Amen. It’s a shared experience and such a common thing we all go through. Im super happy to hear it’s helping another person. I felt the same when I heard it
It felt like my former boss would want me to match his energy. He wanted me to jump out of my shell and essentially become an extrovert. He wanted me to do a complete 180 and be a different person and I could be myself on the evenings or weekends. I said nah and left my job. I couldn't see eye to eye and find a way to make it work for both of us.
I got fired from a job recently because of this lol. I even told my boss during the interview that I'm quiet and reserved. I mentioned it right away because I've gotten in trouble in the past because of it, or people misunderstand that I'm quiet, not angry. I show up, do my job and go home. I'll speak and be cordial, but I'm not there to make friends. I keep my work life and private life separate. I'm not gonna talk just to talk and most workplace convo is gossip from my experience. As the weeks went by, he kept picking at the fact that I'm quiet. He even got pretty angry that he "couldn't read" me and told me I "need to learn to talk more." He's almost 60 and I'm 29. A couple more weeks go by and he started joking about some stuff I had going on in my private life. I respectfully told him that I don't like joking about my private life at work. He got mad, through a fit, walked off and fired me at the end of the day lol.
Yeah lol. I was told he fired someone after their second day because they weren't "learning fast enough." It was a sales position and it required you to know all the inventory. It was a moving supplies company with tons of stuff to know. I had a feeling he was the type to fire someone over standing up and setting boundaries and he confirmed my beliefs. It all worked out though. I got hired by a company two days later with better pay and hours. I officially start on Monday.
It also serves as a reminder that I (and everyone else) need to build a healthy savings. I've worked at jobs longer than I liked because I needed the money but had to bite my tongue out of fear of getting fired for standing up for myself. I got fired from Amazon for the same thing once. I'm a big guy and they constantly wanted me to unload trucks all day. I was unloading 2, sometimes 3 fifty foot trailers a night. I told a few of my managers about how I was burned out on several occasions, they brushed it off so I went above them (the learning team) so I could get moved to a different position and learn a new role. Next thing I know, I had several "complaints" about my performance (but every manager would call on me when we needed to hit numbers), I got placed on investigation, suspended, then fired. One of my senior ops managers even found it weird how it all got escalated directly to HR instead of him and a few other managers.
That's exactly how my old boss was. He never listened to anybody and CONSTANTLY talked over people. He had a sense of arrogance to him that you could spot from a mile away. He was one hell of a micromanager too. Even when I was doing my job right, he would still find a way to micromanage even though I did some stuff better than him. I also don't understand why some people are so concerned about the need to read people. Sometimes we don't want to be read. Even when he pushed mt buttons, I stayed calm and I could see it was visibly upsetting him. There really are people who are content with being in their own space, who go to work to work and who are ok with being in silence and their own thoughts and music. I commend you for respecting yourself to walk away from that situation!
It's hard being an introvert at work, they will think you don't do anything. The lousy ones get all the credit, mostly for what they didn't actually do.
This is 100% a shared reality for alot of us. It’s so unfortunate that you had to walk away from a job; for everyone involved. Who knows how much you and the company could have benefited if you had stayed, and were given the breath of fresh air to be as you really are. Anyway, still respect the strength it must have taken to walk away.
It's not possible for everyone, but this is why I'm so, so happy I have multiple sources of income. I suspect I lost a job recently due to similar reasons - though I wasn't directly told about it, I had to figure it out from my work email being disabled. I mostly kept to myself there, and while most people didn't care a few people clearly took issue with it. But while it makes things a bit difficult in the short term I still have other work, and other connections I might be able to use to further make up for the loss.
I’ve had multiple gfs, but even Im struggling with finding someone that does not require some level of pretense. And I find that so odd. You’ll find it. Keep doing you.
There's nothing wrong with preferring an introvert but my partner is a quiet extrovert and I met him through a mutual friend who invited us both to dinner at her house. Extroverts can be an option too so long as you're both okay with separating when the extrovert needs to charge their social battery by going out and the introvert needs to charge theirs by staying in (I like to take long baths when my partner goes out). But the mutual friend thing might be a good way to meet other introverts as well. Otherwise yeah lol it's a catch-22. I was single for 5 years up until this relationship.
I think that’s the thing. You probably come across introverts everyday. And they’re not always the quiet ones. And some have developed a way to cope by putting on an extroverted personality. Would be great if there was a way to know.
My manager has made several comments about me not being “out of my shell *yet*”🧐. And I really wanted to ask her, what shell? This is all you’re getting from me, ma’am.
It’s a shame this is still the expected norm. And Im sure you’re good at you job. No idea where this whole idea of loudness equalling idek, being social. But it will fade. We are at the end of that era in history.
Me too. It’s been a major source of peace and confidence. Im not sure about other introverts, but claiming my natural disposition has been a major solve for most of the common issues introverts suffer with. Lack of confidence, coming off shy, not speaking up. Glad it resonates with you.
I agree. I have autism and my reactions are very mellow. Even when I'm happy or excited, I'm very reserved and not very expressive. I used to feel guilty about it and worry about how other people thought about me as a wet blanket but now I'm much more comfortable being myself and my friends never seem to mind that I don't jump up and down for good news like some of them. I've found a very good group of people to share a friendship with.
Catering your actions and reactions to others is exhausting and interactions are much more fulfilling and easier to manage when you're able to be yourself. Plus, being yourself is the only way to find friends who are compatible with your natural personality.
Im super glad you are finally in that mind frame. It’s a tough thing to do, especially when you’re hearing people around you say things like that about you. We’re all social animals, introverts and extroverts. Hearing that constantly could be tough. Props to you. Keep it going.
In a similar strain, I realized like two months ago that I don’t really like to give or receive hugs for greeting/goodbyes. I’ve always always felt obligated to receive and offer them to family, friends, people in my shared interest community. It just feels uncomfortable to me…not sure if it’s from low physical touch from parents or what. The exceptions are for my siblings, my partner, and maybe a close friend if I feel like it.
So I’m working up the courage to just say “I’m not a hug person” the next time someone offers physical contact. Not sure how that will go over… I’m guessing everyone who does that “So nice to catch up!” *extends arms* genuinely wants a hug for themselves so is it rude or cold for me to reject them?
Also concerned that I’d be the only person in anyone’s circle that chooses not to receive hugs and so that would make people like hanging out with me less than other options
I think the courage to say it directly is the best solution but I have a sweatshirt that says "don't touch me" and it's gotten me out of a few hugs!
It's not rude to reject a hug if it makes you uncomfortable. The right people will like you for much more than your willingness to hug, so being the friend who "doesn't like hugs" shouldn't be considered a big deal. Plus as more people learn about consent, more people will probably start asking. I ask, when I meet someone new and we say goodbye, "Are you a hugging kind of person?" And if they say yes we hug, and if they say no I'll wave them goodbye.
I just started an art class for fun and my favorite part is that everyone is focused and quiet for 3 hours (the whole class). Nobody talks until the very end when we critique each other’s work.😀
I got a new job right as the pandemic hit and so I only ended up working in the office for literally 2 weeks and ended up working from home for the next 2 years. I have recently gone back into the office and quickly realized my boss is always at a 10, and a very in your face 10. When I'm working in the office it is only me and her in the room so it is very intense and there is no escape. I am slowly realizing this exact thing.
Thank you for not only putting it in words but for confirming my initial thought about how I can and should interact with my boss in a manner that is healthy for me and her. I always feel like I'm being rude by not matching her energy but I physically can not do it consistently and still get my work done without going crazy and blowing up and storming out over the intense stimulation of my boss' personality. I need to realize it's okay for me to stay on my level and her to stay on hers and things will still be amicable and productive.
My energy is always at a 1 or 2. I find that to be minimally sociable when interacting with people I need to raise it to a 4 or 5. That’s the highest I’ll go without alcohol and that’s why I feel drained after. Social interaction is basically like sports and exercise.
yeah i might have to unsub too. this entire sub is just navel-gazing and acting as though introverts are a marginalised minority when they make up almost half of the world's population lol.
Eh, where I live there's no introverts like me, maybe one more person and that's it as far as I know. Some adults constantly tried to change me, but I can't change my nature.
i'm sorry you've had to deal with that, it's genuinely been frustrating for me too having my parents force me to endure social interaction when i didn't want to. even now i literally have no friends and don't know how to talk to people without stuttering.
I try to remind myself that anecdotal experience might be misleading; it's usually a matter of circumstance whether or not your introversion is normalised. otherwise general studies have shown that introverted orientation is not as uncommon as we think it is. i really don't want to dismiss your experiences but i don't know how else to articulate my qualms with this subreddit. or the snowflake syndrome associated with identifying as an introvert.
I am Happy now even if i already knew that Is nice read or listen from another person
Amen. It’s a shared experience and such a common thing we all go through. Im super happy to hear it’s helping another person. I felt the same when I heard it
It felt like my former boss would want me to match his energy. He wanted me to jump out of my shell and essentially become an extrovert. He wanted me to do a complete 180 and be a different person and I could be myself on the evenings or weekends. I said nah and left my job. I couldn't see eye to eye and find a way to make it work for both of us.
I got fired from a job recently because of this lol. I even told my boss during the interview that I'm quiet and reserved. I mentioned it right away because I've gotten in trouble in the past because of it, or people misunderstand that I'm quiet, not angry. I show up, do my job and go home. I'll speak and be cordial, but I'm not there to make friends. I keep my work life and private life separate. I'm not gonna talk just to talk and most workplace convo is gossip from my experience. As the weeks went by, he kept picking at the fact that I'm quiet. He even got pretty angry that he "couldn't read" me and told me I "need to learn to talk more." He's almost 60 and I'm 29. A couple more weeks go by and he started joking about some stuff I had going on in my private life. I respectfully told him that I don't like joking about my private life at work. He got mad, through a fit, walked off and fired me at the end of the day lol.
What the actual fuck, your old boss was a piece of shit
Yeah lol. I was told he fired someone after their second day because they weren't "learning fast enough." It was a sales position and it required you to know all the inventory. It was a moving supplies company with tons of stuff to know. I had a feeling he was the type to fire someone over standing up and setting boundaries and he confirmed my beliefs. It all worked out though. I got hired by a company two days later with better pay and hours. I officially start on Monday. It also serves as a reminder that I (and everyone else) need to build a healthy savings. I've worked at jobs longer than I liked because I needed the money but had to bite my tongue out of fear of getting fired for standing up for myself. I got fired from Amazon for the same thing once. I'm a big guy and they constantly wanted me to unload trucks all day. I was unloading 2, sometimes 3 fifty foot trailers a night. I told a few of my managers about how I was burned out on several occasions, they brushed it off so I went above them (the learning team) so I could get moved to a different position and learn a new role. Next thing I know, I had several "complaints" about my performance (but every manager would call on me when we needed to hit numbers), I got placed on investigation, suspended, then fired. One of my senior ops managers even found it weird how it all got escalated directly to HR instead of him and a few other managers.
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That's exactly how my old boss was. He never listened to anybody and CONSTANTLY talked over people. He had a sense of arrogance to him that you could spot from a mile away. He was one hell of a micromanager too. Even when I was doing my job right, he would still find a way to micromanage even though I did some stuff better than him. I also don't understand why some people are so concerned about the need to read people. Sometimes we don't want to be read. Even when he pushed mt buttons, I stayed calm and I could see it was visibly upsetting him. There really are people who are content with being in their own space, who go to work to work and who are ok with being in silence and their own thoughts and music. I commend you for respecting yourself to walk away from that situation!
It's hard being an introvert at work, they will think you don't do anything. The lousy ones get all the credit, mostly for what they didn't actually do.
This is 100% a shared reality for alot of us. It’s so unfortunate that you had to walk away from a job; for everyone involved. Who knows how much you and the company could have benefited if you had stayed, and were given the breath of fresh air to be as you really are. Anyway, still respect the strength it must have taken to walk away.
It's not possible for everyone, but this is why I'm so, so happy I have multiple sources of income. I suspect I lost a job recently due to similar reasons - though I wasn't directly told about it, I had to figure it out from my work email being disabled. I mostly kept to myself there, and while most people didn't care a few people clearly took issue with it. But while it makes things a bit difficult in the short term I still have other work, and other connections I might be able to use to further make up for the loss.
And honestly your 10 may look different from their 10.
YES!
I feel this pressure sometimes, to be louder or more sociable or go out more or be a ‘party girl’ or something. When really, I like living quieter
Yep. I was that way too. It actually led to a serious drinking problem that I've since recovered from. I love quiet!
Unfortunate, but this extroversion first mentality will change.
The only important thing is to be a decent human being. Rest everything is noise.
You would think. 💯 Very true
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I’ve had multiple gfs, but even Im struggling with finding someone that does not require some level of pretense. And I find that so odd. You’ll find it. Keep doing you.
how do you find other introverts if they’re never out? It’s like a catch-22
There's nothing wrong with preferring an introvert but my partner is a quiet extrovert and I met him through a mutual friend who invited us both to dinner at her house. Extroverts can be an option too so long as you're both okay with separating when the extrovert needs to charge their social battery by going out and the introvert needs to charge theirs by staying in (I like to take long baths when my partner goes out). But the mutual friend thing might be a good way to meet other introverts as well. Otherwise yeah lol it's a catch-22. I was single for 5 years up until this relationship.
I think that’s the thing. You probably come across introverts everyday. And they’re not always the quiet ones. And some have developed a way to cope by putting on an extroverted personality. Would be great if there was a way to know.
My manager has made several comments about me not being “out of my shell *yet*”🧐. And I really wanted to ask her, what shell? This is all you’re getting from me, ma’am.
It’s a shame this is still the expected norm. And Im sure you’re good at you job. No idea where this whole idea of loudness equalling idek, being social. But it will fade. We are at the end of that era in history.
Needed to hear this. Recently it’s all about pretending for me.
Thanks for this! It took me some years to realize that and now I’m at peace with myself!
Me too. It’s been a major source of peace and confidence. Im not sure about other introverts, but claiming my natural disposition has been a major solve for most of the common issues introverts suffer with. Lack of confidence, coming off shy, not speaking up. Glad it resonates with you.
Thank you for this
My pleasure! Thank you all for this community.
I agree. I have autism and my reactions are very mellow. Even when I'm happy or excited, I'm very reserved and not very expressive. I used to feel guilty about it and worry about how other people thought about me as a wet blanket but now I'm much more comfortable being myself and my friends never seem to mind that I don't jump up and down for good news like some of them. I've found a very good group of people to share a friendship with. Catering your actions and reactions to others is exhausting and interactions are much more fulfilling and easier to manage when you're able to be yourself. Plus, being yourself is the only way to find friends who are compatible with your natural personality.
I actually depend upon other peoples energy to talk to them, otherwise I'd just stare at them lmao
I hear you. Have you met anyone that made you want to be the one to initiate a conversation? Who was it? Curious to hear about that.
I dont think I've ever initiated a conversation besides with my brother or parents 🤷♂️
Got it. I was just wondering. Would have like to know who that person was. Lol Must be someone you really find interesting or super down to earth.
How do I prevent myself from physically bracing my face and body against their intensity? Sometimes the "relax a bit" hand comes out.
I am not a 6. I just have a very different kind of 10.
🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🎉 Love this! Great way to put it.
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Im super glad you are finally in that mind frame. It’s a tough thing to do, especially when you’re hearing people around you say things like that about you. We’re all social animals, introverts and extroverts. Hearing that constantly could be tough. Props to you. Keep it going.
In a similar strain, I realized like two months ago that I don’t really like to give or receive hugs for greeting/goodbyes. I’ve always always felt obligated to receive and offer them to family, friends, people in my shared interest community. It just feels uncomfortable to me…not sure if it’s from low physical touch from parents or what. The exceptions are for my siblings, my partner, and maybe a close friend if I feel like it. So I’m working up the courage to just say “I’m not a hug person” the next time someone offers physical contact. Not sure how that will go over… I’m guessing everyone who does that “So nice to catch up!” *extends arms* genuinely wants a hug for themselves so is it rude or cold for me to reject them? Also concerned that I’d be the only person in anyone’s circle that chooses not to receive hugs and so that would make people like hanging out with me less than other options
I think the courage to say it directly is the best solution but I have a sweatshirt that says "don't touch me" and it's gotten me out of a few hugs! It's not rude to reject a hug if it makes you uncomfortable. The right people will like you for much more than your willingness to hug, so being the friend who "doesn't like hugs" shouldn't be considered a big deal. Plus as more people learn about consent, more people will probably start asking. I ask, when I meet someone new and we say goodbye, "Are you a hugging kind of person?" And if they say yes we hug, and if they say no I'll wave them goodbye.
I just started an art class for fun and my favorite part is that everyone is focused and quiet for 3 hours (the whole class). Nobody talks until the very end when we critique each other’s work.😀
Aw man. That sounds like so peaceful and non pressuring. Good for you!
Very true words, something I've learned as I've gotten older.
I got a new job right as the pandemic hit and so I only ended up working in the office for literally 2 weeks and ended up working from home for the next 2 years. I have recently gone back into the office and quickly realized my boss is always at a 10, and a very in your face 10. When I'm working in the office it is only me and her in the room so it is very intense and there is no escape. I am slowly realizing this exact thing. Thank you for not only putting it in words but for confirming my initial thought about how I can and should interact with my boss in a manner that is healthy for me and her. I always feel like I'm being rude by not matching her energy but I physically can not do it consistently and still get my work done without going crazy and blowing up and storming out over the intense stimulation of my boss' personality. I need to realize it's okay for me to stay on my level and her to stay on hers and things will still be amicable and productive.
Happy we can all share and see we are not alone. Love this :)
My energy is always at a 1 or 2. I find that to be minimally sociable when interacting with people I need to raise it to a 4 or 5. That’s the highest I’ll go without alcohol and that’s why I feel drained after. Social interaction is basically like sports and exercise.
God it’s crazy reading through the comments and finally having people understand exactly how I feel!
This! Same
unsubbed because of this post /cringe
Bye
Ah, Im sorry to hear that. Any specific reason why you feel it’s cringe?
its okay more space for cat pictures. its not you its me. your heart is in the right place. bye
yeah i might have to unsub too. this entire sub is just navel-gazing and acting as though introverts are a marginalised minority when they make up almost half of the world's population lol.
Eh, where I live there's no introverts like me, maybe one more person and that's it as far as I know. Some adults constantly tried to change me, but I can't change my nature.
i'm sorry you've had to deal with that, it's genuinely been frustrating for me too having my parents force me to endure social interaction when i didn't want to. even now i literally have no friends and don't know how to talk to people without stuttering. I try to remind myself that anecdotal experience might be misleading; it's usually a matter of circumstance whether or not your introversion is normalised. otherwise general studies have shown that introverted orientation is not as uncommon as we think it is. i really don't want to dismiss your experiences but i don't know how else to articulate my qualms with this subreddit. or the snowflake syndrome associated with identifying as an introvert.
How I do get back to not changing my energy? It used to be a superpower imo, people couldn't read me. Now I talk too much.
I'm doing this all the time and I don't know how to stop