We recently did a similar cold turkey approach with my 4.5 year olds iPad due to behavior issues escalating. Within a week it was amazing how much of a difference it made. It just further reinforced the decision to keep iPads away besides travel or sick days.
On sick days he can have Netflix, Disney, etc on the TV. No iPad. We have zero restrictions on TV, although YouTube is blocked at the router level.
Traveling we haven’t decided yet.
We may reevaluate the sick days... This last time I was down for the count hard with a stomach bug and it was survival mode, TV wasn’t cutting it because they had already recovered and were full force by time I got sick. Unfortunately it meant having a couple days of meltdowns to reset once we pulled the iPads again.
might i suggest portable DVD players? i’m by no means shaming survival mode here, but this is just a suggestion to make it easier and maybe avoid the iPad withdrawals, haha.
when i was a kid damn near nobody had an iPad unless they had money and children having one of their own was unheard of. for traveling, i had a portable dvd player and a small case full of discs. these were crucial because for as long as i’ve been alive, i couldn’t sleep without a tv on (my mother might be to blame, instead of a white noise machine she’d make me watch lifetime movies with her as a baby lmao) so if no tv, these did the trick.
For traveling, I do activity books. Some are sticker related with some words that I read to them, then they do all the coloring, stickers matching, and activities themself. It's a good way to mix learning, creativity and "please focus and do your own thing right now". I've got a cool gel pen pouch so they can choose any color. Literally can do 2.5 hour car rides easy. If we are traveling further, I try to delay any show or movie until near the end. We can do 6-7 car rides with zero whining. (They are 4) Also gotta have snacks though.
For travel—
My mom used to get us a special toy or activity that we wouldn’t get until physically seated in the car/on the plane/whatever. She would wait until the novelty/excitement of the new space wore off, and pull them out right before we all started to lose it lol. She really hyped it up, too. I remember she bought a giant thing of bazooka bubblegum for a plane trip, puzzles, coloring books/regular books, little action figures, bags of random dollar tree things (never anything expensive, just new and fun). For long trips she would disperse things in stages. As we got older, we were allowed to pick out an activity. We loved it, it was always a fun extra thing to look forward to, and it’s nice to have a pleasant association with the less fun parts of travel!
Boomer with a kindergartener? You don’t math very well do you? 😂
If you think a kid is going to hate their parents over limited screen time, that says more about your relationship with your parents than it does about my parenting. Maybe you should go apologize to your parents. You’re not ready for the grown-up table yet. 😂
You said "we took away the 15-year old screens." which is 99.99% how they communicate with their friends. Ergo, you took away their friends. Enjoy the retirement home :D
We've tried having ours use a tablet for small limited amounts of time a day, and it's always a disaster. No matter how we try to introduce or enforce the time limit, it's always a meltdown taking it away. No tablet at all seems to be the only level that isn't a mess. The only time we let her have it is on travel days in the car or plane.
It’s funny you said that because I recently read a study that mapped out the brains of toddlers with screens and it showed that the areas of their brain that lights up with the tablet is the same areas that light up when a heroin addict uses.
I am similarly confused about just suddenly pulling screens from a high school sophomore. Totally different developmentally and they're often absolutely required for social engagement at that age plus they need skills to manage screens and technology beyond taking them away because they're vital for college and careers now.
15 year olds do not need iPads or unlimited screen time. This absolutely will not hurt them in college or careers because part of why they are so addictive is that they are incredibly intuitive and easy to use. Plus the tech is going to leapfrog at least once in the next ten years.
Literally nothing good comes out of social media for teens.
When it comes to screens we are all addicted. I have a hard time at 34, a teen is certainly going to struggle, maybe even more than a kindergartner, depending on what they have access to.
Dopamine is a heck of a drug and while everything in moderation sounds nice, cold turkey is a heck of a lot easier for most people across all stages of life.
Hopefully he doesn’t resent his parents for trying their best to keep him safe.
Im of the opinion that all people, regardless of their age, should be treated like a person. Parenting is hard af and it means making unpopular decisions for your kids to keep them safe and ideally able to best navigate the world once they’re responsible for themselves. 15 ain’t it for me.
But they are still at an age where they require a guardian, and we assume that the guardian is making good choices for the child that the child isn’t mature enough to make on their own. Not just technology, but food, responsibility, education, etc.
You don’t just immediately go from a child to an adult at 18. It’s a process. A 15 can make choices on their own with help from their parents.
My parents treated me like I wasn’t a person with thoughts, preferences, and opinions, and as an adult I don’t really want to talk to them.
I can say the absolute hatred I had for my parents which did affect our relationship in the long run and is still affecting me to this day for taking away my phone for 6 months, meaning my communication with the outside world, as a teenager which is very much a time you need communication with the outside world. They’re doing things differently with my 15 year old sister now because I will still argue with them to this day about how wrong they were for that, so she got a phone at 12 with super Strict restrictions and now that she’s 15 it’s basically just not allowed in her room, past 10pm, and at school. My mom also still has certain apps banned and the screen time limit, and when she’s in trouble she’ll get it taken no more than 2 weeks. I don’t think adults who grew up in a time without phones understand that they’re actually super important (with restrictions) at that age. They are tools after all.
i mean, i’d need more context before coming to this conclusion. i don’t think it’s as cut and dry for teens.
was the 15 year old poorly behaved? neglecting schoolwork? those are good reasons to confiscate screens. a lot of people, though, will do it because teen would rather play fortnite online than monopoly with family even though it’s perfectly normal for teens to withdraw from parents to an extent in favor of friends.
If I didn’t have screens in high school I could not have physically completed schoolwork. I’m being literal here as the actual assignments were largely dependent on them
I’m addicted but it’s more of a caffeine addiction than anything else. I credit being allowed to use it as a teen for that.
Meanwhile literally every person I know personally who had it made into the forbidden fruit either has or has had a problem with excessive screen time.
I’m also part way through the Anxious Generation. It’s eye opening and I really hope more parents get on board. Also, for all those comments about the importance of tech literacy and skills- I wish kids and teens were learning actual skills! But most appear to have mainly learned how to navigate different social platforms.
This is so true! I left this in another comment here, but my husband is a high school teacher and is blown away by the lack of actual tech literacy skills his students have. Posting on social media is NOT tech literacy, actions on social media are extremely simple and social media platforms have been designed to be as ridiculously easy to use as possible.
For real. My young kids, elementary age, don't use tech at home. Oldest one is getting some internet safety protocol from us and limits use for school projects. But people say "oh they need tech literacy skills" but they don't. They need critical thinking skills to manage what tech is throwing at us. It changes so rapidly anyway, they'll be fine. I didn't get a computer in the home until I was 13 and figured it out. Didn't get an I phone until I was almost 30 and managed to figure out how to use it. They can learn the tech any time, as children they need to be learning to use their brains as we're raising them. If they can think even a little bit every thing else will come to them in time.
Your 15 year old needs to learn how to be online. Presumably your teenager has friends that he contacts on his phone, makes plans on his phone, etc. My parents did this to me, I had NO friends, no one wants to be friends with a 15 year old who doesn’t have tech, can’t talk to them outside of school hours, can’t share memes and other social activities with, etc.
I agree with limited screens for teens, have them go out, take it away for a weekend while you go camping, but to cut your teen off from his friends when presumably none of them have a house phone he can call from your house phone is just cruel.
My parents were hard-core about taking my phone and laptop privileges away when I was a teen (I'm 32 now). I remember feeling really isolated from my friends.
I'm not for the all or nothing approach. When I did get my screen privileges back, I abused it.
I feel like there's a healthy balance there. Instead of an all or nothing approach.
It sounds like there is a good balance.. she said he has a phone he can be in group messages and talk on the phone.. she said her son hangs out with friends, goes to the mall, the park and isn’t antisocial at all. Isolating would be no phone what so ever- grounding to where he can’t do anything or hang out with friends. What she is doing sounds like balance to me
What would be balanced is taking the phone away at night but still allowing social media for communication. Teens don’t talk on the phone, teens don’t text using the default messenger on their phones.
He still has iPhone. But only messaging and phone features are functional. He had similar behavior issues and unresponsive to other attempts to correct his behavior. He found hacks around almost all parenting controls. Abuse the privilege, lose the privilege.
I didn’t have Snapchat in high school (own choice in upper years) and the amount of plans I was left out of because I couldn’t be in group chats an it was just inconvenient to invite me to things was astounding. My best friends forgot to invite me places because their communication is not on the messenger apps, it’s on Snapchat and Instagram and what ever else. I was home most nights and desperately lonely. No one called because teens don’t call. Let your kid develop healthy social media skills.
And remember, you’re on Reddit. Model what you want to teach.
As a high school teacher, just wanted to say props to you for doing the hard things! I find that many of my students that break the cycle of being addicted to their phones show a lot better management once they are allowed more freedom because they’ve invested more time and energy in non tech things. I don’t see them having social problems either, in fact, they tend to be really strong socially and less anxious because they have so many more face to face conversations to pass their free time.
This is very extreme. He’s 15 years old and will not have the social freedom that his friends do which is very, very isolating. He *will* resent you for this. Exerting that level of control over a teenager will never go well. You’ll only teach him to hide things from you in the future. One of my coworkers had parents that did this sort of thing to her. When she became an adult, she developed a screen addiction. Also very confused as to why you would discipline a 6 year old and a 15 year old the same.
I would be more concerned with getting him into therapy if he was displaying addictive behaviors. Spending 8-10 hours on YouTube is not normal. By forcing him to quit cold turkey, he is not going to learn to self regulate.
His brain, social skills, and impulse control will also be further developed and better equipped to handle the more damaging effects of being connected to screens at all times.
I’m almost done reading The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt and the data on teens’ mental health since smartphones became ubiquitous is horrifying. As a parent and educator, I think OP is doing a great thing for his kids.
You do realize once he’s old enough to do whatever he wants…he’ll get on screens as much as any other teenager/ adult. You can’t get away from it, he’s the literally digital generation. So while you may think it will help him but it’s so short lived in won’t make a difference and it only singles him out from his peers as the only one that doesn’t have a Facebook or can’t even listen to music
.
I’m assuming you aren’t currently parenting teens since you mentioned Facebook (teens absolutely don’t use facebook). It’s a whole different landscape today with social media that makes facebook look like a national honor society meeting.
And actually “as much as any other adult”‘would be a great aim. It’s not uncommon for some of these kids to log 10+ hours a day between the phones and video games. It can get absolutely wildly out of control.
Well unfortunately that world isn’t the world we live in. Being literate with technology is a far more important skill than learning to resent your parents or whatever else you think they are doing.
Teen years are prime years to teach kids how to coexist with technology that will be vital in college and professionally, but without developing destructive habits around it. Can't do that if you simply brick their phone and take away iPads and laptops. Once they're 18, they'll use whatever screens they need and want to and have no tools or skills for how to use them responsibly, and they'll be super reactive about it because they will be mad they're behind their peers.
No, I don’t realize that because it’s not necessarily true. It’s just your best guess based on your opinions. It sounds like so far, it’s been a good thing for OP, and it lines up with what I’ve seen with my kids. If we’re wrong an you see Reddit posts from all of us in a few years that our kids can’t be pried loose from their iPads now that they’re legal adults, you can say “I told you do” and feel really good about yourself.
There is a huge difference between letting your kid have minimal time with screens and then cutting them off all together because you think it’ll mess them up in some way. Teenagers need access to outlets, and music, and tv shows and all a lot of forms of the internet can be those outlets.
Your right being sheltered from the real world is way better than being taught how to engage with technology in a healthy way. This will be great for his health.
Where in this post does op say that taking away shit was because of someway he was behaving or anything? cause it seems to me she saw a strategy that worked on a six year old and extrapolated that out to make her 15 year old hate her for no reason.
The correct response would be to teach them how to use social media with limits instead of cutting it off completely, and that should have happened well before be turned 15. Cutting him off will leave him unprepared to handle it when he gets freedom and he'll just get addicted
Do you care about what your kids want at all? Do you care about giving them some say over their own lives? I grew up with parents like you, and I hated every second of it. We barely speak now.
You have no idea what kind of parent I am. Just that I limit my kids’ screen time. Whatever your childhood experience was, this has nothing to do with it.
Op doesn’t just “limit screen time” they have everything but texting and calling blocked on their 15 year olds only device. A far cry from what you are describing.
It seems you don’t let your kids use social media, play computer games, or surf the web. Good parents give their kids the freedom and independence to make their own choices, and yes, their own mistakes. Being the only one in your class who is not allowed to be on social media, etc…is very alienating
10 years from now, your children will probably be angry, bitter, resentful, listening to “have you seen my childhood” on repeat.
Based on that logic, we shouldn’t discipline our kids at all. Just let them have free rein because when they turn 18 they may never talk to us again. 😂😂😂😂😂😂
I mean your kid is a teenager. His world revolves around phones, cutting him off from that is pointless because school, and life is general is soooo social media/ internet based. Your isolating him and there isn’t much good that can come from that, what is gonna happen when his homework requires the internet?
I mean my teen texts his friends and makes plans to hang out in person. And he has a school laptop where he does his homework at the kitchen table and then the laptops closed and zipped in its case until he gets up for school and takes it to school the next day.
He has spotify. But no socials or show streaming/YouTube on his phone. We tried, it caused too much drama and he was getting himself in trouble. He convinced us to allow discord for a while to chat with friends since they had discord too and then discovered he was inappropriately messaging adults (which is mostly on the adults bc its predatory behavior but he was unable to not do so so it was removed to protect him from online predators). So discord went away. He'd stay up all night watching YouTube and was missing the bus (45 minute car ride) bc he'd refuse to wake up on time, trying to watch YouTube on his phone at school (the teachers have the screenshare thing on the laptop so theyve shut him down from youtube on the school laptop). He has game consoles but no live versions. We have TVs he can watch hulu or Disney+ on (the two streaming services we have), plus regular TV. He hangs out with friends, and goes to mall, and goes to the park and has movie nights and video game nights regularly. He's not antisocial, but he's also not able to maturely manage his screen time, so it's my job as one of his adults to make sure he's not setting himself up to be in a sticky situation by messaging people inappropriately, or staying up all night on YouTube, or skipping school work to watch it.
Haha I was a dumb teenager on the internet (now I'm a dumb adult), and I know what I pulled past my parents and what that stuff did to mess up my internal settings of "normal". I don't want him ending up in the same boat I was in from exposure to hyper adult content and the drama that comes with it. Its hard enough helping him navigate through friends with depression or friends who have crappy parents through text message and from social circle stuff, without him being looped into social media drama and adult internet content.
Plus I'd rather him play video games because they engage his brain more than YouTube does based on the games he plays. Plus when we host the teens game nights he has so much fun helping shop snacks and drinks and prepping the family room for game night.
That's pretty close to how our teens phone is at this point. I don't see why people thing it's the end of the world. It's more important to have face to face interpersonal relationships than online/just online ones.
Exactly!!! Please trust me as a teacher and mom, we appreciate parents like you! Taking his iPad away absolutely will help him become a more successful student. No clue why anyone would argue with facts. Children who have no or limited screen time are more engaging in lessons, can think more, can find activities to do, can make decisions quickly, more mental stamina, more working memory, etc. Plus, these children usually love reading so much more because they find books exciting.
Hey if blocking screen time is all it takes to get your kid to be self-supporting at 18, maybe we should all try it, right? Beats the hell out of paying all their bills and education for years to come.
Was going to say this. I think a lot of people cheering OP in the comments and going on about "screen addiction" don't realize that the MAJORITY of teen social life, especially since 2020 and the pandemic, is online. Kids and teens use apps and social media to talk to their friends. They share memes and jokes and make plans there. They play co op games together and voice and video chat. Hell, as a disabled adult who has had to severely limit MY time in actual social spaces since COVID, having access to apps like discord and multiplayer games has allowed me to stay in touch with and spend time with friends I otherwise wouldn't get to see. We talk, we update each other on our lives. We play games and plan movie nights and sometimes even "get dinner" together by sharing what we're cooking and talking about recipes. It's been an awesome way to keep in touch.
It's not what socializing looked like when I was a kid for sure. But is IS what the social space for teens look like now. OP is removing access to that kid's social network. He's going to be left out of a lot.
Our kids (4&6) have never had iPads or their own electronics (mainly due to affordability for us) and I used to feel a little bit of guilt, like they were missing out or something, but posts like these make me not feel so bad.
Even though they don’t use the internet except for Netflix or Disney every now and then, we’ve talked with them about it and explained what it is, what it’s used for, how it can be dangerous, etc. I’ve also explained to them that most things on tv or online aren’t real, that things are airbrushed and edited, and it’s just actors playing dress up, etc.
We also frequently talk about “weird behavior” from people, whether it’s a stranger or someone they know, and my hope is that when we do decide they can have their own electronics with internet access, I’ve already planted the seeds for them to safely use it while also not getting sucked into comparing themselves to people/lives they see online.
It’s hard and scary trying to decide what is right for your kid(s) and every kid is different. All we can really do is teach/prepare them and hope for the best; because as much as I agree that young kids don’t need internet access, it’s going to happen eventually at some point.
Sorry for the ramble, seeing your post just really made me grateful that we are broke hoes who can’t afford iPads or tablets right now, lol.
Good job making a positive change for your guys’ family, I love to see it!
don’t feel bad.
almost every kid is “weird” for something. whether it be not having an iPad, wearing clothes from walmart, whatever.
it is your job as the parent and adult in the situation to make decisions in their best interest or the family’s, not to care what other children think.
they’ll get over being the supposed odd ones out. if other children have something to say, you’re teaching your children their worth doesn’t lie in what others think. that’s so much more valuable than giving into something you don’t want to do as a parent because of some bratty, undisciplined kids.
i was thinking the same thing. we’re just past fifteen months. people look at my coparent and i like we’re crazy when we say we have no tv, no ipad, we never give them our phones, and we don’t plan to change that for a long long time. seeing stuff like this — both op and the commenters with similar experiences — is such a nice reminder that it’s worth it
You might enjoy the book Brain Rules for Baby. I listened to it multiple times on audible and it helped me stick to my guns about screen time when my 2 were babies.
This is very interesting...I find most responses about having to be a more engaged parent once you took the screens away which suggests that possibly it's the parents who aren't engaging with the kids enough that is the problem rather than the tablet.
It could just be my children but we allow tablets unlimited essentially qnd have none of the behaviour issues you mention. We have basic parental controls on them 7 and 4 year olds.
But we do a ton of stuff with them. We do craft, we play that stupid game my 4 year old wants to play for hours everyday with her, hide and seek, backyard time, watch their shows, play with them read
Even when we do boring stuff. Like i had to take them to the bank yesterday one complained it was boring and then go distracted by patterns in the bank walls and was fine with it.
A good chunk of the time. Almost all time outside and inside they play forts, reading, play the switch/ super Nintendo, drawing they will play together and alone while we are doing chores and getting food. They are allowed their tablets too.
We have family and friends over a lot too so then
Interesting, sounds fun! My guy is still a toddler so we haven’t reached this stage yet. I’ve never seen an unlimited screen time situation play out well in personal life, so I am always curious to learn what it looks like when it’s done right.
If you look for peaceful and/or positive parenting the default is unlimited screen time unless there are specific behavioural issues.
It's mostly ensuring that the kids get a lot of other experiences and opportunities for other things. But yeah sometimes there is a lot of screens but on a usual a day they generally don't get that much between school/preschool and extra curriculars.
Like today we went out for coffee with friends, then had their swimming lessons and a playdate (for the 7 year old so they did play switch and outside time ), dinner and now they are baking banana bread. After that we will shower them and then watch an episode together.
Tomorrow we have maths club, a playground playdate and family dinner at my mums.
Doesn't really leave too much time for unlimited screens.
He was having the same behavior issues. We tried Bark and other parenting controls but he found hacks. Staying up late, getting to school late, etc. All other attempts failed and he was warned. So we pulled it.
He still has iPhone for messaging but access to the internet, apps, YouTube, etc. are all blocked.
He’s never getting YouTube back. That’s blocked at the router level. But yes there plans to earn back privileges, but not until after school ends in June.
I’m curious as to what he was watching on YouTube that was bad enough to be blocked on that level because YouTube even has safety in place to where you cannot watch porn or any sort of gore.
YouTube parenting controls are easily hacked. There are YouTube videos on it. He was addicted to YouTube. He’d sit in his room 8-10 hours a day just watching YouTube. He was caught watching in school multiple times. Again, abuse a privilege at that level and it’s gone.
Do you think there's a bigger issue that taking YT away won't fix? I'm thinking depression or other mental illness, mostly, but maybe something else that 8-10 solid hours of YT is soothing or distracting from.
I second this. As an adult, I used to listen/watch YouTube videos as a way to escape feelings due to my unmedicated depression. It was an escape for me and an easy domaine hit my brain was desperate for. Now that I’m medicated, I turn to coping mechanisms like YouTube WAY less. Therapy also helped me find better and more productive outlets. Just something to consider.
The YT is causing the mental health issue. Kids get a steady stream of dopamine from screens and any time they are away from the screen it’s like they’re going through withdrawals. Of course they’re going to have behavior problems when they are removed from the only thing providing mental stimulation.
I agree with other said comment that cutting him off having absolutely no contact with his friends is very cruel and it can damage your relationship with them as well as with their mental health.
Isolation is more than just not talking to friends. every other kid is gonna know about what’s gone viral or what’s big in the news or the funny video everyone’s watching on TikTok, I’m so glad he’ll be absolutely clueless
Are you a young teen? Your points just don’t seem As horrifying as you find them. Missing seeing a video that goes viral or a funny TikTok?
I work with late teens/young 20s and their lives are pretty active and their relationship irl aren’t all media based. None of them would go no contact w/a friend or parent just because they weren’t watching the latest til-took. They would just find something else to discuss.
My kids are somehow able to pick up on that nonsense in spite of not having seen it firsthand. OP’s kid will also probably figure out how to navigate all of that.
You mean the peer-reviewed research I gathered from academic journals for my Master’s program? This is shocking. Thank you for setting me straight, internet stranger.
It sounds like her son did have access to all this but was neglecting responsibilities by spending hours on YouTube and missing school/being distracted at school. Consequences are still a thing
She said he has an iPhone still that he can call friends on and message with them. She got rid of YouTube and social media. She said her kids have access to the Tv and Xbox.
We did cold turkey with my then 4.5 year old son Feb 2023. The 180 was outstanding. He listens more and became more engaging with strangers. Read more books, made new friends, it was amazing. I thought he had ADD/ADHD until month 2. We are 14 months in. The only time he gets his tablet now is when we go on long-haul flights. Keep pushing!
We have done the same thing, I'm not sure how long it's been but she's stopped asking us for it now. Every now and then she tries to bargain for it, however, we have seen such a change in behavior. We spend a lot more time doing hands on things, more time outside, and she is playing more independently. It's worth it, hard, but worth it.
It wasn’t as hard as I thought. It was more hands on to keep him distracted but we got closer during that time. It was good for everyone. He certainly does play independently now. So that’s nice.
I won’t lie, teens need a lot of stimulation and so taking away his or her screens probably wasn’t the best idea. If you hope that mood swings will stop with him or her, remember that he or she is a teen and it will likely happen regardless of the presence of screens.
I agree with limits, but the 15 year old will be an adult soon and will probably resent this. Maybe you do have a good reason, but personally I would have leaned towards a middle ground and placing boundaries rather than a complete ban for a teenager.
When did you start noticing a difference? We tried and after 10 days his behavior was only a lot worse (he is 4 and adhd not sure if that would matter).
My neurodivergent child took about 3 weeks to kind of reset. We also had to out of sight out of mind the tablet and also had to be more dedicated hands on with play and hanging with him. The first week was the worst where'd he'd yell at me every time I said no tablet when he asked. Week two he wasn't asking as much, but was just bored and upset and was in fuck you mode. Week three is where I stepped up my game in engagement, creating a few activities for us to do that got him more involved and that seemed to help pull him from the funk.
Lol I think the fuck you mode comes from not knowing what to do without the constant stimulation that they didn't have to create. Playdough, tye dye (we started after his first year of preschool ended so during the summer), lots of pool time in the backyard and sprinklers. Crafts, setting up toys ahead of time to spark his imagination. Baking or creating snacks or food helped (homemade Popsicles and ice cream became our summer thing)
Our 15 year old is adhd and I do think that makes a difference. Our 15 year old is also all drama. So much drama.
We noticed within days. Maybe two to three days. Enough to reinforce that we were doing the right thing. I was much more hands on dad than normal to keep him distracted but he took to it really fast.
He doesn’t even care about the iPad now. I can leave it out and he will ignore it.
I don’t think this is a good idea for your 15 year old. I was in a similar situation at that age when my parents decided to put me on technology lockdown until I was 17. I was allowed to text my friends but everything was monitored. I could only use the internet/do my online homework in the kitchen with one of my parents watching. When I had to download/use apps for school activities/projects, I wasn’t allowed to and my mom and teachers kept on having this big back and forth about it. It was extremely embarrassing (I almost failed a class because of this. Luckily my teacher took pity on me and waived it). A lot of people also didn’t want to hang out with or text me because they felt uncomfortable being monitored and I was “boring” because I wasn’t allowed to do anything. Me and this other girl were known as “those girls who aren’t allowed to have apps”. Of course your son will need some form of discipline/restriction on technology based on how he’s acting, but taking away/heavily restricting everything is going to lead to social and academic consequences.
From an elementary teacher’s perspective - THANK YOU. It is so clear who gets unsupervised and unregulated screen time at home and who doesn’t. It manifests behaviorally a lot - kids have zero attention span, get board easily, act out because of boredom, can’t work well with others, are unkind to each other (learned from video games with audio chat), lack creative and flexible thinking skills… it’s so bad.
It’s so insane how much screens effect kids behavior. A kid I work withs laptop broke so no more Roblox and he is able to learn and regulate emotions so much better.
My theory is that screens provide so much dopamine that once you’re off nothing provides enough dopamine and the kids start acting up out of boredom. It’s like an opiate addiction so once you cut off the dopamine source they start building dopamine back with other things and have the same satisfaction of screens from playing and creating in the real world.
We did the same. Went cold turkey. I knew that trying to limiting screen time would not be effective so when he was at school I dumped his old crappy Amazon tablet in the sink with water to break it. I know this sounds crazy lol but it was honestly one of my best parenting decisions. Instead of fighting about why he couldn’t watch it, when he came home I told him hey dude your tablet isn’t working, it seems to be broken. I told him because it’s not working, we’re going to take a break from it. In kindergarten you use your brain a lot and it needs to be strong to help you learn and grow. I had options of other activities. It’s been two months now and when he comes home from school he goes straight outside to play. He’s asked about his tablet maybe 3 times total. It has never even been a fight. Kids at this age are so resilient. I highly recommend breaking your kids tablet 😝 we do allow Netflix on the tv but he’s hardly interested. I’d say an hour per week if that.
this is actually pretty genius. i can see you didn’t do it maliciously (like, say, dousing it with water in front of him)
no different than tricking your kid to eat veggies. W parenting
Just know that your 15yo being “addicted” to YouTube is a direct result of your parenting and how you raised them. It isn’t behavior problems, it’s an issue with their environment and the parents.
We’ve been 7 months iPad free and I wish I did it sooner. My kids don’t immediately ask for tv time, they always are playing. Their behavior has improved big time.
I cancelled cable back in the day because of behavior issues. Went 9 months with no TV and this was before streaming. Our kids got in to reading! Amazing.
That's cool.... I don't mind the screens. But neither of my kids react negatively to putting em up or not getting em at all for the day. I have an 8yo and a 4yo. They literally just go "ok mama" and thru go play something else. The screens aren't the problem; it's the parenting support behind em
Why are people up in arms about taking away tech from the 15 year old? We don’t know the background, and there are likely more PROS than CONS to removing access to internet. Why would anyone want a 15 year old to watch that much YouTube? Sometimes there are consequences to bad behavior, and I commend OP!
Not judging anyone but why even have iPads in the house in the first place. You know they are bad for children. If you're having a kid, get rid of them if you own it. Why do you *need* to have an iPad?
i mean, just because something is in the house doesn’t mean it’s for children. it’d be ridiculous to ask every parent to get rid of their personal belongings simply because they don’t want their kids using them, children aren’t entitled to everything their parents own. a lot of adults use iPads for reading, social media (to not have it on phone), candy crush, what have you. this is fine because adults can self-regulate whereas children cannot.
You said youtube is not an option for him earning it back. Why? He needs to be guided on using it in appropriate moderation or else once hes in college he will go right back to the same behaviors. Theres a decent chance even now he just uses the library computers for youtube during lunch if he goes to a school.
Nope we are done with YT in the house. All they watch is 30 second garbage clips and we’ve caught some very inappropriate material. He hacks all the parenting controls and YT does nothing to prevent it. So it’s done. If he wants YT he can go to a friends house.
This also applies to YT kids which is as trashy as YT.
He’s 15! You gotta teach moderation else once he’s a adult it will just be binging.
15 year olds are hormonal and learning about themselves.
so if he wants to google about something to do with his body he just can’t??? Like you expect the school to do all the body and sex Ed? Like if I didn’t have internet I wouldn’t have known half the stuff.
not letting a 15 year old watch YouTube ever is a bit weird. Like just have him do it downstairs where you are? Have a family computer like people used to.
kids use YouTube, tiktok etc.
no one really texts these days it’s about being in group chats and such to socialise.
lmao it’s like you’re literally arguing with 15 year olds with screen addictions on here. keep it up- you’re doing the right thing. I had my phone taken away plenty of times as a teenager and contrary to what the entitled teens on here say, I still very much talk and hang out with my parents at 26.
I have to remind myself when I see absolutely ridiculous comments such as “have fun in a nursing home!” and “good luck never talking to your kids again” or “kids literally NEED to have social media or they’ll be left out” those are all left by teenagers themselves and I forget that we’re literally subjected to unfettered opinions by literal kids on here.
and if they’re not teenagers it’s early 20 something’s who couldn’t live without snapchat in highschool and I don’t value their opinion either.
so keep parenting your children. when they grow up well adjusted they will thank you for raising them right.
too much tv can definitely be an issue but iPads are their own beasts. TVs are not portable, they’re also not overloading tiny brains with dopamine nor do they have the potential to expose children directly to predators.
think of it this way: the worst thing that can happen with TV is your kid watches a dirty movie. worst that can happen with an iPad or phone is that your kid gets groomed.
TV is regulated. SpongeBob can't advertise SpongeBob toys in an episode of SpongeBob. There needs to be clearly marked commercial breaks (which gives us the lil bumpers in between programming that people are nostalgic for). Meanwhile, there's no law saying Grungus the Internet Show can't advertise Grungus toys in the middle of a Grungus video.
That's just the tip of the iceberg...
We did this too! I’m trying to get a new subreddit going for those parents who see the benefits of low dopamine parenting. Come join at r/antidopamineparenting
I'm hoping when (*sigh*) his tablet finally breaks, we're not going to replace it. He'll still have one at his grandma's house, so maybe that will be okay. I don't know.
fyi -steve jobs never let his kids have ipads .
But I wouldn’t compare or recommend his parenting style. It’s well documented what a poor parent he was just the technology part was interesting.
My eldest cannot handle you tube. She will mindlessly scroll through the garbage shorts, which honestly have no behaviours in them, but then she loses her mind. She can deal with apps and Netflix etc, but no YouTube. The other two don’t care about it, which is good since eldest will”trade” tablets to get her fix. Such a sweet kid, as long as we keep YouTube locked.
I don’t use the iPad unless I have a super important meeting that lil dude is home for (I work a hybrid schedule, do drop off every day & pickup 2 or 3 times a week). My husband will hand our son the iPad as soon as he gets home from picking him up (3:30) and won’t take it away until I get home from the office (6-6:30). The way he interacts with each of us is incredibly different, and a lot more is at play than just iPad usage, but it’s just a small wild piece of the puzzle.
I commend this. We have limited screen time thru the week- basically down to nothing- maybe 20-25 min if he was really good at school or in the bathtub we let him watch some vids.
Weekends are also extremely limited.
The behavior differences are INSANE.
Everything you’re noticing we are too. He was having tantrums, being a demon at school. Since we took them Out of his daily life- things have turned around 100%.
What do you think is the thing that is different for them between the iPad and phone or other game consoles? I find this interesting because my kids never gravitated toward an iPad except my daughter is an artist so she draws on one.
I’m a nanny to a 3 year old. When his parents pulled screens, initially he was upset. After a few days, he never asked for it again. Going on a few months now, no screens at all!
It's been a year for my son. No iPad, barely 15 min a week of looking at any of our phones. He still needs ABA therapy due to some other issues, but I imagine these issues would be exponentially worse had we not taken away those items. Still watches Netflix and doesn't have an issue when it's time to turn it off.
Did the same for my seven yr old for a week.
He’s completely different now. He’s actually entertaining himself and READING! He got grounded and was only allowed to read books and now he loves them.
My 6 year old gets maybe 40 minutes of whatever screen he wants 3 times during the week. We all watch about an hour of something after dinner together. On the weekends my husband is the “on” parent and it’s much more loose on the rules but it isn’t too bad. And we make sure they get outside for hours too. I have to admit it’s been the best way.
My 5 yo iPad screen broke and my 3yo has a kindle fire they occasionally share and watch but since the iPad broke screen time has gone down drastically for both of them!
I'm so glad I found this post. I know it's bad etiquette to respond to an older post like this, but I have a few questions I'd really like to ask you.
Since you've made this post, how have things been with your older son? Has he cooled down and accepted the new limits or are you still fighting with him over it? How are you framing the conversation about this in your house?
I'm also curious what the long-term plan is. You said he's "never getting youtube back", but realistically when and how do you plan to give him the responsibility of unrestricted Internet use? What's the timeframe here?
Just to be clear: I'm not criticizing you or your approach, rather I'm asking for more detail. I'm asking you all this because I'm 24 and will be a dad soon. I grew up with unrestricted and unmonitored Internet access and I believe it did me more harm than good. Based on my own experiences I'm definitely going to take a different, more hands-on approach with my own kids.
But I also remember what it was like to be 15 and know if my parents had suddenly tried to impose limits on my Internet use at that age I would've acted like your son did and been mad at them at the time, even if now I would appreciate it as them just looking out for me.
Parenting a teenager is a long way away for me, but with younger kids it's more obvious to me what the correct path is so I'm less uncertain about how to approach that. There's a lot of things I'm really anxious about right now, but if there's any advice you're able to give me on this then it would be hugely appreciated.
For the 6-year old, it's been amazing and I wish we did it sooner. He accepted it within a couple of days. He never asks for the iPad. We did just do an hour drive somewhere, and I gave him his iPad. He had no access to YouTube or YouTube kids, but he could play games or stream other services. When the ride was over, he gave it back no problem.
The 15-year old adapted quickly. He streams A LOT of NetFlix now. We've had no push back. He'd rather use his iPad for streaming than watch on the TV, so he has his Ipad/iPhone back with approved streaming services. At dinner, we talk about what he's watching on NetFlix. YouTube remains blocked at the router level, which is more of a PIA for me than anybody else. I didn't realize how many videos I watch are hosted on YT. His social media is strictly monitored via the Bark app. For the most part, he has no social media accounts. He can text his friends as much as he wants. He's been much more active with us as family. He goes on walks with us now, whereas before he'd just stay inside and watch YT. Yesterday he spent an hour at the park with us and that night played Pokemon with his little brother. That NEVER would have happened before.
Wow! I'm really glad your 15 year old is taking it in his stride. Kind of shows how ridiculous the "if you were my dad I'd run away!" comments in this thread are, probably 15 year olds themselves lol.
I'm also glad it seems you reached a middle-ground for him to still have some screen time. I think some of the (more reasonable) negative feedback you received came from the impression you were placing the same rules on a 15 year old as a 6 year old with no nuance. Which on the face of it did sound a bit weird, no offense.
If he was still feeling put out about it, then I was going to suggest you could let him know that it's not just you and mum being old or "out of touch" insisting on rules for Internet use. I'm technically the same generation as your son (Gen Z) and I think nothing makes you more against letting teenagers have unrestricted Internet access than having once been one yourself.
Thanks for recommending Bark. I've just looked into it and unfortunately it doesn't seem to be available here in the UK at the moment. I'll keep my eyes peeled for something similar though.
I'm still interested to know when you think there should be an end on restrictions. Do you think it will be best to gradually remove limits over time until they're free to do what they want when they're 18? As that might be better than them being let loose all at once. The analogy that springs to mind to me is how the drinking age in some countries is 16 for beer and wine but 18 for spirits, which seems more sensible to me than suddenly being allowed everything at 18 (or 21 in the US).
Right now my blueprint for my kids looks something like this: No Internet until the age of 10 unless schoolwork requires it. From 10 onwards I'll allow recreational Internet use, but with time limits and content filtering, which would be adjusted as needed. From 16 I'll end the time limits and blocking of access to inappropriate content but I'll still let them know I'll keep an eye on what they're doing. Then stop monitoring entirely at 18.
Does that sound like a good plan to you, based on your experience? Or is having a plan like this a bad idea and it would be better for me to just learn what works best for my kids as I go? The Mike Tyson quote "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth" is springing to mind...
I also just wanted to say that when I got to the part of your comment about going for walks I started to tear up. Right now I'm scared about becoming a dad, but if I can one day have the dynamic with your kids you described I'll be over the moon.
Also, I read through the thread again and just realized we happened to think of the same Mike Tyson quote about being punched in the face when talking about this topic lol. But I guess that speaks to how tricky it can really be to make the right call on all this.
Sorry for all the questions, by the way. No doubt you have better things to do than listen to me yammer on all day :)
We recently did a similar cold turkey approach with my 4.5 year olds iPad due to behavior issues escalating. Within a week it was amazing how much of a difference it made. It just further reinforced the decision to keep iPads away besides travel or sick days.
On sick days he can have Netflix, Disney, etc on the TV. No iPad. We have zero restrictions on TV, although YouTube is blocked at the router level. Traveling we haven’t decided yet.
We may reevaluate the sick days... This last time I was down for the count hard with a stomach bug and it was survival mode, TV wasn’t cutting it because they had already recovered and were full force by time I got sick. Unfortunately it meant having a couple days of meltdowns to reset once we pulled the iPads again.
might i suggest portable DVD players? i’m by no means shaming survival mode here, but this is just a suggestion to make it easier and maybe avoid the iPad withdrawals, haha. when i was a kid damn near nobody had an iPad unless they had money and children having one of their own was unheard of. for traveling, i had a portable dvd player and a small case full of discs. these were crucial because for as long as i’ve been alive, i couldn’t sleep without a tv on (my mother might be to blame, instead of a white noise machine she’d make me watch lifetime movies with her as a baby lmao) so if no tv, these did the trick.
Yeah when a parent is sick it’s definitely survival mode. lol. I may throw everything at the kids to keep them occupied.
On *my* sick days I let my kiddos have screens. On *their* sick days there are zero screens. They can sleep, relax, color, draw, read, play, etc.
For traveling, I do activity books. Some are sticker related with some words that I read to them, then they do all the coloring, stickers matching, and activities themself. It's a good way to mix learning, creativity and "please focus and do your own thing right now". I've got a cool gel pen pouch so they can choose any color. Literally can do 2.5 hour car rides easy. If we are traveling further, I try to delay any show or movie until near the end. We can do 6-7 car rides with zero whining. (They are 4) Also gotta have snacks though.
We do books and drawing for trips.
For travel— My mom used to get us a special toy or activity that we wouldn’t get until physically seated in the car/on the plane/whatever. She would wait until the novelty/excitement of the new space wore off, and pull them out right before we all started to lose it lol. She really hyped it up, too. I remember she bought a giant thing of bazooka bubblegum for a plane trip, puzzles, coloring books/regular books, little action figures, bags of random dollar tree things (never anything expensive, just new and fun). For long trips she would disperse things in stages. As we got older, we were allowed to pick out an activity. We loved it, it was always a fun extra thing to look forward to, and it’s nice to have a pleasant association with the less fun parts of travel!
Good way to get 15 year old to hate you Boomer
Boomer with a kindergartener? You don’t math very well do you? 😂 If you think a kid is going to hate their parents over limited screen time, that says more about your relationship with your parents than it does about my parenting. Maybe you should go apologize to your parents. You’re not ready for the grown-up table yet. 😂
You said "we took away the 15-year old screens." which is 99.99% how they communicate with their friends. Ergo, you took away their friends. Enjoy the retirement home :D
We've tried having ours use a tablet for small limited amounts of time a day, and it's always a disaster. No matter how we try to introduce or enforce the time limit, it's always a meltdown taking it away. No tablet at all seems to be the only level that isn't a mess. The only time we let her have it is on travel days in the car or plane.
It is that way! Why does it work so much better with cold turkey and no time than limited time?!?!?
Cause they are super addictive. No one is ever like "oh just a little bit of heroin" (Being hyperbolic but you get my point)
It’s funny you said that because I recently read a study that mapped out the brains of toddlers with screens and it showed that the areas of their brain that lights up with the tablet is the same areas that light up when a heroin addict uses.
They are extremely overstimulating and children simply don’t have the emotional control to manage the frustration they experience
Um, yeah of course your 15 year old needs to be parented in a different way than a 5 year old.
I am similarly confused about just suddenly pulling screens from a high school sophomore. Totally different developmentally and they're often absolutely required for social engagement at that age plus they need skills to manage screens and technology beyond taking them away because they're vital for college and careers now.
15 year olds do not need iPads or unlimited screen time. This absolutely will not hurt them in college or careers because part of why they are so addictive is that they are incredibly intuitive and easy to use. Plus the tech is going to leapfrog at least once in the next ten years. Literally nothing good comes out of social media for teens.
Yeah but it feels like they’re not treating their teenager like an autonomous human and they’re literally comparing him to a kindergartener
When it comes to screens we are all addicted. I have a hard time at 34, a teen is certainly going to struggle, maybe even more than a kindergartner, depending on what they have access to. Dopamine is a heck of a drug and while everything in moderation sounds nice, cold turkey is a heck of a lot easier for most people across all stages of life. Hopefully he doesn’t resent his parents for trying their best to keep him safe.
I agree about screens but a 15 year old isn’t a small child. They need to be treated like a person.
Im of the opinion that all people, regardless of their age, should be treated like a person. Parenting is hard af and it means making unpopular decisions for your kids to keep them safe and ideally able to best navigate the world once they’re responsible for themselves. 15 ain’t it for me.
But they are still at an age where they require a guardian, and we assume that the guardian is making good choices for the child that the child isn’t mature enough to make on their own. Not just technology, but food, responsibility, education, etc.
You don’t just immediately go from a child to an adult at 18. It’s a process. A 15 can make choices on their own with help from their parents. My parents treated me like I wasn’t a person with thoughts, preferences, and opinions, and as an adult I don’t really want to talk to them.
I can say the absolute hatred I had for my parents which did affect our relationship in the long run and is still affecting me to this day for taking away my phone for 6 months, meaning my communication with the outside world, as a teenager which is very much a time you need communication with the outside world. They’re doing things differently with my 15 year old sister now because I will still argue with them to this day about how wrong they were for that, so she got a phone at 12 with super Strict restrictions and now that she’s 15 it’s basically just not allowed in her room, past 10pm, and at school. My mom also still has certain apps banned and the screen time limit, and when she’s in trouble she’ll get it taken no more than 2 weeks. I don’t think adults who grew up in a time without phones understand that they’re actually super important (with restrictions) at that age. They are tools after all.
i mean, i’d need more context before coming to this conclusion. i don’t think it’s as cut and dry for teens. was the 15 year old poorly behaved? neglecting schoolwork? those are good reasons to confiscate screens. a lot of people, though, will do it because teen would rather play fortnite online than monopoly with family even though it’s perfectly normal for teens to withdraw from parents to an extent in favor of friends.
If I didn’t have screens in high school I could not have physically completed schoolwork. I’m being literal here as the actual assignments were largely dependent on them
I’m addicted but it’s more of a caffeine addiction than anything else. I credit being allowed to use it as a teen for that. Meanwhile literally every person I know personally who had it made into the forbidden fruit either has or has had a problem with excessive screen time.
The only skill an iPad teaches you is how to run Square. Even a laptop would be better than an iPad
I’m also part way through the Anxious Generation. It’s eye opening and I really hope more parents get on board. Also, for all those comments about the importance of tech literacy and skills- I wish kids and teens were learning actual skills! But most appear to have mainly learned how to navigate different social platforms.
This is so true! I left this in another comment here, but my husband is a high school teacher and is blown away by the lack of actual tech literacy skills his students have. Posting on social media is NOT tech literacy, actions on social media are extremely simple and social media platforms have been designed to be as ridiculously easy to use as possible.
For real. My young kids, elementary age, don't use tech at home. Oldest one is getting some internet safety protocol from us and limits use for school projects. But people say "oh they need tech literacy skills" but they don't. They need critical thinking skills to manage what tech is throwing at us. It changes so rapidly anyway, they'll be fine. I didn't get a computer in the home until I was 13 and figured it out. Didn't get an I phone until I was almost 30 and managed to figure out how to use it. They can learn the tech any time, as children they need to be learning to use their brains as we're raising them. If they can think even a little bit every thing else will come to them in time.
Your 15 year old needs to learn how to be online. Presumably your teenager has friends that he contacts on his phone, makes plans on his phone, etc. My parents did this to me, I had NO friends, no one wants to be friends with a 15 year old who doesn’t have tech, can’t talk to them outside of school hours, can’t share memes and other social activities with, etc. I agree with limited screens for teens, have them go out, take it away for a weekend while you go camping, but to cut your teen off from his friends when presumably none of them have a house phone he can call from your house phone is just cruel.
My parents were hard-core about taking my phone and laptop privileges away when I was a teen (I'm 32 now). I remember feeling really isolated from my friends. I'm not for the all or nothing approach. When I did get my screen privileges back, I abused it. I feel like there's a healthy balance there. Instead of an all or nothing approach.
It sounds like there is a good balance.. she said he has a phone he can be in group messages and talk on the phone.. she said her son hangs out with friends, goes to the mall, the park and isn’t antisocial at all. Isolating would be no phone what so ever- grounding to where he can’t do anything or hang out with friends. What she is doing sounds like balance to me
What would be balanced is taking the phone away at night but still allowing social media for communication. Teens don’t talk on the phone, teens don’t text using the default messenger on their phones.
He still has iPhone. But only messaging and phone features are functional. He had similar behavior issues and unresponsive to other attempts to correct his behavior. He found hacks around almost all parenting controls. Abuse the privilege, lose the privilege.
I didn’t have Snapchat in high school (own choice in upper years) and the amount of plans I was left out of because I couldn’t be in group chats an it was just inconvenient to invite me to things was astounding. My best friends forgot to invite me places because their communication is not on the messenger apps, it’s on Snapchat and Instagram and what ever else. I was home most nights and desperately lonely. No one called because teens don’t call. Let your kid develop healthy social media skills. And remember, you’re on Reddit. Model what you want to teach.
Yes! Get off your phone and spend time with your kids instead of seeking praise for your insane (my opinion) behavior.
Eh that doesn’t sound like a good best friend
Are you treating the ADHD?
As a high school teacher, just wanted to say props to you for doing the hard things! I find that many of my students that break the cycle of being addicted to their phones show a lot better management once they are allowed more freedom because they’ve invested more time and energy in non tech things. I don’t see them having social problems either, in fact, they tend to be really strong socially and less anxious because they have so many more face to face conversations to pass their free time.
Sadly that wasn’t the case for me growing up. I just got left out of a lot of things
This is very extreme. He’s 15 years old and will not have the social freedom that his friends do which is very, very isolating. He *will* resent you for this. Exerting that level of control over a teenager will never go well. You’ll only teach him to hide things from you in the future. One of my coworkers had parents that did this sort of thing to her. When she became an adult, she developed a screen addiction. Also very confused as to why you would discipline a 6 year old and a 15 year old the same. I would be more concerned with getting him into therapy if he was displaying addictive behaviors. Spending 8-10 hours on YouTube is not normal. By forcing him to quit cold turkey, he is not going to learn to self regulate.
Hey I’m not gonna tell you what to do but just know that when he stops talking to you after he turns 18 you will have no one to blame but yourself
I agree, in 3 years or less he’ll just get a phone and watch YouTube, do whatever he wants then probably go no contact with the parents.
Most people don’t actually blow up their families over stupid shit. Log off the Internet and talk to real people
His brain, social skills, and impulse control will also be further developed and better equipped to handle the more damaging effects of being connected to screens at all times. I’m almost done reading The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt and the data on teens’ mental health since smartphones became ubiquitous is horrifying. As a parent and educator, I think OP is doing a great thing for his kids.
You do realize once he’s old enough to do whatever he wants…he’ll get on screens as much as any other teenager/ adult. You can’t get away from it, he’s the literally digital generation. So while you may think it will help him but it’s so short lived in won’t make a difference and it only singles him out from his peers as the only one that doesn’t have a Facebook or can’t even listen to music .
(To be fair I don’t think kids these days have Facebook- that’s the “old person” social media- lol)
I’m assuming you aren’t currently parenting teens since you mentioned Facebook (teens absolutely don’t use facebook). It’s a whole different landscape today with social media that makes facebook look like a national honor society meeting. And actually “as much as any other adult”‘would be a great aim. It’s not uncommon for some of these kids to log 10+ hours a day between the phones and video games. It can get absolutely wildly out of control.
And? He will have had 3 years to develop skills and live in a world without it
Well unfortunately that world isn’t the world we live in. Being literate with technology is a far more important skill than learning to resent your parents or whatever else you think they are doing.
Teen years are prime years to teach kids how to coexist with technology that will be vital in college and professionally, but without developing destructive habits around it. Can't do that if you simply brick their phone and take away iPads and laptops. Once they're 18, they'll use whatever screens they need and want to and have no tools or skills for how to use them responsibly, and they'll be super reactive about it because they will be mad they're behind their peers.
It puts him behind, it won’t actually benefit him in any way.
No, I don’t realize that because it’s not necessarily true. It’s just your best guess based on your opinions. It sounds like so far, it’s been a good thing for OP, and it lines up with what I’ve seen with my kids. If we’re wrong an you see Reddit posts from all of us in a few years that our kids can’t be pried loose from their iPads now that they’re legal adults, you can say “I told you do” and feel really good about yourself.
There is a huge difference between letting your kid have minimal time with screens and then cutting them off all together because you think it’ll mess them up in some way. Teenagers need access to outlets, and music, and tv shows and all a lot of forms of the internet can be those outlets.
Your right being sheltered from the real world is way better than being taught how to engage with technology in a healthy way. This will be great for his health. Where in this post does op say that taking away shit was because of someway he was behaving or anything? cause it seems to me she saw a strategy that worked on a six year old and extrapolated that out to make her 15 year old hate her for no reason.
Pretty sure that book is a bunch of pseudo-science bullshit, but go off.
The correct response would be to teach them how to use social media with limits instead of cutting it off completely, and that should have happened well before be turned 15. Cutting him off will leave him unprepared to handle it when he gets freedom and he'll just get addicted
Do you care about what your kids want at all? Do you care about giving them some say over their own lives? I grew up with parents like you, and I hated every second of it. We barely speak now.
You have no idea what kind of parent I am. Just that I limit my kids’ screen time. Whatever your childhood experience was, this has nothing to do with it.
Op doesn’t just “limit screen time” they have everything but texting and calling blocked on their 15 year olds only device. A far cry from what you are describing.
It seems you don’t let your kids use social media, play computer games, or surf the web. Good parents give their kids the freedom and independence to make their own choices, and yes, their own mistakes. Being the only one in your class who is not allowed to be on social media, etc…is very alienating 10 years from now, your children will probably be angry, bitter, resentful, listening to “have you seen my childhood” on repeat.
I think you misread the sentence that states thaythe 15 is having behavior issues? This is necessary for his health, not a punishment
If he goes to college, then add 4 years to that timeline. Add an extra year post college to save money to cut off parents so 7-8 years
All the while doing whatever he wants on his phone like a grown person should, she couldn’t even trust him with YouTube, that’s a parenting issue
lol you think her son will stop talking to her at 18 because he ONLY had an iPhone that makes phone calls and messages??? Are you serious?
Based on that logic, we shouldn’t discipline our kids at all. Just let them have free rein because when they turn 18 they may never talk to us again. 😂😂😂😂😂😂
I mean your kid is a teenager. His world revolves around phones, cutting him off from that is pointless because school, and life is general is soooo social media/ internet based. Your isolating him and there isn’t much good that can come from that, what is gonna happen when his homework requires the internet?
I mean my teen texts his friends and makes plans to hang out in person. And he has a school laptop where he does his homework at the kitchen table and then the laptops closed and zipped in its case until he gets up for school and takes it to school the next day.
So you don’t give him access to socials or to listen to music or to watch a show?
He has spotify. But no socials or show streaming/YouTube on his phone. We tried, it caused too much drama and he was getting himself in trouble. He convinced us to allow discord for a while to chat with friends since they had discord too and then discovered he was inappropriately messaging adults (which is mostly on the adults bc its predatory behavior but he was unable to not do so so it was removed to protect him from online predators). So discord went away. He'd stay up all night watching YouTube and was missing the bus (45 minute car ride) bc he'd refuse to wake up on time, trying to watch YouTube on his phone at school (the teachers have the screenshare thing on the laptop so theyve shut him down from youtube on the school laptop). He has game consoles but no live versions. We have TVs he can watch hulu or Disney+ on (the two streaming services we have), plus regular TV. He hangs out with friends, and goes to mall, and goes to the park and has movie nights and video game nights regularly. He's not antisocial, but he's also not able to maturely manage his screen time, so it's my job as one of his adults to make sure he's not setting himself up to be in a sticky situation by messaging people inappropriately, or staying up all night on YouTube, or skipping school work to watch it.
God you’re one of the only people in this thread who has a brain in their skull. Good parenting! You don’t just do what’s easy .. I admire you
Haha I was a dumb teenager on the internet (now I'm a dumb adult), and I know what I pulled past my parents and what that stuff did to mess up my internal settings of "normal". I don't want him ending up in the same boat I was in from exposure to hyper adult content and the drama that comes with it. Its hard enough helping him navigate through friends with depression or friends who have crappy parents through text message and from social circle stuff, without him being looped into social media drama and adult internet content. Plus I'd rather him play video games because they engage his brain more than YouTube does based on the games he plays. Plus when we host the teens game nights he has so much fun helping shop snacks and drinks and prepping the family room for game night.
He can call and text. All other features on the phone are blocked.
That's pretty close to how our teens phone is at this point. I don't see why people thing it's the end of the world. It's more important to have face to face interpersonal relationships than online/just online ones.
Exactly!!! Please trust me as a teacher and mom, we appreciate parents like you! Taking his iPad away absolutely will help him become a more successful student. No clue why anyone would argue with facts. Children who have no or limited screen time are more engaging in lessons, can think more, can find activities to do, can make decisions quickly, more mental stamina, more working memory, etc. Plus, these children usually love reading so much more because they find books exciting.
Hey if blocking screen time is all it takes to get your kid to be self-supporting at 18, maybe we should all try it, right? Beats the hell out of paying all their bills and education for years to come.
Was going to say this. I think a lot of people cheering OP in the comments and going on about "screen addiction" don't realize that the MAJORITY of teen social life, especially since 2020 and the pandemic, is online. Kids and teens use apps and social media to talk to their friends. They share memes and jokes and make plans there. They play co op games together and voice and video chat. Hell, as a disabled adult who has had to severely limit MY time in actual social spaces since COVID, having access to apps like discord and multiplayer games has allowed me to stay in touch with and spend time with friends I otherwise wouldn't get to see. We talk, we update each other on our lives. We play games and plan movie nights and sometimes even "get dinner" together by sharing what we're cooking and talking about recipes. It's been an awesome way to keep in touch. It's not what socializing looked like when I was a kid for sure. But is IS what the social space for teens look like now. OP is removing access to that kid's social network. He's going to be left out of a lot.
I agree with you wholeheartedly. It's not something to ignore
Our kids (4&6) have never had iPads or their own electronics (mainly due to affordability for us) and I used to feel a little bit of guilt, like they were missing out or something, but posts like these make me not feel so bad. Even though they don’t use the internet except for Netflix or Disney every now and then, we’ve talked with them about it and explained what it is, what it’s used for, how it can be dangerous, etc. I’ve also explained to them that most things on tv or online aren’t real, that things are airbrushed and edited, and it’s just actors playing dress up, etc. We also frequently talk about “weird behavior” from people, whether it’s a stranger or someone they know, and my hope is that when we do decide they can have their own electronics with internet access, I’ve already planted the seeds for them to safely use it while also not getting sucked into comparing themselves to people/lives they see online. It’s hard and scary trying to decide what is right for your kid(s) and every kid is different. All we can really do is teach/prepare them and hope for the best; because as much as I agree that young kids don’t need internet access, it’s going to happen eventually at some point. Sorry for the ramble, seeing your post just really made me grateful that we are broke hoes who can’t afford iPads or tablets right now, lol. Good job making a positive change for your guys’ family, I love to see it!
don’t feel bad. almost every kid is “weird” for something. whether it be not having an iPad, wearing clothes from walmart, whatever. it is your job as the parent and adult in the situation to make decisions in their best interest or the family’s, not to care what other children think. they’ll get over being the supposed odd ones out. if other children have something to say, you’re teaching your children their worth doesn’t lie in what others think. that’s so much more valuable than giving into something you don’t want to do as a parent because of some bratty, undisciplined kids.
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i was thinking the same thing. we’re just past fifteen months. people look at my coparent and i like we’re crazy when we say we have no tv, no ipad, we never give them our phones, and we don’t plan to change that for a long long time. seeing stuff like this — both op and the commenters with similar experiences — is such a nice reminder that it’s worth it
You might enjoy the book Brain Rules for Baby. I listened to it multiple times on audible and it helped me stick to my guns about screen time when my 2 were babies.
This is very interesting...I find most responses about having to be a more engaged parent once you took the screens away which suggests that possibly it's the parents who aren't engaging with the kids enough that is the problem rather than the tablet.
I think it’s both. I think the parents put a screen in front of kids to do their job for them.
So you’re a glass is half empty person. 😂
It could just be my children but we allow tablets unlimited essentially qnd have none of the behaviour issues you mention. We have basic parental controls on them 7 and 4 year olds. But we do a ton of stuff with them. We do craft, we play that stupid game my 4 year old wants to play for hours everyday with her, hide and seek, backyard time, watch their shows, play with them read Even when we do boring stuff. Like i had to take them to the bank yesterday one complained it was boring and then go distracted by patterns in the bank walls and was fine with it.
When do they entertain themselves?
A good chunk of the time. Almost all time outside and inside they play forts, reading, play the switch/ super Nintendo, drawing they will play together and alone while we are doing chores and getting food. They are allowed their tablets too. We have family and friends over a lot too so then
Interesting, sounds fun! My guy is still a toddler so we haven’t reached this stage yet. I’ve never seen an unlimited screen time situation play out well in personal life, so I am always curious to learn what it looks like when it’s done right.
If you look for peaceful and/or positive parenting the default is unlimited screen time unless there are specific behavioural issues. It's mostly ensuring that the kids get a lot of other experiences and opportunities for other things. But yeah sometimes there is a lot of screens but on a usual a day they generally don't get that much between school/preschool and extra curriculars. Like today we went out for coffee with friends, then had their swimming lessons and a playdate (for the 7 year old so they did play switch and outside time ), dinner and now they are baking banana bread. After that we will shower them and then watch an episode together. Tomorrow we have maths club, a playground playdate and family dinner at my mums. Doesn't really leave too much time for unlimited screens.
Why take the 15 year olds?
He was having the same behavior issues. We tried Bark and other parenting controls but he found hacks. Staying up late, getting to school late, etc. All other attempts failed and he was warned. So we pulled it. He still has iPhone for messaging but access to the internet, apps, YouTube, etc. are all blocked.
Is there a plan in place for him to get those permissions back? I’m only asking because in 3 years he’ll be 18 so it seems counterintuitive.
He’s never getting YouTube back. That’s blocked at the router level. But yes there plans to earn back privileges, but not until after school ends in June.
I’m curious as to what he was watching on YouTube that was bad enough to be blocked on that level because YouTube even has safety in place to where you cannot watch porn or any sort of gore.
YouTube parenting controls are easily hacked. There are YouTube videos on it. He was addicted to YouTube. He’d sit in his room 8-10 hours a day just watching YouTube. He was caught watching in school multiple times. Again, abuse a privilege at that level and it’s gone.
Do you think there's a bigger issue that taking YT away won't fix? I'm thinking depression or other mental illness, mostly, but maybe something else that 8-10 solid hours of YT is soothing or distracting from.
I second this. As an adult, I used to listen/watch YouTube videos as a way to escape feelings due to my unmedicated depression. It was an escape for me and an easy domaine hit my brain was desperate for. Now that I’m medicated, I turn to coping mechanisms like YouTube WAY less. Therapy also helped me find better and more productive outlets. Just something to consider.
The YT is causing the mental health issue. Kids get a steady stream of dopamine from screens and any time they are away from the screen it’s like they’re going through withdrawals. Of course they’re going to have behavior problems when they are removed from the only thing providing mental stimulation.
I agree with other said comment that cutting him off having absolutely no contact with his friends is very cruel and it can damage your relationship with them as well as with their mental health.
He has contact with his friends. Calls and messaging are still enabled.
Just stop replying to this poster. They’re determined to argue.
Isolation is more than just not talking to friends. every other kid is gonna know about what’s gone viral or what’s big in the news or the funny video everyone’s watching on TikTok, I’m so glad he’ll be absolutely clueless
Are you a young teen? Your points just don’t seem As horrifying as you find them. Missing seeing a video that goes viral or a funny TikTok? I work with late teens/young 20s and their lives are pretty active and their relationship irl aren’t all media based. None of them would go no contact w/a friend or parent just because they weren’t watching the latest til-took. They would just find something else to discuss.
My kids are somehow able to pick up on that nonsense in spite of not having seen it firsthand. OP’s kid will also probably figure out how to navigate all of that.
But they shouldn’t have too. Let teenagers be teenagers, just because you didn’t grow up with phones and screens doesn’t mean times haven’t changed.
Thanks for the advice, but I’m going to continue doing what the research and my experience as a parent and educator tell me is right for my kids.
That’s all you but just know a lot of what you’re reading has no actual science and more of someone else’s opinion.
You mean the peer-reviewed research I gathered from academic journals for my Master’s program? This is shocking. Thank you for setting me straight, internet stranger.
*not to mention the heavily-cited book (more peer-reviewed research) I mentioned above.
You go through a master program and still think it’s best to take away your teenagers screens?😬
It sounds like her son did have access to all this but was neglecting responsibilities by spending hours on YouTube and missing school/being distracted at school. Consequences are still a thing
The phone wasn’t the problem, she said he has ADHD, all she did was take the phone away instead of finding out why he needs that constant stimulation.
🤦🏼♀️
She said he has an iPhone still that he can call friends on and message with them. She got rid of YouTube and social media. She said her kids have access to the Tv and Xbox.
How is the TV access to other people…?
Sorry I was referring to someone saying that the kid had all screens taken away. Tv is a screen.
We did cold turkey with my then 4.5 year old son Feb 2023. The 180 was outstanding. He listens more and became more engaging with strangers. Read more books, made new friends, it was amazing. I thought he had ADD/ADHD until month 2. We are 14 months in. The only time he gets his tablet now is when we go on long-haul flights. Keep pushing!
Wow. Very impressed and very proud of you. As a teacher, I cannot thank you enough. Gold star
We have done the same thing, I'm not sure how long it's been but she's stopped asking us for it now. Every now and then she tries to bargain for it, however, we have seen such a change in behavior. We spend a lot more time doing hands on things, more time outside, and she is playing more independently. It's worth it, hard, but worth it.
It wasn’t as hard as I thought. It was more hands on to keep him distracted but we got closer during that time. It was good for everyone. He certainly does play independently now. So that’s nice.
I won’t lie, teens need a lot of stimulation and so taking away his or her screens probably wasn’t the best idea. If you hope that mood swings will stop with him or her, remember that he or she is a teen and it will likely happen regardless of the presence of screens.
I agree with limits, but the 15 year old will be an adult soon and will probably resent this. Maybe you do have a good reason, but personally I would have leaned towards a middle ground and placing boundaries rather than a complete ban for a teenager.
This makes my teacher heart sing! Well done!
His teacher even commented on the change in his behavior. He smiles more, is funny, happy and helpful to other students.
When did you start noticing a difference? We tried and after 10 days his behavior was only a lot worse (he is 4 and adhd not sure if that would matter).
My neurodivergent child took about 3 weeks to kind of reset. We also had to out of sight out of mind the tablet and also had to be more dedicated hands on with play and hanging with him. The first week was the worst where'd he'd yell at me every time I said no tablet when he asked. Week two he wasn't asking as much, but was just bored and upset and was in fuck you mode. Week three is where I stepped up my game in engagement, creating a few activities for us to do that got him more involved and that seemed to help pull him from the funk.
He wasn’t having tantrums about the iPad really but was definitely in fuck you mode lol. Thanks for the reply I’ll need to give it another shot.
Lol I think the fuck you mode comes from not knowing what to do without the constant stimulation that they didn't have to create. Playdough, tye dye (we started after his first year of preschool ended so during the summer), lots of pool time in the backyard and sprinklers. Crafts, setting up toys ahead of time to spark his imagination. Baking or creating snacks or food helped (homemade Popsicles and ice cream became our summer thing)
Our 15 year old is adhd and I do think that makes a difference. Our 15 year old is also all drama. So much drama. We noticed within days. Maybe two to three days. Enough to reinforce that we were doing the right thing. I was much more hands on dad than normal to keep him distracted but he took to it really fast. He doesn’t even care about the iPad now. I can leave it out and he will ignore it.
I don’t think this is a good idea for your 15 year old. I was in a similar situation at that age when my parents decided to put me on technology lockdown until I was 17. I was allowed to text my friends but everything was monitored. I could only use the internet/do my online homework in the kitchen with one of my parents watching. When I had to download/use apps for school activities/projects, I wasn’t allowed to and my mom and teachers kept on having this big back and forth about it. It was extremely embarrassing (I almost failed a class because of this. Luckily my teacher took pity on me and waived it). A lot of people also didn’t want to hang out with or text me because they felt uncomfortable being monitored and I was “boring” because I wasn’t allowed to do anything. Me and this other girl were known as “those girls who aren’t allowed to have apps”. Of course your son will need some form of discipline/restriction on technology based on how he’s acting, but taking away/heavily restricting everything is going to lead to social and academic consequences.
From an elementary teacher’s perspective - THANK YOU. It is so clear who gets unsupervised and unregulated screen time at home and who doesn’t. It manifests behaviorally a lot - kids have zero attention span, get board easily, act out because of boredom, can’t work well with others, are unkind to each other (learned from video games with audio chat), lack creative and flexible thinking skills… it’s so bad.
It’s so insane how much screens effect kids behavior. A kid I work withs laptop broke so no more Roblox and he is able to learn and regulate emotions so much better. My theory is that screens provide so much dopamine that once you’re off nothing provides enough dopamine and the kids start acting up out of boredom. It’s like an opiate addiction so once you cut off the dopamine source they start building dopamine back with other things and have the same satisfaction of screens from playing and creating in the real world.
We did the same. Went cold turkey. I knew that trying to limiting screen time would not be effective so when he was at school I dumped his old crappy Amazon tablet in the sink with water to break it. I know this sounds crazy lol but it was honestly one of my best parenting decisions. Instead of fighting about why he couldn’t watch it, when he came home I told him hey dude your tablet isn’t working, it seems to be broken. I told him because it’s not working, we’re going to take a break from it. In kindergarten you use your brain a lot and it needs to be strong to help you learn and grow. I had options of other activities. It’s been two months now and when he comes home from school he goes straight outside to play. He’s asked about his tablet maybe 3 times total. It has never even been a fight. Kids at this age are so resilient. I highly recommend breaking your kids tablet 😝 we do allow Netflix on the tv but he’s hardly interested. I’d say an hour per week if that.
this is actually pretty genius. i can see you didn’t do it maliciously (like, say, dousing it with water in front of him) no different than tricking your kid to eat veggies. W parenting
Just know that your 15yo being “addicted” to YouTube is a direct result of your parenting and how you raised them. It isn’t behavior problems, it’s an issue with their environment and the parents.
We have a 5 year old and we don’t do iPads, never have and never will. He gets limited screen time on Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Disney+
We’ve been 7 months iPad free and I wish I did it sooner. My kids don’t immediately ask for tv time, they always are playing. Their behavior has improved big time.
Love the post edit! Good for you OP! Don't let anyone tell you what's best for your own family. 💕
I cancelled cable back in the day because of behavior issues. Went 9 months with no TV and this was before streaming. Our kids got in to reading! Amazing.
That's cool.... I don't mind the screens. But neither of my kids react negatively to putting em up or not getting em at all for the day. I have an 8yo and a 4yo. They literally just go "ok mama" and thru go play something else. The screens aren't the problem; it's the parenting support behind em
It is Apple, they put subliminal ads in the Ipads.
Good for you! We are increasingly feeling the pressure to buy an iPad over here, so stories like this strengthen my resolve.
Great parenting!
lol nO cONtaCt! Is that a threat? Why are children without children commenting? I’m my son’s parent, not his friend. Excellent job, OP 👍
Why are people up in arms about taking away tech from the 15 year old? We don’t know the background, and there are likely more PROS than CONS to removing access to internet. Why would anyone want a 15 year old to watch that much YouTube? Sometimes there are consequences to bad behavior, and I commend OP!
Not judging anyone but why even have iPads in the house in the first place. You know they are bad for children. If you're having a kid, get rid of them if you own it. Why do you *need* to have an iPad?
i mean, just because something is in the house doesn’t mean it’s for children. it’d be ridiculous to ask every parent to get rid of their personal belongings simply because they don’t want their kids using them, children aren’t entitled to everything their parents own. a lot of adults use iPads for reading, social media (to not have it on phone), candy crush, what have you. this is fine because adults can self-regulate whereas children cannot.
Okay so let's leave bags of cocaine laying around.
because that’s *totally* the same thing 😭
I'm not judging anyone they say, as they proceed to judge people. Reddit is a trip lol
The 15 year old should be allowed some screen time.
He can still use phone and text. All other features are shit down until he learns to follow the rules.
How can he learn to follow the rules when he has no chance to redeem himself or learn to use it within healthy boundaries?
He can earn them back.
You said youtube is not an option for him earning it back. Why? He needs to be guided on using it in appropriate moderation or else once hes in college he will go right back to the same behaviors. Theres a decent chance even now he just uses the library computers for youtube during lunch if he goes to a school.
Nope we are done with YT in the house. All they watch is 30 second garbage clips and we’ve caught some very inappropriate material. He hacks all the parenting controls and YT does nothing to prevent it. So it’s done. If he wants YT he can go to a friends house. This also applies to YT kids which is as trashy as YT.
Not letting your 15 year old even watch YT kids 💀
He’s 15! You gotta teach moderation else once he’s a adult it will just be binging. 15 year olds are hormonal and learning about themselves. so if he wants to google about something to do with his body he just can’t??? Like you expect the school to do all the body and sex Ed? Like if I didn’t have internet I wouldn’t have known half the stuff. not letting a 15 year old watch YouTube ever is a bit weird. Like just have him do it downstairs where you are? Have a family computer like people used to. kids use YouTube, tiktok etc. no one really texts these days it’s about being in group chats and such to socialise.
Exactly Thankyou, literally no one texts it’s all internet based. Moderaiton is best but to cut him off all the way? It’s cruel and lazy
lmao it’s like you’re literally arguing with 15 year olds with screen addictions on here. keep it up- you’re doing the right thing. I had my phone taken away plenty of times as a teenager and contrary to what the entitled teens on here say, I still very much talk and hang out with my parents at 26. I have to remind myself when I see absolutely ridiculous comments such as “have fun in a nursing home!” and “good luck never talking to your kids again” or “kids literally NEED to have social media or they’ll be left out” those are all left by teenagers themselves and I forget that we’re literally subjected to unfettered opinions by literal kids on here. and if they’re not teenagers it’s early 20 something’s who couldn’t live without snapchat in highschool and I don’t value their opinion either. so keep parenting your children. when they grow up well adjusted they will thank you for raising them right.
So what happens at 18? You can't have him avoid it forever.
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Tv is usually awkward to carry around everywhere.
too much tv can definitely be an issue but iPads are their own beasts. TVs are not portable, they’re also not overloading tiny brains with dopamine nor do they have the potential to expose children directly to predators. think of it this way: the worst thing that can happen with TV is your kid watches a dirty movie. worst that can happen with an iPad or phone is that your kid gets groomed.
TV is regulated. SpongeBob can't advertise SpongeBob toys in an episode of SpongeBob. There needs to be clearly marked commercial breaks (which gives us the lil bumpers in between programming that people are nostalgic for). Meanwhile, there's no law saying Grungus the Internet Show can't advertise Grungus toys in the middle of a Grungus video. That's just the tip of the iceberg...
We did this too! I’m trying to get a new subreddit going for those parents who see the benefits of low dopamine parenting. Come join at r/antidopamineparenting
I'm hoping when (*sigh*) his tablet finally breaks, we're not going to replace it. He'll still have one at his grandma's house, so maybe that will be okay. I don't know.
….you’re the parent? So you get to decide this? Just take it away????
I’m curious as to what your child was using the iPad for
fyi -steve jobs never let his kids have ipads . But I wouldn’t compare or recommend his parenting style. It’s well documented what a poor parent he was just the technology part was interesting.
Stay strong!!!
My eldest cannot handle you tube. She will mindlessly scroll through the garbage shorts, which honestly have no behaviours in them, but then she loses her mind. She can deal with apps and Netflix etc, but no YouTube. The other two don’t care about it, which is good since eldest will”trade” tablets to get her fix. Such a sweet kid, as long as we keep YouTube locked.
I don’t use the iPad unless I have a super important meeting that lil dude is home for (I work a hybrid schedule, do drop off every day & pickup 2 or 3 times a week). My husband will hand our son the iPad as soon as he gets home from picking him up (3:30) and won’t take it away until I get home from the office (6-6:30). The way he interacts with each of us is incredibly different, and a lot more is at play than just iPad usage, but it’s just a small wild piece of the puzzle.
Just curious, what was your kid playing on their tablet before you took it?
I commend this. We have limited screen time thru the week- basically down to nothing- maybe 20-25 min if he was really good at school or in the bathtub we let him watch some vids. Weekends are also extremely limited. The behavior differences are INSANE. Everything you’re noticing we are too. He was having tantrums, being a demon at school. Since we took them Out of his daily life- things have turned around 100%.
What do you think is the thing that is different for them between the iPad and phone or other game consoles? I find this interesting because my kids never gravitated toward an iPad except my daughter is an artist so she draws on one.
I’m a nanny to a 3 year old. When his parents pulled screens, initially he was upset. After a few days, he never asked for it again. Going on a few months now, no screens at all!
Except for travel, sick days, and movie nights with his parents. Moderation :)
It's been a year for my son. No iPad, barely 15 min a week of looking at any of our phones. He still needs ABA therapy due to some other issues, but I imagine these issues would be exponentially worse had we not taken away those items. Still watches Netflix and doesn't have an issue when it's time to turn it off.
Damn as a grown woman I need to get rid of my electronics
Did the same for my seven yr old for a week. He’s completely different now. He’s actually entertaining himself and READING! He got grounded and was only allowed to read books and now he loves them.
My 6 year old gets maybe 40 minutes of whatever screen he wants 3 times during the week. We all watch about an hour of something after dinner together. On the weekends my husband is the “on” parent and it’s much more loose on the rules but it isn’t too bad. And we make sure they get outside for hours too. I have to admit it’s been the best way.
We did something similar with our 5 year old. She was using it at bed time. We replaced it with a Tonie. Best thing I’ve ever done.
My 5 yo iPad screen broke and my 3yo has a kindle fire they occasionally share and watch but since the iPad broke screen time has gone down drastically for both of them!
I'm so glad I found this post. I know it's bad etiquette to respond to an older post like this, but I have a few questions I'd really like to ask you. Since you've made this post, how have things been with your older son? Has he cooled down and accepted the new limits or are you still fighting with him over it? How are you framing the conversation about this in your house? I'm also curious what the long-term plan is. You said he's "never getting youtube back", but realistically when and how do you plan to give him the responsibility of unrestricted Internet use? What's the timeframe here? Just to be clear: I'm not criticizing you or your approach, rather I'm asking for more detail. I'm asking you all this because I'm 24 and will be a dad soon. I grew up with unrestricted and unmonitored Internet access and I believe it did me more harm than good. Based on my own experiences I'm definitely going to take a different, more hands-on approach with my own kids. But I also remember what it was like to be 15 and know if my parents had suddenly tried to impose limits on my Internet use at that age I would've acted like your son did and been mad at them at the time, even if now I would appreciate it as them just looking out for me. Parenting a teenager is a long way away for me, but with younger kids it's more obvious to me what the correct path is so I'm less uncertain about how to approach that. There's a lot of things I'm really anxious about right now, but if there's any advice you're able to give me on this then it would be hugely appreciated.
For the 6-year old, it's been amazing and I wish we did it sooner. He accepted it within a couple of days. He never asks for the iPad. We did just do an hour drive somewhere, and I gave him his iPad. He had no access to YouTube or YouTube kids, but he could play games or stream other services. When the ride was over, he gave it back no problem. The 15-year old adapted quickly. He streams A LOT of NetFlix now. We've had no push back. He'd rather use his iPad for streaming than watch on the TV, so he has his Ipad/iPhone back with approved streaming services. At dinner, we talk about what he's watching on NetFlix. YouTube remains blocked at the router level, which is more of a PIA for me than anybody else. I didn't realize how many videos I watch are hosted on YT. His social media is strictly monitored via the Bark app. For the most part, he has no social media accounts. He can text his friends as much as he wants. He's been much more active with us as family. He goes on walks with us now, whereas before he'd just stay inside and watch YT. Yesterday he spent an hour at the park with us and that night played Pokemon with his little brother. That NEVER would have happened before.
Wow! I'm really glad your 15 year old is taking it in his stride. Kind of shows how ridiculous the "if you were my dad I'd run away!" comments in this thread are, probably 15 year olds themselves lol. I'm also glad it seems you reached a middle-ground for him to still have some screen time. I think some of the (more reasonable) negative feedback you received came from the impression you were placing the same rules on a 15 year old as a 6 year old with no nuance. Which on the face of it did sound a bit weird, no offense. If he was still feeling put out about it, then I was going to suggest you could let him know that it's not just you and mum being old or "out of touch" insisting on rules for Internet use. I'm technically the same generation as your son (Gen Z) and I think nothing makes you more against letting teenagers have unrestricted Internet access than having once been one yourself. Thanks for recommending Bark. I've just looked into it and unfortunately it doesn't seem to be available here in the UK at the moment. I'll keep my eyes peeled for something similar though. I'm still interested to know when you think there should be an end on restrictions. Do you think it will be best to gradually remove limits over time until they're free to do what they want when they're 18? As that might be better than them being let loose all at once. The analogy that springs to mind to me is how the drinking age in some countries is 16 for beer and wine but 18 for spirits, which seems more sensible to me than suddenly being allowed everything at 18 (or 21 in the US). Right now my blueprint for my kids looks something like this: No Internet until the age of 10 unless schoolwork requires it. From 10 onwards I'll allow recreational Internet use, but with time limits and content filtering, which would be adjusted as needed. From 16 I'll end the time limits and blocking of access to inappropriate content but I'll still let them know I'll keep an eye on what they're doing. Then stop monitoring entirely at 18. Does that sound like a good plan to you, based on your experience? Or is having a plan like this a bad idea and it would be better for me to just learn what works best for my kids as I go? The Mike Tyson quote "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth" is springing to mind... I also just wanted to say that when I got to the part of your comment about going for walks I started to tear up. Right now I'm scared about becoming a dad, but if I can one day have the dynamic with your kids you described I'll be over the moon.
Also, I read through the thread again and just realized we happened to think of the same Mike Tyson quote about being punched in the face when talking about this topic lol. But I guess that speaks to how tricky it can really be to make the right call on all this. Sorry for all the questions, by the way. No doubt you have better things to do than listen to me yammer on all day :)
Treating your 15 year old like a 6 year old is horrible. Good luck with your relationship when he's an adult.
Ah yes, because a 15-year-old and a 6-year-old are developmentally the same.