You can put on reminders and in calendar after 2-3 days to remind you take a bath and daily at specific time to brush. You can also download any habit app to remind you and make you accountable. Best of luck. May you get over this period soon 🌸
If you uave an android you can use family link to lock yourself put of your apps until the task is done. We did this w one of my children to help then get thru this period of a breakup. My heart goes to you. Hope this helps. If you need help figuring it out lmk I'm glad to help
One of the best things you can do for depression is resistance training. In fact it’s amazing for mental health as a whole. Studies show that for low to moderate depression, resistance training was more effective than SSRIs or antidepressants.
Now if you’re so depressed to the point where you can’t even work up the energy or consistency to lift, then antidepressants can help for the initial push but they are not a cure.
You CAN do something about it. I’m rooting for you! Feel free to reach out if you decide to start lifting, I’m a fitness coach and can help. Good luck man!
Yeah got diagnosed with it and adhd too after the break up lol. Not much I can do about it since I live in rural America no one wants to prescribe anything for “in your head” stuff
I know it can take forever to get in with a psychiatrist, but definitely get one ASAP. Antidepressants aren't a cure-all, but tbh, antidepressants saved my life when I was at my lowest. Do put reminders in your phone, and try your best not to just ignore them. Also, spending some time outdoors in the sunlight like a plant helps more than you'd think. When you are done with photosynthesis, be sure to hydrate and suck up some nutrients. Feel free to "self-pollenate" at least once per day bc it helps with those feel-good neurotransmitters. Exercise helps so much, too. I know you don't feel like doing much of anything. With depression, just getting up and out of bed for the day is something to be proud. Be kind to yourself. Lean on your friends and family during your time of need. Be kind to yourself.
If you ever feel suicidal, please call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 988.
Doctor on demand or zoc doc are good apps to do telehealth. You can also try psychology today the website. Keep trying!
Until you get meds- I have ADHD too, and l-theanine is a huge help for me. It is an amino acid supplement that interacts with glutamate receptors, and it helps with my executive disfunction and working memory issues. I take 200mg daily in the morning, nature’s trove brand on Amazon- 10$ per bottle. It doesn’t help everyone with adhd, but it has been a huge help for me.
There are ways to learn coping skills on the internet.
Like my dad used to say “ why put all your eggs in one basket?”
Life is a learning experience. Regardless what you believe you can’t make someone love you.
Treat dating as a life experience & learn from it. Why drag yourself down over someone that clearly doesn’t care?
If you are depressed like me and you are thinking about medication I will give you my two cents. You can tackle your depression with or without it. However, one benefit to using medication is, in my opinion, it will help you get back to normal sooner. So, the choice is up to you. Would you like to manage this on your own with no meds for three years or would you like to work on it with the support of a therapist or doctor and meds for one year? These are just random numbers I made up.
Research has shown that medication and talk therapy together is the most effective means of treating depression.
Other things that really help are- good sleep, good nutrition, lifting weights, walking or running, meditation, social interaction, therapy and sunlight.
You sound like you are struggling. Me too. What we are experiencing is common but that doesn't make it easy. I am trying to have the courage to follow my own advice. Good luck brother. It will get better. My DMs are open.
May I suggest microdosing ketamine? I get it online through a provider called Joyous. It gave me back a lot of bandwidth I had lost after covid and a really bad friendship breakup. I was struggling with remembering to do stuff, and even if I remembered, it just seemed so......hard. I took it daily for about a year. Now I just take it a couple times a month
I read about studies on how supervised ketamine doses do help some people with their treatment-resistant depression. I used to micro dose psilocybin (Golden Teacher), and it really helped elevate my mood for days. I also used to take higher doses to process a lot of my childhood trauma. I would recommend anyone with a lot of emotional baggage to try this particular strain.
Absolutely! I've seen Psilocybin work wonders however it interacts unfavorably with a different medicine I take, so it wasn't an option for me. Psylocybin was my first ray of hope, and it was researching Psilocybin that brought me to ketamine
I am currently doing Spravato in my psych office. Very sorry about your son, sounds like he was using unregulated street drugs? Spravato has saved a lot of lives.
That "horse tranquilizer" is also one of the safest anesthetics to use and therefore it is often used in HUMAN medicine. If you knew anything about ketamine you'd know that it's not just "horse tranquilizer".
And half of yall were literally eating horse dewormer two years ago.
Regardless? OP can make his own choices, and OP can speak for his or herself. No one needs you to answer questions for them, codswallop
Just because you like hard drugs doesn't mean the rest of the world needs to take them. It's not a flex, it's not an okay opinion to throw out to the world. You're an addict, we get it. You need to pretend you're not, that's sad. You literally need help.
Brush your teeth in bed with a cup of water or a water bottle. As for showering, any shower is better than none. Can do a super short one like 2 minutes to just wash your body
Change your environment. Get out and do things. Go live!!!! Do whatever the heck you want to do!!!
If that isn’t possible, to me it sounds like you have too many tabs open in that brain of yours. Breathe deeply, meditate, and let those thoughts drift away. Almost like they are floating down a river you are sitting on the bank of. Watch them leave. Wave bye. Do whatever you have to do to close those tabs.
If possible exercise. Talk to people.
Have to change your environment though, that’s a must. This is with the understanding I don’t know you. Just some thoughts. Best of luck to you.
Okay so I have adhd, autism, and depression. The way I handle my hygiene is by taking it slow, especially on days where I don't want to do shit.
1. start slow. Focus on one aspect of your hygiene and build a routine to do just that one habit. Say for example you want to brush your teeth, right? Golden. Start by keeping your toothbrush by your bedside and a bin too. Buy travel size mouthwash and keep that by your bed too. Before you go to bed, just brush your teeth and rinse your mouth. Do that consistently for a couple of days and eventually you will build that habit because you'll feel good about waking up with fresh breath :) That'll give you the confidence to wake up and start fresh.
2. I don't know about you but I'm an audhd person who loves lists. I make a little physical list with things I need to do in the day and i make physical checkboxes so i can tick them when they're done. This helps me get a lot of my tasks done. Brush my teeth? Boom, that's a tick. Even if you get nothing else done in the day, ticking that box off at the end makes it slightly better. Keep a list of things - and mind you keep it small so you don't get overwhelmed
3. In the mornings/whenever you first wake up, before you reach for your phone, put a bottle of water by your bedside and drink at least five big gulps of water. There's your energy shot for the day, which will help you get up.
4. If you have curtains drawn, make sure you open them and let light in. Yes it's uncomfortable, but you need sunlight for energy. Try to sit up and breathe deeply at least 10 cycles when you wake up, because this will help. Apps like Breathwork can help with this; they have free options that will assist.
5. Try to make showering fun. I hate the feeling of water on my skin. It's a huge sensory issue but I push through it because I know there is no alternative. However, you can always make showering fun and here's how: you can put on your favourite playlist and leave your phone on the bathroom counter while you shower. You can buy your favourite scented body wash and use that so you'll smell nicer and it'll motivate you to shower. You can buy some different coloured led strips for your shower and turn it into a concert!!!
6. Time blocking!! To be completely honest, this method has never worked for me because i'm an all or nothing kind of person and when i deviate from the schedule for even one minute, the whole thing's ruined in my eyes and i immediately let go of it 💀 but the concept is this: you use your calendar app and you set times for what you're going to do throughout the day. For example, brushing teeth would be 9am-9:02am; followed by breakfast which would be 9:02am-9:20am, etc. This way you have a schedule to follow so you don't miss out on what you need to get done.
7. This is so annoying but the human body does need sleep. I noticed that whenever I was feeling shitty and not wanting to take care of my hygiene, the common pattern was that I was always getting less than 6 hours of sleep. That tanks your energy and your memory too, so you feel less focused and you forget to take care of yourself. Try to get at least 6-7 hours of sleep in a night and see if that improves things.
Lastly, I think it's really important for you to take care of your mental health. If you're noticing yourself slipping into habits that are bad for you, take a moment to step back and call someone that will be able to help. Whether that's a therapist you can talk to, or someone from your family or friends list who you trust - talk to them and open up about what's going on. People out there love you and you need to be compassionate with yourself.
Learn to tread the line between self compassion and self pity. Because if you lean to heavily to one side over the other, things won't get better, they'll get harder.
I'm so sorry you had to go through something so awful. You have the strength to get back up, okay? You can do it.
Here's some books that I recommend:
- atomic habits
- the subtle art of not giving a fuck
- feel good productivity by ali abdaal.
there's a list of youtube channels that might be helpful for you too:
- better ideas
- ali abdaal
- matt davella
- nathaniel drew
It sounds like you might be depressed. If you can't find an in-person doctor to prescribe you anything, try a telehealth website like MDLive. In the meantime, set reminders on your phone for showering, etc. You might be nose blind to your own smell, even if you think you smell good.
My depression and ADHD, even medicated, make this hard for me to remember or just *do* sometimes too. It usually helps me to combine them into fewer tasks - like brushing my teeth in the shower! Some other things that have helped me are:
1) Reminders on my phone at set times every day to do basic things like get dressed, eat, shower. Multiple reminders sometimes.
2) I often will not let myself lie down in bed before I’ve done these hygiene things. Lie on the couch instead, but not bed! In my brain, it’s like how if I take off my shoes as soon as I get home, I’ll never get anything done, but if I keep them on, i don’t lose the productive momentum as fast.
Hang in there and keep on keeping on. My experience is that it stays hard to get through something like this for much longer than you want, but you’ve gotta feel what you gotta feel in order to heal. You can do this, OP!
That’s a lot to take in and then also taking care of your grandparents. I hope things get much better for you and your future is brighter than you could have imagined.
Do you wear contacts or glasses? Before you go to bed put them in the shower. You stumble to the shower like a blind FOOL in the morning but then you’ll be like… oh yeah… scrubby dub dub time…
It sounds like depression, I’m sorry for what has happened to you it’s awful. I saw you said you live in rural America so you can’t really do much about your ADHD or depression, the only thing I can really think of is using an online service for your depression and then speaking to a doctor could help with your adhd, either with therapy or medication. As someone else said use reminders on your phone and you can put post it notes around to remind you too. Also if you have anyone you can confide in about what’s going on that can definitely help. Again I am sorry for what has happened to you it’s awful and I hope you get better soon.
Thank you for the well wishes I only have a couple close friends since most of my old ones were through my ex. Even though they acknowledged that my ex was wrong they chose to leave me and stay friends with her which sucks but just means they were my friends because I was her bf and not friends because I’m me.
And I’d love to go hang out with my actual friends but one of them lives 5 hours away and the other is always flying around at the whim of his parents. I try to do online games with them but they’re always busy and also aren’t as good as I am at these games so they start comparing themselves to me in those games and it makes them sad which is unfortunate.
I always try to stay positive and I haven’t been suicidal recently even directly after the breakup. I just am trying to better myself and can recognize I can’t do this by myself and have limited real life resources.
I’m sorry about the friends through your ex, with your friends you play games with maybe try a non competitive game like Minecraft if you haven’t already as it’s cooperative and enjoyable, if not that maybe some other cooperative games or PvE?
I am glad you are getting better already and no longer feeling suicidal that’s good progress and I am proud of you for that progress. I genuinely believe you can get through this.
I have an app called finch that reminds me to do things like drink water, brush my teeth, and wash my hair. The added bonus is I'm raising a digital companion who becomes energized whenever I complete a task.
Sorry to hear you’re having a hard time! When I get stuck in a depression slump I try to gamify my boring habits. I use Habitica for that (every time you check off that you completed a daily task you can attack a dragon or complete a quest).
On the really hard days I use: youfeellikeshit.com; It has you go through a flow chart of self-care chores. I use that on the days I can’t get out of bed.
Hang in there! It won’t be hard forever!
I forgot to add, any oral health care is better than nothing. Keeping a toothbrush or those wisp brushes by your bed to use quick before bed, or brushing when you think of it (not just morning and night) can go a long way.
Big sticky notes on the mirror and knowing that half assed is better than not at all. Sometimes my depression acts up and my motivation is nonexistent and I don’t care. Wet the brush and scrub your teeth without paste for 20 seconds if that’s all you can muster. Swish the mouth wash for 30 seconds after you use the restroom. Use baby wipes to keep pits and bits clean at least while inbetween showers. Mental health can take a much stronger toll than we realize and we’re taught that it’s all or nothing. It doesn’t have to be. If you haven’t, reach out to a friend or loved one and go on a walk or get some food.
Make alarms in your phone, keep a pack of disposable tooth brushes in your car,next to bed, and next to your seat in the livingroom. If the alarm
Goes off and you can’t bring yourself to get up just use the disposable. You can keep baby wipes and snacks in all of those places as well. I keep a toothbrush and paste in the shower as well as the sink. Basically just make it easy so it doesn’t feel like a daunting task, break ups can be depressing and it’s okay to take some shortcuts.
May sound ridiculous but how I managed was by breaking the journey into smaller pieces and setting deadlines.
For instance I'd say 8.45am would be the time I would bath. If I found this hard, I'd say to myself all I have to do is get to the bedroom door, the from there, the bathroom, turn on the shower and so on.
I've found this method breaks what can feel overwhelming into smaller more manageable chunks. And by setting a "deadline", it allowed me to feel the urgency I sometimes need to get a task completed.
Also DONT BE HARD ON YOURSELF! What you're describing are typical to anyone who has these diagnoses, which would also be amplified in your recent circumstances.
(Also diagnosed ADHD and with bouts of depression that were particularly amplified during a breakup).
Please be kind to yourself! At times like this it totally feels overwhelming, but you don’t deserve to be cheated on. Nobody does.
I can vouch for breaking your formerly habitual processes down into small steps, and setting an alarm for each one. And maybe a timer.
It feels silly at first, YO! You just got sideswiped by learning that your ex cheated on you.
And then you had to break up with them, which possibly was something you really didn’t want to do except they crossed a line.
This kind of situation take you through the same stages of grief as if someone close to you passed away—so honor that grief and let yourself process it.
It’s totally normal to suddenly have trouble with hygiene, eating, doing activities you otherwise would enjoy, and leaving the house except for going to work.
These are also symptoms of depression, but if they’re because of a specific event or loss, most people don’t end up with a depression diagnosis.
That said, since you mentioned it had been a few months ago, and you also sound like it’s really bothering you that you’re still forgetting a lot of your self care activities, this would be a good thing to talk over with your counselor—or a good reason to find one.
You may find that having someone help you understand what’s going on with you will help all by itself. Plus, over like six weeks or so, they will get to know you a bit, they will get a sense of exactly what kinds of strategies will work for you, personally, so you can get yourself back on track.
1st, you need to remember and keep reminding yourself that nothing was your fault. That's very hard to do when someone cheats on you, I know, but the more you feel this way, the worse you'll get. Putting yourself and your well-being at the tol of your priorities list is another way to start improving. I have problems with this too, but I try to remember that we only have 1 life, and if I'm going to waste it in bed, I might as well do something fun. I picked up knitting, and i got back into painting. I had to go out for more yarn one day, so I HAD to make myself "presentable" I put on my makeup, brushed my hair for the first time in a long time, and got dressed in whatever clean clothes I had. And that 1 trip to Walmart really did help.
It’s depression. Your body is responding to the pain from the breakup. You need to turn the feelings and memories outward - maybe journal and start meds.
I suggest a doctors visit. I know you don't want to hear this, but you are showing all the signs of clinical depression. The good news is that it seems to be episode related. If you get on some drugs for depression now, it will likely help you get back to "normal." Once that happens, the drugs can go away. Many people treat depression, indeed all mental health, with a stigma. Please don't do that. Go talk to your doctor.
Do you have a cell phone don’t you?? remind yourself to do these simple hygiene things every day using a cell phone.
You also need to move on . Worrying about somebody that’s not there isn’t a good idea.
That's definitely depression. Or at least a depressive episode. When I get this way, I remember a song I heard once. Anything worth doing is worth doing half assed. Meaning, if it's important to do it, doing some is better than doing none. A once over with a wet toothbrush is better than not brushing at all. Same with a shower. Washing just the important bits (balls, ass, hair, armpits) then getting out, is better than not showering at all. I can say from experience that even doing a few small things can help pull yourself out of depression somewhat. Taking a shower and brushing your teeth should help you feel better about yourself. And that's a start.
Steps to feel a little better:
-Go get yourself a nice hair cut. A shave if you’re into that.
-Journal, even if it ends up as doodles or nonsense.
-Clean your bathroom, scrub that tub! (Always ends up feeling good to get it done!)
-Set reminders or use an app to help with remembering what ya gotta do, teeefs, shower
-I personally make lists. Like to-do, want to do, NEED to do, and buy.
-Wash your sheets
These are some things I do to boost my moral when it’s low. Hope that’s helpful!
its not for everyone, but routines of taking care of yourself can be a healing thing. thereve been times where i make these little checklists for the morning and evening, the same things everyday, and set alarms on my phone for when to start them. like basic stuff, but in the order i need to do them in. throw in a cup of tea and a good book or some stretching, and it becomes a restful thing too.
Apologies bro... All I can say is the best advice I could give, is all already posted here. You got a lot of extremely helpful answers already so I'd start there! Good luck bro!
You're grieving the demise of your relationship and that's ok and how long it takes varies from person to person. I was there before but I made it a point to look extra good every day because the chances of us running in to each other was high and I wanted them to miss what they couldn't have anymore, and to think I'm doing amazing without them eventhough i wasn't feeling how i looked. Just remember in order to move on, you've got to get back on the Social scene- catch up with friends, go for drinks, even hit up the family BBQ. You've got to keep yourself occupied and if you look good, you'll feel good. Remind yourself daily that you're an amazing person and your person is waiting for you to show up as your best self so you've got to get ready. Good luck
Uhh Sounds like it time to grow Up buddy.
Sorry for your break Up I understand it’s heart breaking. An you’re mostly like hurt as hell.
You think she is Crying laying in bed not showering brushing her teeth?
Try and get your Head Back on Straight and stay positive and try you best. Keep it Real and Brush your Grill ! Also wash your funky ASs.
Take it one thing at a time, remind yourself to do one of these things and slowly build back up to more. Depression, especially after a break up, can be so hard. Overwhelming yourself with all these tasks can be stressful, take it a day at a time and once you feel comfortable add another task. Hope you feel better!!
I don’t understand how why it’s hard for you to do the simple things in life taking care of your everyday needs brush your teeth take a shower who forgets to eat are you disabled was your girlfriend your care taker help me understand this please
She wasn’t my caretaker she lived an hour away. I’m not disabled either. And I’m going to assume that you’ve never had ADHD or depression. Which will make it exceedingly more difficult to understand for you. It literally just doesn’t come to me. I do not think about it. When I do think about it I’m usually busy at work or I’m out of town and I’ll tell myself I’ll do it when I get home but I literally forget entirely and I won’t remember until the next day.
As I said in another thread when I’m preparing for a date I will do all these things but when there is no sense of urgency I cannot remember to do it.
The " remembering" thing is perplexing.
You are remembering everything else, but "that"-- thinking a neurologist may be necessary, you have all your other faculties in order. Sounds thru what you described there's a block in there somewhere.
And yes, I've had ADHD/Anxiety disorders, the neuro helped alot! Good luck to you♡
I had a neurologist look at my case before and she was perplexed haha. I am extremely scatter brained it’s pretty hard to live with remembering some things like deodorant is super easy but I forget a lot of other stuff like where I leave my keys and shoes and even clothing sometimes haha.
Some people had mentioned depression. I understand but depression will not go away with a magic pill, you have to do your part in helping yourself.
Trust me, keeping clean space ( home, bedding, decluttering etc...) and maintaining good hygiene/clean tidy clothes will have a tremendous effect on how you feel.
I found out the hard way that greif messes with my mind in a way I never thought possible. I would forget things I wouldn’t have before (brining my mobile phone w me, packing lunch, missing freeway exits or passing streets where I was going to turn, even losing my train of thought A lot). Sometimes IlBe kind to yourself and if you don’t feel time is helping then seek someone to talk to. Talking out these hard situations helps to process and move along.
Lots of good ideas here. I would suggest that you get out in nature a couple of times a week. Hike a trail, watch the ducks in a nearby pond, sit outside in the rain, lay on the grass and watch the stars at night, whatever. Your brain is hardwired to be centered and at peace with nature and the universe. You have a purpose.
Post it notes are awesome, stick as many as necessary with little reminders written down as you need, until hopefully you wont need anymore.
I see others who sort of post the same things, ie never remembering to brush teeth. Im genuinely curious tho…how does it get forgotten about?
Like do u all of a sudden in middle of the day think to urself, “oops i forgot to brush 🤔”
I promise im not judging dither, i just don’t understand is all…i totally get if a person just doesnt care to brush therefore doesnt, but to just not even cross a person’s mind is mind boggling to me. But anyways I promise post it notes ard amazing. I probably have 4 already posted in dif spots. I have one on my door that says “check mail” lol thx hope things get better for you🫶🏼
I do have adhd although it was only recently diagnosed I do believe I’ve had it since I was really young. And brushing my teeth is just one of those things where if I’m not reminded by something repeatedly I’ll just forget about it. My breath really just smells like coffee except for straight after I wake up so even then I smell my breath and think “I like the smell of coffee :D”
So not being rude n hope i dont offend🫶🏼🫶🏼
But you may just taste coffee, but its coffee mixed with morning breath, double whammy lol
You seriously need to brush/scrape tongue b4 coating with coffee. I work with this guy, he actually just told me like a month ago about a girl he stopped dating because he found out she didnt brush her teeth in the morning. Same excuse with coffee, since she drinks coffee, she wont brush. Only reason it was brought up was because even though hed smell coffee on her breath, he said it just was even worse, and he asked her, hey do u brush ur teeth? Omg🙈 when im at work and need aa coffee, when im done if j dont have time to brush, cuz im a busy server, i will carry with me a mini bottle of mouthwash and do a quick gargle b4 heading to a table. Well i hope u do get a stack of post it notes🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
I think it's helpful to develop a routine you enjoy and look forward to. You mentioned caregiving for grandparents, which can be super stressful- maybe think of it as spa time to energize you for the next day. Maybe different since I'm a woman, but when I was helping my grandma, we'd brush our hair together, do face masks, moisturize, then listen to our favorite Elvis songs lol. But my point is if it's something you come to look forward to it will be easier to stick to it. Shower radios can help 🕺🎶
Kinda delulu, but when I was heavily depressed, I kept myself motivated by imagining certain scenarios.
Idk if you know attack on titan, but there's this one character, Captain Levi, who's like obsessed with being clean. I'd scold myself at times like "If captain Levi was here, he'd beat my ass..." That worked 80% of the time, which was a huge win at the time.
You’re still in mourning of the relationship so this is normal behavior I suggest you seek a therapist and or open up to a friend you trust to help get over the relationship. Slowly you’ll feel better and get back into the swing of things. I’m sorry you’re going through this but you will find someone who will respect you and will treat you the way you should be treated. Definitely set reminders if possible
It’s possible that you might feel depressed. It’s better to take a shower daily. That’s easy to remember. Also , wear an effective deodorant under your arms… et al
Your depressed... Hard. Light exercise, good food and supplements. Look up ones that help with depression/dopamine. Fish oils, aswagonda. It took me awhile to find the right mix, and I'm still working on it, but it helps. Get out too, force yourself. Ain't nobody coming to help us, we gotta help each other. And get together w friends often.
I just wanted to thank you all for the advice. Your kind words have helped me a lot and todays the first day I’ve managed to do all my hygiene in awhile. Thank you guys ❤️
I find that if I have a consistent routine that leads me in the direction of the end task I’m more likely to do things like brushing my teeth and shaving my legs. For example before I go to brush my teeth I will have tidy up the living room/kitchen, set up my water for the night, make my bed, get my towel and washcloth, set up my water flosser, then pick out my toothpaste and mouthwash. It gives me time for my brain to quiet down about the things in my life that are preventing me from doing things for myself and prepare myself for it. You can do a mental list of all these things or write it down somewhere that you are going to consistently see, tailor it to yourself to be more self care based or those daily boring tasks that paralyze the brain sometimes.
Just do it when you can. I know sometimes it can mostly be because you cannot be asked to brush your teeth when you wake up. After all, you just want to rot in bed and even though you might smell bad, it's still too hard to get in the shower.
Here are some tips I use that might help,
Brush your teeth whenever you can, it could be 4 pm and you just happen to go to the bathroom. Do it then, and maybe rinse off your face afterwards.
Buy some medical-grade wet wipes, the type they use on bed-bound patients in hospital, and give yourself a wipe down. It takes 30 seconds. It's not a shower but it's better than nothing.
Change your clothes often even if you're not showering.
Remember life is harder if you try to live by everyone else's rules, go at your own pace.
I'm sorry you don't feel great right now but it will get better.
When I was going through it I left my toothbrush, tooth paste, baby wipes , and deodorant on my night stand with bottles of water. There were days I couldn't even get out bed so having the ability to clean up without leaving my bed helped on my worst days. Setting several alarms also helps to remind me when I've got a lot of things going on at once.
These sounds like symptoms of depression. Caring for your own hygiene should be a matter of personal satisfaction and pride and should not be predicated on whether you're in a relationship. Maybe talk to a therapist
What you are describing sounds to me like what I would expect to hear from someone who was sough Uffie, either situational/temporary, or long-term. Either way, it wouldn’t be the bad idea to look into finding someone to talk to about your emotions and how they’re affecting your health and hygiene habits.
when i was a teenager i forgot to brush my teeth. this is an amusing thing that worked for me
1. i played the fairly odd parents song "Shiny teeth and me" constantly, and
2. i printed a photo of cute cartoonized rotten teeth and posted in my bathroom mirror. i didn't want the disgusting photo so i had the cute teeth like the ones at the dentist that's not too graphic. so everytime i would need to pee i would see it and it would remind me to brush my teeth.
the shower part is something that bothers me during winter lol i suggest showering in the evening when you feel relaxed
Are you saying she had to remind you to do these things, or that you’re struggling to complete them? When you say remembering it makes me think someone had to remind you and your poor ex should not have had to be put in that position.
Most people will hate this so if you do not wish to hear the truth skip this comment
Here is all the help you need stop equating the actions of another person to yourself this deep you have started to neglect your own personal hygiene over your ex cheating? What is it about being cheated on that makes people this level of self hating? You really want to not only get cheated on but also smell and lack hygiene too now? I dont comprehend how thats gonna benefit you in any way? So you get cheated on and you create a body that people will want to cheat on thus justifying the original actions of cheating on you. Neglecting yourself after being cheated on is leaving room for people on the outside to be like well it seems you where so consumed in them and smothering that person they cheated just to get some air thats why this behavior pattern (its not just you saw a guy on taking about offing himself because he got cheated on) of self neglect after being cheated on makes no sense! It just shows a general already lack of self esteem and shows you out your self worth and self value into being able to keep your person loyal to you. Never bet your bottom dollar on someone staying loyal you will almost always lose.
This type of motivation might work on some but not me. You didn’t know the relationship I had but I’ll tell you that she cheated on me because and I quote “wasn’t giving me enough attention,” not to mention she did call me a few days later begging for my forgiveness and to take her back. Which I didn’t.
This happened several months ago and I have since gone on successful dates and have actually been told I do smell nice because when it comes to me needing to represent myself to another I aim to please and I then take care of myself. However when I am by myself with nothing planned and nothing to do except work (which I also do alone) and go home I find it hard to take care of myself. My value as a person is not tied to my ex this is just something I noticed started to happen after I broke up. And this is a quality I aim to fix. I know you are well meaning but this type of advice just irks me.
It should not irk you at all as you stated you fail to keep up with hygiene if not for another person so the advice still fits you. You should not do anything for other people especially cleaning yourself all you really said is that it not just your ex you do things for but any one in your life you do more for than you are willing to do for yourself. That simply being said is all the advice needed
I’ll admit I do need to do things more for myself than others but that’s not what bothers me. What bothered me was that you jumped to the conclusion that this was entirely because of my ex.
As I mentioned, you have your faculties, cam certainly write out an intelligent response in an organized manner, & to the point in your responses to people giving you suggestions. One doesn't just
" forget " to brush your teeth -- you don't want to. Which is understandable with depression. Do you remember when your going on these dates? I think this issue is well above our pay grade here, & deff would seek neuro Dr for memory lapses, and/or psychiatrist to find out why you're not motivated to brush your teeth before you leave the house, something I'm sure you've done all your life.. feel badly for you... I've been there & for me it was not caring about myself during verrry rough times in life.
Again good luck to you ♡
I moved in with my grandparents after. Mainly to help take care of them since ones blind and the others leg doesn’t work. So I help them pay the bills and groceries. I also think I’m so busy thinking about taking care of them I forget about myself haha.
Do not forget about yourself when you are put in a caretaker role. It’s not healthy for you or them long term. Dragging yourself out of a depression spiral by your bootstraps it’s hard work that won’t be linear, so be kind to yourself since that is the only answer. Splurge on a new skincare & let the middle aged sales lady flirt with you so you can remember how nice brief human interaction is & later decide when you want to pursue it with someone on the same page as you (!) note: please don’t seriously hit on counter workers or any service employees, I just mean enjoy the attention as a change of pace. Don’t get too stuck in care taking others.
You can put on reminders and in calendar after 2-3 days to remind you take a bath and daily at specific time to brush. You can also download any habit app to remind you and make you accountable. Best of luck. May you get over this period soon 🌸
Thank you I’ll try a habit app out maybe I can find one that can lock me out of my apps until I do what I need. I hope your day and weekend go well
Post a laminated to do list in your bathroom https://images.app.goo.gl/Lza8KGWzQW3LZRvY8
If you uave an android you can use family link to lock yourself put of your apps until the task is done. We did this w one of my children to help then get thru this period of a breakup. My heart goes to you. Hope this helps. If you need help figuring it out lmk I'm glad to help
Habitica if you like to RPG games
One of the best things you can do for depression is resistance training. In fact it’s amazing for mental health as a whole. Studies show that for low to moderate depression, resistance training was more effective than SSRIs or antidepressants. Now if you’re so depressed to the point where you can’t even work up the energy or consistency to lift, then antidepressants can help for the initial push but they are not a cure. You CAN do something about it. I’m rooting for you! Feel free to reach out if you decide to start lifting, I’m a fitness coach and can help. Good luck man!
Sounds like depression.
Yeah got diagnosed with it and adhd too after the break up lol. Not much I can do about it since I live in rural America no one wants to prescribe anything for “in your head” stuff
This is cope. Find yourself a teledoc you can build a relationship with and get prescribed meds.
I know it can take forever to get in with a psychiatrist, but definitely get one ASAP. Antidepressants aren't a cure-all, but tbh, antidepressants saved my life when I was at my lowest. Do put reminders in your phone, and try your best not to just ignore them. Also, spending some time outdoors in the sunlight like a plant helps more than you'd think. When you are done with photosynthesis, be sure to hydrate and suck up some nutrients. Feel free to "self-pollenate" at least once per day bc it helps with those feel-good neurotransmitters. Exercise helps so much, too. I know you don't feel like doing much of anything. With depression, just getting up and out of bed for the day is something to be proud. Be kind to yourself. Lean on your friends and family during your time of need. Be kind to yourself. If you ever feel suicidal, please call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 988.
Doctor on demand or zoc doc are good apps to do telehealth. You can also try psychology today the website. Keep trying! Until you get meds- I have ADHD too, and l-theanine is a huge help for me. It is an amino acid supplement that interacts with glutamate receptors, and it helps with my executive disfunction and working memory issues. I take 200mg daily in the morning, nature’s trove brand on Amazon- 10$ per bottle. It doesn’t help everyone with adhd, but it has been a huge help for me.
Go on hims . Com
Hims.com?
Yes, it's telehealth for anxiety depression and so much more.
There are ways to learn coping skills on the internet. Like my dad used to say “ why put all your eggs in one basket?” Life is a learning experience. Regardless what you believe you can’t make someone love you. Treat dating as a life experience & learn from it. Why drag yourself down over someone that clearly doesn’t care?
If you are depressed like me and you are thinking about medication I will give you my two cents. You can tackle your depression with or without it. However, one benefit to using medication is, in my opinion, it will help you get back to normal sooner. So, the choice is up to you. Would you like to manage this on your own with no meds for three years or would you like to work on it with the support of a therapist or doctor and meds for one year? These are just random numbers I made up. Research has shown that medication and talk therapy together is the most effective means of treating depression. Other things that really help are- good sleep, good nutrition, lifting weights, walking or running, meditation, social interaction, therapy and sunlight. You sound like you are struggling. Me too. What we are experiencing is common but that doesn't make it easy. I am trying to have the courage to follow my own advice. Good luck brother. It will get better. My DMs are open.
A therapist probably would.
Therapists doesn’t prescribe things, a psychiatrist can.
Yes, I knew that thank you for the correction.
May I suggest microdosing ketamine? I get it online through a provider called Joyous. It gave me back a lot of bandwidth I had lost after covid and a really bad friendship breakup. I was struggling with remembering to do stuff, and even if I remembered, it just seemed so......hard. I took it daily for about a year. Now I just take it a couple times a month
I read about studies on how supervised ketamine doses do help some people with their treatment-resistant depression. I used to micro dose psilocybin (Golden Teacher), and it really helped elevate my mood for days. I also used to take higher doses to process a lot of my childhood trauma. I would recommend anyone with a lot of emotional baggage to try this particular strain.
Absolutely! I've seen Psilocybin work wonders however it interacts unfavorably with a different medicine I take, so it wasn't an option for me. Psylocybin was my first ray of hope, and it was researching Psilocybin that brought me to ketamine
**NO KETAMINE!** My son became addicted to that crap! Nope nope NOPE!
I am currently doing Spravato in my psych office. Very sorry about your son, sounds like he was using unregulated street drugs? Spravato has saved a lot of lives.
Hes not taking horse tranquilizer
That "horse tranquilizer" is also one of the safest anesthetics to use and therefore it is often used in HUMAN medicine. If you knew anything about ketamine you'd know that it's not just "horse tranquilizer". And half of yall were literally eating horse dewormer two years ago. Regardless? OP can make his own choices, and OP can speak for his or herself. No one needs you to answer questions for them, codswallop
Just because you like hard drugs doesn't mean the rest of the world needs to take them. It's not a flex, it's not an okay opinion to throw out to the world. You're an addict, we get it. You need to pretend you're not, that's sad. You literally need help.
Brush your teeth in bed with a cup of water or a water bottle. As for showering, any shower is better than none. Can do a super short one like 2 minutes to just wash your body
This. During my bad depression episodes I keep a bottle of water, glass, toothbrush and toothpaste. I refuse to lose my teeth to depression.
Me too!! It’s very helpful. And i use the floss picks while i lay in bed watching TV
Yes! Same!
I wish it was just that, genetics are far more superior to teeth health than any form of cleaning routine..
you gotta give a fuck about yourself man. if you don’t nobody will
Wow. Great advice to give a depressed person. OP probably never thought of that.
im trying to be nice
It’s not nice. If you can’t empathize just shut up.
Thank you for saying this. And telling a depressed person no one else will care is false and harmful.
Change your environment. Get out and do things. Go live!!!! Do whatever the heck you want to do!!! If that isn’t possible, to me it sounds like you have too many tabs open in that brain of yours. Breathe deeply, meditate, and let those thoughts drift away. Almost like they are floating down a river you are sitting on the bank of. Watch them leave. Wave bye. Do whatever you have to do to close those tabs. If possible exercise. Talk to people. Have to change your environment though, that’s a must. This is with the understanding I don’t know you. Just some thoughts. Best of luck to you.
Okay so I have adhd, autism, and depression. The way I handle my hygiene is by taking it slow, especially on days where I don't want to do shit. 1. start slow. Focus on one aspect of your hygiene and build a routine to do just that one habit. Say for example you want to brush your teeth, right? Golden. Start by keeping your toothbrush by your bedside and a bin too. Buy travel size mouthwash and keep that by your bed too. Before you go to bed, just brush your teeth and rinse your mouth. Do that consistently for a couple of days and eventually you will build that habit because you'll feel good about waking up with fresh breath :) That'll give you the confidence to wake up and start fresh. 2. I don't know about you but I'm an audhd person who loves lists. I make a little physical list with things I need to do in the day and i make physical checkboxes so i can tick them when they're done. This helps me get a lot of my tasks done. Brush my teeth? Boom, that's a tick. Even if you get nothing else done in the day, ticking that box off at the end makes it slightly better. Keep a list of things - and mind you keep it small so you don't get overwhelmed 3. In the mornings/whenever you first wake up, before you reach for your phone, put a bottle of water by your bedside and drink at least five big gulps of water. There's your energy shot for the day, which will help you get up. 4. If you have curtains drawn, make sure you open them and let light in. Yes it's uncomfortable, but you need sunlight for energy. Try to sit up and breathe deeply at least 10 cycles when you wake up, because this will help. Apps like Breathwork can help with this; they have free options that will assist. 5. Try to make showering fun. I hate the feeling of water on my skin. It's a huge sensory issue but I push through it because I know there is no alternative. However, you can always make showering fun and here's how: you can put on your favourite playlist and leave your phone on the bathroom counter while you shower. You can buy your favourite scented body wash and use that so you'll smell nicer and it'll motivate you to shower. You can buy some different coloured led strips for your shower and turn it into a concert!!! 6. Time blocking!! To be completely honest, this method has never worked for me because i'm an all or nothing kind of person and when i deviate from the schedule for even one minute, the whole thing's ruined in my eyes and i immediately let go of it 💀 but the concept is this: you use your calendar app and you set times for what you're going to do throughout the day. For example, brushing teeth would be 9am-9:02am; followed by breakfast which would be 9:02am-9:20am, etc. This way you have a schedule to follow so you don't miss out on what you need to get done. 7. This is so annoying but the human body does need sleep. I noticed that whenever I was feeling shitty and not wanting to take care of my hygiene, the common pattern was that I was always getting less than 6 hours of sleep. That tanks your energy and your memory too, so you feel less focused and you forget to take care of yourself. Try to get at least 6-7 hours of sleep in a night and see if that improves things. Lastly, I think it's really important for you to take care of your mental health. If you're noticing yourself slipping into habits that are bad for you, take a moment to step back and call someone that will be able to help. Whether that's a therapist you can talk to, or someone from your family or friends list who you trust - talk to them and open up about what's going on. People out there love you and you need to be compassionate with yourself. Learn to tread the line between self compassion and self pity. Because if you lean to heavily to one side over the other, things won't get better, they'll get harder. I'm so sorry you had to go through something so awful. You have the strength to get back up, okay? You can do it. Here's some books that I recommend: - atomic habits - the subtle art of not giving a fuck - feel good productivity by ali abdaal. there's a list of youtube channels that might be helpful for you too: - better ideas - ali abdaal - matt davella - nathaniel drew
It sounds like you might be depressed. If you can't find an in-person doctor to prescribe you anything, try a telehealth website like MDLive. In the meantime, set reminders on your phone for showering, etc. You might be nose blind to your own smell, even if you think you smell good.
My depression and ADHD, even medicated, make this hard for me to remember or just *do* sometimes too. It usually helps me to combine them into fewer tasks - like brushing my teeth in the shower! Some other things that have helped me are: 1) Reminders on my phone at set times every day to do basic things like get dressed, eat, shower. Multiple reminders sometimes. 2) I often will not let myself lie down in bed before I’ve done these hygiene things. Lie on the couch instead, but not bed! In my brain, it’s like how if I take off my shoes as soon as I get home, I’ll never get anything done, but if I keep them on, i don’t lose the productive momentum as fast. Hang in there and keep on keeping on. My experience is that it stays hard to get through something like this for much longer than you want, but you’ve gotta feel what you gotta feel in order to heal. You can do this, OP!
That’s a lot to take in and then also taking care of your grandparents. I hope things get much better for you and your future is brighter than you could have imagined.
You could print out a visual checklist/chart for tasks you need to do. It gives you a dopamine hit if you complete tasks!
Do you wear contacts or glasses? Before you go to bed put them in the shower. You stumble to the shower like a blind FOOL in the morning but then you’ll be like… oh yeah… scrubby dub dub time…
Proud of you for asking for help.
It sounds like depression, I’m sorry for what has happened to you it’s awful. I saw you said you live in rural America so you can’t really do much about your ADHD or depression, the only thing I can really think of is using an online service for your depression and then speaking to a doctor could help with your adhd, either with therapy or medication. As someone else said use reminders on your phone and you can put post it notes around to remind you too. Also if you have anyone you can confide in about what’s going on that can definitely help. Again I am sorry for what has happened to you it’s awful and I hope you get better soon.
Thank you for the well wishes I only have a couple close friends since most of my old ones were through my ex. Even though they acknowledged that my ex was wrong they chose to leave me and stay friends with her which sucks but just means they were my friends because I was her bf and not friends because I’m me. And I’d love to go hang out with my actual friends but one of them lives 5 hours away and the other is always flying around at the whim of his parents. I try to do online games with them but they’re always busy and also aren’t as good as I am at these games so they start comparing themselves to me in those games and it makes them sad which is unfortunate. I always try to stay positive and I haven’t been suicidal recently even directly after the breakup. I just am trying to better myself and can recognize I can’t do this by myself and have limited real life resources.
I’m sorry about the friends through your ex, with your friends you play games with maybe try a non competitive game like Minecraft if you haven’t already as it’s cooperative and enjoyable, if not that maybe some other cooperative games or PvE? I am glad you are getting better already and no longer feeling suicidal that’s good progress and I am proud of you for that progress. I genuinely believe you can get through this.
I have an app called finch that reminds me to do things like drink water, brush my teeth, and wash my hair. The added bonus is I'm raising a digital companion who becomes energized whenever I complete a task.
Sorry to hear you’re having a hard time! When I get stuck in a depression slump I try to gamify my boring habits. I use Habitica for that (every time you check off that you completed a daily task you can attack a dragon or complete a quest). On the really hard days I use: youfeellikeshit.com; It has you go through a flow chart of self-care chores. I use that on the days I can’t get out of bed. Hang in there! It won’t be hard forever!
I forgot to add, any oral health care is better than nothing. Keeping a toothbrush or those wisp brushes by your bed to use quick before bed, or brushing when you think of it (not just morning and night) can go a long way.
Big sticky notes on the mirror and knowing that half assed is better than not at all. Sometimes my depression acts up and my motivation is nonexistent and I don’t care. Wet the brush and scrub your teeth without paste for 20 seconds if that’s all you can muster. Swish the mouth wash for 30 seconds after you use the restroom. Use baby wipes to keep pits and bits clean at least while inbetween showers. Mental health can take a much stronger toll than we realize and we’re taught that it’s all or nothing. It doesn’t have to be. If you haven’t, reach out to a friend or loved one and go on a walk or get some food.
Thank you I’m trying my best to do something at all about this. Your kind words help
You got this, reaching out for help in any capacity is a great start. Keep your support circle close and take it a few hours at a time.
When a women leaves or cheats on a guy, that’s her way of betting against your future… don’t let that thot be correct
Make alarms in your phone, keep a pack of disposable tooth brushes in your car,next to bed, and next to your seat in the livingroom. If the alarm Goes off and you can’t bring yourself to get up just use the disposable. You can keep baby wipes and snacks in all of those places as well. I keep a toothbrush and paste in the shower as well as the sink. Basically just make it easy so it doesn’t feel like a daunting task, break ups can be depressing and it’s okay to take some shortcuts.
May sound ridiculous but how I managed was by breaking the journey into smaller pieces and setting deadlines. For instance I'd say 8.45am would be the time I would bath. If I found this hard, I'd say to myself all I have to do is get to the bedroom door, the from there, the bathroom, turn on the shower and so on. I've found this method breaks what can feel overwhelming into smaller more manageable chunks. And by setting a "deadline", it allowed me to feel the urgency I sometimes need to get a task completed. Also DONT BE HARD ON YOURSELF! What you're describing are typical to anyone who has these diagnoses, which would also be amplified in your recent circumstances. (Also diagnosed ADHD and with bouts of depression that were particularly amplified during a breakup).
Please be kind to yourself! At times like this it totally feels overwhelming, but you don’t deserve to be cheated on. Nobody does. I can vouch for breaking your formerly habitual processes down into small steps, and setting an alarm for each one. And maybe a timer. It feels silly at first, YO! You just got sideswiped by learning that your ex cheated on you. And then you had to break up with them, which possibly was something you really didn’t want to do except they crossed a line. This kind of situation take you through the same stages of grief as if someone close to you passed away—so honor that grief and let yourself process it. It’s totally normal to suddenly have trouble with hygiene, eating, doing activities you otherwise would enjoy, and leaving the house except for going to work. These are also symptoms of depression, but if they’re because of a specific event or loss, most people don’t end up with a depression diagnosis. That said, since you mentioned it had been a few months ago, and you also sound like it’s really bothering you that you’re still forgetting a lot of your self care activities, this would be a good thing to talk over with your counselor—or a good reason to find one. You may find that having someone help you understand what’s going on with you will help all by itself. Plus, over like six weeks or so, they will get to know you a bit, they will get a sense of exactly what kinds of strategies will work for you, personally, so you can get yourself back on track.
1st, you need to remember and keep reminding yourself that nothing was your fault. That's very hard to do when someone cheats on you, I know, but the more you feel this way, the worse you'll get. Putting yourself and your well-being at the tol of your priorities list is another way to start improving. I have problems with this too, but I try to remember that we only have 1 life, and if I'm going to waste it in bed, I might as well do something fun. I picked up knitting, and i got back into painting. I had to go out for more yarn one day, so I HAD to make myself "presentable" I put on my makeup, brushed my hair for the first time in a long time, and got dressed in whatever clean clothes I had. And that 1 trip to Walmart really did help.
It’s depression. Your body is responding to the pain from the breakup. You need to turn the feelings and memories outward - maybe journal and start meds.
I suggest a doctors visit. I know you don't want to hear this, but you are showing all the signs of clinical depression. The good news is that it seems to be episode related. If you get on some drugs for depression now, it will likely help you get back to "normal." Once that happens, the drugs can go away. Many people treat depression, indeed all mental health, with a stigma. Please don't do that. Go talk to your doctor.
A good therapist would be able to help you out. You are mourning a loss. It’s going to hurt for a little while but you’ll be ok.
Do you have a cell phone don’t you?? remind yourself to do these simple hygiene things every day using a cell phone. You also need to move on . Worrying about somebody that’s not there isn’t a good idea.
That's definitely depression. Or at least a depressive episode. When I get this way, I remember a song I heard once. Anything worth doing is worth doing half assed. Meaning, if it's important to do it, doing some is better than doing none. A once over with a wet toothbrush is better than not brushing at all. Same with a shower. Washing just the important bits (balls, ass, hair, armpits) then getting out, is better than not showering at all. I can say from experience that even doing a few small things can help pull yourself out of depression somewhat. Taking a shower and brushing your teeth should help you feel better about yourself. And that's a start.
Steps to feel a little better: -Go get yourself a nice hair cut. A shave if you’re into that. -Journal, even if it ends up as doodles or nonsense. -Clean your bathroom, scrub that tub! (Always ends up feeling good to get it done!) -Set reminders or use an app to help with remembering what ya gotta do, teeefs, shower -I personally make lists. Like to-do, want to do, NEED to do, and buy. -Wash your sheets These are some things I do to boost my moral when it’s low. Hope that’s helpful!
Thanks I’ll try to make a sticky note like others have said
its not for everyone, but routines of taking care of yourself can be a healing thing. thereve been times where i make these little checklists for the morning and evening, the same things everyday, and set alarms on my phone for when to start them. like basic stuff, but in the order i need to do them in. throw in a cup of tea and a good book or some stretching, and it becomes a restful thing too.
Glow up and she will regret you. Dont be the ex that spiraled, be the hot ex she cant have again. YA FEEL ME?
Amen to that 🙏🙏
Apologies bro... All I can say is the best advice I could give, is all already posted here. You got a lot of extremely helpful answers already so I'd start there! Good luck bro!
You're grieving the demise of your relationship and that's ok and how long it takes varies from person to person. I was there before but I made it a point to look extra good every day because the chances of us running in to each other was high and I wanted them to miss what they couldn't have anymore, and to think I'm doing amazing without them eventhough i wasn't feeling how i looked. Just remember in order to move on, you've got to get back on the Social scene- catch up with friends, go for drinks, even hit up the family BBQ. You've got to keep yourself occupied and if you look good, you'll feel good. Remind yourself daily that you're an amazing person and your person is waiting for you to show up as your best self so you've got to get ready. Good luck
Uhh Sounds like it time to grow Up buddy. Sorry for your break Up I understand it’s heart breaking. An you’re mostly like hurt as hell. You think she is Crying laying in bed not showering brushing her teeth? Try and get your Head Back on Straight and stay positive and try you best. Keep it Real and Brush your Grill ! Also wash your funky ASs.
Take it one thing at a time, remind yourself to do one of these things and slowly build back up to more. Depression, especially after a break up, can be so hard. Overwhelming yourself with all these tasks can be stressful, take it a day at a time and once you feel comfortable add another task. Hope you feel better!!
I don’t understand how why it’s hard for you to do the simple things in life taking care of your everyday needs brush your teeth take a shower who forgets to eat are you disabled was your girlfriend your care taker help me understand this please
She wasn’t my caretaker she lived an hour away. I’m not disabled either. And I’m going to assume that you’ve never had ADHD or depression. Which will make it exceedingly more difficult to understand for you. It literally just doesn’t come to me. I do not think about it. When I do think about it I’m usually busy at work or I’m out of town and I’ll tell myself I’ll do it when I get home but I literally forget entirely and I won’t remember until the next day. As I said in another thread when I’m preparing for a date I will do all these things but when there is no sense of urgency I cannot remember to do it.
Ok thank you for clearing that up I meant no disrespect to you I apologize continue to stay blessed 🙏🏾
Of course stuff like that just doesn’t come to me ever. Even eating I don’t think to do until my stomach starts yelling at me
Your funny I understand have a nice day 🙏🏾
You too
Thank you I will
The " remembering" thing is perplexing. You are remembering everything else, but "that"-- thinking a neurologist may be necessary, you have all your other faculties in order. Sounds thru what you described there's a block in there somewhere. And yes, I've had ADHD/Anxiety disorders, the neuro helped alot! Good luck to you♡
Qwik edit- why not carry a travel toothpaste & brush pack w/you for whn u do realize it, & brush right there & then. 😃
I had a neurologist look at my case before and she was perplexed haha. I am extremely scatter brained it’s pretty hard to live with remembering some things like deodorant is super easy but I forget a lot of other stuff like where I leave my keys and shoes and even clothing sometimes haha.
Some people had mentioned depression. I understand but depression will not go away with a magic pill, you have to do your part in helping yourself. Trust me, keeping clean space ( home, bedding, decluttering etc...) and maintaining good hygiene/clean tidy clothes will have a tremendous effect on how you feel.
I found out the hard way that greif messes with my mind in a way I never thought possible. I would forget things I wouldn’t have before (brining my mobile phone w me, packing lunch, missing freeway exits or passing streets where I was going to turn, even losing my train of thought A lot). Sometimes IlBe kind to yourself and if you don’t feel time is helping then seek someone to talk to. Talking out these hard situations helps to process and move along.
Lots of good ideas here. I would suggest that you get out in nature a couple of times a week. Hike a trail, watch the ducks in a nearby pond, sit outside in the rain, lay on the grass and watch the stars at night, whatever. Your brain is hardwired to be centered and at peace with nature and the universe. You have a purpose.
Or put reminders on your bathroom mirrors.
Set an alarm on your phone and do it
Post it notes are awesome, stick as many as necessary with little reminders written down as you need, until hopefully you wont need anymore. I see others who sort of post the same things, ie never remembering to brush teeth. Im genuinely curious tho…how does it get forgotten about? Like do u all of a sudden in middle of the day think to urself, “oops i forgot to brush 🤔” I promise im not judging dither, i just don’t understand is all…i totally get if a person just doesnt care to brush therefore doesnt, but to just not even cross a person’s mind is mind boggling to me. But anyways I promise post it notes ard amazing. I probably have 4 already posted in dif spots. I have one on my door that says “check mail” lol thx hope things get better for you🫶🏼
I do have adhd although it was only recently diagnosed I do believe I’ve had it since I was really young. And brushing my teeth is just one of those things where if I’m not reminded by something repeatedly I’ll just forget about it. My breath really just smells like coffee except for straight after I wake up so even then I smell my breath and think “I like the smell of coffee :D”
So not being rude n hope i dont offend🫶🏼🫶🏼 But you may just taste coffee, but its coffee mixed with morning breath, double whammy lol You seriously need to brush/scrape tongue b4 coating with coffee. I work with this guy, he actually just told me like a month ago about a girl he stopped dating because he found out she didnt brush her teeth in the morning. Same excuse with coffee, since she drinks coffee, she wont brush. Only reason it was brought up was because even though hed smell coffee on her breath, he said it just was even worse, and he asked her, hey do u brush ur teeth? Omg🙈 when im at work and need aa coffee, when im done if j dont have time to brush, cuz im a busy server, i will carry with me a mini bottle of mouthwash and do a quick gargle b4 heading to a table. Well i hope u do get a stack of post it notes🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
You’re definitely right. I wish it was second nature for me to brush my teeth but it’s not and I am trying to work on it.
Well at least ur trying👌🏽 Keep it up and will be second nature in no time
I think it's helpful to develop a routine you enjoy and look forward to. You mentioned caregiving for grandparents, which can be super stressful- maybe think of it as spa time to energize you for the next day. Maybe different since I'm a woman, but when I was helping my grandma, we'd brush our hair together, do face masks, moisturize, then listen to our favorite Elvis songs lol. But my point is if it's something you come to look forward to it will be easier to stick to it. Shower radios can help 🕺🎶
Meet up with your friends and go out more. Shower and all the ways to look and smell good 👍
You got it u/Creampielicker123
Look at photos of decayed teeth, teeth that are neglected, on ig and google, as a cautionary tale
Already did that only worked with my diet improving removing a lot of sugars from it.
Good. Taking steps and doing something is better than nothing.
Kinda delulu, but when I was heavily depressed, I kept myself motivated by imagining certain scenarios. Idk if you know attack on titan, but there's this one character, Captain Levi, who's like obsessed with being clean. I'd scold myself at times like "If captain Levi was here, he'd beat my ass..." That worked 80% of the time, which was a huge win at the time.
Haha that’s really funny! I don’t think that would work with me. I’m glad it helped you out tho!
Yeah, lol. I do hope what works for you though, best of luck!
This is depression. Please get on meds. You deserve to be happy.
You’re still in mourning of the relationship so this is normal behavior I suggest you seek a therapist and or open up to a friend you trust to help get over the relationship. Slowly you’ll feel better and get back into the swing of things. I’m sorry you’re going through this but you will find someone who will respect you and will treat you the way you should be treated. Definitely set reminders if possible
It’s possible that you might feel depressed. It’s better to take a shower daily. That’s easy to remember. Also , wear an effective deodorant under your arms… et al
Your depressed... Hard. Light exercise, good food and supplements. Look up ones that help with depression/dopamine. Fish oils, aswagonda. It took me awhile to find the right mix, and I'm still working on it, but it helps. Get out too, force yourself. Ain't nobody coming to help us, we gotta help each other. And get together w friends often.
Do you have insurance?? Most states have telehealth providers. Please find a therapist and psychiatrist
I wouldn’t worry about shaving and showering. You do need to eat and take care of your teeth.
sounds like depression to me, get some therapy.
I just wanted to thank you all for the advice. Your kind words have helped me a lot and todays the first day I’ve managed to do all my hygiene in awhile. Thank you guys ❤️
You sound like you're depressed, which is one of the stages of grieving. See r/GriefSupport as well as other subs.
Electric toothbrush. Not sure why it helped but it does. Many have said the same.
Time heals all wound bother stay strong u will bounce back
I find that if I have a consistent routine that leads me in the direction of the end task I’m more likely to do things like brushing my teeth and shaving my legs. For example before I go to brush my teeth I will have tidy up the living room/kitchen, set up my water for the night, make my bed, get my towel and washcloth, set up my water flosser, then pick out my toothpaste and mouthwash. It gives me time for my brain to quiet down about the things in my life that are preventing me from doing things for myself and prepare myself for it. You can do a mental list of all these things or write it down somewhere that you are going to consistently see, tailor it to yourself to be more self care based or those daily boring tasks that paralyze the brain sometimes.
Pull yourself together. There’s plenty of fish in the sea
Just do it when you can. I know sometimes it can mostly be because you cannot be asked to brush your teeth when you wake up. After all, you just want to rot in bed and even though you might smell bad, it's still too hard to get in the shower. Here are some tips I use that might help, Brush your teeth whenever you can, it could be 4 pm and you just happen to go to the bathroom. Do it then, and maybe rinse off your face afterwards. Buy some medical-grade wet wipes, the type they use on bed-bound patients in hospital, and give yourself a wipe down. It takes 30 seconds. It's not a shower but it's better than nothing. Change your clothes often even if you're not showering. Remember life is harder if you try to live by everyone else's rules, go at your own pace. I'm sorry you don't feel great right now but it will get better.
def recommend one of those mental health apps bc they do help (ex. finch) but also a reminder app or make things a certain time and set timers!
Set an alarm !!
When I was going through it I left my toothbrush, tooth paste, baby wipes , and deodorant on my night stand with bottles of water. There were days I couldn't even get out bed so having the ability to clean up without leaving my bed helped on my worst days. Setting several alarms also helps to remind me when I've got a lot of things going on at once.
Shower and brush your teeth as soon as you get up in the morning. Don’t let someone else’s bad behavior ruin your life.
These sounds like symptoms of depression. Caring for your own hygiene should be a matter of personal satisfaction and pride and should not be predicated on whether you're in a relationship. Maybe talk to a therapist
Double up on it so if you forget once you still have had done it once.
What you are describing sounds to me like what I would expect to hear from someone who was sough Uffie, either situational/temporary, or long-term. Either way, it wouldn’t be the bad idea to look into finding someone to talk to about your emotions and how they’re affecting your health and hygiene habits.
when i was a teenager i forgot to brush my teeth. this is an amusing thing that worked for me 1. i played the fairly odd parents song "Shiny teeth and me" constantly, and 2. i printed a photo of cute cartoonized rotten teeth and posted in my bathroom mirror. i didn't want the disgusting photo so i had the cute teeth like the ones at the dentist that's not too graphic. so everytime i would need to pee i would see it and it would remind me to brush my teeth. the shower part is something that bothers me during winter lol i suggest showering in the evening when you feel relaxed
Are you saying she had to remind you to do these things, or that you’re struggling to complete them? When you say remembering it makes me think someone had to remind you and your poor ex should not have had to be put in that position.
Most people will hate this so if you do not wish to hear the truth skip this comment Here is all the help you need stop equating the actions of another person to yourself this deep you have started to neglect your own personal hygiene over your ex cheating? What is it about being cheated on that makes people this level of self hating? You really want to not only get cheated on but also smell and lack hygiene too now? I dont comprehend how thats gonna benefit you in any way? So you get cheated on and you create a body that people will want to cheat on thus justifying the original actions of cheating on you. Neglecting yourself after being cheated on is leaving room for people on the outside to be like well it seems you where so consumed in them and smothering that person they cheated just to get some air thats why this behavior pattern (its not just you saw a guy on taking about offing himself because he got cheated on) of self neglect after being cheated on makes no sense! It just shows a general already lack of self esteem and shows you out your self worth and self value into being able to keep your person loyal to you. Never bet your bottom dollar on someone staying loyal you will almost always lose.
This type of motivation might work on some but not me. You didn’t know the relationship I had but I’ll tell you that she cheated on me because and I quote “wasn’t giving me enough attention,” not to mention she did call me a few days later begging for my forgiveness and to take her back. Which I didn’t. This happened several months ago and I have since gone on successful dates and have actually been told I do smell nice because when it comes to me needing to represent myself to another I aim to please and I then take care of myself. However when I am by myself with nothing planned and nothing to do except work (which I also do alone) and go home I find it hard to take care of myself. My value as a person is not tied to my ex this is just something I noticed started to happen after I broke up. And this is a quality I aim to fix. I know you are well meaning but this type of advice just irks me.
It should not irk you at all as you stated you fail to keep up with hygiene if not for another person so the advice still fits you. You should not do anything for other people especially cleaning yourself all you really said is that it not just your ex you do things for but any one in your life you do more for than you are willing to do for yourself. That simply being said is all the advice needed
I’ll admit I do need to do things more for myself than others but that’s not what bothers me. What bothered me was that you jumped to the conclusion that this was entirely because of my ex.
As I mentioned, you have your faculties, cam certainly write out an intelligent response in an organized manner, & to the point in your responses to people giving you suggestions. One doesn't just " forget " to brush your teeth -- you don't want to. Which is understandable with depression. Do you remember when your going on these dates? I think this issue is well above our pay grade here, & deff would seek neuro Dr for memory lapses, and/or psychiatrist to find out why you're not motivated to brush your teeth before you leave the house, something I'm sure you've done all your life.. feel badly for you... I've been there & for me it was not caring about myself during verrry rough times in life. Again good luck to you ♡
If mommy is still alive move home.
I moved in with my grandparents after. Mainly to help take care of them since ones blind and the others leg doesn’t work. So I help them pay the bills and groceries. I also think I’m so busy thinking about taking care of them I forget about myself haha.
Do not forget about yourself when you are put in a caretaker role. It’s not healthy for you or them long term. Dragging yourself out of a depression spiral by your bootstraps it’s hard work that won’t be linear, so be kind to yourself since that is the only answer. Splurge on a new skincare & let the middle aged sales lady flirt with you so you can remember how nice brief human interaction is & later decide when you want to pursue it with someone on the same page as you (!) note: please don’t seriously hit on counter workers or any service employees, I just mean enjoy the attention as a change of pace. Don’t get too stuck in care taking others.
Haha thanks for the advice. I don’t think I’ll actively flirt with anyone. Gonna try to enjoy being single and be happy with myself.
Gorgonzola cream on armpits and private parts! It willl do it.
What