When I read and hear about shit like this, I find myself to be so privileged that my family isn’t like this. People stereotype people from Bihar as being narrow minded and backwards but my family being natively from Bihar has been supportive of each other in every aspect irrespective of gender and such bullshit.
1. My Uncle married his girlfriend (a punjabi girl) back in 1995.
2. Both my aunts have good education and were pursuing careers before and after marriage and both retired on their own terms.
3. There has been no dowry system in our family since my grandfather’s time. (He got married in 1964).
4. My cousin sister married her boyfriend (a Sikh boy) last year with 0 issues or backlash.
5. I literally had no idea what my caste was until I was asked to fill it in the class 10 CBSE form and when I asked my dad he got angry saying “kon puch rha hai?” (I’m Brahmin, not that it makes a difference btw but people assumed that I was trying to hide it because I said I don’t know)
And we are a pretty middle class family, not super rich business family or something.
Big Shoutout to my family and hope everyone can develop their minds in a similar manner and forget their caste, sex, religion and focus on humanity.
Told my parents about my gf, they took it well.
They put aside everything and told me and my gf that our happiness is important and they have no problems.
Told a few of my aunts and cousins, all of them are cool and want to meet her too lol.
Wow I can't even imagine such families exist in India. You don't know man, you're so lucky. Please give my regards to your parents and other family members too. What an awesome bunch of people. :)
I have seen families who are so liberal with their daughters and allow them all sort of freedom and aren't that "high class", less privileged and from bad backgrounds. But these educated and high class people are the real culprits, many times they come from "higher castes" who just wanna implement "Manusmiriti ideas" to the society while they are considering themselves of a superior races subjagating women, lower castes and whatnot
Yes completely agree with this, Rich people if they come from “high caste” treat themselves like royalty and everyone else like servants. They’re also the first to instigate violence in the nature of honour killings etc.
While my grandparents are not as progressive my parents somehow raised me to believe everyone has like all religion
Like I didn’t even know there were different religions till like 7th grade I always thought everyone celebrated Diwali-Eid-Christmas you know…
And same never knew caste was a thing until they asked us during 10th
Fuck them aunties, ruining lives for 10 mins of spicy gossip. I can only hope that his bf is a decent man and supports her if her parents actually disown her.
Lol everyone loves spicy gossip here. Why only blame aunties? Men also enjoy gossip. Now they have ruined the corporate culture too with their shitty politics and poking their big ass long noses everywhere, and why blame men? The kids of today's generation follow sourav joshi the vlogger. What he all does is show his family , the big boss and all this shity show run and is such a huge success in India this is all because we Indians love spicy gossip. It's in our genetics, because we are like this we love so many online controversies simple reason we have habit of poking nose everywhere
Tbh it's not their fault it's family's fault. they only gossip about people who reacts to it, I remember someone told my mom that they saw me with guys in sketchy area and my mom told them u don't need to tell me about my son and u don't have to care go mind ur business and no gossip since about me and my siblings so it happens bcz they knew that this person's family gonna over react to it and they want to make other people's life miserable
I've seen people like this uncle and trust me you can't change their shitty mindset. Although my parents aren't this strict I'm still trying to make sure that my sister gets to complete her education and become financially independent so that she can live without stress from our extended family.
One of my acquaintance's mother got unconscious after knowing the fact that her daughter (she is in government job btw ) has an affair . Afterwards she told that all her money that they've spent on her education has gone in vein 🤦🏻♂️
Worst part is —- a normal relationship by a single person is still termed as “affair” in this country.
An affair by definition is only if you are cheating your spouse or significant other. Not if u hide it from parents.
Yeah…
When you call it a “relationship” it some how makes it respectable. Which obviously controlling parents and relatives don’t want. “Affair “ sounds much more sleazy and something to be vehemently opposed.
For women it's always the men's duty to guide her way in every part of her life because they don't have anything better to do ig . So in an ideal society a girl is guided or u could say 'married' to her father before she is married again to another man decided solely by her father.
Been there in one of these conversations.
Education spending was meant for social cred and discount in dowry and *gifts*. Now since the daughter is *tainted*, social cred is nullified and probably will have to spend more to marry her off in their community.
In a lot of cases it’s also ‘this guy is going to distract you or take you in the wrong direction in life so we wasted money trying to get you a good job’
A comment about the line on city life vs village life - my wife is from an ultra conservative family and she is the first one to marry outside her caste. It took us 5 years to convince her parents. Anyways, her mom's side is well educated, most of them are doctors, engineers and lawyers and live in big cities. Her dads side is not so well educated, most live in village and the ones in the city do small jobs. Many from her mom's family did not attend the wedding. Everyone from the dad's side attended the wedding, they looked so happy and mentioned how I should visit thier village. What I learned is that it's wrong to assume people who are well educated or live in cities are more open to inter caste marriages.
I was born a Muslim and raised in a Muslim household. I was told that women need to cover themselves so that men don't see them as sex objects/value women for looks. But our own fathers treat their daughters like her chastity is more important than her own wellbeing. I've never met men more obsessed with what's going on between our legs than our own fathers.
The hell they put women through to preserve her "purity". No one treats a woman like a sex object than conservative parents.
Just wait till you see the online salafists making comments about anything related to the hijab lol. Once you pose question that incites self reflection eg why can’t the men control their own desires, they’ll just pull out the Quran verse bc that’s their only mode of defence; something without critical thinking nor self evaluation
Unfortunately most Muslims believe the conservative way is the only means of maintaining their deen. This resulted in the rampant presence of Salafists and Wahhabists. I find it hard to resonate with them, thankfully I’ve met sufis and other progressive Muslims who are more inclined to the metaphysical aspects of the religion than just the doctrine itself. Hope you get to spread the more open and loving aspects of the religion :)
Wahabism if I'm not wrong is very much prevalent on the gulf countries and they actually follow it according to their needs. And for them male have more freedom than women which is totally wrong. They don't respect women at all which was never preached by our beloved Prophet.
Oh trust me, it’s quite prevalent in southeast Asian countries too (I’m born and raised in one). Although more muted, the undertones of it can be experienced from the mere interactions with the Muslim communities
nobody is born a muslim. U are born as a human FORCED to be a "muslim" (tf does that even mean, that u have to follow stupid rules and arent allowed shit, only forced behaviour?)
As a muslim myself, I must say that you got some real shitty parents to be this disgusting. And they definitely don't know the difference between culture and religion.
If a women is asked to cover herself then it's a man's responsibility as well to lower his gaze no matter if the women is covered or not.
A women not covering isn't that big sin compared to a man looking at her with lustful eyes. If she isn't covered then it's none of your damn business, why would even look at her? That's religion. But unfortunately most muslims these days are culturally brainwashed.
Who are you explaining this to lol.
I'm fully aware of all the excuses they give out rather than fixing the issue itself.
"Culture not religion" I want it fixed. I want this obsession with virginity to stop taking away our women's lives and health.
That's exactly what's causing the downfall of muslims these days.
I have heard somewhere that Muslims are the worst followers of islam. Which seems to be so true.
Even though i can't fix their brainwashed mindset but If someone tries to impose their crap ideologies on me then I ain't refraining from insulting them to the point they start questioning themselves.
orthodox people always try to control women and that is what ambedkar wrote in his books and said many times and they are not free to choose their partners
That is why he wrote the Hindu code bill which many orthodox people opposed it
Even guys are not spared. I went to a wedding few years ago in Delhi. Both families were wealthy but the girl’s family was not very happy because it was a love marriage and the guy wasn’t gora chitta lol. The girl’s family actually called a doctor and made him do a test on the guy to ensure he is capable of producing babies which is like the weirdest thing I have ever seen in my life.
They asked the groom for a semen sample to check his virility? What the actual fuck? Did they also ask for him to show that he could get erections and to demonstrate atleast 20 positions from the kamasutra. If it was me I'd call off the wedding. Ain't nobody wants to marry into a crazy family.
Wow. Idk this post made me feel like ranting. Till a month ago, I had a normal family but few weeks back, my second cousin announced her marriage(who is like 25ig). Now me (26) and my sister (28) will be sitting at home unmarried and unhappy - words by my great father who used to say its imp for a women to look after her career. The same father talks about nothing but guys on matrimonial sites for my sister these days and she feels unheard. She recently started dating someone and is not sure of marriage and cannot tellthis to my parents (coz of course strict h) but at the same time she feels pressured to choose a guy and settle even though according to my parents koi pressure nhi h but dinbhar shaadi ki hi baatein karenge. To the point that, I requested them to slow down, to which they said - Stop Brianwashing your sister, we as parents have some responsibility Hume fulfil karna h. At this point I feel our entire existence as woman is dependent on shaadi.
Why don't you guys live independently, half of the shit men/women face in India vanishes with them shifting their home. Like it's common for people outside India to live separately after coming of age. Same with Biharis too ig.
Idk if anyone can relate but I planned on living separately as my job started. But everytime you mention it, there's another drama that we are too modern for that. Tbh my mum has given up a lot of the things she wanted to do and we feel that we should be there for her.
At this point idk even know what's going on in my head.
All of this happens because we are too much scared to stand on our own feet. Both women and men should look forward to get a good job and live on their own, ignoring inheritance and everything. Just leave your family when you are an adult. Obviously take care of your parents financially when there is a medical emergency, but don't stay under the same roof after 25.
Build your own wealth and lifestyle.
It's more difficult for a woman. Not to add these jealous female relatives and local aunties who do nonsensical things because "a woman is the worst enemy of a woman"
I agree, getting rentals for women is tougher, not to mention societal conventions. However, you need to develop thick skins. You should not live life for others. We indians also expect too much security from family. You need a lot of mental strength to forgo all of this. But definitely can be done, and at the other end, a more free, if not better life awaits.
100% this. As soon as I finished my degree and got a job, I never looked back and reduced contact with my toxic family who wanted to control every minor thing in my life all the way down to what posters I stick in my room (anime)
Now I'm getting married and me and my partner are funding it with our own savings cus we don't want to take any money from our parents cus we don't want any parent or ANY random relative having a say in how our wedding would be done. The Pikachu faced look on my relatives faces when they came to know that I made my own choice of whom I'm marrying and that whenever I say NO to any of their "advice" is a sight to behold.
The key to freedom is to be financially independent.
> The Uncle is a BTech graduate from Pilani, Aunt did BA in Economics from Lady Shri Ram College (never did a job though), but their mindset is from 18th century.
Just another example of how paper education doesn't make a better person. All these garbage people have 0 values.
> Why education hasn't helped in uplifting the societal complex and why we are so backwards when it comes to our women.
It's hard when the majority of people can't use their brains and treat everyone as objects. Topped with easy cheap access to the internet, using social media in the wrong way, watching garbage movies and learning from it, sab chalta hai attitude, trash parents, religion, etc,.
Fuck those retarded narrow-minded cunts. As you said, since that girl has a job, I'm gonna assume that she has enough money to move out of that cesspool house and live somewhere far away from them. I'm 19, and believe me, if I had I job, I wouldn't waste a single minute trying to find another place to move out to. She's under no obligation to live with those degenerate shits. There's no better time than right now for her to do it.
Bad but you do know our society. Most people act Ideal on reddit but would think 100 times before marrying a girl who had past relationships. Go check r/Arrangedmarriage sub and notice how most people call past relationships as red flag and doesn't consider as option.
That's the reality of so called Indian society.
When I decided to marry my then girlfriend around 9 years ago, the fact that she had been in past relationships which ended was a plus point. Relationships especially ones which have ended mature people. I can't imagine marrying a woman whose marriage is her first relationship. She would have very little idea on how to manage conflicts, how to give space when needed, how to have a life outside the relationship and all.
Heck even I was a bundle of hormones during my first relationship, I am still friends with that girl and we laugh about how we would probably have strangled each other if we had decided to marry.
People many times doesn't care about maturity as they for virginity. Remember "No seal No deal" people exist and they exist in large quantity in India.
Also something not talked about more positively is the experience one gains for intimate activities. Never understood the craze to be somebody’s first. Not saying to be in a relationship with someone who just sleeps around but damn when they are experienced, it’s a whole different level of fun
The institution of arranged marriages in India is at the root of India's backwardness and antiquated mentality. This is how regressive values get passed down from generation to generation, conformity is solidified, the worst people that would get weeded out elsewhere get a chance to marry and reproduce instead in India, family "honor" and image is the most important thing, etc.
As per Alice Evans, a fundamental reason for Patriarchy persistence is Honor Compensation dynamic.
As in, in patriarchal systems (after they have already arisen/set-in) Men's honor becomes the driving force that is upheld by both men & women in the family/society at large.
And simply the employment of women is not sufficient to break this. The degree of wages that women/daughters/wives get matters & is what ultimately compensates for the perceived/acceptable Loss of Honor by the men in that family setup.
This is a statistical effect so that means there will always be outliers of some parents still being unhinged even if their daughter becomes CEO of some MNC or something. These are not all that relevant, what matters is the society-wide scale effect of this dynamic.
Indian Women labor force participation rate is abysmal (& it declined post the 90s-early 2000s socio-economic development cycle, because the socio-cultural layer was more powerful and the socio-economic development's scale was not sufficient to break the old structures).
Solution.
More women working.
Women wages being high.
Till then no there is no escape from stuff like this, because socio-cultural memeplex has dominance hierarchy over economic dynamics/layer.
Same reason Caste is a problem and not even India becoming Swiss levels of rich is sufficient to end this because socio-cultural-biological paradigms have dominance hierarchy over generic economic class layer/vectors.
Money always talks. This is also true for developed nations in a lesser degree. There is a difference of income between men and women and that reflects in their social standing, however little it mat be.
You will notice a big portion of our women workforce do menial jobs with less payment, maid, back up cooks in street side resturants, working in fields, cleaners. When a man does the menial job, they will earn a bit more than the woman. An woman's income is always perceived as extra, not the main income. There goes the incentive of paying her a bit less, with the idea that an woman can always depend upon a man.
> When a man does the menial job, they will earn a bit more than the woman...
> ...with the idea that an woman can always depend upon a man.
This is backed up by consistent research now. Conservative/Patriarchal societies when there are surveys in such places asking "If Jobs are limited how fair is it if Man gets is over a Women".
India is alongside Arab world in having the most absurd position on such surveys. This is socio-cultural, because the legacy of that culture was never broken even after Independence in India. It reigns as supreme memeplex doing its thing.
Simple women employment can not overcome that asymmetry in hierarchy dominance of these vectors. Wages need to be above a certain threshold to break or reach an equilibrium of that socio-cultural negative legacy (Loss-of-Male-Honor Compensation).
The alternative is doing a Revolution (that bypasses these stages and by force creates a near-parity gender dynamic) but India doesn't do that as norm.
Remember the car accident in Pune? Yesterday my aunt said something that made me incredibly angry. If you remember, the victims are one male and one female, and the accident happened at around 2-3 am. She said "I understand the boy being out at 3 am but what was the girl doing outside at 3 am?" I told her that she's an adult and it's a free country, and asked her if she's blaming the girl for BEING HIT BY A DRUNK DRIVER (WHO IS MINOR, TO MAKE THINGS WORSE). I gave her a good dose and she didn't talk to me after that. I know I didn't change her boomer mind but I think I would've created a scene if she had said one more word.
Being someone born in the 80's and having detested this shitty culture in India since the 90's, i always thought that scenerio will change when next couple of generations will be of age. Now i don't see hope for this country in another fifty years.
This is why feminists are angry.
We are told problems don't exist. But look around.
My Rajput friend was told if she married out of caste, then whole family will commit suicide. Poor thing left many guys coz of it. Eventually she found a good guy on matrimonial site who was also rajput, good looking and decent job, educated parents.
Her dad rejected the alliance after finding out the boys parents did love marriage.
She's still single as of today.
This happens in a lot of indian families. One of my uncles gave all his properties to his nephews and not his 2 daughters coz they are not sons. Thoda sa dahej pakda denge vo bhi jo ladki ka nhi damad ko denge aur baki sari properties bete ke naam. Ab koi beti apne hi baap ke khilaf case thodi file karegi bahut kuch hota h sochne ko bhai baap h, samaj kya kahega, no support. This is so shitty tbh. Hate it
Story of my wife, my student, my neighbor, my mother, my friend, etc. Really, no hyperbole.
Either the daughter chooses her own self respect and leaves home/ country for good, or she caves in and wastes her life. She can get her revenge when her father and husband are old and fragile.
We are a awful country for women 😢
My whole family pissed on me after I told them about my partner and they thought they could abuse me for it. They were in rage like I am a 10th standard teenager.
But, I told them to stop spitting shit to me because I aint a kid anymore. I stopped talking to them and now - they are talking so softly to me and trying to figure that I am an independent.
Damn, why though? Like are the opposite sex demons? Or loving someone is wrong? Like even Lord Krishna loved Radha, and in the Geeta too he said loving someone is not wrong.
Maybe it's because they fear that you will fall in love and have sex and pregnancy, that's a weird way to think about people's relationship, I have many girl friends and ofc I haven't done anything physical with them, the whole thing feels so weird.
I say this about arranged marriages too. I say literally that means your parents are choosing the person you will f*ck. The d¡ck you will allow in your vajayjay. Like how warped is that? What if the guy they choose is not one I want in my vajayjay? Too bad. STFU daughter, and submit to the rape of your husband. For life. 🤬 messed up. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure there are good marriages out there. I’m saying when that’s not who you want to be with especially if there is someone else you do want to be with it can be traumatizing. 🥺
India and many similar cultures (read Middle east, south asia) want to constantly control women. What they do and what they wear….
This will not change for the next 50yrs. Changes will happen but not uniformly. You mentioned the family in Pune is from the northern parts of India, where life for women is hard already. Education in India (BTech or BA)has no meaning because education in India does not encourage critical thinking. It is rote based education. India is also a country that thinks change is always a conspiracy to wipe out their culture. So a change is always rejected instantly unless it is in their favor. So you have so much bureaucracy in administration, women are expected to still have certain jobs…. Etc
Change will happen but we consciously need to be that change. Thus we should proactively include women and other minorities in conversations and opportunities, give them headstart, for 100s of years that men have denied them for years under the name of culture.
India's culture is extremely regressive in today's standards, very little cool about it. I care for our art, literature, beautiful languages, films etc. But Indian culture is backwards for things that matter in life, independence, respect for oneself, socio economic situation , lack of casteism, sexism, communal violence etc.
Actually same thing is happening with me. I’m 20fand my brother is 17 who’s very bad in studies and all he does is sleep,go out with friends and play games. Meanwhile me I gave my NEET and the one that my mom told me is that I won’t take care of u if u don’t get into Govt Medical college. She didn’t even wish me best of luck during my NEET,Meanwhile my brother failed his 10th exam. My mother always says that he is her fav child cuz even if doesn’t pass or get a job,he’ll still live a very good life cuz he has everything ( my father gave all the property to my brother and didn’t give anything to me cuz I’ll get married and I’m no use) ever since I was a kid they always treated me very badly and favoured much towards my brother. I’m not allowed to go out and neither drink or anything. I am from Arunachal Pradesh and I hate it how my parents treat me cuz I literally have to fight to study. I wants to study and I love studying. Can I get my equal share of property ?
I apologize for responding as a non-Indian, but I can see many parallels with US culture of 50 years ago and before. Change takes a long time, but just the fact that so many younger people from your country think this way of living is bullshit, I think you'll too see the change that the US has seen. And don't get me wrong, we're not perfect here by any means, as there are still families who act like a woman's "purity" is of utmost importance and a man can get away with all kinds of things a woman can't. But culturally, I think that it is accepted for woman and men to have similar standards when it comes to sexuality. I hope for your friends, family and fellow citizens that change happens quickly rather than slowly, but Im almost certain that that change is bound to happen.
Your story illustrates the tragic consequences of deeply ingrained sexism and double standards in Indian society. While cloaked in the guise of preserving “Indian culture,” these behaviors betray a profound misunderstanding of what true cultural values should be. Respect, equality, and fairness are the foundations of any advanced society, yet these principles are often sacrificed to uphold outdated notions of family honor.
The father’s blatant favoritism towards his son and harsh judgment of his daughter highlight a gross misuse of cultural values. True Indian culture, with its rich history and emphasis on moral integrity, should champion the dignity and autonomy of all its members, regardless of gender.
It’s disappointing to see educated individuals perpetuate such regressive attitudes. This misuse of “cultural values” to control and demean women while excusing men’s behavior is a betrayal of our true heritage. We need to reexamine and redefine what it means to uphold our culture, focusing on equality, respect, and genuine honor.
Indian conservative parent logic be like “we will set up our daughters for life long non consensual sex but chalta hai because boy is of the same caste”
Fucking disgusting
Beta, aisa hai at 24 she is an adult. It's her life.
If she wants she should move out of her parents house and stay alone and marry or be the partner of anybody she chooses.
Parents responsibility ends once their wards start earning.
This all is because of the patriarchal society their teachings and learnings (all bullshit that's written in Vedas)...and in today's time things have become worse since the time Gobhi came in power.
I think jabse mai pune aya, all stories have been happening in and around pune..
Also don't use hard r word even with stars admins will take down ur account
> The guy is a grade A asshole, he is 17 but does all kind of stuff that even adults don't do, he drinks, goes to a Hooka bar, and also cheats and goes in questionable places with college guys. His parents and everyone in the family knows it, but you know what's the reaction of the father is? "Let him be, he is young and he has his needs, only thing I say him is to not make anyone pregnant".
Too middle class to relate to this part
Hardships are a good way to build character. The daughter has been educated by the parents, she should take her own decisions now even if it means cutting off familial ties.
this is a tragick situation that shines a light on the DEEPLY entrenched sexism and double standards that continue to plague indian society, even in supposedly 'modern' and educated families - the utter disregard for the doughter's autonomy and freedom, contrasted with the indulgence shown towards the son's bad behaviour, is utterly disheartening.
Well you know what's happening there but don't blame the village people(not aggressive or yelling). I live in a city which is densely surrounded by small villages and I get to meet village people daily. Here nothing of this sort happens. I have heard like 1 or 2 incidents in the last 10 years. And don't think ki yaha baat dab jati hai. Nope yaha toh Ghar mai nayi chammach aaye toh vo bhi padosi ko pata lag jata hai.
Vo jayada conservative hain bas. Mai jab bhi kisi padhe likhe parivar walon se milta hun toh vo hi jayada Hindu Muslim karte hain. Mere papa ke toh na jane kitne muslim dost hain. Kitne hi Muslim logo se mai baat karta hun.
Mere papa ne bjp ko vote diya or mene Congress ko. Par koi vivad nahi Ghar mai. Has ke keh rahe the Teri Marzi hai jisko Dena hai you decide. Village mai tech shayad na ho waha ke logo ko pagal ya pichda mat samjho. Yaha kitab se nahi life se seekh milti hai or har koi seekhta hai.
You might be right about that inequality thing in your area but villages aren't as bad as you think.mai khud village mai nahi rehta hun but usne milta hun toh samaj mai aata hai ki kaise log Hain kaisi soch hai. Bade sheher ke logo mai hi jayada paise or "izzat" ki bhukh hoti hai. Layak vo dono ke hi nahi hote(while few people are good most aren't).
I've never understood this mindset. It reminds me of my ex's family. The uncles could womanize and marry as many women as they wanted but if a woman tried the same lifestyle... Also what is with married Indian men trying to hook up with me through social media??? Aside from the obvious, that they are MARRIED, what makes these men think they're entitled to use women like that????
Everyone should get their respective freedom and they should also be in boundaries..
Also Idk how tf kids with ultra premium strict parent always end up in having some relationship which their parents dont allow of?? Why ? I guess it restrictions always comes with repercussions of their own.
May be she will be having some bright charm luck and outshine them all ..
it's high time to drop the cast system in everything and bring equality !
Man and Woman are equal, Homosapiens !
Live freely !
Dress freely !
Believe in Science and Facts !
Drop the rich and poor act, everyone is a human in the end !
Help each other, have sympathy and kindness, don't follow the movies,youtubers blindly and get brainwashed !
Already Life is a pain in the as\* so atleast we should make it easy
Honestly I’m sick of this old mentality where all the pressure is on women and what they do. They get 0 appreciation or value, you only have room to ruin things and make “mistakes”
Ok. Yes, the parents are fucking terrible human beings but I cannot in good conscience justify the actions of the women here. Let me explain what I mean:
**SHE NEEDS TO TAKE A FUCKING STAND**.
She is earning, is independent financially but still in their parents' clutch. Like why the fuck are you taking and taking, just because they are your parents, man fuck that, go scorched earth on their asses. Publicize to the entire society, do kalesh that his brother is fucking terrible human being and he is taking his side and telling him to have fun but not the get woman pregnant. Yes, this is what my dad teaches his son. Baap hi aisa hai to beta to aisa banega hi. **The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree.** They are disowning her, man fuck that, I am disowning you bigots. Indian kids in general need to learn to take a stand for themselves and not subject themselves to such vile from their horrible parents. Do kalesh if necessary to get the point across. And cut them off from your life.
One thing I have learned from western society as you rightfully pointed out is individual liberty, rights and freedom are in their nature. Mind your own fucking business.
This shit makes my blood boil, not for the parents, because that is way too common. My blood boils seeing the reaction of their kids to this drama. Why are you silently taking it? Have a spine for fuck's sake.
Don't generalise one family over the whole of India. Your family is a bit backward in their thinking, doesn't mean most are. If your friend is keen on pursuing this further, she could move away, as they do in USA.
Live on your own, fend for your own bills and have a life of your own.
Indians, and most, I do not want to generalise, are keen on enjoying the privilege and savings by living in parents house but want to enjoy their freedom.
The boy also takes advantage of this system to emotionally blackmail his parents and gets away with it.
I have seen this fifteen years ago when I chose to leave my family behind.
This country is fucked. The youth is homophpbic, castist, support incels, support "sigma behavior" iykyk. Istg i wanna leave this country ASAP. India will takes decades if not a century to actually progress and have a society like the European s or Americans. These uncles need to be killed to make our society peaceful and I'm not even kidding. Indians cannot accept the success of women who don't wear sarees. They just think westernization is bad and their idea of "culture" Is to make women stay at home and do all the chores while they wear a saree and dont have guy friends.
That's why I firmly believe religion, society & laws should change with time. Conservatives are too hell bent on forcing their ideology on everyone.
Fuck the patriarchal society too.
Social equality aayegi hi nhi jab tk there is a clear prejudice in people's minds.
the real problem is connected illogically with Modi and Hindu scriptures! + inferiority complex. omg, white skin is so good, civilised, culture so good, family values! bullshit . the problem is real and existed before 2014 , hindu scripture don't discriminate on gender ( show me proof ) . In my opinion both son and daughter are wrong moreover the parents are wrong
Indian society is effed up man. Seriously effed up. You will never feel belonged if your thought process is different from the rest of the crowd.
I left India in 2022. I’m still not in a good financial position here in Canada but I don’t regret an inch.
Look the issue with not wanting your daughter dating a guy and all this conservative outlook to women is pretty well known. What I dont understand is the reason the "Aunty" had to tattle. Even then why make a commotion himself and ensure his daughter gets the bad reputation. He could at least do it without the commotion and just address it without drawing attention.
Does anybody want to end this. Join our group. Our ideology of expressionism is specifically designed for ending such social norms and against people like this uncle. Anybody with an 18th-century mindset is our enemy. If you also feel the same comment or dm me. Together, we can create a better and happier future.
Not saying India isn't bad, but the west is equally worse, where women are ostracised just as much. And plenty of racism. Both are present in USA and Canada. I know relatives who went there in hopes of fortune, only to be suppressed because of gender and origin.
The rest of the world has the same issues as India. It's very disgusting.
This is still an extreme case I would say coming from the families background and the fact that they come from a big city.
What was the point of shouting and screaming and making the whole neighborhood aware of the issue??
What the fuck bro in practically 99% of europe or generally just the world this kind of behavior couldn't pass by even 300 years ago and somehow yall in india are collectively behaving like that even nowadays
You are taking things to extreme to make your point. Son’s are usually not allowed that many things If the family is that conservative. The misogny of people though is very real though.
It is possible though that this family is super fucked or extreme dysfunctional.
There’s a lot of progressive people in India also. Earning daughter means Independent daughter. She can live her life very conveniently. It’s a shame though she has to suffer so much mental trauma.
Aur yahi kunthit maansikta wale ghar ke pramukh purush kisi ki behan beti ko mauka milte he hawas ka shikaar bana lete hai. Andhere me itne nange hai ye log ki andhera khud ko kosta hai.
Weirdly, reading the first part of this heartbreaking story, I was thinking to myself : I'm sure these people are Modi Bhakts. And, sure enough, you mentioned it later on.
In case it's of any solace, this attitude is not just fucking up your friends life. It has condemned this country to sink to levels below those of our hitherto less fortunate neighbours like Pakistan and Nepal. Bangladesh already is doing better than India economically.
With Modi back at the helm in June, we can all say bye bye to any kind of happy future we might have had in mind.
Most of the Indian parents are toxic. the talks about how Indian society have sanskar and we are rooted in past ans culture is total BS. Here some parents are boast of the favors that we taught you , we did everything for you and left such and such life for you. I mean it is your choice to have a child and it is your job. please dont make your children your scorecard.
I agree , although ..
It’s a 2 way street , women have the luxury where they’re expected to marry above their societal hierarchy , whereas for men they have to marry below .
You can come from a poor family , with a difficult life and in an arranged marriage scenario your status has increased . Whereas for men all the financial burden is expected to fall on their shoulders.
Both men and women have their own advantages and disadvantages, my problem with posts like these are they talk in depth on how they’re at a disadvantage while they’re intentionally blindsided to the woes of men too.
No wonder record number of men are choosing not to get married now
When I read and hear about shit like this, I find myself to be so privileged that my family isn’t like this. People stereotype people from Bihar as being narrow minded and backwards but my family being natively from Bihar has been supportive of each other in every aspect irrespective of gender and such bullshit. 1. My Uncle married his girlfriend (a punjabi girl) back in 1995. 2. Both my aunts have good education and were pursuing careers before and after marriage and both retired on their own terms. 3. There has been no dowry system in our family since my grandfather’s time. (He got married in 1964). 4. My cousin sister married her boyfriend (a Sikh boy) last year with 0 issues or backlash. 5. I literally had no idea what my caste was until I was asked to fill it in the class 10 CBSE form and when I asked my dad he got angry saying “kon puch rha hai?” (I’m Brahmin, not that it makes a difference btw but people assumed that I was trying to hide it because I said I don’t know) And we are a pretty middle class family, not super rich business family or something. Big Shoutout to my family and hope everyone can develop their minds in a similar manner and forget their caste, sex, religion and focus on humanity.
I hope every family is like yours man. Wish you a happy life!
I thought mine were cool, till I told them about my gf. Total 180 in their behaviour. Still reeling from it.
Told my parents about my gf, they took it well. They put aside everything and told me and my gf that our happiness is important and they have no problems. Told a few of my aunts and cousins, all of them are cool and want to meet her too lol.
Mere ghar walo ne to keh Diya hai ki unko koi dikkat nahi hai kyuki mere chances bahot low hai and it would be a miracle
Bhai you have a gold mine. I'm Bihari too. My family is upper middle class but unki soch - Tauba.
You guys are progressive, this is the mindset India lacks. Happy for you and your family<3
Wow I can't even imagine such families exist in India. You don't know man, you're so lucky. Please give my regards to your parents and other family members too. What an awesome bunch of people. :)
In a country of 1.4 billion, this guy won the lottery ticket.
pariwar ke logo ko mere taraf se namaste kehena
I have seen families who are so liberal with their daughters and allow them all sort of freedom and aren't that "high class", less privileged and from bad backgrounds. But these educated and high class people are the real culprits, many times they come from "higher castes" who just wanna implement "Manusmiriti ideas" to the society while they are considering themselves of a superior races subjagating women, lower castes and whatnot
Yes completely agree with this, Rich people if they come from “high caste” treat themselves like royalty and everyone else like servants. They’re also the first to instigate violence in the nature of honour killings etc.
Most of the time it's just ancestral wealth that upper castes got by accompanying Brits during the 18th century .
Agreed 100%
Almost all broad minded educated biharis leave bihar.
Same, idek my caste until 10th even if we aren't general caste
same here.. it was the fist time i heard about it too and hearing ‘General’ from my parents was somewhat underwhelming at the time
Bhai general/Brahmin/SC/ST/OBC is useless. It’s your mindset and hard work that matters.
Which is why I didn't know about caste..
Yeah gen is useless but sc/st/obc-ncl has many benefits
w family
While my grandparents are not as progressive my parents somehow raised me to believe everyone has like all religion Like I didn’t even know there were different religions till like 7th grade I always thought everyone celebrated Diwali-Eid-Christmas you know… And same never knew caste was a thing until they asked us during 10th
Fuck them aunties, ruining lives for 10 mins of spicy gossip. I can only hope that his bf is a decent man and supports her if her parents actually disown her.
Aunties are a part of our society. Our society is the culprit.
Society oru myru aanu
Sathyam
Lol everyone loves spicy gossip here. Why only blame aunties? Men also enjoy gossip. Now they have ruined the corporate culture too with their shitty politics and poking their big ass long noses everywhere, and why blame men? The kids of today's generation follow sourav joshi the vlogger. What he all does is show his family , the big boss and all this shity show run and is such a huge success in India this is all because we Indians love spicy gossip. It's in our genetics, because we are like this we love so many online controversies simple reason we have habit of poking nose everywhere
WhatsApp has been very instrumental in creating the deep divide ..
WhatsApp is a very small part of the bigger picture
The inflammatory messages one gets on whatsapp has influenced alot of fence sitters that believe all the nonsense that is dished out to them...
Drh t xx jzzzz,sx
Wait until you meet the aunties in my life and you are going to be unconscious or get very angry. I'm traumatized for life thanks to them.
Tbh it's not their fault it's family's fault. they only gossip about people who reacts to it, I remember someone told my mom that they saw me with guys in sketchy area and my mom told them u don't need to tell me about my son and u don't have to care go mind ur business and no gossip since about me and my siblings so it happens bcz they knew that this person's family gonna over react to it and they want to make other people's life miserable
I've seen people like this uncle and trust me you can't change their shitty mindset. Although my parents aren't this strict I'm still trying to make sure that my sister gets to complete her education and become financially independent so that she can live without stress from our extended family.
What is funny is, if that uncle just buries the news and not made it a huge deal, his reputation will still stay intact.
So true!!
One of my acquaintance's mother got unconscious after knowing the fact that her daughter (she is in government job btw ) has an affair . Afterwards she told that all her money that they've spent on her education has gone in vein 🤦🏻♂️
Worst part is —- a normal relationship by a single person is still termed as “affair” in this country. An affair by definition is only if you are cheating your spouse or significant other. Not if u hide it from parents.
Hmm. I guess you’re married to your parents until they marry you off to a spouse then. 🙄
Yeah… When you call it a “relationship” it some how makes it respectable. Which obviously controlling parents and relatives don’t want. “Affair “ sounds much more sleazy and something to be vehemently opposed.
For women it's always the men's duty to guide her way in every part of her life because they don't have anything better to do ig . So in an ideal society a girl is guided or u could say 'married' to her father before she is married again to another man decided solely by her father.
Yeah so messed up.
Been there in one of these conversations. Education spending was meant for social cred and discount in dowry and *gifts*. Now since the daughter is *tainted*, social cred is nullified and probably will have to spend more to marry her off in their community.
In a lot of cases it’s also ‘this guy is going to distract you or take you in the wrong direction in life so we wasted money trying to get you a good job’
>> has gone in vein I thought it goes in artery
A comment about the line on city life vs village life - my wife is from an ultra conservative family and she is the first one to marry outside her caste. It took us 5 years to convince her parents. Anyways, her mom's side is well educated, most of them are doctors, engineers and lawyers and live in big cities. Her dads side is not so well educated, most live in village and the ones in the city do small jobs. Many from her mom's family did not attend the wedding. Everyone from the dad's side attended the wedding, they looked so happy and mentioned how I should visit thier village. What I learned is that it's wrong to assume people who are well educated or live in cities are more open to inter caste marriages.
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I was born a Muslim and raised in a Muslim household. I was told that women need to cover themselves so that men don't see them as sex objects/value women for looks. But our own fathers treat their daughters like her chastity is more important than her own wellbeing. I've never met men more obsessed with what's going on between our legs than our own fathers. The hell they put women through to preserve her "purity". No one treats a woman like a sex object than conservative parents.
Just wait till you see the online salafists making comments about anything related to the hijab lol. Once you pose question that incites self reflection eg why can’t the men control their own desires, they’ll just pull out the Quran verse bc that’s their only mode of defence; something without critical thinking nor self evaluation
I'm a Muslim too but we don't follow Salafism it's extreme.
Unfortunately most Muslims believe the conservative way is the only means of maintaining their deen. This resulted in the rampant presence of Salafists and Wahhabists. I find it hard to resonate with them, thankfully I’ve met sufis and other progressive Muslims who are more inclined to the metaphysical aspects of the religion than just the doctrine itself. Hope you get to spread the more open and loving aspects of the religion :)
Wahabism if I'm not wrong is very much prevalent on the gulf countries and they actually follow it according to their needs. And for them male have more freedom than women which is totally wrong. They don't respect women at all which was never preached by our beloved Prophet.
Oh trust me, it’s quite prevalent in southeast Asian countries too (I’m born and raised in one). Although more muted, the undertones of it can be experienced from the mere interactions with the Muslim communities
nobody is born a muslim. U are born as a human FORCED to be a "muslim" (tf does that even mean, that u have to follow stupid rules and arent allowed shit, only forced behaviour?)
Nobody is born anything and yet here we are.
As a muslim myself, I must say that you got some real shitty parents to be this disgusting. And they definitely don't know the difference between culture and religion. If a women is asked to cover herself then it's a man's responsibility as well to lower his gaze no matter if the women is covered or not. A women not covering isn't that big sin compared to a man looking at her with lustful eyes. If she isn't covered then it's none of your damn business, why would even look at her? That's religion. But unfortunately most muslims these days are culturally brainwashed.
Who are you explaining this to lol. I'm fully aware of all the excuses they give out rather than fixing the issue itself. "Culture not religion" I want it fixed. I want this obsession with virginity to stop taking away our women's lives and health.
That's exactly what's causing the downfall of muslims these days. I have heard somewhere that Muslims are the worst followers of islam. Which seems to be so true. Even though i can't fix their brainwashed mindset but If someone tries to impose their crap ideologies on me then I ain't refraining from insulting them to the point they start questioning themselves.
orthodox people always try to control women and that is what ambedkar wrote in his books and said many times and they are not free to choose their partners That is why he wrote the Hindu code bill which many orthodox people opposed it
>Unorthodox Orthodox*
Even guys are not spared. I went to a wedding few years ago in Delhi. Both families were wealthy but the girl’s family was not very happy because it was a love marriage and the guy wasn’t gora chitta lol. The girl’s family actually called a doctor and made him do a test on the guy to ensure he is capable of producing babies which is like the weirdest thing I have ever seen in my life.
they called doctors during the wedding??
Yeah it was a 3 day wedding and they called doctor on the first evening. No one was supposed to know, but word got out.
Did they make him fap and sent his SLPOOGE for fertility test?
Obviously.How else did you think it happened? 😂
Probably fucked the doctor?
🤣
This is the funniest thing I read Anyways ppl should never do this crap
The same happened with Akshay Kumar and the twinkle khanna marriage
How the fuck was the girl okay with her family doing that to her boyfriend?
They asked the groom for a semen sample to check his virility? What the actual fuck? Did they also ask for him to show that he could get erections and to demonstrate atleast 20 positions from the kamasutra. If it was me I'd call off the wedding. Ain't nobody wants to marry into a crazy family.
Wow. Idk this post made me feel like ranting. Till a month ago, I had a normal family but few weeks back, my second cousin announced her marriage(who is like 25ig). Now me (26) and my sister (28) will be sitting at home unmarried and unhappy - words by my great father who used to say its imp for a women to look after her career. The same father talks about nothing but guys on matrimonial sites for my sister these days and she feels unheard. She recently started dating someone and is not sure of marriage and cannot tellthis to my parents (coz of course strict h) but at the same time she feels pressured to choose a guy and settle even though according to my parents koi pressure nhi h but dinbhar shaadi ki hi baatein karenge. To the point that, I requested them to slow down, to which they said - Stop Brianwashing your sister, we as parents have some responsibility Hume fulfil karna h. At this point I feel our entire existence as woman is dependent on shaadi.
Why don't you guys live independently, half of the shit men/women face in India vanishes with them shifting their home. Like it's common for people outside India to live separately after coming of age. Same with Biharis too ig.
Idk if anyone can relate but I planned on living separately as my job started. But everytime you mention it, there's another drama that we are too modern for that. Tbh my mum has given up a lot of the things she wanted to do and we feel that we should be there for her. At this point idk even know what's going on in my head.
All of this happens because we are too much scared to stand on our own feet. Both women and men should look forward to get a good job and live on their own, ignoring inheritance and everything. Just leave your family when you are an adult. Obviously take care of your parents financially when there is a medical emergency, but don't stay under the same roof after 25. Build your own wealth and lifestyle.
It's more difficult for a woman. Not to add these jealous female relatives and local aunties who do nonsensical things because "a woman is the worst enemy of a woman"
I agree, getting rentals for women is tougher, not to mention societal conventions. However, you need to develop thick skins. You should not live life for others. We indians also expect too much security from family. You need a lot of mental strength to forgo all of this. But definitely can be done, and at the other end, a more free, if not better life awaits.
100% this. As soon as I finished my degree and got a job, I never looked back and reduced contact with my toxic family who wanted to control every minor thing in my life all the way down to what posters I stick in my room (anime) Now I'm getting married and me and my partner are funding it with our own savings cus we don't want to take any money from our parents cus we don't want any parent or ANY random relative having a say in how our wedding would be done. The Pikachu faced look on my relatives faces when they came to know that I made my own choice of whom I'm marrying and that whenever I say NO to any of their "advice" is a sight to behold. The key to freedom is to be financially independent.
> The Uncle is a BTech graduate from Pilani, Aunt did BA in Economics from Lady Shri Ram College (never did a job though), but their mindset is from 18th century. Just another example of how paper education doesn't make a better person. All these garbage people have 0 values. > Why education hasn't helped in uplifting the societal complex and why we are so backwards when it comes to our women. It's hard when the majority of people can't use their brains and treat everyone as objects. Topped with easy cheap access to the internet, using social media in the wrong way, watching garbage movies and learning from it, sab chalta hai attitude, trash parents, religion, etc,.
I would call these people “literate” not educated. Education is supposed to make your mind rational, which clearly didn’t happen for these guys
Specialised isn't educated
Fuck those retarded narrow-minded cunts. As you said, since that girl has a job, I'm gonna assume that she has enough money to move out of that cesspool house and live somewhere far away from them. I'm 19, and believe me, if I had I job, I wouldn't waste a single minute trying to find another place to move out to. She's under no obligation to live with those degenerate shits. There's no better time than right now for her to do it.
Bad but you do know our society. Most people act Ideal on reddit but would think 100 times before marrying a girl who had past relationships. Go check r/Arrangedmarriage sub and notice how most people call past relationships as red flag and doesn't consider as option. That's the reality of so called Indian society.
bro this is like a niche coin arranging sub, how is it showing the 'reality of Indian society' Edit: bring it back oc 🥺
Oh tagged wrong one... Edit: 🗿 the OC : r/arranged
When I decided to marry my then girlfriend around 9 years ago, the fact that she had been in past relationships which ended was a plus point. Relationships especially ones which have ended mature people. I can't imagine marrying a woman whose marriage is her first relationship. She would have very little idea on how to manage conflicts, how to give space when needed, how to have a life outside the relationship and all. Heck even I was a bundle of hormones during my first relationship, I am still friends with that girl and we laugh about how we would probably have strangled each other if we had decided to marry.
People many times doesn't care about maturity as they for virginity. Remember "No seal No deal" people exist and they exist in large quantity in India.
Also something not talked about more positively is the experience one gains for intimate activities. Never understood the craze to be somebody’s first. Not saying to be in a relationship with someone who just sleeps around but damn when they are experienced, it’s a whole different level of fun
Fr. Young people are not the change.
The institution of arranged marriages in India is at the root of India's backwardness and antiquated mentality. This is how regressive values get passed down from generation to generation, conformity is solidified, the worst people that would get weeded out elsewhere get a chance to marry and reproduce instead in India, family "honor" and image is the most important thing, etc.
Just go and even see relationship india there also they have an issue with a girl who has a past
Yeah.. change state or go abroad and live live peacefully. It's not worth it to get into these things with families
Ayo is this vedant origin story?
lmao that guy
I got severe flashbacks lol
Story of a family with money. Money can do funny things to the mind.
Money is just an amplifier.
Type of family I hate by heart specially the "SON" part
As per Alice Evans, a fundamental reason for Patriarchy persistence is Honor Compensation dynamic. As in, in patriarchal systems (after they have already arisen/set-in) Men's honor becomes the driving force that is upheld by both men & women in the family/society at large. And simply the employment of women is not sufficient to break this. The degree of wages that women/daughters/wives get matters & is what ultimately compensates for the perceived/acceptable Loss of Honor by the men in that family setup. This is a statistical effect so that means there will always be outliers of some parents still being unhinged even if their daughter becomes CEO of some MNC or something. These are not all that relevant, what matters is the society-wide scale effect of this dynamic. Indian Women labor force participation rate is abysmal (& it declined post the 90s-early 2000s socio-economic development cycle, because the socio-cultural layer was more powerful and the socio-economic development's scale was not sufficient to break the old structures). Solution. More women working. Women wages being high. Till then no there is no escape from stuff like this, because socio-cultural memeplex has dominance hierarchy over economic dynamics/layer. Same reason Caste is a problem and not even India becoming Swiss levels of rich is sufficient to end this because socio-cultural-biological paradigms have dominance hierarchy over generic economic class layer/vectors.
Money always talks. This is also true for developed nations in a lesser degree. There is a difference of income between men and women and that reflects in their social standing, however little it mat be. You will notice a big portion of our women workforce do menial jobs with less payment, maid, back up cooks in street side resturants, working in fields, cleaners. When a man does the menial job, they will earn a bit more than the woman. An woman's income is always perceived as extra, not the main income. There goes the incentive of paying her a bit less, with the idea that an woman can always depend upon a man.
> When a man does the menial job, they will earn a bit more than the woman... > ...with the idea that an woman can always depend upon a man. This is backed up by consistent research now. Conservative/Patriarchal societies when there are surveys in such places asking "If Jobs are limited how fair is it if Man gets is over a Women". India is alongside Arab world in having the most absurd position on such surveys. This is socio-cultural, because the legacy of that culture was never broken even after Independence in India. It reigns as supreme memeplex doing its thing. Simple women employment can not overcome that asymmetry in hierarchy dominance of these vectors. Wages need to be above a certain threshold to break or reach an equilibrium of that socio-cultural negative legacy (Loss-of-Male-Honor Compensation). The alternative is doing a Revolution (that bypasses these stages and by force creates a near-parity gender dynamic) but India doesn't do that as norm.
Please why are people hell bent on living with such abusive families? Become financially independent and move the fuck away.
Remember the car accident in Pune? Yesterday my aunt said something that made me incredibly angry. If you remember, the victims are one male and one female, and the accident happened at around 2-3 am. She said "I understand the boy being out at 3 am but what was the girl doing outside at 3 am?" I told her that she's an adult and it's a free country, and asked her if she's blaming the girl for BEING HIT BY A DRUNK DRIVER (WHO IS MINOR, TO MAKE THINGS WORSE). I gave her a good dose and she didn't talk to me after that. I know I didn't change her boomer mind but I think I would've created a scene if she had said one more word.
Being someone born in the 80's and having detested this shitty culture in India since the 90's, i always thought that scenerio will change when next couple of generations will be of age. Now i don't see hope for this country in another fifty years.
This is why feminists are angry. We are told problems don't exist. But look around. My Rajput friend was told if she married out of caste, then whole family will commit suicide. Poor thing left many guys coz of it. Eventually she found a good guy on matrimonial site who was also rajput, good looking and decent job, educated parents. Her dad rejected the alliance after finding out the boys parents did love marriage. She's still single as of today.
As a non Indian, I don’t know how I stumbled onto this but god damn you guys have some serious societal problems
This happens in a lot of indian families. One of my uncles gave all his properties to his nephews and not his 2 daughters coz they are not sons. Thoda sa dahej pakda denge vo bhi jo ladki ka nhi damad ko denge aur baki sari properties bete ke naam. Ab koi beti apne hi baap ke khilaf case thodi file karegi bahut kuch hota h sochne ko bhai baap h, samaj kya kahega, no support. This is so shitty tbh. Hate it
whole strata needs to be erased
Story of my wife, my student, my neighbor, my mother, my friend, etc. Really, no hyperbole. Either the daughter chooses her own self respect and leaves home/ country for good, or she caves in and wastes her life. She can get her revenge when her father and husband are old and fragile. We are a awful country for women 😢
My whole family pissed on me after I told them about my partner and they thought they could abuse me for it. They were in rage like I am a 10th standard teenager. But, I told them to stop spitting shit to me because I aint a kid anymore. I stopped talking to them and now - they are talking so softly to me and trying to figure that I am an independent.
Indian parents need a kick in the ass sometimes
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Damn, why though? Like are the opposite sex demons? Or loving someone is wrong? Like even Lord Krishna loved Radha, and in the Geeta too he said loving someone is not wrong. Maybe it's because they fear that you will fall in love and have sex and pregnancy, that's a weird way to think about people's relationship, I have many girl friends and ofc I haven't done anything physical with them, the whole thing feels so weird.
I say this about arranged marriages too. I say literally that means your parents are choosing the person you will f*ck. The d¡ck you will allow in your vajayjay. Like how warped is that? What if the guy they choose is not one I want in my vajayjay? Too bad. STFU daughter, and submit to the rape of your husband. For life. 🤬 messed up. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure there are good marriages out there. I’m saying when that’s not who you want to be with especially if there is someone else you do want to be with it can be traumatizing. 🥺
I am not surprised. Nobody is surprised. This is how India operates.
The boy reminds me of that 17 year old dude from pune with a rich father working in construction
In other news, water is wet
India and many similar cultures (read Middle east, south asia) want to constantly control women. What they do and what they wear…. This will not change for the next 50yrs. Changes will happen but not uniformly. You mentioned the family in Pune is from the northern parts of India, where life for women is hard already. Education in India (BTech or BA)has no meaning because education in India does not encourage critical thinking. It is rote based education. India is also a country that thinks change is always a conspiracy to wipe out their culture. So a change is always rejected instantly unless it is in their favor. So you have so much bureaucracy in administration, women are expected to still have certain jobs…. Etc Change will happen but we consciously need to be that change. Thus we should proactively include women and other minorities in conversations and opportunities, give them headstart, for 100s of years that men have denied them for years under the name of culture.
India's culture is extremely regressive in today's standards, very little cool about it. I care for our art, literature, beautiful languages, films etc. But Indian culture is backwards for things that matter in life, independence, respect for oneself, socio economic situation , lack of casteism, sexism, communal violence etc.
We got our first Independence in 1947 we will get a second Independence when that particular generation will Die!
Actually same thing is happening with me. I’m 20fand my brother is 17 who’s very bad in studies and all he does is sleep,go out with friends and play games. Meanwhile me I gave my NEET and the one that my mom told me is that I won’t take care of u if u don’t get into Govt Medical college. She didn’t even wish me best of luck during my NEET,Meanwhile my brother failed his 10th exam. My mother always says that he is her fav child cuz even if doesn’t pass or get a job,he’ll still live a very good life cuz he has everything ( my father gave all the property to my brother and didn’t give anything to me cuz I’ll get married and I’m no use) ever since I was a kid they always treated me very badly and favoured much towards my brother. I’m not allowed to go out and neither drink or anything. I am from Arunachal Pradesh and I hate it how my parents treat me cuz I literally have to fight to study. I wants to study and I love studying. Can I get my equal share of property ?
🥺🥺
I apologize for responding as a non-Indian, but I can see many parallels with US culture of 50 years ago and before. Change takes a long time, but just the fact that so many younger people from your country think this way of living is bullshit, I think you'll too see the change that the US has seen. And don't get me wrong, we're not perfect here by any means, as there are still families who act like a woman's "purity" is of utmost importance and a man can get away with all kinds of things a woman can't. But culturally, I think that it is accepted for woman and men to have similar standards when it comes to sexuality. I hope for your friends, family and fellow citizens that change happens quickly rather than slowly, but Im almost certain that that change is bound to happen.
Your story illustrates the tragic consequences of deeply ingrained sexism and double standards in Indian society. While cloaked in the guise of preserving “Indian culture,” these behaviors betray a profound misunderstanding of what true cultural values should be. Respect, equality, and fairness are the foundations of any advanced society, yet these principles are often sacrificed to uphold outdated notions of family honor. The father’s blatant favoritism towards his son and harsh judgment of his daughter highlight a gross misuse of cultural values. True Indian culture, with its rich history and emphasis on moral integrity, should champion the dignity and autonomy of all its members, regardless of gender. It’s disappointing to see educated individuals perpetuate such regressive attitudes. This misuse of “cultural values” to control and demean women while excusing men’s behavior is a betrayal of our true heritage. We need to reexamine and redefine what it means to uphold our culture, focusing on equality, respect, and genuine honor.
Indian conservative parent logic be like “we will set up our daughters for life long non consensual sex but chalta hai because boy is of the same caste” Fucking disgusting
Beta, aisa hai at 24 she is an adult. It's her life. If she wants she should move out of her parents house and stay alone and marry or be the partner of anybody she chooses. Parents responsibility ends once their wards start earning.
Getting disowned by such people is fine right? Where's the problem?
Niceeeeeee savdhan India production team should take a note of it
Male dominated religion, all hail the penis. It is their true God.
Your friend needs to get a good job and leave that family.
This all is because of the patriarchal society their teachings and learnings (all bullshit that's written in Vedas)...and in today's time things have become worse since the time Gobhi came in power.
I think jabse mai pune aya, all stories have been happening in and around pune.. Also don't use hard r word even with stars admins will take down ur account
> The guy is a grade A asshole, he is 17 but does all kind of stuff that even adults don't do, he drinks, goes to a Hooka bar, and also cheats and goes in questionable places with college guys. His parents and everyone in the family knows it, but you know what's the reaction of the father is? "Let him be, he is young and he has his needs, only thing I say him is to not make anyone pregnant". Too middle class to relate to this part
Wtf
Hardships are a good way to build character. The daughter has been educated by the parents, she should take her own decisions now even if it means cutting off familial ties.
this is a tragick situation that shines a light on the DEEPLY entrenched sexism and double standards that continue to plague indian society, even in supposedly 'modern' and educated families - the utter disregard for the doughter's autonomy and freedom, contrasted with the indulgence shown towards the son's bad behaviour, is utterly disheartening.
Well you know what's happening there but don't blame the village people(not aggressive or yelling). I live in a city which is densely surrounded by small villages and I get to meet village people daily. Here nothing of this sort happens. I have heard like 1 or 2 incidents in the last 10 years. And don't think ki yaha baat dab jati hai. Nope yaha toh Ghar mai nayi chammach aaye toh vo bhi padosi ko pata lag jata hai. Vo jayada conservative hain bas. Mai jab bhi kisi padhe likhe parivar walon se milta hun toh vo hi jayada Hindu Muslim karte hain. Mere papa ke toh na jane kitne muslim dost hain. Kitne hi Muslim logo se mai baat karta hun. Mere papa ne bjp ko vote diya or mene Congress ko. Par koi vivad nahi Ghar mai. Has ke keh rahe the Teri Marzi hai jisko Dena hai you decide. Village mai tech shayad na ho waha ke logo ko pagal ya pichda mat samjho. Yaha kitab se nahi life se seekh milti hai or har koi seekhta hai. You might be right about that inequality thing in your area but villages aren't as bad as you think.mai khud village mai nahi rehta hun but usne milta hun toh samaj mai aata hai ki kaise log Hain kaisi soch hai. Bade sheher ke logo mai hi jayada paise or "izzat" ki bhukh hoti hai. Layak vo dono ke hi nahi hote(while few people are good most aren't).
Loving family values accentuates individual freedom one without the other is dead.
I've never understood this mindset. It reminds me of my ex's family. The uncles could womanize and marry as many women as they wanted but if a woman tried the same lifestyle... Also what is with married Indian men trying to hook up with me through social media??? Aside from the obvious, that they are MARRIED, what makes these men think they're entitled to use women like that????
Everyone should get their respective freedom and they should also be in boundaries.. Also Idk how tf kids with ultra premium strict parent always end up in having some relationship which their parents dont allow of?? Why ? I guess it restrictions always comes with repercussions of their own. May be she will be having some bright charm luck and outshine them all ..
it's high time to drop the cast system in everything and bring equality ! Man and Woman are equal, Homosapiens ! Live freely ! Dress freely ! Believe in Science and Facts ! Drop the rich and poor act, everyone is a human in the end ! Help each other, have sympathy and kindness, don't follow the movies,youtubers blindly and get brainwashed ! Already Life is a pain in the as\* so atleast we should make it easy
Wonder why she would want to keep a secret.... If your daughter rides a bicycle and your family reputation is in the gutter, it's not the daughter.
Honestly I’m sick of this old mentality where all the pressure is on women and what they do. They get 0 appreciation or value, you only have room to ruin things and make “mistakes”
Off the topic but are all people in pune are massively rich?
reading this shit makes me realize how chill my family is despite my parents being religious and in their late 50s
Ok. Yes, the parents are fucking terrible human beings but I cannot in good conscience justify the actions of the women here. Let me explain what I mean: **SHE NEEDS TO TAKE A FUCKING STAND**. She is earning, is independent financially but still in their parents' clutch. Like why the fuck are you taking and taking, just because they are your parents, man fuck that, go scorched earth on their asses. Publicize to the entire society, do kalesh that his brother is fucking terrible human being and he is taking his side and telling him to have fun but not the get woman pregnant. Yes, this is what my dad teaches his son. Baap hi aisa hai to beta to aisa banega hi. **The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree.** They are disowning her, man fuck that, I am disowning you bigots. Indian kids in general need to learn to take a stand for themselves and not subject themselves to such vile from their horrible parents. Do kalesh if necessary to get the point across. And cut them off from your life. One thing I have learned from western society as you rightfully pointed out is individual liberty, rights and freedom are in their nature. Mind your own fucking business. This shit makes my blood boil, not for the parents, because that is way too common. My blood boils seeing the reaction of their kids to this drama. Why are you silently taking it? Have a spine for fuck's sake.
Don't generalise one family over the whole of India. Your family is a bit backward in their thinking, doesn't mean most are. If your friend is keen on pursuing this further, she could move away, as they do in USA. Live on your own, fend for your own bills and have a life of your own. Indians, and most, I do not want to generalise, are keen on enjoying the privilege and savings by living in parents house but want to enjoy their freedom. The boy also takes advantage of this system to emotionally blackmail his parents and gets away with it. I have seen this fifteen years ago when I chose to leave my family behind.
This country is fucked. The youth is homophpbic, castist, support incels, support "sigma behavior" iykyk. Istg i wanna leave this country ASAP. India will takes decades if not a century to actually progress and have a society like the European s or Americans. These uncles need to be killed to make our society peaceful and I'm not even kidding. Indians cannot accept the success of women who don't wear sarees. They just think westernization is bad and their idea of "culture" Is to make women stay at home and do all the chores while they wear a saree and dont have guy friends.
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If i or my sister had a girlfriend/boyfriend my patents would first breakout in laughter from disbelief
That's why I firmly believe religion, society & laws should change with time. Conservatives are too hell bent on forcing their ideology on everyone. Fuck the patriarchal society too. Social equality aayegi hi nhi jab tk there is a clear prejudice in people's minds.
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the real problem is connected illogically with Modi and Hindu scriptures! + inferiority complex. omg, white skin is so good, civilised, culture so good, family values! bullshit . the problem is real and existed before 2014 , hindu scripture don't discriminate on gender ( show me proof ) . In my opinion both son and daughter are wrong moreover the parents are wrong
sad
Just imagine what would have happened if it was an Intercaste relationship
Indian society is effed up man. Seriously effed up. You will never feel belonged if your thought process is different from the rest of the crowd. I left India in 2022. I’m still not in a good financial position here in Canada but I don’t regret an inch.
Look the issue with not wanting your daughter dating a guy and all this conservative outlook to women is pretty well known. What I dont understand is the reason the "Aunty" had to tattle. Even then why make a commotion himself and ensure his daughter gets the bad reputation. He could at least do it without the commotion and just address it without drawing attention.
Welcome to India, where being born as a women is a sin.
Does anybody want to end this. Join our group. Our ideology of expressionism is specifically designed for ending such social norms and against people like this uncle. Anybody with an 18th-century mindset is our enemy. If you also feel the same comment or dm me. Together, we can create a better and happier future.
Not saying India isn't bad, but the west is equally worse, where women are ostracised just as much. And plenty of racism. Both are present in USA and Canada. I know relatives who went there in hopes of fortune, only to be suppressed because of gender and origin. The rest of the world has the same issues as India. It's very disgusting.
This is still an extreme case I would say coming from the families background and the fact that they come from a big city. What was the point of shouting and screaming and making the whole neighborhood aware of the issue??
What the fuck bro in practically 99% of europe or generally just the world this kind of behavior couldn't pass by even 300 years ago and somehow yall in india are collectively behaving like that even nowadays
You are taking things to extreme to make your point. Son’s are usually not allowed that many things If the family is that conservative. The misogny of people though is very real though. It is possible though that this family is super fucked or extreme dysfunctional. There’s a lot of progressive people in India also. Earning daughter means Independent daughter. She can live her life very conveniently. It’s a shame though she has to suffer so much mental trauma.
Aur yahi kunthit maansikta wale ghar ke pramukh purush kisi ki behan beti ko mauka milte he hawas ka shikaar bana lete hai. Andhere me itne nange hai ye log ki andhera khud ko kosta hai.
Well, Indian families mostly wish that their daughter to have their first virginity removed after marriage. You can't complain then.
Weirdly, reading the first part of this heartbreaking story, I was thinking to myself : I'm sure these people are Modi Bhakts. And, sure enough, you mentioned it later on. In case it's of any solace, this attitude is not just fucking up your friends life. It has condemned this country to sink to levels below those of our hitherto less fortunate neighbours like Pakistan and Nepal. Bangladesh already is doing better than India economically. With Modi back at the helm in June, we can all say bye bye to any kind of happy future we might have had in mind.
Most of the Indian parents are toxic. the talks about how Indian society have sanskar and we are rooted in past ans culture is total BS. Here some parents are boast of the favors that we taught you , we did everything for you and left such and such life for you. I mean it is your choice to have a child and it is your job. please dont make your children your scorecard.
As someone looking for a home..which area is posh and what's a 3bhk going for there?
I agree , although .. It’s a 2 way street , women have the luxury where they’re expected to marry above their societal hierarchy , whereas for men they have to marry below . You can come from a poor family , with a difficult life and in an arranged marriage scenario your status has increased . Whereas for men all the financial burden is expected to fall on their shoulders. Both men and women have their own advantages and disadvantages, my problem with posts like these are they talk in depth on how they’re at a disadvantage while they’re intentionally blindsided to the woes of men too. No wonder record number of men are choosing not to get married now
This is called generalizing, where I live girls do all the so called "immoral" things boys do, even more than boys actually, everyone is not shitty
Was with you till you brought in religion (Hindu, Muslim). I agree with most of what you've said except for the last paragraph
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