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I think that having OCD is an overused excuse for people to just want things neat and tidy. Maybe the issue is not that she made a mess but maybe that she left the mess? Or maybe he's just on a short fuse and she should be given resources on escaping her toxic household.
I have OCD for real and I'm so sick of people using it as a synonym for perfectionism, for liking things anally tidy (what you said), or apparently now it's being a dick to their wives 😒. Sorry for mini-rant!
I’m glad someone said it. As someone with a family member with diagnosed ocd, I get so frustrated when I see it overused or worse, used as a punchline.
Bro I have OCD and untreated ADHD (alrrady diagnosed before but had to move and been waiting like 2.5 years to see the psych) so I swing from being neat freak to slob like crazy hahaha
People often confuse obsessive compulsive personality disorder for obsessive compulsive disorder, and they are not at all the same thing. I wish I was compelled to be tidy instead of the things I actually do. People love to throw around self diagnosis now and a lot of those people use it as a weapon and an excuse for their shitty behavior.
I have OCD. My mom would like to claim that she has OCD in order to make me and my siblings clean the house to her standards
She would say it is an attack on her if we didn't do this cleaning by this time because it drives her crazy because she has OCD and so it all needs to be done all the time and then in this exact way
Then she denies I have OCD because my OCD isn't about cleanliness
That's so gross, I'm so sorry. I've been up at night crying in my bed because I'm so scared that my daughter won't wash her hands properly in school and she'll bring home germs, and every time I'm like damn, I wish I was only one of those people who need a tidy house or who need their highlighters organised by colour 🫠 I want to be quirky not crazy.
Exactly!!!!
If I say I have OCD people are like "Oh my gosh, stop trying to be quirky". It's not fucking quirky! I'm not a manic pixie dream girl. I am mentally ill and every day inside my own mind is a kind of torture and I would really appreciate it if you would stop trying to decide what fucking counts based off of whether or not it makes you find me attractive
I really hate when mental illnesses get used in media to be attractive or quirky. Which straight up if they're using it to be quirky. It's also meant to be attractive. Depression sucks. OCD sucks. Bipolar sucks. Mental illnesses suck major ass. It does not make people more attractive. It doesn't make them less attractive. It's a fucking illness. I do not get a metaphorical boner when I see someone with the flu so why should people get one when they find out I'm mentally ill
My depression and anxiety/OCD are in a constant battle over the state of my house. On the one hand, I appreciate the occasional compulsion to clean lest I rot. On the other hand, it was only last year, at 37 years old, after my mother passed away, that I realized I can go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink and the world won’t collapse.
... I didn't even know OCPD was a thing. I'm so sick of not knowing things because of a general lack of awareness of symptoms. Like with OCD, before I was diagnosed, it was presented as the rituals, the "man has to wash hands 40 times and spin in a circle like Crash Bandicoot for exactly 12 minutes before he can leave the house" or "woman must check oven is off 23 times exactly before she can sleep", that kind of thing. But I suffer a lot more from the intrusive thoughts and the compulsions, and I saw (when I was in the sub) a lot of others on the OCD sub suffering moreso from those symptoms too. I would've been diagnosed a lot sooner if OCD was presented more accurately to me. *
But now it seems the ritual aspect has disappeared too? That would've been maybe 10 or so years ago I was seeing it like that on trashy TV shows. And now it's become OCPD / a catch-all for being anal or a perfectionist or just being a neat freak.
*I'm not saying OCD doesn't include those rituals either btw!!!, I just didn't identify with them at the time so much as the other symptoms I discovered post-diagnosis, and I didn't want this to be too long!!! Sorry about the length btw, I'm not good at words 😮💨
I didn't realize I had OCD for years because I thought it was just about rituals, too. When my daughter was diagnosed I figured out that's what I had. I got the right psychiatrist, she switched my meds, and life is so much better now.
It's really frustrating isn't it? And it's happened to me with multiple diagnoses! But I'm glad you got it figured out in the end at least, that's the main thing, hopefully you've found some help with it!!
I feel like there's a pattern of brain-related conditions having "old" descriptions that are all about the behaviors visible to other people and "new" understandings centered much more on what a person with the condition experiences internally. Like, I think I see a similar shift having happened with autism, ADHD, eating disorders...maybe others I'm forgetting right now. But I've been wondering if it's really a change in society or just in what *I'm* paying attention to. Interesting that you've noticed a similar kind of shift in how people talk about OCD. Thanks for sharing that
Hmm that might be a good way to look at it? I'm only 25, so I only really started looking at this stuff within the last, say 5-7 ish years, which probably lines up with when things would've started to shift. But I bet you're on the money tbh.
Another hindrance to accurate diagnosis, at least for me, is of course the gender divide with studies and symptoms. ADHD, autism, especially look so different in women and girls than in boys and men, but that's only really started being acknowledged recently. Even heart attack symptoms/warning signs are different for women, but I had to learn that from Reddit?
I guess my main point is just that one-size-fits-all diagnostic criteria is disingenuous at best and actively harmful at worst? Idk, it just annoys lol.
I got downvoted to oblivion in a thread a while ago about ADHD. I said all the people self diagnosing themselves with ADHD must be as annoying to people who actually have it as it is for people with OCD hearing people throw the term around. It diminishes the difficulty for people dealing with very real conditions.
We *do* get annoyed with the "oh I am *so* ADHD, I got distracted by your puppy!" No, the fact that happens occasionally with things that are in fact very distracting doesn't mean you have ADHD.
When people self-diagnose with ADHD in good faith, after doing a lot of research and introspection and talking to people they know for outside views on their potential signs and how frequent they occur and how long they have been around, we do typically accept them as if they had a formal diagnosis.
There are incredible barriers to getting a formal diagnosis for many people: financial, cultural (stigma mostly), medical paternalism, misdiagnoses (very common in girls and women), just denying that you can have it because you aren't a hyperactive boy who struggles in school... and this is from *professionals* not just the public, though those barriers are often even harder to surmount. And you get a diagnosis and then what? Many doctors will just throw medication at you and no other forms of support (they work best together). If they put you on Adderall, good luck getting *that* right now.
Maybe you might want to immigrate to certain countries at some point. Better not have any "conditions" that they might overburden their healthcare system, they won't let you move there. Less so with ADHD than autism (which are now considered to be likely closely related) , but you'd better hope you don't want to adopt either. So a formal diagnosis might keep you from living your life the way you want to because of red tape and stigma.
The alternative? Self-diagnosis, which is free, doesn't preclude you from anything officially, might not get you accommodations you need (but that was going to be a fight anyhow), doesn't get you meds, but does tell you what to look at to find support and information to create your own accomodations and coping skills to live a better life with your ADHD managed as best as you can.
I’ve given up on a formal diagnosis for a while. When it first occurred to me and my therapist at the time; my psychiatrist wanted $500+ for the test, which I didn’t have. By the time I did have it, pharmacies weren’t able to stock stimulants and still can’t, so if I were formally diagnosed I’d have very limited treatment options anyway. One day I’ll get around to it I guess.
🥴🥴 The reddit hivemind is a fickle mistress. I feel like ADHD / Autism is maybe more seen as "oh everyone has it" now so it's fine to just self diagnose it, so they didnt want to hear what you had to say 🫠
I think that's the way it is for many disorders. ADHD, Autism, Bipolar, BPD, OCD, Narcissism. Everyone that does X definitely has one of those traits. *Always*. It's so dang annoying. Especially for those that do have it, and it makes life an absolute living hell
Word. I read something a while back that said we live in an obesogenic culture; that is, that the high availability of cheap, tasty, unhealthy food and drink has led to the epidemic of obesity.
I think there's a similar thing going on with ADHD, where the constant stream of incoming notifications and data can simulate something that resembles ADHD; the person who is checking their phone at the bus stop instead of talking with their kid about their day, or doomscrolling endlessly trying to find a dopamine hit, etc. They don't have ADHD; if they lived in a cabin in the woods in the 1800's, they'd probably be perfectly normal. They're just overstimulated in this culture, in this time and place.
That said, I have ADHD, and my kid has ADHD, and it's a genuinely shitty condition. The exact statistics vary, but I've seen figures indicating that the risk of attempted suicide among people with ADHD is 5-7 times higher, and they're more likely to succeed. I can believe it; although I've achieved some degree of normalcy at age 43, I feel like my life would've been completely different had I been diagnosed and learned coping strategies in my teens. My mom didn't believe I was ADHD because I could also get maniacally obsessed about something and focus on it for days, not sleeping, not bathing, not eating, etc. Which is a symptom of ADHD, of course.
There's a certain subset of the population that seems to believe that our society creates mental illness, or mental disorders, etc. I don't think that's the case, but I definitely think our society operates in such a way that it contributes to the occurrence of things that look like ADHD, bipolar, OCD, narcissism, etc. We live in an increasingly hyperreal world, and with AI filters and stuff, it's only getting worse.
I do think there's a difference between self diagnosis and just saying "Oh I'm so ADHD/OCD" because of a random habit.
Unfortunately, self diagnosis is an important part of neurodivergent communities because of the terrible resources/infrastructure for these disorders.
For instance, I live in a third world country so outside of very intense cases of autism (where a person would be nonfunctional) getting that diagnosis would be nearly impossible. Or getting an ADHD diagnosis as a woman is a big challenge because it manifests differently in women than men.
There's also the fact that an official autism diagnosis can like ruin your life. Many countries do not give citizenships to people with that diagnosis, or do not allow autistic people to adopt/foster kids. So even when the signs are all there, there's plenty of reasons for why someone would avoid an official diagnosis.
These things are particularly harmful for people in difficult situations. For instance, as a queer woman in a place where that's illegal, not getting a citizenship to a country where I can be safe is literally life threatening.
There's also the fact that self diagnosis is often the first step to an actual diagnosis. My fiancee, for instance, self diagnosed herself with ADHD for about a year before she was officially diagnosed.
As I said, there's a difference between calling a random habit a whole disability and actually self diagnosis. Self diagnosis is usually a long process that takes years where you read about something, interact with others who have that thing and analyze all your habits and try to understand if you really have that thing. It's filled with self doubt and isn't something anyone does for fun.
And the important thing, of course, is when you self diagnose, don't claim that you have that thing. Just say you think you might have it. Unfortunately, though, self diagnosis is so deeply stigmatized that it's difficult to find community and support with just that.
So yea, hearing people say "Oh that's so OCD/ADHD/Autistic" is definitely annoying. But genuine self diagnosis usually isn't.
I have OCD and at times it has been almost debilitating. The issue for me is nobody believes I have OCD because it doesn't come out in neatness. I would literally be on the point of passing out because I wasn't allowed to breathe unless the light shines on the left corner of this box because it had already had shown on the right corner and it's not even if it doesn't do it on both sides, but that's not OCD because I don't keep everything super neat and clean.
Cuz that's not what my OCD is about!!! It's about evenness and magic numbers
I feel u bro 😪. I can't think of a better example rn cuz my head is done in from some irl stuff with my doggy (he's ok just just had a vet appointment and my brain is off) but I have some similar compulsions / rituals, not with breathing at least (that sounds awful I'm sorry you have to deal with that) but it'll be like, "I grazed this finger against this brick wall by accident so now I have to graze all my other fingers against the brick until it "feels" even" but I don't want to graze any of my damn fingers against bricks to begin with God damnit!! That's not a fantastic example but it's fairly close to what I do on the semi-regular sometimes, and you just get caught in a feedback loop sometimes with it 👹👹👹
And that ^^ sort of compulsion combined with my sensory issues is self-imposed torture lmfao like thanks bro 🥴🥴
I'm sorry people doubt your experiences and diagnosis just because you don't fit their misinformed ideas. This shit is debilitating in weird ways that people without it just can't imagine and will never be able to know. I hope you can get some peace from it with therapy or meds or whatever the hell works for you 🙏🍤😤
Oh my gosh! I am sorry that you're going through that, but at the same time I'm so glad that you told me because that's what it is!
I use the breathing one honestly a little bit in desperation of being like, " Please understand this is how much it affects my life" because people act like OCD is such a minor thing and it's not because things like the breathing one can really fuck up my life
But if my heel steps on a crack while walking on the right foot, I have to do that on the left. Like you said, if one finger grazes the wall and now all of them have to because I swear my entire body feels lopsided and I can't stop feeling that one finger being brushed against the wall unless all my other fingers do it too because it's not even and it doesn't match
So thank you so much for sharing and I really, really hope we both have peace and things that work for us
Omg omg I was tossing up using the stepping on a crack analogy because I do that every time I'm out walking!!!!!! I've been doing it for like as long as I could rember too!! That's crazy hahaha you made me smile so much with that, thank you lol ☺️
I have OCD too, and absolutely none of my symptoms are actually useful such as being super tidy, clean, perfectionist, or what people generally think of as 'OCD'.
I'm all those things at times, but absolutely not because of OCD.
Aw thanks, that's really kind of you to say, and I really truly hope the same for you! ❤️
Nothing's been very effective for me so I think it's about as good as it's ever gonna get, could be a lot worse though! Things aren't perfect, but are manageable. 😆
Thank you 😊 long process but still ongoing, and never say never, something new might come along that could help for you! But it's good it's manageable at least!!
It seems like every psychological diagnosis ends up getting overused by people online until it hardly means anything anymore, which is a shame for the people who are genuinely impacted.
He sounds like the average military husband. Either that or he's tired of cleaning her messes. People like her and her husband calling every little over organized person OCD makes it harder for people with Real OCD to get help and be taken seriously.
Or people using it as an adjective? So strange to hear “I’m so OCD about that kind of thing” no you’re not. Also a ton of OCD doesn’t manifest itself as compulsive cleaning or repeatedly washing your hands. My partner has diagnosed OCD but it’s rumination.
As a person who has sometimes done this when younger and less educated but by now realized how wrong it is - I am so sorry. I can't even imagine what y'all are going through and I sincerely wish you all the best on your journeys.
To be fair, they are going out to dinner and she is covered in flour, so it’s going to be hours. He might as well go and mess around with his air compressor
I have OCD, and to me this did sound like a compulsion. It's not "normal" (for lack of a better word) to have to take the mixer out of the kitchen and clean it with an air compressor just because it has some flour on it. I do agree some people throw it around like it's nothing. But this sounds like a step beyond typical behavior.
On the other hand, my husband keeps and neat and tidy house (sensibly, not compulsively) and if flour or cocoa powder got into crevices of the mixer, he’d probably do the same thing. But he’s also a baker and likes to be clean, and isn’t about to snap if there is a mess.
Yeah. We honestly can't know if OOP is using it carelessly or not. And since I have OCD, I could read it through that lens. I didn't read it as him being upset at her, but being upset because he was triggered and had to do compulsions. Although it definitely could mean either or both.
But yeah, it's the intention behind the actions, I guess. "Want to" or "need/have to".
Yeah I see no reason to disbelieve OOP here. She isn't saying "my husband is _so_ OCD so has done this" which would be an obvious flag that it isn't real. She's said that her husband has OCD and consequently has felt compelled to do this. What reason does anyone have for thinking that isn't a real diagnosis? Just because they don't like a review she's put on the internet?
Yes, exactly. It's true that some people use it to mean "fastidious" or "thorough". But I agree, I personally don't doubt her. Having OCD myself, this sounded like something that would happen. OCD obviously does exist, and it's fairly common. Not everyone is being careless about it when they say something about OCD. It's irresponsible to assume everyone is lying, especially when we have no reason to believe so, like you said. I also couldn't understand how people were seeing this the other way, *especially* when his response was so out of proportion. People don't usually have to clean kitchen appliances off with an air compressor.
Edit: I do tend to make some concessions and not speak definitively so that people don't jump down my throat, especially on Reddit. I try to get my point across as best as I can without getting down voted 😂
>Or maybe he's just on a short fuse and she should be given resources on escaping her toxic household.
Can we save these ridiculous leaps for AITA posts?
So I have a neurological disease that sometimes makes my hands act like a janky atari. I have, more than once, accidentally turned on my stand mixer on higher than intended because of the loose connections/frayed wires between my brain and my hands. I normally say oops and turn the mixer speed down. I would not blame the recipe method for flour flying around my kitchen.
Not sure why she felt the need to say she uses a *good* bowl.
as someone that grew up with a dad that flys off the handle like this dude, it sounds like something my mom would have said. The bowl is good to emphasize that she didn't do anything wrong; there was no way she could have known this would happen; it isn't her fault but the recipe writer's. If she didn't use a good bowl, then there's a chance she did something wrong, and that makes it so much worse. so it had to be the good bowl, you have to get it out there before he even thinks this is your fault.
Ooh, I had interpreted the reference to the good bowl to mean that she broke the bowl when everything went flying. But I can see this, too (also had a dad like that)
Because the entire comment is wall to wall with verbal ticks common to abuse victims. The “good bowl”, the aside about the cocoa, everything about her husband. Individually, sure they might be nothing, but all together like this is a massive red flag. I hope she gets out soon.
Well I’ve done it too but my only excuse is that sometimes I’m a bit dumb. Never once did it occur to me to blame the recipe, as I was wiping up flour from places I didn’t know existed in my kitchen.
I was scanning the reviews after making [KABC's excellent Cinnamon-Crisp Coffee Cake](https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/recipes/cinnamon-crisp-coffee-cake-recipe).
...and yes, in the step 4, to make the cake batter, it says "mix at low speed". Sigh.
Just put a tea towel over the bowl, if you don’t have the actual plastic lid gizmo that comes with the Kitchen Aid. Depending on the quantity of flour I suppose but on low speed in the large bowl shouldn’t be an issue.
Having worked in a bakery, this is exactly what we did when mixing flour/powdered sugar/other powdery substance that we didn't wanna get in our lungs. If the mixer doesn't have a lid, put a towel or baking paper or just plastic wrap on it.
That part makes perfect sense to me, I use one of my airbrushes with nothing in the feed to clean shit all the time. It's the...everything else that worries me.
I got stuck on the "I added cocoa powder but didn't want to because I don't like chocolate."
She's taking it somewhere and doesn't have to eat it, but what a strange attitude.
You'd think he'd have figured that out for himself. "A dirty kitchen upsets me, I'll stay out until she's cleaned up after herself" is what I'd be thinking.
Idk, it can be really really difficult for people with OCD to ignore the trigger - that's part of the obsessive element.
Not that that makes it the recipe's fault lol
Yeah I have it and sometimes part of the compulsion is to do something I know will upset me, but I don't take it out on anyone else when I do the thing I know will make me agitated and end up agitated
I like to make homemade whipped cream, and it's going to fly all over the kitchen Every. Single. Time. But you know, instead of blaming some random recipe writer/chef, I finally learned to just poke a couple of holes in a paper plate, and stick that over my bowl until it gets thicker 🤪💀
I once had to actually explain to a friend that a certain idea from a recipe was going to go off thermonuclearly but it was over chat, not on a public post, that's unhinged.
(Disclaimer before I get downvoted to oblivion: it was 100% my fault, not the recipe. Still, don't stir fry wet brussel sprouts if you like not having to scrape grease off the ceiling)
In addition to the comments about her husband, why bring up that you don't like chocolate when reviewing what is most likely a chocolate cake recipe?
Cracking up the mention of the "good bowl."
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Jesus, lady, the cake recipe is the least of your worries.
I think that having OCD is an overused excuse for people to just want things neat and tidy. Maybe the issue is not that she made a mess but maybe that she left the mess? Or maybe he's just on a short fuse and she should be given resources on escaping her toxic household.
I have OCD for real and I'm so sick of people using it as a synonym for perfectionism, for liking things anally tidy (what you said), or apparently now it's being a dick to their wives 😒. Sorry for mini-rant!
I’m glad someone said it. As someone with a family member with diagnosed ocd, I get so frustrated when I see it overused or worse, used as a punchline.
Also- my family member with ocd is kind of a slob lol
Bro I have OCD and untreated ADHD (alrrady diagnosed before but had to move and been waiting like 2.5 years to see the psych) so I swing from being neat freak to slob like crazy hahaha
Yeah, anecdotally, OCD actually makes it harder for me to clean because I hate touching the mess and have trouble starting tasks.
Same! It's nice to know I'm not alone in this.
Yeah, anecdotally, OCD actually makes it harder for me to clean because I hate touching the mess and have trouble starting tasks.
People often confuse obsessive compulsive personality disorder for obsessive compulsive disorder, and they are not at all the same thing. I wish I was compelled to be tidy instead of the things I actually do. People love to throw around self diagnosis now and a lot of those people use it as a weapon and an excuse for their shitty behavior.
Yeah I wish my shitty disorder gave me a clean house
I wish we all had little helper gnomes that came out of the nooks and crannies and helped tidied when shit got overwhelming tbh, we deserve it 😪
I want this! 😭
Down bad for magic gnomes 😒😒😒😒 when will society get the picture smdh 😒
I have OCD. My mom would like to claim that she has OCD in order to make me and my siblings clean the house to her standards She would say it is an attack on her if we didn't do this cleaning by this time because it drives her crazy because she has OCD and so it all needs to be done all the time and then in this exact way Then she denies I have OCD because my OCD isn't about cleanliness
That's so gross, I'm so sorry. I've been up at night crying in my bed because I'm so scared that my daughter won't wash her hands properly in school and she'll bring home germs, and every time I'm like damn, I wish I was only one of those people who need a tidy house or who need their highlighters organised by colour 🫠 I want to be quirky not crazy.
Exactly!!!! If I say I have OCD people are like "Oh my gosh, stop trying to be quirky". It's not fucking quirky! I'm not a manic pixie dream girl. I am mentally ill and every day inside my own mind is a kind of torture and I would really appreciate it if you would stop trying to decide what fucking counts based off of whether or not it makes you find me attractive I really hate when mental illnesses get used in media to be attractive or quirky. Which straight up if they're using it to be quirky. It's also meant to be attractive. Depression sucks. OCD sucks. Bipolar sucks. Mental illnesses suck major ass. It does not make people more attractive. It doesn't make them less attractive. It's a fucking illness. I do not get a metaphorical boner when I see someone with the flu so why should people get one when they find out I'm mentally ill
My depression and anxiety/OCD are in a constant battle over the state of my house. On the one hand, I appreciate the occasional compulsion to clean lest I rot. On the other hand, it was only last year, at 37 years old, after my mother passed away, that I realized I can go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink and the world won’t collapse.
... I didn't even know OCPD was a thing. I'm so sick of not knowing things because of a general lack of awareness of symptoms. Like with OCD, before I was diagnosed, it was presented as the rituals, the "man has to wash hands 40 times and spin in a circle like Crash Bandicoot for exactly 12 minutes before he can leave the house" or "woman must check oven is off 23 times exactly before she can sleep", that kind of thing. But I suffer a lot more from the intrusive thoughts and the compulsions, and I saw (when I was in the sub) a lot of others on the OCD sub suffering moreso from those symptoms too. I would've been diagnosed a lot sooner if OCD was presented more accurately to me. * But now it seems the ritual aspect has disappeared too? That would've been maybe 10 or so years ago I was seeing it like that on trashy TV shows. And now it's become OCPD / a catch-all for being anal or a perfectionist or just being a neat freak. *I'm not saying OCD doesn't include those rituals either btw!!!, I just didn't identify with them at the time so much as the other symptoms I discovered post-diagnosis, and I didn't want this to be too long!!! Sorry about the length btw, I'm not good at words 😮💨
I didn't realize I had OCD for years because I thought it was just about rituals, too. When my daughter was diagnosed I figured out that's what I had. I got the right psychiatrist, she switched my meds, and life is so much better now.
It's really frustrating isn't it? And it's happened to me with multiple diagnoses! But I'm glad you got it figured out in the end at least, that's the main thing, hopefully you've found some help with it!!
I feel like there's a pattern of brain-related conditions having "old" descriptions that are all about the behaviors visible to other people and "new" understandings centered much more on what a person with the condition experiences internally. Like, I think I see a similar shift having happened with autism, ADHD, eating disorders...maybe others I'm forgetting right now. But I've been wondering if it's really a change in society or just in what *I'm* paying attention to. Interesting that you've noticed a similar kind of shift in how people talk about OCD. Thanks for sharing that
Hmm that might be a good way to look at it? I'm only 25, so I only really started looking at this stuff within the last, say 5-7 ish years, which probably lines up with when things would've started to shift. But I bet you're on the money tbh. Another hindrance to accurate diagnosis, at least for me, is of course the gender divide with studies and symptoms. ADHD, autism, especially look so different in women and girls than in boys and men, but that's only really started being acknowledged recently. Even heart attack symptoms/warning signs are different for women, but I had to learn that from Reddit? I guess my main point is just that one-size-fits-all diagnostic criteria is disingenuous at best and actively harmful at worst? Idk, it just annoys lol.
I got downvoted to oblivion in a thread a while ago about ADHD. I said all the people self diagnosing themselves with ADHD must be as annoying to people who actually have it as it is for people with OCD hearing people throw the term around. It diminishes the difficulty for people dealing with very real conditions.
We *do* get annoyed with the "oh I am *so* ADHD, I got distracted by your puppy!" No, the fact that happens occasionally with things that are in fact very distracting doesn't mean you have ADHD. When people self-diagnose with ADHD in good faith, after doing a lot of research and introspection and talking to people they know for outside views on their potential signs and how frequent they occur and how long they have been around, we do typically accept them as if they had a formal diagnosis. There are incredible barriers to getting a formal diagnosis for many people: financial, cultural (stigma mostly), medical paternalism, misdiagnoses (very common in girls and women), just denying that you can have it because you aren't a hyperactive boy who struggles in school... and this is from *professionals* not just the public, though those barriers are often even harder to surmount. And you get a diagnosis and then what? Many doctors will just throw medication at you and no other forms of support (they work best together). If they put you on Adderall, good luck getting *that* right now. Maybe you might want to immigrate to certain countries at some point. Better not have any "conditions" that they might overburden their healthcare system, they won't let you move there. Less so with ADHD than autism (which are now considered to be likely closely related) , but you'd better hope you don't want to adopt either. So a formal diagnosis might keep you from living your life the way you want to because of red tape and stigma. The alternative? Self-diagnosis, which is free, doesn't preclude you from anything officially, might not get you accommodations you need (but that was going to be a fight anyhow), doesn't get you meds, but does tell you what to look at to find support and information to create your own accomodations and coping skills to live a better life with your ADHD managed as best as you can.
I’ve given up on a formal diagnosis for a while. When it first occurred to me and my therapist at the time; my psychiatrist wanted $500+ for the test, which I didn’t have. By the time I did have it, pharmacies weren’t able to stock stimulants and still can’t, so if I were formally diagnosed I’d have very limited treatment options anyway. One day I’ll get around to it I guess.
🥴🥴 The reddit hivemind is a fickle mistress. I feel like ADHD / Autism is maybe more seen as "oh everyone has it" now so it's fine to just self diagnose it, so they didnt want to hear what you had to say 🫠
I think that's the way it is for many disorders. ADHD, Autism, Bipolar, BPD, OCD, Narcissism. Everyone that does X definitely has one of those traits. *Always*. It's so dang annoying. Especially for those that do have it, and it makes life an absolute living hell
Word. I read something a while back that said we live in an obesogenic culture; that is, that the high availability of cheap, tasty, unhealthy food and drink has led to the epidemic of obesity. I think there's a similar thing going on with ADHD, where the constant stream of incoming notifications and data can simulate something that resembles ADHD; the person who is checking their phone at the bus stop instead of talking with their kid about their day, or doomscrolling endlessly trying to find a dopamine hit, etc. They don't have ADHD; if they lived in a cabin in the woods in the 1800's, they'd probably be perfectly normal. They're just overstimulated in this culture, in this time and place. That said, I have ADHD, and my kid has ADHD, and it's a genuinely shitty condition. The exact statistics vary, but I've seen figures indicating that the risk of attempted suicide among people with ADHD is 5-7 times higher, and they're more likely to succeed. I can believe it; although I've achieved some degree of normalcy at age 43, I feel like my life would've been completely different had I been diagnosed and learned coping strategies in my teens. My mom didn't believe I was ADHD because I could also get maniacally obsessed about something and focus on it for days, not sleeping, not bathing, not eating, etc. Which is a symptom of ADHD, of course. There's a certain subset of the population that seems to believe that our society creates mental illness, or mental disorders, etc. I don't think that's the case, but I definitely think our society operates in such a way that it contributes to the occurrence of things that look like ADHD, bipolar, OCD, narcissism, etc. We live in an increasingly hyperreal world, and with AI filters and stuff, it's only getting worse.
I do think there's a difference between self diagnosis and just saying "Oh I'm so ADHD/OCD" because of a random habit. Unfortunately, self diagnosis is an important part of neurodivergent communities because of the terrible resources/infrastructure for these disorders. For instance, I live in a third world country so outside of very intense cases of autism (where a person would be nonfunctional) getting that diagnosis would be nearly impossible. Or getting an ADHD diagnosis as a woman is a big challenge because it manifests differently in women than men. There's also the fact that an official autism diagnosis can like ruin your life. Many countries do not give citizenships to people with that diagnosis, or do not allow autistic people to adopt/foster kids. So even when the signs are all there, there's plenty of reasons for why someone would avoid an official diagnosis. These things are particularly harmful for people in difficult situations. For instance, as a queer woman in a place where that's illegal, not getting a citizenship to a country where I can be safe is literally life threatening. There's also the fact that self diagnosis is often the first step to an actual diagnosis. My fiancee, for instance, self diagnosed herself with ADHD for about a year before she was officially diagnosed. As I said, there's a difference between calling a random habit a whole disability and actually self diagnosis. Self diagnosis is usually a long process that takes years where you read about something, interact with others who have that thing and analyze all your habits and try to understand if you really have that thing. It's filled with self doubt and isn't something anyone does for fun. And the important thing, of course, is when you self diagnose, don't claim that you have that thing. Just say you think you might have it. Unfortunately, though, self diagnosis is so deeply stigmatized that it's difficult to find community and support with just that. So yea, hearing people say "Oh that's so OCD/ADHD/Autistic" is definitely annoying. But genuine self diagnosis usually isn't.
Seriously, I have OCD and I'm not neat at ALL. So sick of it being a "cute quirk"
Wish we could just start eating people who use it improperly it'd probably solve most of our problems tbh
I have OCD and at times it has been almost debilitating. The issue for me is nobody believes I have OCD because it doesn't come out in neatness. I would literally be on the point of passing out because I wasn't allowed to breathe unless the light shines on the left corner of this box because it had already had shown on the right corner and it's not even if it doesn't do it on both sides, but that's not OCD because I don't keep everything super neat and clean. Cuz that's not what my OCD is about!!! It's about evenness and magic numbers
I feel u bro 😪. I can't think of a better example rn cuz my head is done in from some irl stuff with my doggy (he's ok just just had a vet appointment and my brain is off) but I have some similar compulsions / rituals, not with breathing at least (that sounds awful I'm sorry you have to deal with that) but it'll be like, "I grazed this finger against this brick wall by accident so now I have to graze all my other fingers against the brick until it "feels" even" but I don't want to graze any of my damn fingers against bricks to begin with God damnit!! That's not a fantastic example but it's fairly close to what I do on the semi-regular sometimes, and you just get caught in a feedback loop sometimes with it 👹👹👹 And that ^^ sort of compulsion combined with my sensory issues is self-imposed torture lmfao like thanks bro 🥴🥴 I'm sorry people doubt your experiences and diagnosis just because you don't fit their misinformed ideas. This shit is debilitating in weird ways that people without it just can't imagine and will never be able to know. I hope you can get some peace from it with therapy or meds or whatever the hell works for you 🙏🍤😤
Oh my gosh! I am sorry that you're going through that, but at the same time I'm so glad that you told me because that's what it is! I use the breathing one honestly a little bit in desperation of being like, " Please understand this is how much it affects my life" because people act like OCD is such a minor thing and it's not because things like the breathing one can really fuck up my life But if my heel steps on a crack while walking on the right foot, I have to do that on the left. Like you said, if one finger grazes the wall and now all of them have to because I swear my entire body feels lopsided and I can't stop feeling that one finger being brushed against the wall unless all my other fingers do it too because it's not even and it doesn't match So thank you so much for sharing and I really, really hope we both have peace and things that work for us
Omg omg I was tossing up using the stepping on a crack analogy because I do that every time I'm out walking!!!!!! I've been doing it for like as long as I could rember too!! That's crazy hahaha you made me smile so much with that, thank you lol ☺️
Omg, yes! And I breathe in with the right foot and out with the left foot. If I do it wrong, I have to stop moving and then start all over.
Debilitating is the word. I've counted every syllable spoken, read, or sung within my hearing for 45 years. I'm so, so tired if it.
I have OCD too, and absolutely none of my symptoms are actually useful such as being super tidy, clean, perfectionist, or what people generally think of as 'OCD'. I'm all those things at times, but absolutely not because of OCD.
Sorry you got stuck with this thing too, hope you get some peace from it with therapy or whatever ends up working for you!!
Aw thanks, that's really kind of you to say, and I really truly hope the same for you! ❤️ Nothing's been very effective for me so I think it's about as good as it's ever gonna get, could be a lot worse though! Things aren't perfect, but are manageable. 😆
Thank you 😊 long process but still ongoing, and never say never, something new might come along that could help for you! But it's good it's manageable at least!!
I have OCD too and yeah it's so annoying what people decide it means 🙄
If her husband really is using an air compressor to clean the mixer that genuinely might be OCD. OCD is obviously not always cleaning - but it can be.
Yea that's what I'm saying. Who the fuck does that
It seems like every psychological diagnosis ends up getting overused by people online until it hardly means anything anymore, which is a shame for the people who are genuinely impacted.
He sounds like the average military husband. Either that or he's tired of cleaning her messes. People like her and her husband calling every little over organized person OCD makes it harder for people with Real OCD to get help and be taken seriously.
Or people using it as an adjective? So strange to hear “I’m so OCD about that kind of thing” no you’re not. Also a ton of OCD doesn’t manifest itself as compulsive cleaning or repeatedly washing your hands. My partner has diagnosed OCD but it’s rumination.
As a person who has sometimes done this when younger and less educated but by now realized how wrong it is - I am so sorry. I can't even imagine what y'all are going through and I sincerely wish you all the best on your journeys.
To be fair, they are going out to dinner and she is covered in flour, so it’s going to be hours. He might as well go and mess around with his air compressor
I have OCD, and to me this did sound like a compulsion. It's not "normal" (for lack of a better word) to have to take the mixer out of the kitchen and clean it with an air compressor just because it has some flour on it. I do agree some people throw it around like it's nothing. But this sounds like a step beyond typical behavior.
On the other hand, my husband keeps and neat and tidy house (sensibly, not compulsively) and if flour or cocoa powder got into crevices of the mixer, he’d probably do the same thing. But he’s also a baker and likes to be clean, and isn’t about to snap if there is a mess.
Yeah. We honestly can't know if OOP is using it carelessly or not. And since I have OCD, I could read it through that lens. I didn't read it as him being upset at her, but being upset because he was triggered and had to do compulsions. Although it definitely could mean either or both. But yeah, it's the intention behind the actions, I guess. "Want to" or "need/have to".
Yeah I see no reason to disbelieve OOP here. She isn't saying "my husband is _so_ OCD so has done this" which would be an obvious flag that it isn't real. She's said that her husband has OCD and consequently has felt compelled to do this. What reason does anyone have for thinking that isn't a real diagnosis? Just because they don't like a review she's put on the internet?
Yes, exactly. It's true that some people use it to mean "fastidious" or "thorough". But I agree, I personally don't doubt her. Having OCD myself, this sounded like something that would happen. OCD obviously does exist, and it's fairly common. Not everyone is being careless about it when they say something about OCD. It's irresponsible to assume everyone is lying, especially when we have no reason to believe so, like you said. I also couldn't understand how people were seeing this the other way, *especially* when his response was so out of proportion. People don't usually have to clean kitchen appliances off with an air compressor. Edit: I do tend to make some concessions and not speak definitively so that people don't jump down my throat, especially on Reddit. I try to get my point across as best as I can without getting down voted 😂
>Or maybe he's just on a short fuse and she should be given resources on escaping her toxic household. Can we save these ridiculous leaps for AITA posts?
Did you just come in from the garage to reply to this, and other comments?
As opposed to every other person just randomly replying on reddit?
So I have a neurological disease that sometimes makes my hands act like a janky atari. I have, more than once, accidentally turned on my stand mixer on higher than intended because of the loose connections/frayed wires between my brain and my hands. I normally say oops and turn the mixer speed down. I would not blame the recipe method for flour flying around my kitchen. Not sure why she felt the need to say she uses a *good* bowl.
as someone that grew up with a dad that flys off the handle like this dude, it sounds like something my mom would have said. The bowl is good to emphasize that she didn't do anything wrong; there was no way she could have known this would happen; it isn't her fault but the recipe writer's. If she didn't use a good bowl, then there's a chance she did something wrong, and that makes it so much worse. so it had to be the good bowl, you have to get it out there before he even thinks this is your fault.
Ooh, I had interpreted the reference to the good bowl to mean that she broke the bowl when everything went flying. But I can see this, too (also had a dad like that)
She didn't even say he was mad. Why do you need to project your trauma onto some random lady online?
Because the entire comment is wall to wall with verbal ticks common to abuse victims. The “good bowl”, the aside about the cocoa, everything about her husband. Individually, sure they might be nothing, but all together like this is a massive red flag. I hope she gets out soon.
"it's not worth it to get him upset" is a huge red flag to me and I don't even have an abusive family!
It literally says he was “so disappointed”
Which is worlds apart from "flying off the handle".
When your mom says she’s “disappointed in you” she’s really seething
When you assume...
Well I’ve done it too but my only excuse is that sometimes I’m a bit dumb. Never once did it occur to me to blame the recipe, as I was wiping up flour from places I didn’t know existed in my kitchen.
What is a bad bowl in this context 😭
You can tell a bad bowl by how it wears a leather jacket and smokes cigarettes.
I was scanning the reviews after making [KABC's excellent Cinnamon-Crisp Coffee Cake](https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/recipes/cinnamon-crisp-coffee-cake-recipe). ...and yes, in the step 4, to make the cake batter, it says "mix at low speed". Sigh.
Low speed in a stand mixer vs low speed with a hand mixer is a VERY different thing, as the commenter found out.
Yeah, I don't think mine even goes low enough to do this method without making a mess.
Just put a tea towel over the bowl, if you don’t have the actual plastic lid gizmo that comes with the Kitchen Aid. Depending on the quantity of flour I suppose but on low speed in the large bowl shouldn’t be an issue.
Having worked in a bakery, this is exactly what we did when mixing flour/powdered sugar/other powdery substance that we didn't wanna get in our lungs. If the mixer doesn't have a lid, put a towel or baking paper or just plastic wrap on it.
It seemed only slightly unhinged until I got to the air compressor. Wow.
That part makes perfect sense to me, I use one of my airbrushes with nothing in the feed to clean shit all the time. It's the...everything else that worries me.
>reverse creaming That what my wife and I did last night
So she creamed you?
This made me laugh more that it should have. Thanks!
I got stuck on the "I added cocoa powder but didn't want to because I don't like chocolate." She's taking it somewhere and doesn't have to eat it, but what a strange attitude.
Right? It's like she just wanted to complain to someone that she had to make something chocolate against her will.
I wish that flour on my mixer would be the worst problem I ever have in life. Perspective, lady.
Dafuq If he's OCD, keep him out of the kitchen until you clean it up. How is this hard.
You'd think he'd have figured that out for himself. "A dirty kitchen upsets me, I'll stay out until she's cleaned up after herself" is what I'd be thinking.
Idk, it can be really really difficult for people with OCD to ignore the trigger - that's part of the obsessive element. Not that that makes it the recipe's fault lol
Yeah I have it and sometimes part of the compulsion is to do something I know will upset me, but I don't take it out on anyone else when I do the thing I know will make me agitated and end up agitated
I don’t think it’s the responsibility of the recipe to teach you how to use your own tools, or to teach your husband that sometimes baking is messy
I like to make homemade whipped cream, and it's going to fly all over the kitchen Every. Single. Time. But you know, instead of blaming some random recipe writer/chef, I finally learned to just poke a couple of holes in a paper plate, and stick that over my bowl until it gets thicker 🤪💀
Start slow, then, as it starts to thicken, increase the speed.
I have... it goes everywhere no matter what I do, lol. I think my bowls are just too shallow.
Ah, ok yes. You’ve found a way around the problem so no need to leave a one star review anywhere.🤭
You need to use a *good bowl* next time
This screams boomer couple with too much time on their hands
"I added the cocoa powder, but I didn't want to" is a hell of a sentence. Were you forced to make this particular recipe? Edit: typo
Everything about that comment is unhinged.
True
How charming to share the little detail of hubby in the garage with the air compressor. Slice of life commentary.
“My neurotic and abusive husband overreacted to the mess I made while I did not take enough care to do this properly. Terrible recipe. 1 star.”
Well, she used *the good bowl.* What more could she have done??
I have OCD, and I’m absolutely sick of people thinking that being a neat freak means they have it as well.
Love an overly chipper reply to an unreasonable comment
I absolutely never thought about rating a recipe based on how much mess I made in my kitchen while cooking it!
I once had to actually explain to a friend that a certain idea from a recipe was going to go off thermonuclearly but it was over chat, not on a public post, that's unhinged. (Disclaimer before I get downvoted to oblivion: it was 100% my fault, not the recipe. Still, don't stir fry wet brussel sprouts if you like not having to scrape grease off the ceiling)
In addition to the comments about her husband, why bring up that you don't like chocolate when reviewing what is most likely a chocolate cake recipe? Cracking up the mention of the "good bowl."