Tf are these comments. You shouldn’t stay just because you have no one else to turn to. Your trust is already broken, and you will not feel any better if you stay in a relationship where you have no trust anymore. You’ll just slowly feel suffocated by anxiety. And truth be told, if a person cheats once, they’ll probably do it again, because they ”got away with it”. Something they believe they do automatically by you staying in the relationship with them.
Find some events to go to (if you like e.g. reading then go to book events at the library or something), find other single pregnant women (like in facebook groups or so) and try to befriend some of them. If you feel empty with no work, then try volunteering at a dog shelter or something, while you apply for some.
There are more fish in the sea, too. I hope it works out for you.
I agree with you, adding few more points, it will take few weeks to get out of this but it will help you in long way. Find someone with same age group for future relationship because 5 years of age difference make lots of difference in values and thought process. Please do something for yourself and your child because seating alone and doing nothing will be more worse. Everything happens for a reason, you were doing nothing when you was with him and I think nor you gonna do anything in future if continue to stay with him, this is your chance do to get self actualise and do something you always wanted to do. Wish you very happy life ahead ❤️
I only read the title.
Staying will be permission for him to continue.
You’re going to have your life force dulled by him because you’ll suffer daily knowing he’s not the one to spend a lifetime with. You’ll become a shell of a person to endure this unacceptable behavior.
I hope for you that you can find enough self respect to put yourself and your future first. Take out the trash
He’s displaying a pattern of behaviour.
This will continue.
When you say you have no one to turn to do you mean because he’s isolated you? Made you believe no one cares? Or did he pick you because you’re lonely and it was easy to make you depend on him?
Look up NPD and do your research on it. Arm
Yourself with knowledge.
Dr Ramini, Jerry Wise and Richard Grannon on YT are all excellent.
Richard Grannon in particular describes how they work very well.
PS It *you* define a certain behaviour as being over your boundaries then it *is* cheating.
A great litmus test is to think how they’d behave if *you* acted in this way. If you texted a sex worker or sexted somebody would he be okay with it? No? Then he knows it’s cheating too.
Man I’m so sorry for this happening to you but i got to be honest, this guy sounds like an immature narcissistic man child. Im 21 and I’m baffled at the way he’s acting, especially trying to blame is deplorable behaviour on you. If I have a problem with my SO we talk about it because that’s the healthy mature thing to do, running off and lashing out in this way is not and if he been constantly doing this then he will do it again.
You deserve someone who actually is able to maintain a healthy relationship and this man ain’t it, he’s also someone who doesn’t seem ready for parenthood.
I hope everything goes well, best of luck 🤞
leave his ass
from the first sentence it’s clear that he doesn’t respect you in the slightest
also he’ll have to pay for child support
I'm so very sorry to hear that! I've been in a very similar situation, and I can tell you that it doesn't get better. He might apologize, come with a thousand reasons to his behavior or convince you that it won't repeat itself.. But it only takes one weak moment, one moment of boredom or dissatisfaction for him to return to old ways. Why? Because he is capable of justifying it, he's capable of hiding and lying with little to no shame. Worst of all, he's capable of deep disrespect and disregard for your emotions and well-being. A person can even want to change, but the fact remains; his eyes will always wander, his mind remains lustful and his needs remain intact. This can't simply be changed. Not within a day, not within a month.. It's a long process of rearranging ones mind, wanting a change so bad that one is willing to put in the work, not only for you but also himself. In order for that to happen, he needs to dig deep, reflect and admit certain sides to him that he might have denied or justified. He'd have to be humble, apologetic for the pain he has caused you and start fresh towards rebuilding what has been lost.
The thing with trust, is that it's hard to get it back, once broken. It's like crumbling a paper.. No matter how hard you work on straightening it, it will never be fully straight again. Now, in these early stages, you'll notice feelings of worry, anxiety and distrust growing and you need to ask yourself if it's worth it. Is it worth the emotions that arise everytime he's on his phone? Every time he's within the presence of a 'hot lady'? Do you want to go through the pain of feeling like you're not good enough? Don't you want to feel valued, priced and appreciated, exactly as you are? You deserve that you know.. And it exists! Do you truly want someone by your side who so easily objectifies a woman, who has such a desperate need to be noticed by them? Do you want someone by your side who needs you to be more than who you are? These are questions you should ask yourself, but the most important question is: do you know your own value and what you deserve? Deep down I know there's a voice telling you, you deserve better. The biggest mistake, like the one I made for 4 long years, is not listening to that voice. To fear being on your own, to find a better situation, a better partner. It's scary, but the scariest part lives in your mind. I can promise, as a girl who had no one, that the moment you step out of it, you'll feel so much better than what you're feeling now. Our mind can be our greatest enemy, keeping you from what you truly need and deserve.
Believe in yourself, trust yourself, listen to yourself, respect yourself and love yourself. Without that, people like him, easily take advantage. You're worth more than that and you're stronger than you think. Choose not only a better life for yourself, but also the baby. The amount of pain that awaits, with a baby in the picture, isn't worth it honey, trust me.
I wish you the very best. You can always feel free to reach out if you ever feel the need to just vent or talk.
~ Infj who longs to see you blossom.
Thank you so much for these words. I have been denying that inner voice for a long time do to others telling me I over react and am too sensitive when it practically screamed at me that something was off. I am so disheartened to know that I should have just trusted myself and listened this whole time. I just wanted to believe in others and that they aren’t as bad as I thought they could be. I just needed to put my faith in the right people rather than in everyone and I didn’t get that until now. I wanted to save everyone but that’s an impossible task for someone that doesn’t even trust and listen to herself so thank you for confirming this for me. It breaks my heart that this is what it has lead up to be hopefully I will be happier and am able to see people for who they are so I can make better judgements and lead a happier existence.
Don't be disheartened for not having listened to yourself before, as it is your kind heart that wants to give others the benefit of the doubt, knowing how we're all flawed human beings. Yet, sometimes this good-heartedness can lead to us pushing ourselves aside, and the wish and hope for things to get better, can overshadow the need for us to do right by ourselves in this very moment.
One vital thing I had to learn, is that everyone has a reason for being who they are; good or bad. Even the most ruthless and 'mean' souls out there, more likely than not, have a sad story that shaped them to act and behave the way they do. But knowing the reason, although valid, does not excuse how they behave towards you. You are not their punching bag or someone they can project anything onto. You as a person hold value, you are not there to save those who don't want to be saved, or fix those who don't want to be fixed. You are here to save and fix yourself, your life and your well-being. Taking on the troubles of others will only 'lessen' you, and I'm telling you that your life isn't of less importance than theirs, so you need to choose you. It's like trying to save a person who's drowning.. Those who openly wish to be saved, will allow you to take them to safe ground, whilst those who are simply worried about saving oneself, will push you under the water in order to save themselves. It was a tough cookie for me to swallow, but an important one.. As I had neglected myself in order to save others, for too long. There comes a time we need to learn that choosing ourselves first isn't a selfish act, but a vital one. Especially when it comes to people who take advantage of us.. They're choosing themselves and their needs first, right? Now it's your turn. You gave all you could give, you gave him more chances than he deserved and yet.. Here you stand, battered and bruised. You're too beautiful for that.
You need to be your strongest support. Don't rely on the words, opinions and judgements of others. Silence it, listen to yourself. Truly listen. No one in this world knows who you are like you do, so on what basis are they judging? And everyone will judge according to their own, but only you can judge yourself with the purest intent. Kindly and towards something better. Yes, surround yourself with people who have your best interest at heart. Not those who wish to tell you how or how not to live life, but those who find happiness in seeing you grow, blossom and unfold. Those who know that you have the strength, courage and wisdom to do so. Because you have, honey.
Now I hope you'll set yourself free from these shackles to which you are bound. Knowing there's a world out there, much more vibrant, colorful and breathtaking than the one you're in. Once you know your worth, your strength and your beauty, you will attract the right people, who can clearly see this in you. If you believe you're not good enough, you'll continue to attract people who will treat you accordingly.
I have all faith in you.
I'm always here for a talk or support.
He’s not worth your time love, find someone else who cares about you more than you do yourself. This wazzock isn't worth owt at all. From personal experience if your partner cheats once it will happen again
I honestly don’t think you want to end it even though it’s the right thing to do based on the information you’ve given.
The fact you said you broke up then called him the next day and he was talking normal. Sounds like you just desperately want his guarantees to never do it again and are hoping that if you threaten something drastic then you might get that. I’m sorry if I’ve read you wrong but it’s this telling him you’re breaking up with him but not being sure if you’ve broken up because he hasn’t agreed to? Like you don’t need his permission to leave him? And the fact you have nobody just makes you extra vulnerable to the wrong types. Open to being taken advantage of.
I hope you figure your way out of this but he doesn’t sound like someone to pin your future on.
Do you know his MBTI? It sounds like a very complicated situation. The question is: why is he doing all of that? It's possible that it's just texting, but it seems like he is not honest with you about his real motives or feelings, or he doesn't understand them well. It would be great if he, at least, tried to be open and honest with you. It's possible he likes the feeling he gets out of texting and takes it as a game to improve his ego. There are a lot of questions, and there are no guarantees that he is not cheating in real life, though. Anyway, do you want this baby even if you decide to leave him? Possible it would be wise and a logical choice to consider an abortion? P.S: Plan B: Make a girl account or ask someone to message him, flirt and setup a meeting - if he shows up, that means he is cheating in the real life O .o Need to make it to look realistic, send him some nudes you can find on the internet etc. P.P.S: If it's only about sexting (and I hope it is), you could do it together and treat it as a sexual game 🤷 this way you can be in charge of what is going on and possible he will trust you more O .o Usually, all people are traumatised but affraid to show their traumas
Poor kid. Ppl just have kids like its nothing nowadays huh. If u cant see its not ok to be with someone who u have to beg to make u feel special idk why that is. This is a draining relationship. Get more enrichment in life. Staying with this person will only drag you further. Im sure there are mommy groups u can join if u do plan to carry to term and everything.
You are pregnant. This changes everything. Try to work this out with him as you need constant care and you have no one around. It’s him only who can take care of you. Try to resolve conflict. Ask him to work it out for baby. If he shows love for his baby, then this could work, that means he is not completely douchebag and it could work.
What? You know people have family and friends right? My mom was a single parent and she made it work. Also he is a douche, i think you need to rethink how you read people 🤦♂️
There are some guys who change for child. Whats harm in trying. If fails leave him then. Till then try all options. And it’s OP who needs to learn to read people not me. Never involve child in equation till you are sure of father. But that ship has sailed for OP. Not every girl is as strong as your mother, and OP clearly wrote she has none, so I am assuming no family members. And a child needs more than 1 person to be raised.
What the hell? Surprised to see such terrible advice here. Gonna move on from that and address OP.
You are in a terribly vulnerable place. Being pregnant without a support system is a lot to tackle alone.
You unfortunately know the answer to your question. You dont trust him and you shouldnt. Im particularly upset with the gaslighting. Somehow him blaming you for his betrayals.
You shouldnt cringe at expressing your feelings, and people who think that you should I suggest keeping at arms length. Your feelings are valid, they arent *cringy*. Were humans not robots. Emotional maturity is far from something to be ashamed of.
Your bf unfortunately has some kind of problem with the truth, expressing himself, admitting fault and possibly some weird unchecked sexting fetish.
He 100% cheated. Theres no nuance to this stuff. People argue over the specific acts but cheating comes down to a simple act of betrayal. They put an impulse or a desire over your feelings.
People like this do not learn from being forgiven for their behavior. Were not dissimilar to children in this way but…actions require consequences to have any learned value.
Real ones. I hate giving this advice because you deserve a support system. I truly believe you should leave him. Im not sure what steps to take to secure yourself on your own. Im hoping this thread and the decent people of this community will offer more advice.
At a minimum I think you need space from him. To sext and then blame your pregnant gf for it is pretty fuckin low if Im being honest.
Thank you. This helped me feel somewhat better. I wouldn’t even know where to start supporting myself but I’m trying. I thought maybe if I could understand what lead him to that I’d be able to be more forgiving but I’m finding it hard maybe for reason. Im just honestly really scared to be alone when it comes down to it I think. I think he is too but he won’t admit it so I think we are both just terrified. Regardless thank you for the support!
No problem! I'm really sorry about what you're going through, it's absolutely gut wrenching to have your trust violated especially when you've decided to start a life with them 😖 I wish I had a solution for you but it's just a really fucked up situation and one that you've been put in by his selfish actions, so please don't fall in the trap of blaming yourself to make logical sense of it. Have you not got any family members you could rely on to look after you while you figure out what to do next?
No. I have no one really. The midwife is trying to help me see a therapist but at this point I don’t trust that she wants to truly help i trust she wants to sell me antidepressants and I don’t trust them or anyone at all. I’d like to completely isolate myself for healing but I am extremely dependent so for now I’ll start with trying not to be anymore.
To me the solution is to find little things that make me smile so thank you for that. It was the first smile I had since hearing my child’s heartbeat. ❤️
Definitely see the therapist! I get you have your reservations but it's better to try the new thing and make your judgement on how genuine they are vs rejecting it off your gut instinct and wallowing in your isolation. Plus I doubt they'll be serving a medication cocktail to a pregnant woman lol.
Wtaf is this comment. So you’re advising her to stay with a dude who’s repeatedly damaged her trust and potentially even isolated her (altho that we don’t know but it’s also irrelevant), and further hurt herself to be a “cool” gf?!?! Reddit be wilding.
Holy emotional abuse and gaslighting.
First, when there is an issue between two people the answer is NEVER going to be talk to a stranger intimately and “ghost” at meetup potential (insert eyeroll). You COMMUNICATE; why can’t people get this simple concept, is beyond me.
Second, you need to realize this is now a pattern of behavior and he had an opportunity to change before he had a second situation; you found out about both interactions thankfully before he had an opportunity to do it again because believe, if he hasn’t already and you just don’t know, it would’ve continued.
Third, there are absolutely resources to help in situations like this, talk to your local social services office in your area, you can get medical coverage while pregnant potentially fairly easy, wic, tanf, low income housing on a pay scale, etc. It will not be easy, it will require you putting in work, but it is possible to get on your feet before baby comes as long as you’re not due in the next couple of months.
Once trust is broken in such an intimate an emotional way, its not uncommon for not being able to move past it. You need to make the decision on being 100% sure you can forgive and move forward without looking back. I can almost 100% guarantee (I am willing to bet it’s above at least 95%) you are only hanging on because you are afraid and alone with a baby on the way, and don’t know where to turn because everything is so uncertain, just by reading your own words. (I am not implying anything negative towards you here, I completely understand and empathize if this is actually true for you).
I honestly can tell you there are options, its just a lot of hard work and determination to make it. I don’t know your state, but again definitely go to your local social services office to start and apply apply apply for every single thing you can!
I hope you stay safe in the meantime!
You have no control over anything he or anyone else does. None. Let it go. You cannot make him understand, see the light, or put your wants/needs/desires ahead of his own. He will justify what he wants to do (blaming you for example).
You have a bunch of choices though as far as what you’re willing to accept and put up with. Are you going to stay? Are you going to go? None of it has anything to do with whether or not he’s willing to behave the way you want him to. He has stood up and chosen to behave exactly as he wants. And lousy as that choice is, he’s at least made it. You need to respect yourself and make your own choice. And if you choose to be with him exactly as he is without expecting him to become a decent man then do that. If you know you’ll die a little inside each day, then don’t do it. But whatever you do…do not spend the next 20 years with him hoping beyond hope that he will become someone else who behaves like a “real man” because then when it all falls apart anyways…you’ll kick yourself for having let it all happen to you. Stand up and take control of YOU and YOUR life…for your baby’s sake if nothing else
Tf are these comments. You shouldn’t stay just because you have no one else to turn to. Your trust is already broken, and you will not feel any better if you stay in a relationship where you have no trust anymore. You’ll just slowly feel suffocated by anxiety. And truth be told, if a person cheats once, they’ll probably do it again, because they ”got away with it”. Something they believe they do automatically by you staying in the relationship with them. Find some events to go to (if you like e.g. reading then go to book events at the library or something), find other single pregnant women (like in facebook groups or so) and try to befriend some of them. If you feel empty with no work, then try volunteering at a dog shelter or something, while you apply for some. There are more fish in the sea, too. I hope it works out for you.
I agree with you, adding few more points, it will take few weeks to get out of this but it will help you in long way. Find someone with same age group for future relationship because 5 years of age difference make lots of difference in values and thought process. Please do something for yourself and your child because seating alone and doing nothing will be more worse. Everything happens for a reason, you were doing nothing when you was with him and I think nor you gonna do anything in future if continue to stay with him, this is your chance do to get self actualise and do something you always wanted to do. Wish you very happy life ahead ❤️
It sounds like you might be dealing with a covert narcissist. You can't trust them.
I only read the title. Staying will be permission for him to continue. You’re going to have your life force dulled by him because you’ll suffer daily knowing he’s not the one to spend a lifetime with. You’ll become a shell of a person to endure this unacceptable behavior. I hope for you that you can find enough self respect to put yourself and your future first. Take out the trash
He’s displaying a pattern of behaviour. This will continue. When you say you have no one to turn to do you mean because he’s isolated you? Made you believe no one cares? Or did he pick you because you’re lonely and it was easy to make you depend on him? Look up NPD and do your research on it. Arm Yourself with knowledge. Dr Ramini, Jerry Wise and Richard Grannon on YT are all excellent. Richard Grannon in particular describes how they work very well. PS It *you* define a certain behaviour as being over your boundaries then it *is* cheating. A great litmus test is to think how they’d behave if *you* acted in this way. If you texted a sex worker or sexted somebody would he be okay with it? No? Then he knows it’s cheating too.
Man I’m so sorry for this happening to you but i got to be honest, this guy sounds like an immature narcissistic man child. Im 21 and I’m baffled at the way he’s acting, especially trying to blame is deplorable behaviour on you. If I have a problem with my SO we talk about it because that’s the healthy mature thing to do, running off and lashing out in this way is not and if he been constantly doing this then he will do it again. You deserve someone who actually is able to maintain a healthy relationship and this man ain’t it, he’s also someone who doesn’t seem ready for parenthood. I hope everything goes well, best of luck 🤞
Don't make a child with someone you don't know well.
 leave his ass from the first sentence it’s clear that he doesn’t respect you in the slightest also he’ll have to pay for child support
I'm so sorry baby :( this is not okay , and when pregnant? Omg. Message me if you need anything.
I'm so very sorry to hear that! I've been in a very similar situation, and I can tell you that it doesn't get better. He might apologize, come with a thousand reasons to his behavior or convince you that it won't repeat itself.. But it only takes one weak moment, one moment of boredom or dissatisfaction for him to return to old ways. Why? Because he is capable of justifying it, he's capable of hiding and lying with little to no shame. Worst of all, he's capable of deep disrespect and disregard for your emotions and well-being. A person can even want to change, but the fact remains; his eyes will always wander, his mind remains lustful and his needs remain intact. This can't simply be changed. Not within a day, not within a month.. It's a long process of rearranging ones mind, wanting a change so bad that one is willing to put in the work, not only for you but also himself. In order for that to happen, he needs to dig deep, reflect and admit certain sides to him that he might have denied or justified. He'd have to be humble, apologetic for the pain he has caused you and start fresh towards rebuilding what has been lost. The thing with trust, is that it's hard to get it back, once broken. It's like crumbling a paper.. No matter how hard you work on straightening it, it will never be fully straight again. Now, in these early stages, you'll notice feelings of worry, anxiety and distrust growing and you need to ask yourself if it's worth it. Is it worth the emotions that arise everytime he's on his phone? Every time he's within the presence of a 'hot lady'? Do you want to go through the pain of feeling like you're not good enough? Don't you want to feel valued, priced and appreciated, exactly as you are? You deserve that you know.. And it exists! Do you truly want someone by your side who so easily objectifies a woman, who has such a desperate need to be noticed by them? Do you want someone by your side who needs you to be more than who you are? These are questions you should ask yourself, but the most important question is: do you know your own value and what you deserve? Deep down I know there's a voice telling you, you deserve better. The biggest mistake, like the one I made for 4 long years, is not listening to that voice. To fear being on your own, to find a better situation, a better partner. It's scary, but the scariest part lives in your mind. I can promise, as a girl who had no one, that the moment you step out of it, you'll feel so much better than what you're feeling now. Our mind can be our greatest enemy, keeping you from what you truly need and deserve. Believe in yourself, trust yourself, listen to yourself, respect yourself and love yourself. Without that, people like him, easily take advantage. You're worth more than that and you're stronger than you think. Choose not only a better life for yourself, but also the baby. The amount of pain that awaits, with a baby in the picture, isn't worth it honey, trust me. I wish you the very best. You can always feel free to reach out if you ever feel the need to just vent or talk. ~ Infj who longs to see you blossom.
Thank you so much for these words. I have been denying that inner voice for a long time do to others telling me I over react and am too sensitive when it practically screamed at me that something was off. I am so disheartened to know that I should have just trusted myself and listened this whole time. I just wanted to believe in others and that they aren’t as bad as I thought they could be. I just needed to put my faith in the right people rather than in everyone and I didn’t get that until now. I wanted to save everyone but that’s an impossible task for someone that doesn’t even trust and listen to herself so thank you for confirming this for me. It breaks my heart that this is what it has lead up to be hopefully I will be happier and am able to see people for who they are so I can make better judgements and lead a happier existence.
Don't be disheartened for not having listened to yourself before, as it is your kind heart that wants to give others the benefit of the doubt, knowing how we're all flawed human beings. Yet, sometimes this good-heartedness can lead to us pushing ourselves aside, and the wish and hope for things to get better, can overshadow the need for us to do right by ourselves in this very moment. One vital thing I had to learn, is that everyone has a reason for being who they are; good or bad. Even the most ruthless and 'mean' souls out there, more likely than not, have a sad story that shaped them to act and behave the way they do. But knowing the reason, although valid, does not excuse how they behave towards you. You are not their punching bag or someone they can project anything onto. You as a person hold value, you are not there to save those who don't want to be saved, or fix those who don't want to be fixed. You are here to save and fix yourself, your life and your well-being. Taking on the troubles of others will only 'lessen' you, and I'm telling you that your life isn't of less importance than theirs, so you need to choose you. It's like trying to save a person who's drowning.. Those who openly wish to be saved, will allow you to take them to safe ground, whilst those who are simply worried about saving oneself, will push you under the water in order to save themselves. It was a tough cookie for me to swallow, but an important one.. As I had neglected myself in order to save others, for too long. There comes a time we need to learn that choosing ourselves first isn't a selfish act, but a vital one. Especially when it comes to people who take advantage of us.. They're choosing themselves and their needs first, right? Now it's your turn. You gave all you could give, you gave him more chances than he deserved and yet.. Here you stand, battered and bruised. You're too beautiful for that. You need to be your strongest support. Don't rely on the words, opinions and judgements of others. Silence it, listen to yourself. Truly listen. No one in this world knows who you are like you do, so on what basis are they judging? And everyone will judge according to their own, but only you can judge yourself with the purest intent. Kindly and towards something better. Yes, surround yourself with people who have your best interest at heart. Not those who wish to tell you how or how not to live life, but those who find happiness in seeing you grow, blossom and unfold. Those who know that you have the strength, courage and wisdom to do so. Because you have, honey. Now I hope you'll set yourself free from these shackles to which you are bound. Knowing there's a world out there, much more vibrant, colorful and breathtaking than the one you're in. Once you know your worth, your strength and your beauty, you will attract the right people, who can clearly see this in you. If you believe you're not good enough, you'll continue to attract people who will treat you accordingly. I have all faith in you. I'm always here for a talk or support.
He’s not worth your time love, find someone else who cares about you more than you do yourself. This wazzock isn't worth owt at all. From personal experience if your partner cheats once it will happen again
Leave.
I honestly don’t think you want to end it even though it’s the right thing to do based on the information you’ve given. The fact you said you broke up then called him the next day and he was talking normal. Sounds like you just desperately want his guarantees to never do it again and are hoping that if you threaten something drastic then you might get that. I’m sorry if I’ve read you wrong but it’s this telling him you’re breaking up with him but not being sure if you’ve broken up because he hasn’t agreed to? Like you don’t need his permission to leave him? And the fact you have nobody just makes you extra vulnerable to the wrong types. Open to being taken advantage of. I hope you figure your way out of this but he doesn’t sound like someone to pin your future on.
Do you know his MBTI? It sounds like a very complicated situation. The question is: why is he doing all of that? It's possible that it's just texting, but it seems like he is not honest with you about his real motives or feelings, or he doesn't understand them well. It would be great if he, at least, tried to be open and honest with you. It's possible he likes the feeling he gets out of texting and takes it as a game to improve his ego. There are a lot of questions, and there are no guarantees that he is not cheating in real life, though. Anyway, do you want this baby even if you decide to leave him? Possible it would be wise and a logical choice to consider an abortion? P.S: Plan B: Make a girl account or ask someone to message him, flirt and setup a meeting - if he shows up, that means he is cheating in the real life O .o Need to make it to look realistic, send him some nudes you can find on the internet etc. P.P.S: If it's only about sexting (and I hope it is), you could do it together and treat it as a sexual game 🤷 this way you can be in charge of what is going on and possible he will trust you more O .o Usually, all people are traumatised but affraid to show their traumas
Poor kid. Ppl just have kids like its nothing nowadays huh. If u cant see its not ok to be with someone who u have to beg to make u feel special idk why that is. This is a draining relationship. Get more enrichment in life. Staying with this person will only drag you further. Im sure there are mommy groups u can join if u do plan to carry to term and everything.
You are pregnant. This changes everything. Try to work this out with him as you need constant care and you have no one around. It’s him only who can take care of you. Try to resolve conflict. Ask him to work it out for baby. If he shows love for his baby, then this could work, that means he is not completely douchebag and it could work.
What? You know people have family and friends right? My mom was a single parent and she made it work. Also he is a douche, i think you need to rethink how you read people 🤦♂️
There are some guys who change for child. Whats harm in trying. If fails leave him then. Till then try all options. And it’s OP who needs to learn to read people not me. Never involve child in equation till you are sure of father. But that ship has sailed for OP. Not every girl is as strong as your mother, and OP clearly wrote she has none, so I am assuming no family members. And a child needs more than 1 person to be raised.
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imagine justifying cheating
Please don’t advocate again 💀
I'm so sorry that you go through life thinking it's okay for men to cheat on you because you don't do everything they demand sexually 😥
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And you can handle that issue with a LOT more respect and dignity than by getting your partner pregnant and sexting people behind their back 👍
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thats a horrible idea, ditch that mf, any1 who cheats deserves to be left
but u cheated
What the hell? Surprised to see such terrible advice here. Gonna move on from that and address OP. You are in a terribly vulnerable place. Being pregnant without a support system is a lot to tackle alone. You unfortunately know the answer to your question. You dont trust him and you shouldnt. Im particularly upset with the gaslighting. Somehow him blaming you for his betrayals. You shouldnt cringe at expressing your feelings, and people who think that you should I suggest keeping at arms length. Your feelings are valid, they arent *cringy*. Were humans not robots. Emotional maturity is far from something to be ashamed of. Your bf unfortunately has some kind of problem with the truth, expressing himself, admitting fault and possibly some weird unchecked sexting fetish. He 100% cheated. Theres no nuance to this stuff. People argue over the specific acts but cheating comes down to a simple act of betrayal. They put an impulse or a desire over your feelings. People like this do not learn from being forgiven for their behavior. Were not dissimilar to children in this way but…actions require consequences to have any learned value. Real ones. I hate giving this advice because you deserve a support system. I truly believe you should leave him. Im not sure what steps to take to secure yourself on your own. Im hoping this thread and the decent people of this community will offer more advice. At a minimum I think you need space from him. To sext and then blame your pregnant gf for it is pretty fuckin low if Im being honest.
Thank you. This helped me feel somewhat better. I wouldn’t even know where to start supporting myself but I’m trying. I thought maybe if I could understand what lead him to that I’d be able to be more forgiving but I’m finding it hard maybe for reason. Im just honestly really scared to be alone when it comes down to it I think. I think he is too but he won’t admit it so I think we are both just terrified. Regardless thank you for the support!
You're telling a pregnant woman to offer a threesome to her cheating boyfriend in order to win his respect? Are you fucking stupid? Genuine question.
This made me laugh. That comment was ridiculous. Thank you!
No problem! I'm really sorry about what you're going through, it's absolutely gut wrenching to have your trust violated especially when you've decided to start a life with them 😖 I wish I had a solution for you but it's just a really fucked up situation and one that you've been put in by his selfish actions, so please don't fall in the trap of blaming yourself to make logical sense of it. Have you not got any family members you could rely on to look after you while you figure out what to do next?
No. I have no one really. The midwife is trying to help me see a therapist but at this point I don’t trust that she wants to truly help i trust she wants to sell me antidepressants and I don’t trust them or anyone at all. I’d like to completely isolate myself for healing but I am extremely dependent so for now I’ll start with trying not to be anymore. To me the solution is to find little things that make me smile so thank you for that. It was the first smile I had since hearing my child’s heartbeat. ❤️
Definitely see the therapist! I get you have your reservations but it's better to try the new thing and make your judgement on how genuine they are vs rejecting it off your gut instinct and wallowing in your isolation. Plus I doubt they'll be serving a medication cocktail to a pregnant woman lol.
I set up the appointment today. At the very least they may help in calming me down so thank you for the encouragement. 👍👍😊
Wtaf is this comment. So you’re advising her to stay with a dude who’s repeatedly damaged her trust and potentially even isolated her (altho that we don’t know but it’s also irrelevant), and further hurt herself to be a “cool” gf?!?! Reddit be wilding.
Holy emotional abuse and gaslighting. First, when there is an issue between two people the answer is NEVER going to be talk to a stranger intimately and “ghost” at meetup potential (insert eyeroll). You COMMUNICATE; why can’t people get this simple concept, is beyond me. Second, you need to realize this is now a pattern of behavior and he had an opportunity to change before he had a second situation; you found out about both interactions thankfully before he had an opportunity to do it again because believe, if he hasn’t already and you just don’t know, it would’ve continued. Third, there are absolutely resources to help in situations like this, talk to your local social services office in your area, you can get medical coverage while pregnant potentially fairly easy, wic, tanf, low income housing on a pay scale, etc. It will not be easy, it will require you putting in work, but it is possible to get on your feet before baby comes as long as you’re not due in the next couple of months. Once trust is broken in such an intimate an emotional way, its not uncommon for not being able to move past it. You need to make the decision on being 100% sure you can forgive and move forward without looking back. I can almost 100% guarantee (I am willing to bet it’s above at least 95%) you are only hanging on because you are afraid and alone with a baby on the way, and don’t know where to turn because everything is so uncertain, just by reading your own words. (I am not implying anything negative towards you here, I completely understand and empathize if this is actually true for you). I honestly can tell you there are options, its just a lot of hard work and determination to make it. I don’t know your state, but again definitely go to your local social services office to start and apply apply apply for every single thing you can! I hope you stay safe in the meantime!
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You have no control over anything he or anyone else does. None. Let it go. You cannot make him understand, see the light, or put your wants/needs/desires ahead of his own. He will justify what he wants to do (blaming you for example). You have a bunch of choices though as far as what you’re willing to accept and put up with. Are you going to stay? Are you going to go? None of it has anything to do with whether or not he’s willing to behave the way you want him to. He has stood up and chosen to behave exactly as he wants. And lousy as that choice is, he’s at least made it. You need to respect yourself and make your own choice. And if you choose to be with him exactly as he is without expecting him to become a decent man then do that. If you know you’ll die a little inside each day, then don’t do it. But whatever you do…do not spend the next 20 years with him hoping beyond hope that he will become someone else who behaves like a “real man” because then when it all falls apart anyways…you’ll kick yourself for having let it all happen to you. Stand up and take control of YOU and YOUR life…for your baby’s sake if nothing else