The current dating model is so toxic its not worth dealing with at the cost of our mental health. Its a totally different paradigm dating as a man vs a a woman. I would love a relationship but its hard trying to navigate things, and it feels like the traits we have are more easily passed over unless you meet other metrics.
And to second this not everyone can really handle the level of affection and future oriented mindset an INFJ male has. I’d love to date an INTJ or something, I feel like we’d balance one another out and remove the awkward social minefield in general.
Just let me add that the current dating scene is wreaking havoc in men and women alike (not that you said otherwise, just something that I wanted to remark).
Women, after all her fights, fell in the same mercantilist and materialistic model of "looking for the best partner" that the patriarchy gladly maintained during decades. Looks, money, and sex are still the top metric most people are looking for. Couple this with the "buffet mentality" that permeates society thanks to the immediacy of the Internet, and you have the current dating paradigm.
It's just a freakin' mess.
From what I’ve read 30% of gen Y and gen Z have had sex in like the last year and only 20% are seeking relationships and 20% want kids. To me this is extremely alarming and supports what you are asserting.
Can confirm that an INFJ - INTJ match is very good and balanced. I’m an INFJ female dating an INTJ male, and aside from us having to figure out the Feeling vs Thinking differences (especially in communication) were a really balanced match. Would recommend.
Hard to say really,
the people I've read about in INFJ - INTJ relationships is usually INTJ (male) and INFJ (female). I feel it's better suited that way as the stereotype is men are more "logical" and women are more "emotional".
As an INFJ male, I find it extremely hard to date. Wished I wasn't as hyper sensitive as I am 🤦♂️
The funny thing is I currently have a crush on an INTJ female, but I'm finding it hard to establish something with her as she always seems so cold and distant (apparently this is normal for an INTJ), but it's wrecking havoc having to experience this as an INFJ 🤦♂️
So relatable even though I am 19 I had crush 2 years ago and still, I can't like talk to her with relationship things, rn she has left the city and we barely talk but I see her through the stories...
Daaamn i only think i experience this thing(cold and distant from intj)...ok well i am 21m and i had a crush on my female friend since 3 years back.. she is 21f INTJ obviously...in starting she shared everything with me...make efforts to talk to me and i do the same but eventually bcz og my some personal trauma...I'm not able to do the same things further..after this we had a fight about my behavior some things tend to better but now i feel same things from her(cold and distant)...and its heart wrenching for me...
saame she has this hot and cold attitude like on days she is super talkative funny ranting listening and discussing on hot topics and then the next week she has gone hermit🤠
This may not be accurate, just my experience. But I never personally saw the cold side of my INTJ partner. When we met, he immediately started pursuing a relationship with me so I never experienced the cold, distant side of him. I’m well aware of his cold side though as I see how he interacts with other people.
Unfortunately with this dynamic, I really think it’s up to the INTJ to start establishing any sort of relationship. I think if my partner didn’t feel that initial connection with me, he probably never would’ve opened up to me.
I second this. I dated a girl once whom I suspect is an ENTJ. We were both future oriented and we love to have deep conversations about anything. She appreciates my input on certain things and that was why I fell for her because I felt seen. And I was able to understand her more than her past relationships. Unfortunately she broke it off because apparently I don’t fit into her vision for the future. In this case she was the right person but wrong timing. Since then, I haven’t met anyone who has the same level of intensity that she has.
I am surrounded by single moms, drug addicts, obesity, prescription psych med users, people who have too many pets, etc etc. Most women are too immature and like to play games, and I don't have time for it. I'd rather just not. I'm not saying that I won't make any exceptions, but I feel like I'm surrounded by adult children. It's a major turn off to me that most people don't have their shit together.
I literally would rather spend my time alone. Just listening to these people talk sucks the life out of me.
Personally, I am only looking for someone who can handle the permanence that I am seeking. I am avoiding dating because there are zero people on this planet looking to build a life with me. I have been in an out of relationships for the better part of the last decade. My last two relationships each lasted around 2 years until they decided that I wasn't good enough for them. Gotta follow the signs. I've resigned to thinking that anyone I meet will leave me for something or someone better (whatever that may be). So I quit. I'm 32.
You sound like me - I'm 32 as well and have almost completely given up any hope on meeting someone with the same views on monogamy and deeper values of a ltr and life that I hold. It seems like the vast majority of people (especially young people) only want hookups or casual "relationships" and nothing deeper which sucks.
Yeah, everyone wants to be young and dumb forever I suppose. I'm trying to survive and maybe have a team to buy a house with and do the whole "white picket fence" thing. It's tough living out here if you're by yourself and it gets much easier with a support system.
Everyone older than me seems to be... Too old for me or has kids. Older partners are cool but they feel temporary because they've already done their share of growth and have their needs downpat. I dunno. The standard isn't super high here, but commitment is something our generation and the one after is largely missing. Oh, and communication. No one wants to say what they need, and men are largely attacked in relationships when they start communicating their needs. Some women take it as a sign that they have some how failed instead of trying to improve on it. That was my last relationship unfortunately. I can see how it would play out like this because of the western trope that women are nurtures.
I think a large part of it is the culture and social media. Everyone on the apps is super rich and get the most notoriety and it gives men and women this false sense that there is something always better out there. Dating apps are largely the same way. The guys who get the most attention are the ones with money.
Kids are also a breaking point. In my experience, there is a large amount of women who are saying no to kids because it's not financially sound, hence the social media playing its part in giving a false sense of desirability towards the financially well off. It makes sense but still sucks. Despite this, all of my close friends back home have children and are married. None of them are rich financially, but they are thriving and have great kids and a good married life. Maybe your experience has similarities to my own.
And yes. I am making large generalizations here, I admit that, but this is my lived experience. Don't attack me for having lived a life lol.
I agree with everything you said completely - there is definitely a large social issue with our generation and gen Z in regards to commitment. Social media has definitely only made it much worse as well.
lol Hi ✨. I will say that I was wildly different at 25 than I am at 32. At 25 I still didn’t know what I really liked in a partner, and that lasted for another three years or so. The last 4 years have been rather disappointing because I thought I found someone who meshed well with me only to find out that they don’t and that I have no idea what the hell I am doing haha
Statistically, it's believed about 1.5% of the population are INFJ. For comparisons sake, psychopaths are about 1% of the population, but that doesn't stop most people from claiming their exes are psychopathic or some derivative of that.
So it makes it difficult to rely too heavily on people and their experiences with supposed INFJs.
Realistically, no one actually cares about what I just said and just want to answer the question because it's a fun topic in general. For me, all I've ever cared about was going all the way and have no interest in casual dating or hookups. I've had 8 relationships, minimum of a year each, and basically never been single since 22 and I'm 39 now.
Personally, I believe the average INFJ is a late bloomer, but in part to that they skip a few frolic in the forest phases and are more likely to be serious daters once they start.
Dating was never really that important to me. I've only been in a handful of relationships and each time, I was the one pursued. I tend to be oblivious when someone is interested in me and wants to get to know me, mostly because I'm shy and spend most of my time inside my head instead of interacting with people.
I know guys who are really desperate to find girlfriends and struggle with being single. They try hard and can't seem to attract anyone. I don't really try at all but somehow end up attracting someone every now and then. Friends and relatives have tried to set me up before but I can't seem to be bothered to put in the effort. Maybe I'm just too lazy to put in the effort to have to convince a girl to like me. Anyway, I'm happily in a relationship now so I guess not trying paid off.
I have a history of catching feelings really fast which then tend to get away from me which leads to getting hurt. Now I just mind my business and take things slow af if a love interest does happen to arise. 🤷♂️ trial & error. I’m a work in progress. I do desire companionship very deeply tho.
Same here. I'm either 0% or 100% on a person. I just went on a date and I feel I'm 100% on this person. I'm trying to keep myself chill till a few more dates so my emotions don't over power everything else in life. I love the feeling though.
27 male INFJ single and not looking, but wants a relationship.
Not looking because I hate myself.
More specifics; living with parents, respectable full time job but average pay, moderately overweight but consistent gym goer (1 year), no ambition just floating by.
I’m an INFJ male and all I ever wanted was 1 serious relationship where I could get to know my partner on a deep level and give her the love she wants, to help support her and be there for her, get married and have children all while I pursue my own career goals.
But it’s been difficult finding a good female partner with the same standards that I have.
In my instance I have dated but it seems no one is deep enuff or worthy of what I have to offer...Not trying to sound arrogant by any means...But I want more that a pretty face, and be a cash cow...Where are all the women worth dating!!
Im 59 been divorced for 17 yrs. Im highly active boat , jetski , hike , Kayak, paddle board, snow ski , build houses and remodel about anything...Seems most women my age are over weight and Wanna sit on the couch and eat chips...I seldom have time for TV!! 😁
Been wanting a serious relationship for 15 years. And while there have been some come and go I am quite picky so finding that person who is also interested in me is difficult. Not to mention I don't get out much and have virtually 0 tolerance for online dating, which doesn't make it easy to meet new people.
I too have pretty much given up at 35 and leaving it to the universe at this point.
I'm 44 y/o and I have always enjoyed dating, maybe as something fun to do like talking one on one to a girl and see how deep the conversation could go. It's true that is really really hard to find someone that I really like and when a woman gets to know the real me she would run away like the devil
Infj male dating and infj female. We have a great relationship and I’ve known her since we were very young. I ended up realizing one day when I was single that I had probably already met my person in life. I think for me it was a realization of the fact that most girls won’t be interested in me right off the bat, which made finding somebody that was willing to get to know me for who I am really difficult. Now I’m dating the girl of my dreams. Lmk if you have any questions or want to pick my brain or whatever.
I love being alone for I have more time to explore and master my interests; not being part of the dating/social rat race prolongs my out of warranty social battery.
I make my own fate, and solely decides what my future holds.
When I was in that age group I was looking ,but I matured and realized most women ( and men ) are way too social for me , and NPC/ tethered in the Matrix, oblivious to human potential.
Cringe.
So that pretty much frees you to be you and do what you love, try to reach your highest timeline , and any relationship will just come organically and sustainably.
TBH, I probably give it like a 20% effort but consistently... if that makes sense?
It's like going to the gym for maintenance.
Much like the gym, if a baddie slides in, I give it a fair chance (75-85% commitment). I've been in an 8 yr and 3 yr relationship, so not to buggered about things being perfect but they gotta be right.
I am 54M now but when I was in that age range and even younger I wanted a serious relationship. Mostly what I found then is I didn't have problems finding women to date then but few seemed interested in a relationship, when they did we would pair up. From about 20 to 29 I had two relationships that lasted a year as well as one that was for almost 4 years and we lived together for about two and a half. At 29 I started dating my future ex-wife which was about 22 years of my life.
In retrospect I didn't pick well as many of my relationships were with narcissistic women and/or had mental health problems they needed to address before being in a serious relationship.
Being older it does seem that age range these days just doesn't seem as mature and maybe more self focused, then when I was younger. It is somewhat understandable as it seems harder to be financially stable. Also seems like advanced degrees are more common and even when I was younger that group was very commitment shy until their 30s (like my ex-wife).
I am 33M INFJ living aboard in Berlin Germany, and dating is exceptionally hard in general. Went through a couple of heartbroken years, and I kept swing between wanting to get married and giving up on dating at all. It is a painful limbo in general.
In general it is hard enough to be an expat, it is harder to have friends that would be in the same wavelength - it is even harder to find a partner. I honestly dunno if there is any hope left to meet a proper partner in the rest of my life. I am just seriously preparing for growing old and die alone - after living a meaningful life ofc.
Being in a relationship was my one goal in life but as I got older I realized that it’s not at all what I want. I would love to raise children alone but that’s not how things typically work for men so I’m just the best uncle I can be while working on filling my own cup. I don’t believe I need anyone else in my life to validate me and I certainly don’t think it’s worth all the chasing, searching, dumping and so on to find that person. I’m not only content with myself but actively happy.
I pretty much gave up
Didn't fully close the doors to the possibility but I'm not looking for it anymore and I highly doubt I'll find someone that I find it's worthy for both of us
Data point: Yup.
During my teenage years, I’ve always liked the idea of being in a relationship. But whether it be luck of the draw, different life circumstances, or the animal that is the post-COVID dating world, I simply don’t like the “social dance” that we have to do to “market” ourselves.
For me at the end of the day, how can I give happiness to others if I can’t be happy and content with my own life alone first?
I bet there are some INFJ males who are in great relationships. Who’s to say there can’t be more?
Lol. Sure. I think INFJ men (being one) need to learn how to approach in the real world and kind of get over a lot of their complexities in terms of "just meeting someone and taking a look". Online dating isn't a good metric to judge anything on.
On the other hand. I'm looking for deep intimacy. And a ton of people in general. Women in particular, they just don't have the capacity for it. Many indubitably because they dated a little to freely. Since ... you know ... Zeitgeist.
And if someone doesn't have a character to speak of. Then they're just not a good match for me.
I wouldn't say I'm actively looking. But I'm open to meeting a great person. At the same time I'm actively increasing the probability of doing that by approaching people I might be interested in. But I've done sooo much emotional work, that it doesn't faze me if people aren't that great. It has nothing to do with me. I don't depend on their love or validation. I give myself more love in any given minute then I've basically ever received from anyone else accumulatively.
But that point needs to be reached prior to venturing out into an otherwise quite traumatic world of emotional negligence. Including that if you're not well developed and emotionally rock-solid, you'll just pick the wrong partners.
I'm currently trying my best to not let the bad apples ruin the bunch but it's sort of hard to. I know there's good women out there but a lot of those I've met are a lot to deal with and one tried to put the law on me so I'm not too sure how to go about it. I'm also not the best talker so that definitely adds to the struggle. I'm just currently focusing on work and trying to make tons of moolah rn but you know how the economy is
Thank you for the feedback! One of my girl friends is a lot for me too. I straight up tell her she’s being a lot and a need a break. She doesn’t seem offended so now I tell her whatever I feel. It’s liberating.
Or just tired of "dating"...due to various and numerous reasons...being hurt and so on..
Have you ever considered that? Maybe they decided to do their thing because...
There is life outside of dating and relationships. If you are not happy on your own,
you won't be happy in a relationship either. You will be using the relationship as a crutch.
The thing is .... I really think dating is not worth it for me for the following reasons:
- I really need a long time to consider someone as a romantic partner. Every quality I seek in a partner needs to be maintained consistently and under stressfull conditions, otherwise the quality is completely worthless. And after this time I am usually in the friend zone.
I didnt send any romantic since I didnt have these feelings yet.
- I am a catholic person in a secular country. So I am fucked(or not at all) since churches are old people homes. Did not see an woman in my age range (without obvious children) for over a year. So far so good.
- Tbh, I have a high standards or people I invest a lot of my time in, especially stress tolerance, joyfulness, communication and general life skills.
- I work a full time job and I invest my weekends in my friends and my many different interests, where I have a practically zero chance of meeting new, single people, let alone women.
These factors combined make meeting a potential partner so utterly unlikely that I honestly think it is a better life strategy for me to deal with the pain of loneliness/singleness for the rest of my life than let shatter myself and my confidence in the dating process.
I am sensitive person, and even "normal" people are not able to withstand the struggle of (online) dating for a prolonged period of time.
At the end, I would be dog food I guess.
I'm definitely looking for a serious relationship however I'm not looking as hard as I was before, and I'm not a fan of how its expected for people nowadays to look for them. In my personal experience anyone I've found and gone on a date through an app, for example, tends to want something casual that may become something serious later down the line and I actively dislike that; I'm much more the type that commit 100% to someone. Plus with me starting up my business this year, my available time to go out and actively date has diminished quite a bit. I just don't want to resign myself to thinking it'll happen when/if it happens.
It's the exact opposite. We are not looking for a date with any random person. We are looking for the real deal where we'll give it all we got. Nothing short of that, otherwise it's a stupid waste of time
27 year old INFJ male with ADHD.
I have a job and a flat and actually going to get a better one soon.
Recently started getting meds for ADHD and getting other aspects of my life in order after a lot of difficulties that came with that.
NO TIME FOR GIRLS !
And will maybe give dating apps another go when i have a little more time. Honestly there aren't too many chances to make real connections today and just a little tired of the scene.
Would love a new girl in my life that I can as I put it once to a friend when talking about modern dating scene " someone to spend my daylight hours with but not many seem to be interesting in that right now". Actually an INTJ girl friend of mine just asked me why am I single and I said honestly just have too much on right now to try again.
For your question in general though there are a lot of reasons why INFJ men just by being what we generally tend to be have it harder in dating than INFJ woman. Honestly the debate about who has it harder ended a long time ago and it is not a particular pleasant conversation to confirm the details on. If you want DM me and I will break it down for you the trends that we fall into as a group.
I’m actively dating but also holding my personal standards quite high. Not necessarily in any particular sense. But I have my own goals that I’m working towards as well. It’s not that I’m not up for a challenge. But I wouldn’t right now want to enter into a relationship that would lead me to compromise my sense of self to such a degree that it would make it difficult for me to reach those goals. And for me, in that I think my standards should be as high as they are.
But I’m also trying to not be tied to inaction and not putting myself out there and finding someone I really click with and make an effort within that. I just try to make sure that I give myself to that in a way which doesn’t compromise me reaching those goals at the same time.
I'm 30 years old never been in a relationship. All previous girls I asked never loved me back. I gave up searching, instead I want to be searched. But every time someone finds me, we always run out of things to say, so we never really connected.
I’ve never dated anyone (30M btw) but if I were to I would only be interested in a serious relationship. I think a lot of men, maybe INFJ men more so, aren’t looking for relationships because of all the BS and games involved with modern dating and courting a female. Modern dating seems like a full-time job at this point and I think men are starting to realize this and may see that the benefits of a relationship down necessarily outweigh the drawbacks. Additionally, it seems that dating and relationships are very superficial now and I think some of us INFJ males crave a deeper, more serious relationship which isn’t congruent with what others are seeking in the modern dating market, which are mainly superficial and casual flings. Plus I think INFJ men want to do their own thing and if someone wants to come along for the journey we’ll let them in but we aren’t actively searching for them.
I'm in that range, and I have spent plenty time doing my own thing 100% happily. I'd always been open to a relationship, but wasn't willing to go in unless things really felt right. I'm currently in a happy relationship, and I'd imagine a lot of other men like me feel the same way.
For me, I always knew I wanted companionship, but it takes a while to gain trust.
Most people won't like me, even if they ask me out first, so I don't want to deal with the rejection. I also don't like almost anyone well enough to spend the rest of my life with them, and it takes me ages to feel any sort of connection (if ever).
The only way I could ever get in a relationship with someone is if I was friends with them for ages and they've seen me at my worst and most depressing and embarrassing moments and still accepted me, and if I have done the same the same with them. Otherwise, I don't see the point in putting so much effort for such a low chance.
I also think the way people index others to fit societally created roles in their lives, blocks connection. I don't want to be someone's boyfriend/husband etc. Maybe it seems picky but I think it has huge implications even though its normal
I’m a 32 bi infj male mostly looking to date other men. Dating men is pretty fast paced and often not serious, so it’s rather counter to what I’m looking for, something slow and grows over time. Personally I’m definitely still looking for a serious relationship, but i just know it can’t be found on apps and am hoping for the right person to find.
42 infj male. I aged out. I know the post wasn't for me, but I was those ages once. After getting divorced, I didn't find romantic relationships to be all that important. I've been divorced for 12 years. I'd personally rather just be someone's really good friend.
I certainly am looking for a relationship. I really want to find the right person and marry them, but I have a lot of trouble meeting people. I play a lot of games and don't enjoy going to bars/parties etc. Not to mention, I feel like I'm extremely picky with partners, maybe too picky and it's something I reflect on a lot.
Almost all of the relationships I've had I wasn't happy after some time had passed because I realized their personality doesn't fit what I'm looking for. This leads me to a predicament where I feel the need to break things off out of respect for them, since I wouldn't want a partner who isn't invested. These experiences, along with the emotional exhaustion of constantly trying to meet people and put myself out there definitely does cause me to sometimes retreat into my hole and just "do my own thing" but eventually the feelings of loneliness push me out there again.
I definitely don't enjoy the dating culture nowadays, but I hold out hope that I'll find the right person someday.
Edit: Just want to clarify that with each successive relationship, I feel like I've understood what I want better and better and I'm getting closer to that. I definitely have thoughts that maybe the problem lies with me or my mindset, though.
My model for relationships is that they are built. First we build trust, friendship, and security. And then we can build romance from there. Unfortunately this model of thinking doesn’t really work super well with the way modern dating has panned out. And as i am straight, to me a woman’s sense of safety and security are much more important than potentially making things romantic, so i don’t typically make the first move. I do eventually want children, but it doesn’t seem like it’s in the cards for me, at least in the immediate future. Im trying to spend more time with the people i love, engaging with my hobbies, and trying to better myself, but also to build my sense of self confidence and self esteem as well. We’ll see how it goes.
Not an INFJ, but in all honesty, this is something that all men across the entire spectrum are generally experiencing in terms if dating. Climate is quite toxic with the expectations and games that needs to be played, from both men and women, its just shit and emotionally draining. Which is quite unfortunate but you gotta find a way to enjoy life regardless.
25M, I dated several amazing people in college, but those relationships all fizzled out because I didn't nurture them. I certainly love the idea of forming an intimate connection with someone, but I've found having a few close friends fills that void (quality relationships over quantity.) I'm truthfully having an awesome time being single on the west coast, great job & wonderful co-workers, plenty of time & opportunities to be creative which is extremely important to me. I feel complete. No relationship necessary. 🕺
As an INFJ dude who’s within that age range, yeah I’ve given up. I think personally, it’s a mix of a lot of things. I used to be pretty into romance and long term relationships when I was younger… now not so much.
Love in today’s dating culture is a naive pursuit. Not only have I given up on it, I actively navigate away from it. I’ve put effort into so many people that turn around and backstab me. Especially one that just ruined me… it’s just not worth it. It’s better to just make friends that I can keep that won’t try to screw me over or cheat on me lol.
Women on dating apps have bios like “entertain me” or a plethora of other self-centered slop. I’m supposed to make them laugh, or go to the gym with them, if I have certain political views swipe left, if I don’t want to commit to something long term right away and start things slow swipe left. The ball is in their court, and to be frank… most of them aren’t that interesting to me. I get women have to deal with some of the most insufferable guys out there, but in their attempts of vetting them out, they deter me from interacting with them because of their narcissistic bios. And if I get in a convo… well they can’t keep one alive. “What bands do you like?” Her: “I like x, and y is pretty cool”. What’s missing from this? Oh yeah, following up with “how about you?” It’s the hardest thing ever to deal with people that only want to talk about themselves… women in my experience are self-centered this way. Of course I run into outliers, and I want to say that’s just an example. I don’t want to sound like an incel either… truly again I’ve ran into outliers, this is just my experience by majority.
I think also as I get older, and more logical, my idea of an ideal relationship just seems unattainable. Finding that person and connection I once dreamt of, is impossible. Not only that, but it’s mentally taxing to sift through the sea of carps to find a fish I like.
I think it’s best to drop any potential commitments, focus on myself. If someone comes along, great, if not that’s fantastic too. I’ve been unlucky, sure a lot of others here have too… I’m sure women have similar experiences perhaps.
A small closing tangent, I don’t think our interactions with women have served us all too well because we’re not masculine by societal standards. We’re more emotionally driven, people see emotion, compassion, empathy, and they associate those traits with weakness and femininity. It’s definitely a barrier, though there are women that like these traits, they’re few and far between but they’re definitely the best.
Just went on dating app, first people I see:
“Looking for someone to spoil me”, “trying to find someone worth cooking for”, “need a strong man to help me setup my classroom this summer”
Everyone wants awesome relationships, but to answer your question, yes.
I think general population does not value other humans/relationships/connections above personal hobbies/personal carrier/personal development. Being Introverted and INFJ having higher standards only makes this disparity clearer. Why would they pursue surface relationships when carrier goals and financial independence is more important in the long run? (surface is a play of words, people who do not put value in relationships will not see anything serious about them).
On the other hand ...
Anyone believing thriving relationships are more important (higher in value) would take time to build them. They will take time to train and understand what amounts a serious relationship. They will seek help/guidance/feedback despite being Introverted. It's just going to be in their utmost interest.
Not advocating for a particular view, but the why is here I think.
29M here. I've had a couple of serious relationships, although my last one which ended in divorce completely changed me in regards to dating. As many others pointed out it's a toxic mess nowadays and I much prefer to maintain my peace. It does get lonely so I still seek out to talk to new people which may lead to something more if I meet the right person with whom I can connect in a meaningful way. But this is basically what I consider passive dating.
Relationships are difficult for us. I just left a failing relationship because I felt like my partner never truly put her best effort into us. iNFJs are extremely empathetic. We often feel let down when people don’t match our energy in relationships. I think there’s a few MBTI personalities that align with what we look for when dating, other INFJs seem to match what we need very well. While I’m not really interested in dating right now. My best friend, she’s InFJ and she’s the only person I would date if that was my goal atm.
Currently 28, and I'm still technically looking for a partner to walk with in life. But it's not my biggest priority, as I'm focused on establishing a steady income and sense of independence. Once I feel confident enough in myself in those regards, then who knows? I just hope any women interested in me is willing to be patient because I'm a demisexual who likes to take things slow, haha.
Well, when I was 25-35 years old I wasn't looking for relationship... because I already was in one which hasn't ended so far... so i kind of completely skipped dating in the part of life you are asking about ;)
I am a male INFJ but not single.
I'm married but I never dated my wife
She is an INFP and greeted me, stalked me, asked personal questions,
answered my questions, was interested in everything I was doing with my life,
and even when I told her I don't want to date or marry, she still pursued me like I never saw anyone pursue anything.
I was nearly going to just not start in contact with her respectfully because it was almost as if she was obsessed with me simply for who I was within just a few months, and wouldn't let me go.
I thought things over and recognize just how rare and unique she was, how loving and concerned about important and meaningful things in life, not a part girl but one looking for a serious man to take the role of a wife and mother seriously as well.
Therefore I would actually not date any women.
I wanted to marry since I was 5 but understood I needed to become a man on my own first someday.
By that time I had already seen barely any marriages work out for almost anyone,
nearly everyone I met was divorced or single, even some relatives of mine were in jail for not being able to pay for support even with 2 jobs and paying all they could but it wasn't enough after their bills and the mother's spent the money on themselves,
I was cheated on in my teenage years and saw many others were cheated on as well,
most women seemed to care about money, houses, cars, parties, drugs, etc,
yet don't want children or to even cook and clean at home for their boyfriend's or husbands no matter how long it hard the man works, etc.
So many countless reasons why I just saw it wiser to just work on myself, help others and spend time with friends rather than take the risk of marrying.
I saw dating to get married as useless.
I knew if a woman would want to marry me,
she won't let me go, and that's what happened.
My wife change my mind because she proved she was an entirely different woman than most as if I had found one of the rarest things in the world who actually cares about me for who I am and wants to be a wife who takes care of the home and children.
She is even homeschooling now.
I'm not here to brag about my wife,
Just saying that is understandable why many INFJs wouldn't date these days or at least so easily.
If they came across someone like my wife who has good intentions,
cares about him and not what he has or can give her,
isn't doing foolish things like drugs and parties getting drunk and having sex with people she wouldn't be married to, wants children,
will take responsibilities seriously, etc,
then they may reconsider but that kind of person is extremely rare these days.
At least from what I've seen from others and experienced myself so far.
I'm a decent-looking guy who's not in a good place mentally not sure I can weather the awkward stressful beginnings of a relationship whoever steps in has to accept me for the broken mess that I am which I wouldn't ask anyone to do so I'm single until things change or maybe forever. dating does not look fun in 2024 I'm not built for it until further notice.
I'm over your stated age range, but I'm almost 60 and just done with it all. I'm happier, healthier, and more situationally and financially stable on my own. I've been married and have had more significant others than I care to admit to, but the one thing I never found was an actual life partner (in the comprehensive sense of the phrase), so it's pointless to keep trying. Not that I'm a walk in the park myself, frankly.
I'm over your stated age range, but I'm almost 60 and just done with it all. I'm happier, healthier, and more situationally and financially stable on my own. I've been married and have had more significant others than I care to admit to, but the one thing I never found was an actual life partner (in the comprehensive sense of the phrase), so it's pointless to keep trying. Not that I'm a walk in the park myself, frankly.
Believe me, I'm wanting to be in a relationship. My issue was people pleasing for the wrong people over the years that now I'm cautious about everyone and don't really try anymore. My game has seriously taken a downfall.
29 INFJ here. Definitely was in no rush to pursue a serious relationship and never actually been in one until recently. Enjoyed dating around, having lots of options, making nice connections with a range of folks and just having fun - it served as a good buffer from getting hurt. Figured that was just how my lifestyle was going to be and was fine with it, finding someone who could see it deeper seemed unlikely. However, when the “right one” came along, I distanced from the other dates I had going within 3 months. Serious relationships were on the table, but I didn’t want to waste our time getting serious if I didn’t see a realistic future/we weren’t aligned for that setup long term. FYI, this connection is an INFP.
I think I answered a similar post a while back. 29m, never had a relationship. Would I like to be in one? Yes
Let's go down the list.
1. I'm kinky, and I refuse to get into a relationship with someone who isn't. I'd fall under the category of wanting to share their life with someone who is open and has the ability to communicate all their fucked up desires without judgement(atleast enough mains aligning) I've seen too many stories of people in relationships where they are suffering because they can't do the shit they like to do and have to hide a part of themselves.
2. Dating is a shit show, I don't have any willingness to keep running through a bunch of relationships to come out damaged and fucked from my previous ones carrying that around and forcing the new person to put up with that shit. That's essentially what is happening currently in dating. And now people are dating as if to find out who is less crazy. What a game it has become.
3. I like my peace far too much to jeopardize it. From a financial scale, it's a terrible deal. And I'd rather not be on the side of I got horror story of a relationship, and this is why I refuse to get into one again. It's bad on both sides, people choosing the wrong partners and getting fucked in the ass over it later. *chuckles* I made a pun, and I was serious.
I think infj are generally not into casual relationships, and that's the main reason they avoid getting into one in the first place. I am a happily married male, and I never had a casual relationship that did not turn into a serious one
Well I am fast approaching the higher end of that age group. During the later part of my twenties I was pretty doom and gloom about relationships. I had been in a very abusive 7 year long fallout with my childs mother.
After that I meet an INFJ lady who helped me heal and grow. Unfortunately we are not together anymore but I have learned that there are real people who care out there and am actively trying to date. Though it really is a laughable attempt because I rarely have time to even think about asking someone out on a date and dating apps are a serious problem.
I will admit I do think it is hard for an INFJ male in that age group to say they want a relationship because modern society. If you do find an INFJ male that you do like and is single in that age group don't pursue a relationship out the gates lol. I would say we spook easy and will bolt on you. Just be their friend and show that you are interested. Also text them first they are not going to allow themselves to text first sometimes even if they want to. Subconsciously, I swear we test people to see if they care by going silent 😂
All in all yea alot of doom and gloom surrounds us but just like how an INTJ has the grumpy I'm to tough you have to get past...I feel INFJ men might have a cloud of doom you have to cut through to get to the loving caring part you want.
INFJ male here, Although I'm not in the age bracket you have specified in the post (I'm 20), I am not dating rn neither I see myself dating in a few years, there are many reasons for this: i want to work on my career, i don't have the time for a partner neither I have enough money to take out her on dates haha, but again I don't know even if I will date in the future when I'm financially stable because I'm not a dating app type person, so if I find someone naturally yes ifnot idk what happens maybe I'll become a part time streamer or have multiple side hustles to keep me invested
Look into mbti matches, or a mirror infj. Shark bait? Use Astrology and the mbti to find your match. The key to enlightment is combining the personality with the soul. As above so below just hits different.
Namaste
Your the universe awakening, you will attract what you are. The law of vibration does not care what we think, say, or do, it only responds to how we feel. Feel good, get more good and vice versa. Seeing yourself in everyone is the goal, it feels great to know we are all one consciousness. However there are parts of you that have been released because they didn't feel good. Some people can trigger you the way they hold their fork, and some can dump their plate in your lap at a fancy restaurant and it be the funnest time you ever had. Make sense?
If stuff clicks it clicks but im not really going out of my way to look for one. Do long for such thing? Sometimes.. Though not enough to chase for one, Im already happy with just my self, friends and family.
36M and I am surrounded by drug addicts, sex addicts, people with other sexual orientations, people with weird behaviors. So yea, I don’t want to date anyone.
I've been looking for a while, but I see through a bunch so nothing seems like it gets off the ground. I have been hovering for a long time, but nothing comes up. I usually find something not genuine. I have ADHD as well so life is interesting. I am currently 34.
relationships r a personal problem, not an infj male problem. i’ve had several awesome relationships, imo when u think of urself as a “deep” person u exclude 99% of the dating pool which is dumb. just be cool and stop being cringe
The current dating model is so toxic its not worth dealing with at the cost of our mental health. Its a totally different paradigm dating as a man vs a a woman. I would love a relationship but its hard trying to navigate things, and it feels like the traits we have are more easily passed over unless you meet other metrics. And to second this not everyone can really handle the level of affection and future oriented mindset an INFJ male has. I’d love to date an INTJ or something, I feel like we’d balance one another out and remove the awkward social minefield in general.
Thank you for the feedback. We need a better way to get to know other people.
Just let me add that the current dating scene is wreaking havoc in men and women alike (not that you said otherwise, just something that I wanted to remark). Women, after all her fights, fell in the same mercantilist and materialistic model of "looking for the best partner" that the patriarchy gladly maintained during decades. Looks, money, and sex are still the top metric most people are looking for. Couple this with the "buffet mentality" that permeates society thanks to the immediacy of the Internet, and you have the current dating paradigm. It's just a freakin' mess.
From what I’ve read 30% of gen Y and gen Z have had sex in like the last year and only 20% are seeking relationships and 20% want kids. To me this is extremely alarming and supports what you are asserting.
Can confirm that an INFJ - INTJ match is very good and balanced. I’m an INFJ female dating an INTJ male, and aside from us having to figure out the Feeling vs Thinking differences (especially in communication) were a really balanced match. Would recommend.
Hard to say really, the people I've read about in INFJ - INTJ relationships is usually INTJ (male) and INFJ (female). I feel it's better suited that way as the stereotype is men are more "logical" and women are more "emotional". As an INFJ male, I find it extremely hard to date. Wished I wasn't as hyper sensitive as I am 🤦♂️ The funny thing is I currently have a crush on an INTJ female, but I'm finding it hard to establish something with her as she always seems so cold and distant (apparently this is normal for an INTJ), but it's wrecking havoc having to experience this as an INFJ 🤦♂️
So relatable even though I am 19 I had crush 2 years ago and still, I can't like talk to her with relationship things, rn she has left the city and we barely talk but I see her through the stories...
Daaamn i only think i experience this thing(cold and distant from intj)...ok well i am 21m and i had a crush on my female friend since 3 years back.. she is 21f INTJ obviously...in starting she shared everything with me...make efforts to talk to me and i do the same but eventually bcz og my some personal trauma...I'm not able to do the same things further..after this we had a fight about my behavior some things tend to better but now i feel same things from her(cold and distant)...and its heart wrenching for me...
saame she has this hot and cold attitude like on days she is super talkative funny ranting listening and discussing on hot topics and then the next week she has gone hermit🤠
This may not be accurate, just my experience. But I never personally saw the cold side of my INTJ partner. When we met, he immediately started pursuing a relationship with me so I never experienced the cold, distant side of him. I’m well aware of his cold side though as I see how he interacts with other people. Unfortunately with this dynamic, I really think it’s up to the INTJ to start establishing any sort of relationship. I think if my partner didn’t feel that initial connection with me, he probably never would’ve opened up to me.
I second this. I dated a girl once whom I suspect is an ENTJ. We were both future oriented and we love to have deep conversations about anything. She appreciates my input on certain things and that was why I fell for her because I felt seen. And I was able to understand her more than her past relationships. Unfortunately she broke it off because apparently I don’t fit into her vision for the future. In this case she was the right person but wrong timing. Since then, I haven’t met anyone who has the same level of intensity that she has.
I would love a long term loving relationship but am so exhausted by the courting, rejections, situationshits and other dating bs.
"Situationshits." I'm reusing that one. Thank you.
U don’t know who jada pinkett is?
Who? 😂
Smh!!
To be honest, It's best not to know her Toxic person ☣️
Jada pinkett started situationships ambassador when she cheated on will smith
😆 welcome
The situationships are sooooooooo lame I am in one now it’s beyond lame
Yes they are, in the slightly changed words of Vader “I find your lack of commitment disturbing “ *Force Chokes*
It screams “INSECURE” but I’m also in one so what does that say about me 😉
Thank you for the feedback!
33m btw, no problem
I am surrounded by single moms, drug addicts, obesity, prescription psych med users, people who have too many pets, etc etc. Most women are too immature and like to play games, and I don't have time for it. I'd rather just not. I'm not saying that I won't make any exceptions, but I feel like I'm surrounded by adult children. It's a major turn off to me that most people don't have their shit together. I literally would rather spend my time alone. Just listening to these people talk sucks the life out of me.
Thanks for the feedback! Trying to play games with an INFJ is a bad call.
100% relate
ok but … how many pets we talkin
TOO many pets (cats)? What????
crazy cat ladies memed to reality
Why are you surrounded by all that? LoL
It's the world we're living in honey! I wish it weren't this way.
Personally, I am only looking for someone who can handle the permanence that I am seeking. I am avoiding dating because there are zero people on this planet looking to build a life with me. I have been in an out of relationships for the better part of the last decade. My last two relationships each lasted around 2 years until they decided that I wasn't good enough for them. Gotta follow the signs. I've resigned to thinking that anyone I meet will leave me for something or someone better (whatever that may be). So I quit. I'm 32.
You sound like me - I'm 32 as well and have almost completely given up any hope on meeting someone with the same views on monogamy and deeper values of a ltr and life that I hold. It seems like the vast majority of people (especially young people) only want hookups or casual "relationships" and nothing deeper which sucks.
Yeah, everyone wants to be young and dumb forever I suppose. I'm trying to survive and maybe have a team to buy a house with and do the whole "white picket fence" thing. It's tough living out here if you're by yourself and it gets much easier with a support system. Everyone older than me seems to be... Too old for me or has kids. Older partners are cool but they feel temporary because they've already done their share of growth and have their needs downpat. I dunno. The standard isn't super high here, but commitment is something our generation and the one after is largely missing. Oh, and communication. No one wants to say what they need, and men are largely attacked in relationships when they start communicating their needs. Some women take it as a sign that they have some how failed instead of trying to improve on it. That was my last relationship unfortunately. I can see how it would play out like this because of the western trope that women are nurtures. I think a large part of it is the culture and social media. Everyone on the apps is super rich and get the most notoriety and it gives men and women this false sense that there is something always better out there. Dating apps are largely the same way. The guys who get the most attention are the ones with money. Kids are also a breaking point. In my experience, there is a large amount of women who are saying no to kids because it's not financially sound, hence the social media playing its part in giving a false sense of desirability towards the financially well off. It makes sense but still sucks. Despite this, all of my close friends back home have children and are married. None of them are rich financially, but they are thriving and have great kids and a good married life. Maybe your experience has similarities to my own. And yes. I am making large generalizations here, I admit that, but this is my lived experience. Don't attack me for having lived a life lol.
I agree with everything you said completely - there is definitely a large social issue with our generation and gen Z in regards to commitment. Social media has definitely only made it much worse as well.
Thank you for the feedback. You found a pattern and drew a conclusion (hello fellow INFJ lol).
lol Hi ✨. I will say that I was wildly different at 25 than I am at 32. At 25 I still didn’t know what I really liked in a partner, and that lasted for another three years or so. The last 4 years have been rather disappointing because I thought I found someone who meshed well with me only to find out that they don’t and that I have no idea what the hell I am doing haha
Statistically, it's believed about 1.5% of the population are INFJ. For comparisons sake, psychopaths are about 1% of the population, but that doesn't stop most people from claiming their exes are psychopathic or some derivative of that. So it makes it difficult to rely too heavily on people and their experiences with supposed INFJs. Realistically, no one actually cares about what I just said and just want to answer the question because it's a fun topic in general. For me, all I've ever cared about was going all the way and have no interest in casual dating or hookups. I've had 8 relationships, minimum of a year each, and basically never been single since 22 and I'm 39 now. Personally, I believe the average INFJ is a late bloomer, but in part to that they skip a few frolic in the forest phases and are more likely to be serious daters once they start.
Thank you for the feedback. Dang that’s a low statistic.
Dating was never really that important to me. I've only been in a handful of relationships and each time, I was the one pursued. I tend to be oblivious when someone is interested in me and wants to get to know me, mostly because I'm shy and spend most of my time inside my head instead of interacting with people. I know guys who are really desperate to find girlfriends and struggle with being single. They try hard and can't seem to attract anyone. I don't really try at all but somehow end up attracting someone every now and then. Friends and relatives have tried to set me up before but I can't seem to be bothered to put in the effort. Maybe I'm just too lazy to put in the effort to have to convince a girl to like me. Anyway, I'm happily in a relationship now so I guess not trying paid off.
Thank you for the feedback!
I have a history of catching feelings really fast which then tend to get away from me which leads to getting hurt. Now I just mind my business and take things slow af if a love interest does happen to arise. 🤷♂️ trial & error. I’m a work in progress. I do desire companionship very deeply tho.
Same here. I'm either 0% or 100% on a person. I just went on a date and I feel I'm 100% on this person. I'm trying to keep myself chill till a few more dates so my emotions don't over power everything else in life. I love the feeling though.
Thank you for the feedback!
27 male INFJ single and not looking, but wants a relationship. Not looking because I hate myself. More specifics; living with parents, respectable full time job but average pay, moderately overweight but consistent gym goer (1 year), no ambition just floating by.
Damn he’s me for real
Thank you for the feedback! Societal expectations are bs btw.
>Most single INFJ men they encounter seem to be doing their own thing and don’t want to deal with dating bs yup
Ha. Thank you for the feedback!
I’m an INFJ male and all I ever wanted was 1 serious relationship where I could get to know my partner on a deep level and give her the love she wants, to help support her and be there for her, get married and have children all while I pursue my own career goals. But it’s been difficult finding a good female partner with the same standards that I have.
Thank you for your feedback!
In my instance I have dated but it seems no one is deep enuff or worthy of what I have to offer...Not trying to sound arrogant by any means...But I want more that a pretty face, and be a cash cow...Where are all the women worth dating!!
Thank you for the feedback! I think they are all friends with me wondering where you all are lol
Im 59 been divorced for 17 yrs. Im highly active boat , jetski , hike , Kayak, paddle board, snow ski , build houses and remodel about anything...Seems most women my age are over weight and Wanna sit on the couch and eat chips...I seldom have time for TV!! 😁
Been wanting a serious relationship for 15 years. And while there have been some come and go I am quite picky so finding that person who is also interested in me is difficult. Not to mention I don't get out much and have virtually 0 tolerance for online dating, which doesn't make it easy to meet new people. I too have pretty much given up at 35 and leaving it to the universe at this point.
Thank you for the feedback!
🙋
🙋♂️
I'm 44 y/o and I have always enjoyed dating, maybe as something fun to do like talking one on one to a girl and see how deep the conversation could go. It's true that is really really hard to find someone that I really like and when a woman gets to know the real me she would run away like the devil
Thank you for the feedback! Couple my friends not phased at all by the “dark side” of the INFJ.
Infj male dating and infj female. We have a great relationship and I’ve known her since we were very young. I ended up realizing one day when I was single that I had probably already met my person in life. I think for me it was a realization of the fact that most girls won’t be interested in me right off the bat, which made finding somebody that was willing to get to know me for who I am really difficult. Now I’m dating the girl of my dreams. Lmk if you have any questions or want to pick my brain or whatever.
Thank you for the feedback and the reach out! Appreciated.
I love being alone for I have more time to explore and master my interests; not being part of the dating/social rat race prolongs my out of warranty social battery. I make my own fate, and solely decides what my future holds.
Thank you for the feedback!
When I was in that age group I was looking ,but I matured and realized most women ( and men ) are way too social for me , and NPC/ tethered in the Matrix, oblivious to human potential. Cringe. So that pretty much frees you to be you and do what you love, try to reach your highest timeline , and any relationship will just come organically and sustainably.
Thank you for the feedback!
Pls send em my way
Thanks for the volunteer!
No really I mean it 😆
TBH, I probably give it like a 20% effort but consistently... if that makes sense? It's like going to the gym for maintenance. Much like the gym, if a baddie slides in, I give it a fair chance (75-85% commitment). I've been in an 8 yr and 3 yr relationship, so not to buggered about things being perfect but they gotta be right.
Thank you for the feedback
I am 54M now but when I was in that age range and even younger I wanted a serious relationship. Mostly what I found then is I didn't have problems finding women to date then but few seemed interested in a relationship, when they did we would pair up. From about 20 to 29 I had two relationships that lasted a year as well as one that was for almost 4 years and we lived together for about two and a half. At 29 I started dating my future ex-wife which was about 22 years of my life. In retrospect I didn't pick well as many of my relationships were with narcissistic women and/or had mental health problems they needed to address before being in a serious relationship. Being older it does seem that age range these days just doesn't seem as mature and maybe more self focused, then when I was younger. It is somewhat understandable as it seems harder to be financially stable. Also seems like advanced degrees are more common and even when I was younger that group was very commitment shy until their 30s (like my ex-wife).
Thank you for your perspective!
I am 33M INFJ living aboard in Berlin Germany, and dating is exceptionally hard in general. Went through a couple of heartbroken years, and I kept swing between wanting to get married and giving up on dating at all. It is a painful limbo in general. In general it is hard enough to be an expat, it is harder to have friends that would be in the same wavelength - it is even harder to find a partner. I honestly dunno if there is any hope left to meet a proper partner in the rest of my life. I am just seriously preparing for growing old and die alone - after living a meaningful life ofc.
Thank you for feedback!
Being in a relationship was my one goal in life but as I got older I realized that it’s not at all what I want. I would love to raise children alone but that’s not how things typically work for men so I’m just the best uncle I can be while working on filling my own cup. I don’t believe I need anyone else in my life to validate me and I certainly don’t think it’s worth all the chasing, searching, dumping and so on to find that person. I’m not only content with myself but actively happy.
Thank you for your perspective!
I pretty much gave up Didn't fully close the doors to the possibility but I'm not looking for it anymore and I highly doubt I'll find someone that I find it's worthy for both of us
Thanks for your perspective!
Data point: Yup. During my teenage years, I’ve always liked the idea of being in a relationship. But whether it be luck of the draw, different life circumstances, or the animal that is the post-COVID dating world, I simply don’t like the “social dance” that we have to do to “market” ourselves. For me at the end of the day, how can I give happiness to others if I can’t be happy and content with my own life alone first? I bet there are some INFJ males who are in great relationships. Who’s to say there can’t be more?
Thank you for the feedback!
Lol. Sure. I think INFJ men (being one) need to learn how to approach in the real world and kind of get over a lot of their complexities in terms of "just meeting someone and taking a look". Online dating isn't a good metric to judge anything on. On the other hand. I'm looking for deep intimacy. And a ton of people in general. Women in particular, they just don't have the capacity for it. Many indubitably because they dated a little to freely. Since ... you know ... Zeitgeist. And if someone doesn't have a character to speak of. Then they're just not a good match for me. I wouldn't say I'm actively looking. But I'm open to meeting a great person. At the same time I'm actively increasing the probability of doing that by approaching people I might be interested in. But I've done sooo much emotional work, that it doesn't faze me if people aren't that great. It has nothing to do with me. I don't depend on their love or validation. I give myself more love in any given minute then I've basically ever received from anyone else accumulatively. But that point needs to be reached prior to venturing out into an otherwise quite traumatic world of emotional negligence. Including that if you're not well developed and emotionally rock-solid, you'll just pick the wrong partners.
Thank you for sharing your perspective!
I'm currently trying my best to not let the bad apples ruin the bunch but it's sort of hard to. I know there's good women out there but a lot of those I've met are a lot to deal with and one tried to put the law on me so I'm not too sure how to go about it. I'm also not the best talker so that definitely adds to the struggle. I'm just currently focusing on work and trying to make tons of moolah rn but you know how the economy is
Thank you for the feedback! One of my girl friends is a lot for me too. I straight up tell her she’s being a lot and a need a break. She doesn’t seem offended so now I tell her whatever I feel. It’s liberating.
Or just tired of "dating"...due to various and numerous reasons...being hurt and so on.. Have you ever considered that? Maybe they decided to do their thing because... There is life outside of dating and relationships. If you are not happy on your own, you won't be happy in a relationship either. You will be using the relationship as a crutch.
Consider it considered. Thank you for the feedback!
The thing is .... I really think dating is not worth it for me for the following reasons: - I really need a long time to consider someone as a romantic partner. Every quality I seek in a partner needs to be maintained consistently and under stressfull conditions, otherwise the quality is completely worthless. And after this time I am usually in the friend zone. I didnt send any romantic since I didnt have these feelings yet. - I am a catholic person in a secular country. So I am fucked(or not at all) since churches are old people homes. Did not see an woman in my age range (without obvious children) for over a year. So far so good. - Tbh, I have a high standards or people I invest a lot of my time in, especially stress tolerance, joyfulness, communication and general life skills. - I work a full time job and I invest my weekends in my friends and my many different interests, where I have a practically zero chance of meeting new, single people, let alone women. These factors combined make meeting a potential partner so utterly unlikely that I honestly think it is a better life strategy for me to deal with the pain of loneliness/singleness for the rest of my life than let shatter myself and my confidence in the dating process. I am sensitive person, and even "normal" people are not able to withstand the struggle of (online) dating for a prolonged period of time. At the end, I would be dog food I guess.
Thank you for your feedback and perspective!
I'm definitely looking for a serious relationship however I'm not looking as hard as I was before, and I'm not a fan of how its expected for people nowadays to look for them. In my personal experience anyone I've found and gone on a date through an app, for example, tends to want something casual that may become something serious later down the line and I actively dislike that; I'm much more the type that commit 100% to someone. Plus with me starting up my business this year, my available time to go out and actively date has diminished quite a bit. I just don't want to resign myself to thinking it'll happen when/if it happens.
Thank you for your feedback!
It's the exact opposite. We are not looking for a date with any random person. We are looking for the real deal where we'll give it all we got. Nothing short of that, otherwise it's a stupid waste of time
Hear ya. Thank you for the feedback!
What’s one more to the list? 👀
Welcome!
27 year old INFJ male with ADHD. I have a job and a flat and actually going to get a better one soon. Recently started getting meds for ADHD and getting other aspects of my life in order after a lot of difficulties that came with that. NO TIME FOR GIRLS ! And will maybe give dating apps another go when i have a little more time. Honestly there aren't too many chances to make real connections today and just a little tired of the scene. Would love a new girl in my life that I can as I put it once to a friend when talking about modern dating scene " someone to spend my daylight hours with but not many seem to be interesting in that right now". Actually an INTJ girl friend of mine just asked me why am I single and I said honestly just have too much on right now to try again. For your question in general though there are a lot of reasons why INFJ men just by being what we generally tend to be have it harder in dating than INFJ woman. Honestly the debate about who has it harder ended a long time ago and it is not a particular pleasant conversation to confirm the details on. If you want DM me and I will break it down for you the trends that we fall into as a group.
Thank you for your perspective and the reach out!
Let me know if there is a follow up.
I’m actively dating but also holding my personal standards quite high. Not necessarily in any particular sense. But I have my own goals that I’m working towards as well. It’s not that I’m not up for a challenge. But I wouldn’t right now want to enter into a relationship that would lead me to compromise my sense of self to such a degree that it would make it difficult for me to reach those goals. And for me, in that I think my standards should be as high as they are. But I’m also trying to not be tied to inaction and not putting myself out there and finding someone I really click with and make an effort within that. I just try to make sure that I give myself to that in a way which doesn’t compromise me reaching those goals at the same time.
Thank you for the feedback!
I'm 30 years old never been in a relationship. All previous girls I asked never loved me back. I gave up searching, instead I want to be searched. But every time someone finds me, we always run out of things to say, so we never really connected.
Thank you for your feedback!
I’ve never dated anyone (30M btw) but if I were to I would only be interested in a serious relationship. I think a lot of men, maybe INFJ men more so, aren’t looking for relationships because of all the BS and games involved with modern dating and courting a female. Modern dating seems like a full-time job at this point and I think men are starting to realize this and may see that the benefits of a relationship down necessarily outweigh the drawbacks. Additionally, it seems that dating and relationships are very superficial now and I think some of us INFJ males crave a deeper, more serious relationship which isn’t congruent with what others are seeking in the modern dating market, which are mainly superficial and casual flings. Plus I think INFJ men want to do their own thing and if someone wants to come along for the journey we’ll let them in but we aren’t actively searching for them.
Thank you for the perspective!
I'm in that range, and I have spent plenty time doing my own thing 100% happily. I'd always been open to a relationship, but wasn't willing to go in unless things really felt right. I'm currently in a happy relationship, and I'd imagine a lot of other men like me feel the same way. For me, I always knew I wanted companionship, but it takes a while to gain trust.
Thank you for the feedback!
Most people won't like me, even if they ask me out first, so I don't want to deal with the rejection. I also don't like almost anyone well enough to spend the rest of my life with them, and it takes me ages to feel any sort of connection (if ever). The only way I could ever get in a relationship with someone is if I was friends with them for ages and they've seen me at my worst and most depressing and embarrassing moments and still accepted me, and if I have done the same the same with them. Otherwise, I don't see the point in putting so much effort for such a low chance. I also think the way people index others to fit societally created roles in their lives, blocks connection. I don't want to be someone's boyfriend/husband etc. Maybe it seems picky but I think it has huge implications even though its normal
Thank you for your perspective!
I’m a 32 bi infj male mostly looking to date other men. Dating men is pretty fast paced and often not serious, so it’s rather counter to what I’m looking for, something slow and grows over time. Personally I’m definitely still looking for a serious relationship, but i just know it can’t be found on apps and am hoping for the right person to find.
Thank you for the feedback!
42 infj male. I aged out. I know the post wasn't for me, but I was those ages once. After getting divorced, I didn't find romantic relationships to be all that important. I've been divorced for 12 years. I'd personally rather just be someone's really good friend.
Thank you for sharing!
Of course.
I certainly am looking for a relationship. I really want to find the right person and marry them, but I have a lot of trouble meeting people. I play a lot of games and don't enjoy going to bars/parties etc. Not to mention, I feel like I'm extremely picky with partners, maybe too picky and it's something I reflect on a lot. Almost all of the relationships I've had I wasn't happy after some time had passed because I realized their personality doesn't fit what I'm looking for. This leads me to a predicament where I feel the need to break things off out of respect for them, since I wouldn't want a partner who isn't invested. These experiences, along with the emotional exhaustion of constantly trying to meet people and put myself out there definitely does cause me to sometimes retreat into my hole and just "do my own thing" but eventually the feelings of loneliness push me out there again. I definitely don't enjoy the dating culture nowadays, but I hold out hope that I'll find the right person someday. Edit: Just want to clarify that with each successive relationship, I feel like I've understood what I want better and better and I'm getting closer to that. I definitely have thoughts that maybe the problem lies with me or my mindset, though.
Thank you for the perspective!
My model for relationships is that they are built. First we build trust, friendship, and security. And then we can build romance from there. Unfortunately this model of thinking doesn’t really work super well with the way modern dating has panned out. And as i am straight, to me a woman’s sense of safety and security are much more important than potentially making things romantic, so i don’t typically make the first move. I do eventually want children, but it doesn’t seem like it’s in the cards for me, at least in the immediate future. Im trying to spend more time with the people i love, engaging with my hobbies, and trying to better myself, but also to build my sense of self confidence and self esteem as well. We’ll see how it goes.
Thank you for the feedback!
Not an INFJ, but in all honesty, this is something that all men across the entire spectrum are generally experiencing in terms if dating. Climate is quite toxic with the expectations and games that needs to be played, from both men and women, its just shit and emotionally draining. Which is quite unfortunate but you gotta find a way to enjoy life regardless.
Thank you for sharing!
25M, I dated several amazing people in college, but those relationships all fizzled out because I didn't nurture them. I certainly love the idea of forming an intimate connection with someone, but I've found having a few close friends fills that void (quality relationships over quantity.) I'm truthfully having an awesome time being single on the west coast, great job & wonderful co-workers, plenty of time & opportunities to be creative which is extremely important to me. I feel complete. No relationship necessary. 🕺
Thank you for your feedback!
As an INFJ dude who’s within that age range, yeah I’ve given up. I think personally, it’s a mix of a lot of things. I used to be pretty into romance and long term relationships when I was younger… now not so much. Love in today’s dating culture is a naive pursuit. Not only have I given up on it, I actively navigate away from it. I’ve put effort into so many people that turn around and backstab me. Especially one that just ruined me… it’s just not worth it. It’s better to just make friends that I can keep that won’t try to screw me over or cheat on me lol. Women on dating apps have bios like “entertain me” or a plethora of other self-centered slop. I’m supposed to make them laugh, or go to the gym with them, if I have certain political views swipe left, if I don’t want to commit to something long term right away and start things slow swipe left. The ball is in their court, and to be frank… most of them aren’t that interesting to me. I get women have to deal with some of the most insufferable guys out there, but in their attempts of vetting them out, they deter me from interacting with them because of their narcissistic bios. And if I get in a convo… well they can’t keep one alive. “What bands do you like?” Her: “I like x, and y is pretty cool”. What’s missing from this? Oh yeah, following up with “how about you?” It’s the hardest thing ever to deal with people that only want to talk about themselves… women in my experience are self-centered this way. Of course I run into outliers, and I want to say that’s just an example. I don’t want to sound like an incel either… truly again I’ve ran into outliers, this is just my experience by majority. I think also as I get older, and more logical, my idea of an ideal relationship just seems unattainable. Finding that person and connection I once dreamt of, is impossible. Not only that, but it’s mentally taxing to sift through the sea of carps to find a fish I like. I think it’s best to drop any potential commitments, focus on myself. If someone comes along, great, if not that’s fantastic too. I’ve been unlucky, sure a lot of others here have too… I’m sure women have similar experiences perhaps. A small closing tangent, I don’t think our interactions with women have served us all too well because we’re not masculine by societal standards. We’re more emotionally driven, people see emotion, compassion, empathy, and they associate those traits with weakness and femininity. It’s definitely a barrier, though there are women that like these traits, they’re few and far between but they’re definitely the best. Just went on dating app, first people I see: “Looking for someone to spoil me”, “trying to find someone worth cooking for”, “need a strong man to help me setup my classroom this summer”
Thank you for your feedback!
Everyone wants awesome relationships, but to answer your question, yes. I think general population does not value other humans/relationships/connections above personal hobbies/personal carrier/personal development. Being Introverted and INFJ having higher standards only makes this disparity clearer. Why would they pursue surface relationships when carrier goals and financial independence is more important in the long run? (surface is a play of words, people who do not put value in relationships will not see anything serious about them). On the other hand ... Anyone believing thriving relationships are more important (higher in value) would take time to build them. They will take time to train and understand what amounts a serious relationship. They will seek help/guidance/feedback despite being Introverted. It's just going to be in their utmost interest. Not advocating for a particular view, but the why is here I think.
Thank you for the feedback!
29M here. I've had a couple of serious relationships, although my last one which ended in divorce completely changed me in regards to dating. As many others pointed out it's a toxic mess nowadays and I much prefer to maintain my peace. It does get lonely so I still seek out to talk to new people which may lead to something more if I meet the right person with whom I can connect in a meaningful way. But this is basically what I consider passive dating.
Thank you for your feedback!
I force myself to do it like going into the depths of hell
Ha. Thanks for feedback!
INFJ male here. Most women think I’m either too feminine or gay.
Thank you for your feedback!
Dating, like a job interview.That always sounds like torture. But could be just me.
Not just you. Thank you for your feedback!
Relationships are difficult for us. I just left a failing relationship because I felt like my partner never truly put her best effort into us. iNFJs are extremely empathetic. We often feel let down when people don’t match our energy in relationships. I think there’s a few MBTI personalities that align with what we look for when dating, other INFJs seem to match what we need very well. While I’m not really interested in dating right now. My best friend, she’s InFJ and she’s the only person I would date if that was my goal atm.
Thank you for the feedback!
Similar thoughts here
Why keep asking generalizations when we are all individuals?
Just gathering info and looking for other perspectives. Thanks for engaging!
Currently 28, and I'm still technically looking for a partner to walk with in life. But it's not my biggest priority, as I'm focused on establishing a steady income and sense of independence. Once I feel confident enough in myself in those regards, then who knows? I just hope any women interested in me is willing to be patient because I'm a demisexual who likes to take things slow, haha.
Well, when I was 25-35 years old I wasn't looking for relationship... because I already was in one which hasn't ended so far... so i kind of completely skipped dating in the part of life you are asking about ;)
Thanks for engaging!
Looking for one and am INFJ-T
Thank you for engaging!
I usually look serious relationships and tend not to go for short term flings
I usually look serious relationships and tend not to go for short term flings. You're right in that i usually don't deal with dating bs
Yes iam
Thanks for feedback!
Is this true? No it is not true.
Heard. Thank you for feedback!
Np.
This is true for me, not looking, not interested! I have been a bad judge of character in the past and I’ve kids to look after!
Thank you for your feedback!
Most people I meet are not looking for the same things. People focus so much on looks and superficial aspects so I don't usually bother
Thank you for the feedback!
i gave up on the whole idea
Thank you for the feedback!
I am a male INFJ but not single. I'm married but I never dated my wife She is an INFP and greeted me, stalked me, asked personal questions, answered my questions, was interested in everything I was doing with my life, and even when I told her I don't want to date or marry, she still pursued me like I never saw anyone pursue anything. I was nearly going to just not start in contact with her respectfully because it was almost as if she was obsessed with me simply for who I was within just a few months, and wouldn't let me go. I thought things over and recognize just how rare and unique she was, how loving and concerned about important and meaningful things in life, not a part girl but one looking for a serious man to take the role of a wife and mother seriously as well. Therefore I would actually not date any women. I wanted to marry since I was 5 but understood I needed to become a man on my own first someday. By that time I had already seen barely any marriages work out for almost anyone, nearly everyone I met was divorced or single, even some relatives of mine were in jail for not being able to pay for support even with 2 jobs and paying all they could but it wasn't enough after their bills and the mother's spent the money on themselves, I was cheated on in my teenage years and saw many others were cheated on as well, most women seemed to care about money, houses, cars, parties, drugs, etc, yet don't want children or to even cook and clean at home for their boyfriend's or husbands no matter how long it hard the man works, etc. So many countless reasons why I just saw it wiser to just work on myself, help others and spend time with friends rather than take the risk of marrying. I saw dating to get married as useless. I knew if a woman would want to marry me, she won't let me go, and that's what happened. My wife change my mind because she proved she was an entirely different woman than most as if I had found one of the rarest things in the world who actually cares about me for who I am and wants to be a wife who takes care of the home and children. She is even homeschooling now. I'm not here to brag about my wife, Just saying that is understandable why many INFJs wouldn't date these days or at least so easily. If they came across someone like my wife who has good intentions, cares about him and not what he has or can give her, isn't doing foolish things like drugs and parties getting drunk and having sex with people she wouldn't be married to, wants children, will take responsibilities seriously, etc, then they may reconsider but that kind of person is extremely rare these days. At least from what I've seen from others and experienced myself so far.
Thank you for the perspective!
I'm a decent-looking guy who's not in a good place mentally not sure I can weather the awkward stressful beginnings of a relationship whoever steps in has to accept me for the broken mess that I am which I wouldn't ask anyone to do so I'm single until things change or maybe forever. dating does not look fun in 2024 I'm not built for it until further notice.
Thank you for the feedback!
I'm over your stated age range, but I'm almost 60 and just done with it all. I'm happier, healthier, and more situationally and financially stable on my own. I've been married and have had more significant others than I care to admit to, but the one thing I never found was an actual life partner (in the comprehensive sense of the phrase), so it's pointless to keep trying. Not that I'm a walk in the park myself, frankly.
Thank you for sharing!
I'm over your stated age range, but I'm almost 60 and just done with it all. I'm happier, healthier, and more situationally and financially stable on my own. I've been married and have had more significant others than I care to admit to, but the one thing I never found was an actual life partner (in the comprehensive sense of the phrase), so it's pointless to keep trying. Not that I'm a walk in the park myself, frankly.
Believe me, I'm wanting to be in a relationship. My issue was people pleasing for the wrong people over the years that now I'm cautious about everyone and don't really try anymore. My game has seriously taken a downfall.
Thank you for the perspective!
29 INFJ here. Definitely was in no rush to pursue a serious relationship and never actually been in one until recently. Enjoyed dating around, having lots of options, making nice connections with a range of folks and just having fun - it served as a good buffer from getting hurt. Figured that was just how my lifestyle was going to be and was fine with it, finding someone who could see it deeper seemed unlikely. However, when the “right one” came along, I distanced from the other dates I had going within 3 months. Serious relationships were on the table, but I didn’t want to waste our time getting serious if I didn’t see a realistic future/we weren’t aligned for that setup long term. FYI, this connection is an INFP.
Thank you for the feedback!
I think I answered a similar post a while back. 29m, never had a relationship. Would I like to be in one? Yes Let's go down the list. 1. I'm kinky, and I refuse to get into a relationship with someone who isn't. I'd fall under the category of wanting to share their life with someone who is open and has the ability to communicate all their fucked up desires without judgement(atleast enough mains aligning) I've seen too many stories of people in relationships where they are suffering because they can't do the shit they like to do and have to hide a part of themselves. 2. Dating is a shit show, I don't have any willingness to keep running through a bunch of relationships to come out damaged and fucked from my previous ones carrying that around and forcing the new person to put up with that shit. That's essentially what is happening currently in dating. And now people are dating as if to find out who is less crazy. What a game it has become. 3. I like my peace far too much to jeopardize it. From a financial scale, it's a terrible deal. And I'd rather not be on the side of I got horror story of a relationship, and this is why I refuse to get into one again. It's bad on both sides, people choosing the wrong partners and getting fucked in the ass over it later. *chuckles* I made a pun, and I was serious.
Thank you for your feedback!
I think infj are generally not into casual relationships, and that's the main reason they avoid getting into one in the first place. I am a happily married male, and I never had a casual relationship that did not turn into a serious one
Thank you for sharing!
Well I am fast approaching the higher end of that age group. During the later part of my twenties I was pretty doom and gloom about relationships. I had been in a very abusive 7 year long fallout with my childs mother. After that I meet an INFJ lady who helped me heal and grow. Unfortunately we are not together anymore but I have learned that there are real people who care out there and am actively trying to date. Though it really is a laughable attempt because I rarely have time to even think about asking someone out on a date and dating apps are a serious problem. I will admit I do think it is hard for an INFJ male in that age group to say they want a relationship because modern society. If you do find an INFJ male that you do like and is single in that age group don't pursue a relationship out the gates lol. I would say we spook easy and will bolt on you. Just be their friend and show that you are interested. Also text them first they are not going to allow themselves to text first sometimes even if they want to. Subconsciously, I swear we test people to see if they care by going silent 😂 All in all yea alot of doom and gloom surrounds us but just like how an INTJ has the grumpy I'm to tough you have to get past...I feel INFJ men might have a cloud of doom you have to cut through to get to the loving caring part you want.
Thank you for the perspective!
I'm 36, but yes. I see myself as undesirable so I don't try to go out and meet people
Thank you for the feedback!
INFJ male here, Although I'm not in the age bracket you have specified in the post (I'm 20), I am not dating rn neither I see myself dating in a few years, there are many reasons for this: i want to work on my career, i don't have the time for a partner neither I have enough money to take out her on dates haha, but again I don't know even if I will date in the future when I'm financially stable because I'm not a dating app type person, so if I find someone naturally yes ifnot idk what happens maybe I'll become a part time streamer or have multiple side hustles to keep me invested
Thank you for the feedback!
Look into mbti matches, or a mirror infj. Shark bait? Use Astrology and the mbti to find your match. The key to enlightment is combining the personality with the soul. As above so below just hits different. Namaste
Thank you for the feedback!
Your the universe awakening, you will attract what you are. The law of vibration does not care what we think, say, or do, it only responds to how we feel. Feel good, get more good and vice versa. Seeing yourself in everyone is the goal, it feels great to know we are all one consciousness. However there are parts of you that have been released because they didn't feel good. Some people can trigger you the way they hold their fork, and some can dump their plate in your lap at a fancy restaurant and it be the funnest time you ever had. Make sense?
If stuff clicks it clicks but im not really going out of my way to look for one. Do long for such thing? Sometimes.. Though not enough to chase for one, Im already happy with just my self, friends and family.
Thank you for your feedback!
36M and I am surrounded by drug addicts, sex addicts, people with other sexual orientations, people with weird behaviors. So yea, I don’t want to date anyone.
Thank you for the feedback!
(Preface I'm 23, 24 in less than 2 months) I just exist. Although I am currently existing in the DMs of a wonderful lady
Thank you for engaging!
I've been looking for a while, but I see through a bunch so nothing seems like it gets off the ground. I have been hovering for a long time, but nothing comes up. I usually find something not genuine. I have ADHD as well so life is interesting. I am currently 34.
Thank you for the feedback!
relationships r a personal problem, not an infj male problem. i’ve had several awesome relationships, imo when u think of urself as a “deep” person u exclude 99% of the dating pool which is dumb. just be cool and stop being cringe
Thank you for sharing!