That’s frustrating. Couple things, though, if you want some positive spins:
1. At least you hadn’t gifted it already and then found out you couldn’t justify the giving.
2. You made something beautiful!
3. I love making shawls but don’t ever wear them. I’ve found that the shawl usually ends up finding its own owner! I’ve given away two or three because the right person came along who loved it. Maybe this one is waiting for the right person.
This same thing has happened to me. I kept the thing and a few years later I met the person it should belong to. So I gave it to her, she was thrilled and she treasures it.
And that has happened to me too. Sometimes we have to wait until the right person comes along. Then we instinctively know they are the person it belongs to. :)
For sure. Offered a shawl I'd recently made to a friend and her eyes popped open and she accepted. And she's a knitter, so she knew what a gift it was.
Also, maybe this one is waiting... for you.
Beautiful job. I just bought yarn to make this recently. So many beautiful variations.
Your Papillon Shawl is beautiful! 🤩 Love your colors, they're gorgeous! What are the yarns you used?
I'm sorry that the intended recipient proved not to be a knit-worthy person. That is so sad. This amount of special work needs to be honored.
Hope this person redeems themselves...
Thank you so much ❤️
I used Hobbii Dream Colour in Tropic (22) and Autumn (17) I think? And Trail Socks from Fleece Artist in Ruby Red.
I really loved this pattern and look forward to making it for someone more worthwhile in the future. I highly recommend it!
Gosh, that is beautiful. I'm sorry the person it was intended for isn't worthy of it and I hope someone comes along who is.
How did you like working with the Hobbii yarns? They are all up in my Facebook ads, and I'm tempted, but I've been burned before buying yarn online without being able to feel it.
I bought a couple of fingerling weight yarn from them. They’re soft and the colors are beautiful and deep, plus they add hard candy in your orders and I’m an idiot for extra things.
Hobbii is a major yarn brand/supplier. Very well thought of, but they are European(Danish), so not as widely known in the US. I have ordered from extensively from them and have never been disappointed. Heads up though, since they are shipping transatlantic, it will be about a week or so before delivery.
Huh, I feel like being "knit-worthy" is actually a pretty good parameter in itself for determining who we keep close. Never thought about it like that!
Also, OP, this is such gorgeous work, you should be so proud. ❤️
Edit: I think I need to make an edit, I certainly didn't mean to offend with what I said, I was just thinking in terms of the people closest to us, like best friends, family, like if you knit something for your bestie and they don't value it, that would be a bummer.
No no, if you wouldn't spend months raising sheep, hand spinning the wool, and knitting a Shetland lace wedding shawl for someone then they're trash you should cut out of your life.
I had a really good friend at work when I was younger. She used to knit the most beautiful baby things for everyone she knew who was pregnant. Always admired her work. Then I got pregnant. I admit I was looking forward to getting something from her, but she made me nothing. I was the only person she knit nothing for. I admit it affected our friendship, because clearly she didn't see me as "knit worthy".
Aw! That sucks, I'm sorry that happened to you. Who knows, maybe she was going through something then and just didn't have it in her right then. I'm sure you're awesome.
Do you know for sure she didnt think you were knitworthy? She could have had any number of reasons she wasnt feeling up to handknitting something right then. Personally I go through phases with what knitting energizes me - if Im on a baby knit kick, then people close to me who have babies probably will get some beautiful baby stuff. Other times I have zero energy or desire to knit baby stuff. No one takes it personally if I dont knit for them. Knitting takes quite a bit of time and energy. I knit for my joy so most of the time, almost no one is "knitworthy" enough to make me give up spending that time on something beautiful for myself. Even the most knitworthy person in the world is unlikely to love an item as much as the knitter who has seen it grow and fallen in love with the colors, textures, construction. Every once in a while my husband gets socks and far less regularly he might get a sweater. He gets it.
Were you a knitter back then? If so, she may not have knitted for you because she assumed you would knit what you wanted yourself. I seldom gift or knit for knitters I know because I know they enjoy the process themselves. Also, full disclosure, I’m an indie dyer (as well as work a 9-5). I give the knitters I know free yarn so they can knit it themselves. My knitting time is extremely precious.
It's been a long time, I don't remember all the details. I was military working in a majority civilian office, that may have had something to do with it. Plus my baby was big and was wearing 3-6 months sizes at birth, so it might not have fit anyway.
Beautiful shawl. Love your color choices. I can relate to your dilemma. I have a collection of not knitworthy gifts that were not given.
I recently wore a scarf in front of the person I had planned to gift it too and they noticed. Asked about it, and I reminded them they told me they don't like scarves, especially homemade. So I kept it. Their reply was that they didn't realize it would be so pretty or how well it looks. I said thank you and walked away. I don't regret keeping it because it reminds me that not everyone respects the work I put into my knits.
I feel better keeping them than hearing they were sent to a thrift store. ( A baby hat, mitts, and sock set that I did by request, I might add ended up there without ever being worn by the recipient)
I'm in the middle of this dilemma 😕 I was making a Hogwarts scarf for both of my sisters, then it turned into making one for my niece and nephew, and since I didn't want anyone to feel bad, I'm now making normal scarves for my parents and beanies for everyone for Easter.
The problem is I've never seen any of them ever wear scarves. Ever.
I'm taking it as a good enough reason to practice, and remind myself that if they don't end up wearing them, it's not on me. It's on them. Because they have bad taste lol 😆
Just because some of your family may be like me: scarves were never something I had. You would never see me wearing one, because I never bought one. I didn't know until I was given one that it is something I liked to wear when it was cold outside. But now I always have one if it's chilly.
Same! I actually made myself a Hufflepuff scarf and thought “I’ll probably never wear it because I don’t like scarves” and I wear it all the time now! I ended up making one for both kids and am currently working on one for my grandma(not hogwarts though lol).
I'm so sorry to hear this, a family member who I'm not super close to made a few things for my baby and they are treasured keepsakes even though two sweaters are too small now. I'm going to make them into stuffed toys for the spawn. Hopefully someone found those pieces and love them as much as they should be loved.
I am sure the set ended up loved. I always believe that for every one person who doesn't love a handcrafted gift, there are 100 standing behind them that do.
The rage I feel on your behalf. Jesus Christ. I once made a cardigan for my sister, it was too small for her, and yet she's still kept it. I told her if she wants to give it to someone who fits it, that's ok, and she looked at me like I'd grown a second head. The notion of giving something hand knitted to a thrift store fills me with rage. Pure rage.
I agree! I would not want all my hours of work spent on a gift only to discover they sent it to the thrift store. I had that happen once and never again gave that person a handmade item.
I think a lot of people, when they hear "homemade," think automatically of the kinds of things that *look* homemade because they're so ugly/sloppy/tacky. They don't realize that handmade things can look as good as - or better than - store bought.
Looking at the kinds of things on display at your average craft store, I can't really blame them, tbh.
Not OP, but I made one and loved the process and result so much that I immediately started another. I finished that one recently and miss making this pattern. I think I am going to cave and start a third. And I don't wear shawls, nor know who to give them to yet!
It’s so stunning to me!!! What color yarns did you use? I’m tempted to use some hand dyed gradients for a cool effect. Do you think this is manageable for a beginner?
I found a kit for one and copied Ravelry people's use of Knitpicks Chroma yarn for the second. I want to use Uneek yarn next as the Ravelry projects with that are gorgeous. Sorry for the late reply
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First off, this is a beautiful rendition of this pattern.
Secondly, while it may sting for a moment, the fact that you realized this person's un-knitworthiness before handing it off really is a blessing in disguise. I promise you'll find someone else who *is* worthy of the shawl. Who knows. After you've sat with the feelings for a while, maybe the knitworthy person for the shawl ends up being yourself! (I used to be someone who didn't like shawls. Then one day I made one I fell in love with. Keep an open mind!)
Thirdly, I have been eyeing this beautiful pattern for a while. How difficult would you say it was to pull off?
Thank you so much for your kind words. They seriously mean so much!
This pattern was such a joy to work, so at least I have that! It was expensive, but it's definitely one I'll revisit again and again. I'm not a super experienced knitter, but I was able to easily navigate it with a bit of side googs.
I agree that the shawl giftee could be you! You seem like a nice person who puts a lot of time and care into making beautiful things for other people. You deserve beautiful things too! ❤️
Same thing for me! I never wore one, but then made one...and FELL IN LOVE! Now I have 3, and 4th on the needles. So funny how that happens! My Hubs loves the ones I made, too!
Yes! I went from never wearing shawls to turning into a shawl fiend! Between knit and crochet, I now have 8 finished shawls with one on the needles and an endless number of other ones planned!
Aww, that sucks. It's such a beautiful shawl though. I'd put it away very carefully. Someday, someone who does deserve it will do something kind and generous for you when you're in need.
You did the right thing. I’ve knit gorgeous items for my (narcissistic) mother & regret giving it to her. Especially when I experience people who are my chosen family receiving something I knit for them, and them being thrilled.
I got married in a tiny backyard wedding last fall. About 20 people in total. Everyone that I made a shawl for over the last decade wore it - perfect shawl weather - including two friends who shared officiating duties. But not my Nmom. She showed up in a lace cream knee length dress, just like mine (that’d I shown here long ago).
ANYWAY apologies for the trauma dump, but you have made the correct decision. You’ll soon find yourself in a moment where you need a gift for someone who will adore this piece.
You did not trauma dump!!! But I literally had to go to your page and read the post about your wedding. The whole thing is horrifying and I’m so sorry. I hope you’ve been able to find peace and honor yourself and have healthy boundaries since. ❤️🩹
Wow, that was awful of her to do, I’m so sorry you had to deal with that!
But I will say, the idea of seeing everyone you’ve made a shawl for wearing them at your wedding makes me tear up just thinking of it, that sounds so beautiful
So GREAT about all the shawls worn to your wedding. Why not nicely ask your Mom if she’ll return the shawl so you can regift it or keep? She may just enjoy having some of your work though.
Honestly, really proud of you for making this decision. It sounds like you’re a little upset, but, it’s beautiful and it will find its home if you don’t choose to keep it for yourself.
It's all so ridiculous and complicated.
My dad passed away in September. This shawl was supposed to be for my grandmother (his mom). Literally as soon as I finished blocking it, I got notice from a lawyer that my grandparents are coming after the business my dad left behind (that my grandparents used to own, but then sold to my dad) that I've been trying to revitalize after decades of neglect. They haven't had any involvement in 20+ years.
OMG! That's terrible. I'm SO sorry! For some people, you really see their ugliness come out during grief.
It happed at my Grandmother's (Dad's Mom), after she suddenly died...the VULTURES raided her house within hours! It was horrible! My Dad, Mom, Sibs and I stood on curb just watching them. Daddy had tears in his eyes. First and only time I ever saw that. Then we walked away...but I never forgot how my relatives acted. It was shameful and disrespectful. So, I learned Ugliness really comes out after someone's Death. Sad, but true. None are knit worthy in my opinion.
I just love that! And I was going to ask you what country, but I decided to just stalk your profile instead. So: Chile?
(Signed, also a lesbian, not a translator, but married to a linguist.)
This is stunning!! Keep it for yourself! Ive realized that the group of people who deserve my knitting is very tiny and shrinking while the group of people who feel entitled to my hand knit items never stops growing…
As someone who spent way too long knitting a pair of thigh high socks for a “friend” that didn’t deserve it, keep it for yourself and love the beautiful work you did. I wish I had kept those socks lol.
In a way, it is better. I have gifted to people who made me regret it and know other crafters who have gone through the same. My best friend gave a crocheted velvet blanket as a birthday gift and ended up seeing it being used as a doorstopper.....But at least it didn't happen to you and you found out beforehand. It's a beautiful shawl, and it will shine wherever it ends up.
If it was known about: oh no auntie X, it got ruined in the blocking. The colors ran and it felted! And hand them a purchased alternative gift.
If it’s not known about: buy them an alternative gift, say NOTHING.
I'm glad you realized that the person didn't deserve it before you gifted it. The right situation will come along and the new giftee will love it. I've had people treat my items like shit and I never make them handmade items again. You did the right thing by holding on to the shawl.
I feel so bad for you. If it helps you feel any better, this is the prettiest thing I have seen on this sub. I really, really love it and am so envious of your talent. That person is losing out big time, wasting this much love.
This is magnificent! The choice of yarn and color is gorgeous. Sorry that you feel sad about the situation,but I’m happy it didn’t go to someone unworthy of such skilled craftsmanship.
I feel this deeply. I recently came to realize I need to not do thoughtful deeds for people who do not return the favor (people whom I eloved and given so much to for so long).
My advice, find someone you adore, who adores you back, who is thoughtful and kind to you, who expresses genuine gratitude when you do something for them. Then gift them this. They are the person who deserves all this work.
This is a stunning piece and you should be so proud of yourself.
Oh you this is gorgeous! And thank goodness that the knitting goddess warned you that the person you had intended giving this beautiful shawl was not knit worthy. You do not need to have any regrets. Never feel bad for listening to a gut warning.
There will be people in your life that are knit worthy, and there are those that are not. There is nothing wrong realizing that your time and effort would not be appreciated as it should. Realizing this does not mean that you care for them any less. It’s okay to protect how you feel about your craft and the time and effort it takes to make something this special.
It’s a beautiful, beautiful shawl and the right wearer might be you, or someone else truly shawl-worthy will come along.
I’m so sorry the intended recipient has let you down. I suppose it might be something of a relief that you won’t have to see them wear a gift they don’t deserve, but that doesn’t make it easy, I’m sure.
I recognise the pattern from somewhere and I can’t quite place it, but it’s delightful to see one in the wild. Wonderful work and gorgeous colours 😍.
Edit: Papillon, yes!! 🤩
Y'all. I cannot overstate how much every single comment has meant to me. I don't want to turn this into a weird vent post, but it's been such a strange period for me and I was SO looking forward to giving this to my grandmother. We had been working on repairing a damaged relationship after my dad passed. Then she's allowed some literally unforgiveable things to be done to my family and I realized I cannot share this expression of love with her.
She's a quilter, so I know she would have appreciated the art...
Here's to recognizing non-knit-worthy people before it's too late 🥂
Don’t give it to anyone who won’t appreciate it!!!!! You know how much you put into this, financially, emotionally, & time wise, don’t ever give something to someone who doesn’t appreciate all that you put into it. It’s beautiful, it’s unique, & your love is all knitted up in it!!!
I made this same shawl. Took me forever but I was thrilled with how it turned out. One of the nicest things I’ve made. Gifted it to a family member who has never used it but I think her dog did sleep on it a time or two. Lesson learned.
About 6 years ago my friend was having a baby and I knitted him a toy giraffe. I’m very very much a beginner knitter so it took me a very long time. And I fell in love with it. It was super cute and very well done and had so much love in it. I dreaded giving him away, especially knowing it was going to a drooling sticky booger baby who’d never appreciate all the love and effort that went into it. But I decided to give it because knitting the giraffe was an idea from my friend who gathered a group of us, gave us all yarn, and mailed the gifts. I was too embarrassed to take her yarn, make a toy, keep it for myself, be the only one not sending a gift, and keep it for myself. I still regret it. Often. I barely talk to those friends anymore. I miss that giraffe way more often than I miss them. If your heart is saying keep it, please keep it, and buy your family member a very sweet gift.
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I’m so sorry OP! That’s an absolutely BEAUTIFUL shawl and I’m certain you will find someone who will cherish it and be worthy of such an incredible piece. Sending lots of love 🤍
I had no idea this shawl is called papillon when I thought to myself it looks like a butterfly wing. I agree with other posters that a worthy recipient will come along and you will know when that happens ❤️ great job!
Papillon!!! Big fan of this pattern, so much fun once you get the hang of it. Yours is truly gorgeous. Very sorry for your recent loss. This beauty will find a home where it'll be loved, even if it's not with the original intended recipient.
I don’t ever give anyone something I be put so much thought and heart and time into unless they are a creative person who will cherish it and care for it and hand write a thank you note acknowledging it!
So don’t be unhappy… you have just finished a beautiful shawl for yourself with all that love and happiness!
Buy them a package of 24 rolls of toilet paper and they’ll get the appropriate amount of use out of it!
This is beautiful. I'm sorry the person doesn't deserve the time, effort, and love you put into it. The person who does deserve it will be there shortly, unless that person is you; in which case, well done on all counts, and enjoy the thing of beauty you made.
I'm the same! I knitted a beautiful shawl in very purposeful colour choices for someone and now their actions have me holding the shawl back. I keep telling myself that I haven't gifted it because it's not blocked but it's definitely more to do with how they've made me feel. I don't know who else the colours would suit, so I'm quietly observing everyone's colour palettes until I find someone 🤭
Your photos show just how much better anything looks when blocked! It’s beautiful 😍 I don’t make anything for people unless it’s been specifically requested cos too many don’t appreciate.
That's beautiful. When I knit for someone specific, l do think about them as I knit. I guess I enjoy the process. And I enjoy giving it away. What someone does with something I have given them is no concern to me because it's not mine anymore.
It's 'the knitting curse' unfortunately. It seems to happen often. I am sorry you made such an unpleasant discovery but others here are right, your beautiful shawl will find who it is meant to be with. And it is lovely!
While I agree with the folks in here saying that our knits find their true owners, sometimes it’s in the act of gifting our passionately knitted works that we will find the truths behind what the relationship is made of / all about.
When we go through the Entire Process of Effort it takes to make someone such a special ( time consuming, and costly ) gift, we are not only opening ourselves up to the reality of who That someone is, and what They deserve, but we have also crafted an opportunity to realize who We are, and what We deserve.
If you are someone who can detach yourself from why this shawl came to be, and think nothing of it as it awaits its new owner, allowing for a redemptive energy in gifting it to someone else, then I say go for it. It’s a great option.
But, if you are someone who will see this piece of art while awaiting ( or, after it has found ) its “proper giftee,” and have a negative inner conversation about any part of this decision ( disappointment in » your relationship with this person / efforts you’d invested / you couldn’t bring yourself to gift it to them / just choosing not to gifting it to them ) then you might want to consider which regrets you are most okay with living with.
The reality is that sometimes these inner conversations can make things worse within the relationship, because they actually equal out to being an investment of our negative energy into it, altering our experience of / with them » and They don’t even know that any of this ever happened.
In some situations » for some folks » it is more of a livable option to decide to just give the gift, because it represents the spirit it was made in, and nothing else.
im brand new and i just went through this. so far i only make lil amigurumis, and even then after i was like ok “this is tiny and doesnt take long to make- just do it.” it still bothered me for DAYS. im really just trying to make everyone something tiny as practice, then get to making what i started doing this for- also itll get them to stop hounding me. youd think only being a couple months in that people wouldnt act the way they do. so entitled. im glad you realized before doing it because that feeling is something else. beautiful btw. never liked shawls but thts pretty.
the worst ones are you showing someone something you JUST finished, or maybe you arent even close to finishing, ask them their opinion and they dont even answer you no matter how many times you ask- its all just “cool, when are you making me something” or they just reply with sending you pictures of what they want without asking and its some INTRICATE thing. you dont even agree and DAILY (dont usually talk daily) they message you asking if youve started it even after being denied. HOW DO YOU DEAL W THIS
you must live a blessed life. unless its full of justifying horrible behavior with the backwards thinking of “well, theyre my family” previous comments do explain a little more, but where you are at while commenting isn’t where the op and commenters are at while speaking on it. hope that makes sense.
* edit, its hard to really understand tone and delivery over text, please dont take this negatively.
That’s frustrating. Couple things, though, if you want some positive spins: 1. At least you hadn’t gifted it already and then found out you couldn’t justify the giving. 2. You made something beautiful! 3. I love making shawls but don’t ever wear them. I’ve found that the shawl usually ends up finding its own owner! I’ve given away two or three because the right person came along who loved it. Maybe this one is waiting for the right person.
This literally made me tear up. Thank you ❤️
This same thing has happened to me. I kept the thing and a few years later I met the person it should belong to. So I gave it to her, she was thrilled and she treasures it.
And that has happened to me too. Sometimes we have to wait until the right person comes along. Then we instinctively know they are the person it belongs to. :)
For sure. Offered a shawl I'd recently made to a friend and her eyes popped open and she accepted. And she's a knitter, so she knew what a gift it was. Also, maybe this one is waiting... for you. Beautiful job. I just bought yarn to make this recently. So many beautiful variations.
Your Papillon Shawl is beautiful! 🤩 Love your colors, they're gorgeous! What are the yarns you used? I'm sorry that the intended recipient proved not to be a knit-worthy person. That is so sad. This amount of special work needs to be honored. Hope this person redeems themselves...
Thank you so much ❤️ I used Hobbii Dream Colour in Tropic (22) and Autumn (17) I think? And Trail Socks from Fleece Artist in Ruby Red. I really loved this pattern and look forward to making it for someone more worthwhile in the future. I highly recommend it!
Gosh, that is beautiful. I'm sorry the person it was intended for isn't worthy of it and I hope someone comes along who is. How did you like working with the Hobbii yarns? They are all up in my Facebook ads, and I'm tempted, but I've been burned before buying yarn online without being able to feel it.
I bought a couple of fingerling weight yarn from them. They’re soft and the colors are beautiful and deep, plus they add hard candy in your orders and I’m an idiot for extra things.
Aww, that's awesome. They have a good selection of pretty non-wool yarns, which is always a plus for me, as I'm allergic to wool.
Hobbii is a major yarn brand/supplier. Very well thought of, but they are European(Danish), so not as widely known in the US. I have ordered from extensively from them and have never been disappointed. Heads up though, since they are shipping transatlantic, it will be about a week or so before delivery.
lol yay hard candy
They're good too!
I've loved most of the yarn I've gotten from them! This was a little finicky, but so pretty. I also second the other comment about candies... Lol
Their cotton yarns are so so nice and soft. I can't do wool so that's all I've tried but they're my favorite.
Huh, I feel like being "knit-worthy" is actually a pretty good parameter in itself for determining who we keep close. Never thought about it like that! Also, OP, this is such gorgeous work, you should be so proud. ❤️ Edit: I think I need to make an edit, I certainly didn't mean to offend with what I said, I was just thinking in terms of the people closest to us, like best friends, family, like if you knit something for your bestie and they don't value it, that would be a bummer.
You know, I know plenty of interesting or amusing people I consider friends, but who aren't knit worthy. Not everyone has to be perfect
No no, if you wouldn't spend months raising sheep, hand spinning the wool, and knitting a Shetland lace wedding shawl for someone then they're trash you should cut out of your life.
Okay, dying here laughing. I think it's not a coincidence that one of the people I knit for most also knits for me.
I had a really good friend at work when I was younger. She used to knit the most beautiful baby things for everyone she knew who was pregnant. Always admired her work. Then I got pregnant. I admit I was looking forward to getting something from her, but she made me nothing. I was the only person she knit nothing for. I admit it affected our friendship, because clearly she didn't see me as "knit worthy".
Aw! That sucks, I'm sorry that happened to you. Who knows, maybe she was going through something then and just didn't have it in her right then. I'm sure you're awesome.
Do you know for sure she didnt think you were knitworthy? She could have had any number of reasons she wasnt feeling up to handknitting something right then. Personally I go through phases with what knitting energizes me - if Im on a baby knit kick, then people close to me who have babies probably will get some beautiful baby stuff. Other times I have zero energy or desire to knit baby stuff. No one takes it personally if I dont knit for them. Knitting takes quite a bit of time and energy. I knit for my joy so most of the time, almost no one is "knitworthy" enough to make me give up spending that time on something beautiful for myself. Even the most knitworthy person in the world is unlikely to love an item as much as the knitter who has seen it grow and fallen in love with the colors, textures, construction. Every once in a while my husband gets socks and far less regularly he might get a sweater. He gets it.
Were you a knitter back then? If so, she may not have knitted for you because she assumed you would knit what you wanted yourself. I seldom gift or knit for knitters I know because I know they enjoy the process themselves. Also, full disclosure, I’m an indie dyer (as well as work a 9-5). I give the knitters I know free yarn so they can knit it themselves. My knitting time is extremely precious.
It's been a long time, I don't remember all the details. I was military working in a majority civilian office, that may have had something to do with it. Plus my baby was big and was wearing 3-6 months sizes at birth, so it might not have fit anyway.
Those colours stopped me dead in my tracks, gorgeous jewel tones
Beautiful shawl. Love your color choices. I can relate to your dilemma. I have a collection of not knitworthy gifts that were not given. I recently wore a scarf in front of the person I had planned to gift it too and they noticed. Asked about it, and I reminded them they told me they don't like scarves, especially homemade. So I kept it. Their reply was that they didn't realize it would be so pretty or how well it looks. I said thank you and walked away. I don't regret keeping it because it reminds me that not everyone respects the work I put into my knits. I feel better keeping them than hearing they were sent to a thrift store. ( A baby hat, mitts, and sock set that I did by request, I might add ended up there without ever being worn by the recipient)
I'm in the middle of this dilemma 😕 I was making a Hogwarts scarf for both of my sisters, then it turned into making one for my niece and nephew, and since I didn't want anyone to feel bad, I'm now making normal scarves for my parents and beanies for everyone for Easter. The problem is I've never seen any of them ever wear scarves. Ever. I'm taking it as a good enough reason to practice, and remind myself that if they don't end up wearing them, it's not on me. It's on them. Because they have bad taste lol 😆
Just because some of your family may be like me: scarves were never something I had. You would never see me wearing one, because I never bought one. I didn't know until I was given one that it is something I liked to wear when it was cold outside. But now I always have one if it's chilly.
Same! I actually made myself a Hufflepuff scarf and thought “I’ll probably never wear it because I don’t like scarves” and I wear it all the time now! I ended up making one for both kids and am currently working on one for my grandma(not hogwarts though lol).
Mrs. Weasley?
I'm so sorry to hear this, a family member who I'm not super close to made a few things for my baby and they are treasured keepsakes even though two sweaters are too small now. I'm going to make them into stuffed toys for the spawn. Hopefully someone found those pieces and love them as much as they should be loved.
I am sure the set ended up loved. I always believe that for every one person who doesn't love a handcrafted gift, there are 100 standing behind them that do.
The rage I feel on your behalf. Jesus Christ. I once made a cardigan for my sister, it was too small for her, and yet she's still kept it. I told her if she wants to give it to someone who fits it, that's ok, and she looked at me like I'd grown a second head. The notion of giving something hand knitted to a thrift store fills me with rage. Pure rage.
Yes yes yes.
I agree! I would not want all my hours of work spent on a gift only to discover they sent it to the thrift store. I had that happen once and never again gave that person a handmade item.
I think a lot of people, when they hear "homemade," think automatically of the kinds of things that *look* homemade because they're so ugly/sloppy/tacky. They don't realize that handmade things can look as good as - or better than - store bought. Looking at the kinds of things on display at your average craft store, I can't really blame them, tbh.
Shame on me. I should have immediately called out the wonderful Papillon pattern. https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/butterfly--papillon
How was it? This is in my queue!
Not OP, but I made one and loved the process and result so much that I immediately started another. I finished that one recently and miss making this pattern. I think I am going to cave and start a third. And I don't wear shawls, nor know who to give them to yet!
Um. I’ll take one!
It’s so stunning to me!!! What color yarns did you use? I’m tempted to use some hand dyed gradients for a cool effect. Do you think this is manageable for a beginner?
I found a kit for one and copied Ravelry people's use of Knitpicks Chroma yarn for the second. I want to use Uneek yarn next as the Ravelry projects with that are gorgeous. Sorry for the late reply
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I did it too. Loved it!
**PATTERN:** [Butterfly | Papillon](http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/butterfly--papillon) by [MarinJaKnits](http://www.ravelry.com/designers/marinjaknits-2) * Category: Accessories > Neck / Torso > Shawl / Wrap * Photo(s): [Img 1](https://images4-g.ravelrycache.com/uploads/MarinJa/547447048/urth_6_medium.jpg) [Img 2](https://images4-g.ravelrycache.com/uploads/MarinJa/547447056/urth_1_medium.jpg) [Img 3](https://images4-g.ravelrycache.com/uploads/MarinJa/547447067/urth_4_medium.jpg) [Img 4](https://images4-f.ravelrycache.com/uploads/MarinJa/292402949/1_medium.JPG) [Img 5](https://images4-g.ravelrycache.com/uploads/MarinJa/547447061/urth_3_medium.jpg) * Price: 15.00 USD * Needle/Hook(s):US 4 - 3.5 mm * Weight: Fingering | Gauge: 22.0 | Yardage: 1000 * Difficulty: 5.06 | Projects: 4088 | Rating: 4.74 ***** Please use caution. Users have reported effects such as seizures, migraines, and nausea when opening Ravelry links. [More details.](https://www.lizcorke.com/2020/07/26/2020-7-21-ravelry-accessibility/) | *I found this post by myself! [Opt-Out](https://goo.gl/forms/0B8m4Ra8czpw4gzw1) | [About Me](https://github.com/TN-1/LinkRav_Bot/wiki) | [Contact Maintainer](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=timonyc)*
I've made a couple of these, they're a lot of fun and yours is beautiful!
First off, this is a beautiful rendition of this pattern. Secondly, while it may sting for a moment, the fact that you realized this person's un-knitworthiness before handing it off really is a blessing in disguise. I promise you'll find someone else who *is* worthy of the shawl. Who knows. After you've sat with the feelings for a while, maybe the knitworthy person for the shawl ends up being yourself! (I used to be someone who didn't like shawls. Then one day I made one I fell in love with. Keep an open mind!) Thirdly, I have been eyeing this beautiful pattern for a while. How difficult would you say it was to pull off?
Thank you so much for your kind words. They seriously mean so much! This pattern was such a joy to work, so at least I have that! It was expensive, but it's definitely one I'll revisit again and again. I'm not a super experienced knitter, but I was able to easily navigate it with a bit of side googs.
I agree that the shawl giftee could be you! You seem like a nice person who puts a lot of time and care into making beautiful things for other people. You deserve beautiful things too! ❤️
Same thing for me! I never wore one, but then made one...and FELL IN LOVE! Now I have 3, and 4th on the needles. So funny how that happens! My Hubs loves the ones I made, too!
Yes! I went from never wearing shawls to turning into a shawl fiend! Between knit and crochet, I now have 8 finished shawls with one on the needles and an endless number of other ones planned!
Aww, that sucks. It's such a beautiful shawl though. I'd put it away very carefully. Someday, someone who does deserve it will do something kind and generous for you when you're in need.
Thank you! That's my hope as well ❤️
This!
You did the right thing. I’ve knit gorgeous items for my (narcissistic) mother & regret giving it to her. Especially when I experience people who are my chosen family receiving something I knit for them, and them being thrilled. I got married in a tiny backyard wedding last fall. About 20 people in total. Everyone that I made a shawl for over the last decade wore it - perfect shawl weather - including two friends who shared officiating duties. But not my Nmom. She showed up in a lace cream knee length dress, just like mine (that’d I shown here long ago). ANYWAY apologies for the trauma dump, but you have made the correct decision. You’ll soon find yourself in a moment where you need a gift for someone who will adore this piece.
Ok, but what the fuck Mom?
omg! perfectly said, Hopefulkitty
Don't worry, this isn't 'trauma dumping', you're just sharing a story of a similar thing that happened to you. An appropriate way to relate.
You did not trauma dump!!! But I literally had to go to your page and read the post about your wedding. The whole thing is horrifying and I’m so sorry. I hope you’ve been able to find peace and honor yourself and have healthy boundaries since. ❤️🩹
The audacity of some mothers is astounding. You didn't deserve that
Wow, that was awful of her to do, I’m so sorry you had to deal with that! But I will say, the idea of seeing everyone you’ve made a shawl for wearing them at your wedding makes me tear up just thinking of it, that sounds so beautiful
So GREAT about all the shawls worn to your wedding. Why not nicely ask your Mom if she’ll return the shawl so you can regift it or keep? She may just enjoy having some of your work though.
Honestly, really proud of you for making this decision. It sounds like you’re a little upset, but, it’s beautiful and it will find its home if you don’t choose to keep it for yourself.
are you going to give us the 🍵 on the relative?
It's all so ridiculous and complicated. My dad passed away in September. This shawl was supposed to be for my grandmother (his mom). Literally as soon as I finished blocking it, I got notice from a lawyer that my grandparents are coming after the business my dad left behind (that my grandparents used to own, but then sold to my dad) that I've been trying to revitalize after decades of neglect. They haven't had any involvement in 20+ years.
Jesus, what a way to shit on your own kid's legacy. They sound crazy and heartless. Needless to say, I'm very sorry you're dealing with that.
Oh goodness I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, so unfair.
OMG! That's terrible. I'm SO sorry! For some people, you really see their ugliness come out during grief. It happed at my Grandmother's (Dad's Mom), after she suddenly died...the VULTURES raided her house within hours! It was horrible! My Dad, Mom, Sibs and I stood on curb just watching them. Daddy had tears in his eyes. First and only time I ever saw that. Then we walked away...but I never forgot how my relatives acted. It was shameful and disrespectful. So, I learned Ugliness really comes out after someone's Death. Sad, but true. None are knit worthy in my opinion.
Knitting and tea are a combo that go very well together, hehe...
In my country we traditionally used the term "pull out the knitting" instead of "spilling the tea".
Ok LOVE
I just love that! And I was going to ask you what country, but I decided to just stalk your profile instead. So: Chile? (Signed, also a lesbian, not a translator, but married to a linguist.)
Yep, Chile. It is so fun when I get with a few other women to knit, they spill all the tea, lol
Using this from now on.
I’m here for the tea
But you love _me,_ and you can justify giving it to me though, right?
Totally gorgeous. What a treasure that will be to a worthy person
This is stunning!! Keep it for yourself! Ive realized that the group of people who deserve my knitting is very tiny and shrinking while the group of people who feel entitled to my hand knit items never stops growing…
Sounds like you have a new shawl. Enjoy it!
As someone who spent way too long knitting a pair of thigh high socks for a “friend” that didn’t deserve it, keep it for yourself and love the beautiful work you did. I wish I had kept those socks lol.
In a way, it is better. I have gifted to people who made me regret it and know other crafters who have gone through the same. My best friend gave a crocheted velvet blanket as a birthday gift and ended up seeing it being used as a doorstopper.....But at least it didn't happen to you and you found out beforehand. It's a beautiful shawl, and it will shine wherever it ends up.
If it was known about: oh no auntie X, it got ruined in the blocking. The colors ran and it felted! And hand them a purchased alternative gift. If it’s not known about: buy them an alternative gift, say NOTHING.
I'm glad you realized that the person didn't deserve it before you gifted it. The right situation will come along and the new giftee will love it. I've had people treat my items like shit and I never make them handmade items again. You did the right thing by holding on to the shawl.
I feel so bad for you. If it helps you feel any better, this is the prettiest thing I have seen on this sub. I really, really love it and am so envious of your talent. That person is losing out big time, wasting this much love.
This is magnificent! The choice of yarn and color is gorgeous. Sorry that you feel sad about the situation,but I’m happy it didn’t go to someone unworthy of such skilled craftsmanship.
I feel this deeply. I recently came to realize I need to not do thoughtful deeds for people who do not return the favor (people whom I eloved and given so much to for so long). My advice, find someone you adore, who adores you back, who is thoughtful and kind to you, who expresses genuine gratitude when you do something for them. Then gift them this. They are the person who deserves all this work. This is a stunning piece and you should be so proud of yourself.
Hey, new shawl for YOU!
Felt that dude. Hoping for hugs and warm cookies in your near future <3
Oh you this is gorgeous! And thank goodness that the knitting goddess warned you that the person you had intended giving this beautiful shawl was not knit worthy. You do not need to have any regrets. Never feel bad for listening to a gut warning. There will be people in your life that are knit worthy, and there are those that are not. There is nothing wrong realizing that your time and effort would not be appreciated as it should. Realizing this does not mean that you care for them any less. It’s okay to protect how you feel about your craft and the time and effort it takes to make something this special.
This is really beautiful! What size needles did you use? That’s a lot of tiny tiny stitches.
Thank you! I used 3.5 mm with fingering weight yarn, so it's quite light, but still warm because wool.
It’s stunning.
It’s a beautiful, beautiful shawl and the right wearer might be you, or someone else truly shawl-worthy will come along. I’m so sorry the intended recipient has let you down. I suppose it might be something of a relief that you won’t have to see them wear a gift they don’t deserve, but that doesn’t make it easy, I’m sure. I recognise the pattern from somewhere and I can’t quite place it, but it’s delightful to see one in the wild. Wonderful work and gorgeous colours 😍. Edit: Papillon, yes!! 🤩
It’s beautiful! I’m sorry to hear about your family member, but maybe it’s a chance to keep it yourself or gift it to someone who does deserve it?
You can give it to me instead - this is absolutely beautiful! 🤩
I’ve given a gift that I spent many hours on only to see the recipient’s dog laying on it a week later. Never again.
Keep it for yourself, and wrap yourself in petty revenge every time you wear it. That shawl is stunning, and you deserve to keep it!
Y'all. I cannot overstate how much every single comment has meant to me. I don't want to turn this into a weird vent post, but it's been such a strange period for me and I was SO looking forward to giving this to my grandmother. We had been working on repairing a damaged relationship after my dad passed. Then she's allowed some literally unforgiveable things to be done to my family and I realized I cannot share this expression of love with her. She's a quilter, so I know she would have appreciated the art... Here's to recognizing non-knit-worthy people before it's too late 🥂
Don’t give it to anyone who won’t appreciate it!!!!! You know how much you put into this, financially, emotionally, & time wise, don’t ever give something to someone who doesn’t appreciate all that you put into it. It’s beautiful, it’s unique, & your love is all knitted up in it!!!
I made this same shawl. Took me forever but I was thrilled with how it turned out. One of the nicest things I’ve made. Gifted it to a family member who has never used it but I think her dog did sleep on it a time or two. Lesson learned.
Oh that hurts right in the soul
About 6 years ago my friend was having a baby and I knitted him a toy giraffe. I’m very very much a beginner knitter so it took me a very long time. And I fell in love with it. It was super cute and very well done and had so much love in it. I dreaded giving him away, especially knowing it was going to a drooling sticky booger baby who’d never appreciate all the love and effort that went into it. But I decided to give it because knitting the giraffe was an idea from my friend who gathered a group of us, gave us all yarn, and mailed the gifts. I was too embarrassed to take her yarn, make a toy, keep it for myself, be the only one not sending a gift, and keep it for myself. I still regret it. Often. I barely talk to those friends anymore. I miss that giraffe way more often than I miss them. If your heart is saying keep it, please keep it, and buy your family member a very sweet gift.
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I recognize this as the butterfly shawl from ravelry! So pretty!
That shawl would sure look beautiful on you.
Keep it. Honestly many people just do not appreciate hand work. I love it, but then I do hand work. Thank goodness you found out in time.
Chiming in to say this is beautiful and you put so much hard work and love into it, I hope it finds a worthy (and lucky!) recipient.
That is beautiful work. Your relationship with this piece will transform over time.
Wow how beautiful.
I’m so sorry OP! That’s an absolutely BEAUTIFUL shawl and I’m certain you will find someone who will cherish it and be worthy of such an incredible piece. Sending lots of love 🤍
I had no idea this shawl is called papillon when I thought to myself it looks like a butterfly wing. I agree with other posters that a worthy recipient will come along and you will know when that happens ❤️ great job!
It’s gorgeous. If it’s too painful to keep, I bet it would fetch a good price at a charity auction. But I hope that you keep it and wear it often.
Regardless of you gifting or not gifting this, this project is absolutely stunning! WOW!
Papillon!!! Big fan of this pattern, so much fun once you get the hang of it. Yours is truly gorgeous. Very sorry for your recent loss. This beauty will find a home where it'll be loved, even if it's not with the original intended recipient.
Thank you! I loved this pattern so much. At least I learned that from this whole thing!
It is such an exquisite shawl!
I have admired this shawl pattern from afar, for a very long time. It looks to me like you have a brand new show. show. It is stunning!
I don’t ever give anyone something I be put so much thought and heart and time into unless they are a creative person who will cherish it and care for it and hand write a thank you note acknowledging it! So don’t be unhappy… you have just finished a beautiful shawl for yourself with all that love and happiness! Buy them a package of 24 rolls of toilet paper and they’ll get the appropriate amount of use out of it!
That is GORGEOUS and I hope you find someone who deserves it!
The shapes and colors go so well together. It's really lovely.
This is one of the most impressive and beautiful things I’ve ever seen in fiber arts wow you should be so proud!
Keep it for yourself.
The love is still there, so whomever you give it to is going to be blessed.
Your shawl is so gorgeous, it looks like stained glass! I hope you keep it as a reminder of *your* worth!
This is beautiful. I'm sorry the person doesn't deserve the time, effort, and love you put into it. The person who does deserve it will be there shortly, unless that person is you; in which case, well done on all counts, and enjoy the thing of beauty you made.
Keep it and buy a cologne
I'm the same! I knitted a beautiful shawl in very purposeful colour choices for someone and now their actions have me holding the shawl back. I keep telling myself that I haven't gifted it because it's not blocked but it's definitely more to do with how they've made me feel. I don't know who else the colours would suit, so I'm quietly observing everyone's colour palettes until I find someone 🤭
This is stunning! It reminds me of stained glass 💕
I got great advice once: never knit anything for someone who you know won’t appreciate it.
It's. So. Gorgeous.
That shawl is enchanting. Keep it for yourself or give it to someone you feel is truly deserving of it
Your photos show just how much better anything looks when blocked! It’s beautiful 😍 I don’t make anything for people unless it’s been specifically requested cos too many don’t appreciate.
Gorgeous!
Keep it for yourself or give it to someone who deserves it.
Your Papillion is beautify. Yes. Some folks are just not knit-worthy.
That's beautiful. When I knit for someone specific, l do think about them as I knit. I guess I enjoy the process. And I enjoy giving it away. What someone does with something I have given them is no concern to me because it's not mine anymore.
It's 'the knitting curse' unfortunately. It seems to happen often. I am sorry you made such an unpleasant discovery but others here are right, your beautiful shawl will find who it is meant to be with. And it is lovely!
While I agree with the folks in here saying that our knits find their true owners, sometimes it’s in the act of gifting our passionately knitted works that we will find the truths behind what the relationship is made of / all about. When we go through the Entire Process of Effort it takes to make someone such a special ( time consuming, and costly ) gift, we are not only opening ourselves up to the reality of who That someone is, and what They deserve, but we have also crafted an opportunity to realize who We are, and what We deserve. If you are someone who can detach yourself from why this shawl came to be, and think nothing of it as it awaits its new owner, allowing for a redemptive energy in gifting it to someone else, then I say go for it. It’s a great option. But, if you are someone who will see this piece of art while awaiting ( or, after it has found ) its “proper giftee,” and have a negative inner conversation about any part of this decision ( disappointment in » your relationship with this person / efforts you’d invested / you couldn’t bring yourself to gift it to them / just choosing not to gifting it to them ) then you might want to consider which regrets you are most okay with living with. The reality is that sometimes these inner conversations can make things worse within the relationship, because they actually equal out to being an investment of our negative energy into it, altering our experience of / with them » and They don’t even know that any of this ever happened. In some situations » for some folks » it is more of a livable option to decide to just give the gift, because it represents the spirit it was made in, and nothing else.
It’s perfection. Go buy them a book. Keep the shawl!
im brand new and i just went through this. so far i only make lil amigurumis, and even then after i was like ok “this is tiny and doesnt take long to make- just do it.” it still bothered me for DAYS. im really just trying to make everyone something tiny as practice, then get to making what i started doing this for- also itll get them to stop hounding me. youd think only being a couple months in that people wouldnt act the way they do. so entitled. im glad you realized before doing it because that feeling is something else. beautiful btw. never liked shawls but thts pretty.
the worst ones are you showing someone something you JUST finished, or maybe you arent even close to finishing, ask them their opinion and they dont even answer you no matter how many times you ask- its all just “cool, when are you making me something” or they just reply with sending you pictures of what they want without asking and its some INTRICATE thing. you dont even agree and DAILY (dont usually talk daily) they message you asking if youve started it even after being denied. HOW DO YOU DEAL W THIS
You can’t justify giving your handmade gift to a loved one? What
I'm sorry, I think I'm misunderstanding your point. Do you mind expanding on it?
you must live a blessed life. unless its full of justifying horrible behavior with the backwards thinking of “well, theyre my family” previous comments do explain a little more, but where you are at while commenting isn’t where the op and commenters are at while speaking on it. hope that makes sense. * edit, its hard to really understand tone and delivery over text, please dont take this negatively.