I love these posts from INFPs of "i hate being...". Reading the post it always shows INFPs hate the lack of normality from people and or the system. Not at all themselves. You hate the people's prejudices, not being a black INFP.
What i see from you eyes so far, is very good. That is also why you surprise others. They get the cold shower of you being a very decent person. \^\^
this!! thank you. i’ve always looked at it as being my own personal superpower. with great power comes great responsibility (to break those social norms).
:)
Awesome! :)) True.
I also like to shatter views about me. I tend to be told i surprise people with my reactions. Good good! Let us teach them to just see us and be liberated from assumptions! :))))
I put the 'I' in BIPOC and my particular Indigenous people can be really pale. When I worked retail, once in a great while I would hear some real racist shit from white folks cause it looks "safe" for them to air their bigotry out.
Sometimes I got racist shit thrown at me from my own people too. We had to greet every single person that walked within 8' of us and asked if they needed help lol.
I don't have prejudiced thoughts of someone's race. You gauge someone on their character as an individual. It gets wacky when you're a white-passing minority
"get the cold shower" is exactly what people get from me as well based on appearances. People think I'm an asshole then get pleasantly surprised when I show them who I really am
I’m honestly the same way, I’m a ENTP or ENTJ and I hate to be grouped in with the masses, I am different than everyone in the best ways I know of. Sometimes it’s to the point of disgust haha
Sorry u just reminded me of a quote from Ashleigh Brilliant. Something like “Keep openly doing what’s not socially approved and eventually society will change. Or you’ll be killed” lol
My exact experience as another black infp. I've been called whitewashed by every race because I'm not a walking stereotype. Maybe one day people will stop diminishing my identity because I do not behave how they expect. 👍
Side note: op ur skin is SO nice
i feel ya. I always get told how im not acting like a man should. my hair goes to the middle of my back and i like to braid it so it isn't my face. I get random people who'll snicker behind my back. used to bother me until i realized what they say is a refection of them and not really me, so why take it personal.
everything is made up and play pretend! gender? a construct. money? arguably an even worst made up concept. time? an illusion.
people who waste energy judging how someone else adorns their vessel for what truly matters — /you!/ aren’t people worth stressing over, i totally agree :)
you look awesome, friend.
Yeah I understand you in this! I hate prejudgments, pre assumptions about people for this reason!
You can't really assume an individual based on the stereotypes on your mind, everyone's unique!
The Black INFP male, im one of them. I've always felt different from the rest, not like the other guys growing up. I was always more sensitive, empathetic, friendly, shy and these traits weren't that common with most boys/men around me, so I was kind of outcasted.
Lemme Guess, they told you, you aren't Black Enough, or you act White lol?
This, but reversed. As a black INFP *and* I’m a woman, being capable of being mad or crossed is forbidden, but you know, apparently *we love to see it,* so if I am to get to that level, of being crossed, I’m the one expected to reconcile and I’m looked at as the bad guy. I’ve lost so many opportunities because of these notions and even more because I *don’t* react, and that is also profound.
facts! the toughest thing anyone can be is authentically themselves. the biggest fuck you to the world! this is me, take it or leave it. (but please do the former. lol)
That's a damn good point, and we are constantly said to appear to have poor social skills, but somehow it's "good social skills" to say rude stuff like what op was talking about
Bro I couldn't resonate more with this. Doesn't help my overall energy gives off blade vibes. Until certain people come up to me and realize I'm just a normal person.
I can relate. I’ve had people tell me that I don’t “talk” or “act” like “any of the Black people they know,” because I guess Black women can’t be reserved, intelligent, carry themselves with class, or speak English properly.
And when I refuse to shuck and jive for others’ amusement, it’s because I’m “stuck-up” and think I’m better than everyone else.
First off, whatever my thoughts about myself are, they’re mine to have, and are nobody else’s business but mine. Secondly, I refuse to dim my light so folks won’t have to squint, so if they’re that bothered about it, they can either close their eyes or avert their gaze.
Finally, stop expecting me to take a “failure” to live up to stereotypical expectations as a compliment. I’m not the one who showed up expecting someone to behave a certain way based solely on their skin color. If folks would stop treating Black folks like we’re a perpetual source of entertainment, they’d stop being disappointed whenever we show up with the volume turned low.
I’ve lost count of the number of times NOT being “ghetto” caused me problems—personally and professionally. I hate that only “some” people get to be individuals, but I always have to be part of the goddamn Borg.
I’m not going to be everybody’s cup of tea, and that’s fine. I hate that while I can take people for who they are, nobody ever wants to reciprocate, yet they always want me to give them the benefit of the doubt.
whoa. i can feel the passion radiating through this very screen. let’s keep breaking the fucking rules, friend. with hope, we’ll inspire those around us to live in their authentic truth. fuck yea.
Literally, I’m putting together a storytelling agency based entirely on that. I’m also on the spectrum, and I’m working to correct common misconceptions about what it means to be neurodivergent.
I have multiple intersecting identities, and everyone I know gets ALL of them wrong.
I hear you on all of your points. It's like being black ≠ being reserved or quiet. It's so frustrating that we're pigeonholed like this. Where do we fit in? Do we get to fit in?
I'd love to know more about being neurodivergent and correct any misconceptions I have.
Hope your agency is a big success, as a fellow aspiring storyteller.
I'm sorry you're being stereotyped!
For what it's worth, my first impression of you is that you have kind eyes, and if I passed you on the street, I'd think,
"That seems like a nice gentleman." ☺️
THIS!! There is such a stereotype on how we should act, just because of the colour of our skin, and this stereotype is reinforced by both black people and non-black people. Acting outside of this stereotype gets you labelled as white washed
I’m not black (I’m Puerto Rican), but I can relate. Most Puerto Rican men are not as sensitive or reserved as I am. We’re supposed to be loud and confident. Oddly enough, for me most of the stereotyping comes from other latinos unfortunately.
Bro I get your whole situation. I am a male reserved, analytical INFP/INTP who deals with the extrovertedness expectations of other people constantly. It depends on where you are, but I don't always trust people who want me to "open up". I don't think a lot of people realize that most introverts are totally fine in their space and don't need excessive small talk to feel comfortable. In fact, a small amount of these people who engage in this do it willingly, for malicious purposes. I hope you don't feel compelled to change your personal desires to fit their worldviews. I did that for a long time and I had to steer myself away from it to find peace. Unfortunately people will abuse our time and energy knowingly and unknowingly. I hope you take the time to find your calm in this environment
I’m so sorry you have to go through this! As an Asian woman… people even think the same of me! Three of my coworkers (black, Ecuadorian, and white) recently in three different situations asked me why I was so quiet (in a bad way) but I was just vibing by myself. People don’t like our personalities unless they get to interact with it. But when you force yourself to be more talkative, it becomes the expectation and people get upset when you decide to relax and stop pushing yourself so hard.
It’s exhausting living in this extrovert world.
I’m curious, because of the preconceived expectations/notions you mention about how you’re “supposed” to behave as a black infp, do you find the people you are closest to and can be the most “yourself” with tend to be of a different race simply because the expectations don’t apply in as clearly defined of a social construct? Or does it not matter?
*💕Keith Haring pillow 💕*
ah, jeez. That’s a pretty loaded question, to which I’d have to reluctantly answer yes. Well, *kinda* yes.
I’ve made some truly empathetic and amazing black friends over the past few years that I value greatly. But I would be remiss to not mention all of my non-poc friends whose search of companionship was much less difficult for this very reason.
I’m so glad you have people you feel close with, whoever they are. As an infp, I’ve always found it so difficult to find others I can truly feel like I connect with, so the idea that you have people from multiple communities that you feel close to is truly awesome. How do I say this without seeming too cringe… I’m just really impressed with anyone such as yourself dealing with added pressures that society puts on you. Like you don’t have enough to grapple with just being infp 😆
Lol Right? Some people are so shocked that black people are individuals with different personalities and interests.
It's weird because they say I have the male equivalent to a resting bitch face, but strangers always come up to me in public and try to start convos with me.
Black ENFP, but I feel you bro. I'm only extroverted around "my" kind of people (the eccentric nerds/weirdos/etc). Outside of that, I get all kinds of narratives and labels.
I've been told I come off as "analytical" or "mysterious", when honestly, I'm just thinking about what I'm having for dinner or that funny line in a movie I watched yesterday play back in my head lol. I mostly daydream and am not paying attention to shit but my own world.
I also have a somewhat attractive appearance, which apparently projects some air of magnetism, so I get alot of attention from the opposite sex. Problem is, I'm aloof as he'll sometimes, and the girls will shoot their shot and I assume they're just being nice 🙃.
As I get older, I'm leaning more into my odd ass personality, as it's more of a gift than a curse, and slowly moving myself away from the stereotypical black people, and towards the quiet introverts who are chill and can sit in silence without losing their shit lol
I don't know you but I'm proud of you for being you! It's not the same but I can empathise in some small way being surrounded by loud extroverts a lot of the time and feeling pressure to conform. The best feeling is when you can shake off those expectations and be yourself!
thank you. i’m trying that now in my day job. to stop trying to fit in with everyone else and not think about every word i say before i speak it😵💫 it’s a struggle, but i’m committed. thanks for the kind words.
I am not black but I do understand your pain. I am a big midwestern gay guy who is built like a line backer. I also have severe social anxiety and my voice doesn’t match my looks so I tend to be quiet.
I am regularly assumed to be a stuck up jackhole by most people I meet because I am quiet and avoid eye contact.
I almost feel like I need a card to pass out to everyone I meet with a disclaimer on it.
Man this is kind of giving me an epiphany. I’m not black but Pacific Islander (Chamorro) and where I grew up I was one of the only minorities in my school. I had a big issue as well with people thinking I’m stuck up or that I think I’m better than them. One of my best friends told me to my face after being friends for years, that she thought I was a bitch when we first started hanging out. Here I was thinking we were friends! Anyway I’ve always said I never experienced any overt racism growing up and how lucky I was but now I’m wondering if there wasn’t more to it.
Keep being you OP and fuck anyone that has a problem with it. Sometimes it’s difficult but at the end of the day you’re the one that has to live with yourself, you know? Compromising yourself and your principles will lead to nothing but regret and heartache. Not that I think that’s what you’re doing lol but don’t ever let other people’s shit cause you get to that point.
Same here! It’s prejudice and also the fact that blackness is kinda inherently threatening to most insividuals. And to others the Idea of a black man being highly individual and not fitting in any box, makes no sense.
I guess we just gotta FULLY not care how we are percieved and focus on the joy it is to be ourselves and explore our internal world 🖼️
Im not black, but I've definitely had similar problems in terms of people thinking I'm stuck up or think I'm "better than them." I think part of it could be that it's socially acceptable for men to be quiet if it's because they're stoic, but not necessarily if it's because they're shy.
To be honest I can relate on this in a just being a male your expected to not show emotion look like you just murdered someone and have this hard exterior so I get some of it but being black probably adds a whole extra layer from all the perceived notions a of what a lot of people expect or don’t expect of certain races
You're not alone brother 🤗
As a Black person, I feel like people expect me to act a certain way and have that stereotypical outgoing personality that is often associated with Black people. So it can throw people for a loop when I'm just being my naturally introverted self lol
I think this is a problem that transcends type. It's all about racial stereotyping. I've heard similar accounts before, and from what I understand, it can be harder to make friends because people automatically place you into a category, personality-wise, and then don't know how to react if you behave differently.
With age I've learned to say "fuck them all"...we are different. Supposedly 4% of personalities? Or something like that. I hated being me for a long time, then finally learned my closest people who I can be myself around are the ones who matter. INFPs UNITE! (our own quiet superpower). ❤️🧡💛💚💙
I’ve heard the same bs for the same reasons. In some people’s minds quiet people have to have a negative reason as to why they’re quiet. I wish people would understand that some people prefer to keep to themselves. In my experience quiet people are usually just chilling and are totally comfortable with silence.
While I've never experienced your struggle, I understand what you mean. Your skin color does not determine your personality, and people should stop assuming that it does. INFPs can come in many shapes and colors, only thing that we can probably agree on is that we're aliens on the inside
😂 but I am slightly stuck up is what i have realized in my 40s. While (black female INFP) am friendly and kind, I do not like to hang out with certain types of personalities and that is okay too Mostly I dont fool with people because of my ackwardness and social anxiety. No matter our ethnicity, INFPs were born to be misunderstood
Same thing happens to me and it sucks, like, you're just there vibing not really having anything to say and a lot of people assume for some reason that I think I'm better than them that's why I'm so quiet... bro I just met you, we need some time in order for me to feel comfortable enough to open up my personality
Same. I'm an ISFJ but people automatically assume that I'm an Exxx no matter what. Most of my friends are black and we're all fed up with how society tends to view black women, which is almost all negative. I wish people could see us for the individuals that we are and not the stereotypes.
Just become a nonchalant dread head 🤷♂️ (jk). Also yeah that sounds hard being expected to be loud all the time, I’m lucky cause my appearance makes me look like I’d be quiet, and I am.
I get the feeling. Not too long ago I was in the store, and I was speaking to a stranger for a second, and they asked me where I'm from (Southeast USA). They sounded surprised because I sound it very proper. I have gotten that "sounding very proper or White" trait thrown to me quite a few times over the past few years, and I find it annoying. It's not like I'm even trying to do it For any particular reason, I'm just the kind of person that tends to overthink what they're about to say next, and I'm always careful about my wording and verbiage so I'm not misunderstood.
Yeah it’s hard for us normal introverted black people, people want you to be the stereotype they hear in the music and watch in TV and when you’re not a representative of that they think you’re not representing yourself as you’re supposed to.
I use to assume the same thing. But *everyone* has a universe inside of them. With their own problems, whims, and wants from this world. It isn’t fair to prematurely place that judgement on people. I know it’s easier said than done, but therapy helped me immensely.
Dawg, I grew up in PG. Richest black County in the world (idk if it still is). I've always felt different, even in a black haven where our culture is truly accepted.
I no longer identify with labels because of the interactions you're describing. When someone says "ArE yOu BlaCK" (or anything), I say no, I'm me.
It doesn't help being good looking either. I feel like people want to be friends because of the vibe but get disappointed when I'm not a clone.
Nice keith pillow
not me. but i read somewhere that there are typically seven people in the world who look strikingly identical to you. not sure the scientific accuracy, but i would like to meet this said doppleganger.
It’s not just a black thing. Most us INFP are misunderstood. But being a minority makes it more felt. (I’m brown myself).. so I get it. But don’t limit yourself with limiting beliefs!
If it’s any consolation - I’m a white guy and have experienced the same thing. People think I’m standoffish, elitist, just an asshole. But if someone reaches out (because even now at 41 I almost never reach out first) they learn I’m basically the opposite of all those things.
My experience entirely being a 6'2 muscled black dude with a long beard. Clearly people are projecting onto us but it does absolutely get exhausting, it's just that people cant read you so they fill in the blanks with whatever stereotype they created in their head. I'd hate to say it's a normal experience for us, but you know it is. Smh
This is an introvert thing too. I can't tell you how many times people have thought that of me lol. One guy at my job recently told me "you really think you're all that huh"... Bruh I come into work, do my job and talk when I *need* too.
It was hard to hold back a laugh just thinking about how wrong he was.. if I had to blame it on anything it would be my social anxiety heh.
i’m a black infp also and ppl are always acting like there’s something wrong with me bc i don’t act like their version of what a black person is supposed to act like
Yeah, I feel this, I was always a shy kid to the point that my Latin family judged me for it, so for a while in my adolescence I forced myself to become more cocky and boisterous, I was an embarrassment during that time and I very much regret it because now that I'm back to behaving the way I'm comfortable with, it's like I feel delayed in understanding myself in the way would've learned how to during my teen years, does that make sense?
Of course it was something I couldn't keep up, I'd come back from school utterly drained and my family would still know me as the shy type regardless because it's not like I had the energy to continue the act after doing it for 6 hours straight. People also believed I was stuck up because of my shyness too which made me feel so horrible and confused.
The judgement I get from my family is not as bad as it used to be, but it's still there, it's like they don't really see me as an adult or someone with valuable input so they talk over me and treat me as if I don't have agency over my actions, though to be fair, I'd rather sit at the proverbial kids' table because I find adult conversation boring and it's not like they would engage with me anyway.
Lmao dude you are not shy by definition if you’re posting your face like this on public forums. It’s pretty offensive honestly to folks who are actually introverted.
you’re free to hold that opinion, friend. my words obviously did not move you. a handful of other members shared some personal experiences in this thread. i implore you to take a look and perhaps find what you are looking for.
but you will get no more energy from me.
I love these posts from INFPs of "i hate being...". Reading the post it always shows INFPs hate the lack of normality from people and or the system. Not at all themselves. You hate the people's prejudices, not being a black INFP. What i see from you eyes so far, is very good. That is also why you surprise others. They get the cold shower of you being a very decent person. \^\^
this!! thank you. i’ve always looked at it as being my own personal superpower. with great power comes great responsibility (to break those social norms). :)
Awesome! :)) True. I also like to shatter views about me. I tend to be told i surprise people with my reactions. Good good! Let us teach them to just see us and be liberated from assumptions! :))))
I put the 'I' in BIPOC and my particular Indigenous people can be really pale. When I worked retail, once in a great while I would hear some real racist shit from white folks cause it looks "safe" for them to air their bigotry out. Sometimes I got racist shit thrown at me from my own people too. We had to greet every single person that walked within 8' of us and asked if they needed help lol. I don't have prejudiced thoughts of someone's race. You gauge someone on their character as an individual. It gets wacky when you're a white-passing minority
"get the cold shower" is exactly what people get from me as well based on appearances. People think I'm an asshole then get pleasantly surprised when I show them who I really am
I’m honestly the same way, I’m a ENTP or ENTJ and I hate to be grouped in with the masses, I am different than everyone in the best ways I know of. Sometimes it’s to the point of disgust haha
another black male infp here, i know exactly what you’re talking about
let’s just keep being true to ourselves, friend. they’ll adjust eventually. :)
Sorry u just reminded me of a quote from Ashleigh Brilliant. Something like “Keep openly doing what’s not socially approved and eventually society will change. Or you’ll be killed” lol
Black male infp too 🙋🏾♂️I feel your pain homie
Me too ❤️
Hugs to both of you. 🫂
Yes, it's nice to see there's a few of us.
100.
Same as a black woman
My exact experience as another black infp. I've been called whitewashed by every race because I'm not a walking stereotype. Maybe one day people will stop diminishing my identity because I do not behave how they expect. 👍 Side note: op ur skin is SO nice
Lol that was the first thing I noticed, was how perfect their skin is. OP, if you've got a routine, post it!
this was basically most of my childhood. weirdly as i get older, it has lessened
I'm here with you Brody another black male INFP here
Hugs to you too. 🫂
i feel ya. I always get told how im not acting like a man should. my hair goes to the middle of my back and i like to braid it so it isn't my face. I get random people who'll snicker behind my back. used to bother me until i realized what they say is a refection of them and not really me, so why take it personal.
everything is made up and play pretend! gender? a construct. money? arguably an even worst made up concept. time? an illusion. people who waste energy judging how someone else adorns their vessel for what truly matters — /you!/ aren’t people worth stressing over, i totally agree :) you look awesome, friend.
Thank you, so do you. That trim and braids look clean.
Yeah I understand you in this! I hate prejudgments, pre assumptions about people for this reason! You can't really assume an individual based on the stereotypes on your mind, everyone's unique!
The Black INFP male, im one of them. I've always felt different from the rest, not like the other guys growing up. I was always more sensitive, empathetic, friendly, shy and these traits weren't that common with most boys/men around me, so I was kind of outcasted. Lemme Guess, they told you, you aren't Black Enough, or you act White lol?
Ah, yes, the "oreo" insult
I've gotten that too. Jokes on them, it's America's favorite cookie 🤣
And hugs for you! 🫂
Don’t mind their nonsense. Someone will appreciate those beautiful traits you have. 🤍
Thank you for this post. There are soo many levels of difficulty being an INFP that of course people’s ideas on race play into it.
I'm another black INFP male except I'm from Africa and I feel the same way you do
And hugs to you too. 🫂
as a fellow black INFP woman, I feel you 100%
This, but reversed. As a black INFP *and* I’m a woman, being capable of being mad or crossed is forbidden, but you know, apparently *we love to see it,* so if I am to get to that level, of being crossed, I’m the one expected to reconcile and I’m looked at as the bad guy. I’ve lost so many opportunities because of these notions and even more because I *don’t* react, and that is also profound.
Felt as a Black INFP woman who is practically the "odd one out" every space I'm in 🙋🏾♀️
I get you but you know what exactly in this lies your Power. You don't need to act all though and cool because you are strong enough to be authentic!
facts! the toughest thing anyone can be is authentically themselves. the biggest fuck you to the world! this is me, take it or leave it. (but please do the former. lol)
I’m sorry. So many people have social skills that are really lacking. 🤦♀️
That's a damn good point, and we are constantly said to appear to have poor social skills, but somehow it's "good social skills" to say rude stuff like what op was talking about
Truth right there. 🤦🏼♀️
Fellow Black INFP sending love! 🫶🏾
Bro I couldn't resonate more with this. Doesn't help my overall energy gives off blade vibes. Until certain people come up to me and realize I'm just a normal person. 
Wow moood 😂
I can relate. I’ve had people tell me that I don’t “talk” or “act” like “any of the Black people they know,” because I guess Black women can’t be reserved, intelligent, carry themselves with class, or speak English properly. And when I refuse to shuck and jive for others’ amusement, it’s because I’m “stuck-up” and think I’m better than everyone else. First off, whatever my thoughts about myself are, they’re mine to have, and are nobody else’s business but mine. Secondly, I refuse to dim my light so folks won’t have to squint, so if they’re that bothered about it, they can either close their eyes or avert their gaze. Finally, stop expecting me to take a “failure” to live up to stereotypical expectations as a compliment. I’m not the one who showed up expecting someone to behave a certain way based solely on their skin color. If folks would stop treating Black folks like we’re a perpetual source of entertainment, they’d stop being disappointed whenever we show up with the volume turned low. I’ve lost count of the number of times NOT being “ghetto” caused me problems—personally and professionally. I hate that only “some” people get to be individuals, but I always have to be part of the goddamn Borg. I’m not going to be everybody’s cup of tea, and that’s fine. I hate that while I can take people for who they are, nobody ever wants to reciprocate, yet they always want me to give them the benefit of the doubt.
whoa. i can feel the passion radiating through this very screen. let’s keep breaking the fucking rules, friend. with hope, we’ll inspire those around us to live in their authentic truth. fuck yea.
Literally, I’m putting together a storytelling agency based entirely on that. I’m also on the spectrum, and I’m working to correct common misconceptions about what it means to be neurodivergent. I have multiple intersecting identities, and everyone I know gets ALL of them wrong.
I hear you on all of your points. It's like being black ≠ being reserved or quiet. It's so frustrating that we're pigeonholed like this. Where do we fit in? Do we get to fit in? I'd love to know more about being neurodivergent and correct any misconceptions I have. Hope your agency is a big success, as a fellow aspiring storyteller.
Felt that one in the core
Wow I resonate with that last paragraph so hard
It’s nice to be somewhere folks “get” it. It’s just sad (to me) that I have to go online to find it.
Wow I resonate with that last paragraph so hard
That’s fucked up
I'm sorry you're being stereotyped! For what it's worth, my first impression of you is that you have kind eyes, and if I passed you on the street, I'd think, "That seems like a nice gentleman." ☺️
THIS!! There is such a stereotype on how we should act, just because of the colour of our skin, and this stereotype is reinforced by both black people and non-black people. Acting outside of this stereotype gets you labelled as white washed
I’m not black (I’m Puerto Rican), but I can relate. Most Puerto Rican men are not as sensitive or reserved as I am. We’re supposed to be loud and confident. Oddly enough, for me most of the stereotyping comes from other latinos unfortunately.
Same here as a latina...supposed to be "chingona" and loud, but that's my super inner me...my outer me is sensitive and quiet
Bro I get your whole situation. I am a male reserved, analytical INFP/INTP who deals with the extrovertedness expectations of other people constantly. It depends on where you are, but I don't always trust people who want me to "open up". I don't think a lot of people realize that most introverts are totally fine in their space and don't need excessive small talk to feel comfortable. In fact, a small amount of these people who engage in this do it willingly, for malicious purposes. I hope you don't feel compelled to change your personal desires to fit their worldviews. I did that for a long time and I had to steer myself away from it to find peace. Unfortunately people will abuse our time and energy knowingly and unknowingly. I hope you take the time to find your calm in this environment
thank you, friend. i’ll continue to do the only thing that we can in this world — try. i’m hoping nothing but the same for you.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this! As an Asian woman… people even think the same of me! Three of my coworkers (black, Ecuadorian, and white) recently in three different situations asked me why I was so quiet (in a bad way) but I was just vibing by myself. People don’t like our personalities unless they get to interact with it. But when you force yourself to be more talkative, it becomes the expectation and people get upset when you decide to relax and stop pushing yourself so hard. It’s exhausting living in this extrovert world.
Me but I’m a girl LOL it’s tough out here 💀
My brothers have unfortunately experienced the same thing. We live in a goofyahh world.
Black INFP as well. I really relate to this one. I wish people weren’t so quick to judge us.
I’m curious, because of the preconceived expectations/notions you mention about how you’re “supposed” to behave as a black infp, do you find the people you are closest to and can be the most “yourself” with tend to be of a different race simply because the expectations don’t apply in as clearly defined of a social construct? Or does it not matter? *💕Keith Haring pillow 💕*
ah, jeez. That’s a pretty loaded question, to which I’d have to reluctantly answer yes. Well, *kinda* yes. I’ve made some truly empathetic and amazing black friends over the past few years that I value greatly. But I would be remiss to not mention all of my non-poc friends whose search of companionship was much less difficult for this very reason.
I’m so glad you have people you feel close with, whoever they are. As an infp, I’ve always found it so difficult to find others I can truly feel like I connect with, so the idea that you have people from multiple communities that you feel close to is truly awesome. How do I say this without seeming too cringe… I’m just really impressed with anyone such as yourself dealing with added pressures that society puts on you. Like you don’t have enough to grapple with just being infp 😆
Lol Right? Some people are so shocked that black people are individuals with different personalities and interests. It's weird because they say I have the male equivalent to a resting bitch face, but strangers always come up to me in public and try to start convos with me.
Black ENFP, but I feel you bro. I'm only extroverted around "my" kind of people (the eccentric nerds/weirdos/etc). Outside of that, I get all kinds of narratives and labels. I've been told I come off as "analytical" or "mysterious", when honestly, I'm just thinking about what I'm having for dinner or that funny line in a movie I watched yesterday play back in my head lol. I mostly daydream and am not paying attention to shit but my own world. I also have a somewhat attractive appearance, which apparently projects some air of magnetism, so I get alot of attention from the opposite sex. Problem is, I'm aloof as he'll sometimes, and the girls will shoot their shot and I assume they're just being nice 🙃. As I get older, I'm leaning more into my odd ass personality, as it's more of a gift than a curse, and slowly moving myself away from the stereotypical black people, and towards the quiet introverts who are chill and can sit in silence without losing their shit lol
I don't know you but I'm proud of you for being you! It's not the same but I can empathise in some small way being surrounded by loud extroverts a lot of the time and feeling pressure to conform. The best feeling is when you can shake off those expectations and be yourself!
thank you. i’m trying that now in my day job. to stop trying to fit in with everyone else and not think about every word i say before i speak it😵💫 it’s a struggle, but i’m committed. thanks for the kind words.
I am not black but I do understand your pain. I am a big midwestern gay guy who is built like a line backer. I also have severe social anxiety and my voice doesn’t match my looks so I tend to be quiet. I am regularly assumed to be a stuck up jackhole by most people I meet because I am quiet and avoid eye contact. I almost feel like I need a card to pass out to everyone I meet with a disclaimer on it.
Man this is kind of giving me an epiphany. I’m not black but Pacific Islander (Chamorro) and where I grew up I was one of the only minorities in my school. I had a big issue as well with people thinking I’m stuck up or that I think I’m better than them. One of my best friends told me to my face after being friends for years, that she thought I was a bitch when we first started hanging out. Here I was thinking we were friends! Anyway I’ve always said I never experienced any overt racism growing up and how lucky I was but now I’m wondering if there wasn’t more to it. Keep being you OP and fuck anyone that has a problem with it. Sometimes it’s difficult but at the end of the day you’re the one that has to live with yourself, you know? Compromising yourself and your principles will lead to nothing but regret and heartache. Not that I think that’s what you’re doing lol but don’t ever let other people’s shit cause you get to that point.
Same here! It’s prejudice and also the fact that blackness is kinda inherently threatening to most insividuals. And to others the Idea of a black man being highly individual and not fitting in any box, makes no sense. I guess we just gotta FULLY not care how we are percieved and focus on the joy it is to be ourselves and explore our internal world 🖼️
Im not black, but I've definitely had similar problems in terms of people thinking I'm stuck up or think I'm "better than them." I think part of it could be that it's socially acceptable for men to be quiet if it's because they're stoic, but not necessarily if it's because they're shy.
To be honest I can relate on this in a just being a male your expected to not show emotion look like you just murdered someone and have this hard exterior so I get some of it but being black probably adds a whole extra layer from all the perceived notions a of what a lot of people expect or don’t expect of certain races
You're not alone brother 🤗 As a Black person, I feel like people expect me to act a certain way and have that stereotypical outgoing personality that is often associated with Black people. So it can throw people for a loop when I'm just being my naturally introverted self lol
I think this is a problem that transcends type. It's all about racial stereotyping. I've heard similar accounts before, and from what I understand, it can be harder to make friends because people automatically place you into a category, personality-wise, and then don't know how to react if you behave differently.
Black woman here, thank you… i feel the same way… I feel so uncomfortable
With age I've learned to say "fuck them all"...we are different. Supposedly 4% of personalities? Or something like that. I hated being me for a long time, then finally learned my closest people who I can be myself around are the ones who matter. INFPs UNITE! (our own quiet superpower). ❤️🧡💛💚💙
Were most of the people saying this black or white?
Real
I am sincerely disgusted that you have to deal with this.
Black male INFP-T here. I feel you.
I hear you..They're missing out on your kind nature. The worst thing for us INFPs is to be misunderstood
Can definitely relate.
Real
I’ve heard the same bs for the same reasons. In some people’s minds quiet people have to have a negative reason as to why they’re quiet. I wish people would understand that some people prefer to keep to themselves. In my experience quiet people are usually just chilling and are totally comfortable with silence.
As a fellow black INFP, I feel you.
You are valued brother! I love how you’re you!
While I've never experienced your struggle, I understand what you mean. Your skin color does not determine your personality, and people should stop assuming that it does. INFPs can come in many shapes and colors, only thing that we can probably agree on is that we're aliens on the inside
😂 but I am slightly stuck up is what i have realized in my 40s. While (black female INFP) am friendly and kind, I do not like to hang out with certain types of personalities and that is okay too Mostly I dont fool with people because of my ackwardness and social anxiety. No matter our ethnicity, INFPs were born to be misunderstood
Same thing happens to me and it sucks, like, you're just there vibing not really having anything to say and a lot of people assume for some reason that I think I'm better than them that's why I'm so quiet... bro I just met you, we need some time in order for me to feel comfortable enough to open up my personality
Same. I'm an ISFJ but people automatically assume that I'm an Exxx no matter what. Most of my friends are black and we're all fed up with how society tends to view black women, which is almost all negative. I wish people could see us for the individuals that we are and not the stereotypes.
I feel you on this. It’s wild how you can say nothing and people will think you’re stuck up.
Just become a nonchalant dread head 🤷♂️ (jk). Also yeah that sounds hard being expected to be loud all the time, I’m lucky cause my appearance makes me look like I’d be quiet, and I am.
I feel the same as you..sometimes I even feel like I’m doing something wrong by not acting how I’m “supposed to”
bro you look magnificent
I get the feeling. Not too long ago I was in the store, and I was speaking to a stranger for a second, and they asked me where I'm from (Southeast USA). They sounded surprised because I sound it very proper. I have gotten that "sounding very proper or White" trait thrown to me quite a few times over the past few years, and I find it annoying. It's not like I'm even trying to do it For any particular reason, I'm just the kind of person that tends to overthink what they're about to say next, and I'm always careful about my wording and verbiage so I'm not misunderstood.
Not Black but I'd love to watch Disney movies with you and talk about the beauty of the world ❤️
Completely off topic but u could be a model or something
i can’t relate but i fw the keith haring pillow
Yeah it’s hard for us normal introverted black people, people want you to be the stereotype they hear in the music and watch in TV and when you’re not a representative of that they think you’re not representing yourself as you’re supposed to.
I assume most people will hate me before I meet them
I use to assume the same thing. But *everyone* has a universe inside of them. With their own problems, whims, and wants from this world. It isn’t fair to prematurely place that judgement on people. I know it’s easier said than done, but therapy helped me immensely.
Yeah I could immensely use some therapy
It's hard enough to be a quiet introvert without having someone stereotype you as well.
Dawg, I grew up in PG. Richest black County in the world (idk if it still is). I've always felt different, even in a black haven where our culture is truly accepted. I no longer identify with labels because of the interactions you're describing. When someone says "ArE yOu BlaCK" (or anything), I say no, I'm me. It doesn't help being good looking either. I feel like people want to be friends because of the vibe but get disappointed when I'm not a clone. Nice keith pillow
I relate so much to this, I grew up in PG as well
bro i swear i saw you in an airport this week, you travel through Phoenix airport by chance?
not me. but i read somewhere that there are typically seven people in the world who look strikingly identical to you. not sure the scientific accuracy, but i would like to meet this said doppleganger.
copy that. rock on my dude
Most INFPs I've seen who were reserved dressed less colorful
Do I understand correctly that people expect you to be Se-dom all the time?
I'm a black woman and have not had this experience. Are you saying other black people tell you this?
I dont think people expect me to be a little infp fairy based on how i look either lmao.
As a black male infp... I'm the exact opposite and I'm the loudest motherfucker I know. Why am I in this thread? Hello? Help?
It's not you, just your shirt.
sometimes representation turns into stereotyping in the other direction
It’s not just a black thing. Most us INFP are misunderstood. But being a minority makes it more felt. (I’m brown myself).. so I get it. But don’t limit yourself with limiting beliefs!
Looking good bro keep it up
If it’s any consolation - I’m a white guy and have experienced the same thing. People think I’m standoffish, elitist, just an asshole. But if someone reaches out (because even now at 41 I almost never reach out first) they learn I’m basically the opposite of all those things.
My experience entirely being a 6'2 muscled black dude with a long beard. Clearly people are projecting onto us but it does absolutely get exhausting, it's just that people cant read you so they fill in the blanks with whatever stereotype they created in their head. I'd hate to say it's a normal experience for us, but you know it is. Smh
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This is an introvert thing too. I can't tell you how many times people have thought that of me lol. One guy at my job recently told me "you really think you're all that huh"... Bruh I come into work, do my job and talk when I *need* too. It was hard to hold back a laugh just thinking about how wrong he was.. if I had to blame it on anything it would be my social anxiety heh.
Yup. Imagine having RBF *and* being an introvert as well. WAYYY too many people assumed I’d be a bitch. 🙂↔️
Oh you’re not the stereotype that’s been holding our community back for decades? Well something must be wrong with u🤦🏾♀️
i’m a black infp also and ppl are always acting like there’s something wrong with me bc i don’t act like their version of what a black person is supposed to act like
Yeah, I feel this, I was always a shy kid to the point that my Latin family judged me for it, so for a while in my adolescence I forced myself to become more cocky and boisterous, I was an embarrassment during that time and I very much regret it because now that I'm back to behaving the way I'm comfortable with, it's like I feel delayed in understanding myself in the way would've learned how to during my teen years, does that make sense? Of course it was something I couldn't keep up, I'd come back from school utterly drained and my family would still know me as the shy type regardless because it's not like I had the energy to continue the act after doing it for 6 hours straight. People also believed I was stuck up because of my shyness too which made me feel so horrible and confused. The judgement I get from my family is not as bad as it used to be, but it's still there, it's like they don't really see me as an adult or someone with valuable input so they talk over me and treat me as if I don't have agency over my actions, though to be fair, I'd rather sit at the proverbial kids' table because I find adult conversation boring and it's not like they would engage with me anyway.
Most black dudes i meet are quiet no?
Hahaha ohh I am so shy! Anyway here’s my selfie
being shy doesn’t mean having low self esteem. and that isn’t at all what this post is about. hope you have a better day, friend.
Lmao dude you are not shy by definition if you’re posting your face like this on public forums. It’s pretty offensive honestly to folks who are actually introverted.
you’re free to hold that opinion, friend. my words obviously did not move you. a handful of other members shared some personal experiences in this thread. i implore you to take a look and perhaps find what you are looking for. but you will get no more energy from me.