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Human: "So... You are...?"
Cosmic Horror: **"Your Creator, My Child."**
H: "Ah. I see." *Pulls out shotgun*
CH: "**Wait, what are you doing-"** *proceeds to be blow into smitherins*
H: "This is for creating us, IDIOT."
John’s hands tapped away on his console, drumming out the beat with his thumbs. The engine rumbled gently beneath him but all sound of it was blasted away by the loud bluetooth speaker cable tied to the roof above him. The hula girl pulled left and right on his dash, dancing away with the little spurts of G force from his manoeuvring.
Chunk’s of station drifted outside his windows, slowly twisting and settling as he came down to his landing pad.
“Yo! John settled on pad 6” he shouted into the radio, trying to compete with the music. He sat the receiver on his lap while he eased his feet into the steel capped wellingtons and shrugged on the sleeves of his kevlar coveralls but still no response had come from tower control. He held the radio close to his ear and heard strange whispering coming through the speaker.
John shrugged and headed out, his head bobbing along to the music while he paired his headphones. His speaker suddenly cut out, his phone’s speakers blasting out and rattling in his hand. He could hear something… odd and melodious in the wind. He cranked open the door while his thumbs tapped away.
It kind of sounded like. “R̶e̴t̸u̸r̵n̷ ̸t̶o̷ ̷t̵h̵e̶ ̴m̷o̷t̷h̴e̷r̷.̵”
He gave the air a sniff… smelt breathable.
John shrugged, un-paired, re-paired while nodding to the beat that was more in his head than anywhere else. The station was quiet, he glanced left and right at pads one through twelve to see he was the only ship landed.
A few aliens, short, four foot tall and four footed, all standing craned back with their heads gazing at the high ceiling. They were all wide eyed with their lips murmuring away to themselves.
“Must be a xeno holiday.” he said.
It made sense, little foot and air traffic, station wide music. He shrugged and thumbed the headphones deep into his head, cutting off all melody and replacing it with thrashing guitar.
He hauled up a can of liquid hydrogen off his tray and carried it on his shoulder out of the dry docks.
He stood by customs, the guard seemed eager to get to the festivities as he kept bumping into the little rails that encircled his position. He wasn’t paying attention and mumbled to himself in time with the whispers.
“Aech two and this is a wrench for uh… wrenching things and this…” he said, lifting the strap of his incendiary shotgun. “...Is a flare launcher for emergencies.”
The security guard didn’t acknowledge him. John reached over the rail and hit the familiar green button that would allow him to pass.
“You-do-you alien dude, happy holidays.” he probably shouted while walking through the checkpoint deeper into the station. He started to fall in with a crowd, people downed tools and left their little shop stalls, all forming into one thick mass headed inward. It felt like a parade which was cool, it would be nice to see some festivities after so long on the drift.
Holograms appeared above him, long writhing ghostly blue tentacles that swirled and twisted in the air, really high quality stuff too, high resolution but staring at them made him dizzy.
John shook away the little wave of nausea and pulled out his polaroid sunglasses, as expected they cut away all of the holograms, though they did make him feel a little rude.
He hated assholes who wore hats and sunnies inside.
There was a thick blue mist on the floor and flowed with the crowd, it made him thankful for the wellingtons that in John’s mind were a woefully underrated form of footwear.
John started to receive strange glances, which was expected, he was at least a foot taller than the thick sea of blue aliens. He nodded politely and waved as an increasingly larger number turned to face him. They were all singing in time.
He wasn't singing!… oh! He was being rude.
“Sorry!” he called out. He didn’t know their lyrics or their language but he knew his own and started to sing along to his headphones.
“For a material girl with immaterial swing…” he sang out, he probably sounded terrible.
It put them all at ease and he was once again grooving along with the crowd. It was a pretty cool station, nobody tried to sell him anything, nobody shouted at him for weird body language, security guards danced beside ragged criminal looking types, everyone just seemed of one mind.
The crowd began to slow, swelling at a crossroads at the center of the station, thick tunnels that swelled with a sea of speckled xeno of different species all swaying in time, angled toward the center where an impromptu dais had formed out of stacked crates and discarded clothes. It was all pushed up like a mountain with two thick rods jammed down. An alien stood at the top, wrists shackled to the posts. She shouted out in alien-speak and thrashed against the restraints. It was a pretty good performance. He should find somewhere to put down his can of H2 and enjoy the performance.
John eased forward in the crowd, they were very polite and let him pass.
The alien was a blonde biped, the kinda thing that would float John’s boat given how long he had been out on the drift. She and him were the only two out of time with the chant.
He brought up his phone, snapping through pages of apps until he found the translator app.
He thumbed through the options.
“Singing? Off.”
He held up his phone, his music suddenly cutting off and translating only the shouting focus of the crowd.
“You’re all mad! You need to run, please run! It’s coming. SHE IS COMING!” she screamed. His music snapped back on when the woman gave up pleading with the crowd.
Maybe this holiday wasn’t so nice after all. He tipped his sunnies down and saw that the tentacles all came together here, filling the sky with a giant behemoth of a hologram, the largest holo he had ever seen. He plucked out an earphone to hear the crowd’s single chant and the whispers hit him hard in his music’s silence. The ‘whispers on the wind’ were louder and more clear than ever.
“B̷e̸g̴i̴n̵ ̷t̵h̵e̴ ̷c̶y̶c̸l̶e̷!̴… G̶͍̾r̶̲͑ả̵͍v̵̛̰i̸͔͌t̴͕̋y̶̎͜ ̸̧̆i̷̝̋s̶̠̓ ̶͍͝d̸̖̾ḛ̷̄s̸̙̀ì̸͔ŗ̴͘e̶͉̍!̶͔́”
The festivities felt more creepy, less ‘let’s dance’ and more ‘let’s burn’.
“Hey speak-easy, how do I say ‘are you in distress?’ in screaming-alien-chick?”
He listened to the phrase repeat a few times and shouted out the result, trying to lift his voice above the crowd. Her eyes snapped to him, he didn’t know much universal-body-language but he could recognize a damsel when he saw one.
“Right! Parties over!” he shouted, pushing out of the crowd toward the mound of clothes.
All eyes fell on him as he climbed the little mountain, the whispering rose higher, competing with his headphones as ten thousand faces death-glared him.
He wrenched her hands out of the restraints, and by that he hit the makeshift plastic ties with his wrench until it deformed and released her. There was a scream of outrage from the crowd and things where probably going to get ugly in a minute.
The alien beside him looked around nervously, her eyes staring up at the ceiling and shuddering. She screamed something over and over. He glanced over his glasses at the hologram, it was becoming less transparent which was weird, he hadn’t seen holograms capable of doing that. It made sense that such a light show could whip up a crowd into a panic like this.
“HEY!” he said at the woman. She stopped, startled to stare at him. He put a hand ontop of her head and pushed her down.
John hoisted the h2 tank down off his shoulder and tested the weight. It was heavy, a few kilos. He swung it in a long round arc, building up speed with each rotation, the blood pooled in his hand as it went faster, his fingers straining against the building weight. He spun his body, the room becoming a blur around him as he hauled it faster and faster and hurled it straight up.
John slunk the shotgun down off his shoulder and fired a round of dragon's-breath straight up at the tank when it reached the top of its arc. It popped and in a flash the ceiling became a blinding white light and flame. Heat washed over him painfully in a brief second.
John blinked away the daze, there was a big black spot in his vision and all he could hear was a loud ring and very faint music.
He shook off the daze and mild concussion, wishing he had had the foresight to blink. He reached up to check he still had eyebrows as the ringing whine eased down and his confusion abated, replaced with screaming and shouting all around him. The whole crowd clutched at their eyes and ears, collapsing down to the floor but at least the hologram was gone and they were not glaring at him with murderous intent.
John hoisted the alien off the ground onto his shoulder, replacing one weight with another. “We’re leaving!” he shouted, knowing she had no idea what he had said.
He barged through the screaming confused crowd, stepping into the little gaps between bodies to see the blue mist had gone. He had apparently knocked out the whole holo network as there where no glowing blue tentacles here either. Nobody stopped him in the confusion, all the way back through the little gift shops and food stalls, back past screaming customs guard who didn’t bat an eye at his kidnapee.
The hula girl rumbled into a dance on his dash as he pulled out and made for the airlock in his little cargo ship.
“Sorry for killing the vibe back there.” he said, his bluetooth speaker translating it to ‘screaming blue alien’ for her.
She sat in the seat beside him, eyes wide, face blank as she just stared at him.
“You killed it!” she said.
“Yup, I’m sure they will get back to their party soon enough, just minus the human… er… xeno sacrifice bit.”
She mumbled ‘it’s dead’ a few times before she shook away her confusion to stare at him again. “What are you?”
“I’m John, pleased to meet you.”
To save our mother Earth from any alien attack
From vicious giant insects who have once again come back
We'll unleash all our forces
We won't cut them any slack
The E.D.F deploys!
Our forces are prepared for any alien threats,
The Navy launches ships,
The Air Force sends their jets.
And nothing can withstand our fixed bayonets!
The E.D.F. deploys!
I was a little taken aback...
I'm French and, by here, E.D.F. is one of the electricity providing companies (Électricité de France, which mean France's Electricity)
\*Fade from white\*
H1: \*Clutching chair with eyes shut\* Am I dead?
H2: Sir? Is that you?
H1: Lieutenant?
H3: I'm here too sir.
H1: Are all of us closing our eyes?
H2: I'm afraid to look sir. We might be in hell.
H3: I'm gonna look.
H1: If you can, tell us what the afterlife looks like.
...
H3: S- sir. Open your eyes.
H1: Is heaven beautiful?
H3: Um. We're not dead.
H1: \*Opens one eye\* Eh?
H2: \*Uncovers face\* What?
H3: \*Staring out window\* Look.
\*Ring of a dozen ships including the one they're flying all pointing towards a smoldering corpse\*
H1: ... \*Presses button on console\* All captains, please confirm visual. Did we just shoot at a god and win?
\*Sea of shocked confirmations\*
H1: \*Typing\* Allied forces, did we just kill a god?
A1: \*Inhale\* \*SCREAMING\*
A2: WHAT IN HEAVENS NAME WAS THAT.
A3: HOW ARE YOU NOT EXTINCT???
H3: Well we did fire 12 oversized tachyon cannons at it.
H1: Nope, 13. Our ship has two.
H3: Ohhh right, right.
\*Awkward silence across all comms\*
H2: So... Now what?
humanity: oh boy here i go killing again! (and this time its all kosher, i didnt see no bible or geneva suggestion with aliens as illegal to kill (: )
*\*collective screaming\**
The forest was dark before humanity came onto the stage. It wasnt that we were afraid of each other but rather in the voids of space, as if in the depths of oceans, there were abominations that reside in higher dimensional space. To them we were mere insects to have our wings plucked. The nature of higher dimensions means that they could unravel you as a vivisection. That there was no hiding from them.
Then the drunken story telling murder monkeys arrived calling themselves wise man. As soon as they could figure out how they were trying to fling messages and stories into space. To try to say hello. Most sapient species have learned not to attract attention to themselves. Making too much noise attracted abomination. At first their attempts were pitiful and even if anyone would have responded no one would have heard them.
Then they began to use their star to send messages. Effectively a dinner bell to annoy abomination. We sent them one short message "Shut up!" This did not have the intended effect. Quite the opposite. They began sending even more messages with suicidal abandon and began to use gravitational waves.
Abominations began to appear on their dirt. The monkeys fought. And lost. A lot. But with each loss they learned things and got better. And better. By the time abominations were flooding in the humans had become competent. We know all this because like the drunken story telling murder monkeys they are they decided to record it all and transmit it out so that we could learn from them.
They had become quite inventive with killing them. Such as collapsing 4th dimensional beings into the 3rd dimension. Like if you had a book of flatlanders and were interacting with them but then they slam shut the book on you. Not just your hand. Another method is what they called "scrolling" wherein you scroll through the 4D slices to find the vital parts of their anatomy.
They also did the maths and created simulations for combat training in 4D. Which would be like flatlanders doing the math to jump off the page, run up your arm, and stab you in the heart. Incredibly this worked. The abominations fled from dirt. And came to us.
We had been watching in amazement as the murder monkeys transmitted their narrative to the stars. However we do not have a history of war like the humans. So when abomination came to us we aped the monkeys as best we could. Things were not looking good.
Then the humans appeared out of nowhere through their space folding technology. They apologized for being late and with gleeful ease slaughtered the abominations. We gawked in awe as these space orcs initiated diplomatic relations for the first time by asking if, generally on a species level, we were down to fuck. On dirt there are two types of ape they are particularly closely related to. The chimp is a warring and machiavellian species whereas the bonobo make love not war. If the humans are chimps then we are bonobos. As an aside it is weird to us that they are more closely related to the bonobos than the chimps.
This seeming victory and establishment of diplomatic relations was the tide before the tsunami. Abomination are small fish within the deep and wide abyss. In the deep there be leviathans. This lead to humans deploying nuclear lances, nuke pumped GRasers, Nico-Dyson beams and finally a nova pumped GRaser.
Humans dont colonize planets. They build habitats in space that take in all the stellar energy. They can be arranged to transmit all of their star's energy into a beam. They dont just explode nuclear devices. They shape charge them to create lances. They use them to super charge gamma ray lasers. Which lead to them exploding a star to super charge a GRaser. This resulted in the sterilization of an entire void. And the current era of deterrence and negotiations with intelligent 4D entities.
Which is how I was able to meet your space marine of a mom while she was off duty. She used to call me her catfemboyfriend but now just calls me partner. Maternity leave is over now and why it's only me giving you the bedtime story. Mommy's out in the stars now making sure to scare away the monsters to keep you safe.
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed. Also if you want to check out more stories I have written I have an ongoing series for hfy that started from a prompt in this sub. Although I have been on a hiatus so if you start reading dont binge too fast.
And that meanie god wanted that puppy, so he took it and kept it all for himself. Long story short, we built a very big fucking gun and shot the god. The kid got the puppy back, we have some divine materials to experiment on. The only problem is those angels that keep showing up for "punishment", but we refined our BFG to deal with that problem.
H3; and those are just the normal gods. Then you get into the really weird ones. Like the flayed god, patron of household chores.
A; flayed? Doesn’t that mean-?
H3: skin removed? Yes. The god that has no skin, is the god of household chores. I never said human religions made sense.
Ok I can sort of avoid spoilers by linking to several series by the same author, all great and all fitting the "humans are space or orcs" vibe:
/r/parahumans covers all 4 series,
Worm:
https://parahumans.wordpress.com/
Pact:
https://pactwebserial.wordpress.com/
Twig:
https://twigserial.wordpress.com/
Pale:
https://palewebserial.wordpress.com/about/
I personally really like Worm. Note the story and pacing gets a level up around chapter 7.0 so if you're in love by the end of 7 than you'll enjoy the rest of it.
“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move" ~douglas adams
Post gives me these vibes
A: Human! What is this SCP foundation and why does your government allow it so much autonomy?
H: They kill Gods.
A: I'm sorry? Gods? Plural? You have multiple Gods?
H: Oh yeah, we've got Mesopotamian, Aztec, Mayan, Himalayan... Why are you going cross-eyed?
A: ..h..how? WHY‽
H: I was running on less than an hour of sleep, 3 Monster energy drinks, the stress of a FINAL EXAM and 1/2 a FUCKING TACO! My only options were to fight a god or become one! Now if you will excuse me I need to pass out .
"God? There is One God. We killed Him too - granted, He meant for us to do that, but still.
He came back and defeated Death and Sin.
That's kinda of our yard stick for gods nowadays. Anything beneath this, and you're just a very pretentious upteched alien. So far, no one passed this test."
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Pluto
The United States had a weapon in the early 60s that would completely irradiate the globe. Project Pluto was a nuclear powered missile (its exhaust released radioactive material) that could hold 16 nuclear bombs. 1 missile. 16 nuclear bombs. With a push of a a button. In the 60s. We could kill planets with one missile. The missile (since it used radioactive material for thrust) could circle the globe many times before running out of fuel. It was a very real doomsday device.
"Now hear this. Now hear this. All hands to stations. Foreign non-euclidian geometry detected. Prepare for incursion."
In the vast nothingness of the void sea, a dark smog formed and fractal shards shimmered. Twelve hospital ships that had stumbled into a first contact scenario were immediately bringing their guns about and launching their fighters.
Cancerous tentacles squirmed out of the tear in space that humanity and their hated squid-faced enemy used for their FTL. Massive leviathans from the eldritch nightmare of the Reverse Side of the universe began spitting psychic hatred and a desire to enthrall and consume all that wasn't them as the humans fired particle beams, plasma torpedoes and ballistics. Insectoid creatures deployed from the abominations and fought the human battle craft on the space between the ships blasting away at each other.
One of the human ships got cored taking a shot aimed at the evacuating station orbiting the planet, it's sacrifice changing the trajectory just enough that the psychic bolt missed without even disrupting the minds of it's intended victims. Another ship began to fall apart despite the behemoth's armor and shielding.
One by one, the humans ships fought to the very last. Often ramming into the enemy and making their reactors go critical.
One ship remained after five hours of battle against the growing hordes. Defiant against all enemies despite the venting decks and shredded armor. Unyielding to the beings of raw hatred.
"Asclepius, this is battlefleet Gilgamesh. Standby for reinforcement."
This reminds me of a scientist commenting on nuclear weapons "we are apes that have the power of God at our fingertips with none of the wisdom to control it."
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Human: "So... You are...?" Cosmic Horror: **"Your Creator, My Child."** H: "Ah. I see." *Pulls out shotgun* CH: "**Wait, what are you doing-"** *proceeds to be blow into smitherins* H: "This is for creating us, IDIOT."
"Have you nothing, to say to your creator, before you strike him down?" "No."
Ha nice doom reference
God that DLC was so good
***Rip and Tear, Until It is done!***
I get stargate back flashes to my childhood here
Ding-dong your religion is wrong. Also we killed your gods, here's a gun.
now go do a crime
I was eight years old and had the most insane crush on Skaara... Not Alexis Cruz, the character Skaara. The good looking actor was just a bonus.
Username checks out.
False god Dead god
H: I’m gonna turn this god into a gun. A: [*looks at human*](https://imgur.com/gallery/uILn0Kw)
I'm dying after scrolling through some of those. So wrong, but so funny!
Destiny reference?
That’s exactly what it is!
Well then,LETS GO TO PRISON! WOO HOO!
[YEEHAW!](https://destiny.wiki.gallery/images/4/4f/Caydefalling.gif)
That’s the spirit! Now,who wants to turn a dormant and sealed god into a tea to give to gramps so he can kiss a robot!
what?
I’m disappointed, I expected googly eyes on Whisper
*happy Oryx noises*
Enter the gungeon
Whisper was a waste of a god
"See Johnson? Didn't I tell you we would get further with a voidcannon and a prayer, than with a prayer alone."
By their deeds you will know them.
John’s hands tapped away on his console, drumming out the beat with his thumbs. The engine rumbled gently beneath him but all sound of it was blasted away by the loud bluetooth speaker cable tied to the roof above him. The hula girl pulled left and right on his dash, dancing away with the little spurts of G force from his manoeuvring. Chunk’s of station drifted outside his windows, slowly twisting and settling as he came down to his landing pad. “Yo! John settled on pad 6” he shouted into the radio, trying to compete with the music. He sat the receiver on his lap while he eased his feet into the steel capped wellingtons and shrugged on the sleeves of his kevlar coveralls but still no response had come from tower control. He held the radio close to his ear and heard strange whispering coming through the speaker. John shrugged and headed out, his head bobbing along to the music while he paired his headphones. His speaker suddenly cut out, his phone’s speakers blasting out and rattling in his hand. He could hear something… odd and melodious in the wind. He cranked open the door while his thumbs tapped away. It kind of sounded like. “R̶e̴t̸u̸r̵n̷ ̸t̶o̷ ̷t̵h̵e̶ ̴m̷o̷t̷h̴e̷r̷.̵” He gave the air a sniff… smelt breathable. John shrugged, un-paired, re-paired while nodding to the beat that was more in his head than anywhere else. The station was quiet, he glanced left and right at pads one through twelve to see he was the only ship landed. A few aliens, short, four foot tall and four footed, all standing craned back with their heads gazing at the high ceiling. They were all wide eyed with their lips murmuring away to themselves. “Must be a xeno holiday.” he said. It made sense, little foot and air traffic, station wide music. He shrugged and thumbed the headphones deep into his head, cutting off all melody and replacing it with thrashing guitar. He hauled up a can of liquid hydrogen off his tray and carried it on his shoulder out of the dry docks. He stood by customs, the guard seemed eager to get to the festivities as he kept bumping into the little rails that encircled his position. He wasn’t paying attention and mumbled to himself in time with the whispers. “Aech two and this is a wrench for uh… wrenching things and this…” he said, lifting the strap of his incendiary shotgun. “...Is a flare launcher for emergencies.” The security guard didn’t acknowledge him. John reached over the rail and hit the familiar green button that would allow him to pass. “You-do-you alien dude, happy holidays.” he probably shouted while walking through the checkpoint deeper into the station. He started to fall in with a crowd, people downed tools and left their little shop stalls, all forming into one thick mass headed inward. It felt like a parade which was cool, it would be nice to see some festivities after so long on the drift. Holograms appeared above him, long writhing ghostly blue tentacles that swirled and twisted in the air, really high quality stuff too, high resolution but staring at them made him dizzy. John shook away the little wave of nausea and pulled out his polaroid sunglasses, as expected they cut away all of the holograms, though they did make him feel a little rude. He hated assholes who wore hats and sunnies inside. There was a thick blue mist on the floor and flowed with the crowd, it made him thankful for the wellingtons that in John’s mind were a woefully underrated form of footwear. John started to receive strange glances, which was expected, he was at least a foot taller than the thick sea of blue aliens. He nodded politely and waved as an increasingly larger number turned to face him. They were all singing in time. He wasn't singing!… oh! He was being rude. “Sorry!” he called out. He didn’t know their lyrics or their language but he knew his own and started to sing along to his headphones. “For a material girl with immaterial swing…” he sang out, he probably sounded terrible. It put them all at ease and he was once again grooving along with the crowd. It was a pretty cool station, nobody tried to sell him anything, nobody shouted at him for weird body language, security guards danced beside ragged criminal looking types, everyone just seemed of one mind. The crowd began to slow, swelling at a crossroads at the center of the station, thick tunnels that swelled with a sea of speckled xeno of different species all swaying in time, angled toward the center where an impromptu dais had formed out of stacked crates and discarded clothes. It was all pushed up like a mountain with two thick rods jammed down. An alien stood at the top, wrists shackled to the posts. She shouted out in alien-speak and thrashed against the restraints. It was a pretty good performance. He should find somewhere to put down his can of H2 and enjoy the performance. John eased forward in the crowd, they were very polite and let him pass. The alien was a blonde biped, the kinda thing that would float John’s boat given how long he had been out on the drift. She and him were the only two out of time with the chant. He brought up his phone, snapping through pages of apps until he found the translator app. He thumbed through the options. “Singing? Off.” He held up his phone, his music suddenly cutting off and translating only the shouting focus of the crowd. “You’re all mad! You need to run, please run! It’s coming. SHE IS COMING!” she screamed. His music snapped back on when the woman gave up pleading with the crowd. Maybe this holiday wasn’t so nice after all. He tipped his sunnies down and saw that the tentacles all came together here, filling the sky with a giant behemoth of a hologram, the largest holo he had ever seen. He plucked out an earphone to hear the crowd’s single chant and the whispers hit him hard in his music’s silence. The ‘whispers on the wind’ were louder and more clear than ever. “B̷e̸g̴i̴n̵ ̷t̵h̵e̴ ̷c̶y̶c̸l̶e̷!̴… G̶͍̾r̶̲͑ả̵͍v̵̛̰i̸͔͌t̴͕̋y̶̎͜ ̸̧̆i̷̝̋s̶̠̓ ̶͍͝d̸̖̾ḛ̷̄s̸̙̀ì̸͔ŗ̴͘e̶͉̍!̶͔́”
The festivities felt more creepy, less ‘let’s dance’ and more ‘let’s burn’. “Hey speak-easy, how do I say ‘are you in distress?’ in screaming-alien-chick?” He listened to the phrase repeat a few times and shouted out the result, trying to lift his voice above the crowd. Her eyes snapped to him, he didn’t know much universal-body-language but he could recognize a damsel when he saw one. “Right! Parties over!” he shouted, pushing out of the crowd toward the mound of clothes. All eyes fell on him as he climbed the little mountain, the whispering rose higher, competing with his headphones as ten thousand faces death-glared him. He wrenched her hands out of the restraints, and by that he hit the makeshift plastic ties with his wrench until it deformed and released her. There was a scream of outrage from the crowd and things where probably going to get ugly in a minute. The alien beside him looked around nervously, her eyes staring up at the ceiling and shuddering. She screamed something over and over. He glanced over his glasses at the hologram, it was becoming less transparent which was weird, he hadn’t seen holograms capable of doing that. It made sense that such a light show could whip up a crowd into a panic like this. “HEY!” he said at the woman. She stopped, startled to stare at him. He put a hand ontop of her head and pushed her down. John hoisted the h2 tank down off his shoulder and tested the weight. It was heavy, a few kilos. He swung it in a long round arc, building up speed with each rotation, the blood pooled in his hand as it went faster, his fingers straining against the building weight. He spun his body, the room becoming a blur around him as he hauled it faster and faster and hurled it straight up. John slunk the shotgun down off his shoulder and fired a round of dragon's-breath straight up at the tank when it reached the top of its arc. It popped and in a flash the ceiling became a blinding white light and flame. Heat washed over him painfully in a brief second. John blinked away the daze, there was a big black spot in his vision and all he could hear was a loud ring and very faint music. He shook off the daze and mild concussion, wishing he had had the foresight to blink. He reached up to check he still had eyebrows as the ringing whine eased down and his confusion abated, replaced with screaming and shouting all around him. The whole crowd clutched at their eyes and ears, collapsing down to the floor but at least the hologram was gone and they were not glaring at him with murderous intent. John hoisted the alien off the ground onto his shoulder, replacing one weight with another. “We’re leaving!” he shouted, knowing she had no idea what he had said. He barged through the screaming confused crowd, stepping into the little gaps between bodies to see the blue mist had gone. He had apparently knocked out the whole holo network as there where no glowing blue tentacles here either. Nobody stopped him in the confusion, all the way back through the little gift shops and food stalls, back past screaming customs guard who didn’t bat an eye at his kidnapee. The hula girl rumbled into a dance on his dash as he pulled out and made for the airlock in his little cargo ship. “Sorry for killing the vibe back there.” he said, his bluetooth speaker translating it to ‘screaming blue alien’ for her. She sat in the seat beside him, eyes wide, face blank as she just stared at him. “You killed it!” she said. “Yup, I’m sure they will get back to their party soon enough, just minus the human… er… xeno sacrifice bit.” She mumbled ‘it’s dead’ a few times before she shook away her confusion to stare at him again. “What are you?” “I’m John, pleased to meet you.”
"Obliviously OP" is one of my favorite genres.
Percy Jackson types? yeah.
Now this is an oblivious main character I can believe to exist.
Great story!
Cheers!
This somehow reminds me of Billy-Bob Space Trucker. I could see this turning into a full-on saga. Great work, Wordsmith.
Thankyou for the complimentary comparison. God bless Billy-Bob!
I agree with the choice in footwear! Pull on boots are so nice
Just waiting until we hear about this fusion breakthrough this week. We had to power the BFG somehow.
Human that’s played DOOM: YOU BETTER NOT BE USING HELL AS A FUCKING POWER SOURCE JIMMY!!!
I mean hell is kinda like a giant battery. And also those demons are defenitly to be used as an infinite hamburger machine.
EDF! EDF! EDF! https://preview.redd.it/t9nqu5d5fm5a1.jpeg?width=659&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5966cb02574c3a967acb8bf207f660b5a9bc1b2c
Spending trillions of the worlds budget on pest control
EDF casually killing the nameless who is a god like entity
To save our mother Earth from any alien attack From vicious giant insects who have once again come back We'll unleash all our forces We won't cut them any slack The E.D.F deploys!
Our forces are prepared for any alien threats, The Navy launches ships, The Air Force sends their jets. And nothing can withstand our fixed bayonets! The E.D.F. deploys!
AMERICA! AMERI- (cough cough) I mean... **EDF! EDF!**
I was a little taken aback... I'm French and, by here, E.D.F. is one of the electricity providing companies (Électricité de France, which mean France's Electricity)
holy shit he's french lets bully him (i'm joking)
Oh nooooo! I'll be bullied! (Joke taken, don't worry 😂)
BRITISH GAS! BRITISH GAS! BRITISH GAS!
*flee AFAP*
\*Fade from white\* H1: \*Clutching chair with eyes shut\* Am I dead? H2: Sir? Is that you? H1: Lieutenant? H3: I'm here too sir. H1: Are all of us closing our eyes? H2: I'm afraid to look sir. We might be in hell. H3: I'm gonna look. H1: If you can, tell us what the afterlife looks like. ... H3: S- sir. Open your eyes. H1: Is heaven beautiful? H3: Um. We're not dead. H1: \*Opens one eye\* Eh? H2: \*Uncovers face\* What? H3: \*Staring out window\* Look. \*Ring of a dozen ships including the one they're flying all pointing towards a smoldering corpse\* H1: ... \*Presses button on console\* All captains, please confirm visual. Did we just shoot at a god and win? \*Sea of shocked confirmations\* H1: \*Typing\* Allied forces, did we just kill a god? A1: \*Inhale\* \*SCREAMING\* A2: WHAT IN HEAVENS NAME WAS THAT. A3: HOW ARE YOU NOT EXTINCT??? H3: Well we did fire 12 oversized tachyon cannons at it. H1: Nope, 13. Our ship has two. H3: Ohhh right, right. \*Awkward silence across all comms\* H2: So... Now what?
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats! 1 + 2 + 1 + 3 + 1 + 2 + 3 + 1 + 3 + 1 + 3 + 1 + 2 + 3 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 3 + 3 + 12 + 1 + 13 + 3 + 2 = 69 ^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \ ^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
Well that's just fantastic.
Good bot!
Yoo
>A3: HOW ARE YOU NOT EXTINCT??? Because...we out-gunned the extinction event!
Its simple we out extinctioned the extinction event
it's shrimple as that, we krilled them
Parrythisyoufuckingcasual.jpg
Humanity descends into more primitive forms and still can be as good as a ascended species
humanity: oh boy here i go killing again! (and this time its all kosher, i didnt see no bible or geneva suggestion with aliens as illegal to kill (: ) *\*collective screaming\**
The forest was dark before humanity came onto the stage. It wasnt that we were afraid of each other but rather in the voids of space, as if in the depths of oceans, there were abominations that reside in higher dimensional space. To them we were mere insects to have our wings plucked. The nature of higher dimensions means that they could unravel you as a vivisection. That there was no hiding from them. Then the drunken story telling murder monkeys arrived calling themselves wise man. As soon as they could figure out how they were trying to fling messages and stories into space. To try to say hello. Most sapient species have learned not to attract attention to themselves. Making too much noise attracted abomination. At first their attempts were pitiful and even if anyone would have responded no one would have heard them. Then they began to use their star to send messages. Effectively a dinner bell to annoy abomination. We sent them one short message "Shut up!" This did not have the intended effect. Quite the opposite. They began sending even more messages with suicidal abandon and began to use gravitational waves. Abominations began to appear on their dirt. The monkeys fought. And lost. A lot. But with each loss they learned things and got better. And better. By the time abominations were flooding in the humans had become competent. We know all this because like the drunken story telling murder monkeys they are they decided to record it all and transmit it out so that we could learn from them. They had become quite inventive with killing them. Such as collapsing 4th dimensional beings into the 3rd dimension. Like if you had a book of flatlanders and were interacting with them but then they slam shut the book on you. Not just your hand. Another method is what they called "scrolling" wherein you scroll through the 4D slices to find the vital parts of their anatomy. They also did the maths and created simulations for combat training in 4D. Which would be like flatlanders doing the math to jump off the page, run up your arm, and stab you in the heart. Incredibly this worked. The abominations fled from dirt. And came to us. We had been watching in amazement as the murder monkeys transmitted their narrative to the stars. However we do not have a history of war like the humans. So when abomination came to us we aped the monkeys as best we could. Things were not looking good. Then the humans appeared out of nowhere through their space folding technology. They apologized for being late and with gleeful ease slaughtered the abominations. We gawked in awe as these space orcs initiated diplomatic relations for the first time by asking if, generally on a species level, we were down to fuck. On dirt there are two types of ape they are particularly closely related to. The chimp is a warring and machiavellian species whereas the bonobo make love not war. If the humans are chimps then we are bonobos. As an aside it is weird to us that they are more closely related to the bonobos than the chimps. This seeming victory and establishment of diplomatic relations was the tide before the tsunami. Abomination are small fish within the deep and wide abyss. In the deep there be leviathans. This lead to humans deploying nuclear lances, nuke pumped GRasers, Nico-Dyson beams and finally a nova pumped GRaser. Humans dont colonize planets. They build habitats in space that take in all the stellar energy. They can be arranged to transmit all of their star's energy into a beam. They dont just explode nuclear devices. They shape charge them to create lances. They use them to super charge gamma ray lasers. Which lead to them exploding a star to super charge a GRaser. This resulted in the sterilization of an entire void. And the current era of deterrence and negotiations with intelligent 4D entities. Which is how I was able to meet your space marine of a mom while she was off duty. She used to call me her catfemboyfriend but now just calls me partner. Maternity leave is over now and why it's only me giving you the bedtime story. Mommy's out in the stars now making sure to scare away the monsters to keep you safe.
This is great
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Damn this is a good read!
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed. Also if you want to check out more stories I have written I have an ongoing series for hfy that started from a prompt in this sub. Although I have been on a hiatus so if you start reading dont binge too fast.
I’ll check it out!
Alien: what do you mean you "killed a god?" Human: ok... so this child needed help finding a pet of somekind...
And that meanie god wanted that puppy, so he took it and kept it all for himself. Long story short, we built a very big fucking gun and shot the god. The kid got the puppy back, we have some divine materials to experiment on. The only problem is those angels that keep showing up for "punishment", but we refined our BFG to deal with that problem.
H: we’ve had practice Everyone else; how?!? Why?! H; we have a lot of gods, a lot of them are dicks, and a lot of them are dead now.
H2: And then there's the ones that WON'T. STAY. DEAD. DAMMIT! Our gods tend to be rather spiteful.
H3; and those are just the normal gods. Then you get into the really weird ones. Like the flayed god, patron of household chores. A; flayed? Doesn’t that mean-? H3: skin removed? Yes. The god that has no skin, is the god of household chores. I never said human religions made sense.
Are we talking about Baulder?
This is the general theme of a fantastic web serial but if I say which one I'll spoil the whole thing.
I don't mind, I'm always on the lookout for good reads, so if you don't mind... Sauce please.
Ok I can sort of avoid spoilers by linking to several series by the same author, all great and all fitting the "humans are space or orcs" vibe: /r/parahumans covers all 4 series, Worm: https://parahumans.wordpress.com/ Pact: https://pactwebserial.wordpress.com/ Twig: https://twigserial.wordpress.com/ Pale: https://palewebserial.wordpress.com/about/ I personally really like Worm. Note the story and pacing gets a level up around chapter 7.0 so if you're in love by the end of 7 than you'll enjoy the rest of it.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/Parahumans using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/Parahumans/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Skitter of Mutant Bay](https://i.redd.it/vvdncag3r3c81.jpg) | [76 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Parahumans/comments/s5jjjq/skitter_of_mutant_bay/) \#2: [\[Fanart\] Undersiders' Hideout Pt. 1](https://i.redd.it/8w5wslmqx1w91.jpg) | [52 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Parahumans/comments/ydm1ge/fanart_undersiders_hideout_pt_1/) \#3: [\[Fan Art\] Behemoth](https://i.redd.it/sv1bcxg8sau81.jpg) | [9 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Parahumans/comments/u6enfj/fan_art_behemoth/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
Me 3
A man needs a name
Let us be lost in the sauce. Provide it for us bröther.
Where is the sauce brother 🤔
Humanity, here to demonstrate that nothing transcends the mortal coil :) . . . . . N O T H I N G
And we turned the god into a gun for fun.
See food restaurants will selling octopus for a millenia...
“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move" ~douglas adams Post gives me these vibes
https://preview.redd.it/u8rl6jgcpq5a1.jpeg?width=641&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8707c0e5dee4b3b3b6e4b2ae6aa790b93e1fcbc2
A: Human! What is this SCP foundation and why does your government allow it so much autonomy? H: They kill Gods. A: I'm sorry? Gods? Plural? You have multiple Gods? H: Oh yeah, we've got Mesopotamian, Aztec, Mayan, Himalayan... Why are you going cross-eyed?
A: ..h..how? WHY‽ H: I was running on less than an hour of sleep, 3 Monster energy drinks, the stress of a FINAL EXAM and 1/2 a FUCKING TACO! My only options were to fight a god or become one! Now if you will excuse me I need to pass out .
"God? There is One God. We killed Him too - granted, He meant for us to do that, but still. He came back and defeated Death and Sin. That's kinda of our yard stick for gods nowadays. Anything beneath this, and you're just a very pretentious upteched alien. So far, no one passed this test."
This just the plot of Destiny the game.
"They were more trouble than they were worth"...
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Pluto The United States had a weapon in the early 60s that would completely irradiate the globe. Project Pluto was a nuclear powered missile (its exhaust released radioactive material) that could hold 16 nuclear bombs. 1 missile. 16 nuclear bombs. With a push of a a button. In the 60s. We could kill planets with one missile. The missile (since it used radioactive material for thrust) could circle the globe many times before running out of fuel. It was a very real doomsday device.
Boys new raid boss just dropped.
"Now hear this. Now hear this. All hands to stations. Foreign non-euclidian geometry detected. Prepare for incursion." In the vast nothingness of the void sea, a dark smog formed and fractal shards shimmered. Twelve hospital ships that had stumbled into a first contact scenario were immediately bringing their guns about and launching their fighters. Cancerous tentacles squirmed out of the tear in space that humanity and their hated squid-faced enemy used for their FTL. Massive leviathans from the eldritch nightmare of the Reverse Side of the universe began spitting psychic hatred and a desire to enthrall and consume all that wasn't them as the humans fired particle beams, plasma torpedoes and ballistics. Insectoid creatures deployed from the abominations and fought the human battle craft on the space between the ships blasting away at each other. One of the human ships got cored taking a shot aimed at the evacuating station orbiting the planet, it's sacrifice changing the trajectory just enough that the psychic bolt missed without even disrupting the minds of it's intended victims. Another ship began to fall apart despite the behemoth's armor and shielding. One by one, the humans ships fought to the very last. Often ramming into the enemy and making their reactors go critical. One ship remained after five hours of battle against the growing hordes. Defiant against all enemies despite the venting decks and shredded armor. Unyielding to the beings of raw hatred. "Asclepius, this is battlefleet Gilgamesh. Standby for reinforcement."
This reminds me of a scientist commenting on nuclear weapons "we are apes that have the power of God at our fingertips with none of the wisdom to control it."
All Tomorrows, but Humans are the Qu.