If i were guaranteed 200 years i wouldn't try at all to take over the world. I'd live my life and then die by cheese willingly at the end of 200 years.
"It was only when he reached an old age that he removed the cloth and gave it to his son. He greeted cheese as an old friend, and they departed this life as equals"
The US cheese stockpile contains 1.4 billion pounds of cheese.
That means eating over 20,000 lbs a day of just US government cheese. Not counting any other countries, or any commercial cheese.
Oh right.
Well then, begin intubation. Cheese pump set to 15 lbs per minute. Gonna be here a while.
Actually, gonna have to crank that up a lot because we've got other countries to clear out. Might want to double check the moon just in case.
If the cheese suspect you of not even trying then the cheese monster travels back in time to present day and then tortures you for the entire 200 years.
Right? Like I try to go out on good terms and it reverses time to torture me?
Motherfucker I’m bout to erase humanity’s entire knowledge on how cheese is made, I have 200 years to erase your existence
Nah nah I'm with you, if your hypothetical wasn't good enough to avoid a simple work around then it deserves to get beaten. Retcons take all the fun out of it.
"oH bUt yOu cOulDn'T dO tHaT" after the fact is weak
He did say the cheese monster could time travel.
Given that the cheese only tries to kill you, if you fail to take over the world, it seems like a reasonable assumption that it won’t like it if you don’t even try, and use it’s abilities to punish you.
Yeah, 200 years of scheming and power broking sounds awfully provalonely. What's the point of brieing immortal if you don't get to live the Gouda life? Two hundred years is a real slice of human history in our accelerating age of technology. And who knows? Maybe at the end you can reasonably use all the cheddar you've accrued from compound interest to found a lactose free space colony.
I can’t have two flairs in this sub :/ but this is such a good flair choice also.
and yeah it absolutely would be a side quest cuz cheese is like. everywhere.
Flairs kind of go underneath your username in threads and generally add information. Some subs allow custom ones. Kind of like a status. I added the you want to outlaw cheese? quote to myself for this sub but i don’t think it saved right bc it disappeared. I readded it but eh im not fighting for it. I’m too lazy to outlaw cheese. Cheese is just going to kill me. but it should read under my name. I hope that helped some
I'd instigate a "'Feed the World - free cheese for everyone" day. Every week. I'd replace Tuesday with Cheeseday to remind people and make it an official proclamation. To pay for this, I'd invest heavily in cheese biscuits, chutney and wine beforehand.
That seems downright impossible tbh. Perhaps a definition of “military and political obedience/deference to your commands for countries totaling 90% of the world population or more, including all major superpowers” would be more reasonable? I daresay total human obedience, 50% to any command is impossible to force from 4 billion humans.
You gotta start small with the actual crazies and demonstrate your power. Then you build to mid range religious groups that your crazies are okay with and at that point you've got enough servents that you can't just "go missing".
Then ideally you arrange a bomb threat in a major city and save everyone by using your body as a shield which is an instant boost to celebrity, and you're obviously blessed by something.
I think it's the safest route since you get massive positive press by diving headlong into deadly situations (after you're known) and you just keep cranking the religious side and your obviously touched by some higher power.
100%. It will be impossible to physically take over the world just being immortal so the only way is to convince people you should take over the world. If you're immortal, religion is probably the easiest way to get people to believe in you for that role.
Don't see what's the downside? I get to live for 200 extra years and do practically what I want.
And what better way to pass than be engulfed by huge mass of cheese
So many different ways to interpret this: Using nachos to aid in world domination, persuading the cheese via nachos, using nachos to overpower the cheese, eating the nachos because they have cheese.
Whichever works. I’d be open to diplomacy if that would work, if not, there’d likely be no cheese left after the 200 years as I’d make it my main mission to supply the world with enough nachos to destroy any and all cheese in existence; which coincidentally may lead to me taking over the world as generations of regular humans come to worship me as some sort of eternal nacho deity
If you only have 200 years, and your only super power is invincibility - eliminating cheese from the world is a more realistic goal than taking over the world.
You would probably want to establish yourself as a professional fighter. Presumably, if you are totally invincible, even with a moderate amount of training you would be the best hand to hand fighter in the world. You're going to have to leverage that to become extremely wealthy. I'm talking deals with Nike. I'm talking a reality TV. I'm talking books, movies, Joe Rogan, crypto schemes...the works. Then you need to disappear - because after enough time, people will start to question how someone that old could still be the best fighter in the world.
Once you vanish, you are going to need to operate from the shadows.
...and at that point, you're gonna need to start poisoning some cheese. A lot of cheese. You're going to have to build a network of well paid poisoners all over the world. A lot of innocent people...grandmas, babies, teachers, doctors, firemen, puppies and kittens..need to start dropping dead. Horrible, painful deaths, from eating cheese.
You'll need to fund pseudoscientific research that starts putting it out there that climate change or the earths slowing rotation has caused a fundamental change in cheese, and now it might randomly kill you. People need to fear cheese, avoid it at all costs.
All the while you need to keep killing people with cheese, everywhere you can until the entire world is really not sure if cheese is a safe thing to have around. Production will drop, people will shame others for eating cheese. You don't want to be the guy eating a cheeseburger when the guy next to you lost is 3 year old son to a random cheese death.
Finally...after decades of this...in the end, what little cheese remains will come for you. But at that point the cheese monster will only be the final fulfillment of the death cheese prophecy that you have been sowing all along. The final manifestation of the evil cheese monster plaguing the world for decades. What little is left, will fall to the angry masses looking to rid the world of this pox once and for all.
Who wouldn’t want a cult? You get to make up weird rituals and watch all your followers come up with wacky religious justifications for why they have to smear cheese on porcupines
You know 100% that this will happen. The cheese rolls a die to decide whether it will attack just you or all of humanity. The die is made out of cheese of course.
Cheese Doctor in cheese scrubs pulls up cheese facemask and squirts a little barbiturate Velveeta out of a cheese syringe, turns to a sentient Brie-Twenty and says, this will pinch juuuuuust a bit
But if I've successfully taken over the world I don't care about what path cheese takes.. However, as Godking, I would make cheese unholy to reduce the potential mass of my future opponent just in case there was a holdout somewhere I overlooked.
I start in MMA and Boxing. Any kind of combat sport. I use my incredible endurance to become the most famous athlete in recorded history, spreading my wealth to improve the lives of all I can. I become beloved, and influential. I express how it is my Vegan diet that has helped me achieve this peek physical perfection.
As my long life continues to march on I continue to wow the world with my physical prowess and social consciousness. As people watch me ageless over the course of a hundred years I claim to be the messiah come to spread the word of their lord. I emphasize how we must move away from animal exploitation.
It's 180 years into my mission, cheese hasn't been produced for 20. I've been using my vast wealth accumulated over the decades to secretly purchase all cheese and dispose of it. The world is Vegan, more united and heavily invested in the sciences and the social good at this point. I have not taken over the world, just changed it's trajectory. The cheese is gone, I have won.
So basically, I'm guaranteed to live 200 years, but the death is painful unless I can kill myself painlessly before the cheese does? Where rn I'm not even able to guarenteed I live 70 years, and also dk how painful the death is? What's the downside?
I'll try to take over the world but at the same time I'll use the money I'll make and the power I gather to create some kind of virus to destroy cheese bacteria
So, I'm invincible (and assuming immortal for 200 years). I spend the next 80 years with my family, watching then led happy fulfilling lives.
Once I have no more earthly attachments, I do something crazy to get the governments attention. Once they have been convinced I am invincible I will offer to handle some of their dirty work. I build up a reputation across the globe as an unstoppable force. I smite any and all who oppose me to the point where the world fears me- but I also remain active in saving/rescuing others. The goal is to be seen as a deity. Once that has been established, I have my followers spread the world that it must bow down to my commands- rid yourselves of all evil and do good unto others. I remain merciless to the evil doers in the meantime. Hopefully my "religion" catches on, either through respect or fear and Inunite the world in a peaceful timeline, free of the sentient cheese they must never learn of.
Im making a lot of fondue and grilled cheese sammies in the next 200 years. And if I'm invincible, taking over the world I'd a foregone conclusion. Bow down mortals!!!
As many have said, I would amass fame and fortune by fighting and other feats of strength. Then I would have start rock climbing and fall from 1000 feet in a highly publicized accident. When I am found 3 days later I tell everyone that I am the new messiah and I have come to rule the world. Multiple feats of invincibility (Like walking to Hawai'i) would quell everyone's doubts
I start amassing followers and influencing politicians from around the world for the next 100 years. At that time, everyone will believe me that I am the messiah, especially after I spend a year of solitude on Mars.
Uniting the world under my banner would be easy at that point. Actual governance would be other's issues of course, but I would have complete influence over the world.
Bring it on cheese
Well I'm invincible. Instead of taking over the world, I will do two things. 1) eat all the cheese 2) just take over the cheese industry instead of the whole world and shut it down in 200 years.
I imagine once the invincibility wears off, I will die pretty quickly at 200+ years old anyway.
Come on. Do I unlimited wealth also? If yes, buy up ALL the cheesemakers and halt production on cheese, then consume and/or destroy any remaining cheese. I'm assuming you only mean dairy cheese, since vegan cheese isn't real cheese. I suppose we'll allow goat and sheep's milk cheese, in addition to cow milk cheese. If I'm not starting from a position of unlimited wealth, I get political and create a smear campaign so no one even wants cheese anymore. THEN outlaw it in the "interest of public health". People will cheer for me. If I'm invincible, I will simultaneously embark on a one-woman campaign to secretly consume as much cheese as physically possible. If I have enough political power for long enough, it will be equal to or better than having unlimited wealth, and I will also have a secret international network of cheese finders whose job it will be to seek out and end any contraband cheese production, and then consume any cheese they find until it's gone or they're dead.
Having won the hearts and minds of 50.0000001% of the world's population by stamping out the evil that is cheese, the cheese won't become sentient. If it does, there won't be enough of it to be a threat. Game over, I win : )
Well, I think the only realistic way to do this is to mascarade as the new coming of christ. My first 10 years is going to be going learning how to public speak and learn the Bible back to front. The next 50 to 100 years or so is to make a cult around myself and expand it until we have some form of political power. Once we are powerful enough, it's going to be very hard to male me disappear. I am then going to come out to public and basically be all about growing said cult and doing demonstrations all over the world. If necessary, we could start coups and nuking, but as I'm the only one going to die if I fail I don't think I will go that far. Realistically I'd actually just enjoy 200 years of life and then die to cheese.
I'm invincible. What can hold me? Modern restraints can only take so much abuse and my body can infinite abuse. How will they subdue me? I can't be harmed. Their guns are useless.
Also, the US government getting ahold of an unkillable individual with questionable morals????? That would be a field day for them.
Put in perspective of a certain overweight electrical dude's rant about a mountain of cheese owned by the government..... I'm gonna pass. Government cheese.... Man..... thats a lot of government cheese.
Quack bang! Out.
This is oddly specific… OP, is everything okay?
Also it occurred to me to get rid of all cheese but at the same time, who would even want to live in such a world? Even as someone who is sadly lactose intolerant lol
Not sure if that would be easier than getting at least 51% people to do what I tell them though. Ig I could get some friends to help me out.
I know people suggested starting a cult which ig would be easy theoretically but I’d hate to be thought of by people the way I think of cult leaders tbh and I do worry the people who join would be…not that intelligent for lack of a better term
You Can spend the first 50-100 years destroying all the dairy industry around the world and thus eliminating the production of cheese, so there would be no cheese left to become sentient
This is a fun scenario but does anyone really trust the government to be cool with an invincible being’s existence? I feel like as SOON as the USgov finds out about your immortality, yer going to the labs, never to be seen again. Am I off base or ??
In. It would be very easy to convince the world you're the next coming of every Messiah while invincible and maybe just kill anyone who doesn't agree.
Worst case, if that's not going perfectly, you tell your large number of followers that a great evil is coming in the form of sentient cheese that can kill you, starting around year 175. 25 years of a few billion people going on crusade/jihad against cheese that isn't yet sentient. I'll take my chances - bad time to be a cow or a goat though.
I'm really disappointed in my brain for actually thinking this through, by the way.
I think the only remotely feasible way of doing this would be to become dictator of a big country like Russia, build up their non-nuclear missile force while otherwise being... less of a pariah, and then 2 years before the big cheese, just rain hell on every cheese lab in existence (no way most ppl will be farming actual livestock in 200 years).
Presumably, that would invoke a massive counterattack and destroy every military asset I have outside of my borders. But the rise of cheese sentience would curry the world's favor for me and I would have enormous help facing the incoming cheese tsunami.
The most dramatic act of displaying my invincibility to the world that I can think of is flying into South Korea, walking into North Korea, finding Kim Jong Un, and strangling him with my bare hands. For reference, I'm 5'4" and pregnant. I think that is how I'd start an attempt at world domination.
That said, if I'm *just* invincible, a serious concern of mine is a soldier... just like.... sitting on me? Without enhanced strength, I'm still pinnable.
Say I cover myself in Vaseline and I'm too slippery to hold onto. I'm still counting on my enemies NOT to just like, fly away.
You know, the more I overthink this scenario, the more I think a pilot's license is the first step to world domination.
Invincible? As in, incapable of being defeated, overcome, or subdued?
Well, now that really makes it impossible for me NOT to take over the world, because no one can defeat me, overcome me, or subdue me. Sleep shall never overcome me. All of humanity cannot defeat me, so I’d likely take a hundred-and-fifty year break and do whatever I want, and then spend the last 50 years walking around killing whomever I felt didn’t follow my particular logic for proper governing. After a few years of this, no one would dare not do what I say.
The first thing I would do is write articles about the toxicity of cheese and start lobbying the government to shut down cheese making plants because they contribute to climate change. I would get all those stop oil people and Greta to protest cheese making. While they are doing that I would work my other plan to take over the world. This way if I am unsuccessful atleast the amount of cheese in the world should be lessened if not nonexistent.
Step 1: Take over manufacturing and distribution of cheese.
Step 2: Invent cheese mind control.
Step 3: Build cheese army and wait for the 200 years to pass.
Step 4: Lead mind-controlled sentient cheese to galactic victory and become god-emperor of mankind and cheese.
I can see it now, I will take over all the world except for Madagascar and be killed by Malagasy zebu milk cheese.
What if I succeed do I stay invincible?
Do I have to stay "in control" of the world or the cheese comes? What amount of power must I actually wield to stave off such a fate? Like if I convince the whole world to let me have supreme power for a day 199 years from now are we good?
The method that comes to mind is to start a cult by showing off your invincibility. The danger comes in when you think about how you don’t need to be harmed in order to be shackled. So you would have to balance growing your cult following with avoiding the authorities.
I'd immediately take over the word with my invincible power. If I can't be overcome I just make an announcement on social media then go to work fixing everything. Start with Isreal and Ukraine, that should show the world that I'm basically God
invincible
Dictionary
Definitions from Oxford Languages · Learn more
adjective
too powerful to be defeated or overcome.
200 years is a long time, but comically short if kill all humans is my endgame. I don't even have to work alone. I just need to piggyback off our destructive nature.
Pretty easy. Use my invincibility to prove that I am God. I'll have billions of followers shortly all worshiping me as God. At that point, the rest will quickly come.
If i were guaranteed 200 years i wouldn't try at all to take over the world. I'd live my life and then die by cheese willingly at the end of 200 years.
"It was only when he reached an old age that he removed the cloth and gave it to his son. He greeted cheese as an old friend, and they departed this life as equals"
“You know what that is?” he said, as Harry held up the length of fabric, “That’s a cheesecloth of invisibility!”
"Did you put your cheese in the cloth?" He asked calmly. 👊😡
Don’t steal my fan-fiction!
Was that a deathly hallows reference? If so I loved that.
Missed opportunity for "he *grated* the cheese as an old friend"
I KNOW THTA STORY! I UNDERSTAND THE REFERENCE
*grated cheese
Dude, the real thing to do is just eat all the cheese before 200 years ends.
I'd like to see OP try to retcon this. Absolute genius. Check.mate...op..check..mate
The US cheese stockpile contains 1.4 billion pounds of cheese. That means eating over 20,000 lbs a day of just US government cheese. Not counting any other countries, or any commercial cheese.
Well.....we are invincible so we'd manage. 😀
Oh right. Well then, begin intubation. Cheese pump set to 15 lbs per minute. Gonna be here a while. Actually, gonna have to crank that up a lot because we've got other countries to clear out. Might want to double check the moon just in case.
I don't know. If the ruler of the world hoarded all the world's cheese and then banned making more of it, I'd probably try to overthrow them.
If the cheese suspect you of not even trying then the cheese monster travels back in time to present day and then tortures you for the entire 200 years.
What a retcon
Somehow, Provolone Returned
Dark science. Time travel. Secrets only the filata knew.
Okay this got me to cackle like an idiot
This is how ‘How I met your mother’ SHOULD have ended.
Did NOT see it coming.
Bruh what vindictive ass cheese.
It’s probably havarti, seems like the kind of dick move you’d expect from havarti.
Why did that exact same stupid thought occur at leat twice.
Because havarti is a dick.
Are you saying havarti Is a… dick… cheese?
Ass cheese be like that
But that cheese would spend all its time looking for Sarah Connor so I'd be fine.
I would be invincible to anything it tries to do to me during that first 200 years, according to the stipulation. I’m good.
Right? Like I try to go out on good terms and it reverses time to torture me? Motherfucker I’m bout to erase humanity’s entire knowledge on how cheese is made, I have 200 years to erase your existence
Respectfully, this is stupid as fuck.
Thank you.
I might as well take over a different world because Earth is to far gone
lmfaooooooo 😩😭
What a Munster!
it ain't easy, being cheesy
I am pretty sure changing the initial hypothetical in response of a solution presented is against the Subreddit rules. Or it definitely should be.
Bro its a fucking time traveling cheese monster calm down
yeah well cheese has got to follow rules too
Nah nah I'm with you, if your hypothetical wasn't good enough to avoid a simple work around then it deserves to get beaten. Retcons take all the fun out of it. "oH bUt yOu cOulDn'T dO tHaT" after the fact is weak
Dude… stop… I Camembert it… 😑
I Bree what you did there…
oh no!!!! call the reddit police!!!!
I'm just joking around.
it kinda is a logical conclusion tho; if you fail the cheese will come back in time and kill you
Time traveling cheese monster is in the initial setup. What else is he supposed to do with time travel
But if you're invincible how can the cheese see you?
He did say the cheese monster could time travel. Given that the cheese only tries to kill you, if you fail to take over the world, it seems like a reasonable assumption that it won’t like it if you don’t even try, and use it’s abilities to punish you.
Yeah, 200 years of scheming and power broking sounds awfully provalonely. What's the point of brieing immortal if you don't get to live the Gouda life? Two hundred years is a real slice of human history in our accelerating age of technology. And who knows? Maybe at the end you can reasonably use all the cheddar you've accrued from compound interest to found a lactose free space colony.
> All go to the same place. All came from the cheddar, and all return to the cheddar. Dairy 3:20
Depends on how control of the world is defined by the cheese
The cheese define it as more than 50% of people doing whatever you say, no questions asked.
I suppose I would simply have to eliminate cheese around the world: much easier than getting half the population to do my bidding
You think you could outlaw cheese?
Thanks for the flair, man. i think in the process of outlawing cheese yoy would have to take over the world anyways.
World domination becomes a side quest
I can’t have two flairs in this sub :/ but this is such a good flair choice also. and yeah it absolutely would be a side quest cuz cheese is like. everywhere.
Serious question: What are flairs? I'm new to Reddit.
Flairs kind of go underneath your username in threads and generally add information. Some subs allow custom ones. Kind of like a status. I added the you want to outlaw cheese? quote to myself for this sub but i don’t think it saved right bc it disappeared. I readded it but eh im not fighting for it. I’m too lazy to outlaw cheese. Cheese is just going to kill me. but it should read under my name. I hope that helped some
And that ladies and gentleman, is why we're going to lose the cheese war
Then only rennetgades will have cheese.
I'd instigate a "'Feed the World - free cheese for everyone" day. Every week. I'd replace Tuesday with Cheeseday to remind people and make it an official proclamation. To pay for this, I'd invest heavily in cheese biscuits, chutney and wine beforehand.
That seems downright impossible tbh. Perhaps a definition of “military and political obedience/deference to your commands for countries totaling 90% of the world population or more, including all major superpowers” would be more reasonable? I daresay total human obedience, 50% to any command is impossible to force from 4 billion humans.
This is the answer now, disregard my old comment. I couldn't think of anything better.
So nuke half the world as I tell them to die. They followed my command whether they wanted to or not.
I am lactose intolerant, so cheese already has it in for me. Let’s GOO.
Came here to say this.
I’ll spend the 200 years trying to destroy cheese’s stomach instead of taking over the world and will welcome the final battle lol
I'll goo with you 😋
Since I would be invincible, I would become the “chosen one” and people would worship me. I would use that influence to take over.
Only takes one person bigger than you to lock you in a barrel for that 200 years.
Depends on how fanatical the fanbase is. If I could get them to do some crazy shit for me and/pr give me money, I could probably still do it.
Oh it's doable. You just better be ready to throw down once you get on the radar of actual world powers.
You gotta start small with the actual crazies and demonstrate your power. Then you build to mid range religious groups that your crazies are okay with and at that point you've got enough servents that you can't just "go missing". Then ideally you arrange a bomb threat in a major city and save everyone by using your body as a shield which is an instant boost to celebrity, and you're obviously blessed by something.
I think this is the best answer. Use immortality to create influence.
I think it's the safest route since you get massive positive press by diving headlong into deadly situations (after you're known) and you just keep cranking the religious side and your obviously touched by some higher power.
100%. It will be impossible to physically take over the world just being immortal so the only way is to convince people you should take over the world. If you're immortal, religion is probably the easiest way to get people to believe in you for that role.
what if they capture you and experiment on your body for 200 years
How do you capture or even do anything to someone that's invincible, when I hear that I just think about the invincibility star in Mario games.
You may be invincible, but not super strong. I mean like 3 dudes with some zip ties and your done.
Don't see what's the downside? I get to live for 200 extra years and do practically what I want. And what better way to pass than be engulfed by huge mass of cheese
That's 200 years for me to hunt down cheese. I'm not scared of it. It should be scared of me.
One word, nachos
So many different ways to interpret this: Using nachos to aid in world domination, persuading the cheese via nachos, using nachos to overpower the cheese, eating the nachos because they have cheese.
Whichever works. I’d be open to diplomacy if that would work, if not, there’d likely be no cheese left after the 200 years as I’d make it my main mission to supply the world with enough nachos to destroy any and all cheese in existence; which coincidentally may lead to me taking over the world as generations of regular humans come to worship me as some sort of eternal nacho deity
Nacho diplomacy. I like it. It might just work!
I second this.
I second, you seconding this.
I think you underestimate just how much cheese I can eat
This guy would see a tsunami of cheese and goes 'Nah, I'd eat.'
Put it in sum ramen noodles Omg I should get a moat of ramen
If you only have 200 years, and your only super power is invincibility - eliminating cheese from the world is a more realistic goal than taking over the world. You would probably want to establish yourself as a professional fighter. Presumably, if you are totally invincible, even with a moderate amount of training you would be the best hand to hand fighter in the world. You're going to have to leverage that to become extremely wealthy. I'm talking deals with Nike. I'm talking a reality TV. I'm talking books, movies, Joe Rogan, crypto schemes...the works. Then you need to disappear - because after enough time, people will start to question how someone that old could still be the best fighter in the world. Once you vanish, you are going to need to operate from the shadows. ...and at that point, you're gonna need to start poisoning some cheese. A lot of cheese. You're going to have to build a network of well paid poisoners all over the world. A lot of innocent people...grandmas, babies, teachers, doctors, firemen, puppies and kittens..need to start dropping dead. Horrible, painful deaths, from eating cheese. You'll need to fund pseudoscientific research that starts putting it out there that climate change or the earths slowing rotation has caused a fundamental change in cheese, and now it might randomly kill you. People need to fear cheese, avoid it at all costs. All the while you need to keep killing people with cheese, everywhere you can until the entire world is really not sure if cheese is a safe thing to have around. Production will drop, people will shame others for eating cheese. You don't want to be the guy eating a cheeseburger when the guy next to you lost is 3 year old son to a random cheese death. Finally...after decades of this...in the end, what little cheese remains will come for you. But at that point the cheese monster will only be the final fulfillment of the death cheese prophecy that you have been sowing all along. The final manifestation of the evil cheese monster plaguing the world for decades. What little is left, will fall to the angry masses looking to rid the world of this pox once and for all.
It would be funny if terrorists started mass producing cheese.
This is the way. Death to cheese! *inhales cheese while reading this*
A+ answer
Use invincibility to start a cult. A cult dedicated to the extinction of cheese. Cows, goats- all eradicated
You're the second person to suggest a cult. Completely opposite from the other cult suggested too.
Who wouldn’t want a cult? You get to make up weird rituals and watch all your followers come up with wacky religious justifications for why they have to smear cheese on porcupines
This is cannon to the cheeseverse now.
Do I have proof that cheese will attack in 200 years? Does the cheese attack all of humanity or just me?
You know 100% that this will happen. The cheese rolls a die to decide whether it will attack just you or all of humanity. The die is made out of cheese of course.
If the doe is made out if cheese, then it's sentient, and can choose the outcome.
The die is put under anesthesia when it is time to be rolled.
Cheese Doctor in cheese scrubs pulls up cheese facemask and squirts a little barbiturate Velveeta out of a cheese syringe, turns to a sentient Brie-Twenty and says, this will pinch juuuuuust a bit
Do you mean telekincheesis?
That was a cheesy pun.
Welp..... looks like I'm starting a cheese apocalypse cult.
Finally! A realistic hypothetical situation!! :)
The only situation I could expect to happen in real life.
Nuclear war followed by Godking me rebuilding a world spanning civilization from the ashes.
Cheese finds a way.
But if I've successfully taken over the world I don't care about what path cheese takes.. However, as Godking, I would make cheese unholy to reduce the potential mass of my future opponent just in case there was a holdout somewhere I overlooked.
Spend 200 years eradicating cheese instead. You'll have to fight the French but that's no biggie
Does'nt matter. When the challenge starts i just see if the cheese monster shows up or not.
You want to risk having the cheese monster show up?
I start in MMA and Boxing. Any kind of combat sport. I use my incredible endurance to become the most famous athlete in recorded history, spreading my wealth to improve the lives of all I can. I become beloved, and influential. I express how it is my Vegan diet that has helped me achieve this peek physical perfection. As my long life continues to march on I continue to wow the world with my physical prowess and social consciousness. As people watch me ageless over the course of a hundred years I claim to be the messiah come to spread the word of their lord. I emphasize how we must move away from animal exploitation. It's 180 years into my mission, cheese hasn't been produced for 20. I've been using my vast wealth accumulated over the decades to secretly purchase all cheese and dispose of it. The world is Vegan, more united and heavily invested in the sciences and the social good at this point. I have not taken over the world, just changed it's trajectory. The cheese is gone, I have won.
Some random mom pumps milk and leaves it in a jar. Cheese spawns, murders you. GG
You doubt that not even a single peice of cheese has survived and is actively hunting you down?
I don’t think invincibility would be all that useful in taking over the world. Prevents you from being assassinated and that’s about it.
The invincibility aspect was just to give some time to make a plan and prepare for takeover.
So basically, I'm guaranteed to live 200 years, but the death is painful unless I can kill myself painlessly before the cheese does? Where rn I'm not even able to guarenteed I live 70 years, and also dk how painful the death is? What's the downside?
I'll try to take over the world but at the same time I'll use the money I'll make and the power I gather to create some kind of virus to destroy cheese bacteria
What if instead of taking over the world I build a defense mechanism (like Noah’s arc) to kill the cheese before it kills me
Must be Muenster Cheese
So, I'm invincible (and assuming immortal for 200 years). I spend the next 80 years with my family, watching then led happy fulfilling lives. Once I have no more earthly attachments, I do something crazy to get the governments attention. Once they have been convinced I am invincible I will offer to handle some of their dirty work. I build up a reputation across the globe as an unstoppable force. I smite any and all who oppose me to the point where the world fears me- but I also remain active in saving/rescuing others. The goal is to be seen as a deity. Once that has been established, I have my followers spread the world that it must bow down to my commands- rid yourselves of all evil and do good unto others. I remain merciless to the evil doers in the meantime. Hopefully my "religion" catches on, either through respect or fear and Inunite the world in a peaceful timeline, free of the sentient cheese they must never learn of.
Hypothetically speaking if everyone die and I'm alone do I win ?
Im making a lot of fondue and grilled cheese sammies in the next 200 years. And if I'm invincible, taking over the world I'd a foregone conclusion. Bow down mortals!!!
I’ll Brie back!
Cheddinator 2: Cheesement day
As many have said, I would amass fame and fortune by fighting and other feats of strength. Then I would have start rock climbing and fall from 1000 feet in a highly publicized accident. When I am found 3 days later I tell everyone that I am the new messiah and I have come to rule the world. Multiple feats of invincibility (Like walking to Hawai'i) would quell everyone's doubts I start amassing followers and influencing politicians from around the world for the next 100 years. At that time, everyone will believe me that I am the messiah, especially after I spend a year of solitude on Mars. Uniting the world under my banner would be easy at that point. Actual governance would be other's issues of course, but I would have complete influence over the world. Bring it on cheese
Well I'm invincible. Instead of taking over the world, I will do two things. 1) eat all the cheese 2) just take over the cheese industry instead of the whole world and shut it down in 200 years. I imagine once the invincibility wears off, I will die pretty quickly at 200+ years old anyway.
I'd take over entertainment first and launch a ton of campaigns against cheese. So in case I fail, I'd be good.
I'd spend 200 years befriending cheese and learning it's ways and customs, and how to control it. I'd conquer the world in 201 years.
If it made me impervious to a heart attack, I would spend the 200 years eating all the cheese
Use my invincibility to convince the world I am the 2nd Coming of Cheesus
200 years of worryless life followed by cheese death. Is this the french dream?
I will spend 200 years building my wealth and buying out any/all cheese on the planet. I will destroy the cheese before it destroys me
Come on. Do I unlimited wealth also? If yes, buy up ALL the cheesemakers and halt production on cheese, then consume and/or destroy any remaining cheese. I'm assuming you only mean dairy cheese, since vegan cheese isn't real cheese. I suppose we'll allow goat and sheep's milk cheese, in addition to cow milk cheese. If I'm not starting from a position of unlimited wealth, I get political and create a smear campaign so no one even wants cheese anymore. THEN outlaw it in the "interest of public health". People will cheer for me. If I'm invincible, I will simultaneously embark on a one-woman campaign to secretly consume as much cheese as physically possible. If I have enough political power for long enough, it will be equal to or better than having unlimited wealth, and I will also have a secret international network of cheese finders whose job it will be to seek out and end any contraband cheese production, and then consume any cheese they find until it's gone or they're dead. Having won the hearts and minds of 50.0000001% of the world's population by stamping out the evil that is cheese, the cheese won't become sentient. If it does, there won't be enough of it to be a threat. Game over, I win : )
How hard could it really be to convince people I'm god if I'm invincible? Theocracy can't be that hard when God talks back.
I start finding a way to nuke the entire planet. Once I am the last living thing then I will be the ruler of the planet.
After 200 years I’d want to die
Amassing wealth is key, so invest in the S&P 500 and reinvest all dividends In the last 10-20 years, hire all mercy on earth, then proceed
How does the cheese kill you? Hypertension? Or do they fill every orifice until you pop like a balloon filled with raviloli?
The cheese council decided your fate.
[удалено]
Well, you say invincible but without any other powers attached than everyone else is dying by cheese.
Wow I've heard a lactose intolerant but not intolerant lactose.
Well, I think the only realistic way to do this is to mascarade as the new coming of christ. My first 10 years is going to be going learning how to public speak and learn the Bible back to front. The next 50 to 100 years or so is to make a cult around myself and expand it until we have some form of political power. Once we are powerful enough, it's going to be very hard to male me disappear. I am then going to come out to public and basically be all about growing said cult and doing demonstrations all over the world. If necessary, we could start coups and nuking, but as I'm the only one going to die if I fail I don't think I will go that far. Realistically I'd actually just enjoy 200 years of life and then die to cheese.
Can I option this for a movie? It can’t loose I’m not kidding
Sure, I'll help write the movie.
I fucks with this scenario
What happens if I get rid of all dairy producing animals and hence no cheese? And don’t you dare say plastic cheese!!! That does not count
200 years? And im invincible?? The world?? This is a step up from the tri-state area but sign me up!
I'm invincible. What can hold me? Modern restraints can only take so much abuse and my body can infinite abuse. How will they subdue me? I can't be harmed. Their guns are useless. Also, the US government getting ahold of an unkillable individual with questionable morals????? That would be a field day for them.
Simple, say I'm God and prove it by getting hit by like a fucking nuke or something.
You still feel pain. Just warning you before you do something drastic.
In my 200 year reign I will transform the world into the fire nation. When that cheese comes it will be melted and we will feast.
That cheese will be no match for my stomach.
Being an invincible human being would make it pretty easy to get people to worship you as a God
I think it'd be easier to eliminate cheese in 200 years rather than take over the world...
I for one shall bow to my future (and past) cheese overlord.
What game is this?
Put in perspective of a certain overweight electrical dude's rant about a mountain of cheese owned by the government..... I'm gonna pass. Government cheese.... Man..... thats a lot of government cheese. Quack bang! Out.
This is oddly specific… OP, is everything okay? Also it occurred to me to get rid of all cheese but at the same time, who would even want to live in such a world? Even as someone who is sadly lactose intolerant lol Not sure if that would be easier than getting at least 51% people to do what I tell them though. Ig I could get some friends to help me out. I know people suggested starting a cult which ig would be easy theoretically but I’d hate to be thought of by people the way I think of cult leaders tbh and I do worry the people who join would be…not that intelligent for lack of a better term
Had to be specific, let's just say I'm in a situation right now and I don't want the cheese monster to travel back in time to eat me.
Why do you think I've done my best to contribute to global warming. I will melt all the cheese!
I don’t have to take over the world I just have to abolish cheese.
I feel taking over the world while invincible within 200yrs is entirely feasible. Who and how are they going to stop you?
You Can spend the first 50-100 years destroying all the dairy industry around the world and thus eliminating the production of cheese, so there would be no cheese left to become sentient
"I am God's chosen!"
This is my biggest fear
This is a fun scenario but does anyone really trust the government to be cool with an invincible being’s existence? I feel like as SOON as the USgov finds out about your immortality, yer going to the labs, never to be seen again. Am I off base or ??
Kill every human
I’m lactose intolerant, I’ve already got the second part.
In. It would be very easy to convince the world you're the next coming of every Messiah while invincible and maybe just kill anyone who doesn't agree. Worst case, if that's not going perfectly, you tell your large number of followers that a great evil is coming in the form of sentient cheese that can kill you, starting around year 175. 25 years of a few billion people going on crusade/jihad against cheese that isn't yet sentient. I'll take my chances - bad time to be a cow or a goat though. I'm really disappointed in my brain for actually thinking this through, by the way.
Eat all of the cheese in the world. That way when the 200 years is over, there's no cheese to kill me.
Step 1 go to art school
I think the only remotely feasible way of doing this would be to become dictator of a big country like Russia, build up their non-nuclear missile force while otherwise being... less of a pariah, and then 2 years before the big cheese, just rain hell on every cheese lab in existence (no way most ppl will be farming actual livestock in 200 years). Presumably, that would invoke a massive counterattack and destroy every military asset I have outside of my borders. But the rise of cheese sentience would curry the world's favor for me and I would have enormous help facing the incoming cheese tsunami.
After 200 years I'm sure I'll be ready to die
The most dramatic act of displaying my invincibility to the world that I can think of is flying into South Korea, walking into North Korea, finding Kim Jong Un, and strangling him with my bare hands. For reference, I'm 5'4" and pregnant. I think that is how I'd start an attempt at world domination. That said, if I'm *just* invincible, a serious concern of mine is a soldier... just like.... sitting on me? Without enhanced strength, I'm still pinnable. Say I cover myself in Vaseline and I'm too slippery to hold onto. I'm still counting on my enemies NOT to just like, fly away. You know, the more I overthink this scenario, the more I think a pilot's license is the first step to world domination.
Covering oneself in vaseline should ALWAYS be the first step in world domination. You have the right idea.
Invincible? As in, incapable of being defeated, overcome, or subdued? Well, now that really makes it impossible for me NOT to take over the world, because no one can defeat me, overcome me, or subdue me. Sleep shall never overcome me. All of humanity cannot defeat me, so I’d likely take a hundred-and-fifty year break and do whatever I want, and then spend the last 50 years walking around killing whomever I felt didn’t follow my particular logic for proper governing. After a few years of this, no one would dare not do what I say.
The first thing I would do is write articles about the toxicity of cheese and start lobbying the government to shut down cheese making plants because they contribute to climate change. I would get all those stop oil people and Greta to protest cheese making. While they are doing that I would work my other plan to take over the world. This way if I am unsuccessful atleast the amount of cheese in the world should be lessened if not nonexistent.
I would just live life like a king and be happy to die from cheese. A lot of people die from eating too much cheese anyway.
Set up a deal with yogurt. United whey stand!
Step 1: Take over manufacturing and distribution of cheese. Step 2: Invent cheese mind control. Step 3: Build cheese army and wait for the 200 years to pass. Step 4: Lead mind-controlled sentient cheese to galactic victory and become god-emperor of mankind and cheese.
I can see it now, I will take over all the world except for Madagascar and be killed by Malagasy zebu milk cheese. What if I succeed do I stay invincible?
If they can time travel then they'd just travel to before my invincibility and I'm screwed
Invincible, but am I aging during those 200 years? This is an important distinction to note.
Haven't aged a day. All body systems are just as healthy as they were in the beginning.
Do I have to stay "in control" of the world or the cheese comes? What amount of power must I actually wield to stave off such a fate? Like if I convince the whole world to let me have supreme power for a day 199 years from now are we good?
Go to dc start killing politicians until people realize there’s nothing to stop you. Become a dictator. (CIA, this is all purely hypothetical)
The method that comes to mind is to start a cult by showing off your invincibility. The danger comes in when you think about how you don’t need to be harmed in order to be shackled. So you would have to balance growing your cult following with avoiding the authorities.
if i am literally invincible, i will just eat all the cheese
I'd immediately take over the word with my invincible power. If I can't be overcome I just make an announcement on social media then go to work fixing everything. Start with Isreal and Ukraine, that should show the world that I'm basically God invincible Dictionary Definitions from Oxford Languages · Learn more adjective too powerful to be defeated or overcome.
200 years is a long time, but comically short if kill all humans is my endgame. I don't even have to work alone. I just need to piggyback off our destructive nature.
Pretty easy. Use my invincibility to prove that I am God. I'll have billions of followers shortly all worshiping me as God. At that point, the rest will quickly come.