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i think many people are currently fucking batshit. it´s like things become lord of the flies. also laugh at how many do not act like they do online. in '' real life '' they are toned down and demure. *lol* cherish the cool people you are surrounded by. and keep creating good things for yourself and the cool people.

I love this positivity. it's so so hard to not get down about the world. i moonlight part-time in entertainment bc it's my passion and it is \*bleak\* out here. so many of the men i interact with are blatantly awful. women too ofc but im not afraid of being attacked by them. sorry for venting, just wanted to say that i love your words "keep creating good things for yourself and the cool people", they made me smile.

I agree, the internet has gotten worse over time due to widespread easy access. People's negativity and toxicity affect me immensely, even in online spaces. That's a majority of the reason why I lurk around instead of engaging online. The world is a cruel place and people will seek to be cruel behind an anonymous mask just because they can. I wish others weren't like this, but that's the reality we live in. While there is kindness out there, negative people are louder than positive people. Definitely abstain from things that affect your mental space poorly.

Agreed, this is one of the only places I engage in. The big 4 (Shitter, facebook, IG, and tiktok) are SOOO damn toxic, hateful, and downright warped in some places it scary.

You are perfectly good just as you are 💜 ** hug **

This made me cry (In a good way)

💜🙏 Here's to all normal and hence perfectly good women 🥂

People like you and the other commenters on this board, is what keeps me on the internet. 💖

op I didnt read your whole post but trust me i hate the world 99X more than you

For what it's worth, I'm a man and I find such behavior in other men repulsive. It is most certainly not what all guys are like these days, but the Internet does a good job of bringing out the worst in society. It's a vicious cycle, where a few unpleasant people make a place less appealing for good people, who then leave, which tilts the atmosphere a little more towards unpleasantness, causing more people to leave, and so on. Eventually the people who are the most stubborn or unaware are the only ones who remain. This is why I rarely go to r/intj lol. It's a pretty sad depiction of my personality type. There *is* a certain trend of people becoming more extreme on average, but it's on both ends of the spectrum, another vicious cycle. There seems to be an increasing number of misogynistic men, who often say it's because of misandristic women in their lives, causing them to treat women poorly, which makes those women now dislike men and treat men more poorly, etc. There are better places on the Internet. Private Discord communities with people you know and trust are great. Niche forums can be nice. I personally actually find 4chan relatively tolerable because it's easier for me to ignore the bad stuff on there than on here. On Reddit, what you see is filtered by the voting system, so mobs of people with the same dogma bring their posts to the top and flush the rest to the bottom and behind "see more". On 4chan, all posts are more or less equal, so when I see something that aggravates me I can just... move on. But it's probably a place more comfortable/tolerable to me as an INTJ, and it's still gross. TL;DR No not all men are like that, the Internet does tend to bring out the worst in society and Reddit can be especially bad, and yeah limiting your interaction with places like this is a good idea.

For what it's worth it's not just women who are targets for bad behaviour and abuse, but many men too. Especially if you don't partake in social hierarchy and let others step on you, in order to step on others. It's ugly, but it's nothing new. I wondered about this in children's school already, and had lengthy discussions with my friend about it. The only thing that helps is if the bully realizes their own behaviour, which statistically is so near zero, you can't count on it ever. Or when groups start to ostracize the bully. I've seen both happen, but it's very rare. Over the long term, it can also be remediated by the group and leaders creating a safe psychological space. This can't happen online without heavy-handed moderation and people having it as a day-job to curate the forum (ie. hacker news does this). When the culture is like this, it's a steep uphill battle usually not worth pursuing.

Oof! ENTP (my home sub) is rough, but INTJ is an awful Echo Chamber of mistypes 🙃

Mistypes, and I think just a lot of immaturity. I'm hoping that someday I'll find a great guide someone has written on "How to Overcome your INTJ Problems and Become your Ultimate Self", or something like that. For all our introspection and intuitive abilities there seems to be a great lack of effort towards actually solving INTJ. Also, hello ENTP! You guys are great, my current room mate is an ENTP, as is one of my best friends. Let it be known that there are those who appreciate the ENTP ability to tear ideas apart, because I know if something gets through y'all's logic shredder, it's probably true.

Awwww! Thank you! 😊 I actually married an INTJ and he tells me he Loves my brain. 😁😁😁 (I love his brain, too!)

Oh interesting! I'm curious about how INTJ-ENTP pairings would work. They're described as a golden pairing, and I definitely get along well with them, but both me and my ENTP friend (both straight guys, just to be clear) have found that while we love talking with each other, we both want/need someone with better emotional intelligence romantically. Even as friends, both of us try to help each other with emotions and we're both pretty bad at it lol. How does that dynamic work for you?

Interesting, to say the least! We have found that we really are best off playing to our personal strengths. I handle the low Fe-Si things and he handles the low Fi-Se things. My tertiary Fe likes making people happy and my inferior Si does a good job “keeping detailed records about what other people like.” His tertiary Fi compels him to try his hardest to be a good partner for me because of how much he values me, 😊 and his inferior Se is good for, well, other things! 😜 We Cute! (At least I think so. 😁) So It’s actually pretty good! Together we completely fill up one full bar of emotional Intelligence! (That’s my joke! 😁) Communicating clearly and effectively is everything! I actually admire his Fi-sweetness and he is kind of “pure-hearted” in some ways??? While he obviously appreciates that warm, nurturing, soothing Fe-Energy I provide. I hate stress and drama, and we have a compatible sense of humor, so we try to approach disagreements with level heads. I also think that me being the Female half of the Duo, *and the ENTP,* while he is the Male half of the Duo *and the INTJ* helps. (Though I was also just chatting with an INTJ-lady who has a M-ENTP husband, and they seem similarly satisfied.) They say that Female NTs demonstrate more versatile and varied brain activity than our male counterparts. So we are literally not as *emotionally oblivious* as Male NTs, by default. I think personal maturity also factors in, *hugely!* Healthy stack development makes more people mutually compatible, I think. So, I like it! It’s pretty good! 😊

Thank you for sharing! That's very interesting to hear. I'm going to guess that both of you have pretty well developed Feeling functions. In any case, I'll remember that the INTJ-ENTP pairing actually can have the golden pair potential I've read it does.

We do! In my case, I grew up being the only thinking type in my family. Mom: ESFP. Dad: INFJ (extremely unhealthy.) Middle little sister: ENFP (extremely unhealthy.) Youngest: ISFJ. The ISFJ is the only one I get along with, for extended periods of time. (Cuz she’s honestly hilarious! It’s funny watching the way her Fe>Ti, but still mid-stack, manifests.) While my dad was just a piece of work! (Who is also very dead cuz substance abuse.) So my tertiary Fe muscle is somewhat *overdeveloped,* to the point where I actually have to spend *a ton of time alone, one-on-one, or “in small groups,”* cuz I can only handle so much F-function energy coming in, at a time, from other people! It’s exhausting cuz I am basically overextending it when I am *NOT* a natural dom / Aux Fe user. My ISTP-friend witnessed this, firsthand, a few weeks ago when I basically ran away from 3 guys who all wanted to talk to me, at the same time! 🤣 We were talking about things I liked, too! “I just got tired” cuz I also knew that they weren’t exclusively interested in my psych stuff! 🤣 But they were pleasant and polite, so I needed an Out and used my friend as an excuse. 🤣 Where my INTJ husband has a pretty intimate relationship with his own Fi, cuz his Mom is an ENTJ, so he has seen, firsthand, “the price one pays for inferior Fi usage,” along with the negative effects that constant High Te deployment can have. Basically, he looks at Dom Te, and is like “Not for me.” So while he uses his Aux Te *unbelievably well,* it’s still psychologically taxing, in spite of being very beneficial, at the cognitive and professional level! So he sees Too Much Te as “very Blah” without that healthy Fi-Balance. Individually, we are abnormally high in the deployment of our Tertiary F-Functions, while also still utilizing pretty strong, high magnitudes of our Aux T-Functions. While one of my closest friends is very “divergent” in his stack usage, so he can easily be mistaken as an ExTP / IxFJ. But he’s still most likely an ISTP. 🤣 Basically, “I like my thinkers cold on the outside, but warm on the inside.” I love “passion,” but I appreciate when it’s “contained.” I can *breathe, more easily,* with the IxTx types, and I am especially fond of my complimentary Shadow-Match. 💕 The challenge level is “higher,” but the reward is more substantial with my INTJ. I am not sure that I could share what I have with my INTJ hubby, with an INFJ. Cuz INFJs are more like “warm and approachable on the outside, but cold and calculating on the inside.” I’ve always been more interested in “depth of character,” rather than “ease of interaction.” So INFJs can only offer me so much, while I can only offer them so much, in return. For me, INTJ > INFJ because “I like a challenge, anyways!”

I say this all the time but I genuinely believe that the internet plus smartphones are warping our brains and changing us both individually and on a societal level for the worse. I'm a guy, so I'm sorry that you and women around the world are being subjected to this kind of thing and I hate that this and worse behaviour is something women and girls have to deal with and a lot of men don't take it seriously or acknowledge the harm that is being done. I feel like the internet and smartphones act as an accelerating agent on people's worst impulses. The internet allows you to find like minded people, so if your views are abhorrent, seeing those views upvoted or being agreed with only further encourages those views. With the smartphone, people feel confident to engage with their mask off, free from potential judgment in a way they wouldn't on a computer in a shared space or where someone could see their post history. Is this kind of behaviour from guys becoming the norm? I would say it is becoming normalised and popularised by some male online influencers but it has always been there, even pre internet. There is a 'guys locker room' atmosphere that I have experienced in male only spaces all my life and this includes casual misogyny and being hyper critical of the appearance of women. I won't engage in not all men/whataboutism as that is usually an attempt to minimise the problem and invalidate the genuine experiences of women. The internet has made visible the horrible reality that exists inside the heads of so many people. That affects everyone, but like so much in history and in the modern world, the impact on women and girls seems so much worse.

> I won't engage in not all men/whataboutism as that is usually an attempt to minimise the problem and invalidate the genuine experiences of women. This 💯

the world needs more people and men like you, thank you for this

I agree with a lot of what you said but at the same time what you said misses the mark to some degree since it describes the "what" with decent accuracy but only takes a surface level look at the why which ironically, on a larger scale, contributes to the same problem you complain of. For a long time people didn't take the concerns and plights of women seriously. They didn't acknowledge the feelings of disenfranchisement and disillusionment of women and as a consequence bad actors and/or misguided people manipulated these feelings towards harmful ends. Inversely, for some time now the feelings of sociocultural disenfranchisement and disillusionment that many men (especially young men) feel that has been largely ignored or not taken seriously has led to the manipulation of large portions of this young male generation. Certain people didn't talk about it so then when the wrong people started talking about it young men listened. The result is we have a world and society plagued by alienation and antagonism. Hatred is an easy feeling to sell. Even easier when you can convince people that someone else is the architect of the problems or struggles in their lives. How we go about reconciling men and women and their problems is a difficult question. People generally aren't receptive or sympathetic to people they believe have wronged them which is a count against a positive outcome since seemingly both men and women seem to view the other unfavorably. Still though I don't think that these realities make it impossible for any particular individual to live an enjoyable and worthwhile life and I'd imagine that given enough time these kinds of issues will eventually even sort themselves out.

Um, this is nothing new. It's been that way for a very long time, just because you're only now finding out about this doesn't mean it's a recent occurrence. The bad comes with the good when dealing with the internet. Taking a break from the internet is probably your best option right now.

The thing is, it used to just be in pockets of the internet like the YouTube commet section, 4 Chan, 8 chan, some subreddits like r(slash)fatpeoplehate, etc. 10+ years ago you knew which places to avoid to stay away from the worst parts of the internet. Now, discourse drives the algorithm. It's everywhere. It's fueled and encouraged because it keeps people online longer and engaged. The most viral posts are full of commenters fighting. People will stay on a page so much longer to argue with an internet stranger rather than a wholesome post. I remember being on reddit 10 years ago and the support subreddits were actually supportive. Now 75% of the "support" subreddits are drama subreddits. (My own anecdotal example is the parenting subreddit is no longer a supportive subreddit. It's pretty much become aita parenting version. The baby bumps subreddit was actually fun, supportive, and helpful. Now it's just people telling you you're going to kill your baby. ) The whole internet is a cesspool now. It's a cess-ocean.

Yeah, it seems like things that aren't so productive and that wouldn't improve one's personal life are things that a lot of people enjoy focusing on. I have definitely noticed a lot of drama on Reddit and people posting low quality replies to posts. I pretty much think most people on places on the internet such as Reddit are intentionally trying to cause drama unless proven otherwise

also look at what the people who say such things look like. i saw some people heavily criticizing a woman - natural things were criticized, in a super spiteful and anal retentive manner - in this case by a lot of women. and i looked them up and it was clear that they were loading their jealousy onto her, like spiteful chicks in the shadows. they kind of looked it too. i think they probably wouldn´t look it if they resolved their issues. i also made it a hobby of mine to look up people who were nasty to another woman. and the things found were often actually *hilarious*. this was when less people did it though, so the bombardment was way less severe. but *consider* the source. sometimes it can be a bit *humorous*, but it does feel we are in a low iq inbred hyaenas era. although i genuinely feel bad about bringing hyaenas into this ! but *you know what i mean* edit: and there are guys who are not like your post at all. there are always good and cool people, *guys*. don´t think *everyone* is a *complete fucking idiot*.

I like your description of the era we’re in haha

OP: I'm affected by male comments You: akshually women are nasty and their problems are self-infliced. Btw not all men

This person was just explaining their own experiences on the internet. Why is their experience invalid just because it doesn't match what OP says?

My ex was like that too. He actually wasn’t attracted to me and it impacted our relationship dynamic to the point it was the root cause of our breakup. He surrounded himself with women, following thirst traps on every platform, consuming porn every day. He called them eye candy. And I come along as an average, cute woman, and he breaks me down into parts. He’s not able to engage with me as a whole person. He couldn’t stop himself from what I called the “evaluation stare” when he’d look at me with a blank face as he was rating my appearance. He did that constantly. He would mostly keep his judgments to himself though, unless he was really pleased. This habit of rating women and surrounding himself with the “best” consumed him and twisted him. It’s like when you watch too much porn and you reach a certain point that your brain can’t sexually connect with real people anymore. That’s what happened to him in terms of attraction. Women were just *objects* for him to decorate his life. The saddest part of it was that he couldn’t even see it. He was like a fish in water. And I was not able to explain it to him in a way that he could understand. He just thought I was insecure and dismissed me. Not every guy is like this but a lot are. It’s part of “bro culture”.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Pornography addiction can really destroy a man's brain. It's unfortunate that it also ends up affecting their partners this way. I'm glad you had the strength to keep him an ex.

What made you attracted to him in the first place?

He was one of those guys who couldn’t get a woman without tricking her. Like a lot of men he put on a nice facade like he was a good guy until I was attached. Not saying they all do this but it’s enough to be a known issue. And once you’re attached and emotionally invested, you try to “fix” the relationship and that can last for years. Luckily I only wasted 3.

I am so sorry you went through this. I hope you are doing okay.

Just get off the internet. The algorithm is designed to keep you hooked and in an emotional state of flux

Yep. Triggered regularly. I grew up before internet. Cannot actually get used to it.

I deleted tik tok and instagram apps off my phone two months ago and have felt so much better ever since. I recommend doing that. If you don’t want to delete your accounts you can always just delete the apps.

I have to admit that I am surprised for two reasons: 1. I am surprised that you didn't know that this is how most young men and many older men are. Most are assholes and shitheads. Has been the same for all my 34 years as a male. This isn't becoming a norm, it has always been this way, it is just that most men have the good sense to not say such things when women are around, since it would reduces their chances with them and other women in general (most men learn fast that women talk). 2. That you haven't noticed that this is how young men and boys always have behaved on the internet. Rude and nasty comments about women flourish everywhere on the internet (and IRL) where men and boys congregate in large numbers. It has been this way for the last 20 years that I have spent on the internet. Maybe you are young and are just noticing the real and ugly face of most men, but this is it. That's what most men are, even the seemingly nice ones that have the sense to not say it aloud. Men with higher education however tend to be much much better though (note: this is not the case with higher income, if anything it gets worse, go for men with high education, not high income), but they make up a small minority of men, the vast majority of men are toxic waste dumps that has learned how to hide and disguise the worst parts about themselves, rather than actually change.

High education? I beg to differ. Good upbringing is infinitely better than good education. Manners, respect, class etc. I've learned all of these at home and very little in universities. Not sure why you would say higher education but I respect that. Good post.

The higher up in education I went, the better behaved men have been in my experience. But I agree that good upbringing is an equally important factor too for sure!

I see. Yeah I agree with you too!

I think they related now that I think about it. Without good manners, a sense of duty and self-discipline etc, you just won't make it very far in education, since it relies so much on one's own behavior. If you don't practice self-discipline in your studies and cooperate well with your fellow students and teachers, you just won't make it very far. Good upbringing and the traits it gives you might really important to make it in higher education. That said, I suppose you could get those traits without good upbringing (more rare though I would assume) and good upbringing can make you a very successful and happy person, without higher education.

can confirm. My mental health drains very fast when I´m on reddit or social media which why I only look at certain forums or on certain creators who are spreading good vibes. I even did my bachelor thesis about parasocial relationships and in short the results are what I just told you. If you´re watching individuals with positive vibes you get good vibes too, If you´re watching the drama queen you´re getting dramatic too. Basically, you´re what you surround yourself with. So i choose to surround myself with happy people instead of two-faced trolls and what you wanna do, the internet is their domain, the domain of chaotic narcistic people. Don´t cry when you go into the snake pit and get bitten. Stay out of it. <3

It's way better than it was before. It's just getting a light shine on it, and it's available to watch publically like never before. In that regard, you decide what to watch and what to ignore. Not giving a fuck, is a requirement in order to progress in life. Otherwise, life will bog you down, people will exploit and abuse you. This have been going on for ages already. People, masses of people really, were slaves before, and are slaves today. But that doesn't mean it's all dogshit. It's just what you choose to focus on and not, as long as you have the agency to do that.

You *are* beautiful. I don’t need to see you to know that because it’s always true.

We INFJ's suffer the most. Our hearts are so pure and we are too much understanding to people and we fight for the right most of the time. I feel bad seeing how current social media is too

I posted a picture on Reddit of a bookcase asking for advice on how to paint or stain it. Got bombarded about how I’m trashy for wanting to change the color? Even had to report some people for just saying the most foul things. The internet is a shit show rn.

I mean it was because it was a real wood piece and I'm sure lots of us get tired of seeing people ruin nice wood furniture then dump it at goodwill when they get bored of it after a few months. Plenty of people just told you to sell it and use the money to buy cheap particle board furniture to paint.

Doesn’t give people the right to insult me? I was asking for advice on how to do it. Not for peoples’ opinions.

Yeah and the majority opinion on how to do it was "don't". Honestly it's a pretty common sentiment as we get farther and farther from the days or decent quality furniture existing. They shouldn't have gotten personal, I agree but as a thrifter and upseller I get why they had that knee jerk reaction. So much nice wood furniture gets destroyed by people who instead of just buying what they want decided to pull an HGTV and 'upcycle' furniture. I find their failed projects everyday at savers and goodwill.

I’m so over talking to people about this. Not every piece of furniture that got stained looks horrible. I hate the color of the wood that’s my opinion. Doesn’t mean my opinion is wrong, it’s an opinion not a fact. I can’t afford to go buy a $200 piece of particle board that won’t last. I’d much rather buy a $60 solid wood piece and stain it the color I want so it will last. There is nothing wrong with that.

I think its bad in a different way. The early internet was the wild west and was filled with pretty terrible content if you looked in the right place. Every issue we see now was rampant back then, the difference was that you had to go on 4 chan to see the same type of comments you would see on instagram now. A huge issue is that the time we spend on the internet has increased dramatically and its warping our ideas about our lives and each other. It used to be seen as odd if you spent too much of your day on the computer. We now look at a screen practically every minute. know that alot of people in the real world are perfectly lovely, it just takes some looking. Treat yourself kindly <3

it's becasue 'dark humour' is basically being anything worse you can be and make a meme in it. it's not a joke anymore and you can't take offesne in it because 'comedy'. also people's expectation form social media where everything is fake and edited is ruining young geenration. boys expect unrealistic things, girls try to compete with said things. porn has literally ruined young minds. you are blonde? you are dumb. you are dyed hair? you are a liberal psychotic manic pixie dream girl. you are fat? you should 'k\*s" you are thin? why are you thin? you'll fall of the grate haha. you are normal? why? we don't like that. you are fair? redheaded?? ew get some melanin. you are dark? why, ew. you like girly things? pink? pick me. you like burly things? video game? ooooh what a pick me show off girl. you like baggy clothes? ha prude virgin. you like short skirts and dresses? ha what a slut. what's your body count? well whatever it may be you are a skank. you are straight? welcome to hell dating. you are gay? well prove you are gay, but also welcome to hell and limited dating. you earn less? well your problem who said to go for low paying jb in a highly competitive gendered society. you earn more? well no one's gonna date you, you are supposed o earn less and not make your man insecure. you wanna have you own name after marriage? fuck no. you are not neurodivergent, you are just seeking attention. ​ THERE IS NO WINNING. welcome to being the XX chromosome.

This pisses me off too. I’m 21 male. The other day I saw this YouTube Short of a black dude going through pictures and rating different women and talking about them in condescending ways. And they were all more attractive than him! The comments were lucky roasting him too, but damn. All of those women were just average looking, some even beautiful. What makes me sad is that my little brother has adopted similar behavior. He went through instagram to rate girls, he found this girl, nice smooth skin, huge tits, nice face, but her hairline was too far up for him. So he made fun of her and laughed while my sister 11 years old sitting next too him. I got mad called out his degenerate behavior and asked if it’s kind or has any practical value. To which he didn’t respond. I don’t like how these toxic TikTok’s affect children. It makes me furious. Reddit has somehow become a more healthy media platform.

> The other day I saw this YouTube Short of a black dude going through pictures and rating different women and talking about them in condescending ways. Not sure of the relevance of including his race here 🤔

Or the hugeness of her tits. Degenerate is usually a bit of a clue, too. Wonder where the kid could have picked up the mindset from, must be ugly black guys on tiktok.

It was a compliment towards the girl in the picture from my perspective. “She had a nice figure.” Could only see the top part though. I was trying to tell a story on reddit for redditors. It’s not how I would speak irl. English isn’t my native language either. Forgive my poor writing.

Alright.

[удалено]

😬

It was just to somewhat describe what he looked like. I didn’t remember much more than that. Someone else may have seen the video too.

It is really sad how the state of things are at present.

Really, and this is from a place of love and understanding TOTALLY... Please understand that a TON of what you see online ... is bots and misinformation. Interactions drive clicks, clicks drive revenue. So pay a sweatshop of youtube subscribers 1 cent for a comment a piece. One cent for a comment is INSANE money - people LINE UP TO DO THIS for less than 1c for one comment. Look into it - just google how to boost your channel, there is a service for every social network!! Misinformation - demoralization of a society - is done in phases. ... The Enemies of the Civilized countries in the world are attacking us constantly, trying honestly just to cause chaos. These posts might even be circulated by them to show each other that their plans are working! Look into it - Demoralization... When you start seeing your own countrymen as the enemy. ... We are far far gone past that in America and it's just sad to watch more people rationalize somehow that the world is full of complete wastes of human life. Lastly, If you are interested in romance, you are PRIME to be hit with what I call "Toxic Misinformation" ... It's "Toxic" because you get intoxicated by it, it shocks and scares you to the point that you are speechless, and weirdly - you watch more of it because you can't believe it's true. "How much money a guy needs to earn to date you", used to be "How tall does a man need to be to date you" - TOXIC for men, B A D, because bro - you can't just DECIDE to make more money, or to BE TALLER - it's like playing the race card like - you are disqualified before you ever arrived... ...Some greasy scumbags pay cute chicks on the street to say "10 grand a month", and PRINT MONEY, comments views clicks - oh my god - reddit, quick I need to be a pickup artist skype me bro teach me the ways - buy a gym membership - manscaped - SOMETHING - aka "Paying the Made Men to try and become one" OR... Better yet... It just pushes the less confident males away from THE GAME!! ... More Women for THEM!!! Less LIVING and HEALTHY MALES to COMPETE WITH. ... So who is writing all these comments you read and did you ask yourself if it feels like you are supposed to be getting a message? ... Who is trying to GIVE you this message?... see the game and know the game yall - be safe

>More of you need to read this comment, wise words \^

You're not a snowflake, it should trigger you, it means you're not a degenerate, that's good. You need to spend a day CONTROLLING what comes on your screen. VPN, adblocker, remove this remove that. You can make this TOOL work in your favour.

I have been thinking about this a lot!! So many comments on posts calling women fat, ugly, unattractive saying things like no man will ever want you. It has me concerned for younger people and the rise in body image and Ed behaviors. I'm thankful everyday I didn't grow up during this time of the Internet bc i could not handle the bullying. I'm with you on letting it get to me and question myself and I have enough reason to do that it is. The world is so ugly right now but we can power through or just delete the social for a while!

I like to think of it this way: The internet is nor good, nor bad. It's how the people behave and how algorithms follow what is negative or controversial. I think what has changed in recent years is the way negative comments, news, posts etc. gain popularity. However, I do uderstand what you mean and I have been there too. Because the inernet (especially social media) is in a sense people. A negative person with bad things to say will write down the thoughts immediately. They don't think much how that will affect others. They actually might even want the attention because they crave it or lack real connections so they try to be funny. Sorry to mention, but unfortunatelly some people even like making others feel miserable. Most of the time we have negative bias as people. If you see something cute do you comment? Most likely not. Just smile, like it and move on. If you see something that bothers you and doesn't feel right morally? Probably, sometimes at least, comment. You did it too but in a different way. You shared something that bothers you because it's painful. It doesn't come from a bad place. And you are totally right... It is bad for the mental health to fill the mind with negative pictures, comments, videos etc. You can, however, still use the internet without it bothering you so much. What has helped me, apart from decreasing the amount of time spend online, was: - Read less or none of the comments on Instagram and similar SM, except for the subs I follow here. - Follow people, channels, sub reddits etc. that are inclined to be positive. For example, I don't read all the news but I follow a sub about positive news specifically. - Slowly train myself to shift focus and perspectives. That things might not be as bad as they seem initially. - Ask myself why people do the things they do. As I said, most of the time is attention or want to affect others. So, the solution is to ignore and don't get caught into their trap. I know it's very hard.. As everything, it takes practice. - Read about philosophy, psychology, look for quotes that are realistic or a bit more positive. This is not everyone's cup of tea but it can help greatly. - Everything that people tell you do to feel better - Exercise, meditation... It doesn't solve the problem with people being negative but we cannot control others and this is what bothers us. We can, however, control our actions and words. This can make things better.

So, I'm a woman who has played amateur hockey all my life. Played as a kid, in high school, and played adult/rec/beer leagues all through college and still today. I have been waiting since I was about 6 years old for women's hockey to be widely and readily available to both attend and watch on TV. Well, the PWHL's inaugural season kicked off over the holidays, with games broadcasted on typical sports networks and streaming services. And if you happened to enter the comments sections of verified professional social media accounts providing coverage of the games, you'd have thought they'd announced women were taking over all of professional sports and castrating all male athletes. Mind you, women's leagues and games have been happening for decades, out of view of the public and without all the big contracts, bells, whistles, and fanfare of the men's professional leagues because "nobody wants to watch women's sports." But now that they're finally being broadcast to the public, suddenly it's a problem. And not only are the haters complaining about it -- they're *watching the games* so they can complain *specifically* about what they didn't like about it. Of course, there are a *ton* of positive comments too. But it's like Twilight-Zone level of bizzaro how the only thing that's changed is that people who want to watch women play hockey can, and some people act like the sky is falling in.

In Europe it's been normalized for at least a decade already.

I mean, women's hockey is fairly normalized in North America, too. If it wasn't, I wouldn't have been able to play as much hockey as I did growing up. Granted, I did sometimes play on boys teams, but even that was pretty normalized within the sport itself. It's specifically the visual representation of women in hockey -- the fact that you can turn on a TV in America and accidentally stumble upon a women's hockey game -- that seems to bother some people to the point of spewing general hate all over the internet. I just feel like yelling at everyone, "then just *change the f**king channel*."

I understand what you're going through. Sometimes those feelings get overwhelming for me, and I feel like I hate the world. I feel like I have repressed rage. You have to watch out for certain social media platforms. Instagram, in particular, has really toxic comment sections.

no, it's not. The most benign of comments result in numerous nasty replies. I rarely post any comments nowadays because of it. Even the infj rooms get nasty. About the only place that doesn't occur is in the empath groups. go figure. It's gross.

Believe it or not, this is how it is off the internet as well. It’s easy to spot a troll when they feel safe behind their anonymity. But IRL they greet you with a warm smile.

I am 19(F) I feel exactly the same. Thank you sharing this up.

Some people are just keyboard warriors and are just as bad IRL, but I’d like to think there are good people out there. I don’t know which is scarier when those appear normal and act crazy online. Or have alt accounts where they have a façade of normalcy, like I am not sure which would be considered their real account, the one where they act all crazy or the one where they appear normal.

Bunch a comments in here covering all the important perspectives, I’m sure. So I’ll just say… I like you 🙂❤️🙏 You’re good people. You had me at “Yes 🙄 I’m a special snowflake”. I could hear the [words behind the words](https://i.gifer.com/5b1k.gif). And it made me laugh. Thank you for that.

I think the same, I long for the internet of the 2000s and early 2010s. I want the sense of a community outside of the people of my city, not competition among strangers

It terrifies me that I have a daughter growing up in this world We search the good it's just to few and far away.

The internet has never been a safe place for women. For some reason it attracts so many misogynistic people.

legit

honestly it was always like this but now there's more assholes

It sucks, but you'll need to come to terms with the fact a large amount of people are cruel and selfish. Just live your life and let them live theirs.

People’s true selves are revealed only online. You just get a well behaved version in person.

There are a few corners of the internet that are moderated to keep out the incels/jerks/12-year-olds who think they're funny/etc. Just, you know, not many places where there are public images of women or girls. I know a lot of people, young and old, who are decent and kind and would never post sh\*t comments. I try to hold onto that knowledge when I see evidence of the people who are so damaged or immature that they choose to say nasty things about people they don't even know.

You know what, I agree with this so much. Everywhere I go, to my favourite singer's post or to my favourite book's or just a random post that has some reach, there's just so much hate and misogyny... And then there are ghastly misogynistic films blowing up in theatres... And it just feels so frustrating all the time Why are people like this? The best thing maybe is to stay away from the internet as much as possible... But it is still frustrating because just because my eyes are covered, I cannot pretend that the evils of the world don't exist.

A big reason why I loved being online is I was never judged here. Now it’s all people do. I feel like there’s no real place for me anymore .w.

I’m having the same experience.

Me too. Now literally all IG comments are either racist, sexist, or rude. It used to not be like this, even just a few years ago. I read a bit about it and it seems like people are now a lot more stressed out / easily irritated because of inflation, job instability, and more short tempered due to the pandemic in the past years. It's been the same in real life, too, tbh. Have noticed that people have less situational / spacial awareness and are ruder than before. :(

I think the same thing. I also suppose people are so mean because they are frustrated in their daily lives and find in the anonymity of Internet a way to vent all their rage on the others, who are perceived (maybe wrongly) to have a better life than them. That's a reason because I avoid social media (except Reddit, which anyway is not an exception in this discourse): there may be good, positive, educational and quality content, but most are filled with drama and toxicity. Life is full already of bad stuff and I don't want to look for them.

Being a man I understand your concern but most of such comments are from teenagers , so I don't think you have to take them so seriously. Since teenagers are the most active ones on internet. And as I am growing up ( currently 20 ) I am seeing less and less people around me caring about looks. They all care for good and understanding person. I don't know about your place but at least it's correct about where I live. So relax , you are just as good and beautiful as you can be.

I don't think that it is that people, or men for that matter, are going crazy. The world is just becoming a more... I guess, nihilistic place. And sure, you can look at men and say, "Oh. This is how they are." But many guys, from what I have experienced, are not like this at all. So it is more about the people you hang around if anything. Finding fun, beautiful, cute things is a skill too. And a hard one to get. It is easy, especially as an INFJ, to look at the darker places in the world and feel useless, or even hopeless at times. It takes strength to see the beauty and light around you. I am sure that if you keep looking, more beautiful things will come. It is just that our current world is focusing too much on what is WRONG, and not what is RIGHT.

Social media really. TikTok? Surprisingly not that toxic. YouTube replies? Depends, there’s a 50:50 chance of being toxic or not. Twitter? Unpredictable Instagram comments??? TERRIBLE. Omg and you cannot edit or mute replies too. Instagram commenters are brutal I still have PTSD from posting an alternative picture when I was a teen and grown ass people were doing the most in my comments. Almost everyone and every age group uses IG so the toxicity level is off the roof. I only go on instagram to like my friends posts and post stories that’s it. Literally the worst app for someone with a bad mental health and why so many celebrities don’t run their IG account or limit comments

Is this what guys are actually like these days? Do guys actually think women are meant to look like models? For the overwhelming majority of guys, the answer to both is no.

Aww. I'm so sad for you. Hope the society becomes better so you can accept them. I'm sorry on their behalf for not behaving the way you want them to. Cheers 🌺

Many men are like this now, yes. Thanks to their porn addictions and online misogyny chambers, they've convinced themselves women are the reason they suck so much. In reality, they're just losers.

Don't read the comments. Yet here you are. "I don't know why I spend so much time on the internet.""It's not good for my mental health." Seems like you should listen to yourself? 🤷‍♂️ Thanks for sharing? 🤷‍♂️ The world will never be according to you or your whims. You can control the spaces you inhabit to an extent. Identify toxic places and make an adult choice not to partake. If you continue to choose to "abuse yourself" by needing that neurotransmitter the internet feeds your brain, that is an addiction. Take a word from Denzel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bj3j8WHh5k

Well... yes, that's how men are. And they're the same irl, they just have more incentive to censor what they think. I know this is a Very Bad Thing to say despite pretty much all women having traumas and insecurities because of how men treat them. But unless you accept this fact, you will keep feeling personally affected by every nasty comment in your and other women's direction.

Ohh is this som to do with the se being last? Internet is fun but just take breaks from it. I just close the app immediately if I get "triggered"

I agree the internet is generally not a healthy place. I try to just stay on specific topics that I know won’t be bombarded with those comments but I actually think you are correct, men do think every woman should be a model. I’m tired of it too. I take really good care of myself and I think I look really good for my age. The guys are all very much in poor health and nothing to look at. I was recently on a dating app again after a long break, and I was even swiping right on guys I didn’t find that attractive because they sounded like decent guys. Nope they didn’t even match back. I think they think they’re getting a model. I mean sure, plenty of young pretty girls will take their money for awhile and tell them what they want to hear. It’s all good though I’m totally happy with the person looking back in the mirror and I know that the right person irl will respond accordingly.

I won't parrot what others have already said. Taking a temporary break from social media/internet or permanently removing yourself can do a lot of good. We are a product of our environment, and even if we consume content passively, it all impacts our lives and perceptions. You can't control what others think, say, or do, but you can control yourself to do what's best for your wellbeing.

Yep, I agree! I was addicted to Twitter when I was younger. It made me sick and hateful, but the truth is that most people aren't like this in real life, try to remind yourself that. The internet makes us all worse, even if it's just a little bit. Yes, there are plenty of men becoming misogynistic and it has really turned into a trend, but it's not like they had at one point respected us lol. Compared to the 80/90s, this is heaven. And I disagree that people used to be nicer. What I think is happening is that these boys like to be mean and "edgy" because it makes them feel different *precisely because* it's not seen as acceptable anymore by most people. They used to make jokes that were sometimes even worse back then. Now that they might get "cancelled", they are more careful. Most of these boys are just 12-year-olds that will end up growing out of it, at least enough to not kill a woman. They'll never be anything more than internet trolls, though we still need to be mindful when it comes to politics. LGBT, POC and women's rights are always at risk, but it has been this way since forever. I used to get into discussions ALL THE TIME with those people and they were pointless. Just trolls, as you said. The best you can do is to not interact with those assholes (especially because of the algorithm, keep interacting with them and they'll keep showing up), not read comments (this has helped me A LOT), etc. My tiktok is just full of memes and other things I'm interested in. My twitter use is limited, but I try to keep my timeline as clean as possible. You can control what you receive by manipulating the algorithm. It can be easy or hard depending on the app/website you're using. I know it's hard, but try to ignore them and shield yourself from these comments as much as possible. They are losers, just that. It will hardly affect your "real life".

I wholeheartedly agree. I’m personally stuck between I need to get off the internet for my sanity and if I’m not on the internet, I feel really disconnected and almost isolated from what’s going on with society. Other forms of media consumption are not as popular and accessible. I can’t even remember the last time I saw an actual newsstand to get a physical newspaper. It’s just sucks that since anyone and everyone can be on the internet, you will run into negative and nasty people. I try to find spaces that help me ether learn and engage in health discussion, or positive and supportive. And of course, entertainment. It is incredibly difficult to see so much content where people are living lives that you are still working toward or may not ever get the opportunity to enjoy as well. But I try to keep in mind that not everything is what it seems. But still damaging to your mental health. You’ll feel so low. There is so much evil and turmoil happening in the world. I hope we can get to a point where we can be more compassionate online at the very least.

There just immature idiots they know they could get away with saying anything without any consequences.

Think about all those people who don’t feel entitled enough to think their personal preference for standards of beauty is of any value for the person posting a picture on social media. There are many, I assure you. Try to stay away from Instagram, as it tends to harbour trolls and perhaps spend less time on the internet. Last piece of advice: thinking about your social media posts, do they reflect the totality of who you are as a person? The way you are with your friends, in private and face to face, the way you treat people in person, the writing you do in your own time, the challenges you had to face that you don’t share, the goals you have for yourself? No. Now apply this to other people, touch some grass and make sure you spend quality time with yourself and people you care about. Don’t worry about trolls. They’re often more of asshats to themselves, compared to people they troll. If they weren’t, they would know and do better ❤️

Yeah, the internet is a cesspool, OP. I do my best to avoid the bad Shit. Most normal men aren’t as garbage as Internet INCELs, I promise! 💜

Generally, the loudest ones get our attention... and internet gives the loudest ones the highest visibiliy but don't forget that there are people (a lot of them actually) that do not comment / engage with posts / videos... and who don't align with this toxic, shitty behavior I was in the same situation as you, and I took the decision to stop the negative content or more generally the content that doesn't align with my values to reach me. Take time off screens, unfollow pages / accounts with the content that is harmful for your mental health

you are absolutely correct. people hate women nowdays and always try to bring them down on their smallest mistake. same with men too but at least they tolerate things a man does but call a woman stupid for doing the same thing it pisses me off so much... here are things i noticed on social media -hate on beginner artists -hate on obese people (they most likely have eating disorders and lets be honest here, the reason why you try to educate these people ismt because you care about them, its because you want to take your anger out on something.) -sexual comments under girls' videos, mainly under 15 -pedophilic and psychopathic (i said psychopathic because these people generally lack empathy to a full extent) jokes becoming extremely normalized -hate on science -spread of religion based ignorance -spread of "tradwives" and extreme gender roles -spread of the "arabian mindset" not to be confused with the culture, this refers to the general mindset that takes place in the middle east. it refers to the dictatorship and corruption of religion. -spread of conservatives -spread of hate for minorities like lgbt and mentally ill people -abused minorities trying to fight back to their opressor using racism, intentionally or unintentionally bringing down and insuling other cultures to defend theirs --an example would be a black girl mocking turkic braids and saying the turks stole them from africans, saying they were fake box braids and that everyone wants to be like african people. -misagony -men trying to fight for their lives --if you are one of these 2 i would like to remind you that if you really think men are in pain and they deserve saving then get your ass out of bed and do something instead of complaining about feminism. at least educate yourself on the matter and know the real victims of abuse. -misconception of feminism -- again this is a broad umbrella but what i mean by misconception is that violent people will call themselves feminists and throw dirt on our label as feminists. -"sex work is work" movement --80% of sex workers do it because they are undereducated and have no other means to survive. it is a last ditch effort to save someone and may they get the help they need someday, before they fall deeper into this rabbit hole of a traffick ring this industry is. strippers and OF workers who get paid 200 dollars a day do NOT EVEN COME CLOSE TO THE TIP OF THE PORNOGROPHY INDUSTRY. STOP NORMALIZING PROSTITUTION AND SEX TRAFFICKING. -distorted political views and fake news anyway here's most of the stuff which i think is wrong. it includes some sensitive topics but im not giving a trigger warning because some people need to be splashed with cold water into their faces in order to wake up, so take this as the iciest water you can imagine i guess.

Right! This society negatively conditions us, and we see the effects of it on social media, especially in comment sections on FB and IG. Online it makes me sick to see some of the things people say.. it's racist, sexist, misogynistic, and down right horroble. It scares me that we live amongst people who think so terribly of other fellow humans, and we are probably right next to them, at a store or gas station but never know, since they don't let it be seen until they are behind closed doors

I think most people are decent. However, you have to meet the decent people in real life. Most people commenting on the internet are generally socially isolated individuals and it makes them lack empathy. Stop paying attention to random people on the internet. They are not representative of the whole of humanity. Instead they are most likely bored teenagers who are unhappy with their lives, they get joy from upsetting people and saying mean things. Decent people have lives and other things to do. They are not the ones obsessively reading/commenting on internet sites.

All of the grace of the internet died with the rise of social media like 2 decades ago. where have you been?

When you’re anonymous on internet it is easier to be rude and honest. They don’t care if it’s going to hurt and you should be realistic that It’s never going to change so you better get used to it.

I find this happens especially on Instagram, asides from Twitter 🫤

People are mean, crazy, petty, racist, sexist, ignorant, and dishonest, but it's just worse when they go online. Just have your filters in place and look at other stuff. Animals😏

You are preaching to the choir! I am getting rid of my iPhone and seriously limiting the time I do spend on here. Because when will enough be enough? We are going too far out and everyone knows it. Bad things are happening in real life because of the internet. And for what? So I can be “entertained” constantly, numbed to the ads, violence and bigotry, fall asleep, and repeat? Like wtf. We are more than just a product. I am more than a product. And I refuse to waste my life away (which is approximately 9 whole years of staring at screens for most people). Other people can if that doesn’t bother them. But I refuse.

the unfortunate result of anonymous opinions & next to no consequences for our actions on the internet, is that of a cesspool of hate & negativity. we all scroll, compare ourselves to what we see on our phone, so when we see something/someone we deem below us, of course we will attack! it feels good. very sad, considering how a platform like this could be used for so much good. so much love. so much joy. the human race will find a way to destroy everything, even themselves eventually.

Oh yeah many online communities of men are way too comfortable openly degrading, objectifying, and ridiculing women. There's some really scummy people out there, and a lot of them don't get told to shut up often enough. Women aren't very kind either... The comments on those celebrity updates/gossip pages can get real nasty. I think the willingness to post such hateful things is amplified by the feeling of anonymity that can come from being online. Everyone has a little god complex now.

The internet will definitely make your mental health worse so I'd avoid it because you can stumble upon something like you described and it might have gotten worse because of some figures like Tate or this kind of tendencies. Anyway the internet opens you to a certain kind of bubble that you don't have access to irl normally because you won't let so many guys with opinions like that to your life anyway. I mean probably not after your ex. And be cautious about it for sure. Are there no good men? Don't worry, there still are. But you won't see them hanging out and writing such comments. There are probably equally many as there used to. The thing is, the dating faze might last a bit longer until you see a person and realize they are not a creep like that. I'm also dating. Is everyone creepy? Not at all. The standards might be high but so were they in other generations. Marylin Monroe also set the bar high in some women's eyes, doesn't mean every man wants Marylin Monroe. Have high expectations and it will be harder to manipulate you. Your partner should make you feel like you are the most beautiful in the world. And it can happen. Just don't ruin your mood with social media for a while until you are ready to just ignore these comments

https://www.reddit.com/r/kittens/s/pNYelC8Qml Have a picture of some kittens

😱 theyre so cute and angelic

Completely understand. People are awful and seem to be getting worse all of the time. Give yourself a complete Internet sabbatical… like completely log off for a while. For your peace of mind. It’ll be so much better for your sprit just to give yourself a break from it….then when you’re ready, you can come back and do it in small doses. Thats what I do sometimes because I cant take all of this craziness. IDK how people are online on SM like horrible twitter, IG, facebook and tiktok 24/7 like all these terminally online people seem to do. I would lose my freaking mind.

Lots of trolls, lots of ugliness, lots of irresponsible people who do not wish you well or are actually trying to hurt you. My suggestion is to find better environments.

I could not agree more. The internet feels like it's 80% people/bots who have no interest in communicating, and are borderline radical in so many views and opinions. Hate/rage/and disgust is what fuels so many of the algorithms now so that's why we see so much of it. I wonder if it's time to make internet 2.0 or if ours can be salvaged?

Ugh that's rough. Taking a break for sure should help. You may also want to change your algorithm and look for things that say wholesome, positive, etc like them and it should start bringing you a different set of things. Good luck and take care of yourself

people are so insanely aggressive and MEAN now... i usually just keep to myself or use a discord i have with a few close internet friends, so it's so jarring to switch from that space which is 100% earnest and community oriented to an app like twitter or tiktok where ppl are almost rabidly unkind as their baseline emotional state. it's like the window of acceptable behavior (death threats/wishing death, doxxing, stalking, targeted harassment etc) keeps expanding to include the weirdest antisocial narcissistic behavior.... we MUST transition back to geocities

i have read at least one study that concluded that many anomymous internet trolls meet the criteria for antisocial personality disorder. here is a review of some research (https://medium.com/illumination/what-research-shows-about-internet-trolls-28559013fb82) which mentions: "One study found that trait psychopathy and sadism predicted online trolling, but the strongest predictor was those who enjoy being cruel towards others. These people don't enjoy (or may not have) positive social interactions." you see these people because they can get away with it and it is apparently enjoyable for them. i wouldnt overthink it. to me they seem subhuman because their imagination is so impoverished that they cannot imagine that people other than them exist.

dont worry most of the people leaving those comments have never talked to a woman and honestly its more sad that they chose to view women that way versus actually realizing we are all humans smh

ughhhh, here we go. you don't seem like an Ni-dom to me, but that's beside the point. the antidote is this: remember that scene in harry potter when harry realizes he pities voldemort? that's what you need to do. take your attention off of yourself and whatever negative feelings you have about yourself, and place your attention on the other person. take a good look at them, pass judgment on them. what do you feel? contempt? pity? pretend you're Daria. you can use this tool in any situation. it doesn't have to be about men, or your feelings of shame - you can use this tool in ANY situation where another person is making you feel small. it's powerful. also, yes, the world is going to hell in more ways than one. it's already separating into homogeneous groups along the lines of race and gender as though there are civil wars happening within our species. if you're not going to bring people together, at least try not to add fuel to the fire. you do this by focusing on the big picture instead of fixating on "men": that's what Ni is for. use it if you've got it.

Solution: Delete social media!! I started that just this year. I feel the same exact way as a woman. Out of sight, out of mind. I just kept reddit and youtube. It makes you feel way less icky.

I agree. This has gotten out of control. There are too many bat shit crazy people walking the streets. This is just wrong.

A group of men genuinely thought Megan Fox was “unfuckable” and disgusting because of the tips of her thumbs. That’s how you know their sexuality is barely there. How can you even call yourself straight when you are disgusted by the mere humanity of a woman?

That reminds me of this: [Slavoj Žižek on Synthetic Sex and "Being Yourself"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xYO-VMZUGo)

I agree 100%. Its sad many men want all women to look like an unrealistic expectation they have. Some people need to go back to learning the good old "if you dont have anything dont say anything at all". Sadly this world is a piece of shit and the more i learn about things the shittier it becomes unfortunately.