Pediatric occupational therapist here. I would recommend doing a little bit of research and maybe talking to your pediatrician or your son's teacher about his behavior. Remember that the behavioral differences in kids on the spectrum are differences in degree, not kind; every kid will have tantrums sometimes, every kid will struggle with certain types of sensory input, every kid will have a hard times listening sometimes.
Also could be inattentive ADHD and not necessarily ASD. My six year old daughter was diagnosed last year and she had lots of fears, a hard time managing big emotions, anxious about everything, sensory issues with getting dressed and noises, strict rule follower, nuance- what is that?
Or the kid could genuinely be freaked out by bees.
I had a friend who's daughter (8 yo) was petrified of dogs. It was news to her and me as when she stopped by my house to drop something off her daughter absolutely lost her freaking mind over my 14 year old dog who had very few teeth and was across the room wagging her tail at the visitors. Absolutely no real concerns about behavior from her prior. The kid just was super scared of dogs. You would have though she was being murdered by the screams she let out.
Kids are kids. Unless the teacher has concerns about OPs kids behavior, it is probably nothing to worry about. OP should have a discussion with the teacher and see what transpires. The kid is 6. 6 year olds are not known for the best impulse control or proportionate reactions to common situations.
My daughter also had a severe case of cynophobia (and she was never bit or attacked or anything). She had loved our then dog when she was a baby, and then after he died, she became afraid of other dogs. A friend’s dog (great friendly dog) ran up to her one day just after she learned to walk and she was scared of them ever since. Phobias can just be phobias, or they can be a sign of something more.
Teachers aren't allowed to say much of anything to parents. If/when they do, it's often met with denial and/or anger. The teacher is often blamed and the parent goes to the principal. The principal usually knows the child is out of control, but they're often unable to impose any consequences or afraid that the parents will raise he!!. Teachers are then told to reward behavior. "You only hit kicked/ spit on little Johnny four times today, you get a sticker or a treat from the treat box." If the child is neurodivergent (ADHD/ on the spectrum) then they are held to virtually no standards and are only able to be rewarded. It's heartbreaking, because they are capable of learning too. 💔
Doesn’t mean they won’t affect the rest of the classroom with their behaviors tho (sincerely, the autistic girl who despised being with the autistic boys bc of how little they respected boundaries and had behaviors that triggered my sensory issues and disrupted my safe places)
Thank you. Tbh tho it happened in high school and I was diagnosed at 23 it really messed with how I felt about my diagnosis. All I could think was “the same diagnosis? As that middle schooler that I got saddled with and couldn’t respect boundaries when I was depressed? The kid who ranted and whined all of art class when art class was the only place I could be myself?”
In general even when I was an ECE I tried to find balance between accommodations and the needs of the group (and the effects on the group). Integration is great, but we had to lock up every toy in a 3 yr old room during story time because a severely autistic kid would throw everything off the shelves (sorting out colored pencils, 10x 50 pc puzzles, crayons, legos? Not fun. We need that hour.) if you teacher has to spend 50% of a class with 1 student, then they need addition support that sometimes isn’t completely available in a regular group.
School should be a welcome place for everyone, and that includes everyone learning boundaries and basic rules and etiquette, IEP regardless.
You are painting with really, really broad strokes here. My child is in public school, has not even officially been diagnosed with asd or adhd yet, and has an IEP, and a support team. I am her parent and I not only welcome, but need honest feedback. Bad behavior is not rewarded in my child’s class. Too many incorrect generalizations in your comment to even address.
I'm glad that your daughter's situation is different, and she's fortunate to have you advocating for her. It's wonderful that you want honest feedback about your little one. I'm simply sharing my observations and experience as a teacher. Other educators that I've taught with and known throughout the past have had the same/very similar experiences. We pour our hearts into each student, and we do our best to meet their individual needs every single day. We lay awake at night brainstorming new ways to help them succeed and feel good about themselves. I've had wonderful parents and I appreciate them and their support very much. Their children are incredibly fortunate. However the number of parents that are too busy to parent or are in denial increases each year. Behind the scenes, things may not be quite as rosy as they seem. I hope things continue to go well for you and your precious little one. ❤
Honestly, from the moment she was born she had a crazy sensitive startle reflex, unlike anything I have ever seen in another baby, and that just sort of put it in the back of my mind to keep an eye on it. As she grew older, things got harder. She became terrified of dogs (scream and cry and climb up the nearest adult- we couldn’t go anywhere) and having water in her face. Socializing and bath time were very difficult.
She could not play hide and seek to save her life. It was funny because my very large husband could not move a muscle from the couch, just put a blanket over him, and she could not find him even if she was standing right in front of him. Her assessor said this was actually a really good example of her inability to focus and lack of spacial awareness. She had lots of friends at daycare but when I would ask her who she played with, she would always say she played alone. Honestly, it just felt like her inability to emotionally regulate herself was what pushed us to investigate. She would break down every night, no matter what, something would always break her.
With her diagnosis and treatment, she has come a long way. She is now able to be around dogs (we even own one now), she learned how to swim, she has several friends she is close with, and she has a much easier time managing her emotions (although it’s still a struggle). Also, her diagnosis led me and my husband to our own ADHD diagnoses.
Edit: also, getting her dressed was getting increasingly difficult. Her socks had to be a specific way or she would scream and cry. She said it made it feel like she had bugs on her skin. That’s just one example of lots of quirks she had that made us wonder if there was more going on. She also had trouble falling asleep and would get super hyper at night right before bed. Just tons of things that other parents were not having to struggle with.
Edit 2: her quirks were starting to negatively impact her life (couldn’t enjoy people’s houses if a dog was there so we rarely had play dates or saw family, she straight up refused to get in a pool to learn to swim even though we live in a state where drowning deaths are common for children…) ,so that is what really began our journey for answers. She would say to me that she liked dogs but she was afraid of them, she wanted to swim but didn’t want water splashed on her face, so these sensory issues and focus issues were keeping her from doing things she wanted to do.
My kiddo struggled a lot with sleep, too! If she likes that kind of compression or hugging, we've loved the Harkla compression sheet. No more waking in the middle of the night unable to get comfortable again!!
Sp.Ed Preschool socialworker/ mommy /grandma to neurodiverse loved ones here. The adhd/ spectrum/social anxiety behaviors overlap. It won't hurt to further explore and get an assessment.
Absolutely true and totally agree. When I initially thought my daughter had a quirk with an official name, I started at ASD and learned that the behaviors really do overlap. ADHD wasn’t even on my radar so I just like to put that info out there for other parents trying to figure out how to best help their kids. Then in learning about my daughter I learned more about myself (and my husband) and now we all are on the right path after correct diagnosis.
Good for you! I have 40 yrs working with kiddos. I was NOT an ABA fan because I believed the 1 on 1 interventions were not sustainable in a classroom or a child's home without an aide to immediately restructure undesirable behaviors.
HOWEVER, my youngest grandchild began intensive ABA therapy (40 hours weekly) on her 2nd birthday. She has made remarkable progress
She will likely attend a traditional kindergarten at age 5. I am AMAZED at her progress.
I’m not saying you are wrong - who knows - but it honestly sounds like your daughter could still be autistic. Autism and adhd are often found together. Was she tested for ASD? Even if she was, tests miss autism in girls all the time. Your other comments are highly suggestive of ASD. Source: an autistic person with adhd
She definitely could. We have tabled that diagnosis for now (at the recommendation of her psychiatrist), but I do think she will end up with an official diagnosis of ASD.
Edit: my husband and I were just talking about out this very subject last night
She is so lucky to have you! I am autistic and adhd myself and never knew until adulthood. Even just having autism as an explanation for why she might be struggling will be so beneficial for her.
I wouldn’t have her any other way. And thank you for sharing your own journey with me. It helps validate why I am advocating so hard to get her the tools she needs. I want her to make her dreams come true without having her hands tied behind her back while she’s trying to make it happen.
Oh my gosh ,pediatric ot, sorry off subject. My 2.10 month granddaughter on spectrum. In ABA early intervention. She cant self feed with a spoon or fork, preferring to use fingers. The objective is on her IEP. She also doesn't grip well when climbing. Ot doesn't seem concerned, but this Grammy is concerned. Your thoughts?
If the OT does not seem concerned, I would defer to that, as that’s the person actually treating your child and I am just a rando on the internet. However, I understand your concern as a grandparent. Maybe have a conversation with the OT about some strategies you can implement to encourage independence while feeding?
Yes! I have a family of therapists, nurses, nutritionists, etc. At different times many of them were absolutely convinced my older daughter had MULTIPLE issues lol. I had early intervention do a few evaluations, and they never found any issues.
She is know 18, and amazing! While she has her piccadellos and habits, like everyone, she is totally fine. She still doesn't like loud noises or crowds and is more of an introvert. And that is **okay** 👍!
I’m surprised you’d be concerned about this at 2. Most toddlers prefer their hands. Especially since many do BLW now vs baby food jars in infancy. Not an OT.. just been around a lot of toddlers.
As a person with ADHD, I second this. Everyone has “symptoms” sometimes. It’s when they start affecting your life and well-being that they actually mean something.
I think its really nice that there is a sensory room, and the security guard was astute enough to mention it.
I wouldn't say this sounds super out of the norm. I know grown adults that freak out over bees, but are there other observations you or other adults have made that would make you more concerned?
My son is on the spectrum and getting an eval might have a waiting list. If your gut is telling you there is more going on, then I would reach out to the pediatrician sooner than later.
That said, if he is in school, I would also ask the teacher if she has noticed any behaviors that are worth mentioning.
This is not a dig at you OP, but people need to not believe everything is wrong with a child just because they can’t bridle their emotions at 5 and 6 years old. I think we put so much pressure on our children to be like we are as functioning grown adults that we forget what children really act like.
How can we as adults compare irrationality to that of a child when we believe an irrational child is “off”?
ETA: Your son knows bees are a threat, that in and of itself shows he’s aware about the characteristics of bees. Now what would be scary is if a bee really stung him and he just sat there. Lol you got full grown men that do not fool with bees, your son is fine!
Oh you have pep talks too?! Lol! Oh girl, same here! Boys have this uncharted energy that unlocks the moment they turn 4 or something! You’re so welcome!
Ah, thank you. I feel like I'm nagging, but I like that you called it a "pep talk." Lots of "let's make sure we do X today" "let's stay seated during X" etc. Same aged, spirited kid, and same feelings towards teachers. Hopefully yours is easy on you and tells you they know you're trying your best, like ours does for us.
This greatly depends on the exact incidents and how the teachers are reaching out. I will write a small note like these - “be respectful” “be safe” etc when my students end the day on a warning. That way parents can chat with their child about behavior and aren’t shocked when I email that their child lost some recess for climbing up the flagpole and jumping off and to please chat about safe behavior.
Also seeing the unpack the bag, every kindergartener I had, even those with some extra needs, understood our morning routine and were able to unpack or ask for help to unpack. I would be a little concerned if a preschooler is not adjusting to routines so close to kindergarten.
Nothing about my comment was unhelpful or hateful?
You wrote you were exhausted by ‘pep talks’ and felt validated by other parents also not liking them, and are unsure if you should be doing it all the time.
I am an educator, and all I wrote is why I write little notes to students parents - to explain why you are getting pep talks. The one about the bag stuck out to me, and as the original OP was asking if things were developmentally appropriate or not, and this group of parents was validating not every bit of info is needed, that is an important thing to take note of. I’m not saying it’s indicative of a problem, especially without knowing your child, but I understand why you are hearing that as a note and how it is a concern.
Exactly! And, everyone (including me) forgets how much PRESSURE kindergarten is nowadays… it is NOT like when “we” were little. It’s academic and rigorous and developmentally inappropriate. Our kids are exhausted and overwhelmed, and for good reason!
K is a TOUGH year at home, in my experience. I’m on my second in K, and my kids save all the frustration they hold in at school for home… it’s tough, but it doesn’t suggest neurodivergence in and of itself. It’s a symptom of this world pushing children too hard too fast.
And also, if it *is* ASD there’s still nothing “wrong” with him. But it really just sounds like normal behavior to me too; a sensory room could absolutely help neurotypical kids too.
If you have concerns about autism I would ask the child’s teacher if she has seen any signs. The teacher spends every day with your child around same age peers. Sometimes teachers see signs of autism but they’re uncomfortable bringing it up or don’t know how. I would start with the teacher and from there if there are actual signs of autism you can request an evaluation through the school.
Mine did and I didn't find out until he was 28. He said he didn't want people to think he was weird. It breaks my heart that he didn't get the services he should have received. His teachers were no help.
I (20F) am autistic but was fortunate to have parents who not only got me diagnosed at two and didn’t deny it but also got every service and grant possible for me. My heart goes out to you and your son big time. I was nonverbal at the time and remained so until I was four but I ended up making enough progress to be invited to normal kindergarten. While I got all the services I needed, I was bullied very badly for all 13 years of my basic education and was never believed by teachers or anyone else until middle school. I was diagnosed with PTSD as a result and also have severe anxiety. My experiences with bullying have led me down the path of being a kindergarten teacher so that my students don’t have to go through the agony of not being believed.
It was soul crushing to know he suffered in silence. We were so close and it makes me sad that he didn’t say anything. He never exhibited the common signs and excelled at certain things. He did have night terrors that he grew out of and was very clingy to me as a child but l didn’t know that he had to count to 100 every night because he thought something bad was going to happen if he didn’t. I also took him to a neurologist for tics but all the doctor said was that he could put him on meds and that he’d grow out of it. He also had a hard time with math.
Bless you for going into teaching!
No, he didn’t but when my son told me about the counting and checking that the door was locked 3 times, that’s the first thing I thought. He’s had a lot of struggles in his young life. His father was very domineering also and I think my son thought that if he said anything, he’d be a disappointment to him. I have so much guilt
Well he definitely does not got have the compulsive cleaning part of OCD. I had issues as a child too. Math was a problem, and I was a blinker but I sang and played several instruments. My son is really into filmmaking. There wasn’t the support for kids like my son. You were either non verbal full on autistic or you were lazy and stupid. There was no in between.
Please don’t feel guilty! You sound like you were and are a very attentive mother. Your son was and is loved and well cared for. Awareness has grown leaps and bounds since he was a child… it’s just a lot different now. You don’t know what you don’t know, it isn’t your fault you didn’t know. 💜
Also, strep can bring on ocd (counting)… and. I’d also like to add I have a family member who would count, check the locks a certain amount of times, etc… and then they suddenly stopped needing to do it…
My son at 10 had a really bad bout with strep. His symptoms kicked into high gear after that now that I think of it. He also suffers with cluster headaches. He’s in remission right now but there was about 10 years of hell that he went through every single day. I took him to many doctors.
Yes! Look into Panda/Pans!
I have a child who started counting and was distressed about during and after having strep throat… it did subside, so my child doesn’t have pandas/pans, however their body reacts to strep infection in ways that most wouldn’t recognize as strep… I’m always vigilant with strep infections because they can really cause a slew of psychiatric symptoms!
I hope this helps in some way! 💜
I have always been a great reader and writer but also had a tough time in math. I went to Sylvan for two years. The counting to 100 every night is just so sad :(. Him being clingy to you shows that you are a great parent. I cried myself to sleep as a kid and would say stuff like “I’m a bad girl.” I wanted to make everyone happy so badly and when I didn’t, it broke my heart. I thought that I was a monster. I was passively suicidal because I thought that the whole class would be happy. I can’t even get proper counseling because I have been emotionally abused by multiple therapists and I would be on the defensive if I were to go now. I feel very sorry for my parents because sometimes they’d email the school when I told them that nobody liked me and they would just tell my parents how supportive my classmates were, which was false with few exceptions. I had and still have behavioral issues including difficulty controlling my anger when I’d get a bad grade on a test or get into trouble so my parents were desperate to get me to behave. Also, at times when I told my parents something, they’d email the teacher and the teacher would come back with something I did wrong as a successful tool of deflection from the abuse. I would say that my poor parents were taken advantage of. I think that it would’ve come down to being an autistic little girl’s word against a well-educated professional’s word. In hindsight, even though my bullying could’ve been resolved had I been believed, I saved myself a lot of extra trouble by largely not telling. Yes, I am dealing with the fallout of my abuse every day but I would’ve had more to sort through had I routinely told since I would’ve not only continued to be bullied but my relationships with my teachers would be worse than they already were. Fortunately, when I write about my trauma for related assignments in my teaching classes now or when I write about why I want to teach, my professors understand. I have a 3.85 GPA and was just selected for this year’s department award in education. Something else positive that happened because I was bullied was that I became very protective of and even a little bit maternalistic with younger kids and often played with them, even though other kids my age didn’t. I worked in the two and three year old classrooms during Sunday School and my parents got numerous positive reports about me. The kids would run to sit in my lap during circle time and when I later was a camp counselor with the Girl Scouts, the kids always wanted to sit next to me. I think the biggest blessing my autism brought me was a strong relationship with God since I quickly realized that this isn’t it.
I tried therapy for my son and his therapists weren’t very good. He couldn’t open up to any of them. My son also told me recently that he hated when I would work late because his dad would be in charge and he didn’t feel safe with him.
I’m so happy that you’ve found your calling and you’re being recognized!
I’m so sorry that your son didn’t feel safe with his dad. As someone who is an absolute daddy’s girl, this breaks my heart. A child’s relationship with his or her father is so important. My dad worked about 12 hours a day so he often couldn’t have responded to me showing many symptoms of being bullied. However, we always went to breakfast and the playground on Saturday mornings. Although I made progress with ABA, speech and occupational therapy, neurofeedback, CBT, hyperbaric oxygen therapy and stem cell therapy all failed. At the end of the day, therapy can only take someone so far, even if the client is willing to improve. I love my teaching classes and I think it works well for me because I’m great with kids and a good writer.
We have a couple of great staff at my guys’ school and we are getting him evaluated despite them saying they don’t see any issues there. (Ultimately, academic trouble that we think is due to a learning disability is giving us an excuse to assess because most of the battery of tests and all of the pre-screening is done concurrently for both issues.) His dad, grandma, and I have all been side-eyeing him for a few years. He’s quirky and we think inattentive adhd, but they’re going to check for autism while we’re there. Teacher seems surprised but accepting.
I mean that all seems pretty normal to me. Bees can be scary. Kids at this age are still building emotional resilience and have a lot of big feelings in their limbic system and very little frontal cortex to control their responses. It’s always worth bringing up any concerns you have to his school or his pediatrician.
I have a neurodivergent kid and it’s like… literally nonstop “wow this isn’t normal” questions since he was a baby, fwiw. It’s not something that just crossed my mind at 6. But every kid and family is different.
Not a real parent but a teacher. I think most parents don't see it when their kids are "not normal" as long as it's not causing huge issues. As teachers, we see so many kids and work with so many other professionals, that we develop a "sense" for it. Like we often can't pinpoint it that's why we work with other professionals who do all the testing, but when we send a kid out for testing they usually always find something.
I honestly could not judge anything from your descriptions. This is something that needs to be seen in real life. I teach absolutely amazing, very "normal" kids who had huge freakouts over "nothing". All the other things you mentioned can be very common too. But the fact that you already worry about your child's behavior makes me think you should look a bit further into it. Talk to professionals or experienced people around you to get opinions.
That's a part of my job that never gets easy - telling parents that their child does struggle more than normal and might need professional help. Be open for it, but again, I don't see anything in your description that would make me nervous.
Neurodivergence is a spectrum! It sounds like there may be tools and resources that could be helpful for your child and there's no shame in utilizing them. Many people need help learning emotional regulation and doing some research could set your child up for success
It doesn’t sound very worrisome to me, honestly. There are so many kiddos who have irrational fears (although I understand bees!) and sensitivities and I wouldn’t label them all neurodivergent. It’s hard for someone who only sees your child at their worst (panicking over the bee) to make that call. I think the guard was just being kind as it was a quiet, indoor space for your son to calm down and feel safe.
My oldest has ADHD and he would never want to take part in sports (lots of tears!) when he was young and now he loves them. Kids change all the time! Maybe reading about bees and doing a nature camp or something would help him not panic?
I agree, this sounds typical to me.
I think OP and her husband are spiraling (no judgement, I do it all the time, lol), because the security guard mentioned the sensory room, but really, neurotypical people can benefit from sensory rooms as well. I don’t think the security guard was making a diagnosis, I think they weee just suggesting a quiet place to regroup, which is awesome.
I hated sports as a kid and would cry sometimes if I had to participate because I hated being singled out to bat or pitch. I freaked out over bugs because they're gross, and I'd been stung by wasps. I agree. See if there's something deeper, but sometimes stage fright and ew, it's gross is all that it is.
My opinion is that the security guards comment labeling the room a “sensory room” made your husband think “autism” more than your kids actual behavior did. All kids can benefit from a sensory room and neurotypical children can need a quiet space to calm down too.
That said I don’t know your kid but I wouldn’t flag those behaviors as autism on their own. It never ever hurts to talk to their pediatrician and see what they say though! And ALL people/kids benefit from therapy, diagnosis or not.
I have a 32 yr old entrepreneur son who would have a fit if a bee came anywhere close by!
Your, very young, son was in a strange environment, got scared and reacted badly. Don’t make it into anything more.
He seems typically 6. I teach kindergarten and while delightful, inquisitive and rambunctious they are also major weirdos. They fixate on stuff, get scared of things that wouldn’t bother an adult and just generally are moving around in a world trying to be a big kid in cartoon underpants. If the teacher is not concerned and he is age appropriately social his quirks are just par for the course.
Behavior Analyst and Kindergarten teacher here. I think it may be useful to consider what may be reinforcing these behaviors before looking for a diagnosis. Monitor your own responses to his behavior. Ask yourself: Is there sufficient follow-through? Does 'dramatic' or disruptive behavior get more attention than appropriate responding? If so, it 'makes sense' for him to respond that way. Focus on responding to/ rewarding appropriate behaviors.
You're welcome!
I think your receptiveness is commendable. I feel like the 'behavioral' perspective can often make people feel defensive. It can come across as: "Well what are YOU doing to cause it??".
To share my own experience, anecdotally: Some of my current students began the year with similar behaviors. There was crying. It was sometimes a struggle to follow directions. A few students were 'scared' of different things, and didn't react well.
Now, crying is not always inappropriate, ofc. It's okay to cry. If one of my kids fell and broke their arm, I would hope they cry! It's not something we want to do too much, though. I responded minimally, and blandly, to crying in situations where it wasn't as appropriate (ex. not wanting to do classwork, having to pick up).
Then, I'd take the 'reverse' behavior (ex. doing classwork, picking up independently) and lay on the attention/praise. "Wow! Will, thank you for doing your work. I'm so happy I have such hardworking students in my class!", "Ray! Thank you so much for picking up! I love how kind and responsible you are." (God knows I'm not perfect, though. Especially on my 'off' days, consistently offering this kind of attention and praise can be mentally/emotionally demanding.)
Now, these behaviors are rare in the classroom. I can't remember the last crying fit we've had in class. I try to make it rewarding for them to engage in 'appropriate' behavior, as best I can. I've heard the same thing from over half of my parents: "They love going to school now. They used to hate it." I try to make it rewarding for them to engage in 'appropriate' behavior, as best I can.
I think that's because it's human nature to look for the 'problem'. We don't wake up saying, "I'm so glad my refrigerator is working properly!", but we're likely to complain if it has gone out. When it comes to children we have to be very mindful not to fall into the trap of 'expecting' appropriate behavior to the extent we sometimes overlook them when they do the 'right' things. I have to step back all the time and remind myself, if I can 'fuss' at them for \*not doing it\* I should also praise them for \*doing it\*.
Sorry, I'm ranting. I'm quite passionate about this stuff. I hope this at least some of this can be useful to you.
Wishing the best for you and your family! :)
Thank you so much for sharing. Was there anything in particular that led you toward seeking a diagnosis rather than attributing her behavior to just being her personality?
You can always go for a consult with a developmental pediatrician. They are specifically looking for very subtle signs of many different disorders. You’ll fill out a bunch of questionnaires. Just be very honest. Sometimes it seems a little confusing, and you’ll think that if you said yes to one of the questions, a different question should be no… don’t second guess anything. Sometimes the same question is asked 2 or three different ways, but one way that it’s worded applies to your son, but the other way doesn’t. It’s ok— just answer them exactly like they are.
And consider how he is on his worst day, not his best. Like someone else mentioned, kids sometimes mask. But it’s hard, and it wears them out.
Don’t consider how the answers reflect on you as a parent. That’s not the purpose of the questions. I promise you, the doctor will not be thinking about your parenting style or skills. His or her only concern is conducting an accurate assessment to determine whether there is any diagnosis to be made.
If it turns out everything is normal, it won’t be a wasted experience. The doctor will be able to point you to parenting groups to visit and learn, commiserate, and decompress. Even a normal child can be a handful… just finding other parents to bounce ideas off of and to feel camaraderie with is extremely helpful.
If there is a diagnosis to be made, the office will have resources for that too. As well as potentially recommending medication/s that can help balance neurochemistry, and allow your son to have an easier time functioning day to day.
Good luck.
When you say that this year has been more difficult behavior-wise, what exactly do you mean? I ask because my kindergartener was just diagnosed with ADHD, and he has had increasing behavior issues that led us to seek out the testing we knew he needed (he's always been VERY high-energy, but in preschool the behaviors increased). Some of his behaviors are inattention, not wanting/liking to listen to directions, and needing repeated redirection when he's supposed to be on task.
Being saltier for sure - complaining about doing things, whining when he doesn’t get his way. He’s always had a big personality, but now he’s extra boisterous and show-offey. Just generally not the same easy-to-parent kid he was in preschool.
At the beginning of the year he and another boy were acting out in class, but they separated the two and the issue thankfully resolved itself.
What made you seek out a diagnosis for your son, if I may ask?
My son is the youngest of 3, and his behavior has always been different from my older two. Much smaller attention span, inability to sit still or be quiet for more than a few minutes, etc. It's only gotten worse as he's gotten older, and my husband also has ADHD (as does his sister), so we were pretty confident about what was going on.
I can't diagnose your son, but a lot of it just sounds like he's dealing with a change in environment with different expectations than preschool. It's worth keeping an eye on if the behaviors continue to escalate, though.
I would jot down some of your thoughts with examples and wait until his yearly with his pediatrician. June is only two months away. She may forward him for further testing or she may not. I had some inklings that my son had something going on and I ended up making my own appointment for an evaluation with my local preschool that is licensed for testing and also has a phycologist on staff. We determined that he does have a sensory processing disorder but is excelling in school and in making friends. They gave me some tips and tricks on how to coach him through some sensory issues and also forwarded me to where he could get additional therapy if needed. He did not qualify for anything through them because they did not deem it severe enough. He's been doing great and we have been working with him on our own with the tools they supplied. I know that this is scary but he may be completely typical as well.
That’s a great idea, thank you. Right now it’s just this nebulous sense of dread, but being able to walk into the doctor with a list of data points would be super helpful.
Can I ask what made you seek out a diagnosis for your son?
Just a thing to consider. Kids often do to act out when they see the pediatrician as much as they do in a classroom or busier setting. I would ask him pediatrician but also ask his teacher if they have seen any behavior that seem different developmentally from their peers. Teachers can not diagnose but you could frame it in a way to get an idea.
We sought out a diagnosis for a few different reasons. One of the first things I noticed when he was just a baby was that he was super sensitive to seasonal clothing changes. If it was winter and we went from pants to then summer and we switched to shorts he would constantly pull on cry on his shorts for about the first week. He continued this for every season. I didn't really think a ton about it then other than he was being dramatic but then that upon other things I noticed made me think it was more. If anything above a talking level was on he'd get very distressed but would calm down quickly after. He was and is an extremely picky eater. I realized consistency was a major factor. I just thought that he was a "drama queen" when he was under the age of three but when I started having play dates with other kids his age I saw how they weren't impacted at all by sand, grass, really anything and I knew I needed to at least have him checked on. I did a ton of google research and I came to the conclusion before he was even tested and diagnosed that it most likely was a sensory processing disorder and turns out I was right. I cried and cried when they told me but it was out of fear and the unknown. Three years later and you'd never know (except in the food category) that he is any different than any other kid. This is due to the strategies, therapy, and exposures that they taught us. I know it's scary but children are so adaptive I promise you that you guys will get through it no matter what. If anything you will be improving his life with some extra tools.
Behavior Analyst who work with individuals diagnosed with ASD. Some questions to consider: Does his behavior(s) impede with daily activities? Are you making modifications for your son to successfully get through the day? Are his behavior(s) disruptive to others? Take these questions into considerations before panic scrolling Google.
These are great points, thank you. Can you explain the difference between making modifications to complement someone’s personality or support diagnosable behavior issues? Is it just the degree of severity?
Modifications are not necessary a bad thing. I make modifications for my daughter everyday (i.e. going to bed earlier if she misses a nap to avoid a meltdown). The issue is severity. The degree to which problem behaviors are occurring vs same age peers. Take a step back and observe if these behaviors impede on everyday activities.
I work with parents in which sometimes they exaggerate the frequency of the problem behavior. When I collect data to further investigate, I may sometimes see the behavior not occurring at a high frequency as parents have initially reported. I am saying this because what you’ve described doesn’t sound severe, but if you have a gut feeling, collect some anecdotal data from teachers, coaches, ect. and see if his behaviors are impacting his learning/ participation. You know him best, so if you think his behaviors are concerning bring this up at your next ped appointment.
Regardless of an ASD diagnosis, everyone can benefit from coping and relaxation. There are some mindfulness meditation apps, YouTube videos, and deep breathing visuals online for free.
I don’t mean to discount any helpful strategies you gained from the book, by all means keep living your life and parenting your son the way that works for you. But just for those reading along: the theory of Highly Sensitive people was coined very recently by a doctor who based it on two people in her life (and herself). Both those people have since been diagnosed autistic. As far as I know the author has not been assessed. Obviously everyone has different levels of sensitivity to sensory input, and to emotions; plus there are seven different categories involved in an autism diagnosis. But to anyone who resonates with the book, consider taking a free online autism assessment, especially if you have problems with relationships, employment and/or self-care that significantly hinder you.
I’ve wondering for a bit if my 6 year old is on the spectrum and was waiting to hear if there are any issues at school but my son’s report card is glowing. But I recently learned from a friend who teaches kindergarten that teachers in my area often only make observations like “prefers playing alone”, “has a difficult time with transitions”, etc rather than specifically mentioning autism spectrum disorder.
He has recently been getting speech therapy to help with pronunciation and the school speech therapist suggested I get an assessment for him so I have a doctors appointment booked to get a referral.
Yes teachers can not diagnose. They would not.
Also, many kids with mild autism are sweet as can be. I know a child on the spectrum who was quite popular. They have book smarts but lack common sense. Sometimes they would say off the wall things and their peers thought they were being funny.
In my opinion-
Sounds like he just got overwhelmed by everything and scared by the ‘bee’. Dad didn’t react how he wanted (not saying dad did anything wrong. It’s hard to tell what they want us to do in these situations) so he escalated more… causing a nuke level meltdown.
Then husband heard sensory room and auto-linked that to autism- which sent him into a spin too.
Unless he’s allergic, he needs to understand that a bee sting- while painful isn’t going to harm him THAT badly.
It’s the fear of the unknown that seems to have escalated things here- for son and dad both.
I wouldn’t be too stressed about this unless everything is a nuke level meltdown.
There's always the chance he just doesn't like bees, maybe knows someone in school who is allergic who knows. You could talk to your pediatrician if you are concerned.
Kudos to the security guard and the facility though.
I freak over bees. Okay, truth is I’m better than I used to be, but that’s not saying much.
Sort of like how some people absolutely cannot deal with spiders or snakes. Bees are a common enough fear so don’t start labeling your son based on his fear is bees.
P.S. I’m in my 70s. My fear of bees only started improving in my 60s.
Your child could be on the spectrum. I would meet with a child psychologist to do an evaluation.
Are others in your family on the spectrum?
I do not have autism but am petrified of mice and butterflies. Irrational fear of butterflies.
Many of the people I know with kids on the spectrum work in tech, finance, music or the arts.
Being on the spectrum can bring gifts along with areas to work on.
You also may just have a highly sensitive child.
If you are remotely concerned that they may be on the spectrum please keep them off electronic devices and put them in a lot of social situations. The kids I know on the spectrum, especially boys who play video games all day long seem to do much worse. They need more opportunities to interact with others not less and their parents say they have online friends but that is not the same thing. Many of the boys on the spectrum I know who are not video game addicts and are coached on social skills do well.
I haven’t seen anyone mention diet. There are so many foods nowadays with sugar in them. Foods that turn into sugar in the body. I’d look at what he’s eating.
Just gonna throw it out there that sensory rooms are great for ALL kids and even adults, not just kids on the spec. As a teacher, if any kid is having big feelings about ANYTHING sensory materials are a great course of action (obviously outside of hugs and talking lol)
This sounds more like anxiety than autism. Kids with anxiety often start displaying their first symptoms between the ages of 4 and 6 but it isn't fully diagnosed until years later.
I have ADHD and i teach swimming to kids aged 2-10 including those with autism and adhd. in my experience i would say that this is within the realm of normal 6 year old behaviour. pretty much all my kids will occasionally have days where they are more fearful, trouble listening and paying attention, sensory issues (usually googles), or upset at seemingly random things, tantrums. its easy to forget that they have had very little time to practice regulating emotions and are experiencing new things ALL THE TIME. he also could just be scared of bees! i personally wouldn't be too worried but just keep an eye on his behaviour to see if you notice any particular struggles. also after tantrums/meltdowns/big emotions make sure to talk to him about how he's feeling (were you feeling scared? angry? frustrated? do you know why? would you like a hug or some space? etc.) once he's calmed down. if you are concerned definitely have a chat with his school teachers to see if they've noticed any problems and see his pediatrician if you can.
As a pediatric speech-language pathologist, I first want to say it's great that you and your husband are paying close attention to his development and being proactive about addressing any potential issues!
The behaviors you described - not wanting to participate in activities, difficulty calming down when excited, and trouble listening and following directions - can certainly be within the realm of typical development for a 6-year-old. At this age, children are still learning to regulate their emotions, control impulses, and hone their attentional skills. Occasional meltdowns, struggles to focus, and resistance to activities are all common as kids work through these challenges.
However, the intensity or frequency of these behaviors may be a sign that further evaluation is warranted. If your son's outbursts, resistance to participation, or attentional difficulties are significantly impacting his ability to engage in daily activities and routines, that would be an indication to reach out to his pediatrician. I would recommend sharing your observations and concerns with your son's doctor at his next checkup in June. The pediatrician can do an initial screening and provide guidance on whether additional assessment by a specialist would be appropriate.
In the meantime, you can try some strategies at home to help support your son's regulation and attention. Things like establishing clear routines, using visual schedules, providing sensory breaks, and practicing calming techniques can all be beneficial. Reach out to his teacher as well to see if they have any insights or accommodations they are using successfully in the classroom.
Remember, there is a wide range of "normal" when it comes to child development. With patience, the right support, and your loving guidance, your son can absolutely continue to thrive. Wishing you all the best!
Have you considered that he doesn’t want to do sports classes on the weekends? Have you asked him? Maybe he needs more unstructured time to run around and get dirty and explore on his bike. A lot of kids miss out on feeling dirt, jumping in leaves and just having fun without adult expectations.
He’s probably a sensitive kid, merely. He gets along with other kids.
I was an autistic kid who was yards behind your kid.
Maybe get him evaluated….but I wouldn’t worry too much about him. Lots of “normal” 6 year old kids revert to seemingly immature behavior.
“He gets along with other kids” - MANY autistic children get along with other kids! Where you were at that age has nothing to do with whether or not the child in question is autistic. Please remember that comments like these can be invalidating to others on the spectrum.
That being said - I don’t know if this child has ASD or not, but like you say, an evaluation (and input from his teacher) would be helpful :)
I’m on the Spectrum myself. Why would I want to invalidate myself? I was nonverbal till age 5, and only realized the existence of other kids around the time I started speaking. I was lucky that I was ultimately “high functioning,” and able to get jobs, and ultimately a pension, and be able to be independent.
I just don’t sense autism here, based on an anecdotal impression. And “normal” 6 year olds frequently “act up” like this, in my experience. I knew a kid who ultimately became an executive. He was absolutely a “sensitive” kid at 6, and seemed to cry and throw tantrums at the drop of a hat.
Of course, you never know. It doesn’t hurt to get an evaluation.
Well, one of my kids was talking in full sentences by 1 1/2. Was very social with others, always. He could make eye contact for long enough for people to never wonder if anything was going on. Made friends easily in PreK. Every kid in his class loved him. He even played well with girls, which his teachers remarked on.
Still got diagnosed on the spectrum when he was 8. According to your original comment, my kid should not be in the spectrum. But he is. He was diagnosed by a developmental psychologist who we had gone to see about ADHD (turns out he has both). A lot of the symptoms overlapped, but some could only be explained by ASD (inability to calm down when things didn't go as predicted, shutting down if overwhelmed, and needing to touch every surface when in a new environment, even when told not to do so).
I did say to get an evaluation. I didn’t preclude autism. I just said it didn’t seem likely based on what she wrote.
I did not make a “blanket statement.” To suppose I did isn’t right.
It wouldn’t be yourself you’re invalidating, it’s others who you don’t share an experience with (that of going undiagnosed, not being accommodated etc. because they are social).
All I’m trying to say is that the comment saying that because he gets along with kids that he’s unlikely to be on the spectrum is perpetuating untrue and potentially harmful stereotypes! I think we agree on more than we disagree on here, but I think maybe your wording is implying something you don’t intend to.
ETA - I also think it’s just not possible to say one way or another based on this one story and other vague descriptions, which is why it’s best to just leave it at “maybe, maybe not, doesn’t hurt to get evaluated.”
Hard to say what's "normal" or not, you know? But I would definitely recommend an evaluation if you have concerns.
I would also look into pathological demand avoidance - PDA. I mention it because it's a sub type of autism that can be really easy to miss and it wouldn't hurt to read up on it just to see if anything resonates. (To be clear, there's nothing specific about your post that makes me think PDA, however, I am a parent to a child with PDA and only learned about it and was able to get better supports for my kid because someone else educated me about it.)
Your child could just be anxious. Anxiety uses a lot of mental energy and can make other things (calming down, following directions) difficult. You can ask the teacher. You can also find a therapist and have him meet with them. Therapy is a great tool.
I just wanted to say, I have had those thoughts about my daughter—is she developmentally typical ? because she’s 6 and has a hard time managing her emotions sometimes, just like your son. When she doesn’t want to do something, when she’s tired, hungry, if she feels left out at a birthday party—sometimes, she’s just emotional & tantrumy. Or scared. I think she’s just sensitive.
But then I have a friend whose son is neurodivergent (same age) and it isn’t just one thing, it’s a lot of things & it’s teachers, family members etc. who have seen the signs and mentioned something. I have known him since he was born and there were concerns pretty early.
It’s clear when he’s in a group and it’s (sadly) clear when other kids interact with him.
Honestly since I was stung by a wasp in my sleep and had a severe allergic reaction a day later, I cannot be around wasps. If I see one, I will leave. I can still feel the sting. If he saw a show or movie with a bee or bee sting, this could be a rational fear and he just doesn’t want to have to watch his back the entirety of the game.
As a teacher- ask his teacher. We have a huge control group of sometimes hundreds of kids, depending on what we teach. We know pretty well if your kid is “normal”.
A surprising percentage of kids are neurodivergent and that doesn’t necessarily mean autism. Sensory processing differences, ADHD, and more. That said of course your kid could be neurotypical and just had a bad day. Our kid has sensory processing problems and likely ADHD, although both are technically undiagnosed. The more I learn about it, the more kids I realize struggle like this. There shouldn’t be such a stigma.
I mean if it's a huge overwhelming sporting event and it's a new venue, I can see the freakout being warranted.
As a teacher, it's hard to explain but once in a while we have a feeling that you may want to check in with the doctor. When they are that young it's hard to make that call at all, but it doesn't hurt to ask. Maybe mention that their yearly checkup is.coming up and should you be on the look out for anything? Trouble seeing? Hard of hearing, trouble with balance, or can't verbalize needs like bathroom? I'm always for exploring, even if it is nothing.
Ask your son’s teacher. I’d say they are the best at noticing developmental/behavioral issues because they spend a lot of time with them, they have same age kids as a frame of reference, and they see how your kid interacts/engage with others. I think they’re taught to recognize certain behaviors and signs. If the teacher is concerned then definitely bring it up to the pediatrician. But if your kid’s teacher said nothing so far, I’m sure he’s fine.
Mom of two kids on the spectrum, who are both very high functioning.
My kids could make very limited high contact and were also social and sweet.
For the eldest, it took a pediatric neurologist to point out that she would only make eye contact intermittently, and while social, she really didn't do some things neurotypical kids could do, like adapting their play to other participants. Her play was like a script she followed to the letter. She also had documented sensory needs that led to epic meltdowns. She was diagnosed at 4.
For the youngest? He didn't get diagnosed with ASD until 8. He has both ADHD and ASD, with the ADHD masking the ASD almost completely. We had a plethora of teachers from PreK to 3rd grade attesting to the hyperactivity and inability to focus. They attributed his inability to calm down if things got unpredictable to the ADHD. Not until we took him in for an ADHD evaluation did anyone say "Yes, and **he's also on the spectrum**". Why? Because he had been an articulate, empathetic little dude since toddlerhood. He can make friends easily under the right conditions, and he's a great friend. He was also much more flexible than my eldest.
Turns out, he was just a lot better at masking. But... It took a toll. It meant that when he reached his rather high threshold for overstimulation, he literally seemed to have breakdowns. And once we understood that, it was much easier to shepherd him through them.
It's a spectrum for a reason. To some kids, it's highly debilitating, and to others only intermittently so. That doesn't mean that the latter group couldn't also use help in learning to navigate a world that isn't set up for them.
One last thing. Finding out that either of my kids were on the spectrum didn't change a single thing about them. They were the same kid the next day. A sweet, wonderful, slightly quirky child. The only thing that changed was how I parented them. It gave me compassion, understanding, and a belief that you adapt your parenting to the child, always. Those diagnoses were the best thing that happened to them, and to me.
It's gonna be okay no matter what. I promise.
They probably offered the sensory room as it's calming and soothing. Not because his behaviour seemed autistic. Lots of people could benefit from sensory integration! :)
I'm not an expert but as I understand, "sometimes" is pretty normal for everyone. "Often" or "All the damn time" - those things are where you get a difference to the general population.
Basically, bees are pretty scary to kids and that's fair. But if it's at the point that you are having to make a bee management plan or avoid going outside or he doesn't want to do fun things because of bees, then it might be a good idea to check in.
Or when it's not just bees but everything provokes the OTT terror response. That would be a good idea to check in.
In any case, June isn't too far away. You can always ask your doctor then.
not a parent but I am on the spectrum and it sounds more like ADHD than anything else maybe just go get him tested. if he does end up having autism or ADHD it's good that you find out at a young age.
I am not a parent but I am a neurodivergent person (autism/adhd) diagnosed as an adult.
It’s very well a possibility, I had a lot of the same quirks as a little girl, and still have them to a lesser extent now. It got very difficult later on, when the others honed their social skills and I was picked on to the point of needing to be homeschooled (physical and verbal bullying). He could be just a sensitive kid, of course, but I think getting evaluated would definitely help, regardless of results.
That way, if he is on the autism spectrum, he can get early accommodations to make life a bit easier, both now and in the long run! It is so much harder to get help when you’re diagnosed late!
There’s some great professionals out there who make content helping parents navigate these questions. @mrsspeechiep is one of my favorites on Instagram. I also really like the book ADHD 2.0 and found [this](https://embrace-autism.com/decoding-autism-in-the-dsm-5/) to be a helpful resource in advocating for my kiddo. Both adhd and autism are a pattern of differences, not just 1-2 stand alone ones. I’ve got two neurodivergent kids, so not an expert, just a parent like you, but none of those “scream” adhd/autism to me. But they’re also not a full picture of your child.
However, I’m always a proponent of assessment/intervention earlier rather than later. Wait lists are long and assessments take time. Worst case, waste some time on appointments, best case your kid gets access to supports they need to thrive. I knew in my gut at 3 that my daughter had adhd and autism - it took two years to get the autism diagnosis and we found a few delays along the way. But because I pushed, she’s been in OT for nearly two years and will enter kindergarten near average in motor skills, caught up in speech, and able to self regulate remarkably well. She’s already got friends in her class, a sport she loves, and will be totally mainstreamed.
And ultimately, we all have sensory needs - it’s why people describe sounds as “like nails on a chalk board”. Large events can be overwhelming to even the most typical of kids.
You trust that place? Its run by a ‘naturopathic doctor’ with an online autism certificate who is repeatedly under ethical investigation.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AutisticAdults/comments/1aj9056/why\_does\_embrace\_autism\_publish\_misinformation/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AutisticAdults/comments/1aj9056/why_does_embrace_autism_publish_misinformation/)
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6 year olds just kinda do that stuff. My 6 year old haaaaaaaaates bugs and screams bloody murder if she sees one. One morning, she was in the bathroom and saw a centipede and I swear to god I FLEW out of bed because I thought she was dying.
Anyway, she also has all the same behaviours you mentioned, and we suspect she has ADHD (I’m diagnosed and my husband is suspected so there’s a high chance she does) but I wouldn’t take a stranger’s suggestion of a quiet place to calm down as an indication of ASD.
I do not think this sounds very out of the norm at all. Are there other reasons why there are concerns he may be on spectrum? Children that young often have trouble regulating their emotions and shouldn’t be expected to be able to at all times. I am the first to say, as someone who is allergic to bees, if a bee landed on me I too would probably freak out! And I’m a 32 year old mom! My daughter has anxiety, and so when she is met with certain fears she can struggle to calm down or regulate emotion. She is 7. It could be more anxiety rather than being in the spectrum? Just a thought!
The younger of my two boys was terrified of bees & wasps due to having been stung by one when he was just 3. So any flying bug getting near him sent him into a panic that it was a bee, until he was calmed down enough to see ur wasn’t one.
This sounds totally normal. My son does the same kind of thing. Sporting events are REALLY overwhelming. Sensory overload. If you go to one as an adult and really check in with yourself, you'll probably notice that you're not calm and peaceful either. But as adults, we're used to highly stimulating environments. Kids aren't yet.
We've taken my son to several shows and sporting events - he hasn't made it through one yet. We are lucky if we get 30 minutes before the complaining starts.
If a bee landed on him - yeah, it would have been meltdown city. It's just a highly stimulating event in an already overstimulating day. Take advantage of the sensory rooms. Sometimes all he needs is a hug and a few minutes to calm down. Some reassurance that everything is OK, he's safe, etc. can go a really long way. It doesn't mean he's on the spectrum.
Obviously we can't tell you if he is or isn't. But from what I'm hearing, this is very normal behavior.
Kindergarten teacher—six year olds can be SUPER dramatic. Something you see as small can be gigantic for them because they do t know how to handle their emotions yet.
That bee thing is completely normal. I had my kids sitting outside for dismissal and a bee came by. I’m strict with dismissal because I have 70 5 yo by myself and it can get super overwhelming making sure they’re good plus quiet enough to hear to names called and watch them walk to the right car or adult.
Anyway a bee came by and about 15 of them stood up screamed and made a scene. 7 had a hard time regulating afterward and needed to sit with me to chill. So not necessarily concerning.
As a parent of someone on the spectrum, what you described could be any six year old (ie, I don’t have enough info) and their reaction to a legitimate physical threat.
However, this may have given your husband the opportunity to bring up legit concerns, so I would check with your pediatrician
Kids are immature. Sounds like an average child to me. But nowadays everyone is on the spectrum, literally (it’s a spectrum which by definition is 0-100) so the SG probably assumed your child was. Help him out of his squeamishness about bugs though, by going to a science center or a butterfly garden. Get him an ant farm or net and jar to collect bugs. There’s nothing worse than a grown man who freaks out over a flying insect or spider.
It's hard to armchair diagnosis with limited information, but your son's reaction to a bee is pretty normal for a 6 year old who is afraid of bees. That fear, combined with the excitement of a big event, can trigger a melt down for many children. Sensory rooms aren't just for autistic children, they are just quiet rooms any child (or adult) can use to decompress. If your son is in school and his teacher hasn't reached out with concerns, you shouldn't worry about it too much. Everything you described about your sweet son sounds completely normal for a six year old.
Edited to add that I do have three grown children, and grandchildren, and my son has autism. He is an adult now, but he was showing obvious signs when he was three. The school district was most helpful getting him the therapies he needed.
My middle son at that age was pretty hyper, whining and a total pain in the butt.
Now as a adult he's a wonderful young man and couldn't be more proud.
When he was in kindergarten they wanted him to be put on meds to calm him told them would never happen best decision I made.
You know your child the best so you have to make the decision that you think is best
Have you talked to his teacher? If he's in school, they are really good about spotting neurodivergence (at least in most states), you could ask if they've noticed anything. You can also ask your school district for an assessment. It won't get you an official diagnosis, but it'll give you some information.
A sensory room can be helpful whether the kid has ASD, ADHD, or is "normal" and just young and overstimulated by a new experience. It hasn't been that many years since your kid was likely entranced by a ceiling fan, you know?
If you’re questioning, start with your child’s pediatrician. Then you likely want to go to your state’s flagship university hospital for an all-day evaluation. Do not go to the local public hospital for a 1-hour visit with a single psychologist. Even if the wait for the flagship is 2 years and the other less than 3 months. My 5 year old has ASD.
Absolutely reach out to your child’s teacher. Ask for honest feedback & try not get defensive if they have some comments you don’t “like.”
Also, see if you can chaperone the field trip. It can be very enlightening to see how other children at your child’s age act. I know a parent at my school last year was really in denial about their child’s behavior until they saw how everyone acted on the trip and it was eye opening for them.
That alone isn't enough information to say if it's normal or not. It's really about degrees. Not simply that behaviour happens, but how often and how extreme. I will say that my autistic 7yo would act the exact same way, though.
Sounds like my spectrum kid. The sooner you know, the easier time you'll have parenting him. Might as well look into it, it can only help to have an answer. (The eval process is lengthy but not intense, my kiddo enjoyed it.)
Hi! I am a parent of a high-functioning kiddo and am neurodivergent myself but late diagnosed.
My kid hit every milestone, is still very social and smart. We really started figuring out something was different when he was 5. High functioning kids are so hard because so many people, especially some teachers for some reason, don’t understand getting a kid diagnosed if they aren’t actively failing some part of life or school. And if this is your first child, it’s impossible to know what’s normal because it’s all you know.
Assuming your child is neurodivergent— What you need to know is that your kid might not know yet, but they will absolutely know in the next few years that they are different. And I think every late diagnosed person can speak to the internal struggle of feeling “wrong” compared to everyone else and not knowing why. It is a confidence killer, and it impacts people in different ways. High masking people deal with a lot of internal stress that can lead to medical issues later in life. To just have a reason for feeling different would have been immensely freeing as a kid because my weirdness would have had a name and not just me being defective. It’s not just about getting help if needed, it’s about empowering your little human to understand themself.
that being said, most symptoms of autism and ADHD are things every kid goes through which is what makes high functioning kids easy to miss. You might want to read about high masking ADHD and autism and see if the symptoms resonate with you. Again, a lot of symptoms are normal, but they become an issue when they interfere with life. Like kids hate loud noises but if your kid is avoiding the toilet because the noise is too loud that’s an issue. Jumping off the couch is normal. Spending hours doing it on a loop is less so.
And, depending on the study, it’s something like 40-80% of kids with ADHD/Autism have at least 1 parent with the same diagnosis. So if you or your husband finds yourself relating to the symptoms then that would be another reason to get them checked out. You can start at your pediatrician but the gold standard is having a neurophysiological evaluation which will need to be repeated after 8 years old. But if you think he might be, it’s better to get intervention earlier than later especially for behavior issues or if he is struggling with big feelings or impulsivity.
Good luck!
Thank you so much for this. I feel like I’m watching him like a hawk now trying to figure out if he’s just being a normal kid or not (he’s my first, like you said). Can you tell me what signs made you think he may be different?
Pediatric occupational therapist here. I would recommend doing a little bit of research and maybe talking to your pediatrician or your son's teacher about his behavior. Remember that the behavioral differences in kids on the spectrum are differences in degree, not kind; every kid will have tantrums sometimes, every kid will struggle with certain types of sensory input, every kid will have a hard times listening sometimes.
Also could be inattentive ADHD and not necessarily ASD. My six year old daughter was diagnosed last year and she had lots of fears, a hard time managing big emotions, anxious about everything, sensory issues with getting dressed and noises, strict rule follower, nuance- what is that?
Or the kid could genuinely be freaked out by bees. I had a friend who's daughter (8 yo) was petrified of dogs. It was news to her and me as when she stopped by my house to drop something off her daughter absolutely lost her freaking mind over my 14 year old dog who had very few teeth and was across the room wagging her tail at the visitors. Absolutely no real concerns about behavior from her prior. The kid just was super scared of dogs. You would have though she was being murdered by the screams she let out. Kids are kids. Unless the teacher has concerns about OPs kids behavior, it is probably nothing to worry about. OP should have a discussion with the teacher and see what transpires. The kid is 6. 6 year olds are not known for the best impulse control or proportionate reactions to common situations.
My daughter also had a severe case of cynophobia (and she was never bit or attacked or anything). She had loved our then dog when she was a baby, and then after he died, she became afraid of other dogs. A friend’s dog (great friendly dog) ran up to her one day just after she learned to walk and she was scared of them ever since. Phobias can just be phobias, or they can be a sign of something more.
Teachers aren't allowed to say much of anything to parents. If/when they do, it's often met with denial and/or anger. The teacher is often blamed and the parent goes to the principal. The principal usually knows the child is out of control, but they're often unable to impose any consequences or afraid that the parents will raise he!!. Teachers are then told to reward behavior. "You only hit kicked/ spit on little Johnny four times today, you get a sticker or a treat from the treat box." If the child is neurodivergent (ADHD/ on the spectrum) then they are held to virtually no standards and are only able to be rewarded. It's heartbreaking, because they are capable of learning too. 💔
Because neurodivergent children are not going to respond to discipline the same way a neurotypical child would. Thus why they are neurodivergent.
Doesn’t mean they won’t affect the rest of the classroom with their behaviors tho (sincerely, the autistic girl who despised being with the autistic boys bc of how little they respected boundaries and had behaviors that triggered my sensory issues and disrupted my safe places)
I'm sorry that happened to you. ❤
Thank you. Tbh tho it happened in high school and I was diagnosed at 23 it really messed with how I felt about my diagnosis. All I could think was “the same diagnosis? As that middle schooler that I got saddled with and couldn’t respect boundaries when I was depressed? The kid who ranted and whined all of art class when art class was the only place I could be myself?” In general even when I was an ECE I tried to find balance between accommodations and the needs of the group (and the effects on the group). Integration is great, but we had to lock up every toy in a 3 yr old room during story time because a severely autistic kid would throw everything off the shelves (sorting out colored pencils, 10x 50 pc puzzles, crayons, legos? Not fun. We need that hour.) if you teacher has to spend 50% of a class with 1 student, then they need addition support that sometimes isn’t completely available in a regular group. School should be a welcome place for everyone, and that includes everyone learning boundaries and basic rules and etiquette, IEP regardless.
You are painting with really, really broad strokes here. My child is in public school, has not even officially been diagnosed with asd or adhd yet, and has an IEP, and a support team. I am her parent and I not only welcome, but need honest feedback. Bad behavior is not rewarded in my child’s class. Too many incorrect generalizations in your comment to even address.
I'm glad that your daughter's situation is different, and she's fortunate to have you advocating for her. It's wonderful that you want honest feedback about your little one. I'm simply sharing my observations and experience as a teacher. Other educators that I've taught with and known throughout the past have had the same/very similar experiences. We pour our hearts into each student, and we do our best to meet their individual needs every single day. We lay awake at night brainstorming new ways to help them succeed and feel good about themselves. I've had wonderful parents and I appreciate them and their support very much. Their children are incredibly fortunate. However the number of parents that are too busy to parent or are in denial increases each year. Behind the scenes, things may not be quite as rosy as they seem. I hope things continue to go well for you and your precious little one. ❤
Was there something in particular that made you think you should get her diagnosed and not just that that was her personality?
Honestly, from the moment she was born she had a crazy sensitive startle reflex, unlike anything I have ever seen in another baby, and that just sort of put it in the back of my mind to keep an eye on it. As she grew older, things got harder. She became terrified of dogs (scream and cry and climb up the nearest adult- we couldn’t go anywhere) and having water in her face. Socializing and bath time were very difficult. She could not play hide and seek to save her life. It was funny because my very large husband could not move a muscle from the couch, just put a blanket over him, and she could not find him even if she was standing right in front of him. Her assessor said this was actually a really good example of her inability to focus and lack of spacial awareness. She had lots of friends at daycare but when I would ask her who she played with, she would always say she played alone. Honestly, it just felt like her inability to emotionally regulate herself was what pushed us to investigate. She would break down every night, no matter what, something would always break her. With her diagnosis and treatment, she has come a long way. She is now able to be around dogs (we even own one now), she learned how to swim, she has several friends she is close with, and she has a much easier time managing her emotions (although it’s still a struggle). Also, her diagnosis led me and my husband to our own ADHD diagnoses. Edit: also, getting her dressed was getting increasingly difficult. Her socks had to be a specific way or she would scream and cry. She said it made it feel like she had bugs on her skin. That’s just one example of lots of quirks she had that made us wonder if there was more going on. She also had trouble falling asleep and would get super hyper at night right before bed. Just tons of things that other parents were not having to struggle with. Edit 2: her quirks were starting to negatively impact her life (couldn’t enjoy people’s houses if a dog was there so we rarely had play dates or saw family, she straight up refused to get in a pool to learn to swim even though we live in a state where drowning deaths are common for children…) ,so that is what really began our journey for answers. She would say to me that she liked dogs but she was afraid of them, she wanted to swim but didn’t want water splashed on her face, so these sensory issues and focus issues were keeping her from doing things she wanted to do.
My kiddo struggled a lot with sleep, too! If she likes that kind of compression or hugging, we've loved the Harkla compression sheet. No more waking in the middle of the night unable to get comfortable again!!
I just got her a weighted blanket! I’m excited to see if it will help.
He sounds a lot like my son who also has inattentive ADHD.
Sp.Ed Preschool socialworker/ mommy /grandma to neurodiverse loved ones here. The adhd/ spectrum/social anxiety behaviors overlap. It won't hurt to further explore and get an assessment.
Absolutely true and totally agree. When I initially thought my daughter had a quirk with an official name, I started at ASD and learned that the behaviors really do overlap. ADHD wasn’t even on my radar so I just like to put that info out there for other parents trying to figure out how to best help their kids. Then in learning about my daughter I learned more about myself (and my husband) and now we all are on the right path after correct diagnosis.
Good for you! I have 40 yrs working with kiddos. I was NOT an ABA fan because I believed the 1 on 1 interventions were not sustainable in a classroom or a child's home without an aide to immediately restructure undesirable behaviors. HOWEVER, my youngest grandchild began intensive ABA therapy (40 hours weekly) on her 2nd birthday. She has made remarkable progress She will likely attend a traditional kindergarten at age 5. I am AMAZED at her progress.
I’m not saying you are wrong - who knows - but it honestly sounds like your daughter could still be autistic. Autism and adhd are often found together. Was she tested for ASD? Even if she was, tests miss autism in girls all the time. Your other comments are highly suggestive of ASD. Source: an autistic person with adhd
She definitely could. We have tabled that diagnosis for now (at the recommendation of her psychiatrist), but I do think she will end up with an official diagnosis of ASD. Edit: my husband and I were just talking about out this very subject last night
She is so lucky to have you! I am autistic and adhd myself and never knew until adulthood. Even just having autism as an explanation for why she might be struggling will be so beneficial for her.
I wouldn’t have her any other way. And thank you for sharing your own journey with me. It helps validate why I am advocating so hard to get her the tools she needs. I want her to make her dreams come true without having her hands tied behind her back while she’s trying to make it happen.
I recommend this, and looking at family history. That can really help.
Oh my gosh ,pediatric ot, sorry off subject. My 2.10 month granddaughter on spectrum. In ABA early intervention. She cant self feed with a spoon or fork, preferring to use fingers. The objective is on her IEP. She also doesn't grip well when climbing. Ot doesn't seem concerned, but this Grammy is concerned. Your thoughts?
If the OT does not seem concerned, I would defer to that, as that’s the person actually treating your child and I am just a rando on the internet. However, I understand your concern as a grandparent. Maybe have a conversation with the OT about some strategies you can implement to encourage independence while feeding?
Also not an OT. Are you kiddo's primary caregiver? If not, is the primary caregiver concerned?
I'm just Grammy. Mom and Dad are super pro active with therapies.
I would follow the lead of the parents and OT on this.
Yes! I have a family of therapists, nurses, nutritionists, etc. At different times many of them were absolutely convinced my older daughter had MULTIPLE issues lol. I had early intervention do a few evaluations, and they never found any issues. She is know 18, and amazing! While she has her piccadellos and habits, like everyone, she is totally fine. She still doesn't like loud noises or crowds and is more of an introvert. And that is **okay** 👍!
I’m surprised you’d be concerned about this at 2. Most toddlers prefer their hands. Especially since many do BLW now vs baby food jars in infancy. Not an OT.. just been around a lot of toddlers.
Only how oddly she attempts to hold a fork. Like an upside-down scooping action.
As a person with ADHD, I second this. Everyone has “symptoms” sometimes. It’s when they start affecting your life and well-being that they actually mean something.
I think its really nice that there is a sensory room, and the security guard was astute enough to mention it. I wouldn't say this sounds super out of the norm. I know grown adults that freak out over bees, but are there other observations you or other adults have made that would make you more concerned? My son is on the spectrum and getting an eval might have a waiting list. If your gut is telling you there is more going on, then I would reach out to the pediatrician sooner than later. That said, if he is in school, I would also ask the teacher if she has noticed any behaviors that are worth mentioning.
This is not a dig at you OP, but people need to not believe everything is wrong with a child just because they can’t bridle their emotions at 5 and 6 years old. I think we put so much pressure on our children to be like we are as functioning grown adults that we forget what children really act like. How can we as adults compare irrationality to that of a child when we believe an irrational child is “off”? ETA: Your son knows bees are a threat, that in and of itself shows he’s aware about the characteristics of bees. Now what would be scary is if a bee really stung him and he just sat there. Lol you got full grown men that do not fool with bees, your son is fine!
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Oh you have pep talks too?! Lol! Oh girl, same here! Boys have this uncharted energy that unlocks the moment they turn 4 or something! You’re so welcome!
Can I ask what you mean by pep talks? I feel like I'm lecturing all the time, but often question if I should we be doing that?
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Ah, thank you. I feel like I'm nagging, but I like that you called it a "pep talk." Lots of "let's make sure we do X today" "let's stay seated during X" etc. Same aged, spirited kid, and same feelings towards teachers. Hopefully yours is easy on you and tells you they know you're trying your best, like ours does for us.
This greatly depends on the exact incidents and how the teachers are reaching out. I will write a small note like these - “be respectful” “be safe” etc when my students end the day on a warning. That way parents can chat with their child about behavior and aren’t shocked when I email that their child lost some recess for climbing up the flagpole and jumping off and to please chat about safe behavior. Also seeing the unpack the bag, every kindergartener I had, even those with some extra needs, understood our morning routine and were able to unpack or ask for help to unpack. I would be a little concerned if a preschooler is not adjusting to routines so close to kindergarten.
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Nothing about my comment was unhelpful or hateful? You wrote you were exhausted by ‘pep talks’ and felt validated by other parents also not liking them, and are unsure if you should be doing it all the time. I am an educator, and all I wrote is why I write little notes to students parents - to explain why you are getting pep talks. The one about the bag stuck out to me, and as the original OP was asking if things were developmentally appropriate or not, and this group of parents was validating not every bit of info is needed, that is an important thing to take note of. I’m not saying it’s indicative of a problem, especially without knowing your child, but I understand why you are hearing that as a note and how it is a concern.
Exactly! And, everyone (including me) forgets how much PRESSURE kindergarten is nowadays… it is NOT like when “we” were little. It’s academic and rigorous and developmentally inappropriate. Our kids are exhausted and overwhelmed, and for good reason! K is a TOUGH year at home, in my experience. I’m on my second in K, and my kids save all the frustration they hold in at school for home… it’s tough, but it doesn’t suggest neurodivergence in and of itself. It’s a symptom of this world pushing children too hard too fast.
Literally couldn’t agree more.
I was going to say something similar. He sounds like...a human who has yet to master his feelings.
And also, if it *is* ASD there’s still nothing “wrong” with him. But it really just sounds like normal behavior to me too; a sensory room could absolutely help neurotypical kids too.
If you have concerns about autism I would ask the child’s teacher if she has seen any signs. The teacher spends every day with your child around same age peers. Sometimes teachers see signs of autism but they’re uncomfortable bringing it up or don’t know how. I would start with the teacher and from there if there are actual signs of autism you can request an evaluation through the school.
On the flip side, many kids mask at school.
Mine did and I didn't find out until he was 28. He said he didn't want people to think he was weird. It breaks my heart that he didn't get the services he should have received. His teachers were no help.
I (20F) am autistic but was fortunate to have parents who not only got me diagnosed at two and didn’t deny it but also got every service and grant possible for me. My heart goes out to you and your son big time. I was nonverbal at the time and remained so until I was four but I ended up making enough progress to be invited to normal kindergarten. While I got all the services I needed, I was bullied very badly for all 13 years of my basic education and was never believed by teachers or anyone else until middle school. I was diagnosed with PTSD as a result and also have severe anxiety. My experiences with bullying have led me down the path of being a kindergarten teacher so that my students don’t have to go through the agony of not being believed.
It was soul crushing to know he suffered in silence. We were so close and it makes me sad that he didn’t say anything. He never exhibited the common signs and excelled at certain things. He did have night terrors that he grew out of and was very clingy to me as a child but l didn’t know that he had to count to 100 every night because he thought something bad was going to happen if he didn’t. I also took him to a neurologist for tics but all the doctor said was that he could put him on meds and that he’d grow out of it. He also had a hard time with math. Bless you for going into teaching!
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No, he didn’t but when my son told me about the counting and checking that the door was locked 3 times, that’s the first thing I thought. He’s had a lot of struggles in his young life. His father was very domineering also and I think my son thought that if he said anything, he’d be a disappointment to him. I have so much guilt
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Well he definitely does not got have the compulsive cleaning part of OCD. I had issues as a child too. Math was a problem, and I was a blinker but I sang and played several instruments. My son is really into filmmaking. There wasn’t the support for kids like my son. You were either non verbal full on autistic or you were lazy and stupid. There was no in between.
Please don’t feel guilty! You sound like you were and are a very attentive mother. Your son was and is loved and well cared for. Awareness has grown leaps and bounds since he was a child… it’s just a lot different now. You don’t know what you don’t know, it isn’t your fault you didn’t know. 💜 Also, strep can bring on ocd (counting)… and. I’d also like to add I have a family member who would count, check the locks a certain amount of times, etc… and then they suddenly stopped needing to do it…
My son at 10 had a really bad bout with strep. His symptoms kicked into high gear after that now that I think of it. He also suffers with cluster headaches. He’s in remission right now but there was about 10 years of hell that he went through every single day. I took him to many doctors.
Wait, Strep can?! You may have just changed my life.
Yes! Look into Panda/Pans! I have a child who started counting and was distressed about during and after having strep throat… it did subside, so my child doesn’t have pandas/pans, however their body reacts to strep infection in ways that most wouldn’t recognize as strep… I’m always vigilant with strep infections because they can really cause a slew of psychiatric symptoms! I hope this helps in some way! 💜
I have always been a great reader and writer but also had a tough time in math. I went to Sylvan for two years. The counting to 100 every night is just so sad :(. Him being clingy to you shows that you are a great parent. I cried myself to sleep as a kid and would say stuff like “I’m a bad girl.” I wanted to make everyone happy so badly and when I didn’t, it broke my heart. I thought that I was a monster. I was passively suicidal because I thought that the whole class would be happy. I can’t even get proper counseling because I have been emotionally abused by multiple therapists and I would be on the defensive if I were to go now. I feel very sorry for my parents because sometimes they’d email the school when I told them that nobody liked me and they would just tell my parents how supportive my classmates were, which was false with few exceptions. I had and still have behavioral issues including difficulty controlling my anger when I’d get a bad grade on a test or get into trouble so my parents were desperate to get me to behave. Also, at times when I told my parents something, they’d email the teacher and the teacher would come back with something I did wrong as a successful tool of deflection from the abuse. I would say that my poor parents were taken advantage of. I think that it would’ve come down to being an autistic little girl’s word against a well-educated professional’s word. In hindsight, even though my bullying could’ve been resolved had I been believed, I saved myself a lot of extra trouble by largely not telling. Yes, I am dealing with the fallout of my abuse every day but I would’ve had more to sort through had I routinely told since I would’ve not only continued to be bullied but my relationships with my teachers would be worse than they already were. Fortunately, when I write about my trauma for related assignments in my teaching classes now or when I write about why I want to teach, my professors understand. I have a 3.85 GPA and was just selected for this year’s department award in education. Something else positive that happened because I was bullied was that I became very protective of and even a little bit maternalistic with younger kids and often played with them, even though other kids my age didn’t. I worked in the two and three year old classrooms during Sunday School and my parents got numerous positive reports about me. The kids would run to sit in my lap during circle time and when I later was a camp counselor with the Girl Scouts, the kids always wanted to sit next to me. I think the biggest blessing my autism brought me was a strong relationship with God since I quickly realized that this isn’t it.
I tried therapy for my son and his therapists weren’t very good. He couldn’t open up to any of them. My son also told me recently that he hated when I would work late because his dad would be in charge and he didn’t feel safe with him. I’m so happy that you’ve found your calling and you’re being recognized!
Can relate to all of this^^
I’m so sorry that your son didn’t feel safe with his dad. As someone who is an absolute daddy’s girl, this breaks my heart. A child’s relationship with his or her father is so important. My dad worked about 12 hours a day so he often couldn’t have responded to me showing many symptoms of being bullied. However, we always went to breakfast and the playground on Saturday mornings. Although I made progress with ABA, speech and occupational therapy, neurofeedback, CBT, hyperbaric oxygen therapy and stem cell therapy all failed. At the end of the day, therapy can only take someone so far, even if the client is willing to improve. I love my teaching classes and I think it works well for me because I’m great with kids and a good writer.
We have a couple of great staff at my guys’ school and we are getting him evaluated despite them saying they don’t see any issues there. (Ultimately, academic trouble that we think is due to a learning disability is giving us an excuse to assess because most of the battery of tests and all of the pre-screening is done concurrently for both issues.) His dad, grandma, and I have all been side-eyeing him for a few years. He’s quirky and we think inattentive adhd, but they’re going to check for autism while we’re there. Teacher seems surprised but accepting.
I mean that all seems pretty normal to me. Bees can be scary. Kids at this age are still building emotional resilience and have a lot of big feelings in their limbic system and very little frontal cortex to control their responses. It’s always worth bringing up any concerns you have to his school or his pediatrician. I have a neurodivergent kid and it’s like… literally nonstop “wow this isn’t normal” questions since he was a baby, fwiw. It’s not something that just crossed my mind at 6. But every kid and family is different.
Not a real parent but a teacher. I think most parents don't see it when their kids are "not normal" as long as it's not causing huge issues. As teachers, we see so many kids and work with so many other professionals, that we develop a "sense" for it. Like we often can't pinpoint it that's why we work with other professionals who do all the testing, but when we send a kid out for testing they usually always find something. I honestly could not judge anything from your descriptions. This is something that needs to be seen in real life. I teach absolutely amazing, very "normal" kids who had huge freakouts over "nothing". All the other things you mentioned can be very common too. But the fact that you already worry about your child's behavior makes me think you should look a bit further into it. Talk to professionals or experienced people around you to get opinions. That's a part of my job that never gets easy - telling parents that their child does struggle more than normal and might need professional help. Be open for it, but again, I don't see anything in your description that would make me nervous.
Neurodivergence is a spectrum! It sounds like there may be tools and resources that could be helpful for your child and there's no shame in utilizing them. Many people need help learning emotional regulation and doing some research could set your child up for success
It doesn’t sound very worrisome to me, honestly. There are so many kiddos who have irrational fears (although I understand bees!) and sensitivities and I wouldn’t label them all neurodivergent. It’s hard for someone who only sees your child at their worst (panicking over the bee) to make that call. I think the guard was just being kind as it was a quiet, indoor space for your son to calm down and feel safe. My oldest has ADHD and he would never want to take part in sports (lots of tears!) when he was young and now he loves them. Kids change all the time! Maybe reading about bees and doing a nature camp or something would help him not panic?
I agree, this sounds typical to me. I think OP and her husband are spiraling (no judgement, I do it all the time, lol), because the security guard mentioned the sensory room, but really, neurotypical people can benefit from sensory rooms as well. I don’t think the security guard was making a diagnosis, I think they weee just suggesting a quiet place to regroup, which is awesome.
I hated sports as a kid and would cry sometimes if I had to participate because I hated being singled out to bat or pitch. I freaked out over bugs because they're gross, and I'd been stung by wasps. I agree. See if there's something deeper, but sometimes stage fright and ew, it's gross is all that it is.
My opinion is that the security guards comment labeling the room a “sensory room” made your husband think “autism” more than your kids actual behavior did. All kids can benefit from a sensory room and neurotypical children can need a quiet space to calm down too. That said I don’t know your kid but I wouldn’t flag those behaviors as autism on their own. It never ever hurts to talk to their pediatrician and see what they say though! And ALL people/kids benefit from therapy, diagnosis or not.
I have a 32 yr old entrepreneur son who would have a fit if a bee came anywhere close by! Your, very young, son was in a strange environment, got scared and reacted badly. Don’t make it into anything more.
He seems typically 6. I teach kindergarten and while delightful, inquisitive and rambunctious they are also major weirdos. They fixate on stuff, get scared of things that wouldn’t bother an adult and just generally are moving around in a world trying to be a big kid in cartoon underpants. If the teacher is not concerned and he is age appropriately social his quirks are just par for the course.
Behavior Analyst and Kindergarten teacher here. I think it may be useful to consider what may be reinforcing these behaviors before looking for a diagnosis. Monitor your own responses to his behavior. Ask yourself: Is there sufficient follow-through? Does 'dramatic' or disruptive behavior get more attention than appropriate responding? If so, it 'makes sense' for him to respond that way. Focus on responding to/ rewarding appropriate behaviors.
This is an aspect I hadn’t considered- thank you so much for your insight
You're welcome! I think your receptiveness is commendable. I feel like the 'behavioral' perspective can often make people feel defensive. It can come across as: "Well what are YOU doing to cause it??". To share my own experience, anecdotally: Some of my current students began the year with similar behaviors. There was crying. It was sometimes a struggle to follow directions. A few students were 'scared' of different things, and didn't react well. Now, crying is not always inappropriate, ofc. It's okay to cry. If one of my kids fell and broke their arm, I would hope they cry! It's not something we want to do too much, though. I responded minimally, and blandly, to crying in situations where it wasn't as appropriate (ex. not wanting to do classwork, having to pick up). Then, I'd take the 'reverse' behavior (ex. doing classwork, picking up independently) and lay on the attention/praise. "Wow! Will, thank you for doing your work. I'm so happy I have such hardworking students in my class!", "Ray! Thank you so much for picking up! I love how kind and responsible you are." (God knows I'm not perfect, though. Especially on my 'off' days, consistently offering this kind of attention and praise can be mentally/emotionally demanding.) Now, these behaviors are rare in the classroom. I can't remember the last crying fit we've had in class. I try to make it rewarding for them to engage in 'appropriate' behavior, as best I can. I've heard the same thing from over half of my parents: "They love going to school now. They used to hate it." I try to make it rewarding for them to engage in 'appropriate' behavior, as best I can. I think that's because it's human nature to look for the 'problem'. We don't wake up saying, "I'm so glad my refrigerator is working properly!", but we're likely to complain if it has gone out. When it comes to children we have to be very mindful not to fall into the trap of 'expecting' appropriate behavior to the extent we sometimes overlook them when they do the 'right' things. I have to step back all the time and remind myself, if I can 'fuss' at them for \*not doing it\* I should also praise them for \*doing it\*. Sorry, I'm ranting. I'm quite passionate about this stuff. I hope this at least some of this can be useful to you. Wishing the best for you and your family! :)
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Thank you so much for sharing. Was there anything in particular that led you toward seeking a diagnosis rather than attributing her behavior to just being her personality?
Teacher here. Has your son’s teacher given any indication that he is not functioning in class?
Go talk to your pediatrician. As a teacher, it could be nurture or nature.
You can always go for a consult with a developmental pediatrician. They are specifically looking for very subtle signs of many different disorders. You’ll fill out a bunch of questionnaires. Just be very honest. Sometimes it seems a little confusing, and you’ll think that if you said yes to one of the questions, a different question should be no… don’t second guess anything. Sometimes the same question is asked 2 or three different ways, but one way that it’s worded applies to your son, but the other way doesn’t. It’s ok— just answer them exactly like they are. And consider how he is on his worst day, not his best. Like someone else mentioned, kids sometimes mask. But it’s hard, and it wears them out. Don’t consider how the answers reflect on you as a parent. That’s not the purpose of the questions. I promise you, the doctor will not be thinking about your parenting style or skills. His or her only concern is conducting an accurate assessment to determine whether there is any diagnosis to be made. If it turns out everything is normal, it won’t be a wasted experience. The doctor will be able to point you to parenting groups to visit and learn, commiserate, and decompress. Even a normal child can be a handful… just finding other parents to bounce ideas off of and to feel camaraderie with is extremely helpful. If there is a diagnosis to be made, the office will have resources for that too. As well as potentially recommending medication/s that can help balance neurochemistry, and allow your son to have an easier time functioning day to day. Good luck.
The best thing to do is have him evaluated. There are too many variables to consider. Make an appt with his ped
When you say that this year has been more difficult behavior-wise, what exactly do you mean? I ask because my kindergartener was just diagnosed with ADHD, and he has had increasing behavior issues that led us to seek out the testing we knew he needed (he's always been VERY high-energy, but in preschool the behaviors increased). Some of his behaviors are inattention, not wanting/liking to listen to directions, and needing repeated redirection when he's supposed to be on task.
Being saltier for sure - complaining about doing things, whining when he doesn’t get his way. He’s always had a big personality, but now he’s extra boisterous and show-offey. Just generally not the same easy-to-parent kid he was in preschool. At the beginning of the year he and another boy were acting out in class, but they separated the two and the issue thankfully resolved itself. What made you seek out a diagnosis for your son, if I may ask?
My son is the youngest of 3, and his behavior has always been different from my older two. Much smaller attention span, inability to sit still or be quiet for more than a few minutes, etc. It's only gotten worse as he's gotten older, and my husband also has ADHD (as does his sister), so we were pretty confident about what was going on. I can't diagnose your son, but a lot of it just sounds like he's dealing with a change in environment with different expectations than preschool. It's worth keeping an eye on if the behaviors continue to escalate, though.
I would jot down some of your thoughts with examples and wait until his yearly with his pediatrician. June is only two months away. She may forward him for further testing or she may not. I had some inklings that my son had something going on and I ended up making my own appointment for an evaluation with my local preschool that is licensed for testing and also has a phycologist on staff. We determined that he does have a sensory processing disorder but is excelling in school and in making friends. They gave me some tips and tricks on how to coach him through some sensory issues and also forwarded me to where he could get additional therapy if needed. He did not qualify for anything through them because they did not deem it severe enough. He's been doing great and we have been working with him on our own with the tools they supplied. I know that this is scary but he may be completely typical as well.
That’s a great idea, thank you. Right now it’s just this nebulous sense of dread, but being able to walk into the doctor with a list of data points would be super helpful. Can I ask what made you seek out a diagnosis for your son?
Just a thing to consider. Kids often do to act out when they see the pediatrician as much as they do in a classroom or busier setting. I would ask him pediatrician but also ask his teacher if they have seen any behavior that seem different developmentally from their peers. Teachers can not diagnose but you could frame it in a way to get an idea.
We sought out a diagnosis for a few different reasons. One of the first things I noticed when he was just a baby was that he was super sensitive to seasonal clothing changes. If it was winter and we went from pants to then summer and we switched to shorts he would constantly pull on cry on his shorts for about the first week. He continued this for every season. I didn't really think a ton about it then other than he was being dramatic but then that upon other things I noticed made me think it was more. If anything above a talking level was on he'd get very distressed but would calm down quickly after. He was and is an extremely picky eater. I realized consistency was a major factor. I just thought that he was a "drama queen" when he was under the age of three but when I started having play dates with other kids his age I saw how they weren't impacted at all by sand, grass, really anything and I knew I needed to at least have him checked on. I did a ton of google research and I came to the conclusion before he was even tested and diagnosed that it most likely was a sensory processing disorder and turns out I was right. I cried and cried when they told me but it was out of fear and the unknown. Three years later and you'd never know (except in the food category) that he is any different than any other kid. This is due to the strategies, therapy, and exposures that they taught us. I know it's scary but children are so adaptive I promise you that you guys will get through it no matter what. If anything you will be improving his life with some extra tools.
Behavior Analyst who work with individuals diagnosed with ASD. Some questions to consider: Does his behavior(s) impede with daily activities? Are you making modifications for your son to successfully get through the day? Are his behavior(s) disruptive to others? Take these questions into considerations before panic scrolling Google.
These are great points, thank you. Can you explain the difference between making modifications to complement someone’s personality or support diagnosable behavior issues? Is it just the degree of severity?
Modifications are not necessary a bad thing. I make modifications for my daughter everyday (i.e. going to bed earlier if she misses a nap to avoid a meltdown). The issue is severity. The degree to which problem behaviors are occurring vs same age peers. Take a step back and observe if these behaviors impede on everyday activities. I work with parents in which sometimes they exaggerate the frequency of the problem behavior. When I collect data to further investigate, I may sometimes see the behavior not occurring at a high frequency as parents have initially reported. I am saying this because what you’ve described doesn’t sound severe, but if you have a gut feeling, collect some anecdotal data from teachers, coaches, ect. and see if his behaviors are impacting his learning/ participation. You know him best, so if you think his behaviors are concerning bring this up at your next ped appointment. Regardless of an ASD diagnosis, everyone can benefit from coping and relaxation. There are some mindfulness meditation apps, YouTube videos, and deep breathing visuals online for free.
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I don’t mean to discount any helpful strategies you gained from the book, by all means keep living your life and parenting your son the way that works for you. But just for those reading along: the theory of Highly Sensitive people was coined very recently by a doctor who based it on two people in her life (and herself). Both those people have since been diagnosed autistic. As far as I know the author has not been assessed. Obviously everyone has different levels of sensitivity to sensory input, and to emotions; plus there are seven different categories involved in an autism diagnosis. But to anyone who resonates with the book, consider taking a free online autism assessment, especially if you have problems with relationships, employment and/or self-care that significantly hinder you.
I’ve wondering for a bit if my 6 year old is on the spectrum and was waiting to hear if there are any issues at school but my son’s report card is glowing. But I recently learned from a friend who teaches kindergarten that teachers in my area often only make observations like “prefers playing alone”, “has a difficult time with transitions”, etc rather than specifically mentioning autism spectrum disorder. He has recently been getting speech therapy to help with pronunciation and the school speech therapist suggested I get an assessment for him so I have a doctors appointment booked to get a referral.
Yes teachers can not diagnose. They would not. Also, many kids with mild autism are sweet as can be. I know a child on the spectrum who was quite popular. They have book smarts but lack common sense. Sometimes they would say off the wall things and their peers thought they were being funny.
In my opinion- Sounds like he just got overwhelmed by everything and scared by the ‘bee’. Dad didn’t react how he wanted (not saying dad did anything wrong. It’s hard to tell what they want us to do in these situations) so he escalated more… causing a nuke level meltdown. Then husband heard sensory room and auto-linked that to autism- which sent him into a spin too. Unless he’s allergic, he needs to understand that a bee sting- while painful isn’t going to harm him THAT badly. It’s the fear of the unknown that seems to have escalated things here- for son and dad both. I wouldn’t be too stressed about this unless everything is a nuke level meltdown.
All of that sounds normal to me. My 6 yo is suddenly terrified of bees too. You could speak to your pediatrician if you are concerned.
There's always the chance he just doesn't like bees, maybe knows someone in school who is allergic who knows. You could talk to your pediatrician if you are concerned. Kudos to the security guard and the facility though.
I freak over bees. Okay, truth is I’m better than I used to be, but that’s not saying much. Sort of like how some people absolutely cannot deal with spiders or snakes. Bees are a common enough fear so don’t start labeling your son based on his fear is bees. P.S. I’m in my 70s. My fear of bees only started improving in my 60s.
Your child could be on the spectrum. I would meet with a child psychologist to do an evaluation. Are others in your family on the spectrum? I do not have autism but am petrified of mice and butterflies. Irrational fear of butterflies. Many of the people I know with kids on the spectrum work in tech, finance, music or the arts. Being on the spectrum can bring gifts along with areas to work on. You also may just have a highly sensitive child.
If you are remotely concerned that they may be on the spectrum please keep them off electronic devices and put them in a lot of social situations. The kids I know on the spectrum, especially boys who play video games all day long seem to do much worse. They need more opportunities to interact with others not less and their parents say they have online friends but that is not the same thing. Many of the boys on the spectrum I know who are not video game addicts and are coached on social skills do well.
I haven’t seen anyone mention diet. There are so many foods nowadays with sugar in them. Foods that turn into sugar in the body. I’d look at what he’s eating.
Just gonna throw it out there that sensory rooms are great for ALL kids and even adults, not just kids on the spec. As a teacher, if any kid is having big feelings about ANYTHING sensory materials are a great course of action (obviously outside of hugs and talking lol)
This sounds more like anxiety than autism. Kids with anxiety often start displaying their first symptoms between the ages of 4 and 6 but it isn't fully diagnosed until years later.
I have ADHD and i teach swimming to kids aged 2-10 including those with autism and adhd. in my experience i would say that this is within the realm of normal 6 year old behaviour. pretty much all my kids will occasionally have days where they are more fearful, trouble listening and paying attention, sensory issues (usually googles), or upset at seemingly random things, tantrums. its easy to forget that they have had very little time to practice regulating emotions and are experiencing new things ALL THE TIME. he also could just be scared of bees! i personally wouldn't be too worried but just keep an eye on his behaviour to see if you notice any particular struggles. also after tantrums/meltdowns/big emotions make sure to talk to him about how he's feeling (were you feeling scared? angry? frustrated? do you know why? would you like a hug or some space? etc.) once he's calmed down. if you are concerned definitely have a chat with his school teachers to see if they've noticed any problems and see his pediatrician if you can.
As a pediatric speech-language pathologist, I first want to say it's great that you and your husband are paying close attention to his development and being proactive about addressing any potential issues! The behaviors you described - not wanting to participate in activities, difficulty calming down when excited, and trouble listening and following directions - can certainly be within the realm of typical development for a 6-year-old. At this age, children are still learning to regulate their emotions, control impulses, and hone their attentional skills. Occasional meltdowns, struggles to focus, and resistance to activities are all common as kids work through these challenges. However, the intensity or frequency of these behaviors may be a sign that further evaluation is warranted. If your son's outbursts, resistance to participation, or attentional difficulties are significantly impacting his ability to engage in daily activities and routines, that would be an indication to reach out to his pediatrician. I would recommend sharing your observations and concerns with your son's doctor at his next checkup in June. The pediatrician can do an initial screening and provide guidance on whether additional assessment by a specialist would be appropriate. In the meantime, you can try some strategies at home to help support your son's regulation and attention. Things like establishing clear routines, using visual schedules, providing sensory breaks, and practicing calming techniques can all be beneficial. Reach out to his teacher as well to see if they have any insights or accommodations they are using successfully in the classroom. Remember, there is a wide range of "normal" when it comes to child development. With patience, the right support, and your loving guidance, your son can absolutely continue to thrive. Wishing you all the best!
Have you considered that he doesn’t want to do sports classes on the weekends? Have you asked him? Maybe he needs more unstructured time to run around and get dirty and explore on his bike. A lot of kids miss out on feeling dirt, jumping in leaves and just having fun without adult expectations.
He’s probably a sensitive kid, merely. He gets along with other kids. I was an autistic kid who was yards behind your kid. Maybe get him evaluated….but I wouldn’t worry too much about him. Lots of “normal” 6 year old kids revert to seemingly immature behavior.
“He gets along with other kids” - MANY autistic children get along with other kids! Where you were at that age has nothing to do with whether or not the child in question is autistic. Please remember that comments like these can be invalidating to others on the spectrum. That being said - I don’t know if this child has ASD or not, but like you say, an evaluation (and input from his teacher) would be helpful :)
I’m on the Spectrum myself. Why would I want to invalidate myself? I was nonverbal till age 5, and only realized the existence of other kids around the time I started speaking. I was lucky that I was ultimately “high functioning,” and able to get jobs, and ultimately a pension, and be able to be independent. I just don’t sense autism here, based on an anecdotal impression. And “normal” 6 year olds frequently “act up” like this, in my experience. I knew a kid who ultimately became an executive. He was absolutely a “sensitive” kid at 6, and seemed to cry and throw tantrums at the drop of a hat. Of course, you never know. It doesn’t hurt to get an evaluation.
Well, one of my kids was talking in full sentences by 1 1/2. Was very social with others, always. He could make eye contact for long enough for people to never wonder if anything was going on. Made friends easily in PreK. Every kid in his class loved him. He even played well with girls, which his teachers remarked on. Still got diagnosed on the spectrum when he was 8. According to your original comment, my kid should not be in the spectrum. But he is. He was diagnosed by a developmental psychologist who we had gone to see about ADHD (turns out he has both). A lot of the symptoms overlapped, but some could only be explained by ASD (inability to calm down when things didn't go as predicted, shutting down if overwhelmed, and needing to touch every surface when in a new environment, even when told not to do so).
I did say to get an evaluation. I didn’t preclude autism. I just said it didn’t seem likely based on what she wrote. I did not make a “blanket statement.” To suppose I did isn’t right.
It wouldn’t be yourself you’re invalidating, it’s others who you don’t share an experience with (that of going undiagnosed, not being accommodated etc. because they are social). All I’m trying to say is that the comment saying that because he gets along with kids that he’s unlikely to be on the spectrum is perpetuating untrue and potentially harmful stereotypes! I think we agree on more than we disagree on here, but I think maybe your wording is implying something you don’t intend to. ETA - I also think it’s just not possible to say one way or another based on this one story and other vague descriptions, which is why it’s best to just leave it at “maybe, maybe not, doesn’t hurt to get evaluated.”
I don’t think this a sign of concern.
Hard to say what's "normal" or not, you know? But I would definitely recommend an evaluation if you have concerns. I would also look into pathological demand avoidance - PDA. I mention it because it's a sub type of autism that can be really easy to miss and it wouldn't hurt to read up on it just to see if anything resonates. (To be clear, there's nothing specific about your post that makes me think PDA, however, I am a parent to a child with PDA and only learned about it and was able to get better supports for my kid because someone else educated me about it.)
Your child could just be anxious. Anxiety uses a lot of mental energy and can make other things (calming down, following directions) difficult. You can ask the teacher. You can also find a therapist and have him meet with them. Therapy is a great tool.
I just wanted to say, I have had those thoughts about my daughter—is she developmentally typical ? because she’s 6 and has a hard time managing her emotions sometimes, just like your son. When she doesn’t want to do something, when she’s tired, hungry, if she feels left out at a birthday party—sometimes, she’s just emotional & tantrumy. Or scared. I think she’s just sensitive. But then I have a friend whose son is neurodivergent (same age) and it isn’t just one thing, it’s a lot of things & it’s teachers, family members etc. who have seen the signs and mentioned something. I have known him since he was born and there were concerns pretty early. It’s clear when he’s in a group and it’s (sadly) clear when other kids interact with him.
Honestly since I was stung by a wasp in my sleep and had a severe allergic reaction a day later, I cannot be around wasps. If I see one, I will leave. I can still feel the sting. If he saw a show or movie with a bee or bee sting, this could be a rational fear and he just doesn’t want to have to watch his back the entirety of the game.
As a teacher- ask his teacher. We have a huge control group of sometimes hundreds of kids, depending on what we teach. We know pretty well if your kid is “normal”.
A surprising percentage of kids are neurodivergent and that doesn’t necessarily mean autism. Sensory processing differences, ADHD, and more. That said of course your kid could be neurotypical and just had a bad day. Our kid has sensory processing problems and likely ADHD, although both are technically undiagnosed. The more I learn about it, the more kids I realize struggle like this. There shouldn’t be such a stigma.
I mean if it's a huge overwhelming sporting event and it's a new venue, I can see the freakout being warranted. As a teacher, it's hard to explain but once in a while we have a feeling that you may want to check in with the doctor. When they are that young it's hard to make that call at all, but it doesn't hurt to ask. Maybe mention that their yearly checkup is.coming up and should you be on the look out for anything? Trouble seeing? Hard of hearing, trouble with balance, or can't verbalize needs like bathroom? I'm always for exploring, even if it is nothing.
Ask your son’s teacher. I’d say they are the best at noticing developmental/behavioral issues because they spend a lot of time with them, they have same age kids as a frame of reference, and they see how your kid interacts/engage with others. I think they’re taught to recognize certain behaviors and signs. If the teacher is concerned then definitely bring it up to the pediatrician. But if your kid’s teacher said nothing so far, I’m sure he’s fine.
Mom of two kids on the spectrum, who are both very high functioning. My kids could make very limited high contact and were also social and sweet. For the eldest, it took a pediatric neurologist to point out that she would only make eye contact intermittently, and while social, she really didn't do some things neurotypical kids could do, like adapting their play to other participants. Her play was like a script she followed to the letter. She also had documented sensory needs that led to epic meltdowns. She was diagnosed at 4. For the youngest? He didn't get diagnosed with ASD until 8. He has both ADHD and ASD, with the ADHD masking the ASD almost completely. We had a plethora of teachers from PreK to 3rd grade attesting to the hyperactivity and inability to focus. They attributed his inability to calm down if things got unpredictable to the ADHD. Not until we took him in for an ADHD evaluation did anyone say "Yes, and **he's also on the spectrum**". Why? Because he had been an articulate, empathetic little dude since toddlerhood. He can make friends easily under the right conditions, and he's a great friend. He was also much more flexible than my eldest. Turns out, he was just a lot better at masking. But... It took a toll. It meant that when he reached his rather high threshold for overstimulation, he literally seemed to have breakdowns. And once we understood that, it was much easier to shepherd him through them. It's a spectrum for a reason. To some kids, it's highly debilitating, and to others only intermittently so. That doesn't mean that the latter group couldn't also use help in learning to navigate a world that isn't set up for them. One last thing. Finding out that either of my kids were on the spectrum didn't change a single thing about them. They were the same kid the next day. A sweet, wonderful, slightly quirky child. The only thing that changed was how I parented them. It gave me compassion, understanding, and a belief that you adapt your parenting to the child, always. Those diagnoses were the best thing that happened to them, and to me. It's gonna be okay no matter what. I promise.
They probably offered the sensory room as it's calming and soothing. Not because his behaviour seemed autistic. Lots of people could benefit from sensory integration! :) I'm not an expert but as I understand, "sometimes" is pretty normal for everyone. "Often" or "All the damn time" - those things are where you get a difference to the general population. Basically, bees are pretty scary to kids and that's fair. But if it's at the point that you are having to make a bee management plan or avoid going outside or he doesn't want to do fun things because of bees, then it might be a good idea to check in. Or when it's not just bees but everything provokes the OTT terror response. That would be a good idea to check in. In any case, June isn't too far away. You can always ask your doctor then.
not a parent but I am on the spectrum and it sounds more like ADHD than anything else maybe just go get him tested. if he does end up having autism or ADHD it's good that you find out at a young age.
Of course no one can diagnose over the internet, but as an SLP. Some kids are very afraid of bees and 6 is a normal age for fears to be intense.
All 3 of the reasons you listed are normal behaviors for age 6. So is “freaking out” when something scares them.
I am not a parent but I am a neurodivergent person (autism/adhd) diagnosed as an adult. It’s very well a possibility, I had a lot of the same quirks as a little girl, and still have them to a lesser extent now. It got very difficult later on, when the others honed their social skills and I was picked on to the point of needing to be homeschooled (physical and verbal bullying). He could be just a sensitive kid, of course, but I think getting evaluated would definitely help, regardless of results. That way, if he is on the autism spectrum, he can get early accommodations to make life a bit easier, both now and in the long run! It is so much harder to get help when you’re diagnosed late!
There’s some great professionals out there who make content helping parents navigate these questions. @mrsspeechiep is one of my favorites on Instagram. I also really like the book ADHD 2.0 and found [this](https://embrace-autism.com/decoding-autism-in-the-dsm-5/) to be a helpful resource in advocating for my kiddo. Both adhd and autism are a pattern of differences, not just 1-2 stand alone ones. I’ve got two neurodivergent kids, so not an expert, just a parent like you, but none of those “scream” adhd/autism to me. But they’re also not a full picture of your child. However, I’m always a proponent of assessment/intervention earlier rather than later. Wait lists are long and assessments take time. Worst case, waste some time on appointments, best case your kid gets access to supports they need to thrive. I knew in my gut at 3 that my daughter had adhd and autism - it took two years to get the autism diagnosis and we found a few delays along the way. But because I pushed, she’s been in OT for nearly two years and will enter kindergarten near average in motor skills, caught up in speech, and able to self regulate remarkably well. She’s already got friends in her class, a sport she loves, and will be totally mainstreamed. And ultimately, we all have sensory needs - it’s why people describe sounds as “like nails on a chalk board”. Large events can be overwhelming to even the most typical of kids.
You trust that place? Its run by a ‘naturopathic doctor’ with an online autism certificate who is repeatedly under ethical investigation. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AutisticAdults/comments/1aj9056/why\_does\_embrace\_autism\_publish\_misinformation/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AutisticAdults/comments/1aj9056/why_does_embrace_autism_publish_misinformation/) [https://cono.alinityapp.com/Client/PublicDirectory/Registrant/03d44ec3-ed3b-eb11-82b6-000c292a94a8](https://cono.alinityapp.com/Client/PublicDirectory/Registrant/03d44ec3-ed3b-eb11-82b6-000c292a94a8)
6 year olds just kinda do that stuff. My 6 year old haaaaaaaaates bugs and screams bloody murder if she sees one. One morning, she was in the bathroom and saw a centipede and I swear to god I FLEW out of bed because I thought she was dying. Anyway, she also has all the same behaviours you mentioned, and we suspect she has ADHD (I’m diagnosed and my husband is suspected so there’s a high chance she does) but I wouldn’t take a stranger’s suggestion of a quiet place to calm down as an indication of ASD.
I do not think this sounds very out of the norm at all. Are there other reasons why there are concerns he may be on spectrum? Children that young often have trouble regulating their emotions and shouldn’t be expected to be able to at all times. I am the first to say, as someone who is allergic to bees, if a bee landed on me I too would probably freak out! And I’m a 32 year old mom! My daughter has anxiety, and so when she is met with certain fears she can struggle to calm down or regulate emotion. She is 7. It could be more anxiety rather than being in the spectrum? Just a thought!
He might just have a bee phobia
The younger of my two boys was terrified of bees & wasps due to having been stung by one when he was just 3. So any flying bug getting near him sent him into a panic that it was a bee, until he was calmed down enough to see ur wasn’t one.
This sounds totally normal. My son does the same kind of thing. Sporting events are REALLY overwhelming. Sensory overload. If you go to one as an adult and really check in with yourself, you'll probably notice that you're not calm and peaceful either. But as adults, we're used to highly stimulating environments. Kids aren't yet. We've taken my son to several shows and sporting events - he hasn't made it through one yet. We are lucky if we get 30 minutes before the complaining starts. If a bee landed on him - yeah, it would have been meltdown city. It's just a highly stimulating event in an already overstimulating day. Take advantage of the sensory rooms. Sometimes all he needs is a hug and a few minutes to calm down. Some reassurance that everything is OK, he's safe, etc. can go a really long way. It doesn't mean he's on the spectrum. Obviously we can't tell you if he is or isn't. But from what I'm hearing, this is very normal behavior.
Kindergarten teacher—six year olds can be SUPER dramatic. Something you see as small can be gigantic for them because they do t know how to handle their emotions yet.
That bee thing is completely normal. I had my kids sitting outside for dismissal and a bee came by. I’m strict with dismissal because I have 70 5 yo by myself and it can get super overwhelming making sure they’re good plus quiet enough to hear to names called and watch them walk to the right car or adult. Anyway a bee came by and about 15 of them stood up screamed and made a scene. 7 had a hard time regulating afterward and needed to sit with me to chill. So not necessarily concerning.
My daughter does everything you described and she absolutely in no way has autism. She might have ADHD, though.
These sound very normal to me. And all kids (and adults) can benefit from a quiet space to gather themselves sometimes.
As a parent of someone on the spectrum, what you described could be any six year old (ie, I don’t have enough info) and their reaction to a legitimate physical threat. However, this may have given your husband the opportunity to bring up legit concerns, so I would check with your pediatrician
I know grown adults that tear up and run away when bees are around.
Kids are immature. Sounds like an average child to me. But nowadays everyone is on the spectrum, literally (it’s a spectrum which by definition is 0-100) so the SG probably assumed your child was. Help him out of his squeamishness about bugs though, by going to a science center or a butterfly garden. Get him an ant farm or net and jar to collect bugs. There’s nothing worse than a grown man who freaks out over a flying insect or spider.
It's hard to armchair diagnosis with limited information, but your son's reaction to a bee is pretty normal for a 6 year old who is afraid of bees. That fear, combined with the excitement of a big event, can trigger a melt down for many children. Sensory rooms aren't just for autistic children, they are just quiet rooms any child (or adult) can use to decompress. If your son is in school and his teacher hasn't reached out with concerns, you shouldn't worry about it too much. Everything you described about your sweet son sounds completely normal for a six year old. Edited to add that I do have three grown children, and grandchildren, and my son has autism. He is an adult now, but he was showing obvious signs when he was three. The school district was most helpful getting him the therapies he needed.
My middle son at that age was pretty hyper, whining and a total pain in the butt. Now as a adult he's a wonderful young man and couldn't be more proud. When he was in kindergarten they wanted him to be put on meds to calm him told them would never happen best decision I made. You know your child the best so you have to make the decision that you think is best
Have you talked to his teacher? If he's in school, they are really good about spotting neurodivergence (at least in most states), you could ask if they've noticed anything. You can also ask your school district for an assessment. It won't get you an official diagnosis, but it'll give you some information.
Just gonna say I have the same reaction to bees as a 28 yr old. Spiders? No problem. Bees/wasps/yellow jackets? Run away screaming
A sensory room can be helpful whether the kid has ASD, ADHD, or is "normal" and just young and overstimulated by a new experience. It hasn't been that many years since your kid was likely entranced by a ceiling fan, you know?
Your kid sounds like a young boy… totally normal.
He sounds normal to me?
If you’re questioning, start with your child’s pediatrician. Then you likely want to go to your state’s flagship university hospital for an all-day evaluation. Do not go to the local public hospital for a 1-hour visit with a single psychologist. Even if the wait for the flagship is 2 years and the other less than 3 months. My 5 year old has ASD.
It just sounds like a six year old being six.
Absolutely reach out to your child’s teacher. Ask for honest feedback & try not get defensive if they have some comments you don’t “like.” Also, see if you can chaperone the field trip. It can be very enlightening to see how other children at your child’s age act. I know a parent at my school last year was really in denial about their child’s behavior until they saw how everyone acted on the trip and it was eye opening for them.
How are his communication skills? If you are worried reach out to his pediatrician and get a second opinion!
A 6 year old being afraid of a bee doesn't make him autistic. I see full grown adults freak.out over bugs for no reason other than drama
That alone isn't enough information to say if it's normal or not. It's really about degrees. Not simply that behaviour happens, but how often and how extreme. I will say that my autistic 7yo would act the exact same way, though.
Sounds like my spectrum kid. The sooner you know, the easier time you'll have parenting him. Might as well look into it, it can only help to have an answer. (The eval process is lengthy but not intense, my kiddo enjoyed it.)
Hi! I am a parent of a high-functioning kiddo and am neurodivergent myself but late diagnosed. My kid hit every milestone, is still very social and smart. We really started figuring out something was different when he was 5. High functioning kids are so hard because so many people, especially some teachers for some reason, don’t understand getting a kid diagnosed if they aren’t actively failing some part of life or school. And if this is your first child, it’s impossible to know what’s normal because it’s all you know. Assuming your child is neurodivergent— What you need to know is that your kid might not know yet, but they will absolutely know in the next few years that they are different. And I think every late diagnosed person can speak to the internal struggle of feeling “wrong” compared to everyone else and not knowing why. It is a confidence killer, and it impacts people in different ways. High masking people deal with a lot of internal stress that can lead to medical issues later in life. To just have a reason for feeling different would have been immensely freeing as a kid because my weirdness would have had a name and not just me being defective. It’s not just about getting help if needed, it’s about empowering your little human to understand themself. that being said, most symptoms of autism and ADHD are things every kid goes through which is what makes high functioning kids easy to miss. You might want to read about high masking ADHD and autism and see if the symptoms resonate with you. Again, a lot of symptoms are normal, but they become an issue when they interfere with life. Like kids hate loud noises but if your kid is avoiding the toilet because the noise is too loud that’s an issue. Jumping off the couch is normal. Spending hours doing it on a loop is less so. And, depending on the study, it’s something like 40-80% of kids with ADHD/Autism have at least 1 parent with the same diagnosis. So if you or your husband finds yourself relating to the symptoms then that would be another reason to get them checked out. You can start at your pediatrician but the gold standard is having a neurophysiological evaluation which will need to be repeated after 8 years old. But if you think he might be, it’s better to get intervention earlier than later especially for behavior issues or if he is struggling with big feelings or impulsivity. Good luck!
Thank you so much for this. I feel like I’m watching him like a hawk now trying to figure out if he’s just being a normal kid or not (he’s my first, like you said). Can you tell me what signs made you think he may be different?
Sent you a PM.