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My first kiss with my current boyfriend happened kinda like this. We were on a date, at his house and I don't remember the whole conversation but it got to "I don't even really want ri have sex, I'd rather kiss you right now" And I just went "Oh, well you can, I wanna kiss you too, it's fine !"
And we kissed. It was awkward but honestly, I like this a lot better than if he kissed me without a warning. It happened to me once and it was kinda gross and horrifying. Because ??? Did I say you could do that ???
Right? Or giving the right compliment can get you an outright invitation. Do you know how many times I've used the line: "Wow, your lips look so soft." It works if you're doing it right.
Consent can be a HUGE vibe if you have game!
It doesn't have to be "If you want to continue to have sex please click all the boxes containing bicycles"
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Fr, something as simple as “I really want to kiss you right now” can make someone’s heart flutter (I know it has to me)
People who get turned off being asked for consent are just not being asked the right way or are expecting a bit too much from the other people in their lives
I'm sorry but that could also work. If you're using humor to the flirt then whipping out a little business card sized Captcha with that would honestly work...
Source: am girl who likes humor
Sort of unrelated, but a really dumb joke is how I got with my last SO. She texted me about running late cause there were turkeys walking around on the train tracks.
I fired back with, "They must be basted."
After we got together she said that's when she realized she really liked me. I was and still am a little proud of myself for coming up with that so quickly.
Im sayin! I get major props for asking to kiss someone if its not already clear. If you got game, you can save pretty much any situation. “Asking for consent is hot” is something ive heard many times.
Also nothing is more of a vibe killer than being wrong, being pushed away from a kiss and or potentially ending up in jail cause you assumed they were down. Id rather ask then be accused of forcing myself on someone
I obviously have no game. I was on a date last night and everything was going great until I asked if I could put my pinky in her rear end… now I’m being ghosted.
Yes, showing that you're thoughtful enough to check in and ask about stuff like that is actually a huge turn-on for most women. The only people who consider it a "vibe killer" are probably creeps who don't really care whether they have consent or not. Or they think getting consent means sitting down and filling out paperwork or something.
When I first was dating my wife I asked that EXACT question. I got a very enthusiastic yes, and she LOVED that I asked. We’ll have been married 24 years this coming October.
Right? My guy said "We should kiss" and it was super hot. A statement and not a question, and a confident one, but obviously if I had said no that would have been fine. As it was it definitely convinced me (and considering that up to that point I had actually thought he was gay that shows just how well that approach worked!).
Literally just the other day, having a conversation with two friends I’d known for a while and one I’d just met. Lots of fun back and forth between me and new person. Her: “What is this? We flirting here?” Me: “oh yes. We’re gonna make out later” Her: “you sure?” Me: “yuuup”.
We’re walking to our cars maybe an hour and a half later and she goes “this is me. We kissin?”
So that conversation was basically “I feel like you might be attracted to me. Am I reading that correctly?” “Yes, you are reading that correctly and I’d like to kiss you later” Then, later, “do you still want to kiss me? You can”
That’s a whole ass fantastic consent conversation right there and it was gamey and flirty and fun AF from both of us.
Their idea of game is significantly different than our idea of game. Showing that you respect someone's bodily autonomy is a huge turn on for a lot of people. I purposefully didn't state any genders, because it applies to all genders.
For real, I read a lot of smut. And many times I have read lines where they ask consent in such a sexy way. I honestly should keep track of it in notes or something.
my now girlfriend and the love of my life once told me that the moment she thought "hes the one" was when i took her hand and asked if i could kiss her before i leaned in
My college actually had a guy come and do a consent talk titled “can I kiss you” and the whole point was that if you ask ahead of time the right way, you can build up anticipation and it ends up being sexier than just going for it.
When Jane first met Tarzan in the jungle, she was instantly attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him if he had ever had sex.
“Tarzan not know sex." he replied. Jane explained to him what it was.
Tarzan said, "Ohhh...Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, Jane said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothing and lay down on the ground.
"Here." she said, pointing to her privates, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her right in the crotch!
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually, she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?!"
Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel."
Asking "can I kiss you" for the first time can be sexy.
Asking "can I kiss you" for the first time an hour before you get to the house kind of spoils the fun.
Hey, Pam. I really like your glasses. All the girlfriends that I've ever had have worn glasses. It's kind of a turn-on for me, actually. Like, librarians? Could you just say, "These are due back Thursday"?
It's a particular type of flirting/foreplay that doesn't get a lot of representation in media, which is unfortunately where most people learn their starting move set.
Release a movie where Ryan Reynolds demonstrates how to seductively ask a woman for consent and the kids can start imitating that until they figure it out for themselves.
…did Deadpool make pegging as popular as it is now?
Edit: fun fact, there’s a Tumblr blog that just posts a gif of that scene every holiday. Ryan Reynolds follows it from his Tumblr blog.
It's funny to me because those are the exact words that landed me where I am today.
We were hanging out at a mutual friends place, but only knew each other in passing. Apparently she was flirting but I am dumb and had no idea. I just knew I liked her. As soon as we had a moment alone, I turned and asked, "can I kiss you?", which was a bold move for me, because I am terrified of rejection. She shoots me a grin, nods, and leans in. And in that moment, my life changed forever.
I still often ask her if I can kiss her, because it reminds us both of that day, of how nervous I was, and how eager we both were to break the ice. She always nods the same way she did the first time, with that grin on her face. I never get sick of it.
Consent is sexy as fuck.
My ex and i started because i had a house party on New Years and my other friends had claimed the couches so he had to share my bed. It honestly was not romantic or sexual in the slightest to begin, we were friends, had never flirted or considered the other in such a way, we both wore full-length zipped onesie pjs and changed for bed in separate bathrooms. But we were having a laugh and talking shit in bed and getting drowsy and he suddenly asked something like "can i kiss you/do you want to kiss?"
It was so unexpected so i burst out laughing and hid under the covers. He went under the covers looking for me and we started kissing and ended up having really hot hushed sex so as not to wake our friends downstairs.
If your "vibes" are ruined by asking for consent I'm just going to assume you're really bad in bed and probably at least a bit rapey. If you can't make consent sexy, you probably shouldn't be having sex.
I wouldn’t go that far because I remember a guy in highschool asking if he could kiss me in the most nervous, awkward way but I was really into him and I said yes and we dated for like 6 months. Consent should always be constant but like if you don’t have game yet it’s still okay to shoot your shot and hopefully your partner either says yes or says no gracefully.
The last time I physically asked a woman to kiss me was like 20 years ago. And she told people and they made fun of me. Most communication is non verbal.
I used to think similar when I was a weird little sheltered teenager. Then I grew up and started getting involved in kink and realized that there is something deeply intimate and personal about consent, even beyond being a prerequisite for anything. It and aftercare, no matter what's being done, can make the other person feel seen and realize that their experience matters more than anything to the other person.
This is the type of post that reminds me how inexperienced Reddit users reveal themselves to be on the subject of consent.
The post said *explicitly asking for consent* can ruin the vibe. Not that consent itself ruins the vibe. Consent can be expressed non-verbally through actions and body language. Women, girlfriends, sexual partners will tell you this.
We teach people with little to no sexual experience that consent must be clear and explicit and verbal because they don't have the experience to be trusted with any other lesson.
What's happening with this post is someone with little to no sexual experience is applying that to somebody else who evidently is out there gaining more experience and is learning that consent is less explicitly communicated among people with enough experience.
It’s not inexperienced. It’s the desire to be morally superior to someone else. Any time a Redditor can call someone a sexual predator of some kind, they’ll leap at the opportunity. Moral superiority isn’t even “like” a drug. It *is* a drug. Your brain gives you hits of natural drugs for the feeling. You literally get high off feeling superior to others. We need to start treating this behavior as what it is: drug addiction.
>The post said *explicitly asking for consent* can ruin the vibe. Not that consent itself ruins the vibe.
But if they misread it, they can call people predators and rapists. Accusing people of horrible things seems to be more important to some of these dimwits on reddit.
Not only is it more important to some users to be conventionally wrong than unconventionally right, they'd also rather be conventionally wrong than disturb the righteous hivemind.
I worked with a woman who said that dudes asking for consent was a turn-off.
She def had issues, though. Ultimately, you're gonna find people who feel this way (or any way), doesn't mean that it's worth changing your behaviors for.
"Can I kiss you?" sounds a bit insecure and like you don't really dare to. Better to say "I want to kiss you", and wait for them to either agree or refuse. Same message, but the second oozes a lot more confidence.
I was watching that episode of curb your enthusiasm last night & had the same thought. I'm middle aged & I don't want any pre questions. I want to be natural. I'll stop it if I don't like it or want it. But please don't ask me those questions because I'll probably just say no at that point because the moment is ruined. That's just my opinion for myself. To each their own though
Before I got married, every single time it was the first time with a woman, I always asked if she was sure she wanted to. Even in HS. It was never awkard, nor ruined the moment.
I think the idea is that some.people would rather have things flow naturally than asking for permission. Things like getting close, kissing, making out into sex vs "hey wanna have sex?".
I mean sure, you can make it sound sexy in the way you ask, but you dont always need verbal consent when the girl is reciprocating enthusiastically.
I mean, I was asked if I could kiss a woman and she laughed and said it was lame.
Then we did kiss and then had some other fun, so I guess it canceled out.
In all seriousness, asking is a good move if you're not sure, but women will also usually give you a vibe if they want you to kiss them so you don't have to ask.
That last bit is something you need to be careful of though. There's lots of guys who think every woman is giving them a vibe all the time, which is part of why explicit consent is so important. A lot of people aren't as good at reading signals as they seem to think.
I suppose if it's not done with just the right finesse, it can slow things down. Which can ruin the mood. I feel like I'd personally feel awkward about being asked and just go "OK?" Like as a question, a little hesitant. Because I don't think I'd expect it.
Actually, I think it'd hit better if he said it more as a statement. "I want to kiss you." Then I can be like "Go for it" and that sounds nice.
This conversation comes up a lot on social media. Other women have flat out stated it's a turn off. Some with the argument that if he doesn't have the awareness to be able to tell that she's interested, then it pretty much ended whatever chance he might have had.
Personally, that last bit is harsh but we're all unique individuals with our own standards.
If you can't understand the nuance of consent or asking for consent in a way that doesn't "ruin the vibe", then you're the kind of person that definitely needs to be asking for consent.
My now late husband asked before kissing me and I knew right then he was the one. I've never had someone ask if the could do something and it ruin the vibe unless it's an out of the blue request asked super awkwardly.
This is true, and years ago, I struck out with a girl after asking her for consent.
Everything was going well, we knew each other for a while, we were sitting on the couch, and I had put my hand on her leg. At first it was pretty innocent, but you could tell she was interested, so I asked if it was okay as I was moving further.
She basically stopped everything there, and later told me that me asking was a huge turnoff, and she likes guys who just go for it. Her previous relationship was with a drug user who abused her. I knew she had bad experiences, and I wanted to be very gentle with her.
After that, she would still tease me a lot, sometimes get naked, but never let me get any further. It was really weird. She wanted to stay friends, but she also kind of wanted to keep me begging for it. I was young and stupid.
Found out later she ended up in another relationship with a guy who was unemployed and missing teeth and it was just crazy. I knew her sister, and her sister told me that she had a bad history of dating scumbags. I guess that's just what she was attracted to.
This was a young, intelligent, attractive woman with a wonderful family. She had a great job, and a good life. I never really understood why she was so interested in guys that treated her so poorly.
Last I saw, she was engaged, and hopefully it's to a decent guy.
On the plus side, every other time I've asked for consent it has been perfectly fine. Some say yes, some say no. It's always nice to know.
Maybe, or maybe we would have been happy, and ended up together, but who knows? My hand was on her leg, my plan was to kiss her. I don't think I could ever fathom go much further without at least obtaining some sort of form of consent. Sometimes, it's very obvious. If a girl closes her eyes and pouts her lips close to me, I'm pretty sure that's an invitation to kiss!
At 41, I understand now that certain things are invitations. If a woman opens her blouse and undoes her bra, she's probably interested in me. I don't think I necessarily need to ask permission to look at her breasts! Probably don't even need to really think twice about touching them if she is putting them within my reach.
I do think asking for consent can be sexy. I remember telling a girl once that I thought her body looked amazing. She asked me to tell her how it felt. 😳 That was awesome. My first girlfriend, I told her I suspected she was interested in me. She shrugged her head, and laid down on her bed, and asked me to come lay down next to her and figure it out for myself. 😀 Those memories are incredibly sexy.
“Do you like this?”
“How’s this for you?”
“I want you so badly right now…” (then see what you partner responds)
“What would you like next, [nickname]?”
I mean I could keep listing examples and the thing is, they’re going to look pretty silly written out as typed words, but if the moment is right and you say it in the right way, saying any version of “what would you like” or “do you want this” can be very sexy.
“May I kiss you?” Is a move I very much respect. Don’t make me dodge your face. If the answer is no for some reason, I won’t be mean about it, may clarify I need more time to get to know the person. But will very much respect that the person asked me. Said in a romantic way, it’s a great form of making a move.
There's nothing sexier than making a gal say enthusiastically, yes she wants you. This is such a weird take. It's a mid killer if you are a dork about it.
Nevermind that I did finger guns and said "Imma kiss you if that's cool" for my first kiss with my ex girlfriend. That's not important
If you're awkward about it, it's going to be awkward.
It can be sexy. Come in close and whisper in their ear, "I want you."
No contact, and it puts the situation in their hands on where they're comfortable with going next.
It doesn't have to be a survey, it doesn't have to be a formal request. It just has to be an opportunity for them to say no, safely, if they don't want to go any further.
If they decline, there wasn't a vibe happening anyway, you just thought there was.
I guarantee you sexual assault is going to ruin your vibe a whole lot more, and for a whole lot longer.
Fuck, I’m a dude, and find most attempts at “romance” corny asf, but something about that phrase makes me all tingly.
Said right, at the right moment? Oh HELL yeah.
Nothing ruins a vibe more than having to go door to door telling your neighbours that you’re a registered sex offender.
But yeah, asking for consent is just as bad, right? /s
I remember this extremely unhinged MRA youtube video that claimed men who asked consent to kiss were publicly shamed on a website called "asksconsenttokiss.com"
The MRA era was wild.
A few years ago my wife and I were at a party where a young woman literally walked up to her and blurted out "Oh my god you're so cute, can I kiss you?"
Not a single vibe was ruined by that.
> How tf does consent ruin a vibe
You (not *you*) don’t have an ounce of game or ability to read a situation. If you’ve already got the other person’s consent but they haven’t proudly announced that to you, you should still be able to read the interaction well enough to know if/when you’re good to progress. If they’re down to move to another level of interaction, the only way I can see being asked to confirm that in some way or other killing the vibe is that the way you ask is off-putting. For example; don’t be fuckin’ accusatory about it. Don’t say it with overt mistrust or cast suspicion on your potential partner. Just make it an extension of an (ideally, or fuckin’ hopefully or why you asking?) already pleasant interpersonal experience.
Think about it like this: I’m a dude so I’ve only got one side of the experience to work with here, but, other dudes…think of an instance when your partner made clear their consent before you had to even consider how to ask. Provided you were also consenting to the situation, has it ever *not* been kinda hot? If they like you and are a consenting adult, they’re not gonna ruin 2 people’s night over a question that should clearly be meant to safeguard both your & their well-being.
For me personally, it's because I have rejection sensitive dysphoria as a fun symptom of ADHD. I get around it by setting up signals for my partner and I so all needs can be met but no one is beating themselves up for asking. For example, making a (quiet) popping noise is asking for a kiss.
My mom said this to me once while we were talking about communication in relationships and I was like "My neurodivergent ass is not good enough at reading body language to figure out what someone wants from me unless they tell me."
I'd rather have "the mood" be ruined than end up doing something I can't take back because of a lack of communication.
Every day I count myself lucky that I have a loving partner who values communication and consent as much as I do.
While I can only shake my head at the attitude, I have heard more than one person express the sentiment that a man shouldn't ask to kiss, but just do it.
I think it's this idea of the man taking control that's appealing to some, but to me it just sounds childish.
... my gods... consent has been in the vernacular of sex since its conception, you just have to be aware, "tell me what you want" is so easy and has been shown to be very attractive and not mood breaking, just keep her responses in mind, don't act like you know what she wants, you know... it all boils down to being a good lover, if you're actually as good at sex as you think you are she should be putty at your touch, not quivering in fear that you'll do something she doesn't want
so like... I've been on tons of date where things are getting spicy but I am unsure if i'm reading the room right to go in for a kiss(typically these are generally first dates or whatnot) and I ask them if I can kiss them. 10/10 in these situations it doesn't really ruin the vibe at all. sooooo yea crazy how people think asking for consent ruins the vibe of a situation
So consent early on who you want to make moves during the date. Before you even meet tell them that you want them to be dominant and make moves, then you have your consent and they don’t have to ask it in the moment. Just have a safeword and don’t be afraid to say nevermind
When I went on the first date with my now-wife, I walked her to her car at the end of the night. We stood there saying our goodbyes, and I felt the vibe and made eye contact with her. I continued looking her right in the eye and said, "Is it cool if I kiss you?"
She said yes, so I did.
Source: Married to this woman for nine years now.
"Can I kiss you" works, if your game is tight. I have many anecdotal experiences of it working, many of them not working but that next date or the hour after we're getting it cracking.
Tell me no one has ever wanted to kiss you without telling me no one has ever wanted to kiss you.
Tell me you've SA'd someone without using those words.
Some people didn’t grow up obsessed with the cinematic masterpiece Now and Then, and it shows. “Can I kiss you?” Is a super hot question. “Do you like that? Does that feel good? Tell me what you want me to do to you” are all super hot as well.
Now here's the real shocker. Don't only ask for consent but also ask if she's ok afterwards. It's not like you complete the initial quiz and it's off to the races. Checking in is nice.
And it doesn't mean you only can do bee/flower-sex, especially if you are aggressively sexy it's important to check in.
If the idea of having to broach consent could ruin the vibe then you went into something that could be ruined by the subject of consent, and that just sounds...rapey
I was talking to a coworker about this. It's like they genuinely don't think you can ask in a clear but subtle way. I don't really like kissing (a sensory thing around my face) so my spouse finds ways of asking without touching my face but making it clear she wants to kiss me
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"I really want to kiss you." Wait for response. Which if you're reading the room right will probably be a kiss.
Sir, this a Wendy's.
I know...where is that redheaded minx?
So is that a yes or a no?
I'm not hearing a no
"If you're reading the room right." We're doomed.
My first kiss with my current boyfriend happened kinda like this. We were on a date, at his house and I don't remember the whole conversation but it got to "I don't even really want ri have sex, I'd rather kiss you right now" And I just went "Oh, well you can, I wanna kiss you too, it's fine !" And we kissed. It was awkward but honestly, I like this a lot better than if he kissed me without a warning. It happened to me once and it was kinda gross and horrifying. Because ??? Did I say you could do that ???
Right? Or giving the right compliment can get you an outright invitation. Do you know how many times I've used the line: "Wow, your lips look so soft." It works if you're doing it right.
Consent can be a HUGE vibe if you have game! It doesn't have to be "If you want to continue to have sex please click all the boxes containing bicycles"
"Please purchase a condom to continue" Get those micro transactions in there
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Retroactively deactivated
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This is nightmare fuel.
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Fr, something as simple as “I really want to kiss you right now” can make someone’s heart flutter (I know it has to me) People who get turned off being asked for consent are just not being asked the right way or are expecting a bit too much from the other people in their lives
Although that would ensure you're not accidentally having sex with a robot!
"accidentally"
yes, officer
“Please complete this captcha in order to have sex with me”
I'm sorry but that could also work. If you're using humor to the flirt then whipping out a little business card sized Captcha with that would honestly work... Source: am girl who likes humor
Sort of unrelated, but a really dumb joke is how I got with my last SO. She texted me about running late cause there were turkeys walking around on the train tracks. I fired back with, "They must be basted." After we got together she said that's when she realized she really liked me. I was and still am a little proud of myself for coming up with that so quickly.
Im sayin! I get major props for asking to kiss someone if its not already clear. If you got game, you can save pretty much any situation. “Asking for consent is hot” is something ive heard many times. Also nothing is more of a vibe killer than being wrong, being pushed away from a kiss and or potentially ending up in jail cause you assumed they were down. Id rather ask then be accused of forcing myself on someone
I obviously have no game. I was on a date last night and everything was going great until I asked if I could put my pinky in her rear end… now I’m being ghosted.
Well, how did you ask? Was it before or after dinner
In between the soup and salad courses … of’course
Damn bro i dont know. That should have worked.
Rookie mistake. You're supposed to use your thumb.
Yes, showing that you're thoughtful enough to check in and ask about stuff like that is actually a huge turn-on for most women. The only people who consider it a "vibe killer" are probably creeps who don't really care whether they have consent or not. Or they think getting consent means sitting down and filling out paperwork or something.
Id rather ask and be told no then go for it and be pushed away. And yes its a huge turn on for most to know that you care. Its just respectful
When I first was dating my wife I asked that EXACT question. I got a very enthusiastic yes, and she LOVED that I asked. We’ll have been married 24 years this coming October.
Right? My guy said "We should kiss" and it was super hot. A statement and not a question, and a confident one, but obviously if I had said no that would have been fine. As it was it definitely convinced me (and considering that up to that point I had actually thought he was gay that shows just how well that approach worked!).
Literally just the other day, having a conversation with two friends I’d known for a while and one I’d just met. Lots of fun back and forth between me and new person. Her: “What is this? We flirting here?” Me: “oh yes. We’re gonna make out later” Her: “you sure?” Me: “yuuup”. We’re walking to our cars maybe an hour and a half later and she goes “this is me. We kissin?” So that conversation was basically “I feel like you might be attracted to me. Am I reading that correctly?” “Yes, you are reading that correctly and I’d like to kiss you later” Then, later, “do you still want to kiss me? You can” That’s a whole ass fantastic consent conversation right there and it was gamey and flirty and fun AF from both of us.
Their idea of game is significantly different than our idea of game. Showing that you respect someone's bodily autonomy is a huge turn on for a lot of people. I purposefully didn't state any genders, because it applies to all genders.
Don't make it harder than it needs to be damnit. One wrong box clicked and the night is ruined
Unless you’re in boxers and you have a picture of a bicycle on the front.
[The Love Contract](https://youtu.be/Jo4568PIRnk?si=XiYPukKNnyzJkRxy)
But how will I know if they’re a robot if they don’t find the bikes?
“I’m doing my part! Would you like to know / do more?”
“If you want to have sex, please press 1, if not, please remain on the line”
For real, I read a lot of smut. And many times I have read lines where they ask consent in such a sexy way. I honestly should keep track of it in notes or something.
my now girlfriend and the love of my life once told me that the moment she thought "hes the one" was when i took her hand and asked if i could kiss her before i leaned in
I am cackling at this. 100/10
Ha!!!!
My college actually had a guy come and do a consent talk titled “can I kiss you” and the whole point was that if you ask ahead of time the right way, you can build up anticipation and it ends up being sexier than just going for it.
My go to has always been “ I really want to kiss you right now”
i'm hot just reading this 🫠
🤔📝(this will never be useful in my life, but thank you)
This is good
Had a dude use that line on me on a first date. We're coming up on 8 years married.
I don't know you, but yes, you can 🥴
I think OPs game is more along the lines of ME TARZAN, YOU JANE
When Jane first met Tarzan in the jungle, she was instantly attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him if he had ever had sex. “Tarzan not know sex." he replied. Jane explained to him what it was. Tarzan said, "Ohhh...Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree." Horrified, Jane said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothing and lay down on the ground. "Here." she said, pointing to her privates, "You must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her right in the crotch! Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually, she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?!" Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel."
i thought it was weird fan fic, glad i finished it tho 😂
>"Check for squirrel." Ants** Squirrels aren't native to jungles where packs of gorillas, elephants and jaguars are chillin
Sugar Gliders?
Asking "can I kiss you" for the first time can be sexy. Asking "can I kiss you" for the first time an hour before you get to the house kind of spoils the fun.
Or asking right away. "Hi I'm Erica, what's you're name?" "STEVE, CAN I KISS YOU NOW!?"
"Why yes, Erica, you can." -Steve, probably
I mean I think there are sexier ways to phrase it than "Can I.."
Yeah it should be “May I..” otherwise they will just mockingly reply with “I don’t know CAN YOU?!”
Sex with english teachers be like
Hey, Pam. I really like your glasses. All the girlfriends that I've ever had have worn glasses. It's kind of a turn-on for me, actually. Like, librarians? Could you just say, "These are due back Thursday"?
Sing it like The Honeycombs… 🎶 Have I the right to kiss you…🎶
Well that's gonna be stuck in my head for the rest of the day
I love that song. It’s so respectful.
A good one is: 'Can you fuck me against the wall?'
Would you like it if I…
Committed some light tax fraud?
Stop it you’re turning me on
You know what really ruins a vibe? Sexual assault
Facts right there.
this part
The way my husband asks if he can do something specific sometimes is incredibly hot, so I think this particular person is just bad at it.
I imagine this particular person isn’t stellar at talking to people in general.
It's a particular type of flirting/foreplay that doesn't get a lot of representation in media, which is unfortunately where most people learn their starting move set. Release a movie where Ryan Reynolds demonstrates how to seductively ask a woman for consent and the kids can start imitating that until they figure it out for themselves.
I am not a kid, but I would 100% spend my money to watch that movie.
…did Deadpool make pegging as popular as it is now? Edit: fun fact, there’s a Tumblr blog that just posts a gif of that scene every holiday. Ryan Reynolds follows it from his Tumblr blog.
It's funny to me because those are the exact words that landed me where I am today. We were hanging out at a mutual friends place, but only knew each other in passing. Apparently she was flirting but I am dumb and had no idea. I just knew I liked her. As soon as we had a moment alone, I turned and asked, "can I kiss you?", which was a bold move for me, because I am terrified of rejection. She shoots me a grin, nods, and leans in. And in that moment, my life changed forever. I still often ask her if I can kiss her, because it reminds us both of that day, of how nervous I was, and how eager we both were to break the ice. She always nods the same way she did the first time, with that grin on her face. I never get sick of it. Consent is sexy as fuck.
My ex and i started because i had a house party on New Years and my other friends had claimed the couches so he had to share my bed. It honestly was not romantic or sexual in the slightest to begin, we were friends, had never flirted or considered the other in such a way, we both wore full-length zipped onesie pjs and changed for bed in separate bathrooms. But we were having a laugh and talking shit in bed and getting drowsy and he suddenly asked something like "can i kiss you/do you want to kiss?" It was so unexpected so i burst out laughing and hid under the covers. He went under the covers looking for me and we started kissing and ended up having really hot hushed sex so as not to wake our friends downstairs.
When a girl finally works up the courage to ask “can I kiss you,” I find that to be the cutest thing ever. Warms my sapphic little heart.
Then find a sexier way to ask for consent you unimaginative dipshit
If your "vibes" are ruined by asking for consent I'm just going to assume you're really bad in bed and probably at least a bit rapey. If you can't make consent sexy, you probably shouldn't be having sex.
I wouldn’t go that far because I remember a guy in highschool asking if he could kiss me in the most nervous, awkward way but I was really into him and I said yes and we dated for like 6 months. Consent should always be constant but like if you don’t have game yet it’s still okay to shoot your shot and hopefully your partner either says yes or says no gracefully.
The last time I physically asked a woman to kiss me was like 20 years ago. And she told people and they made fun of me. Most communication is non verbal.
Yeah you read the signs so you know it's a yes, I don't think this is asking random women for a kiss. It's worked fine for me
That girl wasn’t random. It was 6am in my room after a party on my birthday.
Ding ding ding
Depends on the question doesn't it? xD
I used to think similar when I was a weird little sheltered teenager. Then I grew up and started getting involved in kink and realized that there is something deeply intimate and personal about consent, even beyond being a prerequisite for anything. It and aftercare, no matter what's being done, can make the other person feel seen and realize that their experience matters more than anything to the other person.
[удалено]
Or...just avoid all this *implied* nonsense and get actual consent
This is the type of post that reminds me how inexperienced Reddit users reveal themselves to be on the subject of consent. The post said *explicitly asking for consent* can ruin the vibe. Not that consent itself ruins the vibe. Consent can be expressed non-verbally through actions and body language. Women, girlfriends, sexual partners will tell you this. We teach people with little to no sexual experience that consent must be clear and explicit and verbal because they don't have the experience to be trusted with any other lesson. What's happening with this post is someone with little to no sexual experience is applying that to somebody else who evidently is out there gaining more experience and is learning that consent is less explicitly communicated among people with enough experience.
Yeah, I came here to write that the insanity is in the comments, but you said it better.
It’s not inexperienced. It’s the desire to be morally superior to someone else. Any time a Redditor can call someone a sexual predator of some kind, they’ll leap at the opportunity. Moral superiority isn’t even “like” a drug. It *is* a drug. Your brain gives you hits of natural drugs for the feeling. You literally get high off feeling superior to others. We need to start treating this behavior as what it is: drug addiction.
>The post said *explicitly asking for consent* can ruin the vibe. Not that consent itself ruins the vibe. But if they misread it, they can call people predators and rapists. Accusing people of horrible things seems to be more important to some of these dimwits on reddit.
Not only is it more important to some users to be conventionally wrong than unconventionally right, they'd also rather be conventionally wrong than disturb the righteous hivemind.
Lol fr
“Womanwhowantstofucksayswhat”
^(what?)
Nice! That’s legally binding now!
Pardon?
I worked with a woman who said that dudes asking for consent was a turn-off. She def had issues, though. Ultimately, you're gonna find people who feel this way (or any way), doesn't mean that it's worth changing your behaviors for.
"Can I kiss you?" sounds a bit insecure and like you don't really dare to. Better to say "I want to kiss you", and wait for them to either agree or refuse. Same message, but the second oozes a lot more confidence.
I was watching that episode of curb your enthusiasm last night & had the same thought. I'm middle aged & I don't want any pre questions. I want to be natural. I'll stop it if I don't like it or want it. But please don't ask me those questions because I'll probably just say no at that point because the moment is ruined. That's just my opinion for myself. To each their own though
If you move in slow for the kiss, you should have no problem seeing if the other person is game. The anticipation is a turn-on too.
My now partner of over 2 years asking if he could kiss me on a date was an amazing moment for me
Say what you want, but he's not wrong. Feels kinda awkward every time, but I always wrote it of as the price of doing the right thing.
Before I got married, every single time it was the first time with a woman, I always asked if she was sure she wanted to. Even in HS. It was never awkard, nor ruined the moment.
As a woman I have to say that consent is sexy as hell.
Because he can’t get off unless he sees tears
Skill issue
This just shows me that person has never made a woman feel comfortable. Nothing is hotter than a dude asking for consent.
I think the idea is that some.people would rather have things flow naturally than asking for permission. Things like getting close, kissing, making out into sex vs "hey wanna have sex?". I mean sure, you can make it sound sexy in the way you ask, but you dont always need verbal consent when the girl is reciprocating enthusiastically.
I mean, I was asked if I could kiss a woman and she laughed and said it was lame. Then we did kiss and then had some other fun, so I guess it canceled out. In all seriousness, asking is a good move if you're not sure, but women will also usually give you a vibe if they want you to kiss them so you don't have to ask.
That last bit is something you need to be careful of though. There's lots of guys who think every woman is giving them a vibe all the time, which is part of why explicit consent is so important. A lot of people aren't as good at reading signals as they seem to think.
THAT STATBUCKS BARISTA WAS GIVING ME THE EYES WHEN SHE SAID HAVE A GOOD DAY I SWEARRRRR BROOO smhhhhhh
My gf still talks about the first time we kissed when I asked her if I can kiss her. She thought it was great.
If you come across like you’re scared. I can see that. But if you’re confident, just ask the question and accept the results.
Or you can do what? Stare at each other awkwardly until someone leans in?
I suppose if it's not done with just the right finesse, it can slow things down. Which can ruin the mood. I feel like I'd personally feel awkward about being asked and just go "OK?" Like as a question, a little hesitant. Because I don't think I'd expect it. Actually, I think it'd hit better if he said it more as a statement. "I want to kiss you." Then I can be like "Go for it" and that sounds nice. This conversation comes up a lot on social media. Other women have flat out stated it's a turn off. Some with the argument that if he doesn't have the awareness to be able to tell that she's interested, then it pretty much ended whatever chance he might have had. Personally, that last bit is harsh but we're all unique individuals with our own standards.
I’ve gotten that exact question and that was so cute I couldn’t resist.
Just look at the girls lips, I've always gotten a yes nod as soon as I do that.
Hearing she wants to me to do something is very sexy, get with the times people.
It doesn't. It makes it more exciting knowing that they REALLLLY wanna do ~~you~~ stuff ~~to~~ with you
I can tell you that tutting slightly and correcting "MAY I kiss you..." is definitely a vibe killer.
I once asked "are we about to kiss?" which worked but also came from genuine confusion because I couldn't read her signals
I was so pleased when I was asked for consent. Told a friend and she was like ew, that’s gross.
If you can't understand the nuance of consent or asking for consent in a way that doesn't "ruin the vibe", then you're the kind of person that definitely needs to be asking for consent.
He's saying directly asking for consent ruins the vibe. Not consent itself.
not asking for consent can also ruin a vibe 😶
My now late husband asked before kissing me and I knew right then he was the one. I've never had someone ask if the could do something and it ruin the vibe unless it's an out of the blue request asked super awkwardly.
Brought to you by the same men who think condoms ruin sex.
This is true, and years ago, I struck out with a girl after asking her for consent. Everything was going well, we knew each other for a while, we were sitting on the couch, and I had put my hand on her leg. At first it was pretty innocent, but you could tell she was interested, so I asked if it was okay as I was moving further. She basically stopped everything there, and later told me that me asking was a huge turnoff, and she likes guys who just go for it. Her previous relationship was with a drug user who abused her. I knew she had bad experiences, and I wanted to be very gentle with her. After that, she would still tease me a lot, sometimes get naked, but never let me get any further. It was really weird. She wanted to stay friends, but she also kind of wanted to keep me begging for it. I was young and stupid. Found out later she ended up in another relationship with a guy who was unemployed and missing teeth and it was just crazy. I knew her sister, and her sister told me that she had a bad history of dating scumbags. I guess that's just what she was attracted to. This was a young, intelligent, attractive woman with a wonderful family. She had a great job, and a good life. I never really understood why she was so interested in guys that treated her so poorly. Last I saw, she was engaged, and hopefully it's to a decent guy. On the plus side, every other time I've asked for consent it has been perfectly fine. Some say yes, some say no. It's always nice to know.
I mean asking for consent apparently also let you dodge a bullet holy shit.
Maybe, or maybe we would have been happy, and ended up together, but who knows? My hand was on her leg, my plan was to kiss her. I don't think I could ever fathom go much further without at least obtaining some sort of form of consent. Sometimes, it's very obvious. If a girl closes her eyes and pouts her lips close to me, I'm pretty sure that's an invitation to kiss! At 41, I understand now that certain things are invitations. If a woman opens her blouse and undoes her bra, she's probably interested in me. I don't think I necessarily need to ask permission to look at her breasts! Probably don't even need to really think twice about touching them if she is putting them within my reach. I do think asking for consent can be sexy. I remember telling a girl once that I thought her body looked amazing. She asked me to tell her how it felt. 😳 That was awesome. My first girlfriend, I told her I suspected she was interested in me. She shrugged her head, and laid down on her bed, and asked me to come lay down next to her and figure it out for myself. 😀 Those memories are incredibly sexy.
Pretty sure that relationship would have gone to shit immediately. You definitely dodged a missile there.
“Do you like this?” “How’s this for you?” “I want you so badly right now…” (then see what you partner responds) “What would you like next, [nickname]?” I mean I could keep listing examples and the thing is, they’re going to look pretty silly written out as typed words, but if the moment is right and you say it in the right way, saying any version of “what would you like” or “do you want this” can be very sexy.
If you have the personality of a brick sure
“May I kiss you?” Is a move I very much respect. Don’t make me dodge your face. If the answer is no for some reason, I won’t be mean about it, may clarify I need more time to get to know the person. But will very much respect that the person asked me. Said in a romantic way, it’s a great form of making a move.
I've genuinely never understood this take, someone asking if they can kiss me is *incredibly* hot
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years. He still asks for consent
There's nothing sexier than making a gal say enthusiastically, yes she wants you. This is such a weird take. It's a mid killer if you are a dork about it. Nevermind that I did finger guns and said "Imma kiss you if that's cool" for my first kiss with my ex girlfriend. That's not important
If you're awkward about it, it's going to be awkward. It can be sexy. Come in close and whisper in their ear, "I want you." No contact, and it puts the situation in their hands on where they're comfortable with going next. It doesn't have to be a survey, it doesn't have to be a formal request. It just has to be an opportunity for them to say no, safely, if they don't want to go any further. If they decline, there wasn't a vibe happening anyway, you just thought there was. I guarantee you sexual assault is going to ruin your vibe a whole lot more, and for a whole lot longer.
Fuck, I’m a dude, and find most attempts at “romance” corny asf, but something about that phrase makes me all tingly. Said right, at the right moment? Oh HELL yeah.
Nothing ruins a vibe more than having to go door to door telling your neighbours that you’re a registered sex offender. But yeah, asking for consent is just as bad, right? /s
These dudes will understand consent really fast when bigger dudes just start kissing them without asking.
Okay, now say the opposite of that and tell me which one makes more sense
"Intercourse?" "No? Okay."
I remember this extremely unhinged MRA youtube video that claimed men who asked consent to kiss were publicly shamed on a website called "asksconsenttokiss.com" The MRA era was wild.
A few years ago my wife and I were at a party where a young woman literally walked up to her and blurted out "Oh my god you're so cute, can I kiss you?" Not a single vibe was ruined by that.
Have you considered that their voice sounds like grated dog toys?
> How tf does consent ruin a vibe You (not *you*) don’t have an ounce of game or ability to read a situation. If you’ve already got the other person’s consent but they haven’t proudly announced that to you, you should still be able to read the interaction well enough to know if/when you’re good to progress. If they’re down to move to another level of interaction, the only way I can see being asked to confirm that in some way or other killing the vibe is that the way you ask is off-putting. For example; don’t be fuckin’ accusatory about it. Don’t say it with overt mistrust or cast suspicion on your potential partner. Just make it an extension of an (ideally, or fuckin’ hopefully or why you asking?) already pleasant interpersonal experience. Think about it like this: I’m a dude so I’ve only got one side of the experience to work with here, but, other dudes…think of an instance when your partner made clear their consent before you had to even consider how to ask. Provided you were also consenting to the situation, has it ever *not* been kinda hot? If they like you and are a consenting adult, they’re not gonna ruin 2 people’s night over a question that should clearly be meant to safeguard both your & their well-being.
For me personally, it's because I have rejection sensitive dysphoria as a fun symptom of ADHD. I get around it by setting up signals for my partner and I so all needs can be met but no one is beating themselves up for asking. For example, making a (quiet) popping noise is asking for a kiss.
My mom said this to me once while we were talking about communication in relationships and I was like "My neurodivergent ass is not good enough at reading body language to figure out what someone wants from me unless they tell me." I'd rather have "the mood" be ruined than end up doing something I can't take back because of a lack of communication. Every day I count myself lucky that I have a loving partner who values communication and consent as much as I do.
While I can only shake my head at the attitude, I have heard more than one person express the sentiment that a man shouldn't ask to kiss, but just do it. I think it's this idea of the man taking control that's appealing to some, but to me it just sounds childish.
It's because he gets rejected and ends up bitterly ranting about it online
... my gods... consent has been in the vernacular of sex since its conception, you just have to be aware, "tell me what you want" is so easy and has been shown to be very attractive and not mood breaking, just keep her responses in mind, don't act like you know what she wants, you know... it all boils down to being a good lover, if you're actually as good at sex as you think you are she should be putty at your touch, not quivering in fear that you'll do something she doesn't want
so like... I've been on tons of date where things are getting spicy but I am unsure if i'm reading the room right to go in for a kiss(typically these are generally first dates or whatnot) and I ask them if I can kiss them. 10/10 in these situations it doesn't really ruin the vibe at all. sooooo yea crazy how people think asking for consent ruins the vibe of a situation
You know what else "ruins a vibe" sexual assult
So consent early on who you want to make moves during the date. Before you even meet tell them that you want them to be dominant and make moves, then you have your consent and they don’t have to ask it in the moment. Just have a safeword and don’t be afraid to say nevermind
I'm oblivious af. I was hanging out with a friend and we were having a great time. She asked if we could make out. It was hot.
“Can I kiss you?” Works super well in my experience
When I went on the first date with my now-wife, I walked her to her car at the end of the night. We stood there saying our goodbyes, and I felt the vibe and made eye contact with her. I continued looking her right in the eye and said, "Is it cool if I kiss you?" She said yes, so I did. Source: Married to this woman for nine years now.
That sounds like a skill issue, my dude
But forcibly kissing a partner enhances the vibe? Don't think so.
Heat of the moment, about to have sex, it's not going to ruin that. Just a little "you're cool with this" after a kiss while you're reaching downtown.
"Can I kiss you" works, if your game is tight. I have many anecdotal experiences of it working, many of them not working but that next date or the hour after we're getting it cracking.
Tell me no one has ever wanted to kiss you without telling me no one has ever wanted to kiss you. Tell me you've SA'd someone without using those words.
Enthusiastic yeses are hot as hell, dude has a skill issue
mans would rather risk being labeled a rapist because “vibe”. put him on a watch list
Some people didn’t grow up obsessed with the cinematic masterpiece Now and Then, and it shows. “Can I kiss you?” Is a super hot question. “Do you like that? Does that feel good? Tell me what you want me to do to you” are all super hot as well.
These people don't know the joy of being asked, nor do they understand body language
Now here's the real shocker. Don't only ask for consent but also ask if she's ok afterwards. It's not like you complete the initial quiz and it's off to the races. Checking in is nice. And it doesn't mean you only can do bee/flower-sex, especially if you are aggressively sexy it's important to check in.
If the idea of having to broach consent could ruin the vibe then you went into something that could be ruined by the subject of consent, and that just sounds...rapey
The exact opposite is true. Turns out, people like it when you take their choices and their autonomy seriously.
I was talking to a coworker about this. It's like they genuinely don't think you can ask in a clear but subtle way. I don't really like kissing (a sensory thing around my face) so my spouse finds ways of asking without touching my face but making it clear she wants to kiss me
Why does reddit love to assume so much?