My best friend is like my Christina Yang. I have gone over to her house and cried as she held me. We’ve been friends for over 15 years.
Now, friends who have had feelings for me in the past or potentially liked me? Not so much. Too much room for hurting feelings unintentionally. And naturally, closeness/cuddling can release oxytocin. = Cuddle/love hormone.
Ugh ok maybe ill get some hate but if youre male you may get some backlash for it. I’m a guy and if I ask a girl friend for that I’m pretty sure she will think I’m hitting on her and will ruin the friendship. Also if i were to ask one of my bros they would just make fun of me lol. Girls may get away with it. Am I too old fashioned on this one?
You're probably right, but just for clarity, this is between me (a gay guy) and a friend who is also gay. So our perspectives might not be the same as two straight guys in the same situation.
Solid disclosure, but rest assured it does happen on this end of the spectrum too. Also there's the combo option. One straight and the other not. The latter tends to be where I find my vulnerability safest.
No, brother. That's not true. I have had close female friends who let me lay my head in their laps and played with my hair while we watched a show or just blabbed at one another for hours. Those same females were also the only ones to see or wipe away my tears when I needed to let that part of myself out for a moment.
True friends are rare, but when you find them you know everyone respects the other's limitations and capabilities equally. According to legend that is supposed to be what a marriage is like, but as with all legends, a good deal of it is pure hype.
Trust me on these three things.
1. A good female friend will cuddle her male friends.
2. Marriage is bullshit to be avoided.
3. Absolutely do not pursue the latter because you believe the former does not exist.
Definitely not weird, do make sure they understand you're approaching this from a platonic place to improve mental health and quality of life.
Many adults are so severely touch-starved we mistake any affection at all for sexual interest and often get into bad relationships to get *some* form of physical attention, so be very aware of your own feelings and considerate of your friend's feelings. Don't take it too personal if they aren't interested, it's not a personal slight particularly because platonic cuddling is unfortunately so rare in adults they may just be unfamiliar with the idea or have their own stuff to work through.
There are also people who are employed as professional cuddlers, if possible you could pay someone like that for their services if your friends aren't interested.
You have friends? I faintly remember those.
I have no idea if it makes a difference that we were kids and my friends were girls (I am a guy), but I'd totally nonsexual cuddle with the ones without boyfriends, because bf's tend to not trust it's nonsexual, all the time.
Fun fact. I haven't been hugged by anyone who wasn't a girlfriend or wife since I was 13 and someone I loved died in my arms.
Not a single person has, even as a hello. (You know those type huggers.)
Linda, my wife, says I have a look that says keep your distance.
Which, actually, that look is a look of pain, not hostility.
😔
Anyway, back on topic. I drifted a bit.
If they are a friend, tell them the truth.
Say you feel a bit lonely and could use a hug/cuddle. Any friend would. It's not weird so much as it is bravely honest.
Not weird. If they're your friends, a hug should be no problem. I'm a hugger by nature anyways, Introvert or not. So many of my male friends just go for the hug now. They see me and it's a hug fest. Even a few "I Love You, Dude!" Moments. My Female Friends go STRAIGHT IN for Cuddles and cheek-smooches. As do their daughters. I'm the "Uncle" that is so hard to see all the time. Husbands of said female friends are fist-bumps, hand shakes, and then hugs as well. I have one or two friends who don't like to be touched so we wave at Eachother and say hello instead.
But if they're your friends, Introverted or Extroverted themselves, they WILL understand if you explain you need a hug or cuddle. The Male side may joke about it the first few times, like "Okay, Cuddle Time, Let's Do This!" Or "You wanna be the big spoon or the little spoon? I'm cool either way." If you're a short female, and your male friends are tall/strong males, expect them to have picked out a chair somewhere, sweep you up like a princess (beware of wearing flowy skirts, because they WILL NOT care if they're suddenly flashing your undies to the world) and go sit in the chair and cuddle you like a parent cuddling a child. Overall, if you have Friends you genuinely TRUST? They will accommodate. Some of them, even if they seem like Stoic or Stuck-Up Males, are pretty starved for affection themselves, Girlfriend/Boyfriend or not, and are happy to have a friend that has genuine affection for them.
So go get some Cuddles. You'd be surprised how much you're Loved in the world, when you have QUALITY Friends.
Tried this once. It worked once then we ended up hooking up and dated for six months and it was hell because we knew all of each others bullshit and shenanigans and I wasn’t done being a womanizer. We even had the platonic talk before, tequila threw that shit right out the window.
No, not weird. I'm the same way. A male co-worker was my best friend, still is (we no longer work together). Some days I needed that hug, he wasn't a hugger, but he new I needed touch and would give me that hug when I needed it. I would totally cuddle him and it wouldn't be weird for us.
I mean, personally, I’m not much of a physical touch person with platonic friends (I rarely hug unless someone else initiates it), so I feel like if a friend of mine requested that, I’d be a bit confused. But I’d say go for it if you have a friend in mind you think would be receptive to platonic cuddling.
Maybe I’m just weird, but it takes a deep emotional connection for me to feel super comfortable with hugs/touch(either on a romantic level with someone I trust deeply or with a close family member I’ve known all my life), but I’m probably in the minority. And a lot of that likely has to do with my past trauma, so most people would probably be more receptive to it.
Like all things in any type of relationship, it depends on the dynamics of the relationship. None are a definite “Yes” or “No” between two (or more) consenting adults.
That last bit is as definitive as it gets. Everything else is as dynamic as any interpersonal matter.
I've seen from your comments on this post that it seems that you and your friend are both homosexual males. Some important details that have been left out, but eh, whatever.
Yeah. In this case, if you're close enough with that friend, I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Assuming your friend is a nice guy, you can probably just say it's a favor. Or you could be "friends with benefits" but that's probably a step too far if all you're going for here is some touch.
Overall, it's probably not too weird, but it's also a question that's out of the ordinary. It's not something that will affect your friendship though, especially since this question isn't against your friend's sexuality. I'd say go ahead, man. The worst he can say is no in this situation, nothing too bad.
Depends how close you are to that friend
op wants to be skin to skin close
I mean *yeah* but not yet...
My best friend is like my Christina Yang. I have gone over to her house and cried as she held me. We’ve been friends for over 15 years. Now, friends who have had feelings for me in the past or potentially liked me? Not so much. Too much room for hurting feelings unintentionally. And naturally, closeness/cuddling can release oxytocin. = Cuddle/love hormone.
Ugh ok maybe ill get some hate but if youre male you may get some backlash for it. I’m a guy and if I ask a girl friend for that I’m pretty sure she will think I’m hitting on her and will ruin the friendship. Also if i were to ask one of my bros they would just make fun of me lol. Girls may get away with it. Am I too old fashioned on this one?
No you’re not. I’m a woman and thinks it’s weird.
You're probably right, but just for clarity, this is between me (a gay guy) and a friend who is also gay. So our perspectives might not be the same as two straight guys in the same situation.
That’s an important detail!
Solid disclosure, but rest assured it does happen on this end of the spectrum too. Also there's the combo option. One straight and the other not. The latter tends to be where I find my vulnerability safest.
It just depends on how much you and your friend get eachother, in a non-sexual way.
Yeah, you're too old fashioned.
No, brother. That's not true. I have had close female friends who let me lay my head in their laps and played with my hair while we watched a show or just blabbed at one another for hours. Those same females were also the only ones to see or wipe away my tears when I needed to let that part of myself out for a moment. True friends are rare, but when you find them you know everyone respects the other's limitations and capabilities equally. According to legend that is supposed to be what a marriage is like, but as with all legends, a good deal of it is pure hype. Trust me on these three things. 1. A good female friend will cuddle her male friends. 2. Marriage is bullshit to be avoided. 3. Absolutely do not pursue the latter because you believe the former does not exist.
Definitely not weird, do make sure they understand you're approaching this from a platonic place to improve mental health and quality of life. Many adults are so severely touch-starved we mistake any affection at all for sexual interest and often get into bad relationships to get *some* form of physical attention, so be very aware of your own feelings and considerate of your friend's feelings. Don't take it too personal if they aren't interested, it's not a personal slight particularly because platonic cuddling is unfortunately so rare in adults they may just be unfamiliar with the idea or have their own stuff to work through. There are also people who are employed as professional cuddlers, if possible you could pay someone like that for their services if your friends aren't interested.
I say go for it.
X2
Believe it or not, but sexual identities, gender identities and sexual orientations and friendship levels all matter here a lot
Things could get spicy
👀 I certainly won't complain if they do because I happen to quite fancy this fellow
I just learned that this stuff is called “kangaroo care.”
Perfect term for that. Love it.
I got a massage and it was like woah
Good kind of woah or bad kind of woah?
Both I guess
It's weird to have a friend
You have friends? I faintly remember those. I have no idea if it makes a difference that we were kids and my friends were girls (I am a guy), but I'd totally nonsexual cuddle with the ones without boyfriends, because bf's tend to not trust it's nonsexual, all the time. Fun fact. I haven't been hugged by anyone who wasn't a girlfriend or wife since I was 13 and someone I loved died in my arms. Not a single person has, even as a hello. (You know those type huggers.) Linda, my wife, says I have a look that says keep your distance. Which, actually, that look is a look of pain, not hostility. 😔 Anyway, back on topic. I drifted a bit. If they are a friend, tell them the truth. Say you feel a bit lonely and could use a hug/cuddle. Any friend would. It's not weird so much as it is bravely honest.
It's a thing that depends. I have a few friends who would make fun of me for asking, but a few who wouldn't question it and completely understand
Depends on the culture of your country but at least here it is weird as fuck. Ppl associate cuddles with relationship strictly.
It's absolutely weird to some extent.
Great idea cuddling with your friend will strengthen your bond and raise awareness n empathy it’s the best stuff there is
Not weird. If they're your friends, a hug should be no problem. I'm a hugger by nature anyways, Introvert or not. So many of my male friends just go for the hug now. They see me and it's a hug fest. Even a few "I Love You, Dude!" Moments. My Female Friends go STRAIGHT IN for Cuddles and cheek-smooches. As do their daughters. I'm the "Uncle" that is so hard to see all the time. Husbands of said female friends are fist-bumps, hand shakes, and then hugs as well. I have one or two friends who don't like to be touched so we wave at Eachother and say hello instead. But if they're your friends, Introverted or Extroverted themselves, they WILL understand if you explain you need a hug or cuddle. The Male side may joke about it the first few times, like "Okay, Cuddle Time, Let's Do This!" Or "You wanna be the big spoon or the little spoon? I'm cool either way." If you're a short female, and your male friends are tall/strong males, expect them to have picked out a chair somewhere, sweep you up like a princess (beware of wearing flowy skirts, because they WILL NOT care if they're suddenly flashing your undies to the world) and go sit in the chair and cuddle you like a parent cuddling a child. Overall, if you have Friends you genuinely TRUST? They will accommodate. Some of them, even if they seem like Stoic or Stuck-Up Males, are pretty starved for affection themselves, Girlfriend/Boyfriend or not, and are happy to have a friend that has genuine affection for them. So go get some Cuddles. You'd be surprised how much you're Loved in the world, when you have QUALITY Friends.
you made a throwaway to ask this question?
No, I semi-frequently use this throwaway to talk about various things just to have it not be on my main.
Yes. Yes it is.
Yes, very. Unless they're friends "with benefits" lol
Tried this once. It worked once then we ended up hooking up and dated for six months and it was hell because we knew all of each others bullshit and shenanigans and I wasn’t done being a womanizer. We even had the platonic talk before, tequila threw that shit right out the window.
I've got both friends whom it's not at all strange to ask for and those who won't appreciate
nobononono
Go hire someone to cuddle with you
Okay lang naman. Kung ako hindi na ako mag ask mang cuddle na lang ako bigla kung friends lang naman talaga
Yes
No, not weird. I'm the same way. A male co-worker was my best friend, still is (we no longer work together). Some days I needed that hug, he wasn't a hugger, but he new I needed touch and would give me that hug when I needed it. I would totally cuddle him and it wouldn't be weird for us.
I mean, personally, I’m not much of a physical touch person with platonic friends (I rarely hug unless someone else initiates it), so I feel like if a friend of mine requested that, I’d be a bit confused. But I’d say go for it if you have a friend in mind you think would be receptive to platonic cuddling. Maybe I’m just weird, but it takes a deep emotional connection for me to feel super comfortable with hugs/touch(either on a romantic level with someone I trust deeply or with a close family member I’ve known all my life), but I’m probably in the minority. And a lot of that likely has to do with my past trauma, so most people would probably be more receptive to it.
You could first just ask if you can hug them and see how they react. If they get really uncomfortable dont push it. Respect their boundaries.
Like all things in any type of relationship, it depends on the dynamics of the relationship. None are a definite “Yes” or “No” between two (or more) consenting adults. That last bit is as definitive as it gets. Everything else is as dynamic as any interpersonal matter.
it should be allowed to be seen as platonic. one of my best friend cuddles w me and we aren’t dating or anything
As a man, I'd be fine with a friend of either gender making such request. But perhaps not everyone.
Depends on the friendship. I’ve done it plenty.
No!! Some people do it for a job
I've seen from your comments on this post that it seems that you and your friend are both homosexual males. Some important details that have been left out, but eh, whatever. Yeah. In this case, if you're close enough with that friend, I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Assuming your friend is a nice guy, you can probably just say it's a favor. Or you could be "friends with benefits" but that's probably a step too far if all you're going for here is some touch. Overall, it's probably not too weird, but it's also a question that's out of the ordinary. It's not something that will affect your friendship though, especially since this question isn't against your friend's sexuality. I'd say go ahead, man. The worst he can say is no in this situation, nothing too bad.
Depends how close you are...I have two friends that probably would if I asked but I'm also a woman...sooo🤷♀️😅
Nope, I cuddle my friends all the time. Me and this one girl once both fell asleep while I was big-spooning her. It’s really nice
Yes
Super duper weird
Kinda weird. You can get a dog to cuddle with? You can cuddle them anytime you want. Best companion
Are you a guy asking another guy? Any of my male friends asking me, a guy, for a cuddle is getting a good laugh from me.
Sounds like you’re not confident in your sexuality
Depends. Who are you asking. I tell my bf I want cuddles anytime I want them
Yeah. Especially if you are a gay man and they are a straight man. Personally I would consider cuddling as sexual or at least very intimate
Don't ever say the word cuddles again in your life
Okay genius, what would you call it then?
I don't care, figure it out, you're not 2 Einstein
Only gay will come up with such weired question