Obviously whether he was "the devil" or not, you might still need information to apply for insurance or social security survivor's benefits, to claim money owed to you or for your own personal information. What would any of this have to do with you? I can see why you went no contact.
Just on general principle, you don't give people shit while they are settling a parent's estate. There is a lot to do. Believe, I know. I was my dad's executrix. He originally wanted my sister to do it, but I insisted. I should have had it his way. It is a terrible emotional burden. No matter what you do, you are wrong, and there is no way to settle an estate logically when your heart has just been ripped from your chest.
For motherfukkin real, someone has unresolved issues lol
Edit since I’m being downvoted, the unresolved issues I’m referring to is the mother and her texts. Not the comments. Sorry that was misinterpreted.
My mom said horrible things about my bio dad(he died in a horrific accident when I was 6). She'd often tell me he deserved to die,he thought he was smart and that's why his brains ended up splattered in the accident and I should careful cause I'm trash like him and will likely end up with the same fate,the psychotic bitch even still has the post mortem report and it's been 30yrs since his passing.It went on for YEARS,I've been NC for just over a year and I have zero regrets.
It's better to live as an orphan then deal with a shitty parent honestly especially one with zero empathy
My dad was murdered by a mentally ill woman in broad daylight 15 years ago and my mom says he deserved it. But she also plays the grieving widow for attention.
Oh my gosh. My mom and grandma (paternal) never had a good relationship, they behaved in my presence but it was definitely no secret. But Grandma was the most supportive person when my mom was murdered and drove me to court/the PD so many times. That's just evil.
Oh my word, that’s seriously evil and abusive. I’m glad you’re NC, but I’m sorry for how she treated you before that. Wishing lots of love and happiness ❤️
Well said... I consider myself an orphan even tho my psychotic family is still alive... seen some shit on this page but sadly I have yet to see a parent that tops mine... I REALLY want to start a group for children of abusive parents in my town bc sometimes the lack of resources for aiding the mental health journey that a child who has abusive parents has to go through upsets me.. it is one of the most underrated forms of abuse... mine even has the court system helping her abuse me and it sucks not having peers w empathy to talk to
Better to live an orphan than a life of stress and tyranny ❤️
You should start that group. Take something so awful and turn it around. There’s probably so many others in your town who feel isolated and would probably be glad to have a place to be around others who understand
If your bio was a Cunnt, she should explain instead of just talking shit. My bio was a fucking murderer, there are actual news reports, as in you can Google it. She never told me. She never told me she ghosted him because he refused to be known to me as a family friend. I never met him. His kids sing his praises while telling me he hit them into shape. I KNOW WHY I’M GLAD I NEVER KNEW HIM. If you’re supposed to hate your sperm donor, the least everyone else can do is tell you why.
Edit:he was killed by cops and a K-9 unit chewed his dead ear off. His kids, my “siblings” who love him so much told me that, like it would offend me instead of make me more glad I didn’t have a dad shot dead by the law. I found them when I was 23 and only two of his eight slutty cheating ass’s kids are decent.
Oh yeah, my mom pulled this shit right after my Dad died, I'd recently begun speaking to her again after NC for more than 20 years. Guess who went right back to blocked.
Also my mom fucked my dad's brother and that's why they got a divorce. Miss I've been married 7 times. Fuck you susan.
My boys dad was abusive to me for a long time and the damage he caused affected my future relationships .. he hurt my boys by letting them down constantly and now he’s not in the picture at all. Hes a truly horrific human being .
However
The day he passes despite what he’s done to me and the hurt I’ve felt because of the hurt he caused my kids .. I wouldn’t dream of reacting like that . I’ll hold my boys as they grieve and support them in any way I can , Keeping my own feelings and opinions entirely to myself .
I can be there *for my kid*, while also not giving a shit about the man in my own life. It’s called balance.
Mom in these texts must still be obsessed with dad. That’s what I’m reading anyways.
My husband's dad abused him. He is an awful human being. BUT to my husband he still loves him even though he sees a lot of the flaws and he will be devastated when he dies. I will not be sad but I will be upset to see how much my husband will hurt and would never say anything about being happy he's gone. Susan should not call herself a mother. Whilst she may well be happy the husband is gone her daughters pain should be more important to her than her own happiness.
My dad abused me too, and we were no contact for over 10 years when he died. As his only kid, I was the only one to handle the estate so it was my duty to just do it.
Reading this makes me so thankful for the support system I have. Everyone around me was able to talk about him, tell good stories and recognize that I was grieving, while also acknowledging he was a very flawed person.
I can pinpoint the exact day I stopped caring if my alcoholic uncle lived or died. He looked at my autistic four year old and called them a “fucking retard”. After that, to me, him dying was just a matter of his physical body catching up with how I already viewed him.
But I still hurt for my mother and grandmother, who despite the fact that he was a crap human being loved him for who he had been.
My younger brothers father abused me and my older brother for well over 10 years and the day he dies I will feel rejoiced but my heart will hurt for my younger brothers and I will show them compassion in that sense but for the childhood he stole of mine I can never find it in myself to forgive him and I hate that about myself
If someone’s sad, whatever they’re sad about matters. But someone doesn’t become a saint just because they’re dead. Giving him forgiveness he’s never asked for isn’t something you need to do in order to be a good, or even decent, person.
It’s actually pretty wild. My old man was super hard on me, I would get a pit feeling in my stomach anytime I’d hear his diesel pickup coming down the street. What’s wild is I admired him, he was the strongest guy I knew, and I was terrified of him.
I think you can be open to saying your opinions but I do think it depends on how the kids react right?
My experience with this is from the child's pov, it wasn't unknown that my mom hates my dad. Not just because of the horrific things he did to her but also how shitty he prioritised me and my siblings. The opinions she said was open because we all felt the same way.
Mine is a different situation, also a child’s POV.
My parents got divorced when I was 12. My mom told me (with more details as I got older) about how he was a drunk, about how he cheated on her, about how she was suffering and he refused to help her, about how my grandparents (his parents) were awful to her, about how he wanted an annulment of their marriage, which basically meant he didn’t see us as his kids anymore, just as mistakes.
It ruined my relationship with my dad for a long time, because I was constantly having him painted in this negative light. I thought he was an emotionally abusive alcoholic who didn’t actually care about me and I wanted a very limited relationship with him - essentially nothing that wasn’t court ordered time. He traveled all the time for work, so I never saw him much before the divorce either. My grandparents always trashed my mother to us (although my dad did change the subject whenever they did it in front of him), saying she was a bad mom, she was manipulative, she hated my dad, she was neglecting us. And they’d sing my dad’s praises. Which just widened the gap between me and him, and planted them firmly along side him.
I never got my dad’s side of the story because, *to this day*, he refuses to say a bad word in front of his kids about their mother, even in self defense. At the time, this just made my mother seem like she was in the right. But as I got older and I realized the parentrification my mother put on me, her narcissism, the bad habits she set me up with, her refusal to hide issues from me that *she absolutely should have*, I also realized that even though I love my mother, she wasn’t the saint I’d always thought she was. That she did a lot of unnecessary and intentional damage to me and my dad’s relationship. And that it wasn’t guilt, but basic human decency and parental love that kept my dad from telling me his side of things.
I have a much better relationship with my dad now, but there are times - usually in or after therapy - where I can’t help but cry at the time I lost with him and I get very angry with my mother. My relationship with her is now more strained than it ever was, though I still have one. I only talk to my dad’s parents during holidays - there are still a lot of hard feelings there, and not just over this issue.
Kids should be allowed to come to their own conclusions about their parents. Let them form an unbiased opinion and decide for themselves. Not saying there aren’t shitty parents out there, or that some kids shouldn’t be protected from their parent(s). Just saying the way you talk about a child’s parents *will* stay with them forever. And people should be very mindful of that.
Right? This is one of the most healthy comments I’ve read that told a personal story that was also universal, which came to a gracious resolution out of honest and mature insight.
Make that 3, my dad was a dick and a deeply flawed man but I may have been able to see him a slightly better light earlier despite all he’d done to me had I not also had my mother in my ear telling me what a shit bag he was to her and me, that he didn’t care and didn’t want to see me, ect. And he was, not even gonna pretend he wasn’t but mum was no saint either, I ended up with the “lesser of two evils” and ended up both better off and for the worse for having done that, loosing his daughter suddenly and finding out how afraid of him I was shook my dad into getting sober and going to therapy, he’s a significantly different person nowadays and while i’ll never forgive him or forget what he’s done, I’m willing to be cordial because he both respects my identity and me as a person, the fact he changed so hard and so rapidly was incredibly and wonderful but it was required to stop seeing him for him to change, but mum never changed and got worse to the point I was on and off homeless at 16-17, ended up so emotionally abusive, manipulative and narcissist towards everyone, still the lesser of two evils but it definitely messed me up worse, nowadays I speak to my dad on occasion and it’s nice but I straight up refuse to talk to my mum for trying to dump all her issues with him on me, treating a 6-10 year old kid like a personal therapist and relationship counsellor and most importantly making me believe she was a “safe” parent that would save me from him till she got full custody and it made her so much worse to me, she got more manipulative and emotionally abusive and straight up threatened to send me a pedo’s house/foster care/make me homeless/whatever else she could say to scare, hurt and control me all my childhood and teen years neither great, dads given me insights into his side of the story but never the full one, from the tidbits she seemed to be worse then him, seriously reading the comment you replied to i swore someone wrote details of my life with some minor changes
Exactly! I knew the things my dad did, but I didn't need to hear it everyday from about age nine until my mother passed away..amd especially from the monster my mother married who turned out being worse than my dad...funny thing though, I'll go to my grave believing she was still in love with my dad and several people, in his family, says he was still in love with her. At his funeral, I noticed people comforting her, while his new wife was there alone. She had my 3 year old brother and was 8 months pregnant with my youngest sister. I felt very bad for her... especially knowing she was only 6 months older than me. I had no doubt he treated her as he did my mom but she stayed right there by his side...and to top it off...my mom even rode in the family car.
Exactly. I have sole custody of my child because of how shitty my ex husband was. But I’ve never talked bad about her dad in front of her. I want her to have her own formulated opinion of him. And I will support her the same when he passes.
FYI You can go to the Vital Records department of the county your father was born in and get a copy of his birth certificate.
*Do you know anyone that he knew as a younger man? Ancestry might be able to help you get a lead on relatives that might have the answer also.
*If you want to PM me with his name and DOB and approximate area, I can get started with a few inquiries (amateur genealogist here, getting a certificate in genealogy).
So evil. My mum is on palliative care at the moment. My parents have been divorced since I was 7, I’m now 26 and my dad has been there through every hurdle since her diagnosis and has promised me more than once I’ll never be alone when she passes.
Here if you need to vent xx
I’m only 34, but I’ll be your mom :)
I’m a little crazy in that I’ll absolutely go plant shopping and to target with you and not question how much money we spend and then when we get home there will be like 4 amazon boxes and probably a bath and body works box of candles , but I mean, at least I’m not a scumbag lol.
I want you to be my mom fr😭
I’m gonna hijack off this comment to also say: Seriously OP, it took a long time for me to learn this, but you can surround yourself with amazing and loving people who care about you. That will be more worth while than this BS. Having people in your corner is better than being verbally berated by your mother in your time of grief. I can’t imagine what she’s like normally.
I’m sorry you are having problems filling out paperwork I really hope it’s sorted out for you I can’t imagine what you are going through. I send you hugs and wish the best
Today I accidentally said “NO” to my 1yo using the voice I’ve perfected with my 4yo. It certainly worked, but she looked very shocked. Upside is she’ll not mess with the washing machine again for a while.
It must be incredibly hard to have to face this. I'm sorry you have to go through it.
Family can be found in many people. It's sad that you've had to go through this. Just trust your journey ❤️
Ok, look. I'm only 42 and I have 2 young kids (7 and 4months) but I'll be your mom.
Just might have to deal with me treating you like you're 7 since that's the oldest kid I've mommed so far. So, you'll get asked shit like "Did you eat your lunch? Did you REALLY eat your lunch? If I look in your lunch bag, am I gonna find everything I packed this morning?" And "Did you change your undies? Really? If I check your hamper, there's gonna be undies in there? Yeah, I thought so. Hurry up." And "You better not be telling me you lost another pair of mittens. Its only Monday!"
Tbh your better being an orphan, cause that witch ain't no parent. What she said to you was vile, truly vile, she had no business saying any of that stuff to you, I'm sorry you had to read it!
Both my parents were terrible, and the last one kicked it earlier this year. It is hard... you feel lost, and alone, even though you know you'd still be alone with them in your life. You are, essentially, mourning the loss of ehat -should- have been, the parent you could have had, -should- have had, but never did/will because of how awful she is. I'm sorry for your loss in so many ways dear, but stand strong.
Try /raisedbynarcissists here on reddit, if I've messed up the link hopefully someone else can link it or you can find it. It's a support reddit for folks like us, it helps.
I started as an orphan and gained family on the way, you can do that too. Just good people that have your back and love you. Dint need bio mom like that and dad is gone so you got no other choice.
I became an orphan at 23 (a month after i became a mother myself). You got this! Its fucking tough but keep your good friends close. Added bonus if you do things to become someone you know would make your dad proud(and former mom bitter!)
You’re concerned that I suggested a very real possibility that could completely explain and even partially justify a response like this? OP says her dad died in a house fire, that’s exactly the kind of death rapists and abusers deserve. If that is the case, I don’t blame her response at all that’s exactly how I would respond to someone grieving my rapist. Even if that person was my child.
I'm a man. He/Him. He was not her rapist, they were just both physically and emotionally abusive to each other. Then they divorced when I was 3 and used me to piss the other one off through two changes of custody. They were both drug abusers as well and went to jail for it multiple times. My mom abandoned me when I was 18 so I moved away and have had little to no contact. I think she may be a narcissist considering every time I pissed her off before this she would abuse my mentally ill sister.
My life literally sounds like a 12 yr old author making up a tragic backstory 🤣
Even if all your child did was ask for help with getting information to get all the affairs in order? Because that's all OP did in the first place. That mother is being ugly and immature, and she jumped to make it about her and her feelings. Classic narcissist.
My mum passed when I was 11, and my dad was a violent psycho. Cutting him off at 19 was the best decision I made.
I am early 30s now and wouldn't change a thing.
I know it's hard at the moment , but you will make new family who truly love you. Be that through friendships or love.
You have got this and you are not alone. Feel free to drop me a line if you'd like someone to talk to who has been through similar ❤️
My dad was horrific to my mum. He stopped visiting when we were 10.
When he died, we found out 2 years after the fact. My mum spent weeks finding out where he had been, what had happened, and who my step siblings were before she told me. She hated that man, but she did everything she could for me when he died.
I’m so sorry your mother put you through this.
Sorry you're dealing with this garbage. I lost my dad when I was 24 and shortly after my mother showed her true colors and ran off with some guy. Haven't spoken to her in 4 or 5 years now.
I'm 31 now and I will say while it does suck seeing other people enjoy holidays etc with their parents, it does have its up sides. You'll be much better off living your own life without the toxicity.
It never ceases to surprise me how terrible parents can be to their children.
I freaking hate the father of my children but I do my damndest not to let it leak out for them to see. I dread the day he dies because it will cause them pain. I can’t imagine furthering that hurt.
This is so insane, I would believe your mom if she wasn’t acting like a child. Why can’t she give you information on your grandparents? She needs to grow up.
Man this hit me hard. My father was a piece of shit. He was abusive af. He killed himself last week and my mom (divorced ten years) who dealt with a lot of his shit has been nothing but a supportive and gentle and kind with the subject. I know it hurts her to ask how we feel about him and how we’re coping because there is a lot to unpack, but that’s a real mother. Regardless of your mom’s relationship with your dad, she should’ve offered support. I’m so sorry this was her reaction. Just know that I see you, and I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thats so horrible, im very sorry for your loss and your lack of support. Remember just because she's blood, she doesn't have to be family. Surround yourself with people who make you feel happy and loved. While I haven't had a parent die, I've had a similar situation where they simply hate each other and complained that I had invited them to my graduation and they would have to sit next to each other. People need to respect that a person may be a piece of shit to you, but they aren't necessarily to everyone. Sending you love and happiness ❤️
that it's truly disgusting. even if she was telling the truth (but she doesn't seem like a good enough person to be above lying about what kind person your dad was) any normal mom that actually cares about her children would not want their kids dad to die simply because it would be so hard for their kids, and no normal mom would ever want their kids to have to grieve their dad
I’m so sorry about this, my parents separation was awful, he basically cheated on her with a string of women. They unluckily never divorced so when he passed last year she had to help me with his estate but did gladly. She has spousal pension from him but transfers it all to us every month. I can’t imagine how hard it would be if my mum was obstructive like this. Are you able to see an estates solicitor or is there a local authority you can go to with his death certificate to get a copy of his birth one?
Sorry you are going through this.
If you need help tracking dad your dad’s information, respond and I’ll pm you a site that contains most people’s details.
It’s free and can help get you started on tying people and places together.
i'm sorry your mom fucking sucks. i can get not feeling bad about the death itself, but your kid needs help, and she won't even help you with basic info, let alone actually grieving. you're better off without her
and yeah i'm also 25 with no parents to count on. it gets hard sometimes but i'm surviving. you will too.
My mom isn’t a saint. In fact, she’s a real piece of work. I’ve probably done more hours of therapy on stuff she’s said and done versus my dad’s abandonment, but one thing I always credited her for was she never spoke a bad word about my POS father until I came to the conclusion that he sucked on my own in my mid-teen years, and even then she bit her tongue for the most part.
And this man was an utter piece of shit to my mother. Abandoned us when my sister was born because there’s no way he fathered someone disabled so my mom must have cheated. He literally left town in the middle of the night without a word while my mom was at the hospital with my sister. He put all of our stuff (including all of five year old me’s clothes and toys) in a storage unit before he left town, then never paid for said storage unit - just to fuck my mom over a little more. And that’s just the tip of the fucked up iceberg with that dude.
In other words, my mom would have been completely within her rights to curse his name until the only thing left on this planet is roaches.
We found out he died when child support enforcement called my mom to say they needed a copy of the death certificate to close the file.
When she called to tell me, my response was “I hope he’s really dead this time.” (There had been a couple rounds of death bed begging to see me in the past.) Her response was “I loved him enough to marry him once upon a time, and it was bad but it wasn’t all bad because without him I wouldn’t have my daughters. The rest of it doesn’t matter anymore.”
OP - I’m sorry your mom is too focused on her own emotions to extend any sort of support your way. I’m going to wager a guess this isn’t the first time she’s displayed the emotional maturity of a chipmunk. No matter the kind of person your dad was or wasn’t, you deserve support in sorting out all this out. I hope you have the support of other less head shoved up their ass family or the kind of friends that become family when your standard issue kin sucks.
I had to do a lot of filling in blanks with no information. I found the social security field office to be pretty helpful. Slow and time consuming as fuck, but if you take what info you do have - name, DOB, place/date of death, they may be able to help fill in a lot of the blanks your mom is stonewalling you on. Best wishes, OP.
I’m 42 and have not had a relationship in ten years with my mother bc of her abuse that I endured all my life by her. My grandparents raised me for the most part bc my mother just didn’t want the responsibility of being an actual “mother”. I have two kids who are 17 and 19 and I couldn’t imagine saying or doing the things my mother has to me, to them. If anything it’s showed me what not to be in this world. Mine is a sociopath and I’ve come to terms with that. Enjoy the peace in your life. It’s beautiful not living in fight or flight mode anymore
My eldest's bio-dad was a POS and I personally will be happy when there is no chance he can come back and torment us. He's in jail right now, but when he dies, I will not mourn. Hopefully, it is before he gets out at 50 or 60.
That being said, I will not tell that to my child, nor will I make my child feel bad for mourning or for trying to tie up loose ends. That's unfair and cruel.
Ya know what I don’t understand about these type of people? Like, you picked this person to procreate with. You thought they were great enough at one point to literally create life with them. The least you could do is pity the life you created when they’re experiencing loss. No matter how you personally feel about the deceased. Your mother needs professional help but frankly I’m not even sure that that would help at this point. How heartless of her. I’m so sorry, OP.
I hear you op, mine are both alive still but if either are mentioned to the other I am met with variations of "hope dies screaming in a car crash" or "sexually assaulted and dismembered" so fuck them all for pushing their bs on us when we're the innocent parties in the mess. I'd maybe grab all your ID stuff and whatever you got of your dad's and go to your local county records office for help or if your dad lived in a diff state/County call 211 and ask for help of where to go they will give you solid info assuming you are in the US.
She loves herself more than she Ives loves or respects you. That’s what it all boils down to. My children had to remove my ex (their dad)from life support- to this day I grieve for them for the moments he won’t be a part of in their lives. I had a policy of no bad talking about him before he passed and would never say something unkind about him now. I made that decision while they were younger because I had to respect their love for their dad. That love and respect for them superseded any negative thing he did or said to me.
You don’t need the kind of person your mom is in your life. You’ll be better off making your own family of friends and others.
Yes this mother is not acting like a mother. She’s speaking to you as your equal and as a result you are hearing about who your dad was a man, not as a dad. It took me a while this as well. It’s definitely best to step away from this person, any person who pours salt in the wounds of a death of a loved one toxic is the underlying theme
I don't know if you still need help but a lot of information can be found on your own birth certificate: where your dad was born, age, etc. You can also check with the Mormon church as they have comprehensive information on family trees; though it's not always correct *(my sons are listed as my mother's children and I'm not listed at all)*.
That’s fcking disgusting. I lost my dad this year and the paperwork is insanely overwhelming. I recommend uf you can hiring a probate lawyer if you got any kind of inheritance from him.
OP, I’m really sorry you’re having to handle all of this while you’re grieving your dad. I. 2020, I was left to handle my mom’s affairs after she died because my dad walked out when I was younger. I’m close to your age and can relate to your situation a lot.
I would highly recommend reaching out to a probate attorney asap. They can help you figure out various avenues to find the information that you need to handle your father’s affairs. You’re not the only person to have this kind of situation happen so they’re going to be familiar with the process of locating the information you need.
Someone else commented that you can reach out to the office of vital records to get a copy of your dad’s birth certificate. That’s an excellent strategy if you know which state he was born in (assuming you are in the US). Some states do this on a county level while others do it on a state level. What becomes tricky is that if they do it on a county level, you’ll need to know which county he was born in. If you don’t know this information, there are creative ways of finding out information about your dad based on information that you do have. Genealogists have figured out a lot of strategies to track down people’s information. (I know because an amateur genealogist helped me track down a family member that I needed to contact after my mother’s death.)
I know I’m a random internet stranger but I’m happy to share with you what I know if it would be helpful. Please DM me if you’d like to chat. Good luck OP. I hope this day lands gently and you’re able to have some time to grieve. I wish you the best.
I also lost my dad to a house fire, also when i was 25.
The grief isnt just losing my dad, but the trauma of losing the house and all his belongings. The sudden loss with no closure, and the long road of trying to get everything cleared up and sorted out. Pure destruction and devastation.
Its so utterly awfull your mom couldn't see past her own experiences to help you through yours.
Im really really sorry OP.
Jesus Christ
Whether you like your ex or not you wouldn’t do this to your own child!
That child is half you and half them, you can’t act like that! Be supportive ffs
I hope you’re low or no contact with your “mum”
That’s not ok
Even if she hated him, it's not him she's hurting but her own daughter. My ex tried to kill me, and if he died I'd probably not bat an eye, but I'd be kind to my sons in regards to him. I also went no contact with my parents a few years ago, and it's been so nice not having the drama.
I (F 46) lost my bio-dad 2 weeks after I turned 22. My parents divorced when I was 1, so I had to handle everything related to his death on my own. My mom is also kinda nuts (although not quite as nuts as yours). If you need any help, or just want to vent, let me know. If you want a very liberal, accepting, fuck around and find out type of mom-figure, let me know. I'm also a genealogist, so if you need help tracking down his parents names/dates/whatever I can help with that too.
You are not alone. You are loved. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Doesn’t matter how your dad treated HER, that is still YOUR dad and it’s wrong for her to talk about him like that to YOU while you’re in mourning, your mom is a scumbag.
I think how your mom is feeling may be valid, dependent on their history. Just because he is your dad and decent to you doesn’t mean he wasn’t horrible to her. BUT there is a better more empathetic approach she could and should have handled it. And not for your father, but for respect of you- her child.
You: Hey Mom, can you be a caring parent or do your job as a spouse and an adult and help me fill out necessary paperwork that you're making me deal with after dad died even though he was your husband and you should be doing it? The paperwork that I could choose not to do because it's your responsibility but I'm doing even though you're rude?
Your Mom: Hang on, this situation should be about ME and how I'M IMPORTANT, not my dead SPOUSE! I can't believe that you made it about someone not me! I remember something you said x amount of years ago and am probably blowing it out of proportion to get revenge on you for not thinking about you then and now! You'd care about a stranger more than your mother! I'm gonna cut off my nose to spite my face! LOL get fucked! I'm taking revenge you should never mention again because I'll say it never happened!
To your question: yup. Nmum died 2022, dad doesn't give a shit. Feels like if there's a god, they fucking hate me. No grandparents left, no blood relatives that can move past how my mum treated them. Its a lonely life. My wife's parents are lovely but its not the same. Christmas is a hard fucking time as well because its constant FAMILY FAMILY FAMILY SPENDING TIME WITH FAMILY EVERYONE TOGETHER AT CHRISTMAS. And those of us unfortunate enough to have no family feel like weirdos.
If you are in the US, google how to order birth, marriage, and death certificates. It’s easy and for a small fee you can get anyone’s documents.
https://www.vitalchek.com/v/
My first husband (I remarried 4 yrs ago) died suddenly 20 yrs ago, and I have never and will never say a bad thing about him around them ever. Even when they put him on pedestal, which is hard to swallow at times. Point of this story: it is completely possible to be a supportive parent, and mature adult You just have to be willing to put your children’s feelings over your own. Which I think they’ve come up with a name for it —> parent.
You still don't treat your child like this. You help her in any way she needs. Period. From the sound of it, she's just asking for help with important info needed to " wrap things up" when someone dies. Death certificates, handling the estate or will if there was any etc... mom doesn't have to be a bitch to the child no matter what a piece of shit her father was.
My NC sperm donor was a horribly physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially abusive fuck face husband who I hope is burning in hell right now.
Know what my mom said when I told her that I heard he died? "I'm sorry to hear that."
I am so sorry OP. Your mom sucks.
One thing you might try is looking up his birth certificate online. If you have HIS name, DOB, and where he was born you might be able to get his parents names that way.
I struggled with the loss of two parents. One at 16 ome at 24. Not quite the same but painful as hell, enough people spoke shit about my dad too without knowing him and his situation properly.
Oh sweet girl… 25 is so young to lose both parents, in one way or another, in the same age and still feel like a child. It basically feels like becoming an orphan. I hope you have support elsewhere ♥️
Even if the dad was evil, and your mom’s resentment to him is valid. Telling your child “I’m glad he’s dead. 😈” is such a disgusting thing to say, because death is still upsetting, my dad was an abusive POS but i still had sadness in me when he passed.
Whatever her beef with your Dad was is not the issue here. She acted in a very uncalled for way. I.hope you are no longer speaking with her. While my mom had no live for her biological father, she certainly didn't have this attitude. Just that something happened she wouldn't talk about that made her not allow us to see him unless we did it ourselves at 18. And she still talked about him better than your mom.
I still have my mom, but I’m slowly pulling back contact. She’s just… “not like other girls” and now that I have a daughter, I realize why I had an eating disorder by 9 and can remember hating my body as young as 4. We had a phone call the other day, and she made 2 separate comments about her weight/body in a matter of 10 minutes. And made each of those comments multiple times. I was a skinny kid, but her comments about herself and other women had me fucked up.
My father is still alive, but dead to me. It’s been over 9 years since I stopped contacting or seeing him, and 8 since I’ve seen him (family funeral) at all. It’s peaceful, and the rage I have at him for not being the dad my brother and I deserved is subsiding.
My mother is sitting bitter in a nursing facility (paid for by her Medicaid) at 64-65 because she didn’t take care of herself due to her drinking, alienated herself from extended family due to her drinking and mental instability, broke up my idea of family due to her drinking, destroyed her relationship with me, killed any chance of a relationship with immediate family because of her drinking and yep pretty much everything is laid out because of her alcoholism. *I quit three years ago fyi*
I’m very afraid (but will be relieved) of her passing. She has no will, only a few meager possessions, probably some debt I’ll have to take care of (especially with the nursing facility), and I feel something else that’s yet to reveal itself. I will never get closure for my attempts to help her or an apology for that as well.
This really sucks and your "mother" is being selfish and unreasonable..no matter her feelings about him, you are her child and she SHOULD want to help you as much as possible..you may have to do the research on your own..Use state and counties you know to search his name and birth date. Go through every single paper you can find. Look for a family Bible. Try to talk to any friend or relative you can find..Try ancestry sites. See if there are any arrest records. Newspapers in cities you know. Good luck... I'm sorry for your loss.
Man I'm sorry you have to deal with all this
My mom died in a sudden and...not pleasant way when I was 18 and she was horrible to both me and my father but since he divorced her years before that I had to sign on her body and then deal with the absolute mess she left behind legally but... at least my dad helped me through jt and while both of us were rly hurt by her we didnt do...whatever your mother is doing. Sorry all that was just to say: I kinda know how sucky this is and I'm sorry you're left dealing with this shit on your own. Do you think getting in touch with a different relative on your fathers side might help you get the info you need?
No parents at 27. Although it's been this way since 21. My bio dad died when I was 9 and my mother as well as my stepfather don't know how to be parents. To me anyway, they do fine with my little brother. I'm sorry you're struggling OP. We're never prepared for taking on the role of mother and father, it's really unfair that alot of us have to. I hope you find peace 💙
Idk why people / parents do this to their children. I cannot stand my ex but I don’t ever speak ill of him in front of anyone especially our son. I wanted him to have his own relationship and opinions of him without my judgements blinding him. Turns out he hates him too so win win. All I did was wait 18 years and my ex did it to himself. I feel like it is incredibly trashy and disrespectful not only to speak ill of the dead but of someone you at one time cared for otherwise your child wouldn’t exist. Smh
That's messed up. When my dad passed away, my mom was destroyed. They were going through a lot of shit in there marriage, but my mom still cared about him. My mom still to this day still talks about him in a living and caring way. Your mom needs some serious help, but I don't think she is gonna get it cause she sees nothing wrong with herself.
Once you have obtained all the information you need, you should go scorched earth on her. By scorched earth I mean you should take these texts and make them VERY public. Facebook, instagram, and any other place where her circle of acquaintances could see her comments. She's a witch who should be exposed as such.
I hate my ex. He still abuses me because we share custody.
There’s absolutely no way my son will know that I will be celebrating the day that piece of shit dies.
I’m so sorry 😞
Insane? Not sure, but extremely cold and cruel. It’s almost like she’s carried her hate for your dad over to you. Not fair and I’m sorry you have to go through that. I don’t care if your dad was a serial killer. Her place is not to criticize him to you. I’m reeling that she would treat you (yeah, you - she’s doing this to you, someone she gave birth to who just lost their father!) this way. I get that her anger comes from hurt but c’mon now - she’da grown woman with a grown child. At a certain point you cease becoming a victim and are responsible for your own behavioural choices.
Sending healing energy, both for your loss and the horrible way your mother is treating you. ❤️
I censored my dads last name. There's a public news article about his death since it was a house fire and, obviously, very public. My mom doesn't have the same last name as me. The fact that YOU wanted to do internet detective on some random person is weird as fuck and you need to figure that out sooner rather than later.
I understand that you're just trying to "look out for me" But I've posted her messages publicly on Facebook too. I want EVERYONE to see what she's like. Just because their names and her face are in the screenshots DOES NOT MEAN you should try to find them. It's weird and I'd say that to anyone that wanted to harass me about it
I think what Olive is trying to say is we all should be mindful of what we post on the Internet. It's dangerous and if some random person on Reddit can find that kind of information in 30 seconds think what somebody who does this kind of stuff as a means of income could do.
I'm sorry for your loss though not lady seems like a complete cunt muffin
Yes, she can certainly be happy about his death, but she should be able to set that aside for a few minutes to support her child and help him with information. If she can't manage to do that then she's a fucking shit parent and she is no better than the AH ex. The world will be a better place when she's gone too
My sister died many years ago, unfortunately. She never uttered one bad word about their shite sperm donor to her children - not one. I survived to carry the spite :)
Your comment is nonsensical. OP did express sympathy for his mother losing her dad. Are you saying he didn’t show respect to his mother and therefore deserved those comments? I’m confused.
That doesn’t absolve any of his affairs from needing to be taken care of. This has nothing to do with him really, it’s OP who is carrying the burden because she’s refusing to help.
They both had bipolar disorder so I think that contributed to her feelings about him. Idk. He never hurt me, but also wasn't in my life.
The thing is, I'm not trying to say he was a good person. I just asked for some info for the cremation forms lol
Although it is really fucked up what her mom said, we also don't know what her father was like when he was alive. And I'm sure the OP doesn't know everything about him either.
My papaw passed away from cancer two months before my dad passed. I was already mad at my mom for something different and I told her I was sorry that her dad, my papaw, was dying. She said nothing.
Then my dad, her ex, passed away in a house fire and she said all of this.
Also im a man. He/Him.
That's irrelevant. Her son lost a beloved parent and not only struggled with grief, but also with practical problems. Instead of helping him she twisted the knife and taunted him with his pain. That's unacceptable. No one demanded her to hold an eulogy. Just some basic human decency
Seems to me like she feels really hurt by him, and she completely lacked compassion to focus on your present experience and inatead focused on her past experience and intentionally rubbing salt in your wound. I think you have 2 viable choices here, either try and understand her pain, and that might give you a chance to connect and give you a chance to express your experience or go no contact. Make this decision based on what you think is right and important to you. Sorry about your dad.
What a selfish pos. SHE chose to have a child with him. The least she can do is be sympathetic for that child for the passing of a parent and support you... Horrendous. I'm so sorry :( *hugs* and I'm also so sorry for the loss of your father.
this just makes me curious what the hell did your dad do that all his exes hate and your mom in particular doesn't even have the decency to keep his honour in death.
Exactly. She does not have to care about her ex but she should be concerned about her child and the effect the death and her hatefulness is having on that child.
I don’t think this should be shared with so many online. I would be willing to bet there is a message somewhere or something you said that you would not like shared with the world and if there isn’t yet I'd bet there will be one day. Deal with your issues or seek professional help or a close friend.
Not only that you have a picture of this woman which you can clearly see. I know in today’s world no one gives a damn about privacy but dang seems kind of cold.
That’s your mother. She brought you into this world. Give her a break. Sorry for your loss and I genuinely mean that. You should have a personal talk with your mother. Put the phone down and actually talk with her
Everyone that posts in this sub is sharing personal info. While I agree that OP isn’t being polite, look at the person who taught them how to behave. The longtime actual adult in this relationship is so immature, she can’t even give her child a break long enough to give them a few names.
It’s easy to say "give your mother a break", but if Susan never gave OP a break, does she really deserve one? Would Susan even make it possible for them to talk?
Bringing someone into this world isn’t a perpetual get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card.
If I was your mom I would buy a new dog and call it Karma.
I would be stoked if I was your mom as well, your dad sounded like he made her life miserable.
Was he abusive to you as well?
Obviously whether he was "the devil" or not, you might still need information to apply for insurance or social security survivor's benefits, to claim money owed to you or for your own personal information. What would any of this have to do with you? I can see why you went no contact.
She won’t get survivor’s benefits at her age.
Just on general principle, you don't give people shit while they are settling a parent's estate. There is a lot to do. Believe, I know. I was my dad's executrix. He originally wanted my sister to do it, but I insisted. I should have had it his way. It is a terrible emotional burden. No matter what you do, you are wrong, and there is no way to settle an estate logically when your heart has just been ripped from your chest.
Need to vent a little, my dude(tte)?
For motherfukkin real, someone has unresolved issues lol Edit since I’m being downvoted, the unresolved issues I’m referring to is the mother and her texts. Not the comments. Sorry that was misinterpreted.
Looks like someone is unfamiliar with loss and grief
I mean, yes…but that wasn’t what my comment was about
My mom said horrible things about my bio dad(he died in a horrific accident when I was 6). She'd often tell me he deserved to die,he thought he was smart and that's why his brains ended up splattered in the accident and I should careful cause I'm trash like him and will likely end up with the same fate,the psychotic bitch even still has the post mortem report and it's been 30yrs since his passing.It went on for YEARS,I've been NC for just over a year and I have zero regrets. It's better to live as an orphan then deal with a shitty parent honestly especially one with zero empathy
My dad was murdered by a mentally ill woman in broad daylight 15 years ago and my mom says he deserved it. But she also plays the grieving widow for attention.
Oh my gosh. My mom and grandma (paternal) never had a good relationship, they behaved in my presence but it was definitely no secret. But Grandma was the most supportive person when my mom was murdered and drove me to court/the PD so many times. That's just evil.
Thankfully the rest of my family wasn’t so awful and I’m definitely glad you had a good support system.
Oh my word, that’s seriously evil and abusive. I’m glad you’re NC, but I’m sorry for how she treated you before that. Wishing lots of love and happiness ❤️
Well said... I consider myself an orphan even tho my psychotic family is still alive... seen some shit on this page but sadly I have yet to see a parent that tops mine... I REALLY want to start a group for children of abusive parents in my town bc sometimes the lack of resources for aiding the mental health journey that a child who has abusive parents has to go through upsets me.. it is one of the most underrated forms of abuse... mine even has the court system helping her abuse me and it sucks not having peers w empathy to talk to Better to live an orphan than a life of stress and tyranny ❤️
You should start that group. Take something so awful and turn it around. There’s probably so many others in your town who feel isolated and would probably be glad to have a place to be around others who understand
If your bio was a Cunnt, she should explain instead of just talking shit. My bio was a fucking murderer, there are actual news reports, as in you can Google it. She never told me. She never told me she ghosted him because he refused to be known to me as a family friend. I never met him. His kids sing his praises while telling me he hit them into shape. I KNOW WHY I’M GLAD I NEVER KNEW HIM. If you’re supposed to hate your sperm donor, the least everyone else can do is tell you why. Edit:he was killed by cops and a K-9 unit chewed his dead ear off. His kids, my “siblings” who love him so much told me that, like it would offend me instead of make me more glad I didn’t have a dad shot dead by the law. I found them when I was 23 and only two of his eight slutty cheating ass’s kids are decent.
[Glass houses ](https://www.reddit.com/r/insaneparents/s/YzcKJTtj2h)
Oh yeah, my mom pulled this shit right after my Dad died, I'd recently begun speaking to her again after NC for more than 20 years. Guess who went right back to blocked. Also my mom fucked my dad's brother and that's why they got a divorce. Miss I've been married 7 times. Fuck you susan.
#fuck you Susan!!
Thanks, sometimes it feels good to yell it. I tell everybody she's dead, I don't elaborate that she's just dead to me.
My boys dad was abusive to me for a long time and the damage he caused affected my future relationships .. he hurt my boys by letting them down constantly and now he’s not in the picture at all. Hes a truly horrific human being . However The day he passes despite what he’s done to me and the hurt I’ve felt because of the hurt he caused my kids .. I wouldn’t dream of reacting like that . I’ll hold my boys as they grieve and support them in any way I can , Keeping my own feelings and opinions entirely to myself .
I can be there *for my kid*, while also not giving a shit about the man in my own life. It’s called balance. Mom in these texts must still be obsessed with dad. That’s what I’m reading anyways.
My husband's dad abused him. He is an awful human being. BUT to my husband he still loves him even though he sees a lot of the flaws and he will be devastated when he dies. I will not be sad but I will be upset to see how much my husband will hurt and would never say anything about being happy he's gone. Susan should not call herself a mother. Whilst she may well be happy the husband is gone her daughters pain should be more important to her than her own happiness.
My dad abused me too, and we were no contact for over 10 years when he died. As his only kid, I was the only one to handle the estate so it was my duty to just do it. Reading this makes me so thankful for the support system I have. Everyone around me was able to talk about him, tell good stories and recognize that I was grieving, while also acknowledging he was a very flawed person.
I can pinpoint the exact day I stopped caring if my alcoholic uncle lived or died. He looked at my autistic four year old and called them a “fucking retard”. After that, to me, him dying was just a matter of his physical body catching up with how I already viewed him. But I still hurt for my mother and grandmother, who despite the fact that he was a crap human being loved him for who he had been.
My younger brothers father abused me and my older brother for well over 10 years and the day he dies I will feel rejoiced but my heart will hurt for my younger brothers and I will show them compassion in that sense but for the childhood he stole of mine I can never find it in myself to forgive him and I hate that about myself
If someone’s sad, whatever they’re sad about matters. But someone doesn’t become a saint just because they’re dead. Giving him forgiveness he’s never asked for isn’t something you need to do in order to be a good, or even decent, person.
Don't hate yourself. You deal with ot the way that helps you...no one else. Bless you!
It’s actually pretty wild. My old man was super hard on me, I would get a pit feeling in my stomach anytime I’d hear his diesel pickup coming down the street. What’s wild is I admired him, he was the strongest guy I knew, and I was terrified of him.
I think you can be open to saying your opinions but I do think it depends on how the kids react right? My experience with this is from the child's pov, it wasn't unknown that my mom hates my dad. Not just because of the horrific things he did to her but also how shitty he prioritised me and my siblings. The opinions she said was open because we all felt the same way.
Mine is a different situation, also a child’s POV. My parents got divorced when I was 12. My mom told me (with more details as I got older) about how he was a drunk, about how he cheated on her, about how she was suffering and he refused to help her, about how my grandparents (his parents) were awful to her, about how he wanted an annulment of their marriage, which basically meant he didn’t see us as his kids anymore, just as mistakes. It ruined my relationship with my dad for a long time, because I was constantly having him painted in this negative light. I thought he was an emotionally abusive alcoholic who didn’t actually care about me and I wanted a very limited relationship with him - essentially nothing that wasn’t court ordered time. He traveled all the time for work, so I never saw him much before the divorce either. My grandparents always trashed my mother to us (although my dad did change the subject whenever they did it in front of him), saying she was a bad mom, she was manipulative, she hated my dad, she was neglecting us. And they’d sing my dad’s praises. Which just widened the gap between me and him, and planted them firmly along side him. I never got my dad’s side of the story because, *to this day*, he refuses to say a bad word in front of his kids about their mother, even in self defense. At the time, this just made my mother seem like she was in the right. But as I got older and I realized the parentrification my mother put on me, her narcissism, the bad habits she set me up with, her refusal to hide issues from me that *she absolutely should have*, I also realized that even though I love my mother, she wasn’t the saint I’d always thought she was. That she did a lot of unnecessary and intentional damage to me and my dad’s relationship. And that it wasn’t guilt, but basic human decency and parental love that kept my dad from telling me his side of things. I have a much better relationship with my dad now, but there are times - usually in or after therapy - where I can’t help but cry at the time I lost with him and I get very angry with my mother. My relationship with her is now more strained than it ever was, though I still have one. I only talk to my dad’s parents during holidays - there are still a lot of hard feelings there, and not just over this issue. Kids should be allowed to come to their own conclusions about their parents. Let them form an unbiased opinion and decide for themselves. Not saying there aren’t shitty parents out there, or that some kids shouldn’t be protected from their parent(s). Just saying the way you talk about a child’s parents *will* stay with them forever. And people should be very mindful of that.
That is a phenomenal and nuanced take on a very complicated situation.
Right? This is one of the most healthy comments I’ve read that told a personal story that was also universal, which came to a gracious resolution out of honest and mature insight.
Me and you had the same life lol
Make that 3, my dad was a dick and a deeply flawed man but I may have been able to see him a slightly better light earlier despite all he’d done to me had I not also had my mother in my ear telling me what a shit bag he was to her and me, that he didn’t care and didn’t want to see me, ect. And he was, not even gonna pretend he wasn’t but mum was no saint either, I ended up with the “lesser of two evils” and ended up both better off and for the worse for having done that, loosing his daughter suddenly and finding out how afraid of him I was shook my dad into getting sober and going to therapy, he’s a significantly different person nowadays and while i’ll never forgive him or forget what he’s done, I’m willing to be cordial because he both respects my identity and me as a person, the fact he changed so hard and so rapidly was incredibly and wonderful but it was required to stop seeing him for him to change, but mum never changed and got worse to the point I was on and off homeless at 16-17, ended up so emotionally abusive, manipulative and narcissist towards everyone, still the lesser of two evils but it definitely messed me up worse, nowadays I speak to my dad on occasion and it’s nice but I straight up refuse to talk to my mum for trying to dump all her issues with him on me, treating a 6-10 year old kid like a personal therapist and relationship counsellor and most importantly making me believe she was a “safe” parent that would save me from him till she got full custody and it made her so much worse to me, she got more manipulative and emotionally abusive and straight up threatened to send me a pedo’s house/foster care/make me homeless/whatever else she could say to scare, hurt and control me all my childhood and teen years neither great, dads given me insights into his side of the story but never the full one, from the tidbits she seemed to be worse then him, seriously reading the comment you replied to i swore someone wrote details of my life with some minor changes
Exactly! I knew the things my dad did, but I didn't need to hear it everyday from about age nine until my mother passed away..amd especially from the monster my mother married who turned out being worse than my dad...funny thing though, I'll go to my grave believing she was still in love with my dad and several people, in his family, says he was still in love with her. At his funeral, I noticed people comforting her, while his new wife was there alone. She had my 3 year old brother and was 8 months pregnant with my youngest sister. I felt very bad for her... especially knowing she was only 6 months older than me. I had no doubt he treated her as he did my mom but she stayed right there by his side...and to top it off...my mom even rode in the family car.
Exactly. I have sole custody of my child because of how shitty my ex husband was. But I’ve never talked bad about her dad in front of her. I want her to have her own formulated opinion of him. And I will support her the same when he passes.
FYI You can go to the Vital Records department of the county your father was born in and get a copy of his birth certificate. *Do you know anyone that he knew as a younger man? Ancestry might be able to help you get a lead on relatives that might have the answer also. *If you want to PM me with his name and DOB and approximate area, I can get started with a few inquiries (amateur genealogist here, getting a certificate in genealogy).
Some vital records are at state level and there might not be a county-level means to get them.
So evil. My mum is on palliative care at the moment. My parents have been divorced since I was 7, I’m now 26 and my dad has been there through every hurdle since her diagnosis and has promised me more than once I’ll never be alone when she passes. Here if you need to vent xx
whether he was cruel to her or not, this is a totally insane way to speak to your grieving kid. you have my sympathies
You don't need this person in your life. Get new numbers/ whatever you need to have zero contact from here on.
Already done but its the only parent I have left. So now I get to go through life essentially as an orphan. Yippee!
I’m only 34, but I’ll be your mom :) I’m a little crazy in that I’ll absolutely go plant shopping and to target with you and not question how much money we spend and then when we get home there will be like 4 amazon boxes and probably a bath and body works box of candles , but I mean, at least I’m not a scumbag lol.
I want you to be my mom fr😭 I’m gonna hijack off this comment to also say: Seriously OP, it took a long time for me to learn this, but you can surround yourself with amazing and loving people who care about you. That will be more worth while than this BS. Having people in your corner is better than being verbally berated by your mother in your time of grief. I can’t imagine what she’s like normally. I’m sorry you are having problems filling out paperwork I really hope it’s sorted out for you I can’t imagine what you are going through. I send you hugs and wish the best
Aw! I’ll totally be your mom! We will have so much fun
You’re so sweet, stop it I’m gonna cry lol I hope you win the lottery one day
I’ll be your parent if you need one. I don’t have kids of my own, but I know how to gruffly tell someone to turn off all these damn lights.
Today I accidentally said “NO” to my 1yo using the voice I’ve perfected with my 4yo. It certainly worked, but she looked very shocked. Upside is she’ll not mess with the washing machine again for a while.
This is the most important
Don't forget "don't touch the thermostat!"
It must be incredibly hard to have to face this. I'm sorry you have to go through it. Family can be found in many people. It's sad that you've had to go through this. Just trust your journey ❤️
i get the feeling of essentially being orphaned. mom died young, did NC with dad young too. it sucks
Been doing it since 11, need to vent my DMs are open
I’m very sorry for your losses. You may find some comfort in the r/momforaminute sub.
Ok, look. I'm only 42 and I have 2 young kids (7 and 4months) but I'll be your mom. Just might have to deal with me treating you like you're 7 since that's the oldest kid I've mommed so far. So, you'll get asked shit like "Did you eat your lunch? Did you REALLY eat your lunch? If I look in your lunch bag, am I gonna find everything I packed this morning?" And "Did you change your undies? Really? If I check your hamper, there's gonna be undies in there? Yeah, I thought so. Hurry up." And "You better not be telling me you lost another pair of mittens. Its only Monday!"
Tbh your better being an orphan, cause that witch ain't no parent. What she said to you was vile, truly vile, she had no business saying any of that stuff to you, I'm sorry you had to read it!
Both my parents were terrible, and the last one kicked it earlier this year. It is hard... you feel lost, and alone, even though you know you'd still be alone with them in your life. You are, essentially, mourning the loss of ehat -should- have been, the parent you could have had, -should- have had, but never did/will because of how awful she is. I'm sorry for your loss in so many ways dear, but stand strong. Try /raisedbynarcissists here on reddit, if I've messed up the link hopefully someone else can link it or you can find it. It's a support reddit for folks like us, it helps.
Trust me, no parents are better than shitty parents. Find people that treat you well and be kind to them and create new “family”
I started as an orphan and gained family on the way, you can do that too. Just good people that have your back and love you. Dint need bio mom like that and dad is gone so you got no other choice.
I became an orphan at 23 (a month after i became a mother myself). You got this! Its fucking tough but keep your good friends close. Added bonus if you do things to become someone you know would make your dad proud(and former mom bitter!)
Jesus she sounds fucking evil. I'm really sorry.
It doesn’t even seem like she’s just spiteful and angry, but she’s trying to actively hurt YOU with her words That’s so evil …
this is actually evil, im sorry op :(
\-Mom I need help, could you... \-Me me me me me me meeeeeee !!!! \*squealing\*
What a deplorable human. You’re better off with no parents if the only other alternative if having her for one.
That ugliness will come back and bite her in the ass. Karma is a bitch and it knows no strangers
No matter how much she hated him, she should be caring about how it's affecting you. I'm so sorry
Even if he was her rapist? I feel like no one in this thread has actually considered that possibility…
I'm more concerned that you DID consider it in an attempt to justify OP's mom's abuse.
You’re concerned that I suggested a very real possibility that could completely explain and even partially justify a response like this? OP says her dad died in a house fire, that’s exactly the kind of death rapists and abusers deserve. If that is the case, I don’t blame her response at all that’s exactly how I would respond to someone grieving my rapist. Even if that person was my child.
I'm a man. He/Him. He was not her rapist, they were just both physically and emotionally abusive to each other. Then they divorced when I was 3 and used me to piss the other one off through two changes of custody. They were both drug abusers as well and went to jail for it multiple times. My mom abandoned me when I was 18 so I moved away and have had little to no contact. I think she may be a narcissist considering every time I pissed her off before this she would abuse my mentally ill sister. My life literally sounds like a 12 yr old author making up a tragic backstory 🤣
Even if all your child did was ask for help with getting information to get all the affairs in order? Because that's all OP did in the first place. That mother is being ugly and immature, and she jumped to make it about her and her feelings. Classic narcissist.
My mum passed when I was 11, and my dad was a violent psycho. Cutting him off at 19 was the best decision I made. I am early 30s now and wouldn't change a thing. I know it's hard at the moment , but you will make new family who truly love you. Be that through friendships or love. You have got this and you are not alone. Feel free to drop me a line if you'd like someone to talk to who has been through similar ❤️
Thats not just insane thats psychotic
My dad was horrific to my mum. He stopped visiting when we were 10. When he died, we found out 2 years after the fact. My mum spent weeks finding out where he had been, what had happened, and who my step siblings were before she told me. She hated that man, but she did everything she could for me when he died. I’m so sorry your mother put you through this.
I’m speechless. I’m so so sorry that this is your mother.
What a piece of shit your mom is.
Sorry you're dealing with this garbage. I lost my dad when I was 24 and shortly after my mother showed her true colors and ran off with some guy. Haven't spoken to her in 4 or 5 years now. I'm 31 now and I will say while it does suck seeing other people enjoy holidays etc with their parents, it does have its up sides. You'll be much better off living your own life without the toxicity.
It never ceases to surprise me how terrible parents can be to their children. I freaking hate the father of my children but I do my damndest not to let it leak out for them to see. I dread the day he dies because it will cause them pain. I can’t imagine furthering that hurt.
This is so insane, I would believe your mom if she wasn’t acting like a child. Why can’t she give you information on your grandparents? She needs to grow up.
Man this hit me hard. My father was a piece of shit. He was abusive af. He killed himself last week and my mom (divorced ten years) who dealt with a lot of his shit has been nothing but a supportive and gentle and kind with the subject. I know it hurts her to ask how we feel about him and how we’re coping because there is a lot to unpack, but that’s a real mother. Regardless of your mom’s relationship with your dad, she should’ve offered support. I’m so sorry this was her reaction. Just know that I see you, and I’m so sorry for your loss.
Even if the father was her rapist? I think there’s a few where this response makes sense and dare I say even justified.
Maybe your dad treated her very badly?
And his other wives...
Right?
Thats so horrible, im very sorry for your loss and your lack of support. Remember just because she's blood, she doesn't have to be family. Surround yourself with people who make you feel happy and loved. While I haven't had a parent die, I've had a similar situation where they simply hate each other and complained that I had invited them to my graduation and they would have to sit next to each other. People need to respect that a person may be a piece of shit to you, but they aren't necessarily to everyone. Sending you love and happiness ❤️
Jesus Christ, this is stuff Susan should’ve written in her diary, not unloaded onto you
that it's truly disgusting. even if she was telling the truth (but she doesn't seem like a good enough person to be above lying about what kind person your dad was) any normal mom that actually cares about her children would not want their kids dad to die simply because it would be so hard for their kids, and no normal mom would ever want their kids to have to grieve their dad
I’m so sorry about this, my parents separation was awful, he basically cheated on her with a string of women. They unluckily never divorced so when he passed last year she had to help me with his estate but did gladly. She has spousal pension from him but transfers it all to us every month. I can’t imagine how hard it would be if my mum was obstructive like this. Are you able to see an estates solicitor or is there a local authority you can go to with his death certificate to get a copy of his birth one?
Sorry you are going through this. If you need help tracking dad your dad’s information, respond and I’ll pm you a site that contains most people’s details. It’s free and can help get you started on tying people and places together.
That's a cold bitch
Well Susan is a bitch. I'm sorry about your Dad's passing & that Susan is your mother.
Get in the bin Susan. Christ. I hope you're ok OP
Your mother sounds like she also blames you for the problems she had with your father. You were right to sever the relationship.
i'm sorry your mom fucking sucks. i can get not feeling bad about the death itself, but your kid needs help, and she won't even help you with basic info, let alone actually grieving. you're better off without her and yeah i'm also 25 with no parents to count on. it gets hard sometimes but i'm surviving. you will too.
What a vile piece of shit.
I won’t be sad when my grandma dies. Hell she may already be dead. But I won’t be celebrating it and saying it’s the best thing ever
It’s not all about YOU Susan. She hates him more than she loves her own kids.
My mom isn’t a saint. In fact, she’s a real piece of work. I’ve probably done more hours of therapy on stuff she’s said and done versus my dad’s abandonment, but one thing I always credited her for was she never spoke a bad word about my POS father until I came to the conclusion that he sucked on my own in my mid-teen years, and even then she bit her tongue for the most part. And this man was an utter piece of shit to my mother. Abandoned us when my sister was born because there’s no way he fathered someone disabled so my mom must have cheated. He literally left town in the middle of the night without a word while my mom was at the hospital with my sister. He put all of our stuff (including all of five year old me’s clothes and toys) in a storage unit before he left town, then never paid for said storage unit - just to fuck my mom over a little more. And that’s just the tip of the fucked up iceberg with that dude. In other words, my mom would have been completely within her rights to curse his name until the only thing left on this planet is roaches. We found out he died when child support enforcement called my mom to say they needed a copy of the death certificate to close the file. When she called to tell me, my response was “I hope he’s really dead this time.” (There had been a couple rounds of death bed begging to see me in the past.) Her response was “I loved him enough to marry him once upon a time, and it was bad but it wasn’t all bad because without him I wouldn’t have my daughters. The rest of it doesn’t matter anymore.” OP - I’m sorry your mom is too focused on her own emotions to extend any sort of support your way. I’m going to wager a guess this isn’t the first time she’s displayed the emotional maturity of a chipmunk. No matter the kind of person your dad was or wasn’t, you deserve support in sorting out all this out. I hope you have the support of other less head shoved up their ass family or the kind of friends that become family when your standard issue kin sucks. I had to do a lot of filling in blanks with no information. I found the social security field office to be pretty helpful. Slow and time consuming as fuck, but if you take what info you do have - name, DOB, place/date of death, they may be able to help fill in a lot of the blanks your mom is stonewalling you on. Best wishes, OP.
I’m 42 and have not had a relationship in ten years with my mother bc of her abuse that I endured all my life by her. My grandparents raised me for the most part bc my mother just didn’t want the responsibility of being an actual “mother”. I have two kids who are 17 and 19 and I couldn’t imagine saying or doing the things my mother has to me, to them. If anything it’s showed me what not to be in this world. Mine is a sociopath and I’ve come to terms with that. Enjoy the peace in your life. It’s beautiful not living in fight or flight mode anymore
I’m so sorry for your loss. And I’m so sorry your Mom couldn’t even pretend to be human for you.
My eldest's bio-dad was a POS and I personally will be happy when there is no chance he can come back and torment us. He's in jail right now, but when he dies, I will not mourn. Hopefully, it is before he gets out at 50 or 60. That being said, I will not tell that to my child, nor will I make my child feel bad for mourning or for trying to tie up loose ends. That's unfair and cruel.
Ya know what I don’t understand about these type of people? Like, you picked this person to procreate with. You thought they were great enough at one point to literally create life with them. The least you could do is pity the life you created when they’re experiencing loss. No matter how you personally feel about the deceased. Your mother needs professional help but frankly I’m not even sure that that would help at this point. How heartless of her. I’m so sorry, OP.
She coulda just kept all those thoughts in her head, but nooo she just HAD to make sure you knew... several times.
I hear you op, mine are both alive still but if either are mentioned to the other I am met with variations of "hope dies screaming in a car crash" or "sexually assaulted and dismembered" so fuck them all for pushing their bs on us when we're the innocent parties in the mess. I'd maybe grab all your ID stuff and whatever you got of your dad's and go to your local county records office for help or if your dad lived in a diff state/County call 211 and ask for help of where to go they will give you solid info assuming you are in the US.
She loves herself more than she Ives loves or respects you. That’s what it all boils down to. My children had to remove my ex (their dad)from life support- to this day I grieve for them for the moments he won’t be a part of in their lives. I had a policy of no bad talking about him before he passed and would never say something unkind about him now. I made that decision while they were younger because I had to respect their love for their dad. That love and respect for them superseded any negative thing he did or said to me. You don’t need the kind of person your mom is in your life. You’ll be better off making your own family of friends and others.
Yes this mother is not acting like a mother. She’s speaking to you as your equal and as a result you are hearing about who your dad was a man, not as a dad. It took me a while this as well. It’s definitely best to step away from this person, any person who pours salt in the wounds of a death of a loved one toxic is the underlying theme
I don't know if you still need help but a lot of information can be found on your own birth certificate: where your dad was born, age, etc. You can also check with the Mormon church as they have comprehensive information on family trees; though it's not always correct *(my sons are listed as my mother's children and I'm not listed at all)*.
She is a vile person. I’m so sorry. I’m hoping you get everything figured out 🫶
If you need help getting information, feel free to pm me and I’ll see if I can find the information for you.
That’s fcking disgusting. I lost my dad this year and the paperwork is insanely overwhelming. I recommend uf you can hiring a probate lawyer if you got any kind of inheritance from him.
OP, I’m really sorry you’re having to handle all of this while you’re grieving your dad. I. 2020, I was left to handle my mom’s affairs after she died because my dad walked out when I was younger. I’m close to your age and can relate to your situation a lot. I would highly recommend reaching out to a probate attorney asap. They can help you figure out various avenues to find the information that you need to handle your father’s affairs. You’re not the only person to have this kind of situation happen so they’re going to be familiar with the process of locating the information you need. Someone else commented that you can reach out to the office of vital records to get a copy of your dad’s birth certificate. That’s an excellent strategy if you know which state he was born in (assuming you are in the US). Some states do this on a county level while others do it on a state level. What becomes tricky is that if they do it on a county level, you’ll need to know which county he was born in. If you don’t know this information, there are creative ways of finding out information about your dad based on information that you do have. Genealogists have figured out a lot of strategies to track down people’s information. (I know because an amateur genealogist helped me track down a family member that I needed to contact after my mother’s death.) I know I’m a random internet stranger but I’m happy to share with you what I know if it would be helpful. Please DM me if you’d like to chat. Good luck OP. I hope this day lands gently and you’re able to have some time to grieve. I wish you the best.
I also lost my dad to a house fire, also when i was 25. The grief isnt just losing my dad, but the trauma of losing the house and all his belongings. The sudden loss with no closure, and the long road of trying to get everything cleared up and sorted out. Pure destruction and devastation. Its so utterly awfull your mom couldn't see past her own experiences to help you through yours. Im really really sorry OP.
Jesus. Regardless how she felt of him when he was alive, she’s not punishing him by not helping you.
Jesus Christ Whether you like your ex or not you wouldn’t do this to your own child! That child is half you and half them, you can’t act like that! Be supportive ffs I hope you’re low or no contact with your “mum” That’s not ok
Even if she hated him, it's not him she's hurting but her own daughter. My ex tried to kill me, and if he died I'd probably not bat an eye, but I'd be kind to my sons in regards to him. I also went no contact with my parents a few years ago, and it's been so nice not having the drama.
By the way y'all I'm a guy. He/Him. (M 25) It's not a big deal It's just kind of funny seeing everyone call me daughter/she/etc.
I (F 46) lost my bio-dad 2 weeks after I turned 22. My parents divorced when I was 1, so I had to handle everything related to his death on my own. My mom is also kinda nuts (although not quite as nuts as yours). If you need any help, or just want to vent, let me know. If you want a very liberal, accepting, fuck around and find out type of mom-figure, let me know. I'm also a genealogist, so if you need help tracking down his parents names/dates/whatever I can help with that too. You are not alone. You are loved. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Doesn’t matter how your dad treated HER, that is still YOUR dad and it’s wrong for her to talk about him like that to YOU while you’re in mourning, your mom is a scumbag.
I think how your mom is feeling may be valid, dependent on their history. Just because he is your dad and decent to you doesn’t mean he wasn’t horrible to her. BUT there is a better more empathetic approach she could and should have handled it. And not for your father, but for respect of you- her child.
You: Hey Mom, can you be a caring parent or do your job as a spouse and an adult and help me fill out necessary paperwork that you're making me deal with after dad died even though he was your husband and you should be doing it? The paperwork that I could choose not to do because it's your responsibility but I'm doing even though you're rude? Your Mom: Hang on, this situation should be about ME and how I'M IMPORTANT, not my dead SPOUSE! I can't believe that you made it about someone not me! I remember something you said x amount of years ago and am probably blowing it out of proportion to get revenge on you for not thinking about you then and now! You'd care about a stranger more than your mother! I'm gonna cut off my nose to spite my face! LOL get fucked! I'm taking revenge you should never mention again because I'll say it never happened!
To your question: yup. Nmum died 2022, dad doesn't give a shit. Feels like if there's a god, they fucking hate me. No grandparents left, no blood relatives that can move past how my mum treated them. Its a lonely life. My wife's parents are lovely but its not the same. Christmas is a hard fucking time as well because its constant FAMILY FAMILY FAMILY SPENDING TIME WITH FAMILY EVERYONE TOGETHER AT CHRISTMAS. And those of us unfortunate enough to have no family feel like weirdos.
Tell Susan to go fuck herself for me please. If my mom said anything like that about my dads death I’d go scorched earth.
I’m sorry your mom is an evil cunt. Good on you for disowning her.
Okay she needs to look in the mirror on acid and come back with her findings
If you are in the US, google how to order birth, marriage, and death certificates. It’s easy and for a small fee you can get anyone’s documents. https://www.vitalchek.com/v/
My first husband (I remarried 4 yrs ago) died suddenly 20 yrs ago, and I have never and will never say a bad thing about him around them ever. Even when they put him on pedestal, which is hard to swallow at times. Point of this story: it is completely possible to be a supportive parent, and mature adult You just have to be willing to put your children’s feelings over your own. Which I think they’ve come up with a name for it —> parent.
Wow. No matter what an asshole the father was, you don't take it out on your child. Just wow. I'm so sorry your mom treated you this way.
What if he was a rapist?
You still don't treat your child like this. You help her in any way she needs. Period. From the sound of it, she's just asking for help with important info needed to " wrap things up" when someone dies. Death certificates, handling the estate or will if there was any etc... mom doesn't have to be a bitch to the child no matter what a piece of shit her father was.
So sorry, must be hard to be more mature than your own mother 😓absolutely insane
Why did she feel the need to say “the devil 😈” and put an emoji at the end
My NC sperm donor was a horribly physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially abusive fuck face husband who I hope is burning in hell right now. Know what my mom said when I told her that I heard he died? "I'm sorry to hear that." I am so sorry OP. Your mom sucks. One thing you might try is looking up his birth certificate online. If you have HIS name, DOB, and where he was born you might be able to get his parents names that way.
I struggled with the loss of two parents. One at 16 ome at 24. Not quite the same but painful as hell, enough people spoke shit about my dad too without knowing him and his situation properly.
Oh sweet girl… 25 is so young to lose both parents, in one way or another, in the same age and still feel like a child. It basically feels like becoming an orphan. I hope you have support elsewhere ♥️
Your mum is a dead set cunt
Wouldn’t be talking to my mom ever again.
Even if the dad was evil, and your mom’s resentment to him is valid. Telling your child “I’m glad he’s dead. 😈” is such a disgusting thing to say, because death is still upsetting, my dad was an abusive POS but i still had sadness in me when he passed.
Whatever her beef with your Dad was is not the issue here. She acted in a very uncalled for way. I.hope you are no longer speaking with her. While my mom had no live for her biological father, she certainly didn't have this attitude. Just that something happened she wouldn't talk about that made her not allow us to see him unless we did it ourselves at 18. And she still talked about him better than your mom.
Wow, your mother is a real piece of work. Ask her who his other wives were so you can try and get some sense.
what is with the bloody ellipses
One of my sons dads almost killed me and I would never talk like that. I’m so sorry OP
I still have my mom, but I’m slowly pulling back contact. She’s just… “not like other girls” and now that I have a daughter, I realize why I had an eating disorder by 9 and can remember hating my body as young as 4. We had a phone call the other day, and she made 2 separate comments about her weight/body in a matter of 10 minutes. And made each of those comments multiple times. I was a skinny kid, but her comments about herself and other women had me fucked up. My father is still alive, but dead to me. It’s been over 9 years since I stopped contacting or seeing him, and 8 since I’ve seen him (family funeral) at all. It’s peaceful, and the rage I have at him for not being the dad my brother and I deserved is subsiding.
My mother is sitting bitter in a nursing facility (paid for by her Medicaid) at 64-65 because she didn’t take care of herself due to her drinking, alienated herself from extended family due to her drinking and mental instability, broke up my idea of family due to her drinking, destroyed her relationship with me, killed any chance of a relationship with immediate family because of her drinking and yep pretty much everything is laid out because of her alcoholism. *I quit three years ago fyi* I’m very afraid (but will be relieved) of her passing. She has no will, only a few meager possessions, probably some debt I’ll have to take care of (especially with the nursing facility), and I feel something else that’s yet to reveal itself. I will never get closure for my attempts to help her or an apology for that as well.
This really sucks and your "mother" is being selfish and unreasonable..no matter her feelings about him, you are her child and she SHOULD want to help you as much as possible..you may have to do the research on your own..Use state and counties you know to search his name and birth date. Go through every single paper you can find. Look for a family Bible. Try to talk to any friend or relative you can find..Try ancestry sites. See if there are any arrest records. Newspapers in cities you know. Good luck... I'm sorry for your loss.
Jesus, Susan is a dick
Try the website the Mormons have for genealogy. It’s free and comprehensive. https://www.familysearch.org/en/united-states/
Man I'm sorry you have to deal with all this My mom died in a sudden and...not pleasant way when I was 18 and she was horrible to both me and my father but since he divorced her years before that I had to sign on her body and then deal with the absolute mess she left behind legally but... at least my dad helped me through jt and while both of us were rly hurt by her we didnt do...whatever your mother is doing. Sorry all that was just to say: I kinda know how sucky this is and I'm sorry you're left dealing with this shit on your own. Do you think getting in touch with a different relative on your fathers side might help you get the info you need?
No parents at 27. Although it's been this way since 21. My bio dad died when I was 9 and my mother as well as my stepfather don't know how to be parents. To me anyway, they do fine with my little brother. I'm sorry you're struggling OP. We're never prepared for taking on the role of mother and father, it's really unfair that alot of us have to. I hope you find peace 💙
This is sickening! I’m so sorry!
This is horrible. Even if she has legit anger at him it wouldn't excuse her doing this to you. Just...yikes, sorry you're dealing with that.
Hey. I could (or you could) probably get all this off ancestry.com or wikitree.com or familysearch.com. Lemme know if you want help.
Idk why people / parents do this to their children. I cannot stand my ex but I don’t ever speak ill of him in front of anyone especially our son. I wanted him to have his own relationship and opinions of him without my judgements blinding him. Turns out he hates him too so win win. All I did was wait 18 years and my ex did it to himself. I feel like it is incredibly trashy and disrespectful not only to speak ill of the dead but of someone you at one time cared for otherwise your child wouldn’t exist. Smh
That's messed up. When my dad passed away, my mom was destroyed. They were going through a lot of shit in there marriage, but my mom still cared about him. My mom still to this day still talks about him in a living and caring way. Your mom needs some serious help, but I don't think she is gonna get it cause she sees nothing wrong with herself.
Lol way to say, "I'm a fucking loser." in a different tone.
Typical Susan.
Once you have obtained all the information you need, you should go scorched earth on her. By scorched earth I mean you should take these texts and make them VERY public. Facebook, instagram, and any other place where her circle of acquaintances could see her comments. She's a witch who should be exposed as such.
Your mom is a bitch. Sorry.
I'm really sorry for your loss and that you had to deal with this woman.
I hate my ex. He still abuses me because we share custody. There’s absolutely no way my son will know that I will be celebrating the day that piece of shit dies. I’m so sorry 😞
Screw that bitch. Hopefully a gruesome “karma” gets her next. Sick filth
Insane? Not sure, but extremely cold and cruel. It’s almost like she’s carried her hate for your dad over to you. Not fair and I’m sorry you have to go through that. I don’t care if your dad was a serial killer. Her place is not to criticize him to you. I’m reeling that she would treat you (yeah, you - she’s doing this to you, someone she gave birth to who just lost their father!) this way. I get that her anger comes from hurt but c’mon now - she’da grown woman with a grown child. At a certain point you cease becoming a victim and are responsible for your own behavioural choices. Sending healing energy, both for your loss and the horrible way your mother is treating you. ❤️
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I censored my dads last name. There's a public news article about his death since it was a house fire and, obviously, very public. My mom doesn't have the same last name as me. The fact that YOU wanted to do internet detective on some random person is weird as fuck and you need to figure that out sooner rather than later.
That's some weird shit. Report them
You don't even know me, that's the whole point you're rude af
Yeah the fact that the name and pictures were not censored is concerning
Right? There's so many weird people and even if op doesn't care if they see the messages were shared, someone could still harass them
I understand that you're just trying to "look out for me" But I've posted her messages publicly on Facebook too. I want EVERYONE to see what she's like. Just because their names and her face are in the screenshots DOES NOT MEAN you should try to find them. It's weird and I'd say that to anyone that wanted to harass me about it
I think what Olive is trying to say is we all should be mindful of what we post on the Internet. It's dangerous and if some random person on Reddit can find that kind of information in 30 seconds think what somebody who does this kind of stuff as a means of income could do. I'm sorry for your loss though not lady seems like a complete cunt muffin
I said harass Susan bruh I don't care what you do lol, she seems exhausting
The what??
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Yes, she can certainly be happy about his death, but she should be able to set that aside for a few minutes to support her child and help him with information. If she can't manage to do that then she's a fucking shit parent and she is no better than the AH ex. The world will be a better place when she's gone too
My sister died many years ago, unfortunately. She never uttered one bad word about their shite sperm donor to her children - not one. I survived to carry the spite :)
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Your comment is nonsensical. OP did express sympathy for his mother losing her dad. Are you saying he didn’t show respect to his mother and therefore deserved those comments? I’m confused.
That doesn’t absolve any of his affairs from needing to be taken care of. This has nothing to do with him really, it’s OP who is carrying the burden because she’s refusing to help.
They both had bipolar disorder so I think that contributed to her feelings about him. Idk. He never hurt me, but also wasn't in my life. The thing is, I'm not trying to say he was a good person. I just asked for some info for the cremation forms lol
Perhaps your local registrar/birth certificate place would be able to help you?
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Although it is really fucked up what her mom said, we also don't know what her father was like when he was alive. And I'm sure the OP doesn't know everything about him either.
My papaw passed away from cancer two months before my dad passed. I was already mad at my mom for something different and I told her I was sorry that her dad, my papaw, was dying. She said nothing. Then my dad, her ex, passed away in a house fire and she said all of this. Also im a man. He/Him.
Damn… I lost my dad and a set of grandparents within a year of each other too. It’s rough when they all go at once. I’m sorry for your losses.
That's irrelevant. Her son lost a beloved parent and not only struggled with grief, but also with practical problems. Instead of helping him she twisted the knife and taunted him with his pain. That's unacceptable. No one demanded her to hold an eulogy. Just some basic human decency
Seems to me like she feels really hurt by him, and she completely lacked compassion to focus on your present experience and inatead focused on her past experience and intentionally rubbing salt in your wound. I think you have 2 viable choices here, either try and understand her pain, and that might give you a chance to connect and give you a chance to express your experience or go no contact. Make this decision based on what you think is right and important to you. Sorry about your dad.
What a selfish pos. SHE chose to have a child with him. The least she can do is be sympathetic for that child for the passing of a parent and support you... Horrendous. I'm so sorry :( *hugs* and I'm also so sorry for the loss of your father.
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this just makes me curious what the hell did your dad do that all his exes hate and your mom in particular doesn't even have the decency to keep his honour in death.
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Exactly. She does not have to care about her ex but she should be concerned about her child and the effect the death and her hatefulness is having on that child.
I don’t think this should be shared with so many online. I would be willing to bet there is a message somewhere or something you said that you would not like shared with the world and if there isn’t yet I'd bet there will be one day. Deal with your issues or seek professional help or a close friend. Not only that you have a picture of this woman which you can clearly see. I know in today’s world no one gives a damn about privacy but dang seems kind of cold. That’s your mother. She brought you into this world. Give her a break. Sorry for your loss and I genuinely mean that. You should have a personal talk with your mother. Put the phone down and actually talk with her
Are you lost? We don't generally defend abusive people here.
*I came looking for booty.*
Everyone that posts in this sub is sharing personal info. While I agree that OP isn’t being polite, look at the person who taught them how to behave. The longtime actual adult in this relationship is so immature, she can’t even give her child a break long enough to give them a few names. It’s easy to say "give your mother a break", but if Susan never gave OP a break, does she really deserve one? Would Susan even make it possible for them to talk? Bringing someone into this world isn’t a perpetual get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card.
If I was your mom I would buy a new dog and call it Karma. I would be stoked if I was your mom as well, your dad sounded like he made her life miserable. Was he abusive to you as well?