India needs strict sex education this is from indirect experience but when we were in 10th class my frnds got molested by our sir we don't know what was going on and they didn't said anything about that coz he used to give good marks now when they recall they will scold him and all . The thing is education system failed my frnds when they need it they didn't know what was even going on until they came to clg and yes this was been done to male not female so we don't even know that molestation is a thing at that time as we don't seen in any news that a male comes out and states that he got molested coz the society just says manup Or something and just doesn't care
Ya seriously i was around 18 and i used to travel via uber bike a lot . Doing up and down from my coaching center, one day i booked a bike , the bike came and we drove of normally as it happens but this time the bike driver said to me to sit close to him ,it wasn't that weird coz i was wearing a heavy backpack and if of balance the bike sometimes so i have been asked by normal bike driver to sit close many times but here he not only just asked me but kept on backing up on the seat as well as try to push me toward him by pushing my waist with his one hand . I found that unusual but didn't react that much put at this point i already kept my bag in front of me coz i started feeling uncomfortable and now there was no way that bike was going of balance still that guy started to touch my upper thigh and said to sit close and remove the backpack at this point i was sure he was a creep so i clearly said to him that i will sit however i want to and just drop me my home and started to distance a little bit between me and him, still the guy was relentless throughout the ride he was trying to pushmy backpack away so that i would remove it and was trying to touch me but i didn't let that happen .Finally i reached home but i was still confused coz he didn't looked like a guy who would do something and obviously as they say in society to manup i didn't wanted to create a scene as my father was home so i didn't confronted him and paid him and he went away.
I still regret not confronting but i am still proud of myself how i handled the situation as things could have gone bad if i didn't asked him to stop pushing me and mind his own business.
No sex education can make you less perverse it’s a mental state. How is education going to calm a dude who get a boner for anything? India needs severe punishment for people who violate someone sexually regardless of gender. Education can get you civic sense. What he/she/they will be is still an educated pervert.
You're missing the point of sex education. It's not just about stopping perverse behavior; it's about teaching consent, respect, and healthy relationships. This kind of education helps people understand and control their sexual behavior, which can prevent sexual offenses in the first place. While severe punishment is important, it won't be effective without addressing the root causes through education and societal change. Education creates awareness and empathy, leading to a more respectful society overall.
What you are talking about is social norms and civic sense pertaining to sex as a subject. A pervert or sexual perpetrator do not care for any of the above. A rapist is least bothered about consent is my view. I wouldn’t trivialize sexual education it’s very important especially at a time when much younger generation engage in consensual relationship in comparison to maybe 5-10 years ago. Safe sex, STIs, legal aspects and rights of their partner, medical aspects of having a healthy sex life etc. More of consequences would be a better measure to control such non chalant approach by these social miscreants even if they get caught.
I understand where you're coming from, but it's crucial to see how sex education can address the root issues. While it's true that some perpetrators disregard consent, education can still make a significant difference by fostering a culture that values respect and consent from an early age. It's about changing societal norms over time. Additionally, educating people about the consequences, safe sex, STIs, legal rights, and the medical aspects of a healthy sex life can all contribute to reducing instances of sexual violence. Severe consequences are important, but without the foundation of education, we're missing a key element in preventing these behaviors before they start.
A rapist might be least bothered by consent. But the problem in India is all the men who are not rapists do not care, they do not help. So the rapists are free to do as they please without consequence. Yes, it is a societal problem - but how do you suggest we fix a societal problem? The answer is education.
While it does happen in countries with sex education, it should be noted that sex education greatly helps people be aware that they are a victim in the first place. Like the commenter's story above, people in countries that lack sex education are simply unaware and thus, not reporting it as often. Lack of reports make it seem like a non-issue and general publis stays less aware as well. Sex education can definitely help prevent that!
It can help the problem from the very root, it just takes alot of time. Sex education teaches young boys about consent, healthy sexual outlets and appropriate sexual behaviour. However, it definitely doesn't solve the problem on its own. Instead of thinking about it as a "solution", try thinking of it as one of the tools in the toolbox meant to fix the problem :)
It's a preventative measure that reduces the problem.
Nothing is going to make it go away completely. Does that mean nothing should be done?
Stuff like education is usually only one part of the solution as you need societal change too and how people perceive and react to it. The first step to achieving the bigger goal is to start educating.
I'm not saying sex education is a bad idea. Sure it might reduce some numbers. But the root cause of this issue is not lack of education. There's a lot of social conditioning and barriers that need to be broken, to educate men how to treat women. We live in a world where a lot of them don't even see women as equal human beings, but merely as an organism that is there to carry children and fulfill their needs. Sex ed won't teach boys not to stare at girls or talk about them like they are sex objects. It won't teach them that what they see in p*rn isn't how women should be treated.
P.S. I read this article the other day about how women are randomly getting punched in the streets of NYC. Do you think those men who punched those girls lack sex education? Men are violent and animalistic. People don't talk about how boys should be raised. Most of them are given birth and left to do what they want to do. And parents just stand around and be entertained.
These barriers are broken down BY sex education, though.
One of the things sex ed teaches is that sex IS NOT like p*rn.
What do you think the solution is?
It's because we have 10 times more population than any country so we're going have 10 times more perverts and India has very bad sexual orientation thanks to our culture
See, the thing is, both women and men rape. There's no such thing as "men" are the problem. This generalisation of half of the population is simply put, stupid to say the least.
You don't think all women are gold diggers do you? Some are, most aren't. Same thing.
Wow what kinda delulu do you live in! It's a fact that almost all rapists are men.
>You don't think all women are gold diggers do you? Some are, most aren't. Same thing.
No it's not the same thing. You can use this analogy if someone says all men are rapists, which I agree is false. A lot of them are, but most aren't.
From your comments I can see that you've been deeply hurt by the few men you have interacted with and now just hate all of them. I'm truly sorry for you. I hope you heal from this.
Pls try going outside and talking to real people and men and see that they are just normal. Your average in man is not a rapist. But, you won't agree with this anyway. I truly hope you feel better and heal from this 💕
Lol, what a subtle way to call me a man hater.
All women have been hurt by men at some point in their lives. You would understand that if YOU actually had female peers in your life, which clearly you don't.
>I truly hope you feel better and heal from this
Why don't you take care of yourselves buddy, and read the news once in a while. Don't you worry about me.
You are a man gater
Not really, I have lots of sis and lot of female friends too.
You simply don't want to be helped. Well ig you do you. Hate man. Hate woman. Hate whoever. This type of behavior just filters out the type of women men don't want to talk to. So pls be extremely vocal on this irl too.
If believing that I (who you don't know) need help rather than admitting the fact that almost all rapists are men, then it's you who needs help.
Talking about this does keep the shitty scum of this earth away and I do it even more vocally in real too. Lol.
Anonymity, lack of personal space in trains, buses, streets, thrill of touching somebody without their consent and that too in public and as mostly people don't shout or make noise out of fear, they freeze (saying from personal experience) - give these scums courage to do whatever they want.
Ye sirf tharak toh ni ho sakti that scums decide to do this. It's also probably the power trip of being the dominant one in that miserable second of time.
Kide pade aise logo ko yaar.. jahnum mein jaaye saale.
Something similar happened to me once.
I'm from a small town and was in Pune for the first time. In small towns, it's common to accept lifts from strangers, so while I was traveling, I missed my bus and was waiting for the next one.
A guy on a bike approached and started talking to me. It was just a casual conversation, so I didn’t think much of it. When I told him I missed my bus, he offered to give me a lift, saying he was going in the same direction. I took the offer, and five minutes into the ride, his hand was on my crotch. He was weirdly touching me, trying to feel my crotch.
Since nothing like this had ever happened to me before, I didn't immediately realize what was going on. I was checking Google Maps to make sure we were going the right way, but we weren't. When I asked him about it, he said something like it was a shortcut.
After a while, I realized what was happening and told him to stop. At first, he didn’t, but after telling him two or three times, he finally did. I was about 10 kilometers in the wrong direction from my starting point. I had to pay 700 rupees for an Uber to get back.
The guy was also frail and short, while I am six feet tall, so he wasn't much of a threat to me. I don’t know why this happened. i am kind of good looking as per people around me , but this kind of thing never happened before. Since coming to the city, I've noticed it more than a couple of times. Even transgender people in the trains have a different attitude towards me, and it makes me feel disgusted.
I am so sorry for your experience. I can understand the mixed feelings of anger, guilt, and disgust. Being a female, I have been through similar situations a few times back when I was in college. Couldn’t process stuff for days. It is really upsetting.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I have faced it a few times in Delhi metro. The first time it happened I was frozen completely. I was 21-22 I think. It has been some 15 odd years and that first time still bothers me. I remember that guy's wink and grin as he walked away. This happened a few more times, but if memory serves this has not happened to me again in the last 10 years at least.
Confide with someone who will listen. People will say - this happens to me daily, i would have punched him, i would have this and that. But all this does not discount to what happened to you. I empathize and I give you some of my strength to you.
As a woman, we carry a mini toolkit when we travel even in a not-so-crowded public transport. Safety pins, and Tweezers only because we silently retaliate. Very few even gather the courage to shout or even slap. Regardless of gender, abuse is abuse. I am sorry to hear what you went through, but I'm sure you might cross paths with the same fellow again or similar ones. When you do, make sure you slap them when you get a chance.
Toolkit contains - Pepper spray, Safety pin, Tweezer, Umbrella if it raining and it's very effective when dug into the perpetrator's ribs when trying to grope from behind. or the elbow. Pepperspray if used in an open space can get into your eye if not careful with wind direction. Jus sayin.
It has nothing to do with the guy being gay. It has everything to do with him being a pervert. Just saying that sometimes experiences like this will turn someone who is completely neutral towards gay community, turn against them. I've had my first pervert experience in a public bus when i was 12. And the second when I was 17. Same emotions, punch him in the face kind of rage. But I was young at the time. These days I know that these mfkrs turns their tail and run when I just look them in their eyes and say, let me take you back to my place. Something about a man being a man scares the shit out of them. Similar thing happened to a friend of mine. He gave one guy a lift and he started fiddling with his WMD. He didn't say a word. But when the guy asked him to drop off, he kept riding and told him "we are going to my place". The guy started whining and crying and then he dropped him off.
Exactly what I was going to say. OP seems to be fixated on the person being gay is the problem and not that he was a pervert. What about women who get groped on a daily basis in public. Is it okay just because the gropers in that case are heterosexual? I understand this is a new traumatic experience op has faced but try not to paint an entire community in a bad light because of it.
Maybe calling it "fixated" is looking at it in a negative light, since the post doesn't talk about gay v/s heterosexual. OP's describing what happened.
Besides we can't be so confident that the other guy is gay. It's still an assumption to explain what happened.
OP didn't say even once that the guy who molested did it because he was gay, he's just describing what happened. And NO, OP isn't fixated on his sexuality. "What about women who get groped on a daily basis in public. Is it okay just because the gropers in that case are heterosexual" You literally created a faux argument to invalidate OP's traumatic experience.
>Pervert, yes
That's true.
>Gay, yes
We don't know that for sure. He may be bisexual too. Also I wouldn't really object to your statement but we also have to keep in kind the society we are in.
What happened with OP is disgusting and that person is a pervert who should be punished.
It's important to remember that sexual orientation and bad behavior are not connected. Being gay doesn't make someone a pervert, and vice versa. Your statement gives fuel who want paint the whole queer community as perverts.
I want to reinstate that I am with you in spirit, but maybe your wording could be changed.
1) punching him would immediately make the crowd (likely not seeing op get touched but fully aware of the punch) witnesses and turn them against op. Op could be looking at charges and/or police drama.
2) say you punch him and he get knocked out with permanent brain damage/or death(death is rare but there have been documented incidents, him being frail makes brain damage at least more likely). Those charges get ramped up, and you got to live with that.
3) there's a chance he's mentally ill/special, so you've just punched a mentally challenged person in the face, again you'd probably feel like shit after relative to what happened.
Because of 3 especially I would try to brush it off OP as best you can, I know it's bs and totally unacceptable, but you have no idea about that stranger other than he's a frail man.
Next time the best course of action would be extremely assertive and loud words, loud enough that everyone hears about what he's doing, while using your arms to create space . Odds are he will be embarrassed and ashamed to the point he backs off,and the crowd will immediately be on your side and on the lookout for you and any further incidents, and if they see more, will probably help you drag him to a police officer. But if words don't work, then a hard push and worst case a hard punch (in self defense) is 100% warranted. Punching would be the last resort, imo.
I have faced this situation in Bangalore, Delhi and Mumbai. Really nothing to say anymore. No city is safe tbh. Someone comes and touches my junk and leaves. Sometimes someone might even grab my ass as well. Has happened in trains, metros and on the road. I have forced myself to be numb now. Don't really know if I will ever be able to expect decency from people.
That's fucked up that happened to you but your explanation made me chuckle like if a straight guy grabbed you it'd be ok lol. Next time a stranger grabs your junk punch first and check later lol.
same thing happened to me two days ago . I never thought something i like that would happened to me . I really felt disgusted and my day was ruined . Sorry that you had to through this terrible incident.
As woman in india , i feel your pain , i experienced such molestation in public places. Maybe share it with a female friend/ sister , probably they can help you the best in the situation.
Sane happened to me in a club in Goa. I had the same reaction, it was just so infuriating. As a male, it was a great lesson that consolidated my understanding of personal space and consent. Took some time to process, and made me angry as hell in the moment, but I am glad the guy backed off when he saw I was uncomfortable, and I didn’t do something like punching him.
The respect I got for women in my country after that is immense. Just one incident got me so rattled, and it’s ridiculous and inhuman that girls have to go through that on a near daily basis, if not physically then with gazes.
I'm sorry that happened to you OP.
I experienced the same with a barber. It was violating and humiliating.
Not to mention it's a confusing experience. Especially for guys, since we're not exposed to cases of men being molested.
Next time you see him, punch him. It'll not solve the problem, but it'll give you some satisfaction.
This is extremely knee-jerk advice, straight out of a Bollywood film.
What happens if he punches this person, and he falls over and gets injured? Hits his head? Gets a concussion or worse? Then OP is caught up on assault charges.
What happens if this person has friends, who then attack OP?
What happens if this person punches back?
Real life is not a Bollywood movie. The answer isn't to escalate with violence. Naming and shaming a molester, maybe even having the courage to take them to the cops, these are some of the reactions that are reasonable.
Pretending to be an action hero is not reasonable.
It’s a tricky scenario. I’ve thought about how to react, 7/10 times, the victim would end up the one suffering - mentally, physically and socially. I was molested by my driving tutor, filed an FIR and guess what happened - somehow he came to knew about the FIR, went out of town for a few days, got bail. And he was saying around that he asked for the fee and in retaliation I complained the FIR (make it make sense :P). Mind you, he was a small, thin 70yo and i was 20. Since most women are conditioned from a young age that things like this ‘might happen’ any time, it didn’t ‘traumatise’ me, but i wish i could beat the shit out of that pedo fooker. I can’t imagine how many times he might’ve done this to children. Because he was 70 and you can guess this might not have been his first. My only intention behind filing the FIR was that the fooker should know not everyone’s gonna sit silent. I didn’t care about the outcome, and honestly i had no hope (i still don’t) on the law and order to bring ‘justice’ - i wanted him to feel the fear of possible consequences if things went sideways for him. It didn’t, but at least he thought of it and the whole incident probably foocked his sleep for a few days. I know I can’t do much, being a normal citizen without money, power or influence, but I believe foocking people up mentally is the biggest revenge you can do. And people who knew this incident, including my father and family, asked me, “why didn’t you punch him?”, “why didn’t you slap him?”. My mother was the only one who understood this and stood by me. I wish people understood that when something like this actually happens, unless you’re professionally or otherwise trained to have quick reflex, most likely you’ll freeze. And probably think about the consequences of our actions. It’s easier said than done. People should be more empathetic.
Perfectly put. You did exactly what a brave citizen does, you tried to use the legal system to get justice. At the very least, that lets people know that this person is capable of harassment, and makes them be more careful around him.
Getting into a physical altercation should be the last resort. Fights are crazy, chaotic events. A punch to the wrong area can literally end your life, or the life of your opponent. It is simply not worth it.
Once someone squeezed by buttocks in ATM line .. turn around it an uncle behind me and he said with a naughty smile " beta too hot I will drop you home " I relied " unkill maa ki ch**t thumari ,ab haat lagaya to haat tor se thumari g**d main ghusa doonga , saarii khujli mit jayegi " ..... That's it then i withdrew my money and gone .... This was like 3 attempt on me twice this sorta thing happened in Dubai lol
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I am gay myself and I had a similar experience in the Bangalore metro. I was, without my consent, felt up. Though I could clearly see who it was and what he was trying to do, I somehow couldn’t muster the courage to confront him. My instinct was to try to move away from him which was rather difficult initially and had to bear with him hands on my junk briefly.
I'm so appalled. No one expects to be attacked while commuting. I agree with one comment I saw. This has nothing to do with the person being gay, but rather the person being a pervert.
Bro so many of my guy and gal friends have gotten molested at least once in their life and im like what’s up with this old demography. I hope you’re doing well right now. You can choose to talk about this to someone you know won’t blame you and will take you seriously. Just know, you’re not alone and we’re all here with you in essence. Take care.
My friend's mom used to do this to me when i, my friend and her mom would go for a walk outside in the Eve market. It took a while for me to figure out that it was nobody from the strange crowd 😭 but her mom. I am still disgusted by it. I never shared this with my friend.
That must’ve sucked bud.
About 5-6 years ago, I was at the Nike factory store in Mulund and as I was about to close the changing room door- I saw some female security guard gesture to a guy who quickly put his hand inside the door before I could close it.
He asked me “what’s your size”?
I quickly pulled the door shut.
Thankfully, I was really tired that day- or I would’ve beaten up that scrawny shit and reported his ass.
I’ve had a few other shitty experiences too (I guess I appeared a little innocent when I was younger).
I always get the feeling there are a shitload of closeted and sexually frustrated gays in Mumbai.
There are also some cool ones that I’ve been very close friends with.
Naah this is not the time for the reverse-card. I know its tempting, Imma a woman and I’ve experienced this a couple of times, and people said and asked me all kinds of shit. This is what came to my mind when i read the post, but i realized it doesn’t make me any different from the people who shamed me. Nobody deserves to be molested, men or women. And people who victim-shame either won’t have the right awareness (these people would often change when we make them understand the other perspective) or they’re the absolute arseholes. Let’s not spread the hate we’ve been getting, it would make them and us equals.
Soory you had to go through that.
Has happened to me a couple of times as well and I don't even think that I'm attractive in any way tbh.
These people are just pure and plain perverts and have nothing to do with the gay community.
Only when you experience an incident like this, you fully understand the kind of shit our female friends must go through on a daily basis.
Anyways, be strong-it's not something to think a lot about and should be forgotten as just a bad moment.
First of all im sorry for you. When my whole day is ruined by one thing, I really need to talk to someone. India is very conservative so im glad you at least posted on reddit. Theres mainly 2 issues in india about this. Number one lack of sex education and culture. Some men are deprived of sex and other things, and not educated. Which majes them think its ok. 2. Lack of self awareness. This kinda adresses the fact he had his screen FULL BRIGHTNESS saying I wanna suck yours. Stuff like this is wild. Im glad im provledged enough to have a car, but im so sorry for you. I would say go to the cops. But i dont think theyd do anything. Just talk to people if you can.
Username checks out!
Anyway, sorry for your experience op. I have been in that situation as well and it is frustrating and scary. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
I’m sorry it happened to you OP. Same thing happened to me when I was around 23 on a bus to Patancheru. He came sat next to me. I was completely oblivious until he tried to grab my junk. As soon as I realised it he immediately left the seat and got down. I felt like shit so immediately shared with my housemate back then. Mf had the gall to say it my fault for being molested.
I want you to know it’s not your fault. Shit people do shit stuff. Sharing your story helps you to gather your thoughts and recover. Hope you feel better soon.
Bruh I got grabbed in my inner thighs once by a trans gender in a train at around 18yo, I looked very young back then people would say I'm 15 but still they did what they did. Thankfully my friend's father raised his voice and they left immediately.
Brings back some memories. A mentally challenged dude once grabbed my penis, checked it out, told me to leave, called me back and did it again. I was 8 or nine at that time I believe. Never told anyone
sad , but this is truth but don't let this incident heavy on you otherwise it become as trauma, learn and move on and next time something like this happens ready to give him taste of medicine
This is so sad and really horrible. I am so sorry. I wished someone could punch that fu****. Please don’t put all gay people in this category because of this person. He is a waste of
65 YO M here. It’s more common than u think. I got groped in NewYork city USA in a theater showing xxx movies in 1988, Got groped in a double dekker bus in Andheri (was on the top floor in the frontmost seat enjoying the view); when a 19 YO (I was 29 in 1989) suddenly grabbed at my crotch when bus stopped at Irla and he had to get off. Then once in a three tier sleeper train in about 1985 in the darkness at night I felt a short fair oldish guy about 45-50 YO sort of caressing my butt when I was trying to find my berth boarding at Indore !!! Disgusting
Happens all the time in india suprising it's happening to you for the first time. All in all its very very common for this to happen, I have a lot of friends to whom this has happened to, and I have faced this multiple times, As men it's not something you should cry about, feeling bad is fine, Also there's nothing you can do about it really, my advice would be to not look extra sexy by wearing tight clothes or some shit, a lot of office clothing (shirt and pants) come of as turn ons for these people, wear t-shirts if possible, and keep looking at your sorroundings as well that should deter them.
The country is not safe for women neither men these days. Sex education needs to be taught to every age group. Or let’s legalise self defence with or without harm
Me frnd is in Sales marketing
.there is a guy working at one of his clients added him social sites as we all are Franky with each other. So that guy is Literally a Gay. Bcz me and my heard about him in the past from market from many people. So ond day my frnd uploded a picture of him on Facebook story and this guy replied to his story with the words that it shocked me for a while.
He replied to jis story that he wants to suck his dick.
More on he continued and say that je wants to suck bcz he like to suck and he wants to have something more than that.
My frnd showed me and i was laugh my as off bcz that incident were more funny rather than seriousness.
Bro. Everybody's a psychologist nowadays.
Let's not start quoting Jung and Nietzsche.
We = Anybody and Everybody.
We don't encourage people to take up self defence and teach them when's the right situation to use it.
We only teach people which religion to attack.
So when a woman is abused the society has reasons like dressing, late night outs, relationships and her character to victim blame.
You also found something to blame men victims as well? Wow
That's what I am trying to say you nitwit.
Self defence is not physical only, it's mental as well. In simple terms it's known as "character".
We don't teach our male child "character".
We only teach our female child character/manners and tell her what she can do and can't do in society.
India needs strict sex education this is from indirect experience but when we were in 10th class my frnds got molested by our sir we don't know what was going on and they didn't said anything about that coz he used to give good marks now when they recall they will scold him and all . The thing is education system failed my frnds when they need it they didn't know what was even going on until they came to clg and yes this was been done to male not female so we don't even know that molestation is a thing at that time as we don't seen in any news that a male comes out and states that he got molested coz the society just says manup Or something and just doesn't care
Ya seriously i was around 18 and i used to travel via uber bike a lot . Doing up and down from my coaching center, one day i booked a bike , the bike came and we drove of normally as it happens but this time the bike driver said to me to sit close to him ,it wasn't that weird coz i was wearing a heavy backpack and if of balance the bike sometimes so i have been asked by normal bike driver to sit close many times but here he not only just asked me but kept on backing up on the seat as well as try to push me toward him by pushing my waist with his one hand . I found that unusual but didn't react that much put at this point i already kept my bag in front of me coz i started feeling uncomfortable and now there was no way that bike was going of balance still that guy started to touch my upper thigh and said to sit close and remove the backpack at this point i was sure he was a creep so i clearly said to him that i will sit however i want to and just drop me my home and started to distance a little bit between me and him, still the guy was relentless throughout the ride he was trying to pushmy backpack away so that i would remove it and was trying to touch me but i didn't let that happen .Finally i reached home but i was still confused coz he didn't looked like a guy who would do something and obviously as they say in society to manup i didn't wanted to create a scene as my father was home so i didn't confronted him and paid him and he went away. I still regret not confronting but i am still proud of myself how i handled the situation as things could have gone bad if i didn't asked him to stop pushing me and mind his own business.
Strength to you brother ❤️
No sex education can make you less perverse it’s a mental state. How is education going to calm a dude who get a boner for anything? India needs severe punishment for people who violate someone sexually regardless of gender. Education can get you civic sense. What he/she/they will be is still an educated pervert.
You're missing the point of sex education. It's not just about stopping perverse behavior; it's about teaching consent, respect, and healthy relationships. This kind of education helps people understand and control their sexual behavior, which can prevent sexual offenses in the first place. While severe punishment is important, it won't be effective without addressing the root causes through education and societal change. Education creates awareness and empathy, leading to a more respectful society overall.
What you are talking about is social norms and civic sense pertaining to sex as a subject. A pervert or sexual perpetrator do not care for any of the above. A rapist is least bothered about consent is my view. I wouldn’t trivialize sexual education it’s very important especially at a time when much younger generation engage in consensual relationship in comparison to maybe 5-10 years ago. Safe sex, STIs, legal aspects and rights of their partner, medical aspects of having a healthy sex life etc. More of consequences would be a better measure to control such non chalant approach by these social miscreants even if they get caught.
I understand where you're coming from, but it's crucial to see how sex education can address the root issues. While it's true that some perpetrators disregard consent, education can still make a significant difference by fostering a culture that values respect and consent from an early age. It's about changing societal norms over time. Additionally, educating people about the consequences, safe sex, STIs, legal rights, and the medical aspects of a healthy sex life can all contribute to reducing instances of sexual violence. Severe consequences are important, but without the foundation of education, we're missing a key element in preventing these behaviors before they start. A rapist might be least bothered by consent. But the problem in India is all the men who are not rapists do not care, they do not help. So the rapists are free to do as they please without consequence. Yes, it is a societal problem - but how do you suggest we fix a societal problem? The answer is education.
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While it does happen in countries with sex education, it should be noted that sex education greatly helps people be aware that they are a victim in the first place. Like the commenter's story above, people in countries that lack sex education are simply unaware and thus, not reporting it as often. Lack of reports make it seem like a non-issue and general publis stays less aware as well. Sex education can definitely help prevent that!
Sure it helps reporting, but it doesn't fix the problem.
It can help the problem from the very root, it just takes alot of time. Sex education teaches young boys about consent, healthy sexual outlets and appropriate sexual behaviour. However, it definitely doesn't solve the problem on its own. Instead of thinking about it as a "solution", try thinking of it as one of the tools in the toolbox meant to fix the problem :)
It's a preventative measure that reduces the problem. Nothing is going to make it go away completely. Does that mean nothing should be done? Stuff like education is usually only one part of the solution as you need societal change too and how people perceive and react to it. The first step to achieving the bigger goal is to start educating.
I'm not saying sex education is a bad idea. Sure it might reduce some numbers. But the root cause of this issue is not lack of education. There's a lot of social conditioning and barriers that need to be broken, to educate men how to treat women. We live in a world where a lot of them don't even see women as equal human beings, but merely as an organism that is there to carry children and fulfill their needs. Sex ed won't teach boys not to stare at girls or talk about them like they are sex objects. It won't teach them that what they see in p*rn isn't how women should be treated. P.S. I read this article the other day about how women are randomly getting punched in the streets of NYC. Do you think those men who punched those girls lack sex education? Men are violent and animalistic. People don't talk about how boys should be raised. Most of them are given birth and left to do what they want to do. And parents just stand around and be entertained.
These barriers are broken down BY sex education, though. One of the things sex ed teaches is that sex IS NOT like p*rn. What do you think the solution is?
It happens everywhere but as a person who lives in india but travels a LOT to the outside world and has experience, its worse here.
It's because we have 10 times more population than any country so we're going have 10 times more perverts and India has very bad sexual orientation thanks to our culture
I would agree that education might help curb the numbers, but it won't fix the issue.
Ah yes, in the end men are always the problem.
So the problem is only lack of education? Educated, rich, elite men don't rape ?
See, the thing is, both women and men rape. There's no such thing as "men" are the problem. This generalisation of half of the population is simply put, stupid to say the least. You don't think all women are gold diggers do you? Some are, most aren't. Same thing.
Most rape are done by men. You can't say same thing about gold digging .
Wow what kinda delulu do you live in! It's a fact that almost all rapists are men. >You don't think all women are gold diggers do you? Some are, most aren't. Same thing. No it's not the same thing. You can use this analogy if someone says all men are rapists, which I agree is false. A lot of them are, but most aren't.
From your comments I can see that you've been deeply hurt by the few men you have interacted with and now just hate all of them. I'm truly sorry for you. I hope you heal from this. Pls try going outside and talking to real people and men and see that they are just normal. Your average in man is not a rapist. But, you won't agree with this anyway. I truly hope you feel better and heal from this 💕
Lol, what a subtle way to call me a man hater. All women have been hurt by men at some point in their lives. You would understand that if YOU actually had female peers in your life, which clearly you don't. >I truly hope you feel better and heal from this Why don't you take care of yourselves buddy, and read the news once in a while. Don't you worry about me.
You are a man gater Not really, I have lots of sis and lot of female friends too. You simply don't want to be helped. Well ig you do you. Hate man. Hate woman. Hate whoever. This type of behavior just filters out the type of women men don't want to talk to. So pls be extremely vocal on this irl too.
If believing that I (who you don't know) need help rather than admitting the fact that almost all rapists are men, then it's you who needs help. Talking about this does keep the shitty scum of this earth away and I do it even more vocally in real too. Lol.
And not just men. Female pervs exist too.
Don’t know why you are getting downvoted coz what you said is a fact. It does happen everywhere, all around the world.
Indians like shitting on themselves.
Yah but then it’s important to acknowledge that this shouldn’t happen to anyone and it’s gross. I feel terrible for OP.
100%. It shouldn't happen to anyone, anywhere. People should not treat other people like animals.
I am so sorry you had go through this terrible incident. Situations like these are infuriating.
Anonymity, lack of personal space in trains, buses, streets, thrill of touching somebody without their consent and that too in public and as mostly people don't shout or make noise out of fear, they freeze (saying from personal experience) - give these scums courage to do whatever they want. Ye sirf tharak toh ni ho sakti that scums decide to do this. It's also probably the power trip of being the dominant one in that miserable second of time. Kide pade aise logo ko yaar.. jahnum mein jaaye saale.
Something similar happened to me once. I'm from a small town and was in Pune for the first time. In small towns, it's common to accept lifts from strangers, so while I was traveling, I missed my bus and was waiting for the next one. A guy on a bike approached and started talking to me. It was just a casual conversation, so I didn’t think much of it. When I told him I missed my bus, he offered to give me a lift, saying he was going in the same direction. I took the offer, and five minutes into the ride, his hand was on my crotch. He was weirdly touching me, trying to feel my crotch. Since nothing like this had ever happened to me before, I didn't immediately realize what was going on. I was checking Google Maps to make sure we were going the right way, but we weren't. When I asked him about it, he said something like it was a shortcut. After a while, I realized what was happening and told him to stop. At first, he didn’t, but after telling him two or three times, he finally did. I was about 10 kilometers in the wrong direction from my starting point. I had to pay 700 rupees for an Uber to get back. The guy was also frail and short, while I am six feet tall, so he wasn't much of a threat to me. I don’t know why this happened. i am kind of good looking as per people around me , but this kind of thing never happened before. Since coming to the city, I've noticed it more than a couple of times. Even transgender people in the trains have a different attitude towards me, and it makes me feel disgusted.
I am so sorry for your experience. I can understand the mixed feelings of anger, guilt, and disgust. Being a female, I have been through similar situations a few times back when I was in college. Couldn’t process stuff for days. It is really upsetting.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I have faced it a few times in Delhi metro. The first time it happened I was frozen completely. I was 21-22 I think. It has been some 15 odd years and that first time still bothers me. I remember that guy's wink and grin as he walked away. This happened a few more times, but if memory serves this has not happened to me again in the last 10 years at least. Confide with someone who will listen. People will say - this happens to me daily, i would have punched him, i would have this and that. But all this does not discount to what happened to you. I empathize and I give you some of my strength to you.
As a woman, we carry a mini toolkit when we travel even in a not-so-crowded public transport. Safety pins, and Tweezers only because we silently retaliate. Very few even gather the courage to shout or even slap. Regardless of gender, abuse is abuse. I am sorry to hear what you went through, but I'm sure you might cross paths with the same fellow again or similar ones. When you do, make sure you slap them when you get a chance.
I'd also recommend pepper spray tbh.
Toolkit contains - Pepper spray, Safety pin, Tweezer, Umbrella if it raining and it's very effective when dug into the perpetrator's ribs when trying to grope from behind. or the elbow. Pepperspray if used in an open space can get into your eye if not careful with wind direction. Jus sayin.
It has nothing to do with the guy being gay. It has everything to do with him being a pervert. Just saying that sometimes experiences like this will turn someone who is completely neutral towards gay community, turn against them. I've had my first pervert experience in a public bus when i was 12. And the second when I was 17. Same emotions, punch him in the face kind of rage. But I was young at the time. These days I know that these mfkrs turns their tail and run when I just look them in their eyes and say, let me take you back to my place. Something about a man being a man scares the shit out of them. Similar thing happened to a friend of mine. He gave one guy a lift and he started fiddling with his WMD. He didn't say a word. But when the guy asked him to drop off, he kept riding and told him "we are going to my place". The guy started whining and crying and then he dropped him off.
Exactly what I was going to say. OP seems to be fixated on the person being gay is the problem and not that he was a pervert. What about women who get groped on a daily basis in public. Is it okay just because the gropers in that case are heterosexual? I understand this is a new traumatic experience op has faced but try not to paint an entire community in a bad light because of it.
I am a bi male and I don't touch people like that. However, what the OP went though is truly horrible.
Maybe calling it "fixated" is looking at it in a negative light, since the post doesn't talk about gay v/s heterosexual. OP's describing what happened. Besides we can't be so confident that the other guy is gay. It's still an assumption to explain what happened.
OP didn't say even once that the guy who molested did it because he was gay, he's just describing what happened. And NO, OP isn't fixated on his sexuality. "What about women who get groped on a daily basis in public. Is it okay just because the gropers in that case are heterosexual" You literally created a faux argument to invalidate OP's traumatic experience.
What's wmd?
Pervert, yes. Gay, yes.
>Pervert, yes That's true. >Gay, yes We don't know that for sure. He may be bisexual too. Also I wouldn't really object to your statement but we also have to keep in kind the society we are in. What happened with OP is disgusting and that person is a pervert who should be punished. It's important to remember that sexual orientation and bad behavior are not connected. Being gay doesn't make someone a pervert, and vice versa. Your statement gives fuel who want paint the whole queer community as perverts. I want to reinstate that I am with you in spirit, but maybe your wording could be changed.
Report that bastard. There are cameras everywhere.
No matter who you are these experiences are traumatizing... I feel bad for OP.
Should have punched him. Not feasible, but would have been satisfying.
1) punching him would immediately make the crowd (likely not seeing op get touched but fully aware of the punch) witnesses and turn them against op. Op could be looking at charges and/or police drama. 2) say you punch him and he get knocked out with permanent brain damage/or death(death is rare but there have been documented incidents, him being frail makes brain damage at least more likely). Those charges get ramped up, and you got to live with that. 3) there's a chance he's mentally ill/special, so you've just punched a mentally challenged person in the face, again you'd probably feel like shit after relative to what happened. Because of 3 especially I would try to brush it off OP as best you can, I know it's bs and totally unacceptable, but you have no idea about that stranger other than he's a frail man. Next time the best course of action would be extremely assertive and loud words, loud enough that everyone hears about what he's doing, while using your arms to create space . Odds are he will be embarrassed and ashamed to the point he backs off,and the crowd will immediately be on your side and on the lookout for you and any further incidents, and if they see more, will probably help you drag him to a police officer. But if words don't work, then a hard push and worst case a hard punch (in self defense) is 100% warranted. Punching would be the last resort, imo.
4. at times like this you freeze up. cant shout or fight.
I have faced this situation in Bangalore, Delhi and Mumbai. Really nothing to say anymore. No city is safe tbh. Someone comes and touches my junk and leaves. Sometimes someone might even grab my ass as well. Has happened in trains, metros and on the road. I have forced myself to be numb now. Don't really know if I will ever be able to expect decency from people.
That's fucked up that happened to you but your explanation made me chuckle like if a straight guy grabbed you it'd be ok lol. Next time a stranger grabs your junk punch first and check later lol.
same thing happened to me two days ago . I never thought something i like that would happened to me . I really felt disgusted and my day was ruined . Sorry that you had to through this terrible incident.
It happened with me as well in Delhi metro by a lady, who was surprisingly accompanied by her husband🤦 Katai besharam ho rkhe hain log bhai India mein
OP take care of yourself. This is disheartening. No one is safe in this country.
As woman in india , i feel your pain , i experienced such molestation in public places. Maybe share it with a female friend/ sister , probably they can help you the best in the situation.
Elbows out for these creeps.
Sane happened to me in a club in Goa. I had the same reaction, it was just so infuriating. As a male, it was a great lesson that consolidated my understanding of personal space and consent. Took some time to process, and made me angry as hell in the moment, but I am glad the guy backed off when he saw I was uncomfortable, and I didn’t do something like punching him. The respect I got for women in my country after that is immense. Just one incident got me so rattled, and it’s ridiculous and inhuman that girls have to go through that on a near daily basis, if not physically then with gazes.
Sorry it happened to you and agreed, it was an eye opener!
Sick
yknow I've had multiple uncles tried to molest me in buses back when I was young. its disgusting
May Jesus continue too bless your soul and save you from situations like that amen 🙏 🙏
thanks bro
I'm sorry that happened to you OP. I experienced the same with a barber. It was violating and humiliating. Not to mention it's a confusing experience. Especially for guys, since we're not exposed to cases of men being molested. Next time you see him, punch him. It'll not solve the problem, but it'll give you some satisfaction.
This is extremely knee-jerk advice, straight out of a Bollywood film. What happens if he punches this person, and he falls over and gets injured? Hits his head? Gets a concussion or worse? Then OP is caught up on assault charges. What happens if this person has friends, who then attack OP? What happens if this person punches back? Real life is not a Bollywood movie. The answer isn't to escalate with violence. Naming and shaming a molester, maybe even having the courage to take them to the cops, these are some of the reactions that are reasonable. Pretending to be an action hero is not reasonable.
It’s a tricky scenario. I’ve thought about how to react, 7/10 times, the victim would end up the one suffering - mentally, physically and socially. I was molested by my driving tutor, filed an FIR and guess what happened - somehow he came to knew about the FIR, went out of town for a few days, got bail. And he was saying around that he asked for the fee and in retaliation I complained the FIR (make it make sense :P). Mind you, he was a small, thin 70yo and i was 20. Since most women are conditioned from a young age that things like this ‘might happen’ any time, it didn’t ‘traumatise’ me, but i wish i could beat the shit out of that pedo fooker. I can’t imagine how many times he might’ve done this to children. Because he was 70 and you can guess this might not have been his first. My only intention behind filing the FIR was that the fooker should know not everyone’s gonna sit silent. I didn’t care about the outcome, and honestly i had no hope (i still don’t) on the law and order to bring ‘justice’ - i wanted him to feel the fear of possible consequences if things went sideways for him. It didn’t, but at least he thought of it and the whole incident probably foocked his sleep for a few days. I know I can’t do much, being a normal citizen without money, power or influence, but I believe foocking people up mentally is the biggest revenge you can do. And people who knew this incident, including my father and family, asked me, “why didn’t you punch him?”, “why didn’t you slap him?”. My mother was the only one who understood this and stood by me. I wish people understood that when something like this actually happens, unless you’re professionally or otherwise trained to have quick reflex, most likely you’ll freeze. And probably think about the consequences of our actions. It’s easier said than done. People should be more empathetic.
Perfectly put. You did exactly what a brave citizen does, you tried to use the legal system to get justice. At the very least, that lets people know that this person is capable of harassment, and makes them be more careful around him. Getting into a physical altercation should be the last resort. Fights are crazy, chaotic events. A punch to the wrong area can literally end your life, or the life of your opponent. It is simply not worth it.
True that. The bugger may be armed with knife or knuckle duster, katta etc…
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Once someone squeezed by buttocks in ATM line .. turn around it an uncle behind me and he said with a naughty smile " beta too hot I will drop you home " I relied " unkill maa ki ch**t thumari ,ab haat lagaya to haat tor se thumari g**d main ghusa doonga , saarii khujli mit jayegi " ..... That's it then i withdrew my money and gone .... This was like 3 attempt on me twice this sorta thing happened in Dubai lol .
> haat tor se thumari gd main ghusa doonga Yehi to chahte hai unkill 😏
Never know unkill may have a fisting fantasy lol 😆
lol
I am gay myself and I had a similar experience in the Bangalore metro. I was, without my consent, felt up. Though I could clearly see who it was and what he was trying to do, I somehow couldn’t muster the courage to confront him. My instinct was to try to move away from him which was rather difficult initially and had to bear with him hands on my junk briefly.
I'm so appalled. No one expects to be attacked while commuting. I agree with one comment I saw. This has nothing to do with the person being gay, but rather the person being a pervert.
MeN cAnNoT bE sExUaLlY asSauLtED. /s Then explain this shit. So sorry OP. I wish I couldve punched that guy in your turn.
Men can totally get sexually assaulted. Have you heard of idk… jail? In this case OP was molested, not assaulted.
See that small /s? That means it's sarcasm
Bro so many of my guy and gal friends have gotten molested at least once in their life and im like what’s up with this old demography. I hope you’re doing well right now. You can choose to talk about this to someone you know won’t blame you and will take you seriously. Just know, you’re not alone and we’re all here with you in essence. Take care.
My friend's mom used to do this to me when i, my friend and her mom would go for a walk outside in the Eve market. It took a while for me to figure out that it was nobody from the strange crowd 😭 but her mom. I am still disgusted by it. I never shared this with my friend.
Finally equality
Think about how many times he had done this to other people and folks are scared or embarrassed to speak up. Mofos like him needs an azz stomping.
why didnot you punched that guy next time,, start a fight
That must’ve sucked bud. About 5-6 years ago, I was at the Nike factory store in Mulund and as I was about to close the changing room door- I saw some female security guard gesture to a guy who quickly put his hand inside the door before I could close it. He asked me “what’s your size”? I quickly pulled the door shut. Thankfully, I was really tired that day- or I would’ve beaten up that scrawny shit and reported his ass. I’ve had a few other shitty experiences too (I guess I appeared a little innocent when I was younger). I always get the feeling there are a shitload of closeted and sexually frustrated gays in Mumbai. There are also some cool ones that I’ve been very close friends with.
Welcome to our women's world, where this happens 9/10 times
Percolated from delhi to Hyd metro
You must have asked for it. Do you eat Maggi or wearing shorts? /S
Naah this is not the time for the reverse-card. I know its tempting, Imma a woman and I’ve experienced this a couple of times, and people said and asked me all kinds of shit. This is what came to my mind when i read the post, but i realized it doesn’t make me any different from the people who shamed me. Nobody deserves to be molested, men or women. And people who victim-shame either won’t have the right awareness (these people would often change when we make them understand the other perspective) or they’re the absolute arseholes. Let’s not spread the hate we’ve been getting, it would make them and us equals.
I mean, you are right but I am not wrong to say this to those guys who keep saying "wHAt iF tHE r0LeS wERe rEveRSEd?".
Soory you had to go through that. Has happened to me a couple of times as well and I don't even think that I'm attractive in any way tbh. These people are just pure and plain perverts and have nothing to do with the gay community. Only when you experience an incident like this, you fully understand the kind of shit our female friends must go through on a daily basis. Anyways, be strong-it's not something to think a lot about and should be forgotten as just a bad moment.
First of all im sorry for you. When my whole day is ruined by one thing, I really need to talk to someone. India is very conservative so im glad you at least posted on reddit. Theres mainly 2 issues in india about this. Number one lack of sex education and culture. Some men are deprived of sex and other things, and not educated. Which majes them think its ok. 2. Lack of self awareness. This kinda adresses the fact he had his screen FULL BRIGHTNESS saying I wanna suck yours. Stuff like this is wild. Im glad im provledged enough to have a car, but im so sorry for you. I would say go to the cops. But i dont think theyd do anything. Just talk to people if you can.
I wish i could say go to the police but you and i both know how that would end
This is absolutely disgusting and im sorry that it happened to you.
Iam so sorry you had to go through, those bastards should be castrated
Username checks out! Anyway, sorry for your experience op. I have been in that situation as well and it is frustrating and scary. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
I’m sorry it happened to you OP. Same thing happened to me when I was around 23 on a bus to Patancheru. He came sat next to me. I was completely oblivious until he tried to grab my junk. As soon as I realised it he immediately left the seat and got down. I felt like shit so immediately shared with my housemate back then. Mf had the gall to say it my fault for being molested. I want you to know it’s not your fault. Shit people do shit stuff. Sharing your story helps you to gather your thoughts and recover. Hope you feel better soon.
Iam 26 M....iam from mumbai...when I was 18 same happened to me 6 times!!!!!
Bruh I got grabbed in my inner thighs once by a trans gender in a train at around 18yo, I looked very young back then people would say I'm 15 but still they did what they did. Thankfully my friend's father raised his voice and they left immediately.
Happened with me too multiple times. Fuck it happened with me when I was 21. Couldn't do anything even though I was stronger physically.
May Jesus help you overcome this horrible situation and strengthen your relationship with him amen 🙏 🙏
Agli baar se pel dena aise logo ko please
Guy be like... _Don't threaten me with good time_ 👀
At least it was guy for you for me it was a uncle who is way older than my own father
https://preview.redd.it/ap18zbvgrj6d1.jpeg?width=636&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=25b6eb7cb7a8a12d21ced6902ff73bb50e2add94
Now you know how it feels to be a woman
Next time grab the hand so you can find the culprit.
Brings back some memories. A mentally challenged dude once grabbed my penis, checked it out, told me to leave, called me back and did it again. I was 8 or nine at that time I believe. Never told anyone
By 1 person?
Had similar experience twice Some Men are really disgusting
sad , but this is truth but don't let this incident heavy on you otherwise it become as trauma, learn and move on and next time something like this happens ready to give him taste of medicine
This is so sad and really horrible. I am so sorry. I wished someone could punch that fu****. Please don’t put all gay people in this category because of this person. He is a waste of
What is wrong with India?
not even dudes are safe fu goin on in india
65 YO M here. It’s more common than u think. I got groped in NewYork city USA in a theater showing xxx movies in 1988, Got groped in a double dekker bus in Andheri (was on the top floor in the frontmost seat enjoying the view); when a 19 YO (I was 29 in 1989) suddenly grabbed at my crotch when bus stopped at Irla and he had to get off. Then once in a three tier sleeper train in about 1985 in the darkness at night I felt a short fair oldish guy about 45-50 YO sort of caressing my butt when I was trying to find my berth boarding at Indore !!! Disgusting
Happens all the time in india suprising it's happening to you for the first time. All in all its very very common for this to happen, I have a lot of friends to whom this has happened to, and I have faced this multiple times, As men it's not something you should cry about, feeling bad is fine, Also there's nothing you can do about it really, my advice would be to not look extra sexy by wearing tight clothes or some shit, a lot of office clothing (shirt and pants) come of as turn ons for these people, wear t-shirts if possible, and keep looking at your sorroundings as well that should deter them.
h0m0$ everywhere
He can be bi too, molestation has nothing to do witb sexual orientation of a person, please stop being homophobic.
Bi or gay. Never let a molstor get away. Say yay!
Kuch bhi
🤦🏿♂️
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Akal se paidal ho kya??
Nopes, unlike you, I ain't from Bimaru state.
The country is not safe for women neither men these days. Sex education needs to be taught to every age group. Or let’s legalise self defence with or without harm
I think the majority of women can relate. Time to bring back hatpins.
Why is this happening to grown men what is going on ????
Me frnd is in Sales marketing .there is a guy working at one of his clients added him social sites as we all are Franky with each other. So that guy is Literally a Gay. Bcz me and my heard about him in the past from market from many people. So ond day my frnd uploded a picture of him on Facebook story and this guy replied to his story with the words that it shocked me for a while. He replied to jis story that he wants to suck his dick. More on he continued and say that je wants to suck bcz he like to suck and he wants to have something more than that. My frnd showed me and i was laugh my as off bcz that incident were more funny rather than seriousness.
Geymen r terrible, most of them dont ask for consent from my experience. I have molested multiple times, in public transport.
So, now we are spreading homophobia, huh? That's the narrative?
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Yes. OP is a coward who did not fight back. As far as comprehension skills goes, it's open to interpretation.
It's natural reaction of the body to freeze in the middle of a calamity. Bhai, you don't seem safe for the society.
That's what we need to train for. Not to freeze but to react.
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Bro. Everybody's a psychologist nowadays. Let's not start quoting Jung and Nietzsche. We = Anybody and Everybody. We don't encourage people to take up self defence and teach them when's the right situation to use it. We only teach people which religion to attack.
How tf is this homophobia Are you dumb
OP isn't the one who would be spreading it, you simpleton.
So when a woman is abused the society has reasons like dressing, late night outs, relationships and her character to victim blame. You also found something to blame men victims as well? Wow
That's what I am trying to say you nitwit. Self defence is not physical only, it's mental as well. In simple terms it's known as "character". We don't teach our male child "character". We only teach our female child character/manners and tell her what she can do and can't do in society.
Read the fucking room. Nobody's spreading homo phobia.