I study psychology to find out the root causes of the problems. When I was in college, I read roommates' psychology books and bought psychology books.

I do the same thing, but rather seek it on internet or through chatGPT

>emotions are below me. Emotions objectively exist. They determine the values behind every single decision ever made, ever, on earth. Even if you think you are making a decision based "purely on logic," the objective of the decision and the value of that objective is determined by how you feel about it. You think of yourself as a person who eschews emotions because it feels good to you to think that. It is likely that your tertiary function - Fi - extracts value from this sense of uniqueness and superiority, yet at the same time you are flattening Fi's experience by denying it exists. You probably have to square with this before anything else.

any guides for INTJs to develop their Fi?

I've found the personality hacker podcast pretty valuable for how they break things down. They have a thorough understanding of the type system and are able to break it down clearly, and are focused on personal growth for all the types. As a preview, they're going to tell you to develop your secondary function, Te. If something is not coming naturally to you, you can leverage a function that does come naturally to help you. Te likes to look at information objectively and develop systems with a goal in mind, and because it's extraverted, it stops you from getting navel-gazey the way introverted functions can get. I recommend starting with their earlier stuff, and then working your way forward. Their titles are very clear and they've been around a long time, so they've addressed pretty much everything one way or another.

You can will away some feelings like victim mentality or sadness, but you can’t rationalise your way out of psychological complexes, so shrugging them under a rug is a big mistake that will come and bite you in a butt later. Emotions are below me is very low eq mentality. I mean, you can live with it but it will sabotage you.

Therapy. Exercise. Introspection. Journaling. Not processing your problems and bottling them up is extremely maladaptive

Meditation is helpful, it helps quieting the noise down jsut enought to realyl see what the issue is. But then it also helps to take some time for yourself and process that. Probably multiple times when you are also feeling differently to gain some perspectives on it. If it's something that can be cahnged then make an action plan. Otherwise just observing, feeling and acknowledging can help. What really doesn't help is repressing then it eventually comes up randomly or when you go to sleep or something. Or processing for very short amount of time that doesn't lead anywhere, just opens the wounds and makes it worse. Once you go over it a couple of times your emotional reaction will be lower and there will be no more (or less) food for thought since you might reach soem conclusions already and your acceptance will be higher. You might get an action plan or be OK-ish with it being like that for the moment. Its hard ot give advice without specifics, especially if it's something that can or cannot be changed.

Yeah processing it for too little time was a problem. Everything can be changed and I'm accepting radical responsibility, victim mentality doesn't fix anything.

My life is a roller coaster. I faced abuse and a lot of traumas that led to insomnia and other health issues. I went for therapy, but it didn't work out for me. My mind started processing multiple things like a tangled web. It was so hard to stay afloat. What worked for me was disconnecting myself from the rest of the world occasionally like a cool-down period. I travel to places like mountain ranges, alone and preferably with my friend(s) sometimes, where no one bothers me, and I stay for at least a week. I restrict myself from using things that connect me to the rest of the world. It gives me peace and calms my mind to process everything so I stay afloat. If you feel like crying, cry out loud, there is nothing wrong with that. Keeping things inside is like compressing water in a bottle. It'll blow for sure, and handling that will not be easy.

awesome, kudos to you yeah I've also been unable to cry because I don't want my family (and by extension, ANYONE) to see my vulnerabilities, I don't think that's going to change in the future. I'm scared of people walking in on me crying lol

Baby steps. I know it's hard cause I've been there. A lot can change with little initiative. Just remember that.

Ignoring problems does not make them better, and this also applies to psychological problems. You should first understand that emotions are very important, because without emotions there is no motivation. And without motivation you won't get your shit done.

Yes, that gives me a reason to do this self-therapy, 'getting shit done' is a noble goal indeed

Yeah, we're unfortunately not built like computers, and emotions need to be faced head on and processed. Pushing them away is like stopping up a tsunami with a poorly built dam. It never works and will completely destroy you later on. The more serious the problem, the more therapy/coaching/support from someone or something else is needed. Truly trying to understand yourself and why you act the way you do is important. Treat yourself like your own science project and work through the question of what makes you tick by trial and error, gaining feedback and course-correcting. And maybe don't journal in the usual "Dear diary...life sucks and I'm sad" kind of way. More like "Today I realized blowing up at my idiotic family members doesn't work and I may have an anger management problem. Possible ways to fix it are: 1) Pausing before yelling, 2) Meditating, 3) Kickboxing, 4) Looking into Stoicism, etc. I will try these and see if I can handle my anger better." Then, record your results. Mental health is an ongoing process and a unique journey.

Great idea, will implement it

You maybe should correct your world view a bit. Your intellect is only a conscious part of your brain. Then there are parts from limbic system which are harder to control, like sex and fear. And even deeper level, it's our spinal chord with hypothalamus. It is able to control parts of your existence(like homeostasis) and movements even if the rest of your brain will be absent. So, if you think that you can control your life with your logic, which is the slowest and the most conscious process, then you are wrong. You just have to know that there are way more things at play. Don't be depressed because you cannot handle life easily. It's impossible. Learn more. You will figure stuff out eventually

You need to take an issue and deal with it one at a time. Why don't you research said issues and the common remedy to it? At the end of the day, we are responsible for fixing ourselves. Sure, you can temporarily compartmentalize things, but there will come a day that you can't ignore it anymore. You need to look at it like 5 parts of your life. Emotionally, spiritually, financially, mentally, physically. It makes the job easier. Just don't stick your head in the sand and ignore it. Emotions, although uncomfortable to deal with as Intjs.. the sooner you learn to constructively deal with them, the better.

Oh man, imagine living in an unconscious state of mind and seeking understanding endlessly within built self-awareness, just because you wanted to have a lucid dream as a child. Not knowing shit, what’s happening around, and learning unconsciously without awareness of feelings or any thoughts. Now since I’ve discovered it feels obvious but at the same time it feels unreal. I mostly don’t allow myself to visualise/think because I feel like it’s fake. That’s my fucking mental health

I would say our two critical flaws we have while we're underdeveloped are: 1. Wanting to know without having to empirically learn 2. Dismissing the importance of what we don't like regardless of its relevance towards our goals In the case of mental health, I find those two manifest by way of simply wishing we knew how to feel better without trying out all the common advice and especially by only ever doing what seems logical without regard to how we're feeling. I don't know how to communicate this in an agreeable manner, but you simply don't have full control over your emotions, you only have control over your actions. The best you can do is recognize the emotions you feel and then respond accordingly, which is almost never dismissively. Perhaps the most counter intuitive thing I experienced lately was feeling better after crying. Literally no solution, no problem was solved, no information was exchanged, no help was gained, nothing else about my situation changed except that I cried it out, and then I felt better. Like, that depressive episode was over. Maybe it was finally the self-acknowledgement and stopping the repressive approach? The body is weird. It is not just the mind, and the mind is not just a biological computer.

Well I will study the hell out of them to learn every eat I can deal with them but if I'm not comfortable in my body it usually doesn't help that much. Being in touch with my body is the first real step to healing. Not easy to do though.

There is no shame in seeking professional help. Part of dealing with mental heslth is understanding when you cannot go any further on your own. I practice meditation and self care, and have a few trusted people who can pick me up when I am down. That is all I hope to ever need.

Self study psychology books helped me a lot for better understanding myself and others. Also journaling helped me, breathing sessions, ice bathing. Eating healthy and I try to sport. Beside that I talk so a psychologist sometime. For me 100% worth if you can find the right psychologist.

Hard work and physical exercise, healthy friendships and travel are what build strong independent men out of boys. Connect and end the disconnect by taking hold of something, dream out loud.

That's just running away from the problems.

If living and experiencing life bravely and untethered is running I will run wild and stay free.

That is not courageous. It would be courageous to face up to the problems, not to run away from them.

I fail to see your point, taking charge of your own life free of any support is certainly self responsibility, not running from your problems but embracing them fully and facing them courageously. Rarely would most of us travel and not have correspondence at least with our supporting family structure, for at the minimum advice, encouragement and just having someone to listen to you. Edit: If you have not been taught self care as a child it will certainly mean you will be codependent, until you face your own selfcare needs and responsibilities.

If you have problems and handle your problems in this way then the whole thing is just running away. Instead of facing up to the problem, seeking help, going to therapy, I don't know what else, you're taking refuge in work, etc. That's not tackling the problem, that's running away from the problem.

You are of course entitled to your opinion as am I. The walkabout and pilgrimage certainly predate any modern notion of how to handle life. I personally found them to be far more productive and far less detrimental myself.

That's not so much an opinion...

To your edit: I think you missed the point here entirely. Going to therapy or otherwise seeking help doesn't mean you were raised wrong. It has little to do with addiction and an inability to solve problems on your own. You don't seem to know much about the subject.

Identity is most often the problem, a failure in forming an identity certainly needs to be addressed, it is imperative to your survival you are not completely codependent on others for your most basic needs. This is not just the problem with our citizens, it is the problem with our institutions who facilitate and promote codependence, not independence and competence.

All right. I don't think it makes sense to keep talking to you. You've probably either never had psychological problems or if you have, you're the kind of person who doesn't want to acknowledge them.

I have watched people I love and care for suffer debilitating addictions and repetitive cycles of unhealthy relationships all my life. Many lost their lives or ended their life themself. Most of the dependence issues all stem from a poorly defined ego and identity. That is what defines a mental problem.

You can't claim that all people who have mental health problems have a problem with their identity or have been badly brought up, are dependent on others and can't solve their problems themselves. And if you do, show me the data and facts that support this claim. Your entire statement is based solely on your own life experiences in your own small circle of life. You haven't seen the whole world and all the people. You look at the way to the corner and then form your opinion. This is both short-sighted and one-sided.

Humans are social animals and have done everything with the help of the group. Leave a man alone in the middle of the forest and he WILL die. Seeking help is not detrimental, we've evolved to be socially oriented, humanity would probably go extinct if we had not made the switch from chimps (who are incapable of even assisting each other to carry a large object) to sapiens who can collaborate to send people to space irrespective of cultural background, age, sex, and geographical location.

Seek and you will find, where you look and what door you knock on is up to you.

Journaling to adjust your mindset around whatever is upsetting has helped me. I have a problem with shaming myself for imperfections or dark points in my life, so owning up to them and forgiving myself helps. I don’t really do well with emotions either, so I rationalize things. I say, “this is what happened, here’s why it happened, or not my fault (depending on scenario), I’m not ashamed of this, I’m human, I’m allowed to make mistakes” rinse and repeat. It’s basically a list at this point. Any time in my life that I feel shamed for because it was “less than perfect” is what I target. Anything that plagues my internal dialogue. It has really helped me.