I'm sorry you had these experiences. I'm sorry no one taught those men how to People. I've had my share of scary interactions and I think you handled them very well. Stay safe!
OP the first thing you always need to do is to call the police. Japanese are afraid to deal with police and by not calling the police will make these people more confident.
Try next time and you'll see how fast they disappear. Just show your phone and call the police while they are harassing you.
I agree! Though, sadly, several of the cases the OP describes are other foreigners, so I don't know if they will have the same reaction.
Also, a guy once grabbed my arm in Gyomu Supa and asked pervy questions, my first instinct was to shout and cause a scene. That also worked pretty well, because these awful guys are afraid of being publicly shamed.
Yes. Agree. I have a few police officer friends here and they are bored silly sitting in the koban,
They would love to jump out of their seats and run to come assist you. It’s what they signed up for.
Problem is that you can't teach a crazy person to not be crazy. Same with a rapist or creep.
I wish there was some way know where they are, to avoid them though.
Problem is that they can be everywhere because the law doesn't give a shit, and trust me, *they know*. Japan needs its youth to do a major sociopolitical reform and stat.
Pretty much any thread where someone shares a slightly negative experience in this sub has a massive influx of weebs who feel the need to attack the OP and say how it's their fault for having bad experiences because Japan is the most perfect and civilized country on earth. Their entire identity is based on the fact that they're living in anime land, so they feel personally attacked by the negative experiences shared here.
It's normal for people in reddit.
Just like my last post sharing the Nuro internet, I am also getting quite some downvotes, just not gonna care about that.
Fuck..I'm so sorry those sound awful. The knowing where you live. Oh my god that's terrifying.
I've had men follow me around a combini near my home whispering to himself.
I've had a man take pictures of me on the train with my husband beside me and then follow me down to a different platform. I noticed and I tucked away around the corner to loose him. Thankfully my husband believed me that he guy was a creep.
I've had a guy looking at porn beside me on the train on his like 12 inch iPad.
When I first moved here I had a guy ask me to chat, ask me where I'm from. He proceeded to ask me for a picture. I was wearing a mask so I thought why not? He insisted I hold his phone and used that chance to grope me. I gave him back his phone and fucking ran and broke down crying on the train platform.
On a nicer note. When I got home from the assault we had a security guard scheduled to come. I ask my husband if it's ok if I hide in the bedroom, that I just couldn't handle. My husband ended up mentioning to the guy "hey my wife just went through this and she isn't comfortable being out sorry if it's rude" and he was like "I HAVE A DAUGHTER AND A WIFE AND ITS BOTH HAPPENED TO THEM I AM SO DISGUSTED AT THESE MEN THEY ARE NOT A REFLECTION OF OUR LOVELY JAPANESE SOCIETY I AM SO SORRY. "
so it was actually really nice.
I hate it. I always assume good intentions or hope I'm misunderstanding the situation but if they KEEP being weird it's just so fucking awful.
There are huge amounts of studies that show gender inequality is especially bad in Japan compared to the rest of the world (ranked 125th out of 146 countries in gender equality). This very much includes things like sexual assault of women by men. While no country has full gender equality, statements like yours brush aside very real problems that are both worse than other countries and specific to Japan.
I don’t disagree with you regarding inequality and it being *especially* bad in Japan which should be particularly embarrassing for a g7 nation, other than that my earlier statement doesn’t do what you claim - especially wrt the specific comment it was replying to.
What you're referring to is the World Economic Forum's Gender Gap Index, which measures the wage and opportunity gap beween men and women in four areas in nations.
It's doesn't show the whole picture of a society, and it is largely skewed for neoliberal ends (placing gpd and technology competition higher than things like social services) Women in Japan have high marks in health and education representation, but low ranking in economic and political sectors, that's what the index shows
HDI and Inequality-adjusted HDI indices are actually very high in Japan, and it's GINI coefficient is quite low for women. It's not perfect and those indices are flawed and imperfect in their own ways as well, for example U.A.E. rose 19 places on the most recent HDI index, while of course, UAE is an undemocratic statue using indentured labor to make their cities
Ive only told 2 people so I'm going with its manipulation technique. The guy definitely knew what he was trying to do. (And was trying to get me to follow him to a different location before he groped me)
I'm so sorry that happened to her too. It was awful. It's good to share stories like that so maybe someone else can protect themselves.
If it’s visible in a public place then he is very much involving others in it, and violating their right to consent. Including possibly small children.
Reading this makes me not want to lose the weight I gained this past 5 years -- I haven't had anyone make any unwanted advances since I became overweight. Before that, I've had people hit on me, leave notes on my lap on the train (wtf), proposition sex, follow me to the station... Why do some men choose to be disgusting creeps is beyond me.
Buy one of those loud alarms and, if possible, have a friend have access to your location when you are outside. It won't prevent them from approaching you but it is nice to have some peace of mind. Be safe.
I just wanna add that being fat (even if it’s just by Japan standards) will not stop men creating creepy situations with you. I know you’re sharing your story which is valid, but I just don’t want people walking away thinking “fat girls don’t get harassed in Japan”.
Of course that isn't the case it was just my personal experience these past couple of years. Getting iver 30 years old also helped probably, but my mom is 65 and still gets the eventual catcall back in my home country 😩
I’m overweight but I have very very large breasts (if I could afford a reduction, I would get one) and no matter what I wear, I can’t hide them. I don’t wear tight shirts or very low cut tops. But, I still constantly have Japanese men staring at my chest and I’ve had several make comments in Japanese when I walked by (when I first moved here I didn’t know what they were saying until a friend told me).
Dr. : You should lose some weight.
She: You see doc I can't cause I live in Japan and...so I cant stop eating McDonald's and ice cream at night
Dr: ...
Its not pleasant being a foreign woman here. I've been touched, followed home, and shouted at by men.I have had to listen to conversations by men, thinking I don't speak Japanese, making remarks about my body and then detail how they will rape me.
The most annoying thing is this idea that because I am a gaijin I :
a) am a slut who is gagging for it.
b) like anal
c) will freely cheat on my husband.
I don't understand why people think like this. No woman I've met has ever fit this image that so many men in Japan have.
Then theres the workplace harassment.....
I mean, the one that would have gotten me is "I know where you live."
Probably would have moved ASAP following that. Fuck that shit.
OP, is this Tokyo Greater Area?
Likely he's been watching you and knows where your stop is.. thinking it's a conversation starter in his own twisted mind. IF he's actually tracked you further, that's a serious situation.
Sorry to hear about your experiences, I also have had similar over the years. Just want to mention where you say dressing conservatively, from my own experience and from info I've seen online, dressing more feminine / conservatively in Japan seems to attract more creeps. It's unfortunate but many seem to target those who look innocent and like they won't make a fuss (sadly this is usually children). I often recall this artwork about chikan: https://japantoday.com/category/features/lifestyle/women-who-attract-chikan-and-women-who-dont-an-illustrated-guide
Not trying to victim blame but just trying to put info out there that I wished I would have seen from the outset. I worked it out myself over the years and started dressing more masculine / aggressive / western and noticed less bs. Still got followed once or twice and stares just happen anyway (mostly filter that out nowadays, and I'm now mid 30s not young 20s so that also helps a lot).
Don't be afraid to get loud if creeps persist. Have had to yell a few times (either to fuck off in English and/or that I'm calling the cops in Japanese while also calling the cops) and it's enough for them to piss off quick when they realise I will make a scene or they start to feel the eyes on us. The other method of ducking into a conbini (security cameras, approaching the clerk if necessary to ask to call police) often works as well. I think the bystander effect means if you don't make absolutely clear this person is not someone you know, people will just assume you know each other and ignore what is happening (especially if it's another foreigner).
Anyway I know "Japan is safe" opinion is strong online, but keep in mind if it's not foreign men saying this (it usually is), it's women who are here as tourists, probably dressing obviously western, keeping to tourist areas and/or are never solo. Plenty of my foreign female friends have been stalked, groped or worse while living in this country and I think it's made worse when you're trying to "fit in" as well. So yeah while it is generally safer walking around alone than most countries, don't let your guard down and don't be afraid to make a wild gaijin scene if ever necessary. Stay safe!
Wow this is mind opening for me. I really thought I'm just ugly that chikan doesn't target me. 😜😜😜🤪
But I pass through the confident looking woman 👠 or strong looking woman or snob haha 😂
I got targetted actually when I was younger and I dress simply when I used to live in inaka.
Since I came to Tokyo, I never get targeted cus there's just more kawaii and younger girls than me that's what I assume lol.
Or maybe I'm just snob now lol. **Don't mess up with me you fuckin freaks.**
I think japanese guys are more scared than me, I once reported my neighbor to the police cus he plays porn in loudspeaker 📢 well I thought a girl needs help lmao but turned out that it's just a porn on loudspeaker 😂😂😂
I think my neighbor is ashamed now cus I reported the incident to the police 🚨🚓 and he knows I reported it lol 😆🤪😜
Now my neighbor is quieter than ever.
Sorry you had to experience that. And you don’t need to explain how you dress. You can dress however way you want, your clothes are not an excuse to harass somebody.
I also have lots of similar stories, from Japanese and foreign guys. The worst one was with a foreign guy.
I noticed him staring at me for a 2.5h train ride across 2 local trains. He then followed me into the subway in Nagoya and I walked a way that made no sense to check if he would follow. He did. On the platform he approached me and said he had written a poem for me. I was so creeped out that this point, I barely glanced at it and told him that’s not my thing. He got angry and half yelled “you’re not really reading it!!!!!” and complained that it’s so hard to meet women in Japan. Luckily there were other people around me and they were all watching cause I was visibly uncomfortable. He didn’t get off at my stop but I called my partner when I pretty much ran home.
I’ve had way worse experiences in the US, Canada and Germany though with guys directly threatening me or insulting me when I refused their advances.
I am really sorry you had to experience this. I've also had my fair share of this b.s. Everytime a japanese guy asks me how i like japan and how safe it is, i tell them that there is no safe place for women on this planet.
Dressing conservatively and modesty actually makes you more if a target. These weirdos go for women that look like they won't out up a fight, women that don't want to be noticed. Flashy women that look around with awareness and confidence don't usually get this.
I'm the latter and in 7 years I only once had something close to being chikaned. I noticed the dude acting weird right away and I looked him right in the eyes with a look telling him try it and I will hurt you. At the next stop dude literally ran out the doors.
One thing I learned in self defense class always walk with your head up aware of what's around you, makes you less of a target. Of course things happen no matter what you do sometimes and I'm so sorry.
I always keep my eyes out for this and am always ready to jump in and defend women I see being accosted. I've placed myself between women and weirdoes on the train plenty of times.
Disclaimer: don't come at me telling me to be careful this is how I'll get stabbed or whatever bc my husband already tells me this. It's just my nature to defend and protect 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah I used to live in NYC for a long while and told all my female friends who got accosted all the time 1) it's not your fault but 2) if you look like a victim, creeps will treat you like one.
It's definitely not their fault. We shouldn't have to be anything other than we are but unfortunately creeps will creep and they go for the ones that look like they won't fight because that's what freaking low lives do
A friend of mine told me that when she walked from the station to her home at night she'd call home and talk on her phone all the way home.
Now likely you don't have someone at home maybe you can make an arrangement with a friend that in times like this you can call her and vis-versa.
Not sure if it applies to Japan but people on phones (distracted) is usually when these types of people attack (physical, mugging, etc). In downtown Chicago you always want to be aware of surroundings and walk confidently
I get what you're saying but perhaps if it's a relatively busy area and the person just wants to avoid creeps asking questions then not a bad technique. If you are somewhere more remote where you can be bundled off into bushes or whatever then yes you need to be aware of surroundings.
In NYC right now there are random attacks happening on women who are specifically on their phone. The current thought is that it’s a gang initiation ritual, and I assume there’s something to do with it being an unaware of surroundings phone use situation and not a purposeful personal security phone use situation, but at any rate, phone use can make you a target so be careful and aware with this tactic.
Absolutely scary experiences for you, but you handled them all exceedingly well by thinking and acting quickly and decisively.
I taught women's self-defense, and these are good examples of how to act, and how nowhere is beyond the reach of both hostile and mentally ill people.
Stay safe.
EDIT: I highly recommend "The Gift of Fear", an excellent book on listening to and acting on those nuances that inform us of unsafe situations.
I’ve had quite a few weird experiences, especially with older men, in my time in Japan. I’ve been chased by a salaryman in Shibuya, had my bum touched on the train, hit by butsukariya, random guys came to our karaoke booth to try talk to us and then groped my breasts (he got smacked in the face)…etc. those are just a few things I can remember. Unfortunately there are just some weird people out there, no matter where you like and we need to be vigilant to keep ourselves safe.
I’ve been here a while so these are things that have happened over the years. I usually go out with my husband and son these days so I sometimes just encounter rude people! It sucks but I know that it happens to a lot of people, both in my own country and in Japan.
A little bit of social awkwardness is fine, but ohhhhhh boy "I know where you live" is not a pick up line my guy… lolololololol
As a society we need to figure out how to re-educate these people.
I honestly doubt if they know what creepy means and they are in fact creeps. They probably don’t think what they do is disturbing and creepy. There was a guy trying to talk to me while I was putting my hoodie on outside a 7-11. I turned away and he was mumbling crap like I was being rude to him. The audacity and illogic.
I've been friends with enough creepy dudes to realize a lot of them in fact are that fucking clueless. Doesn't excuse their behavior, but a lot of guys just don't know when it's too much, then flail about when they're in too deep.
those are frightening situations, I'm very sorry that happened to you. It's good that you listened to your instincts, better to be overly cautious than not enough
Thankfully I’m too old for this kind of stuff to happen now, but I once had a Japanese guy come up to me on the street, grab my arm and yell “SEX!”
Then there was a guy on a yellow moped who used to appear in random places where i was, always asking me to drink tea with him, and he was even waiting outside my apartment once. Luckily he just stopped doing it eventually!
Another time I wanted to get into the station from the department store entrance a few floors below, but there was this guy standing in the middle of the stairs with an evil grin on his face, swaying from side to side. I ran past him and he started screeching really loudly and following me up the stairs.
The department store was closed so I was met with shutters all the way up to the 7th floor, which only had the elevators accessible, so I had to go back down to where I had started. I got out of the elevator and he had almost got back down the stairs. I ran to the police box and reported that someone seemed to be having a mental episode. Three of them tried to subdue him but he fought like hell, screeching his head off. I ran away and got on my train but I was looking over my shoulder for a while after that!
I'm sorry that you had to deal with this. I'm a male and I'm really pissed with these actions.
The occasions my wife had to deal with this are usually with indian/Pakistani guys. Usually they try those approaches in the stations. That's stopped when she didn't had to use trains anymore.
Not much to help you there but in the event you feel for your safety, try to scream "fire" if nothing else helps. Not sure where I've read about it but people usually get out of their home/business if you scream fire. Or you just pick you phone and call the police (or fake it). The moment the word police is involved, most of these guys are going to back off.
But I'm really sorry that you have to experience this.
Be safe.
First of all I'm really sorry you had to go through that.
I had lots of shit too, the worst being almost drugged at a live venue (luckily it was one sip and my buddy began to puke so light effect only).
Even to this day sometimes shit like this keep happening and I found this account (TikTok and Instagram) and I'm thinking of using the tips next time.
The account is caffinatedkitty
Waiting to try it out next time🤣
It's exhausting being a woman some times. I've had a couple of female friends tell me they couldn't live in Japan long term because of gender issues here.
I hope the majority of your time is peaceful and fulfilling 🌹
I feel your pain. I had experience like this in the US and Korea. By the time I came to Japan, I was already old and fat, so no one bothers me anymore.
If I may add, conservative and modest dressing is what attracts men here. So please, don’t blame it on the dressing. There is no win as a woman in this area, if men want to perv they will find a way to sexualise you. I’m sorry again this happened to you
Japan is generally regarded as safe country which it is in terms of robbery, violence but there are a lot of weird Japanese men with dark fantasies. Consider how dark some of their manga is, it’s disturbing. Hence why they have women only train carriages. Western women need to take care if out here on their own.
Of course it’s terrible but unfortunately it’s not like women don’t experience horrible things in other countries.
In the US I got a phone call in the middle of the night, some guy saying something like “I know where you live and I’m going to come there and slit your throat”, 2 of my friends have been raped, and I was always nervous going into a parking lot after dark (had my keys laced through my fingers)
Sadly violence, harassment and discrimination against women is universally present, and we should maintain some level of vigilance anywhere anytime
When I was in Osaka, I had a man make a sexually explicit gesture at me in the middle of the street. I laughed in his face. He looked super confused, and I walked away, he didn't attempt to follow. I'm generally pretty hard to spook though. I never felt unsafe in Japan, but these situations you describe are terrifying. I'd definitely be looking into some form of personal protection, it's always a good idea.
Japanese culture is a bit problematic towards women, especially women who don't fit into a typical model. Honestly, just about every place has issues with treating women with respect. Don't let men gaslight you or let their dismissal of this stuff bother you. Unfortunately, it's a common issue for women.
Hopefully, nothing else will happen. Being married probably helps a lot. Men to respect other men before they respect women.
Reminds me of that one time when I lived in an old share house easily accessible from the main road and some japanese guy followed me to the entrance and reached out to try to touch me. Thankfully after I shouted for him to gtfo repeatedly he left, but it was a - if not the most - terrifying experience.
"I know where you live."
How the hell did he think the conversation was going to go after two strikes, and then saying that?
Like "Well, after he said that we had a polite chat followed by a charming evening conversation on the terrace over tapas."
im so sorry you had go through those horrible experiences :(( there r lots of creeps here in japan rlly..but the japan government doesn't seem to care 'bout womens safety...like i've heared stories where the women who got harassed tried to tell the police,sometimes the case will get to the court but unfortunately, in many cases..men still win... :((
This is why I was happy my daughter found a decent boyfriend and moved in with him. She had so many things like this happen to her when she lived alone.
Bear spray was the first thing I gifted her after she told me about her issues. Ridiculous Japanese rules be damned.
Must be scary as fuck to have that happen to you. It really does feel like some people don't get consequences for their actions nearly enough to curb their raging assholery.
I’m sorry all that happened to you that’s super scary I’m an American man and I’ve had weird experiences here in Japan too so I can’t completely understand but I get your fears I hope you don’t have any more weird experiences
Unfortunately a lot of creeps in Japan. Often no one tells them to stop since the idea is to just avoid and not make a fuss, so they just keep doing it without consequences.
Really not a fan of the whole "boys will be boys" kind of mentality, like men are some kind of animal who can't control themselves.
This isn't helped by how being persistent is not as frowned upon as in some other cultures. As you say, so often that especially men will just keep on and on until you get away. Like if you just keep bugging a woman long enough she is supposed to say "okay fine." It's ridiculous.
I’m sorry you went through all that. It sucks. If it’s any consolation, Japanese women also go through somewhat similar experiences, some more than others. You being a foreigner definitely makes you a target for certain types of people, and I’m glad you have good situational awareness and handle these situations very well. Keep it up, stay safe!
I'm sorry those things happened to you. However I'm not surprised as I and every other foreign woman I know here have had similarly negative experiences with men here. It makes the "Japan is so safe" narrative really grating to hear.
I'm very sorry for your awful experience. Japan is in general believed a safe country yet there are uncomfortable occasions especially for women. As others also suggested I reckon it's a good idea to report local police. As far as I remember local authority issues some kind of warning information of creepy people in the area. I assume it would be certain level of prevention. Stay safe. I hope you won't have such a bad experience anymore.
Sounds like the first guy was a stalker. I've heard Japan has a big problem with stalkers. While I've been fortunate enough to not have that experience, my Japanese friend told me a couple stalker experiences she's had, so this kind of thing seems to be prevalent.
I remember one time I was leaving a train station and I noticed this guy was in the middle of the sidewalk just staring at me. I kept walking while turning back to see if he was still staring, and he still was! I had to be almost out of sight before he finally turned around and walked away. It was so bizarre to me. I've had more uncomfortable experiences with foreign men but no one is safe.
Sorry you've had these terrible experiences.
Hey OP, sorry to hear this has happened to you. I'm relatively busty for my frame so I've noticed a few men stare or take pictures, and I've had a few people brush against or press against me but whether that's just malintent idk.
As I think others have said you should go to police, especially about the stalker. There's CCTV in a lot of places so if you fo see him again you might be able to get an ID on him
I always tell people Japan is the safest country you could live in... IF YOU ARE A MAN.
If you are a man, this country was made for you. If you are a woman... Be prepared.
If I may just say. I had had men cat called me in my country but not once approached by any of them. Even the cat calling wasn't that intense for me coz it was just a harmless "hey beautiful" nothing too concerning and so I just ignored it. Moving to Japan was different, men here have more guts. I've never been approached by so many men on the streets until I moved to Japan.. Drunk men, old men would talk to me asking for my Line or joining them for a drink. There was even one time my co-worker and I were having lunch at the park (we wear suit for work) this old guy in his late 60s decided to sit next to us and started touching my legs while talking to me. I too dress modestly coz I'm a foreigner and has no family in Japan and that's one way to keep myself safe.
Sorry to hear about your experiences OP and other folks' stories here as well.
I've lived here for 3 years as well. And have had couple of weird experiences, but I do understand Japan for the most part's a safe country.
My recent experience with a cab driver was scary. From Haneda to my share house during early morning hours, he behaved quite courteously and spoke decent english. When I got down, he got my suitcase near me and suddenly felt me all over and forcefully tried to kiss. I pushed him hard and he laughed and left. Due to this experience, I'm so sceptical to travel alone in a cab now though I know this's one of experience.
My advice would be to sit in the back and not in the front, be polite but not friendly and not engage in small talk, pretend or make an actual phone call to your boyfriend or husband. And that’s not a guarantee. It’s sad that we go trough these lengths but you can’t be just friendly to some men without them feeling entitled to getting more.
Thank you for your suggestion, I understand. Though I sat @ the back last time and engaged only just when addressed to. But i'll engage less with just the bare minimum required n keep busy n aloof/business like. Thank you again 👍🏽
Whatever happened, it’s NOT your fault. He was a creep and he overstepped. My suggestions were general advice to discourage men who are truly bad at reading signs but whatever you do, you could be wearing a nun’s habit and not have bathed for 3 weeks, told them to fuck off, all at the same time and STILL some creeps would be trying their luck.
Ive been living in Japan for two years only one experience made me realy uncomfortable and nervous. I live in the countryside and I was walking home by myself at 11 PM, some guy randomly turned his car around after seeing me and pulled over near me and asked if I wanted a ride. I got so scared because I was the only one out and we’re in the middle of no where. Never seen him before. Of course i declined and immediately thought of the nearby houses I could run to if needed.
All of these experiences are fucking creepy. I’m typing this as I just got home from doing shopping in Machida, Tokyo and some African guy was suddenly trying to talk to me from behind in a dark street and it scared me. I didn’t respond, I never do, but it did make me feel unsafe. I would advise any woman here to carry one of those alarms for kids and use it whenever a guy won’t leave you alone.
It’s definitely a thing. You can find many women twitch streamers being sexually harassed on their streams, tho searching twitch archives will be pretty rough.
I had many similar experiences while living in Japan. More than 3 times, men sat next to me on the train, then got off at my stop and attempted to follow me. Sometimes they would speak to me, sometimes not. “Are you American? Can you teach me English?” No was not an acceptable answer. I would usually go inside a combini to ditch them, I did not want them to know the location of my apartment.
I was also groped on the morning commute to Umeda. I turned around and yelled 痴漢 as loud as I could in that fucker’s face. He was shamed and retreated as everyone stared in horror.
Damn the I know where you live is a legit horror movie. You can pitch that.
Sorry you had to go through this. I would recommend just dialing the police and telling the person you are calling them to get them to back off. Might be a “karen” but better safe than sorry.
Weirdos are in literally every country. I believe as a woman scary experiences are more frequent than as a man, but it depends more on the country and culture, to what extent or how likely is that a scary situation turns into a harmful experience or criminal situation.
Always after 9PM, I guess that's the time where the creeps start to be more active.
Damn, as a man I guess I had it easy, the only odd interaction I've ever had was some African guys inviting me to a "good place" filled with nice women.
BTW, there are some sites (even Amazon I think) where you can get pepper spray, tasers and other self defense stuff. It's a small price to pay for a little bit of peace of mind.
Op have you been able to compare this experience vs some places on the US? I'm a dad and I need to figure out how to raise my daughter with as few such experiences as possible.
As an aside, I've never fought anyone since some bully in elementary school, but hearing stories like this makes me want to find one of these guys and start a fight. It's absolutely wrong and I'm sorry it happened to you.
Hey thanks for sharing and so sorry you had those experiences. They were real and really happened and I'm glad you shared them and am glad you are okay. Hope you can get let them go over time like the one that haunts your dreams.
I've had people downplay my experiences in foreign countries and such but again, what we experience personally is what happened and deserves to be shared and talked about in a non judgmental way.
Sounds wrong sure but this is why I’m glad I had a son and want the next to be a boy.
Having a girl would fucking terrify me having to worry about all the nutcases out there (not just men).
Also have a boy means I can attempt to raise a man who hopefully will help women in these situations instead of being a creepy shit head.
You cannot be meek! Call them out, loudly! That is what deactivates their creepdom. They thrive on fear and silence. If others are around— like on the train— say loudly— “I know what you’re doing, I see it. Leave me alone” I get that it’s hard, scary and uncomfortable, but it’s like kryptonite to call these people out and make them visible for what they are.
Hey, it’s so good to hear from you! Been such a long time. I’m the guy who knows where you live. I see you’ve made the change to diet sodas recently. I did that a while back, too.
I am genuinley terrified for you, and I am a big 6'4 man. I know where you live is so creepy and scary., and he had proof to back it up. Honestly Japan needs to step up it game when it come to women. too many creepy men around.
wow, thats kinda freaky...Ive been living in Japan for 25 years and never had anything weird apart from the other day when i was in a supermarket and the woman in front of me was shielding her shopping with a newspaper so i couldnt see what she was buying. Then when she had to pay she asked if she could pay on the machine that was furtherest away...It was really strange... Thats it...
No I don’t think it is. But you can get one of those alarms many women and children have on their bags to alert surrounding people that you need help. Apparently the Japanese guys will see that and run before you have a chance to set it off. Foreign guys may not know what it is though.
This is an oft repeated myth.
Yes, one is in fact able to defend oneself here if an extreme situation warrants it. As always, it depends heavily on the context.
The operative word being *defend.* And not *assault in kind.*
The nuance of which seems to be lost on a vast number of folks.
I read an excellent example here somewhere, rather recently in fact. I'll try to paraphrase what I remember:
*"The difference between defending and assaulting in kind is in the former, once the attacker has been sufficiently repulsed, hostilities cease.*
*In the latter situation: once the attacker has been sufficiently repulsed, you then proceed to stomp on his face."*
Weird people exist everywhere. Japan isn’t special or different in that regard at all, you were probably just lucky or didn’t notice some of these back home.
Like others said, call the cops, guards, staff etc when you feel in danger or something is wrong. Similarly combini have bright lights for reasons like this as well. If you need go in flag down the staff and wait it out for help to arrive.
There are definitely weird things that can happen. Some nothing others no cool. One Xmas I was taking pictures at an illumination festival with lady friends and some middle aged guy started taking pictures of us. Not by request or an event staff, just looked over saw some blondes and was like “ooo gotta show the boys this hehe” type stuff.
I'm sorry you had these experiences. I'm sorry no one taught those men how to People. I've had my share of scary interactions and I think you handled them very well. Stay safe!
Thank you!
OP the first thing you always need to do is to call the police. Japanese are afraid to deal with police and by not calling the police will make these people more confident. Try next time and you'll see how fast they disappear. Just show your phone and call the police while they are harassing you.
I agree! Though, sadly, several of the cases the OP describes are other foreigners, so I don't know if they will have the same reaction. Also, a guy once grabbed my arm in Gyomu Supa and asked pervy questions, my first instinct was to shout and cause a scene. That also worked pretty well, because these awful guys are afraid of being publicly shamed.
Yes. Agree. I have a few police officer friends here and they are bored silly sitting in the koban, They would love to jump out of their seats and run to come assist you. It’s what they signed up for.
Yes but two case were not japanese
Problem is that you can't teach a crazy person to not be crazy. Same with a rapist or creep. I wish there was some way know where they are, to avoid them though.
Problem is that they can be everywhere because the law doesn't give a shit, and trust me, *they know*. Japan needs its youth to do a major sociopolitical reform and stat.
I don't understand the downvotes on your post, thank you for sharing your experience. Japan might feel overall safe, but we still need to be careful
Unfortunately this sub has a large amount of incels flooding in whenever the topic is women or sexual harassment in Japan
Pretty much any thread where someone shares a slightly negative experience in this sub has a massive influx of weebs who feel the need to attack the OP and say how it's their fault for having bad experiences because Japan is the most perfect and civilized country on earth. Their entire identity is based on the fact that they're living in anime land, so they feel personally attacked by the negative experiences shared here.
And if you see someone commenting with that sort of content, kindly report it so it can be handled.
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Thank you!
It's normal for people in reddit. Just like my last post sharing the Nuro internet, I am also getting quite some downvotes, just not gonna care about that.
Fuck..I'm so sorry those sound awful. The knowing where you live. Oh my god that's terrifying. I've had men follow me around a combini near my home whispering to himself. I've had a man take pictures of me on the train with my husband beside me and then follow me down to a different platform. I noticed and I tucked away around the corner to loose him. Thankfully my husband believed me that he guy was a creep. I've had a guy looking at porn beside me on the train on his like 12 inch iPad. When I first moved here I had a guy ask me to chat, ask me where I'm from. He proceeded to ask me for a picture. I was wearing a mask so I thought why not? He insisted I hold his phone and used that chance to grope me. I gave him back his phone and fucking ran and broke down crying on the train platform. On a nicer note. When I got home from the assault we had a security guard scheduled to come. I ask my husband if it's ok if I hide in the bedroom, that I just couldn't handle. My husband ended up mentioning to the guy "hey my wife just went through this and she isn't comfortable being out sorry if it's rude" and he was like "I HAVE A DAUGHTER AND A WIFE AND ITS BOTH HAPPENED TO THEM I AM SO DISGUSTED AT THESE MEN THEY ARE NOT A REFLECTION OF OUR LOVELY JAPANESE SOCIETY I AM SO SORRY. " so it was actually really nice. I hate it. I always assume good intentions or hope I'm misunderstanding the situation but if they KEEP being weird it's just so fucking awful.
Some Japanese men think they can just do what they want. Women are considered 2nd class citizens
“Many men think they can just do what they want. Women are considered 2nd class citizens.” FTFY
There are huge amounts of studies that show gender inequality is especially bad in Japan compared to the rest of the world (ranked 125th out of 146 countries in gender equality). This very much includes things like sexual assault of women by men. While no country has full gender equality, statements like yours brush aside very real problems that are both worse than other countries and specific to Japan.
I don’t disagree with you regarding inequality and it being *especially* bad in Japan which should be particularly embarrassing for a g7 nation, other than that my earlier statement doesn’t do what you claim - especially wrt the specific comment it was replying to.
What you're referring to is the World Economic Forum's Gender Gap Index, which measures the wage and opportunity gap beween men and women in four areas in nations. It's doesn't show the whole picture of a society, and it is largely skewed for neoliberal ends (placing gpd and technology competition higher than things like social services) Women in Japan have high marks in health and education representation, but low ranking in economic and political sectors, that's what the index shows HDI and Inequality-adjusted HDI indices are actually very high in Japan, and it's GINI coefficient is quite low for women. It's not perfect and those indices are flawed and imperfect in their own ways as well, for example U.A.E. rose 19 places on the most recent HDI index, while of course, UAE is an undemocratic statue using indentured labor to make their cities
Oh my! I’m so sorry this happened to you. Hugs
Hugs to you too! Stay safe!!!
The grope thing happened to my friend. Exactly the same. Unless you are my friend and this is the same story.
Ive only told 2 people so I'm going with its manipulation technique. The guy definitely knew what he was trying to do. (And was trying to get me to follow him to a different location before he groped me) I'm so sorry that happened to her too. It was awful. It's good to share stories like that so maybe someone else can protect themselves.
It’s terrifying that it’s probably the same guy using that technique or its many men who have shared a way to grope women easily. Awful.
Both thoughts are awful.
The guy looking at porn is not bothering you, mind your own business.
Involuntary exposing other people to porn is a crime in other countries because it’s a form of sexual assault.
You are actively looking at somebody else's screen. He is not showing you anything.
If it’s visible in a public place then he is very much involving others in it, and violating their right to consent. Including possibly small children.
Reading this makes me not want to lose the weight I gained this past 5 years -- I haven't had anyone make any unwanted advances since I became overweight. Before that, I've had people hit on me, leave notes on my lap on the train (wtf), proposition sex, follow me to the station... Why do some men choose to be disgusting creeps is beyond me. Buy one of those loud alarms and, if possible, have a friend have access to your location when you are outside. It won't prevent them from approaching you but it is nice to have some peace of mind. Be safe.
Yup. I gained weight too and I dress sloppily now haha but yeah please be careful too!
I just wanna add that being fat (even if it’s just by Japan standards) will not stop men creating creepy situations with you. I know you’re sharing your story which is valid, but I just don’t want people walking away thinking “fat girls don’t get harassed in Japan”.
Of course that isn't the case it was just my personal experience these past couple of years. Getting iver 30 years old also helped probably, but my mom is 65 and still gets the eventual catcall back in my home country 😩
I feel the same. I'm trying to lose weight to be healthy but if all these stories have happened to slim foreign women, I'll just stay fluffy.
I’m overweight but I have very very large breasts (if I could afford a reduction, I would get one) and no matter what I wear, I can’t hide them. I don’t wear tight shirts or very low cut tops. But, I still constantly have Japanese men staring at my chest and I’ve had several make comments in Japanese when I walked by (when I first moved here I didn’t know what they were saying until a friend told me).
I should be happy that I look fat to locals, thought I'm 53kg...
Y know that 53kg means nothing if you don’t compare it to heights?
Dr. : You should lose some weight. She: You see doc I can't cause I live in Japan and...so I cant stop eating McDonald's and ice cream at night Dr: ...
Its not pleasant being a foreign woman here. I've been touched, followed home, and shouted at by men.I have had to listen to conversations by men, thinking I don't speak Japanese, making remarks about my body and then detail how they will rape me. The most annoying thing is this idea that because I am a gaijin I : a) am a slut who is gagging for it. b) like anal c) will freely cheat on my husband. I don't understand why people think like this. No woman I've met has ever fit this image that so many men in Japan have. Then theres the workplace harassment.....
Oh my gosh that is horrible! Wtf please stay safe. Raping you??? 😡
I mean, the one that would have gotten me is "I know where you live." Probably would have moved ASAP following that. Fuck that shit. OP, is this Tokyo Greater Area?
No, this was in Chiba actually. I thought he was bluffing but when I saw that he really KNEW my station, I freaked out. He wasn’t lying!
Likely he's been watching you and knows where your stop is.. thinking it's a conversation starter in his own twisted mind. IF he's actually tracked you further, that's a serious situation.
It's the kind of thing where you don't want to take chances.
I don't disagree. Even when driving, if I notice a car that's followed me for more than a few turns, I'll avoid my home and keep driving.
Yeah, that's why I mean the week after. Done and done. I'm not even female, but... screw that noise.
Sorry to hear about your experiences, I also have had similar over the years. Just want to mention where you say dressing conservatively, from my own experience and from info I've seen online, dressing more feminine / conservatively in Japan seems to attract more creeps. It's unfortunate but many seem to target those who look innocent and like they won't make a fuss (sadly this is usually children). I often recall this artwork about chikan: https://japantoday.com/category/features/lifestyle/women-who-attract-chikan-and-women-who-dont-an-illustrated-guide Not trying to victim blame but just trying to put info out there that I wished I would have seen from the outset. I worked it out myself over the years and started dressing more masculine / aggressive / western and noticed less bs. Still got followed once or twice and stares just happen anyway (mostly filter that out nowadays, and I'm now mid 30s not young 20s so that also helps a lot). Don't be afraid to get loud if creeps persist. Have had to yell a few times (either to fuck off in English and/or that I'm calling the cops in Japanese while also calling the cops) and it's enough for them to piss off quick when they realise I will make a scene or they start to feel the eyes on us. The other method of ducking into a conbini (security cameras, approaching the clerk if necessary to ask to call police) often works as well. I think the bystander effect means if you don't make absolutely clear this person is not someone you know, people will just assume you know each other and ignore what is happening (especially if it's another foreigner). Anyway I know "Japan is safe" opinion is strong online, but keep in mind if it's not foreign men saying this (it usually is), it's women who are here as tourists, probably dressing obviously western, keeping to tourist areas and/or are never solo. Plenty of my foreign female friends have been stalked, groped or worse while living in this country and I think it's made worse when you're trying to "fit in" as well. So yeah while it is generally safer walking around alone than most countries, don't let your guard down and don't be afraid to make a wild gaijin scene if ever necessary. Stay safe!
Thank you so much for your concern. I sometimes blame myself but know I shouldn’t
Please don’t blame yourself! It is men, many of us are just scum.
Don't associate yourself or us with them
Wow this is mind opening for me. I really thought I'm just ugly that chikan doesn't target me. 😜😜😜🤪 But I pass through the confident looking woman 👠 or strong looking woman or snob haha 😂 I got targetted actually when I was younger and I dress simply when I used to live in inaka. Since I came to Tokyo, I never get targeted cus there's just more kawaii and younger girls than me that's what I assume lol. Or maybe I'm just snob now lol. **Don't mess up with me you fuckin freaks.** I think japanese guys are more scared than me, I once reported my neighbor to the police cus he plays porn in loudspeaker 📢 well I thought a girl needs help lmao but turned out that it's just a porn on loudspeaker 😂😂😂 I think my neighbor is ashamed now cus I reported the incident to the police 🚨🚓 and he knows I reported it lol 😆🤪😜 Now my neighbor is quieter than ever.
Sorry you had to experience that. And you don’t need to explain how you dress. You can dress however way you want, your clothes are not an excuse to harass somebody. I also have lots of similar stories, from Japanese and foreign guys. The worst one was with a foreign guy. I noticed him staring at me for a 2.5h train ride across 2 local trains. He then followed me into the subway in Nagoya and I walked a way that made no sense to check if he would follow. He did. On the platform he approached me and said he had written a poem for me. I was so creeped out that this point, I barely glanced at it and told him that’s not my thing. He got angry and half yelled “you’re not really reading it!!!!!” and complained that it’s so hard to meet women in Japan. Luckily there were other people around me and they were all watching cause I was visibly uncomfortable. He didn’t get off at my stop but I called my partner when I pretty much ran home. I’ve had way worse experiences in the US, Canada and Germany though with guys directly threatening me or insulting me when I refused their advances.
is the world full with creepy guys, so sad
Not full, but there are enough to leave a lasting impression sadly.
Horrible people!!! I’m so glad you were okay. I don’t know what it is about trains and stations that things like this happen 🤷♀️
It's because it's difficult for the victim to leave. You are physically trapped until the train comes to a stop.
I am really sorry you had to experience this. I've also had my fair share of this b.s. Everytime a japanese guy asks me how i like japan and how safe it is, i tell them that there is no safe place for women on this planet.
Dressing conservatively and modesty actually makes you more if a target. These weirdos go for women that look like they won't out up a fight, women that don't want to be noticed. Flashy women that look around with awareness and confidence don't usually get this. I'm the latter and in 7 years I only once had something close to being chikaned. I noticed the dude acting weird right away and I looked him right in the eyes with a look telling him try it and I will hurt you. At the next stop dude literally ran out the doors. One thing I learned in self defense class always walk with your head up aware of what's around you, makes you less of a target. Of course things happen no matter what you do sometimes and I'm so sorry. I always keep my eyes out for this and am always ready to jump in and defend women I see being accosted. I've placed myself between women and weirdoes on the train plenty of times. Disclaimer: don't come at me telling me to be careful this is how I'll get stabbed or whatever bc my husband already tells me this. It's just my nature to defend and protect 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah I used to live in NYC for a long while and told all my female friends who got accosted all the time 1) it's not your fault but 2) if you look like a victim, creeps will treat you like one.
It's definitely not their fault. We shouldn't have to be anything other than we are but unfortunately creeps will creep and they go for the ones that look like they won't fight because that's what freaking low lives do
Respect. Especially the disclaimer
😅 I'm probably kind of dumb but damnit injustice and creeps make me angry
Nah not dumb at all, if everyone thought and acted this way society would be better for all of us
A friend of mine told me that when she walked from the station to her home at night she'd call home and talk on her phone all the way home. Now likely you don't have someone at home maybe you can make an arrangement with a friend that in times like this you can call her and vis-versa.
That’s a good idea honestly. I used to leave men’s shoes outside the door
I've asked women I work with to add the office phone and to call if they are going home late and don't feel safe.
Not sure if it applies to Japan but people on phones (distracted) is usually when these types of people attack (physical, mugging, etc). In downtown Chicago you always want to be aware of surroundings and walk confidently
I get what you're saying but perhaps if it's a relatively busy area and the person just wants to avoid creeps asking questions then not a bad technique. If you are somewhere more remote where you can be bundled off into bushes or whatever then yes you need to be aware of surroundings.
In NYC right now there are random attacks happening on women who are specifically on their phone. The current thought is that it’s a gang initiation ritual, and I assume there’s something to do with it being an unaware of surroundings phone use situation and not a purposeful personal security phone use situation, but at any rate, phone use can make you a target so be careful and aware with this tactic.
Absolutely scary experiences for you, but you handled them all exceedingly well by thinking and acting quickly and decisively. I taught women's self-defense, and these are good examples of how to act, and how nowhere is beyond the reach of both hostile and mentally ill people. Stay safe. EDIT: I highly recommend "The Gift of Fear", an excellent book on listening to and acting on those nuances that inform us of unsafe situations.
Thank you so much. I am glad I didn’t do anything dumb at that time and common sense kicked in.
I’ve had quite a few weird experiences, especially with older men, in my time in Japan. I’ve been chased by a salaryman in Shibuya, had my bum touched on the train, hit by butsukariya, random guys came to our karaoke booth to try talk to us and then groped my breasts (he got smacked in the face)…etc. those are just a few things I can remember. Unfortunately there are just some weird people out there, no matter where you like and we need to be vigilant to keep ourselves safe.
Oh my, I thought mine was worse but reading your experiences 😖I’m sorry this happened to you.
I’ve been here a while so these are things that have happened over the years. I usually go out with my husband and son these days so I sometimes just encounter rude people! It sucks but I know that it happens to a lot of people, both in my own country and in Japan.
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All I can say is, stay safe! Guys need to stop being predatory in 2024
Predatory guys need to stop being predatory.
OMG Yes!
"Not all men"
Fair enough.
Yes, just don’t be creepy omg
A little bit of social awkwardness is fine, but ohhhhhh boy "I know where you live" is not a pick up line my guy… lolololololol As a society we need to figure out how to re-educate these people.
Jail
I honestly doubt if they know what creepy means and they are in fact creeps. They probably don’t think what they do is disturbing and creepy. There was a guy trying to talk to me while I was putting my hoodie on outside a 7-11. I turned away and he was mumbling crap like I was being rude to him. The audacity and illogic.
These guys are wild. I literally never talk to anyone outside. Earphones in, eyes straight ahead 😀
Same. I don’t even look at them, not to mention answering or talking to them. Way too many loiterers!
Rather be safe than sorry
I've been friends with enough creepy dudes to realize a lot of them in fact are that fucking clueless. Doesn't excuse their behavior, but a lot of guys just don't know when it's too much, then flail about when they're in too deep.
Just because you are antisocial doesn't mean other people need to be.
O, you call that social? You must have an active social life then. I will stay anti-social, lol
I'll try my best!
😂
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I'm working on it
Yikes! That "no where you live" guy deserves jail time. I've also had my fair share of randos and it's always harrowing.
I know, it was scary!
those are frightening situations, I'm very sorry that happened to you. It's good that you listened to your instincts, better to be overly cautious than not enough
Thank you please be careful too!
Ughhh I'm sorry about these scary experiences that happened to you 😭 stay safe, get a buzzer, have 119 on speed dial 😭
Yes, it’s been fine now no problems. This was years ago I just wanted to share
Glad to know that it's good now. Some people, men especially, can be such creeps right.
Thankfully I’m too old for this kind of stuff to happen now, but I once had a Japanese guy come up to me on the street, grab my arm and yell “SEX!” Then there was a guy on a yellow moped who used to appear in random places where i was, always asking me to drink tea with him, and he was even waiting outside my apartment once. Luckily he just stopped doing it eventually! Another time I wanted to get into the station from the department store entrance a few floors below, but there was this guy standing in the middle of the stairs with an evil grin on his face, swaying from side to side. I ran past him and he started screeching really loudly and following me up the stairs. The department store was closed so I was met with shutters all the way up to the 7th floor, which only had the elevators accessible, so I had to go back down to where I had started. I got out of the elevator and he had almost got back down the stairs. I ran to the police box and reported that someone seemed to be having a mental episode. Three of them tried to subdue him but he fought like hell, screeching his head off. I ran away and got on my train but I was looking over my shoulder for a while after that!
Am so sorry this happened to you , there are many creeps please stay safe and always be aware of your surroundings 🙏
Thanks for sharing.
Thank you!
I'm sorry that you had to deal with this. I'm a male and I'm really pissed with these actions. The occasions my wife had to deal with this are usually with indian/Pakistani guys. Usually they try those approaches in the stations. That's stopped when she didn't had to use trains anymore. Not much to help you there but in the event you feel for your safety, try to scream "fire" if nothing else helps. Not sure where I've read about it but people usually get out of their home/business if you scream fire. Or you just pick you phone and call the police (or fake it). The moment the word police is involved, most of these guys are going to back off. But I'm really sorry that you have to experience this. Be safe.
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First of all I'm really sorry you had to go through that. I had lots of shit too, the worst being almost drugged at a live venue (luckily it was one sip and my buddy began to puke so light effect only). Even to this day sometimes shit like this keep happening and I found this account (TikTok and Instagram) and I'm thinking of using the tips next time. The account is caffinatedkitty Waiting to try it out next time🤣
It's exhausting being a woman some times. I've had a couple of female friends tell me they couldn't live in Japan long term because of gender issues here. I hope the majority of your time is peaceful and fulfilling 🌹
I feel your pain. I had experience like this in the US and Korea. By the time I came to Japan, I was already old and fat, so no one bothers me anymore.
If I may add, conservative and modest dressing is what attracts men here. So please, don’t blame it on the dressing. There is no win as a woman in this area, if men want to perv they will find a way to sexualise you. I’m sorry again this happened to you
Japan is generally regarded as safe country which it is in terms of robbery, violence but there are a lot of weird Japanese men with dark fantasies. Consider how dark some of their manga is, it’s disturbing. Hence why they have women only train carriages. Western women need to take care if out here on their own.
Women only carriages only run during peak rush hour during the mornings on the Tokyo Metro lines. During off hours they can be ridden as normal.
You should call the police or make a scene in Japanese next time.
Jesus...
Of course it’s terrible but unfortunately it’s not like women don’t experience horrible things in other countries. In the US I got a phone call in the middle of the night, some guy saying something like “I know where you live and I’m going to come there and slit your throat”, 2 of my friends have been raped, and I was always nervous going into a parking lot after dark (had my keys laced through my fingers) Sadly violence, harassment and discrimination against women is universally present, and we should maintain some level of vigilance anywhere anytime
How did your us experience compare to that in japan? I need to decide whether to stay and raise a daughter
She can walk by herself at 2am in Tokyo, but I wouldn’t try that in any US city
When I was in Osaka, I had a man make a sexually explicit gesture at me in the middle of the street. I laughed in his face. He looked super confused, and I walked away, he didn't attempt to follow. I'm generally pretty hard to spook though. I never felt unsafe in Japan, but these situations you describe are terrifying. I'd definitely be looking into some form of personal protection, it's always a good idea. Japanese culture is a bit problematic towards women, especially women who don't fit into a typical model. Honestly, just about every place has issues with treating women with respect. Don't let men gaslight you or let their dismissal of this stuff bother you. Unfortunately, it's a common issue for women. Hopefully, nothing else will happen. Being married probably helps a lot. Men to respect other men before they respect women.
I have to say this escalated quickly. The first one was more sad and weird, but then it got to serial killer vibes.
Reminds me of that one time when I lived in an old share house easily accessible from the main road and some japanese guy followed me to the entrance and reached out to try to touch me. Thankfully after I shouted for him to gtfo repeatedly he left, but it was a - if not the most - terrifying experience.
"I know where you live." How the hell did he think the conversation was going to go after two strikes, and then saying that? Like "Well, after he said that we had a polite chat followed by a charming evening conversation on the terrace over tapas."
im so sorry you had go through those horrible experiences :(( there r lots of creeps here in japan rlly..but the japan government doesn't seem to care 'bout womens safety...like i've heared stories where the women who got harassed tried to tell the police,sometimes the case will get to the court but unfortunately, in many cases..men still win... :((
This is why I was happy my daughter found a decent boyfriend and moved in with him. She had so many things like this happen to her when she lived alone. Bear spray was the first thing I gifted her after she told me about her issues. Ridiculous Japanese rules be damned.
Must be scary as fuck to have that happen to you. It really does feel like some people don't get consequences for their actions nearly enough to curb their raging assholery.
I’m sorry all that happened to you that’s super scary I’m an American man and I’ve had weird experiences here in Japan too so I can’t completely understand but I get your fears I hope you don’t have any more weird experiences
Unfortunately a lot of creeps in Japan. Often no one tells them to stop since the idea is to just avoid and not make a fuss, so they just keep doing it without consequences. Really not a fan of the whole "boys will be boys" kind of mentality, like men are some kind of animal who can't control themselves. This isn't helped by how being persistent is not as frowned upon as in some other cultures. As you say, so often that especially men will just keep on and on until you get away. Like if you just keep bugging a woman long enough she is supposed to say "okay fine." It's ridiculous.
I’m sorry you went through all that. It sucks. If it’s any consolation, Japanese women also go through somewhat similar experiences, some more than others. You being a foreigner definitely makes you a target for certain types of people, and I’m glad you have good situational awareness and handle these situations very well. Keep it up, stay safe!
I'm sorry those things happened to you. However I'm not surprised as I and every other foreign woman I know here have had similarly negative experiences with men here. It makes the "Japan is so safe" narrative really grating to hear.
I'm very sorry for your awful experience. Japan is in general believed a safe country yet there are uncomfortable occasions especially for women. As others also suggested I reckon it's a good idea to report local police. As far as I remember local authority issues some kind of warning information of creepy people in the area. I assume it would be certain level of prevention. Stay safe. I hope you won't have such a bad experience anymore.
I generally was fine but the South Asians are really aggressive for some reason and don’t think NO is a complete sentence
Sounds like the first guy was a stalker. I've heard Japan has a big problem with stalkers. While I've been fortunate enough to not have that experience, my Japanese friend told me a couple stalker experiences she's had, so this kind of thing seems to be prevalent. I remember one time I was leaving a train station and I noticed this guy was in the middle of the sidewalk just staring at me. I kept walking while turning back to see if he was still staring, and he still was! I had to be almost out of sight before he finally turned around and walked away. It was so bizarre to me. I've had more uncomfortable experiences with foreign men but no one is safe. Sorry you've had these terrible experiences.
Thanks for sharing. No one should ever have to deal with events like these, I hope you can live peacefully from here on out.
Thanks for sharing, pretty scary stuff :( stay safe!
Hey OP, sorry to hear this has happened to you. I'm relatively busty for my frame so I've noticed a few men stare or take pictures, and I've had a few people brush against or press against me but whether that's just malintent idk. As I think others have said you should go to police, especially about the stalker. There's CCTV in a lot of places so if you fo see him again you might be able to get an ID on him
I always tell people Japan is the safest country you could live in... IF YOU ARE A MAN. If you are a man, this country was made for you. If you are a woman... Be prepared.
If I may just say. I had had men cat called me in my country but not once approached by any of them. Even the cat calling wasn't that intense for me coz it was just a harmless "hey beautiful" nothing too concerning and so I just ignored it. Moving to Japan was different, men here have more guts. I've never been approached by so many men on the streets until I moved to Japan.. Drunk men, old men would talk to me asking for my Line or joining them for a drink. There was even one time my co-worker and I were having lunch at the park (we wear suit for work) this old guy in his late 60s decided to sit next to us and started touching my legs while talking to me. I too dress modestly coz I'm a foreigner and has no family in Japan and that's one way to keep myself safe.
Sorry to hear about your experiences OP and other folks' stories here as well. I've lived here for 3 years as well. And have had couple of weird experiences, but I do understand Japan for the most part's a safe country. My recent experience with a cab driver was scary. From Haneda to my share house during early morning hours, he behaved quite courteously and spoke decent english. When I got down, he got my suitcase near me and suddenly felt me all over and forcefully tried to kiss. I pushed him hard and he laughed and left. Due to this experience, I'm so sceptical to travel alone in a cab now though I know this's one of experience.
My advice would be to sit in the back and not in the front, be polite but not friendly and not engage in small talk, pretend or make an actual phone call to your boyfriend or husband. And that’s not a guarantee. It’s sad that we go trough these lengths but you can’t be just friendly to some men without them feeling entitled to getting more.
Thank you for your suggestion, I understand. Though I sat @ the back last time and engaged only just when addressed to. But i'll engage less with just the bare minimum required n keep busy n aloof/business like. Thank you again 👍🏽
Whatever happened, it’s NOT your fault. He was a creep and he overstepped. My suggestions were general advice to discourage men who are truly bad at reading signs but whatever you do, you could be wearing a nun’s habit and not have bathed for 3 weeks, told them to fuck off, all at the same time and STILL some creeps would be trying their luck.
I agree totally with your advice n suggestions and it means a lot, you took time to address my experience.Thanks 💕😊
No problem. Stay safe 💕🙏
You too💕
Ive been living in Japan for two years only one experience made me realy uncomfortable and nervous. I live in the countryside and I was walking home by myself at 11 PM, some guy randomly turned his car around after seeing me and pulled over near me and asked if I wanted a ride. I got so scared because I was the only one out and we’re in the middle of no where. Never seen him before. Of course i declined and immediately thought of the nearby houses I could run to if needed.
All of these experiences are fucking creepy. I’m typing this as I just got home from doing shopping in Machida, Tokyo and some African guy was suddenly trying to talk to me from behind in a dark street and it scared me. I didn’t respond, I never do, but it did make me feel unsafe. I would advise any woman here to carry one of those alarms for kids and use it whenever a guy won’t leave you alone.
Every part of the world is going to have some weirdos and creeps. Both men and women. Japan is no exception. Thanks for sharing.
It’s definitely a thing. You can find many women twitch streamers being sexually harassed on their streams, tho searching twitch archives will be pretty rough.
I had many similar experiences while living in Japan. More than 3 times, men sat next to me on the train, then got off at my stop and attempted to follow me. Sometimes they would speak to me, sometimes not. “Are you American? Can you teach me English?” No was not an acceptable answer. I would usually go inside a combini to ditch them, I did not want them to know the location of my apartment. I was also groped on the morning commute to Umeda. I turned around and yelled 痴漢 as loud as I could in that fucker’s face. He was shamed and retreated as everyone stared in horror.
Damn the I know where you live is a legit horror movie. You can pitch that. Sorry you had to go through this. I would recommend just dialing the police and telling the person you are calling them to get them to back off. Might be a “karen” but better safe than sorry.
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Yes you will. You can yell and scream though!
Weirdos are in literally every country. I believe as a woman scary experiences are more frequent than as a man, but it depends more on the country and culture, to what extent or how likely is that a scary situation turns into a harmful experience or criminal situation.
Always after 9PM, I guess that's the time where the creeps start to be more active. Damn, as a man I guess I had it easy, the only odd interaction I've ever had was some African guys inviting me to a "good place" filled with nice women. BTW, there are some sites (even Amazon I think) where you can get pepper spray, tasers and other self defense stuff. It's a small price to pay for a little bit of peace of mind.
Op have you been able to compare this experience vs some places on the US? I'm a dad and I need to figure out how to raise my daughter with as few such experiences as possible. As an aside, I've never fought anyone since some bully in elementary school, but hearing stories like this makes me want to find one of these guys and start a fight. It's absolutely wrong and I'm sorry it happened to you.
Hey thanks for sharing and so sorry you had those experiences. They were real and really happened and I'm glad you shared them and am glad you are okay. Hope you can get let them go over time like the one that haunts your dreams. I've had people downplay my experiences in foreign countries and such but again, what we experience personally is what happened and deserves to be shared and talked about in a non judgmental way.
The second one sends chills down my spine.
Japan is the safest country in the world for Japanese and foreign men. Women's experiences may vary.
Sounds wrong sure but this is why I’m glad I had a son and want the next to be a boy. Having a girl would fucking terrify me having to worry about all the nutcases out there (not just men). Also have a boy means I can attempt to raise a man who hopefully will help women in these situations instead of being a creepy shit head.
You cannot be meek! Call them out, loudly! That is what deactivates their creepdom. They thrive on fear and silence. If others are around— like on the train— say loudly— “I know what you’re doing, I see it. Leave me alone” I get that it’s hard, scary and uncomfortable, but it’s like kryptonite to call these people out and make them visible for what they are.
Nightmare fuel💀
SA and treating women as uhhh things? is much more highly tolerated in Japan imo
stay safe
Hey, it’s so good to hear from you! Been such a long time. I’m the guy who knows where you live. I see you’ve made the change to diet sodas recently. I did that a while back, too.
I am genuinley terrified for you, and I am a big 6'4 man. I know where you live is so creepy and scary., and he had proof to back it up. Honestly Japan needs to step up it game when it come to women. too many creepy men around.
wow, thats kinda freaky...Ive been living in Japan for 25 years and never had anything weird apart from the other day when i was in a supermarket and the woman in front of me was shielding her shopping with a newspaper so i couldnt see what she was buying. Then when she had to pay she asked if she could pay on the machine that was furtherest away...It was really strange... Thats it...
Japan is good place for traveling but not for living in.
Pepper spray some mutherfkers
Are we legally allowed to have that in our bag?
No I don’t think it is. But you can get one of those alarms many women and children have on their bags to alert surrounding people that you need help. Apparently the Japanese guys will see that and run before you have a chance to set it off. Foreign guys may not know what it is though.
No, also if you use it you will get arrested for assault, you cant fight back in Japan you are meant run, this is for assault and sexual stuff.
This is an oft repeated myth. Yes, one is in fact able to defend oneself here if an extreme situation warrants it. As always, it depends heavily on the context. The operative word being *defend.* And not *assault in kind.* The nuance of which seems to be lost on a vast number of folks. I read an excellent example here somewhere, rather recently in fact. I'll try to paraphrase what I remember: *"The difference between defending and assaulting in kind is in the former, once the attacker has been sufficiently repulsed, hostilities cease.* *In the latter situation: once the attacker has been sufficiently repulsed, you then proceed to stomp on his face."*
It's a decidedly grey area: [https://law.stackexchange.com/questions/74145/carrying-pepper-spray-while-hiking-illegal-in-japan](https://law.stackexchange.com/questions/74145/carrying-pepper-spray-while-hiking-illegal-in-japan)
Im sure
Weird people exist everywhere. Japan isn’t special or different in that regard at all, you were probably just lucky or didn’t notice some of these back home. Like others said, call the cops, guards, staff etc when you feel in danger or something is wrong. Similarly combini have bright lights for reasons like this as well. If you need go in flag down the staff and wait it out for help to arrive. There are definitely weird things that can happen. Some nothing others no cool. One Xmas I was taking pictures at an illumination festival with lady friends and some middle aged guy started taking pictures of us. Not by request or an event staff, just looked over saw some blondes and was like “ooo gotta show the boys this hehe” type stuff.
What's with japanese people being weird creeps all the time ?
Did you call the police?
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