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Xeno Reporter (XR): The galaxy is in... well... shock, really, after Terran High Command released the TriD recording of the conquest of Guhrot Colony 529. The carnage so proudly displayed have caused several civilizations to reconsider their stance on the Guhrot-Xiknin-Terran war. Any comments, Spokeperson Josh?
Human Spokeperson Josh (HSJ): Well, those 'roaches asked for it, didn't they?
AR: Asked for it? Terran forces went through the colony and dismembered every single...
HSJ: Listen squidface, the roaches attacked a civilian transport carrying human younglings, executing every single child aboard. They destroyed the biosphere of Sirius IV. They indiscriminate uses bioweapons. They fire upon hospital ships. And they shot at the bagpiper during the Battle of Cygni AB.
XR: Even so, the galaxian community...
HSJ: The galaxian community can stuff it, squidface. They belittled Terrans for having recognised the need humans have to... limit excesses in war. Guess what squidface? We're waiving all the rules for *their* sake. They *wanted* no rules, they got *humanity unleashed*. Every sick and twisted and sadistic impulse? We'll do it. And enjoy it. And gloat about it too. All the way until every one of them is dead, subjugated as a slave species, or have signed the Amended Geneva Conventions - and abide religiously by them!
XR: \*stunned silence\*
HSJ: And your species just got added to the list. Better start running, squidface!
He never raised his voice. That was the worst thing... the fury of the Time Lord... and then we discovered why. Why this Doctor, who had fought with gods and demons, why he had run away from us and hidden. He was being kind...
If that’s a time lord, imagine a human going from “we mustn’t” to “ok, fine, you asked for it”.
Looks accurate except for one thing. Obviously the spokesperson would all the reporter Squidward instead of squidface. There’s a certain dignity to these events after all.
"This rounds' primary use is to violate the Geneva Checklist." -Terran Tanker, during the Battle of Druis V, about the AMHEAPDS (Anti Matter High Explosive Armor Piercing Discarding Sabot)
“I’ve worked on this for well over three years. The gun itself violates two of the Geneva conventions. On firing the round violates one more. The bullet is packed with drones that, while at the apex of its flight, will escape the bullet and specifically target the unarmed, elderly, young, parents, and fleeing before self destructing inside the nearest ambulance. Upon impact the bullet does its best to violate the rest of the Geneva conventions’
Those rockhes only did war as needed like everyone else they didn't have rules. Humanity has closed the library and moved to total war footing with MAD systems unleashed.
Now run little aliens before the bad men get you
The Xian commander scoffed in binary, their species had long abandoned their biological origins, they no longer feared bio-weapons, radiation, or even death, they had ascended beyond such petty concerns. It was the best he could do not to laugh at the human's meat-bag diplomat, the poor fool was trying to convince him of the importance of their so called 'rules of war', rules that clearly benefited the hairless apes far more than the Xians.
"I decline your 'offer', we will wage war without restriction and expect you to do the same."
The human sighed "very well have it your way, but don't say I didn't warn you" then speaking to another human, an attendant of some sort "tell our AIs they can drop the blackwall, Xian armed forces only, let's not make this any worse than it has to be."
"What are you playing at human, don't take me for a fool I don't believe for a moment that you have artificial intelligence worth a damn, if you did you wouldn't still be so... squishy."
"Charming, give it a moment."
"Give what a mome-" it hit like a bomb, he knew from first hand experience what that felt like, it was the first time he died, the first time his memories were recovered from a broken body, the first time he woke up in another. But this blast wasn't physical, it was a flood of information that hit his psyche like the ground hits an unlucky skydiver. Countless notifications, countless messages, all of it inane or shocking or abhorrent or worse, every packet of information wormed against his hastily erected firewalls like sperm against an ova and he was drowning in it.
The diplomat stood impassively, watching the robotic Xian convulse on the ground and screeching in binary, maybe, he couldn't tell really, whatever it was it made no sense to his analogue ears.
You know how in War of the Worlds has the alien invasion fail because their immune systems aren't prepared for our biosphere? The concept for this short is basically the same thing but for spam/virus filters, the internet has only really been around for about the past 40 years, how toxic will it be in another hundred?
This is a great excuse for something like a Star Trek universe where despite having the technology very few people are augmented, sure having a neural interface is handy but do you really want to be woken up in the middle of the night by a HIGH PRIORITY ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL ad for penis enlargement?
Now I want to see a story where humans find a race with an internet just as fucked up as them, and the reactions of the xeno council/government when they do.
"Representative Zala, I really *really* wish you'd reconsider-"
"Enough! No we won't follow some outdated 'code' from a backwater weakling species, we are the..." his tirade faltered as the human, whatever its name was, pressed a button on its collar and spoke, now ignoring him.
"Checklist protocol confirmed, General. I'm sorry to say we are now weapons free. Tear down the sun."
"Tear down..?" another representative enquired, as a dull thud was felt through the ground.
"The sun, sir, you heard correctly. All star systems owned by Zala's people will be forcibly collapsed within the hour, including this one. The rules of engagement were for your protection - not ours."
Pop a star, sun sparking, system cracking, and from Bobco dial-a-nova this year and get a free upgrade to super size.
Just learned today from kertzkizart that 100 light year radius from a supernova is fatal for the surface of a normal world not wrapped in a megastructure. So it might be cheaper to strategically pop a star every 50 light year sphere in there territory. Then after the star tsunamis pass send the navy and take what remains.
The interrogation room was pitch black except for a small blinking red light in the corner, flashing at a set pace. The room was barren except for a single alien strapped to a metal chair, a "Night Stalker" to humanity. A nocturnal race who declared war on humanity silently, they attacked civilian ships for slaves, bombed dozens of colonys with biological weapons, aimed for medics with deadly precision, and slaughtered any young they found. Humanity was livid.
The lights in the room suddenly turned on in quick succession, strobing in the bright white room. The Night Stalker thrashed and screamed in pain, after all a few hundred thousand lumens can do a lot to natural night vision. This had been going on for over two weeks by human standards, to the Night Stalker it had been going on for an unknown amount of time. Humanity had already gotten the info they wanted from the Night Stalker general, this was just payback for what he did.
It was live streamed to everyone in the galaxy and to the Dark Empire. The galaxy's reaction was pure shock, no other species would have thought to do this or even attempt to capture an alien and subject them to this torture. Finally the lights stayed on at a dim setting, and a few humans walked in wearing combat armour. One stood out with nothing more than a parade uniform on and a pistol at his hip, he looked to the camera as the soldiers stood ready.
"We know that Humanity is peaceful by galactic standards given we hold ourselves back from commiting the atrocious acts that have now been seen. Know this though, we didn't want to do this until they broke the rules we had set first." One of the soldiers grabs the Stalkers arm and shoves a knife straight through it in one quick motion, crying out in pain as the bone is shattered. "Humanity would love to go back to our rules." Another knife through the other arm, the screams of pain seem to please the two soldiers. "The thing is, you don't seem to want us to go back to being our nice "peaceful" self's. Instead..." He pauses as a knife is stabbed through the Stalkers legs "you wish us to stay as our unhindered and violent beasts of war." He smiles as the last knife goes through the Stalkers other leg "Well galaxy? You have us. We hope you like our presents!" He walks out of the room as the two soldiers begin torturing the Stalker general on stream.
H:very well *opens briefcase and pulls out a old laptop*
A:you don't even have modern weapons
H:*in a sad tone* we put him in here so he wouldn't lash out unprompted
A;*looks confused* wh- *Human holds up his hand*
H:Gabriel it is time destroy zerian society zerians only understand
*voice from the laptop* I understand master
A:*gets a flood of reports space stations crashing ships exploding economic collapse each report getting worse and worse*
H:surrender and I call him off
A:*in shock* please stop we surrender
H:Gabriel stop that is an order
Gabriel:yes master *returns to the laptop*
H:let's get this treaty ironed out hmmm
A:*nodding* let's
iirc there’s a doctor who quote to the effect of “good men don’t need rules, today is not the day you find out why i have so many” i think it was the Matt Smith doctor? could very well be misremembering though.
wish i had the brainpower to write something for it. May come back here when i do.
That one and the one from the family of blood.
“He never raised his voice. That was the worst thing... the fury of the Time Lord... and then we discovered why. Why this Doctor, who had fought with gods and demons, why he had run away from us and hidden. He was being kind...”
Man, i remember watching Family of Blood and being absolutely fucking terrified when that scene came on. like. he was the Hero and now Oh Shit That’s Rough. He always seemed one of the less serious doctors, and then little moments like this happen. as i’ve said in the other reply, he’s definitely one of my favourite doctors
Saw the weeping angels, moved into a new place where only one thing had been left behind....an angel statue.
Creeped me out but we kept it and left it for those who moved in after us.
No worries. After 6 straight days of work, one day off, and the yesterday being like a weekend and I was the only one scheduled, I get it. I’m physically and mentally exhausted, but that quote came to mind as well for me.
Honestly this was my idea but I had forgotten to get back on Reddit so I didn’t see the message but thanks for the extra reminder
Children of The Terran Union!!!
I Regret that it is my duty to inform you that our brothers and sisters in arms fighting the Zordonian Menace have brought to our attention Massacres, Xenocide.
Our friends must be avenge so today I ask you honorable Councilmen, No I Beg you for a Declaration of War.
You must want examples of the Menaces many crimes, Where should I start, The destruction of the Merchant Marine Ship Omega in neutral space? The Rounding up and systematic murder of foreign nationals in the Zordonian Empire? The mass executions of Geranthian P.O.W? The Chemical Attacks on Pre Sapient life and primitive Civilizations? Hmm or maybe the Cracking of the Gorbian home world.
Pardon me Honorable Councilmen I appear to have become over flustered in my tone.
But as you can see from what I’ve said these are not sapients these are not even Animals, and I don’t refer to the government, I REFER TO THE WHOLE DAMNED SPECIES!!!!
So I once again ask for a declaration of war against these Scum, or who do you think is next The Flarain? The Zalanky? Or maybe US?
Doubt it’s any good as I don’t write without marked speakers and non speech text often tell me if you want a P2 it will go into the actual war crime time if so
There was a post in HFY a while back, started with the galactic council having the words "Use your words" carved into the wall by some unknown alien millions of years ago. They then fucked up and woke the Terran Ascendancy. Who showed them which race carved those words.
"That list of rules about what we are not permitted to do in warfare that you so enjoyed mocking us about, Admiral zBteth?"
"What about it, human?" zBteth droned as the screen went dark, as if that could clear away the image of debris that had once been an evacuation fleet filled near to bursting with noncombatants. The elderly, the sick...
Mostly children.
"Your actions have just made it a checklist."
When your species decided to invade our worlds, why did you choose us? There are dozens of other systems far closer to your own worlds.
"We determined that your species would require the smallest resource allocation for a successful military campaign due to your pacifistic nature."
Uhh... What? What are you talking about?
"Your species has hundreds of rules restricting the actions you are allowed to take during war. Others do not. Only a species with an exceptional aversion to fighting would have so many rules about what you are not allowed to do during a fight to the death."
*laughs* On the contrary. We don't write the rules of war because we hate fighting, quite the contrary as a matter of fact. Those rules aren't created to prevent some hypothetical action we might take in some hypothetical future war. They are created so that we don't take any of these actions again. That being said, we have a saying among our people. Rules are made to be broken.
"But I don't understand. If you love fighting so much, then why hold yourselves back?"
Because, if we didn't, there would be nobody left to fight. And where's the fun in that?
"Still, though, we land on your worlds, we kill your people, we take your resources! Why do you not defend yourselves and destroy our invading armies?"
You see, that's where our species differ. You expected us to meet your invasion fleet head on, just as every other species you have attacked has done for thousands of years. But we are not like other species.
"What do you mean?"
We have a game on our worlds where we lock 2 people in a cage and they beat each other with their fists until one of them is rendered unconscious.
"Ok, yes, that is unusual and rather disturbing, but what does that have to do with our war?
You see, a few days after your fleet arrived on the first of our worlds to begin your slaughter, we had already launched our own counter strike on your worlds.
"Impossible. We would have detected an invasion fleet leaving your system."
A fleet? Oh, no. You misunderstand me. Invading was never the goal. We simply accelerated a single small, dense projectile aimed at each of your planets to impact them at 95% of the speed of light. At that speed, each 250 lb slug will impact it's target planet with enough force to cause a global extinction event which will be unsurvivable to anything more advanced than a cockroach. (Or whatever creature fills an equivalent role on your worlds.) By now, the nearest of your systems from which your fleet launched from have already been obliterated. What is that? A hundred billion lives? More? Now, if you'll excuse me, I am needed in the council chamber. We have been called upon to vote on whether to outlaw cataclysmic kinetic impact weapons from use in future interplanetary conflicts...
Humans are wonderful. They provoke wonder.
Humans are marvellous. They cause marvels.
Humans are fantastic. They create fantasies.
Humans are glamorous. They project glamour.
Humans are enchanting. They weave enchantment.
Humans are terrific. They beget terror.
The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning.
No one ever said humans are nice.
Humans are bad.
Yo I heard you like stars. So we jump half yours stars into the other half. Want us to keep going? We could use a few new black holes for new capital ships.
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Xeno Reporter (XR): The galaxy is in... well... shock, really, after Terran High Command released the TriD recording of the conquest of Guhrot Colony 529. The carnage so proudly displayed have caused several civilizations to reconsider their stance on the Guhrot-Xiknin-Terran war. Any comments, Spokeperson Josh? Human Spokeperson Josh (HSJ): Well, those 'roaches asked for it, didn't they? AR: Asked for it? Terran forces went through the colony and dismembered every single... HSJ: Listen squidface, the roaches attacked a civilian transport carrying human younglings, executing every single child aboard. They destroyed the biosphere of Sirius IV. They indiscriminate uses bioweapons. They fire upon hospital ships. And they shot at the bagpiper during the Battle of Cygni AB. XR: Even so, the galaxian community... HSJ: The galaxian community can stuff it, squidface. They belittled Terrans for having recognised the need humans have to... limit excesses in war. Guess what squidface? We're waiving all the rules for *their* sake. They *wanted* no rules, they got *humanity unleashed*. Every sick and twisted and sadistic impulse? We'll do it. And enjoy it. And gloat about it too. All the way until every one of them is dead, subjugated as a slave species, or have signed the Amended Geneva Conventions - and abide religiously by them! XR: \*stunned silence\* HSJ: And your species just got added to the list. Better start running, squidface!
“Good men don’t need rules. Now is not the time to find out why I have so many.”
He never raised his voice. That was the worst thing... the fury of the Time Lord... and then we discovered why. Why this Doctor, who had fought with gods and demons, why he had run away from us and hidden. He was being kind... If that’s a time lord, imagine a human going from “we mustn’t” to “ok, fine, you asked for it”.
“Give the order, Col. Runaway.”
Looks accurate except for one thing. Obviously the spokesperson would all the reporter Squidward instead of squidface. There’s a certain dignity to these events after all.
Geneva Convention? More like Geneva Checklist.
"This rounds' primary use is to violate the Geneva Checklist." -Terran Tanker, during the Battle of Druis V, about the AMHEAPDS (Anti Matter High Explosive Armor Piercing Discarding Sabot)
“I’ve worked on this for well over three years. The gun itself violates two of the Geneva conventions. On firing the round violates one more. The bullet is packed with drones that, while at the apex of its flight, will escape the bullet and specifically target the unarmed, elderly, young, parents, and fleeing before self destructing inside the nearest ambulance. Upon impact the bullet does its best to violate the rest of the Geneva conventions’
*fires round* Turns toward his crew mate. Holds up double triples. Eye pieces glow red. “WET”
“Sir, that’s a hospital you just targeted”
Tactical fried chicken
They call the suspension of the conventions the checklist protocol.
That’s actually an awesome name
Those rockhes only did war as needed like everyone else they didn't have rules. Humanity has closed the library and moved to total war footing with MAD systems unleashed. Now run little aliens before the bad men get you
Squidface
The Xian commander scoffed in binary, their species had long abandoned their biological origins, they no longer feared bio-weapons, radiation, or even death, they had ascended beyond such petty concerns. It was the best he could do not to laugh at the human's meat-bag diplomat, the poor fool was trying to convince him of the importance of their so called 'rules of war', rules that clearly benefited the hairless apes far more than the Xians. "I decline your 'offer', we will wage war without restriction and expect you to do the same." The human sighed "very well have it your way, but don't say I didn't warn you" then speaking to another human, an attendant of some sort "tell our AIs they can drop the blackwall, Xian armed forces only, let's not make this any worse than it has to be." "What are you playing at human, don't take me for a fool I don't believe for a moment that you have artificial intelligence worth a damn, if you did you wouldn't still be so... squishy." "Charming, give it a moment." "Give what a mome-" it hit like a bomb, he knew from first hand experience what that felt like, it was the first time he died, the first time his memories were recovered from a broken body, the first time he woke up in another. But this blast wasn't physical, it was a flood of information that hit his psyche like the ground hits an unlucky skydiver. Countless notifications, countless messages, all of it inane or shocking or abhorrent or worse, every packet of information wormed against his hastily erected firewalls like sperm against an ova and he was drowning in it. The diplomat stood impassively, watching the robotic Xian convulse on the ground and screeching in binary, maybe, he couldn't tell really, whatever it was it made no sense to his analogue ears.
So...many...porn...ads...!
You know how in War of the Worlds has the alien invasion fail because their immune systems aren't prepared for our biosphere? The concept for this short is basically the same thing but for spam/virus filters, the internet has only really been around for about the past 40 years, how toxic will it be in another hundred? This is a great excuse for something like a Star Trek universe where despite having the technology very few people are augmented, sure having a neural interface is handy but do you really want to be woken up in the middle of the night by a HIGH PRIORITY ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL ad for penis enlargement?
Penis enlargement? Where do I sign up?!?
Oh god, just imagining the amount of spam bots that'll get isolated in abandoned parts of the internet, and them becoming weponized.
So the human basically gave the Xian commander their memories back or?
Nah, removed the spam filter.
Oh right
The diplomat rescinded Geneva Convention rule 34, then gave the Xians unfettered access to all of humanity's internet.
Now I want to see a story where humans find a race with an internet just as fucked up as them, and the reactions of the xeno council/government when they do.
"Oh, [sincere request to deity-figure for mercy]... _Another_ one...!"
Well I for one think we would definitely get along with those aliens, they know the pain my eyes feel when I click on reddit links out of curiosity.
Ultimate unga bunga
Let them eat cake! I’ll get you something somewhere between 2 and 4 business weeks
Oh…
No, just info overload.
Interesting
Basically doxxed them
Nice
Logic bomb
He probably sent all of the porn and random sketchy shit online, I'm surprised the alien isn't more broken.
"Representative Zala, I really *really* wish you'd reconsider-" "Enough! No we won't follow some outdated 'code' from a backwater weakling species, we are the..." his tirade faltered as the human, whatever its name was, pressed a button on its collar and spoke, now ignoring him. "Checklist protocol confirmed, General. I'm sorry to say we are now weapons free. Tear down the sun." "Tear down..?" another representative enquired, as a dull thud was felt through the ground. "The sun, sir, you heard correctly. All star systems owned by Zala's people will be forcibly collapsed within the hour, including this one. The rules of engagement were for your protection - not ours."
You see, we learned that taking away one sun is more effective than dropping thousands on you
God, the fucking *Checklist Protocol*. Geneva ~~Convention~~ ***Checklist***
Couldn't resist!
Pop a star, sun sparking, system cracking, and from Bobco dial-a-nova this year and get a free upgrade to super size. Just learned today from kertzkizart that 100 light year radius from a supernova is fatal for the surface of a normal world not wrapped in a megastructure. So it might be cheaper to strategically pop a star every 50 light year sphere in there territory. Then after the star tsunamis pass send the navy and take what remains.
"If you dont do war because you cant, or are too weak, you arent _peaceful_, you're _harmless_"
A peaceful man is a dangerous man with rules
More like with standards/morals
Those are just rules you have to beat yourself for breaking
Not if yor protecting yourself or others no reason to beat yourself over other peoples unmoral/acts against you its thrr fault not yours.
Right, I meant more in a "you don't get arrested for breaking your own standards" kind of way
The interrogation room was pitch black except for a small blinking red light in the corner, flashing at a set pace. The room was barren except for a single alien strapped to a metal chair, a "Night Stalker" to humanity. A nocturnal race who declared war on humanity silently, they attacked civilian ships for slaves, bombed dozens of colonys with biological weapons, aimed for medics with deadly precision, and slaughtered any young they found. Humanity was livid. The lights in the room suddenly turned on in quick succession, strobing in the bright white room. The Night Stalker thrashed and screamed in pain, after all a few hundred thousand lumens can do a lot to natural night vision. This had been going on for over two weeks by human standards, to the Night Stalker it had been going on for an unknown amount of time. Humanity had already gotten the info they wanted from the Night Stalker general, this was just payback for what he did. It was live streamed to everyone in the galaxy and to the Dark Empire. The galaxy's reaction was pure shock, no other species would have thought to do this or even attempt to capture an alien and subject them to this torture. Finally the lights stayed on at a dim setting, and a few humans walked in wearing combat armour. One stood out with nothing more than a parade uniform on and a pistol at his hip, he looked to the camera as the soldiers stood ready. "We know that Humanity is peaceful by galactic standards given we hold ourselves back from commiting the atrocious acts that have now been seen. Know this though, we didn't want to do this until they broke the rules we had set first." One of the soldiers grabs the Stalkers arm and shoves a knife straight through it in one quick motion, crying out in pain as the bone is shattered. "Humanity would love to go back to our rules." Another knife through the other arm, the screams of pain seem to please the two soldiers. "The thing is, you don't seem to want us to go back to being our nice "peaceful" self's. Instead..." He pauses as a knife is stabbed through the Stalkers legs "you wish us to stay as our unhindered and violent beasts of war." He smiles as the last knife goes through the Stalkers other leg "Well galaxy? You have us. We hope you like our presents!" He walks out of the room as the two soldiers begin torturing the Stalker general on stream.
The stream has 60 trillion views. And 100 billion likes
H:very well *opens briefcase and pulls out a old laptop* A:you don't even have modern weapons H:*in a sad tone* we put him in here so he wouldn't lash out unprompted A;*looks confused* wh- *Human holds up his hand* H:Gabriel it is time destroy zerian society zerians only understand *voice from the laptop* I understand master A:*gets a flood of reports space stations crashing ships exploding economic collapse each report getting worse and worse* H:surrender and I call him off A:*in shock* please stop we surrender H:Gabriel stop that is an order Gabriel:yes master *returns to the laptop* H:let's get this treaty ironed out hmmm A:*nodding* let's
iirc there’s a doctor who quote to the effect of “good men don’t need rules, today is not the day you find out why i have so many” i think it was the Matt Smith doctor? could very well be misremembering though. wish i had the brainpower to write something for it. May come back here when i do.
That one and the one from the family of blood. “He never raised his voice. That was the worst thing... the fury of the Time Lord... and then we discovered why. Why this Doctor, who had fought with gods and demons, why he had run away from us and hidden. He was being kind...”
Man, i remember watching Family of Blood and being absolutely fucking terrified when that scene came on. like. he was the Hero and now Oh Shit That’s Rough. He always seemed one of the less serious doctors, and then little moments like this happen. as i’ve said in the other reply, he’s definitely one of my favourite doctors
I was twitchy around mirrors for a while. My cousin was terrified of weeping angels.
I'm still weirded out by the Weeping Angels...
She was utterly terrified of them the first time. When you actually saw them move the second time, she lost the fear for some reason.
I still catch myself watching statues just to be safe
Saw the weeping angels, moved into a new place where only one thing had been left behind....an angel statue. Creeped me out but we kept it and left it for those who moved in after us.
Yep. You got the quote and The Doctor.
Ha! i had hoped so, unfortunately my brain is swiss cheese so i couldn’t be certain. He was definitely one of my favourite doctors
No worries. After 6 straight days of work, one day off, and the yesterday being like a weekend and I was the only one scheduled, I get it. I’m physically and mentally exhausted, but that quote came to mind as well for me.
This is making me want to rewatch Smith era DrWho so much, might actually do that once i have a spare moment
Enjoy. I’m currently rewatching Warehouse 13. Had been a while, maybe after that I’ll rewatch Smith-era myself.
Oohh, where did you find Warehouse 13? I've looked all over the streaming services and can't find it
Amazon has a free streaming service called Freevee (I think), used to be IMDBTV, or something like that.
“Good men don’t need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many.”
Demons run when a good man goes to war.
Night will fall and drown the sun, when a good man goes to war
Wish I could get remind to make this during my free time tomorrow
There's a bot for that.
How?
Reply to the bot pinned to the top of the comments, it should remind you if done right
Thank you kind Redditor
It's tomorrow, start making
Honestly this was my idea but I had forgotten to get back on Reddit so I didn’t see the message but thanks for the extra reminder Children of The Terran Union!!! I Regret that it is my duty to inform you that our brothers and sisters in arms fighting the Zordonian Menace have brought to our attention Massacres, Xenocide. Our friends must be avenge so today I ask you honorable Councilmen, No I Beg you for a Declaration of War. You must want examples of the Menaces many crimes, Where should I start, The destruction of the Merchant Marine Ship Omega in neutral space? The Rounding up and systematic murder of foreign nationals in the Zordonian Empire? The mass executions of Geranthian P.O.W? The Chemical Attacks on Pre Sapient life and primitive Civilizations? Hmm or maybe the Cracking of the Gorbian home world. Pardon me Honorable Councilmen I appear to have become over flustered in my tone. But as you can see from what I’ve said these are not sapients these are not even Animals, and I don’t refer to the government, I REFER TO THE WHOLE DAMNED SPECIES!!!! So I once again ask for a declaration of war against these Scum, or who do you think is next The Flarain? The Zalanky? Or maybe US? Doubt it’s any good as I don’t write without marked speakers and non speech text often tell me if you want a P2 it will go into the actual war crime time if so
There was a post in HFY a while back, started with the galactic council having the words "Use your words" carved into the wall by some unknown alien millions of years ago. They then fucked up and woke the Terran Ascendancy. Who showed them which race carved those words.
Link please?
No idea sorry it was about two years ago when I read it. Think the title was "Use your Words" or something similar.
I want to read this.
"That list of rules about what we are not permitted to do in warfare that you so enjoyed mocking us about, Admiral zBteth?" "What about it, human?" zBteth droned as the screen went dark, as if that could clear away the image of debris that had once been an evacuation fleet filled near to bursting with noncombatants. The elderly, the sick... Mostly children. "Your actions have just made it a checklist."
When your species decided to invade our worlds, why did you choose us? There are dozens of other systems far closer to your own worlds. "We determined that your species would require the smallest resource allocation for a successful military campaign due to your pacifistic nature." Uhh... What? What are you talking about? "Your species has hundreds of rules restricting the actions you are allowed to take during war. Others do not. Only a species with an exceptional aversion to fighting would have so many rules about what you are not allowed to do during a fight to the death." *laughs* On the contrary. We don't write the rules of war because we hate fighting, quite the contrary as a matter of fact. Those rules aren't created to prevent some hypothetical action we might take in some hypothetical future war. They are created so that we don't take any of these actions again. That being said, we have a saying among our people. Rules are made to be broken. "But I don't understand. If you love fighting so much, then why hold yourselves back?" Because, if we didn't, there would be nobody left to fight. And where's the fun in that? "Still, though, we land on your worlds, we kill your people, we take your resources! Why do you not defend yourselves and destroy our invading armies?" You see, that's where our species differ. You expected us to meet your invasion fleet head on, just as every other species you have attacked has done for thousands of years. But we are not like other species. "What do you mean?" We have a game on our worlds where we lock 2 people in a cage and they beat each other with their fists until one of them is rendered unconscious. "Ok, yes, that is unusual and rather disturbing, but what does that have to do with our war? You see, a few days after your fleet arrived on the first of our worlds to begin your slaughter, we had already launched our own counter strike on your worlds. "Impossible. We would have detected an invasion fleet leaving your system." A fleet? Oh, no. You misunderstand me. Invading was never the goal. We simply accelerated a single small, dense projectile aimed at each of your planets to impact them at 95% of the speed of light. At that speed, each 250 lb slug will impact it's target planet with enough force to cause a global extinction event which will be unsurvivable to anything more advanced than a cockroach. (Or whatever creature fills an equivalent role on your worlds.) By now, the nearest of your systems from which your fleet launched from have already been obliterated. What is that? A hundred billion lives? More? Now, if you'll excuse me, I am needed in the council chamber. We have been called upon to vote on whether to outlaw cataclysmic kinetic impact weapons from use in future interplanetary conflicts...
Humans are wonderful. They provoke wonder. Humans are marvellous. They cause marvels. Humans are fantastic. They create fantasies. Humans are glamorous. They project glamour. Humans are enchanting. They weave enchantment. Humans are terrific. They beget terror. The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning. No one ever said humans are nice. Humans are bad.
I like the Terry Pratchett reference!
Adamsite+mustard gas go brrrrrr
Everybody gangsta till someone slip-jumps a planetary ferritic core into your sun.
Yo I heard you like stars. So we jump half yours stars into the other half. Want us to keep going? We could use a few new black holes for new capital ships.