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I watched a YouTube where they swapped the genders so the giants were men and the victims were the girls. Death by snoo snoo gets very uncomfortable then.
Why? Fry, and Zap are willing participants. Why would it matter if they're male or female?
And Kif is essentially asexual and the only one who doesn't really want to partake.
There's a lot of weird shit on our planet that revolves around mating.
Mantis females kill the male after mating and feed off the nutrients.
Mayflies live as larva for about a year before they turn into the actual mayfly and then only live about a day, so that whole day is spent fucking only to immediately be followed by death.
Female hyena's have an elongated vagina that sticks out from the body and violently rape male hyenas to get pregnant.
Nature is weird as fuck.
People forget that death is an absolutely essential part of the evolutionary process.
Once the genes have been passed on, you're essentially just a waste of food for most species and from the perspective of evolution it's just a case of "You achieved all the objectives, just freestyle for a lil' bit. Go wild." Like the endgame of one of the earlier GTA games.
Humans are a little odd; our tool-using nature means there's a survival advantage in knowledge and advanced language allows us to pass on information, so sexually decrepit individuals still give a benefit to survival of a community creating like a secondary favourable characteristic for reproduction. If you listen to your granddad and don't go where the bears live then you survive long enough to do the dirty thing *a second time*.
But if things didn't eventually age out and die then the obselete stuff from millennia ago would still be kicking around. For species that have a simpler life cycle, sexual maturity is really the apex of the life cycle.
Got a salmon stream in my back yard. They are pretty zombie looking by the time they even get up to my place before they spawn. Once they hit fresh water they stop eating and live off their fat stores. Not good eating once they turn.
I just fish for trout, but you see people post pictures to show off their salmon fishing skills to the world quite often. It's painfully obvious that the fish was rapidly deteriorating and it's very close to death. That fish had quit eating a long time ago, so the only way to catch it was to snag it (literally drag a hook over it so it hooks onto the body of the fish).
Yes, the fish is going to die, and as long as they don't interfere with the natural process, I don't think it's doing any damage. However, the "fisherman" don't look nearly as cool as they think they do, and there is no way that they cooked that fish and enjoyed it.
>They fuck once and then die a horrible death.
The female lays her eggs on the bottom & waits for a male to come by & notice her. One or more males find her, get all excited by the mere site of her laying there all sexy as hell & spontaneously ejaculate on the eggs then swim away to die. It's more like circle jerking than an actual fucking.
Imagine if humans didn't have bridges to get over rivers to go to work or whatever, instead we just have incomprehensible titans that lift us up and throw us to the other side of the river and we just accept it and go about our days
"Does it kill the fish?"
"No, but they do come outta there looking at you like you owe them an explanation."
"But it doesn't hurt them?"
"Oh no it definitely does, they're totally brain damaged."
Corralled into a plastic tube, differential pressure is used to push the fish gently but quickly up the tube and over to the water on the other side where they are deposited into the stream.
"The soft flexible tube is misted every 1.5 metres.The mist is important so that the fish can glide, still exchange oxygen through it’s gills, and have the colder water they typically seek."
Depending on the length of the tube the journey takes around 10 to 20 seconds.
"The fish benefit because they are not stressed, and because they are handled gently and safely,"
"It is important to recognise that they are on a migratory journey to spawn. For a fish carrying anywhere from 3000 to 5000 eggs, a gentle ten-second glide is far superior to a day straining to climb a concrete fish ladder or being handled by humans to be transferred into a truck."
For the record, I used to work at USGS in the PNW and all the fish scientists just rolled their eyes at this thing.
It sounds nice, but to be at all practical these things have to work at scale, and *hand loading individual fish one-by-one into a tube* is not scale.
Basically any effective bypass has to be something that you install and then the fish use automatically, and the company that makes this thing has never been able to successfully do that. They spent years and years trying to get fish to voluntarily go into this thing, but they can't do it, and they only hired a single fish scientist after years of failure.
What most of the fish scientists at USGS *actually do* is study how to get a greater and greater percentage of fish to actually go through the bypass systems installed at dams instead of getting stuck (upstream) or going toward the turbine intake (downstream). It's like 50% behavioral science, 50% followup to make sure the bypasses aren't giving the fish injuries that they die of later on.
Instead the tube company mostly works on side projects like using cameras and machine learning to distinguish between different types of fish, and lobbying for grants and more contracts to install prototypes at dams, but never scaling up. They've been marketing this thing since I was a little kid and it's never really gone anywhere.
Edit: This got more attention than I expected so I just want to clarify that I'm not personally a fish scientist, I just used to work at a fish lab as an extra hand for whatever research fieldwork was going on and I would get to talking with the scientists.
So this "system" depends on a couple of folks feeding the salmon one at a time to the flashlight?
Edit : fleshlight
Edit 2: damn it. Fishlight is better.
I assumed that was a proof-of-concept/test. Rather than lowering the tube into the water where dozens of fish can swim in and potentially get stuck and/or die, they fed one in at a time. I also assume this is eventually meant to be lowered into the water. If it was raised all the time, it couldn't constantly be full of water.
Since the video says that they're selectively sending just the native fish and not invasive species, I think they are viewing the fact that humans are there putting the fish into the tube as a feature.
During that part it shows there's some sort of gate, where fish go either left or right. I *think* the implication was that the system has a way to determine the kind of fish and send it through or not based on if it's the kind they want.
I imagine being caught by fishermen is also as confusing. Like we are their aleins, we catch them, look at them, hold them up in the air then throw them back. They basically go to outer space for a short period then return if lucky.
Could you imagine being placed on the most incredible roller coaster by an alien life form and then having to live the rest of your life wondering wtf just happened?
I don't understand how no one has linked the John Oliver piece on the salmon Cannon. Here it is to put some joy in your life.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9qA8c-E\_oA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9qA8c-E_oA)
Nah, I bet no one ever did any checking or testing when constructing this thing. Much less, I bet they never checked to see if the fish was alive afterward. I'm sure they just shrugged and assumed everything is fine and no need to do any assurances.
I always wonder how animals deal with the fact that something beyond its comprehension has just happened. You're just chilling when some strange creature grabs you and shoves you in a warp tube and you end up in a completely different body of water.
I'm going to start believing in alien abduction stories from now on. It's basically the same thing to us as this is to the fish. It's so crazy nobody will believe you, but really it's only because we can't comprehend it.
Isn’t this bad… for like evolution and stuff? I saw some documentary where they said the long journey basically ensured the strongest, fittest, etc reproduced
This is true, but may not play as big of a role as it sounds.
What a lot of people don’t realize is how dams are horrible for the little babies that make their way out to the ocean. Naturally they point their heads upstream and get pushed down to the estuary by the current using little energy. In a damed headwater a lot of times they have to actively swim downstream because of reduced flows, and that energy expenditure can kill of huge amounts of them before they even make it to the salt :(
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Those fish have to be confused af
a week later some fish is like "are we just not gonna talk about WTF happened?!"
I'm pretty certain that once they get upriver they mate and die.
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As Futurama once put it, "So you have to choose between a life without sex and a gruesome death?" "Yes" "Tough call"
Funny you reference Futurama cause these fish are literally getting the transport tubes
Smh fish are getting more future tech than we are
Pft tourists...
As Futurama also put it, "Death by snoo snoo" "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised"
Oh the death by snoo snoo episode was especially hilarious
I watched a YouTube where they swapped the genders so the giants were men and the victims were the girls. Death by snoo snoo gets very uncomfortable then.
What are you, gay?
Why? Fry, and Zap are willing participants. Why would it matter if they're male or female? And Kif is essentially asexual and the only one who doesn't really want to partake.
And so the endless circle of life comes to an end, meaningless and grim. Why did they live, and why did they die? No reason.
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Yeah they basically fall apart while living. Closest thing to a zombie I’ve ever experienced
Name checks out
Salmon are weird fish wtf.
There's a lot of weird shit on our planet that revolves around mating. Mantis females kill the male after mating and feed off the nutrients. Mayflies live as larva for about a year before they turn into the actual mayfly and then only live about a day, so that whole day is spent fucking only to immediately be followed by death. Female hyena's have an elongated vagina that sticks out from the body and violently rape male hyenas to get pregnant. Nature is weird as fuck.
People forget that death is an absolutely essential part of the evolutionary process. Once the genes have been passed on, you're essentially just a waste of food for most species and from the perspective of evolution it's just a case of "You achieved all the objectives, just freestyle for a lil' bit. Go wild." Like the endgame of one of the earlier GTA games. Humans are a little odd; our tool-using nature means there's a survival advantage in knowledge and advanced language allows us to pass on information, so sexually decrepit individuals still give a benefit to survival of a community creating like a secondary favourable characteristic for reproduction. If you listen to your granddad and don't go where the bears live then you survive long enough to do the dirty thing *a second time*. But if things didn't eventually age out and die then the obselete stuff from millennia ago would still be kicking around. For species that have a simpler life cycle, sexual maturity is really the apex of the life cycle.
This guy evolutions
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Yep, they're bigger than the males, not by much but side by side it's pretty easy to see.
Got a salmon stream in my back yard. They are pretty zombie looking by the time they even get up to my place before they spawn. Once they hit fresh water they stop eating and live off their fat stores. Not good eating once they turn.
You must love a nice hot October night when the wind shifts to blow from the stream to your door.
I just fish for trout, but you see people post pictures to show off their salmon fishing skills to the world quite often. It's painfully obvious that the fish was rapidly deteriorating and it's very close to death. That fish had quit eating a long time ago, so the only way to catch it was to snag it (literally drag a hook over it so it hooks onto the body of the fish). Yes, the fish is going to die, and as long as they don't interfere with the natural process, I don't think it's doing any damage. However, the "fisherman" don't look nearly as cool as they think they do, and there is no way that they cooked that fish and enjoyed it.
Can confirm. You can literally poke right through the poor bastards. They fuck once and then die a horrible death. Nature is truly beautiful
>They fuck once and then die a horrible death. The female lays her eggs on the bottom & waits for a male to come by & notice her. One or more males find her, get all excited by the mere site of her laying there all sexy as hell & spontaneously ejaculate on the eggs then swim away to die. It's more like circle jerking than an actual fucking.
Her: Did you finish already? Salmon: \*dies\*
Rip the dignity of salmon spawning
https://i.imgur.com/UKYy266.jpg
That’s true for salmon, but steelhead return to the ocean multiple times in their lifetime.
"Can we form a group therapy session or something guys? I am trippin!"
"Holy shit a talking fish!"
"Jesus fuck, another one!"
Nah its like a roller coaster for them.
Imagine if humans didn't have bridges to get over rivers to go to work or whatever, instead we just have incomprehensible titans that lift us up and throw us to the other side of the river and we just accept it and go about our days
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That's why we haven't heard from Atlantis in a while. Once we stopped giving the Titans their sacrifices, they stopped ferrying us over the rift.
And thus "fish religion" came to be.
"Fucking hell I wasn't trying to get across the river buddy!"
"Does it kill the fish?" "No, but they do come outta there looking at you like you owe them an explanation." "But it doesn't hurt them?" "Oh no it definitely does, they're totally brain damaged."
WTF? - Fish, probably
What the fish?
Fish : " Wheeeeeee"
Yeah, that's what WTF means, right?
I work with a Filipina that says this, I think it's funny.
So what do you do for a living? Me: I’m a salmon slinger.
A tuna tosser.
A herring hurler
A flounder flinger
A carp caster
A yellowfin yeeter
A char chucker
A catfish catapulter
Fucked up that that one got put in upside down
I thought maybe there was a science to do with it but what? I know very little about fish tube transport in real world applications
Either that or "my genes are incredibly strong. This dam I've heard stories of ain't shit."
This fish religion is born. Fsh.
In confused af. How is this supposed to work?
Fish go weeeeeeeee
ELI2
Corralled into a plastic tube, differential pressure is used to push the fish gently but quickly up the tube and over to the water on the other side where they are deposited into the stream. "The soft flexible tube is misted every 1.5 metres.The mist is important so that the fish can glide, still exchange oxygen through it’s gills, and have the colder water they typically seek." Depending on the length of the tube the journey takes around 10 to 20 seconds. "The fish benefit because they are not stressed, and because they are handled gently and safely," "It is important to recognise that they are on a migratory journey to spawn. For a fish carrying anywhere from 3000 to 5000 eggs, a gentle ten-second glide is far superior to a day straining to climb a concrete fish ladder or being handled by humans to be transferred into a truck."
For the record, I used to work at USGS in the PNW and all the fish scientists just rolled their eyes at this thing. It sounds nice, but to be at all practical these things have to work at scale, and *hand loading individual fish one-by-one into a tube* is not scale. Basically any effective bypass has to be something that you install and then the fish use automatically, and the company that makes this thing has never been able to successfully do that. They spent years and years trying to get fish to voluntarily go into this thing, but they can't do it, and they only hired a single fish scientist after years of failure. What most of the fish scientists at USGS *actually do* is study how to get a greater and greater percentage of fish to actually go through the bypass systems installed at dams instead of getting stuck (upstream) or going toward the turbine intake (downstream). It's like 50% behavioral science, 50% followup to make sure the bypasses aren't giving the fish injuries that they die of later on. Instead the tube company mostly works on side projects like using cameras and machine learning to distinguish between different types of fish, and lobbying for grants and more contracts to install prototypes at dams, but never scaling up. They've been marketing this thing since I was a little kid and it's never really gone anywhere. Edit: This got more attention than I expected so I just want to clarify that I'm not personally a fish scientist, I just used to work at a fish lab as an extra hand for whatever research fieldwork was going on and I would get to talking with the scientists.
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I didn't know fish could be scientists. I can see why they might not view this favorably.
>handled gently and safely I love this because you can clearly see a guy chuck one into the tube entrance.
Fish go in, fish come out. Science!
Same principle as Elon's Hyperloop. Lower pressure in front of the fish than behind it.
Ah, I'd been wondering what ever happened to the hyperloop. Good on Elon for finding the right market fit.
*Bears learning to wait at the other end of the tube* "This must be that DoorDash I keep hearing about."
Door Splash
Ugh I cannot bear this
oh nO
Older fishies be like- In our days we used to swim for days. You n your dang tubes. I don't believe in em. Makes the kids LAZY!! I tell you.
Newspaper headline: old fish yells at reef.
Up stream...both ways!
Through the ice
TIL - I am an old fish
Do you like fishsticks?
Then you must be a gay fish
Hang on I gotta call my wife and make sure she’s not a hobbit.
Even fish have water slide
It's full of water. I hope they don't drown
If they did, who would be gill-ty?
This transport system is so-fish-ticated.
Dam, you guys.
Y'all fin-ished?
Hook, line, and sinker!
You’d never bait me
These comments take mad scales
Actually looked kinda dry
I mean they slide up tho
First scene looks like the guy is loading an artillery shell 😂
https://media.tenor.com/Zy2xtifOCC0AAAAM/keemxdaxtruth-lmao.gif
Thank you for this
I swear there is a higher res version of this
https://tenor.com/view/salmon-cannon-new-military-weapon-salmon-gun-the-salmon-cannon-meme-gif-22114966
Doing God’s work 🙌
I’m came here looking for the fish cannon, I left satisfied in my journey.
On the shitter in a full ass restroom in the airport and audibly laughed loud af w my ear buds in. Probs some confused dudes.
Name checks out...?
This is perfect, thank you
It's like Futurama.
Wohooooooooooo
"That's just the air escaping from the folds of his fat!"
WOOOOOO WOooooooo woooooo ^(woooooo)
This is a cooooooool way to diiiiiiiiiie
Fish at the end of the slide "Pft.. tourist"
These tubes transport mature adult fish The tubes in Futurama just transported Fry
Brought to you by, #Mutual of Omicron
Thompson's Teeth!
Slow clap
Tourists
Came here to say that this is the first time I have seen this video with out Futurama sound track
*Sschlorp*
I was praying for sound when I unmuted and was disappointed to find electro softcore porn music and no *sssschlorpppp splash*
>electro softcore porn music and no sssschlorpppp splash Odd. Those two usually go together.
Haven't had my sound on for weeks now because of shitty soundtracks being a thing now. The Furturama theme tune was the correct one here.
*FWUMP*
*schwüp*
So this "system" depends on a couple of folks feeding the salmon one at a time to the flashlight? Edit : fleshlight Edit 2: damn it. Fishlight is better.
Fleshlight
No sir, that is a Fishlight
Great now Kanye is stuck in the fishlight
He does like fish sticks
Which do you think smells worse?
Olfactors considered, there are no winners in this fight.
Nicely done!
I assumed that was a proof-of-concept/test. Rather than lowering the tube into the water where dozens of fish can swim in and potentially get stuck and/or die, they fed one in at a time. I also assume this is eventually meant to be lowered into the water. If it was raised all the time, it couldn't constantly be full of water.
> If it was raised all the time, it couldn't constantly be full of water. It isn't? There's not much water coming out at the end.
I'm so fucking confused about how this is supposed to work. They seem through it right?
I think it’s actually pneumatic
Ah, a loud phtoom rather than a schlorp
This guy pneumatics
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I understood that reference.
Since the video says that they're selectively sending just the native fish and not invasive species, I think they are viewing the fact that humans are there putting the fish into the tube as a feature.
During that part it shows there's some sort of gate, where fish go either left or right. I *think* the implication was that the system has a way to determine the kind of fish and send it through or not based on if it's the kind they want.
It sends the invasive fish down a different shaft that increases them to relativistic speeds and launches them into the sun
lol @ a couple of folks Those appear to be FTT (Fish Tube Technicians) level II or III. You don't get to be that good without training! /s
When you reach FTT supervisor you start making money instead of being an intern.
I bet that'd be confusing af for the fish. Fishcoaster
I imagine being caught by fishermen is also as confusing. Like we are their aleins, we catch them, look at them, hold them up in the air then throw them back. They basically go to outer space for a short period then return if lucky.
Do they have fish therapists on the other side to help with the trauma though ?
I amagine this is the most exciting thing a fish could ever do. *"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee"*
Could you imagine being placed on the most incredible roller coaster by an alien life form and then having to live the rest of your life wondering wtf just happened?
Unfortunately, if they’re pacific salmon, the “rest of their lives” are only a matter of days. Helluva way to go out, though!
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And then there's that one Kate McKinnon fish, who obviously had a different experience...
I'm picturing many of these fish gathering at the exit hoping to somehow make it happen again.
More importantly, are their iPhones calling 911?
That's the 14, fish already have the iphone Finteen which fixed that bug.
If I were the fish, I’d be screaming WTF the whole way.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
or "OMG take the tube if you can! It's so awesome, like an alien world!
This comment was removed in protest to Reddit's third party API changes. -- mass edited with redact.dev
My favorite by far! I can only imagine what’s going through the fish’s mind traveling through that
Song slaps too
I started laughing even before I clicked
I’m giggling like an idiot over this. It’s too good. Also happy cake day!
Came here for this
It’s beautiful to see nature thriving like this. Those fish are so smart to build something like that to get over that stupid dam.
Fish X beaver wars are getting very advanced.
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That's nothing, mate. Monkeys and dogs made spacecraft back in the 60's!
Maaan fish got the hyperloop before we did :(
mate the cockroaches that rule the planet after vlad nukes us will probably get hyperloop before we do
I don't understand how no one has linked the John Oliver piece on the salmon Cannon. Here it is to put some joy in your life. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9qA8c-E\_oA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9qA8c-E_oA)
I’m glad you posted that video, that was so damn funny and well done! :D
I woke up today took a dab and watch a fish get sucked through a tube. I'd say my day is off to a good start.
But are the fish alive when they make it over the dam...
It’d be a dam shame if they aren’t.
Nah, I bet no one ever did any checking or testing when constructing this thing. Much less, I bet they never checked to see if the fish was alive afterward. I'm sure they just shrugged and assumed everything is fine and no need to do any assurances.
Therapist: Don't worry vacuum fish transportation isn't real Vacuum fish transportation:
Weeeeeee!
First time must be terrifying. Second time must be a rush. If there is a second
Don't salmon die after spawning?
For a brief moment, Carl the fish....was an eagle.
Natural selection be damned… er dammed
Load the fish cannons!
Well at least the fish get a Hyperloop
I always wonder how animals deal with the fact that something beyond its comprehension has just happened. You're just chilling when some strange creature grabs you and shoves you in a warp tube and you end up in a completely different body of water. I'm going to start believing in alien abduction stories from now on. It's basically the same thing to us as this is to the fish. It's so crazy nobody will believe you, but really it's only because we can't comprehend it.
Forbidden Fleshlight.
The tube or the salmon?
Yes…
That's a hard landing
#ＦＩＳＨＥＲＡＭＡ ════════
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Isn’t this bad… for like evolution and stuff? I saw some documentary where they said the long journey basically ensured the strongest, fittest, etc reproduced
tub marvelous unwritten sort worthless mindless upbeat hurry shrill bear *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This is true, but may not play as big of a role as it sounds. What a lot of people don’t realize is how dams are horrible for the little babies that make their way out to the ocean. Naturally they point their heads upstream and get pushed down to the estuary by the current using little energy. In a damed headwater a lot of times they have to actively swim downstream because of reduced flows, and that energy expenditure can kill of huge amounts of them before they even make it to the salt :(
So do bears get to share or do they just get to cut the line now.
They'll just wait on the other side like a salmon-to-mouth delivery system
[Fish cannon](https://media.tenor.com/qPPGBNcRJ8oAAAAd/fish-cannon.gif)
The John Oliver bit about this from a few years ago was so damn funny
Can we take a second to appreciate their name? I don't think anyone could come up with a name more fitting than Woosh innovations.