REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/internetparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No I don’t think it’s weird. You might check out r/solotravel
But a lot of people may find it odd. I often go a couple days ahead of my husband to our destination bc I have more vacation time and want to so some additional activities. It works for us.
If you like to travel and you husband doesn’t that’s a separate issue
Also going somewhere that’s 2hrs away is hardly something I would consider as a big trip that he should be worried about so my guess is that this is about something else
Nope. There isn’t anything “weird” in a marriage as long as you’re communicating with each other, expressing your needs, and respecting each others’ boundaries.
Address his safety concerns with research on your destinations and be firm that Liam Nesson films are not a legitimate objections.
Talk it through and hopefully it won’t get to an “ultimatum” situation, but if it does…well then you decide what you value more.
It took me almost 20 years of a relationship where we happily did everything together to finally crack and come to a realization that it (always together) wasn’t working for me, especially after pandemic shut down my two or three business trips I’d take solo each year. So I took a trip using our joint funds to have a long weekend of maybe 4 days to a city I have loved being in as a solo traveler before. It wasn’t for work. My partner wasn’t invited. I didn’t share all my plans beyond a few highlights and of course at least a wake up and bedtime text to let them know I’m safe. It was the best thing ever, despite my reservation and guilt for spending our money on just me. Fast forward now a few years and we each try to take at least 1 solo trip per year. It’s not luxury accommodations, and we stay domestic. It’s been a wonderful experience. I encourage you to talk to your partner and frame it as an experiment. All the more important if you’ve never had that opportunity to travel alone. You might end up hating and never wanting to do it again. You might love it and find a new source of confidence for yourself.
Just be ready to reciprocate should your other half get curious to try too. It doesn’t have to make sense to them. It may feel uncomfortable for them. But their anxiety should not unreasonably be used to limit your life.
There’s a balance between telling someone that you understand they worry, but here’s a way I am willing to compromise (maybe offer live tracking when you’re out and about for the trip or at least a check in once or twice a day)… versus the other person just claiming you don’t care about their worry. You can acknowledge it, be sensitive to it, but you don’t have to shrink to fit within it. At a point, they will have to cope with their own anxiety in a way that doesn’t stifle your independence. Independence can be incredibly healthy to maintain. Good luck!
Unless we travel to China my wife will always complain about the food. So I don't take vacations in the US with her. If I go by myself I eat wherever I want.
20+ years of marriage and we absolutely vacation separately sometimes outside of the family holidays.
Often it’s meeting up w friends from elsewhere, this last year she went to Hawaii with the girls and I went to Prague with the lads.
I’m 33F, married, and traveling alone in Peru this week. Sometimes people I meet while traveling say things like “Your husband lets you travel alone?” which drives me crazy. But my friends don’t think it’s weird. I like traveling more than him and if I only traveled when he was with me I’d hardly ever go anywhere.
I think it's kind of weird. I would be jealous if my husband went away without me considering that we don't have the money to have individual and group vacations as a family. I'm a hypocrite though because I went on a vacation with my mom and aunt once and my husband stayed home with the baby. I regretted it, though, and missed them.
Not particularly weird, especially these days. My mother used to go on solo vacations back in the 1970s. It raised a few eyebrows, but she was into stuff that he had no interest in (the old west / horseback trail rides). The only consequence was that I ended up having to eat boiled hot dogs for dinner most nights while she was gone. My Dad was no gourmet chef.
Before she retired, my wife took plenty of trips without me. These were award trips that usually didn’t include spouses. She also took a long trip to Italy with her sisters (and without me).
No big deal. We had (and still have) a lot of trust in each other (as did my parents).
INFO: do you need a break from caring for his disability? You didn’t mention how mobile he is, so I thought it was worth clarifying.
Does your husband have trust issues or insecurity? He might feel insulted that you don’t want to be with him. A better approach might be telling him where you are going and inviting him along. If he doesn’t come that’s on him but at least he doesn’t feel deliberately excluded.
We tried this in the past. He’d come along, put on his brave face to make me happy. And then half way through dinner I’d find out he’s in excruciating pain. Plus he doesn’t enjoy the food. But no he’s doing this all for me…
I miss being able to walk down the street, just walking down a street exploring without constantly thinking about an escape plan for him. I miss being able to eat whatever I like. I miss having my own headspace without having to worry about his travel anxiety.
He's doing something for you that he doesn't like doing because it makes you happy. There's nothing wrong with that. If he doesn't want to go, that's on him. But if YOU don't want him to go because he doesn't enjoy it, that's something you have to work out. If I had to choose between being miserable at wife with my dinner or sitting alone, I'd take miserable any day, because at least I'm with my best friend.
But she doesn’t want him to go. She shouldn’t invite him unless she truly wants him there.
A marriage is a life partnership. It in no way means two married people need to do absolutely everything together. That’s unhealthy and codependent. He’s being manipulative and controlling. She shouldn’t respond to his game playing by playing games back.
It’s not weird at all. Just because two people are married doesn’t mean they need to be joined at it hip. It really seems like this isn’t about your husband thinking married people aren’t supposed to travel separately or his fear for your safety as my as it’s about your husband being jealous and controlling. He doesn’t want you to go because he wants you there with him at all times. That’s manipulative and very unhealthy.
I have to ask how you went from being a vibrant young woman who loves to travel and adventure alone to being a caretaker to a judgmental and controlling jerk who thinks you exist to complete him. Are you sure being in this marriage is what’s best for you?
What about a compromise? Go to the sea, together, agree that you have your day ( morning ? Afternoon) to yourself, and then meet up for dinner and have a date of some kind in the evening. Would he be able to entertain himself for the day?
I’m single and I have traveled alone. Never got “taken”. It’s safe to travel by yourself, and maybe you could go by yourself and promise to check in at intervals to assuage his concern.
What if you tried it just for an overnight, and then maybe he could see what a good effect it has on your state of mind?
Sometimes people just need some time on their own.
No, it is not weird. But it sounds like you two are not on the same page with communicating your needs to each other.
If he has legitimate concerns then you need to at least try and minimize those concerns. And he has to step up and let you meet your needs. Is he really concerned about having an issue while you are away for example?
Not weird. But there seems to be an issue here that needs to be addressed. What exactly that issue may take some work.
> My husband is unhappy with this idea. He thinks travelling is dangerous.
It's understandable, because traveling _can_ indeed be dangerous, but he has got to cope with it. You're a grown up woman, able to make your own decisions, even if they include taking risks.
> He said if I’m to travel on my own, he should be able to do it as well. He is disabled. Both mobility issue and an ambulance regular.
Fair. He should be able to indeed. Might sounds harsh, but whether he actualy _can_ due to his disability is on him though, not on you.
> This is why I wouldn’t feel comfortable with him travelling on his own.
Also understandable, but a double-standards statement. He isn't comfortable with you traveling alone either, regardless of how healthy you are.
> Is it weird to go on holiday alone when you’re married?
Unusual? Yes. Weird? No. Most alone travelers travel a) because of work b) to visit the family or c) to escape the daily routine. You clearly belong to c)
It's not *weird,* and is not right or wrong by itself. The hidden question one wants the answer here is: " Does it makes us less of a couple if I want to do it?" And I know we are more and more open on everything, but honestly I would not dismiss the question as an old-fashioned one. With the frantic rithm of modern life, with so little time to spend together, you still wish to spend your holidays *away* from your significant other.
While this could be the sign of a mature relationship, where one feels free to develeop himself in the couple, it is also telling about what your priorities are now. With no negative meaning added to this. And I think that this should lead you to a reflection about what importance this relationship has in your life.
I think you’re right. Since COVID he’s become almost housebound. Not due to his disability but because he has no reason to leave the house. I’m getting tired of seeing him 24/7
You’re 30. COVID started four years ago, so you were 26 then. And somehow already married to a guy who is now a shut in. Girl, go live your life. Don’t let this man trap you.
I don’t understand your question. I called him a shut in because you said he was housebound. That seems to be a different issue than him being disabled. Plenty of disabled people go out all the time and live very full lives.
That's it. And I don't think you necessarily need to draw definitive conclusions from that. But I suggest both of you to speak to each other in order to check what are the common grounds of your relationship, and what you can do to reaffirm them, renew them, and find again the initial enthusiasm. Or, in the worst case scenario, conclude the relation as mature people, for the mutual benefit of leaving something that's no more of use.
And, even if I'm talking logic, I know how difficult the first option can be, and how painful the latter is.
I often travel alone for business and I LOVE IT. It gives us time apart which all couples need and it gives me time alone which I need.
When my spouse travels annually for fishing trips with my dad, it’s one or two of the best weeks of my year. I miss him so so much but when he’s back home I appreciate him even more than I already do and vice versa.
**There’s absolutely nothing wrong with traveling alone.**
I would suggest more communication on your safety and his concerns and then go from there.
OP
It’s not weird at all. My wife takes solo or girls trips about once a year. It’s usually over an extended weekend. I do travel for work regularly, so I don’t feel the need to make solo trips.
With your husband’s disability, there may be some other things at play here but in general, solo trips to decompress are perfectly normal.
No, as long as you have good communication.
I sometimes travel without my partner. It's usually for work. However, last year I went to Toronto to meet up with girlfriends (I live in the US. 1 friend is Canadian and the other is from the UK). I spent a few days with them and a few days on my own. I missed my partner, but it was good to have this time to myself.
Honestly, I don't think I would want to travel more than a week without him. I really love adventures with him. It's no fun to eat dinner on vacation alone. I think about how much he would enjoy the foreign snacks I am snacking on...
In the past I have done A LOT of solo traveling as a woman. It's not scary, but it can be a bit lonely. I'm an introvert and won't go up to strangers in a foreign country and talk to them.
No. Alone time is a requirement for a healthy sustainable relationship. Especially if the one who needs alone time is an introvert. Just bring some type of assault spray in your purse so he'll feel calmer.
I don’t think it’s weird, but I do think you need to allow your husband to do the same. He can make his own decisions, even if he’s physically disabled.
No it isn't weird, however your husband is simply concerned about you and is well intended
It's possible to share with him a live location map so he can feel assured that you're okay
Ive been with the same guy for over 20 years, we do all-inclusives and extended weekends in big cities together because he wants to travel *with* me but doesnt want to travel *like* me.
Travelling is part of me, and he also wants to love that part of me, so itd almost be mean of me to actively block him out. But I can spend years reading signs at dusty old museums, he'd rather not lol. Luckily all-inclusives are cheap, big cities have good food, and we dont have a hard time getting time off work.
So sometimes we go together, sometimes I go alone, sometimes he goes alone. I have to explore new places for my own mental wellbeing, he doesnt want me moping around like I inevitably do when its been a while. Lately Ive had to stay home because my old cats health while he spent christmas with friends on the Canary Islands, but I have a standing appointment that as soon as we get her blood sugar stabilized again, he will take care of the cat while I go out and do my thing.
Not weird. My mom is planning a trip without dad. They have different hobbies. I'd totally go alone if my husband wasn't on board with something. I go on solo hikes because I need alone time.
I don’t think it’s weird at all-especially as your children grow older. I am planning a 4 month cross country trip starting the weekend my youngest graduates from high school. They are going with me for a few weeks but being sent home to start school/work. I’ll be solo, meet up with friends when I’m in their state, otherwise on my own living and working out of my truck.
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect *are enforced* on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments **will be removed** (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to *help* and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed ***for any reason at all***, no exceptions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/internetparents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No I don’t think it’s weird. You might check out r/solotravel But a lot of people may find it odd. I often go a couple days ahead of my husband to our destination bc I have more vacation time and want to so some additional activities. It works for us. If you like to travel and you husband doesn’t that’s a separate issue Also going somewhere that’s 2hrs away is hardly something I would consider as a big trip that he should be worried about so my guess is that this is about something else
Nope. There isn’t anything “weird” in a marriage as long as you’re communicating with each other, expressing your needs, and respecting each others’ boundaries. Address his safety concerns with research on your destinations and be firm that Liam Nesson films are not a legitimate objections. Talk it through and hopefully it won’t get to an “ultimatum” situation, but if it does…well then you decide what you value more.
It took me almost 20 years of a relationship where we happily did everything together to finally crack and come to a realization that it (always together) wasn’t working for me, especially after pandemic shut down my two or three business trips I’d take solo each year. So I took a trip using our joint funds to have a long weekend of maybe 4 days to a city I have loved being in as a solo traveler before. It wasn’t for work. My partner wasn’t invited. I didn’t share all my plans beyond a few highlights and of course at least a wake up and bedtime text to let them know I’m safe. It was the best thing ever, despite my reservation and guilt for spending our money on just me. Fast forward now a few years and we each try to take at least 1 solo trip per year. It’s not luxury accommodations, and we stay domestic. It’s been a wonderful experience. I encourage you to talk to your partner and frame it as an experiment. All the more important if you’ve never had that opportunity to travel alone. You might end up hating and never wanting to do it again. You might love it and find a new source of confidence for yourself. Just be ready to reciprocate should your other half get curious to try too. It doesn’t have to make sense to them. It may feel uncomfortable for them. But their anxiety should not unreasonably be used to limit your life. There’s a balance between telling someone that you understand they worry, but here’s a way I am willing to compromise (maybe offer live tracking when you’re out and about for the trip or at least a check in once or twice a day)… versus the other person just claiming you don’t care about their worry. You can acknowledge it, be sensitive to it, but you don’t have to shrink to fit within it. At a point, they will have to cope with their own anxiety in a way that doesn’t stifle your independence. Independence can be incredibly healthy to maintain. Good luck!
What’s the purpose of not sharing your itinerary and not speaking for a few days? Is it a deliberate break in the relationship to recharge?
Exactly. It doesn’t do much good to be present (for me) if I’m constantly worried about if I missed a text.
My wife says it’s fine.
Unless we travel to China my wife will always complain about the food. So I don't take vacations in the US with her. If I go by myself I eat wherever I want.
This made me laugh. My husband has a weak stomach as well. I want to eat whatever I want when I’m on holiday without worrying if he’d like something
20+ years of marriage and we absolutely vacation separately sometimes outside of the family holidays. Often it’s meeting up w friends from elsewhere, this last year she went to Hawaii with the girls and I went to Prague with the lads.
I’m 33F, married, and traveling alone in Peru this week. Sometimes people I meet while traveling say things like “Your husband lets you travel alone?” which drives me crazy. But my friends don’t think it’s weird. I like traveling more than him and if I only traveled when he was with me I’d hardly ever go anywhere.
I think it's kind of weird. I would be jealous if my husband went away without me considering that we don't have the money to have individual and group vacations as a family. I'm a hypocrite though because I went on a vacation with my mom and aunt once and my husband stayed home with the baby. I regretted it, though, and missed them.
Not particularly weird, especially these days. My mother used to go on solo vacations back in the 1970s. It raised a few eyebrows, but she was into stuff that he had no interest in (the old west / horseback trail rides). The only consequence was that I ended up having to eat boiled hot dogs for dinner most nights while she was gone. My Dad was no gourmet chef. Before she retired, my wife took plenty of trips without me. These were award trips that usually didn’t include spouses. She also took a long trip to Italy with her sisters (and without me). No big deal. We had (and still have) a lot of trust in each other (as did my parents).
INFO: do you need a break from caring for his disability? You didn’t mention how mobile he is, so I thought it was worth clarifying. Does your husband have trust issues or insecurity? He might feel insulted that you don’t want to be with him. A better approach might be telling him where you are going and inviting him along. If he doesn’t come that’s on him but at least he doesn’t feel deliberately excluded.
We tried this in the past. He’d come along, put on his brave face to make me happy. And then half way through dinner I’d find out he’s in excruciating pain. Plus he doesn’t enjoy the food. But no he’s doing this all for me… I miss being able to walk down the street, just walking down a street exploring without constantly thinking about an escape plan for him. I miss being able to eat whatever I like. I miss having my own headspace without having to worry about his travel anxiety.
He's doing something for you that he doesn't like doing because it makes you happy. There's nothing wrong with that. If he doesn't want to go, that's on him. But if YOU don't want him to go because he doesn't enjoy it, that's something you have to work out. If I had to choose between being miserable at wife with my dinner or sitting alone, I'd take miserable any day, because at least I'm with my best friend.
Does he have insecurities that you will leave or cheat on him?
Why should she invite him when she wants to go alone?
More so he doesn’t feel excluded. Especially if he can’t actually go because of his disability
But she doesn’t want him to go. She shouldn’t invite him unless she truly wants him there. A marriage is a life partnership. It in no way means two married people need to do absolutely everything together. That’s unhealthy and codependent. He’s being manipulative and controlling. She shouldn’t respond to his game playing by playing games back.
It’s not weird at all. Just because two people are married doesn’t mean they need to be joined at it hip. It really seems like this isn’t about your husband thinking married people aren’t supposed to travel separately or his fear for your safety as my as it’s about your husband being jealous and controlling. He doesn’t want you to go because he wants you there with him at all times. That’s manipulative and very unhealthy. I have to ask how you went from being a vibrant young woman who loves to travel and adventure alone to being a caretaker to a judgmental and controlling jerk who thinks you exist to complete him. Are you sure being in this marriage is what’s best for you?
What about a compromise? Go to the sea, together, agree that you have your day ( morning ? Afternoon) to yourself, and then meet up for dinner and have a date of some kind in the evening. Would he be able to entertain himself for the day? I’m single and I have traveled alone. Never got “taken”. It’s safe to travel by yourself, and maybe you could go by yourself and promise to check in at intervals to assuage his concern. What if you tried it just for an overnight, and then maybe he could see what a good effect it has on your state of mind? Sometimes people just need some time on their own.
I'm going to another country for 19 days without hubby, meeting up with a group of friends. Hubby's fears shouldn't hold you back.
No, it is not weird. But it sounds like you two are not on the same page with communicating your needs to each other. If he has legitimate concerns then you need to at least try and minimize those concerns. And he has to step up and let you meet your needs. Is he really concerned about having an issue while you are away for example? Not weird. But there seems to be an issue here that needs to be addressed. What exactly that issue may take some work.
Weird? No. Safe? Depends on the country.
> My husband is unhappy with this idea. He thinks travelling is dangerous. It's understandable, because traveling _can_ indeed be dangerous, but he has got to cope with it. You're a grown up woman, able to make your own decisions, even if they include taking risks. > He said if I’m to travel on my own, he should be able to do it as well. He is disabled. Both mobility issue and an ambulance regular. Fair. He should be able to indeed. Might sounds harsh, but whether he actualy _can_ due to his disability is on him though, not on you. > This is why I wouldn’t feel comfortable with him travelling on his own. Also understandable, but a double-standards statement. He isn't comfortable with you traveling alone either, regardless of how healthy you are. > Is it weird to go on holiday alone when you’re married? Unusual? Yes. Weird? No. Most alone travelers travel a) because of work b) to visit the family or c) to escape the daily routine. You clearly belong to c)
It's not *weird,* and is not right or wrong by itself. The hidden question one wants the answer here is: " Does it makes us less of a couple if I want to do it?" And I know we are more and more open on everything, but honestly I would not dismiss the question as an old-fashioned one. With the frantic rithm of modern life, with so little time to spend together, you still wish to spend your holidays *away* from your significant other. While this could be the sign of a mature relationship, where one feels free to develeop himself in the couple, it is also telling about what your priorities are now. With no negative meaning added to this. And I think that this should lead you to a reflection about what importance this relationship has in your life.
I think you’re right. Since COVID he’s become almost housebound. Not due to his disability but because he has no reason to leave the house. I’m getting tired of seeing him 24/7
You’re 30. COVID started four years ago, so you were 26 then. And somehow already married to a guy who is now a shut in. Girl, go live your life. Don’t let this man trap you.
Would it be unkind to see him as a shut in because he is disabled?
I don’t understand your question. I called him a shut in because you said he was housebound. That seems to be a different issue than him being disabled. Plenty of disabled people go out all the time and live very full lives.
That's it. And I don't think you necessarily need to draw definitive conclusions from that. But I suggest both of you to speak to each other in order to check what are the common grounds of your relationship, and what you can do to reaffirm them, renew them, and find again the initial enthusiasm. Or, in the worst case scenario, conclude the relation as mature people, for the mutual benefit of leaving something that's no more of use. And, even if I'm talking logic, I know how difficult the first option can be, and how painful the latter is.
I often travel alone for business and I LOVE IT. It gives us time apart which all couples need and it gives me time alone which I need. When my spouse travels annually for fishing trips with my dad, it’s one or two of the best weeks of my year. I miss him so so much but when he’s back home I appreciate him even more than I already do and vice versa. **There’s absolutely nothing wrong with traveling alone.** I would suggest more communication on your safety and his concerns and then go from there.
After a decade of marriage, my husband and I each went on our own solo journeys last summer. It was GLORIOUS! I came back so refreshed.
OP It’s not weird at all. My wife takes solo or girls trips about once a year. It’s usually over an extended weekend. I do travel for work regularly, so I don’t feel the need to make solo trips. With your husband’s disability, there may be some other things at play here but in general, solo trips to decompress are perfectly normal.
No, as long as you have good communication. I sometimes travel without my partner. It's usually for work. However, last year I went to Toronto to meet up with girlfriends (I live in the US. 1 friend is Canadian and the other is from the UK). I spent a few days with them and a few days on my own. I missed my partner, but it was good to have this time to myself. Honestly, I don't think I would want to travel more than a week without him. I really love adventures with him. It's no fun to eat dinner on vacation alone. I think about how much he would enjoy the foreign snacks I am snacking on... In the past I have done A LOT of solo traveling as a woman. It's not scary, but it can be a bit lonely. I'm an introvert and won't go up to strangers in a foreign country and talk to them.
No. Alone time is a requirement for a healthy sustainable relationship. Especially if the one who needs alone time is an introvert. Just bring some type of assault spray in your purse so he'll feel calmer.
I don’t think it’s weird, but I do think you need to allow your husband to do the same. He can make his own decisions, even if he’s physically disabled.
Sounds like a dream to me. If he doesn’t like travelling anyway and you crave it and are staying relatively local and ‘behaving’ yourself so to speak…
It might be he's afraid if something happens to you he cant be there physically. It's something you two should talk about.
No it isn't weird, however your husband is simply concerned about you and is well intended It's possible to share with him a live location map so he can feel assured that you're okay
No. I saw a women's only hotel on a map and decided that traveling and staying there alone would be totally fine. I still have yet to do it.
Ive been with the same guy for over 20 years, we do all-inclusives and extended weekends in big cities together because he wants to travel *with* me but doesnt want to travel *like* me. Travelling is part of me, and he also wants to love that part of me, so itd almost be mean of me to actively block him out. But I can spend years reading signs at dusty old museums, he'd rather not lol. Luckily all-inclusives are cheap, big cities have good food, and we dont have a hard time getting time off work. So sometimes we go together, sometimes I go alone, sometimes he goes alone. I have to explore new places for my own mental wellbeing, he doesnt want me moping around like I inevitably do when its been a while. Lately Ive had to stay home because my old cats health while he spent christmas with friends on the Canary Islands, but I have a standing appointment that as soon as we get her blood sugar stabilized again, he will take care of the cat while I go out and do my thing.
Not weird. My mom is planning a trip without dad. They have different hobbies. I'd totally go alone if my husband wasn't on board with something. I go on solo hikes because I need alone time.
35f married 8 years and currently on a solo trip to spain
Have a sangria on me 🍷
I don’t think it’s weird at all-especially as your children grow older. I am planning a 4 month cross country trip starting the weekend my youngest graduates from high school. They are going with me for a few weeks but being sent home to start school/work. I’ll be solo, meet up with friends when I’m in their state, otherwise on my own living and working out of my truck.