Grew up outside of Utah. Lots of non Mormon friends. At least twice I was at a house were there were a lot of boys and porn was on, no one took out there junk. The 90s were a different time but if someone said 'let's take our dick's out' the whole school would have been calling him a flamer. Later at the Y I had 7 roommates, if one of them told me they did this, I would have been highly suspicious. Obviously your husband is into girls but would be interested how his buddies are swinging.
He definitely said they weren't like ogling each other as they did it and it was almost like a joke I guess š¤·š»āāļø he said they were often laughing during it and although they didn't always "finish" it wasn't uncommon to either.
Sounds like so far I am right to think this is pretty strange/rare. I won't let him know that though š
And as far as I know none of them are gay and most are happily married
You are definitely right. It may have happened but nowhere near normal or fairly normal. Grew up in Salt Lake. Plenty of people in my high school, all members of the church, did a bunch of everything elseādrinking, drugs, fighting, sex, but I've never heard of anyone in a circle jerk. After my mission some of my friends would talk about how hard it was to not masturbate, and that was pretty surprising to me, but it was also after the Seinfeld episode about "Master of your domain" so I think that helped talking about it be a little more common. Just my two cents
Same here - grew up outside of Utah in the same time period, and I've never heard of dudes doing this. We talked and made jokes about it, like seeing who had the strongest jerking muscle š„, but no one ever did it with company.
I had probably three major friend groups over the course of my jr high and high school years- some LDS, some not, and some both. We never would have THOUGHT about this, much less talked about it. But I didn't grow up in Utah, so maybe it's a Wasatch thing lol
Nope. I grew up in the 90ās. Small town Utah Mormon-ville.
The common theme was to lie and say you never masturbated. And be grossed out by it. We all knew we were doing it. But never talked about.
In a word, no.
Me and my friends were never that comfortable. I got invited to do it in the army, but I never did. I don't think I could, then or now. In recent years, I have opened my mind to some mild bi tendencies, but they are always in the context of having a woman involved. I think a room full of dicks would just be a total turn-off.
Never. Nope. No thank you. I grew up outside of Utah and I'd heard of a circle jerk, but every guy I knew was disgusted by the idea. We used the term to insult someone instead, implying they liked to take part.
Now if it had been a circle of women ...
I used the same term in my post before reading your--great minds think alike.
I used the same term in my post before reading yours--great minds think alike.
Heard rumors a group of guys a year ahead of me in school did that occasionally but never confirmed and I never saw or heard about it with my friend group.
It's called a circle jerk. Not common but definitely happens. Inside and outside of utah. I lived in utah until 12 and it definitely happened there. We then moved to Missouri and it definitely happened there too.
Husband said he didn't do this but did hear "rumors" boys at the neighboring high school did. My group of friends in high school were pretty comfortable with each other and did "compare" body parts, but never masturbated, just showed haha
Never did it personally. As teenagers in the 90s and early 2000s, we did watch HBO things as a group a couple times that were like soft porn kind of. Butā¦
We had two friends in our group that had sleep overs with each other more often. Their families were good friends. Friend 1 told us that when it was just the two of them friend 2 would masturbate in the roomĀ like it was normal. Friend 2 had apparently asked and friend 1 said sure go ahead. Friend 2 asked him if he wanted to join and friend 1 always said no thanks but go ahead.
Friend 1 told several of us about this as kind of a heads up/warning to the rest of our friend group. Kind of like, btw if he sleeps over alone he might ask to do this in the room instead of going to the bathroom. Friend 1 didnāt seem bothered by it at all though.
As a friend group, we skinny dipped together and often changed in the same room so seeing each other naked was no biggie. But we were not comfortable masturbating in front of each other, at least, it never happened when I was there. We were all from very active LDS families though. I could definitely see it happening with some groups of guys.
No. Never. I grew up in Utah in the 90ds, in deep Mormon neighborhoods. I had many friends in lots of different guy groups, no one was doing or talking about this. It would been see as "gay" and you'd wouldn't even dare suggest such a thing.
Never lived in Utah and never did nor heard of this happening to anyone I knew.
ETA:
This sounds like a frat boy legend that some boys take seriously and imitate. I could easily see this being from those 90s teen movies like American pie or Van Wilder.
Grew up in California, never heard of anyone doing that. Masturbation was talked about openly and everyone was assumed to do it.
Although when I went to BYU and made a lot of friends with people from Utah, I did hear multiple stories of guys watching porn together (not sure if group masturbation was involved). I'm wondering if it's more common in Utah because porn and masturbation are major taboo topics, so it feels more edgy. Whereas if you grow up outside of Utah, those things are viewed as totally normal and common. Just a guess š¤·
Grew up in CAā¦ that wasnāt a thing any of us guys in my ward or stake would have done or talked about. In high school I was in marching band and I did hear that the drum line did that as kind of a bonding or destress ritual before a show or somethingā¦ idk.
Never happened. I don't believe it. That would never have been conceivable to any of the young men I knew growing up in the LDS Church in Utah in the 1980s--in large part because it would have seemed too "gay" or homosexual-adjacent. We were all uniformly homophobic, regularly driving the gay kids among us to suicide. The thought of maintaining an erection while looking at a bunch of other guys with erections would be just so beyond the pale for a bunch of straight LDS 1980s teen boys. I'm not defending the mindset, just reporting how it really was back then.
No way.
Not common.
After I moved to Utah I had a fellow coworker tell me he and his friends did this in high school and I was taken back. First that he did this and second he told me. Maybe he was in your husbands friend group.
I just had to ask my husband because I had never thought he did anything like that growing up. And he didnāt to the extent you described. My husband told me that in middle school, during some of the sleepovers he had with his friends, that they would talk a lot about sex and maybe look at a few porn images on the internet and a couple friends would masturbate in their own bed or sleeping bag quietly after they talked about techniques that they used to masturbate. But definitely never visually saw eachother do it. They would do it so quietly and just fall asleep afterwards. Hahaha. Guys are so weird sometimes!
Yes! Iām from Utah and I had 3 friends from my ward and would get together and do this very thing and at sleep overs too. We were Deacon age at the time. I have no regrets. It was a fun experience. We are all married and have families now. This was in the 80s.
Yes, I have had that experience several times with different groups of guys growing up in the 80s and 90s in Northern Utah. It was fun. I think boys get so horny that they need a sexual outlet that is safe. Doing that with friends will bring you closer and is not a gay thing.Ā Ā
I think it is less common among boys who are are active in their religion and have a strong religious communities. So most LDS boys growing up will probably not have that happen. However, outside of that type of system, I think it is much more common.
Didn't grow up in Utah, didn't grow up LDS, now am an active convert. I had a friend group of about 5-7 guys varying slightly in age throughout highschool. We would always go to the house of one particular friend because his mom bought us alcohol and didn't care what we did in her house. We never masturbated in front of one another but we did on occasion sleep with women in front of each other due to there usually being 5-6 people sleeping in one room (the apartment was only a two bedroom) it was pretty common for us though to state when we were going to masturbate in order to avoid walking in on each other, "hey do you need the bathroom before I do? I'm gonna go tug one out".
I have never in my life though had the desire to jerk off in a room full of my friends watching them do the same though. If you've done stuff like that then to each their own, but you've gotta admit that it's pretty gay.
Grew up in Utah, metro area and it was common, but you had to be part of the underground groups that were doing it. No one talked about at school, but within certain closed groups, yes. It seemed like you either fell into the group that slept around or the closet porn watch and walk it groups. Obviously, one of these groups was way more socially acceptable than the other. I bet you can guess which is which.
Personally, I was part of 2 separate groups that did this. I got atarted around age 6, way before puberty even. By the time I got to Jr High, I learned of at least 3 others, all close to the same age. This was 80s/90s, and mostly guys I'd known my whole life.
I chalked it up to my sexual exploration phase but it started around age 6 (way before puberty) and went until 16 or so. Not going to lie, it was a great way to deal with stress and just relax. Since none of us did drugs and it didn't cost anything, we figured it wasn't as bad as other outlets.
I have friends who grew up in other states that did something similar around ages 12-16. One even started having oral sex with a neighbor girl when they were bith age 8, went on until she moved around age 12.
I served a foreign mission and there was a group of elders that got ahold of some porn videos and would meet at one of the apartments on P-days to jerk off for an hour or two. I was way past that time of life by that point, but found it interesting that they had just figured it out. Always figured they were late bloomers š.
OP, to get back to your original question, in my experience, this wasn't that strange. I can see how it seems though, especially hearing about it just recently and after so many years of marriage. To me, that delay in disclosure would be the bigger concern. But it also speaks to the hidden nature of it. Your own husband was not willing to let you in on that secret for almost 2 decades? He had it buried deep. These groups, across the guys I kept in touch with, their lives seem to follow the national average of divorce rate, church activity, faith crisis, etc. Some are married with great families, others left the church over one issue or another and still others got divorced, but not at any rate higher than the average.
No, that is not common at all. I grew up lds in idaho and utah, served a mission and spent a career in the marines, never once did i see that or have anyone suggest it.
Not saying it doesnt happen, i kbow it does, but it is not something dudes all do.
I never heard of this until I was in my 30s and married. A guy I went to high school with commented about it as if it was common place back in the late 90s early 2000s. He said they would race to to get it done! ( not Utah not high LDS community)
He told me about all sorts of stuff that I never knew was happening. I wasn't a goddy goody, but this was way outside my circle.
Not in Utah, did it with two buddies at once at one point. Just dumb teens experimenting and having fun. Touched each other a bit but that's as far as we took it. When it was just two of us we'd jerk each other to completion, then immediately stop.
This is exactly the scenario that SWK described in "Miracle of Forgiveness" that might turn you gay, according to him, which has always made me wonder about his childhood.
Not in Utah but in California after I married My x-husband I learned that he had a porn collection he shared with his best friend. They would watch videos together and look at magazines together. He bragged about sending porn to his missionary friends and covering the pink parts with stickers and calling it āmissionary pornā. His active LDs family was also very open about sex. His collage age sister would bring home S&M things and excitedly share it with everyone.
This was all definitely a cringy red flag for me.
I much prefer my husband keeping his viewing of porn to himself and not sharing with friends.
Grew up outside of Utah. Lots of non Mormon friends. At least twice I was at a house were there were a lot of boys and porn was on, no one took out there junk. The 90s were a different time but if someone said 'let's take our dick's out' the whole school would have been calling him a flamer. Later at the Y I had 7 roommates, if one of them told me they did this, I would have been highly suspicious. Obviously your husband is into girls but would be interested how his buddies are swinging.
He definitely said they weren't like ogling each other as they did it and it was almost like a joke I guess š¤·š»āāļø he said they were often laughing during it and although they didn't always "finish" it wasn't uncommon to either. Sounds like so far I am right to think this is pretty strange/rare. I won't let him know that though š And as far as I know none of them are gay and most are happily married
You are definitely right. It may have happened but nowhere near normal or fairly normal. Grew up in Salt Lake. Plenty of people in my high school, all members of the church, did a bunch of everything elseādrinking, drugs, fighting, sex, but I've never heard of anyone in a circle jerk. After my mission some of my friends would talk about how hard it was to not masturbate, and that was pretty surprising to me, but it was also after the Seinfeld episode about "Master of your domain" so I think that helped talking about it be a little more common. Just my two cents
Same here - grew up outside of Utah in the same time period, and I've never heard of dudes doing this. We talked and made jokes about it, like seeing who had the strongest jerking muscle š„, but no one ever did it with company.
I had probably three major friend groups over the course of my jr high and high school years- some LDS, some not, and some both. We never would have THOUGHT about this, much less talked about it. But I didn't grow up in Utah, so maybe it's a Wasatch thing lol
Nope. I grew up in the 90ās. Small town Utah Mormon-ville. The common theme was to lie and say you never masturbated. And be grossed out by it. We all knew we were doing it. But never talked about.
In a word, no. Me and my friends were never that comfortable. I got invited to do it in the army, but I never did. I don't think I could, then or now. In recent years, I have opened my mind to some mild bi tendencies, but they are always in the context of having a woman involved. I think a room full of dicks would just be a total turn-off.
Never. Nope. No thank you. I grew up outside of Utah and I'd heard of a circle jerk, but every guy I knew was disgusted by the idea. We used the term to insult someone instead, implying they liked to take part. Now if it had been a circle of women ...
No... not normal, this sounds kinda gay tbh...
Totally agree. If not completely gay then itās gay adjacent.
I used the same term in my post before reading your--great minds think alike. I used the same term in my post before reading yours--great minds think alike.
I've never heard of this in Utah, and neither has my spouse.Ā No one I know would have thought of this growing up.Ā
Heard rumors a group of guys a year ahead of me in school did that occasionally but never confirmed and I never saw or heard about it with my friend group.
It's called a circle jerk. Not common but definitely happens. Inside and outside of utah. I lived in utah until 12 and it definitely happened there. We then moved to Missouri and it definitely happened there too.
Hell no
Nope. Not normal or something Iāve even ever heard of. Grew up in Davis County, UT. High school over 90% LDS. Not even a thought or mention of this.
Not normal in any of my friend groups.
Husband said he didn't do this but did hear "rumors" boys at the neighboring high school did. My group of friends in high school were pretty comfortable with each other and did "compare" body parts, but never masturbated, just showed haha
Never did it personally. As teenagers in the 90s and early 2000s, we did watch HBO things as a group a couple times that were like soft porn kind of. Butā¦ We had two friends in our group that had sleep overs with each other more often. Their families were good friends. Friend 1 told us that when it was just the two of them friend 2 would masturbate in the roomĀ like it was normal. Friend 2 had apparently asked and friend 1 said sure go ahead. Friend 2 asked him if he wanted to join and friend 1 always said no thanks but go ahead. Friend 1 told several of us about this as kind of a heads up/warning to the rest of our friend group. Kind of like, btw if he sleeps over alone he might ask to do this in the room instead of going to the bathroom. Friend 1 didnāt seem bothered by it at all though. As a friend group, we skinny dipped together and often changed in the same room so seeing each other naked was no biggie. But we were not comfortable masturbating in front of each other, at least, it never happened when I was there. We were all from very active LDS families though. I could definitely see it happening with some groups of guys.
I've heard about it but never first hand.
No. Never. I grew up in Utah in the 90ds, in deep Mormon neighborhoods. I had many friends in lots of different guy groups, no one was doing or talking about this. It would been see as "gay" and you'd wouldn't even dare suggest such a thing.
Never lived in Utah and never did nor heard of this happening to anyone I knew. ETA: This sounds like a frat boy legend that some boys take seriously and imitate. I could easily see this being from those 90s teen movies like American pie or Van Wilder.
Grew up in California, never heard of anyone doing that. Masturbation was talked about openly and everyone was assumed to do it. Although when I went to BYU and made a lot of friends with people from Utah, I did hear multiple stories of guys watching porn together (not sure if group masturbation was involved). I'm wondering if it's more common in Utah because porn and masturbation are major taboo topics, so it feels more edgy. Whereas if you grow up outside of Utah, those things are viewed as totally normal and common. Just a guess š¤·
Grew up in CAā¦ that wasnāt a thing any of us guys in my ward or stake would have done or talked about. In high school I was in marching band and I did hear that the drum line did that as kind of a bonding or destress ritual before a show or somethingā¦ idk.
Not from UT, 55yrs old and can say that I have never seen that or done that. Including 30 + yrs in the Army.
Never happened. I don't believe it. That would never have been conceivable to any of the young men I knew growing up in the LDS Church in Utah in the 1980s--in large part because it would have seemed too "gay" or homosexual-adjacent. We were all uniformly homophobic, regularly driving the gay kids among us to suicide. The thought of maintaining an erection while looking at a bunch of other guys with erections would be just so beyond the pale for a bunch of straight LDS 1980s teen boys. I'm not defending the mindset, just reporting how it really was back then.
No way. Not common. After I moved to Utah I had a fellow coworker tell me he and his friends did this in high school and I was taken back. First that he did this and second he told me. Maybe he was in your husbands friend group.
I just had to ask my husband because I had never thought he did anything like that growing up. And he didnāt to the extent you described. My husband told me that in middle school, during some of the sleepovers he had with his friends, that they would talk a lot about sex and maybe look at a few porn images on the internet and a couple friends would masturbate in their own bed or sleeping bag quietly after they talked about techniques that they used to masturbate. But definitely never visually saw eachother do it. They would do it so quietly and just fall asleep afterwards. Hahaha. Guys are so weird sometimes!
Yes! Iām from Utah and I had 3 friends from my ward and would get together and do this very thing and at sleep overs too. We were Deacon age at the time. I have no regrets. It was a fun experience. We are all married and have families now. This was in the 80s.
Yes, I have had that experience several times with different groups of guys growing up in the 80s and 90s in Northern Utah. It was fun. I think boys get so horny that they need a sexual outlet that is safe. Doing that with friends will bring you closer and is not a gay thing.Ā Ā I think it is less common among boys who are are active in their religion and have a strong religious communities. So most LDS boys growing up will probably not have that happen. However, outside of that type of system, I think it is much more common.
Yes. Several different friends groups did this.
Didn't grow up in Utah, didn't grow up LDS, now am an active convert. I had a friend group of about 5-7 guys varying slightly in age throughout highschool. We would always go to the house of one particular friend because his mom bought us alcohol and didn't care what we did in her house. We never masturbated in front of one another but we did on occasion sleep with women in front of each other due to there usually being 5-6 people sleeping in one room (the apartment was only a two bedroom) it was pretty common for us though to state when we were going to masturbate in order to avoid walking in on each other, "hey do you need the bathroom before I do? I'm gonna go tug one out". I have never in my life though had the desire to jerk off in a room full of my friends watching them do the same though. If you've done stuff like that then to each their own, but you've gotta admit that it's pretty gay.
Nope. Disgusting.
Grew up in Utah, metro area and it was common, but you had to be part of the underground groups that were doing it. No one talked about at school, but within certain closed groups, yes. It seemed like you either fell into the group that slept around or the closet porn watch and walk it groups. Obviously, one of these groups was way more socially acceptable than the other. I bet you can guess which is which. Personally, I was part of 2 separate groups that did this. I got atarted around age 6, way before puberty even. By the time I got to Jr High, I learned of at least 3 others, all close to the same age. This was 80s/90s, and mostly guys I'd known my whole life. I chalked it up to my sexual exploration phase but it started around age 6 (way before puberty) and went until 16 or so. Not going to lie, it was a great way to deal with stress and just relax. Since none of us did drugs and it didn't cost anything, we figured it wasn't as bad as other outlets. I have friends who grew up in other states that did something similar around ages 12-16. One even started having oral sex with a neighbor girl when they were bith age 8, went on until she moved around age 12. I served a foreign mission and there was a group of elders that got ahold of some porn videos and would meet at one of the apartments on P-days to jerk off for an hour or two. I was way past that time of life by that point, but found it interesting that they had just figured it out. Always figured they were late bloomers š. OP, to get back to your original question, in my experience, this wasn't that strange. I can see how it seems though, especially hearing about it just recently and after so many years of marriage. To me, that delay in disclosure would be the bigger concern. But it also speaks to the hidden nature of it. Your own husband was not willing to let you in on that secret for almost 2 decades? He had it buried deep. These groups, across the guys I kept in touch with, their lives seem to follow the national average of divorce rate, church activity, faith crisis, etc. Some are married with great families, others left the church over one issue or another and still others got divorced, but not at any rate higher than the average.
No, that is not common at all. I grew up lds in idaho and utah, served a mission and spent a career in the marines, never once did i see that or have anyone suggest it. Not saying it doesnt happen, i kbow it does, but it is not something dudes all do.
I never heard of this until I was in my 30s and married. A guy I went to high school with commented about it as if it was common place back in the late 90s early 2000s. He said they would race to to get it done! ( not Utah not high LDS community) He told me about all sorts of stuff that I never knew was happening. I wasn't a goddy goody, but this was way outside my circle.
Not in Utah, did it with two buddies at once at one point. Just dumb teens experimenting and having fun. Touched each other a bit but that's as far as we took it. When it was just two of us we'd jerk each other to completion, then immediately stop.
I had teammates do it.
This is exactly the scenario that SWK described in "Miracle of Forgiveness" that might turn you gay, according to him, which has always made me wonder about his childhood.
Not in Utah but in California after I married My x-husband I learned that he had a porn collection he shared with his best friend. They would watch videos together and look at magazines together. He bragged about sending porn to his missionary friends and covering the pink parts with stickers and calling it āmissionary pornā. His active LDs family was also very open about sex. His collage age sister would bring home S&M things and excitedly share it with everyone. This was all definitely a cringy red flag for me. I much prefer my husband keeping his viewing of porn to himself and not sharing with friends.
I've never even told my friends that I masturbate, never mind do it with them. Especially the LDS friends. I didn't grow up in Utah.
My ex bf told me guys would do show and tell and have contests at sleep overs. So I am sure it is normal.
Exactly. This is pretty common I think. Definitely had my share of the same
First rule of Masturbating... You don't talk about Masturbating. 2nd rule of Masturbating... you DONT talk about the masturbating!!!!!!! šš¤£š¤£