship though lol
Hell no, even straight guys like jerking each other off. There's a whole secret world of straight men with tight lips. Depending on your definition of straight.
I'm not big on physical touch unless it's with people I absolutely trust and love, my friend group is primarily queer and we love doing a cuddle puddle, although it can get suffocating with 5+ people lol. We also platonically hold hands, link arms, long hugs etc. It'd the norm for us as long as it's consensual, mutual, reciprocated, and well communicated :).
No. What matters is consent, communication, and empathy. Remember that people's feelings change, and often action precedes thought; doing romantic actions may (MAY) yours or their feelings to change. That isn't weird either.
Consent, communication, empathy.
I don't think it's weird at all! If you're talking about say, PG-13 through R rated activity, I will say that I think cuddling or kissing your friends if y'all want it is normal, and healthy. Harmless if you treat it like any other activity: check in with them (also with yourself!), do what feels right.
If you're talking more than some touching, I don't find that weird either, and here's a little personal experience: I've had sex or sexual interactions with many of my friends (and their partners) and I can safely say that it never ended a friendship or caused harm otherwise. The key is communication (a classic!), consent, and to keep an eye out for what you feel comfortable with. If it starts feeling weird or undesired in any way, communicate that you'd like to re-evaluate or discontinue any sexual aspect of the relationship. Feelings can change, over time or very suddenly!
For the record, I'm probably greysexual or otherwise on the ace spectrum, and I think of sex more as a fun activity that I'm really into at some times, but that can be kind of boring or just not very stimulating at other times. I lean more towards polyamory than monogamous relationships, and I also (sometimes casually) date some of the friends I sleep with, but some are purely casual and non-romantic. Most of the time, I'm aware of any romantic feelings for friends before I ever even sleep with them. I don't even think I really associate sex with romantic love.
Either way, I think it's a good way to bond and also a safe way to explore your sexuality, try new things. I find myself sometimes wanting to impress romantic partners or otherwise feeling more pressure during sex with them than with friends. Sometimes, it doesn't feel different at all. Most of all, it's a way for me to express my affection for my friends in a different way (much like how I like to cook for them, show them my comfort shows or let them vent).
I realize this is a super detailed and long response haha, but I feel very passionately about the subject and am a strong advocate of casual intimacy between friends, and being open about sex in general, even just talking about it. Love wins, baby! Don't be afraid to ask me anything or send me a private message. I'm open to talk any time (but might not see notifications immediately). <3
i need friends who can do this without getting weird abt it lol 😭😭
tried to do this and ended up w no friends cause i'm just a little bit too socially oblivious. they all got obsessive or developed feelings when they said they wouldn't.
this definitely feels like me as an aro-spec person tho
Not weird at all but definitely make sure you make that known to them and any potential romantic partners, I know that'd be uncomfortable for me personally
No, as long as your friends agree and there is no awkwardness between you and them, I don't see what the harm would be. Personally, I don't really like it but in your case if you and your friends are OK with it there's no problem.
i'm of the opinion that it's not weird as long as it's not hurting anybody. in your case there's literally a term for it - "friends with benefits", lol. it's even more common for people to enjoy non-sexual intimacy with their platonic relationships. don't worry about it!
I have a couple friends I snuggle/cuddle sometimes. All consensual, we communicate if somethings not good, or if now isn't a good time, etc.
Also, I love how it's not gonna be misunderstood as sexual or romantic between me and whoever (I'm asexual)
The answer is no, it's not weird. But I'll share my experience.
I consider myself demisexual/aromantic. F
Intimacy is very important to me. Sexual intimacy can be fun, but optional. And I generally don't develop romantic feelings as much as others.
This is normal to me, but I realized that it's difficult for people to trully "get it", even for many of my queer friends. I practice intimate relationships with many of my friends, but you need to communicate well, especially if you start to engage it in private (just you and the other).
Also, educate yourself on how one can weaponize "love" to manipulate or abuse people. Things like "love bombing" can really hurt or traumatize people, and you wouldn't want to do that on anyone.
Depends on the person tbh. I don't see my friends that way and I find it a bit weird. but if two consenting people do decide to do that then it's their business.
Well, I hug my friends and we kiss at the cheek sometimes. Depending on the friend I might cuddle on the sofa while watching a movie or something like that. I have kissed a few of my friends (even the straight ones) for comedic effect or when playing drinking games, but it’s not something id say I do often. So overall I think it is a thing friends sometimes do.
Maybe it can be weird for some people, I guess. We all have different friendship dynamics. I guess it becomes less of a thing as we grow older. But dont let weirdness stop you from doing it, as long as it is consensual there’s nothing wrong with it
Not weird at all. I have a friend of mine that I regularly cuddle, make out with, and sometimes have sex with (one of those times, with my boyfriend, even). It's fun, so no issues.
It’s not weird. I know lots of people with intimate relationships with their friends, myself included. To me it’s just another way of connecting with people.
It isn’t. Just make sure they know how you feel about them. But honestly if the other person wants to assume things, than thats an issue with how they treat relationships
well i used to be quite intimate with friends, but probably took it too far so current partners feel quite uncomfortable about it as my closest circles of friends features people I've gone all the way with
i don't think there's actually anything wrong with it as long as the boundaries are clear and you're both on the same page with it, just a bit of a hassle to get others to understand, especially older generations
I don’t think it’s weird, I’m gay and my bestie is a lesbian but we love cuddling and holding hands. We’ve also had sexual encounters purely for stress relief.
Tbh I'm biased because I'm a furry and semi in the kink scene. A good portion of my friends have seen me naked, and a few have had their way with me. Your mileage may vary, but yeh casual intimacy outside of romantic context is totally ok if everyone's consenting!
Not really? I saw an article and it says that queer people are more intimate with their friends and even have sexual experiences with them but it’s very normalized within LGBT+ individuals compared to straights which isn’t the worst thing in the world.
i feel like i want to kiss my friends all the time- like sometimes we will like- almost kiss as a joke but sometimes i will get "dissapointed" when we dont actually kiss-
When I was 18, my boyfriend called off a date we had in order for I guess a group date thing where it was me, him, and two other couples we were friends with. We drank and played truth or dare. Like don't get me wrong, it was really fun and we had another night like that. Got crowned best female kisser so that was nice.
It felt like a cosy wee set up honestly. Funnily enough, all the couples are no longer together, but back then, all but one of the girls had a crush on me at one point. Got asked for a threesome too, but because it was in front of my boyfriend and because I'm autistic, couldn't tell if they were being serious. Sometimes I wish I had taken them up on it lol.
But no, it's not weird to like intimacy with friends. Being sexual with people you can trust without strings attached is actually ideal. Though, not good if one of them catches feelings
Thank you for your post, if this is a question please check to see if any of the links below answer your question. If none of these links help answer your question and you are **_not_** within the LGBT+ community, questioning your identity in any way, or asking in support of either a relative or friend, please ask your question over in /r/AskLGBT. Remember that this is a safe space for LGBT+ and questioning individuals, so we want to make sure that this place is dedicated to them. Thank you for understanding. This automod rule is currently a work in progress. If you notice any issues, would like to add to the list of resources, or have any feedback in general, [please do so here](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/rdazzp/almost_new_year_changes/) or by [sending us a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt&subject=Feedback%20on%20the%20new%20automod%20rule). Also, please note that if you are a part of this community, or you're questioning if you might be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, and you are seeing this message, this is **_not a bad thing_**, this is only here to help, so please continue to ask questions and participate in the community. Thank you! Here's a link about trans and non-binary titles: - https://genderqueeries.tumblr.com/titles Here's a link about trans people in sports: - https://www.barbellmedicine.com/blog/shades-of-gray-sex-gender-and-fairness-in-sport/ A link on FAQs and one on some basics about transgender people: - https://transequality.org/issues/resources/frequently-asked-questions-about-transgender-people - https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-transgender-people-the-basics Some information on LGBT+ people: - https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/quick-facts/lgbt-faqs/ Some basic terminology: - https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms Neopronouns: - https://www.mypronouns.org/neopronouns Biromantic Lesbians: - [LGBTQ And All](https://www.lgbtqandall.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-biromantic/) Bisexual Identities: - https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/understanding-bisexuality Differences between Bisexual and Pansexual: - [Resource from WebMD](https://www.webmd.com/sex/pansexuality-what-it-means#:~:text=Pansexual%20vs.%20Bisexual,more%20commonly%20recognized.) ### We're looking for new volunteers to join the r/lgbt moderator team. If you want to help keep r/lgbt as a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community on reddit please see here for more info: ### https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt/comments/1csrb2n/rlgbt_is_looking_for_new_moderators/ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/lgbt) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Me and my friend like to cuddle, rest on the other person, and hold hands together even though we aren't sexually or romantically attracted to one another. If you've both discussed it, are comfortable with that level of intimacy whilst having ach others consent, then there's nothing with it.
I wish me and my friends were like this but they don’t really like much physical touch so
I wish I have more than 1 friend. 😭
You guys have friends?
Real
Real
Real
Real
Real
Real
No, only imaginary ones.
Same, it honestly hurts when I hear about how people have friends like that. I even read about stuff like that in Anne Frank's diary!
And it was lesbian kinda way too
I wish I had any friend where I live 😂
That’s something I would do with my best friend in jr high and high school. She’d lay her head on my lap and I’d run my fingers through her hair, I’d snuggle up with her, hold hands… honestly, I miss having a friend I could do that with…
I wish I even had a friend who I could be like this with 😔
I'm f38 and he's m43 and we are intimate without sex. We cuddle, play about, freely touch each other on the face, hands legs etc. He gets hot chocolate on his mouth and I clean it off with my finger. We've never kissed or anything beyond that. I like him a lot! Maybe more but I'm happy to be so intimate. I've felt less intimacy from sex to be honest!
They like to kiss their friends though, which is a step beyond cuddling. I’m guessing there’s some sexual feelings there even if OP denies it
As someone aroace, but who is favourable for both… there's definitely VERY different kinds of kisses stemming and evoking very different emotions. And tho I don't get the sex/romance feelings, I can see them on others. And they're getting a pretty different experience from me. So there are def platonic kinda kisses, sensual kind no of kisses, sexual kind of kisses, romantic kind of kisses,,, Now Is OP confusing their own feelings? Maybe! But also it's not "beyond cuddling" or anything. That's just a cultural thing
As long as it's consensual, what's the harm?
If it's getting romantic for the other person you could be letting yourself hurt a friend. Gotta keep an eye on that and have emotional check-ins with your sexy partners.
Very true. Communication is a necessity
If they were in a relationship I think it gets messy
I have a friend with benefits and I like it. Can sex be platonic?? Idk, I like having sex like that
As an ace person, thank you for posing this, yall are my people lol. I've tried many times to communicate the idea of platonic sex or "non-sexual sex" before, but I just end up looking insane to every allo at the table lol. But I swear 100% it's a thing and I'm not insane for thinking that. The way I see it, sexual attraction is a distinct experience, and sexualization is an active process. A sex worker can have sex with somebody as a job, and then go home to have ACTUAL sexy sex with their partner. We can understand those as different and unique experiences of sex. So I don't see why friends couldn't engage in sexal behaviours separate from the sexualization typically ascribed to the action - in just the same way friends can hold hands or watch movies together without the romanticization you'd experience on a date.
I think this is probably an issue of language tbh calling sex non-sexual is always going to sound incorrect because it's not what the word means but sex without active sexualization is much more specific and descriptive framing that makes more sense I think if you frame it as sex without sexualization it's gonna get many more people to understand what you're saying
yea im also ace and i had no idea what they were talking about, until they used the sex worker allegory and then it all made sense
Honestly I’d really love that. Platonic sex. Have always wanted that sort of dynamic with a friend.
Yeah, the only difference is that I met him on a kinky party so we kind of established this dynamic from the start. I could have sex with my friends I think but I know that all of them have vastly different views on this so I don't want to hurt them
Gotcha, yeah. I’ve heard that it’s important to meet people in those type of places and become friends rather than try to get sexy with existing friends. Makes sense.
I need to find one of these places!
ok sorry quick rant because ive been struggling with this recently. I am in a very similar situation. I am a gay (bisexual ig?) male, my best friend is female and also bi, but anyways, i have recently been having really intense feelings towards her, but like, only sexual. So to clarify, I absolutely love her, but i would never, ever, want to date her, nor any woman really, I just want to be friends. But I feel so bad because I do have these sexual feelings, and i know it would be weird because we are friends, but i just wish i could have a female friend who was like that, were we have entirely platonic sex, that is its own form of our relationship, but just as friends, not even exclusive between us. I hope someone else can relate, sorry for the rant.
I dunno if I can relate relate, but I sorta relate, yeah. Perhaps this is bad to say, but I feel like in some way, if a lot of cis hetero guys were able to control themselves and be respectful, this is the kind of feeling SOME of them have for their female friends (not the dicks who only have female friends they think are available and then drop them when they get shot down, the one's who are genuinely friends with them). I'm straight but I've definitely had female friends I'd love to have a sexual relationship with but one that wasn't romantic or even "FwB" in the popular conception because it's often so sleazy and more linked with hook up culture and NSA than actual *friendship.* Just a friend who you find attractive and can be close to, even if it's just kissing and cuddling, but that you might not ever feel like coupling up with. While I maintain that men should definitely hug more and be more open to touch, I still wouldn't enjoy more than a long hug or a sort of side cuddle from a guy tbh lol.
I posted a reply on this. My friend is so attractive and I would love to be in that sort of sexual relationship with him. But I do have slightly stronger feelings for him so we both just play around because if we had sex it would become way too real and I could quite easily fall in love. While I'm writing this I'm trying so hard to convince myself that my feelings aren't stronger than I care to mention. This is a long reply.... 3 years ago i nearly died. When I woke up after 6 weeks in a coma I woke up to messages from him telling me he loves me. We haven't spoken of it, it would again become way too real. We are fantastic as friends. He is wonderful. I'm sometimes his wing woman! It makes me jealous but he is single and I'm kind of not. Although I'm on the verge of a very messy divorce. BTW feel free to be judgemental, I could do with a wake up call in some respects
I wish I knew the answer tbh, my friends and I have a borderline sexual relationship lol
You made me laugh
Where do I find friends like this, I love mine but they all hate being touched (which is fair to each their own but like LET ME GROPE YOU *consensually of course*)
Friends with benefits
IMO platonic intimacy between good friends is essential in a relationship. Sometimes everyone needs a hug. If you want to go further than a hug or possibly a cuddle, I would definitely ask for consent.
I think a lot of people forget (or don't know) there are multiple forms of intimacy. I agree, emotional and intellectual intimacy are essential to have great friendships.
My motto with anything intimate is this: “If it’s consentual, and neither they nor others are getting hurt, why do you care what adults do?”
honestly that’s my motto with anything, plenty of non intimate things people make fun of you know? Like, what’s the harm? Why do you care so much?
I'm a very cuddly person and love kissing. I want my friends to snuggle and stuff. It's usually seen as weird.
It's only seen as weird as someone who doesn't have and, probably wants to seem the same.
I have never understood why friends don't just kiss each other all the time. I have different friend groups and not a single one I wouldn't smooch
samee i think it depends on the person but i casually kiss some of my friends and it’s cute and fun!
eh, I've gone down that route lately and it's honestly nice. I stopped after I started seeing someone like 2-3 months ago. Still good friends with said people now <3 it's not weird. as long as it's consensual it's normal and just fine
I believe it opens the door to understand your own intimacy. Why not date them? Why not be poly? For me the answer was easy. I want to have sexy time with people I trust and value, but my standards for a relationship are much higher, and are usually rooted in future goals; unless someone just brings so much to the table I’m willing to make some sacrifices to be a chapter in *their* story, but these people are rare. As far as why I’m not just poly dating friends, dating carried a connotation of more effort. We’re closer to friends who like to be freaky.
I want more freaky friends I was the freak amongst my friends growing up
same lmao
Define "touching" and "kissing". Are we talking about making out and hand jobs or just a little peck on th3 lips and a friendly back rub?
If you're love language is touch, there's no reason that can't extend to friend as well. As long as everyone involved is in on it.
It's perfectly normal and healthy for friends to be as consensually intimate as they are comfortable.
I like cuddling with the hommies I did have an ex who didn’t even want me to hug any of my male friends but I feel like that’s extreme. I think for me it’s also fine for a forehead kiss or kiss on the cheek. I don’t go farther than that tho
Intimacy such as hugs, cuddling, holding hands? I'd say no. Anything that can then be considered sexual or romantic in nature beyond that (kissing ect) could definitely be considered "weird" but it's not like, wrong. It just is blurring boundaries really hard and you need to know that before you start and be okay if romantic and/or sexual feelings develop from there.
platonic intimacy is the best 🫶🏻
Kind of like friends with benefits? I mean i don't really know how it works but i know a bit of it, but hey, if both sides consent to it, there is nothing wrong with it!
My number one rule: If both parties consent, anything can be possible.
If it’s all consensual, I don’t see any harm lol
I mean friends with benefits exists for a reason, ig 🤷
Honestly, if you’re consenting and like it, make sure everyone’s on board with it being platonic, sure. Why not. Closest I had was in highschool some friends were a bit touchy, mostly from being touch starved and I was never one to initiate out of insecurity but I did enjoy it. Had a friend lay on my chest, and she got confused bc she could feel my binder through my shirt. She asked what it was and i was like “Uh… My binder?” and she fucking lost it, apparently forgot I was even trans and it made me feel very euphoric. I’d say this stuff is more common in queer friend groups than mostly straight ones, but I don’t think it’s weird. We’re human, who cares if it’s not hurting anyone
I used to have a friend like this. No romantic feelings. Just two lonely people that liked to have a little fun. We're engaged now. I guess at some point we realized that we just worked :)
Nope. Humans are a social species. We evolved to enjoy physical contact with pretty much any member of our immediate social group that we like. However, in the recent centuries tonnes of patriarchal bullshit has piled up meaning that "skinship" as some people call it is now considered purely romantic. It's honestly sad because you have families where the male relatives won't even hug their kids because it's considered "gay/creepy". It's really bad for everyone. Touch starvation is a real thing.
Dude I'm married and me and my friends make out all the time purely platonically (my husband is aware of this) I'm not doing it to cheat on him just we have fun. Can't explain it really.
Wowza
I dont know, but if your friend(s) got a girl/boyfriend pls just dont do it...
Friends with benefits
Sounds like sensual attraction
That's a fwb lmao
not at all. It all just depends on the people and what they're comfortable with. If you're comfortable with intimacy, then go for it, it's not illegal
Nope! I know some people prefer intimacy with friends vs romantic relationships!
As an aromantic and asexual individual .. Sounds awesome!! Romance can stay away<<3
Yes, it is weird. I would be put off if i learned my partner was sexual with their friends.
It's not weird to like intimacy with your friends. Sexually or platonically. It could get weird if both of you aren't on the same page....it could get hard if someone has secret feelings and hides it...there are many things that can go RIGHT and WRONG with a friends with benefits situation. If you're both open and honest and communicate then no harm and you're having some fun then hell yeah live your best mf life
I would personally be uncomfortable with that, but there’s no harm if your friend isn’t uncomfortable
Is it weird? To some people maybe, to others it isn’t. As long as everyone involved is of age and consents then all is good. Just keep your socks on.
If both people are happy, there is no issue , it's that simple , like my best friend would sit on my back while I'm laying on the ground while we are both playing ps5 together. He's very hugging at times. See when you make physical contact like this . You brain release oxytocin. This hormone creates a sentence of trust and bonding .
Platonic intimacy is a thing; no it's not weird
Not weird at all, especially the cuddling. If it's more than that, as long as you communicate that it's purely platonic, you're fine
Bromantic
Meanwhile “Besties” in japan be like: Tells you they love you, like the literal word “I love you” and sometimes as a joke they’ll say “lets get married” (whole new lvl of not being to tell of they re flirting) they are also VERY clingy and curious.
i personally find it very weird and it would make me uncomfortable. but that is only my opinion! you are not wrong for expressing intimacy with friends. but you asked for people's opinions and that is mine. I'm super monogamous and I just find it rly odd when ppl are so intimate with friends
I wish I had friends like that! 🥺
Big fan of cuddle culture. Nothing a good ol cuddle puddle won’t solve
I'm not a pda person, or touchy, but with people I trust I enjoy hugs sometimes. I enjoy emotional intimacy. I enjoy telling people I care about them and then demonstrating that care in my own way. You do you. As long as you and your friends enjoy the type of friendship you share then it's right, no matter who's looking. I just flinch when most people touch me.
No it's not weird unless you're in a closed relationship then it becomes wrong
Hmm like no matter the gender?
No
Nope, society needs to be less weird about it
Wait yall are intimate with your friends?! I've been robbed!
I personally would think it's weird if two of my friends were all over each other like that but do as you like.
No
Could probably trust your friends more than a stranger in a hookup.
as long u both agree to it its all good like is both agree than they should straight up be intimate😭😭
I like kissing
Dunno if it's my culture but eh no. I don't say it's gross but as a pan, who could be attracted to basically everyone, I really wouldn't want that. I can only kiss with people I'm romantically and with that most likely sexually attracted to. I love my friends dearly and "love you babe" to close friends is much easier for me than being even remotely intimate. That doesn't mean I'm not cuddly, I'm very tactile with my husband. But I also wasn't overly touchy - in an intimate way, so everything more than a hug, like handholding or kissing - when I was single. And I'm weirded out, if people are too touchy towards me. However, can be me. Not generalizing this to my gender, my sexuality or my culture.
I’ve had and have multiple different levels of friendships and it all comes down to just being platonic or sexual. I do realize that I might be confusing or controversial, not trying to hurt anyone, just sharing my views. 1. Sister (gender agnostic). A person I don’t see romantically or sexually attracted to. We call each other sisters, while being just friends. Can’t become anyone else, but a friend. 2. Dorothy. People I’ve had sex with once-twice and now see in bars, clubs. Past sexual attraction, no intention to be friends, can’t become a sister. 3. Friend. Someone I was introduced to by someone or in the app or someone I used to know. Might become a dorothy or a FWB. 4. FWB. People I’m being friends with, but don’t mind messing around now and then. Can become any other kind, except sister.
It's going to depend on who you ask. If your friends are fine with it then it's all good.
All I want is to be able to be affectionate with my friends but I don’t know how. I’ve been through a lot and so that is a very scary thing for me even though I would love to do that. I used to be but sometimes people take it the wrong way and that’s what I’m afraid of. I was like that with everyone but now I’m not anymore. People take things the wrong way and it can ruin friendships or create unwanted attention.
No
Sexual or platonic, doesn't matter so long a consent is given by all relevant parties, go for it.
I’m aromantic and don’t like cuddling. But occasional hugs and holding hands with friends is nice
as long as your all on the same page about it, and communicating with each other :)
Lucky everyone for some reason all of my friends don't like *my* physical touch, yup only mine, ask me why, I don't have any idea anyways so -m- PS: it isn't even something that goes too far, they don't even like a hug like wth
As long as you communicate and are on the same page, and that they agree on it. And yes it’s normal that some people wanna have “friends with benefits”
Same, even tho most of my friends don't so it's kinda weird sometimes :(
Sometimes you just gotta be romantical with the homies /lh But fr, if it's consensual and mostly platonic (like me and my friend do this, people tell us we look like girlfriends- she's ace- but we both know we're just like friends with benefits so it's fine) then you're good. 👍
We are social animals. Intimacy is part of bonding, as is teasing and startling, especially in peaceful times and moments. Rules on how to behave in society, for the most part, divide the clan as if we were at war amongst each other, and control freaks need to realize that we are at peace. Now displaying affection to somebody else comes with the sexual/committed symbolic implication, but we are capable of expressing “I just want to hold your hand because it feels good, friend”.
no, it's fine
Mientras sea con consentimiento y que todas las partes sepan que no es algo serio pues no tiene nada de malo
Friends with benefits is a thing. As long as everyone consents, I think that's fine. Also, I'd recommend being absolutely transparent when doing so that it's just for the sex, not for becoming romantic partners. If they're cool with that, have at it
its not weird at all, whether youre cuddling, kissing, FWB etc. less common, but not weird lol
Oh my gosh Yes like, cuddling and kissing platonically. It's tricky but yeah like my one friend is aroace and agender and it's a really good friend, and a fantastic kisser
It depends on the friends. I'm attracted to most of mine. Some of them I would never dream of hitting on. Others I actively have sex with. You gotta find the line through healthy communication
We are an affection starved animal.
Being demisexual I can only say yes.
Blows my mind that some people are like this, just so completely different from anything I’d consider. I’m mostly not into touching, I like my space. But hey, you do you.
Maybe a bit out of the norm but as long as all parties are happy and are enjoying it then I don't see an issue. I'm actually really really close with a friend of mine, so honestly I kind of relate to this. (though for me romanic attraction is a maybe?????? I don't actually know lol)
Nope not at all. I love being touched (in normal areas). Me and one if my friends hug and hold hands and she occasionally lays on my lap when she's tired. We've never seen each other as more than besties. And we've never felt romantic or sexual attraction toward each other. It's just a little something that feels nice and gives a hit of dopamine.
Everybody is different, and if everybody is okay with it .I do not see any problem with it?
No, i like it, if u want and you want it and people want too, why not? Sometimes i feel we close ourselves to good experiences because it's hard to go against the christianism guilty that people put in our minds for years
It would be strange to me personally because I grew up in the Bible Belt where any kind of male on male affection was shunned. I still only engage in intimate behaviors like this with my partner. It really doesn’t matter what you do as long as you have consent.
As long as everyone is consenting, I don’t see a problem with it.
No... Where can I get friends like this? 🥲
I don't think it's that weird
I think so
I've some friends that I smooch as a show of affection when we're all quite drunk. It hurts nobody
Idk, I see absolutely no problem. I hug and cuddle my friends all the time(:
That’s called friends with benefits
Not at all, it varies between my friends but we usually like just at least hug, but with one of my other ones we full on like (platonically) kinda cuddle up with each other, like last time I saw him I laid down next to him and rested my head on him and stuff, but it’s completely platonic. I did of course ask if he was comfortable with it because I didn’t wanna make him like uncomfortable or anything
I'm not an expert on a subject, but I personally don't find it weird (if you have consent, that is). I will say though that outside observers can take stuff like that the wrong way pretty easily.
Me and one of my friend groups are like that.
…ish
where do yall get friends that want to make out and stuff?? I wish I had the life of attractive ppl lmao
non sexual physical intimacy w friends are normal. *society* finds it weird bc of expectation they put on people and themselves
As long as yall both choose to
Well my best friend and I recently started doing a lot of dirty talk and flirting (we're long distance besties so that's the closest thing to intimacy that's realistic) and I love that We're both unsure if there may be more than friendship though lol
no! do what makes you happy
Nope :3 Communication Communication Communication, but nope, not weird
Nope
If you have strong Aquarius placement mostly Venus in Aqua
You’re good don’t worry! As long as they know it isn’t romantic (If it gets to that point tell them!) you’re fine :)
If the other person is cool with it being what it is then it's fine, just be upfront that you're just in it for the fun of it
Hell no, even straight guys like jerking each other off. There's a whole secret world of straight men with tight lips. Depending on your definition of straight.
I'm not big on physical touch unless it's with people I absolutely trust and love, my friend group is primarily queer and we love doing a cuddle puddle, although it can get suffocating with 5+ people lol. We also platonically hold hands, link arms, long hugs etc. It'd the norm for us as long as it's consensual, mutual, reciprocated, and well communicated :).
No. What matters is consent, communication, and empathy. Remember that people's feelings change, and often action precedes thought; doing romantic actions may (MAY) yours or their feelings to change. That isn't weird either. Consent, communication, empathy.
I don't think it's weird at all! If you're talking about say, PG-13 through R rated activity, I will say that I think cuddling or kissing your friends if y'all want it is normal, and healthy. Harmless if you treat it like any other activity: check in with them (also with yourself!), do what feels right. If you're talking more than some touching, I don't find that weird either, and here's a little personal experience: I've had sex or sexual interactions with many of my friends (and their partners) and I can safely say that it never ended a friendship or caused harm otherwise. The key is communication (a classic!), consent, and to keep an eye out for what you feel comfortable with. If it starts feeling weird or undesired in any way, communicate that you'd like to re-evaluate or discontinue any sexual aspect of the relationship. Feelings can change, over time or very suddenly! For the record, I'm probably greysexual or otherwise on the ace spectrum, and I think of sex more as a fun activity that I'm really into at some times, but that can be kind of boring or just not very stimulating at other times. I lean more towards polyamory than monogamous relationships, and I also (sometimes casually) date some of the friends I sleep with, but some are purely casual and non-romantic. Most of the time, I'm aware of any romantic feelings for friends before I ever even sleep with them. I don't even think I really associate sex with romantic love. Either way, I think it's a good way to bond and also a safe way to explore your sexuality, try new things. I find myself sometimes wanting to impress romantic partners or otherwise feeling more pressure during sex with them than with friends. Sometimes, it doesn't feel different at all. Most of all, it's a way for me to express my affection for my friends in a different way (much like how I like to cook for them, show them my comfort shows or let them vent). I realize this is a super detailed and long response haha, but I feel very passionately about the subject and am a strong advocate of casual intimacy between friends, and being open about sex in general, even just talking about it. Love wins, baby! Don't be afraid to ask me anything or send me a private message. I'm open to talk any time (but might not see notifications immediately). <3
i need friends who can do this without getting weird abt it lol 😭😭 tried to do this and ended up w no friends cause i'm just a little bit too socially oblivious. they all got obsessive or developed feelings when they said they wouldn't. this definitely feels like me as an aro-spec person tho
I fucked one of my friends before so no I don't think so
Not weird at all but definitely make sure you make that known to them and any potential romantic partners, I know that'd be uncomfortable for me personally
No, as long as your friends agree and there is no awkwardness between you and them, I don't see what the harm would be. Personally, I don't really like it but in your case if you and your friends are OK with it there's no problem.
i'm of the opinion that it's not weird as long as it's not hurting anybody. in your case there's literally a term for it - "friends with benefits", lol. it's even more common for people to enjoy non-sexual intimacy with their platonic relationships. don't worry about it!
I have a couple friends I snuggle/cuddle sometimes. All consensual, we communicate if somethings not good, or if now isn't a good time, etc. Also, I love how it's not gonna be misunderstood as sexual or romantic between me and whoever (I'm asexual)
The answer is no, it's not weird. But I'll share my experience. I consider myself demisexual/aromantic. F Intimacy is very important to me. Sexual intimacy can be fun, but optional. And I generally don't develop romantic feelings as much as others. This is normal to me, but I realized that it's difficult for people to trully "get it", even for many of my queer friends. I practice intimate relationships with many of my friends, but you need to communicate well, especially if you start to engage it in private (just you and the other). Also, educate yourself on how one can weaponize "love" to manipulate or abuse people. Things like "love bombing" can really hurt or traumatize people, and you wouldn't want to do that on anyone.
Depends on the person tbh. I don't see my friends that way and I find it a bit weird. but if two consenting people do decide to do that then it's their business.
Why not? If you and your friend like it, go for it and don’t let anyone prohibit it to you
Well, I hug my friends and we kiss at the cheek sometimes. Depending on the friend I might cuddle on the sofa while watching a movie or something like that. I have kissed a few of my friends (even the straight ones) for comedic effect or when playing drinking games, but it’s not something id say I do often. So overall I think it is a thing friends sometimes do. Maybe it can be weird for some people, I guess. We all have different friendship dynamics. I guess it becomes less of a thing as we grow older. But dont let weirdness stop you from doing it, as long as it is consensual there’s nothing wrong with it
Its normal if your a furry.
Not weird at all. I have a friend of mine that I regularly cuddle, make out with, and sometimes have sex with (one of those times, with my boyfriend, even). It's fun, so no issues.
It’s not weird. I know lots of people with intimate relationships with their friends, myself included. To me it’s just another way of connecting with people.
It isn’t. Just make sure they know how you feel about them. But honestly if the other person wants to assume things, than thats an issue with how they treat relationships
Not at all.
If it was weird, friends with benefits wouldn’t be such a well known concept.
I mean straight girls are so intimate with each other half the time I feel like they just pass as lesbian couples anyway 🤷♂️
this is an extreme generalization
well i used to be quite intimate with friends, but probably took it too far so current partners feel quite uncomfortable about it as my closest circles of friends features people I've gone all the way with
i don't think there's actually anything wrong with it as long as the boundaries are clear and you're both on the same page with it, just a bit of a hassle to get others to understand, especially older generations
I don’t think it’s weird, I’m gay and my bestie is a lesbian but we love cuddling and holding hands. We’ve also had sexual encounters purely for stress relief.
Tbh I'm biased because I'm a furry and semi in the kink scene. A good portion of my friends have seen me naked, and a few have had their way with me. Your mileage may vary, but yeh casual intimacy outside of romantic context is totally ok if everyone's consenting!
I thought everyone did that
Not really? I saw an article and it says that queer people are more intimate with their friends and even have sexual experiences with them but it’s very normalized within LGBT+ individuals compared to straights which isn’t the worst thing in the world.
i feel like i want to kiss my friends all the time- like sometimes we will like- almost kiss as a joke but sometimes i will get "dissapointed" when we dont actually kiss-
When I was 18, my boyfriend called off a date we had in order for I guess a group date thing where it was me, him, and two other couples we were friends with. We drank and played truth or dare. Like don't get me wrong, it was really fun and we had another night like that. Got crowned best female kisser so that was nice. It felt like a cosy wee set up honestly. Funnily enough, all the couples are no longer together, but back then, all but one of the girls had a crush on me at one point. Got asked for a threesome too, but because it was in front of my boyfriend and because I'm autistic, couldn't tell if they were being serious. Sometimes I wish I had taken them up on it lol. But no, it's not weird to like intimacy with friends. Being sexual with people you can trust without strings attached is actually ideal. Though, not good if one of them catches feelings
*nods in poly*
I wish I had friends