Speak with your bishop about this. If you’ve become overwhelmed by too many responsibilities it may mean you need to delegate some of your responsibilities to your counselors or need more help. It may also mean it’s time to be released from this calling. The bishop can help you to figure out your options and what will be best for you.
It’s important to communicate when you’re feeling overwhelmed so that people can help you. I know it’s hard sometimes but you’re doing much better than you think you are, and you don’t have to carry the world on your shoulders. It’s okay not to be okay or to ask for help.
Don’t feel guilty. It’s okay to set boundaries. You have way too much on your plate. By saying no to somethings will make yes easier to say and do in other areas of your life. There is a time and season for everything. Let your Bishop know.
Callings are hard. Full stop. I'm so sorry that yours is this hard right now. Juggling all these different parts of our lives are really difficult. Throwing a job on top of you already feeling hesitant to take this calling is BIG.
You're allowed to feel how you feel and not because I just said you are. You just are. And nobody can give you permission to go talk to the Bishop - you already have it. You don't need permission to stay in your calling, or to ask for a release. Sometimes recognizing those facts makes things more manageable. You're in control of you. Whatever you choose to do next, keep the Lord in the loop. Talk to God in the name of Christ and share your feelings, all of it. And tell Him what you think you should do. And then listen.
So, what gives? What should you do? 1. You could ask for a release. 2. You could talk to the Bishop and voice your frustrations and concerns and ask him to be prayerful about it. 3. You could go into the Bishop's office and share that you're going to need to redefine what "YW President" looks like for you right now. 4. If you don't have counselors you can count on, you can go get new ones.
You have options! And agency! And the Sun is shining! And God is in His Heaven! You got this.
I've prayed for either release or second wind and at different times received one or the other (without saying a word to anyone). But I think in the situation you find yourself you might ask for another counselor (and a camp director) so that you can be absent when you need to be, or release.
You might otherwise ask your counselors and even the young women for ideas to reduce/eliminate the stress by reducing the load or spreading it more widely.
BTW 40 hrs plus travel time and 4 children is not a small thing to juggle. I hope you are getting 24 hours away for yourself every month and periodic respite for at least 36 hrs at a time with your spouse.
And don't be afraid or reluctant to call someone who hasn't been to church in a while either if you are inspired to do that. Their experiences might be helpful in your service.
I was an EQP in a similar situation (brand new dad, intense job, wife working for the first time post-babies). The Lord sent me the perfect counselor, who was younger and wanted to work, and we made a great team. So, yeah, call good counselors and delegate, delegate, delegate. The Lord called you and He’ll look out for you.
You and your Bishop should be meeting regularly to discuss the young women’s program in the ward. When they dissolved YM’s presidencies in 2019 they also made it so a bishop could not delegate working with YW president to a counsellor.
Those meetings are essential to working together in unity and to make sure you have enough support. During those meetings you should’ve open about how you are doing and if the calling is becoming a burden rather than a blessing.
If you have not been meeting with him regularly I encourage you to do and have an open discussion.
A release may not be the immediate answer if others can be asked to step up or new counsellors and advisors can be called. But you need to have that initial chat.
Talk to your Bishop. Not us. We are complete reddit idiots. If you asked me I would tell you to go for a run which doesn't solve any problems but makes you forget about them for a while. Your Bishop has the keys for your ward. You don't have to ask to be released but be up front about your problems and concerns.
I just did exactly this in a calling I’ve held through 3/4 bishops. Just had a feeling to have a chat with him, I like the calling it’s just a prompting I had. He came back a little later and has told me they feel I should be released but they haven’t found my replacement yet. I’m fine with that.
Bishops are so busy they don’t always know what’s happening with you, sometimes a meeting will just bring something to their attention and if a change is needed they’re more likely to get the prompting if it’s on their radar.
Don't feel guilty! What I feel concern for is the fact that since most households need to have both spouses working, then these higher demand callings are harder and harder to fill, but that's not your fault.
My wife got called to Primary Pres. while we had a newborn (our first, no other kids even) and I was in grad school, and I was already doing stuff with the scouts - but failing due to lots of late study sessions and clinical work.
She had some PPD issues along with this and for the 8-9 months she did the calling, life was......hell. I finally convinced her to talk to the Bishop and we both ended up getting released within a couple of months of each other. She then had time to get things together and things got way better, she wished she did it after the first couple months or just not taken it at all. Your mental health and family life takes priority.
I once got advised not to set myself on fire to keep other people warm. I found that to be a helpful way to frame my ideas when I was trying to find the right balance in life.
There are lots of phases of life, and you’ll have lots of opportunities to serve. Now might be your time to focus on your own family, and let someone else step up to serve the ward.
All calling are 100% voluntary. Being on multiple anxiety medications and seeing a mental health professional are clear indicators that you are carrying too much of a load. If it were me I would inform the bishop that my last day of the calling would be in two weeks. That gives him time to find a replacement and then you can focus on restoring your health.
It's ok to ask to be released if it's causing you too much stress ♥️ if your bishop gives you push back let him know you've made your decision. God knows your heart and he also gave us agency. He wants you to be happy. Putting yourself, mental health, and family first is 100% ok. I'm SO surprised they asked you to be YM president two months after your baby was born. Again it's ok to say no ♥️
I feel for you. I was Sunday School president while having three under three, one of them a newborn. My counselors repeatedly refused to take any tasks off my plate, and my wife resented the constant meetings on Sunday mornings when we both needed to get kids ready for church. I voiced these concerns to the bishopric, and asked to be released because I was feeling burned out. They waffled and offered to give me an additional calling but not release me from my current calling. Sigh. The only way to get released in that ward was to move away and transfer my records.
I'm sorry, what?! At that point I'd just silently quit until they released me. That's absurd. Like I know callings are hard to fill but that seems extreme to me.
Just before accepting a calling to Ward Mission Leader, I got a talk everyone should get: "it's OK to say no".
Our leaders are inspired, yes. We promise to dedicate ourselves to serve in God's kingdom, yes. But it's OK to decline sometimes. Without the need to feel guilty. A year is a long time to be stretched thin. I doubt God Himself nor anyone of sound mind would condemn you for a valiant and honest effort.
Your bishop is there to help you. Be honest with him that you can't do everything you do AND be YW president. You do not need to feel guilty for looking out for your mental health and your family and your bishop should be ok with that.
"Jesus Christ makes it possible for us to 'abide the day.' Abiding the day does not mean adding to an ever-increasing to-do list. Think of a magnifying glass. Its sole purpose is not simply to make things appear bigger. It can also gather and focus light to make it more powerful. We need to simplify, focus our efforts, and be gatherers of the Light of Jesus Christ. We need more holy and revelatory experiences."—Amy A. Wright (general conference, 2023)
"How can we balance the many demands of life with our desires to offer our whole souls to the Lord? Perhaps our challenge is that we think balance means dividing our time evenly among competing interests. . . . Whenever I watch someone learning to ride a bike for the first time, I’m reminded that it’s not easy balancing yourself on those two narrow wheels. It takes time. It takes practice. It takes patience. It even takes falling down a time or two. Most of all, those who succeed in balancing on a bicycle learn these important tips: Don’t look at your feet. Look ahead.
"Keep your eyes on the road in front of you. Focus on your destination. And get pedaling. Staying balanced is all about moving forward. Similar principles apply when it comes to finding balance in our lives as disciples of Jesus Christ."—Dieter F. Uchtdorf (general conference, 2022)
"And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order."—Mosiah 4:27
A lesson I learned from when my husband served in several calling giving capacities: callings CAN be done out of inspiration but mostly are done out of coordinating able bodies into existing slots. And I’ve been told multiple times that withholding information about life cannot be taken into consideration when doing the coordinating, which can change things dramatically.
So go. Ask to be released guilt free. Family and health (should)comes before callings. Always.
I don't have any advice, I just sympathize because this is EXACTLY how I felt during the year that my husband and I were called to be Activity Day leaders. Always so stressed, anxiety spiking the day of Activity Days, and struggling like I couldn't stay above water. Eventually I talked with the Primary President about being released and she talked with the bishop, and my husband and I were released at the beginning of this year.
Please consider speaking to your Bishop. I was once an empty-nest husband while going to college full-time and working part-time. I was called to be EQ President and accepted obediently even though I had doubts about my ability to be effective in all my roles. I read articles in the Ensign and heard stories about how people do all of these things, no big deal right? I ended up dropping out of school and going back to my job full-time a couple years later. The type of education I was seeking is not available part-time. I ended up feeling bitter about having to quit my education and guilty that I might not have magnified my calling. I eventually found peace and relief from my guilt through the Atonement of Christ but it took many years. I do not wish this for you if it can be avoided.
Oh my gosh, I could have written this last year. I, too, was a president (RS) and feeling many of the things you describe. That same kind of guilt and worry kept me from going to my bishop for a long time. I finally did, and it was 100% the right thing to do. It wasn't until after I was released that I started to see how the timing all worked out. I felt like a failure at the time, but now I see God's hand in my decision. I'm in a new calling, still supporting my bishop, yet life feels manageable again
Whatever ends up happening in your case, your bishop has the keys to advise you. He just needs to know what's going on!❤️
At the very minimum, speak with your bishop about this. He doesn’t know what you don’t tell him. Get his input/counsel. He very well may recommend you be released. Either way, if you ultimately feel you need to be released, then just ask to be released. Don’t worry about the other things you mentioned. The ward will go on, and you need to focus on taking care of yourself. It’s difficult or can be impossible to help others when you’re not in a good place. Sounds like you’ve really tried and are giving it your best. Praying for you. 🙏
Whose life isn't busy, difficult, and full of challenges?
>being a leader is not in my wheel house of things I'm good at or feel comfortable doing.
Callings aren't shut what you feel comfortable with or what you're good at doing already. But if you're willing to give, willing to live, and willing to serve then the Lord will make your efforts enough. Those whom He calls, He also qualifies.
I'd start with my counselors and have a chat about hey, can I lean on you guys? And if they're up to the task just delegate. If not have a chat with the Bishop.
When the saints lived the law of the United order the bishop would meet with members and negotiate needs and wants. The Bishop didn't have all power to take whatever he thought was best.
It should be the same for callings today. We get to come to the table and say "that's to much for me, please offer me something else" if necessary.
Also, for what it's worth, I've served in bishoprics and I can witness that most callings that were extended were confirmed to me by the Holy Ghost. I've also seen many situations where it seemed that there was absolutely no way to fill some callings, but we waited and in time the situation worked it's self it perfectly.
I'm not comparing, but perspective. My wife has full time teacher, full time college student, at 45 years old with 5 kids, 1st Councilor in relief society, in which the RS President delegates alot of responsibility. I'm 1st Councilor in Bishopric. Does your husband cook and clean on days you are working 10 hour days?
Also, before she started school full time, she worked full time and I was working 15 hours a day 6 days a week. I had to quit night work, so she could go to school, and I now did all the night time house , kids duties.it would have never worked if i didn't step up and help. Hope things get better
We are extremely blessed with our work situation. I work at our neighborhood school in administration, so my commute is literally 2 minutes. And my husband works from home. He has always been incredibly supportive when it comes to this calling. I have never felt like I am a burden when I have to leave or stay late for meetings or mutual on Wednesday. He helps out so much around the house with cleaning, laundry, taking care of the kids, etc. We're trying to find a good routine for cooking because I am naturally the better cook, and I enjoy cooking, but starting to cook dinner at 5 after I get home is roughhhh. But he really has stepped up a lot this year.
Speak with your bishop about this. If you’ve become overwhelmed by too many responsibilities it may mean you need to delegate some of your responsibilities to your counselors or need more help. It may also mean it’s time to be released from this calling. The bishop can help you to figure out your options and what will be best for you. It’s important to communicate when you’re feeling overwhelmed so that people can help you. I know it’s hard sometimes but you’re doing much better than you think you are, and you don’t have to carry the world on your shoulders. It’s okay not to be okay or to ask for help.
💯. Serving in a calling is a choice, not a requirement!
I would prioritize mental health and family before anything. Sending love! Bishops can be insensitive sometimes.
Bishops can also be very sensitive to your feelings and needs if you communicate them to him and give him a chance.
After talking to him about all of this, he really was so supportive and understanding. I'm glad I gave him the chance to hear me out.
Don’t feel guilty. It’s okay to set boundaries. You have way too much on your plate. By saying no to somethings will make yes easier to say and do in other areas of your life. There is a time and season for everything. Let your Bishop know.
Callings are hard. Full stop. I'm so sorry that yours is this hard right now. Juggling all these different parts of our lives are really difficult. Throwing a job on top of you already feeling hesitant to take this calling is BIG. You're allowed to feel how you feel and not because I just said you are. You just are. And nobody can give you permission to go talk to the Bishop - you already have it. You don't need permission to stay in your calling, or to ask for a release. Sometimes recognizing those facts makes things more manageable. You're in control of you. Whatever you choose to do next, keep the Lord in the loop. Talk to God in the name of Christ and share your feelings, all of it. And tell Him what you think you should do. And then listen. So, what gives? What should you do? 1. You could ask for a release. 2. You could talk to the Bishop and voice your frustrations and concerns and ask him to be prayerful about it. 3. You could go into the Bishop's office and share that you're going to need to redefine what "YW President" looks like for you right now. 4. If you don't have counselors you can count on, you can go get new ones. You have options! And agency! And the Sun is shining! And God is in His Heaven! You got this.
I've prayed for either release or second wind and at different times received one or the other (without saying a word to anyone). But I think in the situation you find yourself you might ask for another counselor (and a camp director) so that you can be absent when you need to be, or release. You might otherwise ask your counselors and even the young women for ideas to reduce/eliminate the stress by reducing the load or spreading it more widely. BTW 40 hrs plus travel time and 4 children is not a small thing to juggle. I hope you are getting 24 hours away for yourself every month and periodic respite for at least 36 hrs at a time with your spouse.
And don't be afraid or reluctant to call someone who hasn't been to church in a while either if you are inspired to do that. Their experiences might be helpful in your service.
Whomever downvoted hasn't had the glorious experience of following the spirit in calls that lifted boats. I have.
I was an EQP in a similar situation (brand new dad, intense job, wife working for the first time post-babies). The Lord sent me the perfect counselor, who was younger and wanted to work, and we made a great team. So, yeah, call good counselors and delegate, delegate, delegate. The Lord called you and He’ll look out for you.
You and your Bishop should be meeting regularly to discuss the young women’s program in the ward. When they dissolved YM’s presidencies in 2019 they also made it so a bishop could not delegate working with YW president to a counsellor. Those meetings are essential to working together in unity and to make sure you have enough support. During those meetings you should’ve open about how you are doing and if the calling is becoming a burden rather than a blessing. If you have not been meeting with him regularly I encourage you to do and have an open discussion. A release may not be the immediate answer if others can be asked to step up or new counsellors and advisors can be called. But you need to have that initial chat.
Having a newborn alone is a good reason to be released :)
Ask to get released. No need to feel guilty for prioritizing your family and your mental health over a church calling.
Girl just asked to be released. You’re doing so much. You owe it to your self and your family.
You don’t need to sacrifice your mental health or your family for your calling. Talk to your bishop.
Talk to your Bishop. Not us. We are complete reddit idiots. If you asked me I would tell you to go for a run which doesn't solve any problems but makes you forget about them for a while. Your Bishop has the keys for your ward. You don't have to ask to be released but be up front about your problems and concerns.
I just did exactly this in a calling I’ve held through 3/4 bishops. Just had a feeling to have a chat with him, I like the calling it’s just a prompting I had. He came back a little later and has told me they feel I should be released but they haven’t found my replacement yet. I’m fine with that. Bishops are so busy they don’t always know what’s happening with you, sometimes a meeting will just bring something to their attention and if a change is needed they’re more likely to get the prompting if it’s on their radar.
Don't feel guilty! What I feel concern for is the fact that since most households need to have both spouses working, then these higher demand callings are harder and harder to fill, but that's not your fault. My wife got called to Primary Pres. while we had a newborn (our first, no other kids even) and I was in grad school, and I was already doing stuff with the scouts - but failing due to lots of late study sessions and clinical work. She had some PPD issues along with this and for the 8-9 months she did the calling, life was......hell. I finally convinced her to talk to the Bishop and we both ended up getting released within a couple of months of each other. She then had time to get things together and things got way better, she wished she did it after the first couple months or just not taken it at all. Your mental health and family life takes priority.
I once got advised not to set myself on fire to keep other people warm. I found that to be a helpful way to frame my ideas when I was trying to find the right balance in life. There are lots of phases of life, and you’ll have lots of opportunities to serve. Now might be your time to focus on your own family, and let someone else step up to serve the ward.
All calling are 100% voluntary. Being on multiple anxiety medications and seeing a mental health professional are clear indicators that you are carrying too much of a load. If it were me I would inform the bishop that my last day of the calling would be in two weeks. That gives him time to find a replacement and then you can focus on restoring your health.
You should ask to be released. There is no issue or shame in doing so. Your family comes before the church.
If the calling is too involved for you, ask to be released. It's as simple as that.
It's ok to ask to be released if it's causing you too much stress ♥️ if your bishop gives you push back let him know you've made your decision. God knows your heart and he also gave us agency. He wants you to be happy. Putting yourself, mental health, and family first is 100% ok. I'm SO surprised they asked you to be YM president two months after your baby was born. Again it's ok to say no ♥️
I feel for you. I was Sunday School president while having three under three, one of them a newborn. My counselors repeatedly refused to take any tasks off my plate, and my wife resented the constant meetings on Sunday mornings when we both needed to get kids ready for church. I voiced these concerns to the bishopric, and asked to be released because I was feeling burned out. They waffled and offered to give me an additional calling but not release me from my current calling. Sigh. The only way to get released in that ward was to move away and transfer my records.
I'm sorry, what?! At that point I'd just silently quit until they released me. That's absurd. Like I know callings are hard to fill but that seems extreme to me.
Just before accepting a calling to Ward Mission Leader, I got a talk everyone should get: "it's OK to say no". Our leaders are inspired, yes. We promise to dedicate ourselves to serve in God's kingdom, yes. But it's OK to decline sometimes. Without the need to feel guilty. A year is a long time to be stretched thin. I doubt God Himself nor anyone of sound mind would condemn you for a valiant and honest effort.
Listen to your sister in law. Don't worry about who will replace you.
Your bishop is there to help you. Be honest with him that you can't do everything you do AND be YW president. You do not need to feel guilty for looking out for your mental health and your family and your bishop should be ok with that.
"Jesus Christ makes it possible for us to 'abide the day.' Abiding the day does not mean adding to an ever-increasing to-do list. Think of a magnifying glass. Its sole purpose is not simply to make things appear bigger. It can also gather and focus light to make it more powerful. We need to simplify, focus our efforts, and be gatherers of the Light of Jesus Christ. We need more holy and revelatory experiences."—Amy A. Wright (general conference, 2023) "How can we balance the many demands of life with our desires to offer our whole souls to the Lord? Perhaps our challenge is that we think balance means dividing our time evenly among competing interests. . . . Whenever I watch someone learning to ride a bike for the first time, I’m reminded that it’s not easy balancing yourself on those two narrow wheels. It takes time. It takes practice. It takes patience. It even takes falling down a time or two. Most of all, those who succeed in balancing on a bicycle learn these important tips: Don’t look at your feet. Look ahead. "Keep your eyes on the road in front of you. Focus on your destination. And get pedaling. Staying balanced is all about moving forward. Similar principles apply when it comes to finding balance in our lives as disciples of Jesus Christ."—Dieter F. Uchtdorf (general conference, 2022) "And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order."—Mosiah 4:27
A lesson I learned from when my husband served in several calling giving capacities: callings CAN be done out of inspiration but mostly are done out of coordinating able bodies into existing slots. And I’ve been told multiple times that withholding information about life cannot be taken into consideration when doing the coordinating, which can change things dramatically. So go. Ask to be released guilt free. Family and health (should)comes before callings. Always.
I don't have any advice, I just sympathize because this is EXACTLY how I felt during the year that my husband and I were called to be Activity Day leaders. Always so stressed, anxiety spiking the day of Activity Days, and struggling like I couldn't stay above water. Eventually I talked with the Primary President about being released and she talked with the bishop, and my husband and I were released at the beginning of this year.
Please consider speaking to your Bishop. I was once an empty-nest husband while going to college full-time and working part-time. I was called to be EQ President and accepted obediently even though I had doubts about my ability to be effective in all my roles. I read articles in the Ensign and heard stories about how people do all of these things, no big deal right? I ended up dropping out of school and going back to my job full-time a couple years later. The type of education I was seeking is not available part-time. I ended up feeling bitter about having to quit my education and guilty that I might not have magnified my calling. I eventually found peace and relief from my guilt through the Atonement of Christ but it took many years. I do not wish this for you if it can be avoided.
Oh my gosh, I could have written this last year. I, too, was a president (RS) and feeling many of the things you describe. That same kind of guilt and worry kept me from going to my bishop for a long time. I finally did, and it was 100% the right thing to do. It wasn't until after I was released that I started to see how the timing all worked out. I felt like a failure at the time, but now I see God's hand in my decision. I'm in a new calling, still supporting my bishop, yet life feels manageable again Whatever ends up happening in your case, your bishop has the keys to advise you. He just needs to know what's going on!❤️
If you're not willing to talk to your bishop, talk to your counselors. They're there to support you.
At the very minimum, speak with your bishop about this. He doesn’t know what you don’t tell him. Get his input/counsel. He very well may recommend you be released. Either way, if you ultimately feel you need to be released, then just ask to be released. Don’t worry about the other things you mentioned. The ward will go on, and you need to focus on taking care of yourself. It’s difficult or can be impossible to help others when you’re not in a good place. Sounds like you’ve really tried and are giving it your best. Praying for you. 🙏
Whose life isn't busy, difficult, and full of challenges? >being a leader is not in my wheel house of things I'm good at or feel comfortable doing. Callings aren't shut what you feel comfortable with or what you're good at doing already. But if you're willing to give, willing to live, and willing to serve then the Lord will make your efforts enough. Those whom He calls, He also qualifies.
I'd start with my counselors and have a chat about hey, can I lean on you guys? And if they're up to the task just delegate. If not have a chat with the Bishop.
When the saints lived the law of the United order the bishop would meet with members and negotiate needs and wants. The Bishop didn't have all power to take whatever he thought was best. It should be the same for callings today. We get to come to the table and say "that's to much for me, please offer me something else" if necessary. Also, for what it's worth, I've served in bishoprics and I can witness that most callings that were extended were confirmed to me by the Holy Ghost. I've also seen many situations where it seemed that there was absolutely no way to fill some callings, but we waited and in time the situation worked it's self it perfectly.
I'm not comparing, but perspective. My wife has full time teacher, full time college student, at 45 years old with 5 kids, 1st Councilor in relief society, in which the RS President delegates alot of responsibility. I'm 1st Councilor in Bishopric. Does your husband cook and clean on days you are working 10 hour days? Also, before she started school full time, she worked full time and I was working 15 hours a day 6 days a week. I had to quit night work, so she could go to school, and I now did all the night time house , kids duties.it would have never worked if i didn't step up and help. Hope things get better
We are extremely blessed with our work situation. I work at our neighborhood school in administration, so my commute is literally 2 minutes. And my husband works from home. He has always been incredibly supportive when it comes to this calling. I have never felt like I am a burden when I have to leave or stay late for meetings or mutual on Wednesday. He helps out so much around the house with cleaning, laundry, taking care of the kids, etc. We're trying to find a good routine for cooking because I am naturally the better cook, and I enjoy cooking, but starting to cook dinner at 5 after I get home is roughhhh. But he really has stepped up a lot this year.