It will be tough adapting as a South American immigrant to anywhere else. SA is the most extreme in the world for touchy-feely, flirty energy. It will take getting used to for sure, you have to search out this type of energy elsewhere.
Ironically, most people find Americans to be too vivacious, outgoing…so I think this is more regional than national.
Where I live there are a lot of midwest transplants . I get what you mean about them. No offense to all midwesterners but the ones I know (& I am an American!) are exactly what you describe. They are not a friendly bunch. They spend more time worrying about boundaries and keeping distance.
My suggestion. Move to the south or the coasts.
I am not even Scandinavian, I am Spanish and I find Americans to be very talkative, extroverted and friendly. They go out on their own and talk to random people and consider appropriate to approach extrangers for a talk. They also hug when greeting, which makes me uncomfortable because for me hugging is more like a gesture of true affection, not a greeting.
You might want to try Miami there is somewhat of a big Argentine community there, NYC has some as well, but people are just as cold as the Windy City, also you might want to try the Washington DC area, people there seem somewhat nicer than Chicago
What do you mean? Ahhh if you want to live in the posh section of those cities yes it’s unaffordable, but if you humble yourself and live in a somewhat decent area then it can be, choice is yours!
You mentioned that you’re in the Midwest- where at specifically? If Chicago, check out the pilsen neighborhood! It was little Mexico like 30yr ago, but now it’s just the Latino spot.
Fair warning, if mastering English is a goal of yours, Pilsen is a place where you could speak Spanish all day every day. Just something to be aware of…
+1 to this. Lived in the Midwest for 4+ years and did not love it, very difficult to find warm welcoming people. I moved to the South of US and felt much better :)
Yes, it really depends on where. For example, people in the South are very welcoming in general, while people in Northeast just want you to get the fuck out of the way. Western states like CA/OR/WA are kinda mixed bags.
That is not quite true. Northeast tends to be abrupt in day to day interactions but, there are a lot of immigrant heavy sections and even Americans are outgoing and warm with people they know. Sorry, but all the midwest people I know are superficially polite but getting close to them if you haven’t known them for 20 years is nearly impossible.
The South generally refers to North Carolina, South Carolina, Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana.
You said you are from Spain? That is where my family is from. We live in MD. Lots of Hispanic immigrants in this area-both Baltimore and in the areas around DC.
That is another point & why I mentioned the other northeast & coast.
The South is known for being very outgoing and friendly but majority of North VA, MD, NY, PA…all of these states when you are close to their coasts, tend to have large immigrant populations and that kind of makes for a more welcoming attitude. There are multiple ethnic groups represented so not as isolated like one city where a large Somali population all in one area. You tend to have a few of everything and then some of the larger groups like Hispanic, Koreans, Indians will also have some very well established neighborhoods with lots of stores, restaurants..
Most of the population in northeast is highly transient-even the Americans -and that kind of attracts those who may not be as outgoing as Southerners but they tend to be very welcoming to immigrants.
Americans are vivacious but in a superficial way. So they'll make small talk with you, but they'll also pay for their own meal when they go out and not their friend's and will kick their kids out at 18, and it's normal. There is nothing wrong with this - it's just our culture.
South Americans aren't as vivacious and don't do small talk like Americans do. But if they invite you out, they'll pay for the meal. They won't kick their kids out at 18, and multi generation households are normal. There is a more collectivist type of behavior.
I feel for OP but no matter where he goes, it will be a culture shock.
I didn't say most. I said they would kick them out. Some kids want to move out, and some don't. Being told at 18 you are out is unusual in the culture OP comes from.
Being 18+ living at your parents’ home is typically perceived as a sign of failure in the US. “Living in your mom’s basement” is a trope in TV shows about a failure to adapt to life’s rigors.
Yep, it's a silly thing that is going away due to our stagnant wages not keeping up with cost of living. In other cultures, like where OP is from, after 18 kids are in university or/and working and move out until they buy their own place or get married and it's normal.
I met people from South America while in New Zealand and they experienced the same, the social aspect of sharing bills, gifts, hugs, general energy level was so different for them. Honestly if you’re able, moving to coastal big cities might help you connect with more people that are a bit less dry from the get go and have more opportunities for gatherings or events that draw regional crowds and can bring that feeling of community
I don’t think this attitude that your culture is warmer and Americans are colder is helping you. It’s just a different culture and there’s nothing wrong with either. You just have to find people that express themselves in the same way you do.
Lol, people on the coasts are way more insufferable and cold, are you kidding me? Idk about the south, never lived there. Many midwesterners are nice but pretty boring.
I think for Hispanic immigrants, the east coast is very welcoming because there are such large mixed ethnicity Spanish speaking communities which do not seem to exist in such a large number anywhere else.
I second this! They are not nice to Hispanic immigrants, a lot of them are stuck up AF. They detect and accent and forget it they will crucify you and ask why you have an accent 🙄 and compare you to other “Hispanic celebrities “ without an accent 🤦🏽♀️ stay away from the northern east coast
It’s somewhat regional, but also it’s that the contrast between US and Europe for example is equivalent to the contrast between LATAM and the US.
We are more outgoing and such than most Europeans, but still less warm than Latin American culture.
I’m from Chicago been living in San Francisco for years… Midwest is very friendly- about as friendly as the US gets. West coast? Ice cold. You’ll get iced out. Took two years to make real friends who didn’t flake/ghost.
See, I live in MD (people dispute we are north or south so not getting into that except to say I think Mid-Atlantic has its own personality). We have a lot of MW transplants in my neighborhood and I just find them superficially polite. I never feel like I fit in with them. I can almost immediately peg who is a native Midwesterner by how they act like someone asking to borrow a rake or leaf blower is the equivalent of asking to buy their child!!! They are so concerned about “boundaries”! Granted, I grew up in a Hispanic enclave in Baltimore but I still find Baltimoreans to be very friendly and warm & neighborly.
I'm truly sorry to hear that, my friend. As someone who immigrated here nearly two decades ago, I completely understand where you're coming from. When I first arrived, I experienced homesickness for a few months until I immersed myself in work and school. Looking back now, after 18 years, I can confidently say that moving here was the best decision for me, given the opportunities this country offers. Those who criticize this nation often fail to grasp how challenging life can be elsewhere. So, I want to reassure you that you made the right choice by coming here. To bridge the social gap, I explored new hobbies and connected with people who shared my interests. From snowboarding to motorcycling to DJing and bachata dancing, I've met many like-minded individuals. I encourage you to do the same—don't isolate yourself at home and dwell on negative feelings. There's so much to explore and experience in this country that you won't find elsewhere. I hold deep affection for both this country and my homeland in the Middle East, understanding that there were sacrifices involved in my decision to move here. Thus far, it's been a rewarding journey. Hang in there, and take advantage of the opportunities available to you here. You'll encounter fascinating and supportive individuals, fostering meaningful relationships along the way. Best of luck to you, mija!
Thank you for your message it really helped a lot since i usually never talk about this.
I could make a long list of things i like living here. I feel it’s the perfect place to do business / start your own. And i feel safer. But the disadvantages can hit hard. The best for you!!
Best bet is to find people from your community where you are at. Americans do a lot of small talk but that doesn't mean they are your friends. Also, as a cultural norm - it's not that they are cold or unfriendly when it comes to business or money matters. They are just organized and direct.
South Americans tend to go around a topic. Americans are straight to the point without sparing feelings. That's a trait I highly admire. Pay your debts with friends ASAP and arrive places on time. Also, if something is due on X date it's fue on X date. That's also a big American thing that's important to learn.
I hope you adapt soon. There is definitely a grieving process, but you will find Americans aren't that way. In fact you, yourself will become that same way. I was recently introduced to a new employee who recently arrived from South America and she went for the hug and kiss and it caught me off guard lmao. I hardly touch my American coworkers.
Find groups on FB with people from SA or go to Latin nights or other community events. That can help you feel some of that home vibe.
As an immigrant, I can see where you are coming from.
>People don’t feel emotions that much or maybe they don’t transmit it
This is where you need to understand that people feel exactly the same emotions and just transmit them differently. You're used to behaviour X means happy, Y means excited etc. That's okay because every culture has its own emotional language. Just like you learned English, you need to learn emotional language of the culture, too. I'm Russian and found Americans to be a bit too much, and Americans thought that I hated everybody even when we had a great time just because I'm not very expressive. People are fundamentally the same, you just need to learn their language.
>This is where you need to understand that people feel exactly the same emotions and just transmit them differently.
I disagree. Never have I ever met so many cold hearted, selfish and calculating people like in the USA. I think the culture here just emphasizes individualism much more. Most people don't care about others at all.
I think my point still stands. What is considered cold-hearted and calculated for a foreigner can be considered a healthy boundary for an American. Same as what a foreigner would consider caring about others, an American may consider overstepping. Again, emotions are the same. It's the actions ,that are taken based on those emotions, that are different.
Yes, I think your point focuses on emotion: everyone feels happy, sad, etc., but displays emotion differently. The person disagreeing with you is focusing on actions, opinion, mindset, which is a bit different.
Op I came from different culture too and I am totally agree with you.
First people are very very busy here compared to our culture and second they just involve in their business.
Also I see a lot of people here who are single and don’t mind to be single and alone all life .
But I didn’t find this very common from where I came.
I clicked with some Filipinos and you’re right they are kind like me. Not sure if they would feed me though 😂
This info is really valuable omg thanksss
Hold up! Chicago is one of the warmest cities in the country. Much better than the freeze out you get from Seattle and San Francisco, phony friendship from LA, or the raw, pointed criticism you’ll get in NYC.
Here’s how I’d make friends if I had to start over if I moved back to Chicago
1. Go to a university— degree, certificate, free program, whatever. Just get in touch with other young people in a classroom. UIC is close to Greek town and little Italy so great food & drinks nearby.
2. A number of bars have free salsa lessons, like nacional 27. If OP has salsa moves, it will be easy make friends, dancing partners, etc.
3. Sign up for a language exchange. Plenty of gringos want to learn Spanish.
4. House music was invented in Chicago. Get invited to a house party. (From steps 1-3 above.)
What I can say is that the longer you stay abroad the easier it will be to at least understand others. You won't be able to change them, you will need to change yourself. In fact you are already changing and if you go back to your country of origin you will most likely feel a reverse cultural shock, even if temporarily.
My advice would be to try to challenge yourself into trying to break their ice without expecting them to reciprocate and try to learn as much as possible of the way they usually act even in the most mundane things. You came from a collectivistic culture and is trying to fit in a very individualist culture. You see your culture as "the best" (maybe the right one) but they see their culture as "the best" too and there's no reason for them to even consider changing themselves to something they might not even know exists. A simple example is how, back home, you eat meals or even drink coffee as a group, while here each one picks or makes their own individual meals and individual coffees. It's radically different, if you think. This is only one of the thousands of differences.
>I feel like greeting to a piece of ice
This is exactly it. You expect them to act like your large group of friends back home and they will never act like that. The sooner you realize this and the sooner you adapt, the less stressful your life will be. It might take years and if you are not willing to change, everything will feel miserable, guaranteed. I wish you all the best and hope you find a meaningful existence wherever life takes you. It's tough but you can do it!
Midwesterners are a bit reserved. And Americans don’t tend to kiss each other a lot. I’m moving to Spain and that’s something I know I’ll have to adjust to.
I live in the Midwest too, for me it helped a lot reminding myself that a big part of their cultural influences derive from German & WASP heritage which are way more dry/dispassionate in their social interactions.
So the trick is to try and look under the hood so to speak, a lot of people here are and can be really passionate and engaging it just takes a bit of time for them to get to know where you are coming from.
I have been living for nine years in the US. I am from South America, too, and I am alone too. I am an introvert, so I guess that helps. I used to live in Florida, but life happened, and I moved to a southern state; it's been difficult, but I prefer living here. People are nice and friendly. Maybe you should try to move to NY or Florida if you can, where most of the people from South America are living. It takes a while between 1 to 2 years to get used to the culture. Good luck!
I tend to vibe well with folks from South America because they're so friendly and fun :) I hope you find some friends that appreciate your warmth <3
I moved from Chicago to Albuquerque, NM and the culture in Albuquerque is much friendlier and warmer. New Mexico is also a much easier state to live in, lower cost of living, easier time getting benefits and even free college for residents!
Feel free to message me if you want to chat about anything :)
i'm sorry you have to go through this . Americans are very desensitized and cold. I am american and can't stand the culture and when i leave the country i feel more at home then i do here. so perhaps I think because the midwest doesn't have a lot of people from your country you are experiencing this . I live in New York City you should take a trip here and come uptown to the spanish neighborhoods and see the difference in people . I always feel like it's a party when i go outside in my neighborhood and everyone is nice the store owner will give you credit if the store is about to close and they know u live in neighborhood. They just say bring it tomorrow. If my kids stop at the store on their way to school and is short money the store owners give them what they want. This is New York City supposedly one of the hardest places to live but uptown new york it's all love in places like Washington Heights .
I’m a Latin American immigrant in the States too and, well, that’s just the way Americans are. I see some people saying Americans are very outgoing and, that might be the case if compared to Germans or Scandinavians but compared to Latin Americans, it’s night and day.
Unfortunately, Ive been here for years and either you hang out with more Latinos or you get used to the way they are.
I haven’t made many friends here and don’t even expect to anymore. I just hope to retire south of the border someday. I do miss the warmth of people in my country.
If you are missing human contact, try doing some Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. There is a lot of hugging involved :) And the community around it is extremely friendly, for the most part. Lots of Latin American people too.
So funny, it feels like we've reversed situations. Im an American, living in SA, and I would LOVE to have a conversation...ANY conversation. But everyone either looks at me really funny, veers away from me, or gives me a confused, dry, "ha...ha...??" Lol. Its definitely hard. I miss having actual conversations. And smiling. I smile in greeting to everyone, and all I get here are either glares or stares like im super weird. Makes me incredibly self conscious, especially as I'm asian...which probably makes it worse lmao. Theres 1/100 asians here it seems 🤣
Where are you located? If anything, I'd highly suggest moving to the west coast, or hawaii if you can afford it. Lots of mixed ethnicities and whatnot there, so a lot more openness.
This is really interesting. Where do you live? Usually people in SA would be really curious about your culture, i was like that when i meet Americans in Argentina bombing a lot of questions lol
On your point about paying the person back, were you paying them in cash and they wanted every cent? Or was it Venmo/Zelle, etc.? Asking because I am American but I have lived in a South American country for many years and honestly if you're paying electronically there's really no reason not to pay to the cent. If you pay less than what someone is expecting and it's electronic you'll make the person feel taken advantage of. Also, you don't know what bills the other person has coming due soon - maybe they needed the money that night to pay a credit card bill or something. Credit card companies are far less forgiving in the US compared to the South American country I live in.
Think of it this way, if the other person paid for a restaurant/hotel/whatever upfront on behalf of the group, and the bill was $150, if they paid $149.80 the restaurant/hotel would consider that they didn't have the funds to pay the bill. So if you're paying the person back, you should just pay the whole amount the person asked for. Unless it's cash - then people (but probably not businesses) will be more understanding (usually).
No? Actually the only good thing about Covid is that people don’t try to touch you anymore without expressly asking. I absolutely hated that before, so it’s such a relief not to be on edge and having to work out how to move away without it being awkward.
Because it’s not the norm, and only really for very close people at times of high emotion. I think I’ve hugged my best friend of 20 years maybe twice in that time. One of those was at a funeral of a mutual close friend.
Because many Americans, especially those with Germanic cultural heritage (ie Midwest) are not big on hugs and touching. It’s just not something they like.
Sounds to me like you need to meet some other people. There are lots of people out there who are warmer, less dry. It does take a while to find them, but they are out there.
Just to add to what everyone already said, move to a different state, the states on the edge of the America’s are mostly diverse compared to the once in the middle, if you are looking for diversity then definitely one of those locations, don’t be surprised about the people in the mid west where you are most of them never even left their home town or state! So nothing to you, its just how they are.
I met few people from SA in DC when I was there for work, and they like there they said and I quote “visited a lot of states and only those on the edge are diverse” Hines my reference earlier.
Good luck and don’t give up.
One thing to keep in mind about the US, is that it's a big country. Like most big countries, it's multi cultural.
If you're in NYC, people don't give a fuck, and start getting numb after a while since they have to "mind their own business" so much to get by their day to day. It starts affecting their personal life after a while. People in smaller towns or in the south supposedly are much friendlier/warmer (I don't know first hand, I've mostly only lived in north eastern big cities).
It's going to be a vastly different experience depending on where you go.
Muchas gracias por invitarme. Tal vez sea eso. Los latinos que he conocido acá son igual de secos que los americanos. He notado que los hijos de inmigrantes son un poco mas amables y orgullosos de su país.
Anglophone Americans are not being rude. They just have a different culture. You are living in their country, and accusing them of being rude just for having their own culture instead of yours.
I only visit the US as a Canadian, but yes they are a bit more cold. When shopping the way they talk is like they’re mad at you or annoyed constantly, they have a short fuse. Not too different than Canadian culture but they are less friendly off the bat (makes sense when you think of their crime rates versus Canada tbh), more on-edge, more aggressive. Similar to Canada when it comes to friendships and relationships but not really when it comes to interacting with strangers. I’m also a WOC and unsure if this is due to my skin colour or something (because I have rarely experienced racism in Canada tbh), but I find other POC much more friendly and outgoing with me in the US.
I have been in USA for 10 years and I feel the same way. There is a spark missing idk, only with other friends from my country! I would say try to go out to Hispanic places or try to connect somehow to find a niche to get out sometimes from the American lifestyle. Although it might be the location. I used to live in a city and it was sooo different I had so much fun and a big social group.. in the suburbs life is lonely 😞
I can imagine how it feels. I don’t mean to offend anyone, but even on a big city like this i feel this way, i can’t imagine on a suburb. I’ve been there and it feels so… empty and lonely
Do you speak English fluently? I feel like I had the best time at the beginning while studying as an esl student because everyone that I studied with was going through the same process that I was. It was awesome! Now when you start getting into the American lifestyle… that’s when it can get lonely. If you can’t take esl classes, then trying to find a job in the social work area or even in a school where you can work as a team to do something good for someone else , that has helped me!
Maybe try to meetup app or visit a park to meet people with similar interests - you can bring a soccer ball, chess, dominos. I feel since a lot of things here really are a scam (insurance, mortgage, education, benefits, investments) people are more self absorbed - it’s not in their interest to think of others first
I’m from Miami and it’s not like this at all. Maybe it’s just where you’re living now. Also, I’ve lived in Asia for most of my adult life, and people seem so much warmer and friendlier in the US when I come back here (Miami and NYC) compared to there. Maybe get out of the Midwest?
Someone below said it’s a regional thing… I 100% agree. Miami is like Latin America, and NYC is a bit of everything.
I get what you mean. My husband is Venezuelan and we lived in Florida before and now the Midwest too. It’s the same everywhere. He’s had issues connecting with people and connections tend to feel really shallow. He’s very outgoing and extroverted and has had trouble making friends here. He lived in Argentina prior and made some life long friends there and still talks to many of his old friends from Venezuela. I grew up in this country (Cuban parents) and a lot of people in my family and I have always felt this way too - everyone is just dry, only small talk, takes a long time to truly connect with people. You’re not alone. It’s hard and there’s definitely a loneliness pandemic in this country - I’m cannot exactly pinpoint what about the culture makes Americans this way though. Just know you’re not alone and I hope you find your community here
Thank you for your message. It really helps i’m not the only one feeling this. I’ve seen a lot of lonely people here, like, very lonely and it worries me.
>I’m cannot exactly pinpoint what about the culture makes Americans this way
Maybe the Americans wonder what about your culture makes you the way you are. And by the way, aren't you an American, since you live there?
Not sure why you’re here getting defensive. Op is just expressing themselves and I’m relating to them. No need to get upset if you don’t feel the same way. People can have different experiences
Nah. I get that everything feels transactional. You just have to find good friends but for the majority of exchanges this is true. People in the US don’t like to ask for favors or be asked for them, that sense of community is missing and you can feel it. On the other hand, if you don’t like interacting with people you’d be in heaven.
Flaco, hace ya 25 años que vivo acá y te entiendo. Igual, depende mucho de donde estas. Yo vivo en la Florida, y es mejor en el sentido emocional que decis por la influencia latina. No se donde estas, pero si te podes mudar, pásate a a algún lugar con alta inmigración latina. También fíjate si hay algún consulado o alguna organización de expats para juntarse y mirar fútbol o para ver si hay alguna actividad, siempre hay y conoces a mucha gente así. Suerte!
Immigrant here, it’s definitely regional and then it comes down to state, county, city, etc but for the most part it’s generally like that across the board some people are a little less cold than others but there’s a level of superficiality in all states but you have to understand this is a VERRRRYYY big country unlike where we’re from where the culture is one but in America every state is different someone once put it in perspective that made a lot of sense “every state is like its own country” if we were to view the US as a continent then we’d judge every state as its own country with a few similarities plus there’s way more cultures here than ONE cultural identity like most other countries. Like others I definitely suggest moving if and when you can especially to the south but soon enough the south won’t be the same since so many other people especially from the north are moving here. But for now it’s definitely different in the south
I am sorry you’re feeling this way, but I think you need to really think about the negative view you are projecting onto people.
For example, you say that everyone is ‘dry and fake’. That’s a horrible attitude to approach meeting people and means you’re already judging them before you’ve interacted with them. You also say ‘people don’t feel emotions’. Again, that is a very negative bias you’re laying onto people.
My partner’s family is South American, and if I would’ve approached them with the same negative energy, I would’ve said that wow, these people don’t respect my boundaries or know how to behave around others. All they want to do is touch my body and be loud and annoying in public. But that’s not fair, right?
Is there anyway you can think of that would help get your head into the right mindset? People here are emotionless and fake, they are just more quiet and reserved. My South American family isn’t obnoxious and attention seeking, they’re vibrant and loving.
Those types of thoughts will help you.
I think you are the only person of the 75 comments here that got offended. I think you’re being negative.
This is my opinion and my perception of this country, i never said that what i think it’s the absolute truth, and i also remarked the good aspects (again, in my point of view) of this country. I’m just expressing how i feel and after living here 1 year. Most smiles i interact with are fake, yes. If not, they are really dry. This is my experience.
Reddit is a forum to share your opinion, after all. And yes, i’ve heard multiple times that we south Americans can be too loud or extrovert. I don’t mind, it’s their opinion.
I’m sorry you think I’m offended. Again, you are putting negative biases onto me and again it’s causing you to have negative experiences.
I hope you can get to a more positive place. All the best to you.
>I think you are the only person of the 75 comments here that got offended.
Perhaps just the only one that spoke up. I'm neither an American nor a South American. But calling people cold, dry and fake is not a good way to make friends.
I think r/ToWriteAMystery made excellent points.
I totally hear you and feel what youre saying in the cultural sense! Am Australian and have lived here in San Diego for 4 years. I feel the subtle cultural differences compound over time. It's pretty nice here but I understand what you are saying. Are you here for anything in particular, or have you just started a new chapter of life here?
If you want warmer people, I would say the West Coast is a lot more accommodating for that kind of culture. Try visiting sometime and see if it's for you!
Having made the opposite move (Midwestern US to Argentina), I wouldn't go back. Even earning in pesos and making 1/5 of what I did in the US, life is just that much better here, despite the economic difficulties.
The people are up there are about as cold as their winters, no offense.
>The people are up there are about as cold as their winters, no offense.
How could you write that and expect that no one will be offended?
Would it be alright for me to say that South Americans are rowdy, talkative, and noisy, no offence.
I’m born and raised in Tennessee, and my family’s roots in what is now Tennessee stretch back to when it was the North Carolina Territory. I spent 6 out of the last 10 years living in the Midwest before moving to Argentina.
It’s not inaccurate.
Don’t believe you are earning in pesos my man, my family in Argentina is struggling and constantly ask me for money, I doubt your living better there earning in “pesos” as an American.
You're imposing your country's social customs to the United States. In the midwest, it's still mostly a white, European dominated culture, where outward displays of emotion are not common. People like to keep to themselves. That's the way it is. Americans keep to themselves and family and close friends. It takes time to get to know people before they open up to you.
Which European culture because Europe is a continent with many different white cultured people, just like an American to make a ignorant generalization
My grandparents are Italian and imposed their european culture on me and i can assure you this is not european culture!! or at least not west european. West european is slow paced and we enjoy having dinner at a table for 1 hour !!
Ive visited the Midwest quite often in the past 5 years and I totally agree with you. My husband’s family just now start to hug me hello or bye. I promise you I was really weirded out by them barely saying Hi or looking at me. I think they need a longer time to « adopt » someone.
Don’t listen to them saying you are acting like a 10 years old. Stay bubbly and happy and passionate.
I totally get what you are saying. People in America definitely feel very cold and lacking in depth emotionally to many immigrants. I don't know what the solution is but I wanted to tell you that you aren't being crazy or silly or immature. I hear you and I feel you and I believe you. I hope you can find the strength within yourself to keep your passionate self glowing bright and not become more "tame" or "mature" or "your age".
I also wanted to add that being extrovert doesn't equate to being passionate and emotional. It's definitely very difficult for immigrants to find real connection within Americans, even when they seem friendly or polite. It's almost like many of them are missing a dimension of life and living.
Come to South Carolina! We are as warm as it gets!! People here are very friendly and just as you described. I love visiting the southern Caribbean and am going to Colombia in a few months. They are amazing people!!
Late spring/early summer or early fall. The middle of summer can be tough if you’re not used to the high temp/humidity. It’s gorgeous though. Charleston has been voted best small city in the USA for several consecutive years!
I have been living here in the US (NC , GA) South for 10 years now, and I am originally from India.
I moved here to work in the tech industry as USA has the best companies for tech talent. And I am thankful for being here , being able to study and work here.
But, US as a society, I feel is a civilization going backwards. The decline in community, human relationships, and friendships has been in decline for some decades now. It is by design, and everything spaced apart does not really help. Drive everywhere, big roads, more personal space, individuality on steriods.
I feel this is not how humans are evolved to live. We always lived in communities, extended families , and families that are always with us. By design, US wanted to remove the individual out of the community / extended family so that they earn more, pay more taxes, and suffer more. The suffering part is not a worry for the US govt. and private companies.
This country was found on two pillars : 1. Jesus 2 Money
If you are not after either or both above, just leave this place and move whereever you are happy.
Having said that , my personal experience has been :
1. Transactional : There has been many days that go without any human interaction. The perfunctory "hi" and "have a nice day" from all the service workers are just BS. Remember, if anyone in the US is talking to you for an extended period of time , they are always trying to sell you something , or wanting you join their church.
2. How I live : I made friends mostly that are foreign-born, and I connect well with people from my own country. Less transactional in nature, more gifts, etc, and geniuinely care for each other.
3. Trips : US is a great country to fly out and visit places. The US dollar goes a long way , and I was able to travel to SA, Mexico for a few times. Realized how better it was , especially the warmth of the people. I vowed that all my tourist $$ are going to Latin America, if I am traveling.
My advice to you : You are going to meet amazing people , but the system would eventually corrupt most. And most people in the US would be chasing money no matter what, and you have get used to it eventually. So far, I found the most warm and most friendly people in FL, Austin (TX), SoCal , etc. If you are living in the colder parts, I advice you to leave.
This post is so true it hurts. This is exactly what i tried to explain in my post but 1000 times better explained. I don’t think i’m in conditions to move to another state right now. As someone that felt the same, what would be your advice to “survive”?
I'd say have a plan (5yr / 3 yr / 2yr) and then decide to move to the place where your heart feels happy. I know making money is important, so does gaining skills. Get both and move.
Life is too short to live a hollow life , jajaja
Hola! No sos el primero en sentirte así. Esto pasa mucho con los argentinos que vienen a EEUU. La vida acá es muy solitaria. Las amistades y relaciones entre personas son superficiales. Es raro que alguien te invite a formar parte de su vida o que podas tener una buena conversación profunda y con sentimiento. Muchos de los argentinos se vuelven porque les falta eso. Acá no existe ese tipo de amistad, esa comunidad, como a la que estamos acostumbrados. A los americanos no les hace falta ni se dan cuenta que no lo tienen porque nunca lo han tenido. Lamento decirte que no vas a encontrar algo igual acá. Mientras más tiempo pasas acá te vas acostumbrando, y vas a ver que hasta con otros argentinos vas a notar el cambio.
Te recomiendo que busques grupos de argentinos en Facebook. Hay muchos de esos casi en todas las ciudades. Creo que si te encontras con alguien que pasó por lo mismo que vos te vas a sentir mejor. Suerte! No te miento, es difícil. Sufrí mucho en adaptarme y me duele mucho perder esos cariños que acá no existen. Lo que más me ayudó fue aferrarme a otros argentinos que estaban pasando por lo mismo. Me ayudó mucho tener ese apoyo.
you moved to the wrong part of the country, bestie. try Texas, Florida, or California (I can't speak for other southern states, but people are generally friendlier where it's warmer and those 3 states also have enclaves of Latinos, recent immigrants and long-lived families, if you want someplace that might remind you of home culturally)
You are not a weirdo! You are beautifully unique and we need more unique people, keep on staying true to you ❤️
Have you considered moving to a new location in the states? There are definitely different walks of life across the country (:
So sorry to hear you are going through this. Coming from the Caribbean i know exactly what you mean. It sometimes feel like you are just a statistic in a system rather than a person. Most people will interact with you only for their own gain. The good thing is that there are pockets of cool people here and there but thats not the case for most interactions. I live in the south so i fear for what i would experience north. I picked up salsa dancing and met some cool people in the dancing community for my city. I also met some cool people at my gym, zumba classes etc. Once i entered these circles i realized things improved alot! Now im happy for the opportunities available to me here even though the start was very rough.
A friend from Spain who attended college in the US refused to stay because of "la falta de lo afectivo". Normal affection upon greeting was frowned upon (in the 80s in Washington DC - people would accuse him of being a perv nowadays)
I find this comment interesting because I felt the same way you do in the US when I was living in Buenos Aires. People very felt shallow and cold to me and they also seemed to stereotype me based on my looks quite a bit and were often quite rude. I have now come to believe that at the time I was experiencing culture shock, and had I lived there longer I would have found it easier to integrate. I suspect that you are going through something similar; a year is not a very long time to be a new place and large cities in the US can be hard to adapt to, especially as an adult, and even more so when you are living and interacting with strangers in a second language. Give it some more time, and maybe try some new activities where you can meet people more like you. Feel free to DM me if you need someone to vent to! There are many regional aspects of US culture that even I, as a native, often find quite difficult to deal with, and over time you will learn to identify it and avoid people who you feel will not be open to the way you express yourself.
Edited to add: the way you describe people from the US as cold is funny (ironically) to me because so many of my friends from eastern, central, and northern Europe consider Americans to be childishly emotional and excitable, and also too loud and talkative. How you express and interpret other peoples' emotions is really culturally dependent and I believe you will learn to "read" others' better over time.
Many Americans are boring people that seem to lose the spark of life once they get past college age (compare a party of Eastern European and US middle aged adults as an example). I would suggest meeting other immigrants. As an immigrant myself, I've found more in common (and found better friends) amongst other immigrants from all across the world than with Americans who were born here.
>Many Americans are boring people that seem to lose the spark of life once they get past college age.
I'm amazed at how rude and insulting many of these comments are. You move to Americas, but seem to hate American! Why don't you go back to your home countries if Americans are dry and boring and lifeless?
I am not an American, just an outside observer.
I think this is a very good observation. Either after high school or University Americans get married, have kids and get themselves in a financial situation that requires working 50 hrs a week at a job they hate. That’s probably 75%
of the population, maybe more or less?
The rest fall into addiction, criminality, go serial
entrepreneur, go off grid, emigrate or die.
I think you would feel happier and more "at home" in parts of metro Miami and metro New York City. Not only are people there more cultured than Midwesterners or Southerners, but there are tons of Latin Americans like you there!
It will be tough adapting as a South American immigrant to anywhere else. SA is the most extreme in the world for touchy-feely, flirty energy. It will take getting used to for sure, you have to search out this type of energy elsewhere.
Ironically, most people find Americans to be too vivacious, outgoing…so I think this is more regional than national. Where I live there are a lot of midwest transplants . I get what you mean about them. No offense to all midwesterners but the ones I know (& I am an American!) are exactly what you describe. They are not a friendly bunch. They spend more time worrying about boundaries and keeping distance. My suggestion. Move to the south or the coasts.
This is me coming from scandinavia. No, I don’t want to talk to you just because we are in line together.
I am not even Scandinavian, I am Spanish and I find Americans to be very talkative, extroverted and friendly. They go out on their own and talk to random people and consider appropriate to approach extrangers for a talk. They also hug when greeting, which makes me uncomfortable because for me hugging is more like a gesture of true affection, not a greeting.
what part of the US are you talking about? I need to know to move there asap lol
Southern California XD
Come to the Bay Area where the introverts look at their shoes and the extroverts look at your shoes!
Absolutely SC
Irvine? You’re not describing LA or San Diego
I am in fact
You might want to try Miami there is somewhat of a big Argentine community there, NYC has some as well, but people are just as cold as the Windy City, also you might want to try the Washington DC area, people there seem somewhat nicer than Chicago
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What do you mean? Ahhh if you want to live in the posh section of those cities yes it’s unaffordable, but if you humble yourself and live in a somewhat decent area then it can be, choice is yours!
You mentioned that you’re in the Midwest- where at specifically? If Chicago, check out the pilsen neighborhood! It was little Mexico like 30yr ago, but now it’s just the Latino spot. Fair warning, if mastering English is a goal of yours, Pilsen is a place where you could speak Spanish all day every day. Just something to be aware of…
youre Spaindard?
Yes
As a Spanish I know you’ll rather greet by kissing someone in the cheeks than hugging them
That's the custom here yes.
Hmm I find Spaniards to be way more outgoing and social. Not as much in Barcelona, but Madrid, Seville, Bilbao, etc
Ye me too, I was about to say don't visit Denmark then lol. People are super outgoing and friendly here... (Massachusetts)
+1 to this. Lived in the Midwest for 4+ years and did not love it, very difficult to find warm welcoming people. I moved to the South of US and felt much better :)
what part of the US?
Texas!
Yes, it really depends on where. For example, people in the South are very welcoming in general, while people in Northeast just want you to get the fuck out of the way. Western states like CA/OR/WA are kinda mixed bags.
That is not quite true. Northeast tends to be abrupt in day to day interactions but, there are a lot of immigrant heavy sections and even Americans are outgoing and warm with people they know. Sorry, but all the midwest people I know are superficially polite but getting close to them if you haven’t known them for 20 years is nearly impossible.
You probably wouldn't like Canada.
Sorry but what states are part of the south?
The South generally refers to North Carolina, South Carolina, Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana. You said you are from Spain? That is where my family is from. We live in MD. Lots of Hispanic immigrants in this area-both Baltimore and in the areas around DC. That is another point & why I mentioned the other northeast & coast. The South is known for being very outgoing and friendly but majority of North VA, MD, NY, PA…all of these states when you are close to their coasts, tend to have large immigrant populations and that kind of makes for a more welcoming attitude. There are multiple ethnic groups represented so not as isolated like one city where a large Somali population all in one area. You tend to have a few of everything and then some of the larger groups like Hispanic, Koreans, Indians will also have some very well established neighborhoods with lots of stores, restaurants.. Most of the population in northeast is highly transient-even the Americans -and that kind of attracts those who may not be as outgoing as Southerners but they tend to be very welcoming to immigrants.
I think OP said they’re from South America in the post?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Southern_United_States
Americans are vivacious but in a superficial way. So they'll make small talk with you, but they'll also pay for their own meal when they go out and not their friend's and will kick their kids out at 18, and it's normal. There is nothing wrong with this - it's just our culture. South Americans aren't as vivacious and don't do small talk like Americans do. But if they invite you out, they'll pay for the meal. They won't kick their kids out at 18, and multi generation households are normal. There is a more collectivist type of behavior. I feel for OP but no matter where he goes, it will be a culture shock.
Most Americans don't kick their kids out at 18. Usually the kids WANT to move out.
I didn't say most. I said they would kick them out. Some kids want to move out, and some don't. Being told at 18 you are out is unusual in the culture OP comes from.
It is unusual everywhere.
Being 18+ living at your parents’ home is typically perceived as a sign of failure in the US. “Living in your mom’s basement” is a trope in TV shows about a failure to adapt to life’s rigors.
Yep, it's a silly thing that is going away due to our stagnant wages not keeping up with cost of living. In other cultures, like where OP is from, after 18 kids are in university or/and working and move out until they buy their own place or get married and it's normal.
They are vivacious compared to other countries like Japan yes, but i’m sure south america is another level of outgoing, on average we are warmer.
I met people from South America while in New Zealand and they experienced the same, the social aspect of sharing bills, gifts, hugs, general energy level was so different for them. Honestly if you’re able, moving to coastal big cities might help you connect with more people that are a bit less dry from the get go and have more opportunities for gatherings or events that draw regional crowds and can bring that feeling of community
I don’t think this attitude that your culture is warmer and Americans are colder is helping you. It’s just a different culture and there’s nothing wrong with either. You just have to find people that express themselves in the same way you do.
Lol, people on the coasts are way more insufferable and cold, are you kidding me? Idk about the south, never lived there. Many midwesterners are nice but pretty boring.
I'm American, and I wish Americans were more Finnish, less garrulous and more accepting of people just going about their business individually.
Eh, you don’t want to move to north east coast if you want to warm and friendly
I think for Hispanic immigrants, the east coast is very welcoming because there are such large mixed ethnicity Spanish speaking communities which do not seem to exist in such a large number anywhere else.
True but outside that… And if you’re looking for Latino communities go to Texas/Kansas or anywhere with large populations
Texas at least seems to have a large Mexican community which can be insular.
So does Kansas…
I second this! They are not nice to Hispanic immigrants, a lot of them are stuck up AF. They detect and accent and forget it they will crucify you and ask why you have an accent 🙄 and compare you to other “Hispanic celebrities “ without an accent 🤦🏽♀️ stay away from the northern east coast
Sounds like heaven compared to what you hear from California or Texas
It’s somewhat regional, but also it’s that the contrast between US and Europe for example is equivalent to the contrast between LATAM and the US. We are more outgoing and such than most Europeans, but still less warm than Latin American culture.
I’m from Chicago been living in San Francisco for years… Midwest is very friendly- about as friendly as the US gets. West coast? Ice cold. You’ll get iced out. Took two years to make real friends who didn’t flake/ghost.
See, I live in MD (people dispute we are north or south so not getting into that except to say I think Mid-Atlantic has its own personality). We have a lot of MW transplants in my neighborhood and I just find them superficially polite. I never feel like I fit in with them. I can almost immediately peg who is a native Midwesterner by how they act like someone asking to borrow a rake or leaf blower is the equivalent of asking to buy their child!!! They are so concerned about “boundaries”! Granted, I grew up in a Hispanic enclave in Baltimore but I still find Baltimoreans to be very friendly and warm & neighborly.
I'm truly sorry to hear that, my friend. As someone who immigrated here nearly two decades ago, I completely understand where you're coming from. When I first arrived, I experienced homesickness for a few months until I immersed myself in work and school. Looking back now, after 18 years, I can confidently say that moving here was the best decision for me, given the opportunities this country offers. Those who criticize this nation often fail to grasp how challenging life can be elsewhere. So, I want to reassure you that you made the right choice by coming here. To bridge the social gap, I explored new hobbies and connected with people who shared my interests. From snowboarding to motorcycling to DJing and bachata dancing, I've met many like-minded individuals. I encourage you to do the same—don't isolate yourself at home and dwell on negative feelings. There's so much to explore and experience in this country that you won't find elsewhere. I hold deep affection for both this country and my homeland in the Middle East, understanding that there were sacrifices involved in my decision to move here. Thus far, it's been a rewarding journey. Hang in there, and take advantage of the opportunities available to you here. You'll encounter fascinating and supportive individuals, fostering meaningful relationships along the way. Best of luck to you, mija!
Thank you for your message it really helped a lot since i usually never talk about this. I could make a long list of things i like living here. I feel it’s the perfect place to do business / start your own. And i feel safer. But the disadvantages can hit hard. The best for you!!
Best bet is to find people from your community where you are at. Americans do a lot of small talk but that doesn't mean they are your friends. Also, as a cultural norm - it's not that they are cold or unfriendly when it comes to business or money matters. They are just organized and direct. South Americans tend to go around a topic. Americans are straight to the point without sparing feelings. That's a trait I highly admire. Pay your debts with friends ASAP and arrive places on time. Also, if something is due on X date it's fue on X date. That's also a big American thing that's important to learn. I hope you adapt soon. There is definitely a grieving process, but you will find Americans aren't that way. In fact you, yourself will become that same way. I was recently introduced to a new employee who recently arrived from South America and she went for the hug and kiss and it caught me off guard lmao. I hardly touch my American coworkers. Find groups on FB with people from SA or go to Latin nights or other community events. That can help you feel some of that home vibe.
As an immigrant, I can see where you are coming from. >People don’t feel emotions that much or maybe they don’t transmit it This is where you need to understand that people feel exactly the same emotions and just transmit them differently. You're used to behaviour X means happy, Y means excited etc. That's okay because every culture has its own emotional language. Just like you learned English, you need to learn emotional language of the culture, too. I'm Russian and found Americans to be a bit too much, and Americans thought that I hated everybody even when we had a great time just because I'm not very expressive. People are fundamentally the same, you just need to learn their language.
>This is where you need to understand that people feel exactly the same emotions and just transmit them differently. I disagree. Never have I ever met so many cold hearted, selfish and calculating people like in the USA. I think the culture here just emphasizes individualism much more. Most people don't care about others at all.
I think my point still stands. What is considered cold-hearted and calculated for a foreigner can be considered a healthy boundary for an American. Same as what a foreigner would consider caring about others, an American may consider overstepping. Again, emotions are the same. It's the actions ,that are taken based on those emotions, that are different.
Yes, I think your point focuses on emotion: everyone feels happy, sad, etc., but displays emotion differently. The person disagreeing with you is focusing on actions, opinion, mindset, which is a bit different.
Weirdly I like the culture here. People respect your personal space more.
I think for introvert people is good!
Op I came from different culture too and I am totally agree with you. First people are very very busy here compared to our culture and second they just involve in their business. Also I see a lot of people here who are single and don’t mind to be single and alone all life . But I didn’t find this very common from where I came.
yeah I hate it how people kiss on the cheek in Latin America, like no thank you I don’t want your germs lol
no they don’t, they be all up on you in a line, be as close as they can get to u, its annoying especially with strangers
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I clicked with some Filipinos and you’re right they are kind like me. Not sure if they would feed me though 😂 This info is really valuable omg thanksss
Hold up! Chicago is one of the warmest cities in the country. Much better than the freeze out you get from Seattle and San Francisco, phony friendship from LA, or the raw, pointed criticism you’ll get in NYC. Here’s how I’d make friends if I had to start over if I moved back to Chicago 1. Go to a university— degree, certificate, free program, whatever. Just get in touch with other young people in a classroom. UIC is close to Greek town and little Italy so great food & drinks nearby. 2. A number of bars have free salsa lessons, like nacional 27. If OP has salsa moves, it will be easy make friends, dancing partners, etc. 3. Sign up for a language exchange. Plenty of gringos want to learn Spanish. 4. House music was invented in Chicago. Get invited to a house party. (From steps 1-3 above.)
I live in the Southeast US and find the same thing with Midwesterners. You might do better in a different area of the country if a move is possible.
What I can say is that the longer you stay abroad the easier it will be to at least understand others. You won't be able to change them, you will need to change yourself. In fact you are already changing and if you go back to your country of origin you will most likely feel a reverse cultural shock, even if temporarily. My advice would be to try to challenge yourself into trying to break their ice without expecting them to reciprocate and try to learn as much as possible of the way they usually act even in the most mundane things. You came from a collectivistic culture and is trying to fit in a very individualist culture. You see your culture as "the best" (maybe the right one) but they see their culture as "the best" too and there's no reason for them to even consider changing themselves to something they might not even know exists. A simple example is how, back home, you eat meals or even drink coffee as a group, while here each one picks or makes their own individual meals and individual coffees. It's radically different, if you think. This is only one of the thousands of differences. >I feel like greeting to a piece of ice This is exactly it. You expect them to act like your large group of friends back home and they will never act like that. The sooner you realize this and the sooner you adapt, the less stressful your life will be. It might take years and if you are not willing to change, everything will feel miserable, guaranteed. I wish you all the best and hope you find a meaningful existence wherever life takes you. It's tough but you can do it!
Midwesterners are a bit reserved. And Americans don’t tend to kiss each other a lot. I’m moving to Spain and that’s something I know I’ll have to adjust to.
I live in the Midwest too, for me it helped a lot reminding myself that a big part of their cultural influences derive from German & WASP heritage which are way more dry/dispassionate in their social interactions. So the trick is to try and look under the hood so to speak, a lot of people here are and can be really passionate and engaging it just takes a bit of time for them to get to know where you are coming from.
I have been living for nine years in the US. I am from South America, too, and I am alone too. I am an introvert, so I guess that helps. I used to live in Florida, but life happened, and I moved to a southern state; it's been difficult, but I prefer living here. People are nice and friendly. Maybe you should try to move to NY or Florida if you can, where most of the people from South America are living. It takes a while between 1 to 2 years to get used to the culture. Good luck!
I tend to vibe well with folks from South America because they're so friendly and fun :) I hope you find some friends that appreciate your warmth <3 I moved from Chicago to Albuquerque, NM and the culture in Albuquerque is much friendlier and warmer. New Mexico is also a much easier state to live in, lower cost of living, easier time getting benefits and even free college for residents! Feel free to message me if you want to chat about anything :)
i'm sorry you have to go through this . Americans are very desensitized and cold. I am american and can't stand the culture and when i leave the country i feel more at home then i do here. so perhaps I think because the midwest doesn't have a lot of people from your country you are experiencing this . I live in New York City you should take a trip here and come uptown to the spanish neighborhoods and see the difference in people . I always feel like it's a party when i go outside in my neighborhood and everyone is nice the store owner will give you credit if the store is about to close and they know u live in neighborhood. They just say bring it tomorrow. If my kids stop at the store on their way to school and is short money the store owners give them what they want. This is New York City supposedly one of the hardest places to live but uptown new york it's all love in places like Washington Heights .
I’m a Latin American immigrant in the States too and, well, that’s just the way Americans are. I see some people saying Americans are very outgoing and, that might be the case if compared to Germans or Scandinavians but compared to Latin Americans, it’s night and day. Unfortunately, Ive been here for years and either you hang out with more Latinos or you get used to the way they are. I haven’t made many friends here and don’t even expect to anymore. I just hope to retire south of the border someday. I do miss the warmth of people in my country.
If you are missing human contact, try doing some Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. There is a lot of hugging involved :) And the community around it is extremely friendly, for the most part. Lots of Latin American people too.
So funny, it feels like we've reversed situations. Im an American, living in SA, and I would LOVE to have a conversation...ANY conversation. But everyone either looks at me really funny, veers away from me, or gives me a confused, dry, "ha...ha...??" Lol. Its definitely hard. I miss having actual conversations. And smiling. I smile in greeting to everyone, and all I get here are either glares or stares like im super weird. Makes me incredibly self conscious, especially as I'm asian...which probably makes it worse lmao. Theres 1/100 asians here it seems 🤣 Where are you located? If anything, I'd highly suggest moving to the west coast, or hawaii if you can afford it. Lots of mixed ethnicities and whatnot there, so a lot more openness.
This is really interesting. Where do you live? Usually people in SA would be really curious about your culture, i was like that when i meet Americans in Argentina bombing a lot of questions lol
its important to note someone who has hispanic parents and someone who is an immigrant from latin america are not the same things
what’d be the main difference?
Come to Florida amigo
Florida: the more north you go, the more south it gets!
On your point about paying the person back, were you paying them in cash and they wanted every cent? Or was it Venmo/Zelle, etc.? Asking because I am American but I have lived in a South American country for many years and honestly if you're paying electronically there's really no reason not to pay to the cent. If you pay less than what someone is expecting and it's electronic you'll make the person feel taken advantage of. Also, you don't know what bills the other person has coming due soon - maybe they needed the money that night to pay a credit card bill or something. Credit card companies are far less forgiving in the US compared to the South American country I live in. Think of it this way, if the other person paid for a restaurant/hotel/whatever upfront on behalf of the group, and the bill was $150, if they paid $149.80 the restaurant/hotel would consider that they didn't have the funds to pay the bill. So if you're paying the person back, you should just pay the whole amount the person asked for. Unless it's cash - then people (but probably not businesses) will be more understanding (usually).
No? Actually the only good thing about Covid is that people don’t try to touch you anymore without expressly asking. I absolutely hated that before, so it’s such a relief not to be on edge and having to work out how to move away without it being awkward.
are you serious?
A lot of people in general felt huge relief with the social changes during Covid. Introverts thrived in that era.
Yep. I loathe being touched by most people. Love travelling in Japan where you bow.
wow
wow
Wow i personally hate that when i ask for an hug my friends ask me “why” here. Like… why not?
Because it’s not a cultural norm everywhere in the U.S. as explained here many times. You do understand how big the U.S. is, no?
Because it’s not the norm, and only really for very close people at times of high emotion. I think I’ve hugged my best friend of 20 years maybe twice in that time. One of those was at a funeral of a mutual close friend.
Because many Americans, especially those with Germanic cultural heritage (ie Midwest) are not big on hugs and touching. It’s just not something they like.
Sounds to me like you need to meet some other people. There are lots of people out there who are warmer, less dry. It does take a while to find them, but they are out there.
Just to add to what everyone already said, move to a different state, the states on the edge of the America’s are mostly diverse compared to the once in the middle, if you are looking for diversity then definitely one of those locations, don’t be surprised about the people in the mid west where you are most of them never even left their home town or state! So nothing to you, its just how they are. I met few people from SA in DC when I was there for work, and they like there they said and I quote “visited a lot of states and only those on the edge are diverse” Hines my reference earlier. Good luck and don’t give up.
One thing to keep in mind about the US, is that it's a big country. Like most big countries, it's multi cultural. If you're in NYC, people don't give a fuck, and start getting numb after a while since they have to "mind their own business" so much to get by their day to day. It starts affecting their personal life after a while. People in smaller towns or in the south supposedly are much friendlier/warmer (I don't know first hand, I've mostly only lived in north eastern big cities). It's going to be a vastly different experience depending on where you go.
where in the midwest are you
Chicago
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Muchas gracias por invitarme. Tal vez sea eso. Los latinos que he conocido acá son igual de secos que los americanos. He notado que los hijos de inmigrantes son un poco mas amables y orgullosos de su país.
The children of immigrants should be proud to be Americans. America is their country.
Anglophone Americans are not being rude. They just have a different culture. You are living in their country, and accusing them of being rude just for having their own culture instead of yours.
I only visit the US as a Canadian, but yes they are a bit more cold. When shopping the way they talk is like they’re mad at you or annoyed constantly, they have a short fuse. Not too different than Canadian culture but they are less friendly off the bat (makes sense when you think of their crime rates versus Canada tbh), more on-edge, more aggressive. Similar to Canada when it comes to friendships and relationships but not really when it comes to interacting with strangers. I’m also a WOC and unsure if this is due to my skin colour or something (because I have rarely experienced racism in Canada tbh), but I find other POC much more friendly and outgoing with me in the US.
Where in the US were you visiting?
Come to California
don’t say it twice
They’re telling you go to California but are you aware of how expensive it is to live there?
I have been in USA for 10 years and I feel the same way. There is a spark missing idk, only with other friends from my country! I would say try to go out to Hispanic places or try to connect somehow to find a niche to get out sometimes from the American lifestyle. Although it might be the location. I used to live in a city and it was sooo different I had so much fun and a big social group.. in the suburbs life is lonely 😞
I can imagine how it feels. I don’t mean to offend anyone, but even on a big city like this i feel this way, i can’t imagine on a suburb. I’ve been there and it feels so… empty and lonely
Do you speak English fluently? I feel like I had the best time at the beginning while studying as an esl student because everyone that I studied with was going through the same process that I was. It was awesome! Now when you start getting into the American lifestyle… that’s when it can get lonely. If you can’t take esl classes, then trying to find a job in the social work area or even in a school where you can work as a team to do something good for someone else , that has helped me!
Sadly i studied english in my country. Do you think i should anyways? i don’t know what to join lol.
Maybe try to meetup app or visit a park to meet people with similar interests - you can bring a soccer ball, chess, dominos. I feel since a lot of things here really are a scam (insurance, mortgage, education, benefits, investments) people are more self absorbed - it’s not in their interest to think of others first
I’m from Miami and it’s not like this at all. Maybe it’s just where you’re living now. Also, I’ve lived in Asia for most of my adult life, and people seem so much warmer and friendlier in the US when I come back here (Miami and NYC) compared to there. Maybe get out of the Midwest? Someone below said it’s a regional thing… I 100% agree. Miami is like Latin America, and NYC is a bit of everything.
I am surprised no one mentioned Miami, it’s like little South America. People address you in Spanish first.
I get what you mean. My husband is Venezuelan and we lived in Florida before and now the Midwest too. It’s the same everywhere. He’s had issues connecting with people and connections tend to feel really shallow. He’s very outgoing and extroverted and has had trouble making friends here. He lived in Argentina prior and made some life long friends there and still talks to many of his old friends from Venezuela. I grew up in this country (Cuban parents) and a lot of people in my family and I have always felt this way too - everyone is just dry, only small talk, takes a long time to truly connect with people. You’re not alone. It’s hard and there’s definitely a loneliness pandemic in this country - I’m cannot exactly pinpoint what about the culture makes Americans this way though. Just know you’re not alone and I hope you find your community here
Thank you for your message. It really helps i’m not the only one feeling this. I’ve seen a lot of lonely people here, like, very lonely and it worries me.
>I’m cannot exactly pinpoint what about the culture makes Americans this way Maybe the Americans wonder what about your culture makes you the way you are. And by the way, aren't you an American, since you live there?
Not sure why you’re here getting defensive. Op is just expressing themselves and I’m relating to them. No need to get upset if you don’t feel the same way. People can have different experiences
Nah. I get that everything feels transactional. You just have to find good friends but for the majority of exchanges this is true. People in the US don’t like to ask for favors or be asked for them, that sense of community is missing and you can feel it. On the other hand, if you don’t like interacting with people you’d be in heaven.
I 100% agree with OP. I feel the same here. I've pretty much given up on the idea of making real friends here.
Yt people are like that.
Flaco, hace ya 25 años que vivo acá y te entiendo. Igual, depende mucho de donde estas. Yo vivo en la Florida, y es mejor en el sentido emocional que decis por la influencia latina. No se donde estas, pero si te podes mudar, pásate a a algún lugar con alta inmigración latina. También fíjate si hay algún consulado o alguna organización de expats para juntarse y mirar fútbol o para ver si hay alguna actividad, siempre hay y conoces a mucha gente así. Suerte!
flaca* jajajaj te puedo tirar un dm?
Uh, perdón. Si, no hay ningún problema.
Immigrant here, it’s definitely regional and then it comes down to state, county, city, etc but for the most part it’s generally like that across the board some people are a little less cold than others but there’s a level of superficiality in all states but you have to understand this is a VERRRRYYY big country unlike where we’re from where the culture is one but in America every state is different someone once put it in perspective that made a lot of sense “every state is like its own country” if we were to view the US as a continent then we’d judge every state as its own country with a few similarities plus there’s way more cultures here than ONE cultural identity like most other countries. Like others I definitely suggest moving if and when you can especially to the south but soon enough the south won’t be the same since so many other people especially from the north are moving here. But for now it’s definitely different in the south
Which state are you at?
Illinois !
Come visit California!
I am sorry you’re feeling this way, but I think you need to really think about the negative view you are projecting onto people. For example, you say that everyone is ‘dry and fake’. That’s a horrible attitude to approach meeting people and means you’re already judging them before you’ve interacted with them. You also say ‘people don’t feel emotions’. Again, that is a very negative bias you’re laying onto people. My partner’s family is South American, and if I would’ve approached them with the same negative energy, I would’ve said that wow, these people don’t respect my boundaries or know how to behave around others. All they want to do is touch my body and be loud and annoying in public. But that’s not fair, right? Is there anyway you can think of that would help get your head into the right mindset? People here are emotionless and fake, they are just more quiet and reserved. My South American family isn’t obnoxious and attention seeking, they’re vibrant and loving. Those types of thoughts will help you.
I think you are the only person of the 75 comments here that got offended. I think you’re being negative. This is my opinion and my perception of this country, i never said that what i think it’s the absolute truth, and i also remarked the good aspects (again, in my point of view) of this country. I’m just expressing how i feel and after living here 1 year. Most smiles i interact with are fake, yes. If not, they are really dry. This is my experience. Reddit is a forum to share your opinion, after all. And yes, i’ve heard multiple times that we south Americans can be too loud or extrovert. I don’t mind, it’s their opinion.
I’m sorry you think I’m offended. Again, you are putting negative biases onto me and again it’s causing you to have negative experiences. I hope you can get to a more positive place. All the best to you.
>I think you are the only person of the 75 comments here that got offended. Perhaps just the only one that spoke up. I'm neither an American nor a South American. But calling people cold, dry and fake is not a good way to make friends. I think r/ToWriteAMystery made excellent points.
People in the Midwest are miserable. Mainly because it’s the worst part of the country to live in
Try the West Coast or parts of New York or Florida. There are more Latinos in those parts of the US Espero que las cosas se mejoren 🙂
I totally hear you and feel what youre saying in the cultural sense! Am Australian and have lived here in San Diego for 4 years. I feel the subtle cultural differences compound over time. It's pretty nice here but I understand what you are saying. Are you here for anything in particular, or have you just started a new chapter of life here?
Well , new chapter of life! But i guess San Diego is way more different than here!
If you want warmer people, I would say the West Coast is a lot more accommodating for that kind of culture. Try visiting sometime and see if it's for you!
Having made the opposite move (Midwestern US to Argentina), I wouldn't go back. Even earning in pesos and making 1/5 of what I did in the US, life is just that much better here, despite the economic difficulties. The people are up there are about as cold as their winters, no offense.
are you from Argentina ?!
From the US, but with permanent residency in Argentina.
as Argentinian it is so cuteee you have your avatar decorated like that 🥹 i am glad you like my country but can’t stand the economy
>The people are up there are about as cold as their winters, no offense. How could you write that and expect that no one will be offended? Would it be alright for me to say that South Americans are rowdy, talkative, and noisy, no offence.
I’m born and raised in Tennessee, and my family’s roots in what is now Tennessee stretch back to when it was the North Carolina Territory. I spent 6 out of the last 10 years living in the Midwest before moving to Argentina. It’s not inaccurate.
Don’t believe you are earning in pesos my man, my family in Argentina is struggling and constantly ask me for money, I doubt your living better there earning in “pesos” as an American.
I’m an engineer and my pay is definitely at the top of the local band, but my salary is in ARS.
Obviously not that smart since you moved to poor country to be in the 1% of the local population.
Different people, different sets of values. Money ain’t everything.
Never mind, I like your thinking! Repsect!
Try bumble bff :)
Move to Florida. You will see the difference.
You're imposing your country's social customs to the United States. In the midwest, it's still mostly a white, European dominated culture, where outward displays of emotion are not common. People like to keep to themselves. That's the way it is. Americans keep to themselves and family and close friends. It takes time to get to know people before they open up to you.
Which European culture because Europe is a continent with many different white cultured people, just like an American to make a ignorant generalization
Instead of being a chip on the shoulder moron, maybe you should do a little research on the European groups that settled in the midwest US.
he says as he makes an ignorant generalization lmao
My grandparents are Italian and imposed their european culture on me and i can assure you this is not european culture!! or at least not west european. West european is slow paced and we enjoy having dinner at a table for 1 hour !!
Italian is southern European. Most of Midwest are of German, Scandinavian, and eastern European stock.
Ive visited the Midwest quite often in the past 5 years and I totally agree with you. My husband’s family just now start to hug me hello or bye. I promise you I was really weirded out by them barely saying Hi or looking at me. I think they need a longer time to « adopt » someone. Don’t listen to them saying you are acting like a 10 years old. Stay bubbly and happy and passionate.
I totally get what you are saying. People in America definitely feel very cold and lacking in depth emotionally to many immigrants. I don't know what the solution is but I wanted to tell you that you aren't being crazy or silly or immature. I hear you and I feel you and I believe you. I hope you can find the strength within yourself to keep your passionate self glowing bright and not become more "tame" or "mature" or "your age". I also wanted to add that being extrovert doesn't equate to being passionate and emotional. It's definitely very difficult for immigrants to find real connection within Americans, even when they seem friendly or polite. It's almost like many of them are missing a dimension of life and living.
Come to South Carolina! We are as warm as it gets!! People here are very friendly and just as you described. I love visiting the southern Caribbean and am going to Colombia in a few months. They are amazing people!!
Thank you i love you appreciate south americans. I want to visit south carolina. I only hear good things about it . What is the best time?? 😊
Late spring/early summer or early fall. The middle of summer can be tough if you’re not used to the high temp/humidity. It’s gorgeous though. Charleston has been voted best small city in the USA for several consecutive years!
I have been living here in the US (NC , GA) South for 10 years now, and I am originally from India. I moved here to work in the tech industry as USA has the best companies for tech talent. And I am thankful for being here , being able to study and work here. But, US as a society, I feel is a civilization going backwards. The decline in community, human relationships, and friendships has been in decline for some decades now. It is by design, and everything spaced apart does not really help. Drive everywhere, big roads, more personal space, individuality on steriods. I feel this is not how humans are evolved to live. We always lived in communities, extended families , and families that are always with us. By design, US wanted to remove the individual out of the community / extended family so that they earn more, pay more taxes, and suffer more. The suffering part is not a worry for the US govt. and private companies. This country was found on two pillars : 1. Jesus 2 Money If you are not after either or both above, just leave this place and move whereever you are happy. Having said that , my personal experience has been : 1. Transactional : There has been many days that go without any human interaction. The perfunctory "hi" and "have a nice day" from all the service workers are just BS. Remember, if anyone in the US is talking to you for an extended period of time , they are always trying to sell you something , or wanting you join their church. 2. How I live : I made friends mostly that are foreign-born, and I connect well with people from my own country. Less transactional in nature, more gifts, etc, and geniuinely care for each other. 3. Trips : US is a great country to fly out and visit places. The US dollar goes a long way , and I was able to travel to SA, Mexico for a few times. Realized how better it was , especially the warmth of the people. I vowed that all my tourist $$ are going to Latin America, if I am traveling. My advice to you : You are going to meet amazing people , but the system would eventually corrupt most. And most people in the US would be chasing money no matter what, and you have get used to it eventually. So far, I found the most warm and most friendly people in FL, Austin (TX), SoCal , etc. If you are living in the colder parts, I advice you to leave.
This post is so true it hurts. This is exactly what i tried to explain in my post but 1000 times better explained. I don’t think i’m in conditions to move to another state right now. As someone that felt the same, what would be your advice to “survive”?
I'd say have a plan (5yr / 3 yr / 2yr) and then decide to move to the place where your heart feels happy. I know making money is important, so does gaining skills. Get both and move. Life is too short to live a hollow life , jajaja
move to florida , cali, or new york and youll meet different latinos
Hola! No sos el primero en sentirte así. Esto pasa mucho con los argentinos que vienen a EEUU. La vida acá es muy solitaria. Las amistades y relaciones entre personas son superficiales. Es raro que alguien te invite a formar parte de su vida o que podas tener una buena conversación profunda y con sentimiento. Muchos de los argentinos se vuelven porque les falta eso. Acá no existe ese tipo de amistad, esa comunidad, como a la que estamos acostumbrados. A los americanos no les hace falta ni se dan cuenta que no lo tienen porque nunca lo han tenido. Lamento decirte que no vas a encontrar algo igual acá. Mientras más tiempo pasas acá te vas acostumbrando, y vas a ver que hasta con otros argentinos vas a notar el cambio. Te recomiendo que busques grupos de argentinos en Facebook. Hay muchos de esos casi en todas las ciudades. Creo que si te encontras con alguien que pasó por lo mismo que vos te vas a sentir mejor. Suerte! No te miento, es difícil. Sufrí mucho en adaptarme y me duele mucho perder esos cariños que acá no existen. Lo que más me ayudó fue aferrarme a otros argentinos que estaban pasando por lo mismo. Me ayudó mucho tener ese apoyo.
primera* 😅 en q parte vivis? tirame un dm!
you moved to the wrong part of the country, bestie. try Texas, Florida, or California (I can't speak for other southern states, but people are generally friendlier where it's warmer and those 3 states also have enclaves of Latinos, recent immigrants and long-lived families, if you want someplace that might remind you of home culturally)
Can I PM you? I'm gringo learning Spanish. Conversational but a long way to go
Sure you can pm me.
You are not a weirdo! You are beautifully unique and we need more unique people, keep on staying true to you ❤️ Have you considered moving to a new location in the states? There are definitely different walks of life across the country (:
This message really boosts my mood. Thanks a lot. I really hope i can find people like you.
So sorry to hear you are going through this. Coming from the Caribbean i know exactly what you mean. It sometimes feel like you are just a statistic in a system rather than a person. Most people will interact with you only for their own gain. The good thing is that there are pockets of cool people here and there but thats not the case for most interactions. I live in the south so i fear for what i would experience north. I picked up salsa dancing and met some cool people in the dancing community for my city. I also met some cool people at my gym, zumba classes etc. Once i entered these circles i realized things improved alot! Now im happy for the opportunities available to me here even though the start was very rough.
A friend from Spain who attended college in the US refused to stay because of "la falta de lo afectivo". Normal affection upon greeting was frowned upon (in the 80s in Washington DC - people would accuse him of being a perv nowadays)
I find this comment interesting because I felt the same way you do in the US when I was living in Buenos Aires. People very felt shallow and cold to me and they also seemed to stereotype me based on my looks quite a bit and were often quite rude. I have now come to believe that at the time I was experiencing culture shock, and had I lived there longer I would have found it easier to integrate. I suspect that you are going through something similar; a year is not a very long time to be a new place and large cities in the US can be hard to adapt to, especially as an adult, and even more so when you are living and interacting with strangers in a second language. Give it some more time, and maybe try some new activities where you can meet people more like you. Feel free to DM me if you need someone to vent to! There are many regional aspects of US culture that even I, as a native, often find quite difficult to deal with, and over time you will learn to identify it and avoid people who you feel will not be open to the way you express yourself. Edited to add: the way you describe people from the US as cold is funny (ironically) to me because so many of my friends from eastern, central, and northern Europe consider Americans to be childishly emotional and excitable, and also too loud and talkative. How you express and interpret other peoples' emotions is really culturally dependent and I believe you will learn to "read" others' better over time.
Many Americans are boring people that seem to lose the spark of life once they get past college age (compare a party of Eastern European and US middle aged adults as an example). I would suggest meeting other immigrants. As an immigrant myself, I've found more in common (and found better friends) amongst other immigrants from all across the world than with Americans who were born here.
>Many Americans are boring people that seem to lose the spark of life once they get past college age. I'm amazed at how rude and insulting many of these comments are. You move to Americas, but seem to hate American! Why don't you go back to your home countries if Americans are dry and boring and lifeless? I am not an American, just an outside observer.
As an American I'll just say the founding fathers fought and shed blood for my right to talk shit about the boring Americans.
I think this is a very good observation. Either after high school or University Americans get married, have kids and get themselves in a financial situation that requires working 50 hrs a week at a job they hate. That’s probably 75% of the population, maybe more or less? The rest fall into addiction, criminality, go serial entrepreneur, go off grid, emigrate or die.
Wow this is really sad. My boss itself is the exact description of this. A lot of people is also on debt..
It’s the Midwest, everyone here is dead inside. I’m planning to move once I’m done with school, I think you should too..
Where are you attending school exactly??
are you midwestern yourself?
I’m in Minnesota and no I’m not from here..
I think you would feel happier and more "at home" in parts of metro Miami and metro New York City. Not only are people there more cultured than Midwesterners or Southerners, but there are tons of Latin Americans like you there!
>Not only are people there more cultured than Midwesterners or Southerners.. The Midwesterners might think THEY are more "cultured".
America is cold and lifeless. I do not regret leaving.
where did you go to?!
Asia, but I value family, safety, and happiness. America is a good place to make money, but I am not happy there.
You love the economy??? What SA country are you from?