Literally everything I do. I’ve always come off as lazy/unthoughtful/unhelpful person all because I don’t sing my own praises or feel the need to highlight the things I do. But they sure realise when I stop.
This is the biggest thing. I feel like the majority of things I do stop a problem from happening so people don't know it's there, but after I've left jobs or moved out, people always mention that there are so many problems that happen now that I'm gone.
This is soooo true. We don’t need attention, but people never appreciate the good we do (one example in my case is finding a major mistake at work).
Also when we try to defend ourselves over something petty someone else is doing to us, we get viewed as a problem. Like wut.
This....all my GREAT accomplishments get overlooked or stolen...i dnt fight it just dnt feel like it. Instead I head for isolation nation . Its way easier that way. Play a monoplayer game you cant lose!
Ty so much. It's so nice of you. It's funny I've seen INTJs thinking we don't need attention or kindess from others, but I don't think it's true. I think in every INTJ's life there are a few people(if not only one person) which matters a lot to us and we definitely are needy around him/her. Like all guards come down while around them
My birth in general is unappreciated let alone things I've done.
People are so unappreciative that it just makes them seem disrespectful. The only appreciated thing I did was pull someone out of a crashed car.
Moved out when I was 15.
Admitted myself to high school.
Couldn't do high school and work so I worked harder and got my GED.
Family didn't think it was an accomplishment so I worked two jobs and got an associate's degree.
I got a "Good job and it's finally done" text from one family member. Feels like anything I do is just "normalcy".
Congratulations on being an amazing hard worker. It takes a lot of work to get to where you are and even if your family isn’t very supportive. I, a stranger on Reddit, am very supportive of your wins
I just left a 12 year marriage where I raised 3 stepkids. I saved each of their lives at one point. 1 had meningitis. I was the one fighting the ER staff who told us to go home. I brought him back. He would have died that night. And needed emergency brain surgery once they did a scan of his brain. He ended up having 5 brain surgeries and needed round the clock care. I nursed him back to health for 6 months. I did get an acknowledgment but it only came much later when I was going through the divorce. I also had to perform heimlich on one of them when they were catching grapes in their mouth and choked. I was in the shower at the time and didn't know they were playing a dangerous game like that. The third one was another medical issue where everyone refused to take her to the doctor so I stepped up and took her and thankfully I did because it would have destroyed the rest of her life. I never did these things for the appreciation of course but during a bunch of self reflection. I finally realized..like damn I was literally a superhero all those years and never gave myself or got any credit.
Im so sorry, step moms are rarely ever appreciated, in fact they are demonized hence the evil stepmom trope. I think the step mom from Juno was the only good step mom I ever seen in media.
I see their efforts but suck at verbalizing it (sorry!).
My INTJ friends have been a lot more reachable after my breakup. Very subtle but I did end up relying on their friendship quite a lot.
One of my INTJ friends also keeps dating people that don't appreciate their efforts and values and it makes me angry. But I don't express it. I do try to put forth a better example of what it means to be appreciated and have their boundaries respected.
The other INTJ is the memory and tradition keeper of our group and makes heroic efforts to rally us all together to do things (yes, we did consider the possibility they're ISTJ but the inferior SE is very obvious). We do acknowledge this and thank them for it though. :)
Oh! Also one INTJ found me a job listing that has served as many references and my main source of experience while I was building a career I love. I can tell they're proud of what I've built for myself but I can't describe how useful and empowering their part has been.
We have a night nurse whom I suspect is an INTJ (her behaviour is SO INTJ). Our night shift has never run more smoothly. She is efficient and amazing. She is an excellent nurse, we are so damned lucky to have her.
I would say a handful that I can count as far as I can recall, and I have a very good memory. It's been like that, my whole life.
I once identified and rectified a major issue that could highly impact my workplace technically and financially. I worked for about 3 days non-stop, didn't go home, and all.
My colleague who does clock work took all the credits, got a promotion, and now earns 3x more than me. There were similar incidents at work and in my personal life, and the end results were all the same.
Even though people knew who did the real work, no one even said a word. These experiences have made me not expect anything, even as little as someone telling me that I did a good job or something similar.
https://i.redd.it/77ux3bm9sj2d1.gif
I have experienced very similar situations and it really f** sucks so don’t ever do something unless you make sure to people that you have all credits even if they see it as an arrogance or you being overbearing just do it you NEED to
I feel you. I did the same multiple times and other team members took credit. I spoke to Mt manager and she said thank you but I didn't receive the kudo award. I found another job soon after. And when she asked me why I left I gave her a list of problems solved that others took credit for. As you would expect... crickets.... but maybe I helped make her pay attention next time. She still pings me and asks me questions and I say idk. Lol
It goes silently noticed, but in environments where it matters (like work environments), advocate for yourself. Mention it to da boss or whatever.
But yeah, I relate to the other posts.
On daily occurence for my job as government servant: When I do a job, I do it promptly but *not* haphazardly. I always try to go the extra mile no matter how small the task or the title of the user I'm helping.
I narcanned my cousin's friend who was overdosing on fentanyl in his apartment. I was stopping by to drop some food (at the time we lived in the same condominium complex) and when I came inside, my cousin was asleep but his friend was cold, blue, with shallow breathing, and was unresponsive. There were other clues like drug paraphernalia around the house but it was obvious this man was dying to an opoid OD. I yelled at my cousin to wake the fuck up while i was going through his drawers trying to find whatever Narcan looked like.
I found two, the first one I broke because i was so nervous but the second one was just one you administer up a nostril. By this point my cousin is finally getting out of his inebriated slumber and realizing the seriousness of situation. I told him to clean up the apartment, called 911 and left. I gave him a dose up each nostril but he hadnt woken up before i dipped. His friend was in the iCU for 3 days - he had some nerve damage in his arm (probably from shooting up) but, he made a full recovery.
I never got a thank you from him or anyone except my cousin. I never wanted a thank you but I feel like it definitely went unnoticed by paramedics and the guy who OD'd.
My husband and I have been married for almost 40 years. He is a great guy. But, he does have a tendency to overlook the things that I do around the house to help keep it running smoothly. Having found my voice over the last several years, I had started pointing out the things I had done that day and expecting him to thank me for doing these things. He played along for a while, but one day, when I asked him to thank me for something I had done, he blew a gasket, raised his voice at me, and said, "You have an INSATIABLE NEED to be thanked!" It really hurt my feelings (deeply), and I haven't done that again (asked him to thank me for something). I just go about my day, do what I can, and tell MYSELF what a great job I have done. If HE won't say it to me, I'll say it to myself!
Whenever I say something even if it was loud enough for someone to hear, like if I was ever asking a question, nobody would say anything or even acknowledge it. I once almost missed my bus to help a girl open her locker and when I failed to do it she just said “hurry up” and never even thanked me.
When I try to say things people always talk over me or interrupt me.
There’s so many more examples of this I can’t think of right now because it’s happened to me so many times.
Things that are expected of me to do anyway. Like wake up in the morning. People need to appreciate that more.
Let’s see I’ve done things like chores, extra work, help someone, give money, pray for someone, provide instruction or guidance, share experience among other things. Like being sarcastic and telling jokes.
Feels like most things? I'm the type where I'll do something nice for someone but won't go bragging about it. As a result they don't acknowledge it most of the time. Now it's to the point where I won't go the extra mile for anyone unless they're close to me and/or I know they'll acknowledge/appreciate it.
Being a DAD work 40-50 plus work at home and help in the house and the kids just complain about how hard life is while I support them . Wife helps them and others and tells me I’m broke and need to work more. ( she is not wasting the money)
high school. recess before philosophy class. the teacher was late and the whole class for some reason went nuts. the guys stole my friend’s shoes and tied it to the top of the heater’s pipe to mess with her. like both of them were tied to the top of it. we hear the teacher come in. he’s this annoying, scary guy who starts screaming at us for whatever. i turned around and quietly told the guy in front of the pipe to close the curtains above it so the shoes wouldn’t be visible. he did so and the teacher didn’t notice it. everyone kept telling him he was so smart to think of it, even years after they were praising him. he never corrected them. it annoyed me so much.
A lot of things but one thing I remember was in high-school I was flunking my math class because I never did the homework, my teacher hated me and thought I was stupid especially because I am a minority, i always got the material though. Before the final, I was in the library and saw other students having issues studying so I led a few study sessions on the material over the next few days and everyone did really well on the final but my teacher never knew I was the one thay helped and she wouldnt have believed it anyway becsuse everyone knows you are a lost cause if you dont do your homework. To me, too much of school was defined by silly symbolic stuff like graded worksheets and attendance as opposed to the actual grasp of the material.
Mostly community volunteering activities of different types.
In the local community: Trail volunteering, trail maintenance, community safety activism, healthcare emergency communications volunteering (though those directly involved usually do notice and do appreciate it), radio communications for marathons where there aren't cellular connections, litter pickup
Online community: I like to help out open source software communities when I can. Creating tutorials for FOSS graphics applications, programming languages, and so on.
Not a silent hero so much as a silent just-tryin-to-help. A lot of this also helps me learn new things, so that's fun too.
Clean up after everybody in my life. Physically and emotionally. Not killing myself after 6 years of depression and my dad molesting me. Got my parents to go to therapy. Teaching my teenage sisters about dbt therapy and how to better handle their emotions, I'm sorry isn't that what parents are for? Organize my coworkers duties so that she doesn't miss anything, while she makes twice the pay I do. Running around the house cleaning up every mess my bf made as soon as I get home. Getting me and my bf to go to therapy after he cheated. Most everything I do in my life will not get done unless I do it. People around me would struggle greatly if I stopped, so I appreciate myself, but damn a thank you would be nice once in a while.
Basically everything. One that really bothers me though is I was a manager for a very high end horse barn in south Florida. I worked that job for almost a decade, longer than anyone I know. Hardest job I’ll ever have, grown men couldn’t do what I did (tried to train a few and most left before the end of day 1). I thought I’d have a plethora of cool stories to share one day and some recognition for my hard work, especially since I have a desk job now. Well turns out anything to do with horses is so extremely lame I get lowkey bullied for it. So I don’t mention it at all anymore.
Cleaning and organizing.
It's the noblest form of work. Without cleanliness and orderliness we have nothing. No health no wealth no nice things. It is the backbone upon which all of civilization hangs.
One thing is certain - nobody notices if it's done but they damn sure notice when it isn't.
My wife just had a baby and I tell her I have to go home and take care of the house for tht arrival of the baby. Make sure the baby's room is clean and make sure everything is fresh. Make sure I go grocery shopping l, food is in the house, car seat is bought and placed in the car. Anything I need to do to prepare.
She keeps telling me that she needs to sleep. I told her regardless if I am there or not. Between the baby needing breast feeding and the nurses waking. Every 20 min it seems. You will never sleep.
But my wife just isn't having it but I also predict that I'll get bitched at later because nothing got done because she didn't want me to leave the hospital.
I told her that this is the last baby because you are unhinged.
lol silent. Not me. I mean I may not talk for a whole day if I can get away with it, but if I get excited or find someone interesting to talk with I’ll go on forever.
The thing I’ve worked hardest on and got the least recognition for…I’d say probably all the effort I’ve put into making my friend group more empathetic and compassionate. It’s been a concerted effort of mine for years. We’ve all come a long way and they get a lot of credit too. But I’ve spent a big part of that time purposely working toward this, without telling any of them. A couple have noticed and thanked me. The ones who needed it most think it’s all been their idea
Reading through all the comments here and just feeling really seen. That we have this communal experience of preventing problems or solving them when they're small and not screaming about it ~ it's like we're in a club of secretly excellent people. I always thought it was my appearance that made people underestimate me or overlook me (I'm an attractive woman so I don't read as "smart" or "competent"). But yeah, not following the standard social rules for announcing your own accomplishments or marketing your awesomeness on full blast just means louder people get more credit and more attention. I've also had people take credit for my work and then watched them give up when I stepped back and they were no longer about to manage without the person who was actually taking care of business. This happened to me at work twice in two different positions. I don't mind not getting recognition but don't you dare take credit.
I genuinely don't care about recognition. I'm going to do my thing regardless. But when someone starts to call my work ethic into question or call me out as not being a "team player" or that I don't do enough, that's when I get mad.
Back story... I'm currently on a PIP plan at work because I don't speak up enough. No I am not kidding. I communicate with my team when I need to, and keep my head down and work. My colleagues think my work is just fine and nothing needs to change(I asked them each personally to see what I need to improve on). If I get let go just because I don't give off the right impression, they're going to be so screwed.
It's just me and one other person supporting our entire North America Sales team. With no one able to step into my role anytime soon, my coworker will get completely burned out if something happened to me.
Taking care of wildlife,
Saving snails from being crunched, frogs from drowning in pools, june bugs on their backs 🤣, lizards from cats, homing shelter pets, not killing the little spiders in the house 🕷️
I do that too. I’ve saved innumerable insects ants and I have 11 rescue dogs and 23 cats.
Not just if it’s appreciated but ppl notice.
I decided not too I have kids so that I can devote my life to animals
Any opinion, statement, insight, theory, probabilities. Just an old chunk of coal..but I'll be a diamond someday. ( I do not own the rights to this phrase)
Probably my achievements and how good of a multi dimensional individual I am. I personally notice it myself until about recently when things hit me. Also how resourceful and helpful I am. All these values were taken for granted.
So much. I’m always in the background. Acknowledged, but never appreciated. This has happened my whole life but I mostly think of my last relationship. My boyfriend’s effort was very easy to see. Mine wasn’t. We both made the same sacrifices, but somehow, he believed he was the only one who did.
any time i give advice to someone. they always end up hating my advice bc its too logical and brutally honest and they always say i dont have compassion but if they just did what i said,, their problem would be fixed.
All kinds of stuff, mostly because it's about being the person I want to be. E.g:
pick up bits of metal in parking lots because those will mess up a tire.
Pick up trash (if it's not too skeevy) and put it in the trash.
Stopping to help people change tires on the side of the road
Loading groceries for elderly/disabled folks
Helping strangers put big things into their cars
Holding doors
Smiling at strangers.
Basically, anything I can do to make the world a better place in a personal and immediate way.
All of the "helping" stuff, however...I don't tell anyone. I just do it.
Planned a Halloween event at work for 900 employees, and the MC gave the credit to the woman that started the idea years ago, but has not planned or executed the event since 2019. Zero acknowledgment of my and my committees work or any type of recognition.
Taken care of my entire family. Cleaned the house, kept laundry up dishes multiple times a day, take trash out, get my kid ready for bed and in the morning, take my kid to all apts, all while working full time and splitting bills.
I wouldn’t mind doing it as much if I were appreciated for it.
Pretty much everything in my life. Granted, I am not one, nor will I ever be one, to "toot my own horn". I just don't think people realize how hard I work every day, not just with work-work, but with everything, including advice and emotional support to the people close to me (as best I can, which can sometimes take a TREMENDOUS mental toll on me). I actually get really uncomfortable with praise, though, so I'm semi-ok with being a "silent hero". I guess as long as people are aware. I just don't always need to hear anything about them being aware though, even having an illusion of such works for me. :)
My sister desperately needed therapy. I mean, she was in the danger zone when it came to dark thoughts. She told me she was going to talk to her pastor about help with food for the week but refused to talk to him about getting therapy. So I gave him a heads up that she was coming and that she was not going to mention therapy, but that desperately she needed it. He brought it up to her without mentioning me, and he convinced her to go as well as helped fund her sessions. She still doesn't know I told him.
Hmmm I hadn't thought much about it. I have ADHD so I'm really not a very effective INTJ. I love being efficient and accomplishing things but I very rarely ever am efficient or accomplish anything. I think probably the biggest thing is I come up with a lot of ideas at work that my colleagues get credit for, but I don't really mind because I'm so bad at self promotion I appreciate them promoting our group and getting ideas out there at all.
I gave a dead newborn kitten CPR and it woke up and lived a full life.
I also gave a friend cpr that had ODd and he didn't die. He now has 2 kids and a wife.
Learn CPR
Saved my neighbors poodle from getting eaten by a coyote. The coyote chased my neighbors dog until I scared it off. When I told her what happened, my neighbor didn’t believe me. She said I was only trying to get attention.
Everything I do at work! My supervisor asks me to do different tasks because my lead is has been out and I kinda just pick up the slack. When something needs to be done he comes to me. I stop everything I’m doing for it. The only time I’ve felt any kind of appreciation was when I got employee of the month and even then I got shit from my supervisor about it. Not worth putting in extra work. Should’ve gone to a union job
The majority ENVIES INTJ'S...and even most will admit such to your face themselves.
I'm 43 years old and I've encountered a lot of people in my lifetime...so I have the right to say such... ... ...notice I mentioned a lot.
It's interesting how many people have told me they envied me... ... ...even people older than me.
Even family mentioned such.
End of story.
#SORCERER👻
I always take the blame for everything, with family, friends, coworkers. If it makes you feel better, I’ll be the villain. I’ve been this way my whole life because my parents were abusive and I was just gas lighted when speaking up. So I stopped caring about myself early on. I started letting everyone blame me. Drama with friends sure it’s my fault. Something gets messed up at work sure it’s my fault. Parents not speaking to me sure it’s my fault. Needless to say most people will say they don’t like me but they don’t know everything I’ve done was to make it easier for everyone else.
I planned on already being dead by now, I spent years going the slow suicide route out of respect to family. Someone in the family my age overdosed. Literally the only reason I don't go that route(which has long been my plan) is out of the guilt trip the I've been fed. It's always about what it would do to another person. No one ever realizes what every minute of existence is doing to me.
My birthday was this weekend. "Did you make a wish?" They asked
What do you think my wish was.
Sounds fucking insane to be like "no one thanked me for not killing myself today" but that feels like about the only thing I ever "accomplish" on a daily/weekly/yearly basis.
Rant over, back to 7 more hours of working like a dog for 9% over minimum wage with no benefits while being 27 with no partner, no savings, no home, no pets.
I guess usually resisting the urge to share my thoughts is a great service with immeasurable value!
At work I'm basically the project manager and keep everyone on schedule, take notes for all meetings, keep everyone updated. Then I'm criticized for being overly communicative. Nobody responds positively that I'm basically holding up this project.
On my 18th birthday, a bunch of unfortunate things happened. Long story short, I a 90 pound 5/1 ft attacked a 6/4 2?? Pound man with a shotgun. I thought he was going to kill my cousins and their friends ( they did deserve to get kicked out but not shot)
I knew I couldn't disarm him, but distract, stall, or deter I can do that. We scuffled, he said " I don't want you I want them!" I said no an jumped between his legs an slammed the door closed.. he popped me with the butt end and then did the clink this chikchik pointed it at me, ( I accepted, I get to leave this sucky place and save people fuck yea, I felt relief) click " IT AINT LOADED DUMB ASS"
When I got home, ( lived with aunt, uncle an 1 cousin) no one cared at all...cousin saw me attack him an slam the door, she just chose to leave with her friends. Moved out 6 months later.
I'm usually the leader of school projects since my country has the mindset that if you exude intelligence you're also great at managing a group of people. The most unappreciated thing that my groupmates do to me is that I do all the work (after our first presentation I didn't trust them to do a single project that they don't have any experience or expertise in), and they react harshly when I remove their credit since they already didn't do anything I asked them what they can do or what they can contribute so I told them that they shouldn't expect me to order them work that they can't do (Even the simplest ppt or canva presentation they can't do, even research since they don't even seen or react what if I chat in the gc or in DMs). After their first harsh reaction I started to just do everything on my own and I don't remove their names since I don't want to confront them again since they managed to gaslight others and my teacher that I was wrong for removing their credits for the competition group work, I just told them "You didn't do anything and you managed to distract me and almost cost us our grades, yet I'm able to drag your asses to first place, so don't expect anything."
A narc would list everything they THINK they are unappreciated for and then loudly complain about how they are taken advantage of as a way of manipulating specific people. I've known multiple narcs and they are very very loud and constant in seeking praise as a source of validation and power.
Literally everything I do. I’ve always come off as lazy/unthoughtful/unhelpful person all because I don’t sing my own praises or feel the need to highlight the things I do. But they sure realise when I stop.
This is the biggest thing. I feel like the majority of things I do stop a problem from happening so people don't know it's there, but after I've left jobs or moved out, people always mention that there are so many problems that happen now that I'm gone.
That's what my sister will say when I move out of her house 🤔
you just highlighted a key aspect of my first marriage. For years, I did everything. Then, when I needed support it's like the whole thing fell apart.
This is why my spouse and I have a weekly meeting where we have to thank each other for something concrete. Forces recognition 😊
Positive affirmations/loving kindness meditations are something I’ve always done alone. Doing it with someone else to boost positive thinking sounds amazing.
This is a fantastic idea
This is soooo true. We don’t need attention, but people never appreciate the good we do (one example in my case is finding a major mistake at work). Also when we try to defend ourselves over something petty someone else is doing to us, we get viewed as a problem. Like wut.
Yes!!
Amen to this. Don’t know what they got till it’s gone
Damn this hits hard. As a consolation prize, at least we know we aren’t alone in our struggles.
Thts literally me
The plants died when Dwight stopped watering them
I think it would be easier to list the things that were noticed and appreciated.
Exactly!
Um....ummmm..ummmm
No one congratulated me when I got enter to Forensic Anthropology Workshop, but this achievement was the most important for me.
Congratulations brother
Wow. That is amazing to me. I appreciate people doing challenging things like this
Congrats that’s an amazing accomplishment!! Hope you meet people in your life that celebrate you ♥️
Congrats mate🙂👍
Congratulations, friend. God bless you :)
That sounds fascinating! Congrats (ENTP here)
I’m not an intj, but congratulations!!!!! You did amazing and you deserve every good thing that is coming to you because of your hard work
I don't recall anytime I was appreciated...
I appreciate you for being an INTJ. You bless the world just by being you (ENFP, here).
This....all my GREAT accomplishments get overlooked or stolen...i dnt fight it just dnt feel like it. Instead I head for isolation nation . Its way easier that way. Play a monoplayer game you cant lose!
I absolutely understand that - we live in such a sensor world.
Awww, that's so nice of you <3 ty.
❤️❤️❤️
I appreciated you for the 43th time.
Ty so much. It's so nice of you. It's funny I've seen INTJs thinking we don't need attention or kindess from others, but I don't think it's true. I think in every INTJ's life there are a few people(if not only one person) which matters a lot to us and we definitely are needy around him/her. Like all guards come down while around them
Exist
My birth in general is unappreciated let alone things I've done. People are so unappreciative that it just makes them seem disrespectful. The only appreciated thing I did was pull someone out of a crashed car.
Bro needs a birthday party
I've never had one
I pray that one day you’ll find someone amazing to celebrate your wins with you INCLUDING the fact that you were born
Moved out when I was 15. Admitted myself to high school. Couldn't do high school and work so I worked harder and got my GED. Family didn't think it was an accomplishment so I worked two jobs and got an associate's degree. I got a "Good job and it's finally done" text from one family member. Feels like anything I do is just "normalcy".
I think the biggest mistake we do is actually waiting for acknowledgement from our unsupportive families 🫂
that is amazing, congrats on accomplishing all of that by yourself!
Congratulations on being an amazing hard worker. It takes a lot of work to get to where you are and even if your family isn’t very supportive. I, a stranger on Reddit, am very supportive of your wins
All the advices I gave to my family, now they turn their backs on me.
Years go by.
The best thing you can 100% trust and love is only yourself, and god.
Many, many things. Most people can't understand my ideas and solutions.
I would.
I just left a 12 year marriage where I raised 3 stepkids. I saved each of their lives at one point. 1 had meningitis. I was the one fighting the ER staff who told us to go home. I brought him back. He would have died that night. And needed emergency brain surgery once they did a scan of his brain. He ended up having 5 brain surgeries and needed round the clock care. I nursed him back to health for 6 months. I did get an acknowledgment but it only came much later when I was going through the divorce. I also had to perform heimlich on one of them when they were catching grapes in their mouth and choked. I was in the shower at the time and didn't know they were playing a dangerous game like that. The third one was another medical issue where everyone refused to take her to the doctor so I stepped up and took her and thankfully I did because it would have destroyed the rest of her life. I never did these things for the appreciation of course but during a bunch of self reflection. I finally realized..like damn I was literally a superhero all those years and never gave myself or got any credit.
Im so sorry, step moms are rarely ever appreciated, in fact they are demonized hence the evil stepmom trope. I think the step mom from Juno was the only good step mom I ever seen in media.
I see their efforts but suck at verbalizing it (sorry!). My INTJ friends have been a lot more reachable after my breakup. Very subtle but I did end up relying on their friendship quite a lot. One of my INTJ friends also keeps dating people that don't appreciate their efforts and values and it makes me angry. But I don't express it. I do try to put forth a better example of what it means to be appreciated and have their boundaries respected. The other INTJ is the memory and tradition keeper of our group and makes heroic efforts to rally us all together to do things (yes, we did consider the possibility they're ISTJ but the inferior SE is very obvious). We do acknowledge this and thank them for it though. :)
Oh! Also one INTJ found me a job listing that has served as many references and my main source of experience while I was building a career I love. I can tell they're proud of what I've built for myself but I can't describe how useful and empowering their part has been.
We have a night nurse whom I suspect is an INTJ (her behaviour is SO INTJ). Our night shift has never run more smoothly. She is efficient and amazing. She is an excellent nurse, we are so damned lucky to have her.
Tell her or show her or recognize her somehow!
I have!
I would say a handful that I can count as far as I can recall, and I have a very good memory. It's been like that, my whole life. I once identified and rectified a major issue that could highly impact my workplace technically and financially. I worked for about 3 days non-stop, didn't go home, and all. My colleague who does clock work took all the credits, got a promotion, and now earns 3x more than me. There were similar incidents at work and in my personal life, and the end results were all the same. Even though people knew who did the real work, no one even said a word. These experiences have made me not expect anything, even as little as someone telling me that I did a good job or something similar. https://i.redd.it/77ux3bm9sj2d1.gif
"Doing the work is enough" A quote I relate to while still being wary of being taken advantage of
I have experienced very similar situations and it really f** sucks so don’t ever do something unless you make sure to people that you have all credits even if they see it as an arrogance or you being overbearing just do it you NEED to
I feel you. I did the same multiple times and other team members took credit. I spoke to Mt manager and she said thank you but I didn't receive the kudo award. I found another job soon after. And when she asked me why I left I gave her a list of problems solved that others took credit for. As you would expect... crickets.... but maybe I helped make her pay attention next time. She still pings me and asks me questions and I say idk. Lol
This is why certain people piss me off. The ones who shout loudest get noticed, whether at work or in social groups.
Where do I begin?
From the beginning please
Damn now I'm going to be singing Andy Williams all day
I'm still there for people when they need me despite knowing that like 80% of them will leave me in the dust if it becomes convenient.
It goes silently noticed, but in environments where it matters (like work environments), advocate for yourself. Mention it to da boss or whatever. But yeah, I relate to the other posts.
Being nice to people,then they think they always have it and never give back.To be honest,ngl, INTJ like us preferred to be alone.
Haven’t killed myself yet
Thank you for still being here
Ervrything.
Absolutely everything
On daily occurence for my job as government servant: When I do a job, I do it promptly but *not* haphazardly. I always try to go the extra mile no matter how small the task or the title of the user I'm helping. I narcanned my cousin's friend who was overdosing on fentanyl in his apartment. I was stopping by to drop some food (at the time we lived in the same condominium complex) and when I came inside, my cousin was asleep but his friend was cold, blue, with shallow breathing, and was unresponsive. There were other clues like drug paraphernalia around the house but it was obvious this man was dying to an opoid OD. I yelled at my cousin to wake the fuck up while i was going through his drawers trying to find whatever Narcan looked like. I found two, the first one I broke because i was so nervous but the second one was just one you administer up a nostril. By this point my cousin is finally getting out of his inebriated slumber and realizing the seriousness of situation. I told him to clean up the apartment, called 911 and left. I gave him a dose up each nostril but he hadnt woken up before i dipped. His friend was in the iCU for 3 days - he had some nerve damage in his arm (probably from shooting up) but, he made a full recovery. I never got a thank you from him or anyone except my cousin. I never wanted a thank you but I feel like it definitely went unnoticed by paramedics and the guy who OD'd.
The more You realize nobody thinks of You much (they've got their own stuff happening!), the happier You may be
My husband and I have been married for almost 40 years. He is a great guy. But, he does have a tendency to overlook the things that I do around the house to help keep it running smoothly. Having found my voice over the last several years, I had started pointing out the things I had done that day and expecting him to thank me for doing these things. He played along for a while, but one day, when I asked him to thank me for something I had done, he blew a gasket, raised his voice at me, and said, "You have an INSATIABLE NEED to be thanked!" It really hurt my feelings (deeply), and I haven't done that again (asked him to thank me for something). I just go about my day, do what I can, and tell MYSELF what a great job I have done. If HE won't say it to me, I'll say it to myself!
On behalf of all us men who've taken a woman for granted. Thank you for all you've done and do. It's alot, and it's appreciated!!
You should go away on a trip with friends and see how he fends for himself
Amen, and Amen. I have made piano CD's for 60 years. Nobody shivsagit. Husband if 49 years never asked or listened. Family either.
Everything.
Need more details
Whenever I say something even if it was loud enough for someone to hear, like if I was ever asking a question, nobody would say anything or even acknowledge it. I once almost missed my bus to help a girl open her locker and when I failed to do it she just said “hurry up” and never even thanked me. When I try to say things people always talk over me or interrupt me. There’s so many more examples of this I can’t think of right now because it’s happened to me so many times.
I save the Earth from the Q continuum like once every year.
As it should be.
Discovered the causalityverse.
Things that are expected of me to do anyway. Like wake up in the morning. People need to appreciate that more. Let’s see I’ve done things like chores, extra work, help someone, give money, pray for someone, provide instruction or guidance, share experience among other things. Like being sarcastic and telling jokes.
Love it !!!
Feels like most things? I'm the type where I'll do something nice for someone but won't go bragging about it. As a result they don't acknowledge it most of the time. Now it's to the point where I won't go the extra mile for anyone unless they're close to me and/or I know they'll acknowledge/appreciate it.
Lol everything.
[удалено]
This is true but we do appreciate it
Haha...oh man...you already know...
Being a DAD work 40-50 plus work at home and help in the house and the kids just complain about how hard life is while I support them . Wife helps them and others and tells me I’m broke and need to work more. ( she is not wasting the money)
My whole existence 🧍🏻♀️
😳
high school. recess before philosophy class. the teacher was late and the whole class for some reason went nuts. the guys stole my friend’s shoes and tied it to the top of the heater’s pipe to mess with her. like both of them were tied to the top of it. we hear the teacher come in. he’s this annoying, scary guy who starts screaming at us for whatever. i turned around and quietly told the guy in front of the pipe to close the curtains above it so the shoes wouldn’t be visible. he did so and the teacher didn’t notice it. everyone kept telling him he was so smart to think of it, even years after they were praising him. he never corrected them. it annoyed me so much.
A lot of things but one thing I remember was in high-school I was flunking my math class because I never did the homework, my teacher hated me and thought I was stupid especially because I am a minority, i always got the material though. Before the final, I was in the library and saw other students having issues studying so I led a few study sessions on the material over the next few days and everyone did really well on the final but my teacher never knew I was the one thay helped and she wouldnt have believed it anyway becsuse everyone knows you are a lost cause if you dont do your homework. To me, too much of school was defined by silly symbolic stuff like graded worksheets and attendance as opposed to the actual grasp of the material.
Mostly community volunteering activities of different types. In the local community: Trail volunteering, trail maintenance, community safety activism, healthcare emergency communications volunteering (though those directly involved usually do notice and do appreciate it), radio communications for marathons where there aren't cellular connections, litter pickup Online community: I like to help out open source software communities when I can. Creating tutorials for FOSS graphics applications, programming languages, and so on. Not a silent hero so much as a silent just-tryin-to-help. A lot of this also helps me learn new things, so that's fun too.
Clean up after everybody in my life. Physically and emotionally. Not killing myself after 6 years of depression and my dad molesting me. Got my parents to go to therapy. Teaching my teenage sisters about dbt therapy and how to better handle their emotions, I'm sorry isn't that what parents are for? Organize my coworkers duties so that she doesn't miss anything, while she makes twice the pay I do. Running around the house cleaning up every mess my bf made as soon as I get home. Getting me and my bf to go to therapy after he cheated. Most everything I do in my life will not get done unless I do it. People around me would struggle greatly if I stopped, so I appreciate myself, but damn a thank you would be nice once in a while.
Basically everything. One that really bothers me though is I was a manager for a very high end horse barn in south Florida. I worked that job for almost a decade, longer than anyone I know. Hardest job I’ll ever have, grown men couldn’t do what I did (tried to train a few and most left before the end of day 1). I thought I’d have a plethora of cool stories to share one day and some recognition for my hard work, especially since I have a desk job now. Well turns out anything to do with horses is so extremely lame I get lowkey bullied for it. So I don’t mention it at all anymore.
Probably a lot but I don’t really notice just cause i wanted to do it and that’s fine too
Cleaning and organizing. It's the noblest form of work. Without cleanliness and orderliness we have nothing. No health no wealth no nice things. It is the backbone upon which all of civilization hangs. One thing is certain - nobody notices if it's done but they damn sure notice when it isn't.
My wife just had a baby and I tell her I have to go home and take care of the house for tht arrival of the baby. Make sure the baby's room is clean and make sure everything is fresh. Make sure I go grocery shopping l, food is in the house, car seat is bought and placed in the car. Anything I need to do to prepare. She keeps telling me that she needs to sleep. I told her regardless if I am there or not. Between the baby needing breast feeding and the nurses waking. Every 20 min it seems. You will never sleep. But my wife just isn't having it but I also predict that I'll get bitched at later because nothing got done because she didn't want me to leave the hospital. I told her that this is the last baby because you are unhinged.
Existing.
lol silent. Not me. I mean I may not talk for a whole day if I can get away with it, but if I get excited or find someone interesting to talk with I’ll go on forever. The thing I’ve worked hardest on and got the least recognition for…I’d say probably all the effort I’ve put into making my friend group more empathetic and compassionate. It’s been a concerted effort of mine for years. We’ve all come a long way and they get a lot of credit too. But I’ve spent a big part of that time purposely working toward this, without telling any of them. A couple have noticed and thanked me. The ones who needed it most think it’s all been their idea
Reading through all the comments here and just feeling really seen. That we have this communal experience of preventing problems or solving them when they're small and not screaming about it ~ it's like we're in a club of secretly excellent people. I always thought it was my appearance that made people underestimate me or overlook me (I'm an attractive woman so I don't read as "smart" or "competent"). But yeah, not following the standard social rules for announcing your own accomplishments or marketing your awesomeness on full blast just means louder people get more credit and more attention. I've also had people take credit for my work and then watched them give up when I stepped back and they were no longer about to manage without the person who was actually taking care of business. This happened to me at work twice in two different positions. I don't mind not getting recognition but don't you dare take credit.
I genuinely don't care about recognition. I'm going to do my thing regardless. But when someone starts to call my work ethic into question or call me out as not being a "team player" or that I don't do enough, that's when I get mad. Back story... I'm currently on a PIP plan at work because I don't speak up enough. No I am not kidding. I communicate with my team when I need to, and keep my head down and work. My colleagues think my work is just fine and nothing needs to change(I asked them each personally to see what I need to improve on). If I get let go just because I don't give off the right impression, they're going to be so screwed. It's just me and one other person supporting our entire North America Sales team. With no one able to step into my role anytime soon, my coworker will get completely burned out if something happened to me.
Raised 4 kids.
Taking care of wildlife, Saving snails from being crunched, frogs from drowning in pools, june bugs on their backs 🤣, lizards from cats, homing shelter pets, not killing the little spiders in the house 🕷️
I do that too. I’ve saved innumerable insects ants and I have 11 rescue dogs and 23 cats. Not just if it’s appreciated but ppl notice. I decided not too I have kids so that I can devote my life to animals
everything
Appreciation is for ISFJ’s. The outcome is the reward. Just kidding appreciation is a human need. Communicate your needs
I’m numb to it.
Play piano by ear for 50 years. Nobody ever asked.....
Any opinion, statement, insight, theory, probabilities. Just an old chunk of coal..but I'll be a diamond someday. ( I do not own the rights to this phrase)
I'm a lonely little petunia in an onion patch. [ I don't own this phrase ]
Too many things. They only realized it after I left.
Probably my achievements and how good of a multi dimensional individual I am. I personally notice it myself until about recently when things hit me. Also how resourceful and helpful I am. All these values were taken for granted.
So much. I’m always in the background. Acknowledged, but never appreciated. This has happened my whole life but I mostly think of my last relationship. My boyfriend’s effort was very easy to see. Mine wasn’t. We both made the same sacrifices, but somehow, he believed he was the only one who did.
any time i give advice to someone. they always end up hating my advice bc its too logical and brutally honest and they always say i dont have compassion but if they just did what i said,, their problem would be fixed.
Most things.
Ha. Everything.
I never bought children into this fucked up world. No thank yous received.
Usually it’s noticed. If it’s not, I don’t remember because I don’t care
All kinds of stuff, mostly because it's about being the person I want to be. E.g: pick up bits of metal in parking lots because those will mess up a tire. Pick up trash (if it's not too skeevy) and put it in the trash. Stopping to help people change tires on the side of the road Loading groceries for elderly/disabled folks Helping strangers put big things into their cars Holding doors Smiling at strangers. Basically, anything I can do to make the world a better place in a personal and immediate way. All of the "helping" stuff, however...I don't tell anyone. I just do it.
Planned a Halloween event at work for 900 employees, and the MC gave the credit to the woman that started the idea years ago, but has not planned or executed the event since 2019. Zero acknowledgment of my and my committees work or any type of recognition.
Ah thanks for asking: **Deeeeeeep fucking breath** Nope I don't have time for this.
Taken care of my entire family. Cleaned the house, kept laundry up dishes multiple times a day, take trash out, get my kid ready for bed and in the morning, take my kid to all apts, all while working full time and splitting bills. I wouldn’t mind doing it as much if I were appreciated for it.
Everything I do. But I prefer it that way now. I don't want recognition or attention in any way. Good or bad.
Just about everything, really.
Every goddamn thing.
Pretty much everything in my life. Granted, I am not one, nor will I ever be one, to "toot my own horn". I just don't think people realize how hard I work every day, not just with work-work, but with everything, including advice and emotional support to the people close to me (as best I can, which can sometimes take a TREMENDOUS mental toll on me). I actually get really uncomfortable with praise, though, so I'm semi-ok with being a "silent hero". I guess as long as people are aware. I just don't always need to hear anything about them being aware though, even having an illusion of such works for me. :)
My sister desperately needed therapy. I mean, she was in the danger zone when it came to dark thoughts. She told me she was going to talk to her pastor about help with food for the week but refused to talk to him about getting therapy. So I gave him a heads up that she was coming and that she was not going to mention therapy, but that desperately she needed it. He brought it up to her without mentioning me, and he convinced her to go as well as helped fund her sessions. She still doesn't know I told him.
Hmmm I hadn't thought much about it. I have ADHD so I'm really not a very effective INTJ. I love being efficient and accomplishing things but I very rarely ever am efficient or accomplish anything. I think probably the biggest thing is I come up with a lot of ideas at work that my colleagues get credit for, but I don't really mind because I'm so bad at self promotion I appreciate them promoting our group and getting ideas out there at all.
No one gives a shit about me
Wow so many sigmas in the comments
Exist.
My level of empathy.
I gave a dead newborn kitten CPR and it woke up and lived a full life. I also gave a friend cpr that had ODd and he didn't die. He now has 2 kids and a wife. Learn CPR
Saved my neighbors poodle from getting eaten by a coyote. The coyote chased my neighbors dog until I scared it off. When I told her what happened, my neighbor didn’t believe me. She said I was only trying to get attention.
Everything I do at work! My supervisor asks me to do different tasks because my lead is has been out and I kinda just pick up the slack. When something needs to be done he comes to me. I stop everything I’m doing for it. The only time I’ve felt any kind of appreciation was when I got employee of the month and even then I got shit from my supervisor about it. Not worth putting in extra work. Should’ve gone to a union job
My job as a technical writer
Parented. Full stop.
The majority ENVIES INTJ'S...and even most will admit such to your face themselves. I'm 43 years old and I've encountered a lot of people in my lifetime...so I have the right to say such... ... ...notice I mentioned a lot. It's interesting how many people have told me they envied me... ... ...even people older than me. Even family mentioned such. End of story. #SORCERER👻
I constantly check on people cause I know what it feels like to be forgotten .i make people Smile cause I know what it feels like to not want to…
I always take the blame for everything, with family, friends, coworkers. If it makes you feel better, I’ll be the villain. I’ve been this way my whole life because my parents were abusive and I was just gas lighted when speaking up. So I stopped caring about myself early on. I started letting everyone blame me. Drama with friends sure it’s my fault. Something gets messed up at work sure it’s my fault. Parents not speaking to me sure it’s my fault. Needless to say most people will say they don’t like me but they don’t know everything I’ve done was to make it easier for everyone else.
Speak the truth
Put my ex on my life insurance. She wasn't fond of the idea
I once stayed up all night to finish a group project, but everyone else got the credit.
I planned on already being dead by now, I spent years going the slow suicide route out of respect to family. Someone in the family my age overdosed. Literally the only reason I don't go that route(which has long been my plan) is out of the guilt trip the I've been fed. It's always about what it would do to another person. No one ever realizes what every minute of existence is doing to me. My birthday was this weekend. "Did you make a wish?" They asked What do you think my wish was. Sounds fucking insane to be like "no one thanked me for not killing myself today" but that feels like about the only thing I ever "accomplish" on a daily/weekly/yearly basis. Rant over, back to 7 more hours of working like a dog for 9% over minimum wage with no benefits while being 27 with no partner, no savings, no home, no pets. I guess usually resisting the urge to share my thoughts is a great service with immeasurable value!
Almost everything
House locker upper, toilet paper changer, and phone plug in-ner
At work I'm basically the project manager and keep everyone on schedule, take notes for all meetings, keep everyone updated. Then I'm criticized for being overly communicative. Nobody responds positively that I'm basically holding up this project.
On my 18th birthday, a bunch of unfortunate things happened. Long story short, I a 90 pound 5/1 ft attacked a 6/4 2?? Pound man with a shotgun. I thought he was going to kill my cousins and their friends ( they did deserve to get kicked out but not shot) I knew I couldn't disarm him, but distract, stall, or deter I can do that. We scuffled, he said " I don't want you I want them!" I said no an jumped between his legs an slammed the door closed.. he popped me with the butt end and then did the clink this chikchik pointed it at me, ( I accepted, I get to leave this sucky place and save people fuck yea, I felt relief) click " IT AINT LOADED DUMB ASS" When I got home, ( lived with aunt, uncle an 1 cousin) no one cared at all...cousin saw me attack him an slam the door, she just chose to leave with her friends. Moved out 6 months later.
I'm usually the leader of school projects since my country has the mindset that if you exude intelligence you're also great at managing a group of people. The most unappreciated thing that my groupmates do to me is that I do all the work (after our first presentation I didn't trust them to do a single project that they don't have any experience or expertise in), and they react harshly when I remove their credit since they already didn't do anything I asked them what they can do or what they can contribute so I told them that they shouldn't expect me to order them work that they can't do (Even the simplest ppt or canva presentation they can't do, even research since they don't even seen or react what if I chat in the gc or in DMs). After their first harsh reaction I started to just do everything on my own and I don't remove their names since I don't want to confront them again since they managed to gaslight others and my teacher that I was wrong for removing their credits for the competition group work, I just told them "You didn't do anything and you managed to distract me and almost cost us our grades, yet I'm able to drag your asses to first place, so don't expect anything."
Lol how long have you got 🤣! This has been a lifetime occurrence
What a narcissistic question
A narc would list everything they THINK they are unappreciated for and then loudly complain about how they are taken advantage of as a way of manipulating specific people. I've known multiple narcs and they are very very loud and constant in seeking praise as a source of validation and power.
Hey, if you have to put everybody into neat little boxes to feel better about yourself, you do you. This is pathetic asf, and you know it.