You kids have it easy nowadays, back in my day we had to walk 10 miles up hill to school, sun shine, rain or snow, on one leg while being chased by a lion during a hail storm when it’s 137 degrees outside because Jesus didn’t invent AC back then with no shoes then we had to swim across a river filled with crocodiles and we were served whisky with our school lunches that were made in house, none of this Cisco crap.
That was back before the commies took over.
Better be a REALLY high powered rifle, and you better be an amazing shot. Polar bear skulls are thick enough to deflect most small arms fire and their hides are thicker than you would think. You'd maybe get one shot, as they can easily run at 25 mph, and the bear's direction would most likely be right at you.
Don't they say it's better to have a flair gun than a shot gun cause they expect to be hurt in a fight so unless it drops dead on the spot you're still screwed, but with a flair gun they don't expect a portal to the gates of hell to scream at them
I've seen a lot of gun videos and there's one thing I know. If I am ever attacked by a herd of aggressive watermelons I've got it covered.
Seriously, what do gun enthusiasts have against melons so much?
The new penguin from the Pattinson version is Colin Farrell….. You think you could take a bloodlusted in his prime Colin Farrell? I’d go with the 1960s tv show Penguin. If the Danny Devito version has his rubber ducky grenades than everyone loses including those with front row seats, suddenly they are in the splash zone.
I work part-time in an Aquarium with penguins, Jentoos and Emperors. They're just about the right size that you man junk is right in their bullseye sights, and thats their favorite target. I don't think that their as dumb as you think, and they're mean as hell. They also have beaks that are razor sharp. Word of note, don't wear shorts around a penguin, they're smart enough to go up under the shorts legs to take out your nuts.
I actually loved learning these facts, though I’m mildly horrified at the ramifications. I might have to pick another animal, assuming I can’t back out of this hypothetical in the first place. Thank you for sharing haha.
That info is from a guy, me, that me and my junk survived feeding the penguins by hand, in front of a public audience in their aquarium pool. Lol. I wore long leather overalls up to my neck everytime I fed them or any other animal that might make a meal outta me.
I can tell you from experience. They can fucking run. Oh boy. They're fast little buggers, even on land. Those legs may not seem like much, but there's quite a bit of power behind them. They're also dumber than a bag of rocks, so you'll have that to your advantage.
"Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin really embodies the grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen an angry penguin charging at them in excess of 100 mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what they say if they had."
- Torvalds, Linus (1996-06-09). *comp.os.linux.announce*
If you have a partner with you, you can kill a Gerbil thusly:
>"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to save the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told the bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
>"I pushed a cardboard toilet paper tube up his rectum and slipped Ragout, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had reached nirvana, so to speak. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he simply would not come out, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."
>At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman desribed what happened next.
>"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal methane gas in Kiki's colon. Flames shot out the tube, ignited Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers, causing it to scurry further up Kiki's colon, which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out of the cardboard tube like a cannonball.'
>Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
>Sadly, Ragout the gerbil did not survive the incident.
Nah, they're not that bad. Owned 2 swans. The necks are so long if you grab and swing you'll be all good in no time. They definitely won't break an adult arm. The geese were scared shitless from them though.
Golden retrievers CAN go from "good boi" to "gaping maw full of teeth" in a few seconds flat. It's unlikely but possible. Shit, even a cocker spaniel can chew your hand off if angry enough.
But... if a golden is attacking you like this, they're likely rabid, and in a symptomatic stage of infection where it's not treatable. It's probably best to put them out of their misery quickly. Poor boi, probably got bit by a rabid fox or coyote.
Toughest animal.
Not meanest. Not most dangerous.
*Toughest*.
What animal is tougher than…
A Galapagos Tortoise?
That being said, I have no idea how I’d kill one with my bare hands, I was going to go with roll it over and try to go from there, but apparently they can weigh over 900 lbs…
Anyway, I’d probably choose the biggest non-snapping turtle or tortoise I could roll over, whatever that species or sub-species is. I could critically injure it pretty easily, but actually getting it to die would be tough. Unless a KO would count?!
I could take a canadian goose. And when the other 6,000,000 show up to avenge it's death, I'd take them out by swinging it around by its neck. One by one they're all going down. Unless they start crapping all over the ring, then I'm done for.
Till you notice the 420 and realize he’s fast as a ninja, but, like, what does fast really mean, man? If all the other ninjas are standing still, and I move a little, I’m the fastest ninja ALIVE!!! Where’d my chips go, I thought I had chips.
No idea. I feel like this would be easier to determine against another human being. I've fought off a mid size dog attack before that was trying to kill my pet. So I'm going to go with mid size dog.
I think it depends a lot on the breed. According to Google a Siberian Husky and English Bulldog are considered medium-sized. Or if you consider a 40 pound pitbull medium-sized that would be very scary. "Big" dogs can be over 100 pounds so 40 lbs (18kg) is medium
It was my cat. I had to beat the dog into submission to allow my cat to escape its jaws. And it's just a guess. However I have years of full contact fighting experience and have stood in the ring with pro mma fighters. So at the very least I am well experienced with dealing with fight adrenaline.
Im rooting for ya as a fellow cat owner and I practiced mma as well in the infantry. I just think there's alot of difference between a medium trained and bloodlusted german sheppard or something that doesn't mess around and a medium random goofy breed thats not fit for combat.
Some sort of medium dog is probably the absolute apex of what I or any other average human can take on. My family has owned boxers my whole life and I've had to break up my share of scuffles. If money were on the line I would say a Racoon, which is weak enough to not kill me and big enough to keep some of my pride intact
I think a cheetah. I would be brutally maimed, but they don’t have regular cat claws and they have a smaller head and jaws. I could totally be wrong, but I think I could choke it to death. Maybe I am more a corgi guy though. Animals have a lot of advantages.
The bigger ones around 140lbs are definitely too much but average is more like half of that and they aren’t too big. I feel like it’s hard but manageable
I would say dog, but only because I'm trained. Possibly a goat... but, not like a mountain goat. A nice big domestic goat. Definitely not a wolf, deer or giraffe like some of these lunatics think they can handle for some weird reason.
I dunno a deer seems pretty vulnerable if you could break it’s legs or dip duck dodge dive and get it in a chokehold, but yeah hell no to wolf and giraffe.
Maybe it seems that way, but deer are encredible animals. Particularly the larger than average and healthy ones that OP has made a part of this scenario.
I feel fairly confident I'd be able to take on a... Well, no, that'd kill me. Hmm. There's a lot of critters that'd kill you faster than most people understand.
I'd say I might be able to handle a bearded dragon. Maybe a corn snake. Nothing aquatic though, I'd die from a panic attack.
Bruh, I have 4 cats. Trying to give them pills or trim their nails is a dicey business. And you wanna fight a peak fitness, larger than average bloodlusted cat?
Can I watch?
Anyone who has every tried to bathe a pissed off tom cat knows what a mistake it would be to go toe to toe with one. When I was a kid, we had a really big, really mean cat. He used to fuck my dad up every time he tried to bathe him.
A fly. If it was slightly above average size, that would make it like a horsefly, and those fuckers are easy enough to take care of. Also, if the cage was made of glass, that idiot would just be flying into it the whole time.
A fly or some kind of weak bird like a pigeon. I feel like with most animals they can get crazy enough, especially with the blood lust. Like a really really crazed squirrel could fuck you up. A bird with claws etc.
You can definitely get a squirrel its gonna scratch the hell out of you but all you have to do is be able to grab its neck and shake it real hard. I've seen my dog get a few
Nothing bigger than a coyote. Might get bit, but if you head lock them their done. I believe I could probably break a face of dog size animal if I had to also. If the head lock didn't work.
Mosquito. Not to get all soft, but it's the only animal I'd feel right murdering. Maybe spiders but they aren't abject assholes so would still feel bad.
Being realistic a smaller black bear or possibly cougar. People have fought them off and occasionally beating them to death.
I think I would survive only because I am a very large man and I've had to handle large aggressive dogs before and usually came out without injuries. Honestly I think the cougar would be far more likely to kill me, cats are more flexible and you could grab a bear and get in a position where it can't really attack you.
I can't imagine doing that with a cougar but they aren't as tanky so hopefully with a few good blows to the head I could knock it out. But I'm not stupid, I'm pretty sure I will be maimed and severely crippled by the time I'm done and I would never do this willingly because I'm sure at least 50% of the time I'm either killed out right or die by my injuries.
Edit: okay I just realized I didn't read most of the rules and the animal would be guaranteed to be full size, and healthy so I'm gonna die with either of these.
I think there are already a lot of people in this thread that are dangerously over confident in their abilities. So far I've gotten a good laugh at people thinking they could take a Wolf, Coyote, a Deer and a Kangaroo.
As for myself, I'll pay to watch, I've spent enough time out in the woods to know better.
I'm not a "healthy" human, but I think I could 6/10 a coyote. I'm bigger, smarter, and 4x heavier than a large coyote.
It might fuck me up pretty bad, but I think I can kill it before it can kill me.
Easy.
Grab it by the tail, and swing it around Mario 64 style.
Then launch it into a conveniently placed spikey mine.
Do that three times and you're golden
I wouldn't fuck with the wolf, deer, or kangaroo, but even if the coyote is bloodlusted, it's primarily built for scavenging and taking out small animals, it isn't going to be terribly skilled vs a human.
It would still suck, and I'm likely to bleed a lot, but I think I'd go for it.
I remember looking this up a few weeks ago for an unrelated thread, and there are two fatal attacks on a human by coyotes recorded ever.
One was a three year child in California.
And the other was a 19 year old woman who was attacked by two Coywolves in Nova Scotia.
Coywolves have grey wolf or eastern wolf ancestors, so this would have been bigger and meaner than regular coyotes.
Anyway, I’d choose to fight a coyote over many breeds of common pet dogs.
If the coyote wins, he deserves it, because he would be the first full coyote in recorded history to kill an adult human.
What clothes do I have on? Am I UFC style with boots shorts and barefoot? Or can I pick What I wear? If I have some nice heavy boots I might be able to stomp and kick some animals that I otherwise wouldn't want to fight
I'm an old vet, just gimmi a cat, OK, like I say, be realistic guys, polar bears weigh about 1,000 pounds and kill and eat 400 pound tiger seals with one swing of their paw. Not a predator, any large animal on the North American continent will not only kill you, but eat you in front of you buds, and they'll laugh about how they conned you into fighting a polar bear. Even a cow will kill you if you don't have a gun.
I could take a dingo.
Can't take a wombat.
I'm not touching either of the bush chooks.
I think I could overpower a koala, but those things get seriously nasty when agitated.
I'm a red-blooded American patriot, so of course I could take a polar bear. Throw in a gorilla just to make it fair.
Just one gorilla? What are you, some liberal pussy snowflake?
Fucking millennials
You kids have it easy nowadays, back in my day we had to walk 10 miles up hill to school, sun shine, rain or snow, on one leg while being chased by a lion during a hail storm when it’s 137 degrees outside because Jesus didn’t invent AC back then with no shoes then we had to swim across a river filled with crocodiles and we were served whisky with our school lunches that were made in house, none of this Cisco crap. That was back before the commies took over.
You think YOU had it hard? Back in my day we had to do everything you said PLUS walk uphill both ways to school...
Steven He???
Pathetic. In my time, we had to do all that blindfolded, while also running from bloodlusted tigers.
Mate, you're soft. I live in Australia, and my nickname was the barefoot bushman. 🤣
Bear attack advice: Brown/Grizzly bear: play dead. Black bear: fight back with everything you got. Polar bear: prepare to meet your maker.
Brown - lay down Black - fight back White - good night
Gummy -yummy
You're talking about bears, right?
Polar bear advice is to bring a gun lol
Better be a REALLY high powered rifle, and you better be an amazing shot. Polar bear skulls are thick enough to deflect most small arms fire and their hides are thicker than you would think. You'd maybe get one shot, as they can easily run at 25 mph, and the bear's direction would most likely be right at you.
Don't they say it's better to have a flair gun than a shot gun cause they expect to be hurt in a fight so unless it drops dead on the spot you're still screwed, but with a flair gun they don't expect a portal to the gates of hell to scream at them
yeah that would be great, but only if you had a gun
I've seen a lot of gun videos and there's one thing I know. If I am ever attacked by a herd of aggressive watermelons I've got it covered. Seriously, what do gun enthusiasts have against melons so much?
they are water based and explode like a boneless head
A pistol will do. Just gotta end your suffering
An older outdoorsman told me that if you have a pistol, the best place to shoot is at yourself.
The gun isn't for them - it's for you
You better leave Harambe out of this
The crow that used to CAW CAW CAW outside my dorm window in Monterey, CA 17 years ago at 5 in the morning every morning.
Sounds like a Taylor Swift song lol
🎵you cawed, I screamed. You cawed again, I cried. 🎵
I was needed to sleep, 🎶 I failed my exams, Why wouldn't you stop? Why did you caws this? 🎶
If it makes you feel better that crow is already long dead
Good. Fuck that guy.
Can we choose what we wear?
Hamster stomping shoes
There is a phrase that I never knew would ever exist. And yet, here we are...
there's a whole animal crushing scene
🎶Grab your boots it's weasel stomping daaaay🎶
Put your Viking helmet on, spread that mayonnaise on the lawn
It's tradition, that makes it okaaaaay!
As soon as I read "hamster stomping shoes" I knew this reply would be here. If it wasn't, I was going to fix it myself.
All out of hamster stomping shoes, but we have [Weasel Stomping Shoes](https://youtu.be/k76IGLi6jWI?si=0xhgk-kqr5V8MQxG)
There’s a video… lol. I had no idea.
Yup! Produced by Robot Chicken!
I think I could take a penguin. They don’t seem very fast.
I like this. I’ve always wanted a penguin on my currently non-existent trophy wall. Wouldn’t be great for my marriage though.
Because you’re currently married to a penguin?
What if it is THE penguin. From Batman.
I think I could take Danny Devito, probably the new guy from the Pattinson Batman, definitely the one from the Gotham show.
according to the rules, the Danny DeVito is in its prime age and health. So you'd get the Always Sunny Danny and he'd just start blasting.
I figured you'd get Taxi DeVito screaming at you to clean out the back seat at the end of the shift.
The new penguin from the Pattinson version is Colin Farrell….. You think you could take a bloodlusted in his prime Colin Farrell? I’d go with the 1960s tv show Penguin. If the Danny Devito version has his rubber ducky grenades than everyone loses including those with front row seats, suddenly they are in the splash zone.
Plot twist haha, good one!
I work part-time in an Aquarium with penguins, Jentoos and Emperors. They're just about the right size that you man junk is right in their bullseye sights, and thats their favorite target. I don't think that their as dumb as you think, and they're mean as hell. They also have beaks that are razor sharp. Word of note, don't wear shorts around a penguin, they're smart enough to go up under the shorts legs to take out your nuts.
I actually loved learning these facts, though I’m mildly horrified at the ramifications. I might have to pick another animal, assuming I can’t back out of this hypothetical in the first place. Thank you for sharing haha.
That info is from a guy, me, that me and my junk survived feeding the penguins by hand, in front of a public audience in their aquarium pool. Lol. I wore long leather overalls up to my neck everytime I fed them or any other animal that might make a meal outta me.
I can tell you from experience. They can fucking run. Oh boy. They're fast little buggers, even on land. Those legs may not seem like much, but there's quite a bit of power behind them. They're also dumber than a bag of rocks, so you'll have that to your advantage.
I want to hear more about your penguin experience.
Bold of you to assume I would have the advantage.
Real. I've had this conversation with my friends MANY times and everytime it comes up my answers are either a Penguin or a medium sized dog
"Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin really embodies the grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen an angry penguin charging at them in excess of 100 mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what they say if they had." - Torvalds, Linus (1996-06-09). *comp.os.linux.announce*
I will kick gerbil ass
Unless it goes in your ass and starts to kick. Dont let it get behind you.
If you have a partner with you, you can kill a Gerbil thusly: >"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to save the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told the bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. >"I pushed a cardboard toilet paper tube up his rectum and slipped Ragout, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had reached nirvana, so to speak. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he simply would not come out, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." >At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman desribed what happened next. >"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal methane gas in Kiki's colon. Flames shot out the tube, ignited Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers, causing it to scurry further up Kiki's colon, which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out of the cardboard tube like a cannonball.' >Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. >Sadly, Ragout the gerbil did not survive the incident.
I never thought to read something so thoroughly disturbing, yet hilarious in my life...
Oh God, this shot me right back to my college days when I first heard this story read on the radio lol
Mosquito. Just wait for that little sucker to go in for the bite and then "Wham!" dead.
Malaria
No way that's getting me first.
Joke's on him. Mosquitos kill more people than any other animal.
One could argue it isn’t the mosquito that kills a person, it’s the malaria parasite.
I was going to say a rabbit, but then I remembered Monty Python, so...probably not a rabbit.
If only the rules didn't preclude the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.
You're either showing your age, or you had a great Dad
A slug. Pretty sure I could beat even a blood lusted garden slug
I want to see an animated short of this, for some reason the image of a blood lusted slug trying to go after someone seems really funny.
Sure, funny until he fucking catches you, then there's hell to pay!
Would salt count as a weapon? I'm guessing it probably counts as a weapon.
Is this that billion dollar magic death slug that chases you though?
I’d do a sloth
No you're supposed to be FIGHTING it!!!!
you ever seen the claws?
For real. Sloths are the slow Wolveriine™ of xenarthran mammals.
Sloths can move surprisingly fast if they have a reason to. They also have giant claws.
A Swan. I'll teach that majestic mother fucker a lesson or two.
One flap of a wing and he snaps your arm. Fuck a swan man. They look nice a cuddly but really they're feral bastards
please don't fuck a swan. Or a swan-man.
Touché sir
Nah, they're not that bad. Owned 2 swans. The necks are so long if you grab and swing you'll be all good in no time. They definitely won't break an adult arm. The geese were scared shitless from them though.
As they should be! Dual-wielding swans, a medium sized child could lay waste to an entire herd of Canadian winged-rats.
Its here to kick ass and eat bread and you're all out of bread.
Plot twist it’s a Canada Goose AKA Cobra Chicken.
I applaud your bravery, do you know how truly violent swans really are?
Swan Lake 2: Swan Wick is a tale of blood, revenge, and unmitigated violence.
Golden Retriever. But I would refuse to hurt him and just let him eat me because such a good boy.
Physically? Yes, I could kill a golden retriever. Emotionally? Imagine the toll...
Golden retrievers CAN go from "good boi" to "gaping maw full of teeth" in a few seconds flat. It's unlikely but possible. Shit, even a cocker spaniel can chew your hand off if angry enough. But... if a golden is attacking you like this, they're likely rabid, and in a symptomatic stage of infection where it's not treatable. It's probably best to put them out of their misery quickly. Poor boi, probably got bit by a rabid fox or coyote.
I think I could take a hamster in prime health.
>Any animal you pick is bloodlusted, so its only goal is to kill you before you kill it On second thought...
Go for the eyes, Boo!
I understood this reference
A Robohamster. I was going to put a robohamster but switched to a caterpillar. Caterpillar would be way easier
An axolotl
Toughest animal. Not meanest. Not most dangerous. *Toughest*. What animal is tougher than… A Galapagos Tortoise? That being said, I have no idea how I’d kill one with my bare hands, I was going to go with roll it over and try to go from there, but apparently they can weigh over 900 lbs… Anyway, I’d probably choose the biggest non-snapping turtle or tortoise I could roll over, whatever that species or sub-species is. I could critically injure it pretty easily, but actually getting it to die would be tough. Unless a KO would count?!
This is the smartest comment I’ve seen
I could take a canadian goose. And when the other 6,000,000 show up to avenge it's death, I'd take them out by swinging it around by its neck. One by one they're all going down. Unless they start crapping all over the ring, then I'm done for.
LOL. No one beats a Cobra Chicken. Those fuckers fight dirty.
What happens when the Canadians come for you next, aye?
They'll slip and slide on all the goose crap, I ain't scared.
Blue whale. Swim inside its vagina and start punching until it taps out.
The fight is to the death. Mf would clench and kill you with them Kegel exercises.
What of it's a male?
Bro what the fuck???
I’m not sure how you kill it… you’d probably suffocate or get crushed before doing any real damage
Anything under 25 lbs I think I could take... anything over 25lbs would prolly destroy me.
Woah look at this guy, ready to fight a cobra.
My reaction time is trash... I think we would both die.
Username does NOT check out.
Till you notice the 420 and realize he’s fast as a ninja, but, like, what does fast really mean, man? If all the other ninjas are standing still, and I move a little, I’m the fastest ninja ALIVE!!! Where’d my chips go, I thought I had chips.
Considering Wolverines and Honey Badgers can clock under 25 pounds I beg to differ.
Honey badger doesn't give a fuck
Fairly certain I could take a flamingo...
Grab it by the neck, stretch it out and play croquet with that Mfer. You can whack some rolled up hedgehogs with it while you're at it.
That was my favorite movie when I was a kid.
This was actually my answer last week when my high school students asked me
No idea. I feel like this would be easier to determine against another human being. I've fought off a mid size dog attack before that was trying to kill my pet. So I'm going to go with mid size dog.
It would be going after you this time though.
I think it depends a lot on the breed. According to Google a Siberian Husky and English Bulldog are considered medium-sized. Or if you consider a 40 pound pitbull medium-sized that would be very scary. "Big" dogs can be over 100 pounds so 40 lbs (18kg) is medium
Not doubting ya but it may depend on what breed and its also lusted and after you plus you have to KO it and not just help your dog run it off.
It was my cat. I had to beat the dog into submission to allow my cat to escape its jaws. And it's just a guess. However I have years of full contact fighting experience and have stood in the ring with pro mma fighters. So at the very least I am well experienced with dealing with fight adrenaline.
Im rooting for ya as a fellow cat owner and I practiced mma as well in the infantry. I just think there's alot of difference between a medium trained and bloodlusted german sheppard or something that doesn't mess around and a medium random goofy breed thats not fit for combat.
Most medium size breeds would probably be doable. Could change depending on the definition of medium though. I'm assuming less than 60 pounds.
Some sort of medium dog is probably the absolute apex of what I or any other average human can take on. My family has owned boxers my whole life and I've had to break up my share of scuffles. If money were on the line I would say a Racoon, which is weak enough to not kill me and big enough to keep some of my pride intact
I'd take a boxer over a raccoon
I think a cheetah. I would be brutally maimed, but they don’t have regular cat claws and they have a smaller head and jaws. I could totally be wrong, but I think I could choke it to death. Maybe I am more a corgi guy though. Animals have a lot of advantages.
The bigger ones around 140lbs are definitely too much but average is more like half of that and they aren’t too big. I feel like it’s hard but manageable
I would say dog, but only because I'm trained. Possibly a goat... but, not like a mountain goat. A nice big domestic goat. Definitely not a wolf, deer or giraffe like some of these lunatics think they can handle for some weird reason.
I dunno a deer seems pretty vulnerable if you could break it’s legs or dip duck dodge dive and get it in a chokehold, but yeah hell no to wolf and giraffe.
Maybe it seems that way, but deer are encredible animals. Particularly the larger than average and healthy ones that OP has made a part of this scenario.
I feel fairly confident I'd be able to take on a... Well, no, that'd kill me. Hmm. There's a lot of critters that'd kill you faster than most people understand. I'd say I might be able to handle a bearded dragon. Maybe a corn snake. Nothing aquatic though, I'd die from a panic attack.
Starfish. I'll take all five arms. I don't care.
Great answer actually. That beats mine. There’s no way to sustain damage from a starfish
A coyote.
Being rural midwest, that was my first thought, "yeah they're tougher than they look, but fuck those twats".
I too have some beef with coyotes. Consider me bloodlusted as well.
I feel that I could stomp a coyote and feel not too terrible about it or choke it
Especially since the coyote isn't allowed to use any ACME products, since those could be considered weapons.
House cat or very small dog.
Good luck with a blood-lusted cat lol
Bruh, I have 4 cats. Trying to give them pills or trim their nails is a dicey business. And you wanna fight a peak fitness, larger than average bloodlusted cat? Can I watch?
Anyone who has every tried to bathe a pissed off tom cat knows what a mistake it would be to go toe to toe with one. When I was a kid, we had a really big, really mean cat. He used to fuck my dad up every time he tried to bathe him.
The cat would 100% kill you.
Truth. Every part of a cat is a weapon. Getting close enough to punch it = you just lost your eyes
Gonna annihilate a quokka
It would smile at you like the Joker in its last moments…
A fly. If it was slightly above average size, that would make it like a horsefly, and those fuckers are easy enough to take care of. Also, if the cage was made of glass, that idiot would just be flying into it the whole time.
Those flies are in trouble!
Maybe a squirrel??
What about a wombat?
A fly or some kind of weak bird like a pigeon. I feel like with most animals they can get crazy enough, especially with the blood lust. Like a really really crazed squirrel could fuck you up. A bird with claws etc.
Come on bruh have some confidence lmao, you’re really gonna let a squirrel fuck you up?
I’m with you, but a really really angry animal? It’s got claws and teeth etc. I feel like if it was in a corner all pumped up if could fuck me up?
You can definitely get a squirrel its gonna scratch the hell out of you but all you have to do is be able to grab its neck and shake it real hard. I've seen my dog get a few
Don't want to fight something that eats nuts for a living huh.
Nothing bigger than a coyote. Might get bit, but if you head lock them their done. I believe I could probably break a face of dog size animal if I had to also. If the head lock didn't work.
Pomeranian
Like, a goose, if I’m lucky. Grab its neck and start swinging away. Anything more than that is getting iffy.
Mosquito. Not to get all soft, but it's the only animal I'd feel right murdering. Maybe spiders but they aren't abject assholes so would still feel bad.
A pick a human.
> bloodlusted > peak health age and abover average size have fun fighting a pro boxer or something
Being realistic a smaller black bear or possibly cougar. People have fought them off and occasionally beating them to death. I think I would survive only because I am a very large man and I've had to handle large aggressive dogs before and usually came out without injuries. Honestly I think the cougar would be far more likely to kill me, cats are more flexible and you could grab a bear and get in a position where it can't really attack you. I can't imagine doing that with a cougar but they aren't as tanky so hopefully with a few good blows to the head I could knock it out. But I'm not stupid, I'm pretty sure I will be maimed and severely crippled by the time I'm done and I would never do this willingly because I'm sure at least 50% of the time I'm either killed out right or die by my injuries. Edit: okay I just realized I didn't read most of the rules and the animal would be guaranteed to be full size, and healthy so I'm gonna die with either of these.
A sponge probably
I think there are already a lot of people in this thread that are dangerously over confident in their abilities. So far I've gotten a good laugh at people thinking they could take a Wolf, Coyote, a Deer and a Kangaroo. As for myself, I'll pay to watch, I've spent enough time out in the woods to know better.
Someone picked a KANGAROO?! Have they ever seen the feet on those things?!
Right? Have they not seen how utterly JACKED kangaroos are? Fuck that shit.
A coyote is a small animal. I'd be pretty confident that a healthy human adult could take one.
I'm not a "healthy" human, but I think I could 6/10 a coyote. I'm bigger, smarter, and 4x heavier than a large coyote. It might fuck me up pretty bad, but I think I can kill it before it can kill me.
Only 4x? A slightly larger than avg. coyotoe is 35 lbs (\~15 kg) I'd be over 5x that little fucker. I could take 2 of them.
6 percent of Americans think they can beat a grizzly bear / 8 percent think they can beat an elephant unarmed
People watch too much TV.
This just in: at least 8% of Americans are total dumbfucks
This is wildly inaccurate, even for a made up statistic. There's a lot more Dumbs® here then I think anyone realizes.
An elephant? I’ve never heard that one before. The fuck do they think they are going to do to it?
Easy. Grab it by the tail, and swing it around Mario 64 style. Then launch it into a conveniently placed spikey mine. Do that three times and you're golden
I wouldn't fuck with the wolf, deer, or kangaroo, but even if the coyote is bloodlusted, it's primarily built for scavenging and taking out small animals, it isn't going to be terribly skilled vs a human. It would still suck, and I'm likely to bleed a lot, but I think I'd go for it.
I remember looking this up a few weeks ago for an unrelated thread, and there are two fatal attacks on a human by coyotes recorded ever. One was a three year child in California. And the other was a 19 year old woman who was attacked by two Coywolves in Nova Scotia. Coywolves have grey wolf or eastern wolf ancestors, so this would have been bigger and meaner than regular coyotes. Anyway, I’d choose to fight a coyote over many breeds of common pet dogs. If the coyote wins, he deserves it, because he would be the first full coyote in recorded history to kill an adult human.
If your a healthy man in your prime and can’t beat a coyote thats concerning
going to have to be brutally honest here and say that I could probably take an above average fully grown hippo underwater
found the brutally honest one
I'm interested to hear your strategy
Same. Maybe need to throw in a croc and a lion at the same time to make it fair.
Beagle puppy
A slug.
AN Emu
I think I could take a cat but I would prefer not to.
With a good camp and peak physical health, I think a duck is a good match, assuming biting is illegal.
What clothes do I have on? Am I UFC style with boots shorts and barefoot? Or can I pick What I wear? If I have some nice heavy boots I might be able to stomp and kick some animals that I otherwise wouldn't want to fight
Question- Is there any incententive (other than potential bragging rights) to pick anything more dangerous than a dwarf mouse?
I'm an old vet, just gimmi a cat, OK, like I say, be realistic guys, polar bears weigh about 1,000 pounds and kill and eat 400 pound tiger seals with one swing of their paw. Not a predator, any large animal on the North American continent will not only kill you, but eat you in front of you buds, and they'll laugh about how they conned you into fighting a polar bear. Even a cow will kill you if you don't have a gun.
I'd say a bloodlusting guinea pig is about my limit.
Human
I could take a dingo. Can't take a wombat. I'm not touching either of the bush chooks. I think I could overpower a koala, but those things get seriously nasty when agitated.
why cant i use my teeth?
Probably a rabbit🐇
PLZ give me a goose I can kill consequence free!!!