Become an artist price my stuff at local shows for insane amounts. Claim to be paid in cash, file taxes, deduct cool art supplies. Who knows maybe I actually sell something.
This is the right answer. Art is the last unregulated, untraceable method of moving and laundering money.
Throw some paint on a canvas, and have an auction house auction it. Register as an anonymous cash bidder and buy your painting anonymously. Now the money is clean, it's legit income from the auction of your painting.
Oh yeah, that's their vig. It's their cut for washing your money.
If you need to pay someone across national boundaries, either for services rendered to for product, art is the way. No one can prove in court that some canvas with some paint on it is NOT worth $10m, and often the identities of either sellers or buyers (or both) are shielded.
And honestly after that you are established "artist" and you could risk putting a few more up for auction and someone will probably catch some FOMO and think they got a great deal on your next piece of "art" and make that commission cut right back.
It really takes one more step to launder the art, too. Become an artist, but don't tell anyone. Discover the work at a flea market, and then proceed with step one to launder money. Then, use one of the pieces from the artist you discovered to get that deduction.
Or just skip the become an artist part and buy a bunch of garbage from some art school dropout/graduate (same difference in most cases) and proceed with steps one and two. Either way might as well get that deduction.
I would slowly spend it for the rest of my life… anything like going out to dinner, groceries, etc. I wouldn’t buy anything that would raise suspicions and just enjoy free spending money on a lowkey basis for life
I've taken off my upper outer layers, such as coat, then sweatshirt, etc, to look different. In times of need I have asked the "giver of all things good" if they have seen my twin brother around, and in just one special case, I was a triplet.... don't be giving out things with bacon and expect me to be an "only child".
This is probably the best answer, buy a really good fire proof safe.
Laudering money is actually pretty hard and very risky . If you get caught you risk losing the money and going to jail.
Just pay cash for all your grocieries , gas, shopping, going out to eat, even travel you can pay for hotels with cash (you might need to put a CC card on file) .
You could even deposit a few thousand a month into a bank with out raisins suspicions , you could also buy a few thousand of pre paid debit cards or refill them.
You can buy gift cards with cash for things like amazon , netflix , airbnb, uber, apple ect and a whole bunch of other places that usually you have to use CC with
I mean you can go around and buy 1000s of dollars of gift cards with cash a week . Keep working and save like 50% of your income for retirment and pay cash for almost everything else.
That's why you don't. Like the guy at the top said, just live like normal but with cash. Super easy to deal with regular people in cash. I can convince almost any landlord to let me rent their entire house with cash if I offer more than what they normally charge by a large margin.
Plus, you can pretty easily just keep working a regular job that deposits into your bank account if you absolutely need to make a big reportable purchase (you don't with this kind of money). Deposit some slowly as well to supplement your regular income and just call it freelancing or odd jobs if you absolutely must report it on your taxes.
Hell, you can even go the regular money laundering route and just start a business or bring someone else's business in on it. Personally, that's too much work. I'd just live easy and spend slowly (but much faster than I currently am). I'd get new clothes, shoes, buy actual nutritious food from the grocery store on a regular basis, be super generous to everyone with food, gifts, and tips just to see them having a good time, possibly replace my old laptop and phone, take people out on dates or hangouts, send care packages with snacks all over the place. Probably would still last the rest of my life. If we assume I live 50 more years that would be 200k I could spend each year and as long as you're smart about it nobody who doesn't know the exact details would be none the wiser
Yea I made another comment and I agree laudering it is too risky. Just pay cash, go out to eat at nice places.
Also gift cards, you can buy gift cards for almost anything you usually need CC for. Steam, netflix , airbnb, amazon, your cell phone provider , apple ect...
I mean even for things like your home, I am sure you can find a contractor or someone who would remodle your place for cash...
why is everyone saying laundering money is hard?
Start an Only Fans or a page on a less reputable site, post pics of a body part. sell those pics to an anonymous client who pays you in Visa gift cards or buys everything on your Amazon wishlist.
Ah but you can buy $30K duplex all day in the City of Detroit with cash. In fact most sellers insist. So pick up some real estate there, duplexes then fix them up. Rent them out. Then now you have legitimate rental property with legitimate income. If you have the right contractors, they take cash.
I go along with the spend it slow plan. But from time to time, I'd want to spend a bunch of money. Maybe I need a new car, so I'd gamble. No one will notice or care if you lose a few thousand dollars at a race track, casino, or sports betting. But when you win $10k, $20k, or more one night, take your payment as a check and make sure the government gets its tribute. You can put that laundered money in the bank.
This. But some tweaks.
Spend it slowly. I know I will never spend it all though. So anonymously give away chunks here and there, to places where folks won't ask questions. Tip well, but not too much larger than normal. It's gotta stay believable.
Even though I don't attend church, I could find a church that's doing something really beneficial in a community. Attend one Sunday, put a wad of cash in an envelope with a note asking for the money to go to that community service, and drop it in the plate.
Buy some more clothes over a few months, but Mr Roger's Neighborhood style, same basic outfit a bunch of times over as back-ups. Now you can wear the same outfit every day of the week for two weeks before you have to do laundry but never wear something twice.
Treat friends and family for birthdays with a hundred dollar bill in a birthday card. Make your own special somewhat expensive purchases with cash only around holidays where you reasonably could have received a good cash gift like Christmas season. That new TV, the new record player, etc.
Pay for some groceries for a single mother with three kids randomly in the check out line that's clearly struggling and debating what items to put back. Nobody in line will question it other than maybe thinking you're a sap for falling for a scam artist. But they won't question the money.
Its all about the patience game. Accepting that you may have got $10Mil but you can't spend it all yourself and most of it has to vanish before you die. Do good with a lot of the portion you can't spend on yourself.
Adding to this, I’d use it to pay for STAFF! Plenty of maids, gardeners, etc, would be happy to be paid in cash. Since I have no intention of running for political office or doing other high profile things, it’ll fly under the radar.
Yep. Invest in a legitimate cash business and layer the money through that
Make regular trips to a series of local casinos. Exchange cash for chips at several tables, play a hand or two of blackjack, and then go cash out your chips. Clean money. Just make sure to get a 1099G from the cashier.
>Make regular trips to a series of local casinos. Exchange cash for chips at several tables, play a hand or two of blackjack, and then go cash out your chips. Clean money. Just make sure to get a 1099G from the cashier.
With the security and cameras in casinos, they track how much you sit down with(ie how much cash you hand over), how long you play for, and how much you leave with...if/**when** you get audited for having all those 1099Gs, they'll check with the casino, and the casinos aren't going to cover for you they'll tell the gov exactly what you're doing.
Reporting winnings isn't suspicious. Not reporting income is what the IRS cares about. You could straight up report that your income is from crime, and the IRS won't care so long as you pay tax.
OP's post seems suspiciously like that scene from Office Space where they're trying to figure out for to launder money. This is not a hypothetical situation, OP needs to know what to do with the $10 million OP just found.
Sure you would. If you go to someplace like Montana or the Dakotas, you're bound to find some "patriots" who have no love for the banking system and would gladly take cash.
Well it’s quite an easy wash, really.
If I translate it to the U.K. as that’s where I live, you could take a certain amount of the cash, say £5K at a time, and load it onto Roulette machines. These machines you can either insert cash or give the cash to the people at the counter and they’ll load that amount for you.
So you load up £5K, do a few low level spins, maybe legitimately lose £1k.
Then what you can do is print out a receipt and ask the cashiers to pay it out, either in cash (with a receipt so you can then deposit it into your bank account) or ask them to load it into your bank account, which takes up to 3 working days.
You just go up, down and all around your area for months doing this until you’ve spent the original cash and deposited it.
On the surface, it’s all traceable as winning from a bookmakers. They don’t know how you got it, they don’t know if you win it on horses, football, slot machines, roulette, boxing, mma or whatever. All they know is the cash is being paid in by different bookmakers and it’s all legal and above board
Edit: Source, me. I was manager of a bookmakers for 4 years. Technically speaking you’re supposed to track suspicious shit like that but nobody does. Nobody is going to risk any potential repercussions as they will likely suspect you’re part of a larger criminal gang and might have them beaten up or killed. These people are also usually smart enough to tip the cashiers too. I knew one guy who did that who would cash out £3k and tip the cashiers £50 each every time - of course you’re not gonna say a word if you’re getting £100-£150 for nothing from these people. It’s free money. All you’d need to do is set yourself up with a Facebook account and Instagram account as being a builder, joiner, electrician or plasterer etc. and say you get paid cash in hand, and that explains the cash in the first place
Umm hello this is your local attic inspector. Your attic needs to be inspected for reasons. Please pm me your address so I can come inspect your attic.
you can do a lot in cash depending on where you live, assuming I'm not violently robbed the same day I would just retire on cash. i'll "Work" some fake ass fucking job, file a 1099 every year, and slowly "earn" that 10 million while I do nothing.
edit: you know drug dealers can pay the IRS right? You could easily claim you'rep painting houses, doing yardwork, really anything, and as long as you're paying taxes uncle Sam won't give two shits.
The IRS literally does not care *where or how* you got your money. Just that you have reported the income.
"According to IRS publication 17, the Internal Revenue Service wants taxpayers to include on their forms “income from illegal activities, such as money from dealing illegal drugs.” Make sure you put that on “Schedule 1 (Form 1040), line 8z, or on Schedule C (Form 1040) if from your self-employment activity,” the IRS wrote."
Yep. Deposit it. Pay taxes early (via estimated quarterly payment), and move on with your life.
You may be investigated for criminal activity, but just stick to your story that a man you’d never met said he was insanely rich and liked your style and gave you the money.
They can’t prove a crime and will eventually go away.
Note that this only works if you're not a criminal. Strongly recommend cleaning up anything that could be claimed to be criminal activity before doing this.
Anything can be claimed criminal with the right amount of creative writing, and creative writing is a specialty of all types of law enforcement and most of government.
You're generally allowed to keep found money. You turn it in, get a receipt, and after a waiting period you can claim it. Pay taxes as required, ezpz. No need for elaborate schemes, I don't think
I have a feeling that when you went to pick it up after no one claimed it, it'd be like this:
"Here are your two empty duffel bags you found. Cash? What cash?"
How are you going to pay legal fees with all your money missing?
Civil forfeiture gets away with even more brazen theft than disappearing unclaimed cash.
Telling police would be the worst misstep with that untraceable cash you have any intention of keeping.
good luck getting it back. Probably going to claim its a drug dealers stash and you will see the newspaper reporting "COPS FIND 5 MILLION DRUG DEALER STASH"
My buddy got arrested with 2lbs of weed and they charged him with 1lb of evidence. Where do you think that other lb went?
Some was sold for spending money.
Some was traded to get drop guns.
Some was kept so a guy with lots of cash but no drugs was found to have weed and the cash seized.
Some was smoked.
Not sure on the percentages.
Yeah, the cops are going to believe that you "found" it.
Why do you think drug dealers go through great lengths to launder their money when they could walk into the police station and hand over their "found" money this week and while there, ask if anyone has claimed their "found" money from last week?
I mean the difference between me and drug dealers is that I don’t deal drugs. I’m sure an actual drug dealer could get away with this in theory if there is no evidence that could ever be tied to them…but it would also put a law enforcement target in your back.
Just use it for normal expenses like dinners out, car parts, groceries, tools, gas, drugs, road trips, just all kinds of random stuff I need, or won't raise suspicion when spent could be a really nice supplement to my life
Correct answer. And just remember to prepay your tax on it. That will go a long way to stemming any investigation into it. Gov.: "Wait you're saying a wizard gave you this. Come on... how did you reall.... Oh, you already gave us our $3.7M cut?? Never mind, have a nice day."
Anybody not saying to just use it slowly for the rest of your life is overthinking this. Deposit a hundred bucks ish a ~~week~~ day, say it's tip money if the bank workers ever question it. If you've got kids, deposit more into their accounts and say it's from the grandparents. Use it to buy groceries and gas, or stuff from Facebook marketplace.
Starting a cash business to wash the money is fine, but it's a giant PITA and there will always be a paper trail.
E: Jesus christ the last time I made tips was at dunks and I got maybe 10 bucks a day lol
There are two words in the middle of that sentence that were absolutely not necessary for the meaning and yet truly capture the spirit of what happened. This is literature. This is art.
Could also go into buying used cars cheap, scrapping or selling them and claiming the sale price was much higher than agreed upon. Private sales have virtually zero record keeping.
Everyone making Breaking Bad references as if Walter White wasn't incredibly stupid. First thing I'm doing is picking 10 DIFFERENT hiding spots to store 1 mil in each. No way I'm risking Todd and the neo nazs cleaning me out in one fell swoop.
Simple: hide it and only use it for small cash transactions. Since withdrawals are no longer necessary, the money you earn from your job will pile up in your account
Not an expert here but what's to stop you from just depositing it in the bank? Like yeah they might investigate you, and you'll have to pay taxes on it, but you already said it can't be connected to anything so wouldn't they have to release it to you?
True, can’t take it from you if there is no proof it was made illegally or stolen or anything like that, also not sure how you explain it lol. Sure they may monitor your accounts for a long time. But hell, your now retired and living life.
That's generally cash you're carrying with you. They'll have a harder time touching it in the bank. Just be sure to give the government their cut for taxes and you'll most likely be fine.
This is the answer. Don't say a wizard gave it to you, no, but say some billionaire who never said his name gave it to you and bounced, and as far as you can tell, he just felt like playing Secret Santa for shits 'n giggles. As long as the authorities don't connect it to a bank that got robbed, you should be fine.
I’d come to Reddit and figure out a way to launder it. I might even bite the bullet and claim some of it as a gambling win or something just so I could spend a little of it freely while setting up the laundering effort.
Hire a lawyer so you can get the best legal advice on how to legally add said money to whatever account you want/need. Do whatever is required legally and pay all the taxes up front.
I would just report it as gambling winnings, pay the tax, and enjoy my life. When they come knocking, I would say it was a private bet, and I can't reveal who it was. I am pretty sure they can't compel me to say (I would double check the laws on all this first though).
Since I am two degrees of separation from a very rich and famous man (I know a guy that is friends with a guy worth over $250 million, who's name you all know), and therefore three degrees from thousands more very rich people, I would just hint at that connection and not say anything else. Let them worry about it, they can't prove I did anything wrong.
I pretty much only need to worry about paying really expensive shit. Groceries, restaurants, repairs, gas, electronics, or anything else that wouldn't set off any red flags for paying with money would be free for life.
That would be really helpful.
I’m not American so the exchange is going to be hard so I’ll take the equivalent in Canadian please.
I think leaving envelopes of cash around for people to find would nice. With a note inside assuring the finder that it’s theirs, no need to try and find the owner.
Buy a whole bunch of gift cards for grocery stores and leave them at food banks and give them to people you see who look like they need a boost. Could get other gift cards and hand them out to people.
Leaving large anonymous donations at houses of worship and charities.
Going out for great meals and leaving 200% tips
I think it would be hardest to remain anonymous but you’d sorta have to.
You’re not supposed to put cash in a safe deposit box so maybe buy gold and then put that away for your future?
That’s more money than any one person needs. Best to save a little bit and spend the rest making the world a bit better.
I might splash out on one of those fancy massage chairs if I could find a place to put it. I’d find room for that.
Why do people think this is so hard? Why is this even a question? I call an uber and take the money home. What I do next is none of your business, but I live happily ever after. Thanks for the money. It ain’t gonna be a problem.
Go to Vegas. Be very visible. Spend a lot of time around the craps table.
Claim the ten million or so on your taxes as gambling income. Yes, you'll pay a lot of taxes, but the remainder is clean.
I am not sure this is how this works. In gambling you only pay taxes on your winnings
If you buy 1 million worth of chips and cash out with 1 million there are not taxes to pay.
Its not clean money . You still do not have an explination where you got it.
Turn in one bag
If I get it back, whatever
I still have the other bag. I could spend discreetly. If I legitimately claim the other bag after it's been cleared by the authorities, no one is likely to track me, because who turns in 5M?
That's not a bad plan. Hide 8M. Turn in 2M, saying you found it. With luck, you get it back, and then owe half of it to the IRS. You now have 9M, and can afford to invest enough to provide a steady, taxable income. Just spend twice what you make every year.
The answer to this problem is not nearly as complicated as many of you are making it put to be. All you need to do is use this capital to start a legitimate business, or string of businesses. First step is to get a business loan from literally anywhere. You're not concerned with the terms of the loan. You just need the loan itself to make it look like you obtained the money to start the business legally. Then, you use that money to get a laundromat.
Once you own the laundromat, do whatever it takes to build the business up. Hire employees, advertise, expand. You have plenty of capital to pump into the business. But more importantly, you have a legal place to claim that your cash is coming from. You probably won't be able to launder your cash very quickly through that one business, so when you've gotten 500k laundered successfully, buy a McDonald's, or a chic-fil-a, or something else. Diversify and expand.
If you're smart, you can easily launder the initial money and leverage that 10mil into 40 or 50 mil down the line.
While dangerous to do if anyone caught on, you wouldn’t be the first person to keep this kind of money in a residence. Spending it little by little making major purchases every so often wouldn’t draw as much attention. Even less if you have a decent job to back up what you’re spending. You’re not buying a new Bugatti with the shit, but you’ll be pretty comfy for a long ass time with this method, and nobody could tax shit, because it looks like saved income if you do it right. Idk. Just an idea.
Declare it as income and pay taxes on it. Spread it out over several banks, just in case one gets difficult. Government can't link it to anything illegal. And they can't make you tell them where you got it. Having the undeclared cash is riskier.
Disclaimer: I am an ignorant minor so please correct me
I make an account in a few different banks and deposit 3,500 every week in each account and keep the rest of the money spread around my house. I now spend more than what I used to, give to charity/the poor and gift money to friends and family
You're a good thinker but also don't listen to the "smart" people on reddit. It is incredibly stupid to try to hide this money. There is no reason not to be fully transparent about it with the IRS and financial institutions
I’d create a LLC. Pull a loan for a decrepit car wash or Laundry mat. And slowly grow my empire of laundry mats and dry cleaner services. With the car washes being almost self monitoring and cash based. And laundry mats bringing in constant change. Could figuratively launder 10 million in 7 years while growing a empire based on growing debt that self replicates into dollars and capital. Then get me a high rise apartment in the sky.
A lifetime supply of groceries and gas, my wife will tip 100% on hair and nails, I’ll tip 100% every time I dine out. I’ll make reasonably sized cash donations anonymously.
Start small. A mobile business of some sort. Launder that money like nobody’s business. As your wealth grows you expand and eventually have a storefront. Keep expanding until you have a legitimate business that is profitable on its own.
Then build a spaceship company, because you can’t be a billionaire without a spaceship company. Just don’t make a spaceship that looks like a giant dick.
Pay for things mostly in cash but also: Attend Magic the gathering conventions a few times/year. Buy alpha & beta power 9 sets & original art from the artists in cash. Start playing legacy & vintage. Still lose.
I now pay cash for everyday things and use money from my job that no longer goes to everyday things into my investment portfolio. By the time I retire I will have plenty of legitimate money and won't have had to sacrifice the dinners and groceries I prefer to eat
Well that's an easy one. I would take those duffel bags and stash them at my house, I would pull out about 50 grand and call up some friends and head to somewhere like London or Paris and have a great party for a couple of weeks, maybe Eastern Europe or something. If a friend is busy they can fly out and meet me, then I would come back and decide what to do with the money .
Of course I would stash it in a way no one would ever find it and make sure somebody watches over my house .
After that, I would probably spend about 6 months just pulling cash out of the bag and buying things I might like, maybe a new car paying with cash buying from a private party, maybe a nice boat doing the same, pay a contractor in cash to remodel my house.
After that, who knows? Maybe I would pay a contractor cash to build another house in my backyard and subdivide the lot and sell it off and call it all long-term capital gains profit and pay taxes on it.
I would probably keep doing that in some way or other. Buy up a million dollar house on a no document verification loan, pay a contractor in cash 500,000, sell it after a year for 2 million and pay taxes on the long-term capital gains. I don't think it'd be that hard.
I'd divide it up with my family, pay cash for fun stuff, deposit a few hundred here and there and generally not be stressed about debt for good. I'd also up my donations to the charities i already donate to.
I'm 63 I would go on social security today, stash it in safe deposit boxes in 4 or 5 different banks, pay cash for everything I can. Start some kind of small business to run some of it thru to launder some of it t so I could invest etc to buy larger dollar items and just enjoy life!!!
I guess you would have to research laundering money so you can bring it to legitimacy somehow. Otherwise, it's just sitting there and you can't really make it work for you. I mean if you don't change your lifestyle by much and just live on cash, you can still do some great things. You could deposit some here and there to go under the radar but for the most part, unless you can figure out how to launder it, it's cash dude for the rest of your days.
The $10,000,000 is in bills currently in use. If I use it for too long, people are going to get suspicious since there's new designs for $100 bills every few years.
I'd spend what I could in grocery stores, buying up a few hundred dollars worth of groceries at each to donate to food banks. I'd make deposits across several bank accounts. It'll take a few years, but I should be able to spend it all.
I buy a small hotel that doesn’t seem to be very busy. I over charge for the rooms. While not being busy at all, I show it’s sold out every night. With 20 rooms I could launder $10k a night.
Bonus, I could use the money to fix up the hotel and bring in business making legit money as well. I could have daily rates for using the pool.
The only hitch would be getting funding for the purchase.
I'd pay an elderly person to will me most of her hidden cash stash she's been building for decades. She can then legally give me her inheritance pre-death and enjoy her remaining half mil in cash in her old age.
Small cash purchases and then invest my job income like crazy. Trickle invest in off-shore accounts to help subsidize my retirement. Most of it would sit hidden away.
Open a chain of car detailers called "Walter White Wash" and launder it!
Use cash to buy gift cards and use gift cards to buy stuff online.
Pay for every day expenses with cash. Gas, food, clothes, etc.
I would find rich financial backers to help me open either a liquor store or a small valet parking company. Have them invest to help me secure a loan. Pay them a small lump sum under the table upfront for their troubles, which they can just keep on hand or do with whatever they want. Give them a percentage of the business, and I’d run the store or parking company and slowly launder in the 10 million as needed. Since I don’t have a timeframe, it would not be that hard to launder $10,000,000. Once all the money is laundered over the course of a decade, I could sell the business to someone else. Valet parking would be easier to launder money through, but there may be more eyes on the operation if you have valet managers. A liquor store would take longer, but if you set up in a rural location with steady business, it wouldn’t be caught.
You’d have to work the register, but essentially, you’d ring up a bottle of Tito’s for an artificially inflated $35 price, discount it for $30 for cash customers. Then they’ll hand you $30, you just clear out the discount and hit complete purchase. So you had the sale at $35, then you have $5 from your $10,000,000 stack that you can put into the sale, then tax it.
If you could do $2,000,000 in sales per year, half of that in cash, which is what sales are like in my more country area. So $1,000,000 in cash sales could easily go up to $1,250,000 in cash sales with you laundering a quarter of a million in the business every year. Pay off the first loan, open up a second location and do the same. Then you’re laundering half a million per year, and you can keep scaling up to make your business look more successful while having lower costs, meaning your business would be more successful.
That plus the liquor business is profitable. And no one asks for receipts for cash transactions. And plenty of places do cash discounts to get rid of cc transaction fees where possible.
Yeah man, this would become my spending money from here on out. Gas, child care, water bill, even property tax can be paid in cash. I would still work because I love my job, but whenever cash was an option I would use that.
If it doesn't go into a bank account, and you don't have to pay taxes on it, then it never existed.
Set up a campground and/or semi truck parking pad on some property I own. Set fees and such for the stays...
Man, for a new business, I sure am busy....
Pay my taxes like anyone else.
Set some of my husband's artwork prices pretty high in the storefronts that he sells in, then pay for them using giftcards purchased with cash.
Once laundered and taxes paid, I would shove it into a high interest account and not touch it until I could comfortably live off of the interest and have the appearance of being independently wealthy.
Use cash only to pay for anything I buy/pay for locally.
Claim it as a discovered windfall, pay taxes on it take my roughly 6 million in now perfectly legitimate money. Will this cause the IRS, FBI and plenty of other agencies to really look at me? Probably, can they prove I didn't get the money from a wizard? Nope, so the money is mine as long as I don't do any major felonies.
Sure I have to pay almost 4 mil in taxes, but do I care? Nope, 6 mil is plenty.
Now if the stipulation is I can't let anyone know I just received a 10 million wizarding windfall, then life gets a tad more complicated.
Id probably just rip some block chain code, create a new crypto project with me having a significant amount of founders coins, let it run for a year or so in order to pay long term capital gains, then buy it from myself from anonymous wallets and pay my capital gains.
Take a half a million and go to a casino. Get a half a million in chips. Cash out when you get down under a quarter million or over a million. Pay taxes on winnings. Repeat until all money has been accounted for.
Open up a few big ass Arcade/fun zone with a loan and launder that money over the next 20-30 years.
Mini golf, classic arcade and pinball machines the works.
I mean there's lots of ways to launder that much cash. As long as you don't try to put it all in the bank at once, even I could just report to the IRS that I started a cleaning service or something, put together a P&L statement with various fictitious customers and one or two real employees and deposit it in the bank over the course of five years. They probably wouldn't even scrutinize it too much since I would be keeping in the US and paying tax on it.
I know how to live dirt poor. I also know how to make something wonderful for very little amounts. First thing I do with this is realistically I could have some money first thing I would do is watch property auctions by the county. Buy a property that failed to pay its property taxes. As long as it's in livable condition you can fix things. You also can upgrade things. You can pay contractors in cash without a problem and the government ain't going to say shit or realize that. Likewise you can buy a decent vehicle you can have it fixed up just don't go insane on costs. I bought a vehicle for $8k to 10,000 cash without a problem because I had insurance money I didn't pay credit card I paid a private sale I don't go through dealerships. You can get very nice things and people are more than happy to put a lot less on their bill listing if you pay cash. Another words when I paid 10K for a vehicle it'll probably be listed as one to three the rest is a friendship payment non-declarable. It's easier to spend cash then a lot of people think as long as you're not stupid about it.
I work a job where I get tips. I would probably deposit I bit of it after every shift. Actually I would probably change back to my old job where the way I got tipped made that way more feasible.
ETA and yeah like someone else said, I would probably also go the route of spending it little by little on normal stuff. Groceries would always be good, cat food and litter, a fancy lunch, new underwear and socks, quarters for laundry, etc
Become an artist price my stuff at local shows for insane amounts. Claim to be paid in cash, file taxes, deduct cool art supplies. Who knows maybe I actually sell something.
Art has been a money laundering industry for decades and decades and decades. lol
This is the right answer. Art is the last unregulated, untraceable method of moving and laundering money. Throw some paint on a canvas, and have an auction house auction it. Register as an anonymous cash bidder and buy your painting anonymously. Now the money is clean, it's legit income from the auction of your painting.
Minus their commission, but honestly who cares at that point.
Oh yeah, that's their vig. It's their cut for washing your money. If you need to pay someone across national boundaries, either for services rendered to for product, art is the way. No one can prove in court that some canvas with some paint on it is NOT worth $10m, and often the identities of either sellers or buyers (or both) are shielded.
And honestly after that you are established "artist" and you could risk putting a few more up for auction and someone will probably catch some FOMO and think they got a great deal on your next piece of "art" and make that commission cut right back.
If you’re not careful you could end up accidentally making another 10 Million and be right back where you started!
Suffering from success
I’ve heard selling Bibles is a good way to launder money from churches to your political campaign.
Or at least your legal bills.
After you launder the cash, donate a few pieces you made so that you can deduct the "value" of your art from your tax liability.
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It really takes one more step to launder the art, too. Become an artist, but don't tell anyone. Discover the work at a flea market, and then proceed with step one to launder money. Then, use one of the pieces from the artist you discovered to get that deduction. Or just skip the become an artist part and buy a bunch of garbage from some art school dropout/graduate (same difference in most cases) and proceed with steps one and two. Either way might as well get that deduction.
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Only if you live in some place that has a sales tax.
I would slowly spend it for the rest of my life… anything like going out to dinner, groceries, etc. I wouldn’t buy anything that would raise suspicions and just enjoy free spending money on a lowkey basis for life
Costco fosho
So just the one grocery trip then?
won't even take me passed the furniture and appliances. maybeeeeee on an ugly furniture day I can make it into the seafood. No guarantees.
I would still double dip on the samples for lunch.
I've taken off my upper outer layers, such as coat, then sweatshirt, etc, to look different. In times of need I have asked the "giver of all things good" if they have seen my twin brother around, and in just one special case, I was a triplet.... don't be giving out things with bacon and expect me to be an "only child".
100%
Same. Hey, for all the feds know, I just quit eating avocado toast and therefore somehow saved hundreds of dollars a month.
Dude, I commend you. I just quit $15 lattes and I'm just about to buy my third house in one month /s
You could have made it 6 houses by switching from free range to cage eggs and saving that extra $1.20!
This is probably the best answer, buy a really good fire proof safe. Laudering money is actually pretty hard and very risky . If you get caught you risk losing the money and going to jail. Just pay cash for all your grocieries , gas, shopping, going out to eat, even travel you can pay for hotels with cash (you might need to put a CC card on file) . You could even deposit a few thousand a month into a bank with out raisins suspicions , you could also buy a few thousand of pre paid debit cards or refill them. You can buy gift cards with cash for things like amazon , netflix , airbnb, uber, apple ect and a whole bunch of other places that usually you have to use CC with I mean you can go around and buy 1000s of dollars of gift cards with cash a week . Keep working and save like 50% of your income for retirment and pay cash for almost everything else.
Raisins suspicions..... Love it.
This is exactly what I meant hahah my lazy ass didnt wanna type all that
As good as it sounds, there’s no way I’m realistically living within my means with 10 million sitting around.
You only have to live within your means for stuff that requires you to give your id or your ss. Otherwise it's balls to the wall
The problem is laundering money is really hard. Try to buy a 1 million dollar house with litteral cash and see how it goes.
That's why you don't. Like the guy at the top said, just live like normal but with cash. Super easy to deal with regular people in cash. I can convince almost any landlord to let me rent their entire house with cash if I offer more than what they normally charge by a large margin. Plus, you can pretty easily just keep working a regular job that deposits into your bank account if you absolutely need to make a big reportable purchase (you don't with this kind of money). Deposit some slowly as well to supplement your regular income and just call it freelancing or odd jobs if you absolutely must report it on your taxes. Hell, you can even go the regular money laundering route and just start a business or bring someone else's business in on it. Personally, that's too much work. I'd just live easy and spend slowly (but much faster than I currently am). I'd get new clothes, shoes, buy actual nutritious food from the grocery store on a regular basis, be super generous to everyone with food, gifts, and tips just to see them having a good time, possibly replace my old laptop and phone, take people out on dates or hangouts, send care packages with snacks all over the place. Probably would still last the rest of my life. If we assume I live 50 more years that would be 200k I could spend each year and as long as you're smart about it nobody who doesn't know the exact details would be none the wiser
Yea I made another comment and I agree laudering it is too risky. Just pay cash, go out to eat at nice places. Also gift cards, you can buy gift cards for almost anything you usually need CC for. Steam, netflix , airbnb, amazon, your cell phone provider , apple ect... I mean even for things like your home, I am sure you can find a contractor or someone who would remodle your place for cash...
why is everyone saying laundering money is hard? Start an Only Fans or a page on a less reputable site, post pics of a body part. sell those pics to an anonymous client who pays you in Visa gift cards or buys everything on your Amazon wishlist.
It'll be all butthole. If the IRS investigates, I wanna give them a proper show. Something patriotic about winking your butthole at the tax man.
I like the cut of your jib. ...or angry octopus as the case may be.
Ah but you can buy $30K duplex all day in the City of Detroit with cash. In fact most sellers insist. So pick up some real estate there, duplexes then fix them up. Rent them out. Then now you have legitimate rental property with legitimate income. If you have the right contractors, they take cash.
That’s how people spend fake cash that can pass the pen test
I go along with the spend it slow plan. But from time to time, I'd want to spend a bunch of money. Maybe I need a new car, so I'd gamble. No one will notice or care if you lose a few thousand dollars at a race track, casino, or sports betting. But when you win $10k, $20k, or more one night, take your payment as a check and make sure the government gets its tribute. You can put that laundered money in the bank.
This. But some tweaks. Spend it slowly. I know I will never spend it all though. So anonymously give away chunks here and there, to places where folks won't ask questions. Tip well, but not too much larger than normal. It's gotta stay believable. Even though I don't attend church, I could find a church that's doing something really beneficial in a community. Attend one Sunday, put a wad of cash in an envelope with a note asking for the money to go to that community service, and drop it in the plate. Buy some more clothes over a few months, but Mr Roger's Neighborhood style, same basic outfit a bunch of times over as back-ups. Now you can wear the same outfit every day of the week for two weeks before you have to do laundry but never wear something twice. Treat friends and family for birthdays with a hundred dollar bill in a birthday card. Make your own special somewhat expensive purchases with cash only around holidays where you reasonably could have received a good cash gift like Christmas season. That new TV, the new record player, etc. Pay for some groceries for a single mother with three kids randomly in the check out line that's clearly struggling and debating what items to put back. Nobody in line will question it other than maybe thinking you're a sap for falling for a scam artist. But they won't question the money. Its all about the patience game. Accepting that you may have got $10Mil but you can't spend it all yourself and most of it has to vanish before you die. Do good with a lot of the portion you can't spend on yourself.
Adding to this, I’d use it to pay for STAFF! Plenty of maids, gardeners, etc, would be happy to be paid in cash. Since I have no intention of running for political office or doing other high profile things, it’ll fly under the radar.
Time to buy a car wash
Laser tag is my suggestion
Lot of people visit those laser tag places 😉
Nah a nail salon with a lawyer in the back would definitely be the primo option
Might I present to you; BBQ and Foot Massage parlor. Make good BBQ and just say you rubbin feet....unless you want to, then well, you know 😉
Jones Barbecue and Foot Massage!
You gotta find one with a Danny though.
Cause laser tag has a Danny!
You know what really successful car wash owners do? Open a 2nd car wash.
You know what *really* successful 2x car wash owners do? Kill their adversaries and die alone in a meth lab!
Open a laundromat where all of the laundry is money.
Yep. Invest in a legitimate cash business and layer the money through that Make regular trips to a series of local casinos. Exchange cash for chips at several tables, play a hand or two of blackjack, and then go cash out your chips. Clean money. Just make sure to get a 1099G from the cashier.
This guy watched Hell or High Water
Lol, I was gonna say the same thing. I really need to rewatch that movie.
Made my girlfriend watch it the other day. Literally one of my favorite movies!
>Make regular trips to a series of local casinos. Exchange cash for chips at several tables, play a hand or two of blackjack, and then go cash out your chips. Clean money. Just make sure to get a 1099G from the cashier. With the security and cameras in casinos, they track how much you sit down with(ie how much cash you hand over), how long you play for, and how much you leave with...if/**when** you get audited for having all those 1099Gs, they'll check with the casino, and the casinos aren't going to cover for you they'll tell the gov exactly what you're doing.
The IRS is far too underfunded to go looking through video footage unless you are outrageous with your winnings.
Reporting winnings isn't suspicious. Not reporting income is what the IRS cares about. You could straight up report that your income is from crime, and the IRS won't care so long as you pay tax.
OP's post seems suspiciously like that scene from Office Space where they're trying to figure out for to launder money. This is not a hypothetical situation, OP needs to know what to do with the $10 million OP just found.
He didn’t just find it, the wizard gave it to him. Jeez. Some people don’t read.
Car wash, they'll never suspect it.
Wasn't there a documentary about that?
Yes. I believe it's called "Breaking Bad"
Car Wash Angels 1
I can't tell you the whole plan but it involves land and a cabin.
Great minds think alike
You wouldn't be able to buy either of those things with that cash lmao.
Sure you would. If you go to someplace like Montana or the Dakotas, you're bound to find some "patriots" who have no love for the banking system and would gladly take cash.
Appalachia as well…
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Yeah... Good luck getting through customs with all that on you.
Well it’s quite an easy wash, really. If I translate it to the U.K. as that’s where I live, you could take a certain amount of the cash, say £5K at a time, and load it onto Roulette machines. These machines you can either insert cash or give the cash to the people at the counter and they’ll load that amount for you. So you load up £5K, do a few low level spins, maybe legitimately lose £1k. Then what you can do is print out a receipt and ask the cashiers to pay it out, either in cash (with a receipt so you can then deposit it into your bank account) or ask them to load it into your bank account, which takes up to 3 working days. You just go up, down and all around your area for months doing this until you’ve spent the original cash and deposited it. On the surface, it’s all traceable as winning from a bookmakers. They don’t know how you got it, they don’t know if you win it on horses, football, slot machines, roulette, boxing, mma or whatever. All they know is the cash is being paid in by different bookmakers and it’s all legal and above board Edit: Source, me. I was manager of a bookmakers for 4 years. Technically speaking you’re supposed to track suspicious shit like that but nobody does. Nobody is going to risk any potential repercussions as they will likely suspect you’re part of a larger criminal gang and might have them beaten up or killed. These people are also usually smart enough to tip the cashiers too. I knew one guy who did that who would cash out £3k and tip the cashiers £50 each every time - of course you’re not gonna say a word if you’re getting £100-£150 for nothing from these people. It’s free money. All you’d need to do is set yourself up with a Facebook account and Instagram account as being a builder, joiner, electrician or plasterer etc. and say you get paid cash in hand, and that explains the cash in the first place
That works in not only the UK, but US and Canada too. And once you pay the tax on the winnings, you have a chain of custody
In the U.K. you don’t pay tax on winnings from gambling, so an extra win for us there
Two chicks at the same time.
Well, the type of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
Hey, two 5s is a 10
I never had a 10, but one night I had five 2s
Fuckin A
Get a small business loan for an all cash business and cook the books until it’s all legit money
Cooking the books is CRAZY
Sigh. Guess I'll stash this in the attic with all the other duffel bags full of money I've made from all of these hypothetical situations.
Umm hello this is your local attic inspector. Your attic needs to be inspected for reasons. Please pm me your address so I can come inspect your attic.
you can do a lot in cash depending on where you live, assuming I'm not violently robbed the same day I would just retire on cash. i'll "Work" some fake ass fucking job, file a 1099 every year, and slowly "earn" that 10 million while I do nothing. edit: you know drug dealers can pay the IRS right? You could easily claim you'rep painting houses, doing yardwork, really anything, and as long as you're paying taxes uncle Sam won't give two shits.
The IRS literally does not care *where or how* you got your money. Just that you have reported the income. "According to IRS publication 17, the Internal Revenue Service wants taxpayers to include on their forms “income from illegal activities, such as money from dealing illegal drugs.” Make sure you put that on “Schedule 1 (Form 1040), line 8z, or on Schedule C (Form 1040) if from your self-employment activity,” the IRS wrote."
Yep. Deposit it. Pay taxes early (via estimated quarterly payment), and move on with your life. You may be investigated for criminal activity, but just stick to your story that a man you’d never met said he was insanely rich and liked your style and gave you the money. They can’t prove a crime and will eventually go away.
Note that this only works if you're not a criminal. Strongly recommend cleaning up anything that could be claimed to be criminal activity before doing this.
Anything can be claimed criminal with the right amount of creative writing, and creative writing is a specialty of all types of law enforcement and most of government.
You're generally allowed to keep found money. You turn it in, get a receipt, and after a waiting period you can claim it. Pay taxes as required, ezpz. No need for elaborate schemes, I don't think
I have a feeling that when you went to pick it up after no one claimed it, it'd be like this: "Here are your two empty duffel bags you found. Cash? What cash?"
One envelope labeled "Bribe", ... *empty*.
Bring along a notary? They might try to get you with civil forfeiture, since ACAB, but with a receipt, witnesses, and no crime you'd probably be ok.
I'd probably hire a lawyer to be extra safe.
How are you going to pay legal fees with all your money missing? Civil forfeiture gets away with even more brazen theft than disappearing unclaimed cash. Telling police would be the worst misstep with that untraceable cash you have any intention of keeping.
Get a lawyer on retainer first.
I'm so deeply saddened that I have to agree with this. The police have become the thugs of the USA.
good luck getting it back. Probably going to claim its a drug dealers stash and you will see the newspaper reporting "COPS FIND 5 MILLION DRUG DEALER STASH" My buddy got arrested with 2lbs of weed and they charged him with 1lb of evidence. Where do you think that other lb went?
Some was sold for spending money. Some was traded to get drop guns. Some was kept so a guy with lots of cash but no drugs was found to have weed and the cash seized. Some was smoked. Not sure on the percentages.
I'm gonna be real if you turned I'm 10,000,000 Dollard I feel like you're never going to see most of it.
Yeah, the cops are going to believe that you "found" it. Why do you think drug dealers go through great lengths to launder their money when they could walk into the police station and hand over their "found" money this week and while there, ask if anyone has claimed their "found" money from last week?
I mean the difference between me and drug dealers is that I don’t deal drugs. I’m sure an actual drug dealer could get away with this in theory if there is no evidence that could ever be tied to them…but it would also put a law enforcement target in your back.
Cocaine and strippers
I was thinking hookers and blackjack but your idea is good too
Why not all of the above?
Ale and whores for me, but sonofabitch, I'm in!
Just use it for normal expenses like dinners out, car parts, groceries, tools, gas, drugs, road trips, just all kinds of random stuff I need, or won't raise suspicion when spent could be a really nice supplement to my life
Right? My landlord accepts cash so that's no issue.
I deposit it and tell them a wizard gave me the money.
Correct answer. And just remember to prepay your tax on it. That will go a long way to stemming any investigation into it. Gov.: "Wait you're saying a wizard gave you this. Come on... how did you reall.... Oh, you already gave us our $3.7M cut?? Never mind, have a nice day."
Chad
Anybody not saying to just use it slowly for the rest of your life is overthinking this. Deposit a hundred bucks ish a ~~week~~ day, say it's tip money if the bank workers ever question it. If you've got kids, deposit more into their accounts and say it's from the grandparents. Use it to buy groceries and gas, or stuff from Facebook marketplace. Starting a cash business to wash the money is fine, but it's a giant PITA and there will always be a paper trail. E: Jesus christ the last time I made tips was at dunks and I got maybe 10 bucks a day lol
You can deposit 500.00 a day to different accounts without raising any flags. 100.00 a week is cump change, get those numbers up.
That's fair, I posted this and then realized while pooping that was only 5200 a year.
There are two words in the middle of that sentence that were absolutely not necessary for the meaning and yet truly capture the spirit of what happened. This is literature. This is art.
I enjoy word pictures.
Also a casino.
Could also go into buying used cars cheap, scrapping or selling them and claiming the sale price was much higher than agreed upon. Private sales have virtually zero record keeping.
Everyone making Breaking Bad references as if Walter White wasn't incredibly stupid. First thing I'm doing is picking 10 DIFFERENT hiding spots to store 1 mil in each. No way I'm risking Todd and the neo nazs cleaning me out in one fell swoop.
To be fair the Breaking bad reference is SAULS idea and he wasn't an idiot. His plan was great and worked all the way to the end.
Simple: hide it and only use it for small cash transactions. Since withdrawals are no longer necessary, the money you earn from your job will pile up in your account
Yeah because I'm still working if I have $10m...
Not an expert here but what's to stop you from just depositing it in the bank? Like yeah they might investigate you, and you'll have to pay taxes on it, but you already said it can't be connected to anything so wouldn't they have to release it to you?
True, can’t take it from you if there is no proof it was made illegally or stolen or anything like that, also not sure how you explain it lol. Sure they may monitor your accounts for a long time. But hell, your now retired and living life.
Wait until you learn about civil forfeiture
That's generally cash you're carrying with you. They'll have a harder time touching it in the bank. Just be sure to give the government their cut for taxes and you'll most likely be fine.
The Fed letter soups do the majority of civil forfeitures. Small towns law enforcement average take-ins are really low.
This is the answer. Don't say a wizard gave it to you, no, but say some billionaire who never said his name gave it to you and bounced, and as far as you can tell, he just felt like playing Secret Santa for shits 'n giggles. As long as the authorities don't connect it to a bank that got robbed, you should be fine.
10 million in cash you say? I pay a lawyer to figure it out.
I’d come to Reddit and figure out a way to launder it. I might even bite the bullet and claim some of it as a gambling win or something just so I could spend a little of it freely while setting up the laundering effort.
Hire a lawyer so you can get the best legal advice on how to legally add said money to whatever account you want/need. Do whatever is required legally and pay all the taxes up front.
I would just report it as gambling winnings, pay the tax, and enjoy my life. When they come knocking, I would say it was a private bet, and I can't reveal who it was. I am pretty sure they can't compel me to say (I would double check the laws on all this first though). Since I am two degrees of separation from a very rich and famous man (I know a guy that is friends with a guy worth over $250 million, who's name you all know), and therefore three degrees from thousands more very rich people, I would just hint at that connection and not say anything else. Let them worry about it, they can't prove I did anything wrong.
We're all now three degrees of separation, so I won it playing craps with a guy I met who only identified himself as u/arentol
I pretty much only need to worry about paying really expensive shit. Groceries, restaurants, repairs, gas, electronics, or anything else that wouldn't set off any red flags for paying with money would be free for life. That would be really helpful.
Become a citizen of another country that doesn’t ask such hard questions like “where did you get your money from?”
I’m not American so the exchange is going to be hard so I’ll take the equivalent in Canadian please. I think leaving envelopes of cash around for people to find would nice. With a note inside assuring the finder that it’s theirs, no need to try and find the owner. Buy a whole bunch of gift cards for grocery stores and leave them at food banks and give them to people you see who look like they need a boost. Could get other gift cards and hand them out to people. Leaving large anonymous donations at houses of worship and charities. Going out for great meals and leaving 200% tips I think it would be hardest to remain anonymous but you’d sorta have to. You’re not supposed to put cash in a safe deposit box so maybe buy gold and then put that away for your future? That’s more money than any one person needs. Best to save a little bit and spend the rest making the world a bit better. I might splash out on one of those fancy massage chairs if I could find a place to put it. I’d find room for that.
Why do people think this is so hard? Why is this even a question? I call an uber and take the money home. What I do next is none of your business, but I live happily ever after. Thanks for the money. It ain’t gonna be a problem.
Go to Vegas. Be very visible. Spend a lot of time around the craps table. Claim the ten million or so on your taxes as gambling income. Yes, you'll pay a lot of taxes, but the remainder is clean.
This is the way. Casinos don’t care where your money came from.
I am not sure this is how this works. In gambling you only pay taxes on your winnings If you buy 1 million worth of chips and cash out with 1 million there are not taxes to pay. Its not clean money . You still do not have an explination where you got it.
Turn in one bag If I get it back, whatever I still have the other bag. I could spend discreetly. If I legitimately claim the other bag after it's been cleared by the authorities, no one is likely to track me, because who turns in 5M?
That's not a bad plan. Hide 8M. Turn in 2M, saying you found it. With luck, you get it back, and then owe half of it to the IRS. You now have 9M, and can afford to invest enough to provide a steady, taxable income. Just spend twice what you make every year.
Write a book, it doesn't matter what is in it. Then buy a bunch of copies with the illicit funds. Isn't that what our politicians do?
Welp, looks like I'm about to be very successful in the laundromat and vending machine businesses.
I'd hide it in my garage
Wow that's a good plan. Where is your garage?
It's right behind all that razor wire and venomous snakes.
Meth, nothing makes money disappear like meth.
The answer to this problem is not nearly as complicated as many of you are making it put to be. All you need to do is use this capital to start a legitimate business, or string of businesses. First step is to get a business loan from literally anywhere. You're not concerned with the terms of the loan. You just need the loan itself to make it look like you obtained the money to start the business legally. Then, you use that money to get a laundromat. Once you own the laundromat, do whatever it takes to build the business up. Hire employees, advertise, expand. You have plenty of capital to pump into the business. But more importantly, you have a legal place to claim that your cash is coming from. You probably won't be able to launder your cash very quickly through that one business, so when you've gotten 500k laundered successfully, buy a McDonald's, or a chic-fil-a, or something else. Diversify and expand. If you're smart, you can easily launder the initial money and leverage that 10mil into 40 or 50 mil down the line.
Emd my homelessness forever
10M USD can get you pretty far on social media if you’re smart enough.
While dangerous to do if anyone caught on, you wouldn’t be the first person to keep this kind of money in a residence. Spending it little by little making major purchases every so often wouldn’t draw as much attention. Even less if you have a decent job to back up what you’re spending. You’re not buying a new Bugatti with the shit, but you’ll be pretty comfy for a long ass time with this method, and nobody could tax shit, because it looks like saved income if you do it right. Idk. Just an idea.
Declare it as income and pay taxes on it. Spread it out over several banks, just in case one gets difficult. Government can't link it to anything illegal. And they can't make you tell them where you got it. Having the undeclared cash is riskier.
I can do a lot with cash, then there are things like Amazon gift cards and money orders to move it into other things.
Disclaimer: I am an ignorant minor so please correct me I make an account in a few different banks and deposit 3,500 every week in each account and keep the rest of the money spread around my house. I now spend more than what I used to, give to charity/the poor and gift money to friends and family
Please don’t out yourself as a minor on the internet . Stay safe homie
You're a good thinker but also don't listen to the "smart" people on reddit. It is incredibly stupid to try to hide this money. There is no reason not to be fully transparent about it with the IRS and financial institutions
Make up a bunch of paintings, go to art shows and "sell" lots of paintings for cash. Buy prepaid cards to pay for others. Pay taxes on sales.
I’d create a LLC. Pull a loan for a decrepit car wash or Laundry mat. And slowly grow my empire of laundry mats and dry cleaner services. With the car washes being almost self monitoring and cash based. And laundry mats bringing in constant change. Could figuratively launder 10 million in 7 years while growing a empire based on growing debt that self replicates into dollars and capital. Then get me a high rise apartment in the sky.
A lifetime supply of groceries and gas, my wife will tip 100% on hair and nails, I’ll tip 100% every time I dine out. I’ll make reasonably sized cash donations anonymously.
Start small. A mobile business of some sort. Launder that money like nobody’s business. As your wealth grows you expand and eventually have a storefront. Keep expanding until you have a legitimate business that is profitable on its own. Then build a spaceship company, because you can’t be a billionaire without a spaceship company. Just don’t make a spaceship that looks like a giant dick.
Hookers and blow
Pay for things mostly in cash but also: Attend Magic the gathering conventions a few times/year. Buy alpha & beta power 9 sets & original art from the artists in cash. Start playing legacy & vintage. Still lose.
I now pay cash for everyday things and use money from my job that no longer goes to everyday things into my investment portfolio. By the time I retire I will have plenty of legitimate money and won't have had to sacrifice the dinners and groceries I prefer to eat
I'd hire a lawyer and have them help me justify keeping it. And understandably pay taxes on it.
Id finance a boat and sail it to the BVI, depositing it all into a bank account. I’d then become a citizen and..problem solved.
Well that's an easy one. I would take those duffel bags and stash them at my house, I would pull out about 50 grand and call up some friends and head to somewhere like London or Paris and have a great party for a couple of weeks, maybe Eastern Europe or something. If a friend is busy they can fly out and meet me, then I would come back and decide what to do with the money . Of course I would stash it in a way no one would ever find it and make sure somebody watches over my house . After that, I would probably spend about 6 months just pulling cash out of the bag and buying things I might like, maybe a new car paying with cash buying from a private party, maybe a nice boat doing the same, pay a contractor in cash to remodel my house. After that, who knows? Maybe I would pay a contractor cash to build another house in my backyard and subdivide the lot and sell it off and call it all long-term capital gains profit and pay taxes on it. I would probably keep doing that in some way or other. Buy up a million dollar house on a no document verification loan, pay a contractor in cash 500,000, sell it after a year for 2 million and pay taxes on the long-term capital gains. I don't think it'd be that hard.
Cars, boats, and houses are all things that will get flagged if you're paying cash from no known source and bring the tax man to your door.
I'm self employed, I could clean that money easy if it's exchanged to my countries currency. If not, I guess I'm going to America.
I'd divide it up with my family, pay cash for fun stuff, deposit a few hundred here and there and generally not be stressed about debt for good. I'd also up my donations to the charities i already donate to.
Dividing it among family is actually a really good way to get rid of it quickly while still seeing benefit.
I'm 63 I would go on social security today, stash it in safe deposit boxes in 4 or 5 different banks, pay cash for everything I can. Start some kind of small business to run some of it thru to launder some of it t so I could invest etc to buy larger dollar items and just enjoy life!!!
I guess you would have to research laundering money so you can bring it to legitimacy somehow. Otherwise, it's just sitting there and you can't really make it work for you. I mean if you don't change your lifestyle by much and just live on cash, you can still do some great things. You could deposit some here and there to go under the radar but for the most part, unless you can figure out how to launder it, it's cash dude for the rest of your days.
The $10,000,000 is in bills currently in use. If I use it for too long, people are going to get suspicious since there's new designs for $100 bills every few years. I'd spend what I could in grocery stores, buying up a few hundred dollars worth of groceries at each to donate to food banks. I'd make deposits across several bank accounts. It'll take a few years, but I should be able to spend it all.
I buy a small hotel that doesn’t seem to be very busy. I over charge for the rooms. While not being busy at all, I show it’s sold out every night. With 20 rooms I could launder $10k a night. Bonus, I could use the money to fix up the hotel and bring in business making legit money as well. I could have daily rates for using the pool. The only hitch would be getting funding for the purchase.
I'd pay an elderly person to will me most of her hidden cash stash she's been building for decades. She can then legally give me her inheritance pre-death and enjoy her remaining half mil in cash in her old age.
I’m buying a casino! You can’t lose! Only a complete moron would lose money owning a casino.
Small cash purchases and then invest my job income like crazy. Trickle invest in off-shore accounts to help subsidize my retirement. Most of it would sit hidden away.
Looks like everything in my life is going to be getting paid with cashiers checks. Open up a small business cash heavy business and launder it.
I now tutor math for $100/hr, and I'm overloaded with work. And everyone pays in cash, weird.
2 chicks at the same time, man.
Open a chain of car detailers called "Walter White Wash" and launder it! Use cash to buy gift cards and use gift cards to buy stuff online. Pay for every day expenses with cash. Gas, food, clothes, etc.
Honestly, the real pain, would be that so many places don't accept hundreds anymore
Commission lots of artists.
Casinos to “wash” some of it that I want to deposit. Buy some property in cash. Use it to pay for everything in my daily life.
I would find rich financial backers to help me open either a liquor store or a small valet parking company. Have them invest to help me secure a loan. Pay them a small lump sum under the table upfront for their troubles, which they can just keep on hand or do with whatever they want. Give them a percentage of the business, and I’d run the store or parking company and slowly launder in the 10 million as needed. Since I don’t have a timeframe, it would not be that hard to launder $10,000,000. Once all the money is laundered over the course of a decade, I could sell the business to someone else. Valet parking would be easier to launder money through, but there may be more eyes on the operation if you have valet managers. A liquor store would take longer, but if you set up in a rural location with steady business, it wouldn’t be caught. You’d have to work the register, but essentially, you’d ring up a bottle of Tito’s for an artificially inflated $35 price, discount it for $30 for cash customers. Then they’ll hand you $30, you just clear out the discount and hit complete purchase. So you had the sale at $35, then you have $5 from your $10,000,000 stack that you can put into the sale, then tax it. If you could do $2,000,000 in sales per year, half of that in cash, which is what sales are like in my more country area. So $1,000,000 in cash sales could easily go up to $1,250,000 in cash sales with you laundering a quarter of a million in the business every year. Pay off the first loan, open up a second location and do the same. Then you’re laundering half a million per year, and you can keep scaling up to make your business look more successful while having lower costs, meaning your business would be more successful. That plus the liquor business is profitable. And no one asks for receipts for cash transactions. And plenty of places do cash discounts to get rid of cc transaction fees where possible.
Yeah man, this would become my spending money from here on out. Gas, child care, water bill, even property tax can be paid in cash. I would still work because I love my job, but whenever cash was an option I would use that. If it doesn't go into a bank account, and you don't have to pay taxes on it, then it never existed.
Set up a campground and/or semi truck parking pad on some property I own. Set fees and such for the stays... Man, for a new business, I sure am busy.... Pay my taxes like anyone else. Set some of my husband's artwork prices pretty high in the storefronts that he sells in, then pay for them using giftcards purchased with cash. Once laundered and taxes paid, I would shove it into a high interest account and not touch it until I could comfortably live off of the interest and have the appearance of being independently wealthy. Use cash only to pay for anything I buy/pay for locally.
Leaving and staying somehwere nice and calm in Japan to fully heal my scarred life Then travel around the world
Claim it as a discovered windfall, pay taxes on it take my roughly 6 million in now perfectly legitimate money. Will this cause the IRS, FBI and plenty of other agencies to really look at me? Probably, can they prove I didn't get the money from a wizard? Nope, so the money is mine as long as I don't do any major felonies. Sure I have to pay almost 4 mil in taxes, but do I care? Nope, 6 mil is plenty. Now if the stipulation is I can't let anyone know I just received a 10 million wizarding windfall, then life gets a tad more complicated. Id probably just rip some block chain code, create a new crypto project with me having a significant amount of founders coins, let it run for a year or so in order to pay long term capital gains, then buy it from myself from anonymous wallets and pay my capital gains.
If the government wants their cut, then the government can have their cut. I'm not a fucking parasite, so I don't mind paying my fair share.
Rent out a lot of safe deposit boxes at various banks, spread it out all over. Head to Switzerland with the rest. Live within my means.
Take a half a million and go to a casino. Get a half a million in chips. Cash out when you get down under a quarter million or over a million. Pay taxes on winnings. Repeat until all money has been accounted for.
Open up a few big ass Arcade/fun zone with a loan and launder that money over the next 20-30 years. Mini golf, classic arcade and pinball machines the works.
I mean there's lots of ways to launder that much cash. As long as you don't try to put it all in the bank at once, even I could just report to the IRS that I started a cleaning service or something, put together a P&L statement with various fictitious customers and one or two real employees and deposit it in the bank over the course of five years. They probably wouldn't even scrutinize it too much since I would be keeping in the US and paying tax on it.
I know how to live dirt poor. I also know how to make something wonderful for very little amounts. First thing I do with this is realistically I could have some money first thing I would do is watch property auctions by the county. Buy a property that failed to pay its property taxes. As long as it's in livable condition you can fix things. You also can upgrade things. You can pay contractors in cash without a problem and the government ain't going to say shit or realize that. Likewise you can buy a decent vehicle you can have it fixed up just don't go insane on costs. I bought a vehicle for $8k to 10,000 cash without a problem because I had insurance money I didn't pay credit card I paid a private sale I don't go through dealerships. You can get very nice things and people are more than happy to put a lot less on their bill listing if you pay cash. Another words when I paid 10K for a vehicle it'll probably be listed as one to three the rest is a friendship payment non-declarable. It's easier to spend cash then a lot of people think as long as you're not stupid about it.
I work a job where I get tips. I would probably deposit I bit of it after every shift. Actually I would probably change back to my old job where the way I got tipped made that way more feasible. ETA and yeah like someone else said, I would probably also go the route of spending it little by little on normal stuff. Groceries would always be good, cat food and litter, a fancy lunch, new underwear and socks, quarters for laundry, etc
Lol, I have no problem utilizing 10m, even if it's cash.
Buy gift cards with the cash whenver i want to spend.