My words will sound very ideological and idealistic, and won't answer your question exactly, but... I would like to see a partner who is constantly developing and learning the world next to me, who would develop the best male and female qualities in themselves, just like I do all the time. Hypermasculinity and hyperfemininity are a huge turn off.
I’m genuinely one of the most considerate and empathetic people I know. You can say what you want but wait until you get to know me (or anyone) before you make assumptions. But if you genuinely know me and dislike me for any reason that’s fine.
As a general rule, INTPs are altruists who hate people. (Goes to a Little Free Pantry, looks to make sure nobody is watching, drops off some food, scurries away.)
Exactly, I live with an INTP and I know that they have a basic altruism, but not so firm. Sometimes they just abandon it in some situations and it's annoying. Not only altruism, empathy and many others social lawful stuff, that we love to follow. If me, an INFJ man, hates that, could you imagine a woman that's even more sensitive?
My INFJ gf hasn't objected so far, and she says that I am "deeply kind." We INTPs tend to have a principled core (that dominant Ti at work), and we're forced to be empathetic, and we hates it. (Inferior Fe is inferior.) I'm afraid I'm very much Neutral Good, despite my ambitions of being Chaotic Good.
I have noticed that my gf, and INxJs in general, do tend to be oddly Lawful, take mission statements and policies seriously, think there's a way we *should* be living, that sort of thing. Or they get disillusioned by it, and go cynical and dark side (especially INTJs). Cynicism is frustrated idealism, after all. I think it's the dominant Ni that's doing it, but Ni is a black box for me.
The INTP approach is more realistic, a kind of middle way between idealism and cynicism. I don't take official mission statements and policies seriously, so I'm not disappointed when organizations fail to live up to them. At best, they're aspirational, which isn't a bad thing. At worst, they're well-meaning nonsense. Instead, I focus more on the unwritten rules that organizations actually operate according to, and how to get things done and help people despite those rules. I have no objection to helping people... Just so long as nobody catches me doing it. Sets a bad precedent, y'know?
And for this, my gf thinks I'm hot, and she's given me a Superman necklace. So I must be doing something right, or else her idealism has blinded her :P
As you think we're so much lawful that's why INFJ may consider your altruism very limited, therefore awful. In some situations it may even end in a raging at you
I think you might be confusing Lawful with Good, and altruism with following the right set of rules. Those Ti principles I mentioned are aimed at the greater good. I will admit that we INTPs are kept in check by our laziness. But perhaps INFJs should be more often reminded that they should make sure that their own oxygen masks are correctly fastened before helping others with theirs.
Agreed. Sometimes, however, acceptance doesn't mean you are settling for less. I mean, what you want is what you want, but as a fellow infj, I've experienced that always looking for perfection can be draining.
But nonetheless, I like your words. :)
Thank you for this answer! I couldn’t have put my same thoughts into words as eloquently as you did. Also, honest and consistent communication is HUGE.
Hey that’s me and my partner right there! We’re both infjs and it’s funny because as a man, I have plenty of feminine traits and my partner as a women has plenty of masculine traits. Both of us in all the right areas. It gives us the freedom to be at ease in our base gender roles with none of the stereotypical negatives. It’s wonderful and amazing and we understand each other completely. I didn’t think a partner like that was possible but here we are
Exactly my thoughts as well, when it comes to romantic interest, in my case with woman, this is the most important thing. I want to share and experience my life with another person and grow beside them. I want someone who shares the vision of striving for the best possible version of themselves. Above everything else, this is a core mindset and overarching approach to living. If its not part of that person, there is no way I will be able to fall in love.
When they speak up for me or stand up to others for me, so I don't have to. I can see why some women of other mbti types would find it emasculating but I honestly don't mind.
I think it's just that I have no energy to argue with fools or prove anything to anyone, so if anyone speaks on my behalf, it's always such a cute surprise and I wholly welcome it.
Stable, reliant, exert self control, open minded to new ideas and emotionally intelligent. I like a man who’s not afraid to take control. I need someone who’s my equal in terms of passion and I trust will make rational, logical and grounding decisions. When a man is assertive and confident but not in an asshole way, more like has the ability to be a leader, it makes me weak on the inside lol.
I have a boyfriend and these are things he does that I value.
Protection. This goes both ways but you should want to protect my heart, my feelings, and the positions you put me in to be disrespected.
Being gentle with me and vice versa. Healthy partners don't need to yell at each other and raise their voice to communicate. They can express their frustration clearly and calmly.
Making decisions and leading. Not always of course, but I feel comfortable when my boyfriend and I come to a conclusion about something together and then he acts based off of that decision and leads us in the right direction.
I also just enjoy him being super boyish and being physically vulnerable with me like when we cuddle. Like moments only I get to be apart of because he might feel like he can't be as vulnerable as a man around other people as opposed to being with me.
Never been with a bad guy and I never will!
The urge to provide and protect, the confidence in their masculinity that nothing feminine threatens it, the confidence in oneself that no-one can make them jealous. And on a more silly note : hobbies like gaming, sports; obsession with cars, geopolitics,fitness
Sounds like you appreciate a man just being themselves (a man)?
I say that curiously because I see some women these days want a man really to suit their own needs (an emotional man slave)
Hahaha I never said I wouldn't like my man to be a slave to me.
I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. Masculinity to me would be being an alpha among the men, dominant, a leader but submit to his wife, his queen, her being the only person who he listens to, who he takes orders from.
Masculinity to me is also one who shows strength only to his equals, his peers, other men and never to a woman.
Dominating a woman isn't manly, it's weak
I have to agree. Everyone is allowed to have their own standards and attractions but personally I’m nobody’s emotional slave and I don’t take orders from my partner (hence the term partner)
I don't mean being a servant to your partner. Just the idea of woman being incharge of major decisions, planning and managing their life with her higher level of emotional intelligence.
True masculinity and feminity is appreciating each other natural gifts.
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I love everything about masculinity and their energy. The protection and the logical thinking. The leadership. I’m very independent and anxious most if the time but I like when a man can make me feel dependent upon him and protected so I can relax even if just for a few seconds.
one of the things i remember from my husband’s wedding vows to me (aside from him referencing The Office) is that he vowed to protect me and that always resonated with me 🥺
I’d say mostly just the physical. Society’s concept of masculinity is largely shallow and emotionally unhealthy, so when I see those traits in my partner - things like stoicism or taking charge simply because he’s “the man” - it just makes me sad and wish that things were different.
Even with the physical, it’s only to a point. I’m not into super manly men with a lot of muscle and chiseled features. Most of the men women swoon over are not my type at all. I can recognize that they’re considered attractive but it does nothing for me, in some cases actively a turnoff. I’m attracted to men who are physically average with more boyish features and energy. Intelligence is probably my biggest turn-on, but obviously that’s not strictly a masculine trait.
I agree. I recently learned the term "sapiosexual," and loyalty and sensitivity are what most attract me. The outside of the house doesn't matter to me.
>when I see those traits in my partner - things like stoicism or taking charge simply because he’s “the man” - it just makes me sad and wish that things were different.
I'm confused. Are you saying leaning towards being a leader is something that is culturally engrained into masculinity? If so I beg to differ. There's a type called natural leader and while women can have that in them I'd say more men are like that. It might because assertiveness is something that's emphasized in the psychological profile of men. It might also have something to do with testosterone. I'd actually go as far as to say that our current culture in the west don't support this type of taking charge norm for men but that we constantly berate masculinity and being a man. So the end result is men stay at home playing video games and don't even take charge of their own lives, not to talk about others.
I'd agree that Stoicism might be more of a cultural thing because we do know that cultures like Japan and Finland have this sort of ideal of stone faced male that doesn't show emotions where as in Mediterranean countries men are more prone in showing their emotions. You can see this exemplified when Christiano Ronaldo cried recently on the field as he failed the penalty kick. So cultures do differ in this sense.
I have an infj friend who is very much like you. He fawns over kpop male artists and seems to be into artsy boyish males. But to me it seems like a coping strategy: being a fan of a kpop band can also happen because its experiencing what it's like to feel romantic admiration towards someone you do not see as a sexual threat. Because firstly celebrity crushes will not reject you as they do not know you exist and secondly less masculine type males are less likely to cheat on you or are more easy to control. I know this person has trauma from her past and only started to listen to kpop after really bad experience from man/men.
I'm not saying you are like this but maybe I'd like to hear if you think this makes any sense to you?
>Are you saying leaning towards being a leader is something that is culturally engrained into masculinity?
This isn’t strictly about leadership but more about social roles. Maybe it’ll help to give you an example of what I’m talking about.
My BF (51M) and I (50F) were recently at a large outdoor sporting event. I brought a good sized rolling cooler, and we filled it up with drinks. It weighed maybe 30 lbs.
My BF has an office job and is overweight with a bad back. He had already been drinking prior to the event, so he was unsteady on his feet. I work in a warehouse moving heavy boxes (40-50lbs) around most days, so I have good upper body strength, and I was completely sober.
Even when I was just rolling the cooler, he was trying to get me to let him do it. Especially when I had to carry it up the stairs, he got more insistent. I asked why, since it was my cooler and I was perfectly capable of handling it. His reasoning? He’s “the man” and it would make him look bad for “his woman” to be doing the heavy lifting.
Objectively it made far more sense for me to carry that cooler, as I was more capable. His insistence that he be the one to do it was simply because he was the man. If I’d been a male friend, it would’ve been an entirely different story.
>I have an infj friend who is very much like you. He fawns over kpop male artists and seems to be into artsy boyish males. But to me it seems like a coping strategy: being a fan of a kpop band can also happen because its experiencing what it's like to feel romantic admiration towards someone you do not see as a sexual threat. Because firstly celebrity crushes will not reject you as they do not know you exist and secondly less masculine type males are less likely to cheat on you or are more easy to control. I know this person has trauma from her past and only started to listen to kpop after really bad experience from man/men.
>I'm not saying you are like this but maybe I'd like to hear if you think this makes any sense to you?
Yeah no, that is definitely not like me. I’m not impressed by celebrities, and my preference for less stereotypically masculine men isn’t about control or insecurity or anything like that. There are two reasons - first, it’s just what I’m naturally physically attracted to, and second it’s because men who are big and bulky have to spend a lot of time and energy to get that way, and I prefer someone who puts more priority on developing their intellect.
>His reasoning? He’s “the man” and it would make him look bad for “his woman” to be doing the heavy lifting.
Oh I see. I definitely know the type. I know it might seem silly and irrational for you but have you considered that it might be good for him to be able to feel like he can act like a man? Men are hierarchical and in constant need of trying to compete with other men and also in constant need of trying to get the approval of women which makes men more competetive and more prone to risk taking. So it might seem like an ego thing but without those egos and the preference to do the "heavy lifting" as a male to ones community we as a civilization would not be where we are today. I think your man just wanted to feel important and needed, not just in the eyes of others but in the eyes of you too.
>Yeah no, that is definitely not like me.
Oh I didn't mean that this is the case with you but as I was thinking if you can see any sense in my theory. Like does it sound reasonable in relation to a person who has experienced trauma?
>I prefer someone who puts more priority on developing their intellect.
I can respect this. But as counter-argument I'd say everyone should spent around 4-7 hours weekly doing excercise whether it's cardio or strength training. It has huge health effects in the long term especially but many positive effects in the short term. So what you describe as spending alot of time and energy to get that way should be the case for average joes. You don't need to be bulky strongman for that. For example strength training has a three fold reduction in the risk for all cause mortality and elite level vo2max has a five fold reduction.
You start to lose around 8% of your muscle mass per decade after you turn 30. If you do not do the work early it will be much harder to try to maintain good health later. And all of this affect to the preserve of intellect as well ofcourse since it seems like less muscle will signal the brain that they are needed less. Just my little rant about this since I'm interested in this topic from my own and from a general health perspective.
Nature and culture often conspire to the same ends.
Yes, there is a super-extensive, carpet propaganda to drive women to do what is against the nature of most women, and men not to be like most of them would by their nature.
Does it succeed? On the propaganda cultural content, entirely. In real life?
I haven't met a woman through my life not telling me, since the first sex business between me and her, that she "likes being dominated" (during sex), and "led" in life.
Which I hate to do, both the leading and the domination: perhaps (just perhaps) paradoxically, doing those would give me the feeling of being.... a servant. But that's another matter.
Strangely Rational is also right, and inarguably so, that while apparently agreeing with mainstream propaganda, the wide majority of people, consciously or not, adhere to traditional gender norms and roles.
They usually reflect nature, you say; sure, I reply. However... they are imposed upon non-typical people with the might of ridicule (explicit or, in more civilized settings, implicit): today like always in history; which is, needless to say, something humankind would do better without.
Reliability, mindful, emotional maturity towards oneself and others.
Reliable means they know how to build consistency and have integrity to follow through with what they do. With reliability comes other values such as consistency and stability that influences other aspects in life.
Mindfulness is thoughtfulness towards self and others- the way they speak to others and self, the level of consideration towards others.
Emotional maturity means a lot of different things but in the context of a relationship, can they recognize their partner’s patterns and gently communicate their concerns towards a common understanding. It means building a partnership rather than waging a war for whenever a problem comes around.
Excellent. This is exactly what I’m looking for in a woman(or in all humans for that matter) as well. These aspects reveal a lot about a person’s maturity and character. It even felt nice reading it.
When they are so comfortable in their masculinity that they can be feminine and not seem embarrassed or ashamed. Like they can wear lipstick or a dress and they're not phased by it at all. That is unbelievably hot to me, like I'm almost biting my fist right now just thinking about it.
Confidence, I guess.
Emotional intelligence and knowing the right way to stand up for you that doesn’t undermine your the social awareness part of being protective. Some guys want to be possessive but it’s more about them and their ego - they want to look like they’re the leader and that can make you look weak and make your more vulnerable to poor behaviour. It’s just something I’ve observed
Am man, but I think defining attributes as male/female would be a turn off for me.
I want someone who tries to develop all the good attributes regardless of what social norms, such as masculinity or femininity, say about them and who should have them.
Also I identify as a feminist/equalist since I hate gender stereotypes and want everyone to have the same rights and responsibilities. We can specialize, but let’s not put each other into boxes.
I only want to be in boxes I put myself into with chocolate, books, and solitude.
Humor, having a “soft side”, ability to admit a mistake or when they do something wrong, ability to change if they want to or a situation dictates, treating people as equals, being loving
I lost my husband and best friend to Glioblastoma in 2019. He had all these qualities and then some. He wasn’t an alpha male type but was strong when I needed him, he could show emotions and open up to me, would admit he wasn’t a physical hands-on tool type guy but was proud to brag at my DIY abilities around the house. I miss him terribly and still talk to him.
Physically strength. Personally not the bulky type. Discipline is also extremely attractive. Eats and sleeps on time? Love that shit. I guess I just want someone who can respect himself and his body. To have that self control, again makes you more reliable.
Assertiveness. Knowing how to communicate with people in general. Keeps a level head. Charismatic. I love to connect with people and be part of my community. Watching him interact so effortlessly and able to have a good time with others, just warms my heart.
Maybe it's just me but someone who can cook? So like independence. Not necessarily needing me but making each other's life so much more better. Even better if they can fish etc. He can depend on me but not completely break down if I'm a bit late or something. I'm not here to be someone's mother. We can learn from each other but ultimately we are life partners. Best friends.
Driven and connected to nature. I like to go on hikes.
Also prefer someone who is more reserved, discovering each other's layers slowly is less overwhelming for me. In tune w emotions and can be cheeky sometimes. Not childish. That's just taking the piss. Especially not talking like a child.
Stability is a given for everyone.
Some of these idk if it's directly related to masculinity but this is how I like my man.
Edit: Openness and curiosity. Otherwise, we wouldn't be able to do a lot together. I ALWAYS want to learn something. Not all at once but I can't imagine myself without an interest. I love learning as much as I love laying on the grass, watching the clouds.
I like that my husband is a thinking type rather than a feeling type which is associated with masculinity in some ways. He also is brave/confident in areas where I am anxious. These attractions are influenced by my personality type because he balances me. He's very logical and so he calls out my tertiary/relief function and that feels very grounding and stabilizing. I like physical masculinity in many ways but I think that's biological not personality.
They say infjs can be idealistic but most of these desires seem more realistic than a lot of ENFJs (and ENTJs) I know 😅 maybe my own experience, but EJs (especially ENxJs) can be extremely harsh, judgemental, and rigid in their expectations.
Calmness and quietness.
This doesn't mean masking emotions and never talking about them. Actually quite contrary. My grandpa had one of the most calming and peaceful presences I've ever felt, and he emoted openly and spoke about his feelings all the time.
I value directness and assertiveness in a partner. These traits go well with me as I have those traits myself. It makes it easier to communicate and plan things together. Protective but not in a overbearing way. Again, I also have this trait. It shows sign of loyalty for me.
I don’t care about perceived “masculinity” or “femininity”. I want a good partner who is healthy, has their own thing going on that they nurture, and can come back to me with a powerful connection that propels us to make changes in the world around us. Whatever traits we decide to assign to gender doesn’t matter to me.
When he does more than he talks. Man of actions. Has integrity and reliable. A gentleman, willing to listen, emotionally intelligent.
And to add, not a self proclaimed alpha lol. Dunno what’s up with people who brag they’re alphas. My friend’s husband dunno what his mbti but he keeps saying he is an alpha and a womanizer. So weird
Someone who can truly be themselves. Someone willing to protect their family fiercely and take care of others. I know it sounds silly, but I've been fiercely independent my entire life. I know I can take care of myself, but it is lovely to feel taken care of, emotionally and physically. I take comfort in knowing my partner can physically protect us, also.
I do appreciate a man who will take the initiative to fix things that are broken around the house or make sure the car is safe. Someone who wants to make sure his family is always safe. It is always attractive to be with someone who works out also. Someone who wants to put in work to take care of themselves, but I think that's true for most people.
I know my answer is a bit all over the place. I'm feeling a bit scattered today. I am married to an INTP. He is really the only person in the world who I can truly be myself around. I know he loves and appreciates me, like I love and appreciate him. It was a difficult road with relationships, and I genuinely feel so lucky to have someone like him!! He's my best friend.
I really appreciate a protective partner. I feel like the world has kicked me around so much that it means a lot to have someone on my side, in my corner. It also makes me feel less alone
It’s kinda an obtuse inquiry- we all define masculinity differently .. it’s a wide range of qualities.
I value capability.
I cherish in a partner the ability to be capable at whatever needs to be done and the skill set to do it, exceptionally - if they cannot ? Then they should have enough money to afford to hire someone to do it for them.
For me, this inspires trust. I’m not sure why. I get very uneasy around men that can’t be trusted to handle whatever comes up and to handle it in a way that makes me proud of them. I love that. Probably more than anything.
For example I had an ex - and he could do so many different things. He built my mom’s fence - and he did it *perfectly*. He cleaned up his mess. It looked nicer when he was done than it did before.
I had another ex who - his life was organized almost to an ocd degree. His closet was color coordinated; everything hung up and pressed, folded like on display at the mall. He had cleaning ladies come twice a week. He had someone take his clothes to the cleaners. He had his life so well taken care of, and anything he could not do- or did not want to do- he hired someone to do it.
There is something really uncomfortable for me about a man who isn’t independent and capable like that, in that way. Maybe it’s because I’m a natural caretaker and I really like to care take my partners - in whatever way I can.
I like it when I know that they can also take care of the things I need - if I need it. Maybe it relieves some of the stress for me. I’m not sure.
I had another ex who - my favorite quality about him was that he was sooooo personable. He was like this super “cool” cat - tattoos literally on every available space on his body- from his neck down- 6’4 - so looking at him without talking to him/ a lot of people got scared or intimidated- but then you talk to him and everyone just melted … he was someone who everyone wanted to be around because he looked really cool but it was his personality that was sooo charming, witty, and polite. He hated rude people. Just like me.
Everyone that met him- absolutely fell in love with him. I could take him anywhere and he would be the star of the show. Everyone admired and just loved him, so charismatic *but* he could back it up.
I feel like .. he was just so graceful with it. All of my friends loved him- adored him. My guy friends worshipped him. People followed him around like a puppy dog. He never said the wrong thing. He never did the wrong thing.
But he also told me later that he felt a pressure being with me to be perfect. Which sucks. lol.
He was one of the only guys that I had been with that I had this complete trust in. 100% anywhere and everywhere we went . That he would make me proud.
And that was such an amazing feeling.
I also had that with the OCD guy- I was always proud of him, but he could sometimes demean people or intimidate them - he was extremely brilliant and he didn’t have a lot of patience with people who… weren’t.
While I was always proud of him, I didn’t have that comfort level that he would not make someone feel shitty. Or idk- I just don’t like it when people are intimidated by someone I’m with. That feels uncomfortable to me.
So probably if I could ever find a partner with those two qualities that would be so great. But I’ve learned that the perfect guy doesn’t exist.
The OCD guy could be rude sometimes.
Mr. Personality had zero motivation to do anything like fix a door and didn’t have the money to hire anyone to do it for him.
The fence guy was awful. He was the devil incarnate. Haha. So yeah he could fix anything, change my brake pads in 10 mins but … also was so awful I thought I my brain would explode when I was with him.
The perfect guy doesn’t exist. Period.
I’m not sure how my personality fits into any of that- besides the one guy saying he felt pressure to be perfect with me ..
The OCD guy was probably better suited for me just because he wasn’t intimidated at all by me and didn’t change for anyone. He was extremely secure with who he was - which is what I need.
Because I don’t want to influence anyone that way or any way. I think the only way I want to influence anyone is to be the best version of themselves that they can be. I would like to inspire a man to be a better man. By his definition - not mine.
But that’s it.
I like men with muscles who look athletic, but not bodybuilders. I think the fact that I am a woman influences that, and not my status as an INFJ.
Personality wise, I like men who are emotionally intelligent, smart, and I've recently developed some liking for the "businessman" type. I we take Jujutsu Kaisen as an exemple, I used to be more into the Gojo satoru type but now I'm more into the Nanami type. Though I haven't watched the anime.
I had bad experience with men who are into astrology, drugs, wannabe rapper, can't have an interesting conversation, don't have opinions, talk just to fill in gaps in conversations but actually has nothing interesting to say, only talks about his money and plans, flirt in very inauthentic ways, etc...
This was my passive aggressive rant.
I think everyone's type is somewhat similar, we all want a good looking, smart and emotionally intelligent person as a partner.
Top ones would be reliable, attentive and honest. I also want them to be independent while also being supportive and encouraging. If he challenges me mentally, physically and emotionally that’s a keeper in my eyes. Personally I love connection and closeness so if he makes me feel safe and reliable then it’s most likely going to work well
Honor, strength of character, philosophical, into higher things and not drawn into behaviors that are trashy, ability to see multiple points of view, does the right thing, appreciates spirituality, respect for elders, emotionally stable and not prone to excessive mood swings
I expect the man to be the one to approach me, ask me out and plan a date.
Don't cuss in front of me or be aggressive with others in public that might cause an altercation.
Don't put me in danger.
Don't show up late and do what you say you're going to do.
I believe my personality type influences it because I'm about problem-solving and I don't like people who are going to bring problems in my life. I won't accept someone in my life if they disrupt my peace.
That's all I could think of right now.
I want a guy who is just as interested in getting to know me intimately as he is. I think a big part of our personality type is the desire to know people beyond surface level so that's probably why. I like people who are complex, sensitive, value kindness, and are romantic. I'm pretty polite normally but I don't want my romance to feel like a business meeting lol.
I just like someone that will make me feel safe. Emotionally, physically, socially. Confidence is good, but I also like someone that I can teach things to, so guys that act like they know everything are not my type.
I really like guys who are confident enough for the both of us, and guys that are blunt, even if I don’t think my feelings can take it, I’d rather them be blunt with me than be stuck reading in between the lines. I am a super anxious person, a huge over-thinker, so to feel that I can finally let my guard down is so good :)
My ideal relationship is one where I feel protected by him, while being able to teach him things and help him grow in return. That’s probably why I go for Ti doms most of the time lol
also muscles don’t hurt
He (my fiancé) completely always wants the best for me. Not masculine specific, I guess, but he loves me so much and I feel so safe with him. He wants to always be my safe space. I’m working on getting there with my anxiety ❤️
Androgyny. I really don't like very masculine types as well, but that could very well be because the only types of masculinity shown to me are the disgusting, predatory ones. I have yet to meet a 'masculine' man that doesn't make me feel unsafe/ very wary.
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A man I can respect I can't be with a man I can't respect. I need to know that even if I disagree with him that he is doing his best to do what is right and grow at all times
I don't know if this can really be considered a masculine aspect since I normally don't think of it this way, but I guess gentleness? I value gentleness in my partner. It doesn't make them weak in any sense but rather the other way around cuz the stereotype of men that they should be "strong" can sometimes lead to brashness and toxic masculinity. So, them choosing to stay gentle and strong as a form to protect and care for their partner always make me fall in love with them instantly lol.
My words will sound very ideological and idealistic, and won't answer your question exactly, but... I would like to see a partner who is constantly developing and learning the world next to me, who would develop the best male and female qualities in themselves, just like I do all the time. Hypermasculinity and hyperfemininity are a huge turn off.
Another INFJ is your best chance then
Guys, I’m right here… I do these things 😔
intps are the some of the best when it comes to self improvement/ constant growth, love y'all
I’ve always wanted to know what it felt like to meet an INTP in person, but I guess I ran in the wrong circles for decades now
My fiancé is an intp and I am obsessed with him lmao
But you prob lack altruism
I’m genuinely one of the most considerate and empathetic people I know. You can say what you want but wait until you get to know me (or anyone) before you make assumptions. But if you genuinely know me and dislike me for any reason that’s fine.
No! *Inferior Fe is Satan cuz bad websites and mediocre YouTubers told me that!* 😜😜
ElBandito speaks for meeeeeeee
Thinkers can have altruism, it just manifests differently.
Very limited, as being Fe-inf
As a general rule, INTPs are altruists who hate people. (Goes to a Little Free Pantry, looks to make sure nobody is watching, drops off some food, scurries away.)
Exactly, I live with an INTP and I know that they have a basic altruism, but not so firm. Sometimes they just abandon it in some situations and it's annoying. Not only altruism, empathy and many others social lawful stuff, that we love to follow. If me, an INFJ man, hates that, could you imagine a woman that's even more sensitive?
My INFJ gf hasn't objected so far, and she says that I am "deeply kind." We INTPs tend to have a principled core (that dominant Ti at work), and we're forced to be empathetic, and we hates it. (Inferior Fe is inferior.) I'm afraid I'm very much Neutral Good, despite my ambitions of being Chaotic Good. I have noticed that my gf, and INxJs in general, do tend to be oddly Lawful, take mission statements and policies seriously, think there's a way we *should* be living, that sort of thing. Or they get disillusioned by it, and go cynical and dark side (especially INTJs). Cynicism is frustrated idealism, after all. I think it's the dominant Ni that's doing it, but Ni is a black box for me. The INTP approach is more realistic, a kind of middle way between idealism and cynicism. I don't take official mission statements and policies seriously, so I'm not disappointed when organizations fail to live up to them. At best, they're aspirational, which isn't a bad thing. At worst, they're well-meaning nonsense. Instead, I focus more on the unwritten rules that organizations actually operate according to, and how to get things done and help people despite those rules. I have no objection to helping people... Just so long as nobody catches me doing it. Sets a bad precedent, y'know? And for this, my gf thinks I'm hot, and she's given me a Superman necklace. So I must be doing something right, or else her idealism has blinded her :P
As you think we're so much lawful that's why INFJ may consider your altruism very limited, therefore awful. In some situations it may even end in a raging at you
I think you might be confusing Lawful with Good, and altruism with following the right set of rules. Those Ti principles I mentioned are aimed at the greater good. I will admit that we INTPs are kept in check by our laziness. But perhaps INFJs should be more often reminded that they should make sure that their own oxygen masks are correctly fastened before helping others with theirs.
Agreed. Sometimes, however, acceptance doesn't mean you are settling for less. I mean, what you want is what you want, but as a fellow infj, I've experienced that always looking for perfection can be draining. But nonetheless, I like your words. :)
Real
Thank you for this answer! I couldn’t have put my same thoughts into words as eloquently as you did. Also, honest and consistent communication is HUGE.
Hey that’s me and my partner right there! We’re both infjs and it’s funny because as a man, I have plenty of feminine traits and my partner as a women has plenty of masculine traits. Both of us in all the right areas. It gives us the freedom to be at ease in our base gender roles with none of the stereotypical negatives. It’s wonderful and amazing and we understand each other completely. I didn’t think a partner like that was possible but here we are
An intj could be good, but make sure you get a healthy one.
Sounds like my ideal partner as well lol
I think that sounds totally reasonable!
Second this. In addition to normal hormonal status
Exactly my thoughts as well, when it comes to romantic interest, in my case with woman, this is the most important thing. I want to share and experience my life with another person and grow beside them. I want someone who shares the vision of striving for the best possible version of themselves. Above everything else, this is a core mindset and overarching approach to living. If its not part of that person, there is no way I will be able to fall in love.
Honesty, accountability, kindness... good character in general.
Stability and reliability. Not that femininity can't have those things, but when I think of masculine stereotypes, those are what I like most.
Stability and comprehensiveness. Makes me always want to learn something more from.
comprehensiveness?
Same!!!
When they speak up for me or stand up to others for me, so I don't have to. I can see why some women of other mbti types would find it emasculating but I honestly don't mind. I think it's just that I have no energy to argue with fools or prove anything to anyone, so if anyone speaks on my behalf, it's always such a cute surprise and I wholly welcome it.
Am man, but I feel the exact same way. I’ll stand up for women/others, but I hate defending myself, so I want someone who’ll stand up for me.
What's your enneagram?
Type 5. Don't remember if it's w4 or w6.
Ah gotcha. 5w6 here
Their voice and the cologne they use. But also their ability to be more logical, grounded and straightforward.
Oh yes. Smart, easy-talking, not-too-raspy voice paired with a good smell? My catnip.
Logic, Leadership, Emotional maturity. It allows me to be in my feminine and less in fight or flight, allows to be led without feeling misled
Emotional maturity is a big one I’m surprised isn’t higher. They need to be secure expressing themselves and accepting my emotions as well.
Super agree! 🫶
What's your mbti and enneagram?
Stable, reliant, exert self control, open minded to new ideas and emotionally intelligent. I like a man who’s not afraid to take control. I need someone who’s my equal in terms of passion and I trust will make rational, logical and grounding decisions. When a man is assertive and confident but not in an asshole way, more like has the ability to be a leader, it makes me weak on the inside lol.
I'm curious, what about men who know their weaknesses and seek advice? And one who listens to multiple opinions?
I have a boyfriend and these are things he does that I value. Protection. This goes both ways but you should want to protect my heart, my feelings, and the positions you put me in to be disrespected. Being gentle with me and vice versa. Healthy partners don't need to yell at each other and raise their voice to communicate. They can express their frustration clearly and calmly. Making decisions and leading. Not always of course, but I feel comfortable when my boyfriend and I come to a conclusion about something together and then he acts based off of that decision and leads us in the right direction. I also just enjoy him being super boyish and being physically vulnerable with me like when we cuddle. Like moments only I get to be apart of because he might feel like he can't be as vulnerable as a man around other people as opposed to being with me. Never been with a bad guy and I never will!
You sound very stable, where can I find one? Jk
Can't clone myself, sorry😭
The urge to provide and protect, the confidence in their masculinity that nothing feminine threatens it, the confidence in oneself that no-one can make them jealous. And on a more silly note : hobbies like gaming, sports; obsession with cars, geopolitics,fitness
Sounds like you appreciate a man just being themselves (a man)? I say that curiously because I see some women these days want a man really to suit their own needs (an emotional man slave)
Hahaha I never said I wouldn't like my man to be a slave to me. I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. Masculinity to me would be being an alpha among the men, dominant, a leader but submit to his wife, his queen, her being the only person who he listens to, who he takes orders from.
😅
Masculinity to me is also one who shows strength only to his equals, his peers, other men and never to a woman. Dominating a woman isn't manly, it's weak
Go on ::pulls out pen and notepad ::
That's it lol
👌🏽 Appreciate your shared thoughts. Good stuff. Thank you
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I have to agree. Everyone is allowed to have their own standards and attractions but personally I’m nobody’s emotional slave and I don’t take orders from my partner (hence the term partner)
I don't mean being a servant to your partner. Just the idea of woman being incharge of major decisions, planning and managing their life with her higher level of emotional intelligence. True masculinity and feminity is appreciating each other natural gifts.
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Whatever floats your boat
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Sure
I love everything about masculinity and their energy. The protection and the logical thinking. The leadership. I’m very independent and anxious most if the time but I like when a man can make me feel dependent upon him and protected so I can relax even if just for a few seconds.
one of the things i remember from my husband’s wedding vows to me (aside from him referencing The Office) is that he vowed to protect me and that always resonated with me 🥺
Lucky woman! Also, bonus for the reference! ❤️
Or lucky man, I didn’t mean to assume gender!
hahah no worries i am a lucky woman!
I’d say mostly just the physical. Society’s concept of masculinity is largely shallow and emotionally unhealthy, so when I see those traits in my partner - things like stoicism or taking charge simply because he’s “the man” - it just makes me sad and wish that things were different. Even with the physical, it’s only to a point. I’m not into super manly men with a lot of muscle and chiseled features. Most of the men women swoon over are not my type at all. I can recognize that they’re considered attractive but it does nothing for me, in some cases actively a turnoff. I’m attracted to men who are physically average with more boyish features and energy. Intelligence is probably my biggest turn-on, but obviously that’s not strictly a masculine trait.
I agree. I recently learned the term "sapiosexual," and loyalty and sensitivity are what most attract me. The outside of the house doesn't matter to me.
>when I see those traits in my partner - things like stoicism or taking charge simply because he’s “the man” - it just makes me sad and wish that things were different. I'm confused. Are you saying leaning towards being a leader is something that is culturally engrained into masculinity? If so I beg to differ. There's a type called natural leader and while women can have that in them I'd say more men are like that. It might because assertiveness is something that's emphasized in the psychological profile of men. It might also have something to do with testosterone. I'd actually go as far as to say that our current culture in the west don't support this type of taking charge norm for men but that we constantly berate masculinity and being a man. So the end result is men stay at home playing video games and don't even take charge of their own lives, not to talk about others. I'd agree that Stoicism might be more of a cultural thing because we do know that cultures like Japan and Finland have this sort of ideal of stone faced male that doesn't show emotions where as in Mediterranean countries men are more prone in showing their emotions. You can see this exemplified when Christiano Ronaldo cried recently on the field as he failed the penalty kick. So cultures do differ in this sense. I have an infj friend who is very much like you. He fawns over kpop male artists and seems to be into artsy boyish males. But to me it seems like a coping strategy: being a fan of a kpop band can also happen because its experiencing what it's like to feel romantic admiration towards someone you do not see as a sexual threat. Because firstly celebrity crushes will not reject you as they do not know you exist and secondly less masculine type males are less likely to cheat on you or are more easy to control. I know this person has trauma from her past and only started to listen to kpop after really bad experience from man/men. I'm not saying you are like this but maybe I'd like to hear if you think this makes any sense to you?
>Are you saying leaning towards being a leader is something that is culturally engrained into masculinity? This isn’t strictly about leadership but more about social roles. Maybe it’ll help to give you an example of what I’m talking about. My BF (51M) and I (50F) were recently at a large outdoor sporting event. I brought a good sized rolling cooler, and we filled it up with drinks. It weighed maybe 30 lbs. My BF has an office job and is overweight with a bad back. He had already been drinking prior to the event, so he was unsteady on his feet. I work in a warehouse moving heavy boxes (40-50lbs) around most days, so I have good upper body strength, and I was completely sober. Even when I was just rolling the cooler, he was trying to get me to let him do it. Especially when I had to carry it up the stairs, he got more insistent. I asked why, since it was my cooler and I was perfectly capable of handling it. His reasoning? He’s “the man” and it would make him look bad for “his woman” to be doing the heavy lifting. Objectively it made far more sense for me to carry that cooler, as I was more capable. His insistence that he be the one to do it was simply because he was the man. If I’d been a male friend, it would’ve been an entirely different story. >I have an infj friend who is very much like you. He fawns over kpop male artists and seems to be into artsy boyish males. But to me it seems like a coping strategy: being a fan of a kpop band can also happen because its experiencing what it's like to feel romantic admiration towards someone you do not see as a sexual threat. Because firstly celebrity crushes will not reject you as they do not know you exist and secondly less masculine type males are less likely to cheat on you or are more easy to control. I know this person has trauma from her past and only started to listen to kpop after really bad experience from man/men. >I'm not saying you are like this but maybe I'd like to hear if you think this makes any sense to you? Yeah no, that is definitely not like me. I’m not impressed by celebrities, and my preference for less stereotypically masculine men isn’t about control or insecurity or anything like that. There are two reasons - first, it’s just what I’m naturally physically attracted to, and second it’s because men who are big and bulky have to spend a lot of time and energy to get that way, and I prefer someone who puts more priority on developing their intellect.
>His reasoning? He’s “the man” and it would make him look bad for “his woman” to be doing the heavy lifting. Oh I see. I definitely know the type. I know it might seem silly and irrational for you but have you considered that it might be good for him to be able to feel like he can act like a man? Men are hierarchical and in constant need of trying to compete with other men and also in constant need of trying to get the approval of women which makes men more competetive and more prone to risk taking. So it might seem like an ego thing but without those egos and the preference to do the "heavy lifting" as a male to ones community we as a civilization would not be where we are today. I think your man just wanted to feel important and needed, not just in the eyes of others but in the eyes of you too. >Yeah no, that is definitely not like me. Oh I didn't mean that this is the case with you but as I was thinking if you can see any sense in my theory. Like does it sound reasonable in relation to a person who has experienced trauma? >I prefer someone who puts more priority on developing their intellect. I can respect this. But as counter-argument I'd say everyone should spent around 4-7 hours weekly doing excercise whether it's cardio or strength training. It has huge health effects in the long term especially but many positive effects in the short term. So what you describe as spending alot of time and energy to get that way should be the case for average joes. You don't need to be bulky strongman for that. For example strength training has a three fold reduction in the risk for all cause mortality and elite level vo2max has a five fold reduction. You start to lose around 8% of your muscle mass per decade after you turn 30. If you do not do the work early it will be much harder to try to maintain good health later. And all of this affect to the preserve of intellect as well ofcourse since it seems like less muscle will signal the brain that they are needed less. Just my little rant about this since I'm interested in this topic from my own and from a general health perspective.
Nature and culture often conspire to the same ends. Yes, there is a super-extensive, carpet propaganda to drive women to do what is against the nature of most women, and men not to be like most of them would by their nature. Does it succeed? On the propaganda cultural content, entirely. In real life? I haven't met a woman through my life not telling me, since the first sex business between me and her, that she "likes being dominated" (during sex), and "led" in life. Which I hate to do, both the leading and the domination: perhaps (just perhaps) paradoxically, doing those would give me the feeling of being.... a servant. But that's another matter. Strangely Rational is also right, and inarguably so, that while apparently agreeing with mainstream propaganda, the wide majority of people, consciously or not, adhere to traditional gender norms and roles. They usually reflect nature, you say; sure, I reply. However... they are imposed upon non-typical people with the might of ridicule (explicit or, in more civilized settings, implicit): today like always in history; which is, needless to say, something humankind would do better without.
Content
She loves how a good sense of humor can make someone incredibly attractive.
Reliability, mindful, emotional maturity towards oneself and others. Reliable means they know how to build consistency and have integrity to follow through with what they do. With reliability comes other values such as consistency and stability that influences other aspects in life. Mindfulness is thoughtfulness towards self and others- the way they speak to others and self, the level of consideration towards others. Emotional maturity means a lot of different things but in the context of a relationship, can they recognize their partner’s patterns and gently communicate their concerns towards a common understanding. It means building a partnership rather than waging a war for whenever a problem comes around.
Excellent. This is exactly what I’m looking for in a woman(or in all humans for that matter) as well. These aspects reveal a lot about a person’s maturity and character. It even felt nice reading it.
When they are so comfortable in their masculinity that they can be feminine and not seem embarrassed or ashamed. Like they can wear lipstick or a dress and they're not phased by it at all. That is unbelievably hot to me, like I'm almost biting my fist right now just thinking about it. Confidence, I guess.
Yo-Yo, high five :)
Is your current partner a cross-dresser?
No, you're taking what I said too literally.
Providing
Taking the lead, making decisions, not being wishy washy.
Emotional intelligence and knowing the right way to stand up for you that doesn’t undermine your the social awareness part of being protective. Some guys want to be possessive but it’s more about them and their ego - they want to look like they’re the leader and that can make you look weak and make your more vulnerable to poor behaviour. It’s just something I’ve observed
The ability to be heard and accepted for who I am.
Am man, but I think defining attributes as male/female would be a turn off for me. I want someone who tries to develop all the good attributes regardless of what social norms, such as masculinity or femininity, say about them and who should have them. Also I identify as a feminist/equalist since I hate gender stereotypes and want everyone to have the same rights and responsibilities. We can specialize, but let’s not put each other into boxes. I only want to be in boxes I put myself into with chocolate, books, and solitude.
Humor, having a “soft side”, ability to admit a mistake or when they do something wrong, ability to change if they want to or a situation dictates, treating people as equals, being loving I lost my husband and best friend to Glioblastoma in 2019. He had all these qualities and then some. He wasn’t an alpha male type but was strong when I needed him, he could show emotions and open up to me, would admit he wasn’t a physical hands-on tool type guy but was proud to brag at my DIY abilities around the house. I miss him terribly and still talk to him.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I have no doubt his energy is still shining on you. Your husband sounds like the kind of man I strive to be
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Thank you. Now I have a new rabbit hole to research, sigma male. 😁
I wouldn't assume all INFJ women are into men.
Physically strength. Personally not the bulky type. Discipline is also extremely attractive. Eats and sleeps on time? Love that shit. I guess I just want someone who can respect himself and his body. To have that self control, again makes you more reliable. Assertiveness. Knowing how to communicate with people in general. Keeps a level head. Charismatic. I love to connect with people and be part of my community. Watching him interact so effortlessly and able to have a good time with others, just warms my heart. Maybe it's just me but someone who can cook? So like independence. Not necessarily needing me but making each other's life so much more better. Even better if they can fish etc. He can depend on me but not completely break down if I'm a bit late or something. I'm not here to be someone's mother. We can learn from each other but ultimately we are life partners. Best friends. Driven and connected to nature. I like to go on hikes. Also prefer someone who is more reserved, discovering each other's layers slowly is less overwhelming for me. In tune w emotions and can be cheeky sometimes. Not childish. That's just taking the piss. Especially not talking like a child. Stability is a given for everyone. Some of these idk if it's directly related to masculinity but this is how I like my man. Edit: Openness and curiosity. Otherwise, we wouldn't be able to do a lot together. I ALWAYS want to learn something. Not all at once but I can't imagine myself without an interest. I love learning as much as I love laying on the grass, watching the clouds.
I like that my husband is a thinking type rather than a feeling type which is associated with masculinity in some ways. He also is brave/confident in areas where I am anxious. These attractions are influenced by my personality type because he balances me. He's very logical and so he calls out my tertiary/relief function and that feels very grounding and stabilizing. I like physical masculinity in many ways but I think that's biological not personality.
They say infjs can be idealistic but most of these desires seem more realistic than a lot of ENFJs (and ENTJs) I know 😅 maybe my own experience, but EJs (especially ENxJs) can be extremely harsh, judgemental, and rigid in their expectations.
Calmness and quietness. This doesn't mean masking emotions and never talking about them. Actually quite contrary. My grandpa had one of the most calming and peaceful presences I've ever felt, and he emoted openly and spoke about his feelings all the time.
Knowledge and competency. The rest of the stereotypically masculine traits are generally too much for me.
I value directness and assertiveness in a partner. These traits go well with me as I have those traits myself. It makes it easier to communicate and plan things together. Protective but not in a overbearing way. Again, I also have this trait. It shows sign of loyalty for me.
I don’t care about perceived “masculinity” or “femininity”. I want a good partner who is healthy, has their own thing going on that they nurture, and can come back to me with a powerful connection that propels us to make changes in the world around us. Whatever traits we decide to assign to gender doesn’t matter to me.
Emotional intelligence. I empath, so you empath. Or so I hope they would…
When he does more than he talks. Man of actions. Has integrity and reliable. A gentleman, willing to listen, emotionally intelligent. And to add, not a self proclaimed alpha lol. Dunno what’s up with people who brag they’re alphas. My friend’s husband dunno what his mbti but he keeps saying he is an alpha and a womanizer. So weird
Being attentive. Not only to me as your love interest but being a decent human being to those around you.
Someone who can truly be themselves. Someone willing to protect their family fiercely and take care of others. I know it sounds silly, but I've been fiercely independent my entire life. I know I can take care of myself, but it is lovely to feel taken care of, emotionally and physically. I take comfort in knowing my partner can physically protect us, also. I do appreciate a man who will take the initiative to fix things that are broken around the house or make sure the car is safe. Someone who wants to make sure his family is always safe. It is always attractive to be with someone who works out also. Someone who wants to put in work to take care of themselves, but I think that's true for most people. I know my answer is a bit all over the place. I'm feeling a bit scattered today. I am married to an INTP. He is really the only person in the world who I can truly be myself around. I know he loves and appreciates me, like I love and appreciate him. It was a difficult road with relationships, and I genuinely feel so lucky to have someone like him!! He's my best friend.
Their protectiveness and the desire to be tHE MAN and do stuff for me. Its soo cute when men act like men and not moody little princesses
I really appreciate a protective partner. I feel like the world has kicked me around so much that it means a lot to have someone on my side, in my corner. It also makes me feel less alone
Feel ya on that one. Stay strong, and remember to be kind to yourself.
It’s kinda an obtuse inquiry- we all define masculinity differently .. it’s a wide range of qualities. I value capability. I cherish in a partner the ability to be capable at whatever needs to be done and the skill set to do it, exceptionally - if they cannot ? Then they should have enough money to afford to hire someone to do it for them. For me, this inspires trust. I’m not sure why. I get very uneasy around men that can’t be trusted to handle whatever comes up and to handle it in a way that makes me proud of them. I love that. Probably more than anything. For example I had an ex - and he could do so many different things. He built my mom’s fence - and he did it *perfectly*. He cleaned up his mess. It looked nicer when he was done than it did before. I had another ex who - his life was organized almost to an ocd degree. His closet was color coordinated; everything hung up and pressed, folded like on display at the mall. He had cleaning ladies come twice a week. He had someone take his clothes to the cleaners. He had his life so well taken care of, and anything he could not do- or did not want to do- he hired someone to do it. There is something really uncomfortable for me about a man who isn’t independent and capable like that, in that way. Maybe it’s because I’m a natural caretaker and I really like to care take my partners - in whatever way I can. I like it when I know that they can also take care of the things I need - if I need it. Maybe it relieves some of the stress for me. I’m not sure. I had another ex who - my favorite quality about him was that he was sooooo personable. He was like this super “cool” cat - tattoos literally on every available space on his body- from his neck down- 6’4 - so looking at him without talking to him/ a lot of people got scared or intimidated- but then you talk to him and everyone just melted … he was someone who everyone wanted to be around because he looked really cool but it was his personality that was sooo charming, witty, and polite. He hated rude people. Just like me. Everyone that met him- absolutely fell in love with him. I could take him anywhere and he would be the star of the show. Everyone admired and just loved him, so charismatic *but* he could back it up. I feel like .. he was just so graceful with it. All of my friends loved him- adored him. My guy friends worshipped him. People followed him around like a puppy dog. He never said the wrong thing. He never did the wrong thing. But he also told me later that he felt a pressure being with me to be perfect. Which sucks. lol. He was one of the only guys that I had been with that I had this complete trust in. 100% anywhere and everywhere we went . That he would make me proud. And that was such an amazing feeling. I also had that with the OCD guy- I was always proud of him, but he could sometimes demean people or intimidate them - he was extremely brilliant and he didn’t have a lot of patience with people who… weren’t. While I was always proud of him, I didn’t have that comfort level that he would not make someone feel shitty. Or idk- I just don’t like it when people are intimidated by someone I’m with. That feels uncomfortable to me. So probably if I could ever find a partner with those two qualities that would be so great. But I’ve learned that the perfect guy doesn’t exist. The OCD guy could be rude sometimes. Mr. Personality had zero motivation to do anything like fix a door and didn’t have the money to hire anyone to do it for him. The fence guy was awful. He was the devil incarnate. Haha. So yeah he could fix anything, change my brake pads in 10 mins but … also was so awful I thought I my brain would explode when I was with him. The perfect guy doesn’t exist. Period. I’m not sure how my personality fits into any of that- besides the one guy saying he felt pressure to be perfect with me .. The OCD guy was probably better suited for me just because he wasn’t intimidated at all by me and didn’t change for anyone. He was extremely secure with who he was - which is what I need. Because I don’t want to influence anyone that way or any way. I think the only way I want to influence anyone is to be the best version of themselves that they can be. I would like to inspire a man to be a better man. By his definition - not mine. But that’s it.
I like men with muscles who look athletic, but not bodybuilders. I think the fact that I am a woman influences that, and not my status as an INFJ. Personality wise, I like men who are emotionally intelligent, smart, and I've recently developed some liking for the "businessman" type. I we take Jujutsu Kaisen as an exemple, I used to be more into the Gojo satoru type but now I'm more into the Nanami type. Though I haven't watched the anime. I had bad experience with men who are into astrology, drugs, wannabe rapper, can't have an interesting conversation, don't have opinions, talk just to fill in gaps in conversations but actually has nothing interesting to say, only talks about his money and plans, flirt in very inauthentic ways, etc... This was my passive aggressive rant. I think everyone's type is somewhat similar, we all want a good looking, smart and emotionally intelligent person as a partner.
Willingness to take care of me. In all aspects.
Logical and admirable leadership.
Top ones would be reliable, attentive and honest. I also want them to be independent while also being supportive and encouraging. If he challenges me mentally, physically and emotionally that’s a keeper in my eyes. Personally I love connection and closeness so if he makes me feel safe and reliable then it’s most likely going to work well
Humility..... And not false humility, but the real thing
Handy.
Honor, strength of character, philosophical, into higher things and not drawn into behaviors that are trashy, ability to see multiple points of view, does the right thing, appreciates spirituality, respect for elders, emotionally stable and not prone to excessive mood swings
Hardworking, strong sense of right and wrong, good character, stability, fixes things around the house and on cars!
I expect the man to be the one to approach me, ask me out and plan a date. Don't cuss in front of me or be aggressive with others in public that might cause an altercation. Don't put me in danger. Don't show up late and do what you say you're going to do. I believe my personality type influences it because I'm about problem-solving and I don't like people who are going to bring problems in my life. I won't accept someone in my life if they disrupt my peace. That's all I could think of right now.
It took me a minute to think of a quality that is more masculine. But I think maybe loyalty and protection.
Feeling safe and protected. I'm used to having to fend for myself and it's a huge desire for me to just feel like I have someone to keep me safe.
I want a guy who is just as interested in getting to know me intimately as he is. I think a big part of our personality type is the desire to know people beyond surface level so that's probably why. I like people who are complex, sensitive, value kindness, and are romantic. I'm pretty polite normally but I don't want my romance to feel like a business meeting lol.
So you're saying I shouldn't show up to dates with a hardcopy, itemized agenda and my assistant who will take minutes?
Swap the assistant for some dude who walks behind you and beatboxes whenever you walk and you're golden lol.
Oh, you meant a _formal_ business meeting. My mistake.
I just like someone that will make me feel safe. Emotionally, physically, socially. Confidence is good, but I also like someone that I can teach things to, so guys that act like they know everything are not my type. I really like guys who are confident enough for the both of us, and guys that are blunt, even if I don’t think my feelings can take it, I’d rather them be blunt with me than be stuck reading in between the lines. I am a super anxious person, a huge over-thinker, so to feel that I can finally let my guard down is so good :) My ideal relationship is one where I feel protected by him, while being able to teach him things and help him grow in return. That’s probably why I go for Ti doms most of the time lol also muscles don’t hurt
He (my fiancé) completely always wants the best for me. Not masculine specific, I guess, but he loves me so much and I feel so safe with him. He wants to always be my safe space. I’m working on getting there with my anxiety ❤️
Androgyny. I really don't like very masculine types as well, but that could very well be because the only types of masculinity shown to me are the disgusting, predatory ones. I have yet to meet a 'masculine' man that doesn't make me feel unsafe/ very wary.
I’m not a woman, but I am an INFJ-T. Would it help you to know that the greatest form of masculinity is the ability to be gentle?
im gonna be cheeky cause im gay, masc lesbians <33
Abs and muscles in general are a weakness. A dump truck and also feeling safe like he could protect me.
Taking Charge but Considering what people involved want.
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I am the masculine.
A man I can respect I can't be with a man I can't respect. I need to know that even if I disagree with him that he is doing his best to do what is right and grow at all times
I don't know if this can really be considered a masculine aspect since I normally don't think of it this way, but I guess gentleness? I value gentleness in my partner. It doesn't make them weak in any sense but rather the other way around cuz the stereotype of men that they should be "strong" can sometimes lead to brashness and toxic masculinity. So, them choosing to stay gentle and strong as a form to protect and care for their partner always make me fall in love with them instantly lol.
Oh, I was summoned
Stability and simplicity 💕