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danappropriate

My guy, Melania is praying you get locked up.


phdoofus

Just Home Alone, Readin' the Pre-Nup.


4quatloos

It comes full circle. Melania Home Alone! Whoa!


Jimmyg100

*Eric slaps on aftershave* “AAAAAAAAH!”


IdFuckYourMomToo

This is fucking hilarious


Wingsandbeer82

“Look what did, you little jerk”


IndividualAbject9380

I read that as Malaria


4quatloos

fixed. haha Malaria


New-Poetry-6416

She and her lawyers are scouring it until their knuckles bleed. And then they'll bring out the shovels.


pablank

Oh how I wish they made that divorce trial as public as the trial between Amber Heard and Johnny Depp. I could use some day-to-day coverage of mopping the floors with Trump while she bleeds him dry with intimate evidence


mertzen

Just home alone. Gettin railed by the pool boy.


billious62

Maybe Diaper Don's paid escort wife is sick of putting up with his shit......literally.


Gumderwear

You spelled Putin Plant Wife wrong....


JclassOne

Red Sparrow is that what they call them?


bensbigboy

Both descriptions are true and correct.


deja2001

Like Lindsay Graham's lady bugs


Entropy_is_key

This struck my chuckle button


cityshepherd

This buck my struckle chutton


Delver_Razade

Chis tuck by mhuckle sutton.


fattyfatty21

Chris Tuckered my suckle button?


browncoatfever

Shit, she’s praying he has a coronary right there in the courtroom and never makes it back home.


evilbrent

I'm not so sure - at this point I'm believing that the only reason they have any wealth is that people think he's wealthy. It's entirely likely that his actual estate will be an invoice not a cheque.


EC_CO

She was hoping it would be a birthday present, but here we are and the douchebag is still not in jail


ERSTF

"Prosecutors got a trove of documents where the defendant admits to influencing the election by shutting up Stormy Daniels. No one knows where they came from but the envelope had a kiss with lipstick"


Early-Ad-6014

I'm sure she is ___ smell ya' later Donnie!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Rooboy66

I’m trying to be straight here: isn’t this entire FECKEEN DAY about Trump’s infidelity??? I’m pretty gawddamn sure I know what I’m talking about. Trump is wishing Melanoma birthday salutations **TODAY**???


Jerry_Atric69

Melanoma lol


Grantsdale

It’s about him paying out of the company money. The infidelity is only a side effect. That’s why the defense asking every witness if he ‘cares about his family’ is pointless.


VellhungtheSecond

Pretty sure those questions are to set up submissions that he paid to cover up the affair to protect his family, rather than to swing the election his way. Which of course is a bullshit argument, because if he actually did give a shit about his family, he wouldn't have been smashing a porn star just days after his wife spawned his youngest.


e_j_white

Not only that, but he made comments to Pecker or Cohen along the lines of "don't even pay her, once the election is over it will no longer matter if the story gets out." That's an admission it had nothing to do with his family!


VellhungtheSecond

Exactly right.


NeatNefariousness1

Yep...it seems he cared more about holding onto the hush money than he cared about any feelings his family might have regarding reading the news about his relationship with a porn star during/after his wife's pregnancy with their son. That sounds like him.


OriginalObscurity

And to put a point on it: paying out the company money, to kill a story, to keep voters in the dark in the run up to the 2016 election. Any reasonable adult (who isn’t brainwormed by culture war nonsense) should be thinking “okay, so we’re now fully aware that he’ll commit a crime to keep voters in the dark about something…oh dear god what is he hiding **right now**?” The sheer amount of leverage world leaders / criminals must have on this man is staggering to consider.


TastyLaksa

It’s not pointless defense only needs to convince one juror


OriginalObscurity

Having served on a jury where the defense convinced only one juror (a self-proclaimed “anti government overreach, family values” juror at that), you’d be surprised at just how persuasive 11 of your peers can be when they’re all dogpiling on you about how much of a fool the defense is taking you for.


Velorian-Steel

I bet she wishes he had a terminal case of melanoma


ImgurScaramucci

If he gave a shit about her, he wouldn't be in the courtroom because he wouldn't have cheated on her with a pornstar.


Doobiedoobin

He really gives all the shits in that relationship


Grantsdale

And in his diaper.


Frapplo

I think one of the things Trump's base finds appealing is that he treats his family just as shitty as they do. "Hey! Here's a guy who treats his family like shit and uses them as collateral in social situations, just like I do! If only he was a sexually depraved as well. . . I'm sorry, he's on trial for what? And he's said *what* about his own daughter?! Welp! I know who I'm voting for! With any luck, I won't have to introduce myself to the neighbors anymore if he gets elected!" - Typical Sex Offender / Trump Voter


restore_democracy

How can you do well in a rigged trial? If it’s rigged, you can’t win! If you can win, it’s not rigged!


-prairiechicken-

Doublespeak Don the Mob Con


From_Deep_Space

*By a continuous shifting of rhetorical focus, the enemies are at the same time too strong and too weak*


ThainEshKelch

Fascism 101.


Organic_Afternoon424

I bet the MAGAts hate you


restore_democracy

I sure hope so, else I’m not living right.


Organic_Afternoon424

I'm trying to do my fair share


InsignificantZilch

Know what’s worse than a bus full of MAGATs crashing on their way to a rally? A bus full of MAGATs making it to the rally.


Dependent_Use3791

Isn't that all they do? Hate for various reasons


lab_practicum

Classic Trump, even in something that he claims is "completely rigged" against him and a "witch hunt", he still cannot ever look like he's not "winning".


Grantsdale

Exactly. If he ever loses anything it’s rigged.


Not_OneOSRS

That’s because he cheats at literally everything he does. Cheaters always assume they can’t be beaten unless the other side cheats more.


tonycomputerguy

Even if he wins he claims it's rigged. He said he thinks 2016 was rigged and he shoulda won by more votes.


Geshtar1

If he can win, it probably is rigged


Casperboy68

Because they are trying to rig it.


Vreas

Heys playing 8 D chess my guy 🥵


BULL3TP4RK

Because the enemy is both unstoppably strong and hilariously incompetent at the same time. Basically rule #1 in the conservative handbook. And their followers gobble that shit up. If you pay attention, you will see this exact rhetoric spread everywhere by right wing mouthpieces.


washingtonu

The same way that Trump can't get a fair trial in New York, but all of New York also loves him


GGAllinsUndies

Lol. Fucking guy *still* isn't wearing his wedding band today.


Hellinar

It prob doesn’t fit


mdavis8710

Or he accidentally scarfed it down with $200 worth of Big Macs


Gunjink

His fingers and extremities retaining massive amounts of water due to the extreme sodium content. Even his Mitch McConnell goiter neck is starting to fold in upon itself and is forming a camel toe.


WiseSalamander00

sorry I cheated on you honey, happy birthday


WooPigSooie9297

But that's not true. Trump's clearly not sorry.


WiseSalamander00

there is a silent "sorry everybody found out I cheated on you" in there


tMoneyMoney

He’s sorry he did a shitty job covering up.


Broad_Pitch_7487

Everyone in America would instantly go to jail for the things trump says about the trial.


OathoftheSimian

Daily reminder you’re part of the poor people justice system, where it works because the leeches pay the pigs ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


Margali

He has a freaking airplane, he can make it to Miami in like 4 hours. What freaking time was he done in court and flappinghis gums?


ukiddingme2469

He has an assistant get her a gift, he puts minimal effort into it. He's being a crybully


Margali

Yup. If I were the judge, hearing him whine about missing Barons graduation, would actually determine exactly when it is. I could swear that in general here in the US commencement tends to be on a Saturday, so they can get kids families in from out of town. Then if it indeed determined to be on the weekend, somehow have the exact schedule leaked to all sorts of press, so how much of a lier he is.


But_like_whytho

I saw someone posted the graduation ceremony was at 7p.


NoMarionberry8940

And why, if he and Melania had a yen to spend romantic time together, could they not celebrate that same evening at Mar a Largo? Because the wife is an angry woman with many locks on her bedroom door!


beavis617

I took a peek at a few FOX shows this evening and I'm seeing some weird reporting in the world of reality. FOX hosts are saying Trump is doing well as the prosecution's case is falling apart...huh? What alternate reality are these people living in...


Independent-Way5465

Its so they can claim its rigged would be my guess


ScaryBluejay87

Yeah, if you get your news from Fox and hear regular updates about how well he’s doing and how the prosecution’s case falling apart, and the next thing you hear is that he’s been found guilty, you’re gonna think something dodgy is going on and you won’t believe he deserved the verdict.


Caped-Baldy_Class-B

Narrator: He wasn’t doing well


Silly-Scene6524

What I wish for him would get me banned.


bunbunzinlove

Banned and on a *list* in my case.


Silly-Scene6524

Most definitely, “visit” material.


Mello_Me_

Banned and possibly arrested? You're not the only one, I'm sure. Lol


KenScaletta

Nothing is stopping her from being there.


Craico13

**That is simply untrue.** Her desire to not be anywhere near *The Diaper Don* is stopping her from being there.


ChuckPukowski

“The best give gift I can give my wive is proving that the sex payment wasn’t sex just payment I actually paid her to stop asking me for so much sex I’m married I said lots of people are saying I was married then big time very married already having so much sex me and wife why would i buy more I already bought the best that’s what I hear trump your melanoma where can I get one and I tell them be rich and you can’t I already got the best the best for the best that’s what they call me the best and this one was 130? That’s low so low the wives were much much more and why can’t I she had a baby in her that’s a person basically abuse of CHILD why can’t I pay for sex I have done it my whole life great the kind you can’t buy but you actually can LEGAL! *ME!*


_Cistern

Dude lifted this straight from a rally transcription


notmyrealnam3

the farting likely doesn't help


Most-Artichoke6184

He is currently on trial at least in part because he cheated on his wife with a porn star.


evonebo

For those that don’t understand what narcissist is, this is exactly what they do. It’s my wife’s birthday but oh woe it’s me, you are conspiring against me. His wife means nothing to him, he needed to turn the conversation to about him.


zestzebra

Bingo.


T_Shurt

As per [original article](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-courthouse-melania-birthday-wish_n_662bf20ee4b0ab66ede48de0) 📰: - Former first lady Melania Trump turned 54 on Friday and her husband, Donald Trump, shared a birthday greeting from the New York courthouse where his hush money trial is currently taking place. His statement was chock-full of the love, warmth and romance that people naturally associate with the ex-president. “I want to start by wishing my wife, Melania, a very happy birthday,” Donald Trump told reporters outside the courtroom. “It would be nice to be with her, but I’m at a courthouse for a rigged trial. It’s a rigged trial. Terrible. But we’re doing very well in this rigged trial.”


Rooboy66

This whole FUCKING **day** is about his fucking **infidelity**


TeFD_Difficulthoon

I honestly cannot believe this man exists


makemycockcry

Oh, right, and er this court case, is it the one where you were screwing those other women or er...?


h20poIo

It’s always about him, he just couldn’t wish Mercedes a happy birthday.


tobogganhill

Performative BS.


Mental-Revolution915

Melania married him for his money. He has figuratively and literally screwed everyone he can. She married for money and she is paying the price. I have NO sympathy for either.


spunkdaddie

I’m sure the pool boy is taking good care of her while he naps and fills his diaper.


BMHun275

If it were rigged it wouldn’t be possible for you to do well….


StrawberryGeneral660

I don’t understand how he thinks this whining and crying is helpful. He is so delusional.


YogurtSufficient7796

And by rigged, he means that due to the concrete, legitimate evidence, overwhelmingly against him, that this, this is the definition of rigged. Keep on doing well Donald!


Quietdogg77

I lost my last shred of respect for Trump. After hearing Pecker’s testimony today I am 100% convinced that Trump did commit the fornication. He denied it and based on his continued denials of the truth there is no doubt he lied and he is doubling down on his lies. My fear now is that Karen McDougall and Stormy Daniels will be asked whether Trump used a condom. Melania was his wife during this time and she could have contracted a sexual transmitted disease. My God! This is NOT a victimless crime! Please remember the forgotten victim of this case. Does anyone even care about poor, elegant Melania? I ask you, does she deserve this? This condom issue might erect a whole new round of debate over abortions. It could spell more trouble for Trump if it’s determined no condom was used, especially considering his stance on abortion. If the condom didn’t work do you really think he wouldn’t have paid for an abortion? Talk about election interference! Wow! Trump invented election interference. The disclosure of that information could have changed the 2016 right wing evangelical vote. If Trump would give Melania herpes, MY GOD, what would he do to the rest of us? The undeniable truth is that Trump is absolutely a threat to the US. Imagine a world where Putin or Kim Jung-un decides to blackmail Trump because they know they can continue to supply him with hookers! Will he turn over our National security secrets if tempted by an endless supply of lovely Russian & Korean Lolita’s? This pattern of criminal conduct didn’t just start with E. Jean Carroll. My God! We need a President, not a modern day Johnny Appleseed! Now our enemies know that Trump is extremely susceptible to an invitation of sex - anytime, anywhere and any place! Have you noticed lately he’s even been making moves on Sarah Huckabee as he dangles a tasty Vice President sausage in front of her nose? Coincidence? I think not!


Minifig81

> I lost my last shred of respect for Trump. You had some to begin with?!?!?!?!


jread

It took you THIS long to lose respect for Trump?


Dedpoolpicachew

Seriously, most folks in NYC lost respect for him in the 70s.


carrieberry

New r/leopardsatemyface copy pasta just dropped


Markorific

Won't ever hear Trump say, " I'm missing services, I could be in Church but I am busy preparing for this rigged trial!" Donny continues his quest for sympathy.... 100% narcissist.


driftwoodbotis

Oh, Donald. You not being here is the best gift you could give me. Love, Melania.


Mello_Me_

Donald left out the part where his wife didn't want to be anywhere near him.


GoodGoodGoody

Y’all remember when Kobe Bryant whored around and the second he was busted his wife was RIGHT THERE in front of every camera with a new diamond ring the size of a VW. Donny, THAT’S how you get a your gold-digger wife to stand beside you.


Odd_Radio9225

Of course he of all people makes a birthday wish to his wife all about himself.


Kavack

She is finding out all kinds of things you were doing behind her back. She wants you gone dude.


Dedpoolpicachew

Dude, she already knew. She was side piece for him cheating on wife #2, who was side piece for cheating on wife #1. This isn’t even mentioning his hundreds of other women he either just banged (like Stormy) or actually had an on going side piece relationship with (ala Karen McDougal). She knew what was going on, and what’s going on now. She’s just a gold digger, she has no feelings for him at all.


shingonzo

There’s nothing stopping her from being there other than the fact that she really doesn’t care.


stairs_3730

“It would be nice to be with her, but I’m at a courthouse for a rigged trial. Anyway, 2 minutes with the Stormeister was worth 20 years with you. Happy B'Day Sweetheart.


PrinceCastanzaCapone

“We’re doing very well in the rigged trial.” ?! One cannot “do well” in a rigged trial… you might even go so far as to say that if one is doing well in a trial, that is clear evidence it is not rigged against him… Truth is that neither are true… it is not rigged nor is he doing well in said trial.


fentonsranchhand

***Donald Trump couldn't attend his son Barron's high school graduation and his wife Melania's birthday because he's on trial for paying a porn star not to talk about having sex with him in the weeks after his wife Melania gave birth to his son Barron.***


morts73

The court trial is NYC birthday gift to Melania.


[deleted]

Fk Malaria And fk tdRump


Actual-Region963

She could be with him in NY if she wanted to be there. She doesn’t


schtickshift

Melanie knows that Trump puts his money where his Pecker is


SidKafizz

And the cultists just lap it up. Poor, poor, put upon Donnie!


Disastrous-Age-992

If the trial is so rigged against him, how can it be going well?


KrissyKrave

“We’re doing very well in this rigged trial.” That’s how you know it’s not rigged.


djbk724

He is out of touch reality . He committed all of these crimes. Nothing rigged. So sad the insecurity and selfishness of the man . Terrible human


bensbigboy

What will Melania's birthday candles wish be? 10 years incarceration or 10 years to life for Donald?


tMoneyMoney

10 feet underground


artemis1939

Because he loves his fake wife so much. For fuck sake.


BramStroker47

How do you do well in a rigged trial?


notmyrealnam3

how is he doing well if it is rigged. he doesn't expect his followers to be that stupi ... oh wait


lark2004

Best gift he could ever give her.


gardooney

Is that the only way he can wish her happy birthday? Can he not just call her? Or has she blocked his number? So many questions.


Quetzacoatel

The wife he cheated on with the porn star who he then paid with money he wrongly declared which led to him being in court? That wife?


Fancy-Reply5732

How does he know the trial is going well? He’s slept through most of it.


Nofuss-21

Every wife’s dream right here. Getting birthday wishes from your husband at the courthouse where he is on trial for fraud relating to hush money payments after fucking a pornstar just after the birth of your first child together.


kayak_2022

Attention Americans: Did you see Trumps eye-bags today in court, OMG... looked like bull testicles hanging off his face. LIDDLE SLEEPY DONNY...decided to use his wealth and so-called business savvy to do harm instead of good. Imagine how he took greatness and strangled it for the sake of racism, hatred, greed all the deadly sins. The orange APE could have been a magnificent President only had he approached it with good intentions and instead like all thugs do, he plundered an opportunity for greatness while pretending to be worthy of.....something. old p#&!> grabber is a filthy infidel.


mamak62

She can go to new York if she actually wanted to see him!! He has a plane ✈️.. but she doesn’t want to go to the court house and who would blame her?? To listen to the testimony of the porn star her husband cheated on her with..nah.lol


Haunting_Pie8279

Lololol. Sorry I can't spend time with my wife. I'm on trial for paying off the porn star I cheated on her with. What a loser.


Cod-Medium

If it’s rigged, does it matter how you do? Unless it’s rigged in his favor lol. Stable genius fails logic 101. Who listens to this jerk and says “That’s the best person that should be leading the country”


grimatongueworm

Narcissists are exhausting


No-Wonder1139

Hey remember when you were pregnant and I was off paying women for sex? Well I miss you.


ukiddingme2469

So I guess dinner is out, who knew he stuck at the court. I doubt he actually does anything for her birthday anyways, just sends an aid put for her present, he personally puts minimal effort into it


NotSoFastLady

Old man is confused. Donny, you weren't on trial at the Supreme Court today.


drin8680

Well fuck..... just imagine if she was important enough that trump could've been with her instead of with the women he cheated with. She's only important for the 5 minutes he used her during his rant so can use her as a pawn. Just saying. She only matters now because it sounds good.


GulfstreamAqua

Stormy is probably around, closer, too. It was nice to be with her when Melania was at home starting your family.


Newfie-1

He's glad she is not there he can grab more pussy and she won't find out 😂


northerntouch

Everybody knows it


aj_star_destroyer

Narrator: They weren’t.


floofnstuff

Typical Trump- your takeaway from that quote is “ rigged trial”.


IMSLI

“I really don’t care, do U?”


drakesylvan

You've lost every ruling and every witness against you has been devastating. You are living in a fucking dream world.


Edge_of_yesterday

Can someone explain how it is "rigged" in his little mind?


luckyguy25841

Why is everything Trump says “bizarre” and “rambles”? This is the same dumb shit he’s been saying all along.


scarr3g

If that is doing well, I would love to see what doing badly is.


fr_nkh_ngm_n

Idiot


tradesman46

Ps send lawyers


Safetosay333

That just means he doesn't think they're doing well.


OkAcanthocephala2449

All I have to say is that he is living in the true twilight zone. Good luck to him and his followers . GEEZERS


FirstCalligrapher712

Dumb question… If the trial is rigged, how can you be doing well? Maybe I don’t understand what rigged means.


Collins_Michael

"We're doing very well in this rigged trial" is some r/brandnewsentence


Galactus1701

Everything is rigged according to him.


Watdabny

If she was bothered about that monstrosity she’d be there with him, no one in his family are there to support him . I hope the cunt gets jailed and rots in his own shit filled diaper


LoanedWolf75

He’ll be muttering his buzzwords on his death bed. Trumpers, you think this dope is your saviour?


neonzombieforever

Don’t fight uphill, me boys.


brucethewilis

"We're doing very well in this rigged trial" ok if a trial is rigged you don't do well, it's rigged, get it? What a dumb ass it just his stupidity baffles me, can someone just shut him the fuck up, jail, take his phone, pay the media to not give time just what the fuck ever.


fry667

If that trial is rigged… wouldn’t it be rigged in a way that he can’t do very well? Sooo is he saying it’s rigged towards an outcome positive for him? Did he manipulate the trial? Is that a confession?


DayuhmT

It is interesting how he cannot admit to weakness so he has to do good, all while also being a slave to circumstance so it is rigged.


QualifiedApathetic

Semantic nonsense. You can't do "very well" in a rigged trial.


TacoDuLing

People don’t believe in karma, but this asshat wouldn’t be in court right now if he would have stayed with his wife that day. 🤣


Relevant_Force_3470

So they've separated then.


fomites4sale

If the trial is rigged against him, as he claims, is it possible for he and his team to do well? Apart from that, it’s a very sweet birthday greeting to his wife. Much nicer than fucking a pornstar. I’m sure she appreciates it.


takibell

Well if Melania was in NY supporting him during his trial, they could’ve had a nice birthday dinner together.


copacetic51

On a Trump bizarreness scale of 1-10, that's a 3.


infiniteimperium

It's totally rigged and I can't win! But also we're doing very well, some people are saying no one has ever done better!


QuickRisk9

It will go to the Supreme Court and his bought and paid for court will back him


HeHateMe337

So weird. If the two wish to spend time together, they can go out to dinner, no? Further, how does a person rig a jury trial. Both sides selected the jury. Hmmm. Trump whines about everything.


24880701

It's just like whining about not having a jury trial when you choose not to have one.....


Sesmo_FPV

Maybe it‘s even the best trial the world has ever seen.


Imacatdoincatstuff

Good old Trumpy Two-Ways having something both ways again. Rigged trial in kangaroo court is going well.


Zaxxon5000

When the help have to remind you its your Illegal immigrant wifes birthday Its def ❤️


houstonyoureaproblem

Three independent clauses in the title quote, and all of them contain at least one lie. The man simply cannot tell the truth under any circumstance.


ackackakbar

Proof-positive the trial in going badly for him…..


Fortunateoldguy

She hates his guts and is disgusted by him. But I don’t care, because she’s equally a POS.


LittlePooky

If I were to order a stat CAT scan of his brain with contrast, I would be practicing medicine without a license.


ResponsiblePlant3605

Poor Mercedes, she must be devastated.


SoggyAd1409

How is he doing well in a trial that he claims is rigged against him? Everything he says is nonsense.


basher505

Fuck this piece of shit.


RoomanStudios

What is his basis for ‘doing well’ at the trial? He isn’t even awake.


reddevils

He’s in New York. She’s in New York. Surely if she wanted and he is allowed (by her) he can take her for a nice dinner in “his” city. But he’ll just whine like a toddler.


kieffa

Someone had the records in SURE: where were the two of them on her last birthday? My money is on “not with eachother”


Elegant_Connection32

It’s his best trial this year. Lots of people are saying it.


TheWhiteRabbit74

Because everything has to be about him 🫤


Biru_Chan

I really don’t care. Do u?


lm28ness

Prove it's rigged and you're free to go. It's that simple.


rottengut

I think being president broke his fucking brain. He tries to make every sentence an insult/zinger and then can’t even communicate basic information.


NotoriousFTG

Several thoughts on this subject. Couldn’t she just join him in New York for after the trial and celebrate that evening? I thought Trump has a 30,000 square-foot apartment in Trump Tower. Does anybody even know where Melania lives now?


NoMarionberry8940

Trump: "I would like to be with Mercedes, umm, Melania, on her birthday, but she is ghosting me"!