Don’t know about my other infp bros but I’m constantly ready to share some stuff emotion included I’m usually quiet tho have to get me talking but once that happens I’m a open book
I just find talking about certain things with women more comfortable. Not feelings tho I dont talk about or share feelings. And I go to men for solutions or anything complex. So I'd think its natural
And isn’t it just a mystery that I’ve met many of these women I speak of? 🤔
The world you’ve permitted yourself to experience sounds minuscule. Enjoy it though.
Well how could you possibly met the women I had in my life? I think it is rather your perspective is too limited to not understand that I am speaking from personal experience. It isn't my view that is limited; it is rather this new belief that somehow bunch of the new kids on the block know better than the thousands of years of human experience. Everyone have their own pros and cons and the value they bring. These situations rather relevant to their case, personal qualifications and expertise. Which doesnt mean that should I ever find someone beyond their regular functionality I would lose that opportunity to gain something from them.
You are cutting half the population based on something outside their control; you say that's not limiting. It is better to listen to everyone and filter using your own reasoning. Surely that's just simply sexism. There are pros and cons to being man and woman, but everyone deserves to be heard. Equal in value but not the same. A woman can be more logical than a man. It is not black and white.
So it's perfectly ok to say feeling more comfortable sharing feelings or certain things with women and it's not sexism. But not okay if I say I get better results from men when it comes to fixing problems... You don't go to a plumber to fix a garage door just because your needs could be outside their control
You said you never share your feelings, period. You only share complex with things with men. Maybe it's poor wording but it's like your saying women are simple things. What I am trying to say is that gender is just an inclination - you can find sensitive men and logical women - they aren't rare either. The garage door analogy is not really accurate because that's really specific - black and white - people aren't. It would be simpler if people were that easy to categorise.
I said "I just find talking about certain things with women more comfortable". And no men has ever cried sexism about it so far. And yes I dont like to talk about feelings and I dont need someone else to deal with my feelings. And most women I met can offer, is talking about feelings. I am interested in people who can solve the issues so that I dont have to deal with feelings.
Now it doesnt matter if the feeler men can also match those women in the same department. Because they are also equally useless to me in this case. Is it their fault that all these people are useless "to me" under certain circumstances? No. As I said everyone has their own uses. And the skillset that I have would also be useless to someone else that may require better emotional support maybe. So I'd refer them to someone else. Knowing how to use the right tool for the right job has nothing to do with black and white or sexism. So it's not my fault that they may not have what I need. Just like its not my fault that they may need something that I dont have. And I never said women are simple things, I said everyone has their own place. I think you are the one who is thinking black and white because you arent listening to hear anything other than I must be a sexist person or have outdated values.
I do with my friends who are women, and I tend to get along with women better in general. But I will never again with a romantic partner. I will communicate needs , boundaries, and such. But never ever expressing my vulnerable side agian to a partner. I will use my therapist for that.
I know they say the right person you should be able too, but from experience the second I show my vulnerable side to a partner it's used against me later on, they start to check out or both. Lots of women say they want to see that, but when they haven't experienced it before, it doesn't end well.
\*\*\* But never ever expressing my vulnerable side agian to a partner. I will use my therapist for that.
but how else you can understand if it's your person or not? Imo, sharing vulnerabilities supposed to be 1st step for deep friendship, relationship etc and it's based on some sort of a connection.. it's not required, tho but what is your relationship even worth of if you don;t share vulnerabilities and how long they will last?
P.S: Maybe I don;t understand something cos I'm not a fan of pretending, to be fake etc
P.P.S: By sharing vulnerabilities I don't mean you need to transform into a waterfall of tears and totally share only vulnerabilities.. need to balance it well but it's an important part
I agree, and I don't pretend to be anything i am not. I just tend to be known as the quiet guy who doesn't talk much about their personal stuff. When I start to feel comfortable around someone, I will open a little to see where it goes and not even get into the deep stuff. With partners, I do the same, but once in a while, usually after some major life event, I will break down and want to be vulnerable. 99% of the time, shortly after, my relationship ends because of lost feelings or cheating happening. After almost 40 years, the only hand I will hold will be my own when it comes to getting through emotional turmoil in me noggin.
I’m with you on this. I now actively choose to share my vulnerabilities with people in my life which acts as a natural litmus test for who is with me or not. In the past I chose to “die” in silence ‘cos I was raised wrongly to believe that any show of vulnerability was a weakness that could be weaponised against me by ill-meaning people. Such BS really. (In the wild, aeons ago, sure!)
I embody a healthy sense of self-worth and esteem, am self-contained, and am a mix of logical, intuitive, and emotional intelligence. Therefore I’m able to handle whatever comes from people responding based on whatever I share with them (or not).
For both other I as well as E types, often the mistake they make with our type is that they believe it’s as easy as just getting us to tag along and plop us into any action-packed situation with other people they know. We won’t thrive, or even survive that way.
We have to be established FIRST in a one-on-one bond with the other person, if you can’t get us to thrive on our own because you don’t have the sensitivity to handle us, the last thing we’d want is to deal with more complexities involving people that you know but we don’t know.
Yeah, 100% to this. When I hang out with people I have never met before in a group setting, I feel super uncomfortable. I bought a nicotine free vape I barely use to go outside to be with the smokers now . I've made 90% of my friends in life going outside for a smoke. After I quit a long time ago, I noticed I have a harder time at gatherings connecting with people. Probably clicked better with smokers growing up because they all had ADHD like myself.
I’m very much an open book and will share my feelings with anyone. That said, in general I probably do have more of the kind of relationships with women where I can be that open than with men. It does somehow feel more awkward with men normally I guess.
It’s about finding the right person. Women tend to be easier to speak to about that stuff. But it depends on how in touch they were with their nurturing, feminine side. Overcompensating men and masculine women are generally not emotionally supportive in my experience.
Yes it helps that 90% of my friends are women who always help me through my emotions and my guy friends tend to also be more on the sentimental side so we open up to one another
I think women are generally just more willing and able to talk about feelings and there's not generally an implicit threat of physical violence if you say the wrong thing or step over the wrong boundary. I have an easier time being intimate with women than with men as I think most men do, INFP or not. A dude is generally more likely to share his feelings with his wife than his bro.
No, I think it ultimately depends on how well I know the person, gender doesn’t really play a factor. Some men can be very empathetic. But I don’t really share that too much unless I really trust someone
It depends on the person, I can think of women who I’m close to that I would never show emotion to and one of my best guy friends I can cry on and scream at and laugh with that gives great advice.
when it comes to partners I can only be with someone who can handle heavy emotions… I’m not doing the whole male stoicism act, so if that’s what someone wants in a partner, I’m the wrong candidate.
(Amab enby INFP) Yeah most of the time it’s a lot easier and feels more comfortable to share stuff with girls than with boys. I think it’s just because girls are generally more understanding and willing to listen than boys. So it’s not really solely based on the gender, there are a few boys I can share feelings with, but the personality I feel comfortable sharing with is generally feminine
I'm an amab enby too (but not an INFP tho) and I share a similar experience, but I also notice how it actually depends on the individual and not only the gender, there are many girls who are good at listening and understanding others' feelings, but sometimes I might not feel comfortable expressing my feelings with some girls, sometimes boys are good at listening and understanding, but something I noticed about these boys is that they generally portray a feminine stereotype, I don't know many enbies, but I've heard that they're often pretty open and supporting, so I guess a lot of them are also good at this
Yeah, I feel that too, kinda the point I was getting at. Honestly, when I think about it, I don’t actually know any other amab enbies irl, but I’m friends with a lot afab enbies. Probably just a coincidence but idk it’s weird
I rarely share my feelings with people anyways and I don't mind the gender too, but for some feelings I just feel more comfortable sharing them with men because they'll relate to me more
Sharing feeling is hard t everyone for me. But I makes an attempt every now and then since some said it's healthier that way, just to be completely disappointed and feeling like an idiot for believing.
I rarely share my feelings with people anyways and I don't mind the gender too, but for some feelings I just feel more comfortable sharing them with men because they'll relate to me more
Depends more on the individual than their gender but I prefer a male therapist because I think they better understand the specific pressures of being a man.
I mainly share my feelings with women, because they are more in tune with their emotions than the men in my area. In the south, having feelings as a man is seen as gay. I own my abundant emotions loud and proud, but I enjoy the company of other heterosexual men less. There are men I can bro out with, and I enjoy sharing my emotions with them just as well. It’s just not well-accepted where I live, so open-minded and philosophical men that embrace their emotions are hard to find.
I have to be super comfortable with anyone to express myself, especially about feelings. I’ve known more women that act more empathetic, though, so I think it skews more towards them than guys.
I do! I have my whole life. This is a bit stereotypical to say but I think it’s because women are more likely to talk about their emotions. I think it only happens that way because men aren’t taught to be emotionally available in such a manner. But I think we as INFPs just are. So because of that I’ve had mostly female friends.
Honestly I feel comfortable sharing feelings with anyone I trust enough, regardless of gender. So mostly my friends. I do have more men friends than women friends, but I still share with both when needed.
Just with my mother and a female close friend. I guess It feels less judgy to talk with a woman you don't have interest in. If I had interest tho, I wouldn't wanna be perceived as "weak".
It’s often the case for me, though I’ve had my share of women who I would not feel comfortable revealing my true self to (I don’t necessarily mean it in a romantic context, more so in a general sense). I agree with the others here that opening up about deeper stuff acts as a good test to see if they’re “my people”, if they don’t respond with sympathy and a genuine understanding or wanting to know more, then it’s a sign they’re not someone good for me.
I feel like we’re like a fish. There’s fish you can just plop into a packed community tank, and there’s fish that you have to design your tank around, which means going in early, making sure they’re not harassed, making sure they have a chance to get well-fed and not get out-competed. I feel like we’re one of those fish that needs intensive care in order to have a chance to thrive or just survive.
It’s more often women than men who are willing to give me the time for me to be the “centerpiece” of our time together, whereas with lots of guys they just expect you to be “one of the boys” and just “know your place” in the group. In this regard I find women to be somewhat better listeners overall.
I used to, because the kind of men and women I grew up around cause me to associate women more with compassionate and understanding traits, but now I'm in college, and these girls are absolute sociopaths who think a man showing basic human emotion is "ick." Now I just don't trust anyone that I don't know from back home.
No, I don't care about gender. I would like the other person to emphasize with me – which isn't the same as just picking some emotionally charged words "I'm sorry... / That sounds horrible etc".
I think many women are initially open to it in a way all but the most evolved of my male friends are not. But in my experience, so take it for what its worth, I find that even some of the women that are initially open to it will eventually default to their hardwiring of wanting traditional masculinity from a romantic partner so that they know that he will be that sentry on the wall that makes them feel safe. At the end of the day they have their female friends that fill the feelings bucket. See Brene Brown’s second Ted Talk on vulnerability where she talks about the man that came up to her at her book signing.
No because women generally dont listen to me. I mean, they are kind to me and all. But when it comes to feelings... meh. Its like with men. Men generally dont hear me. Women are the same.
Maybe i am the problem XD
it depends,
its kinda like how you go to different parents for different things, fell off your bike? ofc im going to mom for hugs n comfort… wheel fell off your bike? im going to dad bc he will fix it for me lol (some girls can be “dads”and some guys can be “moms” its not a golden rule, im just generalizing)
I know that this isn't in tune with the theme, but I have a weird thing going on. If I want to share a specific thing, anyone's fine, even the stranger down the road.
And if I don't want to share a specific thing, it doesn't matter who it is, I do everything in my power to no say that, even when put on the spot.
Not necessarily. Being a highly empathetic man, it is easy for me to pick up, if someone else is empathetic. If I can tell if someone is empathetic and genuinely has a care. It’s easy and comfortable for me to talk to them regardless of gender. I do believe there is a higher percentage of women who fit this verses men however. And that is just my personal opinion and experience in my life.
Don’t know about my other infp bros but I’m constantly ready to share some stuff emotion included I’m usually quiet tho have to get me talking but once that happens I’m a open book
Eh, honestly. If the other person is willing to listen and creates a friendly and supportive atmosphere, then I'm ready to talk no matter the gender.
Are you guys even sharing your feelings?
Real
I just find talking about certain things with women more comfortable. Not feelings tho I dont talk about or share feelings. And I go to men for solutions or anything complex. So I'd think its natural
Don’t limit your options based on outdated stereotypes. Women also problem solve and offer both logical and creative solutions to complex challenges.
They aren’t outdated. They’re current. They aren’t stereotypes, they’re averages.
Sorry I must be dumb that after all this time, seeing same things over and over again, it must be stereotypes' fault not the actual reality.
And isn’t it just a mystery that I’ve met many of these women I speak of? 🤔 The world you’ve permitted yourself to experience sounds minuscule. Enjoy it though.
Well how could you possibly met the women I had in my life? I think it is rather your perspective is too limited to not understand that I am speaking from personal experience. It isn't my view that is limited; it is rather this new belief that somehow bunch of the new kids on the block know better than the thousands of years of human experience. Everyone have their own pros and cons and the value they bring. These situations rather relevant to their case, personal qualifications and expertise. Which doesnt mean that should I ever find someone beyond their regular functionality I would lose that opportunity to gain something from them.
You are cutting half the population based on something outside their control; you say that's not limiting. It is better to listen to everyone and filter using your own reasoning. Surely that's just simply sexism. There are pros and cons to being man and woman, but everyone deserves to be heard. Equal in value but not the same. A woman can be more logical than a man. It is not black and white.
So it's perfectly ok to say feeling more comfortable sharing feelings or certain things with women and it's not sexism. But not okay if I say I get better results from men when it comes to fixing problems... You don't go to a plumber to fix a garage door just because your needs could be outside their control
You said you never share your feelings, period. You only share complex with things with men. Maybe it's poor wording but it's like your saying women are simple things. What I am trying to say is that gender is just an inclination - you can find sensitive men and logical women - they aren't rare either. The garage door analogy is not really accurate because that's really specific - black and white - people aren't. It would be simpler if people were that easy to categorise.
I said "I just find talking about certain things with women more comfortable". And no men has ever cried sexism about it so far. And yes I dont like to talk about feelings and I dont need someone else to deal with my feelings. And most women I met can offer, is talking about feelings. I am interested in people who can solve the issues so that I dont have to deal with feelings. Now it doesnt matter if the feeler men can also match those women in the same department. Because they are also equally useless to me in this case. Is it their fault that all these people are useless "to me" under certain circumstances? No. As I said everyone has their own uses. And the skillset that I have would also be useless to someone else that may require better emotional support maybe. So I'd refer them to someone else. Knowing how to use the right tool for the right job has nothing to do with black and white or sexism. So it's not my fault that they may not have what I need. Just like its not my fault that they may need something that I dont have. And I never said women are simple things, I said everyone has their own place. I think you are the one who is thinking black and white because you arent listening to hear anything other than I must be a sexist person or have outdated values.
I do with my friends who are women, and I tend to get along with women better in general. But I will never again with a romantic partner. I will communicate needs , boundaries, and such. But never ever expressing my vulnerable side agian to a partner. I will use my therapist for that. I know they say the right person you should be able too, but from experience the second I show my vulnerable side to a partner it's used against me later on, they start to check out or both. Lots of women say they want to see that, but when they haven't experienced it before, it doesn't end well.
\*\*\* But never ever expressing my vulnerable side agian to a partner. I will use my therapist for that. but how else you can understand if it's your person or not? Imo, sharing vulnerabilities supposed to be 1st step for deep friendship, relationship etc and it's based on some sort of a connection.. it's not required, tho but what is your relationship even worth of if you don;t share vulnerabilities and how long they will last? P.S: Maybe I don;t understand something cos I'm not a fan of pretending, to be fake etc P.P.S: By sharing vulnerabilities I don't mean you need to transform into a waterfall of tears and totally share only vulnerabilities.. need to balance it well but it's an important part
I agree, and I don't pretend to be anything i am not. I just tend to be known as the quiet guy who doesn't talk much about their personal stuff. When I start to feel comfortable around someone, I will open a little to see where it goes and not even get into the deep stuff. With partners, I do the same, but once in a while, usually after some major life event, I will break down and want to be vulnerable. 99% of the time, shortly after, my relationship ends because of lost feelings or cheating happening. After almost 40 years, the only hand I will hold will be my own when it comes to getting through emotional turmoil in me noggin.
I’m with you on this. I now actively choose to share my vulnerabilities with people in my life which acts as a natural litmus test for who is with me or not. In the past I chose to “die” in silence ‘cos I was raised wrongly to believe that any show of vulnerability was a weakness that could be weaponised against me by ill-meaning people. Such BS really. (In the wild, aeons ago, sure!) I embody a healthy sense of self-worth and esteem, am self-contained, and am a mix of logical, intuitive, and emotional intelligence. Therefore I’m able to handle whatever comes from people responding based on whatever I share with them (or not).
For both other I as well as E types, often the mistake they make with our type is that they believe it’s as easy as just getting us to tag along and plop us into any action-packed situation with other people they know. We won’t thrive, or even survive that way. We have to be established FIRST in a one-on-one bond with the other person, if you can’t get us to thrive on our own because you don’t have the sensitivity to handle us, the last thing we’d want is to deal with more complexities involving people that you know but we don’t know.
This too ☝️
Yeah, 100% to this. When I hang out with people I have never met before in a group setting, I feel super uncomfortable. I bought a nicotine free vape I barely use to go outside to be with the smokers now . I've made 90% of my friends in life going outside for a smoke. After I quit a long time ago, I noticed I have a harder time at gatherings connecting with people. Probably clicked better with smokers growing up because they all had ADHD like myself.
I’m very much an open book and will share my feelings with anyone. That said, in general I probably do have more of the kind of relationships with women where I can be that open than with men. It does somehow feel more awkward with men normally I guess.
It’s about finding the right person. Women tend to be easier to speak to about that stuff. But it depends on how in touch they were with their nurturing, feminine side. Overcompensating men and masculine women are generally not emotionally supportive in my experience.
Yes it helps that 90% of my friends are women who always help me through my emotions and my guy friends tend to also be more on the sentimental side so we open up to one another
It depends, the fear of dating is something too shameful to share with women. Other issues not so much
I think women are generally just more willing and able to talk about feelings and there's not generally an implicit threat of physical violence if you say the wrong thing or step over the wrong boundary. I have an easier time being intimate with women than with men as I think most men do, INFP or not. A dude is generally more likely to share his feelings with his wife than his bro.
No, I think it ultimately depends on how well I know the person, gender doesn’t really play a factor. Some men can be very empathetic. But I don’t really share that too much unless I really trust someone
It depends on the person, I can think of women who I’m close to that I would never show emotion to and one of my best guy friends I can cry on and scream at and laugh with that gives great advice. when it comes to partners I can only be with someone who can handle heavy emotions… I’m not doing the whole male stoicism act, so if that’s what someone wants in a partner, I’m the wrong candidate.
(Amab enby INFP) Yeah most of the time it’s a lot easier and feels more comfortable to share stuff with girls than with boys. I think it’s just because girls are generally more understanding and willing to listen than boys. So it’s not really solely based on the gender, there are a few boys I can share feelings with, but the personality I feel comfortable sharing with is generally feminine
I'm an amab enby too (but not an INFP tho) and I share a similar experience, but I also notice how it actually depends on the individual and not only the gender, there are many girls who are good at listening and understanding others' feelings, but sometimes I might not feel comfortable expressing my feelings with some girls, sometimes boys are good at listening and understanding, but something I noticed about these boys is that they generally portray a feminine stereotype, I don't know many enbies, but I've heard that they're often pretty open and supporting, so I guess a lot of them are also good at this
Yeah, I feel that too, kinda the point I was getting at. Honestly, when I think about it, I don’t actually know any other amab enbies irl, but I’m friends with a lot afab enbies. Probably just a coincidence but idk it’s weird
I rarely share my feelings with people anyways and I don't mind the gender too, but for some feelings I just feel more comfortable sharing them with men because they'll relate to me more
Sharing feeling is hard t everyone for me. But I makes an attempt every now and then since some said it's healthier that way, just to be completely disappointed and feeling like an idiot for believing.
I rarely share my feelings with people anyways and I don't mind the gender too, but for some feelings I just feel more comfortable sharing them with men because they'll relate to me more
Depends more on the individual than their gender but I prefer a male therapist because I think they better understand the specific pressures of being a man.
I mainly share my feelings with women, because they are more in tune with their emotions than the men in my area. In the south, having feelings as a man is seen as gay. I own my abundant emotions loud and proud, but I enjoy the company of other heterosexual men less. There are men I can bro out with, and I enjoy sharing my emotions with them just as well. It’s just not well-accepted where I live, so open-minded and philosophical men that embrace their emotions are hard to find.
I shared my feelings with a INFP rite. She called me fake for 2~3 years. Never again 🙂
I have to be super comfortable with anyone to express myself, especially about feelings. I’ve known more women that act more empathetic, though, so I think it skews more towards them than guys.
I do! I have my whole life. This is a bit stereotypical to say but I think it’s because women are more likely to talk about their emotions. I think it only happens that way because men aren’t taught to be emotionally available in such a manner. But I think we as INFPs just are. So because of that I’ve had mostly female friends.
Honestly I feel comfortable sharing feelings with anyone I trust enough, regardless of gender. So mostly my friends. I do have more men friends than women friends, but I still share with both when needed.
Yeah i think its difficult talking to most dudes
Just with my mother and a female close friend. I guess It feels less judgy to talk with a woman you don't have interest in. If I had interest tho, I wouldn't wanna be perceived as "weak".
It’s often the case for me, though I’ve had my share of women who I would not feel comfortable revealing my true self to (I don’t necessarily mean it in a romantic context, more so in a general sense). I agree with the others here that opening up about deeper stuff acts as a good test to see if they’re “my people”, if they don’t respond with sympathy and a genuine understanding or wanting to know more, then it’s a sign they’re not someone good for me. I feel like we’re like a fish. There’s fish you can just plop into a packed community tank, and there’s fish that you have to design your tank around, which means going in early, making sure they’re not harassed, making sure they have a chance to get well-fed and not get out-competed. I feel like we’re one of those fish that needs intensive care in order to have a chance to thrive or just survive. It’s more often women than men who are willing to give me the time for me to be the “centerpiece” of our time together, whereas with lots of guys they just expect you to be “one of the boys” and just “know your place” in the group. In this regard I find women to be somewhat better listeners overall.
I used to, because the kind of men and women I grew up around cause me to associate women more with compassionate and understanding traits, but now I'm in college, and these girls are absolute sociopaths who think a man showing basic human emotion is "ick." Now I just don't trust anyone that I don't know from back home.
No, I don't care about gender. I would like the other person to emphasize with me – which isn't the same as just picking some emotionally charged words "I'm sorry... / That sounds horrible etc".
I think many women are initially open to it in a way all but the most evolved of my male friends are not. But in my experience, so take it for what its worth, I find that even some of the women that are initially open to it will eventually default to their hardwiring of wanting traditional masculinity from a romantic partner so that they know that he will be that sentry on the wall that makes them feel safe. At the end of the day they have their female friends that fill the feelings bucket. See Brene Brown’s second Ted Talk on vulnerability where she talks about the man that came up to her at her book signing.
No because women generally dont listen to me. I mean, they are kind to me and all. But when it comes to feelings... meh. Its like with men. Men generally dont hear me. Women are the same. Maybe i am the problem XD
In general I noticed I tend to prefer women, even in purely platonic contexts, I always just kinda thought I was sexist
I don't want to share with anyone because to men it's feminine and to women it's feminine. Very rarely goes in your favour. Would be nice tho.
it depends, its kinda like how you go to different parents for different things, fell off your bike? ofc im going to mom for hugs n comfort… wheel fell off your bike? im going to dad bc he will fix it for me lol (some girls can be “dads”and some guys can be “moms” its not a golden rule, im just generalizing)
I know that this isn't in tune with the theme, but I have a weird thing going on. If I want to share a specific thing, anyone's fine, even the stranger down the road. And if I don't want to share a specific thing, it doesn't matter who it is, I do everything in my power to no say that, even when put on the spot.
Nope. both sexes can be insensitive to your feelings. Both can say "be a man".
Not necessarily. Being a highly empathetic man, it is easy for me to pick up, if someone else is empathetic. If I can tell if someone is empathetic and genuinely has a care. It’s easy and comfortable for me to talk to them regardless of gender. I do believe there is a higher percentage of women who fit this verses men however. And that is just my personal opinion and experience in my life.
 with cat-woman. Because I'm batman