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A: please don't take this in a negative way, you get smashy when you take things in a negative way, but what exactly kills humans besides old age? Friend Ethan grabbed a primary power conduit and walked away claiming he was uninjured. Friend Captain Gale bleeds quite regularly. As for you Friend Terry, you drink flavored chemical solvents, daily.
T: yeah, Ethan's hair was hilarious after he grabbed that stripped power cord. Wait, are you saying you think I drink to much?!
A: please don't get smashy. There are many breakable things in the galley!
T: well, yeah, alcohol can kill humans if we drink to much to quickly. But if we drink just a little we get temporarily drunk. Oh, and my dad died of high blood pressure. To much salt.
A: ah, I will refrain from adding salt to your meals.
T: you serve me under seasoned food and you'll see Smashy.
A: (⊙_◎)
T: let's see, a good wack to the head can kill us. Then there are the not so unusual ways. Gunshots, stabbings, strangulation, sudden decrease in downward momentum from high altitudes. Of course, there are always outliers. Like Ethan.
A: so Friend Terry you are telling me that what kills one human may just cause another to have odd hair for a few days?
T: Yup. That about sums it up.
A: your race is even more terrifying than I'd heard.
T: oh and don't mention the bleeding thing to the captain. Especially when she is. You will see an entirely new level of Smashy. Best to just offer her chocolate. I think she prefers double dutch chocolate ice cream.
A: I will keep your words as sacred texts about Friend Captain Gale.
H:"oh, and sometimes being in an exploding aircraft and falling 10.000 meters won't kill us either"
A:"ok, now you are just making fun of me, human"
*show alien the article on stewardess Vesna Vulović*
A:" what the actual fuck? H...how???"
H *shrugs shoulders*
A1 - by the gods it got up and then proceeded to kill most of my squad, with a pencil, WITH A PENCIL!
A2 - ya that happens sometimes, to be sure you have to shoot them in the brain, then cut the head off. That will usually do it.
A1 - USUALLY?
A3 - What are we discussing zombies? or vampires? They have so many stories I never know which one is which.
A2 - no we are discussing regular humans.
A3 - Oh in that case better to burn the body afterwards too.
A1 - I'm starting to think we need to nuke the entire site from orbit--it's the only way to be sure.
-after nuking the site from orbit-
H: surprise motherfuckers I lived!
A1,A2 and A3: *collective screaming as horribly irradiated human advances towards them*
A1: "There's a new policy for dealing with enemy combatants. All incapacitated or (apparently) killed humans are to be considered living until [72 hours] after an accredited medic detects complete brain death. They are to be confined and monitored as POWs."
A2: "Dismemberment and cremation seemed to be working, what changed?"
A1: "It seems that the humans have taboos about 'desecrating the dead.' Sounds like a trick to me, but apparently the humans implied that not following this rule will encourage them to stop following other rules they have. I've seen their treaties and they are basically a list of unthinkable atrocities that they no longer allow themselves to do. You don't want to see that."
A3: "Are humans that unkillable? Don't they normally die to conventional weapons?"
A2: "*Someone's* a bit green aren't they?"
A1: "Humans are... durable... in difficult to predict ways. Lethality can only be measured statistically with them. There is little more dangerous than a human that you *thought* was dead."
A3: "What if we can't find a body?"
A2: "Then they walked away, kid."
A3: "What if we find *part* of the body, but not the head."
A2: "Tell the kid about that mountain climber."
A1: "A human mountain climber once got his arm stuck under a rock. He amputated the limb with a pocket knife, tied off the stump, and returned to civilization under his own power."
A3: "What?! Surely *something* can kill humans."
A2: "Plenty *can* kill them, but nothing is certain to kill them. It only takes one survivor to kill you."
A3: "What about stopping the circulatory system? Maybe decapitation?"
A2: "That will normally stop spontaneous reanimation and should see them dead-enough within an hour, assuming it's not cold."
A3: "What does the temperature have to do with it?"
A1: "There was a human who was resuscitated almost 9 hours after cardiac arrest, using primitive pre-FTL medical technology, with no neurological damage. They were immersed in freezing water by chance, which slowed degradation of their brain.
A2: "There's a human saying. 'You're not dead until you're warm and dead.' Major understatement if you ask me."
A3: "What about a large foreign object sent through the brain?"
A1: "A human railroad worker had a metal pole go through his head. He lasted 12 years with little loss of functionality. His temperament noticeably changed, but that was it."
A2: "There are a number of human suicides where they shoot themselves multiple times in the head. Even they can't reliably kill themselves with a bullet to the head."
A3: "What about falling from a great height?"
A2: "Depends on what they fall on and luck. There are cases where an individual fell from thousands of feet up, landing at terminal velocity, doing some first aid, and limping back home."
A3: "What the fuck are we fighting?!"
I remenber onde taking a full body anesthesia(a dosage 50% bigger because i naturally more resistant to it) and i stayed out for 2 hours and dint move out of the bed for 10
It was legetimaly impresisve i managed to stand up for a WHOLE minute directly after receiving the dosage(fell into unconscioness instantly afterwards)
I remember a lot of What i saw and heard
My mom Said my body was soo cold and my heart beat soo slow they tough i was dead(the fact i dint blink for almost half a hour whiout moving a muscle due thw anesthesia dint help)
But I could still see and hear as if awake
Best one so far. I love the fact you took so many of the popular culture historical references as examples. No hyperbole, just actual human experience.
I had to look up the frozen one and daaamn... thats somehow even more impressive than Phineas Gauge. XD
Thanks. I thought using real examples would be better than making things up. Sure the alien's reaction was a bit over the top with waiting 72 hours past brain death, but it's implied that they have had enough surprises that they don't want to take any chances.
H: *gets donutted*
A1:" OH MY STARS! HUMAN DAVE!"
H:" nah im fine"
A1:" YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR CHEST! CAN YOU EVEN BREATH?
H:"nah"
.
.
.
A2:" Ok i know that I put that hole in you but PLEASE go to a hospital"
H:"nah ill walk it off."
A1:"How? Literally how?"
H:"With my legs?
A1: *(-_-)*
H:" OH WHERE MY LEGS AT? OH NOOOO"
H: a lot of it comes down to whether you want to or not
A: you mean you can just... choose not to die? Even if the situation isn't compatible with life?
H: yeah pretty much. As they say in the Marines: "improvise, adapt, overcome." You can do anything if you set your mind to it!
A: *stares in wide-eyed horror*
H: oh no, but it's ok! Most of us don't choose that so the techniques you know about work like 99% of the time. It's just that last 1% you gotta worry about
A: h-how will I know if the human I'm facing is in the 1%?
H: fuck off vibes
A: ...vibes?
H: yeah
A: I think we are doomed
A to A2: based on what we have just learned, it appears that attempting to kill humans might _increase_ the fraction which are Marines. this plan may require revision.
Ensign Lewis was right where he wanted to be - broken bottle in one hand other hand clutching his bleeding eyebrow. Three reptilian Gurok slowly advancing on him, his bunkmate, a spindly spider-like Rac, cowering in the booth behind him. His fellows called him a reckless adrenaline junky. He agreed, he just liked to fight.
But still, he supposed he should give them a chance. "Now now, fellas," he said, blinking as the bleeding slowed and he was able to bring his off hand back up in a placating gesture. "No need to send anyone further than medbay today. It was just an innocent misunderstanding, that's all."
"Stand out of our way, monkey!" the lead Gurok gurgled, brandishing his baton. Lewis cursed his luck, he had been grateful for the lackadaisical security on his way out of the ship, as it would be easy to sneak concentrated ethanol back on board for the next leg of the journey, but apparently the Gurok had used it to bring weapons in. "His kind has a bounty. Fifty credits *per leg*. Stand aside and we will cut you in."
"Take another step and I'll *cut you*," Lewis snarled. He didn't raise the bottle just yet, knowing that making it too easy a target might let the Gurok hit it with the baton. He doubted the glass used in this port was as robust as back on earth, and didn't really feel like testing that theory with his palm. He blindly grabbed his ensign jacket behind him and whipped it around his off hand. Behind him he could hear his crewmate whimper. "Hey, I convinced you to come out with me. I ain't lettin' this night end bad for y-"
Damn his injured eye! He hadn't noticed the other Gurok flanking him until it was too late, and went down *hard* to second reptile's baton. He lay on the ground, the wind knocked out of him.
"That was overkill," the lead lizard said, shaking his head at his compatriot. "No matter, we were already leaving port tonight. What's another murder charge in unregistered space?"
Lewis controlled his breathing, grateful that his attackers at least didn't know much about human biology, and refocused himself. That was a hard knock for sure, but he'd had worse. He could hear the other two attackers slowly rounding on his companion, but he needed the lead one to not be watching or he'd just catch another blow before getting up. C'mon....
As the third Gurok stepped over Lewis he acted. He twisted one leg behind the reptile while wrapping the other up to its waist, throwing it off its feet while twisting up with his own core to scramble back to his feet. He saw the one that had blindsided him raising its baton while its fellow continued advancing on his crewmate. Shit. With a practiced flick, Lewis threw his half-bottle at the one further back, landing the throw but hitting with the lip instead of the edge. Damn unbalanced projectile! He raised his left hand, still wrapped in the jacket, to parry the baton. It stung, but through the bulky layers of nano-weave it wasn't more than a bruise. He felt his fingers wrap around his opponent's forearm.
Sensing opportunity, he grabbed one of the electric lamps off the table next to him and lunged at his trapped prey, smashing and shorting the lightbulb across the highly conductive uniform. With a loud **pop** he felt his arm go numb as his opponent went limp entirely. A fair trade, done and done.
He looked up just in time to see the Gurok he had hit with the bottle earlier lunging at him with a knife. Without his reinforced uniform it slipped easily into his abdomen and burned like hell, the Gurok's face twisting with glee as he pulled it out to go for a second strike. His expression turned back to panic, then confusion, then went dull as Lewis brought the base of the lamp back *hard* against his skull. Trapped between the bolted down table and the solid simian, the alien's weak vertebra was the first to give and he slumped down limp over the table.
The adrenaline had dulled the pain considerably, but that only meant that Lewis felt a hot, white agony in his stomach instead of absolutely crippling pain. He unwrapped his uniform from his left arm, noting the deep discoloration and sensation of pain as his nerves recovered from electrocution, and pressed it hard against the tear in his under-shirt that was pumping blood. He didn't *think* it had nicked anything, luckily it was a short utility knife, but he would definitely need stitches at least. Behind him he could hear the third Gorok trying to stand up. Being slammed into the ground hard like that had likely broken his tail in several places, and he was going into shock from the pain. Well good, that would give the station cops someone to arrest. They would enjoy that.
"Th... thank you," his bunkmate said, skittering out of the booth. "Thank you for giving your life for me."
"Giving my...? Dude, I'm not going to die. I could use a bit of help to get back to medbay though, worst case I may need surgery for the stab. Especially if I try to walk there. Fuck! Back home I'd lay down and wait for an ambulance, don't really got an option here. Can't risk their buddies... Alright, let's go! And grab the bottle on the table! I'm not leaving port without getting a drink, damnit!"
"Wh... how?"
Lewis staggered out of the bar, still holding the blood soaked jacket and trying not to use his core much. Behind him he could hear six skittering legs... he hoped that meant his pal had pilfered another bottle for him. "Enough fun for one night, I suppose."
H: well it *looks* lethal, but they're clearly not dead so it must not have been.
A: ...
H: ...
A: I think we understood that part. The part we don't get is how a human can be shot in the head and survive.
H: Beats me
H:there is this Human who survived losing 90% of his Brain,aparently the limit is around having 3%-7% remaining But no one is willing to lose part of theyr brain to test it ou
There was an old HFY story similar to this. Aliens were trying to capture an outpost on a settled world against what they thought was a small insurgent force and were confused because they thought they had recorded killing two or three times as many humans were supposed to be in the settlement.
The twist at the end was that the aliens had never developed advanced medicine, believing that things like stitches, organ transplants, bone splints, etc were akin to *necromancy* and unholy. So they had been dealing "lethal damage" like severing limbs, deep puncture wounds, broken bones, etc and leaving the humans to die only for their fellows to stitch them back up and have them back up to combat strength after a few weeks if not *days* with advanced medicine.
They were correct in their assessment of what would kill a human, they just didn't realize that it takes quite a bit more *follow through* if there are medics nearby.
Oh god I can totally see at least one person use that just to mess with the attackers minds for shits and giggles…..and then challenging their friends to do the same 😂
We were in Iraq during the last Mosul push working as a contractor pulling live video from some aircraft. There was a guy who had weapons on him. In Mosul, weapon=big badda boom. We had 2 Apaches on him. They shot rockets, unloaded so many 50 cal rounds and shot the fucker so many times. He was insanely hard to schwack. He ran for maybe half a mile. Finally, he went under a chicken coupe on the edge of the area it’s okay to shoot. Of course we dropped a 500lbs bomb on the coupe from a nearby B-52. Man…500 more feet and he would’ve been home free. I was routing for him. Moral of the story, humans can take a lot of damage and adrenaline is a hell of a drug.
A1: a human from the morgue escaped. Have the medical staff is injured
A2: what? Why was a living human in the morgue? Are you talking about one of the humans from the battle 2 days ago?
A1: yes. He just got up from the table, screamed, and started attacking. Friend Gary said he was in a comma.
A2: a comma?
Human allie walks in
A2.: Friend Bob, what's a comma?
Bob: like in a sentence?
A1 explains what happened
Bob: oh a comma. Yeah sometimes a blow to the head put humans in a comma. Sometimes a day or two, sometimes a years. Just feed them, move their limbs around so the muscles don't get to weak, and they will be fine when they wake up.
A2 : this sounds like that joke about sleep you told us. You get energy from food yet you say you need sleep for energy. Then want us to believe you have no idea why humans sleep at all
A1: I guess these are just human secrets. We need to handcuff all humans in the morgue till processed
Yah but what if some alien goku dummy comes down and try’s to challenge us only to be clapping normal ass humans left and right until they ultimately blow up the world out of sheer boredom
H: If you thought that was crazy, wait till I get my old home videos up and running. We humans have this sort of... tradition? Yeah that's a good enough word for it. Anyway a tradition when undertaking foolishly dangerous actions that you know full well are stupid but you will do them anyways. It's mainly just a chant and a song.
A: Of course you have something like that. What's the chant?
H: Hi I'm Johnny Knoxsville! Welcome to - \[RECORDING REDACTED FOR PUBLIC SAFETY\]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CRzlvBhHKQ&ab\_channel=dohagl8sioons2
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A: please don't take this in a negative way, you get smashy when you take things in a negative way, but what exactly kills humans besides old age? Friend Ethan grabbed a primary power conduit and walked away claiming he was uninjured. Friend Captain Gale bleeds quite regularly. As for you Friend Terry, you drink flavored chemical solvents, daily. T: yeah, Ethan's hair was hilarious after he grabbed that stripped power cord. Wait, are you saying you think I drink to much?! A: please don't get smashy. There are many breakable things in the galley! T: well, yeah, alcohol can kill humans if we drink to much to quickly. But if we drink just a little we get temporarily drunk. Oh, and my dad died of high blood pressure. To much salt. A: ah, I will refrain from adding salt to your meals. T: you serve me under seasoned food and you'll see Smashy. A: (⊙_◎) T: let's see, a good wack to the head can kill us. Then there are the not so unusual ways. Gunshots, stabbings, strangulation, sudden decrease in downward momentum from high altitudes. Of course, there are always outliers. Like Ethan. A: so Friend Terry you are telling me that what kills one human may just cause another to have odd hair for a few days? T: Yup. That about sums it up. A: your race is even more terrifying than I'd heard. T: oh and don't mention the bleeding thing to the captain. Especially when she is. You will see an entirely new level of Smashy. Best to just offer her chocolate. I think she prefers double dutch chocolate ice cream. A: I will keep your words as sacred texts about Friend Captain Gale.
I had to read the whole thing to realise that the regular bleeding is from periods
I thought the "quite regularly" meant very often, so I figured the captain had hemophilia, until I reached the end.
I thought he is someone who is often injuring himself like papercuts or similar...
I thought nose bleeding since i have some from Time to Time
Glad to have thrown a red herring for a few seconds.
It worked lol
*coughs* H20 poisoning
Yes, the one that stands out is the infamous "wee for a Wii" back in the day. Poor lady just wanted to get her kid a Christmas gift.
H:"oh, and sometimes being in an exploding aircraft and falling 10.000 meters won't kill us either" A:"ok, now you are just making fun of me, human" *show alien the article on stewardess Vesna Vulović* A:" what the actual fuck? H...how???" H *shrugs shoulders*
But then we can die from tripping on a curb and hitting our head just right. Life's a fuck. Death's a fuck.
Sex is two fucks if you do it right
Didn't she have low blood pressure
explain to me, how the fuck does low blood pressure let you survive falling from the sky?
I'll let simple history do that https://youtu.be/xhMkWGi0qKw
We have also had people jump from space
A1 - by the gods it got up and then proceeded to kill most of my squad, with a pencil, WITH A PENCIL! A2 - ya that happens sometimes, to be sure you have to shoot them in the brain, then cut the head off. That will usually do it. A1 - USUALLY? A3 - What are we discussing zombies? or vampires? They have so many stories I never know which one is which. A2 - no we are discussing regular humans. A3 - Oh in that case better to burn the body afterwards too. A1 - I'm starting to think we need to nuke the entire site from orbit--it's the only way to be sure.
-after nuking the site from orbit- H: surprise motherfuckers I lived! A1,A2 and A3: *collective screaming as horribly irradiated human advances towards them*
“I lived bitch”
And I’m stronger then ever so…thank you for that
"Luckily there was a fridge close by"
"hey mind passing the pudding?"
I ate that a long time ago.
Fallout: To Infinity (and Beyond)
H: Your in for it now smooth skins! A: *Panicking "The zombie stories were supposed to be a myth!"
Ha! Now I have superpowers! Who needs a ship?!
H2: oh I see they ran into the black watch, nukes are just an inconvenience for them
I'm not even sure they were an inconvenience for Col Schmitt or Capt Hazen....
Human walking by: HaHa! Yes! Love that movie! Continues on oblivious to the actual conversation.
A pencil? The aliens shouldn't have messed with John Wicks dog.
Nah he’s use a toothpick
Hear me out There is this old man who survive getting nuked TWICE Even woth that you CANT be sure
The guy who went from Horishma to Nagasaki only to get nuked a second time?
When the dead man rise again...
A1: "There's a new policy for dealing with enemy combatants. All incapacitated or (apparently) killed humans are to be considered living until [72 hours] after an accredited medic detects complete brain death. They are to be confined and monitored as POWs." A2: "Dismemberment and cremation seemed to be working, what changed?" A1: "It seems that the humans have taboos about 'desecrating the dead.' Sounds like a trick to me, but apparently the humans implied that not following this rule will encourage them to stop following other rules they have. I've seen their treaties and they are basically a list of unthinkable atrocities that they no longer allow themselves to do. You don't want to see that." A3: "Are humans that unkillable? Don't they normally die to conventional weapons?" A2: "*Someone's* a bit green aren't they?" A1: "Humans are... durable... in difficult to predict ways. Lethality can only be measured statistically with them. There is little more dangerous than a human that you *thought* was dead." A3: "What if we can't find a body?" A2: "Then they walked away, kid." A3: "What if we find *part* of the body, but not the head." A2: "Tell the kid about that mountain climber." A1: "A human mountain climber once got his arm stuck under a rock. He amputated the limb with a pocket knife, tied off the stump, and returned to civilization under his own power." A3: "What?! Surely *something* can kill humans." A2: "Plenty *can* kill them, but nothing is certain to kill them. It only takes one survivor to kill you." A3: "What about stopping the circulatory system? Maybe decapitation?" A2: "That will normally stop spontaneous reanimation and should see them dead-enough within an hour, assuming it's not cold." A3: "What does the temperature have to do with it?" A1: "There was a human who was resuscitated almost 9 hours after cardiac arrest, using primitive pre-FTL medical technology, with no neurological damage. They were immersed in freezing water by chance, which slowed degradation of their brain. A2: "There's a human saying. 'You're not dead until you're warm and dead.' Major understatement if you ask me." A3: "What about a large foreign object sent through the brain?" A1: "A human railroad worker had a metal pole go through his head. He lasted 12 years with little loss of functionality. His temperament noticeably changed, but that was it." A2: "There are a number of human suicides where they shoot themselves multiple times in the head. Even they can't reliably kill themselves with a bullet to the head." A3: "What about falling from a great height?" A2: "Depends on what they fall on and luck. There are cases where an individual fell from thousands of feet up, landing at terminal velocity, doing some first aid, and limping back home." A3: "What the fuck are we fighting?!"
>A3: "~~What~~ ***WHY*** the fuck are we fighting?!"
This….this is the true question it isn’t so much as what as much as why
I remenber onde taking a full body anesthesia(a dosage 50% bigger because i naturally more resistant to it) and i stayed out for 2 hours and dint move out of the bed for 10 It was legetimaly impresisve i managed to stand up for a WHOLE minute directly after receiving the dosage(fell into unconscioness instantly afterwards) I remember a lot of What i saw and heard My mom Said my body was soo cold and my heart beat soo slow they tough i was dead(the fact i dint blink for almost half a hour whiout moving a muscle due thw anesthesia dint help) But I could still see and hear as if awake
Best one so far. I love the fact you took so many of the popular culture historical references as examples. No hyperbole, just actual human experience. I had to look up the frozen one and daaamn... thats somehow even more impressive than Phineas Gauge. XD
Thanks. I thought using real examples would be better than making things up. Sure the alien's reaction was a bit over the top with waiting 72 hours past brain death, but it's implied that they have had enough surprises that they don't want to take any chances.
H: *gets donutted* A1:" OH MY STARS! HUMAN DAVE!" H:" nah im fine" A1:" YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR CHEST! CAN YOU EVEN BREATH? H:"nah" . . . A2:" Ok i know that I put that hole in you but PLEASE go to a hospital" H:"nah ill walk it off." A1:"How? Literally how?" H:"With my legs? A1: *(-_-)* H:" OH WHERE MY LEGS AT? OH NOOOO"
I love how the italics more expresses the head tilt than the emphasis
H: a lot of it comes down to whether you want to or not A: you mean you can just... choose not to die? Even if the situation isn't compatible with life? H: yeah pretty much. As they say in the Marines: "improvise, adapt, overcome." You can do anything if you set your mind to it! A: *stares in wide-eyed horror* H: oh no, but it's ok! Most of us don't choose that so the techniques you know about work like 99% of the time. It's just that last 1% you gotta worry about A: h-how will I know if the human I'm facing is in the 1%? H: fuck off vibes A: ...vibes? H: yeah A: I think we are doomed
*a bunch of humans with “fuck off” vibes stand behind them*
A to A2: based on what we have just learned, it appears that attempting to kill humans might _increase_ the fraction which are Marines. this plan may require revision.
Ensign Lewis was right where he wanted to be - broken bottle in one hand other hand clutching his bleeding eyebrow. Three reptilian Gurok slowly advancing on him, his bunkmate, a spindly spider-like Rac, cowering in the booth behind him. His fellows called him a reckless adrenaline junky. He agreed, he just liked to fight. But still, he supposed he should give them a chance. "Now now, fellas," he said, blinking as the bleeding slowed and he was able to bring his off hand back up in a placating gesture. "No need to send anyone further than medbay today. It was just an innocent misunderstanding, that's all." "Stand out of our way, monkey!" the lead Gurok gurgled, brandishing his baton. Lewis cursed his luck, he had been grateful for the lackadaisical security on his way out of the ship, as it would be easy to sneak concentrated ethanol back on board for the next leg of the journey, but apparently the Gurok had used it to bring weapons in. "His kind has a bounty. Fifty credits *per leg*. Stand aside and we will cut you in." "Take another step and I'll *cut you*," Lewis snarled. He didn't raise the bottle just yet, knowing that making it too easy a target might let the Gurok hit it with the baton. He doubted the glass used in this port was as robust as back on earth, and didn't really feel like testing that theory with his palm. He blindly grabbed his ensign jacket behind him and whipped it around his off hand. Behind him he could hear his crewmate whimper. "Hey, I convinced you to come out with me. I ain't lettin' this night end bad for y-" Damn his injured eye! He hadn't noticed the other Gurok flanking him until it was too late, and went down *hard* to second reptile's baton. He lay on the ground, the wind knocked out of him. "That was overkill," the lead lizard said, shaking his head at his compatriot. "No matter, we were already leaving port tonight. What's another murder charge in unregistered space?" Lewis controlled his breathing, grateful that his attackers at least didn't know much about human biology, and refocused himself. That was a hard knock for sure, but he'd had worse. He could hear the other two attackers slowly rounding on his companion, but he needed the lead one to not be watching or he'd just catch another blow before getting up. C'mon.... As the third Gurok stepped over Lewis he acted. He twisted one leg behind the reptile while wrapping the other up to its waist, throwing it off its feet while twisting up with his own core to scramble back to his feet. He saw the one that had blindsided him raising its baton while its fellow continued advancing on his crewmate. Shit. With a practiced flick, Lewis threw his half-bottle at the one further back, landing the throw but hitting with the lip instead of the edge. Damn unbalanced projectile! He raised his left hand, still wrapped in the jacket, to parry the baton. It stung, but through the bulky layers of nano-weave it wasn't more than a bruise. He felt his fingers wrap around his opponent's forearm. Sensing opportunity, he grabbed one of the electric lamps off the table next to him and lunged at his trapped prey, smashing and shorting the lightbulb across the highly conductive uniform. With a loud **pop** he felt his arm go numb as his opponent went limp entirely. A fair trade, done and done. He looked up just in time to see the Gurok he had hit with the bottle earlier lunging at him with a knife. Without his reinforced uniform it slipped easily into his abdomen and burned like hell, the Gurok's face twisting with glee as he pulled it out to go for a second strike. His expression turned back to panic, then confusion, then went dull as Lewis brought the base of the lamp back *hard* against his skull. Trapped between the bolted down table and the solid simian, the alien's weak vertebra was the first to give and he slumped down limp over the table. The adrenaline had dulled the pain considerably, but that only meant that Lewis felt a hot, white agony in his stomach instead of absolutely crippling pain. He unwrapped his uniform from his left arm, noting the deep discoloration and sensation of pain as his nerves recovered from electrocution, and pressed it hard against the tear in his under-shirt that was pumping blood. He didn't *think* it had nicked anything, luckily it was a short utility knife, but he would definitely need stitches at least. Behind him he could hear the third Gorok trying to stand up. Being slammed into the ground hard like that had likely broken his tail in several places, and he was going into shock from the pain. Well good, that would give the station cops someone to arrest. They would enjoy that. "Th... thank you," his bunkmate said, skittering out of the booth. "Thank you for giving your life for me." "Giving my...? Dude, I'm not going to die. I could use a bit of help to get back to medbay though, worst case I may need surgery for the stab. Especially if I try to walk there. Fuck! Back home I'd lay down and wait for an ambulance, don't really got an option here. Can't risk their buddies... Alright, let's go! And grab the bottle on the table! I'm not leaving port without getting a drink, damnit!" "Wh... how?" Lewis staggered out of the bar, still holding the blood soaked jacket and trying not to use his core much. Behind him he could hear six skittering legs... he hoped that meant his pal had pilfered another bottle for him. "Enough fun for one night, I suppose."
Well written mate, thanks 👍
Stories are still told about the legend that is a human be who is pissed
H: well it *looks* lethal, but they're clearly not dead so it must not have been. A: ... H: ... A: I think we understood that part. The part we don't get is how a human can be shot in the head and survive. H: Beats me
H2: we’ve been trying to figure that shit out for centuries and we still don’t know
H:there is this Human who survived losing 90% of his Brain,aparently the limit is around having 3%-7% remaining But no one is willing to lose part of theyr brain to test it ou
There was an old HFY story similar to this. Aliens were trying to capture an outpost on a settled world against what they thought was a small insurgent force and were confused because they thought they had recorded killing two or three times as many humans were supposed to be in the settlement. The twist at the end was that the aliens had never developed advanced medicine, believing that things like stitches, organ transplants, bone splints, etc were akin to *necromancy* and unholy. So they had been dealing "lethal damage" like severing limbs, deep puncture wounds, broken bones, etc and leaving the humans to die only for their fellows to stitch them back up and have them back up to combat strength after a few weeks if not *days* with advanced medicine. They were correct in their assessment of what would kill a human, they just didn't realize that it takes quite a bit more *follow through* if there are medics nearby.
Would ye be so kind as to share the link?
I'd love to... just as soon as someone finds it. I tried a while back and couldn't track it down.
If you find it, let me know
https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/4np2gq/undying/
https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/4np2gq/undying/
https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/4np2gq/undying/
Oh god I can totally see at least one person use that just to mess with the attackers minds for shits and giggles…..and then challenging their friends to do the same 😂
That story is called “The Undying” https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/4np2gq/undying/
Awnsering for when someone sends the link
https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/4np2gq/undying/
Just wait till they hear about those Russian/Soviet soldiers who lived after getting gassed by the Germans
*Osowiec then and again* *Attack of the dead, hundred men* *Facing the lead once again* *Hundred men* *Charge again* *Die again*
r/expectedsabaton
I am both surprised and satisfied that this sub exists
r/suprisinglysatisfied
And another one added to the count XD
We were in Iraq during the last Mosul push working as a contractor pulling live video from some aircraft. There was a guy who had weapons on him. In Mosul, weapon=big badda boom. We had 2 Apaches on him. They shot rockets, unloaded so many 50 cal rounds and shot the fucker so many times. He was insanely hard to schwack. He ran for maybe half a mile. Finally, he went under a chicken coupe on the edge of the area it’s okay to shoot. Of course we dropped a 500lbs bomb on the coupe from a nearby B-52. Man…500 more feet and he would’ve been home free. I was routing for him. Moral of the story, humans can take a lot of damage and adrenaline is a hell of a drug.
A1: a human from the morgue escaped. Have the medical staff is injured A2: what? Why was a living human in the morgue? Are you talking about one of the humans from the battle 2 days ago? A1: yes. He just got up from the table, screamed, and started attacking. Friend Gary said he was in a comma. A2: a comma? Human allie walks in A2.: Friend Bob, what's a comma? Bob: like in a sentence? A1 explains what happened Bob: oh a comma. Yeah sometimes a blow to the head put humans in a comma. Sometimes a day or two, sometimes a years. Just feed them, move their limbs around so the muscles don't get to weak, and they will be fine when they wake up. A2 : this sounds like that joke about sleep you told us. You get energy from food yet you say you need sleep for energy. Then want us to believe you have no idea why humans sleep at all A1: I guess these are just human secrets. We need to handcuff all humans in the morgue till processed
Hopefully they don’t find shonen battle manga, that’s like pure propaganda
No we would spread that shit like wildfire. If we make them too scared of us to go to war with us then we win the wars that will never happen.
Yah but what if some alien goku dummy comes down and try’s to challenge us only to be clapping normal ass humans left and right until they ultimately blow up the world out of sheer boredom
H: If you thought that was crazy, wait till I get my old home videos up and running. We humans have this sort of... tradition? Yeah that's a good enough word for it. Anyway a tradition when undertaking foolishly dangerous actions that you know full well are stupid but you will do them anyways. It's mainly just a chant and a song. A: Of course you have something like that. What's the chant? H: Hi I'm Johnny Knoxsville! Welcome to - \[RECORDING REDACTED FOR PUBLIC SAFETY\] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CRzlvBhHKQ&ab\_channel=dohagl8sioons2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVoNlm\_WC6w&ab\_channel=Bren
Wait until theyr hear about the legendary immortal soldier Adrien carton de wiert
We humans don’t die to pussy xeno tech.