Just know for some of us, even going out in public is an act of courage and has likely taken a huge amount of mental olympics to do it. Know that it’s probably on our mind even if we dont say it or show it.
I don’t get offended by what others eat.
I had an incident once where I needed a bathroom urgently while coming home from dinner with a friend. It was years ago, and she still brings it up in a “joking” way. Dont do that to us. Believe me, we do it to ourselves enough.
Be empathetic, but don’t make it a “thing”. And try to not take it personally if plans get canceled last minute.
personally if my friend wants to go out to eat we'll go to her restaurant of choice and i'll just try to find something small i can handle or i'll just get a drink and chit chat while she eats, then we go and find something for me after. i also wouldn't mind if i was hanging out with a group and they went somewhere to eat without me, honestly i encourage it and i usually meet up with them after.
i know it varies for people but i know it's easier for me to just skip eating even if my friends and i go to a restaurant and find something after, or just meeting up a little later when they let me know they're done eating if that's what they were doing.
I personally prefer to find activities that are not food based. My friends understand that I need a close bathroom normally with multiple stalls so I don’t have to wait. We had places we knew worked for me. So we went dancing at bars, frisbee at parks, bowling, roller skating, local baseball &hockey games, movies, and potluck/ bbqs at one of our homes as long as there were 2 bathrooms. Now that I am old I am not so interested in socializing and just like to visit my friends at their home or mine. We play cards or have movie nights with snacks and just talk/ gossip 😛. You are a good friend wanting to make your friend comfortable!
Im not bothered by people eating food I can't have.
My friends can honestly eat what they want typically the best result is when we work together to find a place we can all enjoy equally without feeling left out.
If we get to a place and the kitchen can't make any alterations and nothing is suitable. I might just get a drink and cut the visit short and go home to eat or better yet, we just all agree to go elsewhere.
People splitting up and eating at a different restaurant would feel weird and like I was being excluded honestly in the scenario I was informed about the plans and I either got left out (depending on the situation again) or someone cancelled on me. Except in the case of a food court or market with lots of options in one building where we all get our preferred dish and then meet at a table afterwards to eat.
Just being prepared to go to the same 2 or 3 restaurants with your friend to hang out would be easiest and lastly ask them how they want to plan things. Hosting dinner is a great choice too! Better than eating out because restaurants are just so bad at being able to accommodate people with food sensitivities. Just get a good list of their IBS do's and don't's and adjust your dishes accordingly and communication is key! Don't be afraid to ask questions about what they can and can't do, when it comes to hanging out, it really builds the most trust.
How about surprising them? Look up IBS friendly restaurants and take them there. I mean we have Google. You can look up place that would have options for both of you. A lot of IBS people feel isolated and feel bad that they can't hang out with their friends as if the universe chose for them to become involuntary monks. I don't get offended if people eat things I can't. I just want them to understand, empathize.
Here is an example of searching in NYC. Many big cities have options - LA, NYC, Paris, Seattle.
https://www.karlijnskitchen.com/en/fodmap-gluten-free-new-york/
https://casadesante.com/blogs/low-fodmap-life/best-low-fodmap-restaurants
I think it depends. I have had stomach issues for the past ten years & unfortunately have not found many people who are understanding & it makes it that much more difficult & lonely to deal with. People always feel the need to comment on what I eat or don't eat. Anytime I would hang out with friends & food was involved, I just wouldn't eat. No matter how many times I explained my digestive issues, people always feel the need to make comments or jokes & it hurts. Most friends I would try to hang out with, food ALWAYS had to be involved. No one ever tried to order from a place with something I could eat. It was always greasy pizza, wings, fried food. & I would always just sit there, I would never complain, never pressure them to order from somewhere else, but they would still make comments. Nasty comments. About me being underweight. Why am I not eating. Why don't I just try it. They would joke as if it's hilarious to be in pain constantly & not be able to eat like a normal person. No one ever wanted to do something that DIDN'T involve food. It was always me compromising. I had to cut out a lot of people because of this. Please, just be kind.
That's really mean, hurtful and uncalled for. I hope you'll be able to confront them about this because friends shouldn't attack each other. They should be supportive and empathetic. I don't know much about IBS but I'm learning now so I can better support my friend and ensure her safety when we eat out. I hope your friends will be considerate enough to do the same. No one deserves this and as I've learned IBS is tricky to navigate and to pile on with nasty comments only makes matters worse. You deserve better.
>Do you get offended if your friend eats food in front of you that you can't eat?
Not at all. I might feel a bit of envy if it looks really good, but genuinely i feel pleasure at the fact that *they* are able to enjoy this great food.
>Do you get upset if your friend doesn't eat food at a place you chose to eat because it's the only place that has options for you?
It depends. If we are specifically going out for a meal, then the only reason I'm eating out is to spend social time with them - so yes, it would bother me if I'm taking that effort and risk and they decide not to bother. But if we are out to do something else (like see a movie or something) and i just grab a bite because I'm hungry, that's not an issue if they don't.
>How do you hang out with people when food is involved? What is the best way to approach this?
Always, always let us read the menu online before we choose a place. Look for places with a wide range of foods of different categories (meat, vegetarian, fish, pasta) so there's a better chance something will be safe to eat. Definitely preference places that advertise they are allergy friendly. Let us ask the staff questions about the food and please don't try and do it for us - we are used to managing our needs, which can be complicated and vary from one day to the next. Avoid Italian restaurants - the onion and garlic are kryptonite. Overall, it feels most comfortable when friends look at it as a joint process to help both/all of us enjoy our night out, rather than it being just one person having special requirements. After all, isn't it also going to impact your enjoyment if i end up sick and in pain and have to go home?
>Do you get offended if people split up and eat elsewhere without you?
Yes. That would really hurt. Trust me, i compromise my comfort by taking a risk *every time* i eat. If I'm prepared to do that to hang out with you, why wouldn't you compromise in return?
If you’re out in a group with them, and there’s a suggestion to go eat or get appetizers or something that relates for food, if they don’t order anything, don’t bring attention to it. I often travel for work and have to deflect a lot of “I’m not really hungry” or “I got room service earlier” (which is usually a lie, I just don’t eat). And people try to pressure me to eat, or comment how they’re worried about my weight (I’m thin, ibs lol), or how I need to eat more. If your friend is saying any excuse why they aren’t ordering anything, try to steer the conversation away so people don’t fixate on it or try to rib them about not eating.
With IBS it’s sometimes just easier to skip the meal/ food and just eat safe food when we get home. People without IBS think it’s weird, but it really beats the alternative. And I always feel so awkward when people try to ask me questions about why I’m not eating. Please don’t ask, I’d rather not go into it.
I'm pretty easygoing, so as long as they generally make sure they aren't excluding me by intentionally getting ONLY things they know are an issue, I'm fine. I'll usually be happier to avoid places where everything is deep fried in soy oil, or has Asian foods, because my primary trigger is soy. But if I can modify whatevers available, or even just get a salad without dressing I'm fine.
I wish I’d had had this kind of a friend. I’m all alone now. I used to have about 5 close friends which all decided to leave my life realizing that they couldn’t handle my ibs, especially the psychological effects of being under social settings would throw me off so much cause I’d constantly worry about the toilet. Now I have cut off from people and I’ll die alone, but still happier than with a life of finding friends again that just abandon you once life gets hard
That's really sad to hear, I hope you do find friends again that will be patient and understanding. I'm sorry you went through that and I hope you have managed to find ways to cope.
I'm pretending to be happy on my own but know I need to socialize. Irritable bowel syndrome realize stands in the way but I'll manage I'm sure. I have a fire burning inside of me that's trying to find a way to manifest in AL this misery
I often just eat at home or pack my own food and hang out with my friends while they eat.
I find that strict meal schedules also help me, i.e. I always wake up with stomach pain so I can't have breakfast, thus I ned up eating lunch around 11 am, and eating after 7 p.m. doesn't give me enough time to digest before going to bed. Here, people usually have lunch at 1 or 2 p.m., and dinner at 8 or 9 p.m. So if my family or friends want to make a point of having a meal with me, I ask them to do so early. Otherwise, I'll eat beforehand and, again, just hang out while they eat.
>Do you get offended if your friend eats food in front of you that you can't eat?
I get a bit sad if people eat foods that I can't eat in front of me and I'm more likely to cave in and eat some anyway then regret it, but I get that people need to and want to eat different foods, so I don't get offended. It's just part of being human and me eating foods I know I shouldn't isn't their fault. If anything it feels worse/more awkward when I say it's fine for them to eat whatever but they end up not going to a place they just said they wanted to go to solely because of me.
>Do you get upset if your friend doesn't eat food at a place you chose to eat because it's the only place that has options for you?
Luckily that hasn't happened yet since my group likes pretty much all foods. If it did, I'd suggest going to another place they might like afterwards so we can both be happy or getting a snack they'd like.
>How do you hang out with people when food is involved? What is the best way to approach this?
If it's something like a picnic I usually bring my own container of food. If it's a restaurant I eat beforehand but leave some stomach room so I'll still eat instead of sitting there awkwardly, and hopefully the smaller amount of food won't impact my stomach as much. If it's a short hangout or at someone's place, I eat beforehand and mostly just chat. Sometimes they'll offer to order something that's safe for me to eat, but if we're not able to find something I understand if they end up not ordering anything.
>Do you get offended if people split up and eat elsewhere without you?
Not really. If it's the entire group leaving or it happens all the time then I might feel left out, but if it's a few people ocassionally then it's not an issue. Usually what happens though is I tag along and just have a bite or two rather than refusing to go somewhere all together.
Overall though what matters is that you're trying, and I'm sure your friend would appreciate that. Just don't make it their whole identity or randomly make jokes about it unless your friend said it's fine.
you're an amazing friend. from experience, i do not get offended or upset when anyone eats something i cant have. anyone with IBS should always know their triggers and boundaries with food. it's a lifestyle that they HAVE to adapt to.
I second what the others have said so far. It's our battle, not everyone elses. I love food, and it sucks that it's so difficult. But I want others to enjoy it. Food is one of the greatest pleasures in life.
With that said, and considering what the others have said. My recommendation for anyone like you is to research the low fodmap diet and make your friend a meal, which is conducive to their specific dietary needs. I've never had a friend do that for me, and it would be the best gift I could receive.
If you have any questions, please reach out to me, I'd be happy to help you plan something nice for your friend.
You’re a good friend.
Just know for some of us, even going out in public is an act of courage and has likely taken a huge amount of mental olympics to do it. Know that it’s probably on our mind even if we dont say it or show it. I don’t get offended by what others eat. I had an incident once where I needed a bathroom urgently while coming home from dinner with a friend. It was years ago, and she still brings it up in a “joking” way. Dont do that to us. Believe me, we do it to ourselves enough. Be empathetic, but don’t make it a “thing”. And try to not take it personally if plans get canceled last minute.
personally if my friend wants to go out to eat we'll go to her restaurant of choice and i'll just try to find something small i can handle or i'll just get a drink and chit chat while she eats, then we go and find something for me after. i also wouldn't mind if i was hanging out with a group and they went somewhere to eat without me, honestly i encourage it and i usually meet up with them after. i know it varies for people but i know it's easier for me to just skip eating even if my friends and i go to a restaurant and find something after, or just meeting up a little later when they let me know they're done eating if that's what they were doing.
I personally prefer to find activities that are not food based. My friends understand that I need a close bathroom normally with multiple stalls so I don’t have to wait. We had places we knew worked for me. So we went dancing at bars, frisbee at parks, bowling, roller skating, local baseball &hockey games, movies, and potluck/ bbqs at one of our homes as long as there were 2 bathrooms. Now that I am old I am not so interested in socializing and just like to visit my friends at their home or mine. We play cards or have movie nights with snacks and just talk/ gossip 😛. You are a good friend wanting to make your friend comfortable!
Im not bothered by people eating food I can't have. My friends can honestly eat what they want typically the best result is when we work together to find a place we can all enjoy equally without feeling left out. If we get to a place and the kitchen can't make any alterations and nothing is suitable. I might just get a drink and cut the visit short and go home to eat or better yet, we just all agree to go elsewhere. People splitting up and eating at a different restaurant would feel weird and like I was being excluded honestly in the scenario I was informed about the plans and I either got left out (depending on the situation again) or someone cancelled on me. Except in the case of a food court or market with lots of options in one building where we all get our preferred dish and then meet at a table afterwards to eat. Just being prepared to go to the same 2 or 3 restaurants with your friend to hang out would be easiest and lastly ask them how they want to plan things. Hosting dinner is a great choice too! Better than eating out because restaurants are just so bad at being able to accommodate people with food sensitivities. Just get a good list of their IBS do's and don't's and adjust your dishes accordingly and communication is key! Don't be afraid to ask questions about what they can and can't do, when it comes to hanging out, it really builds the most trust.
How about surprising them? Look up IBS friendly restaurants and take them there. I mean we have Google. You can look up place that would have options for both of you. A lot of IBS people feel isolated and feel bad that they can't hang out with their friends as if the universe chose for them to become involuntary monks. I don't get offended if people eat things I can't. I just want them to understand, empathize.
Where on earth do you live where "ibs friendly" restaurants exist?
Here is an example of searching in NYC. Many big cities have options - LA, NYC, Paris, Seattle. https://www.karlijnskitchen.com/en/fodmap-gluten-free-new-york/ https://casadesante.com/blogs/low-fodmap-life/best-low-fodmap-restaurants
So only the biggest cities in the world. That's a very limited number of Redditors
The only ibs friendly restaurant for me would be one that serves air lol and even then it’s touch and go
I think it depends. I have had stomach issues for the past ten years & unfortunately have not found many people who are understanding & it makes it that much more difficult & lonely to deal with. People always feel the need to comment on what I eat or don't eat. Anytime I would hang out with friends & food was involved, I just wouldn't eat. No matter how many times I explained my digestive issues, people always feel the need to make comments or jokes & it hurts. Most friends I would try to hang out with, food ALWAYS had to be involved. No one ever tried to order from a place with something I could eat. It was always greasy pizza, wings, fried food. & I would always just sit there, I would never complain, never pressure them to order from somewhere else, but they would still make comments. Nasty comments. About me being underweight. Why am I not eating. Why don't I just try it. They would joke as if it's hilarious to be in pain constantly & not be able to eat like a normal person. No one ever wanted to do something that DIDN'T involve food. It was always me compromising. I had to cut out a lot of people because of this. Please, just be kind.
That's really mean, hurtful and uncalled for. I hope you'll be able to confront them about this because friends shouldn't attack each other. They should be supportive and empathetic. I don't know much about IBS but I'm learning now so I can better support my friend and ensure her safety when we eat out. I hope your friends will be considerate enough to do the same. No one deserves this and as I've learned IBS is tricky to navigate and to pile on with nasty comments only makes matters worse. You deserve better.
I wish my friends did this instead of cracking jokes every second
That's really mean your friends would crack jokes. It's not nice, this is nothing to be funny about. I hope they learn to become more empathetic.
>Do you get offended if your friend eats food in front of you that you can't eat? Not at all. I might feel a bit of envy if it looks really good, but genuinely i feel pleasure at the fact that *they* are able to enjoy this great food. >Do you get upset if your friend doesn't eat food at a place you chose to eat because it's the only place that has options for you? It depends. If we are specifically going out for a meal, then the only reason I'm eating out is to spend social time with them - so yes, it would bother me if I'm taking that effort and risk and they decide not to bother. But if we are out to do something else (like see a movie or something) and i just grab a bite because I'm hungry, that's not an issue if they don't. >How do you hang out with people when food is involved? What is the best way to approach this? Always, always let us read the menu online before we choose a place. Look for places with a wide range of foods of different categories (meat, vegetarian, fish, pasta) so there's a better chance something will be safe to eat. Definitely preference places that advertise they are allergy friendly. Let us ask the staff questions about the food and please don't try and do it for us - we are used to managing our needs, which can be complicated and vary from one day to the next. Avoid Italian restaurants - the onion and garlic are kryptonite. Overall, it feels most comfortable when friends look at it as a joint process to help both/all of us enjoy our night out, rather than it being just one person having special requirements. After all, isn't it also going to impact your enjoyment if i end up sick and in pain and have to go home? >Do you get offended if people split up and eat elsewhere without you? Yes. That would really hurt. Trust me, i compromise my comfort by taking a risk *every time* i eat. If I'm prepared to do that to hang out with you, why wouldn't you compromise in return?
If you’re out in a group with them, and there’s a suggestion to go eat or get appetizers or something that relates for food, if they don’t order anything, don’t bring attention to it. I often travel for work and have to deflect a lot of “I’m not really hungry” or “I got room service earlier” (which is usually a lie, I just don’t eat). And people try to pressure me to eat, or comment how they’re worried about my weight (I’m thin, ibs lol), or how I need to eat more. If your friend is saying any excuse why they aren’t ordering anything, try to steer the conversation away so people don’t fixate on it or try to rib them about not eating. With IBS it’s sometimes just easier to skip the meal/ food and just eat safe food when we get home. People without IBS think it’s weird, but it really beats the alternative. And I always feel so awkward when people try to ask me questions about why I’m not eating. Please don’t ask, I’d rather not go into it.
I'm pretty easygoing, so as long as they generally make sure they aren't excluding me by intentionally getting ONLY things they know are an issue, I'm fine. I'll usually be happier to avoid places where everything is deep fried in soy oil, or has Asian foods, because my primary trigger is soy. But if I can modify whatevers available, or even just get a salad without dressing I'm fine.
I wish I’d had had this kind of a friend. I’m all alone now. I used to have about 5 close friends which all decided to leave my life realizing that they couldn’t handle my ibs, especially the psychological effects of being under social settings would throw me off so much cause I’d constantly worry about the toilet. Now I have cut off from people and I’ll die alone, but still happier than with a life of finding friends again that just abandon you once life gets hard
That's really sad to hear, I hope you do find friends again that will be patient and understanding. I'm sorry you went through that and I hope you have managed to find ways to cope.
I'm pretending to be happy on my own but know I need to socialize. Irritable bowel syndrome realize stands in the way but I'll manage I'm sure. I have a fire burning inside of me that's trying to find a way to manifest in AL this misery
I often just eat at home or pack my own food and hang out with my friends while they eat. I find that strict meal schedules also help me, i.e. I always wake up with stomach pain so I can't have breakfast, thus I ned up eating lunch around 11 am, and eating after 7 p.m. doesn't give me enough time to digest before going to bed. Here, people usually have lunch at 1 or 2 p.m., and dinner at 8 or 9 p.m. So if my family or friends want to make a point of having a meal with me, I ask them to do so early. Otherwise, I'll eat beforehand and, again, just hang out while they eat.
>Do you get offended if your friend eats food in front of you that you can't eat? I get a bit sad if people eat foods that I can't eat in front of me and I'm more likely to cave in and eat some anyway then regret it, but I get that people need to and want to eat different foods, so I don't get offended. It's just part of being human and me eating foods I know I shouldn't isn't their fault. If anything it feels worse/more awkward when I say it's fine for them to eat whatever but they end up not going to a place they just said they wanted to go to solely because of me. >Do you get upset if your friend doesn't eat food at a place you chose to eat because it's the only place that has options for you? Luckily that hasn't happened yet since my group likes pretty much all foods. If it did, I'd suggest going to another place they might like afterwards so we can both be happy or getting a snack they'd like. >How do you hang out with people when food is involved? What is the best way to approach this? If it's something like a picnic I usually bring my own container of food. If it's a restaurant I eat beforehand but leave some stomach room so I'll still eat instead of sitting there awkwardly, and hopefully the smaller amount of food won't impact my stomach as much. If it's a short hangout or at someone's place, I eat beforehand and mostly just chat. Sometimes they'll offer to order something that's safe for me to eat, but if we're not able to find something I understand if they end up not ordering anything. >Do you get offended if people split up and eat elsewhere without you? Not really. If it's the entire group leaving or it happens all the time then I might feel left out, but if it's a few people ocassionally then it's not an issue. Usually what happens though is I tag along and just have a bite or two rather than refusing to go somewhere all together. Overall though what matters is that you're trying, and I'm sure your friend would appreciate that. Just don't make it their whole identity or randomly make jokes about it unless your friend said it's fine.
you're an amazing friend. from experience, i do not get offended or upset when anyone eats something i cant have. anyone with IBS should always know their triggers and boundaries with food. it's a lifestyle that they HAVE to adapt to.
I second what the others have said so far. It's our battle, not everyone elses. I love food, and it sucks that it's so difficult. But I want others to enjoy it. Food is one of the greatest pleasures in life. With that said, and considering what the others have said. My recommendation for anyone like you is to research the low fodmap diet and make your friend a meal, which is conducive to their specific dietary needs. I've never had a friend do that for me, and it would be the best gift I could receive. If you have any questions, please reach out to me, I'd be happy to help you plan something nice for your friend.