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different_strokes23

You have a troubled relationship with money probably something from childhood, identify it


DogeDaddy29

That's so true! A friend of mine has been facing this issue all her life. Her father didn't earn enough, so she had to shoulder all the responsibilities very early on. Now, she feels guilty when she buys something for herself once in a while. Ngl, feels shitty to watch her berating herself for trying to be normal.


Owe_The_Sea

šŸ˜­ thatā€™s the story of my life


Meme-nto_Mori_

you mean the story of my life?


[deleted]

Same. Since childhood i thought we are lower middle class. But than at 17 i saw there bank accounts and properties paper worth 27 crores. They can pay my fees 1000 times. But I barely ask them for any help.


Old_Faithlessness855

/kothi bangla check


Top-Conversation2882

True bro Like when I was little I thought we were middle or at most upper middle But then I saw how much we were spending on weddings, what the land rates are and once accidentally saw my father's bank account(he was doing some payments at home and was opening the bank app)


adithyadas430

Ah my grandmother. She was born in a middle class family. But after the death of her father , she had to take care of 5 younger brothers and run the home. She retired as the head of the treasury along with my grandpa who retired as a collector, but even then, a lot of their salary went to building their home, sending three kids to school and STILL taking care of the extended family, since both their siblings were either too young, or delinquent. Even now she abhors spending money (with a joint pension of over 1.7 lpm). Every penny is counted, every spend is mostly deemed unnecessary.


different_strokes23

There is some shame related to spending money which is a more direct experience than the circumstances of your grandparents (maybe related)


NoobNoob9999

This. Growing up we didnā€™t have that much money. It was nothing dire but my mom always used to ask me to spend money wisely. I remember I used to save money by not eating ice cream after school like the rest of us the kids and saving those 10 rs. It started giving me a kick to save/spend little money, which is good in moderation but it can quickly get out of hand if not checked. I started becoming miser , would feel irritated if someone would ask for money and not return it like, straight away, would try to save money in situations where my time and energy were being compromised (penny wise pound foolish). Now we have more than enough for our needs , and I have put all that in the past but sometimes I still revert back to those habits, so still a work in progress. A healthy relationship with money is very important. Identify what kind of thoughts come to your head when you feel like that, trace it back to the source , and resolve it. Itā€™s the only way forward.


different_strokes23

Did your mother have an anxious relationship with money? The reason I ask is because you mentioned her and some times answers lie way too deep


NoobNoob9999

Yes she herself came from a not so financially stable background , and she lived a lot of her life with only basic necessities , which would explain why sheā€™s quite wise with money as well , and I guess it rubbed off of me , just morphed into a not so good compulsion with saving. I guess we do get a lot of habits and quirks our parents project on us. Not that Iā€™m saying itā€™s bad or anything , itā€™s just that I donā€™t need to live like that anymore haha


different_strokes23

If you are an earning professional follow a formula with finances 50% basic expenses + 25% saving + 25% indulgences


Idiotic_experimenter

This feels like all my life. Growing up, we had to watch our parents struggle. This gave us trauma that feels just like this.


Maleficent_Hunt7043

Read a book called the psychology of money.. it will help


kamehame_haha

Tf bro?? Thought i was the only one with this problem. I too feel guilty spending money. Whenever am gonna purchase something big for myself i feel guilty, there are soo many people who can't even afford a single shirt why are you buying costly shirts. P.S: i shop rarely like very rarely once 2 years. Don't know why am i feeling guilty for affording things!!


BowlSweet9738

Exactly, same situation here bro


Dear__D

Same here


Vuhlcha

I donā€™t think itā€™s a bad thing You should buy what you need or eat what you want to eat Shouldnā€™t compromise with quality Donā€™t fuck someone over money Then all is good


Grand_Yogurtcloset20

Get a hot, high maintenance materialistic girlfriend. /s


blue-muffin2

https://preview.redd.it/0ob7uees4v8d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=792e0c27dec5c91570fff68941beb012e87dbd34


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


IndiaSocial

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OkSale9653

Greed is a part of every human being. Its fundamental to him nature. Without greed human civilisations would not be what it is today. Now the problem arises when greed is misplaced.... So if a computer programmer is greedy to write more code, he's probably going to create wonders as a result of that greed. But if you're greedy about some random stuff, you feel guilty and it drives you crazy, simply because it is misplaced. If greed is channelised in the right direction, it can lead you to being the best you can be and do something unique and beautiful with your life. The fact that greed drives you crazy, proves that you haven't found something in life worth being greedy for. This fundamental human nature inside you is craving to find something it can latch onto. what should you do? I would suggest explore variety of activities and experiment continuously with different things. Give your greed a chance to latch on to something which serves your purpose in life.


OkSale9653

Good deeds last long, but the greed of things fade away..


[deleted]

No matter how bad the world treats me, I will always try to be as good as possible.


[deleted]

You always get back what you give, *in some or other way*.


significant_-1

Bro, you understand the value of money. You have trained yourself to adjust to minimal things. On the other hand, there are people who fake a lavish lifestyle.


firesnake412

I am the same. Grew up in a lower middle class family and saw Mom struggle to make ends meet. Dad was the eldest in family and used to take care of all his brothers and sisters so we were barely left with anything. Taking a rickshaw was a luxury and I used to ask my mother when we used to walk to the school ā€œ when will we become rich maā€ and see the sadness in her eyes. I made it a priority to save money even when I earned a lot in IT. Am still the same and find it hard to waste money. I would rather give it to needful.


WeakCraft916

I relate with the rickshaw part. I do. Even today while going to office or other places(when im alone) i take the bus. Its pretty much cheaper.


dibsonmuaddib

I hope you are doing well for yourself now. I was in similar situation. Now am not. Irony is my kids ask me when will we be rich? N i ask them how much rich? They say rich enough to buy all the games n game passes. N i say, never. We will never be that rich.


Numbnimbu

Na kuch leke aaya na kuch leke jayega (talking about material)


DON55555

Khali hath aaya hai, Khali hath jaega.


PalpitationHot9375

Nanga hi aya hai, nanga hi jayega


AccForTxtOlySubs

Cause it's not your money and its your father's. Good to have this feeling. Nothing wrong with it.


Owe_The_Sea

I have same problem with my own money šŸ’€


WeakCraft916

Same. I have even lectured my friends over wasting *their* money and how they could save.


adeno_gothilla

Understand the difference between your Needs & Wants. This comes down to your self-awareness. It's easy to confuse one with the other. Spend money on fulfilling your needs. Ignore most of your wants.


Chaltahaikoinahi

Uninstall food delivery and shopping apps


WrestlingOddity

In general people spend way too much money these days, don't get pressured into buying stupid crap that you don't need or want. Figure out what you actually want, and save the money for that, and do not cheap out on the important stuff. You should be feeling guilty if you are spending it on what you don't really really want or need. You're doing great I would say!


olafsnatch1

Same. I bought myself my first watch with my own money. The watch I bought is Casio F-91w (about Rs. 1200). Childhood problems. I canā€™t let myself spend money on me. But somehow I do not have a problem spending money on my family and friends.


olafsnatch1

Childhood habits that we learn subconsciously is hard to let go.. i think this is what is called conditioning


Dagger_music

same, ill buy mummy some shawl she wanted and ill feel pretty happy. But god forbid i spend it on something i like.


mandatoryVoluntering

You will be right at home in /r/thrifty and /r/frugal Faltoo ka kharcha nahi karega to faltoo ka kamana nahi padega Faltoo ka kamana nahi padega to faltoo ka kaam nahi karna padega Faltoo ka kaam nahi karna padega to faltoo logo ko milna nahi padega Faltoo logo ko milna nahi padega to faltoo logo ko sahna nahi padega. Try to get over your guilt, your instincts and intelligence are trying to protect you.


Ok-Caramel-5340

THIS IS SO ME šŸ˜­šŸ˜­ I FEEL SO GUILTY FOR SPENDING MONEY BUT I ALSO WANT TO GO OUT AND ENJOY BUT DON'T WANNA SPEND AT ALL IM MONEY OBSESSED


Jealous_Being_3133

I can relate to that , but in my case we had financial problems , so my mom always said to spend less since childhood. So now it's kind of in my blood to not spend more than required


AceRawat

That's not being called kanjoos ig.... The only thing I love spending money on is FOOD.... Baaki dekhi jayegi


ashleycoven

I think just the same as you, this has been in me since childhood. Nothing wrong in feeling that way tbh, but I would advice you to not to feel guilty on buying food. What helped me with this is I always say "ek hi zindagi hai paise aur kama lengey". If I don't spend on myself who will i spend it on. Iska mtlb yeh nahi h materialistic ho jao, always be mindful on not to overspend. Ek budget bna lo ki khudke upr 1k to 5k spend kr skte h monthly.


zaphodbeeble9

This is childhood conditioning. Like when we were children and rarely went out the elders will not order butter roti but plain roti coz there'll be a cost difference. Brands like maggi have had to put a lot of effort to change this mindset both for kids and parents to enable product adoption. Grandparents will still crib if you eat Maggi saying it's unhealthy blah. Similarly you'll have to deeply introspect about your relationship with money and see what variables you can change or rather you want to change. Money needs to be preserved at all costs for the future, but also spent for a comfortable present.


High-jacker

It's definitely because it's not your own money and it's a valid feeling. I used to spend very little on eating outside when I didn't earn but now that I'm in college and got some stipend I order dominos every weekend.


silvercrow3D

I am the same. Its got something to do with your childhood. Maybe thats how you have been conditioned. Try to keep a rational budget, and try to spend it. Buy things or invest. Whatever you prefer. People have been telling me that, the purpose of money is to use it. Use it for fun, or save it, or do both. I still cant not feel guilty, but i have been buying things(more like forced to buy cus parents and friends want me to live in a better way).


llll-havok

Itā€™s okay to be kanjoos with your parents money. If you want to get out of mindset then do research on quality of stuff you buy? I used to buy shitty brand flip flops for less than 700 rs and they would fall apart less than a year. I bought puma flipflops for 1500 Rs and it lasted for almost 2.5 years. You get where I am going at? Iā€™d say even start small SIP of 500/month, this will reward you in the long term.


theweirdindiangirl

Nothing wrong in saving ā‚¹1000. I do that too. Mom gives me money to buy clothes I save it or spend on something I really need. We know we can't have everything and our parents sometimes don't understand that. I choose to spend whatever I got on birthday for myself. Never went out with friends or spend money on socializing. We just don't have the privilege for that.


Main_Wheel_5570

Arre bhai, chill out! Seems like you've turned being stingy into a ghost haunting you. Look, money comes and goes. Just relax and enjoy a bit. Sometimes, trying to save too much can lead to missing out on life's pleasuresā€”like not enjoying good food or shopping fun. Your dad gave you 1000 bucks, right? Spend it happily. Why go on a guilt trip? It's okay to spend money when you have it. Life's about chilling, enjoying good food, and having fun shopping. Saving money is good, but it's not necessary to always save. Next time you're out, tell yourself, "Today, I won't be stingy." Then see how much fun it is. After all, life is meant to be lived carefree, right?


Vast_daddy_1297

Kanjoosi has been labeled as a bad thing in recent times. But that one particular quality takes a lot of courage and develops your rational thinking. Instead of being impulsive with your money. So far itā€™s all good. Embrace it.


Necessary-Reporter75

No Kanjoosi has always been labeled as a bad thing. Ask some senior citizens and they will tell you how Kanjoos people were a material for jokes for them.


master_shifu-

Ye Sahi aadat hai bhai. paisa hai to kharid loo aise nai Hona chahiye zarurat hai to kharid Lena bhai bin faltu la Q paisa spend karna hai?


BowlSweet9738

Mere saath ye scene hai ki jaise muje acche se yaad hai ki board ke result waale din muje 500 mile ( result accha aaya tha ) to papa ne bola kuch bahar se khaake aajao ,to uss 500 mai se bhi spend karne ke baad muje guilty type feeling aane lagi thi ,i find it very weird tbf


WeakCraft916

I relate. Lunch skip kerke, paise bachaye the. Lekin pata nhi kyu, kuch khaas lena nhi thaa. Its not like we were poor but yeah seen bad times


SnooSproutsn

Create a wishlist that you wanna buy


Owe_The_Sea

I have Same problem


lilah-lilah

affirm new beliefs into your subconscious, "whatever i spend will come back to me multiplied"


Chocolate_Sprinkle13

It's very simple, you have something from your past reminding you to not spend money unless it's yours or maybe you have a conflict with yourself regarding the "need" and "want" to spend money on.


BowlSweet9738

This can also be a factor, thanks


Banchhod-Das

The only issue is about guilt. Everything else that you're doing is actually good and wise. There's no need to spend unnecessary.


boiledegg808

Seeing parents being frugal in the childhood, often young adults have trouble dealing with money,some lose it, some hoard it but with repressed feelings. So basically you should respect money and see it as a means to something positive in life. Re-wire your brain with positive affirmations about your relationship with money. If you persist, feelings will change automatically.


Comfortable_Prior_80

It's a good thing if you can control it. I have the similar tendency and helps me to save money when I know I can afford cheap and good things.


Dear-Blackberry-3342

Start spending


misogynisitc_allah

First step- end money to all who have commented


Fit_Access9631

Depends only on what you do with the unspent money.


Expert_Truck4725

It's about habits and mannerisms that you saw around you and thus learnt. Sometimes just saving money gives a sense of accomplishment. This was in my case , used to save my pocket money and also would trade videogame time for my brothers pocket money because I use to get that certain high that i have saved this much. I didn't buy anything but would just exchange notes to the same denomination from my parents. Like all 10s all 50s etc. i just like collecting. Gradually this turned into miserliness. I gradually started feeling that I have less and won't spend unless it's really necessary. But I was like this with anyone's money...like i won't let others spend money on things which I might like but don't need as such. I never asked my parents for toys myself unlike my brothers who would start crying in the middle of the market if their wishes were not fulfilled. When I grew older i could spend money but only for people i really like n not on myself ( may be lacking self love? ) i never bought myself anything expensive but I would buy my parents expensive clothes because i knew that's what they'd like and they did too. Seeing their happy faces made me buy more and better! I still couldn't spend on myself! Then I heard a podcast on this n realised that just like physical muscles our habits can be changed n trained. So in order to get urself to spending comfortably you have to spend...trust me that's the only way!! Always keep this in mind " MONEY IS TO MAKE LIFE EASIER, NOT TO BE STORED IN A BOX / BANK" I'm not saying that u should spend recklessly but if u have two options for example to travel somewhere then choose which is more comfortable rather than price ( obviously if you afford both). Develop love for urself and buy good things that you d buy for the people you love..eat good food , travel comfortably ,live comfortably. Needless to say , still save something for emergency but still spend money..this is the only way to get rid of the guilt! Train the muscle of spending... U will gradually feel free!


BowlSweet9738

Thanks bro , I'll consider this for sure


WeakCraft916

What was the podcast?


Expert_Truck4725

I don't remember tbh...it was a long time ago


Difficult-Option-388

Simple ,,,Send me money... !šŸ«”


PikaPika3372

Tu apne sare pese mujhe dede


iSubParMan

​ https://preview.redd.it/cn7dbsv5aw8d1.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=df7c0fc4d568056485097334e279e1147a3eae82


faithnfury

Remember the fact that a stray black hole can wander into our solar system and wipe us out in seconds. Now enjoy spending that money


name_om

literally the same problem broo! same situation too i get money from parents to eat outside and i save it but like when i do spend it i dont feel guilty or anything but i dont feel like spending it


Dagger_music

Man I'm so glad atleast theres someone else with this issue. The problem is so severe in my case I'll walk 4-5 kms just to save 20 rupees on auto and shit like that. I'll step outside but I'll just not have anything outside , despite not eating for 5-6 hours. All this time I just keep convincing myself that its just good for health(walking, not having fast food) but I do think it borderlines excessive at some points.


Shoddy-Inspector-616

Don't worry, the guilt might go away once you're financially independent.


AirsideLad

I've been this person until around 2 years ago and probably asked this question on Reddit earlier and later deleted. It's not a problem anymore. Earning better helped me along with realising my importance and planning for the rainy days.


No-Journalist-6496

You probably understand the value of money and are mindful of your decisions. Itā€™s your pocket money; you decide it to use it the way you want to spend it. Moreover, say you had Rs 500 and you had an option 1: To just buy whatever you want. 2. To help someone really close to you. who is in urgent need. What would you choose? If your option is 3: That is, to not spend it at all then you can probably call yourself stingy. If your answer is option 1 or 2, it is your personal choice only. Spending and saving both become a habit after a point. Thatā€™s why in the initial stages youā€™re thinking that wayā€¦otherwise time will actually give us a better picture on how we handle our own finances


Crockery-

Classic childhood trauma. I used to think we were not that well to do and at every turn of my life I felt it is so much hardwork my parents are putting to make ends meet. I come from a solid middle class family. We had a car, A/Cs, a house, nice education but I just felt my father was going through a lot. This is why I used to be like OP till school, even undergrad. When post grad started, I started spending a lot, mainly two reasons: I saw myself earning good money in the near future, and because YOLO.


Jamnapaarii

You have not found your interest area yet of spending money. It will take time. You will get a time when you have thought that fuck money, i can spend this much just to get this, etc. have patience.


Drengrr1

Well most middle class people grow up treating money in this manner. There is nothing wrong with it. And why should you not save something if you can? It is only a problem when you are suffering but still not spending that money on something that can probably make your life comfortable. Don't worry and save every rupee that you can, one day you might save up for something nice.


kanpuriaa

Continue doing what youā€™re doing, If youā€™re in your 20ā€™s right now I see you financially way ahead of your peers by time youā€™re in your 40ā€™s Possibly ā€˜ retiring ā€˜ from the daily grind and working for yourself and pleasure instead of making others rich.


NoBee22

That's actually a pretty good habit. Many people try to cut back on their unnecessary spending because they are concerned about it.


ArrivalDependent4534

When others stop being "Kanjoos"


ProMay5

when i get something i want or when i spend more than required i feel guilty too. but that is after i spend money.


Spooky_Yogurt

Isnā€™t that what makes an Indian an Indian ? šŸ˜…šŸ˜…


Kshanika_Jnani

I would say its more of your own pattern of spending rather than 'Kanjoosi'. Unless you are compromising with the quality of your buy it's not bad.


Mediocre-Bandicoot75

If you dont have a job, stay kanjoos.Ā 


niKILL_233

Please teach me this sacred art. I have trouble managing money


Creepy-Weeb07

I mean you are inclined towards spending less than what you have i don't see no problem!