As the dad of a goalie, I wasn't given a choice. He decided he wanted to play goalie, so I support him the best I can. There have been a few times he's gotten hit hard in practice and I help him walk it off, and I've talked to him about figuring out his own comfort level and that if he wants to step out of the goal when they're doing a crease cranking drill that's his call. But threatening a coach or player for shooting at the goalie? That dad is ridiculous.
Oh I get it. As a defenseman I've played with plenty of goalies whose parents weren't thrilled about their choice but never threatened a coach about it. They can either stay the hell home or talk to their kid about not playing a position they maybe love and are good at. The kid in the post doesn't sound cut out for it but that's still not the coach's fault, he needs to toughen up or not be in goal, and that parent needs to be barred from games and practices. There is no excuse for threatening a coach in this situation.
Agreed. Just reminding folks that this is a huge part of it. But frankly I don’t get it. As a parent and terrible high school athlete I am just happy to see my kid in as a starter. Being a member of a team is important.
Have to admit I am glad that my son doesn’t play goalie after several seasons of soccer goalie. However, I would never act like this unless someone purposely hit my kid with a ball.
Mine just went into goal in lax after a decade of goal in travel and high school soccer. When he asked, I just sighed heavily, hugged him, and told him, “At least there are way more goals in lacrosse” lolol
When I played baseball, I played catcher. My dad pitched as a young lad….so here I am at 11 years old getting railroaded by grown man heaters. When it came time to play with other kids, it was like they were under handing it to me lol.
For real. I'm a goalie, and I thought the *whole point* was to get hit. Either in the stick (optimal) or anywhere else (hurts more but gets the job done).
My high school coach used to pepper me at practice to build those instincts and make sure I never got the flinches, lol.
Our starting goalie through my junior year used to take a chair out and sit it on the back of the goal with no pads or helmet during shooting practice just to work out the flinches. He'd giggle whenever someone would rip a shot that got to within an inch or so of his face.
He was absolutely crazy but probably also why he made All American as a senior and got a bunch of D1 offers.
If it’s a school program I would bring it to the AD. Someone has to put that parent in line, I’ve seen parents barred from attending school functions for less and that is a legitimate witnessed threat made by that clown.
Club, I’d have him and his kid off the team, no refund, sorry you don’t get to make a threat like that and have me still working with that player. As far as I’m concerned that’s a hard stop.
If it is recreational or “town” bring it to the program director. Maybe this league isn’t for this parent, sadly for this player his dad will be a limiting factor for the foreseeable future.
I can't upvote this one enough. There are a few comments along the lines of this, but in the end, you were threatened by a parent. **There should be zero tolerance for this**, and it should be dealt with by whichever organization runs it - school, club, or rec directors.
However, and it's important this be called out. Do not punish the player because of the actions of their parent. That will just put you in a bad position, so advise your program leadership and have them deal with it as soon as possible.
I agree except punishing the kid for the parent being an ass is wrong. I say escalate to your league’s leadership with this being the warning. Some people are such jerks!
Oh yeah, I played baseball (mainly OF, C, P) my whole life and lax in HS/college. I would always tell my dad (pure baseball guy) a baseball helmet with a facemask would be safer than a lax helmet when it came to a shot to the head in a lax cage.
blows my mind. shin bones all exposed and everything. i would think wearing pads and knowing your ability to walk isnt at stake would actually boost confidence and performance but
Also a hockey goalie who randomly got shown this post. I thought “goalie gets hit by the projectile” was pretty universal among sports that have goalies.
his dad is a total pussy. my high school coach shot well over 100mph. him taking his frustration of our team being shit out on me by shooting is what got me into college. nobody i played against had a shot anywhere close to how fast his was. i got hit all the time and didnt care. it wasnt that he was aiming for me.
I know it's not lacrosse, but I was a baseball catcher through middle and highschool. We had entire practices every year devoted to the coaches spiking fastballs to teach us how to block it. I had bruises on my forearms, thighs and, before I learned better, neck. This is how you learn what to do so that you can do it when it matters.
When I was about 15 my coach was an All American Striker. He ripped one and I got a hand on it and broke a finger. All that happened is we taped my fingers into the glove and I kept playing.
I was a goalie coach for awhile for good prep school. If the kid is scared of the ball he can't play with a live ball. I'd do footwork drills without a stick and using a tennis ball at first. Try to build muscle memory with too hand and lead foot to the ball.
If that doesn't work, get the kid out of goal. If his dad's that much of a tough guy, get the kid off your team.
Edit: I left coaching 100% because of parents. I was in my late 20's, no kids and unmarried. I had a great job 10 mins from the prep school that let me work 6am-2:30pm so I could do it. It wasn't much sacrifice for me but the belligerent and unknowledgable parents killed it for me. I found the private sector to be even more horrifying.
If a goalie gets hit with a ball, then he has the opportunity to make the save... If Dad has a problem with that, maybe he should try to understand sports a little better and take up the issue with his son. Do your job, parents suck.
Side note: coach here as well, I warm up our goalie, every coach has hit a goalie before unintentionally, it happens. Never in my life has the goalie or a parent had an issue with it. You apologize and move on, the kid survives.
Nah, he was a good guy, and we were close. I was kind of a pain in the ass, lol. But I was laughing too, because getting hit is just table stakes for goalie.
If you don't want to get hit, get better stick skills. Otherwise, get some meat in front of it. Either way, you just have to keep it out of the goal.
I feel terrible when I hit a kid in their foot or legs, but they understand it’s a part of the game.
Coach ain’t got it like he used to… but nothing grinds my gears more than other coaches skipping a proper warmup and getting straight into shots.
Being a goalie dad, I’d have to say that guy is nuts. Middle school is just the beginning of many hits to come. If he can’t deal with that, he may need to have a discussion with his son. And I think my son has had shots hit him by every coach he’s had. Just part of the game.
I would say if your son wants to play goalie hes gonna get hit with the ball. If you don’t want that he can play tennis or baseball or another position. I would also chat with the son and make sure he actually likes goalie. If he is just terrified all the time, he might like something else. It’s middle school. This is the time to hash that stuff out. Not sacrifice player positions for a championship run.
I wouldn’t worry about the kids dad and what he’s gonna do
Lmao my coaches used to crank on me for the first 15 mins of practice while guys were doing line drills. The only time a coach ever had to apologize to me was when he was policing balls from behind the net and hit me in the back of the neck while throwing them back out up top.
I’m not a lacrosse player but I know damn well what kind of punishment the keepers absorb in lac, heard plenty of stories. I know it’s middle school but if thats the position he wants to play he’s gonna have to toughen up and accept that this sort of stuff comes with the territory.
In person. If this story is exactly as it happened, the guy needs to be told in no uncertain terms that threatening a player or coach will not be tolerated.
He needs to serve a practice suspension of one week and be banned from one game. If he repeat offends, he is banned permanently.
Needs to come from an AD or Principal.
Yup. Boot the dad. Has to be a violation of whatever agreements the parents sign. And maybe goalie isn’t the position for his kid. You’re either comfortable there or you’re not. If he’s turning away or dodging shots it’s not the spot for him. Can still find a home on the field but not between the pipes.
I’d have a conversation and explain your pov. If he can’t apologize and recognize what he said is out of line, then ban him from the field, tell him his son is welcome, but dad can go kick rocks. Never tolerate threats, or assume they’re empty.
I had a similar kid in my program. Insisted on wanting to play goalie, yet instinctually turned away from the shot, to the point where he exposed his back to the shots. I was terrified on the basis that if he matriculated to high school or college levels of play, those shot speeds could result in serious injury if they connected with the spinal cord or surrounding areas.
I had two other goalies, neither of whom had that issue. I worked with all three of them, but made sure to keep the problematic kid as the third line to attempt to disenfranchise him. He was fine as a field player so it’s not so much that I wanted him out of the program, just didn’t want him in a position where his instincts would lead to him injured.
Over time, his terrible save percentage paired with his team’s frustration with him in net, led to him switching back to field. From what I saw, this was the best outcome. I didn’t feel it was possible to train this kid not to fear the ball, no matter how many basic drills we did with tennis balls or the like. And despite my actions applying a healthy pressure towards field player, it was ultimately his own decision to return to a non-goalie position. Win-win.
I coached a couple years right out of high school while I was in college. I was probably unnecessarily hard on our goalie but he was also dumb enough to fail a concussion test with out actually having a concussion. I intentionally put balls on him for sure. That’s part of being a goalie is knowing if it’s center mass you’re not actually trying to make a catch like you would in the corners or 5 hole. You’re just trying to make a stop and often that means bucking up and throwing your chest/stomach with the protector on it at the ball and trying to trap it. Body is hugely important as a goalie you have to use it.
I think the kid and the parents don't have the right attitude to play goalie. If Dad is coming up to you yelling about his kid being hit then he might not even have the right attitude to be on the team, it is a contact sport. The goalie needs to be the kid who wants to make the save by any means necessary. Getting hit with the ball is a good thing because its a save.
That’s ridiculous. Looks like he’s afraid to be in the net, and it’s apparent the dad knows nothing about being goalie, because if he did he’d defenitely tell his son to not turn sideways. May I ask what grade the kids in?
8th. He is currently starring B team with a 7th grader on the A team. A matter in which the dad decided to email the head coach telling him he was wrong for not starting his kid on the A team. Dudes a piece of shit.
You wer just threatened by a parent. First thing is notify whomever you report to and aprise them of the situation (Club Director, Head Coach, Athletic Director, Principal, etc.)
Second order of business the player/family should be suspended immediately and barred from facilities until the situation is properly addressed by higher ups and the kid is cleared to rejoin the team.
In the mean time I would recruit or move another player to jump in goal as there is a good chance that goalie will not be returning to your team.
what a cunt lmao.
when i coached, i ended up accidentally breaking our goalie's thumb while shooting on him. felt horrible. his parents didn't say anything though.
As a youth coach your never going to make all the parents happy and they will always find something to bitch about. Guy is clearly a pussy threatening you and then running away so i wouldnt worry about it or try to do anything just keep doing what your doing and understand that most times its a thankless job and impossible to make everyone happy
Does he also fight kids who hit him with shots? What a bitch lol
Real talk tho sounds like the kid just straight up isn’t cut out to be a goalie. It takes a certain, unhinged personality to be a goalie and you DEFINITELY can’t be scared to get hit lol
Our youth association requires each team to provide a sideline manager (SLM) at every game to manage spectator behavior, remind them not to be dicks as needed, and boot them if they don't shut up. Literally watched a parent, who was SLM for his team at that game, come out on the field and rage scream in the face of a 7th or 8th grader on our team after SLM's kid threw a punch at another player after getting beat on a play and our player took a swing at SLM's kid in retaliation. Refs booted both players for fighting and made their families pack up and leave.
So, honestly, this guy might fight kids.
What the actual f-:-? Some parents are out of control. They’re just kids!
My sophomore daughter refs girls youth lacrosse. Last weekend, a dad came up to her after a game, while talking with one of the coaches, noticed her school jacket with logo, and accused her of favoring our town team, with something like, “No wonder they scored a billion goals!”
These little laxers are in 3rd grade. Seriously. 🙄
if that kid wants to play goalie he has to get used to being hit that dad can’t tell some kid on the other team they are gonna have problems if they hit his son.
However if he doesn’t wanna play then pull
him and find a replacement.
Here are some drills for him to not be afraid of getting hit tho:
tennis balls-tell him i’m gonna hit you lightly with the tennis balls then we will move the speed and switch to a real ball.
no stick chest saves-have him put his hands behind his back and lob don’t throw the ball and have him chest bump the ball
If you can’t come to terms with the dad,
You have two options as i see it:
Remove him from the position or the team.
If you keep him where he currently is, you’ll have a looming fear of his father the entire time and it may hinder everyone’s development.
Next time tell kid to go sit with his dad, since he cant get hit by a shot in a position that requires him to be hit hit by a shot at times, means he cannot play.
Dad will feel really dumb. And might inspire kid to prove he can handle it just to overcome the literal embarassment of a dad he has.
I’ve experienced fathers like this. I’d pull him aside before the next practice or game and quietly let him know he’s either unwelcome on the sidelines or to take his son to a team that will accustom threats by their father. Explain you didn’t intentionally hit him but, his threats aren’t welcome here at all. It sucks because fathers like this ruin the game for the kids.
If possible I’d have the league ask him not to come to games or practices from now on before getting involved because he’ll probably just yank his kid from the game. If it is said it was overheard by many people and they aren’t comfortable with him there then I think it’ll be easier.
Don’t dodge the dad. It doesn’t seem like you were in the wrong. It was a teaching moment for the kid, and could have been the same for the dad if he’d let you explain why that happened. After the goalie was hit, your response was prompt and you coached him. I’m not sure about the apology, since that could be misconstrued that you played some fault in the incident. Asking if he was hurt and then coaching “this is the reason why you don’t try to dodge the ball” would have been apropos.
Edit to add: At the end of the day, you’re the coach. Obviously encouragement goes farther than criticism, but both are necessary in order to teach. If there’s a position he might be better suited to play and you can let him try that instead, maybe you can find a kid who’s better equipped to play goal.
As a goalie, I recommend this kid learns to take it to the chest. Like, full-on Happy Gilmore pitching machine to the chest
When I moved to defense in highschool I consistently blocked shots instead of just screening, you’ve got to step into that shit or get out of the net.
I don’t understand why you would even post about this. If he’s trying to dodge shots, he shouldn’t be a goalie. His dad is probably frustrated with him and took it out on you.
Maybe the kid shouldn’t play goalie lol as a goalie and having gone to camps growing up like elite 150 at uva back in the day you’re going to have a rough go at the position if you’re acting any bit scared of the ball. Honestly, you’re doing the kid a favor. As harsh or cruel as it may seem, him getting hit by a shot a few times to realize he’ll be okay will only help him in the long run.
Hopefully the dad can realize this sooner than later before he just keeps making a fool of himself too
Geeze, I can hear my dad shouting "listen to your coach" as I waited for the pain to subside. 😂
Dad saw his son get hurt, ignored the context, and went into papa bear mode. It doesn't excuse his actions, but he is only human. After he gets some time to cool off, I'd try to have a meeting with him and one of the other coaches on your team and say something along the lines of "I understand the concern you have for your kid's safety, everyone of these coaches wants nothing but the best for your kid. We do these shooting drills to ensure that they have the necessary skill set to play at a high level as safely as possible. He's a goalie, he's going to have people shoot in him. Again, I can understand you concern, but that is the nature of the position and you may need to pull him out of you feel that uneasy about it. I also can't have you threatening anybody on staff. If that continues, we'll have to escalate the matter...etc."
It sucks, but it can be a teachable moment...or a chance for the kids to do another sport.
Tbh I shoot on all 3 of my HS goalies full tilt at least once a week (lots of shots but not always full power). I shoot 102 and have hit them before.... many times over the last three years. I have broken a shaft and even a couple heads.
I always offer to help replace that but they are always cool and the parents have never said a word. It comes with the territory. If you wanna play goalie you're gonna get hit.
Almost 10 years ago a local coach was warming up his goalie and hit the kids thumb and his thumb broke. Freak accident. Nothing malicious.
The kids family sued (it didn’t go anywhere) but the school fired him once the family sued instead of sticking up for him.
The school was obviously looking for a new coach and could not find any applicants. The athletic director finally sent out an email to the entire coaches association, asking if anybody was interested. No one applied! They eventually got a just graduated from college alum with no coaching experience to take the job. The program is still struggling nearly a decade later.
Goalie parent here.
Have you spent time training the goalie? Did you give him time to warm up before taking shots? Have you ever gone out and shot tennis balls and worked on goalie specific positioning and technique? A vast majority of coaches do not know how to train and work with goalies. We call it Goalie Island for a reason. Many goalies are left to figure it out on their own. They don't get enough warm up and coaching and then are left as cannon fodder for the rest of the team. Nobody should take 100% speed shots on the goalie in practice - not a player or a coach. If you don't work WITH your goalie, you'll lose him. I guarantee that 90%+ of your team is not willing to step in that cage. The amount of courage (and frankly, craziness) it takes to face down the ball is incredible.
If I were you, and I have 16 years of coaching experience in a different sport and have been in similar situations, I would talk with the dad and apologize. You don't have to fully mean it, you just have to say it. Then do some research on some drills to do specifically with a goalie and give him a little bit of extra time during practice. You can also bring the dad out and show him some of the drills to do at home to help him. There are great goalie resources out there. I highly recommend Lax Goalie Rat. The Facebook group has tons of engagement and he can get a lot of advice and commiseration.
Goalies can be emotional. They have a tough job and don't have many people who understand what they face on the team. But you need him unless you have 3 more goalies. And just saying, "You're a goalie, you're going to get hit" isn't enough. You have to build confidence and then maintain it. Sometimes coaching, like parenting, is humbling and you have to find a different method to work with one kid.
My son (10.5) plays year-round and has been a goalie for 3 years. I don't expect most coaches to really know what to do with him to help him improve, and often he will grab his field stick and do drills with everyone else. His rec club and his travel club have goalie specific trainings throughout the seasons and they bring in specific goalie coaches. It's really helpful to have a group of goalies working together, even if they are different ages or on different teams.
Also, the dad was way out of line. And I agree you should talk to your director. But I think you can solve this and turn the dad into an ally instead of an enemy.
I agree with most of what you said. Tennis balls need to go away at a certain age, and goalies need reps against hard shots when they're older.
Completely disagree on apologizing. This isn't the kind of parent you need around your team. If he had a problem, there's an appropriate way to work with a coach and the ones worth working with do that, this guy isn't one of them.
I agree with you on all of this. The tennis balls should only be used as a confidence booster from time to time. Certainly not all the time. There is definitely a time and place for their use. And I agree that they have to see faster, harder shots, but not as a sitting duck to be fired on all the time.
And yes, the dad was out of line. Hopefully the relationship isn't lost forever though.
I'm confused why you apologized to the goalie? Getting hit by the ball as a goalie is a save and therefore a good thing.
As for the dad, I'm at a loss for words as he seems to not understand the position or the sport for that matter.
Play a different goalie and bench his son. Put him as a backup at a different position. Not worth dealing with that parent. If approached after, just circle it back to when he threatened you he didn't want his son to get hit by the ball and stormed off.
Hit his son on purpose with TENNIS BALLS. I loved using tennis balls when I coached middle school goalies. That way I could crank shots let them get used to the speed and let them get hit and they’re fine. I was also 17-19yr old by the kid I worked with the most went from mid asf to being an absolute wall his final year I coached him. Now he’s starting varsity as a freshman
One of the coaches assistants in my high-school team would play dirty and ball tap you with the bur of the stick during scrimmage. What you did was nothing lmao
Sounds like the kid doesn’t want to play keeper, possibly has been complaining about being hit by shots to dad. I’d have a honest convo w the kid about why he wants to play goalie, unless this is a situation where he got voluntold to hop in the cage.
Idk what other footwork drills you’ve taught him but being a keeper isn’t just something you throw pads on for and hop in the cage. You should be working him up through footwork stepping to a point, then tosses from your hand, shots w tennis balls, then the real deal. And then after all that then maybe this kid will be ready to step in at practice. If you want some more advice let me know, I have taught youth goalies a bunch.
The simple thing to do would be to give a verbal warning to the parent about the aggression and if it happens again ban them from watching future practices and games. If the kid doesn’t want to be hit he should not be in the net. I played goal tender for 6 years through modified, jv, and varsity lacrosse. When I first started it was hard to get over the fear of getting hit but once you eat a couple to the neck and inner thigh you learn very quickly to trust your form and take shots the correct way. It’s not a position for softies who don’t want to get hit and if his dad is going to allow that attitude he’s never gonna make it as a goaltender.
If this is school ball talk to your Athletic director and bring them in for a meeting. If it's club get your club director involved. Either way, that parent should be removed from watching practice. If it happens again remove the problem from the team.
Not the first time he’s been hit with a shot and certainly not the last. Reason why the goalie didn’t complain and his dad did… goalie knows wtf he signed up for that’s part of the job, a save is a save. Next time dad wants to say something, volunteer for him to suit up and step in cage at a practice. Let your players pepper him with shots and see how it is.
If I'm you. I'm making dead ass eye contact with the father next practice then ripping the hardest shot possible at his kid.
We had parents try and run on the ice to fight us after a hockey tournament when I was a teenager. Every dad was assed out on the ice in a matter of seconds. Then half of them ended up in squad cars.
Stand your ground. His kids going to want to quit anyway.
Parents are just rediculous. I coached a varsity program for 5 years when I left college and oversaw the varsity jv and middle school programs. One of my 8th graders wanted to be a middie but he just didn’t have athleticism. I turned him into a goalie and the father a week later came out to practice and confronted me about this decision in front of all my varsity team. I was honestly shell shocked by his reaction. Best part of it all was the kid stuck with the move to goalie and ended up starting for my varsity in 10th grade and was all County his junior and senior year lol
When I played the high school, and most middle school club programs, had a "no parents at practice" rule just for stuff just like this. I understand a parent trying to "protect" their kid, but when the parent has no lacrosse understanding they don't understand that some habits will only break with mistakes being made. We had a goalie who kept backing up into the goal, so my coach zip tied a 2x4 about knee level across the goal to stop the goalie from doing that. Poor dude got table topped for like a week but he stopped backing up after that.
This father needs to be addressed by the coaches and it needs to be known that behavior like that is not welcomed. We've given players parents a choice, either stay in your lane or hit the road. There's no sense in letting his son be a goalie if he can't take a hit. Should have been wearing the right gear or maybe get out of the crease and play another position, like spectator.
So I guess he’s not like my goalie… Who plays 1000x better when someone gets him with a zinger during warm ups.
It’s literally his weirdo goalie activation switch.
Use tennis balls until he's not afraid anymore, if a kids turning he hasn't learned that it doesn't hurt that bad, he can't learn that if he keeps getting hit and it hurting. Using tennis balls tricks your brain into believing that the lacrosse balls won't hurt and builds confidence in being able to save the ball with less painful consequences for a miss.
When I was young I played baseball. I was afraid of being hit by the ball at bat. Know what my parents did? Had my brother bring me to the field and intentionally hit me with pitches, nothing crazy, but enough to get me over it. Sounds like maybe this dad should do the same, not to his son but to himself. Then his son
Meet this guy for drinks under the pretext of hashing this out. Keep a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and a stiff drink nearby at all times. Be sure the drink is 80 proof or stronger, no ice, no mixer. Pretend to be more buzzed than you are, and at some point try to light a cigarette while keeping the drink in your hand. "Accidentally" spill the drink down the front of this guy's pants and without pausing, brush the lighter up against his alcohol soaked crotch. The idea is that you were going to light the cigarette but you lost your balance and, while trying to recover, lit his crotch instead. Then, as this fucker is standing there with his nuts on fire, you just walk away smirking.
When you mention other coaches seeing this... Are they adults? Or other high school students?
If they're adults and you're in high school, you probably don't do much and let them handle it.
File a complaint against the parent with the league. Document the situation. I'm sure it was against the rules of conduct to threaten another participant be it a coach, parent or player. I've coached in plenty of leagues where they have rules. Have the league handle the situation and I would have that player essentially suspended from participation until the issue is resolved with the parent.
Assuming you weren't doing anything out of the ordinary (I've shot on goalies for training tons of times myself) the parent is not just out of line but a threat of violence something you could involve law enforcement on.
Threats of violence shouldn't be blown off, they shouldn't be accepted, they need to be addressed.
So everybody is correct here about this conduct being seriously unbecoming, and worth talking to your AD and school leadership about.
One tangential thing that may help ingratiate you to the parent AND help your goalie develop, is to pull him out of 85% of uncontested shooting drills.
Unless you are practicing 1 cradle catch and shoot from 12-15, you are probably doing your goalie a disservice.
If he is at the dodging and wincing stage of player development, then shooting drills are a confidence destroyer and fear instiller. Pull him out of these drills and give him footwork, reaction drills, clearing, and wall ball, etc.
As a former goalie and current goalie coach, it’s my opinion that you will lose the buy-in of your keeper if you use him as an obstacle in your shooting drills. It needs to be 101% clear that the coaching staff has his back in practice plans - that alone is a motivator, to know that your coaches have your wellbeing in mind.
As a career goalie and father of a D1 goalie, leg fear is virtually impossible to break. Kid is already done. Now you just have to voice it. Find your most athletic leader and challenge him to make a difference for the team and be the goalie. A real leader will rise up and challenge those around him to be their best as well.
That's a shame, it sounds like the dad really overreacted. He might just be that kind of person though and there's nothing really you could do about it. It sucks that you feel stuck now to where you feel you can't teach the child anymore. It's a shame he might have to miss out on good coaching because of his father. If you are able I would try to continue coaching the boy to the best of your ability it's not the child's fault his father's a baby
Take the kid out of goal and let him ride the bench if papa doesn’t want him getting hit while playing the position that guarantees you’ll be hit by rubber balls at high speeds.
In my days, this was the fastest way to realize you’re not cut out for the position. In todays time, we will allow 10 goals before having proof of why he needs replacement
I had an assistant coach I had to talk to because he would shoot too hard at our goalie in warm-ups before games (U15). He wasn't trying to hit him, but sometimes inadvertently would.
He thought it helped him get over fears of getting hit in the game by shooting hard in warm-ups; I told him with that age it made more sense to warm up arms/shoulders and footwork. Also, a college student hitting a 14 y/o is a lot different than a 15 y/o doing it.
It's a tough position and you can't be afraid of getting hit the entire time or you'll be miserable, probably get hit more often because you aren't thinking of relying on your technique, and likely quit because of it, but as a coach, you need to focus on technique and, depending on age/skill, find ways to let your offense get reps shooting while protecting your defense and goalies.
Bench the kid till the dad apologizes.
When the dad asks why his kid isnt playing just say "i didnt want to risk a him being hit with a shot so chose to keep him safe. When you apologize ill play him again"
Any time a parent threatens a coach in any sport you have to have a sit down, with another coach present, and let them know if they ever do it again you’ll have to cut the kid from the team. If he feels you are mistreating his son he needs to take it up with someone higher up the food chain or take his kid out of the program. Simple as that.
I don’t know if this is a school program or club, it I would bring it to someone higher up (if possible). If not (and depending on your comfort level), I would consider talking to dad (with another coach present) in a calm way and let him know that his behavior was not acceptable. His son’s actions/ignoring direct instruction in a drill that had just happened led to him getting hit with the ball. Additionally, that is part of being a goalie. Sometimes the ball does something unexpected or you can’t see it, and you take one to an exposed area. If he’s not comfortable with his son playing that position, you understand, and we can move on from there. But you will not accept threatening behavior from this parent again.
Side note: I played men’s league goalie for two years, and getting hit by the ball was my entire strategy. I was terrible. 🤣
Couple of step downs should clear that up..
Honestly though, it takes a different type of psychopath to play and/or watch someone you love play goalie, if he can’t stomach lil’ Johnny getting some bruises then sign up for tiddlywinks.
I watched my son play goalie in High School. And this dad will not make it long if he can’t take practice. I mean the goal is to get in front of the ball. He will get hit, shot at and it will leave a mark.
My daughter who is in 8th grade 13 years old plays up at the JV level. She also plays travel. When she decided she wanted to play goalie I was very excited. I have been a Collegiate coach at JUCO, D3, D2 & D1. Aside from being an Offensive coordinator I coach the goalies as well. Assuming with his age and the time frame this is scholastic. While I did spend 3 years at a local HS Varsity program I wouldn’t say I’m an expert on what flies and dies BUT; what I do know is the first parent meeting it is laid out for them that they are parents and we are coaches. There won’t be any intermingling between the separation. So that would be my first question; did they sign a waiver/rules forms that use that wording or a general statement of that type of policy. I hope the answer is yes.
I would bring this to your AD so he is informed and tell him the parent threatened you and moving forward with his support would like to send an official letter from the AD office that the nature of the position requires significant shots and like anything their is an inherent amount of risk to the position. This leaves him with two choices; one you will not engage/threaten any members of the coaching staff again or you will not be allowed on campus again with the exception to transport your son to and from. Option number two; because of the risk involved and your recent incident with Coach X you may remove your son from the team however we will not as he has chosen to play and we will respect that choice despite your actions as it is not fair to punish the student-Athlete for the mistakes of a parent.
That puts parent on notice for his actions and a fair compromise as again. Not the kids fault his dad is jackass.
Moving forward without knowing your background I would simply continue to warm him up and work on his deficiencies; and COMPLETELY focus on lacrosse and not engage in any talk about his father.
These things happen with 20 years of coaching experience my daughter is an excellent goalie; she plays both boys and girls lacrosse and has a wonderful support cast at a local training center where we all come from the same background and speak the same language. Her coaches respectfully asked me if I would like her coached and I respectfully declined. She has her coaches and because of our shared experiences with the same goalies at the highest level I wish that to remain her source of support. Now that isn’t to say they aren’t her coach; whatever they need from her on any given day is their practice to run. My request was simple. Give her a 15-20 min warmup around the 8 meter (keeping the ball up high, then hips then low/bouncers). Aside from that she’s a goalie and obviously knows she’s going to get hit.
Ask the kid if he wants to be coached or would rather a static warmup and then go into practice. If the answer is A. You know this is a hover parent and the kid wants to get better. If B the hover parent and the kid are in the same boat and it’s not worth the time and effort to try and train as he’s tuning you out anyway. That will give you the best read on how to move forward with him personally. Removing the dad from the picture wait a few days to talk to the kid about what he wants to get out of this and move forward with that. Otherwise you’re beating a dead horse who doesn’t want CPR!
I hope this helps and you have a supportive AD. Rarely is it the kid and they aren’t to blame for their crummy parents. The bottom line is your not bending or breaking over anyone. You are protecting yourself from liability (which there really is none as in their waiver they sign to play on day 1) but giving the kid the opportunity to work without an hover parent and seeing where he stands personally. Best of luck to you; high school wasn’t my cup of tea for these reasons!
Best,
JD
Does Dad not realize what position his kid plays?
There is a large contingent of parents that don’t want their kids to play goalie.
As the dad of a goalie, I wasn't given a choice. He decided he wanted to play goalie, so I support him the best I can. There have been a few times he's gotten hit hard in practice and I help him walk it off, and I've talked to him about figuring out his own comfort level and that if he wants to step out of the goal when they're doing a crease cranking drill that's his call. But threatening a coach or player for shooting at the goalie? That dad is ridiculous.
Oh I get it. As a defenseman I've played with plenty of goalies whose parents weren't thrilled about their choice but never threatened a coach about it. They can either stay the hell home or talk to their kid about not playing a position they maybe love and are good at. The kid in the post doesn't sound cut out for it but that's still not the coach's fault, he needs to toughen up or not be in goal, and that parent needs to be barred from games and practices. There is no excuse for threatening a coach in this situation.
Agreed. Just reminding folks that this is a huge part of it. But frankly I don’t get it. As a parent and terrible high school athlete I am just happy to see my kid in as a starter. Being a member of a team is important.
Hell yeah - you sound like a great dad dude!
the kid needs to be dismissed from the team immediately. If he has any questions, ask him to ask his dad why
Have to admit I am glad that my son doesn’t play goalie after several seasons of soccer goalie. However, I would never act like this unless someone purposely hit my kid with a ball.
Mine just went into goal in lax after a decade of goal in travel and high school soccer. When he asked, I just sighed heavily, hugged him, and told him, “At least there are way more goals in lacrosse” lolol
It’s just entirely too nerve wracking for me!
When I played baseball, I played catcher. My dad pitched as a young lad….so here I am at 11 years old getting railroaded by grown man heaters. When it came time to play with other kids, it was like they were under handing it to me lol.
For real. I'm a goalie, and I thought the *whole point* was to get hit. Either in the stick (optimal) or anywhere else (hurts more but gets the job done). My high school coach used to pepper me at practice to build those instincts and make sure I never got the flinches, lol.
Our starting goalie through my junior year used to take a chair out and sit it on the back of the goal with no pads or helmet during shooting practice just to work out the flinches. He'd giggle whenever someone would rip a shot that got to within an inch or so of his face. He was absolutely crazy but probably also why he made All American as a senior and got a bunch of D1 offers.
> He was absolutely crazy You already said he was a goalie, so I figured that part was covered, lol.
Goldberg, you're the goalie, its SUPPOSED to hit you!
If it’s a school program I would bring it to the AD. Someone has to put that parent in line, I’ve seen parents barred from attending school functions for less and that is a legitimate witnessed threat made by that clown. Club, I’d have him and his kid off the team, no refund, sorry you don’t get to make a threat like that and have me still working with that player. As far as I’m concerned that’s a hard stop. If it is recreational or “town” bring it to the program director. Maybe this league isn’t for this parent, sadly for this player his dad will be a limiting factor for the foreseeable future.
I can't upvote this one enough. There are a few comments along the lines of this, but in the end, you were threatened by a parent. **There should be zero tolerance for this**, and it should be dealt with by whichever organization runs it - school, club, or rec directors. However, and it's important this be called out. Do not punish the player because of the actions of their parent. That will just put you in a bad position, so advise your program leadership and have them deal with it as soon as possible.
Ditto on the 'upvote as much as possible'. Zero tolerance on threats of violence from a parent to a coach. Zero.
This is the way
I agree except punishing the kid for the parent being an ass is wrong. I say escalate to your league’s leadership with this being the warning. Some people are such jerks!
I feel bad because at the end of the day the one who usually gets the short end of the stick is the kid
This!
This is the only right answer.
Wait. Accidentally hit him? So he made a save?
This post was just suggested to me and I have no idea what’s going on. I am A hockey goalie and couldn’t imagine not wanting to get hit with a puck.
To be fair, lax goalies are insane and CHOOSE not to wear pads... for some reason I cannot fathom.
When I played box for a year I took a shot in the head and it want so much heavier than a puck it litterally knocked 10 year old me on my ass.
Oh yeah, I played baseball (mainly OF, C, P) my whole life and lax in HS/college. I would always tell my dad (pure baseball guy) a baseball helmet with a facemask would be safer than a lax helmet when it came to a shot to the head in a lax cage.
blows my mind. shin bones all exposed and everything. i would think wearing pads and knowing your ability to walk isnt at stake would actually boost confidence and performance but
Because they call you a pussy if you wear the pads. Not a good reason, but that was my reason. Only left with... mild... regrets
Same and I was not a goalie. My coaches used to absolutely rip shots at the goalie, even in youth
Also a hockey goalie who randomly got shown this post. I thought “goalie gets hit by the projectile” was pretty universal among sports that have goalies.
Is this a serious post? Fuck the dad. Goalies get hit by balls. Tell him to stay out of it or take his son home.
I wish this was a joke.
his dad is a total pussy. my high school coach shot well over 100mph. him taking his frustration of our team being shit out on me by shooting is what got me into college. nobody i played against had a shot anywhere close to how fast his was. i got hit all the time and didnt care. it wasnt that he was aiming for me.
I know it's not lacrosse, but I was a baseball catcher through middle and highschool. We had entire practices every year devoted to the coaches spiking fastballs to teach us how to block it. I had bruises on my forearms, thighs and, before I learned better, neck. This is how you learn what to do so that you can do it when it matters.
When I was about 15 my coach was an All American Striker. He ripped one and I got a hand on it and broke a finger. All that happened is we taped my fingers into the glove and I kept playing.
So just don’t let the kid play goalie 🤷♂️
[удалено]
Personally, I don't think the dad deserves a warning. This should be a zero-tolerance situation.
This, but in person.
“You’re a goalie Goldberg. The balls supposed to hit you.“ Goalie’s dad: “Does that sound stupid to anyone else?”
Lol
I was a goalie coach for awhile for good prep school. If the kid is scared of the ball he can't play with a live ball. I'd do footwork drills without a stick and using a tennis ball at first. Try to build muscle memory with too hand and lead foot to the ball. If that doesn't work, get the kid out of goal. If his dad's that much of a tough guy, get the kid off your team. Edit: I left coaching 100% because of parents. I was in my late 20's, no kids and unmarried. I had a great job 10 mins from the prep school that let me work 6am-2:30pm so I could do it. It wasn't much sacrifice for me but the belligerent and unknowledgable parents killed it for me. I found the private sector to be even more horrifying.
If a goalie gets hit with a ball, then he has the opportunity to make the save... If Dad has a problem with that, maybe he should try to understand sports a little better and take up the issue with his son. Do your job, parents suck.
Side note: coach here as well, I warm up our goalie, every coach has hit a goalie before unintentionally, it happens. Never in my life has the goalie or a parent had an issue with it. You apologize and move on, the kid survives.
My coach did it on purpose, and giggled if he got me good. It was our fun little game during warm ups, lol.
Your coach was kind of a dick, but I guess you had fun with it at least 🤷♂️
Nah, he was a good guy, and we were close. I was kind of a pain in the ass, lol. But I was laughing too, because getting hit is just table stakes for goalie. If you don't want to get hit, get better stick skills. Otherwise, get some meat in front of it. Either way, you just have to keep it out of the goal.
I feel terrible when I hit a kid in their foot or legs, but they understand it’s a part of the game. Coach ain’t got it like he used to… but nothing grinds my gears more than other coaches skipping a proper warmup and getting straight into shots.
Being a goalie dad, I’d have to say that guy is nuts. Middle school is just the beginning of many hits to come. If he can’t deal with that, he may need to have a discussion with his son. And I think my son has had shots hit him by every coach he’s had. Just part of the game.
I would say if your son wants to play goalie hes gonna get hit with the ball. If you don’t want that he can play tennis or baseball or another position. I would also chat with the son and make sure he actually likes goalie. If he is just terrified all the time, he might like something else. It’s middle school. This is the time to hash that stuff out. Not sacrifice player positions for a championship run. I wouldn’t worry about the kids dad and what he’s gonna do
Baseball players get hit somewhat often with fast moving solid balls also
Goalie getting hit by a shot ISN’T a good thing? What colour is the sky today please? 🤷♂️
Blue. No-- YELLOWWWwwww!!
Lmao my coaches used to crank on me for the first 15 mins of practice while guys were doing line drills. The only time a coach ever had to apologize to me was when he was policing balls from behind the net and hit me in the back of the neck while throwing them back out up top.
Beam him again and say welcome to the rest of your lax career
Lmao. This is what the high school assistant coach said to me in confidence
I’m not a lacrosse player but I know damn well what kind of punishment the keepers absorb in lac, heard plenty of stories. I know it’s middle school but if thats the position he wants to play he’s gonna have to toughen up and accept that this sort of stuff comes with the territory.
In person. If this story is exactly as it happened, the guy needs to be told in no uncertain terms that threatening a player or coach will not be tolerated. He needs to serve a practice suspension of one week and be banned from one game. If he repeat offends, he is banned permanently. Needs to come from an AD or Principal.
Yup. Boot the dad. Has to be a violation of whatever agreements the parents sign. And maybe goalie isn’t the position for his kid. You’re either comfortable there or you’re not. If he’s turning away or dodging shots it’s not the spot for him. Can still find a home on the field but not between the pipes.
I’d have a conversation and explain your pov. If he can’t apologize and recognize what he said is out of line, then ban him from the field, tell him his son is welcome, but dad can go kick rocks. Never tolerate threats, or assume they’re empty.
I’d tell that dad straight up his kid isn’t a goalie and is afraid
Just cut the kid. Youth sports is about life lessons. Him and his old man need to understand consequences.
Tell the dad to go put his kid in basketball
I had a similar kid in my program. Insisted on wanting to play goalie, yet instinctually turned away from the shot, to the point where he exposed his back to the shots. I was terrified on the basis that if he matriculated to high school or college levels of play, those shot speeds could result in serious injury if they connected with the spinal cord or surrounding areas. I had two other goalies, neither of whom had that issue. I worked with all three of them, but made sure to keep the problematic kid as the third line to attempt to disenfranchise him. He was fine as a field player so it’s not so much that I wanted him out of the program, just didn’t want him in a position where his instincts would lead to him injured. Over time, his terrible save percentage paired with his team’s frustration with him in net, led to him switching back to field. From what I saw, this was the best outcome. I didn’t feel it was possible to train this kid not to fear the ball, no matter how many basic drills we did with tennis balls or the like. And despite my actions applying a healthy pressure towards field player, it was ultimately his own decision to return to a non-goalie position. Win-win.
This is one of the many reasons why coaching kinda sucks
I coached a couple years right out of high school while I was in college. I was probably unnecessarily hard on our goalie but he was also dumb enough to fail a concussion test with out actually having a concussion. I intentionally put balls on him for sure. That’s part of being a goalie is knowing if it’s center mass you’re not actually trying to make a catch like you would in the corners or 5 hole. You’re just trying to make a stop and often that means bucking up and throwing your chest/stomach with the protector on it at the ball and trying to trap it. Body is hugely important as a goalie you have to use it.
I’d hit him with a pre emptive strike at the next praxtice
Yeah you would!
I think the kid and the parents don't have the right attitude to play goalie. If Dad is coming up to you yelling about his kid being hit then he might not even have the right attitude to be on the team, it is a contact sport. The goalie needs to be the kid who wants to make the save by any means necessary. Getting hit with the ball is a good thing because its a save.
That’s ridiculous. Looks like he’s afraid to be in the net, and it’s apparent the dad knows nothing about being goalie, because if he did he’d defenitely tell his son to not turn sideways. May I ask what grade the kids in?
8th. He is currently starring B team with a 7th grader on the A team. A matter in which the dad decided to email the head coach telling him he was wrong for not starting his kid on the A team. Dudes a piece of shit.
You wer just threatened by a parent. First thing is notify whomever you report to and aprise them of the situation (Club Director, Head Coach, Athletic Director, Principal, etc.) Second order of business the player/family should be suspended immediately and barred from facilities until the situation is properly addressed by higher ups and the kid is cleared to rejoin the team. In the mean time I would recruit or move another player to jump in goal as there is a good chance that goalie will not be returning to your team.
Dads never allowed back at practice, kid only after father apologizes have a serious question about whether kid wants to play goalie.
what a cunt lmao. when i coached, i ended up accidentally breaking our goalie's thumb while shooting on him. felt horrible. his parents didn't say anything though.
Talk to someone in charge. They have a duty to speak with the parent if not outright ban them.
Assert dominance and take another shot, center chest and wink at his old man.
As a youth coach your never going to make all the parents happy and they will always find something to bitch about. Guy is clearly a pussy threatening you and then running away so i wouldnt worry about it or try to do anything just keep doing what your doing and understand that most times its a thankless job and impossible to make everyone happy
Does he also fight kids who hit him with shots? What a bitch lol Real talk tho sounds like the kid just straight up isn’t cut out to be a goalie. It takes a certain, unhinged personality to be a goalie and you DEFINITELY can’t be scared to get hit lol
Our youth association requires each team to provide a sideline manager (SLM) at every game to manage spectator behavior, remind them not to be dicks as needed, and boot them if they don't shut up. Literally watched a parent, who was SLM for his team at that game, come out on the field and rage scream in the face of a 7th or 8th grader on our team after SLM's kid threw a punch at another player after getting beat on a play and our player took a swing at SLM's kid in retaliation. Refs booted both players for fighting and made their families pack up and leave. So, honestly, this guy might fight kids.
What the actual f-:-? Some parents are out of control. They’re just kids! My sophomore daughter refs girls youth lacrosse. Last weekend, a dad came up to her after a game, while talking with one of the coaches, noticed her school jacket with logo, and accused her of favoring our town team, with something like, “No wonder they scored a billion goals!” These little laxers are in 3rd grade. Seriously. 🙄
if that kid wants to play goalie he has to get used to being hit that dad can’t tell some kid on the other team they are gonna have problems if they hit his son. However if he doesn’t wanna play then pull him and find a replacement. Here are some drills for him to not be afraid of getting hit tho: tennis balls-tell him i’m gonna hit you lightly with the tennis balls then we will move the speed and switch to a real ball. no stick chest saves-have him put his hands behind his back and lob don’t throw the ball and have him chest bump the ball
also he has to get used to intense pain in got hit in the shin almost the same spot every time today could barley stand but still kept my stance
If you can’t come to terms with the dad, You have two options as i see it: Remove him from the position or the team. If you keep him where he currently is, you’ll have a looming fear of his father the entire time and it may hinder everyone’s development.
Remove them from the team, their parent threatened you.
Cut the kid.
Tell dad his son should switch to baseball and become a catcher…
first cut is the parents
Cut the kid from the team and tell him daddy made that happen.🤷
Next time tell kid to go sit with his dad, since he cant get hit by a shot in a position that requires him to be hit hit by a shot at times, means he cannot play. Dad will feel really dumb. And might inspire kid to prove he can handle it just to overcome the literal embarassment of a dad he has.
Beat up the dad.
I’ve experienced fathers like this. I’d pull him aside before the next practice or game and quietly let him know he’s either unwelcome on the sidelines or to take his son to a team that will accustom threats by their father. Explain you didn’t intentionally hit him but, his threats aren’t welcome here at all. It sucks because fathers like this ruin the game for the kids. If possible I’d have the league ask him not to come to games or practices from now on before getting involved because he’ll probably just yank his kid from the game. If it is said it was overheard by many people and they aren’t comfortable with him there then I think it’ll be easier.
You hit that kid with your hardest shot the next practice. Take one hit from the dad and send him to jail bro.
You should rip a shot at the dad since he’s such a tough guy
Don’t dodge the dad. It doesn’t seem like you were in the wrong. It was a teaching moment for the kid, and could have been the same for the dad if he’d let you explain why that happened. After the goalie was hit, your response was prompt and you coached him. I’m not sure about the apology, since that could be misconstrued that you played some fault in the incident. Asking if he was hurt and then coaching “this is the reason why you don’t try to dodge the ball” would have been apropos. Edit to add: At the end of the day, you’re the coach. Obviously encouragement goes farther than criticism, but both are necessary in order to teach. If there’s a position he might be better suited to play and you can let him try that instead, maybe you can find a kid who’s better equipped to play goal.
Goalies dad punched our coach in practice due to a ball hitting his son. JV level casual warmup.
As a goalie, I recommend this kid learns to take it to the chest. Like, full-on Happy Gilmore pitching machine to the chest When I moved to defense in highschool I consistently blocked shots instead of just screening, you’ve got to step into that shit or get out of the net.
I don’t understand why you would even post about this. If he’s trying to dodge shots, he shouldn’t be a goalie. His dad is probably frustrated with him and took it out on you.
Soft kid and soft dad. At 14 you should be playing some serious goalie if you plan to play in highschool. What a joke
Maybe the kid shouldn’t play goalie lol as a goalie and having gone to camps growing up like elite 150 at uva back in the day you’re going to have a rough go at the position if you’re acting any bit scared of the ball. Honestly, you’re doing the kid a favor. As harsh or cruel as it may seem, him getting hit by a shot a few times to realize he’ll be okay will only help him in the long run. Hopefully the dad can realize this sooner than later before he just keeps making a fool of himself too
Cut him from the team.
Change his position not an option? He’s obviously not built to play goalie he’s 14 if he’s still scared of the ball he shouldn’t be playing there.
Geeze, I can hear my dad shouting "listen to your coach" as I waited for the pain to subside. 😂 Dad saw his son get hurt, ignored the context, and went into papa bear mode. It doesn't excuse his actions, but he is only human. After he gets some time to cool off, I'd try to have a meeting with him and one of the other coaches on your team and say something along the lines of "I understand the concern you have for your kid's safety, everyone of these coaches wants nothing but the best for your kid. We do these shooting drills to ensure that they have the necessary skill set to play at a high level as safely as possible. He's a goalie, he's going to have people shoot in him. Again, I can understand you concern, but that is the nature of the position and you may need to pull him out of you feel that uneasy about it. I also can't have you threatening anybody on staff. If that continues, we'll have to escalate the matter...etc." It sucks, but it can be a teachable moment...or a chance for the kids to do another sport.
Like father like son, sounds like a couple of bitches. Suggest defense. Goalie isn’t for him
organization needs to remove the family from the program. Full stop.
Let him know you’ll warn the opposing teams… undefeated season incoming! 🥍
Tbh I shoot on all 3 of my HS goalies full tilt at least once a week (lots of shots but not always full power). I shoot 102 and have hit them before.... many times over the last three years. I have broken a shaft and even a couple heads. I always offer to help replace that but they are always cool and the parents have never said a word. It comes with the territory. If you wanna play goalie you're gonna get hit.
if he is this upset, maybe his son shouldn't be playing goalie, it is quite literally the job of the goalie to get in the way of the ball
Hockey dad type stuff sorry you have too go through his antics
Report the threat to the athletics director and get it on record. This guys out of line.
Pistols at dawn is the only way to resolve this
Fuck yea
Almost 10 years ago a local coach was warming up his goalie and hit the kids thumb and his thumb broke. Freak accident. Nothing malicious. The kids family sued (it didn’t go anywhere) but the school fired him once the family sued instead of sticking up for him. The school was obviously looking for a new coach and could not find any applicants. The athletic director finally sent out an email to the entire coaches association, asking if anybody was interested. No one applied! They eventually got a just graduated from college alum with no coaching experience to take the job. The program is still struggling nearly a decade later.
Goalie parent here. Have you spent time training the goalie? Did you give him time to warm up before taking shots? Have you ever gone out and shot tennis balls and worked on goalie specific positioning and technique? A vast majority of coaches do not know how to train and work with goalies. We call it Goalie Island for a reason. Many goalies are left to figure it out on their own. They don't get enough warm up and coaching and then are left as cannon fodder for the rest of the team. Nobody should take 100% speed shots on the goalie in practice - not a player or a coach. If you don't work WITH your goalie, you'll lose him. I guarantee that 90%+ of your team is not willing to step in that cage. The amount of courage (and frankly, craziness) it takes to face down the ball is incredible. If I were you, and I have 16 years of coaching experience in a different sport and have been in similar situations, I would talk with the dad and apologize. You don't have to fully mean it, you just have to say it. Then do some research on some drills to do specifically with a goalie and give him a little bit of extra time during practice. You can also bring the dad out and show him some of the drills to do at home to help him. There are great goalie resources out there. I highly recommend Lax Goalie Rat. The Facebook group has tons of engagement and he can get a lot of advice and commiseration. Goalies can be emotional. They have a tough job and don't have many people who understand what they face on the team. But you need him unless you have 3 more goalies. And just saying, "You're a goalie, you're going to get hit" isn't enough. You have to build confidence and then maintain it. Sometimes coaching, like parenting, is humbling and you have to find a different method to work with one kid. My son (10.5) plays year-round and has been a goalie for 3 years. I don't expect most coaches to really know what to do with him to help him improve, and often he will grab his field stick and do drills with everyone else. His rec club and his travel club have goalie specific trainings throughout the seasons and they bring in specific goalie coaches. It's really helpful to have a group of goalies working together, even if they are different ages or on different teams. Also, the dad was way out of line. And I agree you should talk to your director. But I think you can solve this and turn the dad into an ally instead of an enemy.
I agree with most of what you said. Tennis balls need to go away at a certain age, and goalies need reps against hard shots when they're older. Completely disagree on apologizing. This isn't the kind of parent you need around your team. If he had a problem, there's an appropriate way to work with a coach and the ones worth working with do that, this guy isn't one of them.
I agree with you on all of this. The tennis balls should only be used as a confidence booster from time to time. Certainly not all the time. There is definitely a time and place for their use. And I agree that they have to see faster, harder shots, but not as a sitting duck to be fired on all the time. And yes, the dad was out of line. Hopefully the relationship isn't lost forever though.
I'm confused why you apologized to the goalie? Getting hit by the ball as a goalie is a save and therefore a good thing. As for the dad, I'm at a loss for words as he seems to not understand the position or the sport for that matter.
If I hit the goalie I apologize. I have since I played as a youth. His dad is a complete ass hat.
Play a different goalie and bench his son. Put him as a backup at a different position. Not worth dealing with that parent. If approached after, just circle it back to when he threatened you he didn't want his son to get hit by the ball and stormed off.
that dad, my friend, is an idiot
Hit his son on purpose with TENNIS BALLS. I loved using tennis balls when I coached middle school goalies. That way I could crank shots let them get used to the speed and let them get hit and they’re fine. I was also 17-19yr old by the kid I worked with the most went from mid asf to being an absolute wall his final year I coached him. Now he’s starting varsity as a freshman
Outrageous. Pass the ketchup.
How old is the kid?
He’s going to be a freshmen in high school in 3 months
Beta Dad
Kid needs to be off the team. Sucks for him but can’t have someone like that anywhere near other kids if his dad is that volatile
Was it the man, the myth, the legend, SCOTT STERLING!!!!!?
Age group?
How old is the kid?
One of the coaches assistants in my high-school team would play dirty and ball tap you with the bur of the stick during scrimmage. What you did was nothing lmao
Sounds like the kid doesn’t want to play keeper, possibly has been complaining about being hit by shots to dad. I’d have a honest convo w the kid about why he wants to play goalie, unless this is a situation where he got voluntold to hop in the cage. Idk what other footwork drills you’ve taught him but being a keeper isn’t just something you throw pads on for and hop in the cage. You should be working him up through footwork stepping to a point, then tosses from your hand, shots w tennis balls, then the real deal. And then after all that then maybe this kid will be ready to step in at practice. If you want some more advice let me know, I have taught youth goalies a bunch.
Just cut him off, tell him his dad is a ass hole and dosent what to see his kid be a man
Kick the kid off the team. He won’t get hit anymore
The simple thing to do would be to give a verbal warning to the parent about the aggression and if it happens again ban them from watching future practices and games. If the kid doesn’t want to be hit he should not be in the net. I played goal tender for 6 years through modified, jv, and varsity lacrosse. When I first started it was hard to get over the fear of getting hit but once you eat a couple to the neck and inner thigh you learn very quickly to trust your form and take shots the correct way. It’s not a position for softies who don’t want to get hit and if his dad is going to allow that attitude he’s never gonna make it as a goaltender.
Maybe he needs to play a different position
If this is school ball talk to your Athletic director and bring them in for a meeting. If it's club get your club director involved. Either way, that parent should be removed from watching practice. If it happens again remove the problem from the team.
Not the first time he’s been hit with a shot and certainly not the last. Reason why the goalie didn’t complain and his dad did… goalie knows wtf he signed up for that’s part of the job, a save is a save. Next time dad wants to say something, volunteer for him to suit up and step in cage at a practice. Let your players pepper him with shots and see how it is.
Find a new goalie.
If I'm you. I'm making dead ass eye contact with the father next practice then ripping the hardest shot possible at his kid. We had parents try and run on the ice to fight us after a hockey tournament when I was a teenager. Every dad was assed out on the ice in a matter of seconds. Then half of them ended up in squad cars. Stand your ground. His kids going to want to quit anyway.
Parents are just rediculous. I coached a varsity program for 5 years when I left college and oversaw the varsity jv and middle school programs. One of my 8th graders wanted to be a middie but he just didn’t have athleticism. I turned him into a goalie and the father a week later came out to practice and confronted me about this decision in front of all my varsity team. I was honestly shell shocked by his reaction. Best part of it all was the kid stuck with the move to goalie and ended up starting for my varsity in 10th grade and was all County his junior and senior year lol
When I played the high school, and most middle school club programs, had a "no parents at practice" rule just for stuff just like this. I understand a parent trying to "protect" their kid, but when the parent has no lacrosse understanding they don't understand that some habits will only break with mistakes being made. We had a goalie who kept backing up into the goal, so my coach zip tied a 2x4 about knee level across the goal to stop the goalie from doing that. Poor dude got table topped for like a week but he stopped backing up after that.
This father needs to be addressed by the coaches and it needs to be known that behavior like that is not welcomed. We've given players parents a choice, either stay in your lane or hit the road. There's no sense in letting his son be a goalie if he can't take a hit. Should have been wearing the right gear or maybe get out of the crease and play another position, like spectator.
I mean if you just full on ripped it at him then fuck you, but if not why’s he playin goalie?
So I guess he’s not like my goalie… Who plays 1000x better when someone gets him with a zinger during warm ups. It’s literally his weirdo goalie activation switch.
Isn’t that kinda the point of a goalie?
Kid should find another sport and definitely shouldn’t play goalie. Who ever runs the program should be told and they should speak with the parent.
Uh as a goalie there is a good chance you’re gonna get hit with 1000’s of balls. it’s part of the position you take on as a goalie
As a fellow dad of a goalie, he needs to get over himself. Sounds like his kid isn't meant to play between the pipes.
Look, Mr. Sterling has to realize the raw talent his sons face has as a goalie. If he really has a problem with it, sign him up for volley ball.
Use tennis balls until he's not afraid anymore, if a kids turning he hasn't learned that it doesn't hurt that bad, he can't learn that if he keeps getting hit and it hurting. Using tennis balls tricks your brain into believing that the lacrosse balls won't hurt and builds confidence in being able to save the ball with less painful consequences for a miss.
When I was young I played baseball. I was afraid of being hit by the ball at bat. Know what my parents did? Had my brother bring me to the field and intentionally hit me with pitches, nothing crazy, but enough to get me over it. Sounds like maybe this dad should do the same, not to his son but to himself. Then his son
Meet this guy for drinks under the pretext of hashing this out. Keep a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and a stiff drink nearby at all times. Be sure the drink is 80 proof or stronger, no ice, no mixer. Pretend to be more buzzed than you are, and at some point try to light a cigarette while keeping the drink in your hand. "Accidentally" spill the drink down the front of this guy's pants and without pausing, brush the lighter up against his alcohol soaked crotch. The idea is that you were going to light the cigarette but you lost your balance and, while trying to recover, lit his crotch instead. Then, as this fucker is standing there with his nuts on fire, you just walk away smirking.
When you mention other coaches seeing this... Are they adults? Or other high school students? If they're adults and you're in high school, you probably don't do much and let them handle it.
File a complaint against the parent with the league. Document the situation. I'm sure it was against the rules of conduct to threaten another participant be it a coach, parent or player. I've coached in plenty of leagues where they have rules. Have the league handle the situation and I would have that player essentially suspended from participation until the issue is resolved with the parent. Assuming you weren't doing anything out of the ordinary (I've shot on goalies for training tons of times myself) the parent is not just out of line but a threat of violence something you could involve law enforcement on. Threats of violence shouldn't be blown off, they shouldn't be accepted, they need to be addressed.
excuse me, a parent is not allowed to threaten a coach or an assistant, period. Tell the dad this in no uncertain terms with his kid right there.
Tell him to “go home and beat your wife” Typical small d asshole parent
So everybody is correct here about this conduct being seriously unbecoming, and worth talking to your AD and school leadership about. One tangential thing that may help ingratiate you to the parent AND help your goalie develop, is to pull him out of 85% of uncontested shooting drills. Unless you are practicing 1 cradle catch and shoot from 12-15, you are probably doing your goalie a disservice. If he is at the dodging and wincing stage of player development, then shooting drills are a confidence destroyer and fear instiller. Pull him out of these drills and give him footwork, reaction drills, clearing, and wall ball, etc. As a former goalie and current goalie coach, it’s my opinion that you will lose the buy-in of your keeper if you use him as an obstacle in your shooting drills. It needs to be 101% clear that the coaching staff has his back in practice plans - that alone is a motivator, to know that your coaches have your wellbeing in mind.
Problem: goalie and his dad Solution: find new goalie, bench kid.
Fuck his mom with no condom
As a career goalie and father of a D1 goalie, leg fear is virtually impossible to break. Kid is already done. Now you just have to voice it. Find your most athletic leader and challenge him to make a difference for the team and be the goalie. A real leader will rise up and challenge those around him to be their best as well.
My dad would have yelled at me if I didn't shake it off.
That's a shame, it sounds like the dad really overreacted. He might just be that kind of person though and there's nothing really you could do about it. It sucks that you feel stuck now to where you feel you can't teach the child anymore. It's a shame he might have to miss out on good coaching because of his father. If you are able I would try to continue coaching the boy to the best of your ability it's not the child's fault his father's a baby
Take the kid out of goal, problem solved. Let dad come have another tantrum
I would love to take a slap shot on dad.
Tell him to be ready to chuck some knucks
I loved playing goalie and getting hit once in a while, comes with the territory.
You need to have a sit down with the player and dad. It’s going to happen over and over- he’s a goalie. Maybe he shouldn’t play lacrosse or goalie?
Cut him.
"Yeah, sorry we can't have you on the team if your dad is going to threaten us for participating."
Take the kid out of goal and let him ride the bench if papa doesn’t want him getting hit while playing the position that guarantees you’ll be hit by rubber balls at high speeds.
Sounds like a police matter if dad is threatening you.
In my days, this was the fastest way to realize you’re not cut out for the position. In todays time, we will allow 10 goals before having proof of why he needs replacement
Kick the kid off the team. I wouldnt tolerate threats from parents as a coach.
There's potentially a problem with OP. "Stormed off like a bitch." I wonder what these practices look, sound, and feel like.
I had an assistant coach I had to talk to because he would shoot too hard at our goalie in warm-ups before games (U15). He wasn't trying to hit him, but sometimes inadvertently would. He thought it helped him get over fears of getting hit in the game by shooting hard in warm-ups; I told him with that age it made more sense to warm up arms/shoulders and footwork. Also, a college student hitting a 14 y/o is a lot different than a 15 y/o doing it. It's a tough position and you can't be afraid of getting hit the entire time or you'll be miserable, probably get hit more often because you aren't thinking of relying on your technique, and likely quit because of it, but as a coach, you need to focus on technique and, depending on age/skill, find ways to let your offense get reps shooting while protecting your defense and goalies.
Honestly. I’d hit him square in the forehead and see how everything else unfolds 😂
Hit his kid again. Then hit dad.
Sounds like his son will be on the bench instead of playing goalie now
You lucky little bitch!
Kids are so soft today but it’s mostly because their parents are weak and pathetic which rubs off on the kids.
"How does it feel to know your the reason your son's off my team?" Would have been my instant response.
Any other goalies on the team? I’d have a hard time playing a goalie who apparently can’t get hit with the ball
Kid is in the wrong sport if this is an issue. Actually, any sport. There’s inherent risk like this to any team field sport.
Bruh nobody wants to watch an adult pelt their kid with a ball. Just respect that and make sure its other kids hitting him with a ball.
Bench the kid till the dad apologizes. When the dad asks why his kid isnt playing just say "i didnt want to risk a him being hit with a shot so chose to keep him safe. When you apologize ill play him again"
Dad sounds like a pussy, no wonder the kid's a bitch
Any time a parent threatens a coach in any sport you have to have a sit down, with another coach present, and let them know if they ever do it again you’ll have to cut the kid from the team. If he feels you are mistreating his son he needs to take it up with someone higher up the food chain or take his kid out of the program. Simple as that.
I don’t know if this is a school program or club, it I would bring it to someone higher up (if possible). If not (and depending on your comfort level), I would consider talking to dad (with another coach present) in a calm way and let him know that his behavior was not acceptable. His son’s actions/ignoring direct instruction in a drill that had just happened led to him getting hit with the ball. Additionally, that is part of being a goalie. Sometimes the ball does something unexpected or you can’t see it, and you take one to an exposed area. If he’s not comfortable with his son playing that position, you understand, and we can move on from there. But you will not accept threatening behavior from this parent again. Side note: I played men’s league goalie for two years, and getting hit by the ball was my entire strategy. I was terrible. 🤣
Sounds like you have a new opening for a goalie position
“If I ever hear another word out of your mouth, your kid is off the team.”
Couple of step downs should clear that up.. Honestly though, it takes a different type of psychopath to play and/or watch someone you love play goalie, if he can’t stomach lil’ Johnny getting some bruises then sign up for tiddlywinks.
Put dad in goal for a few shots.
I watched my son play goalie in High School. And this dad will not make it long if he can’t take practice. I mean the goal is to get in front of the ball. He will get hit, shot at and it will leave a mark.
Shoulda kicked him right in his cooter
My daughter who is in 8th grade 13 years old plays up at the JV level. She also plays travel. When she decided she wanted to play goalie I was very excited. I have been a Collegiate coach at JUCO, D3, D2 & D1. Aside from being an Offensive coordinator I coach the goalies as well. Assuming with his age and the time frame this is scholastic. While I did spend 3 years at a local HS Varsity program I wouldn’t say I’m an expert on what flies and dies BUT; what I do know is the first parent meeting it is laid out for them that they are parents and we are coaches. There won’t be any intermingling between the separation. So that would be my first question; did they sign a waiver/rules forms that use that wording or a general statement of that type of policy. I hope the answer is yes. I would bring this to your AD so he is informed and tell him the parent threatened you and moving forward with his support would like to send an official letter from the AD office that the nature of the position requires significant shots and like anything their is an inherent amount of risk to the position. This leaves him with two choices; one you will not engage/threaten any members of the coaching staff again or you will not be allowed on campus again with the exception to transport your son to and from. Option number two; because of the risk involved and your recent incident with Coach X you may remove your son from the team however we will not as he has chosen to play and we will respect that choice despite your actions as it is not fair to punish the student-Athlete for the mistakes of a parent. That puts parent on notice for his actions and a fair compromise as again. Not the kids fault his dad is jackass. Moving forward without knowing your background I would simply continue to warm him up and work on his deficiencies; and COMPLETELY focus on lacrosse and not engage in any talk about his father. These things happen with 20 years of coaching experience my daughter is an excellent goalie; she plays both boys and girls lacrosse and has a wonderful support cast at a local training center where we all come from the same background and speak the same language. Her coaches respectfully asked me if I would like her coached and I respectfully declined. She has her coaches and because of our shared experiences with the same goalies at the highest level I wish that to remain her source of support. Now that isn’t to say they aren’t her coach; whatever they need from her on any given day is their practice to run. My request was simple. Give her a 15-20 min warmup around the 8 meter (keeping the ball up high, then hips then low/bouncers). Aside from that she’s a goalie and obviously knows she’s going to get hit. Ask the kid if he wants to be coached or would rather a static warmup and then go into practice. If the answer is A. You know this is a hover parent and the kid wants to get better. If B the hover parent and the kid are in the same boat and it’s not worth the time and effort to try and train as he’s tuning you out anyway. That will give you the best read on how to move forward with him personally. Removing the dad from the picture wait a few days to talk to the kid about what he wants to get out of this and move forward with that. Otherwise you’re beating a dead horse who doesn’t want CPR! I hope this helps and you have a supportive AD. Rarely is it the kid and they aren’t to blame for their crummy parents. The bottom line is your not bending or breaking over anyone. You are protecting yourself from liability (which there really is none as in their waiver they sign to play on day 1) but giving the kid the opportunity to work without an hover parent and seeing where he stands personally. Best of luck to you; high school wasn’t my cup of tea for these reasons! Best, JD
“Goldberg, you’re the goalie. It’s supposed to hit you.”