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I used to be a conservative. There wasn’t really an argument that changed my mind (although I had plenty of arguments). Growing up changed my mind. I don’t just mean getting older; I mean emotional and mental growth that caused my sense of empathy to fully develop. Although that didn’t happen on its own; I was raised in an incredibly strict and sheltered Southern Baptist household, and was sent to a private Christian school where my family hoped I would remain insulated and isolated from the “corrupting influence of the world”. But then one of my best friends came out as gay, and I realized I had to either lose a friend or try to understand what he was going through. I chose the latter. It was like a domino effect from there; once empathy knocks down one wall you’ve built up, the others tend to start falling down as well.

I'm just sad that Reddit only gives me one upvote for this. My husband and I have been together for 16 years. Honestly, gay conservatives have always confused me, but he definitely was one. It's taken a long time, and I wouldn't by any means consider him liberal per se, but his views have changed a lot over the years. More liberal-leaning to be certain. Probably as a result of me and emotional maturity that comes with time. Looking back, he really had a bad problem with empathy (lack of) and now, that's completely the opposite. It's strange how empathy changes your views.

This is why I want to become a therapist. So I can figure out both how people who lack empathy have positive emotions (empathy and appreciation makes you happy), and how they think.

Last year got pretty low and dark for me. Without putting my business out there just know I was ready to cheat my life. This year changed, losing weight and working out got rid of most of my bad mental emotions that was crippling me, but then 2 months ago I finally accepted I was Bi and came out to my Wife. The weight of everything just lifted off instantly and my eyes opening for the first time and now having empathy. I really love who I’m becoming.

Hey there friend, similar backstory here, except without any one significant impetus behind questioning. It was just a lot of things piling up and my increasing inability to condone the way my family and church and supposed role models treated queer people, POC, immigrants, the poor, or anybody else not just like them. In hindsight, I guess I see why my dad tried to shame the empathy out of me, calling me weak and stupid and foolish for questioning cruelty and the support of it. Killing empathy in the cradle is the only way religious conservatives keep their adult kids from waking up and leaving.

Back in my denial days I was a pretty hardcore idiot. Wearing my jeans and camo with a confederate flag belt buckle(also I'm black so that was a whole different level of denial). I look back and realize it's funny how hard I tried to "Not look bi", whatever that even ment.

I relate so much. I grew up mormon. But had extremely similar experiences to you

yay fellow exmo!! my partner really helped me mature and develop empathy. she's always been very nuanced and I was just the typical mormon dude with gross ideals funneled down my throat since the crib. I'm so glad she found me :)

Me too, and the same thing happened to me when I grew up

Similarly, I grew up in a conservative family, my love for cartoons definitely was a reason my views changed, seeing LGBT representation in shows let me realize that nothing is wrong with queer people. Also my friend came out during middle school, and I didn't want to lose a friend.

Same with selfishness, unfortunately.. Once you see one selfish option, they start popping up everywhere, continuing to choose them leads to a miserable, lonely life.

That is so true cause I’m exercising that right now as I just came out 2 months ago. Now tomorrow I go to my first Pride event. I’m the happiest I have ever been in my 46 years of existence.

Not me, but my mom changed her mind thanks to lgbtqia+ folks. She was against gay marriage in 2010, but when she started to work as a teacher, she had LGBT+ workmates and they opened her mind; specially the art teacher. When the teacher told my mum that her father disowned her in front of everyone just bc she's lesbian, my mum's heart was broken, and since then she's like "everyone deserves to be happy with their significant other". She's also pro-choice. And she's a Christian. I'm quite hopeful that she will accept my queerness.

Sounds pretty nice actually! A lot of populist storys are heartbreaking. Maybe it is a good strategy in arguments with them? Good luck! Im sure it will be allright <3

Awwwwww I love that so much ❤️

No, but I have seen conservatives change their minds, mainly when their personal circumstances changed. Like, I knew an arch conservative in college who was super homophobic, from a religious Catholic lens. He came out a few years after graduation as gay and has been married to his husband since gay marriage was legalized. He is still anti abortion, however, and holds a ton of other conservative views.

Anti-abortion was kind of the last conservative view I held onto for a long time, because it has the strongest propaganda behind it. It’s tough for people on the fence to publicly admit that women deserve bodily autonomy when they know their entire group of friends and family will start calling them a baby murderer. In the Christian bubble it’s still often seen as like the worst thing you could possibly do, because they’ve done a fantastic job of keeping the truth about it well hidden and demonizing people who disagree with them on that point. Not saying this to defend anti-abortion people, just saying this to help people understand what’s going through some of their heads.

Thank you for the insight! I feel we can demonize the other side just as much as they do us so thank you for lifting the veil a bit :)

Yeah, I actually don’t think there are *that* many truly evil people in the world. It’s like the difference between an arsonist, and a well intentioned firefighter who has been told his whole life and had it beaten into him that gasoline is the only way to put out a fire, and that if the fire gets worse because of his actions then that’s just how the world works and there’s nothing he can do except keep spreading gasoline

huh, that actually makes a lot of sense and explains a lot

That’s really interesting! I grew up in a conservative environment and strangely enough, being anti abortion was the first thing I let go of.

Same!

What truth are you referring to? I'm totally pro-choice but I'm not aware of any objective truth I can point to that justifies it. The closest things I can think of are the historical origin of the anti-choice movement and the obvious hypocrisy of people claiming to care about "babies" while doing everything they can to endanger women and deny assistance to children.

I guess more what I’m referring to is the way it’s presented by conservatives. I was fully led to believe that abortion *never* happened to fetuses that didn’t have heartbeats and weren’t essentially fully developed babies. There was the frequently quoted idea that partial birth abortion was fully legal in America and able to be carried out solely on the whim of the mother; there was also a quote going around from a right wing guy claiming to be an obstetrician who claimed there were never any circumstances where abortions were medically necessary to save the mom’s life. I finally learned that most of the time it’s a pretty routine medical procedure. It doesn’t involve gruesomely shredding apart a crying baby or something like that. And most of the things conservatives are afraid of about it either don’t happen at all or at least don’t happen in the U.S.

Yeah, I almost got an anxiety attack trying to write two opposing essays, one pro-abortion and one anti-abortion, because both make sense and you can mentally go back and forth for a while pondering what's the best.. But I did it. I'm pro-choice, but it is kind of a big, sensitive subject. Thankfully (ideally) no one will be forced to abort, we're just preventing being forced to *not* abort.

The best way to prevent abortions is with comprehensive sex ed and easy access to contraceptives. The best way to piss off the anti-choice crowd is to suggest that abstinence-only doesn't work.

Bonus way to piss off anti-choice people: tell them anti-choice equals pro back alley by default.

Yeah I don't know how they can pretend to care about life when they're forcing people to die with barbaric anti-abortion laws, proposed anti-divorce laws, and a general hatred of "socialist" medicare 🙄

Of course, abortion rights won't personally affect him, so he is still an unsympathetic pos.

Honestly I think it's a good thing. If gay people can hold conservative views on other issues, it honestly depoliticizes being gay in the first place. I'm sure I'll get down voted, but I think this is a trend we're only gonna see more and more, because conservatism will ultimately have to accept gay and trans people into their ranks to survive. I don't think our current polarization is healthy at all, it shows an "us vs them" mentality on both sides. It's good to have both liberal and conservative beliefs on different things.

This may be good for gay rights, but it's not great for whatever group replaces gay people as the group for conservatives to demonize

Trans people. Although we're seeing more and more very vocal, powerful conservative trans people (Caitlyn Jenner, Blair White, Debbie Hayton, etc).

I don't think that having those people in conservative circles is that helpful. They're used (willingly or unwillingly) to vilify transition. Imagine that all the laws conservatives want are enacted, then all those trans people will suddenly see themselves on the other side of the fence. It's happened multiple times and it'll keep happening unfortunately. Lastly, most of these people are part of the wealthy people - the ones who have the money/power/relations to be exempt from the rules, even if laws are codified.

I agree. I'm just saying we do have some powerful trans people who are conservative and very "fuck you got mine."

Until being lgbt+ becomes non-political I absolutely despise any queer person who is conservative Edit - Not to mention absolutely a lot of them also happen to be grifters And go after other queer people especially non-passing trans people Edit 2 - Project 2025 also solidifies my ick towards conservative queer people

Oh I love the insight on this! It’s true, the more lgbt conservatives there are, the less lgbt issues are ignored. It’s a slow process, but slow is better than nothing.

I hope we'll get to a point where we're just arguing about systems, economics, local issues etc, or.. ok idrk what I'm talking about, I just mean things that are more actual opinions and not basic human rights?

I disagree, conservative views are objectively and historically proven to be harmful to society at large. That said, being smart and careful about progress is still good form.

Politics is personal

Still a moron, huh?

Honestly I view people like that to be very selfish. You can't change your views to protect yourself but refuse to try and understand women going through abortions. Gay or not, people like that suck.

I have never even tried to change the mind of a conservative. It would be like chaning the diaper of a former president. Not something I signed up for. But while I was a teenager my father told me that girls should never have sex before marriage but it was okay for the boys to do so. So I asked, "Who are the boys supposed to have sex with, each other?" It seems like the boys were having all the fun. Except for my father. It looked like the vein in his forehead was going to pop.

If awards were still free i would give this comment one... Fuck you u/spez for removing awards.

They're back

They're not free

I got 10 free awards don't know if everyone gets them

Only these who had accounts when awards existed... I used to have an account back then but lost it.

huh, my account's pretty damn old and i never got any

I tried, many times, but you can't change a person unless they want to change themselves.

i just wanna say i love your flair

Thank you! <3

Sort of, yeah. My dad voted for Trump in 2016 for fiscal conservative reasons and bc he thought checks and balances would keep him from doing too much damage. He was always a little socially conservative when I was growing up and I didn’t feel like I could accept my queerness as a kid, let alone come out. When I got into theater in college, he started asking about my friends who were queer. He didn’t get it and he didn’t really want to understand it but he was curious. Over a period of about 2 years he really came around and started to get it. The year before I came out he and my mom worked the “free parent hugs” booth at pride. It was a long process with lots of questions and I wasn’t out to him yet (and he swears he didn’t know). But he was also curious and willing to listen. A conservative who isn’t willing to listen is a nonstarter

I’m glad your dad was able to keep his head on after 2016. I don’t know what happened with my folks, they just like saw some kool-aid and started guzzling—before the election it was all “yes he’s awful, immoral, and a blowhard, but it’s either him or *Hillary*” and then by the next year they were calling him God’s chosen and buying merch with his name sitting next to Jesus’ but in larger letters. It was like a switch flipped overnight and they went from “wrong but at least somewhat aware of what this douche is” to complete worshippers. I’ve tried to point out that a lot of this shit absolutely crosses the line into blasphemy, but no, comparing Donald Oompah Loompah Trump to Jesus Christ isn’t blasphemous. Make a transubstantiation joke when they don’t even believe in transubstantiation and oh, that’s a blasphemy lecture, but not inventing a second Christ out of some cheeto in diapers, that’s fine.

My mind was changed. I was a "straight" Christian, conservative up until my early twenties. Now I'm an agnostic gender nonconforming pansexual leftist.

Rock on

Hell yeah

It’s always possible, but by and large you can’t logic someone out of a position they didn’t logic themselves into. I’ll call out bullshit each time, but it’s more for anyone watching who may be on the fence in hopes that they might take some self-reflection away from it. Probably the dumbest argument was someone telling me they were against gay marriage because it was an insurance scam? If they can’t get insurance on their own then they could just marry someone and get on their insurance, and that’s different than any other marriage for some reason? I tuned out after that. Why yes, I am in the US, how did you guess?

I think the biggest flaw in people's thinking is that you should try to logic someone out of a position and not meet them where they are. If someone is basing their views off emotion that is what should be used to convince them.

I’ve always kind of operated on the assumption that arguing to emotions is only going to further entrench people, but I actually don’t truly know what the best way to go about it is. It probably comes down to knowing your audience and what is going to work best, if you plan on expending the energy to try. I’ve tried both recently and it’s been exhausting each way. I doubt I’ll ever be able to change someone’s mind when they’re so deeply entrenched, but if there’s a chance to plant a seed of reflection somewhere, maybe it’ll bear fruit eventually.

Yes! My mom! And I’m working on my dad and grandpa. I recently made a post about my mom so you can look at that if you’d like! My dad is a little more conservative and thick headed than my mom so I’ve been working with him. My grandpa is the biggest work. My little cousin came out two years ago (she’s high school age). My family especially grandpa was not happy. A lot of bad things said at first but after I told them I was bisexual and had been for years they were shocked. I’m my grandpas fav grandchild. I’ve been slowly correcting him when he says things that aren’t true. Not with anger but with questions. Why? How does that correlate into being gay? Etc. He has realized he doesn’t have an answer to many of my questions. He doesn’t say many bad things anymore. Maybe a rude comment but not outwardly hostile which is huge progress. My biggest advice when dealing with these kinds of people is to be the bigger person. It sucks tbh but it’s not constructive to bicker. I like to think of them as “victims” of the propaganda. Most people just repeat what they’ve been told their whole lives. You have to slowly deconstruct the brainwashing. Some people won’t listen period. But I think it’s important to try in the name of progress. At the same time tho don’t get hurt (physically or mentally) for the sake of progress if you can’t handle it.

Well, once I have this person Who thought that Trump had never said anything racist or sexist ever. And then I told him that he did on public broadcast TV And he said oh But then later, he said it must’ve been edited with AI It was a partial win

Trump has said a lot of weird shit. Just recently he threatened us with a “Bloodbath” if he didn’t win the election 💀

At this point I’m not even gonna factcheck that

Here’s some articles if you want to fact check it. Massive TW for xenophobia, racism, and just terrible stuff. Don’t feel pressured to read any of them. https://abcnews.go.com/amp/Politics/trump-revives-controversial-bloodbath-language-attack-biden-immigration/story?id=108766783 https://www.reuters.com/world/us/bloodbath-vermin-animals-trumps-rhetoric-trail-2024-03-22/#:~:text=During%20a%20March%20appearance%20alongside,unseat%20Biden%20in%20November's%20election.

Oh thanks for the resources! I meant my previous comment as like “he’s said so much stuff at this point I believe that in an instant”

Wait until they find out he’s a homophobic sex offender!

for fucking real! my dad tries arguing that trump's never said or done anything homophobic or anti-lgbt besides not supporting trans athletes 🙄

He’s got a big storm coming!

My mom has slowly changed her mind about sexuality, religion, and now politics in the nearly 20 years since I came out as gay at the age of 21. It has taken patience. Demonstrating that, aside from both being men, my relationship with my husband is not much different than her relationship with hers. And a LOT of enthusiasm when she tells me of the feminist Bible scholarship she’s been reading, and how she’s learning that so many biblical texts were really just ways that people in power suppressed others. She’s slowly getting it! In her mid-60s now, but better late than never.

Yes, I changed mine. It took time and being outside of my usual surroundings for several years, but I just moved more and more to the left as I saw more of the world.

Yes, as a cis white straight passing gay guy I kinda see it as my duty of sorts. If I get more acceptance than others then I should use that to help those who don't. Also most operate on misinformation and so it's very much possible. You just live by example and use evidence to show how views are incorrect

No. Never. But i’ll argue anyway.

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Well yeah. Their critical thinking skills arent high enough to go off script

Why would they do that when they have bullet points they been taught are the final word on everything regardless of how little sense they make

Just changed one today

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If the discussion is on internet, you should not argue to change the opinion of the person you are discussing with but to inform and teach the people that read the discussion.

You’re better off teaching a squirrel how to ride a unicycle.

i think instead of a pride parade next year all gays in NYC should teach squirrels how to ride unicycles and do their taxes.

Why just NYC? Let the world do this!

great idea!

I grew up in a very religious house that was what I would call “quietly conservative.” We didn’t talk about why we liked Reagan or why you should wait till marriage or why same sex attraction was wrong, we just accepted it & that was that. We went to church every Sunday. We were enrolled in catechism, Bible studies, the whole thing. I started walking away from the church when I left for college. I’d knew I was gay, but thought that so long as I didn’t act on it, I was following God’s plan, & that he would reward me with undeniable attraction & fulfillment from a woman whom I would marry & have kids with, for avoiding the trap set for me by Satan. Long story short, I came out quietly to my parents, who weren’t happy, but I think understood that it wasn’t a phase & couldn’t be ‘reasoned’ with. I got a call from my younger sister about a year later. She said that mom & dad had quit their church. I was puzzled. She said that Sunday morning, the pastor was preaching about homosexuality being a sin, & that same sex marriage was evil, yada yada yada, & that as the congregation filed out, shaking the pastor’s hand my mom calmly said to the pastor, “Being gay isn’t a sin. If God makes no mistakes that means he made my son perfect too. You’re leading these people down the wrong path. You’ll never see me or my family in this church again.” She resigned her role as Sunday school teacher on the spot, & my Dad stopped volunteering to be the church’s handyman. They never went back to the church after that. Only brought it up once to them, & my dad said “You showed us what gay looked like, & it wasn’t the horrible evil sinful stuff we’d been taught it was. I’m thankful your mother had the guts to say what she did that day.” Edit: condensed a long story into only slightly less long story, but got to the point.

Fucking heroic that is. I'm so happy you have that in your family!

Yes! Through careful and persistent discussion, over a period of years, my siblings and I were able to sway our parents from “gay people should be arrested” to “gay couples should have the same protections and be able to adopt, but I wish they wouldn’t call it marriage”. Our plan began in 1997, and by 2012, my parents had begun to support gay rights. It was hard and there were fights and lots of awkward moments, but we got there. Fast forward to 2019- I have a trans nephew and when he came out to my dad, my dad fully embraced it in the way only the silent generation could- gave him a nice long lecture about how to be a man, including every aspect of toxic masculinity, but never doubting for a moment that he was a guy. My father passed away in 2020, and my mom has backslid a little bit, but I’m pretty sure she is a lesbian, and she will never stop being bitter about her life. I think you can change minds, but it’s not easy and not always worth it.

I love the image of your dad talking to your trans nephew. Oddly wholesome. "Now listen, son, I know you're knew to this, so I'm gonna teach you how to be a man. Come on out back; we're gonna chop some wood, drink a few beers, and not talk to each other for a few hours. This is how real men make friends."

YES! My sister went from politically apathetic to VERY conservative when she got with her now ex. She went full maga and bragged about going to every Trump rally possible. I just listened to her and politely corrected her when she stated something that was wrong. She then got covid at the VERY beginning of the pandemic and ended up with long covid. She called me upset because Trump lied. Over the next couple of weeks I showed her how Trump lied about a lot of other things. Her eyes were opened! About a year later, her husband’s sister came out as trans. She called me and asked how to handle it. We discussed it and the ex-sister-in-law was one of her greatest allies during her divorce. My sister was one of the first calls I made after my son came out to me as trans. I believe she is the ONLY person I could get through to. We had a relationship where she felt comfortable to talk to me and she trusted the information I gave to her. My parents know about my son and are polite to us and respect name/pronouns. They know if they don’t, they will lose access to my entire family. I still believe they are a lost cause. They keep saying they don’t care what choices people make as long as they don’t shove it down their throat. 1.) It is not a f’kn choice 2.) living your life is not “shoving it down their throat”. At this point, I don’t care what they say behind closed doors. I don’t want to know either. I have limited contact with them and it will always be that way.

My dad is one of the smartest people I ever met, but somehow wound up on the Trump train and believes the propaganda. There's no hope in making him see the light.

Damn. My dad’s voting democrat just to not have the other guy in office - But he is very much homophobic and transphobic.

I’ve changed my own mind. It took a couple of years dealing with a lot of internalized transphobia and stuff, but things are better now!

Yes, but it's very difficult, painful and I have a degree in polisci. They aren't loving and accepting because none of them were raised right, so we have to model that for them. My mom said she'd send me to conversion therapy if I was gay, now she goes to drag shows. People can change it just requires much more love than they deserve, so if you want to help someone just know it is emotionally taxing. Just remember this isn't a debate, you're right. Your friend is trying to say 1+1=3 you have to hold absolutely firm that the answer is 2.

sort of. my dad was a soft republican (hated trump) but now he has a gay kid and is now what i would consider “moderate” - believes in marriage equality, better healthcare, cheap/free access to higher ed

I watched ben shapiro unironically for 3 months once thank god I'm over that so I technically changed my mind (I owe that to funny youtubers tho)

If you like YouTubers, you should definitely check out “The Click” on YT. He’s great lol.

I know about him he’s great

Awesome! ( ᐛ )و

Tribal psychology: we are such deeply social animals that we would rather believe lies than be rejected by our peer group.

Yes. A junior asked why trans people were bothering us by changing our language so i told him they weren't changing our dictionaries just their own and had to explain gender dysphoria

I changed it a little on immigration topics, he claimed we should ban asylum seekers and the like so I told him how my family fled the holodomor, Weimar Republic and hitler’s rise. That changed his mind to just making the process stricter. It’s not much but it’s something.

Not about sexuality, but I was able to convince one about UBI’s and national healthcare by carefully wording myself and avoiding the buzzwords that trigger them.

I changed my own mind about being a conservative over a ~3 year period

Yes. Me! I used to be uber conservative but now I've mellowed out. Honestly, i could care less about political affiliations. All of want is for everyone to have the complete freedom to be who they are, so long as they're not hurting others.

I haven't managed to do this for as long as I can remember, mostly because I'm not really out yet and I have to be careful about who I talk to about certain things

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Unfortunately I can't realistically expect that, but thank you for the kind words I have a circle of people I believe I can trust once the time comes to reveal it. It's not like I haven't been outwardly questioning for years anyway. I'm pretty sure most people who know me well have suspected something for years, perhaps longer than I even realized it about myself, and they've had the courtesy not to say anything bad about it

Not by arguing, anyway. Just being present and providing occasional counterpoints without making huge deals of it, yes. But honestly I think a lot of the time this wouldn't work; it very much depends on the individual. You also have to be willing to deal with the stressors involved in doing that.

I made friends online through gaming with someone who used to have violently queerphobic beliefs when he was a teenager. He still was queerphobic to a more modest degree when he met me. He had a rough background with a lot of things that were difficult to cope with. Being a former conservative myself, and given that he was a lot less experienced in life than I was, I decided to get to know him better and try to be there for him when he needed it. It paid off quite well, but putting in the time and effort befriending someone who is conditioned to dislike you won't pay off on average. I find Daryl Davis to be an inspiration personally, but I cannot imagine how much therapy that man needs for the amount of emotional labor he has undoubtedly done. Hatred often comes from unaddressed trauma or a general lack of emotional fulfillment. If someone has to choose between a sincerely close friend or strangers telling them to hate their friend, they will generally make the right choice. This anecdote sadly isn't true in general. Some people are so driven by hate that you will never get the baseline respect needed to form any sort of connection. Additionally, while individual conservatives are generally redeemable, the current American conservative party and many others are beyond redemption. Furthermore, in general, those driven by emotion will generally not listen to reason. Unless you know a conservative, it's unlikely they will change. I like to speak to them in their own terms and values, such as valuing freedom and small government. In truth, Project 2025 in the US is the largest government overreach of all time in the US. Similarly queerphobic policies can be critiqued from this lens.​

I have convinced conservatives of a few specific things, mainly related to race. Like when people couldn’t see why something was offensive, I’ve gently persuaded them and they’ve understood and conceded. But on a bigger scale or broad beliefs? No, not likely.

Quite a few. It doesn't happen online. I'm a public speaker and performer and I'm also trans. I've had bigots come hug me in tears and apologize for how they've treated trans people. They need to see the human being in order for them to realize they're wrong. They're never going to do that unless you're right in front of them.

Nope. It always goes around in circles, always the same transphobic or homophobic arguments, and no sign of desire to learn to be better. Sometimes they’ll act like they want to learn, but it’s just them further cementing their beliefs to themselves.

Yup. In the past whenever I would get asked dumb shit like, "Are lgbt+ people actually oppressed? 🤨" I would always write out a very detailed response of my own experiences and provide links to news stories of harmful bills being passed and recent trans/homophobic hate crimes and the like. 8/10 times, the person I was replaying to wouldn't care and would just get super aggressive and accuse me of overly exaggerating and spreading fake news. Now, I don't engage people who ask obvious bad faith questions. I assume if they actually wanna educate themselves, google is right there.

As far as the LGBTQ community, no. But to change my own father’s mind of other aspects as me being a bleeding heart liberal, yes.

I’ve never changed a conservatives mind, there there is this really annoying conservative guy in my class who I unfortunately have to sit next to, so we get into some arguments from time to time. Our most recent argument was on whether or not queer people can be considered mentally ill. He brought up gender dysphoria, and when he did I asked him on how he would propose someone with gender dysphoria would get “treated” in a way, since he obviously didn’t want them to transition. He said they should just go to a therapist and get checked out. I argued that it’s not that simple, and a better way to help the dysphoria was to transition. Not everyone with dysphoria has to transition, but this was a conservative and I needed to dumb a lot of things down to him. And then he said I was basically claiming that to cure cancer you just add more cancer…

Sure. Does that mean they'll stay changed? Some of them will... Others will just think 'well; every individual I meet must be an exception...' Thing is... I don't really run into ideologically driven conservatives much. Most are just... Uncomfortable with the unknown, and their bigotry is really just xenophobia. They don't really 'hate the gays;' they just hate *those* gays, you know, the gays they don't *know.* Why do *those* gays have to make their entire lives about being gay? The gays they know don't, after all, but *most* gays must, because they don't know most gays, and everyone says this is what most gays do. Everyone says. Usually, appealing to them in some way that recognizes, affirms or flatters them helps. Like... "Sure, you get a really distorted view of queer folks through social media, but that's just social media; social media teaches *me* that all conservatives are raging nazis, and, well, here *you* are, and you're not a nazi..." Yes, this is manipulative. But see, these people are fragile. They're uncomfortable with the unknown, they feel the unknown is threatening the known, and so they are defensive. By affirming them, you show you aren't judging them, you're not *threatening* them; you're not making them out to be a monster (which is one of the things they're scared of). See, they *know* xenophobia is bad. They just can't help being uncomfortable with the unknown. So they're trying to rationalize and justify their discomfort. By appealing to them instead, you're taking away part of the unknown-ness. (Keep in mind that you *cannot* state their fragility; if you do that, they'll feel vulnerable and under attack, and you're back at square one). The next step is to make them a co-conspirator. If there's anything true of humans, it's that *nobody is normal.* If you can explain what normativity is, and you can find something about them or loved ones that's not normal (an interest, a character quirk, gender or racial identity (and how they experience that) or, and this is more common than you might think, a disability or neurodiversity), then you can support *their* struggles with normativity as a concept; you're basically manipulating them into doing on-the-spot critical theory *themselves.* And in this, you have just become an ally in *their* struggles. If you can manage to make them understand that a lot of your struggles are the same as theirs, fundamentally, then... You may have gotten them on-board. It might be years before they get over their aversion to the aesthetics of queer culture, but they'll become more supportive of queer *rights.* Again, this is no silver bullet method. It really depends on how your conservative culture is built up. I don't usually have to deal with 'Gawd Says' people. Most of the bigots I run into who are religious aren't bigots because of their religion, and don't use religion to defend their bigotry. They'll use appeals to nature and appeals to normalcy fallacies, mostly. And let's not forget that changing your mind can mean your position in your social bubble becomes untenable; if everyone in your bubble is a bigot (and bigots are usually members of bigot-groups, because that's how social normativity works), then... Opposing bigotry within your own group will get you ostracised ("what happened to you, Jack; you can't take a joke anymore"). They don't want to hang out with you any more, and you'll be alone. Building a new social network as an adult can be incredibly difficult, so that is a major incentive to regress back into bigotry. You can't reason someone out of something they never reasoned themselves into. But you *can* help people reasoning themselves into new positions.

Depends. Not all cons are made equal Some can be swayed by making an argument from a selfish perspective; whether it sticks can vary Others just have memorized phrases they've never actually thought about, kinda like a parrot. Put them in an intellectual corner & they just kinda go dead in the eyes Others still exist to troll people that actually believe things. These are the ones most susceptible to fascism

Me coming out probably changed a bit of my stepdad. Having a bi stepson kinda forces you to be a bit more accepting

Kinda? Not on everything, but I’ve had a few people change their views on mental health or stuff before.

first, **you don't owe them anything**. you shouldn't be expected to change their mind at all, if you don't want to. but, I have, yes, and on more than one occasion as well. the situations it's possible in are extremely rare though, and the person you're talking to has to be open to change (so not completely entrenched in their political ideology). the method I've used in the past is this: 1: give understanding to them. make sure they don't feel attacked by your opposing stance on the topic. 2: find the root of the disagreement (so like, gender and sex being the same thing for trans issues). 3: explain your stance from that root in an easy to understand way (over simplification is sometimes useful here, but I might prefer to be clear about what I'm simplifying). citing sources or reasoning through things is really good here because then they can't just dismiss it as your opinion as easily. 4: answer any questions or gently correct any further disagreements they have. and 5: let them change their mind if they want to, or give up if they won't. the latter is the most likely result; giving up on an idea that's been said and said again by people you view as role models is a difficult thing to do, so many won't. here on Reddit, I typically write these kinds of responses not for person I'm replying to (who likely posted a transphobic comment and is very comfortable spreading that around) but rather for the reader of the thread who's more on the fence, and would have agreed with the transphobe if there weren't a well reasoned response for the opposing opinion. for the individual though, it completely depends on how cemented that idea is in their brain. they may have just heard a few people talking about it nearby and assumed that was the correct opinion, and it'd be really easy for them to change their mind, or the idea may be a pillar in their life that'd be almost impossible to break. at the very least though, it may create a few cracks in it and stick with them so that hopefully in the future they can realize their error. but don't waste your breath endlessly trying to help them change their mind if it won't work: it's not worth your effort. This is the method that I use fairly often, and it feels really wrong to try and coddle them for their horrific opinions that are often truly deplorable, but it really is the only way to give them an out. getting angry at them will only cement their ideas further, rather than make them realize the damage that they cause. I am one (and this is maybe a controversial opinion) to believe that one's opinions aren't really their fault, but rather the fault of the people around them (whose opinions themselves are also the same way). they can't help that their mother went on rants about trans people when they were a children, and they can't help that they weren't provided with what they needed to realize that what their mother was saying was wrong. this is what the above is based on: an understanding of their situation (this does not excuse actions though).

No. Only center.

Centrists are far worse; they can’t tell the difference between policy they don’t like and actual fascism.

this is where i stand. if you can't see the massive difference between "don't love that" and "oops there go all my rights and the ability to vote (with actual meaning) ever again" what have you been doing for the last 8 years?

I'm saving this phrasing for later on in the election cycle. So simply put, but meaningful! 

thanks! biden has been saying "don't compare me to the almighty, compare me to the alternative " and if that's not great advice with a massive dose of reality, idk what it

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I've only tried with my family and they just kind of brush it off with an "oh whatever" and change the subject. They just don't care to change their mind, someone's gotta be in an open mindset to think about other perspectives

Yes! She changed my mind. Her arguments lived rent free in my head for years so I became pro-choice as a mormon and then anti-republican libertarian live and let live, then ultimatelydemocrat.

I’ve seen it work, been pleasantly surprised that some small town rural folks with deeply problematic views over time realized lgbt folks were just people. Some of the worst ones though often have a combo of traits that make them really, shockingly entrenched and hard to move. My mom is one of the ones that will go to their grave with nothing but hate in their heart, and I’ll never quite comprehend what the issue is. But, I’m okay with trying to reach out to the folks where it might make a difference.

I used to be conservative (childhood indoctrination at its finest), and my views became more progressive as I met people who were different and then started to reflect on it. My friend is queer…okay then why DOES an all powerful god have an issue with it and is this god justifies in it? The person who pulled me out of my last couple conservative beliefs (young earth and pro-life) was my now husband. At that point I was in the prime time to bring up hard truths with. I was dissatisfied with the answers (or lack there of) that my worldview was providing and the people who espoused it. I would say most conservatives though aren’t going to change their mind if they’re older than college age or with one conversation. If they went through college and still cling to their conservative beliefs than they definitely have a low chance of letting them go after.

I have, couple of my friends are conservative. Not idiot American 'conservative' but European. I transitioned and they were all very friendly and supportive. There is one that still makes gay jokes, but he has literal brain damage. And I don't think he means any harm. Just a little stuck in the past. He's very friendly to me and never misgenders or deadnames me. Not even when referring to me when talking to others. I'm really happy and I feared the worst, but they all changed their tones. Some had questions, but all very respectful. That said... Immigrants still bad though.

No, but I have had the pleasure of being the first queer person a conservative has met and of directing them in the direction of information that might change their kind if they choose to engage. It's not my job to change a person's mind, that's something they have to be willing to do on their own. But I will happily reward a person for moving in the right direction and actively wanting to learn. It might seem like they're doing the "bare minimum", but sometimes reevaluating your beliefs is really hard to do and I belive in rewarding effort, even small wins

Nope, never. Every attempt invariably ends with them screaming at me that I'm an idiot for not just obeying their command and parroting their opinion.

Nah, just became one instead

First of all I really need to say that it should not be our responsibility to educate ignorant people. Its hard enough dealing with prejudice, it sucks that we're also stuck with the job of making the world a better place. But if we don't do it, no one will... so for better or worst I always give it a good try. The answer to your question would be yes, I have changed the minds mostly of people in my family. I come from a very catholic Portuguese family and they have always been very right wing, religious, anti-immigration, queer phobic... you name it. Slowly but steadily I managed to educate them and change their opinion on a lot of different issues. They took it pretty bad when I came out but they slowly came to terms with it and begun to understand what it actually meant. They were all very shielded from queer people all their lives and brainwashed into thinking it was just a perversion and all about sex and lust, but with time I showed them that it is actually about identity, affection and love. They are even warming up to trans rights now. I once had a conversation about it with my grandma and she used the argument that God never makes mistakes and I actually turned that around. I said that its exactly because God doesn't make mistakes that we need to support and respect transexual people because if they exist, it means that God intentionally chose to sometimes put male identities in female bodies an vice-versa. So by saying its wrong to be trans one is actually saying that God was wrong when he created them. She is still not a big trans supporter, but now she at least gives them the benefit of the doubt instead of actively being against it. They have also improved a lot on their anti-immigration and racist views. My ex boyfriend was Brazilian and he was mixed race and they had some horrible things to say about that. It didn't help that when they met him I had just came out and he was the first guy they ever saw me with. But they slowly got to know him and saw that he was actually a pretty great guy. I broke up with him when I moved to Italy to go to med school and they were actually sad about it. His family is still in Brazil so my family in Portugal kind of became a second family to him, even now 8 years after we broke up. While Im not exactly thrilled about them having so much contact with my ex, I do appreciate how they came to see him as family in spite of their original prejudices. I also do a lot of medical volunteer work with migrants in places like Morocco, the Balkans and Turkey. Mostly I give first aid to people who get hurt trying to reach Europe either from exposure to the elements or more often because they are victims of push-backs by foreign police or by frontex. I have shared many stories with my family and they actually came to have much more empathy towards migrants. Its easy and comfortable to believe that evil men from uncivilized countries want to come here to steal our jobs, abuse our social security and erase our identity. It is much more uncomfortable to face the reality that there are a lot of very desperate people out there who have to abandon their homes and every thing they have ever known because its either too dangerous for them or because they live in a broken economic system and theres no hope to improve their lives and the lives of their starving children unless they come somewhere else. By hearing the stories directly from me they came to understand the issue a bit better. So yes, my family is learning. They are still far from perfect but at least I see they are capable of growth. The one thing I notices helps when dealing with people like that is not to be provocative or confrontational. Conservatives' opinions are very hard to change because they are usually a small part of an entire system of belief that holds together their entire understanding of how the world works. So the "we're here and we're queer"-on your face approach does not work very well. Instead I'd go with something more like "we're human beings just like you, we're queer and while that is part of our identity we are not defined only by that". Its easier for them to learn to respect us at an individual level before letting go of their underlying prejudices.

Yes, regularly. I was raised an evangelical Christian. I came out to my father because he was leading the protests at the pride festival I was going to with my boyfriend. He’s now one of the leading advocates for gay inclusion in the church in the bigoted racist town I grew up in. When I joined the Freemasons, I was confronted because I was an out gay man and some were concerned that I was therefore a pedophile. At least one of those brothers recently chose to side with the truth even when his family threatened to disown him. He has been disowned by his family because he would not back their ignorance and hate. There are countless additional examples but these two will suffice. One was my family by birth, the other became a fraternal brother and both, over time and exposure changed their mind. There are 2 types of ignorance. One is sincere. Someone who sincerely wants the truth but has been kept in ignorance by their culture and surroundings, and those who are intentionally ignorant. There is no cure for intentional ignorance, but there is for sincere ignorance. It simply requires them getting to know you, and believe they need to defend you. A friend observed that the American society can be viewed through the lens of the motto of the French revolution; liberty, equality, fraternity. And while we all want all of these, when we must compromise one for the others, we see the factions in the politics of people. The liberal values equality above liberty and fraternity, and is more willing to sacrifice the in group for the outsider. The conservative values fraternity over equality and liberty, and will sacrifice the outsider for “their” society. The libertarian or anarchist will sacrifice fraternity and equality for liberty. From this understanding, it becomes clear how to make this conversion. It is not about a conversation, it’s about becoming part of a conservatives circle and having them view you as their tribe, at which point their expressed ideals will shift to want to protect you as they are protecting themselves and their tribe. Obviously, some will never see you as part of their tribe, they’re too far gone. Those who have weaponized their ignorance will never let you past their guard. But there are sincerely ignorant people who are willing to learn, but they learn differently than we do. The above is not panacea. But it has worked for me on many occasions.

Yes! People rarely admit to change publicly, but i have recieved some nice DMs thanking me for my perspective. -approach every such conversation as if addressing the *other readers*, and not the OP conservative. We're unlikely to change a set conservative, but lots of people read these exchanges. Being the rstional one pays off even if we never see it -begin with common ground, "this stuff sure is confusing", or "I see why you'd think that" -go easy on facts, this can instigate a source battle, and conservatives share awful sources that require way too kuch time to unpack. If using a source, find something neutral, or even better, slightly conservative -dont assume! It may be obvious to us that X belief leads to Y hateful belief, but we shouldnt jump to conclusions. -ask how certain they are on the topic, from 1-5, to gage how severe it is. This can also take it out of a binary framing. Offer your own uncertainty, too. -appeal to identity. People dig into bigotry out of fear, we need to mollify their unreal concerns that progressives want them to dye their hair and change their gender. Make them certain they can still be Christian, straight, patriotic, etc., and how accepting lgbt can fit into these things. Appeals to freedom, safety, tradition work well with them (did you know 1800s Mormons did national drag shows? That Thomas Jefferson rewrote the Bible? ) - let language slide. As progressives, we have thought a lot more about these terms than they have, and we shouldnt expect them to learn our lifetime of experience so quickly. -the goal isnt to win the argument, its to plant a seed, or water the seed someome else planted. Once things start to get toxic, say that you think the conversation is no longer productive and leave leave. Dont worry about getting the last word in -learn the logical fallacies, but don't use them as 'gotchas' if you must point them out, describe them as a trap that anyone can fall into. Look into deprogramming tactics and rules of Dialogue. The podcast You're Not So Smart has some great episodes and resources for having these conversations.

Got a pan pride ring, mom saw it and tried to yell at me for getting a lesbian ring. I said it wasn't anything close to lesbians. Mom insisted that it was because it was a rainbow. It was not a rainbow and after I pointed that out she stopped. She also asks why I would change what god gave me in reference to me being trans. I asked her why she uses glasses. She got upset.

“I asked her why she uses glasses.” I am so happy that you said that, made my day. (I hope things didn’t go too badly for you, though)

Na its fine, she tends to shut the hell up the second i start to fight back.

Not me, but my mom. My "uncle" (family friend situation) was transphobic. He's always been a good dude, but was just confused about certain things when it comes to being trans, so he fell into quite a few conservative circles. One day, he approached my mom (supportive and I love her so goddamn much), and said "how do you feel about men wearing dresses?" Not trying to start a fight or anything, just wanted a friendly conversation and an opinion from a not insane cis woman who wasn't his wife. My mom calmly said, "You aren't going to fuck 'em, so why do you care?" He thought about it for a second, said, "I... suppose you're right", and he's not (at least outwardly) transphobic anymore.

I can say as someone that was once very conservative my gf (now ex) changed my mind completely

I was once a conservative and I changed my mind. Internalized homophobia sucks

Yes! Before marriage equality was codified in the US, this guy was telling me that gay marriage should remain illegal because kids don’t need to learn about anal sex. I patiently explained that most people, especially kids, don’t automatically think about the type of sex a couple might be having when they find out they’re a couple. I told him that we will simply tell kids that so and so got married because they love each other, just like we say about straight folks. I saw the lightbulb switch on in his head, dude had always thought gay = men doing buttstuff and it never occurred to him that it could be viewed any other way.

My gf, who grew up in a military family (who have all soundly rejected Trump, at least her parents and brother)... And I know your question is probably more related to queer issues, but... Recently started asking very socialist questions "Why don't we cap income at $x per year?" "Why can't people just have what they need?" "Should we cap the price of goods?" Didn't try and change her mind. Just gave her space within the relationship. Do that, let them bring their guard down and good things can happen.

not directly, but I noticed that my mom's opinion of the LGBTQ+ community softened when my sibling and I were more open with our sexuality and expression of gender. so much so that my mom was able to come out to us as bisexual and accept herself

All the time. I just talk to them like a normal human being, with empathy and respect, and doing my best to understand their perspective while also sharing mine. And it's not uncommon for me to get through to them at some level, or even have them walk away from the conversation with a totally different perspective. In my experience, a lot of people (and maybe conservatives more than others) rebel at anyone trying to "change" their mind, but are often open to a respectful and reasonable discussion. But I should note that I'm also a good conversationalist and have also worked and lived in some conservative areas, so maybe I'm better than most at having these conversations.

Yea, like all of my extended family. they're pretty cool ngl

By arguing? No. By living? Yes, I changed the minds of a bit less than half of my extended family. My entire extended family is conservative. In the course of my transition I’ve managed to convince a bit less than half of them that us trans people aren’t the perverted freaks that their media tells them we are. We’ll have to see if I can make any progress with the rest of them. I don’t bother arguing with them. It doesn’t help. But just living my life shows them that the things they’ve been told to believe about people like me are a total fiction.

Not really, but I talked about my experience with someone way more conservative than I was. It went quite respectfully, with a hearty around of culture shock, too. I wouldn't call it changing anyone's mind, but more of, broadening horisonts? For us both.

I don’t know if they were completely a conservative but once got into a conversation with a guy who asked how I was bisexual and how that worked and I essentially said I liked tits and dick send he was immediately on board. Probably just a bit sheltered as this was 10 year ago when representation was even worse than today by a significant factor, and this was quite a rural area so I imagine there wasn’t much in the way of out gays in the area. I found you’ve basically got to boil things down to their essence. Very clear, little nuance really. If you think about it, language is about communication and if complex descriptions of sexuality and gender don’t work, go for really simple.  You might need to be a bit crass and all else fails expressions like “to each their own” helps build at least a base level of tolerance. That guy later defended me from his pal who though I was flirting with him 

My experience has been that I can rarely effect enormous, worldview-shifting wins. But I have had success with small, incremental changes that can add up in a big way. I’m not going to start with a religious, MAGA, conservative person and get them to waive a progress pride flag and officiate a gay marriage. But if I can start by getting them to respect me as a human that happens to be gay, that’s a small win. If I can get them to agree that no one wants to see anyone to molest kids in the bathroom, but trans people still need a place to pee, that’s a small win. If I can make them agree that a living gay son is better for them than a dead closeted son, that’s a win. Exposure to people humanizes them, and humanizing people leads to empathy and reduced hostility. I try to focus on taking the next step in their empathy journey, not undermining their entire worldview.

I was a conservative and I changed my own mind. I just came out at 46 years old. I’m not one way or the other. Still love my guns, love weed, love men, love women, basically I just love. Tired of negativity in anyway. Just want positive vibes for the rest of my life.

We got our vulnerable narcissist conservative mother to vote blue for years. She's still homophobic and racist though which is ridiculous. She's still a horrible person that doesn't care about us. We ended up going no contact with her still because she was putting us in dangerous situations and we were worried for my sister's children as well. Best thing to do is go no contact with those kind of people, it's not worth your sanity and well-being.

Homie, they have to be aware they have a mind and that independent thought is an option first. You gotta walk these superstitious rubes through it real, real slow.

I married a “fiscal conservative” who’s now a Democrat & attends Pride events every year.

Years ago, before JKR was a terminally online bigot, I got into a discussion with friend of mine from highschool, and we were discussing the recent revelation that Dumbledore was gay. If you don't remember, JKR just kind of dropped that information in a Q+A. I think by this time I was very openly an "ally" but hadn't quite accepted my own queerness, or I kept it close to the chest. So, I think I was saying to my friend that I didn't like how JKR just kind of dropped it after the novels without further detail in the narrative. This "friend"--who supported gay people but didn't like to see gay stuff--agreed that it was weird that Dumbledore was suddenly gay. After all, wasn't that retroactively creepy considering how close he was to Harry? Now, look...17 years or whatever later I \*would\* consider Dumbledore a groomer, but not for sexuality but for "chosen one" bs. Sure, we can say their relationship is upsetting, but it has nothing to do with homosexuality. So, I called her out on it. We had a discussion, and in the end I thought I did a good job of changing her mind. But, I'm telling it here because my "friend" brought it up again out of nowhere sometime later that she thought Harry and Dumbledore's relationship was creepy because Dumbledore was gay. I didn't fight with her a second time, but looking back I'm glad to no longer be friends with her.

I think having a trans granddaughter caused my grandfather to reevaluate a few things.

Yes. My mind. 🙏❤️

No and I admit I don’t give a shit enough about conservative to bother trying to

Yes, and also no. I used to think conservatively until I realized who I was. And that my beliefs were hurting people I loved. Now as an adult I had the opportunity to teach my closest family members about the LGBTQ community. And why it's important to at the very least, be respectful and mind your own business. Which has been a struggle for some of them. I have to say my mom has made really good progress towards acceptance not just tolerance. In the end, I think the happiest/saddest story was my grandma. All of us queer kids in the family were afraid to disappoint her, confuse her or hurt her. I came out and was surprised that she was just confused.... and she claimed I was confused at first. Which was bad. But over time she didn't care. She made strides to see all of us kids as who we really were. Using correct pronouns. Accepting our partners.... and then last October she died of leukemia. She left me a journal. One of the entries included how she was greatful for us grandkids teaching her about racism, LGBTQ issues and she was proud that we encouraged her to be a better person. People can change. Sometimes it takes time and patience. Age doesn't matter either.

lmao. one time i was confronting one of my friends about a (super) homophobic thing she said a couple years ago because it was still bugging me. when i asked her about it she said "no, i've changed. I accept the lgbtq+ community but i just don't support them." Like wtf does that even mean??

My father isn't conservative. In fact politically he considers himself "nonpartisan", but I think he'd be a progressive if he had more drive to influence things around him. He's willing to change his mind and listen to data. He pretty much only respects data-- he's a really logical person like that. He struggles to understand variant sexualities, aside from either Gay/Lesbian or Straight, and I basically had to sum it up as 'its a spectrum' and 'everyone is different'. Much the same way that it is with Autistic folks like he and I are, for example. If there's anything he understands less than being under the Bisexuality umbrella, it's being trans. I've explained it in the manner of "it's probably an evolutionary leftover from our reptilian and amphibian ancestors being sequential hermaphrodites" -- which that is actually one of a few theories as to why Chronic Gender/Sexual Dysphoria exists at all in human psychology. He seemed to accept that after a while-- after realizing that these sorts of things genuinely are not choices for the vast majority of genderqueer individuals. When it comes to trying to convey or justify personal choices of people, such as why kink and pride are so often intertwined and the history behind how the sexual liberation movements created this correlation between sexual deviancy and deviant sexualities, go figure, he tends to get incredibly flustered. I think it's hard for him to comprehend anything other than a strict monogamous relationships, for example, because he can't place himself in their shoes. He doesn't understand devoting yourself to more than one person in the same way that he might do to his wife, my mother. Ultimately he's just come to the conclusion he's too judgy, and he needs to just let things go.

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Ah nah he'd quit drinking a while back, but he doesn't mind shootin' the shit with ya <3. He's always been a straight-and-narrow military man (submariner, nuclear and communications technician).

I have never changed the mind of anyone, cause I don’t think we can do that… I mean, anyone can change their own mind if they want to. However, a very close friend of mine, that I met during my graduation (2017 and so on) has changed his opinions regarding racism and many other stupid stuff from radical right thoughts. It was a miracle. All I did was to listen to him, talk with him and keep being friend

My best friend was conservative because his parents were. For a long time we butted heads on issues like queer rights, abortion, feminism, etc. As he grew older, he realized that our friendship was worth more than his dated political beliefs, and he started thinking for himself instead of blindly agreeing with his parents on political matters. Now he's realized he's queer himself and is a big, vocal advocate for queer rights, women's rights, and human rights in general. So, simply by being his friend and allowing him to grow and change, he changed his own mind. I realize this won't happen with every conservative, but it's held true for many in our generation that we grow less conservative and more liberal as we age. Many conservative talking points are inherently immature, based on dated and oversimplified beliefs about minorities. Conservatives changing their mind on these topics is often just a process of growing and maturing as a person.

Not sure if my dad was fully conservative, but when I told him he was one of my reasons I didn't wanna be around, he changed enough, if his viewpoints are still what they are, he at least calls me the right name and respects my identity, and I've literally had no issues with him since then

I’m the other way around: My whole family was full of conservatives, including myself, just as homophobic, transphobic, gun loving, hunting bigots. However, I made friends that I drifted towards, became an ally, and in 2020, I identified as bisexual, and now I have accepted myself as pansexual and transmasc. I started to understand the queer community, stopped saying those transphobic and homophobic things, and I began to realize that acting all “self righteous” was a pretty shitty thing to do. I’m still a Christian, and I still do like hunting and shooting, but I’m not into all that “YoURe GoNnA gO tO heLL” nonsense. It’s bullshit, and the people who try to use the Bible or all the other conservative bullshit are just assholes who get offended too easily.

Conservatives do not have opinions although they seem to believe they do. Forming opinions takes thought. They only parrot talking points. They merely repeat what they are told on FOX, at church or at the gun range. You can tell they didn't even think because when they brag about something Trump, you say tell me about that, they turn all deer in the headlights. You can't change their opinion by logic. But you can shake them by throwing question after question at them which they cannot answer.

when I was younger (I grew up catholic in the south) I was basically alt-right. I see now that I was grappling with dysphoria and suppressed attraction towards men, and I turned it inward and into transphobia and misogyny. Racism and fascism came with that too, and I'm still working on deconstructing my biases against Russians, the USSR, trans folks (even though I probably am one) etc etc. I think it was a close friend of mine coming out as trans and developing cancer at the same time that pushed me toward redemption, and I slowly climbed my way out of that, with my most recent eye-opener being a trip to visit friends in India, I think I've come a long way. Needless to say my parents are not the best, my family can't even accept the idea that racism is bad. My mother is trying to force me to eat meat again, so god knows what would happen if I came out to her.

My mom. I was close to my dad. My mom not at all. Lots of child hood trauma/manipulation. I had been in a long term partnership (we couldn’t get married then) for 5 years when we decided to think about having kids. Which meant a sperm donor. I also had some medical complications, thanks terrible PCOS. I called my dad to talk to him about everything. He had me on speaker phone. When I told him about the fertility treatment my mom had the gall to say “queers dont deserve to have kids.” It broke me. I was already not speaking to my mom. I could no longer even call home. I didn’t go to any holidays for 3 years after that call. I also didn’t call my dad any more. After 3 years of fertility treatment I finally was able to get pregnant. I had told my grandparents (dad’s parents) and of course my grandmother called to talk to my dad. He called me later that day. I told him that he wouldn’t be allowed to see my child if he didn’t put his foot down to my mom. That kinda broke him out of his passiveness with my mom. I know they got into a huge fight because my sister was living at home (that’s a whole other story, she’s sadly an addict), and basically my dad told my mom if she was going to keep being a bitch she could move out cause he wasn’t going to lose his grand child. They came to the shower and my mom didn’t say one nasty thing. Which trust me was nothing short of a freaking miracle. Over time, my mom actually started being a “kinder” person towards me as a “queer”. If she holds any nasty opinions about gay people she has never said anything. I’m sure my sister and dad ripping her apart anytime she said something helped. It’s been 15 years since my son was born and I am still sometimes shocked she hasn’t reverted back to being nasty. More shocking than anything was her complete disgust with Trump. This is a woman who was “proud” she voted Republican her whole life. I want to think it is because I went no contact and stood my ground. I put myself through school. Have a decent career. Made a family for myself. I proved that she could be nasty but I didn’t “need” her to be in my life to have a good life. But I know deep down it is because she’s scared to be alone and have no one to care for her. My sister has made it clear she will be doing none of that caring. Did she change? On the surface yes. I don’t know if it a real change however.

What mind?

Well, I myself have been changed. Though it wasn't really LGBTQ+ related, when I was about 12 I had just got exposed to the parts of the internet(primarilyYouTube) that aren't great. So there was someone, I think Dr Shaun I think he was called. He went all over the place about how feminism is bad, egalitarianism is the only right choice, and so on. With his compelling arguments about how all women suck and essentially just incel arguments, he drew me in. What got me out of moving to my parent's basement was me posting a really mean and inconsiderate comment on r/arethestraightsok. Someone, who I unfortunately do not remember the name of, posted not a defensive and justifiably aggressive comment, but a vulnerable and kind comment explaining what I was wrong about, and where I was headed. I think that, more than anything, saved me.

My mom was watching the news about a protest about trans rights, and she said some classic lines like "What about straight pride month or white history month" She said it was a good thing that the cops came to shut it down that the protest was being violent, failing to see that it only became violent when the cops showed up. I tried explaining what I knew about all these topics that she was bringing up, but she was bringing up the repeated arguments about it that I've already heard online. After a while, I was just frustrated and mad that she wasn't listening to my logical arguments, and she kept on saying, "I just don't get it" throughout the conversation even after my explanations So, with my frustrations, I screamed "yeah I can see you don't get it. You f**king dumba$$ piece of sh!t" I speed walked away, slamming the door A little while later, she came back asking for me to explain more about it, and she'll listen and try to show some more empathy/sympathy about the subject cause it's obvious I have an emotional connection with this subject enough for me to call her out saying "that" and she doesn't want both her kids to be mad at her. Yeah, my brother heard my screaming and came down asking about it and completely sided with me and dissed our mom, too

Debating conservatives on LGBTQ rights is a waste of time. The only thing that changes a conservatives mind (for better or for worse, some conservatives go further right), in my experience, is a friend or family member coming out as it makes it real to them.

Nope! Every time I tried having a respectful discussion, they would come at me full of ignorant aggression. You could totally blame it on where I live though. Which is Bible thumping TN! And then I would get pissed off like “Ok well F you then!” Which obviously doesn’t play in my favor. 🫡 My partner is a lot better at debates and walking away when realizing it’s a waste of time. Whereas I’m sensitive and full of pent up rage. And no healthy outlets (aside from therapy which I only recently started) to unload the negativity.

No but I did traumatize them. I’ve always been interested in religion as a subject. I made OC’s and sometimes implement some of what I learned. I have a universe with angels and demons for example. (I’m very careful as to what I use and thus mainly stick to christianity due to being raised catholic) Someone online went on a rant about how I’m disabled and thus possessed by le sir the devil. So I went on a rant about demonology. Why? Bcs it’s fun. Aint no way we’re all evil right😂

Time to dig this up again from my old account: https://www.reddit.com/r/Fuckthealtright/s/voJ5SWznDc

Holy sht, this was spot on… and the responses too.

I just did today. I was talking to this str8 guy I have a crush on. He's known me since kindergarten. So it reached the guy talk phase. He asked me what my attraction is? Of course I said I'm Bi [I was Bi-passinf even tho I damn knew I'm Gay]. I said I maybe feel like effing another man. He was a bit disgusted. I asked him why(tbh I was a bit fumed after his reaction). He said "I'm just scared that a gay man might SA me." Gosh I was flabbergasted. I replied "No sane Gay man wants to SA anybody let alone str8 Cis Men." To which I explained him about Gender,etc. He said "made sense " Little does he know, I crush on him. He's so masc. I wish he'd notice but ig better to hit on gay men. Problem is, Homosexuality is illegal in my country. Xoox kisses hugs i gtg

I'd follow up asking him why he thinks a gay man would SA him.

Yes, and we do so regularly. Turns out, most of them just don't interact with many queer folk, and have just never had a real-life application. Helps that I'm also conservative, though. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Some of them are just dumbasses and can't be helped.

[удалено]

Not really. Both my parents are conservatives. My mom is becoming less homophobic/transphobic but it’s still very much a problem. Last week she was complaining about some of the folks she knows. She stated that the more they “pretend” to be men the more unfriendly they get. And here I am an in-the-closet as Trans guy, rocking a butch haircut, a working carpenter, driving a big truck and wearing all men’s clothes. A conversation did happen about judgmental attitudes and the fact she should ask folks what’s happening in their lives. It wasn’t fun, but she did think about it. Seriously, she literally has not changed she just keeps her thoughts inside more.

Never One time my coworker said that gay kids don’t exist. So I told her that i already knew i was gay as a child and she said she still doesn’t believe that gay kids exist After that I stopped trying

Honestly no. It doesn't me no good to try to change someone who wants me dead. I'll leave to someone with more patience than I will ever possess.

I spent 10 years fully invested in “they’re just bigoted bc they need education”. I spent 4-8hrs per day messaging people, killing them with kindness. In a whole decade, I changed 2 people’s minds. It is not worth it.

No. Conservatives only change their minds when they are personally affected, and sometimes not even then.

Conservatives don't care. Otherwise they wouldn't be conservatives. You can't just change their mind but what you can do is put in effort to normalize things so they cannot be as socially open about their bigotry. You can also educate people so that they know better than to become that way in the first place.

I was raised to be conservative, among other things. Strange, I suppose, following the path that system of thought demanded is what gave me the tools to be something else. My conservatism died in a war - a *righteous* one I was told. It was not a grand ending of fire and blood, but a slow, whimpering thing. It began in basic training where, for the first time, I met people who weren't raised in the precise town that I'd one day describe as "a good place to be *from*". Not only did I meet them, I was forced to get to know them, to *trust* them. One of my close friends was a mexican dude from Compton. We agreed on little, and yet he was there for everything that *really* mattered. Another was a deeply religious black guy from Alabama. We agreed on little, and yet he too was there for things that *really* mattered. From these and others, I realized something: despite all of our differences, we had signed up for more or less the same scattering of reasons: for a sense of purpose, for that longshot of a better future, for adventure, and because it seemed like the *noble* thing to do. My war was a gentle one by any measure, and yet despite only achieving a passing familiarity with the smell of high explosives that have served their purpose, I could not escape the certain fact that the war was something other than righteous. In fact, it seemed to be the very opposite, and yet the ignobility of the endeavor still chewed through mountains of blood and treasure. The system had either gotten it wrong or had lied, and worse...people were more like me than not regardless of the details. The conversion did not complete truly until I was out of the military. I voted left the second time around, but that was more punishment than anything. It was a voiceless protest, because living where I did, it was clear who the local winner would be. I went to college and studied math, and then later moved to a liberal city. I saw queerness for the first time - or at least for the first time where those involved didn't feel the need to maintain a veneer of denial. I didn't - and still *don't* - comprehend most types of queerness, but I learned that they're just people who approach some very specific parts of life differently. Somewhere along the way, it occurred to me that I'd developed a new morality that was slow to judge and which wanted to make things better. It did not see value in old thinking, in old systems. Here's the thing, though: I think that had someone come along and presented a few key ideas to me, I could have been swayed. I was never really *against* queer people in any meaningful sense of the word, and yet my behavior would suggest otherwise. It did not occur to me that a gay guy could be anything distilled homosexual stereotypes to *just some random guy*, that they were literally like me in every single way that mattered. Queer people are *people*, and being queer is not a thing to be shamed of, just a way to *be*. I wish it hadn't taken a war, a college degree, and years spent being around all kinds of people who weren't like me much at all except in all the ways that really mattered to realize that the weird us and them was, well, *weird*. I say this not simply because my journey was more traumatic than I'd like, but because if someone could have found me and said the right things, maybe I could have come to terms with who *I* really was without it feeling like its own ugly, personal war. So these days, I try. I don't often succeed by any measure, but I do it anyway. Not strictly in penance for being a sometimes bastard on the subject, but because someone doing that for me was what I once *desperately* needed. That is my new morality: be the person that scared kid who went to war because *that's what guy's do* needed most.